1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:02,360 Speaker 1: I opened my marriage, but I regret it after what 2 00:00:02,560 --> 00:00:03,440 Speaker 1: my wife did. 3 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:07,720 Speaker 2: Oh. Classic open marriage never goes the way you thought. 4 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: You know, we've seen a thousand of these stories at 5 00:00:10,440 --> 00:00:12,080 Speaker 1: this point, Sam, what always happens? 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:15,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, they end up seeing a thousand other people. 7 00:00:15,840 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: That is correct, all right. I forty three male, and 8 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: my wife, forty three female, have been married for thirteen 9 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: years and been together for fifteen. We have two kids 10 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,880 Speaker 1: together and three from a previous marriage. Our marriage has 11 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,520 Speaker 1: been wonderful and we have both been incredibly happy. Obviously, 12 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: there are bumps and obstacles, but we managed to get 13 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: through it. Most of our marital success has been through 14 00:00:41,159 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 1: communication and culpability. We own our mistakes and know when 15 00:00:44,840 --> 00:00:48,200 Speaker 1: to apologize. I couldn't ask for a better partner or friend. 16 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:49,400 Speaker 1: She's all I want. 17 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 2: All right, all right, I'm done with all this fun stuff. 18 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 2: Get to the dirty datalls. Tell me what's wrong, Opie. 19 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:02,080 Speaker 1: Cut to the mayorm. About four years ago, we started 20 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 1: getting a little can I say kinky? 21 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 2: Uh frisky? Yeah? 22 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, there we go. About four years ago we started 23 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,040 Speaker 1: getting a little risky in the bedroom, if you know 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: what I mean. 25 00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,480 Speaker 2: Okay, okay, oh, be more power to you. 26 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:20,280 Speaker 1: We see you. It led to us involving fantasies of 27 00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: other people being with each other. The fantasies role play 28 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:27,720 Speaker 1: all grew and we eventually started getting comfortable with the 29 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,319 Speaker 1: idea of swinging. 30 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 2: So the fantasies haven't become reality yet, but they are 31 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 2: about Oh, but. 32 00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 1: They're dreams are about to come true. Samuel see the sex, John. 33 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 3: Noah, he's toned down the whip now, not the flog. 34 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 1: We pursued the lifestyle in different mediums and played out 35 00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 1: different scenarios, but never did anything because we weren't comfortable 36 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:04,080 Speaker 1: starting this new lifestyle until my wife was happier with 37 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: her weight. Over those interesting yeah, over those four years, 38 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:13,519 Speaker 1: our fantasies expanded into ideas about more polly relationship stuff, 39 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: Polly meaning having multiple partners. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my head, 40 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,840 Speaker 1: I was having no issues and felt comfortable, turned onto 41 00:02:20,919 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 1: it and excited at the prospect of my wife being 42 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: with somebody else in my head? Is that is that 43 00:02:27,919 --> 00:02:31,960 Speaker 1: exciting for people? I guess yeah, cut holding. Yeah, it's 44 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:33,680 Speaker 1: like a thing, It's a whole thing. Yeah, it's a 45 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: whole thing. 46 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,440 Speaker 2: I had a friend that tried out the hot wife 47 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 2: thing on Reddit, like he was that he cuckholded someone 48 00:02:42,120 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 2: else's wife and. 49 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:45,280 Speaker 1: How did it go for him? 50 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 2: Said, it was weird. 51 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: I could see that. We talked a lot a lot 52 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:54,040 Speaker 1: over this timeframe to make sure that we were both 53 00:02:54,120 --> 00:02:56,720 Speaker 1: okay with it. She was not quite comfortable with me 54 00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 1: being with someone else, but I told her that was 55 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 1: okay and she could feel differently after she hooked up 56 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 1: for the first time. Babe, you know, just just go 57 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,680 Speaker 1: out there sling it around a few times. You'll be like, 58 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:11,120 Speaker 1: You'll be begging me to run to other women. 59 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, sow those wild notes, babe, and then maybe else 60 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:15,560 Speaker 2: start a farm of my own. 61 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: Oh god. We knew she would be the first because 62 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: I was too exhausted to really consider putting any effort 63 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: into an additional relationship on my end. So I reassured 64 00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: her I was okay with her finding someone. I told 65 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,080 Speaker 1: her all I wanted for her is to send me 66 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:37,400 Speaker 1: picks and videos and I would be happy. All right, 67 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,680 Speaker 1: do you try to do it? 68 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 2: But tried to do the no sex juncture. This is 69 00:03:42,120 --> 00:03:43,160 Speaker 2: a sexual story. 