Speaker 1: Okay, sometimes I can't stand how much I hate to
Speaker 1: love you so much. That was like kind of like backhanded.
Speaker 1: I feel like it is kind of backhanding. I'm going
Speaker 1: to explain why. Well, I mean, it's one of those
Speaker 1: things where can you love and hate somebody at the
Speaker 1: same time. M hm. Yes. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're
Speaker 1: the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos
Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a
Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.
Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are.
Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of
Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to
Speaker 1: talk about. Do the lens of millennium married couple. Dead
Speaker 1: ads to the term that we say every day. So
Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,
Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about
Speaker 1: to take pillows off to a whole new level. Dead
Speaker 1: ass starts right now. All right, So let's go to
Speaker 1: story time. Okay, but you gotta pay sleeve today. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take us back to Hofstra Oh the Row two
Speaker 1: thousand and four. This is my junior year of college.
Speaker 1: I'm in the prime of my athletic career in college,
Speaker 1: on my way to being an All American. I'm winning
Speaker 1: Offensive Player of the Week like like three times in
Speaker 1: a row. I'm tired. Okay, I'm tired. And my beautiful
Speaker 1: girlfriend at the time, we have the same classes, of course,
Speaker 1: because we do everything together other smart smart, all right,
Speaker 1: I said, baby, babe, I hit it with the no
Speaker 1: air voice, you know, I said, baby, can you sign
Speaker 1: me in the class? You know, I get some extras,
Speaker 1: some sleep. She goes, sure, baby, I got you whatever
Speaker 1: you need. So now I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm golden
Speaker 1: illegal stuff, y'all. So there's nothing legal about don't go
Speaker 1: pulling up sign up sheets from back in the day.
Speaker 1: We got the sign up sheets, we got this stuff.
Speaker 1: We got everything right. It's now it's time to take
Speaker 1: the tests, the exams. I was good at cramming. Right,
Speaker 1: my wife, who I love dearly, Right, I say, baby,
Speaker 1: can I borrow your notes to study? She goes, I'm like,
Speaker 1: what you mean? She said, I'm not giving you my notes?
Speaker 1: I said, yo, you play you you signed me in?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't got no notes. Without with the
Speaker 1: part of the deal though, And I was like, that's
Speaker 1: not my problem. You will have to figure that out.
Speaker 1: And I'm sitting here like, yo, you set me up
Speaker 1: for the oaky dog. But here's the crazy part though, right.
Speaker 1: I got my textbooks, I study and I passed. So
Speaker 1: I appreciate you for doing that because it made me
Speaker 1: do my work. So I love you for that. But
Speaker 1: I hate the fact that you get so like prim
Speaker 1: improper at the wrong time. It's like the wrong time
Speaker 1: now to have more rules. You should have just never
Speaker 1: signed me in. I hate the fact that you get
Speaker 1: so prim and probably at the wrong time, especially when
Speaker 1: I need you the most. Don't try to make me
Speaker 1: feel guilty. I did a lot of the work by
Speaker 1: going to class and being a very diligent note taker. Okay,
Speaker 1: and that's why I wanted your notes, But you left
Speaker 1: me out to drop get to learn a lesson and
Speaker 1: look at the great man you are today, not just
Speaker 1: a parent. Did that? Oh gosh, I hate you. Since
Speaker 1: I swear, guy, I swear again, I have no the
Speaker 1: feeling is mutual. How about that? Well, since we're walking
Speaker 1: around using the H word today, okay, since we're talking
Speaker 1: about I hate and whatnot. At first when I saw
Speaker 1: hate on the run and I was like, oh, are
Speaker 1: we talking about like when you feel like people hate
Speaker 1: on you. But I have my husband up in here
Speaker 1: today talk about he has moments where he hates me.
Speaker 1: I hate. I said, I hate that I love you
Speaker 1: because I'd be wanting to be mad. Don't don't, don't
Speaker 1: try to stuff about I say he hates me. I
Speaker 1: literally wanted to said, I hate that I love you
Speaker 1: so much, I'll be wanting to be mad, but I can't.
Speaker 1: It sounded a little you'll be hearing that's another thing.
Speaker 1: That's nothing I gotta put on my list. Go ahead,
Speaker 1: we got listed the karaoke anyway, the karaoke anyway. To
Speaker 1: put a little sugar on top, you know, I had
Speaker 1: to pull up something out the crates from my girl
Speaker 1: rian N. I hate how much I love you boy.
Speaker 1: I can't stand how much I need you because I do.
Speaker 1: I just hate how much I love you, boy, but
Speaker 1: I just can't let you go. And I love you
Speaker 1: so oh mmmm. What's the what's the word? When someone
Speaker 1: is like right, like righteous, it's righteous at the wrong time.
Speaker 1: I literally hate when you get righteous at the wrong time.
Speaker 1: Do you act like that a character trait? Like I
Speaker 1: do that often? Do I? Yes? Bro? Bro like yo
Speaker 1: you like? For example, We'll be having a full fledged
Speaker 1: argument right and in the middle of the argument, she
Speaker 1: want to get righteous and correct my grammar. Don't correct
Speaker 1: my grammar in the middle of an argument, son, It's
Speaker 1: like that. It's a pepp something that just can't let slide.
Speaker 1: Like you know, like I've seen you the other day,
Speaker 1: you saw me, you saw me the other day you
Speaker 1: didn't see you know, there's certain things about your part
Speaker 1: of that will annoy the ship out of you. And
Speaker 1: and the funny thing is those things that annoy you
Speaker 1: tend to be the things that you need the most
Speaker 1: in your life. Because now I'll be on Grandma alert
Speaker 1: when I speak to her and other people. So it
Speaker 1: makes sense, you know what I'm saying. It's it's almost
Speaker 1: like a form of accountability. Absolutely, absolutely, And as a
Speaker 1: follow up or as an extension to your story, Okay,
Speaker 1: in college, Devout would have me signing him into class
Speaker 1: because he would align with me and take the same
Speaker 1: classes as me. I mean, your your boy's changed his
Speaker 1: whole major to be with me. Just so y'all know Okay,
Speaker 1: then we get around of a pause for me work
Speaker 1: in the system. The system has been against us for
Speaker 1: so long. I worked the system three point one g
Speaker 1: p A thank you, thank you, you found a loophole
Speaker 1: a k A. Cade And was like several um, but
Speaker 1: that you know, he found the loophole in the system,
Speaker 1: was like you know what. I met him and he
Speaker 1: was a business finance major and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: he's in the School of Communications with me. Okay, So
Speaker 1: this one particular class, and this is why it got
Speaker 1: under my skin because this was the story prior to this,
Speaker 1: this note situation. It was Professor Drucker's class Mass Communication. Okay,
Speaker 1: never forget it. And I used to go and sit
Speaker 1: through that woman's lectures for an hour and thirty five
Speaker 1: minutes every Tuesday Thursday. When I tell you, it was
Speaker 1: like fileting my skin with a dull knife. Okay. So
Speaker 1: I suffered through that and took diligent notes. You should
Speaker 1: see me with different color highlighters and all that pens
Speaker 1: or whatever whatever. And it was like really trying my
Speaker 1: all in this class. You know, don't tell me how
Speaker 1: to take my notes. So I was doing, you know,
Speaker 1: doing my due diligence with my work and my notes
Speaker 1: and everything. We had a group project that we had
Speaker 1: to do. V was in a different group though, so
Speaker 1: I'm diligently. I'm that group member that's like, I'm all in,
Speaker 1: we're gonna do this, We're gonna get this. A Divo
Speaker 1: was probably like toe into this group project. Right, went
Speaker 1: up there and b as this whole thing with his group. Right.
