WEBVTT - Myself Told Myself 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:23.160 Welcome back to Good Mom's Bad Choices America. 0:00:23.640 --> 0:00:24.759 And I'm Mela. 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:26.800 And it's Wednesday. 0:00:31.160 --> 0:00:32.280 Oh that was necessary. 0:00:32.320 --> 0:00:34.960 Yeah, you know, let's try to work on my high 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:36.800 notes falsetto beautiful. 0:00:37.080 --> 0:00:38.360 You're working on it for Beyonce? 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:43.959 Oh yeah, bitch, already No, and already we're gonna. 0:00:43.720 --> 0:00:45.720 Need all the singing and dancing we can get this 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:49.440 month because the cosmos we're not lining up. 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:53.120 And here, Susan Miller says the same. October is due 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:55.800 to be a unique month that will not be easy 0:00:55.880 --> 0:00:56.639 for any of us. 0:00:57.280 --> 0:00:58.920 By the way, Susan Miller, if you guys don't know 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.360 who she is, I've talked about her before. She is 0:01:01.400 --> 0:01:03.959 an astrologer that I've been following since I was a kid. 0:01:04.040 --> 0:01:06.080 My mom was obsessed with her, and she'd be on 0:01:06.200 --> 0:01:09.959 motherfucking point astrologyzone dot com. 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:12.559 So continue telling us how fucked up October it's. 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:15.720 Going to be. Not only you're still twenty, we still 0:01:15.760 --> 0:01:18.200 have more than half the month. The planets will be 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:21.000 in a frenzy the likes of which I have rarely seen. 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:24.559 If you feel you've if you've seen enough surprises this year, 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:26.960 I am sorry to report that there'll be a slew 0:01:27.040 --> 0:01:27.520 of them. 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:31.440 In October Fuck you Susan Warrior. 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:34.000 Mars is one of the prime instigators, but Surprise and 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:37.360 minute Uranus will play a leading part too. Saturn, Pluto, 0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:40.119 and Mercury will stir the pot as well and add 0:01:40.160 --> 0:01:42.520 to the turmoil. When the planets get this way, it 0:01:42.560 --> 0:01:44.800 is because they want to shake up the status quote 0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:49.280 and force us to confront languishing situations that many of 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:52.480 us would prefer not to address. As you see, there 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:54.559 is method in the planet's madness. 0:01:54.880 --> 0:01:56.160 One thing you can rely. 0:01:55.960 --> 0:01:58.160 On is that when planets are in a harsh angle 0:01:58.200 --> 0:02:01.040 to each other, the universe brings in enormous energy so 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:03.600 that you can deal with what happens. The squares and 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:06.920 oppositions are the hard aspects, but they sure. 0:02:06.720 --> 0:02:07.800 Do bring high energy. 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:10.240 The universe will always give you the tools you need 0:02:10.280 --> 0:02:13.639 when it brings you a challenge. 0:02:13.840 --> 0:02:16.080 Well, I hope. So I've been doing a lot of 0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:16.680 heavy breathing. 0:02:16.800 --> 0:02:18.400 I've been doing a lot of crying, a lot of 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:22.560 heavy breathing, and I've been a really on edge parent 0:02:23.280 --> 0:02:24.880 and I've been really trying to lean on my baby 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:27.880 daddy like express that I need support, I need I'm 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:31.280 getting things in line and you know, for the usual 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:35.440 that falls on deaf ears. Meanwhile, every time he gets 0:02:35.600 --> 0:02:38.200 his baby, he could drop her off at his mama's 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:42.560 house for zoom school, for Friday night, for Monday night. 0:02:43.440 --> 0:02:45.280 Don't let me. I'm just like, why don't you just 0:02:45.320 --> 0:02:45.560 help me? 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:48.120 You're just gonna drop her off anyway, right, but the 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.079 fuck anyway. 