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Speaker 1: If I faced God today and he said, I give

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Speaker 1: your old life back, but you don't get anything that

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Speaker 1: you've gained from that to this stay forward, I would

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Speaker 1: say no.

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Speaker 2: Episode four fifty one with Granger Smith follow him everywhere

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Speaker 2: at Granger Smith, TikTok and Instagram. So first, musically, a

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Speaker 2: couple big hits. It's hard to we can't play clips anymore.

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Speaker 2: But Back wrote song oOoOO, I can't even do it.

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Speaker 2: This is my back wrote a good song.

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Speaker 3: You got it.

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Speaker 2: We used to sing that, dude like well part of

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Speaker 2: that in a big medley when the idiots were our

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Speaker 2: in our prime. You know, he's got a couple of books,

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Speaker 2: and I guess the Kid's book is the new one.

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Speaker 2: That's really what the focus is, and we get to

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Speaker 2: it later on. But Up Toward the Light tells an

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Speaker 2: inspiring story to bring a message of hope and strength

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Speaker 2: to children navigating laws and grief and a lot of

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Speaker 2: what we talk about. I want to say it dominates it,

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Speaker 2: but we talk about a lot the loss of his son. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because when we talk about a lot of stuff in

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Speaker 2: this I really like Granger. Granger also works for the

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Speaker 2: same company now doing a radio show. I guess before

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Speaker 2: we come on.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, we lead right after him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah right, Yeah, it's weird because his is the Overnight show,

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Speaker 2: so you but think it comes on way after us.

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Speaker 2: I mean it kind of leads into us in a

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Speaker 2: lot of places, you know, kind of took a hiatus,

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Speaker 2: maybe a forever break away from music and now mostly

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Speaker 2: just you know, giving his message of faith and his

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Speaker 2: story with his family and Earld Doubles. Junior still lives, right.

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Speaker 3: He's still doing stuff.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: YouTube panel, Yeah good.

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Speaker 2: So I liked this. I like Granger a whole lot.

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Speaker 2: I thought that he was very vulnerable and very generous

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Speaker 2: with his cues and his a's and that's weird. Also,

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Speaker 2: before we start the we should do some kind of

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Speaker 2: trigger warning, right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because he goes into some pretty detailed details about

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Speaker 3: the passing of his son that even me, like listening

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Speaker 3: to him talk about it, I never heard it in

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Speaker 3: that amount of detail, but for some people who maybe.

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Speaker 2: You're right, he does talk about like physic you're right.

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Speaker 2: Good trigger warning. I didn't think about that. Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 2: trigger warning. It does get difficult to listen to. But

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Speaker 2: for a specific reason.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's why we decided to leave it

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Speaker 3: in there because I think it's important to hear about

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Speaker 3: like his story, and it's a big part of his story,

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Speaker 3: but it's also could be difficult for.

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Speaker 1: Something to hear.

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Speaker 2: Good call but Granger Smith, Episode four point fifty one.

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Speaker 2: I hope you enjoyed this podcast. I like to start

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Speaker 2: the conversation with where we just left off. In personal life.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about biten fingernails because I lied to my

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Speaker 2: wife and said that I didn't lie and lie and lie.

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Speaker 2: I might have said, I'll lied, Okay, I did lie

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Speaker 2: to her. I lied about biting my fingernails because she

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Speaker 2: doesn't like me to bite my fingernails. So I said

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Speaker 2: I smashed it with a weight and so I got

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Speaker 2: a bad hangnail that ripped the hangnail out it bled.

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Speaker 2: She's like, oh, are you biting your fingernails? And I

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Speaker 2: was like no, I was left and weight baby trying

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Speaker 2: to get pumped for you. And she knows I like that.

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Speaker 1: But why is that a thing? Why is biting your

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Speaker 1: nails a bad thing?

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Speaker 2: To two parts? One, it's just gross because everything you

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Speaker 2: touch is now in your mouth. Meanka get yeah, and

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Speaker 2: you can't even really wash your hands under your nails.

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Speaker 2: Effect of work you can try. And then two, when

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Speaker 2: you bite your fingernails, the little hangnails could grow on

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Speaker 2: the side of them because you're starts to grow back,

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Speaker 2: and it's just really painful and you have to rip

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Speaker 2: them out and that hurts, or you can let it

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Speaker 2: grow and it hurts, and it's just overall not a

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Speaker 2: good deal. I like it though, that's my favorite. I've

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Speaker 2: had the list hobbies as of today, biting my fingernails

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Speaker 2: top three.

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Speaker 1: So I don't think those two negative reasons though, outweigh.

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Speaker 1: If it's your something.

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Speaker 2: You passionate about it, I think about starting a foundation

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Speaker 2: for nell bitters everywhere I'm thinks. I'm thinking about making

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Speaker 2: a move like you did and leaving all this to

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Speaker 2: go and work with nel biters and really pump pump

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Speaker 2: that message. Yeah, be impactful about nel biting.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it just give out hand sanitizer as part of

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Speaker 1: the thing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I shouldn't do it, because again it's stupid. And

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Speaker 2: I did. The tasty stuff, the bad taste you put

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Speaker 2: on it, and you like put it on your fingernails.

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Speaker 2: It's like Neil polished but it's clear, but it tastes

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Speaker 2: so bad. But then I just developed a strategy so

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Speaker 2: often do of biting without tasting.

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Speaker 1: So I walked in here today and had no idea.

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Speaker 2: That this was a thing, me doing a show.

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Speaker 1: Well, no, no, not that that biting a nail, biting

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Speaker 1: nails was such a thing that there were remedies that

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Speaker 1: people will sell. Yeah, so that so that you could

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Speaker 1: not do something that you actually don't mind doing. I

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Speaker 1: love it, man, it's I don't get it. I don't

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Speaker 1: understand that.

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Speaker 2: I would say, mostly because of the health ramifications. If

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Speaker 2: you have a lot of journals and you put in

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Speaker 2: your mouth and young kids that that's usually used for

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Speaker 2: young young kids, the taste thing or me?

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Speaker 1: So, could you hold like a convention and talk about.

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Speaker 2: Hold I go on schedule for next week and everyone

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Speaker 2: a lot of people would show up Vancouver who was

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Speaker 2: sold out? All nail biters that you really?

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Speaker 1: Could you do? Could you do it? Oh?

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Speaker 2: I'll mean disgusting. I don't want to hang out with

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Speaker 2: el biters.

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Speaker 1: They're gross. Evidently enough people buy the nail polish.

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Speaker 2: And nail biters are losers. Man, to be with a loser, Uh,

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Speaker 2: that's me. That's mean. How you been buddy? Really, it's

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Speaker 2: awesome to see you know, what's funny about doing I

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Speaker 2: don't even let you answer the question. But what's funny

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Speaker 2: is like I like you so much and like respect

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Speaker 2: what you do and how you do it, and also

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Speaker 2: consider you. Like we don't get to hang out enough

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Speaker 2: to be friend friends, but like a buddy friend. Which

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Speaker 2: is that next level that I feel comfortable when you

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Speaker 2: come over that it's like, oh cool, I get to

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Speaker 2: go do this and not have to worry about it

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Speaker 2: if I like the person or thank you man or

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Speaker 2: And you know this because with your new career you

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Speaker 2: got a couple of them. There are times where I

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Speaker 2: feel like I have to be extremely on just in

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Speaker 2: case because I don't know the skill set of the

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Speaker 2: other person or how they feel. I don't have to

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Speaker 2: do that with you, which means I can even take

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Speaker 2: long breaths.

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Speaker 1: M dude, that's a compliment. Thank you?

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Speaker 2: Yeah it really if you could feel I honestly feel

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Speaker 2: that way about you.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's cool, thank you.

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Speaker 2: So how have you been?

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Speaker 1: Honestly what? I'm in a good place, better than I deserve,

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Speaker 1: I should say.

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Speaker 2: Is that a thing that you say?

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Speaker 1: Now?

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Speaker 2: Because I had a coach that would always say how's

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Speaker 2: it going? They always go better than I deserve? Do

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Speaker 2: you really feel better than you deserve? I?

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Speaker 1: First of all, it is a thing because it's a

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Speaker 1: great conversation starter. What do you mean by that? What?

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Speaker 1: What do you deserve? You know?

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Speaker 2: I think you might have to know good though. If

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Speaker 2: you say that, like if feel like better than I deserve,

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Speaker 2: I'm like, I wonder what he stole?

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Speaker 1: So yes, so it could be just a thing that

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Speaker 1: you say. It is a great conversation starter alluding to, well,

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Speaker 1: what is it that you deserve? But on top of that,

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Speaker 1: I am just actually in a good place. I really am.

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Speaker 2: Was there a place we'll call it your live stock

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Speaker 2: market because we've seen each other a couple of times since,

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Speaker 2: and I don't feel like you've retired. I feel like

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Speaker 2: in this world of messaging whatever it is, sure, music,

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Speaker 2: Jesus speaking, singing, sports, whatever, the messaging is like, it's

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Speaker 2: all a version of that. And where I do a

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Speaker 2: radio show or a podcast, or I do a sports show,

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Speaker 2: we shoot a sports like TV show. But it's all

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Speaker 2: the same, even though it's not. And it's all fulfilling

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Speaker 2: to me in different ways. And there are seasons where

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Speaker 2: things are way more fulfilling to me than others, but

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Speaker 2: there is now a fluidity to if you're brave enough

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Speaker 2: to go try it, you might just be good at

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Speaker 2: it and get to do it all. And that is

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Speaker 2: something that I've seen you really thrive at because obviously

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Speaker 2: you have massive success in me music, and I don't

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Speaker 2: feel as a fan like you've stepped away. Even though

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Speaker 2: you're in the weeds, You're not ten thousand feet above

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Speaker 2: it like I am. You may feel that way because

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Speaker 2: you're not maybe writing as much, performing as much, but

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Speaker 2: your music always lives, so I can go to it anytime.

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Speaker 2: It's like when Tom Petty dies, for example, he hasn't

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Speaker 2: died to me. I didn't. I don't know Tom Petty.

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Speaker 2: Sure he's still alive to me. Granger Smith, like the

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Speaker 2: music artist I really enjoy, is still living just as

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Speaker 2: he was to me. But now you've decided to focus

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Speaker 2: a lot of other energy on a lot of other things.

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Speaker 2: And so as the stock market of life seasons ago,

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Speaker 2: did it go down at all after you decided to

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Speaker 2: kind of leave in your mind a lot of your

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Speaker 2: energy from music and put it somewhere else.

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Speaker 1: The stock market as me as a product, not specifically music,

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Speaker 1: because you're just talking about.

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Speaker 2: Just you as a person. Do you feel like you

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Speaker 2: took it down, you went down and questioned what you

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Speaker 2: were doing, or if you could lose it all? Or

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Speaker 2: did he get worse for you emotionally scary?

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Speaker 1: Even, Yeah, I get it. I live in a place now.

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Speaker 1: It's funny. I was just having this conversation on the

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Speaker 1: way here, literally that if I died tonight in my sleep,

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Speaker 1: it would be enough. Today would have been enough. And

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Speaker 1: I didn't live in that world. For all of my

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Speaker 1: music career and probably most of my life on top

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Speaker 1: of that, it was always it's not enough yet. I

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Speaker 1: haven't gotten it yet. I'm still searching forward. I'm pushing

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Speaker 1: forward and I'm almost got it. I've got all this stuff,

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Speaker 1: but I want a little bit more and I don't

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Speaker 1: have that at all now. So does that mean the

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Speaker 1: stock market of my life has gone down? Probably? But

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Speaker 1: I think, but I think I like it to be down.

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Speaker 1: That's think. That's kind of the.

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Speaker 2: Point, which which then I think it's up.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the way however you look at it, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Meaning I would judge the stock market of my life

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Speaker 2: in the fulfillment that I have, And sometimes my fulfillment

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Speaker 2: comes from things that I shouldn't be fulfilled. I shouldn't

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Speaker 2: chase to be fulfilled by Yeah, those things that are

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Speaker 2: very professional, non meaningful, ego based, award based, databased, short term,

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Speaker 2: goal based, and at times, but like, I've been married

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Speaker 2: now a couple of years, and it's been difficult for

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Speaker 2: me at times because I was never with another person.

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Speaker 2: I don't I have the emotional and I don't even

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Speaker 2: mean this is a joke, but the emotional knowledge of

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Speaker 2: like it probably not like a fourteen year old because

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Speaker 2: I never it was just me, never had to be

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Speaker 2: in an intimate relationship with anybody. And it's been very hard.

