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Speaker 1: Yo, baby's good. Let me say this, what's up? The

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Speaker 1: things I thought I valued and having a spouse don't

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Speaker 1: even matter to me anymore. Dead as dead as for me,

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Speaker 1: I always knew that I would be a better person

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Speaker 1: with you as my spouse. A word, yes, dead ass, Yes,

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Speaker 1: I know. I don't be acting like that every day,

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Speaker 1: just saying I'll receive it. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

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Speaker 1: the ellis Is. You may know us from posting funny

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Speaker 1: videos with our boys and reading each other publicly as

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Speaker 1: a form of therapy. Wait, I'm making me derby most days.

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Speaker 1: Oh and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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Speaker 1: We are. We created this podcast to open dialogue about

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Speaker 1: some of life's most taboots, things most folks don't want

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Speaker 1: to talk about through the lens of a millennial married couple.

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Speaker 1: Dead ass is the term that we say every day.

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Speaker 1: So when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts,

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Speaker 1: the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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Speaker 1: We're about to take phillow talk to a whole new level.

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Speaker 1: This is dead ass. This story time is part of

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Speaker 1: one of the darkest times in our marriage. This was

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Speaker 1: right after Jackson was born, about about a year after

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Speaker 1: Jackson was born, and you and I were in I

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Speaker 1: think we were in that that cruise control mode. You know.

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Speaker 1: Codein had just decided that she wasn't gonna work full

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Speaker 1: time anymore. I had the gym, I was booking commercials.

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Speaker 1: I did a couple of small roles on television. I

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Speaker 1: was making enough money so that Codein could cut back

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Speaker 1: work part time, still make money to help help with

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Speaker 1: the bills and stuff. But we were good. We had

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Speaker 1: our health insurance. Everything was good. We finally had our

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Speaker 1: feet underneath us, coming back from the recession. But finally,

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Speaker 1: this was the point where I felt like my life

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Speaker 1: was where I wanted it to be. I had my son,

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Speaker 1: I had my wife. My wife didn't have to work

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Speaker 1: full time. I was working fourteen hours, sometimes sixteen hours

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Speaker 1: a day. But I was happy with that because this

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Speaker 1: is what my job is as a husband. And I

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Speaker 1: remember we went cruise control, and you and I we're

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Speaker 1: not on the same page. You cooked, you cleaned. We

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Speaker 1: were having sex on a consistent basis, and we were

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Speaker 1: not happy. I wasn't happy. You wasn't happy. I had

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Speaker 1: I had a son, apple of my eye, you know,

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Speaker 1: like I had everything, and I wasn't happy, and I

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Speaker 1: remember having a conversation with you about what you want

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Speaker 1: out of life, and you were saying, I'm not sure,

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Speaker 1: but I know this isn't it. And at that point

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Speaker 1: that is when I realize what you are to me

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Speaker 1: is more than just someone who justd chores. And that's

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Speaker 1: when my idea of what a spouse is changed in

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Speaker 1: that moment. All right, today, I got a special karaoke

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Speaker 1: song for you. In college, this song came out and

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Speaker 1: the young lady who was the video fixing in this

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Speaker 1: song actually looks like you. It's your double ganger. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's dedicated to you. Baby down and count me down

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Speaker 1: four three two. You can have in need, think I

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Speaker 1: got all of me right on the spot. Na na no, no,

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Speaker 1: oh na no no, no, you can need think all

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Speaker 1: of it, work my things all the way to the bone.

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Speaker 1: He Na no, no, no no, no, no, no, oh na

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Speaker 1: no no no, I do that, betacious? You really went

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Speaker 1: in the home in udiiculous grass is you see that?

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Speaker 1: You see the mouth? You know the jat is you

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Speaker 1: on the jack mouth? Right? All right? So that was

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Speaker 1: a nice little loaded story time. Let's just unpack the

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Speaker 1: story because I think we definitely. We both have our

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Speaker 1: perspectives on what that time frame looked like for us. So,

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Speaker 1: in you realizing out the value that you saw in

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Speaker 1: having me as your spouse, how did it change? What

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Speaker 1: did it look like for you? As you then figured

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Speaker 1: out in your own mind, this is what I want,

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Speaker 1: This is what I thought I wanted and what I

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Speaker 1: need now. Well, for me, it was I thought I

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Speaker 1: drunk the American kool aid. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: There were certain things you have to do in your

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Speaker 1: life in a certain order to be considered successful. You

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Speaker 1: graduate from high school, graduate from college, start a career,

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Speaker 1: get married, by a house, have kids. You do all

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Speaker 1: of this, you happy. So in that there were also

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Speaker 1: steps to having a wife, you know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: Make sure that your wife doesn't have to work full

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Speaker 1: time so you can't take care of the kids. Done.

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Speaker 1: Make sure your wife cooks, make sure she cleans, make

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Speaker 1: sure she looks good, make sure you have sex consistently.

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Speaker 1: All of that's done. Right. So, now now that all

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Speaker 1: of that is done, my life should be perfect. You know,

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Speaker 1: I have the perfect wife. She's almost like a Stepford wife,

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Speaker 1: you know I'm saying. So I'm a Stepford husband. I'm

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Speaker 1: doing everything. I'm providing, I'm protecting, I'm making sure that

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Speaker 1: everything is perfect. But I wasn't happy, and I realized

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Speaker 1: that part of the reason why I wasn't happy is

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Speaker 1: because you weren't happy, right, So for you, in that sense,

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Speaker 1: it was kind of like a methodical thing. It's like

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Speaker 1: checking off the boxes of what everything is supposed to

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Speaker 1: look like. But at the root of it, what was

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Speaker 1: missing between us was that connection. Because we both have

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Speaker 1: expressed at different points in our relationship that you're there physically.

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Speaker 1: You know, work is good, kids are good, Like everybody's

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Speaker 1: a flow, everybody's alive and kicking, and we still have

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Speaker 1: this underlying, you know issue between the two of us

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Speaker 1: because we just are not connected. And I think that

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Speaker 1: that's what we value the most out of each other,

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Speaker 1: Like if you were to strip away you know, career, money, kids,

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Speaker 1: every everything, almost taking it back to the days when

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Speaker 1: we were in college where we almost had we literally

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Speaker 1: had nothing, and we were just enjoying who we were

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Speaker 1: because we were connected. That was probably the most important

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Speaker 1: thing that we've deduced is necessary in our relationship. Well,

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Speaker 1: we'll check this out because I'm glad you brought that up,

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Speaker 1: and I want to jump to your part that you

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Speaker 1: know they do, but I want to read some of

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Speaker 1: these things that we have right look at you looking

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Speaker 1: at the meat of the show, because listen, because listen,

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Speaker 1: because this is why I want to break this down,

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Speaker 1: because I think that's what people makes to the confusion.

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Speaker 1: Give me some takeaways for the audience, and US News

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Speaker 1: articles sided the following reasons as you should as why

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Speaker 1: you should get married for yourself in America. One was

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Speaker 1: it's cheaper. Single people pay more for living expenses than

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Speaker 1: they would if they were married and shared everything. Okay,

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Speaker 1: so that's like a practical finance piractical financial number Two,

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Speaker 1: it's better for the economy. On average, married couple families

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Speaker 1: have higher incomes and other types of families with cohabiting

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Speaker 1: parent households only making sixty one of the income of

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Speaker 1: their married counterparts. The Future of Children Report noted as

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Speaker 1: a result, they are able to spend more money to

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Speaker 1: help fuel the economy. So everything that we're hearing is functional,

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Speaker 1: like it's systematic, like these are the reasons why you

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Speaker 1: get married. Married couples help their neighbors. Married couples are

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Speaker 1: more likely to buy a home, which makes sense since

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Speaker 1: they have more money to spend in our in a

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Speaker 1: relationship for the long haul. With homeownership comes equity appreciation

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Speaker 1: and certain tax deductions to not profit. So what you're

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Speaker 1: hearing is all of these functional financial reasons as to

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Speaker 1: why you should get married. Married women and their children

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Speaker 1: have better health insurance. Married adults are more likely to

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Speaker 1: be insured, particularly by private health coverages. So you're hearing

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Speaker 1: all of these functional reasons. But you know what, they're

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Speaker 1: not talking about the spirit. They're not talking about the soul.

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Speaker 1: They're not talking about love. You see what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So when you're reading all of these things, they make

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Speaker 1: sense from a financial standpoint, which goes back to our

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Speaker 1: first podcast last season where we talked about marriage being

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Speaker 1: a business, which we understand there is a business aspect

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Speaker 1: of marriage, which you and I do very well. Like

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Speaker 1: from the time I was in the NFL and retired

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Speaker 1: to us starting our marriage together. We started with nothing

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Speaker 1: because I retired from the NFL going through a recession,

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Speaker 1: lost a lot of money in the stock market, lost

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Speaker 1: in the real estate. We came back with little to

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Speaker 1: nothing cash flow wise, but we made it last for

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Speaker 1: five years through you know, economic through our economic acumen,

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Speaker 1: able to balance things that we're going to figure. We

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Speaker 1: were able to figure it. So we're good at that part.

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Speaker 1: Where I messed up in the very beginning. I was

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Speaker 1: thinking that I could be systematic and functional with my

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Speaker 1: marriage and did it. Didn't put in the spirit and

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Speaker 1: the soul that it takes to make a marriage work.

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Speaker 1: So I was checking all the boxes. We had health insurance,

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Speaker 1: we had life insurance, we bought property, we did everything

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Speaker 1: we wanted to do. We we were having sex consistently,

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Speaker 1: we set up a date to have sex mom. Everything

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Speaker 1: was systematic, but I wasn't happy. I even think about

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Speaker 1: something that my mom told me like years ago, um

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Speaker 1: or I don't know if she told me per se

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Speaker 1: or if I overheard it. You know, air hustling as

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Speaker 1: a kid by the stairs, you know when she's having

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Speaker 1: girl talk, and she was like, point blame period. Love

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Speaker 1: cannot pay the bills. And I think when people think

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Speaker 1: about it in that circumstance, it's just like, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: love you and all that's great. But most marriages, I

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Speaker 1: would say, they tank because of financial issues. So it's

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Speaker 1: really trying to make sure that you are practical in

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Speaker 1: making the necessary arrangements to have your health and rance,

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Speaker 1: for example, and you know it's cheaper to be married

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Speaker 1: married so that way you're living expenses are deduced or

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Speaker 1: whatever we deducted um. So those things make sense from

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Speaker 1: that point standpoint, and it may work for some people

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Speaker 1: where they do have that, but but for us, we

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Speaker 1: knew that if we're missing the soul, the spiritual, the

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Speaker 1: love side of things, that that we weren't going to

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Speaker 1: be able to make it happen. And it's important for

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Speaker 1: you to say that because you know, you pretty much

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Speaker 1: made a good point that marriage is struggle because of finances.

