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Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio Podcast.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I just I need to recap this really fast. Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Did you watch Paradise the end of it?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god? Have we talked about this yet?

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Speaker 4: Well, we talked, we like briefly talked about it and

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Speaker 4: then then the season finale, but we haven't talked about

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Speaker 4: season finale.

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Speaker 2: Have you watched Paradise?

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, Oh my god. I literally do And

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Speaker 1: I was like, wait, have we talked about this? Are

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Speaker 1: you watching the show? This is insane? This is our text,

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Speaker 1: like we die over.

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Speaker 3: What is Paradise?

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Speaker 2: It's so good? I think you would like it? Is

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Speaker 2: it real or fake?

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Speaker 4: But I think there's another show that you would love

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Speaker 4: that I just finished on Netflix. It is amazing.

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Speaker 3: What is it?

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Speaker 2: We'll go back to Paradise. It's called Running Point.

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Speaker 3: We just started it.

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Speaker 2: It's so funny. I don't did you.

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Speaker 3: Like Ted Lassokat, No, visit a comedy?

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Speaker 2: You would not like it?

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Speaker 3: Okay, I'm not punning on Maybe try it.

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Speaker 4: Kate Hadson, she she's so would like it. She's not

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Speaker 4: if I love that show so much?

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Speaker 2: Okay?

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Speaker 5: Good?

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Speaker 3: We are like two episodes in.

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Speaker 4: It's like Ted Lasso meets How to Lose a Guy

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Speaker 4: in Ten Days and it's so good. Even Alan was laughing.

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Speaker 4: It's so funny and so good. I am pumped for

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Speaker 4: season two, like it's one of my favorite shows of

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Speaker 4: the year, and Paradise.

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Speaker 3: Paradise is my favorite.

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Speaker 2: One of those dating show.

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Speaker 1: It's like a government no oh okay, yeah, yeah, an underworld.

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Speaker 4: So it's a show on Hulu and it is something

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Speaker 4: catastrophic happened. They built this underground city. Here's my question,

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Speaker 4: do you think there is an underground city that they're

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Speaker 4: building in preparation for a D Day?

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Speaker 2: Cat I'm gonna like cat field it because.

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Speaker 4: That's what I asked Alan when we were watching the

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Speaker 4: season finale, because it got me thinking because they started

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Speaker 4: to show the D Day event and then you know,

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Speaker 4: I started to get a little anxious, and then I'm like, Babe,

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Speaker 4: do you think there's what if that was the underground world?

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Speaker 2: He said, probably.

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Speaker 1: I I actually don't think that. I think that there is, really,

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Speaker 1: but I think that there was so much underlying truth

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Speaker 1: to that show that was unbelievable in different aspects of

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Speaker 1: government and the elite controlling things and the possibility millionaires

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Speaker 1: control as like it felt so real and so true,

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Speaker 1: but not at the same time to me that it

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Speaker 1: was just it blew my mind? Do I think there

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Speaker 1: is now? Not necessarily? Do I think if that same

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Speaker 1: situation happened like it is coming, we know what's happening,

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Speaker 1: would they maybe? Now?

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Speaker 3: Do I think that.

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Speaker 2: Sorry, Okay, is Elon Musk the girl in that show?

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Speaker 3: I don't know, maybe, but I.

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Speaker 2: Do the question, which then made me go, I do think.

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Speaker 1: That a lot of those billionaires have their own underground

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Speaker 1: things already built with a bunkers what's his face? I

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Speaker 1: think we already know Bill Gates is either Gates or

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Speaker 1: the other one. I think a lot of them do.

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Speaker 1: Let me just say, I think a lot of the

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Speaker 1: people with a lot of money, yes, have underground houses

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Speaker 1: already like bunkers, without a doubt, Like, I don't doubt

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Speaker 1: that at all.

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Speaker 3: Actually, so I do think that.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I was just trying to get a tornado

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Speaker 2: underground shelter.

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Speaker 3: A billions people.

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Speaker 2: No, that was five thousand.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, my dad's like survive.

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Speaker 2: He's like and I'm like, that's five thousand dollars. She's like,

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Speaker 2: what about the tornado comes?

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Speaker 4: I'm like well, I gotta just hope and pray that

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Speaker 4: our crawl space isn't that funny, because I'm.

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Speaker 1: Like, yeah, yeah, guarantee yes. But I mean, if I

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Speaker 1: had the money, that's probably what I'd spend it on.

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Speaker 2: An underground bunker or a shelter.

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Speaker 1: Well, we would have a tornado shelter for sure. So absolutely,

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Speaker 1: do I think Elon is the girl. I think there's

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Speaker 1: a lot of possibilities for the girl in that show.

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Speaker 1: I don't know Elon's the right one, but I think

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of the Sinatra. Oh and then the

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Speaker 1: guns and like not having control of the guns, like

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Speaker 1: just so much to this show.

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Speaker 3: That could be a possibility that are just am I

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Speaker 3: going to enjoy this show? I think actually Preston would.

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Speaker 3: I think Preston would love it, and I think love it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Alan liked it a lot.

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Speaker 3: That I loved the acting.

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Speaker 1: I I just I loved There has not been a

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Speaker 1: lot of great TV lately, I'll be honest, but this

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Speaker 1: was refreshing. It was something I loved to watch.

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Speaker 4: I loved it so good, okay, and then it just

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Speaker 4: really got me thinking about just trying to find where

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Speaker 4: that place is at.

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Speaker 3: Did you feel this way.

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Speaker 2: When you watch it.

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Speaker 3: Oh I did love Scandal, Okay, but this is different.

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Speaker 2: This is different.

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Speaker 1: Well, I mean, yes, I know there's a lot and

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Speaker 1: that one. I'm picking up on a lot of like, man,

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Speaker 1: you think that's really happening or that could really happen,

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Speaker 1: or just a lot of that. But I hadn't thought

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Speaker 1: about is there an actual underworld already?

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Speaker 2: I think?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I gotta I gotta think that they're at

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Speaker 4: least for like the preparation for this for they start, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: because what is then? And then my mind just goes

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Speaker 4: to what is it going to be? Is it going

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Speaker 4: to be the a nuclear? Is it going to be?

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Speaker 4: And then I just have to stop myself. Yeah, that's

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Speaker 4: just gets scared. Yeah, it's coming.

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Speaker 1: Think that's where we stop.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, taking me on vacation, bye, everybody.

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Speaker 3: I'm not.

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Speaker 2: I just think it's wild that people want to survive everything.

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Speaker 2: I'm just like, can I get out of here exactly?

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Speaker 1: I mean, if there was like a world where I

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Speaker 1: could actually go with twenty five thousand like a fraggle.

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Speaker 4: No, they like fake it, They fake the sun. This

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Speaker 4: is where Alan started to go. This, this is what

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Speaker 4: was interesting. So the second that he found out that

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Speaker 4: it wasn't a that it wasn't a real world, and

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Speaker 4: in the underground this tunnel, he's like, oh, okay, it's

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Speaker 4: too sci fi for mag O, babe. This isn't sci fi,

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Speaker 4: this is this is potential reality.

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Speaker 1: So same, this is a well because the first like

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Speaker 1: the first episode, it feels like it's just real today,

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Speaker 1: the president, the government too much.

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Speaker 2: Probably okay, I mean sorry spoiler.

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Speaker 4: Still watch because there's still so much more in it.

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Speaker 1: And at first I was the same, thing, it can go,

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Speaker 1: things can go if if if I feel like it's fake,

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Speaker 1: I can't watch it.

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Speaker 3: And so first I was like and then I was like.

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Speaker 2: Wait a minute. But to me, this is too close

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Speaker 2: to being possible.

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Speaker 1: Way too close that I go, m h yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's why I spoiler.

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Speaker 2: Okay, a spoiler.

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Speaker 3: It's too late.

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Speaker 2: Whatever.

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Speaker 4: You figured it out in the second episode, so that's true.

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Speaker 4: But you've had plenty to figure out.

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Speaker 3: If you've read anything about it, you know.

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Speaker 2: I don't, but I do now, And that's okay.

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Speaker 3: I'm just saying it to the people out there that are.

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Speaker 4: So you wouldn't go to an underground world if you

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Speaker 4: had the ticket to go to the underground world to survive.

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Speaker 4: You would rather die than go to the underground world.

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Speaker 2: So to live and live about that? Son, Son, it's

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Speaker 2: like living in the.

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Speaker 3: But you're alive.

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Speaker 2: You're alive, but children, babies are alive.

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Speaker 3: Okay, got you?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Wow?

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Speaker 4: I would do that well, literally, anything to survive, and

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Speaker 4: that was the temporary well possibly, but the potential, like

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Speaker 4: the potential to survive.

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Speaker 2: I would do anything to do that.

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Speaker 3: Well, then question answer, would you do what he did

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Speaker 3: at the end?

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Speaker 4: Oh, gosh, would he do what he did?

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Speaker 3: Did you do anything.

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Speaker 2: When he well?

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Speaker 3: Okay, the people with the tickets?

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Speaker 4: Oh, interesting, that's anything to survive. That though was different.

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Speaker 4: That was revenge.

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Speaker 3: It was revenge. But also I would do what a

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Speaker 3: lot of people would do that.

