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Speaker 1: Okay, sometimes I can't stand how much I hate to

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Speaker 1: love you so much. That was like kind of like backhanded.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it is kind of backhanding. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to explain why. Well, I mean, it's one of those

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Speaker 1: things where can you love and hate somebody at the

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Speaker 1: same time. M hm. Yes. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're

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Speaker 1: the Ellises. You may know us from posting funny videos

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Speaker 1: with our boys and reading each other publicly as a

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Speaker 1: form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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Speaker 1: And one more important thing to mention, we're married. We are.

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Speaker 1: We created this podcast to open dialogue about some of

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Speaker 1: life's most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to

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Speaker 1: talk about. Do the lens of millennium married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: ads to the term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We're about

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Speaker 1: to take pillows off to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass starts right now. All right, So let's go to

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Speaker 1: story time. Okay, but you gotta pay sleeve today. I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna take us back to Hofstra Oh the Row two

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Speaker 1: thousand and four. This is my junior year of college.

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Speaker 1: I'm in the prime of my athletic career in college,

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Speaker 1: on my way to being an All American. I'm winning

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Speaker 1: Offensive Player of the Week like like three times in

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Speaker 1: a row. I'm tired. Okay, I'm tired. And my beautiful

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Speaker 1: girlfriend at the time, we have the same classes, of course,

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Speaker 1: because we do everything together other smart smart, all right,

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Speaker 1: I said, baby, babe, I hit it with the no

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Speaker 1: air voice, you know, I said, baby, can you sign

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Speaker 1: me in the class? You know, I get some extras,

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Speaker 1: some sleep. She goes, sure, baby, I got you whatever

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Speaker 1: you need. So now I'm thinking, I'm thinking I'm golden

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Speaker 1: illegal stuff, y'all. So there's nothing legal about don't go

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Speaker 1: pulling up sign up sheets from back in the day.

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Speaker 1: We got the sign up sheets, we got this stuff.

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Speaker 1: We got everything right. It's now it's time to take

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Speaker 1: the tests, the exams. I was good at cramming. Right,

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Speaker 1: my wife, who I love dearly, Right, I say, baby,

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Speaker 1: can I borrow your notes to study? She goes, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: what you mean? She said, I'm not giving you my notes?

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Speaker 1: I said, yo, you play you you signed me in?

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Speaker 1: You know, I don't got no notes. Without with the

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Speaker 1: part of the deal though, And I was like, that's

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Speaker 1: not my problem. You will have to figure that out.

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Speaker 1: And I'm sitting here like, yo, you set me up

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Speaker 1: for the oaky dog. But here's the crazy part though, right.

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Speaker 1: I got my textbooks, I study and I passed. So

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Speaker 1: I appreciate you for doing that because it made me

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Speaker 1: do my work. So I love you for that. But

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Speaker 1: I hate the fact that you get so like prim

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Speaker 1: improper at the wrong time. It's like the wrong time

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Speaker 1: now to have more rules. You should have just never

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Speaker 1: signed me in. I hate the fact that you get

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Speaker 1: so prim and probably at the wrong time, especially when

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Speaker 1: I need you the most. Don't try to make me

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Speaker 1: feel guilty. I did a lot of the work by

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Speaker 1: going to class and being a very diligent note taker. Okay,

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Speaker 1: and that's why I wanted your notes, But you left

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Speaker 1: me out to drop get to learn a lesson and

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Speaker 1: look at the great man you are today, not just

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Speaker 1: a parent. Did that? Oh gosh, I hate you. Since

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Speaker 1: I swear, guy, I swear again, I have no the

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Speaker 1: feeling is mutual. How about that? Well, since we're walking

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Speaker 1: around using the H word today, okay, since we're talking

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Speaker 1: about I hate and whatnot. At first when I saw

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Speaker 1: hate on the run and I was like, oh, are

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Speaker 1: we talking about like when you feel like people hate

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Speaker 1: on you. But I have my husband up in here

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Speaker 1: today talk about he has moments where he hates me.

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Speaker 1: I hate. I said, I hate that I love you

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Speaker 1: because I'd be wanting to be mad. Don't don't, don't

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Speaker 1: try to stuff about I say he hates me. I

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Speaker 1: literally wanted to said, I hate that I love you

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Speaker 1: so much, I'll be wanting to be mad, but I can't.

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Speaker 1: It sounded a little you'll be hearing that's another thing.

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Speaker 1: That's nothing I gotta put on my list. Go ahead,

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Speaker 1: we got listed the karaoke anyway, the karaoke anyway. To

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Speaker 1: put a little sugar on top, you know, I had

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Speaker 1: to pull up something out the crates from my girl

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Speaker 1: rian N. I hate how much I love you boy.

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Speaker 1: I can't stand how much I need you because I do.

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Speaker 1: I just hate how much I love you, boy, but

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Speaker 1: I just can't let you go. And I love you

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Speaker 1: so oh mmmm. What's the what's the word? When someone

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Speaker 1: is like right, like righteous, it's righteous at the wrong time.

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Speaker 1: I literally hate when you get righteous at the wrong time.

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Speaker 1: Do you act like that a character trait? Like I

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Speaker 1: do that often? Do I? Yes? Bro? Bro like yo

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Speaker 1: you like? For example, We'll be having a full fledged

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Speaker 1: argument right and in the middle of the argument, she

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Speaker 1: want to get righteous and correct my grammar. Don't correct

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Speaker 1: my grammar in the middle of an argument, son, It's

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Speaker 1: like that. It's a pepp something that just can't let slide.

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Speaker 1: Like you know, like I've seen you the other day,

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Speaker 1: you saw me, you saw me the other day you

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Speaker 1: didn't see you know, there's certain things about your part

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Speaker 1: of that will annoy the ship out of you. And

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Speaker 1: and the funny thing is those things that annoy you

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Speaker 1: tend to be the things that you need the most

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Speaker 1: in your life. Because now I'll be on Grandma alert

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Speaker 1: when I speak to her and other people. So it

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Speaker 1: makes sense, you know what I'm saying. It's it's almost

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Speaker 1: like a form of accountability. Absolutely, absolutely, And as a

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Speaker 1: follow up or as an extension to your story, Okay,

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Speaker 1: in college, Devout would have me signing him into class

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Speaker 1: because he would align with me and take the same

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Speaker 1: classes as me. I mean, your your boy's changed his

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Speaker 1: whole major to be with me. Just so y'all know Okay,

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Speaker 1: then we get around of a pause for me work

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Speaker 1: in the system. The system has been against us for

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Speaker 1: so long. I worked the system three point one g

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Speaker 1: p A thank you, thank you, you found a loophole

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Speaker 1: a k A. Cade And was like several um, but

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Speaker 1: that you know, he found the loophole in the system,

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Speaker 1: was like you know what. I met him and he

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Speaker 1: was a business finance major and then all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: he's in the School of Communications with me. Okay, So

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Speaker 1: this one particular class, and this is why it got

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Speaker 1: under my skin because this was the story prior to this,

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Speaker 1: this note situation. It was Professor Drucker's class Mass Communication. Okay,

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Speaker 1: never forget it. And I used to go and sit

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Speaker 1: through that woman's lectures for an hour and thirty five

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Speaker 1: minutes every Tuesday Thursday. When I tell you, it was

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Speaker 1: like fileting my skin with a dull knife. Okay. So

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Speaker 1: I suffered through that and took diligent notes. You should

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Speaker 1: see me with different color highlighters and all that pens

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Speaker 1: or whatever whatever. And it was like really trying my

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Speaker 1: all in this class. You know, don't tell me how

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Speaker 1: to take my notes. So I was doing, you know,

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Speaker 1: doing my due diligence with my work and my notes

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Speaker 1: and everything. We had a group project that we had

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Speaker 1: to do. V was in a different group though, so

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Speaker 1: I'm diligently. I'm that group member that's like, I'm all in,

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Speaker 1: we're gonna do this, We're gonna get this. A Divo

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Speaker 1: was probably like toe into this group project. Right, went

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Speaker 1: up there and b as this whole thing with his group. Right.

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Speaker 1: I didn't even study, didn't study nothing. I gave this

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Speaker 1: whole presentation at the end of the class the last day.

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Speaker 1: This is a final project. Dival goes to Professor Drucker.

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Speaker 1: I really, really thoroughly enjoyed this semester with you. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I learned so much. And I'm standing in

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Speaker 1: the background, like Nick, you ain't been to like two

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Speaker 1: more than two lectures the whole semester. Right, she probably

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Speaker 1: don't even know your face because it's one of those

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Speaker 1: classes where there was like several of us. She didn't

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Speaker 1: know it. But remember that, and I bust my tail

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Speaker 1: in that class too. We get our raids in that semester.

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Speaker 1: Where did you get in that class? Develt? What did

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Speaker 1: I get in that class? Avelt? My only be the

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Speaker 1: whole semester, I had straight AI's the one b So

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Speaker 1: that girl that said I was like, from now on,

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Speaker 1: I'll sign you in, but you ain't using my notes, bro.

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Speaker 1: So the moral of the story is you are petty.

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Speaker 1: That's one of the more The other moral of the

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Speaker 1: story is college is all about relationships. Okay, Well, I

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Speaker 1: guess you. Well. I walked in there the hell out

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Speaker 1: of Professor Dru. I literally met her one time time interaction.

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Speaker 1: I looked in her eyes and I said, I thoroughly enjoyed.

