WEBVTT - CONFESSIONS OF AN UBER DRIVER 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:00.960 Hill. 0:00:01.440 --> 0:00:02.680 Who is this? 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:03.800 This is pomegranate? 0:00:03.960 --> 0:00:05.000 How can I get you today? 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:10.360 Well, I wanted to call in talk about my experience 0:00:10.440 --> 0:00:11.680 of being an Uber driver. 0:00:13.320 --> 0:00:15.239 Oh okay, how's that experience treating you? 0:00:18.400 --> 0:00:19.400 It's a mixed bag. 0:00:22.040 --> 0:00:23.640 Okay, tell us, tell us more. 0:00:26.520 --> 0:00:29.960 Do you want to know the good part of the bag. 0:00:29.800 --> 0:00:30.560 Or the bad part? 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:33.680 I like to start with the bad so that we 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:34.680 can end with the good. 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:40.640 Okay. 0:00:40.920 --> 0:00:45.120 Well, Uber doesn't seem to care very much about its 0:00:45.159 --> 0:00:51.879 drivers and seems to prioritize the riders, which is like 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:57.280 understandable because obviously riders safety is very important, but like 0:00:58.960 --> 0:01:02.200 often we get the short end of the stick, Like 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:08.679 with pay, we usually make about like half of what 0:01:08.880 --> 0:01:12.680 the riders pay, sometimes less if we're lucky, maybe more, 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:19.480 which means the riders end up paying like way out 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:23.840 of ass and we don't really get it. And then 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:26.720 so like when you when you're already paying, like when 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:30.080 it's busy forty bucks for a ride, you're not inclined 0:01:30.120 --> 0:01:33.800 to tip, which I I like to get it. You know, 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.640 you're paying a lot of money, but it just sucks 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.720 on my end because I end up making like fifteen 0:01:38.840 --> 0:01:40.000 seventeen bucks. 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:42.480 Out of that you know, right, and that is that 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:44.560 counting your gas too? 0:01:45.520 --> 0:01:49.560 Oh yeah, there actually was a fuel surcharge for when 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:53.040 like the fuel prices got all crazy and stuff, but 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:58.360 they just removed that now. But I would honestly bet 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:00.919 money that the riders are still paying saying that extra 0:02:01.080 --> 0:02:04.160 like fuel search charge, but it's just like not telling 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:06.680 them anymore. But we're definitely not getting it. 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:13.959 And now, so if I get a ride for forty bucks, 0:02:14.280 --> 0:02:17.040 you make about twenty or you or fifteen. 0:02:16.680 --> 0:02:21.120 Even yeah, fifteen to twenty depending there's like things like 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:25.160 searches if it's busy, and if like the customer tips, 0:02:25.160 --> 0:02:28.880 I'll probably make a little more. But that that seems 0:02:28.919 --> 0:02:31.240 pretty accurate. Uh. 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.560 Is there a difference between uber and lyft with this 0:02:34.680 --> 0:02:35.800 kind of thing? 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:41.040 Uh? It kind of depends on market. I think Uber 0:02:41.120 --> 0:02:43.880 pays a little less because or not Uber. Lyft pays 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:45.520 a little less because it tends to be a little 0:02:45.600 --> 0:02:49.360 cheaper at least where I'm at. But I don't do lyfts, 0:02:49.360 --> 0:02:51.360 so I'm not not too positive. 0:02:53.720 --> 0:02:54.760 What are some of the other. 0:02:54.600 --> 0:03:03.480 Cons I spend a lot of time I'm thinking, which 0:03:03.600 --> 0:03:08.200 sometimes can be good and sometimes can be bad. Uber 0:03:08.360 --> 0:03:12.720 driving led to arguably the worst thing that's happened to me, 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.240 which kind of sucks. But it's not really like I 0:03:18.240 --> 0:03:23.040 guess Uber Driving's fault. It just is connected in my 0:03:23.120 --> 0:03:25.560 brain now, so I resent it a little bit for it. 0:03:27.800 --> 0:03:29.920 You don't have to tell us what it is, but 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:31.359 if you want to, you can. 0:03:33.680 --> 0:03:42.120 Sure. So I was last year engaged and I was 0:03:42.320 --> 0:03:46.840 uber driving around and I don't really eat the healthiest, 0:03:47.240 --> 0:03:49.840 so I started to get, you know, the stomach rumbles, 0:03:49.840 --> 0:03:53.320 and I was like, you know, I am going to 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:57.000 go home and use the bathroom, go home a little early. 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:00.240 And I came home and my fiance was in the 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:05.240 bedroom and she like quickly got off her phone when 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:09.120 I came in, and I could immediately tell, like, because 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:12.600 you know, obviously she's my fiance, I kind of know 0:04:12.760 --> 0:04:16.760 her face expressions pretty well. She was very like off, 0:04:16.880 --> 0:04:21.200 hard and nervous, and I was like, hey, what's uh, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:25.279 what's up with that? She tried to like, you know, 0:04:25.400 --> 0:04:29.080 play it off, and I kind of continued to press on, 0:04:29.160 --> 0:04:31.719 you know, because I knew something was up and I 0:04:31.760 --> 0:04:34.400 was worried I like caught her cheating on me or something, 0:04:34.440 --> 0:04:37.560 you know, But as it turned out. 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:38.839 She was actually. 0:04:40.120 --> 0:04:45.480 On the phone with her sister talking about like basically 0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:49.359 a plan of like moving out because her sister lives 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.240 a few hours away, so it would have had been 0:04:53.240 --> 0:04:57.200 like planned ahead of time and whatever. But so I 0:04:57.240 --> 0:05:03.320 was basically sidewinded by that, which kind of sucked. And 0:05:03.400 --> 0:05:08.680 then after we ended up separating, Uber driving was like 0:05:09.920 --> 0:05:12.520 the only thing I could do for money because it 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:16.279 was like my primary source of income. But like driving 0:05:16.320 --> 0:05:21.080 around in my car after we had like spent a 0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:23.400 lot of time, you know together in it, like I 0:05:23.440 --> 0:05:28.320 pretty much drove everywhere with her, it would just be 0:05:28.440 --> 0:05:30.520 like the whole time, that's all I could think about, 0:05:30.560 --> 0:05:30.760 you know. 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:40.720 So when you said that Uber led to the worst 0:05:40.800 --> 0:05:44.520 thing that ever happened to you, do you in what 0:05:44.640 --> 0:05:49.839 way do you see Uber's involvement in this? 0:05:52.800 --> 0:05:56.279 I think it was the amount of time that I 0:05:56.480 --> 0:05:58.600 was kind of starting to have to spend doing it, 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:02.720 like being out of the house because normally, like I 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:04.520 would work when she would be at work, but it 0:06:04.640 --> 0:06:10.000 kind of switched over when I did, And I don't know, 0:06:10.040 --> 0:06:12.320 I think that empty space just kind of like because 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:17.240 we definitely had issues, and I like don't faulter at 0:06:17.240 --> 0:06:20.640 all for like ending things you know, like there's no 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:24.400 really fault there, like I can understand it. I would 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:27.440 be remiss to say there's not, Like I guess a 0:06:27.440 --> 0:06:32.200 little bit of disappointment there, and just like being engaged 0:06:32.200 --> 0:06:36.080 at all. You know, it's just like a very big commitment. 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.880 So you feel like you feel like a lot of 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:45.560 the issues that caused her to want to leave are 0:06:46.480 --> 0:06:48.680 rooted in the fact that you were always out of 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:52.120 the house and couldn't spend enough time there. 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:57.479 No, absolutely not. Uber is just catching the strays of 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:03.599 my emotional turmoil and as as a way of coping, 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.720 I just like kind of resent it. And also just 0:07:06.760 --> 0:07:08.920 the amount of time that I spent driving in it, 0:07:09.640 --> 0:07:14.480 and I just like didn't think about things. You know, 0:07:14.720 --> 0:07:18.280 it is a bit of like a personalized torture chamber. 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:21.800 Dark. 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:27.440 I know, I didn't mean to get all dreary and depressing. 