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:54.480 Sorry, I've been doing a lot of breathing too. I've 0:02:54.520 --> 0:03:00.320 been I've been okay. I guess I've just been overwhelmed 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:03.080 with all the things that we are doing. 0:03:03.360 --> 0:03:07.680 I'm doing in my other work. This apsed and then relationship. 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:08.840 I don't know. 0:03:09.240 --> 0:03:20.119 If I realized the responsibility I was taking on being 0:03:20.440 --> 0:03:21.040 a partner. 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:26.360 I mean, I get it, Yeah, Like, I don't know 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:27.880 if I realized the responsibility. 0:03:28.400 --> 0:03:31.960 I don't know if I'm prepared. I'm not. 0:03:33.440 --> 0:03:36.040 Some days are easy, some days are really challenging. 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:40.560 Currently it's been really challenging. And is it easier to 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:41.240 just be alone? 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:43.760 Like I think back like six months ago, when I 0:03:43.800 --> 0:03:46.920 was alone and I was so like lonely, and I 0:03:47.000 --> 0:03:51.200 wanted partnership, and like I wanted this person to come 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:52.200 and walk into my life. 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:53.760 Now he's here. 0:03:54.560 --> 0:03:57.840 I think we want partnership as human beings a support system, 0:03:57.920 --> 0:04:01.320 but then we rarely take an account for having to 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:04.720 be accountable for someone else's feelings. I didn't take an 0:04:04.720 --> 0:04:07.760 account for if this doesn't work out, how is that 0:04:07.800 --> 0:04:08.760 going to leave me feeling? 0:04:09.000 --> 0:04:10.920 Just all the emotions that it requires. 0:04:11.080 --> 0:04:11.520 Period. 0:04:12.080 --> 0:04:14.520 It's just so much energy, you know, like even because 0:04:14.520 --> 0:04:17.039 I have so much going on in my personal life 0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:19.760 and then I like am breaking it broke up with 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:22.279 somebody or I got broken up with and that took 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:24.279 up so much of my energy. Like I was like, 0:04:24.360 --> 0:04:27.240 I can't go on, I can't do anything. Nothing's working 0:04:27.240 --> 0:04:30.400 out in my life, not love, nothing, and. 0:04:30.360 --> 0:04:32.559 So it's just like so heavy. It's so heavy. 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:34.760 And I think the lesson in this is that we 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:38.920 really have to be sustainable on our own before I mean, I. 0:04:38.960 --> 0:04:43.400 Just before we introducing other energies into the mix. No, no, 0:04:43.480 --> 0:04:46.240 I totally yeah, I agree with that. I think that like, 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.680 relationships can be a wonderful distraction and they can also 0:04:49.720 --> 0:04:53.799 be supportive. They can also feel like they're propelling you forward, 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:56.599 you know, but they can also feel like okay when 0:04:56.600 --> 0:04:59.360 it ends any confusion, if you're not in a secure place, 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:01.360 it can totally disrupt, you. 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:01.760 Know what I mean. 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:05.880 No, I agree, I do think that, Like I feel 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:08.920 like I was ready in some ways for like a relationship, 0:05:08.920 --> 0:05:10.880 Like I have stability in my life in some ways, 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:13.800 although like you know, it's it's all relative, Like yes, 0:05:13.920 --> 0:05:19.520 I can pay my rent every month barely, but it happens, 0:05:19.960 --> 0:05:21.719 and I have support and I have help, you know. 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:24.480 But there's also things, like I think emotionally that are 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.440 not all the way stable that I'm realizing, you know, 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:29.800 like me and my dude, Like we're texting yesterday, it 0:05:29.839 --> 0:05:32.359 takes a lot to like make me curse you the 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:34.800 fuck out. I went back and read my text and 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:36.480 I wasn't that nice. 0:05:36.720 --> 0:05:37.560 It wasn't that nice. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:38.880 I need to see these texts. 