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Speaker 1: And you lined your hair up that day, so you

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Speaker 1: know what you were doing gaze during her eye which

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Speaker 1: your line up, your sharp lineup and whatnot. It's all right,

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Speaker 1: it's all good. But look, and I mean, I'll be honest. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I used you. I felt I admitted I used you, Okay,

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Speaker 1: but I had a purpose. I had a reason to

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Speaker 1: do it because I knew that in life I was

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Speaker 1: going to be able to return the favor. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like I have I have. It's fair to say,

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Speaker 1: can we shake on that? Shake on that? Okay? So

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Speaker 1: it was one of the things that you hate about

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Speaker 1: me is I know how to charm my way through things.

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Speaker 1: That's actually a talent, and I'm jealous that you do

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Speaker 1: have that. I envy that, Like you're able to just

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Speaker 1: BS stuff at the best times, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: But the good thing is that with your BS come substance,

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Speaker 1: and you're intelligent, so you're able to say, translate the

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Speaker 1: BS into something of substance. So that's cool. You have

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Speaker 1: just a regular old bullshit artists, you know, because I

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Speaker 1: appreciate about I don't like that it's called BS. What

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Speaker 1: I know how to do is I know people. I

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Speaker 1: know people, and I think too often people forget that

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Speaker 1: relationships matter, and rather than working with the person, they

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Speaker 1: want to show how smart they are. Everybody don't want

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Speaker 1: to hear how smart you are. And I think that

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Speaker 1: that's what happened with you, a Professor Drucker. You were

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Speaker 1: very smart. You were intelligent, and you wanted to get

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Speaker 1: up there and show everything that you know. And you

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Speaker 1: was up and I used to watch her when you

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Speaker 1: was up there. I watched when a lot of them

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Speaker 1: young ladies was up there. She was an old, drive

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Speaker 1: up old lady at that point, and y'all all these young,

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Speaker 1: vibrant titty sitting up on a small ways. So y'all

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Speaker 1: up there telling her all y'all knowledge, and she used

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Speaker 1: to be sitting and you got to know how to

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Speaker 1: read the room. Read the room. Schooled me a bit

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Speaker 1: too late. You should have told me that back in

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Speaker 1: the day. I would have got her a damn apple.

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Speaker 1: I would have schooled you. But you know what, you

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Speaker 1: made me do my own notes. So so the task

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Speaker 1: at hand today, playing a little game here. Shout out

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Speaker 1: to Trouble from the diaphragm for coming up with a

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Speaker 1: fun little activity. Here. We made a list of three

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Speaker 1: things that we hate about each other. And I know

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Speaker 1: he could be a very strong word. I get it. However,

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Speaker 1: it would be like that sometimes, especially in relationships, especially

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Speaker 1: after being with someone for going on nineteen years, there's

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Speaker 1: a ship that you downright hate and that's just what

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Speaker 1: it is. Um. In a set of two thousand fourteen

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Speaker 1: experiments all Right, researchers found evidence to suggest that thinking

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Speaker 1: about romantic partners can provoke both positive and negative emotions.

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Speaker 1: In other words, you can simultaneously love and hate your partner,

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Speaker 1: which I completely agree. And I think that's important for

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Speaker 1: people to know that because so so often I hear

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Speaker 1: guys and girls say, oh, I don't like that my

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Speaker 1: partner does this? Is that should I should? I move on?

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Speaker 1: And I'm just like, you don't really have to love

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Speaker 1: everything about your partner for it to be a good

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Speaker 1: solid relationship. I mean, I feel like things comes and ebbs.

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Speaker 1: Things come in ebbs and flows, so it's waves. You

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Speaker 1: have only something in that moment. They're chronic things that

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Speaker 1: you hate. For example, could be like pet peeves about

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Speaker 1: you leaving your pile of clothes on the floor, and

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Speaker 1: like you leaving the garbage in the corner. I don't

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Speaker 1: do that, that's my mom. Sorry Mom, I'm not throwing

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Speaker 1: you under the bus, but Mimi does that. Y'all maybe

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Speaker 1: be taking the garbage out of the garbage container and

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Speaker 1: putting it next to the garbage container in the garage.

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Speaker 1: Not me, but I will sweep and leave like the

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Speaker 1: pilet dust in the corner. Like that's like it just

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Speaker 1: happens like that. When sry, she did not have to

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Speaker 1: do that. She did not know. When you start to

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Speaker 1: live with people full time, you're gonna just start calling

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Speaker 1: stuff out. That woman birthed youth shout out to girl,

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Speaker 1: just put the garbage. You took the garbage out of

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Speaker 1: the container. You might as well put it in the bin,

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Speaker 1: like mem I do not approve this message. I appreciate you. Mimi,

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Speaker 1: once again, you're not reading. You're not reading room I am.

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Speaker 1: Because she knows me, me gonna pull up receipts so

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Speaker 1: she'll be like, I just saw on the Instagram that

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Speaker 1: you were talking about me. People said, people said you

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Speaker 1: were talking about me, and they're tagging me in this.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, but um yeah, there's just little things that

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Speaker 1: become small things and then they're like character. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to say flaws, but their character traits that people

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Speaker 1: may have that you tend to hate. Right now, I'm

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Speaker 1: on mine. It's flaws, Cary flaws like I got flaws,

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Speaker 1: be right, but I mean something. Okay, So so what's

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Speaker 1: something you have your first thing on your list? Let

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Speaker 1: me pull up my list. Put go ahead, pull up

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Speaker 1: your list. Let's see. I got about I got about one.

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Speaker 1: So she yeah, guys, she's so dramatic, bro, she's gonna

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Speaker 1: pull out pages four. I got my list. Alright, you

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Speaker 1: can go first. I'm gonna go first. All right. The

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Speaker 1: first thing, well already said one one was the fact

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Speaker 1: that I hate that she tries to be very very

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Speaker 1: righteous at the wrong time. I hate that right. The

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Speaker 1: second thing I hate about codem right and I've always

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Speaker 1: hated about codein and this goes to your your family

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Speaker 1: as well. Sorry, but I whole family. I hate the

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Speaker 1: fact that y'all care so much what other people think.

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Speaker 1: That's how I grew up like that. I don't feel

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Speaker 1: like that now. That's something you actually had to pull

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Speaker 1: me out of worrying what people think. If I worried

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Speaker 1: what people thought, I wouldn't be here today. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: be talking to you all. I would not be the

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Speaker 1: presence that I am on social media. So I've definitely

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Speaker 1: learned to let that go. Also, um, I also want

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Speaker 1: to be very clear that when we're talking about the

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Speaker 1: things that we hate, we're also going to talk about

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Speaker 1: how those things are not deal breakers, because in some way,

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Speaker 1: shape or form, they do make you better as a person.

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Speaker 1: Because the things you hate, often times are often reflections

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Speaker 1: of yourself that you know you need to fix and

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Speaker 1: you really don't want to fix it. Sorry. Just may

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Speaker 1: be different. You just may not be raised or conditioned

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Speaker 1: to feel that way. So it could be a thing

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Speaker 1: where you learned. But I do I do feel like

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Speaker 1: your family being that way and you being like that. Right,

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Speaker 1: I always have to take key to how things are

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Speaker 1: going to be towards you. And what it did was

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Speaker 1: made me more cognizant about my surroundings and what I

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Speaker 1: put out because I know that it's going to affect you.

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Speaker 1: So in a way, it's helped me. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying. You're not talking about reading the room. I

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Speaker 1: talked about reading the room. It's helped me because sometimes

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Speaker 1: I get to a point where I don't I don't

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Speaker 1: give a ship about the room. Like sometimes I don't

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Speaker 1: care if it's my thought, if it's my opinion, if

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Speaker 1: it's my feeling, I'm just gonna say it. But when

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Speaker 1: you live with someone and you know that what you

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Speaker 1: say may affect them, you learn how to take a

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Speaker 1: step back and think twice. Especially in the social media era.

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Speaker 1: You know they normally say you write a tweet, you

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Speaker 1: delete it, you rewrite it, deleted again, think about if

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Speaker 1: you want to tweet it before you actually tweet it.

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Speaker 1: I actually go through that now because I know how

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Speaker 1: my things are often affect you. So even though I

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Speaker 1: hate that, because I want to feel free enough to

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Speaker 1: say how I feel I do appreciate it. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think yeah also too, I think people always tend

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Speaker 1: to lump us together, you and I because the individuals,

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Speaker 1: but we also have the presence as the ellisis or

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Speaker 1: dead as the podcast or defend, so we get lumped together.

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Speaker 1: And what I don't particularly like about that is that

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Speaker 1: you're very expressive. You're very expressive. You're also you know,

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Speaker 1: willing to just like write dissertations and your captions and

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Speaker 1: stuff like that. For me, I don't use this social

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Speaker 1: media in that way all the time. So then it

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Speaker 1: becomes a thing where we'll devour here so much, and

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Speaker 1: then Kadine never says anything about that. For example, you

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Speaker 1: may post a beautiful picture or like tribute to me,

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Speaker 1: and then you'll give a whole long thing about like,

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Speaker 1: you know, a piece of my relationship or something. That's

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Speaker 1: how you share. And then people sometimes have commented, men

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Speaker 1: in particular, have commented like, well, why doesn't Cadine do

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Speaker 1: the same for devot, So it's like, why should I

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Speaker 1: be expected to do the same thing. Maybe I'm more

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Speaker 1: private with how I show my husband how I care

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Speaker 1: about him. Maybe I'm not doing it for social media,

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Speaker 1: not that you are. Men have said to me that

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Speaker 1: they feel like women are typically always the more uh

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Speaker 1: emotionally sharing person in the relationship, and women have often

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Speaker 1: said to their women have said to them, look, you

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Speaker 1: know you don't share about me, but look how Devoal

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Speaker 1: shares about Codeine. But then they always say to me, well,

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Speaker 1: Devow shares and Codeine doesn't, you know, I'm saying, so

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Speaker 1: it is like, so if I you know, if I share,

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Speaker 1: what does that prove? Because she doesn't feels need to share,

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Speaker 1: and if I share, she's gonna stop sharing. And that

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Speaker 1: goes to what what you're saying is like people do

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Speaker 1: as they please. You know what I'm saying, Just because

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Speaker 1: I share doesn't mean that I expect Codeine to share,

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Speaker 1: but I do get women who do say to me, like,

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Speaker 1: then Codeine doesn't share as much because they lump us together.