0:07:27.000 --> 0:07:28.800 With it, but I bet if you, I bet if 0:07:28.840 --> 0:07:31.400 you told this story to the people who are riding 0:07:31.440 --> 0:07:33.600 with you, you'd get more tips. 0:07:34.440 --> 0:07:39.600 I I've thought about it before, but I am always 0:07:39.640 --> 0:07:42.080 afraid that I would like to cry and then make 0:07:42.160 --> 0:07:43.560 things really uncomfortable. 0:07:45.920 --> 0:07:47.920 Yeah, you might get it. Listen, if you drop some 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.600 tears during this story you might get an even fatter tip. 0:07:50.640 --> 0:07:55.520 Honestly, that is that is very very true. 0:07:55.760 --> 0:07:58.480 But listen, man, you got your emotional tourmoril, at the 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:02.000 very least use it for financial gains somehow if you 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:02.880 have the ability to. 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:08.280 Hey, that's kind of been my goal most of my life, 0:08:08.440 --> 0:08:10.960 is just take advantage of all this bad stuff and 0:08:11.720 --> 0:08:14.000 find a way to financially benefit from it. 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:20.840 Yeah, okay, So so you felt as though your car 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:24.680 was like this prison that reminded you of your relationship failing. 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:27.520 Oh yeah, Like. 0:08:27.560 --> 0:08:32.439 There was a sticker on it, like a pricing sticker 0:08:32.440 --> 0:08:34.600 from the store she worked at when we first started 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.719 like hanging out, and she like slapped it on there 0:08:37.760 --> 0:08:40.000 when she got in my car. Yeah, and I like 0:08:40.120 --> 0:08:42.480 tried to take it off when we first broke up, 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:44.840 and then I was like unable to finish it. So 0:08:44.880 --> 0:08:50.440 it was just like halfway on there is I have 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:53.440 a new car now, so I'm at least no longer 0:08:53.600 --> 0:08:54.360 in that car. 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:56.559 That's what I was going to ask, because if you 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.000 got a new car, how much of your decision to 0:08:59.000 --> 0:09:00.959 get a new car was based off of the fact 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:03.079 that your old one reminded you of your ex. 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:08.040 Uh, honestly, not a whole lot. I had to anyways, 0:09:08.080 --> 0:09:13.240 because it was like on its way out. Coincidentally at 0:09:13.280 --> 0:09:15.360 the worst time, like her and I were talking about 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:17.400 getting a new car, and like we went to a 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.720 few dealerships and everything that happened, and then I think 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:24.960 two weeks after she left, it like broke down completely. 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:29.280 And then I it got towed by the cops, even 0:09:29.280 --> 0:09:31.920 though it was parked in someone's yard with their permission. 0:09:32.880 --> 0:09:34.840 And then I had to sign it over to the 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:39.160 like toe people that impounded it because I didn't have 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:42.360 the three hundred dollars to get it out. And then 0:09:42.400 --> 0:09:44.400 I found out through the people I got my car 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:46.480 from that they would have paid for it to get 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:49.440 out because they were taking me like sixteen hundred dollars 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:53.319 for that car. Oh really, I already signed it over, 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:54.760 and I. 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:59.160 Was just like, you're just getting sucked after fucked after fucked. 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:02.040 Yeah, pretty much. 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:11.160 Okay, So listen, Pomegranate, tell me you got a new car. 0:10:12.440 --> 0:10:16.120 You're on on the road. You kind of came into 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:19.840 this and you told the call screener. You didn't even 0:10:19.880 --> 0:10:22.520 mention anything negative. Actually, when you talk to the call screener, 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:25.120 apparently it says that you wanted to discuss like a 0:10:25.160 --> 0:10:28.880 lot of the positive things. So now that we've covered 0:10:28.880 --> 0:10:32.120 the emotional turmoil, I want to hear the positive. What 0:10:32.160 --> 0:10:34.560 sorts of things have you gained from this experience? 0:10:35.720 --> 0:10:37.960 Yeah, I'll give you the positive, but I will be 0:10:38.040 --> 0:10:40.400 honest about that. I did come in here with the 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:43.800 full intention of being positive. But then I smoked a 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:46.280 little weed before I got on here, and I like 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.080 started spiraling a little bit, and I was like, Okay, 0:10:50.120 --> 0:10:53.000 well it's not all positive. I can't just lie about it. 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.720 Well, I was going to say, I don't really carry 0:10:56.720 --> 0:10:58.880 either way. I just wanted the truth of the experience, 0:10:58.920 --> 0:11:00.320 and I'm glad that you came here with that. 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:04.400 Yeah, for sure the positive. 0:11:04.960 --> 0:11:08.120 Basically, it's just been nice to get to meet a 0:11:08.160 --> 0:11:12.640 bunch of people and remember how much that, like a 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:15.400 people can be very similar, Like I feel like I 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:18.240 need a lot of copies of the same exact like archetypes, 0:11:19.240 --> 0:11:23.480 and then you get like massive, massive, out of field 0:11:23.640 --> 0:11:28.800 like random people that are just extremely unique, and I 0:11:28.800 --> 0:11:32.000 feel like I get these interactions that I would never 0:11:32.040 --> 0:11:32.920 get otherwise. 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:38.000 You know, Yeah, all right, I have that's a deep 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:40.760 thing that you're talking about, and it's something that I've 0:11:40.920 --> 0:11:43.720 feel like I've gotten a lot of experience in as well, 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:48.439 you know, doing this gecko thing. Tell me from your perspective, 0:11:49.679 --> 0:11:51.079 you say that a lot of people are kind of 0:11:51.120 --> 0:11:55.160 copies of each other. What sorts of through lines or 0:11:55.200 --> 0:12:00.480 similarities or archetypes have you noticed? Are are consistent in 0:12:00.520 --> 0:12:03.040 your observations? 0:12:04.720 --> 0:12:09.920 Where are some consistent archetypes. I do a lot of 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:15.640 driving in a college town, and all of the fashion 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:21.760 students are very very similar in the way that they 0:12:21.840 --> 0:12:26.000 get in the car, specifically where they stare at for 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.559 the majority of the ride, and how they just generally 0:12:29.640 --> 0:12:37.800 like don't talk and avoid talking. I guess that would 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:44.160 be one example. A lot of like older white business 0:12:44.160 --> 0:12:48.959 men behave very similarly. I had, I think a week ago, 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:54.720 I was in a more expensive area and I picked 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:57.360 these three guys up from this restaurant and I was 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:00.880 driving them like forty some minutes back to their hotel, 0:13:02.640 --> 0:13:04.720 and they were just talking. 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:08.080 About this like whole world. 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:11.480 Of business that I have zero concept of, just all 0:13:11.520 --> 0:13:15.599 these numbers and this guy's a dumb ass if he 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:18.439 makes this call and they're gonna kill you for that, 0:13:18.679 --> 0:13:22.000 and like how they were like dissect They're having a 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:25.439 meeting at this restaurant. How they were like dissecting everyone's 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:29.280 reactions to everyone, like everything everyone was saying. They're like, 0:13:29.360 --> 0:13:31.080 you know, did you see how he laughed when you 0:13:31.120 --> 0:13:33.480 talked about those stats and whether it was capable of 0:13:33.640 --> 0:13:37.080 YadA YadA and all. This is just big, scary, big 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:40.079 number of stuff and like millions and millions of dollars. 0:13:40.120 --> 0:13:43.920 And I was just staring forward the whole time, and 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:47.120 I got called ma'am like seven times by the guy 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:50.480 in the back seat, which, like it doesn't bother me. 0:13:50.800 --> 0:13:52.720 You know, I get it. I have very long hair. 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:56.079 It happens often. The part that bothers me is when 0:13:56.080 --> 0:13:59.600 they realize that I'm like not and then they're like 0:14:00.240 --> 0:14:04.440 really weirdly apologetic about it, and it just it makes 0:14:04.480 --> 0:14:04.880 it a thing. 