Speaker 1: I didn't even study, didn't study nothing. I gave this
Speaker 1: whole presentation at the end of the class the last day.
Speaker 1: This is a final project. Dival goes to Professor Drucker.
Speaker 1: I really, really thoroughly enjoyed this semester with you. I
Speaker 1: feel like I learned so much. And I'm standing in
Speaker 1: the background, like Nick, you ain't been to like two
Speaker 1: more than two lectures the whole semester. Right, she probably
Speaker 1: don't even know your face because it's one of those
Speaker 1: classes where there was like several of us. She didn't
Speaker 1: know it. But remember that, and I bust my tail
Speaker 1: in that class too. We get our raids in that semester.
Speaker 1: Where did you get in that class? Develt? What did
Speaker 1: I get in that class? Avelt? My only be the
Speaker 1: whole semester, I had straight AI's the one b So
Speaker 1: that girl that said I was like, from now on,
Speaker 1: I'll sign you in, but you ain't using my notes, bro.
Speaker 1: So the moral of the story is you are petty.
Speaker 1: That's one of the more The other moral of the
Speaker 1: story is college is all about relationships. Okay, Well, I
Speaker 1: guess you. Well. I walked in there the hell out
Speaker 1: of Professor Dru. I literally met her one time time interaction.
Speaker 1: I looked in her eyes and I said, I thoroughly enjoyed.
Speaker 1: And you lined your hair up that day, so you
Speaker 1: know what you were doing gaze during her eye which
Speaker 1: your line up, your sharp lineup and whatnot. It's all right,
Speaker 1: it's all good. But look, and I mean, I'll be honest. Okay,
Speaker 1: I used you. I felt I admitted I used you, Okay,
Speaker 1: but I had a purpose. I had a reason to
Speaker 1: do it because I knew that in life I was
Speaker 1: going to be able to return the favor. And I
Speaker 1: feel like I have I have. It's fair to say,
Speaker 1: can we shake on that? Shake on that? Okay? So
Speaker 1: it was one of the things that you hate about
Speaker 1: me is I know how to charm my way through things.
Speaker 1: That's actually a talent, and I'm jealous that you do
Speaker 1: have that. I envy that, Like you're able to just
Speaker 1: BS stuff at the best times, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: But the good thing is that with your BS come substance,
Speaker 1: and you're intelligent, so you're able to say, translate the
Speaker 1: BS into something of substance. So that's cool. You have
Speaker 1: just a regular old bullshit artists, you know, because I
Speaker 1: appreciate about I don't like that it's called BS. What
Speaker 1: I know how to do is I know people. I
Speaker 1: know people, and I think too often people forget that
Speaker 1: relationships matter, and rather than working with the person, they
Speaker 1: want to show how smart they are. Everybody don't want
Speaker 1: to hear how smart you are. And I think that
Speaker 1: that's what happened with you, a Professor Drucker. You were
Speaker 1: very smart. You were intelligent, and you wanted to get
Speaker 1: up there and show everything that you know. And you
Speaker 1: was up and I used to watch her when you
Speaker 1: was up there. I watched when a lot of them
Speaker 1: young ladies was up there. She was an old, drive
Speaker 1: up old lady at that point, and y'all all these young,
Speaker 1: vibrant titty sitting up on a small ways. So y'all
Speaker 1: up there telling her all y'all knowledge, and she used
Speaker 1: to be sitting and you got to know how to
Speaker 1: read the room. Read the room. Schooled me a bit
Speaker 1: too late. You should have told me that back in
Speaker 1: the day. I would have got her a damn apple.
Speaker 1: I would have schooled you. But you know what, you
Speaker 1: made me do my own notes. So so the task
Speaker 1: at hand today, playing a little game here. Shout out
Speaker 1: to Trouble from the diaphragm for coming up with a
Speaker 1: fun little activity. Here. We made a list of three
Speaker 1: things that we hate about each other. And I know
Speaker 1: he could be a very strong word. I get it. However,
Speaker 1: it would be like that sometimes, especially in relationships, especially
Speaker 1: after being with someone for going on nineteen years, there's
Speaker 1: a ship that you downright hate and that's just what
Speaker 1: it is. Um. In a set of two thousand fourteen
Speaker 1: experiments all Right, researchers found evidence to suggest that thinking
Speaker 1: about romantic partners can provoke both positive and negative emotions.
Speaker 1: In other words, you can simultaneously love and hate your partner,
Speaker 1: which I completely agree. And I think that's important for
Speaker 1: people to know that because so so often I hear
Speaker 1: guys and girls say, oh, I don't like that my
Speaker 1: partner does this? Is that should I should? I move on?
Speaker 1: And I'm just like, you don't really have to love
Speaker 1: everything about your partner for it to be a good
Speaker 1: solid relationship. I mean, I feel like things comes and ebbs.
Speaker 1: Things come in ebbs and flows, so it's waves. You
Speaker 1: have only something in that moment. They're chronic things that
Speaker 1: you hate. For example, could be like pet peeves about
Speaker 1: you leaving your pile of clothes on the floor, and
Speaker 1: like you leaving the garbage in the corner. I don't
Speaker 1: do that, that's my mom. Sorry Mom, I'm not throwing
Speaker 1: you under the bus, but Mimi does that. Y'all maybe
Speaker 1: be taking the garbage out of the garbage container and
Speaker 1: putting it next to the garbage container in the garage.
Speaker 1: Not me, but I will sweep and leave like the
Speaker 1: pilet dust in the corner. Like that's like it just
Speaker 1: happens like that. When sry, she did not have to
Speaker 1: do that. She did not know. When you start to
Speaker 1: live with people full time, you're gonna just start calling
Speaker 1: stuff out. That woman birthed youth shout out to girl,
Speaker 1: just put the garbage. You took the garbage out of
Speaker 1: the container. You might as well put it in the bin,
Speaker 1: like mem I do not approve this message. I appreciate you. Mimi,
Speaker 1: once again, you're not reading. You're not reading room I am.
Speaker 1: Because she knows me, me gonna pull up receipts so
Speaker 1: she'll be like, I just saw on the Instagram that
Speaker 1: you were talking about me. People said, people said you
Speaker 1: were talking about me, and they're tagging me in this.
Speaker 1: So yeah, but um yeah, there's just little things that
Speaker 1: become small things and then they're like character. I don't
Speaker 1: want to say flaws, but their character traits that people
Speaker 1: may have that you tend to hate. Right now, I'm
Speaker 1: on mine. It's flaws, Cary flaws like I got flaws,
Speaker 1: be right, but I mean something. Okay, So so what's
Speaker 1: something you have your first thing on your list? Let
Speaker 1: me pull up my list. Put go ahead, pull up
Speaker 1: your list. Let's see. I got about I got about one.
Speaker 1: So she yeah, guys, she's so dramatic, bro, she's gonna
Speaker 1: pull out pages four. I got my list. Alright, you
Speaker 1: can go first. I'm gonna go first. All right. The
Speaker 1: first thing, well already said one one was the fact
Speaker 1: that I hate that she tries to be very very
Speaker 1: righteous at the wrong time. I hate that right. The
Speaker 1: second thing I hate about codem right and I've always
Speaker 1: hated about codein and this goes to your your family
Speaker 1: as well. Sorry, but I whole family. I hate the
Speaker 1: fact that y'all care so much what other people think.
Speaker 1: That's how I grew up like that. I don't feel
Speaker 1: like that now. That's something you actually had to pull
Speaker 1: me out of worrying what people think. If I worried
Speaker 1: what people thought, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be talking to you all. I would not be the
Speaker 1: presence that I am on social media. So I've definitely
Speaker 1: learned to let that go. Also, um, I also want
Speaker 1: to be very clear that when we're talking about the
Speaker 1: things that we hate, we're also going to talk about
Speaker 1: how those things are not deal breakers, because in some way,
Speaker 1: shape or form, they do make you better as a person.