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Speaker 2: And there are some of the things that I thought

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Speaker 2: were so important. I don't put as much energy into

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Speaker 2: going after those. I still do. I still care about

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Speaker 2: a lot of things, but there's been a shift in

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Speaker 2: my value system a bit because now I have another

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Speaker 2: person and I'm learning how important that is and how

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Speaker 2: hard If I work at that, the payoffs are even bigger.

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Speaker 2: So I could go well personally, I think it's up. Professionally,

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Speaker 2: maybe not as high as I would be, but as

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Speaker 2: long as I'm fulfilled, that's my stock market up. That

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Speaker 2: all comes to what I'm fulfilled with because I am

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Speaker 2: not the place where I know with what I was chasing,

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Speaker 2: I'm never going to be satisfied. And that's not a

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Speaker 2: good place to be because it and I'm still there

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Speaker 2: in ways, but it didn't matter, it doesn't matter. I'm

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Speaker 2: not going to be that monster it's been to me

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Speaker 2: forever is never going to be full And at least

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Speaker 2: I can acknowledge that now that there's nothing I can

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Speaker 2: do professionally that's going to make me go, I feel complete. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and that's that's that's nice to admit. But it's almost

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Speaker 2: like a little like am I am I quitting or

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Speaker 2: giving up? Or am I just maturing?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? And that's the that's the American culture, that American

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Speaker 1: dream that's just so ingrained in us. It goes, don't quit,

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Speaker 1: don't give up, keep going, keep pushing forward. Amazing, that's

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Speaker 1: amazing that we have that. You know that that's a

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Speaker 1: gift that we have that kind of drive And that's

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Speaker 1: really what settled the West was that mentality. But at

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Speaker 1: what level does that become dangerous? And is that outstride

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Speaker 1: or contentment? And I think that that's kind of a

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Speaker 1: word that we're talking about here, is can you be great?

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Speaker 1: You drive, you push forward, you chase, but can you

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Speaker 1: be content with what you have? Now? That's the question.

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Speaker 1: If the answers yes, then continue to chase and drive.

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Speaker 1: If the answers know, then you need to pull back

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Speaker 1: and start releasing some things.

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Speaker 2: And my answer is no, but it's not no anymore.

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Speaker 2: There's a difference to me because there's a bit because

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Speaker 2: of my wife. There's a bit of growth in realizing

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Speaker 2: that there are other priorities than those extremely fleeting entertainment

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Speaker 2: or chasing a love that is not real through people

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Speaker 2: I don't really know, just so I feel like I've

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Speaker 2: accomplished something, because I feel like I've never accomplished anything again.

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Speaker 2: That thing never gets fed or briefly and then it's

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Speaker 2: hungry again. And I've been able to learn through her

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Speaker 2: that the things sometimes that maybe I didn't even know

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Speaker 2: existed with that are valued, like quality time, like that's

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Speaker 2: there's that's currency, that's that's real, substantive, like the ability

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Speaker 2: to have that and it go well means way more

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Speaker 2: than I thought it would. So I've been able to

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Speaker 2: shift a little bit of that. I just need to

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Speaker 2: succeed to that, not all to that, and I wonder

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Speaker 2: with my version of this have and you say you

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Speaker 2: could die tonight, and I hope that doesn't happen. But have

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Speaker 2: you shifted a bit of your Okay, I gotta do

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Speaker 2: this professionally too. Now I'm doing something that creates a

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Speaker 2: healthy contentment and fulfillment and me and I feel better

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Speaker 2: because of it.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, consolidating what I do to all the

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Speaker 1: way down to the things that matter, the things that

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Speaker 1: are meaningful to me.

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Speaker 2: Things are now, how about that? Yeah, because I'm sure

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Speaker 2: they're different than what that mattered five years ago to ye,

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Speaker 2: what matters now to you that maybe didn't matter as

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Speaker 2: much five years ago.

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Speaker 1: Now I'm able to speak into lives and add an

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Speaker 1: idea of hope in a world that a lot of

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Speaker 1: people don't have any and so they chase other things

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Speaker 1: to try to replace it. So if I can come

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Speaker 1: in on a personal level, And you know, this is crazy,

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Speaker 1: because I'm coming from a world where the more people

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Speaker 1: I talk to, the better. So it's talk to a

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Speaker 1: lot of people with a small, vague message, or talk

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Speaker 1: to one person with a very impactful, deep message for

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Speaker 1: a long period of time. And I go to bed

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Speaker 1: that night feeling fulfilled from one one coffee I had.

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Speaker 1: I had coffee with a guy last week who lost

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Speaker 1: his son. I live in Austin, he lives in Dallas.

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Speaker 1: He's like, I'll do anything. I'm forty four days into this.

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Speaker 1: I need to talk to you. I need I need

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Speaker 1: to have coffee. So I'm looking at my schedule like

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Speaker 1: I don't know the guy. It doesn't really make sense,

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Speaker 1: but I know this is this is why I'm here.

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Speaker 1: I need to be open to stuff like this. So

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Speaker 1: I say, yeah, Tuesday, will meet. He drives to temple.

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Speaker 1: We meet.

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Speaker 2: What made you say yes? I want to get to

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Speaker 2: the story, But what made you say yes? Other than

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Speaker 2: just going I just need to do it? What because

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Speaker 2: you thought about it. It's probably harder to do it

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Speaker 2: than not do it. Why do you say yes to that?

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Speaker 1: I said yes because I've done it enough times to

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Speaker 1: know that there is more fulfillment in that than whatever

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Speaker 1: the rat race thing I was supposed to be doing

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Speaker 1: on a Tuesday. So I meet the guy and we

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Speaker 1: set this coffee shop for four hours and I talked

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Speaker 1: for about twenty minutes out of the flour and listened

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Speaker 1: the rest of the times. He's just unpacking unpacking unpacking,

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Speaker 1: and then but the times I was able to speak,

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Speaker 1: the short time I could, I knew things to say

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Speaker 1: that would impact him in a way that on his

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Speaker 1: drive back to Dallas, I know he's gonna be thinking

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Speaker 1: about it. And then I leave there and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I've missed out on whatever else I was doing today.

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Speaker 1: But that one guy that actually matters. I don't know

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Speaker 1: why I can't articulate what you know in a cosmic way,

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Speaker 1: why this one conversation mattered than me getting on a

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Speaker 1: podcast and talking to thousands and tens of thousands, But

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Speaker 1: it just.

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Speaker 2: Did, probably the promised intimacy because you're actually there seeing

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Speaker 2: something to that the effect of the person, and the

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Speaker 2: same way you could play music and watch people react

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Speaker 2: and have a great night as well. But again, you're right,

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Speaker 2: it's a big, vague, broad message for a lot, or

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Speaker 2: a nuanced specific message for one. And it's pretty cool

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Speaker 2: to see how that has changed inside of you. I

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Speaker 2: would imagine at some point you still like the other

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Speaker 2: because I watch you speak sometimes what you do. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and yeah, it's definitely a specific ish message, but and

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Speaker 2: you're definitely trying to affect people that are watching you.

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Speaker 2: But it has to be tailored a bit more generically

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Speaker 2: than if you're just talking to a person across from you.

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Speaker 2: When you speak, to speak or your church, your preacher, whatever,

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Speaker 2: how are you defining do you do sermons? Would you

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Speaker 2: go yours a sermon?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's mixed like sometimes it's a church like literally

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Speaker 1: this this coming Sunday is a sermon, Okay, Sunday morning,

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Speaker 1: but it's not always. Sometimes it's a youth conference or whatever.

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Speaker 2: When you speak and you leave that, what is that

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Speaker 2: feeling like? Because you haven't set across from them and

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Speaker 2: got their specific nuance needs a reaction, But you still

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Speaker 2: just went and took your message and your feelings and

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Speaker 2: were vulnerable and shared to people who are needing and wanting.

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Speaker 2: That described the two, The difference between the.

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Speaker 1: Two similar to concerts music. I could walk off from

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Speaker 1: the message and and think, man, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: I don't know if I did, I don't know if

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Speaker 1: that mattered at all. I think that might have been horrible.

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Speaker 1: And then there's other times I walk off and go

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Speaker 1: I think I nailed it. I think I nailed that.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting that I get the it's I get the

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Speaker 1: same type of feeling. But but I do know that

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Speaker 1: the sword is sharper with the message that I'm giving

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Speaker 1: now as opposed to just a more generic I'm just

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Speaker 1: going to play a concert and make you smile, which

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Speaker 1: is great. It's great. I always thought of myself as

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Speaker 1: being able to make people take an emotional journey three

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Speaker 1: minutes at a time. But what I what I know

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Speaker 1: now is where that the goal is to really affect

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Speaker 1: people on an intimate level, so that if they are

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Speaker 1: hurting past the point of I don't even want to

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Speaker 1: live anymore, then this could affect that person in a

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Speaker 1: positive way.

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Speaker 2: And I think all are needed, and I don't think

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Speaker 2: one's more important than the other. And I don't think

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Speaker 2: you're even saying that I'm saying, I'm not. You're you're right,

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Speaker 2: and I don't want to be a misconstrue. What you're

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Speaker 2: saying is I don't believe that your message, and most

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Speaker 2: people will hear that. But I think all are needed,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes to be better at being able to have

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Speaker 2: empathy or understanding that comes with extreme difficulty. Like any

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Speaker 2: of the empathetic skills that I have, any of the

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Speaker 2: understanding that I have that I can help with has

386
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Speaker 2: always come through. It's really crappy stuff happening, and even

387
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Speaker 2: with you know like a river the book and your

388
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Speaker 2: tattoo says River, and you know your son and how

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Speaker 2: that tragically changed your life and your whole family's life,

390
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Speaker 2: And you would never wish that on anyone. The tools

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Speaker 2: and the skills and the empathy that you gained from that,

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Speaker 2: that you could go back, you'd never want to have

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Speaker 2: to gain those if you were to ask, No, you

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Speaker 2: don't want to gain it. You don't want It's terribly tragic.

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Speaker 2: But what it seems to me again, from ten thousand

396
00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:12,080
Speaker 2: feet up, you've taken those that skill set and now

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Speaker 2: you're using it. Specifically the guy you met with for coffee.

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Speaker 1: You know what I told that guy in the brief time,

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Speaker 1: the twenty minutes. I told you that I was going

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Speaker 1: to say only a few things that would matter, And

401
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: I told him something that's only been a recent thought

402
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Speaker 1: in my mind that i've worked through just recently, and

403
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Speaker 1: I've never said this in a public setting, and I

404
00:20:36,760 --> 00:20:39,239
Speaker 1: haven't fully unpacked it yet. But the truth is this,

405
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Speaker 1: if I faced God today and he said, I give

406
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Speaker 1: you River back, I give you your old life back,

407
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Speaker 1: but you don't get anything that you've gained from that

408
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Speaker 1: to this day forward. Right, you don't get any of that,

409
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Speaker 1: You just get River and your old life. I would say, no,

410
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Speaker 1: take I can't. I can't go back there even to

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Speaker 1: have River back, because I was broken so much that

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Speaker 1: the new growth that came from that death really from me.

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Speaker 1: I'm not even I'm not. I'm talking about just me.

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Speaker 1: I'm a new, different person and I can't go back

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Speaker 1: into that old self again because I just see things differently.

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Speaker 4: Now, Hank Tight, the Bobby cast will be right back

417
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Speaker 4: and we're back on the Bobby Cast doing it.

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Speaker 2: In that example of retrospectively, if let's say that was

419
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Speaker 2: positioned to you beforehand, and it was you're gonna gain

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Speaker 2: all these empathetic you're gonna be able to help, but

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Speaker 2: you probably pick a different answer.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that's impossible. I would say no, absolutely no, Like

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Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm good.

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Speaker 2: But it took real tragedy and for you to go

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Speaker 2: through it, never be all the way through it, never

426
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Speaker 2: like it's it's never going to be easy. Yeah, it's

427
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,479
Speaker 2: never going to be. But to spend so much of

428
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Speaker 2: your time now dedicated to helping others who have been

429
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Speaker 2: in similar situations or just in broadly difficult times. I

430
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Speaker 2: don't think myself included. I couldn't, I wouldn't couldn't do that,

431
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Speaker 2: Like I and you gave up a lot to do that,

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Speaker 2: And I think that is a it's a very noble

433
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Speaker 2: thing to do where you're not asking for the praise.

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Speaker 2: But it's like if I sit here and don't praise you,

435
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:47,440
Speaker 2: I would and praise you as just like I really

436
00:22:47,480 --> 00:22:50,400
Speaker 2: appreciate you, Like I would feel like I wasn't being

437
00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 2: honest while I was talking to you.