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Speaker 1: You have a higher change of surviving infidelity in your

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Speaker 1: marriage and your marriage still working then you do having

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Speaker 1: survived having to survive financial issues. That is a fact.

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Speaker 1: The vast majority of people who get divorced do not

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Speaker 1: get divorced for infidelity. They get divorced because of because

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Speaker 1: they don't feel financially stable within their marriage and it

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Speaker 1: causes riffs. So that brings me to the value of

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Speaker 1: a spouse. What I thought my value of a spouse

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Speaker 1: is was someone who could fill in all of the

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Speaker 1: gaps in my life that I didn't want to do,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So when I was looking

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Speaker 1: for a wife, looking for spots, I want someone who

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Speaker 1: could cook and clean, take care of kids, you know

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying, and handle my sexual desires. Was that

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Speaker 1: based off of just your own mindset saying, Okay, I

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Speaker 1: have these strengths, these are the things I don't care

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Speaker 1: to take care of to let me find someone. Or

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Speaker 1: was it based off of like what you've seen growing

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Speaker 1: up with, like your parents or like your your grandparents.

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Speaker 1: Was that something that was just instilled in you early

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Speaker 1: or a visual you had early on. I think it

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Speaker 1: was a little bit a bit of both. Society dictates

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Speaker 1: that we exist in gender roles. So when you get married,

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Speaker 1: you as the man, have to do this and as

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Speaker 1: a woman, she has to do that. Because now, yeah,

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Speaker 1: there's no general but this was we got married ten

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Speaker 1: years ago, which um gender was still wasn't such a big,

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Speaker 1: you know, hot button topic. But it was like, as

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Speaker 1: the man, you are responsible to provide and protect and

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Speaker 1: you have to you put yourself last. You put your

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Speaker 1: wife first, you put your your kids first, and you

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Speaker 1: know you don't show your emotions, you just put the

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Speaker 1: money you on the table. And get things done and

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Speaker 1: make sure your family is good. Whatever your happy wife,

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Speaker 1: happy life, whatever your wife wants, it is your responsibility

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Speaker 1: as a husband to make sure you can make it happen.

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Speaker 1: That's what I felt. My gender role was as a

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Speaker 1: provider or protector, and my wife's gender role was to cook, clean,

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Speaker 1: make sure the house was taking care of, in the

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Speaker 1: kids are taken care of, and make sure I was

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Speaker 1: taking care of And it seems simple. It seemed like

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Speaker 1: if I follow this, I'll be good. And we were

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Speaker 1: following all of those things. And it wasn't until I

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Speaker 1: realized that I wasn't happy that I realized that your

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Speaker 1: value to me isn't in the chores that you can do.

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Speaker 1: Your value came to me in your ability to help

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Speaker 1: me share my happiness with the world. And when I

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Speaker 1: say that, I mean I realized that I can do

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Speaker 1: anything I want to do in my life. And I was.

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Speaker 1: I was making enough money to where if I wanted

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Speaker 1: someone to do chores, I could pay clean and lately

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Speaker 1: I could pay a chef. I could pay someone to

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Speaker 1: babysit with my kids. But I cannot pay someone to

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Speaker 1: be happy with for the rest of my life. You know,

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. So it was that spiritual connection that

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Speaker 1: we needed to have. We spent so much time trying

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Speaker 1: to connect to these dots that we thought were gonna

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Speaker 1: make us happy, that we need connect with each other.

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Speaker 1: We weren't talking, we weren't spending time together. We were

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Speaker 1: passing like ships in the night, making sure every other

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Speaker 1: aspect of our marriage was good, but we weren't making

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Speaker 1: sure that we were good. And it was also to

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Speaker 1: us I think also having a bit of that tunnel

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Speaker 1: vision saying Okay, you know, we had these dreams that

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Speaker 1: we spoke about in college, then you had your kickstart

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Speaker 1: with your your short stint in the NFL, and then

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Speaker 1: losing all of that. There was such a focus on

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Speaker 1: rebuilding our life that it almost was necessary for us

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Speaker 1: to kind of put that work in. So do I

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Speaker 1: regret that time or do I feel a way about

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Speaker 1: that time? Honestly, looking back on it, I don't, because

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Speaker 1: it was like that adversity that we had to have

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Speaker 1: in order to overcome that. And I also learned um

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Speaker 1: about you that I love that you are a man

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Speaker 1: who wants to be a provider. But at the same

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Speaker 1: time that wasn't enough for me. It doesn't matter how

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Speaker 1: much money you made, it just wasn't enough if we

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Speaker 1: weren't on the same page on an energy level. So

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Speaker 1: let me ask a question. You heard the things that

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Speaker 1: I had on my box to check for a wife.

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Speaker 1: What were the things you had on your box for

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Speaker 1: a husband? Because you realized that afterwards, but in the beginning,

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Speaker 1: what were the things that on your box that you said,

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Speaker 1: this is going to make my my perfect spouse. Absolutely. Um,

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Speaker 1: when I first met you, I was like, he had

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Speaker 1: to be fine, check that. But I was the superficial,

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Speaker 1: Like right off the bat, I was like, oh he's

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Speaker 1: shorty great. Um, I saw potential in you, you know,

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Speaker 1: I mean we met really young. You were still puberty

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Speaker 1: was still hitting. So I was like, but I had

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Speaker 1: broad shoulders, so you knew the frame was different. But no,

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Speaker 1: in all seriousness, Um, you know, looking for somebody who

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Speaker 1: was going to be a protector, who was going to

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Speaker 1: be ambitious, who had the drive to know that he

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Speaker 1: was going to be the head of the household and

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Speaker 1: the leader of the family. Because I'm okay with working

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Speaker 1: in conjunction with somebody who was going to who was

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Speaker 1: going to you know what I mean, I always know,

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Speaker 1: I wanted a strong alpha male who was out there,

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Speaker 1: you know, just just working and trying to build, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I know I had my own things that I

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Speaker 1: wanted to input as well from my family and my

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Speaker 1: future family. So those were some things that I saw

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Speaker 1: in you early on and even just talking about like

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Speaker 1: our hopes and our dreams and things that we wanted

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Speaker 1: to do in my little twin size bed back at

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Speaker 1: harsh University. We did a lot of things. And mom,

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Speaker 1: don't even listen to this episode, but there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of things my agility, back, balance, balance, strength, you know,

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Speaker 1: that's what he as going nowhere might have a little

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Speaker 1: belly fat post children are still there, um, so you know,

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Speaker 1: and you pretty much were the embodiment of all of

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Speaker 1: those things, you know, the way I saw you approach um,

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Speaker 1: you know, making to the NFL like you didn't have

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Speaker 1: the easy road, and you recently said that to me.

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Speaker 1: You were just like, yeah, I don't understand, Like everything

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Speaker 1: I seek out to do with my life, I can

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Speaker 1: never just get a clear path, Like everything has a

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Speaker 1: twist or turn or an obsticle or or something. You know,

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Speaker 1: and you're feeling that now, even just with your acting career.

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Speaker 1: You're just like, why am I having to just you know,

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Speaker 1: go through many yeah, just to get an opportunity. So

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Speaker 1: the resiliency that you had, in this unyielding desire to

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Speaker 1: just succeed at whatever it was that you did, it

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Speaker 1: was probably some of the most attractive things that I

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Speaker 1: saw in you. And I was just talk abow, I

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Speaker 1: value this in him as a person, like it was

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Speaker 1: admirable for me. Um. It's still to this day motivates me, Um,

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Speaker 1: And it's something that I I truly I'm almost envious

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Speaker 1: of with you, you know what I mean, because I'm

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Speaker 1: just like, Wow, I just it's amazing that I've met

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Speaker 1: somebody who was able to really encompass so many different

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Speaker 1: things that I've wanted. So I checked off all the

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Speaker 1: boxes the same way you checked off all the boxes

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Speaker 1: for me. And why weren't you happy? And because we were,

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Speaker 1: we weren't connected on seeing each other, and I felt

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Speaker 1: like I did feel seen, you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: I don't felt like you saw me. We didn't have

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Speaker 1: the downtime where it was just you and I, you know, unloading,

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Speaker 1: unpacking everything else that was going on, and really just

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Speaker 1: reconnecting with devol as the person Codine as the person

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Speaker 1: who originally drew me to you and you to me.

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Speaker 1: And that's the thing, the biggest thing that was missing,

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Speaker 1: And that's when we talked about just even like the

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Speaker 1: life in quarantine, you know, we talked about stripping all

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Speaker 1: of the excess stuff away and what do we have

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Speaker 1: at the root, at the core um And that's why

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Speaker 1: I think we were able to reconnect so well during quarantine,

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Speaker 1: because again, we had those moments where we were able

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Speaker 1: to just really look at each other and see each

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Speaker 1: other and invest in that emotional side of our relationship.

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Speaker 1: And it's it's funny because even during quarantine, and even

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Speaker 1: prior to quarantine, after I realized that Codeine being a

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Speaker 1: housewife was not ideal for her and that it wasn't

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Speaker 1: ideal for me, we then made another transition to Codeine

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Speaker 1: the media mogul, because you like, I have a master's degree.

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Speaker 1: I want to be able to put this to work.

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Speaker 1: I want to be able to create content and make

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Speaker 1: money and do all our stuff. So then I jumped

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Speaker 1: on that like, cool, she don't want to be at home.