Speaker 1: Because the things you hate, often times are often reflections
Speaker 1: of yourself that you know you need to fix and
Speaker 1: you really don't want to fix it. Sorry. Just may
Speaker 1: be different. You just may not be raised or conditioned
Speaker 1: to feel that way. So it could be a thing
Speaker 1: where you learned. But I do I do feel like
Speaker 1: your family being that way and you being like that. Right,
Speaker 1: I always have to take key to how things are
Speaker 1: going to be towards you. And what it did was
Speaker 1: made me more cognizant about my surroundings and what I
Speaker 1: put out because I know that it's going to affect you.
Speaker 1: So in a way, it's helped me. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. You're not talking about reading the room. I
Speaker 1: talked about reading the room. It's helped me because sometimes
Speaker 1: I get to a point where I don't I don't
Speaker 1: give a ship about the room. Like sometimes I don't
Speaker 1: care if it's my thought, if it's my opinion, if
Speaker 1: it's my feeling, I'm just gonna say it. But when
Speaker 1: you live with someone and you know that what you
Speaker 1: say may affect them, you learn how to take a
Speaker 1: step back and think twice. Especially in the social media era.
Speaker 1: You know they normally say you write a tweet, you
Speaker 1: delete it, you rewrite it, deleted again, think about if
Speaker 1: you want to tweet it before you actually tweet it.
Speaker 1: I actually go through that now because I know how
Speaker 1: my things are often affect you. So even though I
Speaker 1: hate that, because I want to feel free enough to
Speaker 1: say how I feel I do appreciate it. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I think yeah also too, I think people always tend
Speaker 1: to lump us together, you and I because the individuals,
Speaker 1: but we also have the presence as the ellisis or
Speaker 1: dead as the podcast or defend, so we get lumped together.
Speaker 1: And what I don't particularly like about that is that
Speaker 1: you're very expressive. You're very expressive. You're also you know,
Speaker 1: willing to just like write dissertations and your captions and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. For me, I don't use this social
Speaker 1: media in that way all the time. So then it
Speaker 1: becomes a thing where we'll devour here so much, and
Speaker 1: then Kadine never says anything about that. For example, you
Speaker 1: may post a beautiful picture or like tribute to me,
Speaker 1: and then you'll give a whole long thing about like,
Speaker 1: you know, a piece of my relationship or something. That's
Speaker 1: how you share. And then people sometimes have commented, men
Speaker 1: in particular, have commented like, well, why doesn't Cadine do
Speaker 1: the same for devot, So it's like, why should I
Speaker 1: be expected to do the same thing. Maybe I'm more
Speaker 1: private with how I show my husband how I care
Speaker 1: about him. Maybe I'm not doing it for social media,
Speaker 1: not that you are. Men have said to me that
Speaker 1: they feel like women are typically always the more uh
Speaker 1: emotionally sharing person in the relationship, and women have often
Speaker 1: said to their women have said to them, look, you
Speaker 1: know you don't share about me, but look how Devoal
Speaker 1: shares about Codeine. But then they always say to me, well,
Speaker 1: Devow shares and Codeine doesn't, you know, I'm saying, so
Speaker 1: it is like, so if I you know, if I share,
Speaker 1: what does that prove? Because she doesn't feels need to share,
Speaker 1: and if I share, she's gonna stop sharing. And that
Speaker 1: goes to what what you're saying is like people do
Speaker 1: as they please. You know what I'm saying, Just because
Speaker 1: I share doesn't mean that I expect Codeine to share,
Speaker 1: but I do get women who do say to me, like,
Speaker 1: then Codeine doesn't share as much because they lump us together.
Speaker 1: And men kind of put it on you that the
Speaker 1: vow doesn't and she doesn't. Though, this is why I'm
Speaker 1: not sharing with my girl, because he's doing this. Everyone
Speaker 1: has an argument for whatever side there are, and and
Speaker 1: and it's just being a thing where you either do
Speaker 1: what you don't right well, and I had to just
Speaker 1: kind of it took a long time for me, like
Speaker 1: you said, to break free of that, because I see
Speaker 1: how caring so much about what other people think has
Speaker 1: limited various people in my family, stop them from a
Speaker 1: potential venture, has stopped them from doing something they wanted
Speaker 1: to do, and it's just so so restricting to me.
Speaker 1: So once you and I just really just been like,
Speaker 1: this is what it is. We're gonna put content out there.
Speaker 1: We're going to share what we want to share. We're
Speaker 1: deliberate with what we share. And I appreciate that you
Speaker 1: always consult or run by me things that you want
Speaker 1: to share, just because you know that it will in
Speaker 1: turn affect me. I appreciate that, um, but I just
Speaker 1: realized how freeing it is to just be able to
Speaker 1: put things out there and just be okay with it
Speaker 1: and to be clear. As much as I hate the
Speaker 1: fact that she cares so much what people think, she
Speaker 1: hates the fact that I don't care what people think.
Speaker 1: And she used to be on me like I don't
Speaker 1: want to be seen on Instagram in a bonnet. I
Speaker 1: don't want to be seen like shut up and I'm
Speaker 1: a post that it. She would be mad. So the
Speaker 1: hate was going back and forth. We're going back and forth.
Speaker 1: So my first thing, excuse me, that I hate about
Speaker 1: you is that you have no off button. I hate
Speaker 1: that you have no off button. De Voo does not
Speaker 1: know when to turn off. Okay, And I will say
Speaker 1: the benefit to that is that develop accomplishes a lot
Speaker 1: and gets a lot of things done in a timely manner. Me,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you can take the evening off, you can
Speaker 1: put your phone on vibrate, you can miss the call like,
Speaker 1: you can do those things just for your own sanity,
Speaker 1: because then he's like overworked, he's overstressed, he's worried about
Speaker 1: his hair, you know what I mean. And I'm like, bro,
Speaker 1: this right here, it's probably like that phone call that
Speaker 1: you probably didn't have to take in that moment. So
Speaker 1: then it falls on me to be the person that
Speaker 1: designates time for him to decompress and disconnect, which is
Speaker 1: cool because then we get to reconnect. You know, there
Speaker 1: are plenty ways to relieve stress. My lady, Why are
Speaker 1: you going to bring it back to that? Though, I'm
Speaker 1: not bringing it back to that. You do, but that's
Speaker 1: in part two because you don't know two clock out
Speaker 1: and the hard part about being an entrepreneur for us
Speaker 1: having our businesses together. You being a working actor. You
Speaker 1: don't know how to just relax. I promise you all
Speaker 1: for the past couple of days, right Mimi, Kiroon Kaz
Speaker 1: have been in New York, if we've been here with Jackson,
Speaker 1: and there have been days where we literally have finished
Speaker 1: work and there's just been not much to do. And
Speaker 1: before this guy just like relaxes, take some time to
Speaker 1: watch a movie and chill with us. He's looking for
Speaker 1: the next thing to do. And I'm just like, bro,
Speaker 1: I could see your mind racing and before you just
Speaker 1: decompressed for a little bit, you thinking about the next
Speaker 1: thing to do. I think that's that. I hate that
Speaker 1: because I don't know you guys talking to hell out
Speaker 1: You guys can't see me. But I'm taken back. Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm taken back. You want to know why I don't
Speaker 1: know how to rest. I have no off button. But
Speaker 1: every day I get forty seven packages at my door.
