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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam, this is John, and we are

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Speaker 1: the founding hosts of Okay Storytime Podcast.

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Speaker 2: And we have some foundational stories coming up for you.

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Speaker 1: But the thing is this foundation needs a little support

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Speaker 1: from these sponsors. So stick around two minutes and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into the episode.

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Speaker 3: My ex's girlfriend try to take over my daughter's birthday party, so.

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Speaker 2: I put my foot down.

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Speaker 3: Hi, this is my first time posting, so hopefully this

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Speaker 3: is done correctly. It's my daughter's birthday next month and

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Speaker 3: we are arranging a soft play party for her. This

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Speaker 3: is only going to be a small party with our

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Speaker 3: closest family and friends. Eight children roughly eleven adults. By

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Speaker 3: the way, this comes from user powerful Force thirty four

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Speaker 3: eighty four on the r slash Okay Storytime soubreddit and

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Speaker 3: we hope you are in here. So, my daughter's father,

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Speaker 3: we will call him Nico, and I broke up before

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Speaker 3: I found out I was pregnant. We were still quite

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Speaker 3: young and had different things we wanted to do and achieve,

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Speaker 3: and therefore decided to go our separate ways. There were

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Speaker 3: no hard feelings and we parted on very good terms.

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Speaker 3: Two months after we separated, I found out I was

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Speaker 3: Peregger's and let him know. He was surprisingly happy about

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Speaker 3: the pregnancy and has since been a wonderful dad and

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Speaker 3: a great friend. We both decided to co parent and

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Speaker 3: that we would work to make sure we had a

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Speaker 3: healthy friendship to ensure our daughter had both parents and

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Speaker 3: a healthy and positive environment to grow up in. This

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Speaker 3: has worked very very well so far. Around two years ago,

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Speaker 3: Nico had a one night stand with a woman and

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Speaker 3: we'll call her Emma, and she felt pregnant. Also, he

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Speaker 3: did say to her that he didn't want any more children,

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Speaker 3: but he would support her with whatever she chose. She

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Speaker 3: chose to keep the baby and he has supported her

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Speaker 3: with child support and spends time with the baby regularly.

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Speaker 2: That is quite a twist.

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Speaker 3: Unfortunately, they have had a few issues working out a

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Speaker 3: co parenting dynamic.

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Speaker 2: As she was not happy that he did not want a.

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Speaker 3: Romantic relationship with her, which she said has ruined the

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Speaker 3: chance for her to have the family unit she always

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Speaker 3: dreamed of. As a result, she refuses to let him

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Speaker 3: take baby anywhere without her being present. For example, if

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Speaker 3: he wants to go for her to see family, which

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Speaker 3: is only around fifteen minutes drive for her house, she

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Speaker 3: has to be there. This has made for some very

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Speaker 3: awkward and uncomfortable encounters for me, as I am usually

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Speaker 3: invited to such events due to my close relationship with

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Speaker 3: all of Nko's family. I would not mind her being

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Speaker 3: there under normal circumstances. However, she constantly makes snarky comments

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Speaker 3: towards me and tries to play mommy to my daughter,

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Speaker 3: Mammy right in front of me.

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Speaker 4: You know this might be they may be British people

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Speaker 4: no because she said mom, or they could be Australian

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Speaker 4: m M. It has to be unanimous.

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Speaker 3: Obviously, Nico uh would like to have both of his

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Speaker 3: children at our daughter's birthday party. However, Emma has advised

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Speaker 3: she will also need to come and will be bringing

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Speaker 3: her three nieces and four nephews, which neither of us

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Speaker 3: have ever met. I didn't want to make things anymore

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Speaker 3: different for Nico, However, I want to be able to

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Speaker 3: give my daughter a great birthday without the tense atmosphere

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Speaker 3: that comes with having Emma around. I also don't feel

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Speaker 3: it's fair for me to have to be uncomfortable in

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Speaker 3: my home due to all of this. I have asked

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Speaker 3: a few of my friends about this, and they are

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Speaker 3: split some saying I would be the a hole and

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Speaker 3: some saying I wouldn't.

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Speaker 2: So there is an update.

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Speaker 4: I think that this. I think this lady is pretty Uh,

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Speaker 4: she's inserting herself a whole lot.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, in the situation she should not be. I think

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Speaker 3: there she needs to like be on the co parenting

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Speaker 3: train here. I agreed she is being in the a

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Speaker 3: hole by sort of feeling so possessive of her own daughter,

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Speaker 3: by being like she can't even be there if I'm

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Speaker 3: not there, and then at the same time trying to

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Speaker 3: be mommy to Ope's daughter. That is like really, so

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Speaker 3: she is all kinds of projecting. I think she probably

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Speaker 3: just really wants Nico to be her husband and is

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Speaker 3: taking taking it out on everybody.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, like so being pretty stylefish.

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Speaker 2: Let's get on to the update here.

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Speaker 3: Hi everyone, Hi, thank you for your judgments and your comments.

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Speaker 3: I do have a small update, but I'm unsure how

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Speaker 3: updating works, so I'm putting it here. As per my

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Speaker 3: previous comment, Nico wasn't aware of this, as she had

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Speaker 3: messaged me directly late last night, and I wanted to

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Speaker 3: get a different perspective before having a serious sit down

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Speaker 3: with him, as this was close to my final straw

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Speaker 3: in a long line of problems relating to Emma. Before

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Speaker 3: I get into what's gone on today, I would like

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Speaker 3: to provide a few responses to common things mentioned in

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Speaker 3: the comments with regards to him taking her to court. Potentially,

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Speaker 3: this is something he has considered and kept documentation of

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Speaker 3: everything happening. However, he wanted to try to make it

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Speaker 3: work outside of having to get lawyers involved. Both me

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Speaker 3: and his family agree he should have done this a

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Speaker 3: long time ago. However, it was his problem and decision

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Speaker 3: to make. Me and Emma I don't usually have contact

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Speaker 3: outside of events we are both invited to, and I

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Speaker 3: generally steer clear of her even then. She is actually

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Speaker 3: blocked on all social platforms and does not have my

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Speaker 3: number due to the verbal abuses she threw at me

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Speaker 3: throughout her pregnancy. I was not involved in her pregnancy

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Speaker 3: in any shape or form. However, she was obviously not

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Speaker 3: included in Nico's family functions until the baby was born, which.

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Speaker 2: She was clearly very jealous of.

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Speaker 3: She usually makes new accounts to send me messages like

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Speaker 3: the one yesterday, which are just screenshot and ignore pathetic.

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Speaker 3: So onto the update, I called Nico over the main

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Speaker 3: house this morning. We both live on the same property.

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Speaker 3: Me and my daughter live in the main house and

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Speaker 3: Nico lives in a smaller house on the property. I

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Speaker 3: showed him both the messages from Emma and the post

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Speaker 3: that and the and this post slashed the comments before anything.

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Speaker 3: He did completely agree with many of the comments and

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Speaker 3: thankfully didn't mind me. Okay, casting here for real quick.

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Speaker 4: It's good. It's good that he is sticking up up

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Speaker 4: for his ex wife, even with you know, the situation

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Speaker 4: being you know, currently the problem is his current girlfriend.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Like he's still like, yeah, you know, she's totally out

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Speaker 4: of line.

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Speaker 3: It's like, this is you know, I want to be

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Speaker 3: able to co co parent. Are can we just co

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Speaker 3: co parent?

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Speaker 2: Can't we just like cocomelan co CoA parent?

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Speaker 3: Okay, So we did have a great chat where I

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Speaker 3: made my boundaries very clear with regards to wanting no

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Speaker 3: further contact with Emma. I also advise that I have

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Speaker 3: absolutely no problem with his other daughter and she is

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Speaker 3: always welcome without Emma. I made it very clear that

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Speaker 3: I would never give him any ultimatums regarding our daughter,

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Speaker 3: but he can't keep letting Emma walk all over him.

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Speaker 3: It is not fair on anyone in this situation, least

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Speaker 3: of all the child. He did also call his uncle

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Speaker 3: for recommendations on a family law attorney, as his uncle

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Speaker 3: owns a firm, however he specializes in environmental law.

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Speaker 2: Uh, he might know a guy, though, you know.

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Speaker 4: Somebody who's like, no, my uncle's a lawyer. We're gonna work.

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Speaker 3: I was like, oh, you said your ex is toxic.

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Speaker 3: You mean toxic like toxic gas in the environment. I

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Speaker 3: think I can help you here. Nico also arranged a

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Speaker 3: meeting with both of his parents, Emma's mother and myself

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Speaker 3: for about for lunchtime. I advised that I don't feel

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Speaker 3: I should be included. However, he asked me to join,

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Speaker 3: as a lot of the problems that have arisen are

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Speaker 3: due to her hatred towards me. He did not inform

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Speaker 3: Emma everyone would be attending so she would show up,

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Speaker 3: and also asked her to leave the baby with one

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Speaker 3: of her sisters. She did show up, dressed to the

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Speaker 3: nines and was visibly angry when she realized that he

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Speaker 3: did not want to spend time with her alone.

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Speaker 4: That's sad.

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Speaker 3: She's like an intervention, so spiteful about that one. Now

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Speaker 3: she's she's extra she's ready to be very nasty, though

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Speaker 3: she's ready to be nasty. Once she also realized everyone

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Speaker 3: was there that was there, she masked her annoyance and

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Speaker 3: greeted all of the parents warmly. When we all sat down,

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Speaker 3: Nico started by telling her the message she sent me

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Speaker 3: last night was completely unacceptable and would not, under any

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Speaker 3: circumstances be happening. He advised that he has done everything

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Speaker 3: he can to try and make the best of the situation,

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Speaker 3: but he can't do it anymore. He made her aware

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Speaker 3: of his intentions to speak with a lawyer to have

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Speaker 3: an official agreement for everything related to the child in place.

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Speaker 3: She did try to argue this, but her mother told

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Speaker 3: her to let him finish. He advised he would still

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Speaker 3: be paying child support as he has been doubled the

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Speaker 3: recommended amount, may I say in parentheses, but he will

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Speaker 3: be having visitation with just her child and not her. Interestingly,

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Speaker 3: her mother was pretty much unaware of everything that she

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Speaker 3: had been doing and was very unhappy with Emma. She

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Speaker 3: also provided us with some information that none of us

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Speaker 3: were aware. When Emma had the one night stand with Nico,

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Speaker 3: she was actually in a long term relationship with her

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Speaker 3: partner of five years, and they had been doing long

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Speaker 3: distance for eight months at the time.

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Speaker 2: Dude him caring for his mother in another country.

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Speaker 4: Damn, Emma sucks. Oh she sucked real bad, so hard.

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Speaker 3: When Emma had found out she was pregnant, she visited

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Speaker 3: him in attempt to pass the child off as his. However,

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Speaker 3: realized she wouldn't get away with it due to the

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Speaker 3: being a different ethnicity between both men.

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Speaker 4: That'll get you, that'll get you.

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Speaker 2: Yikes.

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Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. Her boyfriend had broken up with her

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Speaker 3: and this essentially led her to clinging on Dunico. Her

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Speaker 3: mother was appalled by everything that has been going on

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Speaker 3: and told Emma that she was disappointed in her and

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Speaker 3: that she clearly needed to seek therapy, and that none

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Speaker 3: of this is normal or acceptable. Double you, mom, Yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: w mother, And you know what is totally acceptable.

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Speaker 2: Tuning in to our live stream on you Tube every

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Speaker 2: weekday at three pm.

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Speaker 4: All you gotta do is just a.

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Speaker 2: Bit of a profile, sap it.

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Speaker 3: This is getting to be quite a long story, so

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Speaker 3: I will try and cut it down a bit.

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Speaker 2: The outcome of the.

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Speaker 3: Meeting was that moving forward, Emma will not be present

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Speaker 3: at any gatherings or visits Nico has with his daughter.

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Speaker 2: Her mother will do pickups and drop offs to ensure

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Speaker 2: that it stays this way.

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Speaker 3: Oh, they have set days for each parent and this

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Speaker 3: will all be put in agreement that will be signed

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Speaker 3: by both of them. If it is not upheld, he

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Speaker 3: will then take her ass to court. Emma did apologize

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Speaker 3: for everything that she had been putting us through and

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Speaker 3: agreed to do therapy. But time will tell us. Is

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Speaker 3: that if that is genuine? Hey, hey, Emma's working on

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Speaker 3: leveling upper game.

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Speaker 4: Emma's trying to level up.

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Speaker 2: I would like to thank you all.

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Speaker 4: She needs to level up away, Well, she needs.

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Speaker 2: To level down the Wienie. Yeah, she's right now, she's

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Speaker 2: a level level piece.

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Speaker 3: She needs to go down on the Wienie level and

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Speaker 3: up on the co parenting mom level.

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Speaker 4: Exactly.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I just want to thank you all for your comments.

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Speaker 3: I think gave Nico the kick he needed to stand

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Speaker 3: up and put a stop to it all and hopefully

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Speaker 3: things will improve moving forward.

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Speaker 2: Who yes, and that is that?

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Speaker 4: We love it? We love it, you know, kind of

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Speaker 4: happy ending.

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Speaker 3: I think it's happy, you know, everyone's everyone.

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Speaker 2: Maybe she'll be able to improve.

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Speaker 3: She definitely needs time and we have a I think

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Speaker 3: the well, it would have to be his because they

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Speaker 3: were doing long distance.

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Speaker 2: For eight months.

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Speaker 4: Well, we know it's not the other guys, but perhaps

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Speaker 4: there's another man in the works.

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Speaker 2: See on my heart, I trust too much. Trans that transitting.

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Speaker 4: My son refused to let a step mom join his trip.

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Speaker 4: Now my ex is.

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Speaker 2: Blaming me, same shame, blame.

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Speaker 4: My son will be a senior in high school this

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Speaker 4: fall and we've been touring colleges. We toured a few

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Speaker 4: this spring and plan to tour several out of state

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Speaker 4: ones throughout the summer. The plan was for myself, my husband,

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Speaker 4: and his father to do the tours together. We'll be

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Speaker 4: touring four schools and he's coming three of them. By

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Speaker 4: the way, this comes from Livid School fifty five thirty

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Speaker 4: four on the arsash Oakey story Time subreed it some background.