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:07.680 How do you make like what what is the difference 0:14:07.679 --> 0:14:09.880 between apologetic and weirdly apologetic? 0:14:09.960 --> 0:14:13.960 In that scenario, they like they act like they just 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:17.080 shot my kid in front of me, Like by insinuating 0:14:17.160 --> 0:14:21.320 that I was a woman, I was like the greatest offense. 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:26.360 Like they just called me a slur basically, you know, sure, 0:14:28.640 --> 0:14:30.280 I don't really get it either, but. 0:14:32.040 --> 0:14:33.400 Now it happens, and. 0:14:33.440 --> 0:14:36.240 Frequently did the business men tip you. 0:14:38.360 --> 0:14:39.880 I think like three bucks. 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:41.160 It was not a lot. 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:48.520 Now you said something about like a lot of archetypes, 0:14:48.560 --> 0:14:50.640 but then a lot of left field stuff, a lot 0:14:50.640 --> 0:14:55.720 of wild sort of sort of characters and uh, non, 0:14:56.120 --> 0:14:57.920 you know, things that you wouldn't expect. Tell me, tell 0:14:57.960 --> 0:14:58.520 me one of those. 0:15:01.680 --> 0:15:04.280 I want to say, Like a month ago, I got 0:15:04.320 --> 0:15:09.880 a like complete car fool of Canadians that had flew 0:15:09.960 --> 0:15:13.240 all the way down for a random concert at like 0:15:13.320 --> 0:15:16.760 a country dive bar because they'd apparently like seen the 0:15:16.840 --> 0:15:22.720 musician before, and like they got in and it was like, 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:26.240 I don't know if they were trying to just do 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:31.000 like the Canadian cariacture or that's just like how they were. 0:15:32.520 --> 0:15:35.440 But that was a very very fun experience. They were 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:38.840 incredibly nice, and they asked for my numbers so I 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:43.760 could pick them up like after the show was done, 0:15:43.800 --> 0:15:48.960 and I did, and they were just like completely hammered 0:15:49.960 --> 0:15:52.520 and they're incredibly kind, and they made like tons of 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:55.560 funny jokes, and I don't know, it was just like 0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.720 never expected to really be in that situation, you know. 0:16:00.960 --> 0:16:03.000 So wait a minute, they gave you their number to 0:16:03.520 --> 0:16:07.120 basically pay you for a ride outside of Uber. 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:08.720 Yeah. 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.640 I have the guy's number on my phone still. Yeah. 0:16:12.680 --> 0:16:13.880 Oh and I bet you made a lot more money 0:16:13.880 --> 0:16:15.080 off of that than you would have if you took 0:16:15.080 --> 0:16:15.680 it through Uber. 0:16:16.920 --> 0:16:17.720 Oh for sure. 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:22.360 They like they promised that they were gonna tip like 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:26.360 a ton of money, and then I watched them struggle 0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:29.640 for like two straight minutes just going through the dollar bills. 0:16:29.680 --> 0:16:32.120 Like I don't know if it's just because the currency 0:16:32.240 --> 0:16:34.240 was different or whatever, but he ended up handing me 0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:39.120 like eleven ones and he said it was like fifty dollars. 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:40.920 And I couldn't tell if he was just too drunk 0:16:41.000 --> 0:16:43.320 to notice or if he's joking. And I didn't care. 0:16:44.080 --> 0:16:45.720 I just had a great time and I was just 0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:48.240 happy to, like, you know, get them back there. 0:16:49.720 --> 0:16:52.880 I'm pretty sure Canadian money is worth less than American money, 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.120 so that's actually not even eleven dollars. 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:59.080 Oh yeah, I just doesn't it just like look different though? 0:16:59.680 --> 0:17:01.720 Do they use bigger numbers, different numbers? 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.760 But the thing is, I feel like the the intention 0:17:05.000 --> 0:17:07.240 was there, the kind intention for sure. 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:10.000 Yeah. 0:17:10.040 --> 0:17:15.000 So it sounds like you you have a mixed relationship 0:17:15.040 --> 0:17:19.520 with life, man, I mean, you're in this position where 0:17:19.560 --> 0:17:23.000 you are encountering all these different people and every day 0:17:23.160 --> 0:17:29.640 is an anthology of humanity for you across across its 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:36.040 wide spectrum of positivity and negativity. Where does your mind 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:41.119 stand these days? On average? You know, are you feeling 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:44.800 good about things? Are you feeling good about life? About people? 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:53.960 No? No, I feel pretty poorly about everything. To be 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:56.520 fully transparent. 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:00.000 How high are you? 0:18:01.840 --> 0:18:02.000 Uh? 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:06.119 I was kind to hie when it started, but I 0:18:06.160 --> 0:18:09.480 can kind of feel myself sobering down, m. 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:15.440 And you feel like when you're more sober is when 0:18:15.480 --> 0:18:17.480 you are feeling better or worse? 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.040 Oh worse, absolutely worse. 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:27.800 Okay, so hmm, okay tell me this. Then, if you're 0:18:27.800 --> 0:18:34.520 not feeling good about things, do you think there is 0:18:34.680 --> 0:18:43.800 anything at all that would make you feel better about things? 0:18:44.760 --> 0:18:49.040 I'm not sure. I'm kind of figuring that out right now. 0:18:49.119 --> 0:18:52.919 I feel like my life entering the new year, because 0:18:52.960 --> 0:18:56.760 you know, we sign meaning to dates and time and whatnot. 0:18:56.800 --> 0:18:59.919 I feel like I'm entering a new reset phase, you know, 0:19:00.000 --> 0:19:04.800 Oh yeah, just this new period. And I'm not really 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:09.560 sure what direction I want to go in. Very aimless 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:15.040 and grasping for meaning I think is a good good 0:19:15.040 --> 0:19:15.680 way to put it. 0:19:16.680 --> 0:19:23.119 M hmmm, does anything currently give you a meaning? 0:19:27.600 --> 0:19:28.359 I have a cat. 0:19:29.720 --> 0:19:33.800 He's reliant on me. He's a little mischievous man, but 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:40.280 he's very sweet and he's my son. Yeah. I have 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:44.639 like my roommates. They're very very close friend of mine, 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:49.040 friends of mine. It's good to have them here. Uh 0:19:49.280 --> 0:19:55.720 made it easier, like not being entirely alone, which is nice. 0:19:57.119 --> 0:20:03.680 Outside of that, not too much. Got to pay off 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:05.960 my car loan. I don't know if that's really meaning, 0:20:06.080 --> 0:20:09.320 but it's a fake purpose. 0:20:10.560 --> 0:20:12.240 That's a good reason to get out of bed in 0:20:12.240 --> 0:20:13.399 the morning. It's something. 0:20:17.119 --> 0:20:21.000 Yeah, I mean it's somewhat working. 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:28.760 I want to say this because you obviously came into 0:20:28.880 --> 0:20:33.560 this like you were saying on a negative point, but 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:36.200 at the very beginning you were like, all right, there's 0:20:36.240 --> 0:20:39.359 the pros and there's the cons, there's the yin and 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:45.200 the yang, and you clearly have this ability to recognize 0:20:45.240 --> 0:20:50.080 and appreciate humanity when you see it. Do you agree 0:20:50.119 --> 0:20:50.440 with that? 0:20:51.800 --> 0:20:53.680 Yeah? 0:20:53.840 --> 0:20:55.360 Are you able to do that? Often? 0:20:57.800 --> 0:21:01.920 I think to a fault sometime to a fault, how 0:21:01.960 --> 0:21:06.960 so to a fault, I think this is gonna there's 0:21:06.960 --> 0:21:10.280 no corny way, there's no non corny way to say this, 0:21:10.440 --> 0:21:13.000 But I think I struggle a little bit too much 0:21:13.040 --> 0:21:18.600 with empathy, and like, if I see someone experiencing duress 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:22.760 or pain, I tend to be like experience it pretty 0:21:22.800 --> 0:21:26.080 intensely myself, and it'll just kind of like send me 0:21:26.119 --> 0:21:26.840 on a spiral. 0:21:27.600 --> 0:21:32.600 Yeah, Like I spend I spend a lot. 0:21:32.520 --> 0:21:37.320 Of time looking at like historical events and like current 0:21:37.440 --> 0:21:38.760 events stuff in the world. 0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:41.879 Yeah, and it. 0:21:41.359 --> 0:21:45.640 Is a horrible cycle of being aware of how horrible 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:50.040 everything can be and usually is. But then you're like 0:21:50.760 --> 0:21:55.040 too aware and it feels like impossible to express joy 0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:58.720 about everything because you just have like this weight in 0:21:58.760 --> 0:22:02.399 your chest of all the horrors around you, so to speak. 