0:05:38.920 --> 0:05:40.680 I wasn't that nice, but I was. 0:05:40.720 --> 0:05:43.240 It was more so like a cry to like leave 0:05:43.320 --> 0:05:46.520 me the fuck alone right now. This is me, This 0:05:46.600 --> 0:05:49.240 is this is me needing space, and you're you're we 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.960 keep going. And so therefore now I'm like, now I've 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:55.320 lost it. Not lost it. I wouldn't say I lost it, 0:05:55.360 --> 0:05:59.320 but like now I'm like out of in some way, 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:03.120 out of like my character the character that I think 0:06:03.440 --> 0:06:05.840 I should be when I'm upset, like I know, like 0:06:05.880 --> 0:06:07.280 back in the day, like I used to have these 0:06:07.320 --> 0:06:09.960 epic ass arguments with my ex, like I didn't even know, 0:06:09.960 --> 0:06:11.160 Like I look back on those days, I don't even 0:06:11.160 --> 0:06:11.800 know where the fuck I. 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:15.720 Was screaming, throwing shit, beating each other up. 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:17.279 It was that the kind of person he was. 0:06:17.400 --> 0:06:20.440 You have to keep in mind too, that who you 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:24.120 are can change energetically by who you partner up with. 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:26.960 You will you will someone can bring out the worst 0:06:27.000 --> 0:06:29.240 shit in you that you didn't even know existed. You 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.640 have to really be aware of someone, Like you could 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:33.360 love someone and they just not bring out the best 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:34.080 part of you either. 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:35.960 Oh no, I definitely see that. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:38.479 I think about like even with Happy Bay, Like I 0:06:38.520 --> 0:06:41.840 felt like I feel different in every relationship and then 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.880 I'm like, but I know, I'm like the root of 0:06:43.920 --> 0:06:46.840 who I am is the same. But most I mean 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:50.599 some people, that's that's not possible. Like they are there, 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:52.960 They're always different in every relationship. 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.120 But I don't know. I just feel like. 0:06:56.240 --> 0:07:03.279 I my patience has been, it's been, and I'm so 0:07:04.720 --> 0:07:08.359 focused on like I think I was telling you, was 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:09.040 I telling you this? 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:10.440 Yeah, I was telling you this. 0:07:10.600 --> 0:07:12.000 Like the other day we were sitting out there that 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:15.400 like I hear you that I recently, Like I was 0:07:15.440 --> 0:07:19.240 looking at Ira the other day and she was just 0:07:19.280 --> 0:07:20.880 like I don't know, Like I think she was looking 0:07:20.920 --> 0:07:23.720 at the fridge for like orange juice. And I have 0:07:23.880 --> 0:07:26.120 this moment where like, of course I know as a 0:07:26.160 --> 0:07:29.280 parent that it's my responsibility to be. 0:07:29.240 --> 0:07:31.320 Able to take care of my child and that like. 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:34.400 I'm working for her essentially she's my boss, but also 0:07:34.480 --> 0:07:36.720 like I want her to have this a great life. 0:07:37.040 --> 0:07:40.640 But like there's like this, there's like this transition from 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:45.280 being like a non parent to a parent that like 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:49.640 the selfishness part, it takes a while to like undo, 0:07:50.000 --> 0:07:52.320 like all the thing like when I go, like when 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:54.200 I make money, I want to go shopping for myself 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:55.800 and I have to remember, wait, I have to buy 0:07:55.840 --> 0:07:56.440 things for my. 0:07:56.440 --> 0:07:57.280 Kid, you know. 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:59.800 And I'm not I'm past that those things, but those 0:07:59.800 --> 0:08:02.280 were things I had to learn, like to be mindful 0:08:02.360 --> 0:08:04.400 that you like you don't just automatically wake up one 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:07.280 day and then like suddenly you're pouring every ounce of 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:10.559 your being into your kid or sometimes that does happen 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:11.240 and that's. 0:08:11.040 --> 0:08:13.440 Cool, but sometimes with that you have to learn to 0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:17.200 bag back too. There it goes both ways. Becoming a 0:08:17.320 --> 0:08:20.840 parent is in such a training that doesn't come with training. 