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Speaker 1: And men kind of put it on you that the

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Speaker 1: vow doesn't and she doesn't. Though, this is why I'm

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Speaker 1: not sharing with my girl, because he's doing this. Everyone

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Speaker 1: has an argument for whatever side there are, and and

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Speaker 1: and it's just being a thing where you either do

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Speaker 1: what you don't right well, and I had to just

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Speaker 1: kind of it took a long time for me, like

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Speaker 1: you said, to break free of that, because I see

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Speaker 1: how caring so much about what other people think has

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Speaker 1: limited various people in my family, stop them from a

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Speaker 1: potential venture, has stopped them from doing something they wanted

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Speaker 1: to do, and it's just so so restricting to me.

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Speaker 1: So once you and I just really just been like,

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Speaker 1: this is what it is. We're gonna put content out there.

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Speaker 1: We're going to share what we want to share. We're

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Speaker 1: deliberate with what we share. And I appreciate that you

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Speaker 1: always consult or run by me things that you want

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Speaker 1: to share, just because you know that it will in

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Speaker 1: turn affect me. I appreciate that, um, but I just

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Speaker 1: realized how freeing it is to just be able to

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Speaker 1: put things out there and just be okay with it

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Speaker 1: and to be clear. As much as I hate the

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Speaker 1: fact that she cares so much what people think, she

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Speaker 1: hates the fact that I don't care what people think.

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Speaker 1: And she used to be on me like I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be seen on Instagram in a bonnet. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be seen like shut up and I'm

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Speaker 1: a post that it. She would be mad. So the

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Speaker 1: hate was going back and forth. We're going back and forth.

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Speaker 1: So my first thing, excuse me, that I hate about

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Speaker 1: you is that you have no off button. I hate

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Speaker 1: that you have no off button. De Voo does not

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Speaker 1: know when to turn off. Okay, And I will say

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Speaker 1: the benefit to that is that develop accomplishes a lot

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Speaker 1: and gets a lot of things done in a timely manner. Me,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you can take the evening off, you can

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Speaker 1: put your phone on vibrate, you can miss the call like,

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Speaker 1: you can do those things just for your own sanity,

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Speaker 1: because then he's like overworked, he's overstressed, he's worried about

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Speaker 1: his hair, you know what I mean. And I'm like, bro,

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Speaker 1: this right here, it's probably like that phone call that

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Speaker 1: you probably didn't have to take in that moment. So

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Speaker 1: then it falls on me to be the person that

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Speaker 1: designates time for him to decompress and disconnect, which is

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Speaker 1: cool because then we get to reconnect. You know, there

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00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 1: are plenty ways to relieve stress. My lady, Why are

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Speaker 1: you going to bring it back to that? Though, I'm

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Speaker 1: not bringing it back to that. You do, but that's

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Speaker 1: in part two because you don't know two clock out

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Speaker 1: and the hard part about being an entrepreneur for us

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Speaker 1: having our businesses together. You being a working actor. You

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Speaker 1: don't know how to just relax. I promise you all

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Speaker 1: for the past couple of days, right Mimi, Kiroon Kaz

387
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Speaker 1: have been in New York, if we've been here with Jackson,

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Speaker 1: and there have been days where we literally have finished

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Speaker 1: work and there's just been not much to do. And

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00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,760
Speaker 1: before this guy just like relaxes, take some time to

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Speaker 1: watch a movie and chill with us. He's looking for

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Speaker 1: the next thing to do. And I'm just like, bro,

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Speaker 1: I could see your mind racing and before you just

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Speaker 1: decompressed for a little bit, you thinking about the next

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Speaker 1: thing to do. I think that's that. I hate that

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00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 1: because I don't know you guys talking to hell out

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Speaker 1: You guys can't see me. But I'm taken back. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm taken back. You want to know why I don't

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Speaker 1: know how to rest. I have no off button. But

400
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Speaker 1: every day I get forty seven packages at my door.

401
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Speaker 1: Who is responsible to pay for those parts? Some of

402
00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,600
Speaker 1: that is PR because that goes to the PR box.

403
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Speaker 1: I the PR box. I have been going lately. I

404
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:03,200
Speaker 1: have been good late and I'm a working woman as well.

405
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Speaker 1: Don't get it twisted. So if I'm going to be

406
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Speaker 1: purchasing means I'm going to be purchasing things as well

407
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Speaker 1: because I've earned it. So don't even blame it on

408
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Speaker 1: my packages. I'm not talking about how you don't know

409
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Speaker 1: how to disconnect. I'm not even going to defend your accusation.

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00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:21,479
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go to my next hate mood. See that

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Speaker 1: means that it's I'm right. I'm not going to defend it.

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Speaker 1: We're gonna move on. I'm not going to defend it. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't have an off button. I don't have an

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Speaker 1: off button. Okay, you reap the benefits of me not

415
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Speaker 1: having an off button. I do. I do. So we're able.

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Speaker 1: We're able to we're able to live our lifestyle in

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Speaker 1: part two, because that has an offertion. What I said,

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Speaker 1: he gets a lot of things accomplished. I just am

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Speaker 1: concerned as his wife about his health. Now you're gonna

420
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Speaker 1: bring it to my health, now you that was great.

421
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Speaker 1: Can we get a round of applause for a cadine

422
00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:55,840
Speaker 1: she's worried about my health. I've been said I was

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Speaker 1: worried about your health, and you're here like I'm concerned

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Speaker 1: about these things, So me being concerned about those things.

425
00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,600
Speaker 1: It's a total package, bro. Like I want you to

426
00:23:04,640 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 1: live along with me. I want us to be able

427
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:12,159
Speaker 1: to grow you know, old and fabulous together together. Period.

428
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 1: So can I move on to my next hate things?

429
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:17,320
Speaker 1: You see, he already got three things that I only

430
00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,159
Speaker 1: got one, but you just got like I mean, you

431
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,000
Speaker 1: told me to go next. You know what's fine, I'll

432
00:23:21,080 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 1: let you go back to back, Drake, Go ahead, Drake,

433
00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:29,520
Speaker 1: go back to back your papers. I should not your

434
00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 1: papers at your hand. Um. I hate that you feel

435
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:42,040
Speaker 1: like your way of doing things is the be all

436
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 1: and all only correct way to do things. There are

437
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:53,240
Speaker 1: other ways. People have their methods, people have their processes.

438
00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:55,840
Speaker 1: Y'all see how my hand is going right now? My

439
00:23:55,920 --> 00:24:01,840
Speaker 1: heart right now, okay, feels that his way is the

440
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:04,919
Speaker 1: be all that ends all. It's the vals way or

441
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 1: the highway. True or false? First of all, that's false.

442
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: That's false. It is absolutely false. I don't feel that

443
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,240
Speaker 1: my way is the only way. But I will say

444
00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,800
Speaker 1: this though, in order for me to believe that your

445
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,840
Speaker 1: way works, you have to prove to me that's your

446
00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 1: way works. And if you're not consistent at proving to

447
00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:28,199
Speaker 1: me that's your way works. Why would I believe that

448
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,400
Speaker 1: I should follow your way? Well, what if my way

449
00:24:30,440 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 1: takes a little bit longer than your way. Time is

450
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,760
Speaker 1: all we have in life. That is the only currency

451
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: that matters. I can't sit here and wait till you

452
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,960
Speaker 1: figure out when you want to figure stuff out. Well,

453
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,919
Speaker 1: the figuring out sometimes it's part of the lesson, as

454
00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:46,560
Speaker 1: part of the process for people. But I feel like

455
00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,439
Speaker 1: sometimes you just just like, we'll do it this way,

456
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 1: and then like and if someone doesn't do it that way,

457
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: then you're just kind of like, well, damn, that was stupid. Listen, guys,

458
00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: once again, I'm not gonna argue with my way. I

459
00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:04,160
Speaker 1: am not going to try to deflect. I'm going to

460
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:10,640
Speaker 1: receive this information. Okay, I'm going to receive this information.

461
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 1: And what I will do is I will apologize. If

462
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: I made you feel that way. Don't because you're gonna

463
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:20,720
Speaker 1: try to apologize. Phone was nineteen years worth of develop

464
00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:23,360
Speaker 1: feeling like he's right all the time. And I will

465
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,919
Speaker 1: say I will say have amazing ideas a lot of

466
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,800
Speaker 1: the times, Like shoot, if if a company comes to me,

467
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,080
Speaker 1: it's like, hey, can you need you do a video.

468
00:25:31,119 --> 00:25:33,399
Speaker 1: I'd be like Devel like it's a running joke with

469
00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:35,640
Speaker 1: our manager de Nora and I that I'm just like, hey,

470
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,120
Speaker 1: we need a concept for this that in the third

471
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,639
Speaker 1: I'll be like, consult my consultant, see what I'm saying

472
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 1: because I know ning, but I know your strengths. I

473
00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,560
Speaker 1: think a lot of it with relationships is knowing about

474
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: shrinks and weaknesses, knowing who is better equipped to do

475
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,200
Speaker 1: certain things in certain moments, then getting that tax done

476
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,479
Speaker 1: so I can appreciate and respect the fact that DEVO

477
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: has certain strengths. However, there's certain areas where there's room

478
00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,760
Speaker 1: for a little bit of you know, let's see how

479
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:10,200
Speaker 1: it goes and like na, na, but respectfully, your way

480
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 1: be taken too long, bro, not all the time. Sometimes

481
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: it hits me yo yo yo yo depends all right?