0:22:03.080 --> 0:22:07.800 Okay, I have a lot of thoughts about that. But 0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:10.640 first is when you're kind of thinking about the things 0:22:10.640 --> 0:22:13.920 that are stressing you out and making you not feel good, 0:22:14.160 --> 0:22:14.920 is that a big. 0:22:14.760 --> 0:22:18.679 One kind of a right? 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:21.520 My therapist tells me that I tend to focus too 0:22:21.560 --> 0:22:24.920 much on the big instead of the small. Okay, I'm 0:22:24.960 --> 0:22:28.480 all being like myself and I instead like like I'll 0:22:28.480 --> 0:22:31.240 go into therapy and I'll start talking about something related 0:22:31.280 --> 0:22:34.960 to me, but then as Ranson to event not event, 0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:39.560 a rant about you know, the police state or whatever 0:22:39.560 --> 0:22:40.840 I'm going on at the time. 0:22:41.760 --> 0:22:45.600 Yeah, man, your therapist is very much onto something. 0:22:47.240 --> 0:22:50.960 Yeah no, she's a she's great. 0:22:51.560 --> 0:22:54.240 Good. Good. Your therapist is very much onto something. If 0:22:54.240 --> 0:22:58.640 you just spend every single day in there, here's the thing. 0:22:58.720 --> 0:23:02.399 There will always there is a never ending supply of 0:23:02.520 --> 0:23:09.320 horrible terrors to worry about in the world. But the 0:23:09.359 --> 0:23:11.560 best you can look if you're not gonna go out 0:23:11.600 --> 0:23:16.920 and like be an activist or a scientist or something 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:21.680 where you contribute in some small part to this larger problem. 0:23:21.720 --> 0:23:24.840 If you're not gonna do that, the best you can 0:23:25.080 --> 0:23:31.560 do is take all of this big picture stuff and 0:23:31.680 --> 0:23:34.639 throw it out of your mind and focus as hard 0:23:34.680 --> 0:23:39.280 as you can on your own corner of the universe. 0:23:39.320 --> 0:23:42.199 I feel like this is what your therapist was getting at. Like, 0:23:42.359 --> 0:23:46.600 you know, dude, your cat, your roommates, the people that 0:23:46.640 --> 0:23:48.760 you meet when you're doing your job. I mean, you're 0:23:48.760 --> 0:23:51.280 in this uber. One of the things you were talking 0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:53.680 about is you're in this uber all the time, connecting 0:23:53.680 --> 0:23:56.040 with people and interacting with other people, like you come 0:23:56.080 --> 0:24:01.480 across people every single day. Like, narrow it down to 0:24:01.760 --> 0:24:06.600 your own life and go, what's the best I can do? 0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:12.240 In my own life, and then all of a sudden, 0:24:13.359 --> 0:24:19.560 this grand, existential, never ending problem of the horrors of 0:24:19.600 --> 0:24:24.679 the universe, it turns into something that's more tangible, which is, again, 0:24:25.240 --> 0:24:27.119 how can I be the best I can be in 0:24:27.200 --> 0:24:30.400 my own personal life with the people I come into, 0:24:30.640 --> 0:24:33.119 I interact with every day. How can I make this 0:24:33.320 --> 0:24:37.879 uber drive the best for this rider by being nice 0:24:37.920 --> 0:24:40.359 to them or interacting with them positively? How can I 0:24:40.400 --> 0:24:43.000 do good by my cat? And how can I and 0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:45.159 also by the way, not to be so hard on yourself? 0:24:45.200 --> 0:24:47.320 How can I do all of this the best I 0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:51.800 can do it within my own personal energy levels? Right, 0:24:51.840 --> 0:24:54.800 Because sometimes you walk around and you're short and kurt 0:24:54.800 --> 0:24:58.439 with people because you're just because you're just energy is 0:24:58.640 --> 0:25:01.600 short because you are depressed or you got whatever you 0:25:01.680 --> 0:25:05.840 got going on. But focusing on how to do the 0:25:05.840 --> 0:25:08.720 best you can with your own sphere is always going 0:25:08.800 --> 0:25:11.520 to be a thousand times better of a strategy than 0:25:12.080 --> 0:25:15.520 reading the fucking news and worrying about how to save 0:25:15.680 --> 0:25:16.879 all the children and Yemen. 0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:23.800 Yeah, I mean, that is a great advice, and I've 0:25:23.840 --> 0:25:28.840 received similar advice. It's just the putting it into practice 0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:32.199 that is the part that I get stuck on sure, 0:25:34.680 --> 0:25:42.960 like I, and like I unfortunately am very activists involved. 0:25:43.000 --> 0:25:45.560 I don't know a better word to describe that right now, 0:25:45.680 --> 0:25:49.719 uh huh. Unlike a lot of my social circles, uh 0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:56.200 consistently revolve around those things, and like h it's a 0:25:56.280 --> 0:25:59.040 bit hard to escape because it's really one of the 0:25:59.160 --> 0:26:01.920 only facets of my life that are still like standing, 0:26:02.080 --> 0:26:04.040 you know, can. 0:26:06.119 --> 0:26:08.560 Go ahead on, yeah, you go ahead, and then I 0:26:08.600 --> 0:26:10.639 have a thing before this. 0:26:10.840 --> 0:26:13.280 A lot of my identity outside of that pretty much 0:26:13.480 --> 0:26:19.600 just like focused on my relationship. I was, for lack 0:26:19.680 --> 0:26:21.080 of a better term, I was a bit of a 0:26:21.160 --> 0:26:21.640 life guy. 0:26:22.359 --> 0:26:22.720 Uh huh. 0:26:24.040 --> 0:26:29.600 And that also has led to a small identity crisis 0:26:29.720 --> 0:26:32.240 of trying to find any sort of other thing. But 0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:37.600 once again, I'm focusing on the uh you know, the 0:26:37.800 --> 0:26:43.520 the dark, I suppose. But proceed with what you were 0:26:43.600 --> 0:26:44.000 going to. 0:26:44.040 --> 0:26:46.639 Say, Well, okay, so I mean even that was a 0:26:46.960 --> 0:26:48.639 thing that you said just there you were like I 0:26:48.880 --> 0:26:52.040 was a wife guy, and now the thing and this 0:26:52.320 --> 0:26:55.080 It can be a relationship, it can be a fucking sport, 0:26:55.160 --> 0:26:57.280 it can be whatever it is these things that you 0:26:57.480 --> 0:27:03.360 identify yourself with so strongly to fuck you because then 0:27:03.760 --> 0:27:06.639 when they disappear and you realize you don't have a 0:27:06.920 --> 0:27:09.840 diversified portfolio upon which to build your identity. You just 0:27:10.000 --> 0:27:13.960 you just get you just get fucked, you know. So 0:27:15.119 --> 0:27:19.359 building that diversified life portfolio, I feel like it's so 0:27:19.680 --> 0:27:26.479 crazy important. And I'll say this, man, if you, if 0:27:26.520 --> 0:27:32.440 you could just do this one thing, like you ever 0:27:32.520 --> 0:27:35.119 try it for a day, you ever wake up and 0:27:35.240 --> 0:27:38.080 you ever just be like, all right today, I'm not 0:27:38.160 --> 0:27:39.960 gonna go on Twitter. I'm not gonna read the news. 0:27:40.840 --> 0:27:43.760 I'm gonna try as possible as much as I possibly 0:27:43.800 --> 0:27:46.639 can today, if not even for a full day, if 0:27:46.720 --> 0:27:52.920 for a one interaction, you go, I'm gonna treat this 0:27:53.000 --> 0:27:55.680 person like they're the first person I've ever met in 0:27:55.840 --> 0:27:59.720 my life. I'm gonna treat this. I'm gonna treat talking 0:27:59.800 --> 0:28:01.879 to this person and being present with this person like 0:28:01.960 --> 0:28:07.000 it's the most important, Like it's as important as saving 0:28:07.040 --> 0:28:09.600 all the children and Yemen. You know what I'm saying. 0:28:10.160 --> 0:28:12.440 You try that at least one time, or at least 0:28:12.520 --> 0:28:15.520 one day. It's a place to start. 0:28:18.720 --> 0:28:18.920 Yeah. 0:28:19.040 --> 0:28:19.600 So just like. 0:28:21.480 --> 0:28:25.800 Like go out blind and Uber, I would. 0:28:25.600 --> 0:28:29.760 I wouldn't do anything that evolves being blind and driving. 0:28:29.520 --> 0:28:35.280 For Uber, but metaphorically blind, stupid. 0:28:36.760 --> 0:28:41.960 Yes, I would try to do whatever it is you 0:28:42.040 --> 0:28:43.880 can do it and just put yourself in the moments, 0:28:44.240 --> 0:28:46.680 you know, because this is I mean, this shit happens 0:28:46.680 --> 0:28:49.280 to me all the time. Man, I'm on Twitter and 0:28:50.520 --> 0:28:54.080 fucking read it and thinking about everything about this, everything 0:28:54.120 --> 0:28:57.080 except for where I am actually at. And it's a 0:28:57.360 --> 0:29:05.080 prime fucking h h recipe for disaster and unhappiness. Well 0:29:05.280 --> 0:29:10.520 every time, oh for sure. And again I'm I'll just 0:29:10.560 --> 0:29:16.440 say this last thing. I'm I see hope for you 0:29:16.840 --> 0:29:20.520 in this, And obviously I'm not you, so I don't 0:29:20.560 --> 0:29:24.080 know the true depth of what you're dealing with, but 0:29:24.240 --> 0:29:26.480 I just want to say this to you. I see 0:29:26.880 --> 0:29:28.840 hope for you and your ability to be able to 0:29:29.200 --> 0:29:35.240 do this and to you know, put the entire world away, 0:29:35.320 --> 0:29:38.600 to focus on your own life and your own community 0:29:38.640 --> 0:29:42.120 and your own people that you interact with. Because you 0:29:42.360 --> 0:29:46.520 told all those stories of being in the Uber and 0:29:46.920 --> 0:29:54.160 these interesting people you meet, and you had a real gracious, 0:29:54.320 --> 0:29:57.760 perceptive view of the humanity that you were going that 0:29:57.840 --> 0:30:00.160 you were encountering when you were doing that, I know 0:30:00.280 --> 0:30:06.080 that you have the ability to sync deeply into that, 0:30:07.000 --> 0:30:11.200 if that makes sense, And so yeah, and so I 0:30:11.480 --> 0:30:15.960 think that a future that involves more of you doing 0:30:16.080 --> 0:30:21.160 that and less of you trying to solve the Israel 0:30:21.200 --> 0:30:27.800 Palestine crisis would be Uh, you know a better thing. 