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Speaker 4: My son's father and I split up before our son

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Speaker 4: was six months old. Soon after our relationship ended, I

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Speaker 4: met my now husband and we got married when son

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Speaker 4: was three. My ex has been supportive of our relationship

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Speaker 4: and thinks my husband is a great stepfather. Wow. We

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Speaker 4: love this healthy dynamic.

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Speaker 2: Starting off very strong.

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Speaker 4: Our co parenting relationship has been challenging at times, but

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Speaker 4: we've done just fine for the sake of our son.

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Speaker 4: Last year, my my ex eloped with this woman, Shelley.

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Speaker 4: They dated for only a year or so before marrying.

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Speaker 4: I don't know her too well since we've only met twice,

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Speaker 4: but I know she has three kids of her own.

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Speaker 4: Her oldest is about the same age as my son.

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Speaker 4: My son dislikes her.

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Speaker 2: Thumbs down from the Sun.

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Speaker 4: It doesn't like her. He thinks Shelley is mentally unhinged,

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Speaker 4: is way too involved in his personal business, and he

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Speaker 4: blames her for being the reason he hasn't been able

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Speaker 4: to spend as much quality time with his father lately.

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Speaker 4: Earlier this week, I was coordinating with my ex about

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Speaker 4: the details of our next tour. Everything was great until

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Speaker 4: he mentioned that Shelley would be coming along on all

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Speaker 4: our tours. I asked why and if it was necessary

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Speaker 4: that she tag along. He said that she just wanted

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Speaker 4: to be supportive. I asked him if her daughter was

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Speaker 4: looking at these schools too, since she's also going to

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Speaker 4: be a senior, and he said no, So why is

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Speaker 4: she coming if her own child isn't planning on attending

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Speaker 4: those schools. I told him that our son should get

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Speaker 4: a say and who comes to the tours, and that

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Speaker 4: I would ask him what he thought about Shelley joining us.

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Speaker 4: After I got off the phone with my ex, I

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Speaker 4: asked her son if he wanted Shelley to come with us.

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Speaker 4: He immediately replied no and that he wasn't comfortable with

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Speaker 4: her coming. I told her son that he should speak

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Speaker 4: with his father and let him know about what he thinks.

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Speaker 4: Fast forward to last night, my ex calls and is

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Speaker 4: your curious that I would get our son involved in

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Speaker 4: this matter? I replied that our son is the one

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Speaker 4: touring the colleges and making decisions about his future, and

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Speaker 4: he gets to decide who can come along. Not to mention,

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Speaker 4: our son is almost an adult and at his age

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Speaker 4: is more than capable of deciding who he wants in

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Speaker 4: his life and to what extent. Son has been vocal

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Speaker 4: to his father about his feelings about Shelley. He accepts

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Speaker 4: that his father loves her, but doesn't see her as family.

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Speaker 4: So I told my ex that if he loves his

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Speaker 4: son and wants to contribute continue having a positive relationship

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Speaker 4: with him, then he needs to respect my son's wishes

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Speaker 4: and leave his wife at home. End of story. X

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Speaker 4: replies that I'm an a hole. Shelley cares about her

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Speaker 4: son and that he should be allowed to bring his

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Speaker 4: wife with him whenever he chooses. Was I wrong? Am

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Speaker 4: I the a hole? And there is an update? But no,

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Speaker 4: why would you? Oh, P be the a hole? She's

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Speaker 4: just saying, Hey, this is our son doesn't want her there?

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Speaker 2: You know what this clearly is.

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Speaker 3: This guy is like I know if she if Shelley

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Speaker 3: doesn't come on this trip, she'll be upset. She's not

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Speaker 3: gonna shut up about it for months. And I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: have to listen to Shelley yap at me about husband.

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Speaker 2: Really with your life. I can't help it. My kid

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Speaker 2: doesn't like you, like freaking at too. I like you.

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Speaker 3: That's shouldn't that be just what matters? I'm your husband now?

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Speaker 4: No, it's it's one thing if the son actually likes

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Speaker 4: Shelley and it's like, yeah, absolutely can come along. But

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Speaker 4: we know he doesn't like her. They asked him whether

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Speaker 4: or not she wants like he wants her to come along.

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Speaker 4: He said, no, respect his decisions, like it should be.

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Speaker 4: You know, it's it's I understand, just wants to have

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Speaker 4: your parents there. Gotta respect the big decisions.

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Speaker 3: And to be clear, chat, that is not how I

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Speaker 3: think about if women yapping. I was speaking from the

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Speaker 3: perspective of the dad who clearly does not respect anyone

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Speaker 3: else's clarifying that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, because you know, I was thinking about that and

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Speaker 4: I was like, wow.

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Speaker 2: That's no look at this guy.

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Speaker 3: That was purely from the guy, the man father, Dad's

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Speaker 3: you were just I'm flustered.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 2: This is like when I was like, own your hot wife.

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Speaker 4: It's okay, but there is an update. Let's get into it.

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Speaker 4: First of all, thanks for the validation and the kind

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Speaker 4: words some left. I've read nearly everything you all have left,

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Speaker 4: so thank you. I'd like to emphasize for anyone who

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Speaker 4: may have missed it in my original post that my

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00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,520
Speaker 4: son has been the main one communicating his boundaries to

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Speaker 4: his dad, not me. My son is seventeen and more

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Speaker 4: than capable of setting and enforcing his own boundaries. Also,

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Speaker 4: since some expressed that it's hypocritical for my husband to

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Speaker 4: be there but not Shelley, let me reiterate that my

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Speaker 4: son asked his stepdad to come along on the tours

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Speaker 4: and x is fine with him being there, and it

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Speaker 4: was never an issue in the first place. There's also

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Speaker 4: a lot more to the story behind why my son

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Speaker 4: doesn't like Shelley that I couldn't explain in my original post.

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Speaker 4: If it was up to me, I'd like him to

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Speaker 4: get to know her better. But I understand his reasons

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Speaker 4: and I honor them. I'm certainly not pinning him against her,

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Speaker 4: like some of you implied. What didn't even seem like that.

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Speaker 4: It wasn't like op was like, you don't have to

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Speaker 4: if you don't want to. He's like, hey, Shelley wants

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Speaker 4: to come on the ship or you know, do you

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Speaker 4: want to come?

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Speaker 5: Yeah?

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Speaker 3: He was like no, just a straightforward question like how

357
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,280
Speaker 3: do you feel about this? Not like how do you

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Speaker 3: feel about Shelley this skank coming along and that everyone hates.

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Speaker 4: And also it is totally on the dad for inviting

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Speaker 4: her before asking the sun. That's like when you have

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Speaker 4: like a party and one of your friends text you

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Speaker 4: and is like, hey, can can I don't know Dakota

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Speaker 4: come and you're like, actually, you know, I'm keeping a

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Speaker 4: small and they're like, oh, well I already invited him.

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Speaker 4: It's like, well, yeah, now you can.

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Speaker 2: Why are you telling stories that are from my real life.

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Speaker 4: Host to home, But let's read the story. I talked

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Speaker 4: to my son Light last night about his father being

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Speaker 4: upset about him not wanting Shelley to come. I told

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Speaker 4: him that I fully respected his choice and reminded him

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Speaker 4: that he can share this experience with whoever he wants.

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Speaker 4: I encouraged him to talk to his dad again explain

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Speaker 4: his feelings about the situation, and I let him know

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Speaker 4: that I was happy to step in if you need.

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Speaker 4: I also added that if he ultimately decided that he

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Speaker 4: wanted to go on these tours alone or with just

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Speaker 4: one parent to avoid drama, which I communicated might be

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Speaker 4: the best option, but that's just my opinion and he

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Speaker 4: doesn't need to consider it. If he doesn't want to

380
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Speaker 4: that that would be okay too. It's his tours and

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Speaker 4: his decisions. So he called his dad this morning and

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Speaker 4: calmly told him that he didn't want Shelley coming along

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Speaker 4: on any of the tours and explained his reasons, which

384
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Speaker 4: mainly included needing time with his dad sans Shelley, and

385
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Speaker 4: him not wanting and entourage accompanying him on his tours.

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Speaker 4: Five is a craw Dad. I loled when he said

387
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Speaker 4: that this time my ex was more receptive and told

388
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Speaker 4: her Son respected his feelings, which I think probably coming

389
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Speaker 4: from the Sun. It just is easier for the dad

390
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Speaker 4: to hear rather than because it seems like maybe the

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Speaker 4: ex wife and the dad have you know a little

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Speaker 4: bit of animosity, which.

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Speaker 2: Is you know, crazy right, Yeah, that's exis.

394
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Speaker 4: So I think hearing it from the sun is just better.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and it's important that he's seventeen, he's getting to

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Speaker 3: that moment. This is a time where you want to

397
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Speaker 3: like stand up for autonomy and be like, this is

398
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Speaker 3: your decision, like you get to make it.

399
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Speaker 4: Agreed. But then he put Son on the spot and

400
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,160
Speaker 4: told him he should talk to Shelley directly about her

401
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,960
Speaker 4: not coming. He was not comfortable with that and requested

402
00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,800
Speaker 4: that I step in and talked to both his dad

403
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Speaker 4: and Shelley. So I got on the phone and repeated

404
00:19:22,119 --> 00:19:25,000
Speaker 4: that this was our son's decision. I didn't say anything

405
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Speaker 4: about Sun disliking Shelley or feeling uncomfortable around her, because

406
00:19:28,480 --> 00:19:32,080
Speaker 4: that is beside the point. Shelley was clearly disappointed and

407
00:19:32,119 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 4: said she understood and only wanted an opportunity to bond

408
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Speaker 4: with her new stepson. I replied that it was sweet

409
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Speaker 4: of her to want to get to know him better,

410
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:44,119
Speaker 4: but a college tour isn't the time nor place. Overall,

411
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Speaker 4: she seemed to be okay with it. We spoke for

412
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Speaker 4: another minute or two, and then she left the conversation

413
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Speaker 4: and I talked to X for a little while. Opie

414
00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,560
Speaker 4: handled it really well. Op He didn't, you know, get

415
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:55,800
Speaker 4: mad at her or say anything mean, and was just like, oh, sorry,

416
00:19:55,880 --> 00:19:58,040
Speaker 4: you know, I get that, but at the right.

417
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Speaker 2: Time, it was just facts.

418
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Speaker 4: It was just just fair.

419
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Speaker 3: It's not really you know, hey, I appreciate, and it's

420
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Speaker 3: you got to appreciate, like, oh, you want to know

421
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Speaker 3: my son better. It's like you want to actually just

422
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,520
Speaker 3: reship and that's nice. But now it's just it's just

423
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,360
Speaker 3: a matter of timing, you know.

424
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Speaker 4: I reiterated to him that ever since Shelley came into

425
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Speaker 4: the picture, our son feels like he doesn't get as

426
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:22,520
Speaker 4: much quality time with his dad anymore because either she's

427
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,200
Speaker 4: there during their entire time together or he's busy being

428
00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,800
Speaker 4: a stepfather to her kids. Ouch son doesn't have an

429
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,800
Speaker 4: issue with the step siblings, but also I want to

430
00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:33,359
Speaker 4: make sure X makes time for his own kid. I

431
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 4: also explained to him that if Shelley not coming was

432
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Speaker 4: going to be this big of a deal to him,

433
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Speaker 4: then he shouldn't come either. He said he understood where

434
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Speaker 4: I was coming from and apologized for calling me an

435
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,800
Speaker 4: a hole. I asked him if it was Shelley who

436
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:48,359
Speaker 4: was pushing this issue or if it was him. Based

437
00:20:48,440 --> 00:20:50,800
Speaker 4: on his response, I got the sense that Shelley had

438
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,959
Speaker 4: expressed an interest in going, was okay not going if

439
00:20:53,960 --> 00:20:56,600
Speaker 4: that was really my son's decision. But my ex just

440
00:20:56,760 --> 00:20:58,600
Speaker 4: really wants her to feel more like a part of

441
00:20:58,640 --> 00:21:01,200
Speaker 4: his family. So it's a mix of him appeasing her

442
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,800
Speaker 4: but also wanting a son to get to know her better.

443
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,399
Speaker 4: And I would like you guys to get to know

444
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,439
Speaker 4: us better by joining us live every week to at

445
00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:12,680
Speaker 4: three PMPSD this taper profile. So I gave him two choices.

446
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,399
Speaker 4: Either he comes without Shelley and uses those opportunities to

447
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:19,320
Speaker 4: have special time with his son, or he doesn't come

448
00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:21,160
Speaker 4: to the tours and we find a weekend for him

449
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,040
Speaker 4: and son to spend one on one time. But either way,

450
00:21:24,480 --> 00:21:26,960
Speaker 4: Shelley isn't going to be there because her son isn't

451
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,840
Speaker 4: interested in a relationship with her right now, and he

452
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:32,520
Speaker 4: shouldn't force it onto him. He said he'd think about

453
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:35,680
Speaker 4: his choices. So all good there. I hope he decides

454
00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 4: to leave Shelley at home and come to whatever tours

455
00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,919
Speaker 4: he can because I know how important it is to

456
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 4: our son. And that is the end of that story.

457
00:21:44,600 --> 00:21:45,199
Speaker 2: Wop.

458
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,120
Speaker 4: I think this was handled very well. There was there

459
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,400
Speaker 4: was a bump in the road, an a hole bump

460
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,760
Speaker 4: in the road, but you know, we we figured it

461
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:54,800
Speaker 4: out and we ended up.

462
00:21:55,359 --> 00:21:57,919
Speaker 3: He could have so easily been the person to like,

463
00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,320
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not a hard thing to disparage like

464
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:04,080
Speaker 3: your ex and his new wife.

465
00:22:04,280 --> 00:22:05,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, girl, that.

466
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:07,800
Speaker 3: Like and it's like, oh well, now my son doesn't

467
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,119
Speaker 3: like it. It's like it's almost like it's so tempting to

468
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 3: be like she does?

469
00:22:11,840 --> 00:22:12,800
Speaker 2: Does she? She does?