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Speaker 1: That really wasn't making me happy neither, So let me

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Speaker 1: just support her in this, so I supported you and

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Speaker 1: doing all the TV stuff, and and then you were

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Speaker 1: thriving in that doing is doing a lot, making a

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Speaker 1: ton of money. So now I'm like, should we're making

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Speaker 1: twice as much money as we're making before. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be happy. Now she's gonna be happy now we still

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Speaker 1: wasn't happy because it wasn't even about you changing from

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Speaker 1: being a housewife to a professional working woman and creating

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Speaker 1: more money so that we can have more access to resources. Ultimately,

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Speaker 1: to me, I realized that you needed to find your

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Speaker 1: own happiness so that I could share my happiness with you.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad you could be happiness together. I'm glad you

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Speaker 1: said that because I think that was a revelation that

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Speaker 1: we both had recently and having discussions, because we do

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Speaker 1: frequently have um these open talks with each other. And

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Speaker 1: I think the reason why could in the housewife was unhappy.

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Speaker 1: And then Cadine, you know, you know, media local in

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Speaker 1: the making, you know, wasn't happy. Is that ultimately where

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Speaker 1: I am in my life. I feel like I should

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Speaker 1: know my purpose and I should be actively working towards

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Speaker 1: my purpose. And I feel like my purpose sometimes either

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Speaker 1: shifts or I'm just very cloudy on what my purpose is,

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Speaker 1: and that's not and it makes me unhappy. And that's

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Speaker 1: not something that you can figure out for me. That's

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Speaker 1: not something that my children can figure out for me.

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Speaker 1: At first, I thought, you know what, maybe my purpose

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Speaker 1: is to bring these three beautiful boys into this world

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Speaker 1: and raise them to be amazing individuals, amazing men. But

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Speaker 1: then I also have heard, you know, from other parents

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Speaker 1: and in other conferences like being in in in circles

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Speaker 1: and arenas with other mothers. You know, you hear from

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Speaker 1: the more seasoned moms who have older children, that you

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Speaker 1: cannot put your entire purpose and being into your children

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Speaker 1: because they are human beings as well too. It's almost

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Speaker 1: like setting yourself up for disappointment if they don't pan

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Speaker 1: out to be who or what you expected them to be.

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Speaker 1: So in hearing that recently, I was just like, oh damn.

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Speaker 1: I thought my purpose was to be an amazing mom

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Speaker 1: and an amazing wife and facilitating my husband and getting

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Speaker 1: to where he wants to go by creating a space

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Speaker 1: in my home where he's comfortable. Yeah, but it wasn't

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Speaker 1: fulfilling either. So I almost feel like my purpose is

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Speaker 1: still evolving and I'm still figuring that out. And I

388
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:22,879
Speaker 1: have to not be ashamed to admit that and to

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Speaker 1: embrace that and just work more actively in figuring that out.

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Speaker 1: You know what I mean, That's something I have to

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Speaker 1: do for myself. That's between me, that's between God and

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00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,040
Speaker 1: my God. That's between my situation. You know, that's something

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Speaker 1: you can't help me with. But in the same breath,

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Speaker 1: you have to work with me and live with me.

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Speaker 1: And I don't want to um that to be a

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Speaker 1: detriment to our relationship because I may not be feeling

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Speaker 1: fulfilled in that moment, but that but that to me

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Speaker 1: was hard as a spouse, you know, when we're talking

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Speaker 1: about the value of a spouse, my value, I felt

400
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Speaker 1: like my value would be into making your life better. Yes,

401
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 1: as much as it doesn't matter what it takes to

402
00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:03,880
Speaker 1: make your life better, that's my value as a spout.

403
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Speaker 1: So as a husband, I felt like I need to

404
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Speaker 1: provide and protect. I need to make as much money

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Speaker 1: so that anything my wife asked for I can say yes.

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Speaker 1: Anything my kids need I can say yes. So what

407
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Speaker 1: was bothering me was that I was making so much money,

408
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Speaker 1: more money than I was making the NFL and then

409
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:24,960
Speaker 1: I come to you some days and you still look unhappy,

410
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Speaker 1: and I'd be like, what the fuck? Like, woman, there's

411
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Speaker 1: nothing I can do to make this woman happy? And

412
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Speaker 1: then I internalized it and I say that it must

413
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Speaker 1: be me. It must mean something, must be a whole

414
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:39,639
Speaker 1: weight set for the gym, and he's like, I'm on

415
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Speaker 1: the lift weights because maybe I lost some muscle mass

416
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Speaker 1: because I'm trying to find my ways to make you happy,

417
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Speaker 1: to make your life better, because I feel like as

418
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Speaker 1: a life partner, that's my goal. And then it clicked

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Speaker 1: to me, you know what my goal is to make

420
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Speaker 1: cadein happy. My goal as a person is to make

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Speaker 1: myself happy, right find out what I want because I

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Speaker 1: know what my purpose is like there's nothing there's so

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Speaker 1: it's so clear for me. I think that's why I

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Speaker 1: work so well and I have been I have been

425
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Speaker 1: successful in my life because my vision has been clear,

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Speaker 1: so I've been able to focus on that and being

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Speaker 1: able to grind and grind and even though I always

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Speaker 1: had to take the long road, the grind has been

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00:22:17,119 --> 00:22:19,480
Speaker 1: there and I've been successful. But my goal in life

430
00:22:19,720 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: is to be happy and to find someone in a

431
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,160
Speaker 1: spouse to share my happiness with but also find someone

432
00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,400
Speaker 1: who's happy within themselves so they don't suck the happiness

433
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:33,120
Speaker 1: out of my life. Because it doesn't matter what boxes

434
00:22:33,160 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 1: you check off as a wife. If you're miserable and

435
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 1: you and I come home and you're just miserable, whether

436
00:22:39,640 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: we live in a fifty million dollar mansion or we

437
00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:46,000
Speaker 1: live in a two bedroom apartment, or you're working for

438
00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:49,040
Speaker 1: CBS making ten million dollars a year, or you're sitting

439
00:22:49,040 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 1: at home being a housewife. If you're miserable, you're gonna

440
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:56,400
Speaker 1: make me miserable. And that's what I realized, and exactly

441
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 1: it's like, if we either of us are having a

442
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:01,480
Speaker 1: bad day, the whole house, just the whole temperament of

443
00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 1: the house is just a drag. And I get it.

444
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,200
Speaker 1: Nobody wants to have to deal with that like wants

445
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 1: and to me it sounds cliche, but that became the

446
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:14,720
Speaker 1: most important part of having a spouse. Finding someone who

447
00:23:14,760 --> 00:23:18,919
Speaker 1: has found a way to be happy and it's willing

448
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:22,119
Speaker 1: to share happiness in life with you like that, to me,

449
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:24,880
Speaker 1: is the most important part of being a wife. When

450
00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:27,400
Speaker 1: you start trying to check off boxes for what your

451
00:23:27,440 --> 00:23:31,280
Speaker 1: wife should be, I'm telling you people. There was a

452
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 1: point in my life where I looked at Codeine. Codeine

453
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:37,000
Speaker 1: had given me a son. She was making over a

454
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,520
Speaker 1: hundred thousand dollars working as a freelance makeup artist. She

455
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:45,040
Speaker 1: was cooking, she was cleaning, we was fucking, and she's beautiful.

456
00:23:45,960 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 1: And I'd walk in the house and she'd have this

457
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,760
Speaker 1: sour puss face on, and now I'd be like, look

458
00:23:50,760 --> 00:23:53,760
Speaker 1: at this motherfuck And then I just would be so

459
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:55,920
Speaker 1: over it and that she's and the thing is, she's

460
00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:58,120
Speaker 1: trying to be everything. And I said I wanted a wife.

461
00:23:58,119 --> 00:24:00,639
Speaker 1: She got on poem poem short, she got the sports

462
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 1: bra and she'd be like, you don't seem like you're

463
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: just into me today, And I'm like, that's because i'm not,

464
00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,520
Speaker 1: because you're not smart, or you're like you got smart.

465
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: Walk in the house and I would be like, I

466
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:14,520
Speaker 1: know you, I know you, like you're trying to mask

467
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:16,920
Speaker 1: this whole how you feel, the shape, and I know

468
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 1: you just not you. It was just safe to say

469
00:24:20,640 --> 00:24:23,000
Speaker 1: that your value in a spouse, for me or for

470
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:27,320
Speaker 1: you particularly, um, it's companionship. Yes, So it's like take

471
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,280
Speaker 1: everything else and everything else away, and it's about having

472
00:24:30,359 --> 00:24:33,359
Speaker 1: a companion that you can enjoy time and space with

473
00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 1: and and and to be honest, that change because in

474
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: the beginning, when I used to put my list of

475
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:40,920
Speaker 1: what I thought a wife need to be in order

476
00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,159
Speaker 1: for me to be happy with my marriage, all of

477
00:24:43,200 --> 00:24:45,840
Speaker 1: these things were on there. Now none of those things

478
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: on there. I don't give a ship. I'm be honest,

479
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,640
Speaker 1: because you probably ain't cooking about a week, your mom

480
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: be cooking, your brother, your family here, So everybody was

481
00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:00,880
Speaker 1: pitching in the bathroom is a mess. It's a difference,

482
00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:06,680
Speaker 1: don't I'm not dirty. My bathroom is messy right now

483
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: because yes, I'm in the middle of sorting and organized.

484
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:11,520
Speaker 1: And so let's be clear. She's still very defensive people,

485
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:18,439
Speaker 1: as you can tell. Clear, be clear. All of the

486
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:21,560
Speaker 1: things that I thought I wanted in a wife now

487
00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,480
Speaker 1: don't matter to me. When I woke up in the

488
00:25:23,480 --> 00:25:26,359
Speaker 1: morning and I see that she's smiling, well, she's happy,

489
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: she's skipping around, should make me feel good because now

490
00:25:29,840 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 1: I feel like I can share in my happiness with you.

491
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 1: All of that stuff does not matter to me no more.