0:30:28.960 --> 0:30:30.760 It's one of my go tos man. 0:30:34.640 --> 0:30:38.600 Listen uh, pomegranate. Some people in the chato me telling 0:30:38.640 --> 0:30:40.200 you palm. I like that, Palm. 0:30:41.120 --> 0:30:41.440 I get that. 0:30:43.920 --> 0:30:46.400 I like palmy. I like those. I like all those. Listen, palm. 0:30:47.400 --> 0:30:47.520 Uh. 0:30:47.600 --> 0:30:49.640 Do you have any final thoughts about the stuff that 0:30:49.680 --> 0:30:52.400 we've talked about and then anything else you want to 0:30:52.400 --> 0:30:53.880 say to the people of the computer before we go? 0:30:55.120 --> 0:30:57.880 I do, but I have one quick question to ask 0:30:57.920 --> 0:31:01.320 you before I do that. Okay, Sure, what is the 0:31:01.440 --> 0:31:04.080 story with the hold music? 0:31:05.600 --> 0:31:10.520 I am going to immediately hang up on the next 0:31:10.560 --> 0:31:13.520 person that asked me that, but not you, because we've 0:31:13.560 --> 0:31:15.720 gotten too far into it. Is there anything else that 0:31:15.760 --> 0:31:18.160 you want to say about all the stuff that we've 0:31:18.160 --> 0:31:19.600 been talking about her to the people of the computer 0:31:19.680 --> 0:31:20.040 before we go. 0:31:21.480 --> 0:31:21.720 Yes. 0:31:24.200 --> 0:31:26.320 I think radical love is the key to the future. 0:31:27.440 --> 0:31:29.600 And I think a lot of us spend time focused 0:31:29.680 --> 0:31:37.040 on punishment instead of rehabilitation and building together forward. Sure, 0:31:37.960 --> 0:31:40.360 and I think that's an important concept that people should 0:31:40.360 --> 0:31:42.520 focus on, and I think they should examine how they 0:31:42.600 --> 0:31:45.920 feel when people they care for and don't care for 0:31:46.240 --> 0:31:48.880 do wrong in the world, and how to proceed forward 0:31:48.960 --> 0:31:49.160 with that. 0:31:50.800 --> 0:31:57.240 Anything about you, I'm going to try and look at 0:31:57.280 --> 0:31:58.120 Twitter less. 0:31:59.400 --> 0:32:03.160 Beautiful. I'm gonna I support you in that goal. 0:32:04.800 --> 0:32:05.680 Thank you very much. 0:32:06.320 --> 0:32:11.400 All right, bomb, take care you too. Get I liked 0:32:11.440 --> 0:32:13.760 that call lot. I like that concept a lot, and 0:32:13.840 --> 0:32:17.520 I'm trying to be better at that. I have all 0:32:17.560 --> 0:32:21.560 these fucking epiphanies and then I lose them and go 0:32:21.720 --> 0:32:25.680 on Twitter. It happens all the time. I'm sure it's 0:32:25.680 --> 0:32:28.840 happened to you guys too. You have this grand epiphany. 0:32:28.880 --> 0:32:32.040 You're like just everything I just said to him, where 0:32:32.040 --> 0:32:35.920 I'm like, I can't be thinking about every problem going 0:32:36.000 --> 0:32:37.800 on in the world all the time. I can't be 0:32:37.880 --> 0:32:40.520 thinking about all the news. Here's what everyone else in 0:32:40.600 --> 0:32:43.640 the world is doing. Here's what the popular folks are doing. 0:32:43.720 --> 0:32:47.360 Here's what this guy that everybody hates said that he's 0:32:47.440 --> 0:32:49.960 pissing everybody off. Now here's this thing, and it's just 0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:55.120 it's everything except my life and what's in front of me. 0:32:56.280 --> 0:33:01.400 And it's gotta be the grand thing to ignore all 0:33:01.520 --> 0:33:06.080 of that and focus intently on being with the people 0:33:06.120 --> 0:33:09.360 that I encounter in my life and being with the 0:33:09.880 --> 0:33:12.480 shit with my own life, and how can I best 0:33:12.560 --> 0:33:16.960 do do my best in that and not worry about 0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:21.640 any other shit. Right, you have that grand psychedelic epiphany, 0:33:22.080 --> 0:33:24.120 and then what do you do? You're on fucking Twitter 0:33:25.240 --> 0:33:30.680 two days later, because because if only it were as easy, 0:33:31.240 --> 0:33:33.480 That's that's the problem with all this stuff. If only 0:33:33.560 --> 0:33:36.800 it were as easy as you have the epiphany, and 0:33:36.920 --> 0:33:39.440 now the epiphany is integrated into your life, it rarely 0:33:39.600 --> 0:33:42.800 is it. You have to actually you have to go 0:33:42.960 --> 0:33:47.600 to the mental gym and build your brain by having 0:33:47.640 --> 0:33:50.440 the epiphany, acting on it for a little bit, fucking up. 0:33:52.520 --> 0:33:55.080 Then you act on it a little bit longer, you 0:33:55.160 --> 0:33:57.280 fuck up again, and you just have to just keep trying. 0:33:57.320 --> 0:33:59.280 It's hard. It's harder than just you have the epiphany 0:33:59.280 --> 0:34:02.000 and it's in your life. Takes time to integrate it. 0:34:02.720 --> 0:34:09.319 That's what I'm working on, all right, Thanks for calling Tom? Hello, Hello, 0:34:10.400 --> 0:34:10.800 how are you? 0:34:11.840 --> 0:34:12.520 I'm doing good? 0:34:12.640 --> 0:34:12.960 How are you? 0:34:14.560 --> 0:34:18.160 How can I get you to there? Oh? 0:34:20.239 --> 0:34:26.600 Aywhile, well, so I'm in the middle of remodeling my 0:34:26.719 --> 0:34:32.640 bathroom and I only have one bathroom, so I've been 0:34:33.320 --> 0:34:38.000 finding myself like having to pee but too lazy to 0:34:38.960 --> 0:34:44.720 go outside, So I've just been going to my kitchen 0:34:45.360 --> 0:34:51.879 and just paying in the sink, and uh, like it's 0:34:52.000 --> 0:34:54.880 way more convenient that I thought it would be. And 0:34:55.040 --> 0:34:59.000 I kind of like it. And I don't know if 0:34:59.040 --> 0:35:03.719 that's bad. It doesn't smell or anything, which is cool, 0:35:05.760 --> 0:35:08.080 and I don't have like a lot of people over 0:35:08.360 --> 0:35:13.120 so I'm not worried about that. But this, like tonight, 0:35:13.360 --> 0:35:15.759 I did it and I was like, I looked in 0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:19.760 the reflection in the window and I saw my face 0:35:19.840 --> 0:35:22.800 and I was like, is this okay? 0:35:23.440 --> 0:35:27.839 Like I don't know, you had a moment of self 0:35:27.880 --> 0:35:29.600 reflection while you were peeing in the sink. 0:35:31.880 --> 0:35:36.600 Yeah, Like I don't know, Like I like, I've done 0:35:36.640 --> 0:35:41.640 it like more than like twenty times now, but this 0:35:41.840 --> 0:35:45.279 time I looked up and I saw my face and 0:35:45.480 --> 0:35:50.279 I was just like, WHOA, Like is this okay? I 0:35:50.400 --> 0:35:54.040 don't know if this is weird or like, you know, like, 0:35:56.040 --> 0:35:57.560 I don't know, it's just kind of cool. 0:35:57.600 --> 0:36:01.080 I saw yourself from Afar were able to observe your 0:36:01.080 --> 0:36:02.880 own actions in a way you hadn't before. 0:36:04.800 --> 0:36:05.040 Yeah. 0:36:05.800 --> 0:36:09.920 Yeah, So all right, bring me back to this moment 0:36:10.840 --> 0:36:15.560 where you're staring at yourself and you're wondering if it's okay. 0:36:16.600 --> 0:36:24.520 Tell me more about the thoughts going on in your head. Well, so. 0:36:26.160 --> 0:36:29.239 I have to like get on my tippy toes to like, 0:36:29.520 --> 0:36:35.040 you know, make it over the sink. So I'm usually 0:36:35.560 --> 0:36:39.640 worried about splashing, but I was. I was making it 0:36:39.719 --> 0:36:44.360 in and when I looked, I was just like, you know, 0:36:45.160 --> 0:36:50.080 I'm older, I've you know, I feel like I'm too 0:36:50.160 --> 0:36:52.879 old for that. I'm just like, what's what am I doing? 0:36:53.239 --> 0:36:55.759 Like I'm a disappointment, Like why am I peeing in 0:36:55.840 --> 0:37:00.400 the sink right now? Like like my parents would be 0:37:00.719 --> 0:37:01.360 so ashamed. 0:37:04.680 --> 0:37:04.879 Yeah. 0:37:05.960 --> 0:37:08.000 Also, like right in front of my sink is a 0:37:08.040 --> 0:37:11.560 giant window, and I don't live like there's no houses 0:37:11.640 --> 0:37:15.839 behind me. It's just kind of like mesa, but there's 0:37:15.880 --> 0:37:20.480 an arroyo and then there's houses past that. And like 0:37:20.920 --> 0:37:23.320 if somebody was just like for some reason, like on 0:37:23.400 --> 0:37:28.040 a ladder looking over their wall, they they would see me. 0:37:29.040 --> 0:37:32.320 But it's very unlikely. But that does come across my 0:37:32.440 --> 0:37:38.279 mind time to time, and that's embarrassing because I don't 0:37:38.320 --> 0:37:42.880 want some random person to see it. But yeah, I 0:37:42.920 --> 0:37:45.600 don't know it's just like, why not just walk outside? 0:37:47.840 --> 0:37:53.560 Yes, but you do realize that if you go outside 0:37:53.600 --> 0:37:58.440 and pee, then there's a better chance of people being 0:37:58.480 --> 0:37:59.839 able to see you than if you were just being 0:37:59.880 --> 0:38:00.680 in your sink. 0:38:03.239 --> 0:38:08.920 That's true, that's true. Yeah, I was worried about the smell, 0:38:09.200 --> 0:38:15.719 but it doesn't smell too bad at least now. Like 0:38:15.800 --> 0:38:19.480 I run water after I pee, and then I sometimes 0:38:20.760 --> 0:38:24.080 turn on the garbage disposal just to be safe. But 0:38:26.360 --> 0:38:29.960 I haven't had any problems so far. But like, also, 0:38:30.040 --> 0:38:34.600 it takes water, and that's like a good thing I 0:38:35.040 --> 0:38:42.759 saw on the internet, like flushing uses so much water, 0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:47.400 and I guess like with the sink, you know, you 0:38:47.440 --> 0:38:48.400 don't have to worry about that. 0:38:50.239 --> 0:38:50.839 That's a good point. 0:38:50.880 --> 0:38:53.080 So, but I don't know if I'm just justifying me 0:38:53.200 --> 0:38:55.560 peeing in the sink is the problem? 0:38:58.320 --> 0:39:01.000 You said you feel like a disappointment when you look 0:39:01.000 --> 0:39:04.520 at yourself in the reflection of the window being in 0:39:04.560 --> 0:39:04.879 the sink. 0:39:06.840 --> 0:39:09.520 Uh. Yeah, why do you. 0:39:09.520 --> 0:39:11.400 Feel like a disappointment? What do you feel like is 0:39:11.440 --> 0:39:13.919 inherently wrong with being in the sink? 0:39:19.560 --> 0:39:21.759 Well, I just like, I don't know, I feel like 0:39:21.840 --> 0:39:26.720 a grown man shouldn't, like, you know, with this stuff 0:39:26.760 --> 0:39:33.880 out and be in the sink at least, like what, 0:39:35.880 --> 0:39:41.960 oh yeah, do you own a rent? Rent? 0:39:44.800 --> 0:39:45.560 How much is your rent? 0:39:49.000 --> 0:39:49.680 Twelve hundred? 