438
00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I and I and I appreciate that. And

439
00:22:56,400 --> 00:22:59,600
Speaker 1: at the same time I was also I'm so stubborn

440
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: that it's like that's what it took, no for sure

441
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:03,760
Speaker 1: for me to finally be broken.

442
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,439
Speaker 2: It took also gotta be real stubborn to make it

443
00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:07,399
Speaker 2: in the first time in your first career. Like if

444
00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 2: you're not nuts, you don't do a nuts job and

445
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 2: not make it. If you're not nuts, you got to

446
00:23:12,240 --> 00:23:13,720
Speaker 2: have a screw loose. It's gotta be the right screw.

447
00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:15,639
Speaker 2: You gotta have a screw loos to even go and

448
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:17,760
Speaker 2: try to be an artist, a country music artist, much

449
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 2: less one that's going to find success once much less

450
00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,920
Speaker 2: one's gonna find success in the like a niche ish

451
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,240
Speaker 2: part of country music, which is the Texas scene, and

452
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,560
Speaker 2: then be smart enough to strategize how do I turn

453
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 2: this into a national thing while not being turning off

454
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:36,640
Speaker 2: your old like you were able to walk this road professionally,

455
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: really unlike any other artist I've seen, because there's so

456
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 2: many people that come from where you come from musically

457
00:23:42,080 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 2: that when they do it, they get turned on pretty

458
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 2: hard because people go, yeah, oh, it's like the Australia

459
00:23:47,880 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 2: top poppy syndrome. Oh yeah, you're a little Oh you're

460
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 2: too tall, We're gonna cut you down. You're now not

461
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 2: one of us anymore.

462
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:54,400
Speaker 1: Huh yeah.

463
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:58,560
Speaker 2: In that version that season for you, when you were

464
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:02,679
Speaker 2: just really killing it doing country music like you're one

465
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:04,600
Speaker 2: of the only guys I really didn't feel that from

466
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:08,159
Speaker 2: from the Texas red dirt whatever you want to call it,

467
00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 2: that scene, and then you didn't have whatever the Nashville

468
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 2: version is going, this guy thinks he's better than us,

469
00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 2: and he's going to come and try to be a

470
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 2: Texas artist, like you were able to navigate all that

471
00:24:18,040 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 2: so perfectly. That took real stubbornness because every step of

472
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:27,760
Speaker 2: the way was met with I probably wouldn't do it

473
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,520
Speaker 2: this way. No one's really done it like this before.

474
00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:35,879
Speaker 2: While you're doing comedy and comedy music, and you've taken

475
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,000
Speaker 2: that stubbornness and you've put it here and it's a

476
00:24:38,040 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 2: beautiful thing as long as it doesn't make you mentally unhealthy.

477
00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 2: Sure that it makes me mentally unhealthy at times, but

478
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 2: I found what does being stubborn? Absolutely I'll commit to

479
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:53,520
Speaker 2: something and I know I'm wrong at times, and it's like,

480
00:24:53,520 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 2: I'm not going to quit because I don't like to

481
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,840
Speaker 2: cut my losses, even though I feel at times like it's, uh,

482
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,080
Speaker 2: probably the best thing to do, because I need to

483
00:25:04,119 --> 00:25:07,359
Speaker 2: prove to either like the kid version of me or

484
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 2: like an adult version of somebody who was not good

485
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 2: to me as a kid who's not even around anymore.

486
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,480
Speaker 2: But without that stubbornness and having a bit of scrutlois,

487
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:19,680
Speaker 2: I wouldn't made it here. But I've seen you take

488
00:25:19,680 --> 00:25:22,199
Speaker 2: that that stubbornness. It's now in a different place and

489
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,640
Speaker 2: it's a different stubbornness. And the fact that you can say,

490
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:27,199
Speaker 2: and I'm kind of moved by this, that if you

491
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 2: were good today, you'd be good. I can't believe that

492
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 2: because that kind of person. To be an artist, you

493
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 2: got to be like it's it's all irrational. Everything's irrational

494
00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:38,800
Speaker 2: to think you can be an artist. People are gonna

495
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 2: pay money and stream your stuff and stream your music,

496
00:25:41,560 --> 00:25:43,159
Speaker 2: and that they should come to your show and they

497
00:25:43,160 --> 00:25:45,240
Speaker 2: should get a sitter and they should try to think

498
00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,639
Speaker 2: you're good enough that people. That's irrational, it is, and

499
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,199
Speaker 2: you gotta be nuts to think you can do that,

500
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:51,119
Speaker 2: and you did it.

501
00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: And literally to be mad at them if they don't.

502
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 2: Or to be mad at yourself because they didn't. Yeah. Yeah,

503
00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,639
Speaker 2: but now you've taken that stubborness and you've put it

504
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 2: in a way it's actually changing lives, and it's I

505
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:12,240
Speaker 2: wonder how long you can do it until you start

506
00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 2: to be like I almost did. I did news for

507
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:19,439
Speaker 2: like early on, I did some TV news stuff and

508
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,080
Speaker 2: I couldn't be around the sadness all the time. I

509
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 2: was strong enough and it kept doing comedy and I

510
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,399
Speaker 2: was doing TV. I didn't have it. I didn't have

511
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:29,919
Speaker 2: the guts for it. Didn't have And what you're doing

512
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,639
Speaker 2: a lot of what you're doing isn't flowers and candy. Yeah,

513
00:26:33,720 --> 00:26:35,480
Speaker 2: and are you going to be stubborn? And how long

514
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 2: until you're you're like, I want to go back and

515
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:41,360
Speaker 2: do some music again. You know how, when when does

516
00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:44,640
Speaker 2: the stubbornness here? Will you let that stubbornness go back

517
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 2: there a little bit?

518
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's framed. You framed it well because stubbornness would

519
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,440
Speaker 1: be the one thing that would make me turn back again.

520
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:57,639
Speaker 1: But I could see to right here on the show

521
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 1: and say to tell you with confidence, as far as

522
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:05,639
Speaker 1: I know, I cannot see myself being an artist again.

523
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:07,640
Speaker 2: But will you be so stubborn because you said that

524
00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,080
Speaker 2: you won't allow it even though you want it.

525
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,439
Speaker 1: But yeah, the reason you framed it that way is

526
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,480
Speaker 1: because stubborn people do stubborn things. But as I sider

527
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:18,840
Speaker 1: on this couch today, I say, I just can't foresee

528
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:23,440
Speaker 1: going back in a place where I'm needing the attention

529
00:27:23,720 --> 00:27:26,680
Speaker 1: so much that and that's really what it is. As

530
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 1: an artist. I need people to love me on a

531
00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: level that they want to hire the babysitter and leave

532
00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:34,960
Speaker 1: everything behind and stream my music and come to the concert.

533
00:27:35,359 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: I need that otherwise I'm not succeeding. And as I

534
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: recognize that, and I have to be consistent. When I

535
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,880
Speaker 1: say that I need to be consistent with writing books

536
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: that I feel the same way. If I write a book,

537
00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:49,120
Speaker 1: I can't expect a certain amount of people to buy it.

538
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 1: Otherwise that's an inconsistency in my argument here. So I

539
00:27:52,560 --> 00:27:56,440
Speaker 1: need to say I'm writing books for the one. Can

540
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,720
Speaker 1: I really live up to that? That's difficult, but that's

541
00:27:59,760 --> 00:28:02,280
Speaker 1: the ar Can I write a book and know that

542
00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:04,680
Speaker 1: I'm going to put all this effort just so one

543
00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:08,200
Speaker 1: life is changed for the better because of it, Because

544
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: that's a good goal.

545
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,040
Speaker 2: But it's a mass A book's a mass product though

546
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:13,280
Speaker 2: if it books like like you're speaking to a crowd.

547
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,280
Speaker 1: So then you've got publishers involved, and you've got a

548
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:17,720
Speaker 1: certain amount that you that they need to sell to

549
00:28:18,040 --> 00:28:20,679
Speaker 1: make an overhead. So can I be consistent and go,

550
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:22,760
Speaker 1: you guys, do what you got to do. But I'm

551
00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:25,160
Speaker 1: out of the rat race. I'm going to do this

552
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,679
Speaker 1: for the one. Now I'm humans. I don't know. I

553
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,320
Speaker 1: don't totally know the answer to I don't know if

554
00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 1: I could consistently go, it's only about one, It's only

555
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:38,520
Speaker 1: about one. But as I said here today, I could

556
00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,800
Speaker 1: tell you with confidence that I don't want to go

557
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:43,040
Speaker 1: back to the music business.

558
00:28:43,280 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 2: Do you have enough money to do this and do

559
00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,520
Speaker 2: passion and keep the same lifestyle that you've built, So.

560
00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 1: That's a money thing. Is a new question, and it's

561
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 1: a good thing to introduce into this conversation because that's

562
00:28:55,520 --> 00:28:57,560
Speaker 1: another thing I have to be consistent with with my

563
00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: contentment in today has to be so financial contentment today

564
00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 1: without worrying about is this sustainable? I could be responsible

565
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 1: about that and go, well, can we pay bills? That's irresponsible,

566
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:13,960
Speaker 1: But is a lifestyle sustainable? Then I have to go

567
00:29:15,000 --> 00:29:17,360
Speaker 1: maybe not, and that's probably okay.

568
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:30,320
Speaker 4: The Bobby cast will be right back. This is the

569
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,080
Speaker 4: Bobby Cast.

570
00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:37,479
Speaker 2: Have you had to have that conversation with your wife

571
00:29:37,720 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 2: or most importantly before you have that with yourself at

572
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,040
Speaker 2: a level where you really spend time thinking about it.

573
00:29:44,040 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: I have myself for sure. I think about it all

574
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:51,520
Speaker 1: the time because the more I give up with a lifestyle,

575
00:29:52,680 --> 00:29:54,880
Speaker 1: I don't feel any worse about it. In fact, I

576
00:29:54,920 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 1: feel more free. It's really interesting.

577
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 2: Counteretitive, Yeah, yeah.

578
00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:04,320
Speaker 1: And so amber Man just, by the grace of God,

579
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:09,480
Speaker 1: she's just she doesn't need a lot, thankfully, but it

580
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,840
Speaker 1: would be very difficult if she did.

581
00:30:12,120 --> 00:30:19,360
Speaker 2: What about the platform you've created. Let's say you do

582
00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,280
Speaker 2: this for a while and you're changing lives, but you're

583
00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 2: becoming a little less famous. There's a little less shined.

584
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 2: Great because now I think people attach themselves to you

585
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,080
Speaker 2: because of who you are, what you do, and how

586
00:30:31,080 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 2: you say it. But I think they give you a

587
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 2: chance a lot of times because you're freaking grange Er Smith,

588
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 2: your celebrity in their mind. The longer you do this

589
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 2: and you focus on what is fulfilling to you and

590
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:53,160
Speaker 2: matters to you, that platform does not stay as tall

591
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 2: as it was, which then could affect even the amount

592
00:30:57,280 --> 00:31:00,760
Speaker 2: of people that you're able to closely change.

593
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

594
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:02,480
Speaker 2: Have you had that?

595
00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 1: Yeah? And I think about it. Yeah. It's interesting because

596
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: I've been doing a lot of mission work in the

597
00:31:08,920 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 1: past past a few years. I've been able to travel

598
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:16,440
Speaker 1: to a lot of remote places, for instance, like the

599
00:31:16,440 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 1: mountains of Cuba. And when I go into the mountains

600
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:23,160
Speaker 1: of Cuba, no one knows Granger Smith, no one cares.

601
00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:27,360
Speaker 1: I'm just one member of a small team that's going

602
00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: into the mountains to bring medicine to children and to

603
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 1: give a message of hope about Jesus. So when I

604
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,320
Speaker 1: go in there, when I leave there, I crave it.

605
00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, that was no one knew about country music,

606
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:45,960
Speaker 1: or even river or anything about me. I was just

607
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: a guy with a message. And because of that, that's

608
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: the only really data point I have on what would

609
00:31:52,560 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: it be like for no one to know you? But

610
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 1: just from that alone, I'm like, that's pretty cool, just

611
00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,000
Speaker 1: to be a part of the team. No, no greater

612
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 1: or lesser.

613
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,479
Speaker 2: You know why it's cool though, because it's not normal.

614
00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:07,080
Speaker 2: Right now, Okay comes a lot more normal.