492
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 1: The things that did when you said you know you

493
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 1: want to cut back. I remember when when everything started

494
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,840
Speaker 1: happening with the pandemic and with social media, and you're

495
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:42,960
Speaker 1: just kind of like, yeah, I don't want to talk

496
00:25:43,000 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: to nobody, Like you were just hurting like everything with

497
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,159
Speaker 1: Black Lives Matter, with the pandemic, not knowing with things,

498
00:25:48,280 --> 00:25:50,359
Speaker 1: you just like, I just don't want to be around it.

499
00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 1: And then the first thing you think of, like things

500
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: she brings in a large part of money with everything

501
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 1: we do creating content. But for me it was like,

502
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 1: if that's not making her happy, I really don't care

503
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: because for me, I I'm gonna make money regardless. So

504
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,120
Speaker 1: I remember even when I had to do that episode

505
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,800
Speaker 1: for OKAKK where I had to talk about like the

506
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,679
Speaker 1: boys and how I was affected by that, you were

507
00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 1: just like, we could turn this whole ship off. It

508
00:26:11,600 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 1: doesn't look like it was bothering you. Yeah, and it was.

509
00:26:13,760 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: And I think it was just it was therapeutic for

510
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:16,960
Speaker 1: me because I had to get that out. Like I

511
00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,280
Speaker 1: had several moments where I was just like sobbing mess

512
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:21,520
Speaker 1: because like I had to put myself together. But you

513
00:26:21,560 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: did say that you were very supportive in that You're

514
00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:25,639
Speaker 1: just like, if that's just not making you happy in

515
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 1: the moment, could be do not do it. Companion is

516
00:26:28,840 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: the number one thing. And it sounds so cliche because

517
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,400
Speaker 1: people always say, you know, if you don't got love

518
00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,520
Speaker 1: in the marriage, you ain't got nothing. And here you are.

519
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: You write down all of these things of why marriage

520
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,359
Speaker 1: is better for you and systematically why it's better, and

521
00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,640
Speaker 1: it does. You know, they talk about children to married

522
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:46,880
Speaker 1: couples getting more opportunities, it provide better social networks. Things

523
00:26:46,920 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 1: of that nature. Definitely makes sense, and those are tangible

524
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:52,479
Speaker 1: things you can see. But how many people do we

525
00:26:52,520 --> 00:26:55,919
Speaker 1: know who are married, who have been married for years

526
00:26:56,359 --> 00:27:00,160
Speaker 1: and despise each other even though both people check all

527
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 1: of the boxes for what you consider to be the

528
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: ideal spouse. Like, we have friends, we have aunts and uncles,

529
00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:08,119
Speaker 1: we have people who you look at them, me like

530
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 1: that she she makes a perfect wife. He makes the

531
00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:12,680
Speaker 1: perfect husband. And then you hear him from them later

532
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: on and they're like, you know what I'm saying, I've

533
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:19,959
Speaker 1: been married over years. What you mean, kid? Like you're

534
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,840
Speaker 1: still holding scape of the kids. The kids ain't around

535
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,080
Speaker 1: them more so, what is right? You know what I'm saying?

536
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 1: And it sounds cliche because you say it's the spirit

537
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,560
Speaker 1: you feel, you feel like it's the soul, but it

538
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:32,640
Speaker 1: really is, it really is. I have a question, would

539
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: you say that you've had to sacrifice anything in order

540
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,560
Speaker 1: to be able to add value to me or to

541
00:27:39,760 --> 00:27:42,560
Speaker 1: to yourself, Like, I guess it's either of us that

542
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 1: we have to and its sacrifice anything on your end

543
00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:50,600
Speaker 1: in order to bring more value to the relationship. Yeah,

544
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's that's part of a relationship,

545
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:57,359
Speaker 1: Like once you decide that you want to be soul

546
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,040
Speaker 1: mates with someone, because when I think about spending the

547
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:01,600
Speaker 1: rest of my life with someone, I want to be

548
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:06,560
Speaker 1: with somebody who fulfills my soul, you know what I'm saying.

549
00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: So there are certain things after sacrifice, and that's number one.

550
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,760
Speaker 1: Realizing that you changed. You know what I'm saying. When

551
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:18,440
Speaker 1: we first met, you were this super ambitious woman who

552
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: wanted to conquer everything because at that point, from what

553
00:28:22,359 --> 00:28:25,040
Speaker 1: you say, your mom instill did you that in order

554
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:26,919
Speaker 1: to be happy and be successful, you had to do

555
00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:29,959
Speaker 1: these things. So that was the person I saw. So

556
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,960
Speaker 1: in my mind, I made this whole picture of what

557
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:35,520
Speaker 1: our family was gonna be, you and I were going

558
00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,680
Speaker 1: to be, and I had to realize through our marriage

559
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 1: that Kadine is not going to be who I anticipated

560
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:45,840
Speaker 1: her to be when we were eighteen years old. I

561
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: fell in love with that person I did. I fell

562
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,200
Speaker 1: in love with that person, and I realized and trying

563
00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: to force you to be the person who I fell

564
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 1: in love with at that time, who also I was eighteen,

565
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:59,160
Speaker 1: So my ideas of what falling in love were very

566
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:02,719
Speaker 1: different when I when I decided to let go of

567
00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:04,960
Speaker 1: that image of who I had to sacrifice some of

568
00:29:05,000 --> 00:29:07,360
Speaker 1: the things that I thought I wanted for us, you

569
00:29:07,400 --> 00:29:11,480
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. But am I happier because of it? Absolutely?

570
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:14,959
Speaker 1: Because me holding on to this idea of what I

571
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,080
Speaker 1: wanted my wife and who I wanted Codeine to be

572
00:29:17,920 --> 00:29:21,600
Speaker 1: Condeine to be left me disappointed at times because you

573
00:29:21,640 --> 00:29:24,640
Speaker 1: weren't doing it the way I envisioned it, you know

574
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,960
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, or what you experienced from me alright

575
00:29:28,000 --> 00:29:30,680
Speaker 1: previous previous eighteen years. So there are certain things I

576
00:29:30,680 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 1: had to sacrifice that I was just like, you know what,

577
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,720
Speaker 1: I'm cool not having that cool, not getting that because

578
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: she happy. So when she's happy, I walk in the house,

579
00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 1: I'm happy. Yeah, I think it makes it easier to

580
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: sacrifice certain things when you can see your spouse smiling

581
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:47,959
Speaker 1: and just be genuinely happy with whatever space that they're in,

582
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: because I know sometimes too with me, there's some things

583
00:29:50,240 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 1: that's just like I don't even want to do this ship,

584
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:53,240
Speaker 1: but I'm gonna do it because it's gonna make it

585
00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: out happy in this moment. And you've sometimes called me

586
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: out on that, and it's just like, why can't you

587
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,640
Speaker 1: just do this because that's what I asked for and

588
00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:01,760
Speaker 1: it's gonna make me happy regardless of how you feel

589
00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 1: about it, you know. Yeah, And you've had to learn

590
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:06,040
Speaker 1: to do with that, and I've had to learn to

591
00:30:06,080 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: be like, well, dances, you can't always be the one

592
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:11,080
Speaker 1: dropping the ball expecting him to understand in this moment

593
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:14,160
Speaker 1: when he's specifically asking you for something, make the sacrifice

594
00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: because you know it's going to bring a smile to

595
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,120
Speaker 1: his face. Like that's something that I'm continuing working on

596
00:30:18,160 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: because you've been pretty consistent with what you wanted from

597
00:30:20,760 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: what you wanted from me over the past decade at

598
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 1: the least. You know, that's just my personality though, like

599
00:30:26,400 --> 00:30:28,840
Speaker 1: like I said, I'm clear on this, Yeah, this is

600
00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: what I want, this is what I need. That's you're

601
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: just like, this is what it is, and with me,

602
00:30:33,240 --> 00:30:36,720
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like dancing. I want this some days

603
00:30:36,760 --> 00:30:38,240
Speaker 1: I want that. I thought I wanted this, but I

604
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,040
Speaker 1: really don't want that. And I can see how that

605
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:43,760
Speaker 1: causes a riff in our relations a lot, because frustrating

606
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:45,800
Speaker 1: you have somebody who was just like tunnel vision with

607
00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:47,440
Speaker 1: what they want, and you have somebody else that's still

608
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:49,320
Speaker 1: trying to figure it out that you think they should

609
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:51,600
Speaker 1: have things figured out at this point in life. You know,

610
00:30:51,800 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 1: it's like you have whole lass children, like you should

611
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,440
Speaker 1: know what the hell you want to do, you know. Um.

612
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,760
Speaker 1: So yeah, that that's something I know that we struggled with.

613
00:30:58,840 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 1: But I'm trying to you feel like you sacrifice, um, well,

614
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 1: one thing that I've sacrificed, um And I don't know

615
00:31:06,320 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 1: if it's a sacrifice per se, but it's something that

616
00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:10,479
Speaker 1: I feel like I lost a little bit of and

617
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: that was just like that drive and ambition. And I

618
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: think it's because having you as the protector and the

619
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: provider and the family, sometimes you get a little laxed,

620
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,480
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I know that things are

621
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 1: going to be taken care of and okay, because devo

622
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 1: got it under control, you know, and you enjoy that,

623
00:31:26,280 --> 00:31:28,480
Speaker 1: you love being the person. I just like my family

624
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:30,720
Speaker 1: taken care of that way. My wife can just kind

625
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 1: of come and go and do what she needs to do. UM.

626
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 1: And the fact that I still work and I still

627
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,400
Speaker 1: you know, work with you in our business and our

628
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: company and whatnot. UM, I feel like I just kind

629
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:41,680
Speaker 1: of lost a little bit of that drive that I

630
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: did have maybe when I was eighteen, And part of

631
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: me wonders, is that really who I wasn't eighteen? Did

632
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: I lose that in us being together? Or is that

633
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 1: who I was destined to be? I can I answer

634
00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,080
Speaker 1: that for you based on what I see, based on

635
00:31:56,080 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 1: what you have to because I mean, you got the

636
00:31:57,960 --> 00:32:00,960
Speaker 1: front row seat, Bro, got the front row seats. Sometimes

637
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 1: I'll be in the back though it's from the balcony

638
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,280
Speaker 1: view right right right, that's I'd be in the balcony

639
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:10,320
Speaker 1: of view. I see a lot, you know what I'm saying,

640
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 1: got their hands on the look anyway. Knowing you and

641
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: knowing your family, you being the firstborn, I've noticed that

642
00:32:18,520 --> 00:32:22,120
Speaker 1: you tend to want to make your mom proud the most,

643
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:26,560
Speaker 1: and your mom pushes for you to be all the

644
00:32:26,560 --> 00:32:29,240
Speaker 1: things that your mom wanted to be. You know what

645
00:32:29,240 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Your mom loves Oprah or she loved Oprah

646
00:32:33,120 --> 00:32:37,840
Speaker 1: she wand Oprah not so much, but she admired Oprah

647
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,640
Speaker 1: and what she's able to do. And and she always

648
00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,760
Speaker 1: talked about, you know, my daughters doing this. She's in communication.