0:39:54.360 --> 0:39:55.879 I think you've earned the right to be in the sink. 0:39:58.200 --> 0:40:04.120 Well, all right, that kind of makes me feel better 0:40:04.320 --> 0:40:10.360 hearing it from you. Thank you. It's calling for some 0:40:10.560 --> 0:40:16.759 kind of reassurance, you know. 0:40:18.040 --> 0:40:20.279 Okay, listen, I I haven't brought this up yet, but 0:40:21.640 --> 0:40:27.719 you said that you have a bathroom. Yeah, why don't 0:40:27.760 --> 0:40:28.840 you just use the bathroom? 0:40:30.840 --> 0:40:35.560 Uh, we're remodeling the bathroom, so there's no toilet, so 0:40:35.680 --> 0:40:37.920 we kind of just you know, it's gone. There's just 0:40:38.000 --> 0:40:42.359 a hole in the ground. I could try and pee 0:40:42.400 --> 0:40:47.160 in the hole. I never thought of doing that. I 0:40:48.600 --> 0:40:49.800 don't think that works. 0:40:51.600 --> 0:40:53.799 What had I modeled your toilet to be a sink? 0:40:56.280 --> 0:41:04.600 Oh shit? Oh well, my guests would be really confused. 0:41:04.920 --> 0:41:12.040 But hmm, well, I guess I could try and see 0:41:12.080 --> 0:41:15.759 in my well, that's gone too. What were you gonna say, 0:41:18.120 --> 0:41:20.719 the kitchen sink like where you wash your hands. But 0:41:20.840 --> 0:41:24.400 that's gone too, that's just pipes. But there is a 0:41:24.440 --> 0:41:26.719 hole in the ground. I guess I could pee in that, 0:41:26.880 --> 0:41:30.520 but I'm I don't know how plumbing works. So I 0:41:30.680 --> 0:41:33.279 think I have no idea. 0:41:35.920 --> 0:41:37.960 Yeah, I think. I think that if you were to 0:41:38.680 --> 0:41:42.839 change your sink, your toilet to be a sink, then 0:41:45.000 --> 0:41:48.120 the line between what is meant to be peeed in 0:41:48.800 --> 0:41:50.560 and what is meant to have your hands washed with 0:41:51.080 --> 0:41:56.400 becomes blurred. Oh shit, And those lines were made by 0:41:56.480 --> 0:41:59.920 humans anyway, because these these inventions, the sink, the toilet, 0:42:00.400 --> 0:42:03.600 they're made by human beings. Okay, the natural world people 0:42:03.680 --> 0:42:09.000 peeing outside is far, far, far older than these technologies. 0:42:10.400 --> 0:42:14.719 And these technologies are you know, they only really have 0:42:15.120 --> 0:42:19.759 the the intended purposes that we give them. But at 0:42:19.760 --> 0:42:21.640 the end of the day, both the toilet and the sink, 0:42:22.040 --> 0:42:26.520 they're just holes that lead to places. You know, it's subjective, 0:42:28.200 --> 0:42:31.800 So if I were you, I would keep that in 0:42:31.920 --> 0:42:37.880 mind when you're making your decision. But also don't do 0:42:37.960 --> 0:42:39.719 anything where strangers are seeing your dick. 0:42:41.960 --> 0:42:47.160 Oh for sure, no way, I'll think about that sor. 0:42:47.239 --> 0:42:49.440 I think that's why the people of the Computer Before. 0:42:49.200 --> 0:42:49.400 We Go. 0:42:51.480 --> 0:42:55.440 Love the podcast, love you Lyle, got gone baby. 0:42:56.160 --> 0:43:05.239 Thanks Ben tak Care. Every once in a while, when 0:43:05.280 --> 0:43:09.279 I am truly lazy, I will pee in the trash can. 0:43:11.040 --> 0:43:14.680 Oh shit, where does he poop. All right, I'm calling 0:43:14.760 --> 0:43:18.359 him back. Hello, Hey man, real quick, one question? 0:43:19.880 --> 0:43:28.560 Yeah, where do you poop outside? For now? 0:43:32.120 --> 0:43:37.200 If you're already pooping outside, then what is this? 0:43:39.680 --> 0:43:42.840 Usually I have to pee like more frequently than I 0:43:42.920 --> 0:43:46.239 have to poop, so I just like going into the sink. 0:43:46.320 --> 0:43:50.279 It's fine. Sometimes I pee outside when I'm pooping, but 0:43:54.239 --> 0:43:57.160 you know, like i'd pee like four times a day 0:43:57.440 --> 0:43:59.320 or five sometimes if I'm drinking. 0:44:02.840 --> 0:44:05.879 Okay, thanks, all right, I'm glad we called them back. 0:44:07.760 --> 0:44:08.000 Hello. 0:44:08.600 --> 0:44:11.600 Hello, Hi, Oh my gosh. 0:44:13.760 --> 0:44:14.480 Yeah, who is this. 0:44:16.200 --> 0:44:16.319 Hi? 0:44:17.000 --> 0:44:17.840 My name's Rachel. 0:44:18.800 --> 0:44:19.720 How are you doing, Rachel? 0:44:21.120 --> 0:44:24.600 I'm doing really good. I'm very Oh my gosh, I'm 0:44:24.680 --> 0:44:28.920 very flustered and excited. I recently started listening to your 0:44:28.960 --> 0:44:31.400 podcast and watching your videos. Wow. 0:44:32.800 --> 0:44:35.000 Hell yeah, that makes me very happy to hear. 0:44:35.120 --> 0:44:38.399 Man, that's awesome. How are you doing. 0:44:40.520 --> 0:44:45.080 I'm doing good. I haven't shut up talking about my 0:44:46.120 --> 0:44:50.040 live show tour thing, so I'm excited for that. I'm 0:44:50.080 --> 0:44:56.719 gonna be yeah. Yeah, it's I'm gonna be yeah, I 0:44:57.000 --> 0:45:00.920 thought to myself, because it's like fifty fuck dates. I'm like, 0:45:02.239 --> 0:45:06.680 all right, well if I do this global, we'll see, 0:45:06.800 --> 0:45:11.120 we'll see. I mean listen, man, I'm going to fucking Lisbon, Portugal. 0:45:11.200 --> 0:45:14.040 I don't know how many people fucking listen to me there. 0:45:14.160 --> 0:45:16.839 But if I go there and it's me and three 0:45:16.960 --> 0:45:20.160 people and we sit in a circle and do a seance, 0:45:20.520 --> 0:45:22.959 you know that'll be worth the plane ride. 0:45:24.280 --> 0:45:26.600 But you know what, even if it is just three people, 0:45:26.840 --> 0:45:28.279 I bet you'll make the most out of it. 0:45:29.120 --> 0:45:31.160 That's what That's how I feel. That's how I feel. 0:45:31.200 --> 0:45:37.120 I'm excited, Lisbon, Portugal, Come come see therapy, get go live. Anyway, anyway, 0:45:38.440 --> 0:45:39.759 how are you, Rachel, what's going on? 0:45:41.239 --> 0:45:45.360 I'm good. I'm just hanging out with my cat and 0:45:45.960 --> 0:45:49.040 you know, talking to you, and oh my gosh. So 0:45:50.160 --> 0:45:53.240 I'm good. I'm good. I have work in the morning, 0:45:53.360 --> 0:45:56.200 but for right now, I'm good. I'm just chilling. 0:45:57.040 --> 0:46:01.040 It says here that you claim that you are a 0:46:01.239 --> 0:46:05.400 sore loser and you need advice on good sport. 0:46:07.520 --> 0:46:12.560 Okay, Well, so yeah, this is like a problem. This 0:46:12.680 --> 0:46:16.960 has been like a problem always. I'm just very defensive, 0:46:17.200 --> 0:46:22.040 I guess, and I It's always been a thing with me, 0:46:22.360 --> 0:46:26.480 whether it be like gym class or just video games 0:46:27.320 --> 0:46:30.520 or even like shit board games with my family. I'm 0:46:30.719 --> 0:46:33.800 just I always want to win, and I get so 0:46:34.120 --> 0:46:37.960 angry when I lose. And it's not like I like 0:46:38.560 --> 0:46:42.040 lash out physically or anything, but like I like curse 0:46:42.280 --> 0:46:45.719 and like, you know, I kit talk and I just 0:46:46.320 --> 0:46:49.480 I want to get over that because I want to 0:46:49.600 --> 0:46:51.759 I want to make more friends and like go out 0:46:51.760 --> 0:46:53.600 and do things. I live in the city and I 0:46:53.680 --> 0:46:56.520 want to, you know, go play games, Like there's this 0:46:56.640 --> 0:46:59.120 cool game shop near me. But I don't want to, 0:46:59.480 --> 0:47:03.160 you know, like if we're talking shit to people I 0:47:03.320 --> 0:47:07.520 just meet and want to be friends with, and I 0:47:07.680 --> 0:47:11.280 recognize that the problem, but I kind of can't stop. 0:47:12.320 --> 0:47:16.040 All right, Well let's get into that. Well, let's get 0:47:16.080 --> 0:47:18.160 into it. What I mean. You say that you're very 0:47:18.239 --> 0:47:21.279 competitive to the point where you don't feel like you 0:47:21.400 --> 0:47:26.799 can physically restrain yourself from cussing people out at your 0:47:26.840 --> 0:47:29.160 local board night board game. 0:47:29.400 --> 0:47:35.680 Well, I don't like physically assault people. I'm very skinny. 0:47:35.719 --> 0:47:38.360 I would not be able to. But I don't know, 0:47:38.520 --> 0:47:42.080 I just get really heated, like playing like online games 0:47:42.400 --> 0:47:45.759 or whatever. Like I just I just get too riled 0:47:45.840 --> 0:47:50.360 up when I lose. Man, Well, like what do you 0:47:50.640 --> 0:47:51.840 think that is? 0:47:52.600 --> 0:47:54.680 Like what I do you have any idea why you 0:47:54.800 --> 0:47:55.319 are like this. 0:47:58.000 --> 0:48:01.320 I meant do it. I mean. 0:48:02.920 --> 0:48:04.279 Most so, most of. 0:48:04.320 --> 0:48:09.239 My competitiveness, I guess comes from like me being a 0:48:09.320 --> 0:48:11.839 girl trying to prove myself, I guess. And I don't 0:48:11.840 --> 0:48:14.000 want to say that's always the case, because I'm not. 0:48:14.560 --> 0:48:17.319 I'm not trying to like, you know, assume that people 0:48:17.400 --> 0:48:20.160 are like being misogynistic or you know, but I feel 0:48:20.200 --> 0:48:22.200 like I kind of like have stuff to prove, and 0:48:22.360 --> 0:48:25.320 I'm like good at things, you know, I want to, 0:48:25.440 --> 0:48:29.440 like I'm really passionate about things, and I want to 0:48:29.640 --> 0:48:32.399 you know, I want to. It's not to say I'm 0:48:32.480 --> 0:48:35.920 always losing, but it just, you know, it kind of 0:48:36.080 --> 0:48:39.239 like hurts my ego, I guess. I don't I want 0:48:39.280 --> 0:48:41.120 to want to say I'm an ego maybiac gur Right, 0:48:41.280 --> 0:48:44.719 Well sure in that way, I guess. 0:48:45.000 --> 0:48:47.800 Okay, Well, I mean, look, there's something to be afraid 0:48:47.880 --> 0:48:52.399 of or or or you know, in discovering of kind 0:48:52.440 --> 0:48:55.359 of what you are and why you do the things 0:48:55.440 --> 0:48:57.960 you do. But let me all right, so let me 0:48:58.000 --> 0:49:02.400 ask you this here. You say you feel like you're 0:49:02.440 --> 0:49:05.520 trying to prove something. You feel like as a girl, 0:49:05.600 --> 0:49:08.239 you're trying to prove that, you know, like you're like 0:49:08.280 --> 0:49:12.600 you're fighting up against something. I mean, this competitive nature. 