482
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:18,400
Speaker 1: Can I get an ash? Can I get like an

483
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,760
Speaker 1: honorable mention? Because this wasn't even on my list of things?

484
00:26:23,040 --> 00:26:25,359
Speaker 1: Kind of this is my honorable mention. It's an honorable mention? Right?

485
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,400
Speaker 1: Can you print out the other eight pages? I haven't?

486
00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,960
Speaker 1: First of all, y'all see how much this is the

487
00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:37,720
Speaker 1: most talking Coneine has ever done on the podcast. Let

488
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: it let it. Let it be an episode where she

489
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,919
Speaker 1: got telling me she hate me and something, and she

490
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:45,720
Speaker 1: up here just talking, flapping them lips. For it's because

491
00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 1: it's the first podcast of the day, and you know,

492
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,200
Speaker 1: I had my caffeine this morning, so I got little energy.

493
00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:51,960
Speaker 1: Y'all got me on on a good note. This is

494
00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 1: one of my honorable mentions, right. I hate that my

495
00:26:56,840 --> 00:27:03,520
Speaker 1: wife procrastinates and thinks because this is me trying to

496
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 1: not have a stroke while I say the word procrastinates

497
00:27:06,480 --> 00:27:09,560
Speaker 1: because it bothers me so much, like it is not

498
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:14,439
Speaker 1: okay to do things on your time because you know

499
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,320
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna get stuff done. And then your response

500
00:27:17,359 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: to me when I ask you why you haven't get

501
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,879
Speaker 1: this done is to be like some things are just

502
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:25,679
Speaker 1: a process. You can't do that to people's son. The

503
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,600
Speaker 1: mortgages do on the first, the cardinal is due on

504
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:36,080
Speaker 1: the third. We have three kids. They're not waiting for nobody,

505
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,280
Speaker 1: So I can't be up here waiting for nobody. I

506
00:27:38,320 --> 00:27:40,880
Speaker 1: can't call the Morgan, Chase Man and b JP more

507
00:27:40,960 --> 00:27:42,639
Speaker 1: going to be like, listen, hey, there's a process to

508
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,520
Speaker 1: get these bills there. Let me let me get back

509
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 1: to you about I can't do that. You could have

510
00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:52,959
Speaker 1: honorable not mentioned that. But whatever on whatever I do,

511
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,000
Speaker 1: I mean, the Good Lord is working on me. That's

512
00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 1: all I have to say about that. Okay, the good

513
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 1: Lord is working on Mease he has a process, clearly

514
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:05,240
Speaker 1: because it's taking a bit longer. But what I'll do is,

515
00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 1: I'll also say, through her procrastinating and learning to be patient,

516
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,159
Speaker 1: I've learned how to slow down a little bit and

517
00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:18,520
Speaker 1: appreciate the things that are happening during the process. For example,

518
00:28:18,880 --> 00:28:21,480
Speaker 1: this will take me to my final thing that I

519
00:28:21,520 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: hate about my wife the value on number twelve. Now,

520
00:28:24,880 --> 00:28:28,160
Speaker 1: my wife, we had two solid ones, cannot cut me off.

521
00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 1: There was another honorable mention my wife. My wife likes

522
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:35,000
Speaker 1: to cut me off in my feelings. Now, don't be

523
00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:39,160
Speaker 1: your feelings. Don't be your feelings. My wife loves to

524
00:28:39,240 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 1: spend money, Like she loves to spend money and me.

525
00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:46,760
Speaker 1: I still get a connection when I think about money

526
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:49,920
Speaker 1: leaving my account. Right, So I kind of hate it,

527
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 1: But I can't say I hate it because I love

528
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:54,760
Speaker 1: I love to spoil her, So it's really not just you.

529
00:28:54,800 --> 00:28:57,080
Speaker 1: I love to spoil you. And I will say this

530
00:28:57,160 --> 00:29:03,840
Speaker 1: about that. I've learned to appreciate moments, memories, and experiences

531
00:29:03,880 --> 00:29:06,720
Speaker 1: because of you. If it were up to me, i'd

532
00:29:06,760 --> 00:29:08,960
Speaker 1: probably make all this money, let us sit in my

533
00:29:08,960 --> 00:29:11,320
Speaker 1: account and watch it every single day and be a

534
00:29:11,360 --> 00:29:14,680
Speaker 1: miserable old man. But because K goes out and spends

535
00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 1: playing trips and stuff, I get to enjoy in my life.

536
00:29:16,800 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 1: So so I do hate leave seeing money leave my

537
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 1: account and hate the fact that you just think that

538
00:29:21,520 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: it's okay to just go out to Amazon and just

539
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:26,280
Speaker 1: give all the money away that we both work hard for.

540
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,959
Speaker 1: But I do appreciate the fact that we have moments

541
00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: and memories that we can we can enjoy, so we

542
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,640
Speaker 1: were able to live like comfortably. Right. So there are

543
00:29:34,680 --> 00:29:38,560
Speaker 1: certain things that you don't even think about that we need,

544
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 1: but me running a household, having the children around, just

545
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: knowing things that we need, like you don't look for

546
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:46,720
Speaker 1: like this morning device, just like damn, I need some

547
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,280
Speaker 1: cute tips. Guess what, I just got some cute tips

548
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:55,440
Speaker 1: on Amazon. And I just fut tips come in boxes.

549
00:29:55,480 --> 00:29:57,880
Speaker 1: That's what cute tips come in, you know boxes, because

550
00:29:57,920 --> 00:29:59,920
Speaker 1: those are cute tips stuff I delivered here over there,

551
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: those are cute tips. Oh, I didn't know that was

552
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 1: Christian do York. I didn't know my bad, My bad,

553
00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:12,520
Speaker 1: it was Christian do your cute tips. Now if you

554
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:18,320
Speaker 1: you adore me, do you see what I'm saying? Um? Yeah,

555
00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:20,600
Speaker 1: So I had a rough couple of weeks, so I

556
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 1: just treated myself to a little something. I mean, that

557
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 1: was it. But I understand, I understand, I get it,

558
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: you know. Like I said, I'm I'm a work in progress.

559
00:30:31,000 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: The Good Lord is working on me and my third

560
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 1: and I'll pick from my listing as though you had

561
00:30:37,080 --> 00:30:41,520
Speaker 1: a long, a long list of things. My list wasn't

562
00:30:41,560 --> 00:30:48,000
Speaker 1: that long, but go ahead. But okay, Um, so I

563
00:30:48,040 --> 00:30:50,200
Speaker 1: can't say that I completely hate this because there's a

564
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:55,400
Speaker 1: benefit to it. However, div I would be liking to

565
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: talk and debate about every goddamn thing, and I don't

566
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:00,240
Speaker 1: be feeling like talking about it. We got a podcasts

567
00:31:00,320 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 1: like NIS got the talk in the podcast like a

568
00:31:02,480 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 1: goodcast outside of the podcast about I'm talking about. On

569
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 1: a regular day, DIVO just become up with these like

570
00:31:09,320 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 1: deep conversations out of nowhere, and I just don't want

571
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:14,600
Speaker 1: to like engage in the conversation. But I'd be stuck

572
00:31:14,640 --> 00:31:17,160
Speaker 1: having to engage in these conversations with you sometimes and

573
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:20,000
Speaker 1: I'm just like, I just want to like be in

574
00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:23,000
Speaker 1: silence and just like cuddle. You know what your problem is,

575
00:31:23,360 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 1: or you don't want to be in silence and cuddle

576
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: because you know what being this in silence and cuddling

577
00:31:26,720 --> 00:31:30,400
Speaker 1: leads to, I just want to cuddle. We already spoke

578
00:31:30,400 --> 00:31:35,120
Speaker 1: about and I want to debate or fuck all right,

579
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 1: that's too extreme, nobody getting stuff and having these deep conversations.

580
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,280
Speaker 1: Sometimes these deep conversations do, I will say, evoke lots

581
00:31:47,320 --> 00:31:51,719
Speaker 1: of thought and breakthroughs and stuff like that. However, sometimes

582
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:53,920
Speaker 1: I'm just like I don't want to debate, so I'm

583
00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: usually the of the couple will be with a group

584
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:58,720
Speaker 1: of people, a group of friends, and devour me the

585
00:31:58,800 --> 00:32:02,280
Speaker 1: one having like full blown debates and conversations with people.

586
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 1: And then I'm slowly like Homer Simpson, like backing out

587
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,040
Speaker 1: into the bush because I just don't be feeling and

588
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,920
Speaker 1: maybe two people. I don't like people like that, so

589
00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: I'll be like going to talk to people all the time.

590
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:13,320
Speaker 1: But you, well you just said you don't like to

591
00:32:13,360 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 1: talk to me neither, so I know you don't like

592
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:17,360
Speaker 1: to talk to other people. I saw that my wife

593
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,280
Speaker 1: hates the fact that I'm an intellectual and I like

594
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,920
Speaker 1: to discuss current events in life. I just found this out.

595
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: Guy's I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna take my

596
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:31,000
Speaker 1: shirt off and walk around going who says that? Like?