70 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 1: Oh. 71 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:48,640 Speaker 2: Someone Someone just commented, They're like, Sam, it's creepy when 72 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 2: you say, oh yeah, And I'm like, bro, what do 73 00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 2: you want me to say. What do you want me 74 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: to say? 75 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:54,120 Speaker 1: Oh? 76 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,160 Speaker 2: No, oh no, oh no. 77 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 1: I was one hundred percent convinced I was okay, was was, dude. 78 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:07,640 Speaker 2: That's that you know, you fly too close to the sun, 79 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 2: you start touching, you know, all these other things, and 80 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 2: then once you touch it, all these feelings get activated 81 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 2: from the deep recesses of your mind. You're like, oh shit, 82 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:19,599 Speaker 2: maybe I'm jealous. Now maybe I don't like this. 83 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:22,680 Speaker 1: So close to the sun. The ballgag melts in your mouth, 84 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:26,040 Speaker 1: and now you can't say how you really feel. What 85 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 1: are you gonna freaking do? Who We're trying, guys, We're 86 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 1: trying really hard. I swear. 87 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:41,000 Speaker 2: Hate us, hate us right now, that's right. It would 88 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 2: be flagging out sign every which way right. 89 00:04:43,839 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 1: Randomly, while she was wadding through men on our different platforms, you, 90 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: was messaged by a guy that she knew when we 91 00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: originally met. Prior to her meeting me, they had hooked up. 92 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: That didn't bother me. They started talking and then she 93 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:02,320 Speaker 1: asked if he could be the guy her new partner. 94 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 2: Like the third in the relationship, or like they're just 95 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: having a fully poly relationship. 96 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: A fully poly relationship outside of the one of her 97 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:14,919 Speaker 1: and her husband. Basically, okay old, I told her it 98 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 1: was absolutely a fine and again in my head it 99 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 1: was Opie's chill as fuck super chill. The plane, they 100 00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:27,600 Speaker 1: made a plan for an overnight stay and things were 101 00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,800 Speaker 1: in the works. The day came, yeah did, and she 102 00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 1: went to his place, where she spent all day and 103 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:37,400 Speaker 1: night and the following morning doing the dirty dede. 104 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 2: And she didn't even send me the videos I had requested. 105 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,520 Speaker 2: And that's where I draw the line. 106 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,600 Speaker 1: Sorry, babe, it just wasn't going through an eye message. 107 00:05:49,480 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: Sorry babe, you know, like I was recording, but it 108 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:53,839 Speaker 2: was terrabytes and terrabytes, but. 109 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:56,960 Speaker 1: I have to transfer it for my hard drive. I 110 00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:58,599 Speaker 1: have terrible bus speeds. 111 00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 2: It was four, ok, one hundred twenty frames per second. 112 00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,159 Speaker 1: How am I supposed to upload this and send it 113 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:10,840 Speaker 1: to you? There was a point where she started doing 114 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 1: the dirty deed with him. Then she sent me a message, 115 00:06:13,360 --> 00:06:16,640 Speaker 1: excited to tell me that she wrote him because she 116 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,799 Speaker 1: was partly doing this for me, all right. 117 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 2: Oh, I could not do no fed relationship buck. 118 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: Sh She knew I had wanted this and was so 119 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,120 Speaker 1: happy to finally tell me it had happened in detail, 120 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: might I. 121 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:38,000 Speaker 2: Jez okay, how is OP feeling about this? Is he good? 122 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,719 Speaker 1: It hit me at that moment, the moment I read 123 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:45,440 Speaker 1: that message, that I had made a deadly error. 124 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,560 Speaker 2: It's like the arrested development. I've made a huge mistake. 125 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: That I hadn't in fact, wanted her to do this 126 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,160 Speaker 1: without me being there the first time. My heart sunk, 127 00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,479 Speaker 1: my mind with numb, and I no longer knew how 128 00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,080 Speaker 1: to feel. 129 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:05,440 Speaker 2: Oh buddy, wait, how do you How do you not know? Though? 130 00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:09,240 Speaker 2: Like you've been planning on this and fantasizing. I guess, 131 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 2: I guess the fantasy is different than the reality of it. 132 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:16,040 Speaker 2: But fuck, dude, she did nothing wrong. She did nothing wrong. Like, 133 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 2: to be clear, she did what he said. Yeah, he 134 00:07:18,240 --> 00:07:21,560 Speaker 2: did what he wanted. He he's the one that fucked 135 00:07:21,640 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 2: up here. 136 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's okay to change your mind. But 137 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that his wife is now in the wrong. 138 00:07:27,160 --> 00:07:29,480 Speaker 1: She was doing exactly as he reader. 139 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 2: Exactly what he wanted to me. 140 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 1: It was like I missed something important. Tell me why 141 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 1: this is making me think of like a fifth grader's 142 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 1: graduation or somebody's Like, dang it, if I hadn't have 143 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:46,560 Speaker 1: worked that overtime could have seen little Sally walk across 144 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 1: the stage. 