0:49:12.600 --> 0:49:16.560 Does it only come out when you are like doing 0:49:16.719 --> 0:49:19.040 things with like just guys, Like like if you're playing 0:49:19.080 --> 0:49:20.680 a board game with a bunch of other girls, Like, 0:49:21.200 --> 0:49:21.799 does it does? 0:49:21.880 --> 0:49:25.360 Does the competitive it's anybody? Like I don't want to 0:49:25.360 --> 0:49:28.000 say being this girl is the only reason. Like I'll 0:49:28.120 --> 0:49:31.799 just like even if I'm playing like my friends, I'm 0:49:31.960 --> 0:49:35.280 just I'm very competitive and like my really good friends 0:49:35.440 --> 0:49:38.480 like know that about me. And you know, it's like 0:49:38.800 --> 0:49:41.399 if I notice myself doing it, I'll try and curb 0:49:41.440 --> 0:49:44.560 it in. But it's always like they like, let's talk 0:49:44.600 --> 0:49:46.880 about yeah this. 0:49:48.960 --> 0:49:50.839 You have something to prove thing? 0:49:51.400 --> 0:49:51.840 What is that? 0:49:51.960 --> 0:49:53.120 What do you what are you trying to prove? 0:49:54.560 --> 0:49:54.799 Oh? 0:49:55.160 --> 0:50:02.200 Man, you really are a good therapist. Huh. It's it's 0:50:02.320 --> 0:50:08.960 like this whole so long story short. I was diagnosed 0:50:09.040 --> 0:50:13.719 with ADHD in like eighth grade. So it only like 0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:17.440 I'm not saying like it's it's a bad thing because 0:50:17.560 --> 0:50:20.440 I've I've I've gone to an actual therapist and I've 0:50:20.800 --> 0:50:22.880 you know, seen it as like a positive thing. It's 0:50:22.960 --> 0:50:25.239 not a detriment to me or anything. But it's kind 0:50:25.320 --> 0:50:30.880 of always been like, oh she has that, so you know, 0:50:31.960 --> 0:50:35.160 I mean I was kind of like I was kind 0:50:35.200 --> 0:50:38.160 of raised to be like aware of that as a thing, 0:50:38.400 --> 0:50:42.479 and it's always been like just another thing holding me back. 0:50:43.280 --> 0:50:46.239 So I don't know, maybe like I guess that like 0:50:47.120 --> 0:50:50.239 it's like an additional thing I gotta and it's not 0:50:50.480 --> 0:50:51.080 like this is. 0:50:52.600 --> 0:50:54.360 But I just want to talk for a second. Is 0:50:54.440 --> 0:51:00.480 this this It sounds like and I'm doing armchair therapy here, 0:51:00.760 --> 0:51:02.920 but you know, I'm going to just say something and 0:51:02.960 --> 0:51:04.440 you tell me if you think it's accurate. 0:51:06.120 --> 0:51:06.400 Okay? 0:51:07.280 --> 0:51:09.120 You Uh. 0:51:09.200 --> 0:51:14.440 Their competitiveness comes from like these constant like feeling as 0:51:14.480 --> 0:51:19.480 though you're railing against stuff, right, like like you want 0:51:19.520 --> 0:51:21.960 to prove that you know, you as a as a 0:51:22.040 --> 0:51:24.960 woman can do things. You want to prove that you 0:51:25.040 --> 0:51:28.480 know your ADHD isn't holding you back. You're like having 0:51:28.920 --> 0:51:31.880 there's these things that you're railing against and trying to 0:51:32.320 --> 0:51:36.200 prove that you're above and it's driving a lot of 0:51:36.239 --> 0:51:38.759 this competitive nature. Is that accurate at all? 0:51:40.280 --> 0:51:43.800 Yeah? That that really kind of summarizes it, Okay, And 0:51:43.880 --> 0:51:47.520 I guess just like that comes like and then I'm 0:51:47.680 --> 0:51:52.160 like self aware, so then I'm also fighting myself and 0:51:52.280 --> 0:51:56.320 being like why are you you know, why are you 0:51:56.560 --> 0:52:00.680 like this kind of oh? Yeah, like and then I'm 0:52:00.760 --> 0:52:03.960 aware of how I'm feeling and then I'm just fighting 0:52:04.040 --> 0:52:09.360 myself at that point, so it's just yeah, yeah, I oh, 0:52:09.560 --> 0:52:12.320 it's like constantly in a circle of bitterness with it. 0:52:13.480 --> 0:52:15.640 Oh that's the word. I understand what you're saying completely, 0:52:15.760 --> 0:52:19.120 because when you're self aware about something, you get two hits, 0:52:19.640 --> 0:52:23.240 you're like, yeah, like, uh, why do I You're because 0:52:23.320 --> 0:52:29.080 you're you're competitive overly almost in a way that you 0:52:29.160 --> 0:52:31.719 feel like you can't even control. And then on top 0:52:31.800 --> 0:52:34.880 of that, you're pissed off that you can't that you 0:52:35.120 --> 0:52:37.880 You're just pissed off at yourself for being like this, 0:52:39.280 --> 0:52:40.520 So it hits you twice. 0:52:42.080 --> 0:52:44.800 Yeah, And you know it's weird though, Like I've already 0:52:44.880 --> 0:52:47.560 gone through like I'm an adult, I'm in my I'm 0:52:47.600 --> 0:52:50.879 in my late twenties, and just like I've I've gone 0:52:50.880 --> 0:52:54.200 through therapy for like the ADHD and blame and guilt 0:52:54.239 --> 0:53:00.160 and everything. So I'm glad to say I'm removed for 0:53:00.360 --> 0:53:03.640 most of that guilt towards it and just like you know, 0:53:03.840 --> 0:53:06.759 apologizing and blaming it and blaming myself for a lot 0:53:06.800 --> 0:53:10.000 of things but it's kind of sucks that it's still there, 0:53:10.760 --> 0:53:14.680 Like it's still like, you know, with like the guilt 0:53:14.719 --> 0:53:17.439 and trying to prove to myself even though like there's 0:53:17.480 --> 0:53:19.319 nothing wrong with me. This is just how I am. 0:53:19.960 --> 0:53:22.160 I'm still kind of doing it, and then I'm just 0:53:22.280 --> 0:53:23.759 like down on myself for it. 0:53:25.239 --> 0:53:27.600 Have you ever flipped a chess board over at someone? 0:53:32.360 --> 0:53:34.719 I don't think a chess board because I don't know 0:53:34.800 --> 0:53:38.279 how to play jazz, But I'm not gonna sit here 0:53:38.560 --> 0:53:43.800 and say no, because they're probably has been a point, 0:53:44.640 --> 0:53:48.160 you know. What's funny. I remember there's one memory that 0:53:48.280 --> 0:53:50.719 just came to mind of me trying to play rock 0:53:50.800 --> 0:53:53.520 band with my family and I think I was trying 0:53:53.560 --> 0:53:57.280 to do free birds and I missed one too many, 0:53:57.760 --> 0:54:00.160 and like so like I was on the guitar, my 0:54:00.480 --> 0:54:04.000 sister or whatever was on the keyboard, and somebody else 0:54:04.080 --> 0:54:05.960 is on the mic, and I got so mad that 0:54:06.080 --> 0:54:09.200 I wasn't doing it right. I literally restart the song 0:54:09.360 --> 0:54:11.279 and everybody's like, what the hell? You know, we were 0:54:11.440 --> 0:54:12.920 just into it, and I'm like, no, I gotta get 0:54:12.960 --> 0:54:14.319 it right. I gotta get it right because I. 0:54:14.360 --> 0:54:15.080 Know I can do it. 0:54:15.200 --> 0:54:16.080 I know I can do it. 0:54:17.280 --> 0:54:21.680 So, what's the worst incarnation of this that you have experienced? 0:54:21.840 --> 0:54:22.200 Have you. 0:54:23.840 --> 0:54:28.920 Gotten physical? What's the worst it's gotten? 0:54:30.560 --> 0:54:37.480 Oh god, I don't like again, it's never been physical. 0:54:37.719 --> 0:54:43.480 I think the worst is just like, I don't think 0:54:43.560 --> 0:54:46.840 the worst is like really like a specific situation. I 0:54:47.000 --> 0:54:51.080 just really feel like the feeling of losing. And I 0:54:51.200 --> 0:54:53.640 guess it's somewhat like the closest thing I can call 0:54:53.719 --> 0:54:55.880 it is guilt, but I don't think it is guilt. 0:54:58.600 --> 0:55:01.440 Just like I don't know, maybe just like when I'm 0:55:01.440 --> 0:55:04.879 playing online games, I think that I don't know if 0:55:05.160 --> 0:55:08.239 Chad will relate to this, but the latest Platoon game 0:55:08.400 --> 0:55:11.560 that released, Oh my god, all my multiplayer on that, Like, 0:55:11.640 --> 0:55:14.960 I think I'm pretty good at that, but holy hell, 0:55:15.080 --> 0:55:19.360 when I lose a match or whatever, it just hurts. 0:55:20.000 --> 0:55:22.520 Like and I know I'm pretty good because they ranked you, 0:55:22.680 --> 0:55:25.600 they played you with other people of your skill, so 0:55:25.760 --> 0:55:29.000 I'm up there, but oh my gosh, it just like 0:55:29.239 --> 0:55:31.960 it hurts. And I do not play league legends. I 0:55:32.000 --> 0:55:32.799 am not that bad. 0:55:33.520 --> 0:55:40.000 So it's okay, It's okay. I kind of have a thing. 0:55:40.640 --> 0:55:42.359 I have a little bit of a thing. I'm gonna 0:55:42.360 --> 0:55:44.839 tell you this thing and you tell me if it's 0:55:45.080 --> 0:55:50.800 helpful or relatable to your situation. This desire to prove yourself. 0:55:52.239 --> 0:55:58.400 I get it. I on a I personally have always 0:55:58.480 --> 0:56:03.799 felt as though not always, but just I personally kind 0:56:03.840 --> 0:56:08.279 of feel like the desire to prove yourself. 0:56:09.320 --> 0:56:10.120 Is not. 0:56:11.840 --> 0:56:16.799 A great motivator because at the end of the day, 0:56:17.800 --> 0:56:23.000 nobody cares about you, right, which is not a mean 0:56:23.160 --> 0:56:25.960 or sad. It's a good thing. It's a free it's 0:56:26.080 --> 0:56:26.680 no freedom. 0:56:28.120 --> 0:56:30.520 It's funny you say that, because I found myself like 0:56:30.719 --> 0:56:34.759 most like within the past year or so, like it's 0:56:34.840 --> 0:56:37.200 so easy to fall into like Twitter arguments and just 0:56:37.400 --> 0:56:40.359 people online, and I found myself taking a step back 0:56:40.600 --> 0:56:43.000 on those because like when you're having to type it out, 0:56:43.600 --> 0:56:45.920 you have that second to like take a breath and 0:56:46.000 --> 0:56:48.560 think about it. Yeah, And I found myself, you know, thinking, 0:56:48.880 --> 0:56:50.879 wait a minute, do I really care? 0:56:51.680 --> 0:56:53.480 No, I don't eat whatever. 0:56:53.239 --> 0:56:55.719 I was gonna say, right and then move what But 0:56:55.840 --> 0:56:59.920 I think when like games and stuff, it's it's it's 0:57:00.080 --> 0:57:05.080 so much more like within them, you don't have that introspection. 