Speaker 1: Hill.
Speaker 2: Who is this?
Speaker 3: This is pomegranate?
Speaker 2: How can I get you today?
Speaker 3: Well, I wanted to call in talk about my experience
Speaker 3: of being an Uber driver.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, how's that experience treating you?
Speaker 3: It's a mixed bag.
Speaker 2: Okay, tell us, tell us more.
Speaker 3: Do you want to know the good part of the bag.
Speaker 1: Or the bad part?
Speaker 2: I like to start with the bad so that we
Speaker 2: can end with the good.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 3: Well, Uber doesn't seem to care very much about its
Speaker 3: drivers and seems to prioritize the riders, which is like
Speaker 3: understandable because obviously riders safety is very important, but like
Speaker 3: often we get the short end of the stick, Like
Speaker 3: with pay, we usually make about like half of what
Speaker 3: the riders pay, sometimes less if we're lucky, maybe more,
Speaker 3: which means the riders end up paying like way out
Speaker 3: of ass and we don't really get it. And then
Speaker 3: so like when you when you're already paying, like when
Speaker 3: it's busy forty bucks for a ride, you're not inclined
Speaker 3: to tip, which I I like to get it. You know,
Speaker 3: you're paying a lot of money, but it just sucks
Speaker 3: on my end because I end up making like fifteen
Speaker 3: seventeen bucks.
Speaker 2: Out of that you know, right, and that is that
Speaker 2: counting your gas too?
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, there actually was a fuel surcharge for when
Speaker 3: like the fuel prices got all crazy and stuff, but
Speaker 3: they just removed that now. But I would honestly bet
Speaker 3: money that the riders are still paying saying that extra
Speaker 3: like fuel search charge, but it's just like not telling
Speaker 3: them anymore. But we're definitely not getting it.
Speaker 2: And now, so if I get a ride for forty bucks,
Speaker 2: you make about twenty or you or fifteen.
Speaker 3: Even yeah, fifteen to twenty depending there's like things like
Speaker 3: searches if it's busy, and if like the customer tips,
Speaker 3: I'll probably make a little more. But that that seems
Speaker 3: pretty accurate. Uh.
Speaker 2: Is there a difference between uber and lyft with this
Speaker 2: kind of thing?
Speaker 3: Uh? It kind of depends on market. I think Uber
Speaker 3: pays a little less because or not Uber. Lyft pays
Speaker 3: a little less because it tends to be a little
Speaker 3: cheaper at least where I'm at. But I don't do lyfts,
Speaker 3: so I'm not not too positive.
Speaker 2: What are some of the other.
Speaker 3: Cons I spend a lot of time I'm thinking, which
Speaker 3: sometimes can be good and sometimes can be bad. Uber
Speaker 3: driving led to arguably the worst thing that's happened to me,
Speaker 3: which kind of sucks. But it's not really like I
Speaker 3: guess Uber Driving's fault. It just is connected in my
Speaker 3: brain now, so I resent it a little bit for it.
Speaker 2: You don't have to tell us what it is, but
Speaker 2: if you want to, you can.
Speaker 3: Sure. So I was last year engaged and I was
Speaker 3: uber driving around and I don't really eat the healthiest,
Speaker 3: so I started to get, you know, the stomach rumbles,
Speaker 3: and I was like, you know, I am going to
Speaker 3: go home and use the bathroom, go home a little early.
Speaker 3: And I came home and my fiance was in the
Speaker 3: bedroom and she like quickly got off her phone when
Speaker 3: I came in, and I could immediately tell, like, because
Speaker 3: you know, obviously she's my fiance, I kind of know
Speaker 3: her face expressions pretty well. She was very like off,
Speaker 3: hard and nervous, and I was like, hey, what's uh,
Speaker 3: what's up with that? She tried to like, you know,
Speaker 3: play it off, and I kind of continued to press on,
Speaker 3: you know, because I knew something was up and I
Speaker 3: was worried I like caught her cheating on me or something,
Speaker 3: you know, But as it turned out.
Speaker 1: She was actually.
Speaker 3: On the phone with her sister talking about like basically
Speaker 3: a plan of like moving out because her sister lives
Speaker 3: a few hours away, so it would have had been
Speaker 3: like planned ahead of time and whatever. But so I
Speaker 3: was basically sidewinded by that, which kind of sucked. And
Speaker 3: then after we ended up separating, Uber driving was like
Speaker 3: the only thing I could do for money because it
Speaker 3: was like my primary source of income. But like driving
Speaker 3: around in my car after we had like spent a
Speaker 3: lot of time, you know together in it, like I
Speaker 3: pretty much drove everywhere with her, it would just be
Speaker 3: like the whole time, that's all I could think about,
Speaker 3: you know.
Speaker 2: So when you said that Uber led to the worst
Speaker 2: thing that ever happened to you, do you in what
Speaker 2: way do you see Uber's involvement in this?
Speaker 3: I think it was the amount of time that I
Speaker 3: was kind of starting to have to spend doing it,
Speaker 3: like being out of the house because normally, like I
Speaker 3: would work when she would be at work, but it
Speaker 3: kind of switched over when I did, And I don't know,
Speaker 3: I think that empty space just kind of like because
Speaker 3: we definitely had issues, and I like don't faulter at
Speaker 3: all for like ending things you know, like there's no
Speaker 3: really fault there, like I can understand it. I would
Speaker 3: be remiss to say there's not, Like I guess a
Speaker 3: little bit of disappointment there, and just like being engaged
Speaker 3: at all. You know, it's just like a very big commitment.
Speaker 2: So you feel like you feel like a lot of
Speaker 2: the issues that caused her to want to leave are
Speaker 2: rooted in the fact that you were always out of
Speaker 2: the house and couldn't spend enough time there.
Speaker 3: No, absolutely not. Uber is just catching the strays of
Speaker 3: my emotional turmoil and as as a way of coping,
Speaker 3: I just like kind of resent it. And also just
Speaker 3: the amount of time that I spent driving in it,
Speaker 3: and I just like didn't think about things. You know,
Speaker 3: it is a bit of like a personalized torture chamber.
Speaker 2: Dark.
Speaker 3: I know, I didn't mean to get all dreary and depressing.
Speaker 2: With it, but I bet if you, I bet if
Speaker 2: you told this story to the people who are riding
Speaker 2: with you, you'd get more tips.
Speaker 3: I I've thought about it before, but I am always
Speaker 3: afraid that I would like to cry and then make
Speaker 3: things really uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you might get it. Listen, if you drop some
Speaker 2: tears during this story you might get an even fatter tip.
Speaker 1: Honestly, that is that is very very true.
Speaker 2: But listen, man, you got your emotional tourmoril, at the
Speaker 2: very least use it for financial gains somehow if you
Speaker 2: have the ability to.
Speaker 3: Hey, that's kind of been my goal most of my life,
Speaker 3: is just take advantage of all this bad stuff and
Speaker 3: find a way to financially benefit from it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So so you felt as though your car
Speaker 2: was like this prison that reminded you of your relationship failing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Like.