615
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:12,560
Speaker 1: Okay, I would say the life of Okay. Let me

616
00:32:12,600 --> 00:32:15,000
Speaker 1: look at it this way. As I was in country music,

617
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 1: I would always look at the older guys and go,

618
00:32:19,000 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: that's like, that's the trajectory. You could either go to

619
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,000
Speaker 1: the to this guy, or you could be this guy,

620
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 1: or you could be this guy. But but all of

621
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:28,200
Speaker 1: them are kind of you know the guy, the nineties

622
00:32:28,240 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: country guys. You could see him at festivals, you know,

623
00:32:30,160 --> 00:32:32,880
Speaker 1: at the three o'clock spot, And I would think about

624
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:35,080
Speaker 1: that a lot, like which one of those guys am

625
00:32:35,120 --> 00:32:39,120
Speaker 1: I going? Am I going to be? Now? I look

626
00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:43,520
Speaker 1: at a little church and a pastor, I say, little,

627
00:32:43,560 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 1: you know, anywhere between one hundred to a thousand, and

628
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 1: he's got it's just one shepherd and his other his

629
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:53,840
Speaker 1: other pastors that work there and his flock. And I

630
00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:56,120
Speaker 1: see those guys, and now that's that's kind of where

631
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:59,120
Speaker 1: I look now, whether or not it's an author pastor

632
00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:01,640
Speaker 1: that's written a lot of book and travels, or he

633
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 1: has no popularity and he just has a little church

634
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:08,400
Speaker 1: and he travels the world that when he can. And

635
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, I see that, and I go, okay,

636
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,920
Speaker 1: that that feels like home.

637
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 2: So you can see that and go if that's it,

638
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:26,160
Speaker 2: that's cool. Yeah, that's man's that's extremely temporarily very healthy

639
00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 2: of you. It is. I'm not saying it's not always

640
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,760
Speaker 2: going to be sure, but I know I change all

641
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:31,760
Speaker 2: the time with what's.

642
00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 1: A good argument that you're making, Like, well you think

643
00:33:33,480 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 1: that now, talk to me and tend you talk to

644
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:38,000
Speaker 1: me in twenty years. That's a good argument you're making.

645
00:33:38,200 --> 00:33:45,000
Speaker 2: My issue within myself has always been in my manager,

646
00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:50,200
Speaker 2: someone that I talk with a lot, Corn Capshaw. Him

647
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,920
Speaker 2: and I have spoken a lot about platform and giving,

648
00:33:52,960 --> 00:33:56,240
Speaker 2: and I would feel like if I did just went

649
00:33:56,280 --> 00:34:01,320
Speaker 2: and did more unsoldish things. I've been a very selfish

650
00:34:01,360 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 2: person and not in the way of like I need

651
00:34:03,320 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 2: to be me, me me, but like everything's always been

652
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 2: I'm an artist in a different way product and it's

653
00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:12,799
Speaker 2: always how can I make the product better? How can

654
00:34:12,840 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 2: I sharpen it? What do I got to take care

655
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,840
Speaker 2: of here? So it's been very I'm the sun in

656
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 2: the heliocentric universe. I felt that way for a long time.

657
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,200
Speaker 2: And also I didn't have a family, and so I

658
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,960
Speaker 2: was even as a kid I grew up, it was

659
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 2: just me surviving. And so what if I was a

660
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:28,960
Speaker 2: little less selfish and I took thirty percent of the

661
00:34:29,000 --> 00:34:31,279
Speaker 2: time forty percent of the time and didn't do as

662
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 2: much artist ry whatever you call it, and did more

663
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:39,920
Speaker 2: of let'll just call it general giving. And the conversation

664
00:34:39,960 --> 00:34:42,680
Speaker 2: that I had with Korn, who was given so much,

665
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:45,920
Speaker 2: and he referenced somebody that's very famous that he has

666
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:48,799
Speaker 2: worked with, and he said, it's gonna have to be

667
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:53,200
Speaker 2: what fulfills you either way, because there's no line, there's

668
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 2: no right answer for this. But if you lose your platform,

669
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 2: there is the possibility you actually lose the ability to

670
00:35:01,320 --> 00:35:03,160
Speaker 2: give as much as you want to give, and you

671
00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:08,320
Speaker 2: have to find that line of if you decide to

672
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:09,879
Speaker 2: take eighty percent of your time and go and give

673
00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 2: and go and do things, well, that's eighty percent of

674
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:14,280
Speaker 2: the time that you're not able to sustain what people

675
00:35:14,280 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 2: even care for you about, so you can give more.

676
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 2: And I think my struggle has been finding that line.

677
00:35:18,760 --> 00:35:21,280
Speaker 1: So the question is it becomes is it a heart

678
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:24,759
Speaker 1: issue or an impact issue, because if you're trying to

679
00:35:24,840 --> 00:35:27,440
Speaker 1: it can be both. It can be both, it can

680
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:31,000
Speaker 1: be both, but it always starts with the heart, not

681
00:35:31,120 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 1: the impact. So you know, for instance, when Jesus was

682
00:35:35,440 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 1: watching the people come on and tie and give all

683
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 1: the money and all these all the people at all

684
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 1: this money and they're given, and he's looking at he's

685
00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: with the disciples, and that one lady comes in with

686
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:48,600
Speaker 1: two small copper coins and he says, you see that

687
00:35:48,760 --> 00:35:52,719
Speaker 1: woman gave all that she had. That is from the heart.

688
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:56,440
Speaker 1: That's what matters. And so it's interesting to think about

689
00:35:56,440 --> 00:36:00,760
Speaker 1: that because we you and I both will think bigger platform,

690
00:36:01,000 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 1: bigger impact, bigger help affect more people, fact more people

691
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,839
Speaker 1: help the world. But when I've gone and experienced you know,

692
00:36:07,880 --> 00:36:10,759
Speaker 1: the like a trip to Cuba, like I said, and

693
00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,880
Speaker 1: I'm just impacting in a very small way, but on

694
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 1: a personal level, I my heart is much more enlarged

695
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:23,399
Speaker 1: by doing that. Interestingly enough, as opposed to let's raise

696
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 1: as much money as we can and give a billion

697
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:30,600
Speaker 1: dollars to starving kids in India. There's a disconnection there,

698
00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:35,800
Speaker 1: and that's something that I still want to unpack. But

699
00:36:36,280 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting to think, Yeah.

700
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,319
Speaker 2: It feels like you're closer to your line than I

701
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:42,279
Speaker 2: am mine because I can't find mine right now. Like

702
00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:45,359
Speaker 2: I don't know, because I want to do a lot

703
00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,239
Speaker 2: of things and help a lot of people, but I

704
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 2: don't want to lose my ability to have that line

705
00:36:49,480 --> 00:36:52,600
Speaker 2: to get to them. And I don't know what it is.

706
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,520
Speaker 2: I can't really I'm still searching for my line.

707
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:57,920
Speaker 1: Well so partly. And this is what I had to

708
00:36:58,000 --> 00:37:01,719
Speaker 1: learn after losing riv is I don't I don't get

709
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,919
Speaker 1: to decide what happens in my life. There's something out there,

710
00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:08,560
Speaker 1: there's something else that's I can't control it all. And

711
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: so when I thought I had the wife and the

712
00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:16,759
Speaker 1: three kids and everything was great, and then and then

713
00:37:16,760 --> 00:37:19,920
Speaker 1: all that falls apart. That's a that's a slap in

714
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:21,839
Speaker 1: the face that wait a minute, you mean, I don't

715
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:26,480
Speaker 1: have control over everything, and so to think that I

716
00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:29,120
Speaker 1: need to plan because I need to have control over

717
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:34,680
Speaker 1: my giving and my philanthropy and my in my books,

718
00:37:34,719 --> 00:37:37,120
Speaker 1: and I need to control that and my and the

719
00:37:37,120 --> 00:37:39,920
Speaker 1: money that we have to live on, or do I

720
00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: live day to day and go, I'm going to give

721
00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:45,160
Speaker 1: my heart today and trust that there is there's something

722
00:37:45,200 --> 00:37:48,840
Speaker 1: else that's that's driving everything and not me.

723
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:54,280
Speaker 2: And theory that sounds awesome, well if it is me.

724
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,239
Speaker 1: So to test the theory, we have to see how

725
00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 1: do how do we experience that in life? So your

726
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: experience so far, what you've just what you've said is

727
00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: that when you do try to make a big splash

728
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:09,360
Speaker 1: and give, you feel like there's something.

729
00:38:08,960 --> 00:38:13,239
Speaker 2: Else, something a little more personal. But I still want

730
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:18,720
Speaker 2: to reach a lot of people, and there's a threshold,

731
00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:22,480
Speaker 2: but I don't. I don't know where it is. I

732
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:23,600
Speaker 2: can't find it right now.

733
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:26,360
Speaker 1: What do you love to do when as far as giving.

734
00:38:26,120 --> 00:38:29,399
Speaker 2: Back, it's very selfish? No, no, no, But my love

735
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:31,480
Speaker 2: to give back is very selfish, okay, And and that

736
00:38:31,600 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 2: I only really understand stuff that's happened to me. So

737
00:38:34,600 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 2: food insecurity okay, sure, But I don't for the most

738
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:42,560
Speaker 2: part see those people, right, But I know what it

739
00:38:42,600 --> 00:38:44,640
Speaker 2: was like for people that didn't see me, and when

740
00:38:44,640 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: they gave us food, it changed my life. So I

741
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,759
Speaker 2: don't think I need to be there because they weren't

742
00:38:51,760 --> 00:38:52,560
Speaker 2: always there for me.

743
00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,719
Speaker 1: What is the thing that you do to fulfill that

744
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,280
Speaker 1: desire for the needy?

745
00:38:58,440 --> 00:39:03,000
Speaker 2: That one would be a financial Okay, yes, great, So.

746
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:08,839
Speaker 1: The challenge would be, let's go to Cambodia and go

747
00:39:08,880 --> 00:39:11,480
Speaker 1: in a slum when instead of a lot of money,

748
00:39:11,960 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: we have a meal. We go to find a family

749
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:20,080
Speaker 1: that needs a meal. Maybe that's the disconnect you're talking about.

750
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 1: Then maybe that's the gray area.

751
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 2: Maybe like I've been to Haiti and done, you know,

752
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,360
Speaker 2: and and you know, we we built a freaking orphanage

753
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 2: over there, you know. But I wasn't an orphan and

754
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:34,440
Speaker 2: it felt good to know I help people, but there

755
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:39,040
Speaker 2: wasn't a personal like it's super personal, like I know

756
00:39:39,080 --> 00:39:41,759
Speaker 2: what that feels like. So therefore I feel selfish because

757
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 2: I'm like, what why am I?

758
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:43,400
Speaker 1: Like?

759
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:46,120
Speaker 2: Why can't I like help birds or something? Because I

760
00:39:46,160 --> 00:39:47,640
Speaker 2: wish I just had something in me that was like

761
00:39:47,680 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 2: I just want to help something that's not I think

762
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to fix young me. I think that's

763
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 2: what like, I'm working inside of a time machine and

764
00:39:58,160 --> 00:40:02,200
Speaker 2: I'm trying to be trying to get to a younger

765
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:05,880
Speaker 2: version of me and be there in that way that

766
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:09,160
Speaker 2: people were there for me. A hospital like work a

767
00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:10,719
Speaker 2: lot with Saint Jude. I was in the hospital as

768
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:14,120
Speaker 2: a kid a bunch okay, didn't have cancer, but without

769
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 2: people helping it just wouldn't. That church being there and

770
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:25,560
Speaker 2: bringing mells and and Saint Jude is a natural thing

771
00:40:26,120 --> 00:40:29,400
Speaker 2: to walk into here. However, it's been a different level

772
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,600
Speaker 2: with me and us because of my experience of being

773
00:40:31,640 --> 00:40:34,919
Speaker 2: in a hospital, as in the hospital as a kid

774
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,680
Speaker 2: and depending on others, which is what that hospital does.

775
00:40:38,200 --> 00:40:38,359
Speaker 1: Now.

776
00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,399
Speaker 2: I do get to meet different patients, but again it's

777
00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 2: that doesn't feel very personal, except I guess the personal

778
00:40:44,080 --> 00:40:46,600
Speaker 2: thing is that it's I. That's why I say it selfish,

779
00:40:46,600 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 2: I feel like I'm helping me even though it's not

780
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:49,440
Speaker 2: really me.

781
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 1: What were you missing? What was the young version of

782
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 1: you missing during those times that now you're trying to.

783
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:06,239
Speaker 2: Fill Generally, probably I mean stability, love, and it's you know,

784
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:08,239
Speaker 2: I didn't know my dad mom was an adict, so

785
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:12,880
Speaker 2: it's kind of just by myself mostly not physically always,

786
00:41:13,719 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 2: but it was. It was definitely emotionally like I was.

