1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,440 Speaker 1: Now here's a highlight from Coast to Coast AM on iHeartRadio. 2 00:00:04,600 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 2: Welcome back to Coast to Coast AM. Our guest for 3 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,720 Speaker 2: the second half of the show is doctor John Gray, 4 00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 2: the author of many books including Men Are From Mars, 5 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,240 Speaker 2: Women Are From Venus? The Is There a love Hormone? 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,119 Speaker 2: That fires are misfires? 7 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 3: Yes, you know, I didn't talk about hormones and men 8 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 3: are from Mars because we didn't have that science. And 9 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,640 Speaker 3: then as people kept you attacking me for saying, oh, 10 00:00:30,840 --> 00:00:34,519 Speaker 3: you know, we're not really that different, so I had 11 00:00:34,560 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 3: to come up with let me get the biology this. 12 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 3: I wrote several books on how our brains are different, 13 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 3: and then the myth of Mars Venus and other books 14 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 3: came out saying our brains weren't that different. And of 15 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,559 Speaker 3: course they never challenged any of the differences that I 16 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,040 Speaker 3: talked about. They just they just looked at things that 17 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 3: were the same in the brain. So they fizzled out. 18 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 3: But then we had this huge awareness in the last 19 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:57,280 Speaker 3: ten years about hormones, and women's hormone issues are big, 20 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,080 Speaker 3: and men's hormone issues is are big as well. A 21 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 3: year now, a man's testosteral levels dropped two percent on average, 22 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,039 Speaker 3: And I'm seventy three years old and might have only 23 00:01:07,080 --> 00:01:10,399 Speaker 3: gone up as I got older because I practiced these things. 24 00:01:10,440 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 3: Now here's the love hormone. There's two basic hormones that 25 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,120 Speaker 3: we have to understand the female side of us, that 26 00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,399 Speaker 3: the part of us that produces estrogen allows us to 27 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 3: feel love. Now, I thought that men don't have estrogen. 28 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:25,440 Speaker 3: If you're a psychopath, your body doesn't make estrogen, and 29 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:29,160 Speaker 3: that's why you know you have these Probably ten percent 30 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 3: of men tend to be social paths or cycopaths, and 31 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 3: they don't make enough estrogen due to childhood wounding and 32 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 3: genetics and so forth. So the only way they can 33 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 3: feel is to hurt women. So this is you know, 34 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,520 Speaker 3: this is the reality out there. You got to be 35 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 3: careful women. So you and you don't know how to 36 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,720 Speaker 3: recognize these guys, because there's certain symptoms of a cyclepath, 37 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 3: a social path that are exactly the same as the 38 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:57,560 Speaker 3: regular guy. What would those be? It's like and men 39 00:01:57,560 --> 00:01:59,680 Speaker 3: are from Mars. I talk about men going to their cave. 40 00:02:00,360 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 3: So a man will shift and women don't understand this. 41 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 3: Sometimes he's very loving and interested and attracted to you 42 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 3: and other times he's ignoring you. He doesn't feel anything, 43 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:12,799 Speaker 3: and this is what I call it. And then from 44 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:16,679 Speaker 3: marts the cave, which as men go to work, the 45 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,919 Speaker 3: work allows them to make testosterone. And then in order 46 00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:24,079 Speaker 3: to shift from not depending on solving problems, what they 47 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 3: do is they come through their cave and they have hobbies, 48 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 3: or they watch the news, or they watch football. They 49 00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 3: do cave activities, which is basically any activity a woman 50 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 3: thinks is a waste of time actually is a recovery 51 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,280 Speaker 3: time for a man. So you go out into the world, 52 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:40,359 Speaker 3: you make testosterum, but you also run out of it 53 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,720 Speaker 3: at the end of the day, various degrees depending on 54 00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:45,040 Speaker 3: how stressed you work. So then you have to have 55 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,520 Speaker 3: this recovery time to be alone, to distance yourself because 56 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:52,520 Speaker 3: anytime you feel very independent, what happens is you make 57 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,959 Speaker 3: all the testosterone. So when men go to their cave, 58 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 3: women think that they do something wrong because they not 59 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,400 Speaker 3: love me. What did I say? Why doesn't care about me? 60 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 3: Because when women stop talking and they