Speaker 3: There was a sticker on it, like a pricing sticker
Speaker 3: from the store she worked at when we first started
Speaker 3: like hanging out, and she like slapped it on there
Speaker 3: when she got in my car. Yeah, and I like
Speaker 3: tried to take it off when we first broke up,
Speaker 3: and then I was like unable to finish it. So
Speaker 3: it was just like halfway on there is I have
Speaker 3: a new car now, so I'm at least no longer
Speaker 3: in that car.
Speaker 2: That's what I was going to ask, because if you
Speaker 2: got a new car, how much of your decision to
Speaker 2: get a new car was based off of the fact
Speaker 2: that your old one reminded you of your ex.
Speaker 3: Uh, honestly, not a whole lot. I had to anyways,
Speaker 3: because it was like on its way out. Coincidentally at
Speaker 3: the worst time, like her and I were talking about
Speaker 3: getting a new car, and like we went to a
Speaker 3: few dealerships and everything that happened, and then I think
Speaker 3: two weeks after she left, it like broke down completely.
Speaker 3: And then I it got towed by the cops, even
Speaker 3: though it was parked in someone's yard with their permission.
Speaker 3: And then I had to sign it over to the
Speaker 3: like toe people that impounded it because I didn't have
Speaker 3: the three hundred dollars to get it out. And then
Speaker 3: I found out through the people I got my car
Speaker 3: from that they would have paid for it to get
Speaker 3: out because they were taking me like sixteen hundred dollars
Speaker 3: for that car. Oh really, I already signed it over,
Speaker 3: and I.
Speaker 2: Was just like, you're just getting sucked after fucked after fucked.
Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 2: Okay, So listen, Pomegranate, tell me you got a new car.
Speaker 2: You're on on the road. You kind of came into
Speaker 2: this and you told the call screener. You didn't even
Speaker 2: mention anything negative. Actually, when you talk to the call screener,
Speaker 2: apparently it says that you wanted to discuss like a
Speaker 2: lot of the positive things. So now that we've covered
Speaker 2: the emotional turmoil, I want to hear the positive. What
Speaker 2: sorts of things have you gained from this experience?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll give you the positive, but I will be
Speaker 3: honest about that. I did come in here with the
Speaker 3: full intention of being positive. But then I smoked a
Speaker 3: little weed before I got on here, and I like
Speaker 3: started spiraling a little bit, and I was like, Okay,
Speaker 3: well it's not all positive. I can't just lie about it.
Speaker 2: Well, I was going to say, I don't really carry
Speaker 2: either way. I just wanted the truth of the experience,
Speaker 2: and I'm glad that you came here with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure the positive.
Speaker 3: Basically, it's just been nice to get to meet a
Speaker 3: bunch of people and remember how much that, like a
Speaker 3: people can be very similar, Like I feel like I
Speaker 3: need a lot of copies of the same exact like archetypes,
Speaker 3: and then you get like massive, massive, out of field
Speaker 3: like random people that are just extremely unique, and I
Speaker 3: feel like I get these interactions that I would never
Speaker 3: get otherwise.
Speaker 2: You know, Yeah, all right, I have that's a deep
Speaker 2: thing that you're talking about, and it's something that I've
Speaker 2: feel like I've gotten a lot of experience in as well,
Speaker 2: you know, doing this gecko thing. Tell me from your perspective,
Speaker 2: you say that a lot of people are kind of
Speaker 2: copies of each other. What sorts of through lines or
Speaker 2: similarities or archetypes have you noticed? Are are consistent in
Speaker 2: your observations?
Speaker 3: Where are some consistent archetypes. I do a lot of
Speaker 3: driving in a college town, and all of the fashion
Speaker 3: students are very very similar in the way that they
Speaker 3: get in the car, specifically where they stare at for
Speaker 3: the majority of the ride, and how they just generally
Speaker 3: like don't talk and avoid talking. I guess that would
Speaker 3: be one example. A lot of like older white business
Speaker 3: men behave very similarly. I had, I think a week ago,
Speaker 3: I was in a more expensive area and I picked
Speaker 3: these three guys up from this restaurant and I was
Speaker 3: driving them like forty some minutes back to their hotel,
Speaker 3: and they were just talking.
Speaker 1: About this like whole world.
Speaker 3: Of business that I have zero concept of, just all
Speaker 3: these numbers and this guy's a dumb ass if he
Speaker 3: makes this call and they're gonna kill you for that,
Speaker 3: and like how they were like dissect They're having a
Speaker 3: meeting at this restaurant. How they were like dissecting everyone's
Speaker 3: reactions to everyone, like everything everyone was saying. They're like,
Speaker 3: you know, did you see how he laughed when you
Speaker 3: talked about those stats and whether it was capable of
Speaker 3: YadA YadA and all. This is just big, scary, big
Speaker 3: number of stuff and like millions and millions of dollars.
Speaker 3: And I was just staring forward the whole time, and
Speaker 3: I got called ma'am like seven times by the guy
Speaker 3: in the back seat, which, like it doesn't bother me.
Speaker 3: You know, I get it. I have very long hair.
Speaker 3: It happens often. The part that bothers me is when
Speaker 3: they realize that I'm like not and then they're like
Speaker 3: really weirdly apologetic about it, and it just it makes
Speaker 3: it a thing.
Speaker 2: How do you make like what what is the difference
Speaker 2: between apologetic and weirdly apologetic?
Speaker 3: In that scenario, they like they act like they just
Speaker 3: shot my kid in front of me, Like by insinuating
Speaker 3: that I was a woman, I was like the greatest offense.
Speaker 3: Like they just called me a slur basically, you know, sure,
Speaker 3: I don't really get it either, but.
Speaker 1: Now it happens, and.
Speaker 2: Frequently did the business men tip you.
Speaker 3: I think like three bucks.
Speaker 1: It was not a lot.
Speaker 2: Now you said something about like a lot of archetypes,
Speaker 2: but then a lot of left field stuff, a lot
Speaker 2: of wild sort of sort of characters and uh, non,
Speaker 2: you know, things that you wouldn't expect. Tell me, tell
Speaker 2: me one of those.
Speaker 3: I want to say, Like a month ago, I got
Speaker 3: a like complete car fool of Canadians that had flew
Speaker 3: all the way down for a random concert at like
Speaker 3: a country dive bar because they'd apparently like seen the
Speaker 3: musician before, and like they got in and it was like,
Speaker 3: I don't know if they were trying to just do
Speaker 3: like the Canadian cariacture or that's just like how they were.
Speaker 3: But that was a very very fun experience. They were
Speaker 3: incredibly nice, and they asked for my numbers so I
Speaker 3: could pick them up like after the show was done,
Speaker 3: and I did, and they were just like completely hammered
Speaker 3: and they're incredibly kind, and they made like tons of
Speaker 3: funny jokes, and I don't know, it was just like
Speaker 3: never expected to really be in that situation, you know.