787
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:20,160
Speaker 2: It was very alone. We also didn't have money. So

788
00:41:20,360 --> 00:41:25,239
Speaker 2: if it weren't for people like helping out food like

789
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:30,759
Speaker 2: I mentioned, like I needed that school supplies like that

790
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:33,960
Speaker 2: wouldn't have happened. So that's what I try to do.

791
00:41:34,520 --> 00:41:35,799
Speaker 2: And a lot of times I just feel like I

792
00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 2: can fix it in a lot of ways with just

793
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:39,520
Speaker 2: we make more money, so I can help raise more

794
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:42,719
Speaker 2: money or give more money. But then there's this like

795
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:47,000
Speaker 2: a personal connection that's not quite there.

796
00:41:47,239 --> 00:41:50,200
Speaker 1: Do you go to Arkansas a lot? Do you do

797
00:41:50,239 --> 00:41:52,360
Speaker 1: you ever find kids where you go? That's that was me.

798
00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and I help them as much as I

799
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:59,360
Speaker 2: can immediately with what, uh, well money, here's just money,

800
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 2: here's here to take money.

801
00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:07,399
Speaker 1: How do you feel when you do that, like.

802
00:42:07,320 --> 00:42:16,640
Speaker 2: I need to do it more? Never good, but like

803
00:42:16,680 --> 00:42:18,520
Speaker 2: I need like it's still not.

804
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:23,120
Speaker 1: Enough, Like it's not enough. Yeah. Interesting, How do you feel.

805
00:42:24,320 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 2: After the coffee and you talk for twenty minutes? He

806
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:32,799
Speaker 2: talked for almost four hours, which is the purpose of it, right, Yeah,

807
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:34,840
Speaker 2: how I mean, what does that feel? Did you do

808
00:42:34,880 --> 00:42:37,920
Speaker 2: you feel like I just did enough, or that's inspired

809
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,560
Speaker 2: me to do more like this, to give up more

810
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,600
Speaker 2: tuesdays on my calendars packed for situations like this.

811
00:42:43,680 --> 00:42:48,160
Speaker 1: How do you feel over time? That's that's definitely changed

812
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,799
Speaker 1: because coming right out of being an artist, it was like,

813
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:53,439
Speaker 1: you know, it's hyper sensitive to my schedule and very

814
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:56,360
Speaker 1: aware of the rat race and you know, making the

815
00:42:56,400 --> 00:43:00,640
Speaker 1: big impact. And I think I learned that the those

816
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:04,879
Speaker 1: those type of conversations, I was starting to leave them

817
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:09,319
Speaker 1: more and more saying that was enough. I did what

818
00:43:09,360 --> 00:43:12,879
Speaker 1: I needed to do today, and if I don't wake

819
00:43:12,960 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: up in the morning today was enough. That was I

820
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,399
Speaker 1: didn't just wake up and start thinking that. But I

821
00:43:19,440 --> 00:43:22,400
Speaker 1: feel that more than I do when I go speak.

822
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 1: In fact, it's crazy because I'll go speak at a

823
00:43:24,600 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 1: youth conference and a bunch of kids everywhere, and I'll

824
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:31,600
Speaker 1: leave and go was it enough? I don't know. There's

825
00:43:31,600 --> 00:43:33,640
Speaker 1: a disconnection, there's a personal disconnection.

826
00:43:33,719 --> 00:43:36,120
Speaker 2: Did you what's your parents situation? Are they alive or

827
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:36,960
Speaker 2: were they together?

828
00:43:37,120 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 1: Dad? They were together lost at in twenty fourteen, older

829
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:45,800
Speaker 1: fifty or sixty one.

830
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:49,279
Speaker 2: So too young but old enough for you to have

831
00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:50,440
Speaker 2: a full life with them?

832
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:50,719
Speaker 1: Yeah?

833
00:43:51,560 --> 00:43:57,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, were they loving? And supportive to you. Yes, so

834
00:43:57,800 --> 00:44:02,080
Speaker 2: you have that language.

835
00:44:02,040 --> 00:44:02,720
Speaker 1: That you learned.

836
00:44:03,360 --> 00:44:05,480
Speaker 2: Sorry, we had to show last on my voices. Looky,

837
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:09,040
Speaker 2: I don't really have that length. Like the personal thing.

838
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not good. I can do it on

839
00:44:10,600 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 2: stage in front of thousands of people. Well, then, like,

840
00:44:15,520 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: I don't think I could have this conversation if we

841
00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:22,960
Speaker 2: didn't have Mike's in front of us. M which is weird.

842
00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:27,800
Speaker 2: I don't think I would be vulnerable enough. But because

843
00:44:27,800 --> 00:44:33,120
Speaker 2: this is a show, I'm not doing a show, but

844
00:44:33,239 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 2: it is a show, so it's not real. So I

845
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 2: would have trouble sitting with a guy for four hours

846
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:46,640
Speaker 2: going I feel you, I understand you, let me help you.

847
00:44:47,760 --> 00:44:52,480
Speaker 2: Because I don't know. I couldn't communicate that we do

848
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 2: this got it? And I think that's probably where a

849
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:01,280
Speaker 2: little bit of my disconnect comes. I don't skilled at

850
00:45:02,080 --> 00:45:04,480
Speaker 2: I think it's been a learning part of my marriage

851
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:09,520
Speaker 2: is that communication. Like I said, I'm like fourteen, like

852
00:45:09,560 --> 00:45:11,759
Speaker 2: a teenager, I'm not ten anymore, which I was when

853
00:45:11,760 --> 00:45:14,839
Speaker 2: we got married. That did not have the skills loved

854
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 2: or had no skills and being intimate. And I'm not

855
00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:25,160
Speaker 2: talking about like sex. I'm talking about like two people. Yeah,

856
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 2: and maybe my development here helps me there, And that's

857
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:30,440
Speaker 2: so great.

858
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,400
Speaker 1: So how far have you come since you got married?

859
00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,720
Speaker 1: Been in out ten miles? So that what you're saying

860
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:43,719
Speaker 1: is with experience, with practice, that that personal connection gets

861
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 1: easier and grows with practice.

862
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:48,200
Speaker 2: But also, yes, and we're doing it wrong because that's

863
00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:52,319
Speaker 2: where I learn what's trying to learn anything? Really? But

864
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:55,080
Speaker 2: it's like when we I used to think every fight

865
00:45:55,160 --> 00:46:01,360
Speaker 2: we got into, we're about to get divorced. Yeah, yeah,

866
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:03,920
Speaker 2: because I've never been in a fight. I was never

867
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:08,080
Speaker 2: with anybody. And now I've realized that the fights that

868
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 2: we get into are actually like classes and like learning

869
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,400
Speaker 2: each other more. We tend to not get into that

870
00:46:17,520 --> 00:46:21,920
Speaker 2: same exact fight again. Sometimes I have, you know, have

871
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:24,080
Speaker 2: biting my fingernails. That's not a fight, but she's like,

872
00:46:24,080 --> 00:46:27,640
Speaker 2: stop biting your fingernails. But there are like fundamental ones

873
00:46:27,960 --> 00:46:33,279
Speaker 2: that it's taken that really uncomfortable situation for me to

874
00:46:33,480 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 2: learn and to get better at and then to communicate

875
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:42,360
Speaker 2: the next time in a more effective way. And I

876
00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 2: think that's how I've traveled these yeah, these miles. Now professionally,

877
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 2: I'm I'm I'm I'm a Methuselah. Sure what, Yeah, Like

878
00:46:51,680 --> 00:46:54,799
Speaker 2: I've been through I've been through it all, done bad contracts.

879
00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 2: I've accomplished things that I didn't think I was accomplished.

880
00:46:57,960 --> 00:47:01,320
Speaker 2: I've not accomplished things I've written, I've done I could act,

881
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:06,200
Speaker 2: So I have that I've done a ton and I'm

882
00:47:06,280 --> 00:47:07,839
Speaker 2: very educated and I can help people and I feel good.

883
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:09,480
Speaker 2: I guess it for three hours to get people advice,

884
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 2: but when it and I think that's where I'm missing

885
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 2: my my line. But I feel okay about that. I'm

886
00:47:16,440 --> 00:47:18,200
Speaker 2: getting there because I'm actually getting better at on a

887
00:47:18,200 --> 00:47:22,799
Speaker 2: more micro level here. Then that's the only way I

888
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:23,440
Speaker 2: would have start.

889
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: You know that a big difference between me now and

890
00:47:26,239 --> 00:47:29,680
Speaker 1: me ten years ago is one of the I guess

891
00:47:29,680 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 1: one of the many reasons is I'll see a guy

892
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:36,280
Speaker 1: like in the parking lot and he'll go, hey, Granger, yeah,

893
00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 1: and I'll see it on his face. I know something's

894
00:47:38,719 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 1: going on. Hey man, I talked to you just for

895
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:47,240
Speaker 1: a second. Man, I'm really going through something. I lost

896
00:47:47,239 --> 00:47:49,840
Speaker 1: this or that I don't know what to do. And

897
00:47:50,239 --> 00:47:52,640
Speaker 1: you're the only guy that I like to listen to.

898
00:47:52,640 --> 00:47:55,640
Speaker 1: That the only guy I could hear and this this

899
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:58,319
Speaker 1: is the difference. I'll go, we'll talk for a little bit,

900
00:47:58,440 --> 00:47:59,839
Speaker 1: I'll get a little bit of a read on him.

901
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:03,200
Speaker 1: I'll pull up my phone, pull up the context page

902
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 1: and say, put your number in here, let's talk. Man.

903
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: That is so far from the I would so I

904
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,319
Speaker 1: would hold my number. I wouldn't give my number out.

905
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:14,800
Speaker 2: I wouldn't.

906
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:17,839
Speaker 1: I'd be so worried about my personal space and like

907
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:21,799
Speaker 1: my time. And now I'm like, hey, man, call me.

908
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:25,960
Speaker 1: And it's really stepping off of a ledge for me

909
00:48:26,000 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 1: to say that. But the more and more I do it,

910
00:48:27,400 --> 00:48:30,959
Speaker 1: I get used to it. And surprisingly, for the most part,

911
00:48:31,040 --> 00:48:33,360
Speaker 1: people respect that. If I give them my phone and

912
00:48:33,360 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 1: say write your contact in or I'll text you, they're

913
00:48:36,360 --> 00:48:39,480
Speaker 1: pretty respectful. I don't think I have anyone that has

914
00:48:39,560 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 1: been disrespectful of that. But it has been interesting to build.

915
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,080
Speaker 1: I have a lot of people that kind of build

916
00:48:45,080 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 1: these little relationships just from texting. It's interesting.

917
00:48:50,040 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 5: Let's take a quick pause for a message from our sponsor,

918
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:03,360
Speaker 5: Welcome back to the Bobby Cast.

919
00:49:04,120 --> 00:49:07,160
Speaker 2: When you're writing, and I haven't looked at a single, No,

920
00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:08,879
Speaker 2: I haven't even I don't know any I haven't looked

921
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 2: at a single even worry about it. But my question

922
00:49:10,960 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 2: is because again I feel like I can just talk

923
00:49:13,040 --> 00:49:15,000
Speaker 2: to you about whatever, and I don't have like tiptoe

924
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:16,960
Speaker 2: around the line, right sure, otherwise I want to be like,

925
00:49:17,160 --> 00:49:18,880
Speaker 2: how about your money? Like I really feel like I

926
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:22,080
Speaker 2: can disask that, because I think people wonder that when

927
00:49:22,120 --> 00:49:24,359
Speaker 2: you write, and not so much like up toward the light,

928
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 2: which we can get to it. But when you write

929
00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:29,720
Speaker 2: like a River, it's very it's extremely at times personal,

930
00:49:29,760 --> 00:49:33,360
Speaker 2: and you have to re refeel things and sometimes discover

931
00:49:33,440 --> 00:49:36,480
Speaker 2: things that you didn't feel the first time. Yeah, or

932
00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 2: at least not fully because it was so painful that

933
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:41,120
Speaker 2: you're not you can't take it all in all at once.

934
00:49:41,160 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 2: It's like a fire hose coming at you when you

935
00:49:43,880 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 2: write a book like like a River, and you have

936
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:54,320
Speaker 2: to re experience some of the things by writing about

937
00:49:54,360 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: it or even thinking about if you're going to write

938
00:49:59,960 --> 00:50:06,600
Speaker 2: it about it or not. How difficult was that to

939
00:50:08,080 --> 00:50:12,080
Speaker 2: kind of travel back through and try to communicate properly

940
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:16,360
Speaker 2: because you've had a little distance from it. It still sucks,

941
00:50:17,360 --> 00:50:19,680
Speaker 2: but now you not just feeling, You've got to feel

942
00:50:19,680 --> 00:50:23,759
Speaker 2: it and communicate it and yet still take yourself through

943
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:25,359
Speaker 2: it again. So you can't communicate it.