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Speaker 4: I would do what the girl did, not what the

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Speaker 4: guy did for revenge. Okay, I wouldn't have boom boomed?

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 3: I can't, would you if you watch the show?

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Speaker 2: What if I'm getting in?

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Speaker 4: Okay, I'll do what I can to get If it's

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Speaker 4: you and your kids, find someone that looks just like

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Speaker 4: you and they got a ticket, Hey again, if I

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Speaker 4: can live, I'm going you're taking I don't.

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Speaker 2: Think I could take a life though in that situation.

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Speaker 3: Just like Wrestle and item a little bit.

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Speaker 2: Is going w w E.

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Speaker 1: I'm just thinking, how do you get in without killing them?

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Speaker 2: I would find a way, That's the thing.

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Speaker 4: We talk my way for a panic attack or something

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Speaker 4: to to Really, in that situation, I would find a way.

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Speaker 1: And I'd be like, oh my god, why are we

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Speaker 1: wasting our time? Boom boom, let's go And I'm just kidding.

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Speaker 2: I'm kidding. Sorry, we just.

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Speaker 1: Go rogues sometimes I can't help it.

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Speaker 2: If underground is temporary, I might think about it and

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Speaker 2: that's my final answer. But if it is forever underground,

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Speaker 2: I don't think I want to be down there. I

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Speaker 2: can't live like that.

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Speaker 3: But you don't know.

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Speaker 1: In that moment, you're just trying to survive. She'll be there.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Isn't that bunker you don't get to

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Speaker 2: come in my I'm.

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Speaker 3: Like a fair weather bunker friend. No one's letting me in.

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Speaker 4: No, you're not coming in the bunker. And you cannot

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Speaker 4: deny my children's face. I know.

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Speaker 1: But like she wasn't gonna save y'all.

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Speaker 3: Hope you know that I'm your new mom.

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Speaker 5: Just call me kicks, which then leads, oh boy, let's

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Speaker 5: take a break, guys, I have a wine about it. Okay,

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Speaker 5: today it was something that happened, and I'm curious because

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Speaker 5: I need to know y'all's point of view on it.

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Speaker 2: Are you okay? You're crying?

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Speaker 1: I was laughing so hard that I was crying and

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Speaker 1: now I'm trying to sniffle not in the thing, okay.

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Speaker 4: Okay, wine, Okay. How do you guys handle your kids

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Speaker 4: in lying? Chris, and you're giving me a face muse?

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Speaker 2: Should I set at the scene first?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, it is normal at a lot of ages.

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Speaker 2: I'd like to say, yes, it's very normal at a

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Speaker 2: lot of ages. Sure, okay, absolutely, scene.

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Speaker 3: I have to remind myself of that.

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Speaker 2: Right, yes, so, and I've been very aware of that.

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Speaker 4: So like the four five, six seven range, teaching them

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Speaker 4: about lying, saying hey, you will never ever, ever, ever

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Speaker 4: ever get in trouble, for like, you will never get

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Speaker 4: in trouble if you tell me the truth. I might

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Speaker 4: not like what that truth is, and there might be

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Speaker 4: consequences to the truth, but I will never be mad

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Speaker 4: at you.

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Speaker 2: Ever.

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Speaker 4: The only time I will be mad at you is

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Speaker 4: if you lie to me. Mommy doesn't like lying. Mommy

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Speaker 4: doesn't like liars. Now, let me back up to this

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Speaker 4: because when I was mommy has baggage.

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Speaker 3: This is where I go.

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Speaker 2: Well, so this is hard.

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Speaker 4: And because I was also a liar, right, I lied

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Speaker 4: to Catherine one too many times.

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Speaker 2: I love that you're an actress, Darling, you're an adage.

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Speaker 4: No, because this is a part of like the whole

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Speaker 4: thing is, this is the whole circle thing like And

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Speaker 4: as I was preparing this topic, you know, I was like,

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Speaker 4: I also have to own in the fact that I

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Speaker 4: did massive lying too best friends to other people. Now

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Speaker 4: do I have little asterisks of why? Sure, you know,

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Speaker 4: my own revolution of things and my own way of

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Speaker 4: coping with things, my own way of dealing with my

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Speaker 4: own shame and traumas and whatever. I get why people

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Speaker 4: lie because I have lied as well to cover up

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Speaker 4: my own embarrassments of cheating on a boyfriend or you know,

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Speaker 4: being a ship person.

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Speaker 2: Fine, I've learned. I've grown up again.

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Speaker 4: Still not now, you know, I do things like when

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Speaker 4: we talk about the wedding stuff, I will find a

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Speaker 4: loophole to not because.

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Speaker 2: I don't want to tell the truth.

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Speaker 1: Did it?

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Speaker 3: But I didn't lie to you.

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Speaker 2: That's what I always go to. It feels like you did.

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Speaker 2: I did not.

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Speaker 3: Still it's hard which way it goes.

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Speaker 4: That I am at least doing my very best because

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Speaker 4: I don't want to ever go back to that, because

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Speaker 4: I know how easy it is to fall back onto that.

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Speaker 4: When I was dating my ex and in that marriage,

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Speaker 4: that is where I saw the repercussions of the lying

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Speaker 4: and what it did to me and the turmoil. And

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Speaker 4: so that is a massive trigger when someone looks me

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Speaker 4: in the eye and lies to me. I mean said

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Speaker 4: that years of straight lies to my face, so for

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Speaker 4: me again, and I also know too that my ex

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Speaker 4: had his own reasons for his lying. He grew up

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Speaker 4: getting in trouble if he told the truth. And so

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Speaker 4: that was a really big thing that we instilled in

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Speaker 4: our kids that we will never and that is like

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Speaker 4: to own his or to honor his childhood where he

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Speaker 4: got in trouble for lying, which is why he lied.

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Speaker 4: So like him understanding that in his adulthood again doesn't

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Speaker 4: make it right. But we as parents came together to

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Speaker 4: go okay, knowing this is how this affected you, Let's

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Speaker 4: make sure we don't do this to the kids and

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Speaker 4: knowing what lying does to me and how it affects me.

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Speaker 4: Let's just keep it all on a space, right. So

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Speaker 4: now Jolie is you know, nine and still we're learning.

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Speaker 4: Having said that, I lost it because I now think

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Speaker 4: I'm like, she's at least somewhere close enough to know

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Speaker 4: like lying is, we're not. We're not doing it right,

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Speaker 4: and it's especially over little things, which this is so

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Speaker 4: little in my opinion. But I asked her, I said,

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Speaker 4: you know, did you brush your teeth? And she was

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Speaker 4: like yes, and and I.

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Speaker 2: Was like, no, you didn't.

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Speaker 4: Like I know, I can tell when she lies to me.

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Speaker 4: And I was like, Jolie, I was like, we are

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Speaker 4: not lying. I was like, I've always told you you

300
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Speaker 4: will never get in trouble for telling me the truth.

301
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Speaker 4: I might be frustrated that you didn't brush your teeth,

302
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Speaker 4: but I might be like, Jolie, I always tell you

303
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Speaker 4: first thing in the morning, brush your teeth. Now, please

304
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Speaker 4: go do that. But like now, now now we're on

305
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Speaker 4: consequences for lying. So the rest of the day, no tea,

306
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Speaker 4: like no TV because I know that she likes to

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Speaker 4: have you know, her quite time of watching you know,

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Speaker 4: a show for thirty minutes or whatever. So I was like,

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Speaker 4: and she got so upset about that. I said, and

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Speaker 4: I told you. Now is the time where I was like,

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Speaker 4: lying is just just be honest because if you told me,

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Speaker 4: you wouldn't have gotten in trouble. That's the thing you're

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Speaker 4: now getting in trouble because of the lie. So I'm

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Speaker 4: curious what age because I know you have older too,

315
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Speaker 4: So what age did you start implementing consequences for that?

316
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Speaker 4: But I got I let it affect me too much.

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Speaker 4: I mean, I had to take it to therapy because

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I just took out my stuff on her

319
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Speaker 4: and that was not okay. But I also need to

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Speaker 4: find the balance between her knowing it's wrong too.

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Speaker 2: That's why I wanted the story because when I've been

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Speaker 2: lied to you by the kids is so hurtful to

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Speaker 2: me because I've been lied to so many times before

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Speaker 2: that I'm like, it's not about what's in front of

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Speaker 2: me at that point, right.

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Speaker 1: I'm so triggered by lying that it's actually been a

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Speaker 1: hard thing. And with my kids, they do not lie often.

328
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Speaker 1: But if I feel like I see a little loophole

329
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Speaker 1: at all.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, well, you said this, you didn't.

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Speaker 1: He's like, you know, especially with Kayden Hubeick, I wasn't

332
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Speaker 1: lying to you, but everyone kind of knows. I mean,

333
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Speaker 1: I was told to lie as a child.

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Speaker 3: You were apps.

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Speaker 1: I was grown up going to my grandparents' house in

336
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Speaker 1: the car. This is what you were going to tell

337
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Speaker 1: Grandma granddaddy today. I was literally taught to be a

338
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Speaker 1: liar as a child. We had made me same. I

339
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Speaker 1: did do things they never talked about me. Well, we had.

340
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Speaker 1: I mean I was told specific lies to tell almost daily.