Speaker 2: So wait a minute, they gave you their number to
Speaker 2: basically pay you for a ride outside of Uber.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I have the guy's number on my phone still. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh and I bet you made a lot more money
Speaker 2: off of that than you would have if you took
Speaker 2: it through Uber.
Speaker 1: Oh for sure.
Speaker 3: They like they promised that they were gonna tip like
Speaker 3: a ton of money, and then I watched them struggle
Speaker 3: for like two straight minutes just going through the dollar bills.
Speaker 3: Like I don't know if it's just because the currency
Speaker 3: was different or whatever, but he ended up handing me
Speaker 3: like eleven ones and he said it was like fifty dollars.
Speaker 3: And I couldn't tell if he was just too drunk
Speaker 3: to notice or if he's joking. And I didn't care.
Speaker 3: I just had a great time and I was just
Speaker 3: happy to, like, you know, get them back there.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure Canadian money is worth less than American money,
Speaker 2: so that's actually not even eleven dollars.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I just doesn't it just like look different though?
Speaker 3: Do they use bigger numbers, different numbers?
Speaker 2: But the thing is, I feel like the the intention
Speaker 2: was there, the kind intention for sure.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So it sounds like you you have a mixed relationship
Speaker 2: with life, man, I mean, you're in this position where
Speaker 2: you are encountering all these different people and every day
Speaker 2: is an anthology of humanity for you across across its
Speaker 2: wide spectrum of positivity and negativity. Where does your mind
Speaker 2: stand these days? On average? You know, are you feeling
Speaker 2: good about things? Are you feeling good about life? About people?
Speaker 3: No? No, I feel pretty poorly about everything. To be
Speaker 3: fully transparent.
Speaker 2: How high are you?
Speaker 4: Uh?
Speaker 3: I was kind to hie when it started, but I
Speaker 3: can kind of feel myself sobering down, m.
Speaker 2: And you feel like when you're more sober is when
Speaker 2: you are feeling better or worse?
Speaker 3: Oh worse, absolutely worse.
Speaker 2: Okay, so hmm, okay tell me this. Then, if you're
Speaker 2: not feeling good about things, do you think there is
Speaker 2: anything at all that would make you feel better about things?
Speaker 3: I'm not sure. I'm kind of figuring that out right now.
Speaker 3: I feel like my life entering the new year, because
Speaker 3: you know, we sign meaning to dates and time and whatnot.
Speaker 3: I feel like I'm entering a new reset phase, you know,
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, just this new period. And I'm not really
Speaker 3: sure what direction I want to go in. Very aimless
Speaker 3: and grasping for meaning I think is a good good
Speaker 3: way to put it.
Speaker 2: M hmmm, does anything currently give you a meaning?
Speaker 1: I have a cat.
Speaker 3: He's reliant on me. He's a little mischievous man, but
Speaker 3: he's very sweet and he's my son. Yeah. I have
Speaker 3: like my roommates. They're very very close friend of mine,
Speaker 3: friends of mine. It's good to have them here. Uh
Speaker 3: made it easier, like not being entirely alone, which is nice.
Speaker 3: Outside of that, not too much. Got to pay off
Speaker 3: my car loan. I don't know if that's really meaning,
Speaker 3: but it's a fake purpose.
Speaker 2: That's a good reason to get out of bed in
Speaker 2: the morning. It's something.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean it's somewhat working.
Speaker 2: I want to say this because you obviously came into
Speaker 2: this like you were saying on a negative point, but
Speaker 2: at the very beginning you were like, all right, there's
Speaker 2: the pros and there's the cons, there's the yin and
Speaker 2: the yang, and you clearly have this ability to recognize
Speaker 2: and appreciate humanity when you see it. Do you agree
Speaker 2: with that?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Are you able to do that? Often?
Speaker 3: I think to a fault sometime to a fault, how
Speaker 3: so to a fault, I think this is gonna there's
Speaker 3: no corny way, there's no non corny way to say this,
Speaker 3: But I think I struggle a little bit too much
Speaker 3: with empathy, and like, if I see someone experiencing duress
Speaker 3: or pain, I tend to be like experience it pretty
Speaker 3: intensely myself, and it'll just kind of like send me
Speaker 3: on a spiral.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I spend I spend a lot.
Speaker 3: Of time looking at like historical events and like current
Speaker 3: events stuff in the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it.
Speaker 3: Is a horrible cycle of being aware of how horrible
Speaker 3: everything can be and usually is. But then you're like
Speaker 3: too aware and it feels like impossible to express joy
Speaker 3: about everything because you just have like this weight in
Speaker 3: your chest of all the horrors around you, so to speak.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have a lot of thoughts about that. But
Speaker 2: first is when you're kind of thinking about the things
Speaker 2: that are stressing you out and making you not feel good,
Speaker 2: is that a big.
Speaker 1: One kind of a right?
Speaker 3: My therapist tells me that I tend to focus too
Speaker 3: much on the big instead of the small. Okay, I'm
Speaker 3: all being like myself and I instead like like I'll
Speaker 3: go into therapy and I'll start talking about something related
Speaker 3: to me, but then as Ranson to event not event,
Speaker 3: a rant about you know, the police state or whatever
Speaker 3: I'm going on at the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, your therapist is very much onto something.
Speaker 3: Yeah no, she's a she's great.
Speaker 2: Good. Good. Your therapist is very much onto something. If
Speaker 2: you just spend every single day in there, here's the thing.
Speaker 2: There will always there is a never ending supply of
Speaker 2: horrible terrors to worry about in the world. But the
Speaker 2: best you can look if you're not gonna go out
Speaker 2: and like be an activist or a scientist or something
Speaker 2: where you contribute in some small part to this larger problem.
Speaker 2: If you're not gonna do that, the best you can
Speaker 2: do is take all of this big picture stuff and
Speaker 2: throw it out of your mind and focus as hard
Speaker 2: as you can on your own corner of the universe.
Speaker 2: I feel like this is what your therapist was getting at. Like,
Speaker 2: you know, dude, your cat, your roommates, the people that
Speaker 2: you meet when you're doing your job. I mean, you're
Speaker 2: in this uber. One of the things you were talking
Speaker 2: about is you're in this uber all the time, connecting
Speaker 2: with people and interacting with other people, like you come
Speaker 2: across people every single day. Like, narrow it down to
Speaker 2: your own life and go, what's the best I can do?
Speaker 2: In my own life, and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 2: this grand, existential, never ending problem of the horrors of
Speaker 2: the universe, it turns into something that's more tangible, which is, again,
Speaker 2: how can I be the best I can be in
Speaker 2: my own personal life with the people I come into,
Speaker 2: I interact with every day. How can I make this
Speaker 2: uber drive the best for this rider by being nice
Speaker 2: to them or interacting with them positively? How can I
Speaker 2: do good by my cat? And how can I and
Speaker 2: also by the way, not to be so hard on yourself?