944
00:50:27,040 --> 00:50:29,360
Speaker 1: When I first was kind of putting together the outline

945
00:50:29,400 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: for it, I realized early on, this is going to

946
00:50:32,560 --> 00:50:35,239
Speaker 1: be more than I thought, because the first literally the

947
00:50:35,239 --> 00:50:38,799
Speaker 1: first chapter is we lose River, and then I've got

948
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,560
Speaker 1: a bunch of I've got a bunch more chapters, and

949
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,920
Speaker 1: it's all the aftermath. Really, the book is really the

950
00:50:45,040 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 1: aftermath of losing him. And as I was doing the outline,

951
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 1: and this is this chapter, then i'll say this, i'll

952
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:55,160
Speaker 1: say this, I'll say this, and I completed it, and

953
00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:58,720
Speaker 1: I knew there was a piece I was intentionally missing

954
00:50:59,680 --> 00:51:02,680
Speaker 1: because I just didn't want to go there, and it

955
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,919
Speaker 1: was the time when I was, you know, almost killed

956
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:09,719
Speaker 1: myself suicide. But the story wasn't complete without it. So

957
00:51:09,760 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 1: at some level I was like, my wife didn't know

958
00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:15,319
Speaker 1: about it, no one knew about it. It's like it

959
00:51:15,360 --> 00:51:18,600
Speaker 1: needs to be a chapter because this part doesn't make

960
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:22,080
Speaker 1: sense down here without the connector. And the connector was

961
00:51:22,120 --> 00:51:25,880
Speaker 1: the dark night that I had, and so going there

962
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:28,839
Speaker 1: was something. And then not only going there, but then

963
00:51:29,480 --> 00:51:32,480
Speaker 1: I called Amber and I told her I got to

964
00:51:32,480 --> 00:51:35,439
Speaker 1: tell you. I literally waited till the book proposal was done,

965
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 1: and they're going to pitch it to publishers. And the

966
00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 1: book proposal had a chapter summaries, and as it was

967
00:51:41,560 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 1: going out, I was like, I better call Amber and

968
00:51:43,239 --> 00:51:46,280
Speaker 1: tell her that's how long I waited. And she cried

969
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:49,200
Speaker 1: and then she said, well, you better call your mom.

970
00:51:49,880 --> 00:51:51,680
Speaker 1: Mom didn't know, and then Mom said you better call

971
00:51:51,719 --> 00:51:55,319
Speaker 1: your brothers. No one knew about this, So it was

972
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:57,239
Speaker 1: not only writing it and thinking through it as I

973
00:51:57,239 --> 00:51:59,279
Speaker 1: was writing it, but then telling the world about the

974
00:51:59,320 --> 00:52:01,960
Speaker 1: most embarrassed seeing the most vulnerable moment in my life

975
00:52:02,480 --> 00:52:03,720
Speaker 1: when I almost killed myself.

976
00:52:04,560 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 2: So if people were to read the book and you

977
00:52:05,920 --> 00:52:07,640
Speaker 2: didn't put that in, they wouldn't have known it wasn't in.

978
00:52:07,719 --> 00:52:09,719
Speaker 2: They still would have felt, this is impactful book, this

979
00:52:09,719 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 2: has taught me a lesson. They wouldn't have known that

980
00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:18,040
Speaker 2: it was not in. Yet you put it in because

981
00:52:18,480 --> 00:52:21,760
Speaker 2: to you, did it not feel like you were being

982
00:52:22,400 --> 00:52:26,720
Speaker 2: or you were giving the honest version of your thoughts, feelings,

983
00:52:26,760 --> 00:52:27,760
Speaker 2: emotions about what happened?

984
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:30,920
Speaker 1: Correct? That was that was the hinge. That was the

985
00:52:30,960 --> 00:52:35,600
Speaker 1: pivot moment in my trying to fix myself, and then

986
00:52:36,080 --> 00:52:37,680
Speaker 1: that was the pivot into surrender.

987
00:52:38,160 --> 00:52:40,720
Speaker 2: I can't fix my Was that uh, dealing with the addiction?

988
00:52:40,840 --> 00:52:44,360
Speaker 2: Was it? Was it a mental emotional like the bottom

989
00:52:44,680 --> 00:52:46,680
Speaker 2: for you? Was that the bottom that made you just

990
00:52:46,880 --> 00:52:50,359
Speaker 2: made you go. If I don't go up from here,

991
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:52,719
Speaker 2: it's going to be over over And that was it?

992
00:52:52,920 --> 00:52:55,880
Speaker 1: If I don't know how to better define a bottom,

993
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:57,439
Speaker 1: but that's bottom as I've ever been.

994
00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, why did you shoes not to commit suicide? Like

995
00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:07,879
Speaker 2: what was in your head? They says, Okay, I need

996
00:53:07,920 --> 00:53:11,640
Speaker 2: to fight this. It's more than an urge. This urge

997
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,240
Speaker 2: is not the correct word for it. But why why

998
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 2: did you not do it?

999
00:53:17,440 --> 00:53:19,879
Speaker 1: Yeah? I want to say I want to tell you

1000
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:23,240
Speaker 1: without sounding weird, because it kind of gets a little weird.

1001
00:53:23,320 --> 00:53:27,960
Speaker 1: But I'll just describe it the best I can. When

1002
00:53:27,960 --> 00:53:30,719
Speaker 1: I reached this in Boise, Idaho, we were playing back

1003
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:34,400
Speaker 1: to back shows December of twenty nineteen. And you know

1004
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:36,320
Speaker 1: when you play back to back shows, you don't travel

1005
00:53:36,320 --> 00:53:38,520
Speaker 1: in between, so there's kill a lot of time the

1006
00:53:38,520 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: bus isn't moving. I went with the band and had

1007
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:44,960
Speaker 1: a few drinks way too many. Was feeling normal again.

1008
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,120
Speaker 1: Went back to the bus six months after losing River,

1009
00:53:48,800 --> 00:53:52,279
Speaker 1: feeling okay, like feeling like a human being again. Went

1010
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:54,520
Speaker 1: to my back lounge and saw like all my self

1011
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:57,839
Speaker 1: help books, my little marijuana pin, all the little things

1012
00:53:57,840 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: that I had done to create a world to make

1013
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:06,359
Speaker 1: me feel normal, instantly recognizing things aren't normal. Then I realized, well,

1014
00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:09,240
Speaker 1: this is probably the first time I've been drunk since

1015
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: I've been therapy. All this, I've put all these barriers

1016
00:54:13,040 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: in place to try to protect me from my slideshow,

1017
00:54:15,640 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 1: which is this PTSD idea of I would just see

1018
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 1: River in the pool, floating face down. I would pick

1019
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,120
Speaker 1: him up. His face is purple, his eyes are open,

1020
00:54:25,280 --> 00:54:28,239
Speaker 1: just looking in all directions. His hair's messed up, his

1021
00:54:29,239 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 1: limbs are dangling like a rag doll. I'm doing CPR,

1022
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:36,120
Speaker 1: wondering if I should press harder on his chest or

1023
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:38,520
Speaker 1: if it might break his bones, and then thinking maybe

1024
00:54:38,560 --> 00:54:40,359
Speaker 1: that's the least of my worries right now, Like all

1025
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:42,719
Speaker 1: these ideas. Then I see the doctor walk in. He

1026
00:54:42,760 --> 00:54:46,080
Speaker 1: tells me no chance. I hear those ambulances screaming down

1027
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,719
Speaker 1: that quiet road. I see my son Lincoln's hand on

1028
00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:55,480
Speaker 1: his brother's lightning me Queen coffin his best friend's funeral.

1029
00:54:55,760 --> 00:54:58,239
Speaker 1: All these things were just haunting me, not just the

1030
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 1: grief of losing a child, but the shame and the

1031
00:55:01,719 --> 00:55:05,359
Speaker 1: guilt that I was there and failed. All of it

1032
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 1: was culminating that night, and Boise and I had the

1033
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:13,720
Speaker 1: most vivid what I called the slide show, just panic attack,

1034
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:18,000
Speaker 1: trying couldn't stop it. Hit that weed pin as hard

1035
00:55:18,000 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 1: as I could. I was already way too intoxicated, and

1036
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:26,880
Speaker 1: realizing there was no hope, grabbed the nine milimeters pistol

1037
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:30,320
Speaker 1: that we had in the drawer, put it in my mouth.

1038
00:55:30,360 --> 00:55:36,360
Speaker 1: And this is when it gets weird. I realized that

1039
00:55:36,440 --> 00:55:40,920
Speaker 1: I had I thought, a thought that my mind didn't generate.

1040
00:55:41,160 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: I knew it was a foreign thought, as if as

1041
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:51,080
Speaker 1: if there was something else thinking for me or providing

1042
00:55:51,239 --> 00:55:54,080
Speaker 1: information to me. I think that's the best way I

1043
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 1: could describe it. In that moment, I realized I was

1044
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:01,960
Speaker 1: not alone. Basically, something else was with me that night,

1045
00:56:02,600 --> 00:56:06,440
Speaker 1: and I heard in the thought was a voice that said,

1046
00:56:07,560 --> 00:56:10,000
Speaker 1: this is the way to rest, this is the way

1047
00:56:10,080 --> 00:56:15,319
Speaker 1: to peace. Just squeeze the trigger. And it was it

1048
00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 1: was realizing that I was under attack the first time.

1049
00:56:20,800 --> 00:56:22,560
Speaker 1: It had never occurred to me in my whole life

1050
00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:27,000
Speaker 1: as a cultural, nominal religious person, had never occurred to

1051
00:56:27,040 --> 00:56:30,760
Speaker 1: me that there was an enemy that I'd been stalked

1052
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 1: and and it just about killed me that night.

1053
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,080
Speaker 2: But to realize that there's an enemy at a time

1054
00:56:36,080 --> 00:56:43,680
Speaker 2: when you're realizing button isn't really working, that to separate,

1055
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:45,680
Speaker 2: to be able to do and go, this is not

1056
00:56:45,880 --> 00:56:48,440
Speaker 2: me at a time and again it's a lot of

1057
00:56:48,960 --> 00:56:52,080
Speaker 2: irrational thoughts are happening, yeah, And to have the one

1058
00:56:52,200 --> 00:56:53,919
Speaker 2: rational thought, So.

1059
00:56:54,000 --> 00:56:57,360
Speaker 1: The one rational thought caused the next thing to happen.

1060
00:56:57,400 --> 00:57:00,840
Speaker 1: And that's when I said, Jesus, please, please save me,

1061
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:03,879
Speaker 1: Please Jesus save that. Just it was like a knee jerk.

1062
00:57:03,920 --> 00:57:06,200
Speaker 1: It's like an old pulling back on the old Sunday

1063
00:57:06,200 --> 00:57:10,200
Speaker 1: School knee jerk reaction. But when I said it, the

1064
00:57:10,280 --> 00:57:15,680
Speaker 1: Slade show stopped. It's actually stopped. Everything stopped, that weird

1065
00:57:15,800 --> 00:57:20,040
Speaker 1: pain that the voice. There was just enough rest for

1066
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:23,760
Speaker 1: me to drop the gun, to fold the floor, and

1067
00:57:24,200 --> 00:57:26,439
Speaker 1: I just cried myself asleep on the floor of the bus,

1068
00:57:26,440 --> 00:57:30,480
Speaker 1: saying please Jesus saved me. Because what changed was I

1069
00:57:30,560 --> 00:57:34,560
Speaker 1: went from shame and guilt and panic attack to all

1070
00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,840
Speaker 1: of a sudden fear of an enemy that I didn't

1071
00:57:37,840 --> 00:57:38,160
Speaker 1: even know.

1072
00:57:38,200 --> 00:57:40,640
Speaker 2: I was surrounded by the fact that you can have

1073
00:57:40,720 --> 00:57:44,240
Speaker 2: that rational thought in the midst of that storm of

1074
00:57:44,400 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 2: complete irrationality. To be able to not do it.

1075
00:57:51,480 --> 00:57:53,360
Speaker 1: Is the only reason I'm sitting in this chair right now.

1076
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,840
Speaker 1: I would have been another statistic that you read on

1077
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 1: the show.