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Speaker 1: It felt like really yeah, So it's a huge trigger

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Speaker 1: for me and I in my college years, I found

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Speaker 1: myself lying more about just little stupid things, and I

344
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Speaker 1: would be like, oh my god, oh my god, oh

345
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Speaker 1: my god, what am I doing? Why am I lying?

346
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Speaker 1: And I was pretty good at it about getting out

347
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Speaker 1: of things and stuff like that. But then I went

348
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Speaker 1: like a one eighty almost. I was like, I cannot lie,

349
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Speaker 1: Like I just I can't become that. I can't get

350
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Speaker 1: my kids to lie. I can't, you know. So I

351
00:16:45,920 --> 00:16:47,960
Speaker 1: kind of did a one eighty. But it becomes a

352
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:51,520
Speaker 1: detriment to us sometimes because my kids feel like I

353
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Speaker 1: am analyzing every word almost and it's in I can't

354
00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,360
Speaker 1: think of an example now, but there have been plenty

355
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Speaker 1: examples where it's like, Okay, they truly were not lying.

356
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,600
Speaker 1: They just like forgot that they didn't they did that,

357
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:04,159
Speaker 1: you know, like it truly was not that big of

358
00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:05,600
Speaker 1: a deal, but like, oh, were you lying to me?

359
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,159
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm not lying to you, you know, And

360
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Speaker 1: so that's been really difficult.

361
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Speaker 3: But I didn't.

362
00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:12,240
Speaker 1: I haven't dealt with it a whole lot. We did

363
00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 1: the whole the same thing, and you know, like, you

364
00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:16,320
Speaker 1: will not be in trouble if you tell the truth.

365
00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,240
Speaker 1: They've definitely kept things from me that I've found out later,

366
00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:22,720
Speaker 1: and I've had to not take that as a lie

367
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:25,280
Speaker 1: because at first I almost took it like I was

368
00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:28,480
Speaker 1: being lied to. That was that's kind of tricky. But

369
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Speaker 1: I've learned now as they're older, to let them come

370
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Speaker 1: to me with it when they're ready, right, which is hard.

371
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:36,920
Speaker 4: It's interesting you said that too, because the other day,

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Speaker 4: and this has now been a couple of weeks and

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Speaker 4: I've just been you know, it's been on my list

374
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Speaker 4: of one of the topics to share. But the other

375
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Speaker 4: day I asked her, I said, hey, do you do

376
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 4: your homework she was supposed to. She wanted to save

377
00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:47,680
Speaker 4: one of them. I said, all right, if you do

378
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:49,320
Speaker 4: it with your dad's And so I said, did you

379
00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:52,400
Speaker 4: do your homework? And she said yeah. About five minutes later,

380
00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:54,840
Speaker 4: she comes back and she goes, Mommy, I actually didn't

381
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Speaker 4: do my homework, and I remembered I didn't want to

382
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Speaker 4: lie to you about it, and I go, thank you

383
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Speaker 4: for the correction. I was like, beautiful, bums, you didn't

384
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,960
Speaker 4: do it, but let's go do it together right now,

385
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:06,080
Speaker 4: you know. So I was like, at least she acknowledged

386
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,040
Speaker 4: that she lied, and then ope, see we don't lie

387
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,160
Speaker 4: because you know, probably because she's like, shit, Mommy's gonna

388
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:11,760
Speaker 4: get it like upset, but but that's okay.

389
00:18:11,840 --> 00:18:14,399
Speaker 1: That'll still get her to a place. And I do

390
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:17,800
Speaker 1: truly think they get so fast in doing things that

391
00:18:17,840 --> 00:18:20,439
Speaker 1: they may not because you didn't forget, but like it

392
00:18:20,480 --> 00:18:22,920
Speaker 1: may just be like in passing, like hey, dude, did

393
00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:24,200
Speaker 1: you take out the trash? Yeah, I took out the

394
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 1: trash trash, And then ten minutes later, oh crap, no,

395
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:28,040
Speaker 1: I forgot to take out the trash. You know, Like

396
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,840
Speaker 1: I do think that there has to be room for that,

397
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 1: like it can't be like I have been at times.

398
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,960
Speaker 4: I just saw the intentional lie at that one hundred,

399
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:39,080
Speaker 4: which made me go, you, I know this hundred person

400
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,400
Speaker 4: and that is what was like whoop.

401
00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:43,480
Speaker 1: And there's a difference in that and same for me.

402
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,800
Speaker 1: If you intentionally lie to me, I can promise you

403
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 1: we have huge consequences in our house, Like it's not

404
00:18:49,160 --> 00:18:50,480
Speaker 1: if it's a big So how.

405
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:53,159
Speaker 4: Do you control that piece of not putting it like

406
00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,440
Speaker 4: I put his face on her and I should never

407
00:18:55,520 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 4: do that, Like that was what where I've had to

408
00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:03,120
Speaker 4: go into Amy and process that because I don't want

409
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 4: to put such a big thing on her the impact

410
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:06,919
Speaker 4: of what it is.

411
00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:08,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's hard.

412
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:12,960
Speaker 2: I think you're doing that though, So do you do

413
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:13,520
Speaker 2: the same thing?

414
00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I notice.

415
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,720
Speaker 2: I notice that this is a toxic trait and I

416
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:20,680
Speaker 2: brought this to Amy. I also have a girlfriend who's

417
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,760
Speaker 2: in therapy and so and she's my best friend and

418
00:19:23,760 --> 00:19:25,520
Speaker 2: has kids the same age. So I'll say, like, do

419
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 2: you ever do this because it does feel like I

420
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,960
Speaker 2: feel shameful for it, but I'll project something that isn't

421
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:35,280
Speaker 2: about them, that's about like my husband onto them.

422
00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:35,960
Speaker 3: That's why.

423
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,920
Speaker 2: And like I have had a lot of guys lie

424
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,879
Speaker 2: to me in life, and so Legend being an honest

425
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,239
Speaker 2: man matters to me a lot. He's also was in

426
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:46,120
Speaker 2: my belly six years ago, so I have to like, remember,

427
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,600
Speaker 2: he's just navigating, but I don't I know. But then

428
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,560
Speaker 2: I'm going, where's the line because I don't want that.

429
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,679
Speaker 2: Everything is a muscle in my brain. Everything is a muscle,

430
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,840
Speaker 2: and the more you strengthen it, the more you can

431
00:19:57,119 --> 00:19:58,679
Speaker 2: So it works in good and bad ways. So if

432
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:01,439
Speaker 2: he gets away with a little lie mm hm, you know,

433
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,600
Speaker 2: like there has been times where it's bold face lie. Yeah,

434
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,680
Speaker 2: And I don't know, but I've done the same thing

435
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:10,440
Speaker 2: where I'm going my reaction to that isn't what isn't

436
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: about what's in front of me. My reaction is about

437
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:14,639
Speaker 2: something I'm holding on to that isn't about you.

438
00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, And that's what I didn't like about my reaction,

439
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,119
Speaker 4: which I then had to go back and apologize. I

440
00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,960
Speaker 4: was like, that reaction wasn't you made a mistake. You

441
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:24,240
Speaker 4: now know Mommy doesn't like lying, and I've told you

442
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,239
Speaker 4: a million times not to do this. This is this

443
00:20:26,280 --> 00:20:30,840
Speaker 4: is you know why it's not good. But my reaction

444
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:32,959
Speaker 4: I do apologize for because I was like, you do

445
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:34,359
Speaker 4: not lie to me, you know?

446
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:34,800
Speaker 2: Yeah?

447
00:20:34,880 --> 00:20:38,159
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I have to do that all the time.

448
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:39,920
Speaker 2: I have to. I felt terrible. I went and cried

449
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,240
Speaker 2: in my room. Yeah yeah, life.

450
00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:42,680
Speaker 3: Two things, two things fold.

451
00:20:42,720 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 1: I think it is okay for them to see a

452
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 1: see you cry about it. First of all, I think

453
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:53,160
Speaker 1: it's okay for them to see that you are affected

454
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,719
Speaker 1: by the lie, whether it's small, like it hurts mommy

455
00:20:56,880 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 1: when you are not honest with me, like yeah, that

456
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:00,960
Speaker 1: come from another place.

457
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 3: But I don't think that's bad for kids to see.

458
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: I think they have to see that, like, yeah, this

459
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:07,720
Speaker 1: might be a minimal why but if you lie to

460
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:10,480
Speaker 1: other people in your life, you can hurt them. And

461
00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,760
Speaker 1: I think it's okay for them to see that it

462
00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:15,600
Speaker 1: is hurtful when you are not honest with someone. I

463
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:17,600
Speaker 1: think it's interesting and I cannot tell you how many

464
00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,640
Speaker 1: times I go up and I say, everything still stands.

465
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:23,199
Speaker 1: You still have this consequence. I am not okay with

466
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,280
Speaker 1: what you did. But man, do I apologize for the

467
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:28,639
Speaker 1: way I reacted? I probably do that It's few and

468
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:30,280
Speaker 1: far between you, but I do it all the time

469
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 1: because my reactions. I I have gotten better are not

470
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 1: always great.

471
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:37,680
Speaker 3: Als, and I've gotten better.

472
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:40,679
Speaker 1: I mean, that is one thing I've done from the

473
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:43,320
Speaker 1: get go, because I never got that as a child.