Speaker 2: How can I do all of this the best I
Speaker 2: can do it within my own personal energy levels? Right,
Speaker 2: Because sometimes you walk around and you're short and kurt
Speaker 2: with people because you're just because you're just energy is
Speaker 2: short because you are depressed or you got whatever you
Speaker 2: got going on. But focusing on how to do the
Speaker 2: best you can with your own sphere is always going
Speaker 2: to be a thousand times better of a strategy than
Speaker 2: reading the fucking news and worrying about how to save
Speaker 2: all the children and Yemen.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, that is a great advice, and I've
Speaker 3: received similar advice. It's just the putting it into practice
Speaker 3: that is the part that I get stuck on sure,
Speaker 3: like I, and like I unfortunately am very activists involved.
Speaker 3: I don't know a better word to describe that right now,
Speaker 3: uh huh. Unlike a lot of my social circles, uh
Speaker 3: consistently revolve around those things, and like h it's a
Speaker 3: bit hard to escape because it's really one of the
Speaker 3: only facets of my life that are still like standing,
Speaker 3: you know, can.
Speaker 2: Go ahead on, yeah, you go ahead, and then I
Speaker 2: have a thing before this.
Speaker 3: A lot of my identity outside of that pretty much
Speaker 3: just like focused on my relationship. I was, for lack
Speaker 3: of a better term, I was a bit of a
Speaker 3: life guy.
Speaker 2: Uh huh.
Speaker 3: And that also has led to a small identity crisis
Speaker 3: of trying to find any sort of other thing. But
Speaker 3: once again, I'm focusing on the uh you know, the
Speaker 3: the dark, I suppose. But proceed with what you were
Speaker 3: going to.
Speaker 2: Say, Well, okay, so I mean even that was a
Speaker 2: thing that you said just there you were like I
Speaker 2: was a wife guy, and now the thing and this
Speaker 2: It can be a relationship, it can be a fucking sport,
Speaker 2: it can be whatever it is these things that you
Speaker 2: identify yourself with so strongly to fuck you because then
Speaker 2: when they disappear and you realize you don't have a
Speaker 2: diversified portfolio upon which to build your identity. You just
Speaker 2: you just get you just get fucked, you know. So
Speaker 2: building that diversified life portfolio, I feel like it's so
Speaker 2: crazy important. And I'll say this, man, if you, if
Speaker 2: you could just do this one thing, like you ever
Speaker 2: try it for a day, you ever wake up and
Speaker 2: you ever just be like, all right today, I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna go on Twitter. I'm not gonna read the news.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna try as possible as much as I possibly
Speaker 2: can today, if not even for a full day, if
Speaker 2: for a one interaction, you go, I'm gonna treat this
Speaker 2: person like they're the first person I've ever met in
Speaker 2: my life. I'm gonna treat this. I'm gonna treat talking
Speaker 2: to this person and being present with this person like
Speaker 2: it's the most important, Like it's as important as saving
Speaker 2: all the children and Yemen. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: You try that at least one time, or at least
Speaker 2: one day. It's a place to start.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So just like.
Speaker 3: Like go out blind and Uber, I would.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't do anything that evolves being blind and driving.
Speaker 3: For Uber, but metaphorically blind, stupid.
Speaker 2: Yes, I would try to do whatever it is you
Speaker 2: can do it and just put yourself in the moments,
Speaker 2: you know, because this is I mean, this shit happens
Speaker 2: to me all the time. Man, I'm on Twitter and
Speaker 2: fucking read it and thinking about everything about this, everything
Speaker 2: except for where I am actually at. And it's a
Speaker 2: prime fucking h h recipe for disaster and unhappiness. Well
Speaker 2: every time, oh for sure. And again I'm I'll just
Speaker 2: say this last thing. I'm I see hope for you
Speaker 2: in this, And obviously I'm not you, so I don't
Speaker 2: know the true depth of what you're dealing with, but
Speaker 2: I just want to say this to you. I see
Speaker 2: hope for you and your ability to be able to
Speaker 2: do this and to you know, put the entire world away,
Speaker 2: to focus on your own life and your own community
Speaker 2: and your own people that you interact with. Because you
Speaker 2: told all those stories of being in the Uber and
Speaker 2: these interesting people you meet, and you had a real gracious,
Speaker 2: perceptive view of the humanity that you were going that
Speaker 2: you were encountering when you were doing that, I know
Speaker 2: that you have the ability to sync deeply into that,
Speaker 2: if that makes sense, And so yeah, and so I
Speaker 2: think that a future that involves more of you doing
Speaker 2: that and less of you trying to solve the Israel
Speaker 2: Palestine crisis would be Uh, you know a better thing.
Speaker 3: It's one of my go tos man.
Speaker 2: Listen uh, pomegranate. Some people in the chato me telling
Speaker 2: you palm. I like that, Palm.
Speaker 1: I get that.
Speaker 2: I like palmy. I like those. I like all those. Listen, palm.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: Do you have any final thoughts about the stuff that
Speaker 2: we've talked about and then anything else you want to
Speaker 2: say to the people of the computer before we go?
Speaker 3: I do, but I have one quick question to ask
Speaker 3: you before I do that. Okay, Sure, what is the
Speaker 3: story with the hold music?
Speaker 2: I am going to immediately hang up on the next
Speaker 2: person that asked me that, but not you, because we've
Speaker 2: gotten too far into it. Is there anything else that
Speaker 2: you want to say about all the stuff that we've
Speaker 2: been talking about her to the people of the computer
Speaker 2: before we go.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: I think radical love is the key to the future.
Speaker 3: And I think a lot of us spend time focused
Speaker 3: on punishment instead of rehabilitation and building together forward. Sure,
Speaker 3: and I think that's an important concept that people should
Speaker 3: focus on, and I think they should examine how they
Speaker 3: feel when people they care for and don't care for
Speaker 3: do wrong in the world, and how to proceed forward
Speaker 3: with that.
Speaker 1: Anything about you, I'm going to try and look at
Speaker 1: Twitter less.
Speaker 2: Beautiful. I'm gonna I support you in that goal.
Speaker 3: Thank you very much.
Speaker 2: All right, bomb, take care you too. Get I liked
Speaker 2: that call lot. I like that concept a lot, and
Speaker 2: I'm trying to be better at that. I have all
Speaker 2: these fucking epiphanies and then I lose them and go
Speaker 2: on Twitter. It happens all the time. I'm sure it's
Speaker 2: happened to you guys too. You have this grand epiphany.
Speaker 2: You're like just everything I just said to him, where
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can't be thinking about every problem going
Speaker 2: on in the world all the time. I can't be
Speaker 2: thinking about all the news. Here's what everyone else in
Speaker 2: the world is doing. Here's what the popular folks are doing.
Speaker 2: Here's what this guy that everybody hates said that he's
Speaker 2: pissing everybody off. Now here's this thing, and it's just
Speaker 2: it's everything except my life and what's in front of me.