649
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: She wants to do TV and started as early as

650
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,520
Speaker 1: my pageant days, like this is what you want to do.

651
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: I'm putting you on the stage like so as you

652
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:51,600
Speaker 1: seeing the world through your mom's eyes. The only way

653
00:32:51,640 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: to make your mom happy is to excel in all

654
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,560
Speaker 1: the things that she wants for you. That's just what

655
00:32:56,600 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 1: I see. I could be wrong with family, but my

656
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,440
Speaker 1: mother and my father, particularly my mom, just because she

657
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: believed in it from early. My dad was more like

658
00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:05,960
Speaker 1: the practical guy that's just like you, sure you don't

659
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: want to be a nurse, like you sure you don't

660
00:33:07,080 --> 00:33:09,040
Speaker 1: want to just clock into this nine to five. Whereas

661
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:11,160
Speaker 1: my mom is more like you know, like she sees

662
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:16,480
Speaker 1: the possibilities that are absolutely absolutely so going into eighteen nineteen,

663
00:33:16,560 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 1: think about where we are eighteen nineteen when we first met.

664
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:21,000
Speaker 1: The only thing, the only way you think you can

665
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 1: make money or be happy or be great in this

666
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 1: life is based on what your father and your mom

667
00:33:25,080 --> 00:33:28,520
Speaker 1: have told you or what society says. You have no idea,

668
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: Like you're still trying to find yourself, so you just

669
00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 1: listen to all these other people. As you get older,

670
00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:34,160
Speaker 1: you start to realize, I'm gonna listen to none of

671
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:36,640
Speaker 1: these niggas, Like I'm starting to realize what I want

672
00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:39,080
Speaker 1: to be on my own. And I think while you're

673
00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:42,560
Speaker 1: learning who you want to be, you're realizing that you

674
00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: know what that person that my mom wanted me to

675
00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 1: be and does not making me happy. This person that

676
00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:50,160
Speaker 1: society is telling me I need to be in order

677
00:33:50,200 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: to be a successful woman is not making me happy.

678
00:33:53,440 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 1: I need to find that out. So I think this

679
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: person you're becoming now was who you were destined to be.

680
00:33:58,600 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: But you're fighting in a little bit because it goes

681
00:34:00,560 --> 00:34:04,000
Speaker 1: against everything you've been taught as a young girl growing up.

682
00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,799
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, ador, I ain't go to

683
00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,880
Speaker 1: college for. I ain't go to college for, but I'm

684
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:14,200
Speaker 1: gonna people watching you as an artist, as an artist,

685
00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 1: people watching as an actor. I learned how to people watch,

686
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:19,799
Speaker 1: but that's what I that's what I see. But I

687
00:34:19,840 --> 00:34:23,879
Speaker 1: do feel like I'm starting to feel loads lifted off

688
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,600
Speaker 1: of me and having honest conversations with you or by

689
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:29,359
Speaker 1: saying to my mom says, you know, but I might

690
00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 1: be good just like coasting through right now for a

691
00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,600
Speaker 1: little bit, having my little businesses here and there, doing

692
00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: my social media like I think I'm cool with that,

693
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:38,799
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Um, it did require having

694
00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,759
Speaker 1: those conversations because yeah, if I have people rallying around me,

695
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,640
Speaker 1: which I'm fortunate to have people who are like Cadine,

696
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:46,640
Speaker 1: this is your dream, like hey, how about you do

697
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:48,279
Speaker 1: this or let me help you do that, to help

698
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:50,839
Speaker 1: you get there, Like I'm fortunate to have people like

699
00:34:50,840 --> 00:34:53,399
Speaker 1: that who rally around me to support me and to

700
00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:57,279
Speaker 1: help me cultivate these these these and endeavors that I have.

701
00:34:57,640 --> 00:35:00,360
Speaker 1: But at the same time, too, I can't be wishy

702
00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:02,920
Speaker 1: washy and then expect everybody to just be like no,

703
00:35:03,040 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 1: absolutely hands off, like what happened. So that's important for

704
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,440
Speaker 1: me to know. What so that I'm happy that you're

705
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: able to I mean outside perspective and asking your opinion

706
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,840
Speaker 1: and I appreciate your opinion. Well, you know, this is

707
00:35:15,840 --> 00:35:19,759
Speaker 1: the first time for everything you know. But this is

708
00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,239
Speaker 1: one of the values of having a spouse. You get

709
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 1: to see a completely different perspective from someone that you've

710
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,080
Speaker 1: selected and you picked and you trust to tell you

711
00:35:29,120 --> 00:35:32,600
Speaker 1: about yourself, and you learn a lot through seeing yourself

712
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 1: through someone else's eyes. Yeah, I did that now for you,

713
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,120
Speaker 1: But you do that for me all the time. Yes,

714
00:35:38,440 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 1: for me all the time. Like what I get you

715
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: to figure out lately? Huh? All right, you got me

716
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:44,920
Speaker 1: to figure out this is the God's honest truth that

717
00:35:45,040 --> 00:35:48,920
Speaker 1: I can't control nothing except for myself. Yes, you probably

718
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,440
Speaker 1: figure that out because I I am a control freak.

719
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 1: I've always been a control because it's safe for me,

720
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,279
Speaker 1: and and this is the truth. When you're in life, right,

721
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:02,720
Speaker 1: it's easy to fall in line with what you think works.

722
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:08,120
Speaker 1: When say, for example, you don't got no money, and

723
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,719
Speaker 1: it's like, Okay, I gotta do this job because I

724
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,640
Speaker 1: need money. I gotta do this. It's easy to fall

725
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:14,439
Speaker 1: in line with what everyone else says works when you

726
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:18,640
Speaker 1: have to, when you're backs against the wall, when you

727
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,520
Speaker 1: have an outlet. Now, for example, you are not working together,

728
00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:24,799
Speaker 1: you're not stressed about working because I can pay all

729
00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 1: of the bills, so now, I was like, I don't

730
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:30,120
Speaker 1: gotta fall in line, but what everybody does? You know

731
00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:31,839
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, I can do what I want right.

732
00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: So for me being a control freak, my whole life

733
00:36:35,120 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: not having all the things that I want. When I

734
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,279
Speaker 1: was my back was against the wall, the only way

735
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,120
Speaker 1: I could feel comfortable trying to get out of that

736
00:36:42,239 --> 00:36:45,799
Speaker 1: hole was controlling everything around her. So then you meet

737
00:36:45,840 --> 00:36:48,839
Speaker 1: someone and you think you've got the whole world figured out,

738
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 1: and you're trying to control this person. I'm trying to

739
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: control who codein is, how she operates, and all you

740
00:36:54,880 --> 00:36:57,919
Speaker 1: keep doing is bucking the system. I'm like, I'm trying

741
00:36:57,960 --> 00:37:00,680
Speaker 1: to tell you exactly what to do, how to do it,

742
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:04,200
Speaker 1: and you keep just you know, being gaein no, no

743
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 1: snatching the air going. I say left, you go right,

744
00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,160
Speaker 1: I say up, you go down, even though I like

745
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: when you go down, I didn't want you to get

746
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 1: down at that point, I wanted you to go because

747
00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 1: I'm trying to get like the different perspectives, and we

748
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:19,319
Speaker 1: just talked about this to like like, for example, you'll

749
00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:23,360
Speaker 1: see an apartment. One apartment, the first apartment. The apartment

750
00:37:23,440 --> 00:37:25,680
Speaker 1: checks all the boxes of what you want in an apartment,

751
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,239
Speaker 1: the right price range, everything. So he's like, there, he goes,

752
00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take it. I'm like, but how to see what?

753
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 1: What's the other apartments out there? Though? Like what is

754
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 1: the competition? You know with this apartment? I have to

755
00:37:37,480 --> 00:37:40,040
Speaker 1: like weigh out the options and the competitors, and that

756
00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 1: drives your nuts. So it's like any options, Okay, it's

757
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:47,480
Speaker 1: the same thing, like when we pack, I'm always overweight.

758
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,400
Speaker 1: But it added an element to my life which allowed

759
00:37:51,440 --> 00:37:56,080
Speaker 1: me to accept other people's perspectives because me I didn't.

760
00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,160
Speaker 1: I did not like because because I was a control freak.

761
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:01,520
Speaker 1: I was very close it because I knew what worked

762
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,600
Speaker 1: for me. But being with someone and having a spouse,

763
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,840
Speaker 1: it forces you to be open minded because now I

764
00:38:07,880 --> 00:38:10,600
Speaker 1: gotta I really gotta take into account the things that

765
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:12,879
Speaker 1: you need and want in life and just know that

766
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 1: everyone's process is different, different, you know. So it works

767
00:38:16,400 --> 00:38:18,799
Speaker 1: for you in that circumstance, in that time, but I

768
00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,520
Speaker 1: can achieve the same result in a different way. It

769
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,880
Speaker 1: may not be the way you thought it should have

770
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:25,879
Speaker 1: been done, but it's gonna get done. It's gonna get

771
00:38:25,880 --> 00:38:28,799
Speaker 1: done at some point eventually. But it doesn't get done

772
00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:32,360
Speaker 1: but no, but but I'm seriously like being being married

773
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 1: brought so much to my life outside of just the

774
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,680
Speaker 1: tangible things that people put down on paper, that you

775
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:42,040
Speaker 1: have someone that can do this and have someone it's

776
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,680
Speaker 1: about feeling my soul, you know. And and here's one

777
00:38:44,680 --> 00:38:46,360
Speaker 1: thing I'm gonna say about it too. Everybody is not

778
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:50,000
Speaker 1: made to be married, you know what I'm saying, Like,

779
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:52,879
Speaker 1: this is the analogy I use some people. Some people

780
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,759
Speaker 1: work well together because there's something that's in them that

781
00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 1: needs that companionship. Some people work well by themselves because

782
00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 1: companion ship to them don't matter. Like I've seen people

783
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,759
Speaker 1: try to be in relationships because they think that they

784
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:08,080
Speaker 1: have to be married to be successful, and their job

785
00:39:08,160 --> 00:39:10,600
Speaker 1: fall apart for everything around them fall in apart because

786
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: you're putting energy into something that's never gonna work. And

787
00:39:13,160 --> 00:39:14,799
Speaker 1: as you're trying to put energy into this thing that's

788
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,680
Speaker 1: never gonna work, you're losing focus on all these other things.