474
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:47,640
Speaker 1: So I was very big on I haven't been great

475
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: at not reacting that way like i'd like to be.

476
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: I've done better and I've grown. In a perfect world,

477
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 1: I would never react that way, but it is in

478
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,560
Speaker 1: a perfect world. And so I just I own it

479
00:21:58,600 --> 00:22:01,160
Speaker 1: and I go and times out of ten I'm crying

480
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 1: and I say, I reacted this way and I shouldn't

481
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:05,879
Speaker 1: have and this is why, and that was not okay.

482
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,280
Speaker 3: However, what you did was also not okay.

483
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:12,560
Speaker 2: Right you guys. I got to own something though. Within that.

484
00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,720
Speaker 4: I felt so bad that I did take away the

485
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,720
Speaker 4: consequence and I know that was my that's my I've.

486
00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 3: Done that before too. You have, Yeah, absolutely, I don't.

487
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's that's it.

488
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:25,360
Speaker 2: I felt.

489
00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:27,119
Speaker 1: Yes, they say standard ground, but like, come on, we're

490
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: also human and it happens.

491
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:30,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think if you're like, hey, I lost my

492
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,160
Speaker 2: emotions and this consequence doesn't fit.

493
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:34,720
Speaker 4: It was like later in the day because the Alan

494
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 4: and Roman and Jace had gone out and they went

495
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,520
Speaker 4: it was like four, so that this happened early early

496
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 4: in the morning, and then it was later in the

497
00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:45,720
Speaker 4: day and she was I mean, she was just so

498
00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:49,239
Speaker 4: sweet and just I could tell that she, you know,

499
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,560
Speaker 4: was my maid. I'm like, I didn't want her to

500
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:54,840
Speaker 4: like be like pleasy too. So that's just like Julie Ray,

501
00:22:54,880 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 4: You've been, you know, a great girl. She's like, why

502
00:22:56,520 --> 00:22:58,439
Speaker 4: don't you go watch that show you want to watch her?

503
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,520
Speaker 4: And she was like really, you know, so I'm like, yes,

504
00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 4: but next time I'm not doing that, you know.

505
00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think redemption is also a really beautiful thing

506
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:08,040
Speaker 2: to learn too. We are never going to be human.

507
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 2: In a perfect world, you wouldn't even react that way

508
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,119
Speaker 2: because you wouldn't be teed up your whole childhood to

509
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 2: have to feel those emotions. Yeah, exactly, And none of

510
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 2: us were in a perfect world. Yeah, we're all just

511
00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:18,240
Speaker 2: doing the best we can. I think it's just like

512
00:23:18,240 --> 00:23:22,040
Speaker 2: a learning each other and apologizing. Ownership and honesty are

513
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:26,520
Speaker 2: everything in my house. Yeah, ownership and honesty, we can

514
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,679
Speaker 2: figure out everything. I just need to know what it

515
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,119
Speaker 2: is and I need to know that you're going to

516
00:23:31,160 --> 00:23:37,320
Speaker 2: say that you did it. Yep, the spouses too. Everyone

517
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:39,040
Speaker 2: blanket statement.

518
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:54,119
Speaker 4: Yeah, Chris Jenner is not happy that daughter Chloe Kardashian

519
00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 4: is in therapy.

520
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,280
Speaker 2: Did you guys watch the new season? Yes? Yeah? Did

521
00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 2: you watch the episode? Yeah? Yeah, I would think I

522
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 2: did it as well.

523
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: Oh, Chloe's fortieth. I just loved how everyone like is

524
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:10,280
Speaker 1: obsessed with Chloe. She's the best, like everyone loves, and

525
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:14,200
Speaker 1: they like showed how much everyone loved Chloe. I loved that.

526
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 4: It sounds like though, once Courtney got into therapy, her

527
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:21,680
Speaker 4: relationship with her mom changed a beat. And I got

528
00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:24,160
Speaker 4: to say, and so, then, of course, you know, Churse

529
00:24:24,200 --> 00:24:26,199
Speaker 4: isn't going to be happy that now Chloe is. But

530
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 4: when I started, like truly going into therapy and the family,

531
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,840
Speaker 4: learning the whole family stuff, because I always just put

532
00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 4: the blame all on my dad, and it was very

533
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 4: eye opening when it changed to my mom, and I

534
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 4: sat there many times going wow, And my relationship with

535
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 4: my mom did change because of therapy, and it hasn't

536
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 4: gone back to how it was beforehand, and I don't

537
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,960
Speaker 4: know if it ever will. But I think I needed

538
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 4: I needed that piece of therapy. But I don't think

539
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 4: she knew. I don't think she I've never told her.

540
00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 4: That's where it came from why our relationship changed was

541
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:07,760
Speaker 4: because of the things that I found out about in therapy,

542
00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:10,800
Speaker 4: because it wasn't just my dad's fault. It's Chris math

543
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 4: that Chloe's in. Because Chloe's acting differently.

544
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,639
Speaker 1: I don't know that she's necessarily she's basically saying that

545
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 1: she's the way when Courtney went to therapy how she

546
00:25:22,359 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 1: started reacting different differently to Chris. So I think it's

547
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:28,480
Speaker 1: more about being worried that Chloe is going to do

548
00:25:28,520 --> 00:25:29,120
Speaker 1: the same.

549
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,879
Speaker 4: Because you know, when you go on therapy, you start to, yeah,

550
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:36,120
Speaker 4: unravel the childhood wounds. Yeah, and when we think it's

551
00:25:36,160 --> 00:25:38,160
Speaker 4: just one person, that's somebody else and you're like that.

552
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:39,679
Speaker 3: Yeah, I see both sides.

553
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,560
Speaker 1: I think that like, if I'm thinking as a mom

554
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,960
Speaker 1: and down the road and my kids going to therapy,

555
00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,960
Speaker 1: I think I would be like obviously happy for them.

556
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:51,320
Speaker 1: I would be very like this is good for you.

557
00:25:51,400 --> 00:25:54,520
Speaker 1: But also I could see that little bit of selfishness

558
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:56,120
Speaker 1: being like, oh no, what are you saying?

559
00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,160
Speaker 3: Like what's going on? Like what are you not happy about?

560
00:25:58,160 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 3: What did I do wrong?

561
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:02,000
Speaker 1: Like Anna? And feeling like, oh, I'm a terrible mother.

562
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,880
Speaker 1: Like I can understand that as a mom feeling that way,

563
00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:09,080
Speaker 1: especially like generations ago too, like you know, everyone's just

564
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: doing the best they can, and I can see where

565
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: it would be very uncomfortable as a mother when the

566
00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:16,360
Speaker 1: kids are going through.

567
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:18,440
Speaker 2: That, because there was no one more terrified of what

568
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 2: legend Bruss was going to say to his therapist than me.

569
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:21,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, like that's scary.

570
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 2: He's only six, like, you know, like it's scary.

571
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:26,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I very vulnerable.

572
00:26:26,520 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 1: It does sound like though that Courtney went to Chris

573
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:32,679
Speaker 1: and addressed it and it almost alluded to that it

574
00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: was better. It was kind of just at the beginning

575
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,680
Speaker 1: of that, and I'm sure they'll probably handle it in

576
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:38,680
Speaker 1: a very healthy way.

577
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:41,840
Speaker 4: But christ we've talked about this because I feel like

578
00:26:41,880 --> 00:26:43,600
Speaker 4: we went through the same season of talking to Amy

579
00:26:43,640 --> 00:26:45,680
Speaker 4: about our moms. Yeah, and then now it's like, all right,

580
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:47,720
Speaker 4: it is what it is, and yeah, you know we

581
00:26:47,800 --> 00:26:49,960
Speaker 4: figured that piece out. Yeah, did you tell your mom

582
00:26:50,000 --> 00:26:50,800
Speaker 4: about it in therapy?

583
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:51,879
Speaker 2: No? Yeah.

584
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,199
Speaker 4: I don't think no offense to our parents' generations. But

585
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,399
Speaker 4: I don't think like when I tried to tell my

586
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:03,439
Speaker 4: dad that he was gotcha, what was I telling him?

587
00:27:03,480 --> 00:27:06,440
Speaker 4: Anxiously attached? Like he's like, I'm not no, no, So

588
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:08,000
Speaker 4: it's like I don't think they're ever going to hear

589
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 4: any of those flashy words.

590
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 2: No, we're trying to understand it.

591
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,359
Speaker 4: So I just you just accept them for who they

592
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 4: are and absolutely you know, yeah, and.

593
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: Also accept yourself for what you'll accept and what is not.

594
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: Also, can I just say I've never related to Chloe

595
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,760
Speaker 1: Moore when she was talking about that though, because she

596
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:28,240
Speaker 1: was like, do I really want to go to therapy today? No,

597
00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,239
Speaker 1: but I'm a people pleaser and my therapist is going

598
00:27:30,280 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: to be mad at me. So here I am going

599
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:35,160
Speaker 1: to therapy. Like it was so like I loved it,

600
00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 1: but I'm a people pleaser, so now I'm going to therapy,

601
00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 1: so my therapist isn't mad at me.

602
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,840
Speaker 2: No, that was that was really so good. Funny makes

603
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,720
Speaker 2: something worse than disappointing the therapist.

