1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:04,520 Speaker 1: Two hopeless theaters, one dating app then dares you just 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 1: swipe right. The question is whose love life is more tragic. 3 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 2: It's Battle of the Tinder Dates. 4 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:16,799 Speaker 3: It's the dating game show that just pitch paramount on 5 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 3: the modern version. 6 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 2: Of the notebook called the iPad. 7 00:00:21,720 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 3: Noah can't find the right charging cable in his giant 8 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:29,319 Speaker 3: drawer of electronics. It's Battle of the Tinder Dates, where 9 00:00:29,360 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 3: two of our listeners swear off to find out whose 10 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,160 Speaker 3: love life is the most tragic. We'll explain the rules 11 00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 3: in just a second, but first let's meet today's contestants. 12 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 3: In this corner, his favorite first date activity is playing 13 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,640 Speaker 3: tug of war, then tandem licking peanut butter out of 14 00:00:44,640 --> 00:00:46,080 Speaker 3: a giant rubber ball. 15 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 2: That's why they call him Marmaduke Loo. You don't have 16 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 2: to answer that, Luke. 17 00:00:57,400 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 3: And in the other corner, after spending a night with 18 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 3: the woman, he enjoys sitting down and writing a heartfelt apology. 19 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:08,040 Speaker 2: Letter for what just happened. So let's meet Fountain Penn Bad. 20 00:01:11,880 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 2: Then it wouldn't have happened in the first place. Okay, 21 00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:15,480 Speaker 2: here's how the game works. 22 00:01:15,520 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 3: One contestant is going to start by telling one of 23 00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 3: their worst dating stories. The other will try and come 24 00:01:19,440 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 3: back to counter with a nightmare story of their own. 25 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 3: People going back and forth for three rounds until we 26 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 3: declara winner. Going to start things off with Marma Duke Luke, 27 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:27,960 Speaker 3: let's go. 28 00:01:29,280 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 4: Okay. So I took my date skiing and it was 29 00:01:31,480 --> 00:01:33,320 Speaker 4: her first time, so she asked me to teach her. 30 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,880 Speaker 3: Right, okay, bold date. 31 00:01:38,280 --> 00:01:41,160 Speaker 1: From her point, you look so dumb when you're starting. 32 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,160 Speaker 4: To learn, Think that you're falling until we get there 33 00:01:43,200 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 4: early and I spent hours teaching her and she's getting 34 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 4: like super into it. 35 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,360 Speaker 2: Nice, that's awesome. 36 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 4: And then it gets to lunchtime, right, uh huh that 37 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:54,200 Speaker 4: are going to the lodge. She thanks me and skis 38 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:56,680 Speaker 4: off to the chair lift where her afternoon date is waiting. 39 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 2: Oh my god, dude. 40 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 1: Girl has figured out how to get private lessons for three. 41 00:02:04,520 --> 00:02:06,480 Speaker 4: Yeah, she got a free lesson from me so that 42 00:02:06,520 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 4: she could go on a date knowing how to ski 43 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:09,040 Speaker 4: in the afternoon. 44 00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:16,360 Speaker 3: Good guys, let's move over down, Ben, Ben, can you 45 00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 3: come back from that? 46 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,000 Speaker 1: I mean that was brutal. That kind of seems like 47 00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: it was on you. 48 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 2: We need your story. You try and do better. 49 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 1: Yeah. So I met a girl who actually lived in 50 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 1: the same apartment complex as me. I wake up and 51 00:02:35,919 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: all of my furniture has been moved around. 52 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 3: She fussuayed your apartments to me, like it probably looks better. 53 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: Why she told me, it's so she could see me 54 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 1: better when she walks outside my apartment to make sure 55 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: I don't have another girl in there. 56 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 3: Both of you are giving the women in this room 57 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 3: way too many ideas. 58 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 2: So Psycho around to Luke, we're back to you. 59 00:03:04,120 --> 00:03:06,079 Speaker 4: I had a date planned. Girl asks me if I 60 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 4: could pick her up for it, right, okay, But when 61 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:10,360 Speaker 4: I do, she gets in the back seat with two 62 00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 4: other girls. 63 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 2: Are you like, yes, yeah, actually that's a good thing. 