Speaker 1: Who is responsible to pay for those parts? Some of
Speaker 1: that is PR because that goes to the PR box.
Speaker 1: I the PR box. I have been going lately. I
Speaker 1: have been good late and I'm a working woman as well.
Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted. So if I'm going to be
Speaker 1: purchasing means I'm going to be purchasing things as well
Speaker 1: because I've earned it. So don't even blame it on
Speaker 1: my packages. I'm not talking about how you don't know
Speaker 1: how to disconnect. I'm not even going to defend your accusation.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to my next hate mood. See that
Speaker 1: means that it's I'm right. I'm not going to defend it.
Speaker 1: We're gonna move on. I'm not going to defend it. Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't have an off button. I don't have an
Speaker 1: off button. Okay, you reap the benefits of me not
Speaker 1: having an off button. I do. I do. So we're able.
Speaker 1: We're able to we're able to live our lifestyle in
Speaker 1: part two, because that has an offertion. What I said,
Speaker 1: he gets a lot of things accomplished. I just am
Speaker 1: concerned as his wife about his health. Now you're gonna
Speaker 1: bring it to my health, now you that was great.
Speaker 1: Can we get a round of applause for a cadine
Speaker 1: she's worried about my health. I've been said I was
Speaker 1: worried about your health, and you're here like I'm concerned
Speaker 1: about these things, So me being concerned about those things.
Speaker 1: It's a total package, bro. Like I want you to
Speaker 1: live along with me. I want us to be able
Speaker 1: to grow you know, old and fabulous together together. Period.
Speaker 1: So can I move on to my next hate things?
Speaker 1: You see, he already got three things that I only
Speaker 1: got one, but you just got like I mean, you
Speaker 1: told me to go next. You know what's fine, I'll
Speaker 1: let you go back to back, Drake, Go ahead, Drake,
Speaker 1: go back to back your papers. I should not your
Speaker 1: papers at your hand. Um. I hate that you feel
Speaker 1: like your way of doing things is the be all
Speaker 1: and all only correct way to do things. There are
Speaker 1: other ways. People have their methods, people have their processes.
Speaker 1: Y'all see how my hand is going right now? My
Speaker 1: heart right now, okay, feels that his way is the
Speaker 1: be all that ends all. It's the vals way or
Speaker 1: the highway. True or false? First of all, that's false.
Speaker 1: That's false. It is absolutely false. I don't feel that
Speaker 1: my way is the only way. But I will say
Speaker 1: this though, in order for me to believe that your
Speaker 1: way works, you have to prove to me that's your
Speaker 1: way works. And if you're not consistent at proving to
Speaker 1: me that's your way works. Why would I believe that
Speaker 1: I should follow your way? Well, what if my way
Speaker 1: takes a little bit longer than your way. Time is
Speaker 1: all we have in life. That is the only currency
Speaker 1: that matters. I can't sit here and wait till you
Speaker 1: figure out when you want to figure stuff out. Well,
Speaker 1: the figuring out sometimes it's part of the lesson, as
Speaker 1: part of the process for people. But I feel like
Speaker 1: sometimes you just just like, we'll do it this way,
Speaker 1: and then like and if someone doesn't do it that way,
Speaker 1: then you're just kind of like, well, damn, that was stupid. Listen, guys,
Speaker 1: once again, I'm not gonna argue with my way. I
Speaker 1: am not going to try to deflect. I'm going to
Speaker 1: receive this information. Okay, I'm going to receive this information.
Speaker 1: And what I will do is I will apologize. If
Speaker 1: I made you feel that way. Don't because you're gonna
Speaker 1: try to apologize. Phone was nineteen years worth of develop
Speaker 1: feeling like he's right all the time. And I will
Speaker 1: say I will say have amazing ideas a lot of
Speaker 1: the times, Like shoot, if if a company comes to me,
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, can you need you do a video.
Speaker 1: I'd be like Devel like it's a running joke with
Speaker 1: our manager de Nora and I that I'm just like, hey,
Speaker 1: we need a concept for this that in the third
Speaker 1: I'll be like, consult my consultant, see what I'm saying
Speaker 1: because I know ning, but I know your strengths. I
Speaker 1: think a lot of it with relationships is knowing about
Speaker 1: shrinks and weaknesses, knowing who is better equipped to do
Speaker 1: certain things in certain moments, then getting that tax done
Speaker 1: so I can appreciate and respect the fact that DEVO
Speaker 1: has certain strengths. However, there's certain areas where there's room
Speaker 1: for a little bit of you know, let's see how
Speaker 1: it goes and like na, na, but respectfully, your way
Speaker 1: be taken too long, bro, not all the time. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it hits me yo yo yo yo depends all right?
Speaker 1: Can I get an ash? Can I get like an
Speaker 1: honorable mention? Because this wasn't even on my list of things?
Speaker 1: Kind of this is my honorable mention. It's an honorable mention? Right?
Speaker 1: Can you print out the other eight pages? I haven't?
Speaker 1: First of all, y'all see how much this is the
Speaker 1: most talking Coneine has ever done on the podcast. Let
Speaker 1: it let it. Let it be an episode where she
Speaker 1: got telling me she hate me and something, and she
Speaker 1: up here just talking, flapping them lips. For it's because
Speaker 1: it's the first podcast of the day, and you know,
Speaker 1: I had my caffeine this morning, so I got little energy.
Speaker 1: Y'all got me on on a good note. This is
Speaker 1: one of my honorable mentions, right. I hate that my
Speaker 1: wife procrastinates and thinks because this is me trying to
Speaker 1: not have a stroke while I say the word procrastinates
Speaker 1: because it bothers me so much, like it is not
Speaker 1: okay to do things on your time because you know
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna get stuff done. And then your response
Speaker 1: to me when I ask you why you haven't get
Speaker 1: this done is to be like some things are just
Speaker 1: a process. You can't do that to people's son. The
Speaker 1: mortgages do on the first, the cardinal is due on
Speaker 1: the third. We have three kids. They're not waiting for nobody,
Speaker 1: So I can't be up here waiting for nobody. I
Speaker 1: can't call the Morgan, Chase Man and b JP more
Speaker 1: going to be like, listen, hey, there's a process to
Speaker 1: get these bills there. Let me let me get back
Speaker 1: to you about I can't do that. You could have
Speaker 1: honorable not mentioned that. But whatever on whatever I do,
Speaker 1: I mean, the Good Lord is working on me. That's
Speaker 1: all I have to say about that. Okay, the good
Speaker 1: Lord is working on Mease he has a process, clearly
Speaker 1: because it's taking a bit longer. But what I'll do is,
Speaker 1: I'll also say, through her procrastinating and learning to be patient,
Speaker 1: I've learned how to slow down a little bit and
Speaker 1: appreciate the things that are happening during the process. For example,
Speaker 1: this will take me to my final thing that I
Speaker 1: hate about my wife the value on number twelve. Now,
Speaker 1: my wife, we had two solid ones, cannot cut me off.
Speaker 1: There was another honorable mention my wife. My wife likes
Speaker 1: to cut me off in my feelings. Now, don't be
Speaker 1: your feelings. Don't be your feelings. My wife loves to
Speaker 1: spend money, Like she loves to spend money and me.
Speaker 1: I still get a connection when I think about money
Speaker 1: leaving my account. Right, So I kind of hate it,
Speaker 1: But I can't say I hate it because I love
Speaker 1: I love to spoil her, So it's really not just you.
Speaker 1: I love to spoil you. And I will say this
Speaker 1: about that. I've learned to appreciate moments, memories, and experiences
Speaker 1: because of you. If it were up to me, i'd
Speaker 1: probably make all this money, let us sit in my
Speaker 1: account and watch it every single day and be a
Speaker 1: miserable old man. But because K goes out and spends
Speaker 1: playing trips and stuff, I get to enjoy in my life.