604
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 3: Nothing. I can't Eanna's worst nightmare.

605
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 2: Yesterday I was like I had to cancel because we

606
00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:54,000
Speaker 2: had somebody out we had to help.

607
00:27:53,840 --> 00:27:54,360
Speaker 3: Out with the flu.

608
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 2: Last I was there yesterday. Oh it wasn't yesterday, but

609
00:27:56,640 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 2: like we had to cancel. And then yesterday I had

610
00:27:58,160 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 2: this moment I was like I never rescheduled and then

611
00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,640
Speaker 2: I thought, you know, yeah, when probably Amy's just like, oh,

612
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:07,119
Speaker 2: I'm glad she's feeling so mind that's false, Amy, I

613
00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:07,439
Speaker 2: need you.

614
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,240
Speaker 4: I just had a great session with Amy the other day.

615
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 4: It was it was yesterday. It was great, it was

616
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,760
Speaker 4: really good. We left the bear up in the woods.

617
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,120
Speaker 1: We left the bear up in the woods.

618
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 2: Catherine's like, this is what I don't do the everywhere.

619
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,640
Speaker 3: And I'm like, I'm pretty like you. There's no bear,

620
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:29,000
Speaker 3: and does your bear my bear?

621
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,439
Speaker 1: I think she I think she knew better with me, like,

622
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,439
Speaker 1: let's not pull out taking the bear into the woods.

623
00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 2: She has your capacity for that piece, she does.

624
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:39,080
Speaker 4: We went there.

625
00:28:39,160 --> 00:28:44,200
Speaker 2: We went on a bear hunt waiting for a bear.

626
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,360
Speaker 2: And she was even one point though, because we were

627
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:49,760
Speaker 2: doing E. M.

628
00:28:49,840 --> 00:28:53,520
Speaker 4: D R. And we're walking up this trail and you know,

629
00:28:54,440 --> 00:28:56,680
Speaker 4: while doing yeah.

630
00:28:56,400 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 2: That's kind of yeah. So I had the two things.

631
00:28:58,600 --> 00:28:59,120
Speaker 4: In my hand.

632
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 3: It's a lot going on at once.

633
00:29:00,680 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 2: It was yes, sorry, it was.

634
00:29:04,280 --> 00:29:07,160
Speaker 4: And it was a hike up too, doing that and

635
00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:10,280
Speaker 4: then going through what I was processing, and then you know,

636
00:29:10,320 --> 00:29:12,440
Speaker 4: getting to the top and we're talking about it and

637
00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 4: she's like, you know, is what is it?

638
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 2: What does it feel like?

639
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:17,600
Speaker 4: And I'm like, Amy, it feels like a bear, like

640
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:19,880
Speaker 4: that's where I like I feel. And then she's like,

641
00:29:20,120 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 4: we'll look it over there the den and I'm like, oh,

642
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:24,239
Speaker 4: is that a day?

643
00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:26,520
Speaker 2: Like I thought it was like actually an actual bear?

644
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 4: Don But then she goes then she goes, well, what

645
00:29:31,040 --> 00:29:32,640
Speaker 4: do you think, like, do you does the bear need

646
00:29:32,680 --> 00:29:35,400
Speaker 4: to stay up here? And would you like some time alone?

647
00:29:35,400 --> 00:29:36,480
Speaker 4: I was like, no, no, no, the bear doesn't want to

648
00:29:36,520 --> 00:29:38,040
Speaker 4: be alone, like you know, like, don't lot leave me

649
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,640
Speaker 4: up here like in the one, like I don't want

650
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,200
Speaker 4: to be up here myself startling.

651
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,240
Speaker 3: She's like, this is taking a turn for the worst.

652
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 3: I don't know what I would do. Oh it was

653
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:48,080
Speaker 3: I do love that though.

654
00:29:48,120 --> 00:29:49,080
Speaker 1: That's great. I'm just joking.

655
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 3: Do you sometimes regret starting these stories? Just come over you?

656
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,000
Speaker 4: But what I know though, is that What I know though,

657
00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:01,040
Speaker 4: is that I can go grown the bear anytime I

658
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 4: need her?

659
00:30:01,880 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 2: But does it suit me?

660
00:30:03,840 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 3: Is the bear bad or good? We left a bear,

661
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:10,640
Speaker 3: but to get it now it's a mama bear? Are

662
00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 3: you the mama bear? I don't. I don't think we're

663
00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 3: supposed to know. It's part of the thing.

664
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 4: Yeah you can, but I'm just it's the bear serves

665
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 4: a purpose. Does the bear need to live within me

666
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:22,560
Speaker 4: all the time?

667
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 5: No?

668
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:31,000
Speaker 4: Right, okay, and the bear is helpful in protecting and

669
00:30:31,040 --> 00:30:31,440
Speaker 4: the bear.

670
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna start crying.

671
00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:33,520
Speaker 1: Like the bear.

672
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:42,800
Speaker 3: Again, maybe my bear is with your bear.

673
00:30:44,640 --> 00:30:46,600
Speaker 1: Just say for a second, if she said and that's

674
00:30:46,640 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 1: a den over, there be like, what.

675
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 3: So out of the woods? O?

676
00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:55,800
Speaker 4: No, But the whole thing was that I when then

677
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 4: we left the bear at the top of the hill,

678
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:02,080
Speaker 4: and then we walked down the hill, and then you know,

679
00:31:02,240 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 4: she was just like in any time, you need to

680
00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:06,000
Speaker 4: go back up there and get her like she's there

681
00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 4: for you.

682
00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:08,280
Speaker 2: She just doesn't have to walk every step with you.

683
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 1: I like that. I have a question though, speaking of

684
00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,720
Speaker 1: speaking of the bear, the bear, I need an update

685
00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:17,520
Speaker 1: on a situation from.

686
00:31:17,440 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 2: A not a headline, Catherine.

687
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:22,440
Speaker 3: I need an update from a couple of weeks ago.

688
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 1: Okay, we were having some boundary issues with someone in

689
00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: your life.

690
00:31:29,560 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 3: I'm gonna here's the thing, you know, did the bear

691
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:32,720
Speaker 3: take that too?

692
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: You know?

693
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,400
Speaker 3: I feel like we need the bear to come out.

694
00:31:34,800 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 3: The bear come back that lad my bear shit in

695
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:44,360
Speaker 3: the woods joke the entire time. I'm proud of myself personally.

696
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:45,280
Speaker 3: Here's my thing.

697
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:48,160
Speaker 1: You can't and like the truth is, I'll just say

698
00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 1: it to everybody, Like I don't really talk to you.

699
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:52,160
Speaker 1: So if you start a conversation, I really need like

700
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,280
Speaker 1: an update, closure, any closure. I feel like we got

701
00:31:55,280 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: no closure. I got no closure. You know I put

702
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: closure you the situation with did we say who it was?

703
00:32:02,480 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 2: I don't even know what situation we're talking about.

704
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 3: I can't remember any.

705
00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: Said he was. We talked about we both talked about

706
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:09,600
Speaker 1: how we had some issues with boundaries and it was

707
00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: okay to put up those boundaries. And you were going

708
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:13,880
Speaker 1: to say something to someone. I don't know if you do.

709
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, you mean with my ex?

710
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, wasn't sure if we said it was him or

711
00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:21,760
Speaker 1: we just knew it was him.

712
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 3: Yes, how are things with Mike?

713
00:32:23,720 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 2: Oh?

714
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:30,000
Speaker 3: Things I love about this friendship? I do your dirty

715
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:32,160
Speaker 3: works good.

716
00:32:32,840 --> 00:32:33,840
Speaker 2: I'll hike up and get the bear.

717
00:32:34,320 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 3: That's what I'm saying, Go get the bear.

718
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,920
Speaker 2: The timing is the bear is not in me.

719
00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:42,880
Speaker 1: Can keep closing me? Ok?

720
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 4: Go?

721
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 2: And so Catherine's like, is there a calendar date when

722
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:49,720
Speaker 2: the bear?

723
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 3: We could talk about it when bear comes back, because

724
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:55,440
Speaker 3: it sounds like that would be more bear is bear now?

725
00:32:59,120 --> 00:32:59,200
Speaker 4: No?

726
00:32:59,320 --> 00:32:59,560
Speaker 2: Okay?

727
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 4: So I think it's I just I struggle with this

728
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 4: piece because when I talked about the last time about

729
00:33:09,600 --> 00:33:12,160
Speaker 4: having someone just always take take take, take, take right,

730
00:33:12,240 --> 00:33:14,760
Speaker 4: and so we were talking about and then obviously the

731
00:33:14,840 --> 00:33:16,840
Speaker 4: child support thing came up. I had a few people

732
00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 4: DM me going, I don't understand because if the roles

733
00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:23,840
Speaker 4: were reversed, then you know, you would be asking for

734
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 4: the money, and so why do you constantly complain about

735
00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 4: So I do want to asterisk that piece of it.

736
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 4: So I and I was we had a lovely conversation.