470
00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:14,960
Speaker 3: But like but to hold back it sounds like she

471
00:22:15,040 --> 00:22:17,919
Speaker 3: really like didn't She was just like, it's just however

472
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,960
Speaker 3: you feel, that's how you seeper helpful And.

473
00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:23,239
Speaker 4: I like that. Yeah, not not over talking on her

474
00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:24,240
Speaker 4: son's feelings.

475
00:22:24,400 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's got to have the autonomy. Seventeen, he's going

476
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,680
Speaker 3: to college. Jot, you gotta give it to him.

477
00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,639
Speaker 4: And Ron rot King says, you can't force people to

478
00:22:30,640 --> 00:22:32,880
Speaker 4: build a relationship, especially he's a seventeen year old.

479
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:34,719
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's kind of yeah, he's going to college. Man,

480
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:36,920
Speaker 3: he doesn't want to think about his dad's new wife.

481
00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 4: Nope.

482
00:22:38,760 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 2: I cheated on my girlfriend ten years ago, but now

483
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:42,399
Speaker 2: I think she's cheating on me.

484
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:43,080
Speaker 5: Hey.

485
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,400
Speaker 7: Yo, My fiance fifty two female and I forty two male,

486
00:22:47,640 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 7: have been together for ten years. Without posting too many details,

487
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,639
Speaker 7: there was infidelity me and lying her fairly early in

488
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:59,040
Speaker 7: the relationship, which led to some alternative lifestyle choices over

489
00:22:59,080 --> 00:23:01,919
Speaker 7: the following few years. To be clear, aside from the

490
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 7: infidelity early on, there has been no outside of the relationship.

491
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,080
Speaker 7: I don't know what alternative lifestyle choices are, but yeah,

492
00:23:09,119 --> 00:23:11,160
Speaker 7: I don't know either. By the way, this comes from

493
00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,600
Speaker 7: you slash and appeal to the masses on the r

494
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:18,200
Speaker 7: slash okay storytime Reddit. Over the last five years, there's

495
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:22,360
Speaker 7: been an expectation of transparency, during which my fiance has

496
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 7: had an iPad with the ability to see all of

497
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 7: my messages, email, Facebook, photos, taken, et cetera. She hasn't

498
00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 7: worked a standard job for the majority of our relationship

499
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 7: and so has had access to that iPad at any

500
00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 7: time while I was at home.

501
00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:36,760
Speaker 2: Or at work.

502
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:38,520
Speaker 5: Wow, this is too much.

503
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:41,600
Speaker 7: It's almost like babysitting. You gotta watch everything your partner's doing.

504
00:23:41,720 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 2: It's a lot.

505
00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 5: I don't like this.

506
00:23:43,280 --> 00:23:46,640
Speaker 7: At home, I have access to her iPad and am

507
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 7: welcome to look at her phone at my leisure. Her

508
00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 7: iPad doesn't have the memory to update photos, emails, or Facebook.

509
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 7: So when I upgraded my phone, I scanned her phone

510
00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:56,879
Speaker 7: so that I would have access to all of the

511
00:23:56,920 --> 00:23:59,959
Speaker 7: same information that she was able to access on my iPad.

512
00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 5: She's already doing it him though.

513
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:01,720
Speaker 2: Yeah.

514
00:24:01,760 --> 00:24:04,760
Speaker 7: In her Safari history she has a bookmark for a

515
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 7: texting app that I downloaded and tried to access. I

516
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:10,720
Speaker 7: had found out a few months before that, while on

517
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:12,679
Speaker 7: a trip to the other side of the US, she

518
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,040
Speaker 7: hung out with an X that had already cause an

519
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 7: argument when she decided to invite him to meet us

520
00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:20,199
Speaker 7: out on a date after I had said that it

521
00:24:20,280 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 7: was not okay. Our phone plan is in my name,

522
00:24:25,680 --> 00:24:28,240
Speaker 7: and she has said that her communication with the X

523
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,399
Speaker 7: was either through her mom's phone while she was visiting

524
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:32,919
Speaker 7: across the country or through her friend's phone while she

525
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,919
Speaker 7: was here. I was able to access the app with

526
00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,040
Speaker 7: one of her emails, but there was no number or

527
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,200
Speaker 7: text messages associated with it. I looked through Facebook Messenger

528
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,040
Speaker 7: and found that a couple of years ago, she was

529
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 7: having conversations on Facebook with a different X sometimes well

530
00:24:45,760 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 7: after midnight, while she was saying she wasn't tired and

531
00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:50,960
Speaker 7: there's no reason she should have come to bed just

532
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:52,160
Speaker 7: because I had to wake up.

533
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:52,800
Speaker 2: Early in the morning.

534
00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,240
Speaker 7: Currently, she is once again halfway across the country, saying

535
00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 7: that I had downloaded an app to cheat on her with,

536
00:24:58,640 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 7: even with the knowledge the app was on her bookmarks

537
00:25:03,440 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 7: and she had just recently lied about even seeing the

538
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 7: across the country text x ME messaging him is what

539
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,040
Speaker 7: confirmed that they actually.

540
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:12,560
Speaker 2: Met face to face.

541
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:13,840
Speaker 5: Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

542
00:25:13,920 --> 00:25:16,639
Speaker 7: I drove with her across the US about four months later,

543
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:18,960
Speaker 7: and we had a fairly cut and dry decision about

544
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:22,600
Speaker 7: what constitutes cheating. That boiled down to any conversation with

545
00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,720
Speaker 7: someone else that shouldn't be had with your partner, and

546
00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 7: any conversation that has to be hidden in any way. Mmmm.

547
00:25:29,680 --> 00:25:30,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, makes sense.

548
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 5: That's good. That's good.

549
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 2: I mean, it's it's healthy to establish some ground rules.

550
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, you have to at this point.

551
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,760
Speaker 2: The morning after leaving a week ago, She's changed all

552
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,439
Speaker 2: the passwords to log out of the phone, and she

553
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:44,879
Speaker 2: decided that what I was doing with her phone was

554
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,080
Speaker 2: basically stalking her and wrong. My issue is this, in

555
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:51,160
Speaker 2: both of these instances, she has done the exact same thing.

556
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 2: I actually got the idea of using a phone because

557
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 2: she had attempted to do the same thing to mine,

558
00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 2: and when I asked about it, she lied and said

559
00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:00,560
Speaker 2: she didn't do it. It wasn't until well I used

560
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:03,080
Speaker 2: to find my and set the alarm off on her

561
00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:06,159
Speaker 2: phone in her pocket that it was obvious that she

562
00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:08,920
Speaker 2: had done exactly that. We have counseling scheduled for the

563
00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 2: end of next week, but she will only be here

564
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,200
Speaker 2: for one or two of those sessions before she heads

565
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,600
Speaker 2: back across the country with her mother, who she spends

566
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 2: six weeks at the beginning of the year packing up

567
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,000
Speaker 2: and moving back here.

568
00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:22,080
Speaker 7: Am I justified in feeling like there are two very

569
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,919
Speaker 7: different rule sets being set up? And seriously, is there

570
00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:26,960
Speaker 7: a way to fix this? Was I wrong in putting

571
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 7: her information on a phone so that I had equal

572
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 7: access to her that she has to me. Was I

573
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 7: wrong for downloading an app that was in her bookmarked

574
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:36,919
Speaker 7: links to see. That was how the communication was happening

575
00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:38,040
Speaker 7: between her and her ex.

576
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 5: Hopefully this counseling session will help you out both in

577
00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 5: the wrong. He was in the wrong for copying his

578
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 5: phone over. He didn't ask her, That's where the wrong was.

579
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,760
Speaker 5: And if you're not comfortable with your wife seeing everything

580
00:26:50,760 --> 00:26:52,240
Speaker 5: that you do on your phone, you'll probably have a

581
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 5: conversation like, Hey, I know you have this tablet that's

582
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,479
Speaker 5: like a dashed my phone. Can we not have that?

583
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 5: I feel like it's an invasion of privacy. He boiled

584
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 5: it up so much that I got to this point

585
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:04,399
Speaker 5: and now they are inchinc to the points of no return.

586
00:27:04,520 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 2: That's it. It all starts at communication.

587
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,000
Speaker 5: And the X is across the country too, right.

588
00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,720
Speaker 7: The ax is she's moving her mom in and she's

589
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 7: the country where across six is for six weeks.

590
00:27:15,520 --> 00:27:18,080
Speaker 2: For six weeks, Oh dude, I am.

591
00:27:17,920 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 5: Not seeing a good update in the future.

592
00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,200
Speaker 2: To be clear, she has over the last five years

593
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 2: downloaded multiple phone and texting apps for a business she

594
00:27:26,960 --> 00:27:30,359
Speaker 2: was trying to start. Signed into Tinder because she was

595
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 2: looking for me. Apparently has four or five different Facebook

596
00:27:34,119 --> 00:27:38,840
Speaker 2: accounts and probably twelve or thirteen email addresses. This is

597
00:27:38,880 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 2: a serial account maker.

598
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:43,760
Speaker 5: She's a freak in sheets for sure. If she's just crazy, bro,

599
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 5: we know that she's going to be doing something crazy.

600
00:27:47,440 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 2: This is wild, this is crazy.

601
00:27:49,920 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 7: I've told her multiple times that she's never going to

602
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,919
Speaker 7: find me on anything like that, because the fact is,

603
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 7: I'm not on any dating apps. I don't have hidden

604
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 7: phone numbers or accounts. I am extreme, dremely careful about

605
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:03,760
Speaker 7: how I address anyone of the opposite sex, and unless

606
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,600
Speaker 7: it's a necessary conversation kids, friends' parents, I don't really

607
00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 7: engage in any at all. She doesn't wear her engagement

608
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,840
Speaker 7: ring either she has told me it's the wrong size

609
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:15,440
Speaker 7: or the jeweler gave me a ring that was slightly

610
00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 7: too large, but it's semi fixed with sizing material, and

611
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:21,800
Speaker 7: though I've suggested we get it resized, she hasn't wanted

612
00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,480
Speaker 7: to go. And she has never updated her relationship status

613
00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 7: to being engaged.

614
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 5: And I know, and I know she knows how to

615
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 5: do that. All this technology and emails and Facebook accounts

616
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 5: and tender accounts she has, I know she knows how

617
00:28:35,600 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 5: update that, or maybe she's so focused on getting all

618
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 5: these emails together to monitor him that she doesn't even

619
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:42,120
Speaker 5: worry about herself.

620
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 7: To add information, she has adult children that I've actively

621
00:28:46,320 --> 00:28:50,719
Speaker 7: helped with mechanical work on their cars, moves financially, and

622
00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:53,840
Speaker 7: rides when needed. And I have minor children and she

623
00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:56,440
Speaker 7: has been involved with their lives for ten years. I

624
00:28:56,480 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 7: have full custody of one child as of last year,

625
00:28:59,280 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 7: and fifty percent and custody of the other. I did

626
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 7: look through our text history and the texting app that

627
00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:06,160
Speaker 7: was bookmarked was an app she and I used to

628
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 7: communicate with others that were leading an alternative lifestyle during

629
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:12,320
Speaker 7: that period of time in our lives, though it would

630
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 7: not have been used for that purpose in about seven

631
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:17,520
Speaker 7: years or so, and at that time, the login information

632
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,200
Speaker 7: would have been under a shared email, not a personal

633
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 7: email of hers. As far as counseling goes, we did

634
00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 7: just set up an online counseling which we used a

635
00:29:25,560 --> 00:29:27,760
Speaker 7: year ago. But I have a feeling that is because

636
00:29:27,800 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 7: one she doesn't plan to make it back by the

637
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,560
Speaker 7: end of the week for our counseling appointment, even though

638
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 7: she's about twenty hours driving away currently, and two she

639
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 7: likely doesn't want to have to hash out all this

640
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 7: in front of an actual person, because it's easier to

641
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,360
Speaker 7: pick up on bs when a person can see her

642
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 7: body language and hear the tone in your voice.

643
00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:49,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, that makes sense. Probably didn't work for him last

644
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,840
Speaker 5: time they were online. It's easier to hide on a screen.

645
00:29:52,280 --> 00:29:54,920
Speaker 2: There's some part of her that knows she's in the wrong.

646
00:29:55,080 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 2: There has to be.

647
00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 5: I'm praying that there's one little indibdy ounce that knows

648
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 5: she's the wrong.

649
00:30:00,120 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 4: Here.

650
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 2: Nobody has thirteen burner email accounts if they're not hiding

651
00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 2: something now, it's not a business that's not a practical

652
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 2: business decision. He's the one who cheated in the first place.

653
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 5: Opie's Way felt this was a necessary step in order

654
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 5: to make sure that never happens again. But I think

655
00:30:18,760 --> 00:30:21,240
Speaker 5: she went too far. This is too far.

656
00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:21,960
Speaker 2: I agree.

657
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 5: If you don't have trust in your partner you have

658
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 5: to do all these things, you might as well I

659
00:30:26,880 --> 00:30:27,720
Speaker 5: not be with them.

660
00:30:28,240 --> 00:30:30,680
Speaker 2: John here og host. We're gonna get back to these stories,

661
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,120
Speaker 2: but a quick three minute break from house from our sponsors.

662
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 4: My girlfriend said she wants to be a mom, so

663
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 4: I'm breaking up with her.

664
00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:40,080
Speaker 6: Unacceptable.

665
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:43,600
Speaker 4: Ouch I mail thirty one have known her female twenty

666
00:30:43,680 --> 00:30:47,360
Speaker 4: nine since we were teenagers. We got together ten years ago,

667
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,240
Speaker 4: been living together for a bit over seven. It's been

668
00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:54,160
Speaker 4: the perfect relationship in pretty much every way. We support

669
00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,040
Speaker 4: each other through everything. We have fun together. She's my

670
00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 4: best friend and I'm hers. We're as inten in love

671
00:31:00,680 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 4: as we've ever been. But that's always a butt by

672
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 4: the way. This comes from throwing it all away on

673
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:10,760
Speaker 4: the best of redditor Updates subreddit. So we've discussed marriage

674
00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,320
Speaker 4: a bunch through the years. As a few years ago

675
00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,920
Speaker 4: it wasn't either of US's cup of tea, but most

676
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:18,440
Speaker 4: recently she has expressed an interest in tying the not

677
00:31:18,920 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 4: I don't really have an interest in marriage as a concept,

678
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,880
Speaker 4: but as I was intent on spending my life with

679
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 4: her either way, if she needed a ring and a wedding,

680
00:31:26,880 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 4: I was more than willing to accommodate her. It's like, yes, conceptually,

681
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:36,760
Speaker 4: it's not my life, would you really insist on it?