145 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, she's graduating into her Polly relationship right now. 146 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 1: I don't know why it's giving me that vibe. And 147 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 1: not only that, but because I wasn't there, I had 148 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:03,120 Speaker 1: a allowed a disconnect to occur between us. I was 149 00:08:03,200 --> 00:08:07,080 Speaker 1: not in the lifestyle she was without me. All right, 150 00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: what are you gonna do? 151 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:14,360 Speaker 2: I mean, get into that lifestyle? Dog, Yes, jump in 152 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 2: feet first, well first. The reason that he was doing 153 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 2: this too, though, is like she was uncomfortable with him 154 00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:23,920 Speaker 2: hooking up with other people, and he's like, hey, like you, 155 00:08:24,360 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 2: you go do your thing, and then once you do 156 00:08:26,920 --> 00:08:28,680 Speaker 2: your thing, you'll be more comfortable, and then I'll do 157 00:08:28,720 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 2: my thing. 158 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: There we go. That's true, that's true. But I'm sensing 159 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 1: there might be a reverse uno in the cards. Yeah, 160 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,679 Speaker 1: I'm gonna call my predictions now, y'all. I did not 161 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 1: know how to respond to her, but it felt selfish 162 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 1: of me to reverse everything we had been leading up 163 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: to and telling her I didn't want it this way, 164 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: But it was too late. Even if I had told 165 00:08:50,080 --> 00:08:53,000 Speaker 1: her to come home, she had already done the dirty 166 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:55,160 Speaker 1: deed with him. The rest of the night into the 167 00:08:55,160 --> 00:08:59,679 Speaker 1: next day was filled with fluctuating high panic attacks, anxiety, depression, 168 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:05,120 Speaker 1: and disappointment in myself. Oh oh, I've been angry at 169 00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: the things that I've done, but this was one of 170 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:10,680 Speaker 1: my biggest regrets. I am so angry at what I 171 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:13,840 Speaker 1: allowed and fooling myself into thinking I was okay with 172 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,920 Speaker 1: her doing this without me. It couldn't hide my feelings. 173 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,320 Speaker 1: How the f could I? They were far, far too 174 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: heavy to pretend like they didn't exist, and she felt it. 175 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,960 Speaker 1: With my single word responses and attempts to avoid an 176 00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,040 Speaker 1: explanation of what I was doing, I knew she could 177 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 1: feel the vibe it changed. Yeah, of course, of course, Yeah, 178 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:33,240 Speaker 1: it makes sense. I raged at myself for being such 179 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,160 Speaker 1: a pathetic, effing, insecure, selfish brat, which I mean if 180 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,880 Speaker 1: someone texts your partner like, man, I just rude the 181 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,079 Speaker 1: crap out of this dude's dog. 182 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 2: Like yeah, but okay, I mean, but that's what he said, 183 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 2: he wanted, you know, he sat that. So it's like 184 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 2: it's just it's just like, fuck, he didn't know himself enough. 185 00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 2: But that's the thing that these these live this lifestyle. 186 00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 2: It's like so's it's so new or not new, but 187 00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 2: it's just like it's so foreign to how people think 188 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 2: about relationship traditionally, that like you don't really know until 189 00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 2: you know how you're gonna feel. You know that is true, 190 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 2: you know you know? Yeah no, yeah, no, you know she. 191 00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 1: Was doing it for me. I gave her one hundred 192 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,200 Speaker 1: percent confidence in what she was doing. She came home 193 00:10:25,240 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: the next day and I told her we both felt 194 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:31,520 Speaker 1: broken by this, confused, shaken. I hate myself because this 195 00:10:31,640 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: is not how I wanted her to feel. I told 196 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:37,120 Speaker 1: her she did nothing wrong. I don't blame her, and 197 00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: I hold no ill will towards the guy that she 198 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: slept with. I don't. I am furious at me for 199 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,400 Speaker 1: not recognizing what would be an issue before it was 200 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 1: too late. She was in tears because she knew I 201 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 1: wasn't looking at her the same way anymore. Now this 202 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,320 Speaker 1: is just getting more and more serious. 203 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 2: I'm sad. I'm just sad now, right. 204 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 1: That everyone loses except for the dude, except for the 205 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:02,559 Speaker 1: dude that he is winning big time. 206 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 2: Big time. Oh man, maybe he fell in love and 207 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:10,079 Speaker 2: he was like samn, I can't hear of her again. 208 00:11:11,520 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 2: Or maybe he went too or maybe he will maybe 209 00:11:13,840 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 2: they'll break up, rebound, rebound. 210 00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 1: It feels like the kind of heartbreak that may be 211 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: akin to missing your child's first steps because they were 212 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: at daycare. Again, this is a weird analogy. Dong ride 213 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:34,800 Speaker 1: without me. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I apologize. 214 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:37,199 Speaker 2: That's such a weird analogy. 215 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: Bro, it's so weird. But like the way he was 216 00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:44,240 Speaker 1: talking about before, like the analogy I get, Like fel you. 217 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 2: Get the same analogy. Yeah, my wife's first dong ride. 218 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 2: She's come so far. I remember when we were first dating, 219 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:52,960 Speaker 2: she could not ride like that. 220 00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: Wait a second, she did come far. 221 00:11:58,760 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 2: She's never come that far with me. 222 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:06,440 Speaker 1: Wait. But it was more than that, because it began 223 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:09,959 Speaker 1: feeding into other things. My insecurities blew the f up. 224 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 1: My paranoia jumped, My fears over losing her grew exponentially. 