737
00:33:31,720 --> 00:33:33,280
Speaker 4: I was like, I actually I hear you on that

738
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:35,960
Speaker 4: topic where I have a hard time, And this is

739
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:39,760
Speaker 4: the last I'm going to speak about this because it's serving,

740
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:45,120
Speaker 4: it serves no purpose anymore for my bare walk. But

741
00:33:45,960 --> 00:33:48,640
Speaker 4: the piece that frustrates me on that and then that's

742
00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,040
Speaker 4: the last I'll say of it is it's not a

743
00:33:52,040 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 4: fifty to fifty split. It is the seventy thirty. He

744
00:33:54,880 --> 00:33:59,000
Speaker 4: has them technically eight days a month, so for Wednesdays,

745
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 4: every other five day Saturday.

746
00:34:00,720 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 2: So what is that four?

747
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,160
Speaker 4: If I six seven eight, that's eight days a month

748
00:34:03,600 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 4: to take that high amount of child support does not

749
00:34:07,840 --> 00:34:13,279
Speaker 4: seem fair in my mind right, So that piece is

750
00:34:13,280 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 4: what it is where I have struggled now is that

751
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:21,520
Speaker 4: I did myself and I realized this, I did myself

752
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:30,080
Speaker 4: a disservice post divorce because I I think I wanted

753
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:32,800
Speaker 4: to have that relationship that I've seen with other couples

754
00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 4: where everyone had this like beautiful co parenting relationship, and

755
00:34:37,040 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 4: I felt like I had to almost prove that I

756
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:44,960
Speaker 4: was healed or that I was capable of having this

757
00:34:45,760 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 4: quote unquote friendship.

758
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 2: And I.

759
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:53,319
Speaker 4: I was the one that was like, yeah, you have

760
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,840
Speaker 4: to and I even went on interviews and I was like,

761
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 4: you have to have a new relationship. And we have

762
00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 4: a new friendship and a new relationship and you have

763
00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:00,640
Speaker 4: to form You got to let the past the past.

764
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:04,920
Speaker 4: And I think the problem is is that we got

765
00:35:04,920 --> 00:35:08,120
Speaker 4: divorced in twenty twenty one, so it's been four years.

766
00:35:09,200 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 4: I don't believe that there's enough time passed from all

767
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:16,520
Speaker 4: the things that went on in that relationship to have

768
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 4: the actual authentic, good co parenting situation that I would

769
00:35:21,440 --> 00:35:27,560
Speaker 4: hope for, right so, and I think me trying to

770
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 4: do that was he when he's says things and lies

771
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 4: like for example, the only reason. That not the only reason,

772
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,920
Speaker 4: but he said he wanted to come on the podcast

773
00:35:40,960 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 4: so that he could help grow his business, and that

774
00:35:43,239 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 4: every person that he had sign up to his business,

775
00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,000
Speaker 4: he's like, I'll give you one hundred bucks, right, And

776
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 4: so he was trying to make it all so profitable

777
00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:55,920
Speaker 4: for me, and I was like sure, like yeah, I

778
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,320
Speaker 4: mean that helps everybody out right, So if he gets

779
00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:00,879
Speaker 4: a client, then I get a little I'll caught back

780
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,000
Speaker 4: on it too, because that's I guess what they do

781
00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:05,319
Speaker 4: in the insurance world as a referral fee, right, same

782
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:08,239
Speaker 4: thing with I guess agents or whatever do they do

783
00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:09,240
Speaker 4: that real estate agents?

784
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 3: Agent between agents between?

785
00:36:10,760 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 2: Okay, so did that ever happen though?

786
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 1: No? Did he get clients?

787
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, sure did. And I have a few friends that

788
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,400
Speaker 4: I referred to him. And it's not even about the money.

789
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 4: It's about the lie again, yeah, And so that's the

790
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,160
Speaker 4: piece that bothers me. And when I bring it up,

791
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,920
Speaker 4: he doesn't say anything about it, like nothing, And so

792
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:37,279
Speaker 4: it's like everything he does only he does things just

793
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 4: to serve himself, and he doesn't ever follow through with

794
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:45,040
Speaker 4: anything he says. And so I just was frustrated that

795
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,279
Speaker 4: I keep believing a version of someone that is not

796
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 4: actually changed. He is the same person. So then what

797
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:59,879
Speaker 4: happens is is because I've let that person in, all

798
00:37:00,080 --> 00:37:03,000
Speaker 4: past trauma, stuff starts coming back up of all the

799
00:37:03,040 --> 00:37:07,200
Speaker 4: lies and everything. So that's that's the hard piece too.

800
00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,800
Speaker 4: And and Alan was the one that said they don't

801
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 4: don't let him in, Like you know, people were like,

802
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:14,719
Speaker 4: you were talking about going on family vacations. I'm like, yeah,

803
00:37:14,719 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 4: in a perfect world, I asked. I was like I

804
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:18,920
Speaker 4: sat here and was like, I think it'd be great,

805
00:37:18,960 --> 00:37:21,400
Speaker 4: like we should do it. And I still you know,

806
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:23,880
Speaker 4: Alan was always a don't don't bring him in too

807
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:26,120
Speaker 4: much that he isn't this isn't going to end well,

808
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 4: he is who he is, and it's true, like he

809
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:32,160
Speaker 4: is who he is. He will he will always, he's

810
00:37:32,680 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: he doesn't show up, you know, he doesn't. He's he's

811
00:37:35,719 --> 00:37:41,000
Speaker 4: not that co parenting parent that is there to really

812
00:37:42,040 --> 00:37:44,360
Speaker 4: help in the way, and he's just always going to

813
00:37:44,400 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 4: take like I said in the last episode, So I

814
00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:50,920
Speaker 4: I did myself more damage trying to have a friendship

815
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:56,120
Speaker 4: with someone that has not changed and isn't honest, he doesn't.

816
00:37:56,440 --> 00:37:59,120
Speaker 4: And and me even having conversations, like we've tried to

817
00:37:59,160 --> 00:38:03,520
Speaker 4: have a conversation. He will always he will never own anything.

818
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,480
Speaker 4: I've never gotten a true apology for anything he's ever done.

819
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:09,279
Speaker 4: He's never you know, even when I did that Red

820
00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,960
Speaker 4: Table talk and they talked about how many women was it,

821
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 4: and I said, like thirteen or whatever, you know, there

822
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:18,880
Speaker 4: was a thing about that. I'm like, that was just

823
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 4: within the first year. Let me remind people, that was

824
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 4: just in the first year. Like when we got he

825
00:38:23,640 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 4: got out, he was like, I think around that number.

826
00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 4: By the time seven years rolled around, I mean at

827
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 4: least twenty plus, you know what I mean, who knows

828
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:36,040
Speaker 4: what that last girl was that he cheated on me with,

829
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 4: which is what made me fiul for divorce ultimately, So

830
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,720
Speaker 4: like you got to think all the lies, all the portrayal,

831
00:38:42,800 --> 00:38:44,759
Speaker 4: and on top of it, all the things that I'm

832
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,319
Speaker 4: actually not saying to protect my kids. Because remember there

833
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:51,480
Speaker 4: was an article that was on Dancing with the Stars

834
00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:55,880
Speaker 4: and I took something out of the People magazine. I

835
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 4: called the therapist. Oh no, sorry, I called our publicist

836
00:38:59,239 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 4: and People magazine and I said, take this out of

837
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 4: the magazine, and my publicist spot me on it. People

838
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 4: ended up taking it out, I said, because that if

839
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 4: me saying that I, my kids won't be able to

840
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,200
Speaker 4: come Joly won't be able to come back from that,

841
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:17,560
Speaker 4: and neither roll our relationship. So people are always like, oh,

842
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:20,160
Speaker 4: you should just you know, not you know. I was like,

843
00:39:20,200 --> 00:39:22,239
Speaker 4: trust me, I'm protecting my kids by There as many

844
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 4: things I have not said, and those things that have

845
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,200
Speaker 4: hurt me the most. Beyond however, I don't care how many,

846
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 4: whether it was one or thirty women, That's not what

847
00:39:31,520 --> 00:39:31,840
Speaker 4: hurt me.

848
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:32,440
Speaker 2: It was all.

849
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,479
Speaker 4: The verbal stuff and everything else that I can't share

850
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 4: that has that Alan has been the one that has

851
00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:41,799
Speaker 4: tried to change and help me through all of that,

852
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 4: and so letting him in, what I've realized is was

853
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:51,640
Speaker 4: the worst thing for me, and my journey to letting go,

854
00:39:51,719 --> 00:39:55,200
Speaker 4: and the fact that he's constantly like take take, take,

855
00:39:55,239 --> 00:39:57,440
Speaker 4: take taking, and the fact that I have to constantly

856
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,400
Speaker 4: see him is so hard because of all the betrayal

857
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:03,480
Speaker 4: and all the other stuff on top of it. That

858
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 4: is like the worst thing about co parenting because I

859
00:40:06,600 --> 00:40:09,520
Speaker 4: wish I never had to deal with him. I don't,

860
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:11,920
Speaker 4: and I have to be kosher with him. That's the

861
00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 4: hardest part. But I've realized from the bear and all

862
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:17,959
Speaker 4: of that, like I don't want him to take any

863
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 4: more of and we were good. That was so that's

864
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 4: that's the frustrating piece. Sore, I'll wrap it up, but

865
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,400
Speaker 4: like we were good. I just realize for me to

866
00:40:27,480 --> 00:40:30,719
Speaker 4: be really clean of all that and not letting all

867
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:32,840
Speaker 4: that stuff trigger me, I can't. I just can't have

868
00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:33,799
Speaker 4: him in my life.