don't want to 61 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,919 Speaker 3: hang out, it's usually they're mad at you. So when 62 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,160 Speaker 3: a man does this natural thing, he's not mad at 63 00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 3: his wife. He just needs to go watch TV, or 64 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:13,960 Speaker 3: he needs to go fix his carburetors, or he has 65 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 3: a hobby, or he goes to the gym to work out. 66 00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 3: She goes, why don't you want to be with me? 67 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,600 Speaker 3: Because he wants to be with him. So it's like, 68 00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 3: when you clear that up, then women have sent to 69 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,960 Speaker 3: me for years. Thank goodness, I learned about the cave 70 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 3: because I always thought I was doing something wrong or 71 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,680 Speaker 3: I thought he didn't love me. So the harmone of 72 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,040 Speaker 3: love is estrogen. So when men in love with a 73 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:36,040 Speaker 3: woman and when we're turned on to a woman, you 74 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:38,480 Speaker 3: can see it's very biological. But for man to get 75 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,600 Speaker 3: a direction, his testosterone has to be high, and then 76 00:03:41,640 --> 00:03:44,320 Speaker 3: his estrogen levels have to start rising really high. As 77 00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 3: well as the problem with social paths, they don't have 78 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 3: the estrogen to feel the love. But then when estrogen 79 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 3: goes to the highest that would be climax for a man, 80 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 3: it knocks his testosterone down and it kicks it down 81 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 3: twenty percent. In order to rebuild the testosterone, he needs distance, 82 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 3: you know, the old thing. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, 83 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:05,640 Speaker 3: so he has to pull away for a while. So 84 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 3: what is that's one of the love hormones is esterten. 85 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,080 Speaker 3: Now here's another one that happens when you have a 86 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:13,000 Speaker 3: lot of love for a woman, you make a commitment 87 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 3: to her, and you have marriage. When you have marriage, 88 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 3: different hormones get happened when you have sex with your wife, 89 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,280 Speaker 3: as opposed to having sex with yourself or with a 90 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:26,479 Speaker 3: prostitute or online with pornography. What happens is when you 91 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 3: have sex with a woman who loves you and you 92 00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 3: love her, then what happens is your body makes prolactin. 93 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 3: What prolactin does is it frees you from this sort 94 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:38,719 Speaker 3: of basic male addiction to sex. Sex is not that 95 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,200 Speaker 3: interesting to you. That's why so many couples stop having 96 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 3: sex is because their husbands actually love their wives a 97 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 3: lot and the wife loves him. It produces prolactin. Now, 98 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:51,200 Speaker 3: God that put that in us because when you have sex, 99 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 3: you're gonna make a baby. So God wants you to 100 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:55,520 Speaker 3: stay with the woman and doesn't want you to wander 101 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:59,799 Speaker 3: and find another woman. So there's this natural production of prolactin. 102 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 3: It inhibits this lust, and we have this lust as 103 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:06,440 Speaker 3: men because biologically we wire to go out there and 104 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 3: make babies. That's what evolution is about. 105 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,920 Speaker 2: His men have said, is that where your whole life, 106 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 2: like even into your seventies for men, does it continue 107 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:17,599 Speaker 2: if your hormones are somewhat balanced that as time. 108 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:19,840 Speaker 3: Like I'm in my seventies, I have sex several times 109 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 3: a week. It's fantastic. Valentine's Day, I did all night. 110 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 3: You know, it was a special occasion. 111 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 2: I woke up with that, giving you slow applause here, Doc, 112 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 2: I think that's pretty cool. 113 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 3: But see, here's the dynamic. I'm a married man, I 114 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,360 Speaker 3: love my wife. I produce a lot of prolactin. I'm 115 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,440 Speaker 3: not interested in sex during the day or I don't 116 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,760 Speaker 3: look at women in that way at all. I'm free 117 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 3: from that, except there's a polarity. And this is what 118 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 3: I teach couples is that when you it's like a magnet. 