682
00:31:37,280 --> 00:31:40,040
Speaker 4: I didn't spoil the eventual surprise, but based on her

683
00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 4: conversations on the matter, I don't think it would have

684
00:31:42,280 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 4: been very unexpected to her if I'd pop the question.

685
00:31:46,880 --> 00:31:49,440
Speaker 4: If anything, she must be wondering, what's taking so long?

686
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 4: At this point, but our desires for the future have

687
00:31:52,480 --> 00:31:56,680
Speaker 4: diverged in another way that I just can't compromise over.

688
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:00,520
Speaker 4: She wants to be a mother and I don't want.

689
00:32:00,360 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 6: To be a father. Here's the butt.

690
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 4: There you go, and that's not really something you can

691
00:32:04,360 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 4: compromise over.

692
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:08,560
Speaker 6: Yet those are like very life changing paths right there.

693
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a huge deal and neither one. You know,

694
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,040
Speaker 4: if you don't want kids, that's fine, but if your

695
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:15,920
Speaker 4: partner wants.

696
00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:19,080
Speaker 6: Kids, there is a little bit of a mismat Yeah.

697
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,200
Speaker 4: Much like marriage. For much of our relationship, she didn't

698
00:32:21,240 --> 00:32:25,479
Speaker 4: have such a desire, but now she does. Unlike marriage, however,

699
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 4: parenting is not just a symbolic thing. I can accommodate

700
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:31,120
Speaker 4: her on. She didn't pressure me to change my mind,

701
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,960
Speaker 4: but she has tried to gauge whether there was wiggle

702
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 4: room on my end, whether I could see my opinion

703
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:40,160
Speaker 4: on the matter change. I can't. At this point. She

704
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 4: has accepted that I could pop into a jewelry store tomorrow,

705
00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:46,280
Speaker 4: pick at a ring, propose to her at the next opportunity,

706
00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 4: and she would say yes, and a while later we'd

707
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,400
Speaker 4: be married, still on our wife to spending our lives

708
00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 4: together even though she knows we will not have children together,

709
00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 4: she may still hold out hope I'll change my mind.

710
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 4: I can't know for certain either way. Of course, I

711
00:33:00,760 --> 00:33:03,400
Speaker 4: get to be with her, probably forever, which is really

712
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:07,280
Speaker 4: all I want. But she wants to be a mother.

713
00:33:07,600 --> 00:33:09,479
Speaker 4: Not only has she expressed it to me, it has

714
00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 4: been painfully obvious in the way she is around our

715
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 4: friends and relatives babies and children, or in the way

716
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:18,800
Speaker 4: she awkwardly brushes off her mother's comments about waiting for

717
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 4: her grandchildren. It really is plain to see. I couldn't

718
00:33:22,520 --> 00:33:25,920
Speaker 4: miss it if I tried, and trust me, for a while,

719
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:29,120
Speaker 4: I did, so I have to let her go, or

720
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 4: since she has not exactly been trying to leave me,

721
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:33,240
Speaker 4: I guess a more accurate way to phrase it is

722
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 4: that I have to push her away. I have considered

723
00:33:36,160 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 4: the other options, and there is more to this story,

724
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 4: but just pausing real quick, I don't think you should

725
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 4: ever decide for your partner that it is the right

726
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 4: thing to do to break up with them. That's a

727
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 4: conversation that you need to have. And if she is

728
00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:55,040
Speaker 4: willing to sacrifice kids, which is a huge, huge decision

729
00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,000
Speaker 4: and not one that she has to make, but if

730
00:33:57,000 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 4: she says you are more important than kids, then you

731
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:01,680
Speaker 4: have to believe her.

732
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,880
Speaker 8: I think it's a conversation one hundred percent. And it

733
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:05,920
Speaker 8: seems like they've already had some conversation.

734
00:34:06,200 --> 00:34:06,880
Speaker 6: He's saying that.

735
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 4: She like she like skirts around it a little bit.

736
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 3: Yeah.

737
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 8: I wonder if they've had like a very explicit of like,

738
00:34:12,280 --> 00:34:14,440
Speaker 8: I don't want kids, yes, you want kids. Is this

739
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 8: a deal breaker for you? Is this a deal breaker

740
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,399
Speaker 8: for exactly? And to get to the nitty gritty of it, no,

741
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 8: I think it's more like this like eperial thing that's

742
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 8: kind of not really like, yeah, directly gone.

743
00:34:25,760 --> 00:34:28,200
Speaker 4: But there's more to this story. There is the selfish option,

744
00:34:28,360 --> 00:34:31,479
Speaker 4: which really just involves staying with her, never giving her

745
00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:34,399
Speaker 4: a child. I wouldn't even have to coerce her into

746
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 4: this or lie about my stance on the subject. But

747
00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 4: every parent I've asked has gushed about parenting being the

748
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,640
Speaker 4: most fulfilling experience they've gone through, and for some of them,

749
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 4: I saw firsthand the exact same tells that they wanted

750
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 4: to start a family that I now see with my girlfriend.

751
00:34:50,520 --> 00:34:52,600
Speaker 4: I can't be the person taking that away from her.

752
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:54,759
Speaker 4: There's also a part of me that just fears she'd

753
00:34:54,800 --> 00:34:58,360
Speaker 4: resent me and leave me later on. Then there's the

754
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,439
Speaker 4: option of committing to eventually becoming a father for her.

755
00:35:01,800 --> 00:35:04,560
Speaker 4: Maybe someday I'd even be thankful I did for me.

756
00:35:04,840 --> 00:35:07,760
Speaker 4: After all, some of the parents I've pulled also said

757
00:35:07,760 --> 00:35:11,080
Speaker 4: they weren't always keen to have children. Some still have

758
00:35:11,160 --> 00:35:14,279
Speaker 4: doubts even while expecting, and yet it still ended up

759
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,520
Speaker 4: being that wonderful, fulfilling experience they all described. But even

760
00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:20,840
Speaker 4: as I type this, even as I try to convince

761
00:35:20,840 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 4: myself I actually believe this, I just don't. And while

762
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:27,279
Speaker 4: I've asked happy parents and healthy family units, there are

763
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 4: also plenty of unhappy ones or just crap ones in

764
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:33,719
Speaker 4: this world. I think the least that every child deserves

765
00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 4: is to be wanted by both of their parents. And

766
00:35:36,440 --> 00:35:38,799
Speaker 4: I can't see myself going through with this if there's

767
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:41,080
Speaker 4: even a chance that I won't meet even that very

768
00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 4: low bar, even less so since I believed the chance

769
00:35:44,160 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 4: to be quite high. I ponder variations of those two

770
00:35:47,120 --> 00:35:49,760
Speaker 4: main ones too, waiting it out and hoping she changes

771
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 4: her mind, maybe being an aunt or a godmother, both

772
00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:54,919
Speaker 4: are likely to happen within the next couple of years

773
00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,160
Speaker 4: for her. In the future can be enough, but they

774
00:35:57,200 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 4: all seem like rolls of the dice whose results will

775
00:35:59,840 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 4: only be known years from now. When she expressed the

776
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 4: desire to start a family, it was as a plan

777
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:08,200
Speaker 4: for a few years into the future. If that is

778
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:10,680
Speaker 4: to happen without me, then I need to do this now.

779
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:15,359
Speaker 4: I've already procrastinated, simply pausing my plans for proposal when

780
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:17,880
Speaker 4: I first realized how much she really wanted this, hoping

781
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 4: a better answer would magically appear before me. But I

782
00:36:20,560 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 4: can't just kick this down the road forever. I've set

783
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 4: the date, which is tomorrow. No, I will tell her

784
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 4: I want us to separate. This is so annoying. This

785
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:33,800
Speaker 4: is so annoying because he's literally decided.

786
00:36:33,520 --> 00:36:37,600
Speaker 8: Everything one hundred percent. Like to isolate in yourself and

787
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:40,600
Speaker 8: then go down the road and making all these decisions

788
00:36:40,600 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 8: for your partner when it could, just as you said,

789
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 8: easily be a conversation.

790
00:36:44,160 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 4: Easily be a conversation. You cannot know what she's thinking

791
00:36:47,320 --> 00:36:50,279
Speaker 4: and what she was willing to sacrifice, because it's either

792
00:36:50,320 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 4: she sacrifices you for kids or kids for you, and

793
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:56,960
Speaker 4: you don't know which one she wants until you ask.

794
00:36:56,719 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 8: Her and even if you're like one hundred percent, you

795
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,800
Speaker 8: know you're partner, you know that she either be willing

796
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 8: to or not willing to regardless, it's still not your decision.

797
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:09,080
Speaker 8: Any conversation around a breakup is exactly that. It's just

798
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 8: a conversation of that doesn't need to be this big

799
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,359
Speaker 8: dramatic like I'm coming into this and we're breaking up.

800
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:18,240
Speaker 8: It could just be like, hey, there's this huge elephant

801
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:20,600
Speaker 8: in the room, and can we just talk about this

802
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:23,359
Speaker 8: and like is this a deal breaker for each of us?

803
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 8: And if it is, how do we navigate this?

804
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 4: And also on the topic of like what if she

805
00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 4: grows to resent me? I totally understand that from it,

806
00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 4: and I was actually that was kind of my initial

807
00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:35,280
Speaker 4: thought when I read the story about this kind of yesterday,

808
00:37:35,400 --> 00:37:39,000
Speaker 4: the similar thing. I was like, Oh, they might go

809
00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 4: to resent each other or something. I was kind of

810
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:45,040
Speaker 4: thinking about it, and isn't that the case for all relationships.

811
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,759
Speaker 4: Isn't it kind of a gamble? Isn't it like they

812
00:37:48,880 --> 00:37:51,799
Speaker 4: might grow to resent me in time, you know, if

813
00:37:51,800 --> 00:37:54,960
Speaker 4: we had Like but I think obviously there's higher stakes

814
00:37:55,000 --> 00:37:57,640
Speaker 4: here because this is taking something that she's always wanted.

815
00:37:58,000 --> 00:38:00,759
Speaker 4: But I think it's like if you love someone, it's like,

816
00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:02,719
Speaker 4: let's risk it, you know.

817
00:38:03,200 --> 00:38:05,759
Speaker 6: I think the the.

818
00:38:05,200 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 8: Resentment in this case is like, of course, like there's

819
00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 8: always possibility of resentment relationship, but I think the resentment

820
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 8: higher here is because it comes from one partner self

821
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:17,840
Speaker 8: abandoning themselves.

822
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:20,160
Speaker 4: Sure, like this is their dream and they're not getting

823
00:38:20,200 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 4: to pursue it.

824
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:24,600
Speaker 8: If any partner sacrifices their values or their greatest longings

825
00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,400
Speaker 8: for the other partner, it will most likely always be resentment.

826
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 4: And like that's that's like a pretty safe bet, no,

827
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 4: which I totally understand. But I think it's still still conversation. Yeah,

828
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 4: but let's continue. I've set the day, which is tomorrow.

829
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:41,040
Speaker 4: I will tell her I want to us to separate.

830
00:38:41,280 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 4: I will tell her why. As I have here, I

831
00:38:44,920 --> 00:38:47,400
Speaker 4: have prepared myself in case she pushes back, tells me

832
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 4: she doesn't want this, believes me to be lying about

833
00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 4: my reasons, pleads me to reconsider. I think my resolve

834
00:38:54,400 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 4: is strong enough to hold no matter what she throws

835
00:38:56,760 --> 00:38:58,920
Speaker 4: at me. I expect this to be a shock to

836
00:38:59,160 --> 00:39:01,160
Speaker 4: As I said, She's likely to expect me to pop

837
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 4: the question rather than to end things. I know I'm

838
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:06,719
Speaker 4: going to break her heart and I effing hate myself

839
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:08,920
Speaker 4: for it. I'm also going to break mine, but I

840
00:39:08,920 --> 00:39:11,840
Speaker 4: guess that's on me. I've already made plans for the aftermath.

841
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 4: I know where I'll be staying for a short while

842
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 4: after this, so i'll be out of her hair. I've

843
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:19,920
Speaker 4: laid out some options for longer term living arrangements. I

844
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,800
Speaker 4: already know that everyone around us, my own family included,

845
00:39:22,920 --> 00:39:25,200
Speaker 4: is gonna think I'm an a hole or a complete moron.

846
00:39:25,680 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 4: I doubt I'll get much in the way of empathy,

847
00:39:27,680 --> 00:39:29,959
Speaker 4: but I also won't be looking for it. Can't plan

848
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:33,040
Speaker 4: for everything, though. Figuring out how to live without her

849
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,080
Speaker 4: is going to be a be full transparency. I've started

850
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 4: writing this hoping i'd talk myself out of pulling that trigger,

851
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 4: hoping that typing it all out would reveal the magical

852
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 4: answer I've been hoping for. But it hasn't. If anything,

853
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:48,239
Speaker 4: it's reinforced what I already knew. And there is an edit.

854
00:39:48,480 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: There's two edits and an update. If you had that

855
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:55,080
Speaker 4: conversation and she says I want kids and you say

856
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 4: I don't want kids, then the only answer there is breakup.

857
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,520
Speaker 4: But if she says that was what I wanted in

858
00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 4: the past, but now I want you and I want

859
00:40:03,800 --> 00:40:05,839
Speaker 4: a future with you. Then that like believe her.