869
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:37,440
Speaker 2: My therapist used to say to me often that I

870
00:40:37,520 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 2: continued to go to the hardware store for bread. Yeah,

871
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:43,799
Speaker 2: and she was like, at some point, is it the

872
00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,080
Speaker 2: hardware store that there's no bread or the fact that

873
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 2: you keep going there. This was an amy, by the way,

874
00:40:49,560 --> 00:40:52,760
Speaker 2: but I had to change one of the most important

875
00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 2: relationships in my life because what I expected of that

876
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:59,880
Speaker 2: person may never and I'll never say never, because I

877
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 2: think people change and can change. I haven't personally super

878
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:05,640
Speaker 2: experienced that, so it's hard for me to believe, but

879
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 2: I want to believe that. But in my experience, that

880
00:41:08,400 --> 00:41:11,880
Speaker 2: person is best placed in a position in my life

881
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:15,280
Speaker 2: where they do not have full access anymore, because it

882
00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:18,160
Speaker 2: was detrimental to me exactly, and I think and that

883
00:41:18,320 --> 00:41:20,239
Speaker 2: is that he does not get full access anymore, and

884
00:41:20,280 --> 00:41:22,839
Speaker 2: he shouldn't. I will be kosher, as I will always do,

885
00:41:23,040 --> 00:41:25,120
Speaker 2: but letting him in was the worst thing that I

886
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 2: could have done. In your defense, I think it is

887
00:41:27,800 --> 00:41:31,480
Speaker 2: easier for people to have these really whole great relationship

888
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 2: I tried. I wanted to, I know, but you also

889
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:37,719
Speaker 2: don't get time away the relationship where I established and

890
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,560
Speaker 2: re established a boundary. I am able to not see

891
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,360
Speaker 2: that person for a while. You don't get that luxury

892
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:45,160
Speaker 2: in this situation.

893
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:49,000
Speaker 1: So well, I think that people like you said, yes,

894
00:41:49,239 --> 00:41:52,879
Speaker 1: people can change. That doesn't mean that they get full

895
00:41:52,920 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 1: access to you, though, right, And if it takes proving right,

896
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,920
Speaker 1: it takes proving that you've changed that has not happened.

897
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:02,880
Speaker 4: And again, I don't care about the hundred bucks that

898
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 4: he was going to eat. It's just the of like

899
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 4: and of the many lies. He says, well, I'll get

900
00:42:09,719 --> 00:42:11,480
Speaker 4: you this by the like, and he doesn't.

901
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: Well, how are you going to fully? And that's kind

902
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,080
Speaker 1: of always been my question with that. I get it,

903
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:19,560
Speaker 1: like I would have wanted to go on family vacations

904
00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: and all the things too, but how can you truly heal?

905
00:42:23,680 --> 00:42:26,840
Speaker 3: And I'll say this both of you because he needs.

906
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:30,399
Speaker 1: Healing too from the relationship even you know he needs

907
00:42:30,440 --> 00:42:32,600
Speaker 1: a lot of healing. But I'm saying, how can two

908
00:42:32,600 --> 00:42:37,400
Speaker 1: people heal from something that was so tumultuous while still

909
00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 1: not getting you're not doing anything to him now. I

910
00:42:43,239 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 1: truly believe that you have been as as great to him,

911
00:42:46,360 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 1: But how are you supposed to heal if you're still

912
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 1: getting the same results, Like, how are you not supposed

913
00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:53,560
Speaker 1: to get triggered by all the past things? I mean,

914
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: it's just like a mom or anyone in your life,

915
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:58,960
Speaker 1: Like I am still going to be triggered by the

916
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,080
Speaker 1: things that my mom did to me growing up if

917
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:03,440
Speaker 1: she continually does them to me. Right, So, there's no

918
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:06,880
Speaker 1: way you have to allow for less access. And maybe

919
00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:09,520
Speaker 1: ten years down the road somehow he proves and shows

920
00:43:09,560 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 1: you something differently and you would had a chance to

921
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,680
Speaker 1: get past that. But your expectations of him being that

922
00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:19,879
Speaker 1: changed person right now is just not reality for you guys, right,

923
00:43:19,960 --> 00:43:21,680
Speaker 1: And I think that that was the best thing that

924
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:24,279
Speaker 1: you could do is just boundary up.

925
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:28,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know, I'm just grateful for Alan too,

926
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 4: because he's he's helped me see things like he's he's like,

927
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 4: why why are you trying? Because I was like I

928
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:38,880
Speaker 4: just want everyone to get along and I just like

929
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,160
Speaker 4: I want peace and I want all that, but I

930
00:43:41,480 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 4: but yeah, he's just he's who he's always going to be.

931
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,680
Speaker 4: And I just I And again it just didn't mean

932
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:47,320
Speaker 4: more damage.

933
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,240
Speaker 1: And so well, and you were that kind of person

934
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:52,359
Speaker 1: that you We even talked about something another time where

935
00:43:52,360 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: it's like you just want you don't want bad vibes,

936
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: bad anything to feel not good. So that's probably where

937
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:02,120
Speaker 1: that place was coming from. Like I just needed to

938
00:44:02,120 --> 00:44:03,879
Speaker 1: feel good. I just needed to feel okay. I needed

939
00:44:03,920 --> 00:44:07,840
Speaker 1: to feel okay. It's also okay for it not to

940
00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:10,239
Speaker 1: be that way. Yeah, it doesn't all have to be good.

941
00:44:10,239 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 1: We don't have to get along with everyone in our lives, right,

942
00:44:13,360 --> 00:44:16,000
Speaker 1: I mean, we can be kind always right, and we

943
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:18,480
Speaker 1: can you know, say hi, but we don't have to

944
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:19,440
Speaker 1: be friendly with everybody.

945
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:21,240
Speaker 2: We can also know what we know about the people

946
00:44:21,239 --> 00:44:22,919
Speaker 2: based on what they've showed us. Right.

947
00:44:35,560 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 4: Well, moving on to the next headline, Brittany cart Wright

948
00:44:37,920 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 4: says Jax Taylor has done irreparable damage to their son

949
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,320
Speaker 4: Cruise after he reveals cocaine addiction. She says, his addiction

950
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 4: unfortunately has done damage to my son and I've spent

951
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 4: years trying to help him. I wish more than anyone

952
00:44:49,480 --> 00:44:51,440
Speaker 4: I could say how proud I am of him today,

953
00:44:51,480 --> 00:44:54,239
Speaker 4: but I'd be lying. His actions will speak for themselves.

954
00:44:54,520 --> 00:44:56,160
Speaker 4: She also went on to say, you can't help me

955
00:44:56,239 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 4: fall in love with I've done absolutely everything in my

956
00:44:58,280 --> 00:45:01,160
Speaker 4: power to get him the help he desperately needs. Unfortunately,

957
00:45:01,160 --> 00:45:03,759
Speaker 4: I was naive and believed his empty promises and his

958
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:06,839
Speaker 4: pleads to change for years. And I think, I mean,

959
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:11,480
Speaker 4: a girl, I can I empathize with you. There's that

960
00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,239
Speaker 4: piece where she said I wish I could say how

961
00:45:13,239 --> 00:45:15,600
Speaker 4: proud of him I am today, but I'd be lying.

962
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,400
Speaker 4: I think back on all the times that he would

963
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 4: either get baptized, or do this or do X y Z.

964
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,000
Speaker 4: It's like, I want to be proud, but when you

965
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:25,560
Speaker 4: continue to do the same thing over and over again,

966
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:29,000
Speaker 4: it's hard to be. It feels empty until proven.

967
00:45:30,719 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 2: You know.

968
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:33,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, how old is their child?

969
00:45:34,320 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 2: Two? No? Three? Sorry? Three year old? Time? Yeah?

970
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:40,920
Speaker 4: That's I mean, that's really tough. And I hope And

971
00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 4: she said too, Once you have a child with someone,

972
00:45:42,680 --> 00:45:45,000
Speaker 4: it's not easy to leave. It took everything in my

973
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 4: power to gather the strength to walk away for those

974
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:48,959
Speaker 4: that have been through similar you get it. For those

975
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:50,959
Speaker 4: that question me, that's okay. I'm in a much better

976
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:54,479
Speaker 4: place now. And I think again relating to that where

977
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:57,239
Speaker 4: it's like, do people think I wanted to stay in

978
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,200
Speaker 4: that marriage? No, but you do what you think is

979
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,200
Speaker 4: best in that moment for your kids and never wanted

980
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 4: to be divorced.

981
00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:07,040
Speaker 2: So you know, people have a lot of opinions about

982
00:46:07,080 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 2: things they've never walked through, right. I mean when I divorced,

983
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 2: I learned that firsthand. It was the shittiest, darkest time

984
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,000
Speaker 2: of my life, but it was the most clarifying time

985
00:46:17,000 --> 00:46:20,640
Speaker 2: of my life. I had answers for everybody about everything

986
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,160
Speaker 2: prior to just crumbling to the ground. And then once

987
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:24,759
Speaker 2: I did that, I was like, you really just don't

988
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:25,560
Speaker 2: know anybody's story.