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:24.120 But then, so I was looking at her and I 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:28.280 had this thought of, like, if I died right now today, 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:31.720 at this very moment, what do I have to leave her? 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.440 Would she be okay? If it was just on me, 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:36.400 wasn't on anyone else except me? 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:41.160 Would she be okay? No, she would not be okay. 0:08:41.440 --> 0:08:43.400 And I like, I was like, oh my god, I 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.120 have to work ten times harder. I'm not making enough money. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:50.040 Like I suddenly got like so overwhelmed and like sad, 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:51.760 and I was like, oh my god, I'm thirty two 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:53.720 and I don't have enough money to like eat, Like 0:08:53.840 --> 0:08:55.320 I don't even know. I don't enough money to move 0:08:55.320 --> 0:08:58.160 out of my place right now, let alone buy a property. 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.719 Like you know, I'm like, I'm a fan. You're at 0:09:00.720 --> 0:09:02.040 thirty two, I'm supposed to, you know. 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:05.440 But I also know that I'm working incredibly hard and 0:09:05.559 --> 0:09:10.760 seeing results towards that and doing what I love, you know, 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:13.040 So I try to be I'm just like okay, could 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:16.920 be chill the fuck out, relax, smoke a joint. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:19.160 You're okay, We're okay. 0:09:19.600 --> 0:09:22.640 But it just made me think like I don't have time. 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:24.360 To be worried about dumb shit. 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.280 It's true, like and I don't want and I don't 0:09:27.280 --> 0:09:29.439 want to say dumb shit like other people's feelings don't matter, 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.800 but like if it's not working, then maybe like we 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:36.360 just shouldn't. And then I'm like, am I am? Is 0:09:36.400 --> 0:09:39.000 this fear talking? Or like do I really feel this way? 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:42.440 Because I'm so hyper focused on providing a legacy for 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.520 me and my children? Like I also, but I also 0:09:45.520 --> 0:09:47.679 want to do that with someone you know. 0:09:48.600 --> 0:09:51.000 Yeah, I agree, girl, I get it one hundred percent. 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:55.240 And it is an overwhelming thought that somebody is solely 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:59.480 responsible on you responsible. You're they're respond we're responsible to them, 0:10:00.080 --> 0:10:02.319 and I guess it never feels like you're I mean, 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:06.160 I know we're working towards something, but it just feels like, fuck, 0:10:06.280 --> 0:10:08.480 am I I'm not where I'm supposed to be. 0:10:09.440 --> 0:10:10.760 I don't know why who. 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:14.240 Wrote that thirty two was like sixty five, but you know, 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:15.400 like we're so adults and. 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:17.800 Now I'm turning thirty three this month. But if someone 0:10:17.920 --> 0:10:19.520 was like that, you're Jesus here, I was like, I 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:23.520 don't feel like Jesus was right, which I'm like, well, Jesus, 0:10:23.520 --> 0:10:24.040 come down. 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:24.360 Hell. 0:10:25.559 --> 0:10:27.120 I'm like, you know what, Jesus didn't need shit. 