860
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:08,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, I think it's also like coming back to the frame,

861
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 8: and I would say that this is like an issue

862
00:40:12,560 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 8: with most relationships is that they're in a competitive frame

863
00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:18,680
Speaker 8: rather than collaborative. And competitive is like we're our own

864
00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 8: isolated islands, and I get to make decisions of my

865
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:25,160
Speaker 8: own self interest rather than collaborative of like, how can

866
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:27,640
Speaker 8: I you know, we're sharing this mutual pot of shared

867
00:40:27,719 --> 00:40:30,800
Speaker 8: understanding and experience, how can I put in my worries,

868
00:40:30,840 --> 00:40:33,719
Speaker 8: my fears, see how they react to yours, and then

869
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,960
Speaker 8: as a team work together to either you know, continue

870
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,719
Speaker 8: this container of the relationship or to adjust it in

871
00:40:39,760 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 8: some way, which at some point might actually be breaking up.

872
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:46,960
Speaker 8: But again that's something that as a team.

873
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:47,920
Speaker 4: But there is an edit.

874
00:40:48,040 --> 00:40:49,359
Speaker 6: There's two edits edit time.

875
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 4: Some of you are pointing out that I'm taking a

876
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:55,759
Speaker 4: choice out of her hands. Yeah, sometimes Redd, it's right

877
00:40:56,960 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 4: when it should be her decision, or at least a

878
00:40:59,000 --> 00:40:59,560
Speaker 4: joint one.

879
00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:01,760
Speaker 6: Actually agree, Okay.

880
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,560
Speaker 4: Okay, and pride He's like, conceptually I.

881
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,919
Speaker 2: Agree, but literally I don't.

882
00:41:07,560 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 4: But for months now, I haven't been able to shake

883
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,920
Speaker 4: off the feeling that leaving that choice to her is

884
00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:14,680
Speaker 4: in some ways cruel. Can you imagine leaving the one

885
00:41:14,719 --> 00:41:17,360
Speaker 4: you love, shattering their heart so you can then seek

886
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:20,480
Speaker 4: something they couldn't give you elsewhere. The only reason I

887
00:41:20,480 --> 00:41:23,080
Speaker 4: can make that decision is because, yes, I'll be hurting her,

888
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,480
Speaker 4: but in the hope that she gets something she wants

889
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:27,719
Speaker 4: that I can't give her out of it. If the

890
00:41:27,760 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 4: roles were reversed, I could never leave her for my

891
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 4: own benefit. I know it's still unfair for me to

892
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:36,200
Speaker 4: just take away or agency in this. I feel crap

893
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:38,080
Speaker 4: about it. I feel crap about a ton of things

894
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,320
Speaker 4: right now. I feel even worse tomorrow. But I don't

895
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,520
Speaker 4: know what else I can do that doesn't force an

896
00:41:43,520 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 4: impossible choice on her and then edit too says, So

897
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:50,280
Speaker 4: this got a wide range of responses. Some of you agree,

898
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:52,319
Speaker 4: Some of you think I should be more nuanced in

899
00:41:52,360 --> 00:41:55,120
Speaker 4: my approach. Some are being really weird and trying to

900
00:41:55,120 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 4: shove sexism into this, or making up fan fiction that

901
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 4: twists this into me just looking for an used to

902
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,840
Speaker 4: break up with her. Some also are saying I should

903
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:06,360
Speaker 4: just force myself to have children. That's wrong, and yes,

904
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 4: lots of you are also saying I need of vasectomy,

905
00:42:09,960 --> 00:42:12,120
Speaker 4: and yes, that is something I plan to do. Among

906
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:14,799
Speaker 4: the criticism saying I shouldn't just make that decision, a

907
00:42:14,840 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 4: lot of you are saying, I need to clarify to

908
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:19,640
Speaker 4: her how certain I am that I don't want children.

909
00:42:20,200 --> 00:42:22,560
Speaker 4: I did mention that maybe I didn't make it clear enough,

910
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:25,320
Speaker 4: but that has already happened. She has talked to me

911
00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 4: about it, about whether there was any chance I'd changed

912
00:42:27,719 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 4: my mind. I have been as clear as I could

913
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,280
Speaker 4: have been that there was not, and she has accepted

914
00:42:32,280 --> 00:42:34,839
Speaker 4: it and made her choices to stay with me despite that.

915
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 4: These are things that have already happened. But despite making

916
00:42:38,080 --> 00:42:40,319
Speaker 4: that choice, it has been clear, painfully so that she

917
00:42:40,480 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 4: still does want children. That is why I'm taking the

918
00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:45,240
Speaker 4: decision out of her hands.

919
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:50,200
Speaker 8: He's like, I understand all these nuances and intelligence takes,

920
00:42:50,280 --> 00:42:52,240
Speaker 8: but still going to take away her agency.

921
00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,440
Speaker 4: Maybe I'm dumb or a big a hole, as some

922
00:42:54,480 --> 00:42:56,480
Speaker 4: of you are saying, maybe I'm going to ruin both

923
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:59,040
Speaker 4: of our lives for no good reasons, but there is

924
00:42:59,120 --> 00:43:01,640
Speaker 4: no point at this day and restating my stance and

925
00:43:01,680 --> 00:43:04,320
Speaker 4: pawning the choice off on her again. I think the

926
00:43:04,440 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 4: choice she made will make her unhappy in the long term,

927
00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:08,200
Speaker 4: and I think I have to do what I'm going

928
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:12,280
Speaker 4: to do. There's nothing else to it there and it's PS,

929
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:14,800
Speaker 4: do not expect or wait any further update, which is

930
00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 4: a lie because there is an update.

931
00:43:16,280 --> 00:43:16,799
Speaker 2: It is later.

932
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:20,879
Speaker 4: There's two updates. Wow, he's literally a liar.

933
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:22,919
Speaker 6: Yeah, evidence number one.

934
00:43:23,400 --> 00:43:25,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, so there is an update, which we will get into.

935
00:43:25,719 --> 00:43:28,279
Speaker 4: But it's a little bit like, I know he's not

936
00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 4: intending this in that like in that way, but I

937
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:33,280
Speaker 4: think it's kind of insulting to be like I'm taking

938
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 4: it out of her hands, like she doesn't know her

939
00:43:35,040 --> 00:43:37,480
Speaker 4: own mind. You can have the same thoughts and be like,

940
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 4: I think maybe we need to break up.

941
00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, but you or you could just say like I

942
00:43:42,680 --> 00:43:44,200
Speaker 8: don't even see a path forward.

943
00:43:44,360 --> 00:43:46,439
Speaker 6: Yes, how does that like land for you?

944
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:49,200
Speaker 4: Exactly? It's yeah, like I don't know what to do.

945
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 4: I don't want to make you resent me, blah blah

946
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:53,000
Speaker 4: blah blah.

947
00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:53,520
Speaker 2: Uh.

948
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,279
Speaker 4: And you see what she says.

949
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 8: To that, Yeah, like be like, I don't want to

950
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,279
Speaker 8: sacrifice what I know is true for myself. I don't

951
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:01,839
Speaker 8: want you, yeah, because I love you to sacrifice what

952
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 8: you know and what I know is true for you.

953
00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:05,960
Speaker 8: Where do we go from here?

954
00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:08,800
Speaker 4: Yeah? I think asking her like, is there any chance

955
00:44:08,880 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 4: that you think that you could resent me if we

956
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,719
Speaker 4: continue and you don't have that life? Is there any

957
00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:19,319
Speaker 4: chance that years down the line you'll be regretting? And

958
00:44:19,360 --> 00:44:21,799
Speaker 4: hopefully she answers. Honestly, it's not like this is not

959
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 4: a partnership right now. This is kind of this is

960
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,440
Speaker 4: like acting as this like parent figure.

961
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:30,239
Speaker 8: Yeah, not in a weird way, but yeah, yeah, And

962
00:44:30,239 --> 00:44:33,200
Speaker 8: I'm not gonna like I hesitate to say there's like

963
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:34,719
Speaker 8: a power dynamic, because I don't.

964
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,959
Speaker 6: It feels like that come across in a certain way.

965
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 4: No, but I understand what you're saying, some.

966
00:44:38,640 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 8: Sense of a power dynamic of I'm making a decision

967
00:44:41,239 --> 00:44:43,600
Speaker 8: I know better another independence.

968
00:44:43,640 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 4: I agree, whole person agreed. But there is an update,

969
00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 4: so let's get into it. In my second and last

970
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,319
Speaker 4: edit to the original post, I told people not to

971
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:54,360
Speaker 4: expect an update. Frankly, I didn't think i'd want to

972
00:44:54,360 --> 00:44:56,840
Speaker 4: write one, nor did I really think i'd have anything

973
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,759
Speaker 4: much to say. Things didn't exactly work out how I

974
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 4: thought and said they would, So here I am I'm excited.

975
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 4: I did approach her last Saturday. I expressed what has

976
00:45:06,000 --> 00:45:08,359
Speaker 4: been troubling me and explained to her why I thought

977
00:45:08,360 --> 00:45:11,280
Speaker 4: we should go our separate ways as I thought it would.

978
00:45:11,320 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 4: It came as a shock to her. She told me

979
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,560
Speaker 4: that while she had been wanting to start a family

980
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:18,560
Speaker 4: with me, she thought she'd made it clear that she'd

981
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 4: chosen me over that prospect, fully aware it would not happen.

982
00:45:22,920 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 4: She emphasized that with me part was essential to her,

983
00:45:26,680 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 4: that she couldn't picture it in any other way. I

984
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,040
Speaker 4: told her that I was aware of the choice she'd made,

985
00:45:31,080 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 4: but that I did not want to be the reason

986
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 4: she'd miss out on being a parent, that while I'm

987
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,399
Speaker 4: sure she didn't make that call lightly, that I can

988
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:40,320
Speaker 4: tell she still wishes to have children. She did confirm

989
00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:42,719
Speaker 4: that wasn't a desire that had just disappeared, that it

990
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 4: was still there, and that while that's true, I can

991
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:47,759
Speaker 4: only see her choice to stay with me leading to

992
00:45:47,800 --> 00:45:50,320
Speaker 4: regret and resentment for her. I'm not going to retell

993
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 4: the whole discussion. There are the very rough broad strokes

994
00:45:53,520 --> 00:45:57,399
Speaker 4: of both of our core positions, but it lasted hours when,

995
00:45:57,480 --> 00:46:01,320
Speaker 4: through a range of arguments and emotions, tears on both sides,

996
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:05,000
Speaker 4: anger and distrust that I was being honest about my reasons.

997
00:46:05,000 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 4: On hers, I had written in the original post that

998
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,600
Speaker 4: I thought I had I had the resolve to end

999
00:46:09,640 --> 00:46:12,879
Speaker 4: things with her no matter what. As it turned out,

1000
00:46:13,440 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 4: maybe it came from a lack of resolve, or maybe

1001
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 4: she had just got through to me and it would

1002
00:46:17,200 --> 00:46:20,120
Speaker 4: have just been stubbornness not to listen. But at the

1003
00:46:20,239 --> 00:46:23,360
Speaker 4: end of it, we agreed on just taking time apart

1004
00:46:23,400 --> 00:46:26,479
Speaker 4: from one another for the foreseeable future. On her part,

1005
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:28,520
Speaker 4: she promised me she would truly take the time to

1006
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 4: think about all of it, to re examine her feelings

1007
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 4: in depth. On mine, I'm committing to accepting her choice.

1008
00:46:36,200 --> 00:46:38,239
Speaker 4: The argument that convinced me was that this would be

1009
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:40,799
Speaker 4: the first time in over a decade, the first time

1010
00:46:40,840 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 4: since we properly became adults, that we wouldn't be in

1011
00:46:43,719 --> 00:46:46,799
Speaker 4: each other's lives, and that if the gain of perspective

1012
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,000
Speaker 4: from being a part didn't change her mind, that had

1013
00:46:49,080 --> 00:46:52,360
Speaker 4: to mean something. I think this is maybe the best

1014
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:56,160
Speaker 4: way forward because it does give her time to you know,

1015
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:58,359
Speaker 4: is this person who I want to really be with?

1016
00:46:58,440 --> 00:47:01,040
Speaker 6: Well? Thank God that everything got out.

1017
00:47:01,040 --> 00:47:03,440
Speaker 4: Yes and yes, because they had a conversation.

1018
00:47:03,560 --> 00:47:05,360
Speaker 8: It took a whole and it took him trying to

1019
00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 8: make a decision. Yeah, and she was like stop, She's like,

1020
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:09,239
Speaker 8: can we just talk about this?

1021
00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1022
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 6: So it happened in the end, but yeah, it happened.

1023
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 4: Trying to see things rationally, I think the reasoning is sound.

1024
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:19,480
Speaker 4: On a more emotional level, I cannot say I'm one

1025
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 4: hundred percent certain. I'm not just convincing myself of that,

1026
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 4: but overall, I do think it's the way to go.

1027
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 4: The fact that at this point I don't know what

1028
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 4: she'll decide is one thing that makes me believe this

1029
00:47:28,960 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 4: was right. It also scares the crap out of me,

1030
00:47:31,320 --> 00:47:33,279
Speaker 4: because you know, one of the two options is that

1031
00:47:33,360 --> 00:47:36,320
Speaker 4: I lose her. Might be dumb since I was ready

1032
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:38,560
Speaker 4: to end it, but thinking about that prospect did and

1033
00:47:38,640 --> 00:47:42,120
Speaker 4: still does wreck me. Based on the responses I got

1034
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,160
Speaker 4: last time, I'd wager many of you think I was

1035
00:47:44,239 --> 00:47:47,480
Speaker 4: wrong to agree to this. Others advised exactly this, so

1036
00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,799
Speaker 4: maybe they'll be happy. Others, i'm sure will still think

1037
00:47:49,840 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 4: I'm an a hole. Hopefully this will turn out to

1038
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,640
Speaker 4: be the right choice. Whatever her decision ends up being,

1039
00:47:54,840 --> 00:47:57,640
Speaker 4: we have not set an exact timeframe. I've asked that

1040
00:47:57,680 --> 00:48:00,480
Speaker 4: she takes at least a few months, as that sounds

1041
00:48:00,480 --> 00:48:02,919
Speaker 4: like a good minimum, and more importantly, that she takes

1042
00:48:02,960 --> 00:48:06,319
Speaker 4: as long as she needs. We obviously won't be living

1043
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 4: together anymore. I'm currently staying at a hotel, but her decision.