789
00:39:18,719 --> 00:39:21,839
Speaker 1: For me, marriage work because I needed that soul, made

790
00:39:22,200 --> 00:39:25,799
Speaker 1: the companions because that companionship made so much clarity for

791
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 1: everything else that I was more successful being married. So

792
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,160
Speaker 1: when it came to business, create like everything else, you

793
00:39:32,200 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 1: can then come to your companionship, your spouse and decompressed

794
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,919
Speaker 1: from all of that. Whereas you have some people that

795
00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:42,320
Speaker 1: you know, they may not realize it, but they exist

796
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:46,320
Speaker 1: better by themselves. And it's like, why involve somebody else's

797
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:48,680
Speaker 1: feelings and emotions and stuff, somebody who may be looking

798
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,960
Speaker 1: for more and you're involving them, and that only to

799
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:54,640
Speaker 1: end up flat because you don't want to commit to that.

800
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:56,879
Speaker 1: And that's okay, and that's okay, I think about it.

801
00:39:57,080 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 1: If you don't value companionship, there's no value you'll find.

802
00:40:00,800 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 1: And having a spouse absolutely not that person can check

803
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,319
Speaker 1: all of the boxes if you don't value compass and transactions.

804
00:40:07,400 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: And then that's when ship be fucked up seriously, because

805
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 1: now you now you're buying a drinking a kool aid.

806
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:15,920
Speaker 1: In order to be successful, you got to check all

807
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:17,680
Speaker 1: these boxes for yourself, and marriage is one of them.

808
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:19,480
Speaker 1: And we do that to women all the time. A

809
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: woman could be freaking taking over the world, doing everything,

810
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:27,479
Speaker 1: and they'd be like, you got no husband, kids, something

811
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 1: must be wrong with her, And it's like that. Not

812
00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,839
Speaker 1: everybody aspires to that, Not everybody wants to be married,

813
00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,359
Speaker 1: not everybody has to have children, and I'm okay with that.

814
00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:38,640
Speaker 1: You should be okay with that. Society should be okay

815
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 1: with that. It's not a curse because you're a certain

816
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,759
Speaker 1: age and you're not married or whatever. If you you're

817
00:40:43,920 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 1: better off in life if you know that, rather than

818
00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,239
Speaker 1: getting into a relationship, getting married with somebody and then

819
00:40:49,960 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 1: being complete turmoil and then you've now you know, jaded

820
00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:55,160
Speaker 1: and tainted somebody else who may have been good for

821
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,840
Speaker 1: somebody else, or you have some children and all jacked

822
00:40:57,920 --> 00:41:01,240
Speaker 1: up because you didn't really want that to begin with that. Okay,

823
00:41:01,280 --> 00:41:04,280
Speaker 1: we need to stop doing that to people projecting these

824
00:41:04,680 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 1: you know, um they need to happen. Yeah, we guys

825
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,640
Speaker 1: are projecting on young men too, because a young man

826
00:41:10,760 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: is start to be successful due to just when you're

827
00:41:12,239 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: gonna find a wife, when you're gonna settle down. And

828
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:17,280
Speaker 1: if you don't settle down, then you immature and you're selfish,

829
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: and it's like, damn, why are you projecting the fact

830
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 1: that you want to be married on this man? Think

831
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 1: about your godfather, who is Uncle Frank, very property, enjoying

832
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:30,360
Speaker 1: his life and he seems happy and peaceful. Ye never married,

833
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,320
Speaker 1: no children, and he knew early on that's what he wanted,

834
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 1: and he's enjoying his life with no spouse and no children.

835
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,120
Speaker 1: He's all good. Make sure Uncle Frank writes you into

836
00:41:38,120 --> 00:41:41,239
Speaker 1: the will. Frank, you don't want no, you don't want

837
00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: no kids. But the is the closest you got to

838
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: a son. And we got three boys. So yes, yes,

839
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 1: out there. My wife's always thinking about just playing about business.

840
00:41:51,640 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 1: You know, why are you checking Uncle frank pockets. I'm

841
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:56,080
Speaker 1: not checking the pockets. I'm just saying that Frank for

842
00:41:56,120 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 1: his birthday today. No, but me and Frank have our

843
00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:01,839
Speaker 1: own relationship. Don't worry about Franks. You gonna check so

844
00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,480
Speaker 1: you can't call people. You cannot call people for their

845
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,760
Speaker 1: birthday and then be like, are we in the will?

846
00:42:07,800 --> 00:42:10,840
Speaker 1: I don't messed up that black people. Black people be

847
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 1: doing all the time. That's why Frank don't talk to you.

848
00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:18,759
Speaker 1: That's that's why you don't got no kids on that

849
00:42:19,400 --> 00:42:24,120
Speaker 1: is why amazing, amazing, Alright, cool, We're gonna take a

850
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: quick break and move into a listen letter that we have.

851
00:42:26,560 --> 00:42:29,440
Speaker 1: I see a whole dissertation that we have here for

852
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:32,360
Speaker 1: the listener letters. So we're gonna get into some ads.

853
00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:47,719
Speaker 1: Stick around, and we'll be right back. Now it's time

854
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,680
Speaker 1: for our favorite part of the show. We gotta listener letters.

855
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:52,920
Speaker 1: You want to take it away with this one? All right,

856
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:55,520
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead and read this one out, all right.

857
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,520
Speaker 1: I'm twenty five years old. My boyfriend is twenty six,

858
00:42:58,560 --> 00:43:01,880
Speaker 1: and we've been together four years. We talked about marriage

859
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:04,440
Speaker 1: early in our relationship, and over time we fell in

860
00:43:04,520 --> 00:43:06,759
Speaker 1: love and decided that we wanted to marry each other.

861
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,319
Speaker 1: But there are two issues that we can't seem to see.

862
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 1: I and I eye to eye about moving in together

863
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:16,080
Speaker 1: and the proposal. He wants us to buy a house

864
00:43:16,120 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 1: together first, but I don't believe he's financially prepared to

865
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:21,919
Speaker 1: be a homeowner at this time. I, on the other hand,

866
00:43:22,239 --> 00:43:24,360
Speaker 1: want us to be engaged before we take on the

867
00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 1: financial responsibility of owning a home, you know, credit checks, maintenance,

868
00:43:29,200 --> 00:43:32,080
Speaker 1: h o A, fees, et cetera. But he says he

869
00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:34,560
Speaker 1: can't afford to buy the ring. I like because he's

870
00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,560
Speaker 1: fixing his credit. I live on my own and I'm

871
00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:40,480
Speaker 1: financially stable and capable of taking care of myself. I

872
00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:44,160
Speaker 1: also understand that getting one's finances in order isn't easy

873
00:43:44,239 --> 00:43:47,319
Speaker 1: for everybody, but his priorities seems to be contradictory to me,

874
00:43:47,840 --> 00:43:50,319
Speaker 1: and he's not exactly forthright when we when I try

875
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,400
Speaker 1: to talk to him and ask him about these things.

876
00:43:53,239 --> 00:43:55,879
Speaker 1: This situation makes me doubt whether or not he will

877
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:59,200
Speaker 1: really and truly be able to be a financial partner

878
00:43:59,600 --> 00:44:03,520
Speaker 1: or pro fighter for our would be household. What do

879
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:07,359
Speaker 1: y'all think? First of all, let me just point out

880
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:11,719
Speaker 1: the mindset of a woman. I don't think hold on.

881
00:44:11,800 --> 00:44:15,480
Speaker 1: I don't think that buying a property right now is

882
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:18,879
Speaker 1: good because we want to you know, I don't think

883
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 1: he's responsible enough, but I do want to get engaged,

884
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,800
Speaker 1: and I do want this ring that don't sound crazy

885
00:44:24,840 --> 00:44:27,760
Speaker 1: as fun to nobody else. I don't think we should

886
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:29,360
Speaker 1: put it down painel on the house because he's not

887
00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 1: responsible enough, but this the ring I want, and I

888
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,800
Speaker 1: think we should do this first. That don't sound crazy.

889
00:44:35,880 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: And she wrote this whole thing is if she's so

890
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,959
Speaker 1: financially responsible and he's irresponsible, but me wanting the weather

891
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,000
Speaker 1: and engagement ring, we should be engaged first, unless her

892
00:44:45,040 --> 00:44:48,120
Speaker 1: mindset is the engagement ring is like a one time by,

893
00:44:48,320 --> 00:44:51,040
Speaker 1: but the house is going to accrue a certain level

894
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:54,600
Speaker 1: of you know, monthly y'all. See, y'all see how you'll

895
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: see how Conde is trying to validate backwards ass financial this.