225 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,200 Speaker 1: Now I know she will start resenting me because I 226 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,160 Speaker 1: can't handle doing it again unless I was there with her. 227 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,319 Speaker 1: But that, to her is constraining now that we've been 228 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,360 Speaker 1: so accepting of a poly lifestyle for so long. She 229 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:29,640 Speaker 1: likes him. He made her feel good. Oh fun where 230 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: we're heading? 231 00:12:30,720 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 2: Ah? Fuck? 232 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,520 Speaker 1: They took pics and videos for me, which I watched, 233 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 1: but she wanted that other thing outside of us. Initially, 234 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 1: when she came home, I didn't want to be touched, 235 00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:44,760 Speaker 1: but over a few hours it was hard for me 236 00:12:44,840 --> 00:12:46,640 Speaker 1: to see her in tears, and I did my best 237 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 1: to turn the switch and see if I could reverse 238 00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,160 Speaker 1: my mentality. I held her for a while, and then 239 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,480 Speaker 1: I decided I was comfortable reclaiming her and she was 240 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 1: afraid I wouldn't want it. Afterwards, which it was amazing 241 00:12:58,160 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 1: by the way, I felt a little more comfortable with 242 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: things and told her I was trying to figure stuff out, 243 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 1: but that I didn't want my f up to deter 244 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:08,839 Speaker 1: us from our plans, and the issue mainly came down 245 00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 1: to me not being there for the first time. 246 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:15,320 Speaker 2: Bro Man's gonna get emotionally scarred just watching this. He's 247 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,800 Speaker 2: gonna be like, yeah, I wanted to be there, babe. 248 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 2: He's gonna be there, and he's gonna be like, why 249 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:24,000 Speaker 2: do I have a feeling? 250 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,000 Speaker 1: Though. Then he's gonna be like, Okay, you know what. 251 00:13:26,080 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 1: I was there for it this time, but now you know, 252 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:32,120 Speaker 1: let's let's throw another woman in the mix. Oh, no 253 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: value like her. That was terrible. I what if it 254 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:36,319 Speaker 1: just keeps. 255 00:13:36,240 --> 00:13:40,319 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like a you know, a spider to catch 256 00:13:40,360 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 2: the fly, and then like a frog to catch the 257 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 2: spider to catch the fly, and then a cat to 258 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,080 Speaker 2: you know, like you know, have you ever seen like 259 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:50,760 Speaker 2: there once is the lady who's swallowed a fly and 260 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,920 Speaker 2: then she swallowed the spider to catch the fly. And 261 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 2: you know I'm talking about. 262 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do it. Just just it 263 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,439 Speaker 1: took me a second. 264 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:02,880 Speaker 2: But yes, yeah, uh, and I think that's exactly that's 265 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 2: what it feels like he's doing. He's like, oh, like 266 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:07,240 Speaker 2: maybe if we just do this bigger thing, it will work, 267 00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,000 Speaker 2: But I think it's gonna hurt herself. 268 00:14:09,559 --> 00:14:11,560 Speaker 1: The Russian nesting dolls of cuckolding. 269 00:14:11,960 --> 00:14:13,400 Speaker 2: Yes, that's tough. 270 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,640 Speaker 1: It truly made me feel like my wife was in 271 00:14:16,720 --> 00:14:19,640 Speaker 1: another life all together without me. I told her it 272 00:14:19,720 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 1: was okay to keep talking to him, but any future 273 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:27,440 Speaker 1: experiences should be done together. Okaypy, okayoopy. I could see 274 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: that bothered her, and I understood why. Eventually, last night 275 00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:33,560 Speaker 1: we got into another discussion about how distant this all 276 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,840 Speaker 1: made me feel from her. She asked if I wanted 277 00:14:35,880 --> 00:14:37,880 Speaker 1: her to step back, But as much as I want 278 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 1: her to, I truly don't because it's what she wants, 279 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 1: and I do my best to make her happy. Oh 280 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:47,120 Speaker 1: this is so tough, right. I didn't want this to 281 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 1: feel like a trap. I didn't want it to come 282 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: off like manipulation. I one hundred percent thought I was okay, 283 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: that's what we both wanted. Why the f did my 284 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:59,600 Speaker 1: imagination have to be such a powerful, potent form of 285 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: confiden is building that I relied on it to tell 286 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,720 Speaker 1: me how I would actually feel. Why didn't we agree 287 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,320 Speaker 1: to take our initial experiences slow and as a couple. 288 00:15:09,440 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I think that's what you gotta do 289 00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:15,920 Speaker 2: in these situations because opening a marriage is just based 290 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 2: on everything we've read, Like, it's just landmines everywhere, So 291 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 2: you've got to take things slow and really like survey 292 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 2: the landscape and make sure each step is intentional. 