1044
00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:12,800
Speaker 4: She will soon matter of days, move out of her apartment,

1045
00:48:12,880 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 4: at which point I'll move back in. From that point,

1046
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 4: we will have no contact with one another at all,

1047
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:23,440
Speaker 4: except for very strict exceptions, which will hopefully not arise emergencies,

1048
00:48:23,560 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 4: personal tragedies. And that's pretty much it. I miss her already.

1049
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:32,359
Speaker 4: The next while is going to say suck. The aftermath

1050
00:48:32,520 --> 00:48:35,239
Speaker 4: may also suck, But then again, this doesn't suck any

1051
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,240
Speaker 4: worse than I was expecting the aftermath of the definitive breakup.

1052
00:48:38,239 --> 00:48:40,400
Speaker 4: I thought what happened would suck. I don't want to

1053
00:48:40,440 --> 00:48:42,520
Speaker 4: promise an update that will tell you how it all ends.

1054
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:43,839
Speaker 4: That is month's away.

1055
00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:44,720
Speaker 6: New update.

1056
00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:48,120
Speaker 4: There is another update, and that's even if this ends

1057
00:48:48,120 --> 00:48:50,640
Speaker 4: with good news, sorry for that. Hopefully I will, though,

1058
00:48:50,680 --> 00:48:54,200
Speaker 4: and there is another update this so we're fine. Do

1059
00:48:54,239 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 4: you have any thoughts before we get into it?

1060
00:48:55,719 --> 00:48:57,920
Speaker 8: I feel like a lot of our discussion was about like, oh,

1061
00:48:57,920 --> 00:49:00,800
Speaker 8: he needs to do like have this cover station, et cetera.

1062
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:04,719
Speaker 8: But to bring some context of like to kind of

1063
00:49:04,760 --> 00:49:08,280
Speaker 8: zoom out and like they've been together for ten years

1064
00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 8: since they were children, and they it seems like from

1065
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:15,040
Speaker 8: what we know the relationship is solid, that there's no

1066
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:19,799
Speaker 8: limitation of lack of love or anything like that, and

1067
00:49:20,080 --> 00:49:24,240
Speaker 8: it just sucks that one person wants children one person doesn't.

1068
00:49:24,840 --> 00:49:27,799
Speaker 8: At that point, there's really nothing left to do but

1069
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:33,680
Speaker 8: to see, you know, if one is willing to.

1070
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:35,040
Speaker 6: To kind of leave their greatest longing.

1071
00:49:35,520 --> 00:49:38,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, and if she decides that she can't do that,

1072
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,799
Speaker 4: that's fine, that is like totally fine. But I think

1073
00:49:41,840 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 4: it's just I think they've made the right decision of

1074
00:49:45,239 --> 00:49:48,920
Speaker 4: actually taking time and seeing if they're willing to make

1075
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 4: that sacrifice.

1076
00:49:49,520 --> 00:49:52,560
Speaker 8: Yeah, it seems like it needs space and also like

1077
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:57,320
Speaker 8: a lot of just like feeling into the situation itself.

1078
00:49:57,800 --> 00:49:59,760
Speaker 6: But it just sucks on both ends.

1079
00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 4: Agreed. But there is an update, so maybe you know

1080
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:07,040
Speaker 4: this is the I think this is the last final update.

1081
00:50:06,760 --> 00:50:09,960
Speaker 6: Until he says this is the last update. Yeah, update, umber.

1082
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:15,320
Speaker 4: Update, But let's get into it. This is five months later.

1083
00:50:15,480 --> 00:50:18,480
Speaker 4: Oh so I'm not quite sure how many people remember

1084
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,200
Speaker 4: and or care about my original posts. They're still up

1085
00:50:21,200 --> 00:50:24,120
Speaker 4: on my profile if you need a refresher, but either way,

1086
00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,840
Speaker 4: here it comes. First off, I did break our no

1087
00:50:28,040 --> 00:50:32,720
Speaker 4: contact policy once a couple of weeks in I reached

1088
00:50:32,760 --> 00:50:35,080
Speaker 4: out to let her know my intent to get a

1089
00:50:35,160 --> 00:50:37,560
Speaker 4: a sectomy. Wow, which happened a few weeks after that.

1090
00:50:37,719 --> 00:50:38,880
Speaker 2: Oh so we got it, I think so.

1091
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:39,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, Okay.

1092
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:41,799
Speaker 4: It was a short conversation. She told me she did

1093
00:50:41,880 --> 00:50:44,120
Speaker 4: expect I might want to do that. We both confess

1094
00:50:44,200 --> 00:50:47,920
Speaker 4: to missing the other, and that's pretty much it. I

1095
00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:51,200
Speaker 4: hadn't told her before our break because I'm skittish about

1096
00:50:51,200 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 4: medical procedures and was still reading up on and talking

1097
00:50:53,920 --> 00:50:56,920
Speaker 4: myself into it. And I didn't wait until after because

1098
00:50:56,960 --> 00:50:59,560
Speaker 4: I felt that was information that could help her reflection,

1099
00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:03,279
Speaker 4: and also didn't like the idea of either delaying the

1100
00:51:03,280 --> 00:51:06,439
Speaker 4: procedure for an unknown amount of time or going through

1101
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,400
Speaker 4: with it behind her back, if that makes sense. I

1102
00:51:09,440 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 4: love that Opiece slightly learned to communicate.

1103
00:51:12,440 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 8: Yeah, we love it, and also that this, like getting

1104
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:19,800
Speaker 8: a pasectomy, puts a hard stop onlike the possibility maybe.

1105
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 4: Well, the sexes are reversible, but Okay, Yeah, well a

1106
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:26,600
Speaker 4: potential harder like seventy percent reversal.

1107
00:51:26,680 --> 00:51:29,560
Speaker 8: Now, yeah, a harder stop of harder something like hard

1108
00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:33,000
Speaker 8: not holding on to some dream of him exactly.

1109
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:37,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, Now onto the conclusion to all of this, maybe

1110
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 4: we'll see I won't keep you in suspense any longer.

1111
00:51:41,600 --> 00:51:44,040
Speaker 4: My partner and I are back together, and i've been

1112
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:47,239
Speaker 4: for some weeks. Aside from my transgression, we had no

1113
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:49,720
Speaker 4: contact with one another for the duration of our break,

1114
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:52,799
Speaker 4: until she reached out to me saying she had made

1115
00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:55,719
Speaker 4: her decision and asking if we could meet later that

1116
00:51:55,840 --> 00:51:59,040
Speaker 4: day at our place technically just mine at that point,

1117
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 4: but you get it. One she got there, she talked

1118
00:52:01,640 --> 00:52:03,760
Speaker 4: me through what she had been doing during her time apart.

1119
00:52:04,080 --> 00:52:07,000
Speaker 4: She explained that at first she needed some time adjusting

1120
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,400
Speaker 4: to life without me, not just in the sense of

1121
00:52:09,480 --> 00:52:11,600
Speaker 4: missing me as a person, but also not having a

1122
00:52:11,640 --> 00:52:16,160
Speaker 4: partner for the first time in a decade. Our experiences

1123
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,480
Speaker 4: in that regard were rather similar. I guess we've both

1124
00:52:19,560 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 4: grown to be somewhat codependent. Once she was past that,

1125
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:26,400
Speaker 4: she started exploring her feelings on parenthood. One thing she

1126
00:52:26,480 --> 00:52:29,640
Speaker 4: did was talk about it with friends and relatives, both

1127
00:52:29,719 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 4: with parents, future parents as well as child free couples

1128
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:35,560
Speaker 4: talking about their experience about how they came to end

1129
00:52:35,600 --> 00:52:37,360
Speaker 4: up where they did. She also made a point to

1130
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,080
Speaker 4: spend time with children. I was actually going to suggest

1131
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:44,240
Speaker 4: that of like actively spending time with kids and seeing,

1132
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:45,399
Speaker 4: you know, is this something I need?

1133
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 8: Oh yeah, like play like really yeah down that path

1134
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:50,440
Speaker 8: and saying is like a dred percent of need for me?

1135
00:52:50,600 --> 00:52:50,880
Speaker 5: Yeah.

1136
00:52:50,920 --> 00:52:52,720
Speaker 4: She also made a point to spend time with children,

1137
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 4: babysitting for friends semi regularly and stuff like that. There

1138
00:52:57,040 --> 00:52:59,680
Speaker 4: was also a lot of pure introspection thinking about her

1139
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:03,000
Speaker 4: feeling as well as our relationship. She told me that

1140
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,520
Speaker 4: while she does love being around children, she can confidently

1141
00:53:06,600 --> 00:53:10,239
Speaker 4: say that she doesn't need children of her own.

1142
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,560
Speaker 6: Wow, and that should expect them.

1143
00:53:12,800 --> 00:53:14,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know this is I mean, I'm proud of

1144
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 4: her for, you know, going through all that. Yeah, and

1145
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,520
Speaker 4: that she would rather be with the right person. Luckily

1146
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 4: for me, she still thinks I'm that person. While we

1147
00:53:24,280 --> 00:53:27,000
Speaker 4: both had to shed a bit of our codependency, the

1148
00:53:27,080 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 4: yearning and love for one another didn't go away or

1149
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:32,920
Speaker 4: dim for either of us. Back to her thoughts on

1150
00:53:33,000 --> 00:53:35,479
Speaker 4: children and not having them, she said that she'd still

1151
00:53:35,480 --> 00:53:37,759
Speaker 4: have her children in her life. Her brother and his

1152
00:53:37,800 --> 00:53:40,400
Speaker 4: wife are planning to start a family soon. My own sister,

1153
00:53:40,440 --> 00:53:42,759
Speaker 4: who was on good terms with my partner, already has one,

1154
00:53:43,360 --> 00:53:45,719
Speaker 4: and that that would be enough to fulfill that part

1155
00:53:45,719 --> 00:53:48,520
Speaker 4: of her She said she was sure and asked if

1156
00:53:48,560 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 4: I was going to be able to accept her decision.

1157
00:53:51,200 --> 00:53:55,600
Speaker 4: I said, yes, Wow, what a big ah, this is great.

1158
00:53:55,880 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 4: You love to see. This is why you talk to

1159
00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:57,600
Speaker 4: your partner.

1160
00:53:57,680 --> 00:53:59,359
Speaker 6: Yeah, you could have everything you both want.

1161
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:02,600
Speaker 4: Yeah. I said yes, and thanked her for respecting my

1162
00:54:02,640 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 4: own decision not to have children and still wanting to

1163
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:07,799
Speaker 4: be with me. We also talked about how worthwhile each

1164
00:54:07,840 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 4: of us felt this time of part had been. She

1165
00:54:10,040 --> 00:54:12,880
Speaker 4: said that while it ultimately didn't change her mind, it

1166
00:54:12,960 --> 00:54:15,680
Speaker 4: reinforced it, and she said that she could understand why

1167
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,799
Speaker 4: I needed that added certainty. She did add that she

1168
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:20,839
Speaker 4: wished I'd been more open to her about this whole

1169
00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:24,319
Speaker 4: thing before I'd essentially convinced myself to end things with her.

1170
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,919
Speaker 4: That she felt communication had before been a strong point

1171
00:54:27,960 --> 00:54:30,840
Speaker 4: of our relationship and that it did hurt to be blindsided.

1172
00:54:31,040 --> 00:54:31,560
Speaker 6: Mm hmmm.

1173
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:35,319
Speaker 4: I committed to doing better in the future should any

1174
00:54:35,520 --> 00:54:41,200
Speaker 4: circumstances arise, Thank goodness, and that's kind of it. We've

1175
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:45,439
Speaker 4: fallen back into our relationship dynamic pretty seamlessly. She's back

1176
00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,000
Speaker 4: living with me in our apartment. We've been making up

1177
00:54:48,000 --> 00:54:50,279
Speaker 4: for lost time, catching up on what the other has

1178
00:54:50,320 --> 00:54:51,960
Speaker 4: been up to, and made a point to have what

1179
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:56,319
Speaker 4: I'd call an above average amount of romantic evenings and

1180
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:58,000
Speaker 4: such since we got back together.

1181
00:54:58,280 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 6: Well I'm above average.

1182
00:55:00,239 --> 00:55:04,239
Speaker 4: Average really though. The romance is nice, but just being

1183
00:55:04,280 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 4: with her again has been bliss. Her thirtieth birthday is

1184
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:10,239
Speaker 4: coming up over the summer, and we've made plans for

1185
00:55:10,280 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 4: a two week getaway somewhere sunny to celebrate just the

1186
00:55:14,000 --> 00:55:16,400
Speaker 4: two of us. We will also have a thing with

1187
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 4: friends and family once we're back, but will be away

1188
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 4: for the day proper. Not our first time vacationing together,

1189
00:55:22,480 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 4: of course, but kind of pulling out all the stops

1190
00:55:25,160 --> 00:55:28,440
Speaker 4: on this one. I'm also considering maybe popping the question then,

1191
00:55:29,080 --> 00:55:30,839
Speaker 4: but I first want to sound out that it is

1192
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:34,600
Speaker 4: still what she wants, Hopefully I don't completely ruin the

1193
00:55:34,600 --> 00:55:36,120
Speaker 4: surprise trying to figure that out.

1194
00:55:36,239 --> 00:55:37,560
Speaker 6: So now he's even so.

1195
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:38,880
Speaker 4: Does she even want to marry?

1196
00:55:39,040 --> 00:55:44,239
Speaker 8: I don't know, even more open to open communication Oh yeah,

1197
00:55:44,239 --> 00:55:47,480
Speaker 8: I know he loves I'd like to thank those.

1198
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,000
Speaker 4: Who left comments or reached out in dms, whether they

1199
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:54,200
Speaker 4: were messages of support, advice, or criticism. I was not

1200
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 4: in the ideal mindset to accept feedback after my initial submission,

1201
00:55:57,880 --> 00:55:59,640
Speaker 4: but I did find worth in a lot of what

1202
00:55:59,680 --> 00:56:02,799
Speaker 4: I just missed at the time rereading those threads, the

1203
00:56:02,800 --> 00:56:05,720
Speaker 4: one I made, the ones I made, but also another

1204
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:09,319
Speaker 4: sub they were reposted to during the past months. This

1205
00:56:09,360 --> 00:56:12,319
Speaker 4: will hopefully be the last update, but I'll try to

1206
00:56:12,400 --> 00:56:15,799
Speaker 4: answer a few comments and that is the end of

1207
00:56:15,840 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 4: this story.