597
00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:33,800
Speaker 1: Who says that? I'm just saying this time and place

598
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,400
Speaker 1: for it. And sometimes it's just the most inopportune time

599
00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,360
Speaker 1: that you want to have and it doesn't even have

600
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,880
Speaker 1: to be about current events, having like relationship conversations and

601
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,320
Speaker 1: you just want to have these long drawing on and

602
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,880
Speaker 1: I'm just like, bro, I'm not talking, you know more.

603
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 1: And at that point when we have those conversations, then

604
00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:50,880
Speaker 1: I'll be like, oh, I see where this is going.

605
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: He's doing this on purpose. Then I'll go ahead and

606
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 1: get my hair tie and I put the pillow on

607
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 1: the floor and I'd be like, shut up. It's hard

608
00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: out here for man, but that it's hard out here, Bro,

609
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:05,520
Speaker 1: I can't win for losing. I can't win for losing.

610
00:33:05,560 --> 00:33:07,080
Speaker 1: She hate the fact that I read and want to

611
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: discuss the stuff that I read. I watched documentaries, and

612
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: sometimes you have moments can't even get my thought out

613
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 1: because now you want to cut me off. Remember I

614
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,320
Speaker 1: was one of the honorable mentions. I said, she come

615
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:18,680
Speaker 1: me on, I just hear go on a whole dissertation

616
00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,480
Speaker 1: about how she hates the fact that I talked. I

617
00:33:20,520 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: might even try to talk to no more. I'm trying

618
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:23,800
Speaker 1: to talk to y'all and she's trying to cut me

619
00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,520
Speaker 1: off from talking to y'all. You know what we're gonna do.

620
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: We're gonna go take a break. We're gonna go, uh

621
00:33:29,320 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 1: go do these ads. Where can I say that? Is it?

622
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:35,040
Speaker 1: Is that bothering you? And I say that we're gonna

623
00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 1: take a break, pay some of these bills, and when

624
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 1: we come back, we're gonna get to listener letters. I'm

625
00:33:38,960 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 1: gonna let k do the whole listener letter because I

626
00:33:40,920 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 1: don't want to debate with you. See how extreme he

627
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:46,600
Speaker 1: is that on the list of things that I hate

628
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: you mad petty petty? What so guys real quick before

629
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,400
Speaker 1: you jump into listen to that or some tips for

630
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,240
Speaker 1: when you feel like you hate your spouse? Why you

631
00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,720
Speaker 1: rubbing my arms? Because I really love you, but I

632
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: just wanted to like just run off a couple of

633
00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:12,480
Speaker 1: tips that we came up with. Okay, try to name

634
00:34:12,520 --> 00:34:16,839
Speaker 1: what you're really feeling okay, walk it off or walk

635
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:18,960
Speaker 1: it out to whichever which way you want to do it.

636
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,759
Speaker 1: Make sure you're getting enough time apart. That's important because

637
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,919
Speaker 1: we do value time apart. Sometimes too makes me miss

638
00:34:26,000 --> 00:34:29,560
Speaker 1: them right. Pay attention to what's going on with you,

639
00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 1: because sometimes it might be you, it may not be them. Okay,

640
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,879
Speaker 1: sometimes it maybe me. I will say that. Assess whether

641
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: the relationship is still meeting your needs, Recognize what triggers

642
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:46,400
Speaker 1: the feeling, look at it from their perspective, and the

643
00:34:46,640 --> 00:34:50,640
Speaker 1: opposite of walking it out, work it out, talk to

644
00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 1: people you trust, focus on the positive, and if allowse fails,

645
00:34:54,160 --> 00:35:01,400
Speaker 1: you don't seek counseling therapist that helps you, you know. Um,

646
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:04,320
Speaker 1: so let's going to listen. Letters are real quick. Do

647
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,440
Speaker 1: you want to read it? Would you like? Alright? Go

648
00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: for it? All right? I'm dating a guy Pisces who

649
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:14,120
Speaker 1: just puts that in there. I don't know. People are

650
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:17,080
Speaker 1: very big on like astrology and like I'm dating a

651
00:35:17,160 --> 00:35:21,319
Speaker 1: guy Pisces who is very sensitive. So our Pisces man sensitives.

652
00:35:22,040 --> 00:35:24,120
Speaker 1: I don't know any Pisces man. I don't think he

653
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 1: seems to cry to you can describe a lot to

654
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 1: go cry A lot too over little things. In my perspective,

655
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:34,200
Speaker 1: sometimes I can understand the frustration, and other times I

656
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,360
Speaker 1: wonder if it's the alcohol or is he emotionally unstable.

657
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 1: It sucks because it's frustrating and he's a good guy,

658
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 1: treats me like a queen. But sadly, I haven't had

659
00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 1: the patience for a man crying over nothing or being

660
00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:48,440
Speaker 1: overly sensitive. It's not fun to walk on eggshells. And

661
00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 1: I know I'm not I'm not that mean. How do

662
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:53,960
Speaker 1: you know if a sensitive man is worth the effort

663
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:57,280
Speaker 1: or work, or how do we know they're actually emotionally

664
00:35:57,360 --> 00:35:59,920
Speaker 1: unstable and it's a red flag to go? Or how

665
00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:02,360
Speaker 1: can I be more cautious to not trigger him to

666
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 1: cry without having to lose all the fun? I love

667
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:10,440
Speaker 1: you both, and I appreciate your advice to come. So

668
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,759
Speaker 1: what I'm wondering off of that is what exactly is

669
00:36:12,840 --> 00:36:16,319
Speaker 1: he crying over? Because is it? Is it crying over

670
00:36:16,600 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 1: like scenario situations? Does you see a sad movie and

671
00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:22,160
Speaker 1: he cries like where I just want to say that,

672
00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 1: I think this is toxic femininity. This is toxic femininity.

673
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,879
Speaker 1: She's telling him he's too emotional. He cried too much

674
00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: women have been saying for years. Man, y'all need to

675
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:37,719
Speaker 1: open up. It's okay to cried, and the man start

676
00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,359
Speaker 1: opening up to the woman he loved, and she's using

677
00:36:40,440 --> 00:36:45,160
Speaker 1: it as a weakness, well toxic. Is he opening up

678
00:36:45,280 --> 00:36:47,359
Speaker 1: or is he just crying because it seems like she's

679
00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,239
Speaker 1: not sure if he's overly sensitive. Maybe he needs to

680
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 1: get to the root of why he's crying. Does it

681
00:36:53,080 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: matter he's sharing his emotions. I mean, I'm not opposed

682
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,680
Speaker 1: to that. They're watching a movie. Say they watching band

683
00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: b band be getting shot but baby's mother, excuse me

684
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 1: get shot blue? He dropped a tear duca too? Is

685
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 1: that a problem? No? I guess he's in tune with

686
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: like emotions. Emotions, but I don't know. I mean, I

687
00:37:10,239 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 1: guess also too, she's probably looking for a man who's

688
00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: probably a little bit more sline, right, Yeah, or maybe

689
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,839
Speaker 1: that maybe he's that the thing is for so long,

690
00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,720
Speaker 1: crying and men have been seen is like two completely

691
00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:25,800
Speaker 1: different ends in inspection, like that's just something men don't do.

692
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:29,839
Speaker 1: So maybe she's alarmed now because she's accustomed to men

693
00:37:30,000 --> 00:37:32,720
Speaker 1: not crying, or men being more masculine by not crying.

694
00:37:32,800 --> 00:37:34,879
Speaker 1: So she's taken it back. Now she's like, I don't

695
00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:38,880
Speaker 1: understand what this is. Maybe there's something there that's you know,

696
00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: because she says, how can I be more cautious not

697
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:44,359
Speaker 1: to trigger him to cry? So when she's saying something

698
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: or is she maybe she's she's saying things to make

699
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:53,319
Speaker 1: him cry or make him feel inadequate. The first thing

700
00:37:53,440 --> 00:37:55,960
Speaker 1: is have enough context here for this. Maybe she doesn't

701
00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:01,360
Speaker 1: realize how mean she is, or maybe he's yourself like

702
00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:04,280
Speaker 1: it could be even one like I'm just being honest.

703
00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes women don't realize that worlds have power, and some

704
00:38:08,080 --> 00:38:10,480
Speaker 1: things you say and in your mind may not be

705
00:38:10,680 --> 00:38:14,479
Speaker 1: me because that's how you grew up, right, But maybe

706
00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:17,280
Speaker 1: he didn't grow up that way. For example, my cousin

707
00:38:17,320 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 1: Porscha grew up with me and Brian. All we did

708
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 1: was play, fight, shoot the dozens, talk trash to each other.

709
00:38:24,200 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 1: So my cousin Porscha, she got a mouth on her.

710
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 1: If she's with a dude who's not used to that

711
00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:33,080
Speaker 1: type of environment, she could be seen as me. Thank

712
00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:37,800
Speaker 1: god she married from Philly my manner rich rich ain't soft,

713
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:41,120
Speaker 1: So would she get crazy at the mouth. He's gonna

714
00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 1: get crazy at the mouth back, like, like, I think

715
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 1: that people assume that all men exist in one space

716
00:38:48,200 --> 00:38:50,880
Speaker 1: and that's not true, and all women think that the

717
00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: space they exist in is the reality. But really that's

718
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,560
Speaker 1: not true. We're all individual, individual people. He may be

719
00:38:57,600 --> 00:39:00,279
Speaker 1: a little soft, she may be a little mean, and

720
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:03,360
Speaker 1: together he ended up crying all the time, you know

721
00:39:03,400 --> 00:39:05,320
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, I think they should explore that.