896
00:45:01,200 --> 00:45:03,479
Speaker 1: I'm not doing that. I'm just trying to think maybe

897
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: that's what she's thinking, Like the ring is a one

898
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: time by, whereas the house is going to have continuing

899
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:11,080
Speaker 1: expenses over time, in almost perpetuity. Let me explain something

900
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,120
Speaker 1: to you. Let me to you. If she really cared

901
00:45:13,120 --> 00:45:16,120
Speaker 1: that much about finances, she would say we shouldn't get

902
00:45:16,120 --> 00:45:22,720
Speaker 1: engaged or buy anything. And that's your answer now, because

903
00:45:22,760 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 1: you're older and you've gone and done the same thing

904
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,800
Speaker 1: she did. You wanted a ring, you wanted a wedding,

905
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:32,480
Speaker 1: and when we could have bought a house first. My

906
00:45:32,640 --> 00:45:36,160
Speaker 1: thing is, and this is the truth once again when

907
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:40,279
Speaker 1: it when it comes to society, men and women have

908
00:45:40,440 --> 00:45:43,880
Speaker 1: different ideas of what it is to be married, be engaged,

909
00:45:43,960 --> 00:45:47,520
Speaker 1: and get proposed to. Right. You look at America now,

910
00:45:47,640 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 1: well look at social media. That's what I'm saying. You

911
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:52,960
Speaker 1: look at the spectacle that is social media. Right. In

912
00:45:53,080 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: order to get engaged, it has to be a huge

913
00:45:55,680 --> 00:45:59,120
Speaker 1: rand announcement. Right. The guy has to invite all your

914
00:45:59,160 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 1: people out, fly it them out, do a whole video,

915
00:46:01,960 --> 00:46:04,800
Speaker 1: get you a fat ring, make a big grand announcement

916
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,200
Speaker 1: of all other stuff. Right, what does a woman happen

917
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:09,319
Speaker 1: to the coast? Sign from Jacob behind the camera, I'm

918
00:46:09,320 --> 00:46:13,239
Speaker 1: sure he's had to be the truth. What does a

919
00:46:13,280 --> 00:46:17,480
Speaker 1: woman have to bring to that engagement financially? Financially I'm

920
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 1: just saying, what does a woman have to bring to

921
00:46:19,120 --> 00:46:21,719
Speaker 1: that financially? Right? All of it? The onus is on

922
00:46:21,760 --> 00:46:23,480
Speaker 1: the man. And then it's like, well, if he can't

923
00:46:23,520 --> 00:46:25,040
Speaker 1: do this, then we're not prepare to get married. But

924
00:46:25,040 --> 00:46:27,160
Speaker 1: you still want the ring though, because the same thing

925
00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:30,520
Speaker 1: goes into the wedding. She also said she's able to

926
00:46:30,920 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: be financially stable and everything on her own, but she's

927
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 1: his priorities are contradictory to me, but clearly they are

928
00:46:37,440 --> 00:46:39,839
Speaker 1: clearly because she wanted to ring first, right, And like

929
00:46:39,880 --> 00:46:42,320
Speaker 1: you said, I can say this now as a sound

930
00:46:42,719 --> 00:46:46,280
Speaker 1: individual who's a decade older than them, because in that moment,

931
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: yes year old right now is looking through Instagram and

932
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 1: everybody's you know, theatrical photo shoots it that and videos

933
00:46:53,680 --> 00:46:57,640
Speaker 1: whatever for the engagement, you know, And I was the

934
00:46:57,680 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 1: same way to an extent. I was like, well, I

935
00:46:59,760 --> 00:47:01,640
Speaker 1: was like, do you want like the house or do

936
00:47:01,680 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 1: you want the ring in the wedding? And I was

937
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 1: just kind of like, well, give me both. But if

938
00:47:05,239 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 1: we can't get both, right now, let's get the ring

939
00:47:07,600 --> 00:47:10,000
Speaker 1: in the wedding. We had owned properties in other states

940
00:47:10,040 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 1: at that time, so I'm like, we kind of technically

941
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: have houses. We can sell one of those and buy

942
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,360
Speaker 1: something else. That was just my mindset at the time.

943
00:47:15,920 --> 00:47:19,680
Speaker 1: But hindsight or being you know what I mean, Like,

944
00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 1: now we know that in that moment things could have

945
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: been a way, in a way different situation for us

946
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:27,400
Speaker 1: financially if we had set that up early. I just

947
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:30,040
Speaker 1: think we need to do a better job of understanding

948
00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: where we are as people before we make these decisions.

949
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:39,560
Speaker 1: For example, I don't know how many women know what

950
00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 1: the thought processes for a man when the time when

951
00:47:42,200 --> 00:47:44,759
Speaker 1: it's time to get married. Like for me, it's like,

952
00:47:44,840 --> 00:47:46,680
Speaker 1: not only do I have to get the big enough

953
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:49,919
Speaker 1: ring to impress my woman, I want to impress all

954
00:47:49,960 --> 00:47:51,840
Speaker 1: of the women around her, So you gotta get a

955
00:47:51,840 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: big enough ring I want to buy. I want to

956
00:47:53,680 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 1: have a wedding that's impressive for her. Like these are

957
00:47:55,760 --> 00:47:58,080
Speaker 1: all of the things that come down on a man

958
00:47:58,120 --> 00:48:00,319
Speaker 1: when it's time to propose. I want to make sure

959
00:48:00,320 --> 00:48:02,440
Speaker 1: you have all these things in place to mention committing

960
00:48:02,480 --> 00:48:04,600
Speaker 1: to somebody for the rest of your life. Oh yeah,

961
00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 1: I mean that that means to be honest. That's that's

962
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,440
Speaker 1: the biggest part. Secondary Now for some people you think no,

963
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: that's first. The first thing is I don't want to

964
00:48:12,080 --> 00:48:14,879
Speaker 1: give up no other pussies because this is the only

965
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:17,720
Speaker 1: puss for the rest of my life. This is the truth.

966
00:48:17,920 --> 00:48:19,520
Speaker 1: And people don't want to say, but this is dead

967
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: ass podcast. Right, This is how the mindset. This is

968
00:48:23,080 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 1: how the mind works. Right, if I'm single, if I'm

969
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,840
Speaker 1: even dating, and we're not even exclusive, right, and I'm dating,

970
00:48:29,440 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: I have access to all of these different vaginas. I

971
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:39,200
Speaker 1: thank you, Vaina. I'm just saying so val you have

972
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:45,400
Speaker 1: open access to both. That's a good show. That's a

973
00:48:45,440 --> 00:48:48,759
Speaker 1: good show anyway. I'm sorry. Back to the right hand.

974
00:48:49,719 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: As a man, you thought processes than all these other

975
00:48:52,200 --> 00:48:54,360
Speaker 1: vaginas that I have to give up because now I

976
00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:56,839
Speaker 1: only have to have one. All right, that's the first

977
00:48:56,840 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 1: thing I do. I really want to do this, and

978
00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 1: it's like, you know what, I love her, Um, I

979
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:03,200
Speaker 1: think I want to build a family, because we're talking

980
00:49:03,200 --> 00:49:10,480
Speaker 1: about they're immature. When I was, I was immature. Your immature,

981
00:49:10,560 --> 00:49:15,120
Speaker 1: most immature. Do I really want to do this? Okay, okay, okay,

982
00:49:15,160 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 1: I love her, I'll do this. But then it's like

983
00:49:18,920 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 1: she's sending him rings because you were sending me rings,

984
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:25,400
Speaker 1: and clearly she's sending him rings because she wants. So

985
00:49:25,440 --> 00:49:27,640
Speaker 1: if she's sending rings, she's probably sending engagements. So this

986
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: is what I would want to have happen. If she's

987
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:31,879
Speaker 1: sending that, it's like, this is the wedding cake I want,

988
00:49:32,000 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: This is the So now it's like, okay, she got

989
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:36,680
Speaker 1: a whole vision board board. And now, as a man,

990
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,440
Speaker 1: you're thinking, this is my responsibility to provide for my

991
00:49:40,520 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 1: wife because it's happy wife, happy life. And as much

992
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,000
Speaker 1: as women want to say now, because women will come

993
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,719
Speaker 1: out now and be like, I can provide for myself.

994
00:49:48,760 --> 00:49:51,000
Speaker 1: You're not buying your own engagement ring. You don't want

995
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,000
Speaker 1: to pay for your own wedding by yourself. You don't

996
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:55,120
Speaker 1: want to be responsible for the mortgage by yourself. So

997
00:49:55,160 --> 00:49:57,799
Speaker 1: that's all bullshit. It's just stuff that they want to say.

998
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:59,680
Speaker 1: But to be honest, this is what men be thinking

999
00:49:59,719 --> 00:50:01,719
Speaker 1: about because my young boys who have been with their

1000
00:50:01,760 --> 00:50:03,560
Speaker 1: girls who they just got out of college. They have

1001
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,400
Speaker 1: some school that they got girls they've been with through college.

1002
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:08,759
Speaker 1: Like your coach, d I want to get engaged, but

1003
00:50:08,840 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 1: I don't got no ends. I'm like, what you mean.

1004
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:15,920
Speaker 1: He's like, yo, I got no ends. Like by the

1005
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:17,680
Speaker 1: end of the month, were just like in the beginning.

1006
00:50:17,719 --> 00:50:19,840
Speaker 1: I feel like, oh, I was able to save the

1007
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 1: first is around the corner. So I'm like, I get

1008
00:50:23,920 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 1: a date night and I'm talking about and I'm talking

1009
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:32,040
Speaker 1: about college educated men who played some sports, talking about

1010
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:35,880
Speaker 1: type kids. He's a good guys, good guys who are

1011
00:50:35,920 --> 00:50:37,759
Speaker 1: grown men who are saying this is what I go through.

1012
00:50:37,960 --> 00:50:40,880
Speaker 1: And it's not like to blame women or to blame

1013
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,560
Speaker 1: men at all, but let's be honest. The whole idea

1014
00:50:43,600 --> 00:50:46,960
Speaker 1: of the American dreams stems from white people who have

1015
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,560
Speaker 1: generational wealth built off the bats of our people so back,

1016
00:50:50,600 --> 00:50:52,480
Speaker 1: and you know, they have things that they don't got

1017
00:50:52,480 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 1: to deal with like we got. That is true because

1018
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:55,360
Speaker 1: once you get married, you got one side of the

1019
00:50:55,360 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 1: family giving you a down payment for the house, the

1020
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,799
Speaker 1: other side paying for the way for the coming out

1021
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:01,560
Speaker 1: of the walking out with whatever you came in with

1022
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:05,480
Speaker 1: pleasant gifts, you know, from people who bring gifts to weddings,

1023
00:51:05,520 --> 00:51:08,800
Speaker 1: which in our community sometimes they this is the truth.