1208
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:19,400
Speaker 6: Wow, what a happy What a happy ending.

1209
00:56:19,640 --> 00:56:20,239
Speaker 4: I love it.

1210
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:23,040
Speaker 6: Please only choose stories happy endings for me.

1211
00:56:23,680 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 5: Never.

1212
00:56:24,560 --> 00:56:26,279
Speaker 2: I feel like I've that's all you get.

1213
00:56:26,560 --> 00:56:28,279
Speaker 8: I feel like in the time of me being on

1214
00:56:28,280 --> 00:56:29,839
Speaker 8: the stream, I've had too happy ending.

1215
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:36,279
Speaker 4: They're very rare. They're very rare on Reddit unless you, yeah,

1216
00:56:36,320 --> 00:56:38,680
Speaker 4: unless you go to the best of redditor like positive

1217
00:56:38,719 --> 00:56:41,439
Speaker 4: Updates sub Reddit, you don't get a lot of those

1218
00:56:41,800 --> 00:56:42,480
Speaker 4: happy stories.

1219
00:56:42,520 --> 00:56:46,080
Speaker 6: Okay, cool, it's only I need it, please.

1220
00:56:45,920 --> 00:56:50,840
Speaker 4: Please, But I'm I'm very happy this worked well. This

1221
00:56:50,680 --> 00:56:52,400
Speaker 4: is what I was saying from the beginning. They just

1222
00:56:52,440 --> 00:56:56,200
Speaker 4: had to have a conversation. Yeah, never assume because you're wrong.

1223
00:56:58,080 --> 00:57:01,719
Speaker 8: Well, just with the conversation, and there's so many more

1224
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:07,719
Speaker 8: opulence and possibility opened up when you put everything.

1225
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:10,240
Speaker 4: In, when you got two heads working on a solution.

1226
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:11,680
Speaker 6: Yeah, you can figure it out.

1227
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:14,719
Speaker 8: Yeah, really, I want to stress that there's so much

1228
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:17,680
Speaker 8: possibility that's opened when both people are one hundred percent

1229
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:20,919
Speaker 8: open with their needs, their values, and their non negotiables.

1230
00:57:20,960 --> 00:57:21,880
Speaker 6: It just opens everything.

1231
00:57:22,000 --> 00:57:25,400
Speaker 2: You agreed, you agreed, Sam here og host.

1232
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:27,320
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to these stories, but here's three

1233
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:28,680
Speaker 1: minutes fads from our sponsors.

1234
00:57:28,680 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 3: First, my boyfriend brought his ex to a wedding.

1235
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,880
Speaker 2: I think he's cheating. Do you resent it yet?

1236
00:57:37,000 --> 00:57:41,160
Speaker 4: I resent it? I resent it? So no.

1237
00:57:41,440 --> 00:57:44,640
Speaker 3: Hello, I am not so much looking for advice as

1238
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 3: much as I am just trying to find somewhere to

1239
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:48,880
Speaker 3: get all of this out. So for some context and backstory,

1240
00:57:48,960 --> 00:57:51,400
Speaker 3: I met my boyfriend now X while I was married.

1241
00:57:51,880 --> 00:57:54,120
Speaker 3: He knew my ex and stopped being friends with him

1242
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:56,280
Speaker 3: while I was still married to him, and we began

1243
00:57:56,400 --> 00:57:59,800
Speaker 3: dating after I was separated from my ex husband. Okay,

1244
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:03,280
Speaker 3: my ex husband and I separated due to his verbal

1245
00:58:03,560 --> 00:58:07,920
Speaker 3: and boooo, we moved in together in January of this

1246
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:11,240
Speaker 3: year and have two cats and share just about everything.

1247
00:58:11,360 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from user of Flatbread fan

1248
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 3: page oh seven on the h slash Okay story time

1249
00:58:17,320 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 3: sub reddit. So I twenty four female and my now

1250
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 3: ex boyfriend twenty two male were together for two years

1251
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:26,640
Speaker 3: and we still currently live together. We broke up this

1252
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:30,920
Speaker 3: past Tuesday and he is deploying for six months this

1253
00:58:31,040 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 3: coming Tuesday. Over the last six to seven months, we

1254
00:58:34,320 --> 00:58:36,760
Speaker 3: have been arguing a little more than we normally do,

1255
00:58:36,880 --> 00:58:40,400
Speaker 3: but it still hadn't been very much. Two weeks ago,

1256
00:58:40,680 --> 00:58:42,960
Speaker 3: we went on vacation with his family seeing as he

1257
00:58:43,000 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 3: is about to leave, but he was also home visiting

1258
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 3: them the week before for about five days. While on vacation,

1259
00:58:49,760 --> 00:58:52,160
Speaker 3: I had asked him if he could go get something

1260
00:58:52,200 --> 00:58:54,840
Speaker 3: for me, and he blew me off.

1261
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:57,280
Speaker 2: Saying, I'm sitting in the pool with my mom right now.

1262
00:58:57,320 --> 00:58:59,560
Speaker 3: I'm not getting out, while he and I were sitting

1263
00:58:59,840 --> 00:59:03,160
Speaker 3: on the opposite side of the pool from her. So

1264
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:06,480
Speaker 3: later that day I was like, hey, it kind of

1265
00:59:06,520 --> 00:59:08,920
Speaker 3: seems like you're ignoring me, You're being a little weird,

1266
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:11,120
Speaker 3: and you try and spend at least a little more

1267
00:59:11,120 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 3: time with me. Because he had been ignoring me, and

1268
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,680
Speaker 3: he told me that I was a full grown adult

1269
00:59:15,760 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 3: and he did not need to babysit.

1270
00:59:17,680 --> 00:59:18,480
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

1271
00:59:18,600 --> 00:59:22,800
Speaker 3: So we continued the vacation, not really speaking. Fast forward

1272
00:59:22,880 --> 00:59:25,080
Speaker 3: to us returning from the trip. We get in a

1273
00:59:25,280 --> 00:59:28,280
Speaker 3: very heated argument and he explains that he hasn't felt

1274
00:59:28,320 --> 00:59:31,120
Speaker 3: heard or understood for the last couple months, and he

1275
00:59:31,200 --> 00:59:33,760
Speaker 3: thinks time away from each other would be good for us.

1276
00:59:34,000 --> 00:59:36,400
Speaker 3: There was a wedding the coming weekend for a coworker

1277
00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:38,880
Speaker 3: of his that we originally were going to attend together,

1278
00:59:39,280 --> 00:59:41,680
Speaker 3: so he said, And he told me he wanted to

1279
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 3: go by himself. He wanted a sorry free weekend and

1280
00:59:46,680 --> 00:59:49,200
Speaker 3: to not have to worry about having to take care

1281
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 3: of me. I was unhappy with that because he is

1282
00:59:52,080 --> 00:59:54,760
Speaker 3: about to leave. Yeah, So I told him that wasn't

1283
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:57,320
Speaker 3: really fair, But it ended at that, and he was

1284
00:59:57,360 --> 01:00:00,280
Speaker 3: going to go alone the weekend of the way wedding

1285
01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:02,440
Speaker 3: comes and I leave a note behind for him to

1286
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:06,000
Speaker 3: find before he leaves for the wedding, apologizing.

1287
01:00:05,240 --> 01:00:07,160
Speaker 2: For making him feel like he couldn't talk to me,

1288
01:00:07,240 --> 01:00:08,440
Speaker 2: and so on and so forth.

1289
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,640
Speaker 4: Earl now is gaslighting her, making her think that it's

1290
01:00:11,680 --> 01:00:13,520
Speaker 4: her fault. When she's literally just say hey, I just

1291
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 4: want to hang out with you.

1292
01:00:14,280 --> 01:00:16,640
Speaker 2: What a sweetie, though sweet or even taking the time

1293
01:00:16,640 --> 01:00:18,520
Speaker 2: to do it, it's your real one.

1294
01:00:18,520 --> 01:00:21,280
Speaker 3: Ope, he doesn't text me or speak to me the

1295
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 3: whole weekend and comes home Sunday and just sits at

1296
01:00:23,680 --> 01:00:26,160
Speaker 3: the foot of the bed and tells me he feels

1297
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:28,440
Speaker 3: empty and doesn't feel like himself.

1298
01:00:28,560 --> 01:00:30,080
Speaker 4: He is definitely going through it.

1299
01:00:30,760 --> 01:00:37,080
Speaker 3: He's currently in the middle of it. Yes, fast forward Tuesday.

1300
01:00:37,280 --> 01:00:39,960
Speaker 3: I thought I had seen his ex's name pop up

1301
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:42,680
Speaker 3: while he was sitting in front of me, so I

1302
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:44,680
Speaker 3: asked for his phone so I could air drop him

1303
01:00:44,680 --> 01:00:46,960
Speaker 3: some pictures from the lake trip I never sent him

1304
01:00:47,040 --> 01:00:48,440
Speaker 3: so I could see if I saw her name or not.

1305
01:00:48,760 --> 01:00:50,600
Speaker 3: Then he came and sat right next to me while

1306
01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,840
Speaker 3: I air dropped the photos to him, which he has

1307
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 3: never done, which is okay suspicious.

1308
01:00:56,000 --> 01:00:56,920
Speaker 2: Another side note here.

1309
01:00:56,920 --> 01:01:00,560
Speaker 3: When we began dating, he and her the X talked

1310
01:01:00,560 --> 01:01:03,920
Speaker 3: a lot and she cheated on her boyfriend with him,

1311
01:01:04,480 --> 01:01:08,480
Speaker 3: and then they stopped speaking about three months into our relationship,

1312
01:01:08,640 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 3: or so I thought.

1313
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 4: So.

1314
01:01:09,800 --> 01:01:11,600
Speaker 2: While he was sitting next to me, I was like,

1315
01:01:11,880 --> 01:01:14,200
Speaker 2: what are you doing? Why are you being weird? And

1316
01:01:14,280 --> 01:01:17,320
Speaker 2: he said I'm not and snatched his phone.

1317
01:01:17,080 --> 01:01:20,680
Speaker 3: Away weird and I said, yes you are, let me

1318
01:01:20,680 --> 01:01:23,320
Speaker 3: see your phone, and he freaked out and told me

1319
01:01:23,640 --> 01:01:26,520
Speaker 3: you won't like what you see. I've gone back to

1320
01:01:26,600 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 3: watching cornography. He confessed that he had a clinical corn

1321
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:35,680
Speaker 3: addiction about halfway into our relationship and wanted help quitting

1322
01:01:35,920 --> 01:01:38,600
Speaker 3: and had for a long time. So we start arguing,

1323
01:01:38,800 --> 01:01:42,480
Speaker 3: and we both we're both sobbing crying, and we decide

1324
01:01:42,640 --> 01:01:45,320
Speaker 3: this time, while he's away and deployed, we're going to

1325
01:01:45,360 --> 01:01:47,280
Speaker 3: work on ourselves and try to see if we can

1326
01:01:47,320 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 3: make it work. No, we don't really talk all that much.

1327
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 3: The next day, and then the night before last, he

1328
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:55,439
Speaker 3: goes to show me something on his phone and.

1329
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:58,280
Speaker 2: Three texts from his ex girlfriend come.

1330
01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:05,480
Speaker 4: Oh, whoa big mistake, buddy, A try to show things

1331
01:02:05,520 --> 01:02:07,200
Speaker 4: on your phone and then you text from your ex

1332
01:02:07,280 --> 01:02:09,680
Speaker 4: girlfriend come in and then know you're caught in the act.

1333
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:13,400
Speaker 3: Your ex girlfriend has some pretty good timing, right, good

1334
01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:16,120
Speaker 3: timing for op timing for you.

1335
01:02:16,200 --> 01:02:18,560
Speaker 4: Oh thank you, just Fema del Berquees for hearing that.

1336
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:19,320
Speaker 4: I appreciate that.

1337
01:02:19,640 --> 01:02:23,040
Speaker 3: So I politely tried to excuse myself and go for

1338
01:02:23,080 --> 01:02:25,520
Speaker 3: a drive, and he broke down and was like, see,

1339
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:27,439
Speaker 3: I'm trying to talk to you and.

1340
01:02:27,400 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 2: You just don't want to listen. This is the problem.

1341
01:02:30,800 --> 01:02:33,880
Speaker 2: So I very calmly walked back to the couch, sat

1342
01:02:33,920 --> 01:02:36,200
Speaker 2: down and let him explain. Then I left.

1343
01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:39,560
Speaker 3: I stayed at a hotel and got really dunk, and

1344
01:02:39,640 --> 01:02:42,120
Speaker 3: then went to work the next day and returned home

1345
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,040
Speaker 3: last night. Last night was the same as usual. We

1346
01:02:45,080 --> 01:02:47,160
Speaker 3: watched TV and ate dinner and went to bed. I

1347
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 3: also want to say, I am not just there to

1348
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:51,480
Speaker 3: be there. I left my hometown and moved to the

1349
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:54,160
Speaker 3: city to be with him. Don't know anyone else here,

1350
01:02:54,320 --> 01:02:56,400
Speaker 3: so right this second, I am stuck.

1351
01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:57,920
Speaker 2: Oh.

1352
01:02:58,000 --> 01:02:59,840
Speaker 3: I had to wake up earlier for work than he

1353
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,400
Speaker 3: did that morning, and when I went to tell him

1354
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:04,640
Speaker 3: I was leaving, I saw his phone sitting right next

1355
01:03:04,640 --> 01:03:06,320
Speaker 3: to him.

1356
01:03:05,640 --> 01:03:07,400
Speaker 2: So I decided to look at it.

1357
01:03:07,760 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 3: He did not spend his weekend at the wedding alone,

1358
01:03:12,320 --> 01:03:16,600
Speaker 3: contemplating a relationship and getting some space. He took his

1359
01:03:16,800 --> 01:03:18,920
Speaker 3: ex girlfriend to the wedding.