1078
00:57:58,560 --> 00:58:00,400
Speaker 2: I don't really read a lot of those statistics. Those

1079
00:58:00,440 --> 00:58:04,720
Speaker 2: stakes don't make me happy. But yeah, to me, that

1080
00:58:05,080 --> 00:58:08,000
Speaker 2: is that is just wild. That again, that is a

1081
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:11,600
Speaker 2: time where you've obviously at the temporarily lost control, yet

1082
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:14,560
Speaker 2: you still felt something still got There's still a bit

1083
00:58:14,600 --> 00:58:20,640
Speaker 2: of control that got through. That. Why it feels crazy

1084
00:58:20,720 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 2: is that usually in that situation, I think a lot

1085
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:27,200
Speaker 2: of people don't have the opportunity to have or find

1086
00:58:27,200 --> 00:58:29,280
Speaker 2: the rational thought.

1087
00:58:30,080 --> 00:58:32,880
Speaker 1: I don't give myself credit for that because I know this, No,

1088
00:58:33,040 --> 00:58:35,600
Speaker 1: I don't either. I know the statistics, and I know

1089
00:58:35,640 --> 00:58:36,360
Speaker 1: it's rare.

1090
00:58:37,760 --> 00:58:40,680
Speaker 2: That you can even recognize the difference in the two

1091
00:58:41,160 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 2: That is so I, yeah to I would be extremely grateful,

1092
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,240
Speaker 2: and you are, and that I think this is one

1093
00:58:48,240 --> 00:58:49,480
Speaker 2: of the ways that I think I could kind of

1094
00:58:51,080 --> 00:58:52,800
Speaker 2: that shouldn't happen. I don't know how you got a

1095
00:58:52,880 --> 00:58:54,320
Speaker 2: clear thought in your mind went at a very non

1096
00:58:54,400 --> 00:58:58,160
Speaker 2: clear thought time, and I do see almost I can

1097
00:58:58,240 --> 00:59:03,320
Speaker 2: feel why that would change fundation mentally, right, fundamentally the

1098
00:59:03,400 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 2: reason you do what you do.

1099
00:59:04,920 --> 00:59:09,520
Speaker 1: Right. You can't be the same person after a night like.

1100
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:13,600
Speaker 2: That, Yeah, because I don't think you feel the same

1101
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:18,320
Speaker 2: way because something new has something new has reached you. Yeah,

1102
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,919
Speaker 2: that has not reached you before. And again I'm gonna

1103
00:59:20,920 --> 00:59:22,600
Speaker 2: say this, I don't think you would ever wish that

1104
00:59:22,600 --> 00:59:25,640
Speaker 2: would happen to you in a million years. No, however,

1105
00:59:25,800 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 2: and I'm not even you can say I'm wrong. However,

1106
00:59:27,760 --> 00:59:29,880
Speaker 2: I bet there's a thankfulness to you that that happened.

1107
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,360
Speaker 2: Because of all the things that's been able to happen

1108
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:36,040
Speaker 2: since then, which again feels like the opposite of what

1109
00:59:36,080 --> 00:59:39,160
Speaker 2: should happen. You shouldn't be and you would never wish

1110
00:59:39,240 --> 00:59:42,560
Speaker 2: that on anybody to go through. But again, because that happened,

1111
00:59:42,560 --> 00:59:45,480
Speaker 2: you've been able to find fulfillment. It feels like general

1112
00:59:45,800 --> 00:59:49,960
Speaker 2: fulfillment in helping others. Would you am I somewhat right

1113
00:59:50,000 --> 00:59:50,680
Speaker 2: on that.

1114
00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 1: I died that night. Spiritually I am not the same

1115
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:58,760
Speaker 1: that that night marked a death for me. And you

1116
00:59:58,800 --> 01:00:01,919
Speaker 1: can't live the same when you're when you're a new

1117
01:00:01,960 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 1: person in that sense, spiritually, you can't go back, and

1118
01:00:06,320 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 1: you can't even want it back even that's why I

1119
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:09,560
Speaker 1: don't even want that life back.

1120
01:00:10,800 --> 01:00:12,320
Speaker 2: I guess my point is that, and I'll move off

1121
01:00:12,320 --> 01:00:13,760
Speaker 2: this because you're also really funny, and I haven't even

1122
01:00:13,760 --> 01:00:15,840
Speaker 2: got to be funny with you because you're like super funny.

1123
01:00:15,880 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 2: It's like you're like one of the funniest guys. In

1124
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,280
Speaker 2: the same way we talked about River and you said,

1125
01:00:23,320 --> 01:00:26,520
Speaker 2: if I could go back what I've gained and what

1126
01:00:26,560 --> 01:00:28,720
Speaker 2: I've lost, you can't compare the two. But the person

1127
01:00:28,760 --> 01:00:33,160
Speaker 2: I am now because that happened, I feel like you're

1128
01:00:33,200 --> 01:00:35,720
Speaker 2: now able to find fulfillment. Because that moment happened, at

1129
01:00:35,800 --> 01:00:39,160
Speaker 2: that terrible night, that moment with that gun where you

1130
01:00:40,000 --> 01:00:45,560
Speaker 2: almost killed yourself. You are able to find fulfillment now

1131
01:00:45,640 --> 01:00:48,880
Speaker 2: because that is the trigger that kind of started it

1132
01:00:48,880 --> 01:00:50,720
Speaker 2: all and you would never wish to anybody else. But

1133
01:00:50,760 --> 01:00:53,600
Speaker 2: without it, I don't know that you'd be here now.

1134
01:00:53,640 --> 01:00:55,680
Speaker 2: Do you think you'd be here now in the same way?

1135
01:00:55,920 --> 01:00:59,360
Speaker 1: Oh no, not even close. I'd be promoting a new single.

1136
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,240
Speaker 2: So it's gonna say it's because it's not the same.

1137
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:04,240
Speaker 2: It's like, are you thankful for that? It's not even

1138
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:06,520
Speaker 2: the question. But without that, you wouldn't be here, but

1139
01:01:06,520 --> 01:01:08,400
Speaker 2: there's got to be an appreciation for what you've gained

1140
01:01:08,400 --> 01:01:08,760
Speaker 2: from it.

1141
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,760
Speaker 1: So after that night, though I it wasn't that was

1142
01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:14,760
Speaker 1: the catalyst, But but then I was on a new

1143
01:01:14,760 --> 01:01:17,480
Speaker 1: mission to find out what actually happened it like, is

1144
01:01:17,520 --> 01:01:21,680
Speaker 1: there a practical is there what mechanism? It actually happened

1145
01:01:21,720 --> 01:01:24,880
Speaker 1: in my mind? And why did I drop the gun?

1146
01:01:25,320 --> 01:01:27,200
Speaker 1: So that that was a new mission and can you

1147
01:01:27,240 --> 01:01:28,600
Speaker 1: activate it again? Can you get back to it, and

1148
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:29,720
Speaker 1: can you get back to it more? And can you

1149
01:01:29,840 --> 01:01:32,040
Speaker 1: use that to that that's what came. That became the

1150
01:01:32,080 --> 01:01:32,680
Speaker 1: new journey.

1151
01:01:33,000 --> 01:01:35,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, maybe that that's the new goal. That's what

1152
01:01:35,520 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 2: it feels like to me.

1153
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,800
Speaker 1: And so through that, through unpacking that is then what

1154
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:41,640
Speaker 1: I was able to take that and go out to

1155
01:01:41,720 --> 01:01:45,800
Speaker 1: other people and have these conversations.

1156
01:01:46,600 --> 01:01:51,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, you've lived the life of many and it's really

1157
01:01:51,520 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 2: cool that you're taking that and and helping because I

1158
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:57,520
Speaker 2: don't know, I don't know, I don't know that I

1159
01:01:57,520 --> 01:02:00,400
Speaker 2: would do that if I just try to do this,

1160
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:02,560
Speaker 2: build another house. You know.

1161
01:02:03,480 --> 01:02:05,680
Speaker 1: That goes back to our conversation about being stubborn, because

1162
01:02:05,720 --> 01:02:08,720
Speaker 1: I too, am very stubborn and I can't there's no

1163
01:02:08,800 --> 01:02:11,000
Speaker 1: way I could sit in your shoes and look at

1164
01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,120
Speaker 1: somebody in my shoes and go, I don't know if

1165
01:02:13,120 --> 01:02:14,960
Speaker 1: I could do it, because the answer is you don't

1166
01:02:15,000 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 1: know if you can. But when it comes down to it,

1167
01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 1: if you're broken enough, you will.

1168
01:02:21,160 --> 01:02:22,560
Speaker 2: How's the radio stuff going?

1169
01:02:23,720 --> 01:02:25,480
Speaker 1: You know? I like it? I like it a lot.

1170
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:27,080
Speaker 2: Do you like it more or less than you did

1171
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:30,760
Speaker 2: three months after you started, when the honeymoon was finally over.

1172
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:33,800
Speaker 1: I like it more now, Yeah, with more understanding of

1173
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:34,800
Speaker 1: what we're doing.

1174
01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:40,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, what about that to you? I hate to keep

1175
01:02:40,560 --> 01:02:42,360
Speaker 2: yousing the same more, but what fulfills you about doing

1176
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 2: the radio show now?

1177
01:02:43,640 --> 01:02:45,800
Speaker 1: So, going kind of along the same lines as what

1178
01:02:45,800 --> 01:02:48,120
Speaker 1: we've been talking about, I'm speaking to people in the

1179
01:02:48,120 --> 01:02:50,959
Speaker 1: middle of the night, and it's really one on one.

1180
01:02:52,240 --> 01:02:54,840
Speaker 1: I get to talk to people, and I imagine a

1181
01:02:54,920 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 1: dude with the zeer buds in stocking the shelves some

1182
01:02:57,680 --> 01:03:02,280
Speaker 1: grocery store, making the delivery for Amazon, and he's alone

1183
01:03:03,120 --> 01:03:05,400
Speaker 1: and maybe having some of these thoughts, maybe on the

1184
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:07,440
Speaker 1: verge of some of the things that I've been through.

1185
01:03:08,480 --> 01:03:12,240
Speaker 1: And then there I am speaking to him and it's sporadic.

1186
01:03:12,280 --> 01:03:15,640
Speaker 1: You know, there's a lot of music in other conversations,

1187
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:18,560
Speaker 1: But there are moments when I could actually have a

1188
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:22,880
Speaker 1: normal conversation with someone, not in up a robotic way,

1189
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:27,160
Speaker 1: not in a you know, some kind of like you know,

1190
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:33,280
Speaker 1: I'm just reading out of a cookie cutter, and you feel.

1191
01:03:33,120 --> 01:03:35,640
Speaker 2: That, yeah, it's your show. You wouldn't read out of

1192
01:03:35,640 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 2: a cookie cutter. They may I think everybody knew this

1193
01:03:38,040 --> 01:03:39,880
Speaker 2: about you when you started. They may go, here's what

1194
01:03:39,880 --> 01:03:41,640
Speaker 2: we're gonna do this cookie Cutter at the beginning, so

1195
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:46,680
Speaker 2: you can kind of get your bearings and under you.

1196
01:03:46,680 --> 01:03:48,800
Speaker 2: You're not cookie cutter, and anything you've ever done, I

1197
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:51,640
Speaker 2: don't think no one thought you were really cook cutter.

1198
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:53,919
Speaker 2: And I think people in this world are actually quite

1199
01:03:53,960 --> 01:03:56,120
Speaker 2: impressed with what you've been able to do with that.

1200
01:03:56,360 --> 01:03:59,000
Speaker 2: And also I think what you're about to do even

1201
01:03:59,040 --> 01:04:03,000
Speaker 2: more inside of that world, Like it's just like untapped

1202
01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:05,680
Speaker 2: in this area for what you want to do. It's

1203
01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:08,280
Speaker 2: crazy to see how like naturally, I don't want to

1204
01:04:08,280 --> 01:04:10,680
Speaker 2: say talented, because yeah, you get it's hard. It's a

1205
01:04:10,720 --> 01:04:13,200
Speaker 2: lot of hard work, and you have grown in other areas,

1206
01:04:13,200 --> 01:04:16,400
Speaker 2: but like you're real good, and good means that you

1207
01:04:16,440 --> 01:04:18,440
Speaker 2: can do whatever you want it's crazy to see how

1208
01:04:19,240 --> 01:04:23,120
Speaker 2: much you have understood what needs to be done but

1209
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:27,480
Speaker 2: then figured out ways to do it differently and still connect. Like,

1210
01:04:27,480 --> 01:04:28,960
Speaker 2: given some of the stuff that you're thinking about thinking

1211
01:04:28,960 --> 01:04:31,480
Speaker 2: about doing, I hear about right like they're like, I'm like,

1212
01:04:31,520 --> 01:04:34,960
Speaker 2: that's such a freaking good idea. Then it's inspiring to

1213
01:04:35,000 --> 01:04:36,880
Speaker 2: me who's been like I'm seven hundred years old in

1214
01:04:36,880 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 2: this business. Yeah, So I hope you're enjoying it because

1215
01:04:40,320 --> 01:04:43,040
Speaker 2: you're really good at it, making a difference in a

1216
01:04:43,040 --> 01:04:45,600
Speaker 2: way that really no one has, and connecting in a

1217
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:47,480
Speaker 2: way that no one has because you're just being you.