Speaker 2: And it's gotta be the grand thing to ignore all
Speaker 2: of that and focus intently on being with the people
Speaker 2: that I encounter in my life and being with the
Speaker 2: shit with my own life, and how can I best
Speaker 2: do do my best in that and not worry about
Speaker 2: any other shit. Right, you have that grand psychedelic epiphany,
Speaker 2: and then what do you do? You're on fucking Twitter
Speaker 2: two days later, because because if only it were as easy,
Speaker 2: That's that's the problem with all this stuff. If only
Speaker 2: it were as easy as you have the epiphany, and
Speaker 2: now the epiphany is integrated into your life, it rarely
Speaker 2: is it. You have to actually you have to go
Speaker 2: to the mental gym and build your brain by having
Speaker 2: the epiphany, acting on it for a little bit, fucking up.
Speaker 2: Then you act on it a little bit longer, you
Speaker 2: fuck up again, and you just have to just keep trying.
Speaker 2: It's hard. It's harder than just you have the epiphany
Speaker 2: and it's in your life. Takes time to integrate it.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm working on, all right, Thanks for calling Tom? Hello, Hello,
Speaker 2: how are you?
Speaker 1: I'm doing good?
Speaker 4: How are you?
Speaker 2: How can I get you to there? Oh?
Speaker 1: Aywhile, well, so I'm in the middle of remodeling my
Speaker 1: bathroom and I only have one bathroom, so I've been
Speaker 1: finding myself like having to pee but too lazy to
Speaker 1: go outside, So I've just been going to my kitchen
Speaker 1: and just paying in the sink, and uh, like it's
Speaker 1: way more convenient that I thought it would be. And
Speaker 1: I kind of like it. And I don't know if
Speaker 1: that's bad. It doesn't smell or anything, which is cool,
Speaker 1: and I don't have like a lot of people over
Speaker 1: so I'm not worried about that. But this, like tonight,
Speaker 1: I did it and I was like, I looked in
Speaker 1: the reflection in the window and I saw my face
Speaker 1: and I was like, is this okay?
Speaker 2: Like I don't know, you had a moment of self
Speaker 2: reflection while you were peeing in the sink.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't know, Like I like, I've done
Speaker 1: it like more than like twenty times now, but this
Speaker 1: time I looked up and I saw my face and
Speaker 1: I was just like, WHOA, Like is this okay? I
Speaker 1: don't know if this is weird or like, you know, like,
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just kind of cool.
Speaker 2: I saw yourself from Afar were able to observe your
Speaker 2: own actions in a way you hadn't before.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So all right, bring me back to this moment
Speaker 2: where you're staring at yourself and you're wondering if it's okay.
Speaker 2: Tell me more about the thoughts going on in your head. Well, so.
Speaker 1: I have to like get on my tippy toes to like,
Speaker 1: you know, make it over the sink. So I'm usually
Speaker 1: worried about splashing, but I was. I was making it
Speaker 1: in and when I looked, I was just like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm older, I've you know, I feel like I'm too
Speaker 1: old for that. I'm just like, what's what am I doing?
Speaker 1: Like I'm a disappointment, Like why am I peeing in
Speaker 1: the sink right now? Like like my parents would be
Speaker 1: so ashamed.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also, like right in front of my sink is a
Speaker 1: giant window, and I don't live like there's no houses
Speaker 1: behind me. It's just kind of like mesa, but there's
Speaker 1: an arroyo and then there's houses past that. And like
Speaker 1: if somebody was just like for some reason, like on
Speaker 1: a ladder looking over their wall, they they would see me.
Speaker 1: But it's very unlikely. But that does come across my
Speaker 1: mind time to time, and that's embarrassing because I don't
Speaker 1: want some random person to see it. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: don't know it's just like, why not just walk outside?
Speaker 2: Yes, but you do realize that if you go outside
Speaker 2: and pee, then there's a better chance of people being
Speaker 2: able to see you than if you were just being
Speaker 2: in your sink.
Speaker 1: That's true, that's true. Yeah, I was worried about the smell,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't smell too bad at least now. Like
Speaker 1: I run water after I pee, and then I sometimes
Speaker 1: turn on the garbage disposal just to be safe. But
Speaker 1: I haven't had any problems so far. But like, also,
Speaker 1: it takes water, and that's like a good thing I
Speaker 1: saw on the internet, like flushing uses so much water,
Speaker 1: and I guess like with the sink, you know, you
Speaker 1: don't have to worry about that.
Speaker 2: That's a good point.
Speaker 1: So, but I don't know if I'm just justifying me
Speaker 1: peeing in the sink is the problem?
Speaker 2: You said you feel like a disappointment when you look
Speaker 2: at yourself in the reflection of the window being in
Speaker 2: the sink.
Speaker 1: Uh. Yeah, why do you.
Speaker 2: Feel like a disappointment? What do you feel like is
Speaker 2: inherently wrong with being in the sink?
Speaker 1: Well, I just like, I don't know, I feel like
Speaker 1: a grown man shouldn't, like, you know, with this stuff
Speaker 1: out and be in the sink at least, like what,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, do you own a rent? Rent?
Speaker 2: How much is your rent?
Speaker 1: Twelve hundred?
Speaker 2: I think you've earned the right to be in the sink.
Speaker 1: Well, all right, that kind of makes me feel better
Speaker 1: hearing it from you. Thank you. It's calling for some
Speaker 1: kind of reassurance, you know.
Speaker 2: Okay, listen, I I haven't brought this up yet, but
Speaker 2: you said that you have a bathroom. Yeah, why don't
Speaker 2: you just use the bathroom?
Speaker 1: Uh, we're remodeling the bathroom, so there's no toilet, so
Speaker 1: we kind of just you know, it's gone. There's just
Speaker 1: a hole in the ground. I could try and pee
Speaker 1: in the hole. I never thought of doing that. I
Speaker 1: don't think that works.
Speaker 2: What had I modeled your toilet to be a sink?
Speaker 1: Oh shit? Oh well, my guests would be really confused.
Speaker 1: But hmm, well, I guess I could try and see
Speaker 1: in my well, that's gone too. What were you gonna say,
Speaker 1: the kitchen sink like where you wash your hands. But
Speaker 1: that's gone too, that's just pipes. But there is a
Speaker 1: hole in the ground. I guess I could pee in that,
Speaker 1: but I'm I don't know how plumbing works. So I
Speaker 1: think I have no idea.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. I think that if you were to
Speaker 2: change your sink, your toilet to be a sink, then
Speaker 2: the line between what is meant to be peeed in
Speaker 2: and what is meant to have your hands washed with
Speaker 2: becomes blurred. Oh shit, And those lines were made by
Speaker 2: humans anyway, because these these inventions, the sink, the toilet,
Speaker 2: they're made by human beings. Okay, the natural world people
Speaker 2: peeing outside is far, far, far older than these technologies.