293 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:30,400 Speaker 1: Maybe if you started with it, but after fifteen years 294 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 1: of marriage, that's a different story, different story. Now every 295 00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: day is a panic attack thinking about it. I didn't 296 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 1: mean for this, and I don't want it. I don't 297 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:44,120 Speaker 1: want to think that therapy would be a solution because 298 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 1: it wouldn't take away the pain. But is it necessary? 299 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: I don't want to lose her, but I effed up 300 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:51,560 Speaker 1: so badly and I don't know how to fake this. 301 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:56,120 Speaker 1: I am such an effing dumb a whole damn dude. 302 00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,240 Speaker 2: I mean, there's so much self hatred that you're saying 303 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 2: in this post too, and it's like, not his fault, 304 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,440 Speaker 2: it's not her fault. It's just like you, he made 305 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: a mistake in thinking that he was ready for something 306 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 2: he wasn't. I do think therapy would be like super helpful, 307 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 2: a couple's therapy. I mean, talking to someone about this. 308 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 2: It sounds like the voice inside his head is not 309 00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:16,360 Speaker 2: treating him too well, you know. 310 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 1: One hundred percent. Yeah, I think, like I guess he's saying, 311 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,680 Speaker 1: it won't Yeah, of course it won't immediately take a 312 00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:24,920 Speaker 1: pain away, but maybe you can understand more why you're 313 00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:28,360 Speaker 1: feeling this way, or what was the thing that led 314 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,080 Speaker 1: you to thinking it was good in the first place, 315 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: but actually what Like those are good things to understand 316 00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 1: and would probably give him some sort of solace, even 317 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,240 Speaker 1: if it doesn't completely erase all the pain like a 318 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,200 Speaker 1: magic Wand. 319 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, but is there an update like or over? 320 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:49,640 Speaker 1: It only stays terrible for now. 321 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 2: Yeah that sucks, dude, that really sucks. I just want 322 00:16:55,360 --> 00:16:57,480 Speaker 2: to hear from people who have opened their marriage and 323 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,680 Speaker 2: done so successfully. It's just like we I only hear 324 00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:04,480 Speaker 2: horror stories, bro. Yeah, like I think also, if you 325 00:17:04,520 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 2: have a if you have a you doesn't even have 326 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:09,120 Speaker 2: to be a story. If you could explain how you 327 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 2: opened your marriage successfully, can you call us at four 328 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 2: four zero five zero eight six five sixty seven as 329 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 2: we would love just like insight into how this is 330 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 2: done well because I feel like we only ever see 331 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:23,160 Speaker 2: it done poorly. 332 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:25,959 Speaker 1: We haven't seen a success case yet. 333 00:17:26,520 --> 00:17:29,480 Speaker 2: I'm just like, yo, this is a bad idea, right, yeah, 334 00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 2: Like is this ever a good idea? I don't know, 335 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,879 Speaker 2: but John, you know it is a good idea. 336 00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:39,119 Speaker 1: Adding a second story to this single story. 337 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 2: Oh god, let's go. Is my boyfriend emotionally cheating with 338 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,880 Speaker 2: his gym friend? 339 00:17:46,320 --> 00:17:49,800 Speaker 1: You know, Lannie was just helping me stretch out my 340 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 1: good old hammis. You know they need a real good sh. 341 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, and he really needs to like press in to 342 00:17:55,359 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 2: make that happen. You know, it's clearly platonic. It's purely platonic. 343 00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:02,000 Speaker 1: When he's putting his hands on my butt, I'm working 344 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: on my glutes. 345 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,200 Speaker 2: I need him to check and see if I'm being progress. 346 00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:08,560 Speaker 2: And the time we spend in his apartment, like past midnight, 347 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,680 Speaker 2: that's that's just like after hour stretching. 348 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,200 Speaker 1: He gave me a free one on one session. Could 349 00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: you believe that generous? Generous? 350 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,600 Speaker 2: Okay, my boyfriend twenty five and I twenty three have 351 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:25,080 Speaker 2: been together almost five years. He's cheating on me but 352 00:18:25,359 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 2: doesn't see it. 353 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:32,120 Speaker 1: Uh huh, baby, baby, I don't know what I'm doing. 354 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 2: I can't even so funny. This girl is the stereotypical 355 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,800 Speaker 2: girl that the guy tells you not to worry about. 356 00:18:44,880 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 2: Let's call her Rachel. My boyfriend, we'll call him John, 357 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,119 Speaker 2: and her have been friends since close to the beginning 358 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:52,399 Speaker 2: of our relationship. We were all coworkers at one point, 359 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,639 Speaker 2: so I knew this girl too. The first time we 360 00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,879 Speaker 2: had an issue was a few months into our relationship 361 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:58,960 Speaker 2: when she told him she loved him. 362 00:18:59,359 --> 00:19:01,560 Speaker 1: Well, that's it's not beating around the bush, is. 363 00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 2: It, Dang? And that is a few months into their relationship. 