1024
00:51:08,840 --> 00:51:10,880
Speaker 1: Here on top of that, you bring a card to

1025
00:51:10,960 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: bring some money what on top of that? Right, and

1026
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:15,279
Speaker 1: that's that's another thing. When you have a wedding in

1027
00:51:15,320 --> 00:51:17,720
Speaker 1: the black community, it's not like you have a wedding

1028
00:51:17,719 --> 00:51:19,880
Speaker 1: in the white community. And this is the truth. People

1029
00:51:19,880 --> 00:51:21,960
Speaker 1: bring gifts in the white community. People will pay for

1030
00:51:22,000 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 1: their plate and give you a gift. So now if

1031
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 1: you've got three hundred people, for example, we have three

1032
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:31,279
Speaker 1: seventy five threety people. Right, if everybody bought a gift

1033
00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:33,440
Speaker 1: and pay for their wedding, that's a hundred dollars per person.

1034
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:37,080
Speaker 1: We walk away with thirty three thousand dollars. Makes sense, right,

1035
00:51:37,200 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: So now one family pays for the wedding, the other

1036
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:40,799
Speaker 1: one gives you a down pay in the house, and

1037
00:51:40,840 --> 00:51:42,920
Speaker 1: you have thirty three thars go on your bank account.

1038
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:45,759
Speaker 1: If I came from a family with generational wealth and

1039
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 1: from a culture where we had generational wealth to pass down,

1040
00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:53,279
Speaker 1: getting married is not as it's not a startups a

1041
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,879
Speaker 1: startup business. But for most black people, you come into

1042
00:51:56,880 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: this life with debt because you're family has had debt,

1043
00:52:01,239 --> 00:52:03,600
Speaker 1: and why does your family have debt because of redlining?

1044
00:52:03,880 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: Because redlining means that we weren't able to have property

1045
00:52:06,560 --> 00:52:08,640
Speaker 1: and own property and pass it down to our families.

1046
00:52:08,640 --> 00:52:13,320
Speaker 1: We have poor educational systems. We're still generational generations away

1047
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:16,359
Speaker 1: from Jim Crow. So now it's like, as a black

1048
00:52:16,360 --> 00:52:18,640
Speaker 1: man or a black woman, you're looking at these things

1049
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:22,319
Speaker 1: on social media saying this is what I want, But

1050
00:52:22,360 --> 00:52:24,160
Speaker 1: then you're not thinking about how did that person get

1051
00:52:24,160 --> 00:52:26,920
Speaker 1: that right? Or how are we living after this sixties video?

1052
00:52:27,200 --> 00:52:28,719
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? And how many people we

1053
00:52:28,800 --> 00:52:31,480
Speaker 1: know got credit card debt from paying for big rings,

1054
00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 1: big weddings. Then they get married and now you've got

1055
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:37,320
Speaker 1: the spouse that you wanted. But now y'all in forty

1056
00:52:37,719 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 1: dollars worth of debt because of a ring and a wedding,

1057
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 1: and y'all hate each other and you get in a

1058
00:52:42,680 --> 00:52:46,640
Speaker 1: divorce and that's and and that's what we think. She said,

1059
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:48,319
Speaker 1: what do y'all think? That's what we think? That's what

1060
00:52:48,400 --> 00:52:50,959
Speaker 1: I think. I think y'all need to go back into

1061
00:52:51,000 --> 00:52:55,160
Speaker 1: each other's histories of life. Understand who y'all are. Understand

1062
00:52:55,160 --> 00:52:57,960
Speaker 1: where your families are coming from. Understand how you'll be

1063
00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:00,439
Speaker 1: able to do these things and live for the next years.

1064
00:53:00,680 --> 00:53:03,600
Speaker 1: Don't think about this moment, think about for the next

1065
00:53:03,600 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 1: of When you're thinking about that ring that you want,

1066
00:53:06,160 --> 00:53:08,680
Speaker 1: think about if he can afford this ring and pay

1067
00:53:08,719 --> 00:53:11,719
Speaker 1: a mortgage and for him. Don't be like me and

1068
00:53:11,840 --> 00:53:14,880
Speaker 1: let your ego make you make a poor decision, because

1069
00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 1: my ego made me make a poor decision. Just you know,

1070
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,840
Speaker 1: just say I can't do this right now, babe. Rings

1071
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:23,920
Speaker 1: are made to be upgraded, like get like get that

1072
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:28,080
Speaker 1: little joint in the beginning. You know, you celebrate a

1073
00:53:28,120 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 1: five year, ten year anniversary. Absolutely absolutely, like girl, don't

1074
00:53:33,560 --> 00:53:36,799
Speaker 1: make me look don't make us look bad. And I'm

1075
00:53:36,800 --> 00:53:38,720
Speaker 1: gonna be honest. It ain't only that they only women,

1076
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,440
Speaker 1: because I know some dudes who will get a ring

1077
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:44,560
Speaker 1: that they know they can't afford. And then it's like, bro, Bro,

1078
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:47,879
Speaker 1: you took out, you took out a loan, You got

1079
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,359
Speaker 1: a fifteen year mortgage on that ring. Bro, you canna

1080
00:53:50,360 --> 00:53:52,600
Speaker 1: be paying that all forever. You still got to get

1081
00:53:52,600 --> 00:53:54,640
Speaker 1: a wedding and pay for a house. I think our

1082
00:53:54,719 --> 00:53:57,760
Speaker 1: egos gotta kind of chill a little bit. As people.

1083
00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,719
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, and do what's well within

1084
00:53:59,800 --> 00:54:02,839
Speaker 1: your means. But sit down and talk it out. That's

1085
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 1: what me and Cadein did. We talked it out. And

1086
00:54:04,640 --> 00:54:07,000
Speaker 1: also know that there is no wrong decision, because even

1087
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 1: though me and Cadein can look back now and say

1088
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,239
Speaker 1: that was a wrong decision, at the time, it was

1089
00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 1: a decision we made and we made it work. We

1090
00:54:14,120 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: made it work. We made it works. The fact that

1091
00:54:18,239 --> 00:54:20,880
Speaker 1: the sacrifice. Do what you gotta do to make it

1092
00:54:20,920 --> 00:54:25,799
Speaker 1: work right. Fabulous. If you'd like to be featured as

1093
00:54:25,880 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 1: one of our listener letters, email us at dead ass

1094
00:54:29,600 --> 00:54:32,919
Speaker 1: Advice at gmail dot com. If I want to spell

1095
00:54:32,960 --> 00:54:35,200
Speaker 1: it out for them, that's d E A D A

1096
00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:40,919
Speaker 1: S S A d V I see at gmail dot com.

1097
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 1: That's my favorite part, it's your favorite part. Yes, I

1098
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:49,440
Speaker 1: love it. My moment of truth is the moment I

1099
00:54:49,560 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 1: was truthful with myself. Was the moment I was able

1100
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,600
Speaker 1: to say, you know what, Cadein, you can be more

1101
00:54:56,680 --> 00:55:00,520
Speaker 1: valuable to every relationship that you have if you know

1102
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,839
Speaker 1: your purpose and what you're here for. And it's ok

1103
00:55:04,080 --> 00:55:07,200
Speaker 1: sies for that to be a work in progress for you.

1104
00:55:07,520 --> 00:55:09,560
Speaker 1: So for those of my those are my folks out

1105
00:55:09,600 --> 00:55:13,279
Speaker 1: there for you and you and you you who are

1106
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:15,520
Speaker 1: still trying to figure out why you're here and what

1107
00:55:15,640 --> 00:55:19,040
Speaker 1: your purposes. It's okay, there's not necessarily a timeline on that,

1108
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:23,040
Speaker 1: but just don't drive your spouse crazy in the process. Absolutely,

1109
00:55:23,080 --> 00:55:26,239
Speaker 1: I I appreciate you saying that. Yes, and we drove

1110
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:30,120
Speaker 1: each other crazy. We did what we still do. My

1111
00:55:30,239 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 1: moment of truth is this, The true value of a

1112
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:37,359
Speaker 1: spouse exists in their ability to find their own happiness. Yeah,

1113
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:41,399
Speaker 1: you see, you see that. You see I was off

1114
00:55:41,400 --> 00:55:44,920
Speaker 1: the top. That was that was off the dome, That

1115
00:55:45,000 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: was off the dome. The true see I can repeat it.

1116
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:54,520
Speaker 1: The true value spouse is in the spouse's ability to

1117
00:55:54,760 --> 00:56:01,720
Speaker 1: find their own happiness. Because if you find your own happiness,

1118
00:56:01,760 --> 00:56:04,920
Speaker 1: you can then do what share it with your spouse facts,

1119
00:56:05,440 --> 00:56:08,080
Speaker 1: and then you'll be in one happy ass house exactly

1120
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:12,839
Speaker 1: or apartment or whatever whatever it is. See be happy together,

1121
00:56:13,080 --> 00:56:17,760
Speaker 1: happy spouse, happy house for sure. Be that's cute, happy throws,

1122
00:56:17,800 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 1: happy house. I like that. Be sure to find us

1123
00:56:21,560 --> 00:56:25,520
Speaker 1: on social media, y'all dead ass the podcast on Instagram,

1124
00:56:25,600 --> 00:56:27,480
Speaker 1: and you know where to find me Cadeine I am,

1125
00:56:27,640 --> 00:56:29,200
Speaker 1: and you know where to find me. That's I am

1126
00:56:29,239 --> 00:56:31,680
Speaker 1: Devout And if you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure

1127
00:56:31,719 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 1: to rate, review, and subscribe. Dead as Baby dead Ass

1128
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:43,600
Speaker 1: is a production of I Heart Media podcast Network and

1129
00:56:43,600 --> 00:56:47,240
Speaker 1: it is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast

1130
00:56:47,280 --> 00:56:49,919
Speaker 1: on social media at dead as the Podcasts and never

1131
00:56:49,960 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 1: miss a Thing