722
00:39:05,800 --> 00:39:07,560
Speaker 1: She should go into the past and find out if

723
00:39:07,600 --> 00:39:09,359
Speaker 1: there's things that she says or does all that makes

724
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,399
Speaker 1: it a little bit more abrasive, you know what I'm saying.

725
00:39:12,000 --> 00:39:13,600
Speaker 1: He needed to look at himself and be like, why

726
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,320
Speaker 1: am I always you know what I'm saying, Like, I

727
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: think they both can do some work, finds happy made

728
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 1: him and do some work, you know, exploring though, because yeah,

729
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 1: I'm not sure about what's triggering the crying, which is

730
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:29,239
Speaker 1: I think the confusing part for me with it, um

731
00:39:29,640 --> 00:39:31,800
Speaker 1: but her thing that I'm not that mean makes me

732
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:33,800
Speaker 1: feel like it maybe some things that she says to

733
00:39:33,920 --> 00:39:37,080
Speaker 1: him or does that triggers accused the crying. But but

734
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,960
Speaker 1: here's but here's a good point. Though she did say

735
00:39:40,040 --> 00:39:42,880
Speaker 1: she doesn't she does. She hates walking on eggshells. Right.

736
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,840
Speaker 1: Remember I told you I hate walking on eggshells. And

737
00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,640
Speaker 1: in another episode we were talking about how it doesn't

738
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:51,920
Speaker 1: matter sometimes what or how you say to someone. If

739
00:39:51,960 --> 00:39:55,719
Speaker 1: someone is bringing something into a relationship, then that emotion

740
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:59,960
Speaker 1: um comes out whenever they feel attack, no matter how

741
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: how you say it. I could see how she could

742
00:40:02,560 --> 00:40:05,160
Speaker 1: be frustrated walking on eggshells because it's like, dang, it

743
00:40:05,239 --> 00:40:08,600
Speaker 1: don't matter if I'm abrasive. It don't matter how nice

744
00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,440
Speaker 1: and light I try to talk to him. If he

745
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:13,080
Speaker 1: always crying, that may be something that he just keeps

746
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: bringing to the relationship and he needs to check that out,

747
00:40:15,960 --> 00:40:17,600
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. And she can check hers,

748
00:40:17,719 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: he can check his. But if they love each other,

749
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 1: if y'all love each other, if you'll listening and watching,

750
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 1: if you'll love each other, do some research on yourself.

751
00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, period, And let's stop clowning

752
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:36,399
Speaker 1: men who cry toxic femininity. But she should be able

753
00:40:36,400 --> 00:40:38,520
Speaker 1: to express it too, you know, and something that takes

754
00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:40,840
Speaker 1: work sometimes from the probably figure out why it is

755
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:42,680
Speaker 1: he's like that. And let me be clear, I ain't

756
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 1: for all the crying either. I told my boys, you

757
00:40:45,560 --> 00:40:48,320
Speaker 1: don't cry in front the people you don't trust. So

758
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:51,279
Speaker 1: I don't tell them like you can't cry, you know

759
00:40:51,280 --> 00:40:53,680
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, Like, that's that's toxic masculinity if you're

760
00:40:53,680 --> 00:40:55,879
Speaker 1: telling them and you can't cry. But I do tell

761
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:57,960
Speaker 1: my boys you do not crying from the people you

762
00:40:58,040 --> 00:41:00,040
Speaker 1: don't trust. So you can't just be out here. It

763
00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: is sobbing all the time. You gotta learn how to

764
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,040
Speaker 1: hold it in and get to a place where you're

765
00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 1: comfortable and then let it out. So you alright now

766
00:41:08,600 --> 00:41:13,960
Speaker 1: number two? Man, y'all sending dissertations. Really, um, how do

767
00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 1: you guys feel about privacy and relationships? I'm thirty one

768
00:41:17,320 --> 00:41:19,799
Speaker 1: and I've been with my boyfriend for four years. We're

769
00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:22,680
Speaker 1: headed for marriage, but we couldn't bring ourselves to pay

770
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,840
Speaker 1: for a wedding before buying a house. His lease is

771
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:29,440
Speaker 1: up in December two tho nineteen, so in January, coincidentally,

772
00:41:29,520 --> 00:41:32,239
Speaker 1: just before the pandemic, he moved into my place so

773
00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:34,719
Speaker 1: we could save more money for our future. And this

774
00:41:35,239 --> 00:41:38,399
Speaker 1: is where the problem really starts. Dumb, dumb, dumb moving

775
00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:42,960
Speaker 1: in together. This man leaves me no privacy and that's

776
00:41:43,000 --> 00:41:47,439
Speaker 1: in caps caps lock SI no privacy. He goes through

777
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:52,400
Speaker 1: my phone, mail, purse drawers, comes into the bathroom when

778
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,360
Speaker 1: I'm in there, eave drops on my conversations with my girls.

779
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,320
Speaker 1: Anything invasive, he does it. And this is not because

780
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,520
Speaker 1: he doesn't trust me. He's just playing nosy and it

781
00:42:01,640 --> 00:42:07,280
Speaker 1: drives me nuts. So he's k why you get quiet?

782
00:42:07,960 --> 00:42:11,680
Speaker 1: You don't check my mail? You don't check my mail?

783
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,680
Speaker 1: Are you serious? You don't check my many were just

784
00:42:15,800 --> 00:42:20,960
Speaker 1: moving together. I'm cashing it checks, bro, You mean though

785
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,399
Speaker 1: you see that look just now? If looks could kill

786
00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 1: right now, she would have split my wigs just now,

787
00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:33,840
Speaker 1: moment of true time. You're not. I am very nosy,

788
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:36,600
Speaker 1: and I embrace it. So what she's saying, she's saying,

789
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:38,480
Speaker 1: she see why are you getting mad? But I don't

790
00:42:38,480 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 1: be going through your drawers and if all that stuff,

791
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:43,440
Speaker 1: I don't do that anymore. Goodbye to that. You want

792
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,279
Speaker 1: to finish reading the listing letter because she's not even

793
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 1: get no advice today, messing with you all. I'm just guy,

794
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,719
Speaker 1: finished reading listen. I'm gonna be quiet because I don't

795
00:42:52,719 --> 00:42:55,319
Speaker 1: want no smoke. I really don't want no smoke. Don't

796
00:42:56,840 --> 00:43:01,840
Speaker 1: it's too late. I'll finish choking smoke during a family

797
00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 1: Dinnerscus has mentioned wanting to change careers and he's reading

798
00:43:05,920 --> 00:43:09,640
Speaker 1: because I was doing a better job anyway. So hey,

799
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 1: whatever you are, you are right today, you are you

800
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 1: are right. If this is not because he doesn't trust me,

801
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,439
Speaker 1: he's just plaining on nosey and it drives me nuts

802
00:43:18,640 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 1: bad enough. We're still working remotely. His take is in relationships,

803
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,840
Speaker 1: you should be one. He's an oversharer and sometimes tells

804
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:29,239
Speaker 1: me more than I feel I need to know. But

805
00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,560
Speaker 1: two weeks ago I had a huge blow up during

806
00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:34,520
Speaker 1: a family dinner. His cousin mentioned wanting to change careers,

807
00:43:34,840 --> 00:43:37,160
Speaker 1: and he said, that's cool. Akila is going to back

808
00:43:37,200 --> 00:43:39,960
Speaker 1: to school for her master's too. Now I never told

809
00:43:40,040 --> 00:43:42,720
Speaker 1: him this. He found out I was applying to different

810
00:43:42,760 --> 00:43:45,319
Speaker 1: programs by going through my things. But it's a big

811
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,880
Speaker 1: decision I wasn't sure about and I was not ready

812
00:43:47,960 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 1: to reveal yet. I was livid. He doesn't see the

813
00:43:50,880 --> 00:43:53,919
Speaker 1: big deal and says I need to learn to share

814
00:43:53,960 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: more with the people that I love. This isn't the

815
00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:58,560
Speaker 1: first time he's mentioned things to someone that I never

816
00:43:58,680 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 1: told him, but this took me. This took the cake

817
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,360
Speaker 1: for me being on my own for so long. I

818
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:06,080
Speaker 1: don't know if I can live like this anymore, or

819
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: live like this forever. But maybe because on my own,

820
00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,200
Speaker 1: I've been on my own for so long. I'm looking

821
00:44:12,239 --> 00:44:16,600
Speaker 1: at this selfishly. Is marriage about giving up privacy? Should

822
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,160
Speaker 1: I just ask him to share things about me? But

823
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 1: except that, I'll never have the space that I once have.

824
00:44:22,960 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 1: I love both of your perspectives on this. PS. I know,

825
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:30,359
Speaker 1: kay love zodiac science. I'm Arias and he's a Leo.

826
00:44:31,000 --> 00:44:32,640
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know if I love zodiac sciences,

827
00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: but I just it's a topic of conversation. So you know,

828
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:39,359
Speaker 1: I'm in Arias and he's only okay, So what's your

829
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:42,520
Speaker 1: perspective of that? Since you always have something to say?

830
00:44:43,120 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 1: If I always has something to say, that's I'm starting

831
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,719
Speaker 1: to podcast, y'alla. If I always have something to say,

832
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,279
Speaker 1: so go ahead to say it. Go ahead to say it.

833
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:54,880
Speaker 1: You know I my own podcast already know, y'all. He

834
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:58,000
Speaker 1: already says on listening letters. Oh, Condinias knows, because you

835
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:01,120
Speaker 1: want to know, y'all. Business, didn't y'all be asking me

836
00:45:01,239 --> 00:45:04,319
Speaker 1: for for my my my two cents? So y'all send

837
00:45:04,360 --> 00:45:07,359
Speaker 1: it in, And I'm just obliging, but get ahead to veil.