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.240 Maybe it is my Jesus here and I should get 0:10:29.240 --> 0:10:31.480 the fuck out of here and go live like Jesus 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:34.800 barefoot somewhere not here. 0:10:36.040 --> 0:10:38.520 I think in our twenties, we just think like thirties, 0:10:38.600 --> 0:10:42.640 that's adulthood. That's when you've reached your adultness. And here 0:10:42.679 --> 0:10:45.400 we are in our thirties and we haven't. Bitch, I 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:49.040 don't have a savings account. I attempted to ask my 0:10:49.080 --> 0:10:52.600 grandmother to co sign for an apartment. She agreed, and 0:10:52.640 --> 0:10:55.400 then at the last minute when they called her decided 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:57.040 that she no longer wanted to do it. 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:00.240 And I'm just like I was having a moment like 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:02.600 I'm I have no support, I have no one. What 0:11:02.640 --> 0:11:03.240 am I gonna do? 0:11:03.400 --> 0:11:05.880 I have no options, and someone is relying on me. 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:08.840 I can't rely on anyone, and I'm barely fucking figuring 0:11:08.840 --> 0:11:11.240 it out. And then someone is relying on me and 0:11:11.840 --> 0:11:13.920 she didn't even ask to be here, and that shit 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:16.600 is overwhelming, you know, just just the little things like 0:11:16.720 --> 0:11:17.839 literally I can't. 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:18.120 Even like. 0:11:20.360 --> 0:11:23.959 I get so easily distracted, and like I felt the 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:25.880 same way they wrote a letter that she was behind 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:28.040 on some of her letters, and I was like having 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:31.040 a bad day because obviously I'm still like mourning from 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:33.160 this breakup. But I was like something came out of 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.520 me and like wanted to slap the shit out of me, like, bitch. 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.440 You don't really have time to be thinking about if 0:11:38.480 --> 0:11:41.920 somebody doesn't want you, she doesn't know five of her alphabet, 0:11:43.200 --> 0:11:46.240 you know, like literally someone like myself told myself. 0:11:45.880 --> 0:11:49.400 Like girl, myself told myself, Yeah, I've had so many. 0:11:49.200 --> 0:11:52.120 Of those limn girl, come on, and I I had 0:11:52.120 --> 0:11:54.120 to like step out of it, like and then I 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:56.880 had to want I'm wondering myself because adventure Bay asked 0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:59.719 me because of course we're still hanging out on the 0:11:59.760 --> 0:12:00.199 week and. 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:03.720 No, but I'm cutting it off for real this week. 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.600 But basically, if I wasn't going through as much things 0:12:07.480 --> 0:12:11.360 as I was going through, would I still like want 0:12:11.400 --> 0:12:12.920 the relationship this bad or something? 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:14.319 And I had to think about that, like. 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:17.600 Am I finding like peace in this because it feels 0:12:17.600 --> 0:12:21.880 like somewhat some stability and like then also I was like, well, 0:12:21.960 --> 0:12:23.120 that's really sick and strange. 0:12:23.240 --> 0:12:26.560 It's not sick that is usually the case. That is 0:12:26.640 --> 0:12:30.679 not unnormal at all. That's and I perfectly normal. It's 0:12:30.720 --> 0:12:32.840 not obviously you need to not try try not to 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:34.720 do that, but yeah, I mean if you feel that way, 0:12:34.720 --> 0:12:37.360 I don't know what the conclusion is, but that is 0:12:38.200 --> 0:12:40.040 for sure valid for sure. 0:12:40.160 --> 0:12:42.520 I mean it's so and if I love this person 0:12:42.559 --> 0:12:45.200 and I enjoy time together, and like at this point, 0:12:45.559 --> 0:12:47.560 we've like I do, I do feel like he make 0:12:47.720 --> 0:12:51.440 he makes me a better place in the relationship, pushes me, 0:12:52.600 --> 0:12:54.840 you know, just little things that there are qualities in 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:56.559 him that I see and of course that I think 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.239 are stable, and I think we're women like we we 0:12:59.240 --> 0:12:59.840 we long. 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.520 For that relationships. Of course, of course it is attractive. 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:06.559 But I also was like, you know, with or without this, 0:13:07.720 --> 0:13:09.559 my life is going to go on like it did 0:13:09.679 --> 0:13:11.760 six months before I met you, you know, so it's both. 