364 00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:10,400 Speaker 2: Shit Ooo. He turned her down, but they continued their 365 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,359 Speaker 2: friendship and she moved out of state. Yikes, I don't know. 366 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 2: It's always awkward when our friend confesses their love to you, 367 00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 2: like ChRI She had just had one of our girlfriends 368 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,800 Speaker 2: confess their love to him recently, and it was awkward. 369 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,280 Speaker 2: Sorry babe, Sorry, babe, too busy. A few months after that, 370 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:27,840 Speaker 2: I went on a road trip with my mom and 371 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,879 Speaker 2: he decided to take one with his best friend. They 372 00:19:30,920 --> 00:19:33,320 Speaker 2: stopped near where she was now living, went hiking for 373 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 2: the day, and she asked if she could share their 374 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 2: hotel room for the night so she doesn't have to 375 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:41,480 Speaker 2: drive back tired. Mind you, the hotel room has two 376 00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:45,080 Speaker 2: queen beds. Boyfriend's friend didn't want to share the bed, 377 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:48,640 Speaker 2: and both him and Rachel convinced John that I wouldn't 378 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,240 Speaker 2: mind if they slept in the same bed. They didn't 379 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:56,119 Speaker 2: ask me. I would have said, no, what they slept 380 00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 2: in the same bed. 381 00:19:57,280 --> 00:20:01,959 Speaker 1: After months after she confessed her love for him, please 382 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:02,719 Speaker 1: help us? 383 00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:06,040 Speaker 2: Yikes. She moved back to the state for the summer 384 00:20:06,119 --> 00:20:08,920 Speaker 2: after that and they hung out periodically. A few months later, 385 00:20:09,040 --> 00:20:11,520 Speaker 2: she asked John to help her move out of state again. 386 00:20:11,560 --> 00:20:14,199 Speaker 2: She needed help transporting her stuff. Which is such a 387 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,960 Speaker 2: boyfriend activity. Moving is a boyfriend activity, bro, Oh my god. 388 00:20:18,119 --> 00:20:20,920 Speaker 2: This road trip would have entailed a two week car 389 00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,399 Speaker 2: drive and staring at her now place to help her 390 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,640 Speaker 2: move in. John asked me if I would mind if 391 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:29,760 Speaker 2: I went. I said I would I didn't want him 392 00:20:29,760 --> 00:20:32,680 Speaker 2: to go and would consider that inappropriate. He got mad 393 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:36,000 Speaker 2: but respected my wish. Okay, thanks for good and quiet 394 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 2: for a while until she moved back a few months ago. 395 00:20:39,080 --> 00:20:42,159 Speaker 2: And it started at the gym. No, she joined the 396 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 2: one we go to. John and I work out on 397 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,119 Speaker 2: different splits, but at the same time in the mornings. 398 00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 2: She started following his workout split and joining in when 399 00:20:50,760 --> 00:20:55,200 Speaker 2: they were close. Then she started flirting and touching him. No, no, 400 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,520 Speaker 2: not that touching. I had a conversation with him about 401 00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:02,280 Speaker 2: how I'm comfortable that made me, and how I would 402 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 2: like him to set boundaries with her. I didn't want 403 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:07,159 Speaker 2: to tell him to cut her off completely, mostly because 404 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,800 Speaker 2: he thought ultimatums like that were toxic girl behavior, so 405 00:21:10,840 --> 00:21:13,040 Speaker 2: I let them continue, thinking he would talk to her. 406 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,040 Speaker 2: The touching and flirting continued and worsened, and I learned 407 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:20,160 Speaker 2: later that he had never talked to her about those boundaries. 408 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 2: She up a storm road Bundy. 409 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 1: She can't find her own hotel, she can't find her 410 00:21:27,440 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: own gym, she can't find her boyfriend. 411 00:21:32,119 --> 00:21:36,080 Speaker 2: True. True, this is I feel like this is some 412 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:39,879 Speaker 2: emotional cheating. Definitely, Like I can't imagine that he's so 413 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,320 Speaker 2: oblivious that he doesn't know that this is hurtful to Opie. 414 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:47,520 Speaker 2: So as sleeping in the same bed. Nah, yeah, it's 415 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 2: pretty rough. That's pretty rough. I would I probably would 416 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,119 Speaker 2: have broken up at this point. I would have broken 417 00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,399 Speaker 2: up if the behavior continued after I made it clear 418 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,400 Speaker 2: what my boundaries were. 419 00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, oh. 420 00:21:58,359 --> 00:22:01,159 Speaker 2: God, and went from just out the gym to hanging 421 00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 2: out at her house. My family isn't in the picture, 422 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,359 Speaker 2: and I know he craves the attention and love that 423 00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,600 Speaker 2: comes to the family like hers. So he started going 424 00:22:08,600 --> 00:22:13,120 Speaker 2: more often. He's meeting the family. God damn. Boh stopped 425 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,199 Speaker 2: asking me if I could go, stop even telling me 426 00:22:16,280 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 2: he was going, and started lying about it, telling me 427 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,120 Speaker 2: he was with friends or picking up food. I could 428 00:22:21,160 --> 00:22:23,640 Speaker 2: see his location, so I know when he's over there. 