0:57:05.800 --> 0:57:10.120 So just to the point of do I really care, 0:57:10.280 --> 0:57:14.440 it's like a couple a couple of things and I'll 0:57:14.480 --> 0:57:16.360 just this is kind of be my last point on this. 0:57:16.680 --> 0:57:19.360 Is like when you're trying to prove yourself when you're 0:57:19.840 --> 0:57:24.320 and the competitive nature comes from trying to prove yourself 0:57:24.320 --> 0:57:28.120 to other people. Hey, the people you're trying to prove 0:57:28.160 --> 0:57:32.000 yourself to, they don't care. They don't care about you. 0:57:32.160 --> 0:57:34.160 And even though they do care and they're impressed for 0:57:34.200 --> 0:57:40.720 a little bit it, there's no lasting positive effect from 0:57:40.880 --> 0:57:44.080 them being impressed by you, and only lasts sobody they're 0:57:44.080 --> 0:57:46.880 going to go and live their own life and not 0:57:47.000 --> 0:57:52.280 be thinking about you. And then you're left with actions 0:57:52.560 --> 0:57:55.160 that you don't even like them. You don't even like 0:57:55.280 --> 0:58:01.000 these things about yourself that you're doing to prove yourself 0:58:01.080 --> 0:58:05.680 to other people who don't even care. Right, So, if 0:58:05.720 --> 0:58:08.160 you took a second, if you took a second in 0:58:08.240 --> 0:58:09.880 the way that you take a second when you're in 0:58:09.920 --> 0:58:14.800 a Twitter argument, and you you know, pause the typing 0:58:14.880 --> 0:58:17.560 for a second, and you're like, huh, I'm trying to 0:58:17.640 --> 0:58:20.760 prove myself to people that I don't even care about, 0:58:21.800 --> 0:58:24.800 that don't even care that much about me, and how 0:58:24.880 --> 0:58:27.240 good I am in any of this stuff? And in 0:58:27.440 --> 0:58:30.560 doing that, I'm doing shit that I don't even like 0:58:30.640 --> 0:58:33.840 about myself. Maybe if you took that second, if you 0:58:33.920 --> 0:58:38.040 found that second, you could calm down and not right 0:58:38.520 --> 0:58:39.760 knock over the Jenga tower. 0:58:41.640 --> 0:58:45.120 Listen, I don't do that. But so let me ask 0:58:45.160 --> 0:58:47.760 you this. Then. I am one of my friends that 0:58:48.000 --> 0:58:50.600 I've made within the past couple of years when I 0:58:50.680 --> 0:58:54.760 moved out of my parents. She wants to do like 0:58:54.880 --> 0:58:57.200 get into like a volleyball league or a softball league 0:58:57.280 --> 0:59:00.120 or something. Is there any advice that you have of 0:59:00.440 --> 0:59:03.360 that if I feel that, like, you know, guilt that 0:59:03.440 --> 0:59:05.840 I have to work on coming up in that moment 0:59:05.960 --> 0:59:08.000 if I lose or do something wrong, do you have 0:59:08.080 --> 0:59:11.400 any advice for what I could do? Because she's aware 0:59:11.400 --> 0:59:13.560 of my competitiveness and I don't want to be like 0:59:13.600 --> 0:59:14.560 a detriment to her. 0:59:15.600 --> 0:59:18.920 Uh huh, Well, I mean, I look, I mean you 0:59:19.080 --> 0:59:20.680 not wanting to be a detriment to her. I mean, 0:59:20.720 --> 0:59:24.440 that's just another fuel to add into that. That's just 0:59:24.560 --> 0:59:28.760 more fuel into your realization when you take a moment. Okay, 0:59:29.440 --> 0:59:32.480 you know that's what I would say if I had 0:59:32.520 --> 0:59:38.560 to advise. It's just to take a moment, right, Just 0:59:38.720 --> 0:59:43.080 remember that nobody cares. You don't care. Nobody care just 0:59:43.160 --> 0:59:45.400 remember that nobody cares. A good thing, that nobody cares. 0:59:45.480 --> 0:59:48.560 It's it's not a bad I think it's a good 0:59:48.600 --> 0:59:51.200 thing that nobody cares, and you don't and you don't 0:59:51.240 --> 0:59:57.760 care about them. What you care about. Your priority is 0:59:58.120 --> 1:00:00.360 to act like a regular hman being. 1:00:02.480 --> 1:00:03.600 I'll try and be normal. 1:00:04.320 --> 1:00:08.480 And and when you take a second, and you and 1:00:08.600 --> 1:00:11.760 it's going to take a lot of you reminding yourself this. 1:00:12.840 --> 1:00:14.720 Yeah, it's like a muscle, I worry. 1:00:14.800 --> 1:00:16.920 It's like a muscle. Exactly, It's like a muscle. And 1:00:16.960 --> 1:00:19.360 you'll grow that muscle. And then once you continue to 1:00:19.480 --> 1:00:24.480 orient yourself away from your defaults. Your defaults are rooted 1:00:24.600 --> 1:00:29.280 in this anger and desire to prove yourself, which you 1:00:30.040 --> 1:00:32.840 and that's your emotional response, but your logical response is 1:00:32.920 --> 1:00:36.960 going to be, how can I serve me being a normal, 1:00:37.560 --> 1:00:41.240 compliant human being. And this interaction that I'm having with 1:00:41.360 --> 1:00:47.880 other people, you know, you'll you'll get there, You'll get there. 1:00:48.280 --> 1:00:49.920 And then add in, I don't want to be you know, 1:00:49.960 --> 1:00:51.920 I don't want to fuck this up for my friend. 1:00:52.000 --> 1:00:54.720 You add that in as fuel to that, you know. 1:00:54.720 --> 1:00:56.280 What I'm saying, That will definitely help. 1:00:56.840 --> 1:01:00.320 Yeah, yeah, and uh, Listen. You might have to throw 1:01:00.440 --> 1:01:04.480 a few controllers and break a few skateboards over your 1:01:04.560 --> 1:01:06.520 knee before you get there, but you'll get there. 1:01:08.120 --> 1:01:08.440 Listen. 1:01:08.520 --> 1:01:11.920 I've never broken a controller. I'm proud to say that, 1:01:13.680 --> 1:01:17.720 although I mean, having those wristbands on the way definitely 1:01:17.800 --> 1:01:19.080 to help when they came out. 1:01:19.680 --> 1:01:21.680 But I'm. 1:01:23.040 --> 1:01:26.040 I mean, yeah, no, that makes total sense. And it's 1:01:26.040 --> 1:01:28.720 funny that you you know, we talked about it being 1:01:28.760 --> 1:01:32.320 a muscle and everything, because a man, I am just 1:01:32.400 --> 1:01:35.160 kind of falling back into like that old detrimental habit 1:01:35.280 --> 1:01:37.960 that I had before I went to therapy before, like 1:01:38.000 --> 1:01:40.760 because I used to be like so apologetic and you know, 1:01:40.960 --> 1:01:43.400 just like accepting the blame because I have this disorder 1:01:43.560 --> 1:01:46.320 and my therapist really had to help me and like 1:01:46.520 --> 1:01:50.080 train me off of that mindset. So it's kind of 1:01:50.120 --> 1:01:53.720 weird that I'm back in like a somewhat similar cycle 1:01:53.840 --> 1:01:56.440 for something else, but it's still kind of related. 1:01:57.080 --> 1:01:59.960 No, it fucking sucks. It's crazy because like I've had 1:02:00.120 --> 1:02:03.280 times were like so believe it or not, surprisingly, I've 1:02:03.280 --> 1:02:04.800 had times in my life where I'm in shape and 1:02:04.840 --> 1:02:07.880 I'm going to the gym and whatnot, and then you 1:02:08.160 --> 1:02:11.840 stop and then you just get fat, and it's like 1:02:11.960 --> 1:02:14.400 there's a mental thing to that too. You have times 1:02:14.440 --> 1:02:17.240 where you're like, very it's exactly the same. You are 1:02:17.400 --> 1:02:21.160 cognizant of your life and the way that you're thinking 1:02:21.200 --> 1:02:23.600 about things because you have this epiphany because you did 1:02:23.640 --> 1:02:26.880 Ayahuascar or whatever it is, and you're kind of holding 1:02:26.960 --> 1:02:28.720 that for a little bit, and then you slack off 1:02:28.760 --> 1:02:33.600 and then all of a sudden, you're you know, court. 1:02:35.320 --> 1:02:37.560 Like, I could keep you on the phone for like 1:02:37.640 --> 1:02:41.600 another two hours straight about motivation alone because I have zero. 1:02:42.800 --> 1:02:47.480 But is there anything else you want to say to 1:02:47.480 --> 1:02:48.600 the people that computer before we go? 1:02:50.880 --> 1:02:54.640 No? Just I guess, just to take away from this 1:02:54.840 --> 1:03:00.560 breathe be nice to each other. I don't know. Uh, 1:03:01.920 --> 1:03:03.800 my cat says, Hi, I guess. 1:03:05.760 --> 1:03:05.800 No. 1:03:06.040 --> 1:03:09.400 I just My only other question, uh would be because 1:03:09.480 --> 1:03:13.160 I don't know if you've answered this before, but since 1:03:13.200 --> 1:03:15.880 I'm like kind of a new viewer, I am curious 1:03:16.040 --> 1:03:18.919 as to how you get your green suit to show 1:03:19.040 --> 1:03:24.160 up if you use a green screen or is it 1:03:24.320 --> 1:03:25.680 just like secret GEK magic? 1:03:26.640 --> 1:03:27.480 What green screen? 1:03:30.520 --> 1:03:34.960 Oh? Okay, maybe it's the sorry bye. 1:03:36.880 --> 1:03:40.880 Yeah, that's a tough one. I hate giving advice, which 1:03:40.920 --> 1:03:44.640 is why I have an advice podcast. I hate giving 1:03:44.680 --> 1:03:48.960 advice because I I hate the idea that I'll tell 1:03:49.040 --> 1:03:52.720 somebody to do. I just I hope everyone understands when 1:03:52.760 --> 1:03:56.800 I say to do something, it's I'm talking to me 1:03:56.960 --> 1:03:59.160 one hundred percent of the time, because I fuck up 1:03:59.600 --> 1:04:05.680 a lot, and I these things I'm trying to do, 1:04:06.960 --> 1:04:09.439 I fuck up, and I'm not nice all the time, 1:04:09.600 --> 1:04:16.160 and I'm trying. I'm I'm with everyone else who calls me, uh, 1:04:17.120 --> 1:04:22.880 trying to work on myself as a human being. And 1:04:23.080 --> 1:04:26.600 I guess I hate the idea that if you position 1:04:26.720 --> 1:04:30.360 yourself to a point where you're like giving advice, it 1:04:30.680 --> 1:04:33.440 somehow implies that you're above all of the things that 1:04:33.560 --> 1:04:42.000 you're giving advice on, and that implication makes me vastly uncomfortable. So, 1:04:43.320 --> 1:04:49.120 you know, just throwing it out there that I'm navigating 1:04:49.200 --> 1:04:56.400 this space with all of these people, you know, working 1:04:56.480 --> 1:05:01.840 on this ship myself. Okay, Repeat goes on the line 1:05:02.160 --> 1:05:05.480 taking your phone calls every night. The repeat can goes 1:05:05.560 --> 1:05:08.479 doing his ride. Who's teaching you to houses of your life, 1:05:08.880 --> 1:05:11.040 but he's not really an expert.