Speaker 1: So so I do hate leave seeing money leave my
Speaker 1: account and hate the fact that you just think that
Speaker 1: it's okay to just go out to Amazon and just
Speaker 1: give all the money away that we both work hard for.
Speaker 1: But I do appreciate the fact that we have moments
Speaker 1: and memories that we can we can enjoy, so we
Speaker 1: were able to live like comfortably. Right. So there are
Speaker 1: certain things that you don't even think about that we need,
Speaker 1: but me running a household, having the children around, just
Speaker 1: knowing things that we need, like you don't look for
Speaker 1: like this morning device, just like damn, I need some
Speaker 1: cute tips. Guess what, I just got some cute tips
Speaker 1: on Amazon. And I just fut tips come in boxes.
Speaker 1: That's what cute tips come in, you know boxes, because
Speaker 1: those are cute tips stuff I delivered here over there,
Speaker 1: those are cute tips. Oh, I didn't know that was
Speaker 1: Christian do York. I didn't know my bad, My bad,
Speaker 1: it was Christian do your cute tips. Now if you
Speaker 1: you adore me, do you see what I'm saying? Um? Yeah,
Speaker 1: So I had a rough couple of weeks, so I
Speaker 1: just treated myself to a little something. I mean, that
Speaker 1: was it. But I understand, I understand, I get it,
Speaker 1: you know. Like I said, I'm I'm a work in progress.
Speaker 1: The Good Lord is working on me and my third
Speaker 1: and I'll pick from my listing as though you had
Speaker 1: a long, a long list of things. My list wasn't
Speaker 1: that long, but go ahead. But okay, Um, so I
Speaker 1: can't say that I completely hate this because there's a
Speaker 1: benefit to it. However, div I would be liking to
Speaker 1: talk and debate about every goddamn thing, and I don't
Speaker 1: be feeling like talking about it. We got a podcasts
Speaker 1: like NIS got the talk in the podcast like a
Speaker 1: goodcast outside of the podcast about I'm talking about. On
Speaker 1: a regular day, DIVO just become up with these like
Speaker 1: deep conversations out of nowhere, and I just don't want
Speaker 1: to like engage in the conversation. But I'd be stuck
Speaker 1: having to engage in these conversations with you sometimes and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I just want to like be in
Speaker 1: silence and just like cuddle. You know what your problem is,
Speaker 1: or you don't want to be in silence and cuddle
Speaker 1: because you know what being this in silence and cuddling
Speaker 1: leads to, I just want to cuddle. We already spoke
Speaker 1: about and I want to debate or fuck all right,
Speaker 1: that's too extreme, nobody getting stuff and having these deep conversations.
Speaker 1: Sometimes these deep conversations do, I will say, evoke lots
Speaker 1: of thought and breakthroughs and stuff like that. However, sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm just like I don't want to debate, so I'm
Speaker 1: usually the of the couple will be with a group
Speaker 1: of people, a group of friends, and devour me the
Speaker 1: one having like full blown debates and conversations with people.
Speaker 1: And then I'm slowly like Homer Simpson, like backing out
Speaker 1: into the bush because I just don't be feeling and
Speaker 1: maybe two people. I don't like people like that, so
Speaker 1: I'll be like going to talk to people all the time.
Speaker 1: But you, well you just said you don't like to
Speaker 1: talk to me neither, so I know you don't like
Speaker 1: to talk to other people. I saw that my wife
Speaker 1: hates the fact that I'm an intellectual and I like
Speaker 1: to discuss current events in life. I just found this out.
Speaker 1: Guy's I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna take my
Speaker 1: shirt off and walk around going who says that? Like?
Speaker 1: Who says that? I'm just saying this time and place
Speaker 1: for it. And sometimes it's just the most inopportune time
Speaker 1: that you want to have and it doesn't even have
Speaker 1: to be about current events, having like relationship conversations and
Speaker 1: you just want to have these long drawing on and
Speaker 1: I'm just like, bro, I'm not talking, you know more.
Speaker 1: And at that point when we have those conversations, then
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, I see where this is going.
Speaker 1: He's doing this on purpose. Then I'll go ahead and
Speaker 1: get my hair tie and I put the pillow on
Speaker 1: the floor and I'd be like, shut up. It's hard
Speaker 1: out here for man, but that it's hard out here, Bro,
Speaker 1: I can't win for losing. I can't win for losing.
Speaker 1: She hate the fact that I read and want to
Speaker 1: discuss the stuff that I read. I watched documentaries, and
Speaker 1: sometimes you have moments can't even get my thought out
Speaker 1: because now you want to cut me off. Remember I
Speaker 1: was one of the honorable mentions. I said, she come
Speaker 1: me on, I just hear go on a whole dissertation
Speaker 1: about how she hates the fact that I talked. I
Speaker 1: might even try to talk to no more. I'm trying
Speaker 1: to talk to y'all and she's trying to cut me
Speaker 1: off from talking to y'all. You know what we're gonna do.
Speaker 1: We're gonna go take a break. We're gonna go, uh
Speaker 1: go do these ads. Where can I say that? Is it?
Speaker 1: Is that bothering you? And I say that we're gonna
Speaker 1: take a break, pay some of these bills, and when
Speaker 1: we come back, we're gonna get to listener letters. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna let k do the whole listener letter because I
Speaker 1: don't want to debate with you. See how extreme he
Speaker 1: is that on the list of things that I hate
Speaker 1: you mad petty petty? What so guys real quick before
Speaker 1: you jump into listen to that or some tips for
Speaker 1: when you feel like you hate your spouse? Why you
Speaker 1: rubbing my arms? Because I really love you, but I
Speaker 1: just wanted to like just run off a couple of
Speaker 1: tips that we came up with. Okay, try to name
Speaker 1: what you're really feeling okay, walk it off or walk
Speaker 1: it out to whichever which way you want to do it.
Speaker 1: Make sure you're getting enough time apart. That's important because
Speaker 1: we do value time apart. Sometimes too makes me miss
Speaker 1: them right. Pay attention to what's going on with you,
Speaker 1: because sometimes it might be you, it may not be them. Okay,
Speaker 1: sometimes it maybe me. I will say that. Assess whether
Speaker 1: the relationship is still meeting your needs, Recognize what triggers
Speaker 1: the feeling, look at it from their perspective, and the
Speaker 1: opposite of walking it out, work it out, talk to
Speaker 1: people you trust, focus on the positive, and if allowse fails,
Speaker 1: you don't seek counseling therapist that helps you, you know. Um,
Speaker 1: so let's going to listen. Letters are real quick. Do
Speaker 1: you want to read it? Would you like? Alright? Go
Speaker 1: for it? All right? I'm dating a guy Pisces who
Speaker 1: just puts that in there. I don't know. People are
Speaker 1: very big on like astrology and like I'm dating a
Speaker 1: guy Pisces who is very sensitive. So our Pisces man sensitives.
Speaker 1: I don't know any Pisces man. I don't think he
Speaker 1: seems to cry to you can describe a lot to
Speaker 1: go cry A lot too over little things. In my perspective,
Speaker 1: sometimes I can understand the frustration, and other times I
Speaker 1: wonder if it's the alcohol or is he emotionally unstable.