1218
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:50,080
Speaker 2: And the only way we have to connect individually is

1219
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:52,440
Speaker 2: by being ourselves because really only us there is.

1220
01:04:52,880 --> 01:04:55,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I appreciate that encouragement, and I have to

1221
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:59,680
Speaker 1: always remind myself but if it's just today, today's enough.

1222
01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,160
Speaker 1: If I could keep that, and you have to fight

1223
01:05:02,240 --> 01:05:03,920
Speaker 1: for that, you have to dig for that kind of

1224
01:05:03,960 --> 01:05:07,760
Speaker 1: mentality of I'm content today. If today, if today's all

1225
01:05:07,800 --> 01:05:10,440
Speaker 1: I got, then that's enough. And there's all these great ideas,

1226
01:05:10,440 --> 01:05:14,280
Speaker 1: and like I said, we responsibly plan and prepare for

1227
01:05:14,480 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 1: great ideas and we dream about them. But if it

1228
01:05:17,280 --> 01:05:20,160
Speaker 1: was only today, would that be enough, and I have

1229
01:05:20,240 --> 01:05:22,520
Speaker 1: to say, yes, that's crazy.

1230
01:05:22,320 --> 01:05:24,760
Speaker 2: Because I don't say that. I mean, like, fifty more years, man,

1231
01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:28,200
Speaker 2: one hundred more years, and then it won't be enough either.

1232
01:05:28,280 --> 01:05:31,360
Speaker 2: But hopefully one hundred years I'll find the enough but

1233
01:05:31,440 --> 01:05:32,120
Speaker 2: I haven't yet.

1234
01:05:32,400 --> 01:05:33,720
Speaker 1: So are you to kind of go with like if

1235
01:05:33,720 --> 01:05:35,360
Speaker 1: you could figure out how to freeze yourself and then

1236
01:05:35,400 --> 01:05:38,000
Speaker 1: oh for sure restall? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's you.

1237
01:05:39,400 --> 01:05:43,680
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I have those thoughts all the time. We quick

1238
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 2: we talked about the book before you got here, like

1239
01:05:45,240 --> 01:05:47,120
Speaker 2: the in the promba. But don't tell me, tell me

1240
01:05:47,120 --> 01:05:50,520
Speaker 2: about Up Toward the Light. Give me your version of

1241
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:53,360
Speaker 2: why you did it the difference because I've written a

1242
01:05:53,400 --> 01:05:55,520
Speaker 2: kids book too, and I actually know the difference. For me,

1243
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,840
Speaker 2: it was I just there are words I used in

1244
01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:01,400
Speaker 2: my kids book. I don't even really know that text.

1245
01:06:01,720 --> 01:06:04,680
Speaker 2: You know, it's telling a message differently you have kids,

1246
01:06:04,720 --> 01:06:07,000
Speaker 2: I didn't. I did it because I selfishly I wrote

1247
01:06:07,000 --> 01:06:09,000
Speaker 2: a kid's book, donated all the money. But I did

1248
01:06:09,040 --> 01:06:10,880
Speaker 2: it because I wanted a kid to get a book

1249
01:06:10,920 --> 01:06:14,800
Speaker 2: with the message of it's okay to be different. Yeah yeah,

1250
01:06:14,680 --> 01:06:17,280
Speaker 2: why why up Towards What was the message here in

1251
01:06:17,320 --> 01:06:17,920
Speaker 2: this book?

1252
01:06:18,120 --> 01:06:22,440
Speaker 1: Well? It's it's a true story, not the kid version

1253
01:06:22,480 --> 01:06:24,920
Speaker 1: of it, but the the adult version was what I

1254
01:06:24,960 --> 01:06:28,760
Speaker 1: went through therapy with. And I remember my therapist this

1255
01:06:28,800 --> 01:06:31,720
Speaker 1: is way before the Dark Knight and Boise, and it

1256
01:06:31,760 --> 01:06:33,280
Speaker 1: was part of the reason I got I lost my

1257
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,960
Speaker 1: mind in boys because I thought I had worked so

1258
01:06:35,040 --> 01:06:37,920
Speaker 1: hard in therapy. But he said, at one point, therapist,

1259
01:06:38,000 --> 01:06:40,960
Speaker 1: he said, what do you want to be for your family?

1260
01:06:41,320 --> 01:06:43,520
Speaker 1: Who do you see yourself? How do you see yourself

1261
01:06:43,720 --> 01:06:46,040
Speaker 1: in relation to your family? And I said, I want

1262
01:06:46,040 --> 01:06:48,320
Speaker 1: to be a rock. You know It's like that's the reaction.

1263
01:06:48,360 --> 01:06:50,240
Speaker 1: I want to be a rock, you know that everyone

1264
01:06:50,240 --> 01:06:52,840
Speaker 1: could lean on me. And he said, and who does

1265
01:06:52,840 --> 01:06:56,720
Speaker 1: the rock lean on? I was like yeah, And he goes,

1266
01:06:56,800 --> 01:06:58,840
Speaker 1: let me encourage you to think of yourself maybe as

1267
01:06:58,840 --> 01:07:02,360
Speaker 1: a tree, because then you could bend. You have strength,

1268
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,200
Speaker 1: and you're strong and you have roots, but you could

1269
01:07:05,200 --> 01:07:09,440
Speaker 1: also lose limbs and lose leaves and could be more flexible.

1270
01:07:09,480 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 1: And I was like, yeah, I like that. So he goes,

1271
01:07:12,160 --> 01:07:14,080
Speaker 1: my challenge to you, I want you to go outside.

1272
01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:16,480
Speaker 1: This is it on site and you're in Tennessee.

1273
01:07:16,480 --> 01:07:17,480
Speaker 2: I went to one too.

1274
01:07:17,560 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he said, go out in the woods, and

1275
01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 1: I want you to have a conversation with a tree

1276
01:07:22,880 --> 01:07:26,200
Speaker 1: and write it down and see what you learn. It's like,

1277
01:07:27,120 --> 01:07:29,000
Speaker 1: it's kind of weird. But I went out in the

1278
01:07:29,000 --> 01:07:31,640
Speaker 1: woods and I probably sat for like forty five minutes

1279
01:07:31,640 --> 01:07:34,720
Speaker 1: before I knew anything. I found a tree first of all,

1280
01:07:34,880 --> 01:07:37,160
Speaker 1: just like a normal, average tree that I could relate to.

1281
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:39,840
Speaker 1: And then I sat there with a pin and pad,

1282
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:44,080
Speaker 1: and eventually I was like, okay, high tree, I'm granger.

1283
01:07:44,960 --> 01:07:46,040
Speaker 1: It's like high Granger.

1284
01:07:46,120 --> 01:07:48,400
Speaker 6: Probably felt pretty goofy at first. Yeah, I had to

1285
01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:50,960
Speaker 6: talk to a chair. Okay, okay, good, Yeah, so you

1286
01:07:50,960 --> 01:07:53,320
Speaker 6: could relate to this and so. But what I ended

1287
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:57,400
Speaker 6: up realizing through that conversation with this tree was that

1288
01:07:57,400 --> 01:08:01,800
Speaker 6: that we we have a tendency to folk on everything

1289
01:08:02,120 --> 01:08:04,080
Speaker 6: that's providing nourishment down here.

1290
01:08:04,200 --> 01:08:08,160
Speaker 1: You know, roots, the soil. We can lose, our leaves,

1291
01:08:08,160 --> 01:08:11,120
Speaker 1: we can shed our branches. That's great. But if we

1292
01:08:11,200 --> 01:08:15,440
Speaker 1: only focus on that, just a nourishment the people surrounding us,

1293
01:08:15,480 --> 01:08:19,160
Speaker 1: that you know, everything we've built down here, we lose

1294
01:08:19,320 --> 01:08:22,519
Speaker 1: the ability to grow up toward the light, which is

1295
01:08:22,640 --> 01:08:25,120
Speaker 1: the only way to really grow. The only direction a

1296
01:08:25,160 --> 01:08:28,920
Speaker 1: tree grows is up. But if we only focus on

1297
01:08:29,120 --> 01:08:34,040
Speaker 1: what's below people. We've lost, people, we've learned from things

1298
01:08:34,080 --> 01:08:37,080
Speaker 1: that we've built. We totally lose that perspective.

1299
01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:39,519
Speaker 2: When you said, what is the rock lane on my

1300
01:08:39,600 --> 01:08:41,479
Speaker 2: unhealthy answer would have been on a rock, I don't

1301
01:08:41,479 --> 01:08:43,559
Speaker 2: need a lean I'm strong enough on myself.

1302
01:08:43,600 --> 01:08:45,960
Speaker 1: True right, Yeah, I feel you.

1303
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:47,960
Speaker 2: That would have been what I would have said, And

1304
01:08:48,040 --> 01:08:50,800
Speaker 2: then I would have been I wouldn't even need it

1305
01:08:50,800 --> 01:08:52,240
Speaker 2: for him to say it back. I would have been like,

1306
01:08:53,200 --> 01:08:56,160
Speaker 2: that is not what the answer should be for a

1307
01:08:56,200 --> 01:08:58,320
Speaker 2: healthy person of me. Yeah, but that would have been

1308
01:08:58,320 --> 01:09:01,280
Speaker 2: my visceral. It was like from a rock, what do

1309
01:09:01,360 --> 01:09:04,000
Speaker 2: I need? Yeah, I don't need anything. I'm the one.

1310
01:09:04,840 --> 01:09:08,920
Speaker 2: I don't need anything and I don't have to. Uh yeah,

1311
01:09:09,240 --> 01:09:11,320
Speaker 2: that's why I go to therapy twice a week. Well,

1312
01:09:11,760 --> 01:09:14,680
Speaker 2: we go and then I go, Look, i'd be here

1313
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:18,600
Speaker 2: all day. I'm proud for you. I'm not proud of

1314
01:09:18,640 --> 01:09:21,200
Speaker 2: because I feel like you're much to me. I like

1315
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:22,240
Speaker 2: I look to I look up to you in a

1316
01:09:22,280 --> 01:09:24,519
Speaker 2: lot of ways. I'm really proud for you that you've

1317
01:09:24,520 --> 01:09:30,200
Speaker 2: been able to in this version, in this season say

1318
01:09:30,200 --> 01:09:34,960
Speaker 2: the things you say, like I'm good basically that's that's

1319
01:09:35,160 --> 01:09:40,519
Speaker 2: that is inspiring to me. So I don't know, man,

1320
01:09:41,000 --> 01:09:44,240
Speaker 2: just keep on doing that because I listen, I watch

1321
01:09:44,240 --> 01:09:48,120
Speaker 2: what you're doing, watch what you're saying, Like even professionally,

1322
01:09:48,240 --> 01:09:51,880
Speaker 2: you know, we're we work together in a way, you know,

1323
01:09:52,520 --> 01:09:55,479
Speaker 2: and it's really cool to see what you're doing there

1324
01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:58,000
Speaker 2: in the in that world and you're able to do

1325
01:09:58,000 --> 01:10:02,400
Speaker 2: it from home and be it's awesome. So continued success,

1326
01:10:03,080 --> 01:10:04,439
Speaker 2: I don't need to say that because you're just going

1327
01:10:04,520 --> 01:10:06,479
Speaker 2: to have it and you're gonna be stubborn about having

1328
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:08,519
Speaker 2: it wherever it is, and that success is here fulfillment

1329
01:10:08,520 --> 01:10:13,439
Speaker 2: and that's awesome. We you know the books, we'll put

1330
01:10:13,439 --> 01:10:16,960
Speaker 2: in the notes too, and I appreciate you just sitting

1331
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:18,320
Speaker 2: and talking with them and never I didn't really plan

1332
01:10:18,360 --> 01:10:19,439
Speaker 2: for it to go like this. So that's what's great

1333
01:10:19,479 --> 01:10:22,360
Speaker 2: about talking with somebody that you trust, is it can

1334
01:10:22,400 --> 01:10:23,240
Speaker 2: just go wherever.

1335
01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:24,519
Speaker 1: So cool.

1336
01:10:25,960 --> 01:10:28,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's it. Grantual, appreciate you, buddy.

1337
01:10:28,439 --> 01:10:29,120
Speaker 1: Thanks man, all right

1338
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:33,200
Speaker 4: Thanks for listening to a Bobby Cast production