Speaker 2: And these technologies are you know, they only really have
Speaker 2: the the intended purposes that we give them. But at
Speaker 2: the end of the day, both the toilet and the sink,
Speaker 2: they're just holes that lead to places. You know, it's subjective,
Speaker 2: So if I were you, I would keep that in
Speaker 2: mind when you're making your decision. But also don't do
Speaker 2: anything where strangers are seeing your dick.
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, no way, I'll think about that sor.
Speaker 2: I think that's why the people of the Computer Before.
Speaker 4: We Go.
Speaker 1: Love the podcast, love you Lyle, got gone baby.
Speaker 2: Thanks Ben tak Care. Every once in a while, when
Speaker 2: I am truly lazy, I will pee in the trash can.
Speaker 2: Oh shit, where does he poop. All right, I'm calling
Speaker 2: him back. Hello, Hey man, real quick, one question?
Speaker 1: Yeah, where do you poop outside? For now?
Speaker 2: If you're already pooping outside, then what is this?
Speaker 1: Usually I have to pee like more frequently than I
Speaker 1: have to poop, so I just like going into the sink.
Speaker 1: It's fine. Sometimes I pee outside when I'm pooping, but
Speaker 1: you know, like i'd pee like four times a day
Speaker 1: or five sometimes if I'm drinking.
Speaker 2: Okay, thanks, all right, I'm glad we called them back.
Speaker 1: Hello.
Speaker 4: Hello, Hi, Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who is this.
Speaker 3: Hi?
Speaker 4: My name's Rachel.
Speaker 2: How are you doing, Rachel?
Speaker 4: I'm doing really good. I'm very Oh my gosh, I'm
Speaker 4: very flustered and excited. I recently started listening to your
Speaker 4: podcast and watching your videos. Wow.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah, that makes me very happy to hear.
Speaker 4: Man, that's awesome. How are you doing.
Speaker 2: I'm doing good. I haven't shut up talking about my
Speaker 2: live show tour thing, so I'm excited for that. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be yeah. Yeah, it's I'm gonna be yeah, I
Speaker 2: thought to myself, because it's like fifty fuck dates. I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, well if I do this global, we'll see,
Speaker 2: we'll see. I mean listen, man, I'm going to fucking Lisbon, Portugal.
Speaker 2: I don't know how many people fucking listen to me there.
Speaker 2: But if I go there and it's me and three
Speaker 2: people and we sit in a circle and do a seance,
Speaker 2: you know that'll be worth the plane ride.
Speaker 4: But you know what, even if it is just three people,
Speaker 4: I bet you'll make the most out of it.
Speaker 2: That's what That's how I feel. That's how I feel.
Speaker 2: I'm excited, Lisbon, Portugal, Come come see therapy, get go live. Anyway, anyway,
Speaker 2: how are you, Rachel, what's going on?
Speaker 4: I'm good. I'm just hanging out with my cat and
Speaker 4: you know, talking to you, and oh my gosh. So
Speaker 4: I'm good. I'm good. I have work in the morning,
Speaker 4: but for right now, I'm good. I'm just chilling.
Speaker 2: It says here that you claim that you are a
Speaker 2: sore loser and you need advice on good sport.
Speaker 4: Okay, Well, so yeah, this is like a problem. This
Speaker 4: has been like a problem always. I'm just very defensive,
Speaker 4: I guess, and I It's always been a thing with me,
Speaker 4: whether it be like gym class or just video games
Speaker 4: or even like shit board games with my family. I'm
Speaker 4: just I always want to win, and I get so
Speaker 4: angry when I lose. And it's not like I like
Speaker 4: lash out physically or anything, but like I like curse
Speaker 4: and like, you know, I kit talk and I just
Speaker 4: I want to get over that because I want to
Speaker 4: I want to make more friends and like go out
Speaker 4: and do things. I live in the city and I
Speaker 4: want to, you know, go play games, Like there's this
Speaker 4: cool game shop near me. But I don't want to,
Speaker 4: you know, like if we're talking shit to people I
Speaker 4: just meet and want to be friends with, and I
Speaker 4: recognize that the problem, but I kind of can't stop.
Speaker 2: All right, Well let's get into that. Well, let's get
Speaker 2: into it. What I mean. You say that you're very
Speaker 2: competitive to the point where you don't feel like you
Speaker 2: can physically restrain yourself from cussing people out at your
Speaker 2: local board night board game.
Speaker 4: Well, I don't like physically assault people. I'm very skinny.
Speaker 4: I would not be able to. But I don't know,
Speaker 4: I just get really heated, like playing like online games
Speaker 4: or whatever. Like I just I just get too riled
Speaker 4: up when I lose. Man, Well, like what do you
Speaker 4: think that is?
Speaker 2: Like what I do you have any idea why you
Speaker 2: are like this.
Speaker 4: I meant do it. I mean.
Speaker 3: Most so, most of.
Speaker 4: My competitiveness, I guess comes from like me being a
Speaker 4: girl trying to prove myself, I guess. And I don't
Speaker 4: want to say that's always the case, because I'm not.
Speaker 4: I'm not trying to like, you know, assume that people
Speaker 4: are like being misogynistic or you know, but I feel
Speaker 4: like I kind of like have stuff to prove, and
Speaker 4: I'm like good at things, you know, I want to,
Speaker 4: like I'm really passionate about things, and I want to
Speaker 4: you know, I want to. It's not to say I'm
Speaker 4: always losing, but it just, you know, it kind of
Speaker 4: like hurts my ego, I guess. I don't I want
Speaker 4: to want to say I'm an ego maybiac gur Right,
Speaker 4: Well sure in that way, I guess.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, I mean, look, there's something to be afraid
Speaker 2: of or or or you know, in discovering of kind
Speaker 2: of what you are and why you do the things
Speaker 2: you do. But let me all right, so let me
Speaker 2: ask you this here. You say you feel like you're
Speaker 2: trying to prove something. You feel like as a girl,
Speaker 2: you're trying to prove that, you know, like you're like
Speaker 2: you're fighting up against something. I mean, this competitive nature.
Speaker 2: Does it only come out when you are like doing
Speaker 2: things with like just guys, Like like if you're playing
Speaker 2: a board game with a bunch of other girls, Like,
Speaker 2: does it does?
Speaker 4: Does the competitive it's anybody? Like I don't want to
Speaker 4: say being this girl is the only reason. Like I'll
Speaker 4: just like even if I'm playing like my friends, I'm
Speaker 4: just I'm very competitive and like my really good friends
Speaker 4: like know that about me. And you know, it's like
Speaker 4: if I notice myself doing it, I'll try and curb
Speaker 4: it in. But it's always like they like, let's talk
Speaker 4: about yeah this.
Speaker 2: You have something to prove thing?
Speaker 3: What is that?