Speaker 1: It sucks because it's frustrating and he's a good guy,
Speaker 1: treats me like a queen. But sadly, I haven't had
Speaker 1: the patience for a man crying over nothing or being
Speaker 1: overly sensitive. It's not fun to walk on eggshells. And
Speaker 1: I know I'm not I'm not that mean. How do
Speaker 1: you know if a sensitive man is worth the effort
Speaker 1: or work, or how do we know they're actually emotionally
Speaker 1: unstable and it's a red flag to go? Or how
Speaker 1: can I be more cautious to not trigger him to
Speaker 1: cry without having to lose all the fun? I love
Speaker 1: you both, and I appreciate your advice to come. So
Speaker 1: what I'm wondering off of that is what exactly is
Speaker 1: he crying over? Because is it? Is it crying over
Speaker 1: like scenario situations? Does you see a sad movie and
Speaker 1: he cries like where I just want to say that,
Speaker 1: I think this is toxic femininity. This is toxic femininity.
Speaker 1: She's telling him he's too emotional. He cried too much
Speaker 1: women have been saying for years. Man, y'all need to
Speaker 1: open up. It's okay to cried, and the man start
Speaker 1: opening up to the woman he loved, and she's using
Speaker 1: it as a weakness, well toxic. Is he opening up
Speaker 1: or is he just crying because it seems like she's
Speaker 1: not sure if he's overly sensitive. Maybe he needs to
Speaker 1: get to the root of why he's crying. Does it
Speaker 1: matter he's sharing his emotions. I mean, I'm not opposed
Speaker 1: to that. They're watching a movie. Say they watching band
Speaker 1: b band be getting shot but baby's mother, excuse me
Speaker 1: get shot blue? He dropped a tear duca too? Is
Speaker 1: that a problem? No? I guess he's in tune with
Speaker 1: like emotions. Emotions, but I don't know. I mean, I
Speaker 1: guess also too, she's probably looking for a man who's
Speaker 1: probably a little bit more sline, right, Yeah, or maybe
Speaker 1: that maybe he's that the thing is for so long,
Speaker 1: crying and men have been seen is like two completely
Speaker 1: different ends in inspection, like that's just something men don't do.
Speaker 1: So maybe she's alarmed now because she's accustomed to men
Speaker 1: not crying, or men being more masculine by not crying.
Speaker 1: So she's taken it back. Now she's like, I don't
Speaker 1: understand what this is. Maybe there's something there that's you know,
Speaker 1: because she says, how can I be more cautious not
Speaker 1: to trigger him to cry? So when she's saying something
Speaker 1: or is she maybe she's she's saying things to make
Speaker 1: him cry or make him feel inadequate. The first thing
Speaker 1: is have enough context here for this. Maybe she doesn't
Speaker 1: realize how mean she is, or maybe he's yourself like
Speaker 1: it could be even one like I'm just being honest.
Speaker 1: Sometimes women don't realize that worlds have power, and some
Speaker 1: things you say and in your mind may not be
Speaker 1: me because that's how you grew up, right, But maybe
Speaker 1: he didn't grow up that way. For example, my cousin
Speaker 1: Porscha grew up with me and Brian. All we did
Speaker 1: was play, fight, shoot the dozens, talk trash to each other.
Speaker 1: So my cousin Porscha, she got a mouth on her.
Speaker 1: If she's with a dude who's not used to that
Speaker 1: type of environment, she could be seen as me. Thank
Speaker 1: god she married from Philly my manner rich rich ain't soft,
Speaker 1: So would she get crazy at the mouth. He's gonna
Speaker 1: get crazy at the mouth back, like, like, I think
Speaker 1: that people assume that all men exist in one space
Speaker 1: and that's not true, and all women think that the
Speaker 1: space they exist in is the reality. But really that's
Speaker 1: not true. We're all individual, individual people. He may be
Speaker 1: a little soft, she may be a little mean, and
Speaker 1: together he ended up crying all the time, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, I think they should explore that.
Speaker 1: She should go into the past and find out if
Speaker 1: there's things that she says or does all that makes
Speaker 1: it a little bit more abrasive, you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: He needed to look at himself and be like, why
Speaker 1: am I always you know what I'm saying, Like, I
Speaker 1: think they both can do some work, finds happy made
Speaker 1: him and do some work, you know, exploring though, because yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not sure about what's triggering the crying, which is
Speaker 1: I think the confusing part for me with it, um
Speaker 1: but her thing that I'm not that mean makes me
Speaker 1: feel like it maybe some things that she says to
Speaker 1: him or does that triggers accused the crying. But but
Speaker 1: here's but here's a good point. Though she did say
Speaker 1: she doesn't she does. She hates walking on eggshells. Right.
Speaker 1: Remember I told you I hate walking on eggshells. And
Speaker 1: in another episode we were talking about how it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter sometimes what or how you say to someone. If
Speaker 1: someone is bringing something into a relationship, then that emotion
Speaker 1: um comes out whenever they feel attack, no matter how
Speaker 1: how you say it. I could see how she could
Speaker 1: be frustrated walking on eggshells because it's like, dang, it
Speaker 1: don't matter if I'm abrasive. It don't matter how nice
Speaker 1: and light I try to talk to him. If he
Speaker 1: always crying, that may be something that he just keeps
Speaker 1: bringing to the relationship and he needs to check that out,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And she can check hers,
Speaker 1: he can check his. But if they love each other,
Speaker 1: if y'all love each other, if you'll listening and watching,
Speaker 1: if you'll love each other, do some research on yourself.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, period, And let's stop clowning
Speaker 1: men who cry toxic femininity. But she should be able
Speaker 1: to express it too, you know, and something that takes
Speaker 1: work sometimes from the probably figure out why it is
Speaker 1: he's like that. And let me be clear, I ain't
Speaker 1: for all the crying either. I told my boys, you
Speaker 1: don't cry in front the people you don't trust. So
Speaker 1: I don't tell them like you can't cry, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, that's that's toxic masculinity if you're
Speaker 1: telling them and you can't cry. But I do tell
Speaker 1: my boys you do not crying from the people you
Speaker 1: don't trust. So you can't just be out here. It
Speaker 1: is sobbing all the time. You gotta learn how to
Speaker 1: hold it in and get to a place where you're
Speaker 1: comfortable and then let it out. So you alright now
Speaker 1: number two? Man, y'all sending dissertations. Really, um, how do
Speaker 1: you guys feel about privacy and relationships? I'm thirty one
Speaker 1: and I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We're
Speaker 1: headed for marriage, but we couldn't bring ourselves to pay
Speaker 1: for a wedding before buying a house. His lease is
Speaker 1: up in December two tho nineteen, so in January, coincidentally,
Speaker 1: just before the pandemic, he moved into my place so
Speaker 1: we could save more money for our future. And this
Speaker 1: is where the problem really starts. Dumb, dumb, dumb moving
Speaker 1: in together. This man leaves me no privacy and that's
Speaker 1: in caps caps lock SI no privacy. He goes through
Speaker 1: my phone, mail, purse drawers, comes into the bathroom when
Speaker 1: I'm in there, eave drops on my conversations with my girls.
Speaker 1: Anything invasive, he does it. And this is not because
Speaker 1: he doesn't trust me. He's just playing nosy and it
Speaker 1: drives me nuts. So he's k why you get quiet?
Speaker 1: You don't check my mail? You don't check my mail?