429 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:26,640 Speaker 2: I started getting paranoid and started checking his location every 430 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:29,040 Speaker 2: time he didn't respond to a text or snapchat. He 431 00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 2: was there with her almost every time. Wow, this is 432 00:22:35,440 --> 00:22:38,159 Speaker 2: a big yike situation. I'm out. I'm out out to this. 433 00:22:38,240 --> 00:22:40,919 Speaker 2: I'm out come out the lying No, no way, so 434 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 2: apparent today. I went to work same as usual, but 435 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,240 Speaker 2: let him know I would be off early. He said 436 00:22:46,280 --> 00:22:48,000 Speaker 2: he would be home when I got home and we 437 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,360 Speaker 2: could watch TV and hang out. I messaged him two 438 00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:53,040 Speaker 2: hours ago that I was heading back. He didn't open 439 00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:56,159 Speaker 2: the message for an hour, so I checked. He's with her. 440 00:22:56,359 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 2: They went out together. He put her over plans with me. Girl, 441 00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:04,439 Speaker 2: you gotta have more self respect. You gotta end this thing. Dude, 442 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 2: he's not respecting you at all, the zero percent zero. 443 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 2: I don't think they're physically involved from what I can 444 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,639 Speaker 2: tell and what he has told me, but I can't 445 00:23:13,680 --> 00:23:16,600 Speaker 2: be sure about that. He's been distant, I've been depressed. 446 00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 2: He pretended to care and pretended to want to fix things. 447 00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 2: I can't tell if he's genuine or if he's just 448 00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:25,639 Speaker 2: staying with me through obligation. Is this cheating? Am I 449 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 2: overthinking it? And there is a big fat, juicy update, 450 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:34,720 Speaker 2: oh oh baby, but something that I feel like there's 451 00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:37,560 Speaker 2: definitely emotional cheating going on. And I think the big 452 00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,040 Speaker 2: thing is she made her boundaries very clear and they 453 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 2: agreed and he violated those. So that's where I feel 454 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,359 Speaker 2: like it's it's warranting breaking up. 455 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,520 Speaker 1: He violated them and then kept bulldozed, like going over 456 00:23:52,600 --> 00:23:55,080 Speaker 1: to her house all the time, lying saying that he 457 00:23:55,200 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 1: was other flights lying. 458 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 2: That's that's a huge red flag, the lying like one 459 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:00,960 Speaker 2: hundred percent. 460 00:24:00,960 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: And like she's giving him so much grace, saying that 461 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:07,080 Speaker 1: they're not doing anything they easily easily easily could. 462 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 2: Be easily could be, easily could be. So here's the update. 463 00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 2: I'm staying on a French couch for now. All of 464 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 2: my stuff is still over there, but I couldn't handle 465 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:18,680 Speaker 2: it anymore. I didn't plan on updating, honestly, didn't even 466 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,840 Speaker 2: look at the comments until today. This was a way 467 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 2: of getting my emotions out. But thank you, you're right. 468 00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:26,199 Speaker 2: I talked with my therapist and my mom. Both of 469 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,440 Speaker 2: them said the same things. They pointed out the red 470 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:30,680 Speaker 2: flags I didn't want to see. They both glued me 471 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,600 Speaker 2: in on things I let slide without blinking. He's trying 472 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,480 Speaker 2: to text me, make up, figure out where I am, etc. 473 00:24:36,840 --> 00:24:39,199 Speaker 2: I think he genuinely didn't mean to hurt me, but 474 00:24:39,280 --> 00:24:41,439 Speaker 2: he's also not willing to see it. He loves me, 475 00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 2: but I don't think it's coming from the right place. 476 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,919 Speaker 2: I think he gave up on building a relationship a 477 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 2: long time ago and was just following the steps to 478 00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:51,280 Speaker 2: keep me there. Am I okay? No? Will I be? 479 00:24:51,680 --> 00:24:54,000 Speaker 2: I think so. I'm currently trying to find somewhere to 480 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 2: live other than a couch. Rent is expensive and I 481 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:58,080 Speaker 2: don't think I can afford it without him, but I'll 482 00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:00,119 Speaker 2: figure it out. I have friends on my side. I 483 00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 2: have people looking out for me and making sure I 484 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,719 Speaker 2: am okay. I am grateful for them. I'll update when 485 00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,080 Speaker 2: I get the chance. For now, I'm out and I'm safe. 486 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:12,199 Speaker 2: There's another updates, another big, juicy updates. Oh, but what 487 00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:15,040 Speaker 2: do you think about Opie's choice? 488 00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:19,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean so clearly, absolutely the choice that she 489 00:25:19,760 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: should make. It just sounds like another classic case of 490 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 1: like she just wasn't seeing it, has to had the 491 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,359 Speaker 1: rose tinted glasses, believe the best, and it was trying 492 00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:29,880 Speaker 1: to be overly kind to him. 493 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:31,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's the thing, like when you're in love, 494 00:25:32,640 --> 00:25:34,879 Speaker 2: you don't want to look at the bad stuff. You 495 00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,879 Speaker 2: want to look at the bad stuff, even when it 496 00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,879 Speaker 2: starts turning bad. And I think it's a tough thing 497 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,879 Speaker 2: to do. That is, well, let's keep going, let's look 498 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 2: at all the bad stuff. So update two. We got 499 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:50,000 Speaker 2: together to talk yesterday just to clear some things up 500 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:52,240 Speaker 2: and officially break things off. 501 00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:53,640 Speaker 1: Congratulations. 