838
00:45:08,080 --> 00:45:10,080
Speaker 1: She said, should she do about her nose as man?

839
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,399
Speaker 1: I don't. Can you you let me know you want

840
00:45:15,440 --> 00:45:18,920
Speaker 1: me to speak? I just said it ahead, holding up

841
00:45:18,960 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: the process. She wants answers, Sequila wants answers Aequila. Understand

842
00:45:27,080 --> 00:45:31,000
Speaker 1: that when you're dealing with a nosy person and they

843
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:34,759
Speaker 1: move into the house with you, things that you think

844
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:40,560
Speaker 1: are invasive to them, it's just normal. For example, mail

845
00:45:40,640 --> 00:45:44,600
Speaker 1: comes into the house. Codeine passes me checks that have

846
00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:48,440
Speaker 1: my name on it. I say, you know it's a

847
00:45:48,560 --> 00:45:53,800
Speaker 1: federal offense to open my mail. She goes, you have

848
00:45:53,960 --> 00:45:58,440
Speaker 1: no privacy here verbati. Never You've never said that to me,

849
00:45:58,560 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: never said you had no privacy there. I do that

850
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:02,640
Speaker 1: because I will go through the mail, take out the checks,

851
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:04,279
Speaker 1: and leave all the bills there. And I'm the one

852
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:06,080
Speaker 1: that has to manage the bill. So usually when I

853
00:46:06,160 --> 00:46:07,960
Speaker 1: go through the mail, I'll take the checks out, give

854
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:10,120
Speaker 1: them to you the deposit, and I'll take care of

855
00:46:10,200 --> 00:46:12,680
Speaker 1: the bills. That's just you don't say what's yours is

856
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:14,879
Speaker 1: mine and what's mine with that? But I didn't say

857
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:16,320
Speaker 1: that you're not you don't have a right to some

858
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,359
Speaker 1: privacy I do believe that people should have a bit

859
00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:22,480
Speaker 1: of privacy in their in their relationships in general, just

860
00:46:22,600 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 1: as an individual. It's a level of respect. Okay, So

861
00:46:25,880 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: I'm not going through your ATHO, I'll go the minute.

862
00:46:29,520 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 1: Can we be on for a minute. Yes, did you

863
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 1: used to go to my phone? Yes? I did early

864
00:46:34,320 --> 00:46:36,680
Speaker 1: on in the relationship. Not something I do now. I

865
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:42,720
Speaker 1: didn't because you were what and we were living where together?

866
00:46:44,400 --> 00:46:46,680
Speaker 1: So how you'd be ready to argue with me about

867
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:49,759
Speaker 1: stuff that I'll be saying it is true, but you

868
00:46:49,840 --> 00:46:51,360
Speaker 1: actually did. Well, you have to do it in the

869
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 1: context of their relationship four years and then us nineteen years.

870
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 1: I'm not the same person, but you have to be

871
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:01,520
Speaker 1: prepared when you're dealing with a nosy person and they

872
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,000
Speaker 1: move in with you. What you're used to, what you

873
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:07,279
Speaker 1: think is invasive to them is just being nosy, That's

874
00:47:07,320 --> 00:47:09,400
Speaker 1: all I say. Well, I mean she would be ready

875
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:11,600
Speaker 1: to argue with me, she asked me. From my perspective,

876
00:47:11,640 --> 00:47:15,640
Speaker 1: I'm already know that. You know you're trying to because

877
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,759
Speaker 1: because because humor is part of the podcast. All right,

878
00:47:20,200 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 1: learn to laugh at off baby now. So when we

879
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:27,120
Speaker 1: moved in together, you used to check my phone, right

880
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:30,480
Speaker 1: mail comes in here, you check my mail? That could

881
00:47:30,520 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 1: be invasive to people who are not used to being

882
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:35,600
Speaker 1: in relationships and living with someone who's nosy. Codeine is nosy.

883
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:38,239
Speaker 1: I'll be on my phone, She'll be looking directly at

884
00:47:38,360 --> 00:47:40,120
Speaker 1: my phone, and I'll be like, yo, you're just looking

885
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: at my phone, and she's just like, your phone is open.

886
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:45,719
Speaker 1: Nosy people be nosy. They don't consider it to be invasive.

887
00:47:45,840 --> 00:47:49,040
Speaker 1: Why because Codein doesn't care if I look at her phone.

888
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:52,279
Speaker 1: Codeine don't care if I open her mail. So in

889
00:47:52,440 --> 00:47:57,400
Speaker 1: her mind, this is normal behavior. Yes, I agree with that. However,

890
00:47:58,280 --> 00:48:00,880
Speaker 1: where it goes south for me is him than telling

891
00:48:00,920 --> 00:48:06,920
Speaker 1: her business to everybody. That that is definitely do not.

892
00:48:07,120 --> 00:48:10,320
Speaker 1: Never do we have conversations with each other about what

893
00:48:10,560 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: we're going to share to other people. I am not

894
00:48:14,040 --> 00:48:17,480
Speaker 1: allowed and she is not allowed to share my business

895
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:19,799
Speaker 1: with other people unless we've already had a discussion about

896
00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:22,800
Speaker 1: it at even and even still then I feel like

897
00:48:22,880 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 1: I do owe him with respect to some business that

898
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:26,840
Speaker 1: he wants to tell. He tells, you know what I mean,

899
00:48:26,840 --> 00:48:28,359
Speaker 1: and it could be good business. You know, it could

900
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: be good things. It could be you know, not so

901
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:33,239
Speaker 1: good things. But I think we definitely have that see

902
00:48:33,280 --> 00:48:35,160
Speaker 1: that that to me is just a mutual respect that

903
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:38,600
Speaker 1: I think they also have to learn to communicate, right.

904
00:48:38,840 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 1: So for example, I used to hate that cold you

905
00:48:41,840 --> 00:48:43,880
Speaker 1: should check my phone, even though I had nothing to

906
00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 1: hide on my phone obviously, be like, why are you

907
00:48:45,760 --> 00:48:47,880
Speaker 1: check my phone? And she used to be like, and

908
00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:52,560
Speaker 1: just and I'm just like to do that now, and

909
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,680
Speaker 1: I'm just busy. What goes through your mind that you

910
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 1: just think it's okay because the phone is here to

911
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,719
Speaker 1: go through it and look at it. And she used

912
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:00,880
Speaker 1: to be like, I don't know, it's just there, so

913
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:02,560
Speaker 1: I just go look and see what's in it. I

914
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 1: had to understand that she wasn't doing anything to be malicious.

915
00:49:06,200 --> 00:49:08,200
Speaker 1: She was nosy, but I had to create my own

916
00:49:08,239 --> 00:49:10,440
Speaker 1: boundaries the same way you have to create your own boundaries.

917
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:12,759
Speaker 1: My thing was, I don't just pick up your phone

918
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:15,200
Speaker 1: because you may have information there that you don't want

919
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:18,320
Speaker 1: me to see. For example, she'd be playing trips and surprises.

920
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 1: If I go through a phone and I ruined all

921
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:23,160
Speaker 1: the surprises, I've messed that up. You know what I'm saying.

922
00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,480
Speaker 1: I may not understand the context of anything that's in

923
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:30,000
Speaker 1: her phone. For example, remember that time you asked me

924
00:49:30,080 --> 00:49:32,800
Speaker 1: to check your email and you were going to I

925
00:49:32,880 --> 00:49:36,400
Speaker 1: think it was Oh my gosh, I forgot what you

926
00:49:36,440 --> 00:49:38,680
Speaker 1: were trying to uh surprise me with what you were

927
00:49:38,719 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: going to get makeup done at a hotel. Going to

928
00:49:43,719 --> 00:49:47,120
Speaker 1: get makeup done at a hotel, sends an email, Hey,

929
00:49:47,320 --> 00:49:49,759
Speaker 1: I'm being at the hotel blah blah blah. No, that's

930
00:49:49,760 --> 00:49:51,800
Speaker 1: not what it was. It was a gentleman who emailed

931
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,600
Speaker 1: me about his girlfriend's girlfriend. Yes, and he was trying

932
00:49:55,640 --> 00:49:59,440
Speaker 1: to surprise her for there he was proposing, so he

933
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:04,680
Speaker 1: had the hotel information that he was. And that's before

934
00:50:04,719 --> 00:50:06,200
Speaker 1: like when early on in makeup day, I didn't have

935
00:50:06,239 --> 00:50:08,120
Speaker 1: like a professional email, just my person And this was

936
00:50:08,280 --> 00:50:11,480
Speaker 1: super early before you even using social media or yeah, exactly.

937
00:50:11,520 --> 00:50:14,120
Speaker 1: But even so, if I go through her email and

938
00:50:14,200 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: I see her and a gentleman planning to meet up

939
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:19,600
Speaker 1: at a hotel and she's telling me she got to

940
00:50:19,640 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: go to work, I can create whatever narrative I want

941
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:25,880
Speaker 1: out of that email because I'm just being nosy. You

942
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: understand what I'm saying, Like, it's just not healthy to

943
00:50:28,719 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 1: be nosy and check up on other people's things. Because

944
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:32,959
Speaker 1: you can create your own stories that may not be true,

945
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:36,200
Speaker 1: and things happen like that often, and then you look

946
00:50:36,239 --> 00:50:38,279
Speaker 1: like a fool because I should imagine I show up

947
00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:42,399
Speaker 1: at the hotel, I knew it, and then she's sitting

948
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 1: there doing a girl's makeup and someone Then I would

949
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:46,399
Speaker 1: feel like an idiot. But you know how many times

950
00:50:46,480 --> 00:50:49,440
Speaker 1: that happened. Oh, I create an argument and she is

951
00:50:49,520 --> 00:50:51,160
Speaker 1: of not going to the hotel and missing out on

952
00:50:51,280 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 1: business because I'm looking at her phone and being nosy

953
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,000
Speaker 1: and thinking I know everything. You have to give people privacy,

954
00:50:57,120 --> 00:50:59,919
Speaker 1: even if you live in the same space. There's nothing

955
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 1: wrong with having your own and being it. Now the male, Look,

956
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:07,160
Speaker 1: we're married, we've been married, we've been together nineteen years.