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:14.000 And I did find like a part of me with 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.520 even like on top of everything else going on then 0:13:16.679 --> 0:13:19.120 that you know, it just was like a just like 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:31.640 you know, a kill Bill's slow death. But I don't know. 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:33.920 I think the good part about all of this is 0:13:33.920 --> 0:13:41.240 that I think we're becoming stronger women. We're becoming stronger. 0:13:40.840 --> 0:13:44.559 Women, and we're with every transition. 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:48.520 With every obstacle, there is a lesson to be learned, 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.280 and at least we're consciously focused on. 0:13:52.880 --> 0:13:55.000 We're getting there, We're going to get there. We're getting there, 0:13:55.040 --> 0:13:55.560 We're going there. 0:13:55.640 --> 0:13:55.800 Right. 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:58.280 So I think. 0:13:58.080 --> 0:14:00.720 There's like this, it's funny you say a stronger woman, 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.800 because I feel like there's this like conversation that women 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.920 are having or have about like why do we have 0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:09.880 to be so strong? You know all the time that too, 0:14:10.440 --> 0:14:12.640 but also like I do, but and I feel like 0:14:12.960 --> 0:14:15.319 that's been like the conversation. But I do also want 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.400 to say that, like we should be empowered by our 0:14:18.559 --> 0:14:21.560 strength though too, like I do want to be I am. 0:14:21.640 --> 0:14:23.240 I know that I'm a strong woman. I know I've 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:25.600 been raised by a bunch of strong women. I can't 0:14:25.640 --> 0:14:27.920 help it, It's in my DNA. But also I know that, 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.040 like and because of that, like I feel like sometimes 0:14:31.040 --> 0:14:33.760 it's hard for me too, not hard, but like I 0:14:33.840 --> 0:14:36.400 realize that I I think I do. Like it's funny 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.880 that we have this conversation with our guests last week, 0:14:40.080 --> 0:14:44.400 Deny of Black Love Marriage Marriage Black Love Marriage Movement, 0:14:45.360 --> 0:14:48.480 and you were telling her that you know, you feel 0:14:48.520 --> 0:14:51.000 like you have a lot of masculine energy, but like really, 0:14:51.160 --> 0:14:54.600 like you feel like you're more feminine actually, and I 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:57.760 feel like I people think outwards, people think I have 0:14:57.760 --> 0:14:59.720 a lot of feminine energy, but actually I realize I 0:14:59.720 --> 0:15:02.280 have a lot masculine energy, and like I've realized that 0:15:02.320 --> 0:15:08.120 in my relationship because he identifies as more feminine, Like 0:15:08.160 --> 0:15:11.880 he admittedly says that he is the more feminine energy 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:13.640 and that I'm the more masculine And I feel that 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:18.760 way in ways that I never really acknowledged. I guess 0:15:19.320 --> 0:15:23.040 because I was with someone who was so nonchalant that 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.000 I never had to assert it. And so now that 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:31.160 I'm here with a more feminine energy, I'm like feeling 0:15:31.200 --> 0:15:32.600 like I'm asserting it a lot. 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:36.320 And some of it is like good and some of 0:15:36.360 --> 0:15:39.240 it is like is this healthy? 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:39.840 Right? 0:15:40.000 --> 0:15:41.920 Like I don't know. It's interesting. 0:15:43.200 --> 0:15:46.640 It's interesting to see because he is so much more 0:15:46.720 --> 0:15:52.800 emotional than I am. So I don't know, guys, I 0:15:52.840 --> 0:15:53.320 don't know. 0:15:55.040 --> 0:15:57.800 But yes, what were we talking about? I'm high. 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:03.760 Energy, becoming becoming stronger women, give. 0:16:03.680 --> 0:16:07.360 Me stronger women, yes, and kids and struggle then depending 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.920 on us, and oh and also this life is hard. 0:16:09.920 --> 0:16:11.200 Do we need a boyfriend? 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:13.760 That is what we were talking about life is hard. 0:16:13.840 --> 0:16:15.480 Do you really need that relationship? 0:16:15.520 --> 0:16:16.760 Do you need a relationship or not? 0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:20.880 I know, it's like you, it's it's and everyone everyone 0:16:20.920 --> 0:16:21.560 I talked to about it. 