502 00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:56,720 Speaker 2: He saw this post and told me some details were off, 503 00:25:56,800 --> 00:25:59,280 Speaker 2: so here's the details he wanted me to clarify. The 504 00:25:59,359 --> 00:26:03,440 Speaker 2: road trip was one week, not too That's it. Other 505 00:26:03,520 --> 00:26:06,520 Speaker 2: than that, our conversation consisted of him telling me I 506 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,760 Speaker 2: never gave him enough attention. I was toxic and I 507 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,199 Speaker 2: was the problem. He has been joking around with his 508 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,800 Speaker 2: friends about losing the towels that I bought in the divorce, 509 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:19,159 Speaker 2: like our five years meant nothing. He also told me 510 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,080 Speaker 2: that now that I was out of the picture, he 511 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 2: was ready to get his own place, take time to travel, 512 00:26:23,359 --> 00:26:26,640 Speaker 2: and basically do things he wasn't willing to do with me. Shocking. 513 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 2: I listened to him for about an hour and kept 514 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,000 Speaker 2: most of my thoughts to myself. He doesn't deserve to 515 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 2: know them, and I'm not going to put the effort 516 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 2: into trying to convince him anymore. He did a great 517 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 2: job at solidifying my decision. I feel sorry for the 518 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:41,320 Speaker 2: next girl he chooses to neglect and ignore. I hope 519 00:26:41,359 --> 00:26:43,439 Speaker 2: she leaves sooner than I did and listens to the 520 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 2: red flags. I chose to ignore. I hope he changes 521 00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,720 Speaker 2: and grows, but not with me. There is one more edit, 522 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:53,680 Speaker 2: one more edit. I have been put in a similar 523 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,119 Speaker 2: situation with a guy friend that I had known for years. 524 00:26:56,160 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 2: It was about six months into John in my relationship 525 00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,399 Speaker 2: when my old friend came out and told me he 526 00:27:01,600 --> 00:27:03,560 Speaker 2: liked me and had for quite a while. I haven't 527 00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:05,760 Speaker 2: talked to that friend since that day. I valued my 528 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,199 Speaker 2: relationship with John more than I did that friend. I 529 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 2: have also cut my parents off quite a few times 530 00:27:10,560 --> 00:27:12,760 Speaker 2: because of the things they did slash said against my 531 00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,920 Speaker 2: relationship in the past. If boundaries are crossed and there's 532 00:27:15,920 --> 00:27:18,120 Speaker 2: no resolution, I have been more than willing to cut 533 00:27:18,160 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 2: them off to preserve what John and I had. I 534 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:23,280 Speaker 2: packed my bags and left and said he wouldn't listen 535 00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:25,520 Speaker 2: to the conversations I tried to have with him about 536 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,840 Speaker 2: how I was feeling, or he would pretend to listen 537 00:27:27,880 --> 00:27:30,359 Speaker 2: and then turn around and repeat the same exact things 538 00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,880 Speaker 2: the very next day. I am not important to him, 539 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,200 Speaker 2: and he has demonstrated that in the last few days. 540 00:27:35,280 --> 00:27:38,240 Speaker 2: He did this with his last girlfriend long distance. He 541 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 2: said he didn't love her but didn't want to break 542 00:27:40,040 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 2: it off. We started dating almost immediately after he cut 543 00:27:43,320 --> 00:27:46,160 Speaker 2: the tie that probably should have been red flag number one. 544 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 2: I'm out now. Someone who expects but doesn't give back 545 00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 2: is not someone I want to spend my time with 546 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 2: any more. 547 00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:58,359 Speaker 1: Boom there it is, bing bong. That's exactly Ope, he 548 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,439 Speaker 1: did exactly what she should do. 549 00:28:00,720 --> 00:28:02,840 Speaker 2: I'm glad she like finally did it, because it's I mean, 550 00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,080 Speaker 2: it's hard. It's a hard thing to exit a relationship 551 00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 2: and then stay exited, you know, especially if you're living 552 00:28:07,720 --> 00:28:08,480 Speaker 2: around the same place. 553 00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:13,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that the other thing I'm very 554 00:28:13,760 --> 00:28:16,600 Speaker 1: happy about is that she was able to kind of 555 00:28:16,600 --> 00:28:19,959 Speaker 1: come to all of these, uh, realize all the things, 556 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:21,879 Speaker 1: all of the red flags, all the signs that she 557 00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: should have seen before. And she now feels confident in 558 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 1: that and probably will bring that with her toward to 559 00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 1: her next relationship to potentially avoid this happening again. 560 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,159 Speaker 2: And I know she's like, hey, like you know, she 561 00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 2: was talking about the five years and how he was 562 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:37,240 Speaker 2: like making fun of it and like it meant nothing, 563 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,680 Speaker 2: and like, just know, those five years aren't a waste 564 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:45,080 Speaker 2: of time. Like those five years were time spent figuring 565 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 2: out how you want to be treated and how you 566 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 2: want to be loved and what kind of her life 567 00:28:49,280 --> 00:28:52,240 Speaker 2: you want? So like this. It was five years of 568 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 2: figuring yourself out and hopefully this breakup will allow you 569 00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 2: to find someone who's way better for you. The new chapter, baby, 570 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 2: the new chapter. But you know what chapters we love 571 00:29:02,760 --> 00:29:03,440 Speaker 2: to hear from? 572 00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:04,840 Speaker 1: Which ones? 573 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:09,320 Speaker 2: The chapters from your life? You can call us literally 574 00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:12,080 Speaker 2: right now at four four zero five zero eight six 575 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 2: five six seven and leave us a voicemail and we 576 00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:19,680 Speaker 2: actually like, are calling you guys back so we might 577 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 2: have you on the show.