Speaker 2: What do you what are you trying to prove?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: Man, you really are a good therapist. Huh. It's it's
Speaker 4: like this whole so long story short. I was diagnosed
Speaker 4: with ADHD in like eighth grade. So it only like
Speaker 4: I'm not saying like it's it's a bad thing because
Speaker 4: I've I've I've gone to an actual therapist and I've
Speaker 4: you know, seen it as like a positive thing. It's
Speaker 4: not a detriment to me or anything. But it's kind
Speaker 4: of always been like, oh she has that, so you know,
Speaker 4: I mean I was kind of like I was kind
Speaker 4: of raised to be like aware of that as a thing,
Speaker 4: and it's always been like just another thing holding me back.
Speaker 4: So I don't know, maybe like I guess that like
Speaker 4: it's like an additional thing I gotta and it's not
Speaker 4: like this is.
Speaker 2: But I just want to talk for a second. Is
Speaker 2: this this It sounds like and I'm doing armchair therapy here,
Speaker 2: but you know, I'm going to just say something and
Speaker 2: you tell me if you think it's accurate.
Speaker 4: Okay?
Speaker 3: You Uh.
Speaker 2: Their competitiveness comes from like these constant like feeling as
Speaker 2: though you're railing against stuff, right, like like you want
Speaker 2: to prove that you know, you as a as a
Speaker 2: woman can do things. You want to prove that you
Speaker 2: know your ADHD isn't holding you back. You're like having
Speaker 2: there's these things that you're railing against and trying to
Speaker 2: prove that you're above and it's driving a lot of
Speaker 2: this competitive nature. Is that accurate at all?
Speaker 4: Yeah? That that really kind of summarizes it, Okay, And
Speaker 4: I guess just like that comes like and then I'm
Speaker 4: like self aware, so then I'm also fighting myself and
Speaker 4: being like why are you you know, why are you
Speaker 4: like this kind of oh? Yeah, like and then I'm
Speaker 4: aware of how I'm feeling and then I'm just fighting
Speaker 4: myself at that point, so it's just yeah, yeah, I oh,
Speaker 4: it's like constantly in a circle of bitterness with it.
Speaker 2: Oh that's the word. I understand what you're saying completely,
Speaker 2: because when you're self aware about something, you get two hits,
Speaker 2: you're like, yeah, like, uh, why do I You're because
Speaker 2: you're you're competitive overly almost in a way that you
Speaker 2: feel like you can't even control. And then on top
Speaker 2: of that, you're pissed off that you can't that you
Speaker 2: You're just pissed off at yourself for being like this,
Speaker 2: So it hits you twice.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And you know it's weird though, Like I've already
Speaker 4: gone through like I'm an adult, I'm in my I'm
Speaker 4: in my late twenties, and just like I've I've gone
Speaker 4: through therapy for like the ADHD and blame and guilt
Speaker 4: and everything. So I'm glad to say I'm removed for
Speaker 4: most of that guilt towards it and just like you know,
Speaker 4: apologizing and blaming it and blaming myself for a lot
Speaker 4: of things but it's kind of sucks that it's still there,
Speaker 4: Like it's still like, you know, with like the guilt
Speaker 4: and trying to prove to myself even though like there's
Speaker 4: nothing wrong with me. This is just how I am.
Speaker 4: I'm still kind of doing it, and then I'm just
Speaker 4: like down on myself for it.
Speaker 2: Have you ever flipped a chess board over at someone?
Speaker 4: I don't think a chess board because I don't know
Speaker 4: how to play jazz, But I'm not gonna sit here
Speaker 4: and say no, because they're probably has been a point,
Speaker 4: you know. What's funny. I remember there's one memory that
Speaker 4: just came to mind of me trying to play rock
Speaker 4: band with my family and I think I was trying
Speaker 4: to do free birds and I missed one too many,
Speaker 4: and like so like I was on the guitar, my
Speaker 4: sister or whatever was on the keyboard, and somebody else
Speaker 4: is on the mic, and I got so mad that
Speaker 4: I wasn't doing it right. I literally restart the song
Speaker 4: and everybody's like, what the hell? You know, we were
Speaker 4: just into it, and I'm like, no, I gotta get
Speaker 4: it right. I gotta get it right because I.
Speaker 3: Know I can do it.
Speaker 4: I know I can do it.
Speaker 2: So, what's the worst incarnation of this that you have experienced?
Speaker 3: Have you.
Speaker 2: Gotten physical? What's the worst it's gotten?
Speaker 4: Oh god, I don't like again, it's never been physical.
Speaker 4: I think the worst is just like, I don't think
Speaker 4: the worst is like really like a specific situation. I
Speaker 4: just really feel like the feeling of losing. And I
Speaker 4: guess it's somewhat like the closest thing I can call
Speaker 4: it is guilt, but I don't think it is guilt.
Speaker 4: Just like I don't know, maybe just like when I'm
Speaker 4: playing online games, I think that I don't know if
Speaker 4: Chad will relate to this, but the latest Platoon game
Speaker 4: that released, Oh my god, all my multiplayer on that, Like,
Speaker 4: I think I'm pretty good at that, but holy hell,
Speaker 4: when I lose a match or whatever, it just hurts.
Speaker 4: Like and I know I'm pretty good because they ranked you,
Speaker 4: they played you with other people of your skill, so
Speaker 4: I'm up there, but oh my gosh, it just like
Speaker 4: it hurts. And I do not play league legends. I
Speaker 4: am not that bad.
Speaker 2: So it's okay, It's okay. I kind of have a thing.
Speaker 2: I have a little bit of a thing. I'm gonna
Speaker 2: tell you this thing and you tell me if it's
Speaker 2: helpful or relatable to your situation. This desire to prove yourself.
Speaker 2: I get it. I on a I personally have always
Speaker 2: felt as though not always, but just I personally kind
Speaker 2: of feel like the desire to prove yourself.
Speaker 3: Is not.
Speaker 2: A great motivator because at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: nobody cares about you, right, which is not a mean
Speaker 2: or sad. It's a good thing. It's a free it's
Speaker 2: no freedom.
Speaker 4: It's funny you say that, because I found myself like
Speaker 4: most like within the past year or so, like it's
Speaker 4: so easy to fall into like Twitter arguments and just
Speaker 4: people online, and I found myself taking a step back
Speaker 4: on those because like when you're having to type it out,
Speaker 4: you have that second to like take a breath and
Speaker 4: think about it. Yeah, And I found myself, you know, thinking,
Speaker 4: wait a minute, do I really care?
Speaker 1: No, I don't eat whatever.
Speaker 4: I was gonna say, right and then move what But
Speaker 4: I think when like games and stuff, it's it's it's
Speaker 4: so much more like within them, you don't have that introspection.
Speaker 2: So just to the point of do I really care,
Speaker 2: it's like a couple a couple of things and I'll
Speaker 2: just this is kind of be my last point on this.
Speaker 2: Is like when you're trying to prove yourself when you're
Speaker 2: and the competitive nature comes from trying to prove yourself
Speaker 2: to other people. Hey, the people you're trying to prove
Speaker 2: yourself to, they don't care. They don't care about you.