64 00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 4: You'd think. But she tells me that her and her 65 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 4: roomies need a ride to the grocery store target in 66 00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:23,040 Speaker 4: the nail salon so that we can then have our date. 67 00:03:24,919 --> 00:03:29,440 Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie in the work first. So did 68 00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,799 Speaker 2: you do it? Did you take him on the errands? Oh? 69 00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:32,680 Speaker 4: I did it? 70 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 2: You did guy? 71 00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 4: So I go to bring her friends to the nail salon, 72 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 4: and then she changes her mind says she's going to 73 00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 4: go with her friends too. 74 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 2: Oh wow, wait, cancels your date. 75 00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:47,200 Speaker 3: You're doing free ski lessons and free now too, and 76 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:49,200 Speaker 3: we're not paying you to be on this segment either, 77 00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 3: so good job. 78 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 2: Over to what do you got? 79 00:03:52,760 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 1: So one girl and I bonded over collecting sneakers. Oh okay, 80 00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: and she told me she can actually customize them. 81 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:02,760 Speaker 2: Marry her. 82 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: I know, right to compare home. She was going to 83 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:09,640 Speaker 1: decorate them for free. And I mean, I know what 84 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 1: you're thinking. You're thinking she made off with my shoes. 85 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 3: I actually wasn't thinking enough. 86 00:04:14,560 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 2: I would have given her too. 87 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:23,400 Speaker 1: No, she did give them back, but my four hundred 88 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:28,400 Speaker 1: dollars shoes had the word Cheapo painted on the side. 89 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:32,360 Speaker 1: Because you want to customize for free? I think? 90 00:04:33,600 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 4: No. 91 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:37,799 Speaker 1: No, she told me it was for not tipping enough 92 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: on the date. 93 00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:46,360 Speaker 2: It's really close right now. 94 00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 3: We're on to the third and final round, so we 95 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,080 Speaker 3: need your best stories, gentlemen. 96 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 2: Luke, what do you got? 97 00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:51,279 Speaker 3: So? 98 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,640 Speaker 4: I'm asked with this girl online? Right, she's got a 99 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 4: pick of a giant stuffed panda that we bonded over. 100 00:04:56,320 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 4: I was like, that's so cute. So what does she do? 101 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:02,480 Speaker 4: What you already know? She brings it to dinner on 102 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:02,880 Speaker 4: our date. 103 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,720 Speaker 2: I didn't know that. I like a four year old. 104 00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: Child and I don't see that coming at all. 105 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 4: Actually, I'm like, is she joking? And apparently not, because 106 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,600 Speaker 4: she told the waiter that the panda wanted it some 107 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 4: steak to. 108 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:22,120 Speaker 3: No, okay, e ste pandas only eat like leaves. And 109 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:27,200 Speaker 3: but you know what, what do you know about stuffed giants? 110 00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 2: Different? 111 00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 3: So you bought this stuffed panda steak? 112 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:33,960 Speaker 4: Oh yeah? Not surprisingly, it wasn't very hungry, so she 113 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:35,159 Speaker 4: took an extra meal home. 114 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 2: And free steak for panda. Ben. This is your last 115 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 2: good luck, so good. 116 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:46,800 Speaker 1: I was with this girl and she said she wanted 117 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,160 Speaker 1: to play a fun game with me, but this one 118 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 1: was at the grocery store, okay. We ended up going 119 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:57,000 Speaker 1: to the cereal aisle okay, and she pulls out a 120 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: box and there are four missing kids. He's on the back. 121 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:02,119 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 122 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,360 Speaker 1: She turns to me and says, you got to guess 123 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,560 Speaker 1: which one of these kids is me. 124 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. 125 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,039 Speaker 3: Well that took a weird dark turn at the end there, 126 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:19,039 Speaker 3: so thank god for the final bell that means. 127 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:21,760 Speaker 2: The match is over, Judges, we need to score at Alexis. 128 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 2: I gotta go, Luke. 129 00:06:22,880 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: I mean, honestly, he started skiing but all of them, 130 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,000 Speaker 1: I have so many new ideas. 131 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:29,279 Speaker 2: Is one for Luke Brook? I'm going for Luke all right. 132 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:33,839 Speaker 3: Congratulations Marmaduke Kalou. Yeah, you're awarded the Brook and Jeffrey 133 00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 3: Crown of Commiseration. 134 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 2: Yeah that's right, Luke. 135 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 4: I mean, I'm honored, and I'm also a little offended. 136 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,200 Speaker 2: Yeah. I think you're just poorer because of the dates 137 00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 2: you've gone on. 138 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:45,200 Speaker 4: Yeah. 139 00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, but you can send us free steaks to the 140 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 3: studio anytime you want to. 141 00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:51,080 Speaker 2: Thank you for playing text in seventy five nine. 142 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,280 Speaker 3: To you if you want up here on the next 143 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,520 Speaker 3: edition of Battle of the Tinder dates your phone taps 144 00:06:54,560 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 3: coming up next 145 00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 1: Freaking Jeffrey in the Morning.