Speaker 1: Are you serious? You don't check my many were just
Speaker 1: moving together. I'm cashing it checks, bro, You mean though
Speaker 1: you see that look just now? If looks could kill
Speaker 1: right now, she would have split my wigs just now,
Speaker 1: moment of true time. You're not. I am very nosy,
Speaker 1: and I embrace it. So what she's saying, she's saying,
Speaker 1: she see why are you getting mad? But I don't
Speaker 1: be going through your drawers and if all that stuff,
Speaker 1: I don't do that anymore. Goodbye to that. You want
Speaker 1: to finish reading the listing letter because she's not even
Speaker 1: get no advice today, messing with you all. I'm just guy,
Speaker 1: finished reading listen. I'm gonna be quiet because I don't
Speaker 1: want no smoke. I really don't want no smoke. Don't
Speaker 1: it's too late. I'll finish choking smoke during a family
Speaker 1: Dinnerscus has mentioned wanting to change careers and he's reading
Speaker 1: because I was doing a better job anyway. So hey,
Speaker 1: whatever you are, you are right today, you are you
Speaker 1: are right. If this is not because he doesn't trust me,
Speaker 1: he's just plaining on nosey and it drives me nuts
Speaker 1: bad enough. We're still working remotely. His take is in relationships,
Speaker 1: you should be one. He's an oversharer and sometimes tells
Speaker 1: me more than I feel I need to know. But
Speaker 1: two weeks ago I had a huge blow up during
Speaker 1: a family dinner. His cousin mentioned wanting to change careers,
Speaker 1: and he said, that's cool. Akila is going to back
Speaker 1: to school for her master's too. Now I never told
Speaker 1: him this. He found out I was applying to different
Speaker 1: programs by going through my things. But it's a big
Speaker 1: decision I wasn't sure about and I was not ready
Speaker 1: to reveal yet. I was livid. He doesn't see the
Speaker 1: big deal and says I need to learn to share
Speaker 1: more with the people that I love. This isn't the
Speaker 1: first time he's mentioned things to someone that I never
Speaker 1: told him, but this took me. This took the cake
Speaker 1: for me being on my own for so long. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I can live like this anymore, or
Speaker 1: live like this forever. But maybe because on my own,
Speaker 1: I've been on my own for so long. I'm looking
Speaker 1: at this selfishly. Is marriage about giving up privacy? Should
Speaker 1: I just ask him to share things about me? But
Speaker 1: except that, I'll never have the space that I once have.
Speaker 1: I love both of your perspectives on this. PS. I know,
Speaker 1: kay love zodiac science. I'm Arias and he's a Leo.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if I love zodiac sciences,
Speaker 1: but I just it's a topic of conversation. So you know,
Speaker 1: I'm in Arias and he's only okay, So what's your
Speaker 1: perspective of that? Since you always have something to say?
Speaker 1: If I always has something to say, that's I'm starting
Speaker 1: to podcast, y'alla. If I always have something to say,
Speaker 1: so go ahead to say it. Go ahead to say it.
Speaker 1: You know I my own podcast already know, y'all. He
Speaker 1: already says on listening letters. Oh, Condinias knows, because you
Speaker 1: want to know, y'all. Business, didn't y'all be asking me
Speaker 1: for for my my my two cents? So y'all send
Speaker 1: it in, And I'm just obliging, but get ahead to veil.
Speaker 1: She said, should she do about her nose as man?
Speaker 1: I don't. Can you you let me know you want
Speaker 1: me to speak? I just said it ahead, holding up
Speaker 1: the process. She wants answers, Sequila wants answers Aequila. Understand
Speaker 1: that when you're dealing with a nosy person and they
Speaker 1: move into the house with you, things that you think
Speaker 1: are invasive to them, it's just normal. For example, mail
Speaker 1: comes into the house. Codeine passes me checks that have
Speaker 1: my name on it. I say, you know it's a
Speaker 1: federal offense to open my mail. She goes, you have
Speaker 1: no privacy here verbati. Never You've never said that to me,
Speaker 1: never said you had no privacy there. I do that
Speaker 1: because I will go through the mail, take out the checks,
Speaker 1: and leave all the bills there. And I'm the one
Speaker 1: that has to manage the bill. So usually when I
Speaker 1: go through the mail, I'll take the checks out, give
Speaker 1: them to you the deposit, and I'll take care of
Speaker 1: the bills. That's just you don't say what's yours is
Speaker 1: mine and what's mine with that? But I didn't say
Speaker 1: that you're not you don't have a right to some
Speaker 1: privacy I do believe that people should have a bit
Speaker 1: of privacy in their in their relationships in general, just
Speaker 1: as an individual. It's a level of respect. Okay, So
Speaker 1: I'm not going through your ATHO, I'll go the minute.
Speaker 1: Can we be on for a minute. Yes, did you
Speaker 1: used to go to my phone? Yes? I did early
Speaker 1: on in the relationship. Not something I do now. I
Speaker 1: didn't because you were what and we were living where together?
Speaker 1: So how you'd be ready to argue with me about
Speaker 1: stuff that I'll be saying it is true, but you
Speaker 1: actually did. Well, you have to do it in the
Speaker 1: context of their relationship four years and then us nineteen years.
Speaker 1: I'm not the same person, but you have to be
Speaker 1: prepared when you're dealing with a nosy person and they
Speaker 1: move in with you. What you're used to, what you
Speaker 1: think is invasive to them is just being nosy, That's
Speaker 1: all I say. Well, I mean she would be ready
Speaker 1: to argue with me, she asked me. From my perspective,
Speaker 1: I'm already know that. You know you're trying to because
Speaker 1: because because humor is part of the podcast. All right,
Speaker 1: learn to laugh at off baby now. So when we
Speaker 1: moved in together, you used to check my phone, right
Speaker 1: mail comes in here, you check my mail? That could
Speaker 1: be invasive to people who are not used to being
Speaker 1: in relationships and living with someone who's nosy. Codeine is nosy.
Speaker 1: I'll be on my phone, She'll be looking directly at
Speaker 1: my phone, and I'll be like, yo, you're just looking
Speaker 1: at my phone, and she's just like, your phone is open.
Speaker 1: Nosy people be nosy. They don't consider it to be invasive.
Speaker 1: Why because Codein doesn't care if I look at her phone.
Speaker 1: Codeine don't care if I open her mail. So in
Speaker 1: her mind, this is normal behavior. Yes, I agree with that. However,
Speaker 1: where it goes south for me is him than telling
Speaker 1: her business to everybody. That that is definitely do not.
Speaker 1: Never do we have conversations with each other about what
Speaker 1: we're going to share to other people. I am not
Speaker 1: allowed and she is not allowed to share my business
Speaker 1: with other people unless we've already had a discussion about
Speaker 1: it at even and even still then I feel like
Speaker 1: I do owe him with respect to some business that
Speaker 1: he wants to tell. He tells, you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: and it could be good business. You know, it could
Speaker 1: be good things. It could be you know, not so
Speaker 1: good things. But I think we definitely have that see
Speaker 1: that that to me is just a mutual respect that
Speaker 1: I think they also have to learn to communicate, right.
Speaker 1: So for example, I used to hate that cold you
Speaker 1: should check my phone, even though I had nothing to
Speaker 1: hide on my phone obviously, be like, why are you
Speaker 1: check my phone? And she used to be like, and
Speaker 1: just and I'm just like to do that now, and
Speaker 1: I'm just busy. What goes through your mind that you
Speaker 1: just think it's okay because the phone is here to
Speaker 1: go through it and look at it. And she used
Speaker 1: to be like, I don't know, it's just there, so
Speaker 1: I just go look and see what's in it. I
Speaker 1: had to understand that she wasn't doing anything to be malicious.
Speaker 1: She was nosy, but I had to create my own
Speaker 1: boundaries the same way you have to create your own boundaries.
Speaker 1: My thing was, I don't just pick up your phone
Speaker 1: because you may have information there that you don't want
Speaker 1: me to see. For example, she'd be playing trips and surprises.