957
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:09,239
Speaker 1: The mail comes in here, could gonna open the mail?

958
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,520
Speaker 1: I could kill her, like I really could. Also him

959
00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: going through her purse like I was always taught, like, like,

960
00:51:13,640 --> 00:51:17,279
Speaker 1: you don't go through a woman's purse. So just like

961
00:51:17,360 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: what like I just don't understand um like that level

962
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:22,879
Speaker 1: of just like he goes in the bathroom when she's

963
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 1: there listening to conversations with girlfriends, like so it's almost

964
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:27,600
Speaker 1: like she's living like a prisoner in her own home

965
00:51:27,640 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: because she can't be comfortable just existing without him telling

966
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 1: her business. That has to be annoying. He could be

967
00:51:33,680 --> 00:51:36,760
Speaker 1: nosy or he could be insecure, and if he's insecure,

968
00:51:36,840 --> 00:51:38,880
Speaker 1: he's looking for something, and if there's nothing there for

969
00:51:38,960 --> 00:51:40,880
Speaker 1: her to show, he's going to keep digging because in

970
00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:43,600
Speaker 1: his insecurity, he's thinking, I'm going to find something. So

971
00:51:43,719 --> 00:51:45,520
Speaker 1: since he's always looking for something, he could be looking

972
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,400
Speaker 1: deeper and deeper and deeper and there's nothing there to

973
00:51:47,440 --> 00:51:49,719
Speaker 1: look for. That's a possibility. I don't want to put

974
00:51:49,800 --> 00:51:51,720
Speaker 1: that on him, because I don't like putting it on anybody,

975
00:51:52,040 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: because I could have put that on you and it

976
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:57,800
Speaker 1: would have destroyed us. But I legitimately felt like you

977
00:51:57,840 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: were just nosy, and you were and and make we

978
00:52:03,000 --> 00:52:06,359
Speaker 1: make we make jokes about it and everything. The truth.

979
00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:10,800
Speaker 1: The truth is, everything doesn't have to be so serious,

980
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:13,439
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. As long as you're willing

981
00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,600
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with your partner and get true

982
00:52:16,680 --> 00:52:19,359
Speaker 1: understanding and be willing to listen to him or her

983
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:22,400
Speaker 1: and try to give each other great so you can change,

984
00:52:23,600 --> 00:52:25,560
Speaker 1: it can all be funny later on once you figure

985
00:52:25,600 --> 00:52:27,399
Speaker 1: out what it is. You know what I'm saying. That's

986
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 1: what I like to make jokes about things, because to me,

987
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,120
Speaker 1: it's not really that serious. You checked my phone, you

988
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:34,480
Speaker 1: check my email. We've been together ten years, about to

989
00:52:34,520 --> 00:52:37,160
Speaker 1: be eleven, about to be nineteen years as best friends

990
00:52:37,560 --> 00:52:39,960
Speaker 1: and lovers. Like I'm gonna laugh at a lot of

991
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 1: stuff because it really is not that big of a deal,

992
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,839
Speaker 1: because if it was, we wouldn't even be together. It's

993
00:52:44,840 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 1: just that something too are triggering, like you're like you well,

994
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:51,839
Speaker 1: but also to like, I'm just like, we're just looking

995
00:52:51,880 --> 00:52:54,719
Speaker 1: like that might have been conde seventeen years ago, but

996
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,759
Speaker 1: like now, I'm like, I'm time to be checking your

997
00:52:57,840 --> 00:52:59,640
Speaker 1: drawers and stuff like that. If anything, I'm going to

998
00:52:59,719 --> 00:53:03,239
Speaker 1: put refresh your drawers with your drawers, how about that?

999
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:06,480
Speaker 1: Because I did laundry, so you're welcome. Yeah you don't.

1000
00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 1: You don't. You don't snoop as much, But people are,

1001
00:53:09,320 --> 00:53:11,520
Speaker 1: people are getting used to you being triggered by me

1002
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 1: even making jokes because your looks be like, I just

1003
00:53:16,200 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 1: want us to be clear. Christ I know I'm dealing

1004
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:26,319
Speaker 1: with you know what I'm saying, I'm dealing with Yes,

1005
00:53:26,760 --> 00:53:29,560
Speaker 1: I don't know. Ye let him know that there has

1006
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 1: to be some kind of boundaries, because marry just not

1007
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:35,000
Speaker 1: about giving up privacy or giving up boundaries like that's

1008
00:53:35,640 --> 00:53:38,320
Speaker 1: that's a bit much, all right, y'all. So if you

1009
00:53:38,400 --> 00:53:40,600
Speaker 1: like to be featured as one of our listed letters,

1010
00:53:40,640 --> 00:53:44,279
Speaker 1: since I'm nosy, yes, y'all already know, UM, email us

1011
00:53:44,360 --> 00:53:46,840
Speaker 1: that ask advice at gmail dot com. That's D E

1012
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:49,440
Speaker 1: A D A S S A D V I C

1013
00:53:49,680 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 1: E at gmail dot com. Moment of truth, the moment

1014
00:53:53,680 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 1: of truth, Yes, the moment of truth. I hate that

1015
00:53:56,560 --> 00:53:58,719
Speaker 1: I love you, So I actually don't hate that I

1016
00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 1: love you. I love that I love you. Okay, Um,

1017
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:06,919
Speaker 1: this is this is my moment of truth. You don't

1018
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 1: have to love absolutely everything about your partner to be

1019
00:54:11,719 --> 00:54:14,400
Speaker 1: in love with them and for that person to be

1020
00:54:14,520 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 1: perfect with you. It's okay to be different. It's okay

1021
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,640
Speaker 1: to have different ideologies. It's okay to be different people.

1022
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:23,680
Speaker 1: Because what I've learned is that us being so different

1023
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:28,319
Speaker 1: gives me a different perspective of life through your eyes.

1024
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:32,919
Speaker 1: So I don't hate that I love you. I love

1025
00:54:33,160 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 1: that I love you. I love how different you are. Um,

1026
00:54:36,200 --> 00:54:41,920
Speaker 1: you my baby, you get on my tapping, dancing on it.

1027
00:54:42,400 --> 00:54:46,640
Speaker 1: You be tapping, but the feeling is mutual. I know,

1028
00:54:48,239 --> 00:54:52,000
Speaker 1: the feeling is very mutual. I love that we're different. No,

1029
00:54:52,200 --> 00:54:53,960
Speaker 1: I love that too, And that was actually gonna be

1030
00:54:54,000 --> 00:54:56,480
Speaker 1: my moment of truth. Um. Trying to in those things

1031
00:54:56,520 --> 00:54:59,160
Speaker 1: that you hate, embrace what's different about it and see

1032
00:54:59,200 --> 00:55:01,120
Speaker 1: how maybe that can then impact your life in a

1033
00:55:01,200 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 1: positive way. For example, with me, me being the one

1034
00:55:03,840 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 1: who kind of lags with things, sometimes try having a

1035
00:55:07,080 --> 00:55:08,800
Speaker 1: day or two where I don't have an off button.

1036
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm always on like you are, and maybe see how

1037
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:13,360
Speaker 1: much I can accomplish in that time frame. You know

1038
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,839
Speaker 1: what I mean, Because usually something that you hate about someone.

1039
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,839
Speaker 1: I feel like, even with our circumstances, you hate something

1040
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:22,040
Speaker 1: that is the opposite of what you do. So it's

1041
00:55:22,080 --> 00:55:24,040
Speaker 1: like one of those things that's a trigger because it's like, damn,

1042
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:26,520
Speaker 1: I hate I would never do that, but that's what

1043
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: you do. UM, So trying to see like the bright

1044
00:55:28,760 --> 00:55:30,840
Speaker 1: side of it and just maybe taking a day or

1045
00:55:30,880 --> 00:55:33,239
Speaker 1: two to apply that to your life and see, hey,

1046
00:55:33,280 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 1: it may not be that bad. After all, I might

1047
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,359
Speaker 1: have accomplished a lot of ship. Then I can clock up.

1048
00:55:38,360 --> 00:55:41,880
Speaker 1: So I hope y'all had a good time with us. Today.

1049
00:55:42,000 --> 00:55:43,520
Speaker 1: You know we always have a good time with you.

1050
00:55:44,200 --> 00:55:48,400
Speaker 1: Um be sure to follow us on social media if

1051
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:51,760
Speaker 1: you are not already, you have the podcast page on Instagram.

1052
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:55,400
Speaker 1: Dead Ass the podcast and you know to find me Cadine,

1053
00:55:55,440 --> 00:55:57,759
Speaker 1: I am and I Am Devout And if you're listening

1054
00:55:57,800 --> 00:56:01,920
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts, be sure to rape, review and subscribe.

1055
00:56:02,120 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: Dead As dead Ass is a production of I Heart

1056
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Speaker 1: Media podcast Network and is produced by Dinorapinia and Triple

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Speaker 1: Follow the podcast on social media at dead as the

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Speaker 1: Podcasts and never miss a Thing