1360
01:03:19,080 --> 01:03:20,800
Speaker 4: He was like, I needed to see my options.

1361
01:03:21,000 --> 01:03:23,560
Speaker 2: His AXTU, who lives halfway on the other side of

1362
01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:24,120
Speaker 2: the country.

1363
01:03:24,200 --> 01:03:26,200
Speaker 3: He has also been texting her that he missed her

1364
01:03:26,280 --> 01:03:29,160
Speaker 3: so much, thinks about her all the time, and that.

1365
01:03:29,240 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 2: The wedding made him so excited for the future.

1366
01:03:31,400 --> 01:03:33,480
Speaker 3: And in one of the texts, she even mentions she's

1367
01:03:33,520 --> 01:03:35,200
Speaker 3: not sure about this because he cheated on.

1368
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 4: Me, Like, oh her, she confessed to it.

1369
01:03:39,400 --> 01:03:42,360
Speaker 3: So she's like, you're talking about getting married to me, Dude,

1370
01:03:42,800 --> 01:03:44,600
Speaker 3: cheated on the girl you're with with me?

1371
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:46,720
Speaker 4: Yeah? What, that's pretty awkward.

1372
01:03:46,720 --> 01:03:49,680
Speaker 2: And also I cheated on my boyfriend.

1373
01:03:49,240 --> 01:03:53,040
Speaker 4: It's funny even she's like having this little like mortal

1374
01:03:53,120 --> 01:03:57,160
Speaker 4: high ground. She's like, I couldn't do that. You're someone.

1375
01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:00,000
Speaker 4: But while she's actively cheating, she's like, I'm hoping.

1376
01:03:59,720 --> 01:04:02,400
Speaker 3: That he's grown really, really a lot in the last

1377
01:04:02,440 --> 01:04:04,760
Speaker 3: fifteen seconds since I had that message, And.

1378
01:04:04,760 --> 01:04:08,360
Speaker 4: I feel bad about something about this doesn't feel right.

1379
01:04:08,680 --> 01:04:09,960
Speaker 2: Are we doing something wrong?

1380
01:04:10,000 --> 01:04:10,440
Speaker 4: I don't know.

1381
01:04:11,400 --> 01:04:11,680
Speaker 2: Now.

1382
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:15,320
Speaker 3: Now I know for a fact he has not regularly

1383
01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:19,080
Speaker 3: talked to her or spoken with her. We have very

1384
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 3: open phones on social media rules, and he has not

1385
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,000
Speaker 3: been regularly speaking with her.

1386
01:04:23,080 --> 01:04:24,840
Speaker 2: So this really was out of nowhere.

1387
01:04:25,200 --> 01:04:28,440
Speaker 3: I'm going to insert a section of the text message

1388
01:04:28,800 --> 01:04:31,400
Speaker 3: that she sent him. Here we go, since not even

1389
01:04:31,440 --> 01:04:33,160
Speaker 3: two months ago, you tell me you're in a good

1390
01:04:33,200 --> 01:04:35,520
Speaker 3: relationship and you're just on the back burner for me.

1391
01:04:35,720 --> 01:04:38,920
Speaker 3: And then suddenly we hang out and cheat on OP

1392
01:04:39,680 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 3: and you guys just broke up. And that scares me too,

1393
01:04:42,760 --> 01:04:45,160
Speaker 3: because I feel like it's always best to kind of

1394
01:04:45,160 --> 01:04:48,360
Speaker 3: take some time and hero slash process a relationship before

1395
01:04:48,440 --> 01:04:51,120
Speaker 3: jumping right into something serious. And it also scares me

1396
01:04:51,160 --> 01:04:53,640
Speaker 3: because I hope that you've changed, But when I see

1397
01:04:53,640 --> 01:04:56,480
Speaker 3: that you still text your ex when you have a girlfriend,

1398
01:04:56,720 --> 01:04:58,840
Speaker 3: it just kind of worries me. You could do that

1399
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:03,680
Speaker 3: with me again, but I texted I've texted you while

1400
01:05:04,280 --> 01:05:08,160
Speaker 3: with her ex boyfriend's name, so I know I shouldn't

1401
01:05:08,160 --> 01:05:11,560
Speaker 3: be scared of that because we're just each other's weakness.

1402
01:05:11,560 --> 01:05:12,960
Speaker 4: It's a terrible excuse.

1403
01:05:13,200 --> 01:05:15,200
Speaker 3: This is this is yeah, she is not just like

1404
01:05:15,280 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 3: she's taking any responsibilities, like.

1405
01:05:17,360 --> 01:05:20,120
Speaker 4: This is wrong, but also we're just each other's Yeah,

1406
01:05:20,160 --> 01:05:22,760
Speaker 4: it's just weird. I can't help it when I'm with you.

1407
01:05:23,080 --> 01:05:25,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's called a lie.

1408
01:05:25,760 --> 01:05:32,760
Speaker 4: You can we just randomly I'm not even not even

1409
01:05:33,080 --> 01:05:34,320
Speaker 4: not even entertaining that.

1410
01:05:34,440 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 3: And you guys still live together, and I completely understand

1411
01:05:36,840 --> 01:05:38,680
Speaker 3: the situation, but it throws me off when you guys

1412
01:05:38,720 --> 01:05:40,720
Speaker 3: fight and she asks for your phone and watches you

1413
01:05:40,720 --> 01:05:42,640
Speaker 3: play Xbox because she's still in your life and has

1414
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 3: some kind of hold over you.

1415
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:44,320
Speaker 2: Id K.

1416
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:46,880
Speaker 3: Also, it's weird she hasn't moved out yet, so she's

1417
01:05:46,880 --> 01:05:49,800
Speaker 3: still talking about Opie. So I'm speculating she either can't

1418
01:05:49,800 --> 01:05:52,720
Speaker 3: find a place in and isn't moving back in with

1419
01:05:52,800 --> 01:05:55,320
Speaker 3: her parents, or she's waiting till you leave so she

1420
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:57,800
Speaker 3: can take what she wants. But I have no idea

1421
01:05:57,800 --> 01:06:00,880
Speaker 3: because you haven't told me anything about what's going on there,

1422
01:06:01,120 --> 01:06:05,600
Speaker 3: which bothers me a little bit. I'd just like to

1423
01:06:05,640 --> 01:06:07,680
Speaker 3: know I'm not gonna be upset or anything if you

1424
01:06:08,160 --> 01:06:11,640
Speaker 3: talk about it and I don't know. Things overall have

1425
01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:13,720
Speaker 3: felt kind of off, if that makes sense. Yeah, because

1426
01:06:13,760 --> 01:06:14,600
Speaker 3: y'all you're cheating.

1427
01:06:14,760 --> 01:06:19,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I was saying, Oh, she thinks they like

1428
01:06:19,240 --> 01:06:22,320
Speaker 4: op and the boyfriend broke up, which it does seem

1429
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,640
Speaker 4: like that, and some of hers the some of the language,

1430
01:06:24,720 --> 01:06:28,600
Speaker 4: but also she's using like your girlfriend, we're cheating, So

1431
01:06:28,640 --> 01:06:33,000
Speaker 4: I feel like she kind of knows that they're together.

1432
01:06:33,080 --> 01:06:35,560
Speaker 4: I'm confused about because some of it sounds like she thinks.

1433
01:06:35,440 --> 01:06:36,720
Speaker 2: They're half in, half out.

1434
01:06:36,960 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 3: Yeah right now, because after the two weeks before the

1435
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:42,920
Speaker 3: day vibes and he was like, this is weird, and

1436
01:06:42,920 --> 01:06:44,439
Speaker 3: then he went to the wedding and they were still

1437
01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:46,080
Speaker 3: kind of like, he probably.

1438
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:48,400
Speaker 4: Isn't truth entirely truthful with this girl.

1439
01:06:48,920 --> 01:06:52,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, I bet you there's some lies going So I

1440
01:06:52,280 --> 01:06:54,560
Speaker 3: don't have feelings towards you, but if we're going to

1441
01:06:54,640 --> 01:06:56,000
Speaker 3: do this, I don't want things to go the way

1442
01:06:56,040 --> 01:06:57,000
Speaker 3: they did last time.

1443
01:06:57,440 --> 01:06:58,880
Speaker 2: And I also don't want to rush anything.

1444
01:06:58,920 --> 01:07:00,880
Speaker 3: I want to give us time to get into things

1445
01:07:00,960 --> 01:07:02,640
Speaker 3: and get to know each other again and learn how

1446
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:06,120
Speaker 3: we are after these couple, you know, past years, but

1447
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:08,640
Speaker 3: we've also just really jumped right back into everything.

1448
01:07:08,760 --> 01:07:10,600
Speaker 2: So how do we unrush, you know?

1449
01:07:10,800 --> 01:07:13,320
Speaker 3: And how do we even navigate this with all our

1450
01:07:13,360 --> 01:07:15,360
Speaker 3: time of knowing each other again?

1451
01:07:15,600 --> 01:07:18,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, girl, that's a mess.

1452
01:07:18,160 --> 01:07:18,960
Speaker 3: O boy.

1453
01:07:19,800 --> 01:07:22,440
Speaker 4: And that's just an excerpt from the whole message. I

1454
01:07:22,440 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 4: can't imagine how long this says.

1455
01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:27,640
Speaker 2: So back to Opie's perspective, this is not her fault.

1456
01:07:27,720 --> 01:07:30,280
Speaker 2: It's his. He is lining to both of us.

1457
01:07:30,560 --> 01:07:32,600
Speaker 3: I confronted him this morning and he said, I don't

1458
01:07:32,600 --> 01:07:34,640
Speaker 3: love her the way I love you, and I don't

1459
01:07:34,680 --> 01:07:37,160
Speaker 3: know what I want. I could see myself getting back

1460
01:07:37,200 --> 01:07:39,720
Speaker 3: with her if we don't work things out. Every time

1461
01:07:39,720 --> 01:07:41,800
Speaker 3: I've asked to work anything out, he just says, I

1462
01:07:41,840 --> 01:07:44,960
Speaker 3: don't know. He also never asked me to move out,

1463
01:07:45,040 --> 01:07:47,880
Speaker 3: and he informed her. He gave me a time frame

1464
01:07:47,920 --> 01:07:50,760
Speaker 3: and told me what I could and couldn't take. But

1465
01:07:50,840 --> 01:07:52,520
Speaker 3: none of that happened. So I'm done.

1466
01:07:52,640 --> 01:07:53,520
Speaker 2: So he was fine.

1467
01:07:53,880 --> 01:07:56,400
Speaker 3: He did tell her all this stuff that wasn't real. Yeah,

1468
01:07:56,440 --> 01:08:00,680
Speaker 3: and it's being done. Is perfect love that she doesn't

1469
01:08:00,720 --> 01:08:02,160
Speaker 3: need any advice. She was like, I just need to

1470
01:08:02,160 --> 01:08:02,640
Speaker 3: get this out.

1471
01:08:02,760 --> 01:08:06,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, I just need to tell you guys, I'm leaving him.

1472
01:08:05,920 --> 01:08:10,160
Speaker 3: Which makes sense because that's a whole lot and you

1473
01:08:10,200 --> 01:08:11,760
Speaker 3: know what else is a whole lot of stuff.

1474
01:08:12,000 --> 01:08:15,200
Speaker 2: The live stream of us that you can watch every

1475
01:08:15,240 --> 01:08:18,600
Speaker 2: weekday on YouTube at three pm Pacific Standard time. Just

1476
01:08:18,680 --> 01:08:19,639
Speaker 2: depth the profile.

1477
01:08:19,680 --> 01:08:22,559
Speaker 3: I got a bit and you'll get a little nice,

1478
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:30,120
Speaker 3: little dose, A little bit nice.

1479
01:08:27,080 --> 01:08:30,400
Speaker 2: A little bit of that, a little over, a little overait.

1480
01:08:31,400 --> 01:08:34,920
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm still processing what's happening. Me and him were

1481
01:08:34,960 --> 01:08:36,840
Speaker 3: planning to get married a few weeks ago before.

1482
01:08:37,200 --> 01:08:39,519
Speaker 4: Would you really bury the lead there?

1483
01:08:40,880 --> 01:08:42,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, wonder this.

1484
01:08:43,320 --> 01:08:45,679
Speaker 3: We live together, We share life together, and out of nowhere,

1485
01:08:45,680 --> 01:08:48,000
Speaker 3: and now he's not even remotely the same person I knew.

1486
01:08:48,479 --> 01:08:51,240
Speaker 3: I mostly feel empty and confused and lost and scared.

1487
01:08:51,320 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 3: Since I'm somewhere, I have absolutely no one. I may

1488
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:56,080
Speaker 3: update again once I figure out what else has been

1489
01:08:56,120 --> 01:09:00,479
Speaker 3: happening or going on. Ooh, it's you got to get

1490
01:09:00,479 --> 01:09:04,320
Speaker 3: out of that relationship right away. You already have, right,

1491
01:09:04,760 --> 01:09:07,519
Speaker 3: I think, you know, I don't think you need to

1492
01:09:07,560 --> 01:09:09,840
Speaker 3: stay in that place. I think go back to where

1493
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:13,240
Speaker 3: if you know people somewhere, maybe go back to that place.

1494
01:09:13,080 --> 01:09:15,760
Speaker 2: Please, or just you know, you can try to meet

1495
01:09:15,760 --> 01:09:17,880
Speaker 2: people where you are. There's people all over the place.

1496
01:09:18,000 --> 01:09:20,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's hard, Yeah, I mean it depends on it's

1497
01:09:20,840 --> 01:09:22,840
Speaker 4: nice to have a support system. But like you can

1498
01:09:22,880 --> 01:09:25,200
Speaker 4: definitely there's definitely other people that are way better than

1499
01:09:25,200 --> 01:09:29,960
Speaker 4: this guy where anywhere, anywhere you go, indeed, But that

1500
01:09:30,080 --> 01:09:31,240
Speaker 4: is the end of that story.

1501
01:09:31,280 --> 01:09:32,599
Speaker 2: That is the end of that story.