119 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,039 Speaker 3: A magnet has two opposite polls. If you have a 120 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:52,320 Speaker 3: positive charge and a negative charge, that's got a polarity 121 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 3: that causes attraction. So if you can when men have 122 00:05:56,440 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 3: ten times more testosterone than women and women have twenty 123 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,760 Speaker 3: times more estrogen than men, there's a polarity that happens, 124 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 3: and it creates that attraction. You know, most guys know 125 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 3: that when their wives are in the mood, you're right 126 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 3: away in the mood. I mean, because when the woman's 127 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:16,120 Speaker 3: estrogen goes up, literally science tells us that pheromones get produced, 128 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:19,919 Speaker 3: this this smell. She produces this smell that goes into 129 00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:22,520 Speaker 3: our nose. We have a second nose inside of her nose. 130 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 3: Two of the flaps. Their only function is to detect 131 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,000 Speaker 3: is her estrogen up, and therefore she's receptive to making 132 00:06:30,040 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 3: a baby or to have sex. I mean, we are 133 00:06:32,560 --> 00:06:36,440 Speaker 3: so biologically wired. And so the way you maintain attraction 134 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 3: in your marriage is you culture a relationship that makes him, 135 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:44,600 Speaker 3: that supports him and having more than male attributes and 136 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:48,040 Speaker 3: her having more of the female attributes. And I simplified 137 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:51,240 Speaker 3: this for couples. But whenever a man demonstrates to a 138 00:06:51,279 --> 00:06:55,480 Speaker 3: woman a greater sense of non judgmental empathy and understanding, 139 00:06:56,240 --> 00:06:58,479 Speaker 3: her estrogen goes up. That's when you're just saying to 140 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 3: your wife, well, honey, then must be so frustrating. Let 141 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 3: me give you a hug that raises her estrogen. When 142 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:09,640 Speaker 3: a man demonstrates consideration and caring sensitivity towards her needs, 143 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 3: hearing her and doing something for her that raises her estrogen. 144 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,320 Speaker 3: When a man respects her wishes and needs rather than 145 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 3: say I'll forget it. She's the two demanding whatever, minimizing 146 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 3: her feelings and whatever. Then her estrogm goes down trying 147 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:28,160 Speaker 3: to give her what she needs. Respecting that estrogen goes up. 148 00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 3: For men. What raises testosterone is when men do these 149 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:35,920 Speaker 3: things for women, women will appreciate you more so. When 150 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 3: women are appreciating and acknowledging you, your testosterone goes up. 151 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 3: When women are asking for help and you do it, 152 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 3: your testosterone goes up. Her estrogen goes up. For women 153 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 3: to ask. They have to trust every man. We thrive 154 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 3: on feeling trusted. We're like, you know, we're policemen, we're 155 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 3: emergency workers. You know, we're soldiers. We want statues built 156 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 3: to us. You know, this is a we can depend 157 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 3: on these men and our culture. Sure has just been 158 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,119 Speaker 3: knocking that down, knocking that down. 159 00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 2: And do you feel like coming back or no? Do 160 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 2: you still feel like it's going No? 161 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:11,760 Speaker 3: No? Trump, Trump got elected. Trump is the ultimate alpha male. 162 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:14,120 Speaker 3: I mean he is so alpha male. He has got 163 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 3: the highest testosteroni eighty years old and he's invincible. This 164 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 3: is such a great role model for men and you see, 165 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 3: he's got all these amazing women in his groups. I mean, 166 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,880 Speaker 3: women thrive in the presence of a man who doesn't 167 00:08:28,920 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 3: get angry. He doesn't get angry. See, that's one of 168 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,960 Speaker 3: the ways that men lose their masculinity is they complain 169 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,560 Speaker 3: or they get angry. You can feel anger inside, but 170 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 3: you don't express it, you don't let it control you. 171 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,280 Speaker 3: And today we're being taught by psychology, Oh, talk about 172 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,520 Speaker 3: your feelings. And because women need to talk about their feelings, 173 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,319 Speaker 3: they think we would become better if we talk about 174 00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 3: our feelings. You've got all these boys growing up and 175 00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,880 Speaker 3: having counselors and therapists all asking him what they feel, 176 00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,960 Speaker 3: completely weakening and inhibiting their natural development of masculinity. 177 00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: Listen to more Coast to Coast a m. Every weeknight 178 00:09:03,480 --> 00:09:05,959 Speaker 1: at one a m. Eastern and go to Coast to 179 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,760 Speaker 1: coastam dot com for more