Speaker 1: If I go through a phone and I ruined all
Speaker 1: the surprises, I've messed that up. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: I may not understand the context of anything that's in
Speaker 1: her phone. For example, remember that time you asked me
Speaker 1: to check your email and you were going to I
Speaker 1: think it was Oh my gosh, I forgot what you
Speaker 1: were trying to uh surprise me with what you were
Speaker 1: going to get makeup done at a hotel. Going to
Speaker 1: get makeup done at a hotel, sends an email, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm being at the hotel blah blah blah. No, that's
Speaker 1: not what it was. It was a gentleman who emailed
Speaker 1: me about his girlfriend's girlfriend. Yes, and he was trying
Speaker 1: to surprise her for there he was proposing, so he
Speaker 1: had the hotel information that he was. And that's before
Speaker 1: like when early on in makeup day, I didn't have
Speaker 1: like a professional email, just my person And this was
Speaker 1: super early before you even using social media or yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: But even so, if I go through her email and
Speaker 1: I see her and a gentleman planning to meet up
Speaker 1: at a hotel and she's telling me she got to
Speaker 1: go to work, I can create whatever narrative I want
Speaker 1: out of that email because I'm just being nosy. You
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying, Like, it's just not healthy to
Speaker 1: be nosy and check up on other people's things. Because
Speaker 1: you can create your own stories that may not be true,
Speaker 1: and things happen like that often, and then you look
Speaker 1: like a fool because I should imagine I show up
Speaker 1: at the hotel, I knew it, and then she's sitting
Speaker 1: there doing a girl's makeup and someone Then I would
Speaker 1: feel like an idiot. But you know how many times
Speaker 1: that happened. Oh, I create an argument and she is
Speaker 1: of not going to the hotel and missing out on
Speaker 1: business because I'm looking at her phone and being nosy
Speaker 1: and thinking I know everything. You have to give people privacy,
Speaker 1: even if you live in the same space. There's nothing
Speaker 1: wrong with having your own and being it. Now the male, Look,
Speaker 1: we're married, we've been married, we've been together nineteen years.
Speaker 1: The mail comes in here, could gonna open the mail?
Speaker 1: I could kill her, like I really could. Also him
Speaker 1: going through her purse like I was always taught, like, like,
Speaker 1: you don't go through a woman's purse. So just like
Speaker 1: what like I just don't understand um like that level
Speaker 1: of just like he goes in the bathroom when she's
Speaker 1: there listening to conversations with girlfriends, like so it's almost
Speaker 1: like she's living like a prisoner in her own home
Speaker 1: because she can't be comfortable just existing without him telling
Speaker 1: her business. That has to be annoying. He could be
Speaker 1: nosy or he could be insecure, and if he's insecure,
Speaker 1: he's looking for something, and if there's nothing there for
Speaker 1: her to show, he's going to keep digging because in
Speaker 1: his insecurity, he's thinking, I'm going to find something. So
Speaker 1: since he's always looking for something, he could be looking
Speaker 1: deeper and deeper and deeper and there's nothing there to
Speaker 1: look for. That's a possibility. I don't want to put
Speaker 1: that on him, because I don't like putting it on anybody,
Speaker 1: because I could have put that on you and it
Speaker 1: would have destroyed us. But I legitimately felt like you
Speaker 1: were just nosy, and you were and and make we
Speaker 1: make we make jokes about it and everything. The truth.
Speaker 1: The truth is, everything doesn't have to be so serious,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. As long as you're willing
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with your partner and get true
Speaker 1: understanding and be willing to listen to him or her
Speaker 1: and try to give each other great so you can change,
Speaker 1: it can all be funny later on once you figure
Speaker 1: out what it is. You know what I'm saying. That's
Speaker 1: what I like to make jokes about things, because to me,
Speaker 1: it's not really that serious. You checked my phone, you
Speaker 1: check my email. We've been together ten years, about to
Speaker 1: be eleven, about to be nineteen years as best friends
Speaker 1: and lovers. Like I'm gonna laugh at a lot of
Speaker 1: stuff because it really is not that big of a deal,
Speaker 1: because if it was, we wouldn't even be together. It's
Speaker 1: just that something too are triggering, like you're like you well,
Speaker 1: but also to like, I'm just like, we're just looking
Speaker 1: like that might have been conde seventeen years ago, but
Speaker 1: like now, I'm like, I'm time to be checking your
Speaker 1: drawers and stuff like that. If anything, I'm going to
Speaker 1: put refresh your drawers with your drawers, how about that?
Speaker 1: Because I did laundry, so you're welcome. Yeah you don't.
Speaker 1: You don't. You don't snoop as much, But people are,
Speaker 1: people are getting used to you being triggered by me
Speaker 1: even making jokes because your looks be like, I just
Speaker 1: want us to be clear. Christ I know I'm dealing
Speaker 1: with you know what I'm saying, I'm dealing with Yes,
Speaker 1: I don't know. Ye let him know that there has
Speaker 1: to be some kind of boundaries, because marry just not
Speaker 1: about giving up privacy or giving up boundaries like that's
Speaker 1: that's a bit much, all right, y'all. So if you
Speaker 1: like to be featured as one of our listed letters,
Speaker 1: since I'm nosy, yes, y'all already know, UM, email us
Speaker 1: that ask advice at gmail dot com. That's D E
Speaker 1: A D A S S A D V I C
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. Moment of truth, the moment
Speaker 1: of truth, Yes, the moment of truth. I hate that
Speaker 1: I love you, So I actually don't hate that I
Speaker 1: love you. I love that I love you. Okay, Um,
Speaker 1: this is this is my moment of truth. You don't
Speaker 1: have to love absolutely everything about your partner to be
Speaker 1: in love with them and for that person to be
Speaker 1: perfect with you. It's okay to be different. It's okay
Speaker 1: to have different ideologies. It's okay to be different people.
Speaker 1: Because what I've learned is that us being so different
Speaker 1: gives me a different perspective of life through your eyes.
Speaker 1: So I don't hate that I love you. I love
Speaker 1: that I love you. I love how different you are. Um,
Speaker 1: you my baby, you get on my tapping, dancing on it.
Speaker 1: You be tapping, but the feeling is mutual. I know,
Speaker 1: the feeling is very mutual. I love that we're different. No,
Speaker 1: I love that too, And that was actually gonna be
Speaker 1: my moment of truth. Um. Trying to in those things
Speaker 1: that you hate, embrace what's different about it and see
Speaker 1: how maybe that can then impact your life in a
Speaker 1: positive way. For example, with me, me being the one
Speaker 1: who kind of lags with things, sometimes try having a
Speaker 1: day or two where I don't have an off button.
Speaker 1: I'm always on like you are, and maybe see how
Speaker 1: much I can accomplish in that time frame. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean, Because usually something that you hate about someone.
Speaker 1: I feel like, even with our circumstances, you hate something
Speaker 1: that is the opposite of what you do. So it's
Speaker 1: like one of those things that's a trigger because it's like, damn,
Speaker 1: I hate I would never do that, but that's what
Speaker 1: you do. UM, So trying to see like the bright
Speaker 1: side of it and just maybe taking a day or
Speaker 1: two to apply that to your life and see, hey,
Speaker 1: it may not be that bad. After all, I might
Speaker 1: have accomplished a lot of ship. Then I can clock up.
Speaker 1: So I hope y'all had a good time with us. Today.
Speaker 1: You know we always have a good time with you.
Speaker 1: Um be sure to follow us on social media if
Speaker 1: you are not already, you have the podcast page on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Dead Ass the podcast and you know to find me Cadine,
Speaker 1: I am and I Am Devout And if you're listening
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rape, review and subscribe.
Speaker 1: Dead As dead Ass is a production of I Heart
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