1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: Welcome to Before Breakfast, a production of I Heart Radio. 2 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:14,200 Speaker 1: Good Morning, This is Laura. Welcome to the Before Breakfast podcast. 3 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:19,120 Speaker 1: Today's tip is about a smart tactic for negotiating. Start 4 00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:22,560 Speaker 1: by inviting the other person to tell you their perspective. 5 00:00:23,360 --> 00:00:25,960 Speaker 1: Odds are good that by listening you'll be able to 6 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: see a solution that satisfies everyone. Today's tip comes from 7 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 1: Allison Carter's book Ask for More. Carter, a Columbia Law 8 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: School professor, is known for her mediation expertise, and this 9 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: book suggests ten questions that can make negotiations more fruitful. 10 00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:47,200 Speaker 1: Many people start negotiations by stating what they want out 11 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,280 Speaker 1: of the deal. It makes sense, but when the other 12 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 1: person feels attacked or feels that the other party has 13 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: a faulty impression of what happened, it's hard to make progress. 14 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: Carter suggests starting by listening and the opened end question 15 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: tell me your perspective has a lot going for it. 16 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 1: As Carter writes this, one question invites the other person 17 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,000 Speaker 1: to share with you one their view of the goal 18 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: or problem that's brought you together. Two any important details 19 00:01:15,120 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: relating to the problem or goal. Three their feelings and concerns, 20 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,199 Speaker 1: and for anything else they feel like adding, she writes 21 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,480 Speaker 1: that it's the negotiation equivalent of casting a giant net 22 00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,039 Speaker 1: into the water to see how much you can catch. 23 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: You aren't just sticking a line in for one fish. 24 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,280 Speaker 1: We can envision ways that this would play out. A 25 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,320 Speaker 1: lot of people are working from home now because of 26 00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:41,399 Speaker 1: the coronavirus, but in the past, the ability to work 27 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: from home two days per week was often a huge 28 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: negotiation and any given job. Rather than ask a manager 29 00:01:48,520 --> 00:01:51,920 Speaker 1: and get a blanket, Nope, it will never work, tell 30 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:56,120 Speaker 1: me your perspective opens up the discussion. Maybe the manager 31 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 1: got totally burned by someone who could not work in 32 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 1: a self directed way in the past. Past she missed 33 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: a major deadline because of the person's intransigence and was 34 00:02:04,240 --> 00:02:09,200 Speaker 1: paying the career consequences for a long time. Ouch Asking 35 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:12,239 Speaker 1: this question helps you see that the manager isn't trying 36 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 1: to ruin your life. You need to really stress accountability. 37 00:02:16,360 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: This could mean a trial period of six weeks, daily 38 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: check ins, or letting her issue a policy that only 39 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:26,760 Speaker 1: highly rated people could expect to try this experiment. In retrospect, 40 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,399 Speaker 1: we can see that all those issues are less consequential 41 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: than people thought. It turns out whole organizations can go 42 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,560 Speaker 1: virtual overnight, but it usually doesn't work to dismiss people's 43 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: concerns in a negotiation. Addressing them means everyone can win. 44 00:02:42,639 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: This can be good for marital negotiations too. Maybe one 45 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: partner keeps agreeing to calls that are outside of childcare hours. 46 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: Tell me your perspective can open up all kinds of insights. 47 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,359 Speaker 1: Maybe the offending party had no idea the other person 48 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: cared because this was never explicitly stated. Maybe the offending 49 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:03,760 Speaker 1: party assumes that the other party is just so much 50 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,440 Speaker 1: better at time management, or might quit his or her 51 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: job soon, so best not to rock the boat at 52 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,560 Speaker 1: the other job or who knows you don't until you ask. 53 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 1: So when you're looking at a difficult conversation today, open 54 00:03:16,360 --> 00:03:20,840 Speaker 1: with tell me your perspective. This doesn't guarantee that you'll 55 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,680 Speaker 1: see eye to eye, but you'll find out information that 56 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: will be helpful, and you won't start off from an 57 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: adversarial place. This makes all that follows much easier. In 58 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:37,080 Speaker 1: the meantime, this is Laura, Thanks for listening, and here's 59 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: to making the most of our time. Hey everybody, I'd 60 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 1: love to hear from you You can send me your tips, 61 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:53,280 Speaker 1: your questions, or anything else. Just connect with me on Twitter, Facebook, 62 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 1: and Instagram at Before Breakfast pod. That's b E the 63 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: number four than break fast p o D. You can 64 00:04:02,320 --> 00:04:05,840 Speaker 1: also shoot me an email at Before Breakfast podcast. At 65 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,880 Speaker 1: i heeart media dot com that before Breakfast is spelled 66 00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 1: out with all the letters. Thanks so much, I look 67 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:19,920 Speaker 1: forward to staying in touch. Before Breakfast is a production 68 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:23,359 Speaker 1: of I heart Radio. For more podcasts from I heart Radio, 69 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: visit the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever 70 00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:28,760 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.