Speaker 2: And even though they do care and they're impressed for
Speaker 2: a little bit it, there's no lasting positive effect from
Speaker 2: them being impressed by you, and only lasts sobody they're
Speaker 2: going to go and live their own life and not
Speaker 2: be thinking about you. And then you're left with actions
Speaker 2: that you don't even like them. You don't even like
Speaker 2: these things about yourself that you're doing to prove yourself
Speaker 2: to other people who don't even care. Right, So, if
Speaker 2: you took a second, if you took a second in
Speaker 2: the way that you take a second when you're in
Speaker 2: a Twitter argument, and you you know, pause the typing
Speaker 2: for a second, and you're like, huh, I'm trying to
Speaker 2: prove myself to people that I don't even care about,
Speaker 2: that don't even care that much about me, and how
Speaker 2: good I am in any of this stuff? And in
Speaker 2: doing that, I'm doing shit that I don't even like
Speaker 2: about myself. Maybe if you took that second, if you
Speaker 2: found that second, you could calm down and not right
Speaker 2: knock over the Jenga tower.
Speaker 4: Listen, I don't do that. But so let me ask
Speaker 4: you this. Then. I am one of my friends that
Speaker 4: I've made within the past couple of years when I
Speaker 4: moved out of my parents. She wants to do like
Speaker 4: get into like a volleyball league or a softball league
Speaker 4: or something. Is there any advice that you have of
Speaker 4: that if I feel that, like, you know, guilt that
Speaker 4: I have to work on coming up in that moment
Speaker 4: if I lose or do something wrong, do you have
Speaker 4: any advice for what I could do? Because she's aware
Speaker 4: of my competitiveness and I don't want to be like
Speaker 4: a detriment to her.
Speaker 2: Uh huh, Well, I mean, I look, I mean you
Speaker 2: not wanting to be a detriment to her. I mean,
Speaker 2: that's just another fuel to add into that. That's just
Speaker 2: more fuel into your realization when you take a moment. Okay,
Speaker 2: you know that's what I would say if I had
Speaker 2: to advise. It's just to take a moment, right, Just
Speaker 2: remember that nobody cares. You don't care. Nobody care just
Speaker 2: remember that nobody cares. A good thing, that nobody cares.
Speaker 2: It's it's not a bad I think it's a good
Speaker 2: thing that nobody cares, and you don't and you don't
Speaker 2: care about them. What you care about. Your priority is
Speaker 2: to act like a regular hman being.
Speaker 4: I'll try and be normal.
Speaker 2: And and when you take a second, and you and
Speaker 2: it's going to take a lot of you reminding yourself this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like a muscle, I worry.
Speaker 2: It's like a muscle. Exactly, It's like a muscle. And
Speaker 2: you'll grow that muscle. And then once you continue to
Speaker 2: orient yourself away from your defaults. Your defaults are rooted
Speaker 2: in this anger and desire to prove yourself, which you
Speaker 2: and that's your emotional response, but your logical response is
Speaker 2: going to be, how can I serve me being a normal,
Speaker 2: compliant human being. And this interaction that I'm having with
Speaker 2: other people, you know, you'll you'll get there, You'll get there.
Speaker 2: And then add in, I don't want to be you know,
Speaker 2: I don't want to fuck this up for my friend.
Speaker 2: You add that in as fuel to that, you know.
Speaker 3: What I'm saying, That will definitely help.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and uh, Listen. You might have to throw
Speaker 2: a few controllers and break a few skateboards over your
Speaker 2: knee before you get there, but you'll get there.
Speaker 3: Listen.
Speaker 4: I've never broken a controller. I'm proud to say that,
Speaker 4: although I mean, having those wristbands on the way definitely
Speaker 4: to help when they came out.
Speaker 3: But I'm.
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, no, that makes total sense. And it's
Speaker 4: funny that you you know, we talked about it being
Speaker 4: a muscle and everything, because a man, I am just
Speaker 4: kind of falling back into like that old detrimental habit
Speaker 4: that I had before I went to therapy before, like
Speaker 4: because I used to be like so apologetic and you know,
Speaker 4: just like accepting the blame because I have this disorder
Speaker 4: and my therapist really had to help me and like
Speaker 4: train me off of that mindset. So it's kind of
Speaker 4: weird that I'm back in like a somewhat similar cycle
Speaker 4: for something else, but it's still kind of related.
Speaker 2: No, it fucking sucks. It's crazy because like I've had
Speaker 2: times were like so believe it or not, surprisingly, I've
Speaker 2: had times in my life where I'm in shape and
Speaker 2: I'm going to the gym and whatnot, and then you
Speaker 2: stop and then you just get fat, and it's like
Speaker 2: there's a mental thing to that too. You have times
Speaker 2: where you're like, very it's exactly the same. You are
Speaker 2: cognizant of your life and the way that you're thinking
Speaker 2: about things because you have this epiphany because you did
Speaker 2: Ayahuascar or whatever it is, and you're kind of holding
Speaker 2: that for a little bit, and then you slack off
Speaker 2: and then all of a sudden, you're you know, court.
Speaker 4: Like, I could keep you on the phone for like
Speaker 4: another two hours straight about motivation alone because I have zero.
Speaker 2: But is there anything else you want to say to
Speaker 2: the people that computer before we go?
Speaker 4: No? Just I guess, just to take away from this
Speaker 4: breathe be nice to each other. I don't know. Uh,
Speaker 4: my cat says, Hi, I guess.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 4: I just My only other question, uh would be because
Speaker 4: I don't know if you've answered this before, but since
Speaker 4: I'm like kind of a new viewer, I am curious
Speaker 4: as to how you get your green suit to show
Speaker 4: up if you use a green screen or is it
Speaker 4: just like secret GEK magic?
Speaker 2: What green screen?
Speaker 4: Oh? Okay, maybe it's the sorry bye.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a tough one. I hate giving advice, which
Speaker 2: is why I have an advice podcast. I hate giving
Speaker 2: advice because I I hate the idea that I'll tell
Speaker 2: somebody to do. I just I hope everyone understands when
Speaker 2: I say to do something, it's I'm talking to me
Speaker 2: one hundred percent of the time, because I fuck up
Speaker 2: a lot, and I these things I'm trying to do,
Speaker 2: I fuck up, and I'm not nice all the time,
Speaker 2: and I'm trying. I'm I'm with everyone else who calls me, uh,
Speaker 2: trying to work on myself as a human being. And
Speaker 2: I guess I hate the idea that if you position
Speaker 2: yourself to a point where you're like giving advice, it
Speaker 2: somehow implies that you're above all of the things that
Speaker 2: you're giving advice on, and that implication makes me vastly uncomfortable. So,
Speaker 2: you know, just throwing it out there that I'm navigating
Speaker 2: this space with all of these people, you know, working
Speaker 2: on this ship myself. Okay, Repeat goes on the line
Speaker 2: taking your phone calls every night. The repeat can goes
Speaker 2: doing his ride. Who's teaching you to houses of your life,
Speaker 2: but he's not really an expert.