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:22.760 It's like you asked for it and then it's here, 0:16:22.760 --> 0:16:23.080 and then. 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:28.800 You're like a lot, a lot of responsibilities. 0:16:29.960 --> 0:16:36.000 Yeah, can you reach orange juice and poor orange juice? 0:16:39.240 --> 0:16:41.160 No drinks and water where it's accessible. 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:47.320 I don't know what her little ear rings right now? 0:16:48.200 --> 0:16:50.480 Take them out. I think it's adding to her sat. 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:54.080 She looks so grown. I can't take it. She's already. 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:54.800 Did I just do that? 0:16:55.080 --> 0:16:56.880 Did I just do the thing that we say we're 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:58.440 here to do? Do it? 0:16:58.480 --> 0:16:58.800 Fuck? 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:02.000 She looks like. 0:17:01.960 --> 0:17:04.160 A teenager, looks older. We'll be more specific. 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:08.199 You get to see her teenage face coming through with 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:08.920 those earrings. 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:12.720 Yeah, but she looks like you, I know, because you 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:18.320 look young anyway, you guys. 0:17:19.880 --> 0:17:23.120 Oh side note, just to switch because I am excited 0:17:23.119 --> 0:17:29.560 about this. We are having a meetup in two weeks, 0:17:29.600 --> 0:17:31.040 so we can have two weeks. Oh my god, it's 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:36.240 coming up on October twenty fifth. We are doing a 0:17:36.359 --> 0:17:40.520 drive in movie event with Outside Cinemas in downtown LA 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:46.200 and we are watching Hokey Pokeys, which is. 0:17:45.640 --> 0:17:46.640 One of my favorite. 0:17:46.280 --> 0:17:48.640 Movies mine too. Wait, is Coco already. 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:49.440 Coco sold out? 0:17:49.640 --> 0:17:52.520 You've already lost your chance. They know more Cocos. 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:55.879 But bring your kids or don't bring your kids. 0:17:56.000 --> 0:17:58.679 I think I'm not gonna bring Iri to Hocus Pocus 0:17:58.720 --> 0:18:02.800 because two nights at the drive in with kids for 0:18:02.920 --> 0:18:05.600 me is a lot. I'm just gonna bring her to 0:18:05.640 --> 0:18:08.760 Cocoa and me too get witchy at Hocus. 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:12.080 Yes, I'm gonna get witchy at Hoka. Everybody else if 0:18:12.080 --> 0:18:13.560 you want to be your kids, it's fine though. 0:18:13.480 --> 0:18:15.680 No, it's totally fine, but we just won't have ours. 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:19.640 But go check out there's a link in our bio 0:18:19.680 --> 0:18:22.960 on Instagram. Or you can go to outside cinemas dot com. 0:18:23.240 --> 0:18:25.480 Yeah, outside cinemas dot com. 0:18:25.560 --> 0:18:27.280 Okay, outside cinemas dot com. 0:18:27.280 --> 0:18:29.439 Fucking because I saw that Shopify thing and then I 0:18:29.440 --> 0:18:30.920 wasn't sure if it was net Calm. 0:18:30.920 --> 0:18:32.240 I don't know what the fuck anyway. 0:18:32.840 --> 0:18:36.920 Also vote, also vote, Also vote, you guys. 0:18:37.359 --> 0:18:37.719 Vote. 0:18:38.359 --> 0:18:43.080 I've heard the LA District Attorney is like in California 0:18:43.119 --> 0:18:45.720 can change this year if we really put our minds 0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:47.800 to it, And apparently that's really important. 0:18:48.080 --> 0:18:50.840 Feel more strongly about government at a local level. 0:18:51.160 --> 0:18:53.800 No, I mean that's true, absolutely, Like, actually, that's where 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.000 it actually matters, because that's where the changes you see 0:18:57.040 --> 0:19:01.479 its immediately in front of you around your city, in 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:07.000 your neighborhoods. Because this president shit is important. Where we 0:19:07.119 --> 0:19:13.119 have even more impact right now is at the ground level. Anyway, 0:19:13.160 --> 0:19:15.480 there's a lot of resources where you can look up 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:17.960 things and figure out what what are like the best 0:19:18.040 --> 0:19:19.560 voting options based. 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:21.680 On your morals, your goals. 0:19:21.640 --> 0:19:24.919 The things that are important to you, and that you 0:19:24.960 --> 0:19:27.840 can find out how to vote because, let's be honest, like, 0:19:27.920 --> 0:19:30.600