989
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:30,720
Speaker 1: Ever, No, that would be tough. I feel for her

990
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:34,200
Speaker 1: in that situation, and that would be that would be

991
00:46:34,239 --> 00:46:37,120
Speaker 1: a really hard Like is he around the child that?

992
00:46:37,239 --> 00:46:37,680
Speaker 2: Do we know?

993
00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 1: Like that, that's where my head goes to. I'm like,

994
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 1: it's almost scary to be divorced and know that they

995
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: could possibly have your child without you right having this addiction.

996
00:46:50,239 --> 00:46:51,000
Speaker 3: That's scary to me.

997
00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:53,000
Speaker 1: That's where my brain goes on that, but I hope

998
00:46:53,000 --> 00:46:55,480
Speaker 1: he gets the hope he needs.

999
00:46:55,680 --> 00:46:56,880
Speaker 2: A wake up call, we pray.

1000
00:46:57,400 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 4: Hi ladies writing in with a question for your podcast

1001
00:47:00,040 --> 00:47:02,719
Speaker 4: as women with varying ages and multiple kids, give it

1002
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:05,840
Speaker 4: to me straight. Does parenting continue to get more difficult

1003
00:47:06,239 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 4: the older your kids get. I have a two and

1004
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 4: a half year old right now, and while it feels

1005
00:47:10,120 --> 00:47:13,400
Speaker 4: like I'm in the trenches of the terrible twos, threes

1006
00:47:13,440 --> 00:47:13,960
Speaker 4: are worse.

1007
00:47:14,280 --> 00:47:15,959
Speaker 2: I feel the need to remind.

1008
00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 4: Myself that since things have only gotten increasingly challenging so far,

1009
00:47:19,280 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 4: they probably will continue to get more difficult into the

1010
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:25,319
Speaker 4: kid preteen and of course teenages. Thoughts, my thoughts on

1011
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 4: this one are threes worth the hardest years for all

1012
00:47:29,360 --> 00:47:34,279
Speaker 4: of my kids? And also like this is going to

1013
00:47:34,360 --> 00:47:36,840
Speaker 4: be the one side of things because I'm just in

1014
00:47:36,920 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 4: this space now where Roman is just a menace of

1015
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:43,799
Speaker 4: all things. I mean taking the grass out of all

1016
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 4: the trees and the house, and I mean just constantly,

1017
00:47:46,480 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 4: and I I'm trying to love each stage. I know

1018
00:47:50,920 --> 00:47:55,440
Speaker 4: that sounds so just like they're growing up so fast,

1019
00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:59,760
Speaker 4: and I'm trying to enjoy even when it's tiring or challenging.

1020
00:48:00,600 --> 00:48:03,280
Speaker 4: But yes, you know, and I'm scared of when Jolie

1021
00:48:03,320 --> 00:48:05,680
Speaker 4: turns thirteen and fourteen, but I'm also excited because there'll

1022
00:48:05,719 --> 00:48:09,319
Speaker 4: be a different friendship that we potentially will have then.

1023
00:48:09,480 --> 00:48:12,720
Speaker 4: So I don't know. That's just my kind of first thoughts. Yes, challenging,

1024
00:48:12,800 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 4: but like I love I love it too. Even though

1025
00:48:16,360 --> 00:48:16,759
Speaker 4: it's hard.

1026
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,839
Speaker 2: I feel like it gets less physically challenging and more

1027
00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:23,759
Speaker 2: emotionally challenging as they get older. Yes, as a you know,

1028
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 2: we're in our forties and have a baby, it's like, whoa,

1029
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,920
Speaker 2: it's physically exhausting. But Kat, you have a son about

1030
00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 2: you know that's driving now, so.

1031
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, which is yeah, it's crazy. It's just talked to.

1032
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 4: Us about the grill of the evolution of the ages

1033
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 4: and growing.

1034
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:42,040
Speaker 1: It's just so different. It's so funny you bring this

1035
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:43,960
Speaker 1: up because I just looked at a picture that my

1036
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: in laws posted. My brother in law and sister in

1037
00:48:47,800 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: law are out of town. They have three kids, I

1038
00:48:49,960 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: don't know, six and under, seven and under, however, and

1039
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:56,000
Speaker 1: the photo she was like, literally like they haven't sat

1040
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 1: down once like the kids, you know. And I was like,

1041
00:48:59,280 --> 00:49:01,319
Speaker 1: I don't know if I could that again, Like I

1042
00:49:01,360 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 1: don't think I could go back in that phase of

1043
00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:06,839
Speaker 1: my life where you don't actually get to sit down

1044
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:08,799
Speaker 1: because you're afraid someone's going to kill themselves, you know

1045
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:09,200
Speaker 1: what I mean?

1046
00:49:09,239 --> 00:49:12,360
Speaker 3: Like, while you're at why do.

1047
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 2: You think we love these conversations, It's.

1048
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,480
Speaker 1: Because I'm already out of it. If I'm still in it,

1049
00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 1: it might be different. But I couldn't go back to

1050
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:21,919
Speaker 1: it like I thought I could once upon a time.

1051
00:49:22,280 --> 00:49:28,200
Speaker 1: It's just such a different challenge. I happen to love it.

1052
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 1: Having said that, at the current time, I don't have

1053
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:34,120
Speaker 1: kids that are getting into trouble, and I will say

1054
00:49:34,160 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 1: the difference is speaking to other mothers that I know

1055
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:41,080
Speaker 1: who had teens that were into trouble that is an

1056
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:47,280
Speaker 1: emotionally physically even it makes you physically exhausted that I

1057
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: can't imagine. And so luckily my children are great kids.

1058
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:53,960
Speaker 1: There is drama, like when it comes to girls and

1059
00:49:54,040 --> 00:49:57,920
Speaker 1: hurt feelings, and those things are really hard, But otherwise

1060
00:49:58,000 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: I'm just it's it is much In my opinion, it's

1061
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 1: much easier. Honestly, I think it's much easier than when

1062
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:08,360
Speaker 1: they were younger, when it was so physically taxing. But again,

1063
00:50:08,480 --> 00:50:10,239
Speaker 1: I don't have kids that are getting into trouble, and

1064
00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:13,240
Speaker 1: I think that that's a different level that could change

1065
00:50:13,320 --> 00:50:15,040
Speaker 1: that where I'd be like, I need to go back

1066
00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:15,920
Speaker 1: to when they were toddlers.

1067
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 4: I'll say this too. On a quick little thing. There

1068
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:22,520
Speaker 4: was someone that I know no their two year old

1069
00:50:22,680 --> 00:50:25,160
Speaker 4: son had just passed away from a freak accident, which

1070
00:50:25,200 --> 00:50:26,640
Speaker 4: is i'll tell you guys off air, just because I

1071
00:50:26,640 --> 00:50:30,040
Speaker 4: don't want to tell because they haven't personally told what

1072
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,400
Speaker 4: happened yet. But it's something so freak accident, something that

1073
00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:35,200
Speaker 4: could easily happen in any of our houses. And when

1074
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,359
Speaker 4: I watched you know, the Giving of the Organs, and

1075
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,160
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm cross. I don't know this person. I

1076
00:50:41,200 --> 00:50:43,000
Speaker 4: just know them through someone who told me, and so

1077
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 4: I watched her stuff and I'm bawling and it's just like,

1078
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:49,040
Speaker 4: oh my god, this is Roman, Like he's almost too

1079
00:50:49,040 --> 00:50:54,560
Speaker 4: and I'm just like the preciousness of life and our

1080
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,440
Speaker 4: children and being able to watch them grow up through

1081
00:50:57,840 --> 00:50:59,759
Speaker 4: their you know, we talked about the lot through the

1082
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:03,080
Speaker 4: line in this and the breakups and the throwing grass

1083
00:51:03,080 --> 00:51:06,440
Speaker 4: out of here. It's like that has helped me in

1084
00:51:06,480 --> 00:51:09,680
Speaker 4: the last few weeks of just really enjoying their life

1085
00:51:10,040 --> 00:51:13,200
Speaker 4: and all of it and their yes, their health and

1086
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:16,000
Speaker 4: watching them because it's like you see all these stories

1087
00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:18,839
Speaker 4: and it's just heartbreaking. So it's like, yes, challenging, and

1088
00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:20,200
Speaker 4: they're alive and they're healthy.

1089
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:23,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, absolutely, and you know how long we get to

1090
00:51:23,120 --> 00:51:25,560
Speaker 2: keep them, any of us? Or I just prayed in

1091
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:30,439
Speaker 2: the ground way before them. That's right. Okay, anybody want

1092
00:51:30,440 --> 00:51:32,840
Speaker 2: to anyway to spin that to me again?

1093
00:51:32,880 --> 00:51:34,640
Speaker 3: Are we just going to leave it on the kids now?

1094
00:51:34,880 --> 00:51:37,600
Speaker 2: Yeah? Listen, my bear is up there, so you know

1095
00:51:37,640 --> 00:51:41,839
Speaker 2: what I mean. And we barely made it, but we didn't.

1096
00:51:41,680 --> 00:51:43,920
Speaker 4: See you Next week, guys, maybe the rabbit will come

1097
00:51:43,960 --> 00:51:48,320
Speaker 4: out this next one. Yikes, whoa not that rabbit?

1098
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:50,960
Speaker 3: By bye bye