1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor Dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,040 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:38,800 Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. I'm not 12 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,519 Speaker 2: looking for this next year to be perfect, but what 13 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 2: I am going to do is I'm going to lean 14 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:46,640 Speaker 2: into my mantra of everything is working out for my 15 00:00:46,720 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 2: good right, Like, what mantra are you standing all regardless 16 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 2: of what's happening in the world and what the news 17 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:52,839 Speaker 2: is saying, what. 18 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: The media is saying, what you see on social media? 19 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 2: What mantra is grounding you and your life because I 20 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 2: truly believe that's really all that matters, is like focusing 21 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 2: on what Dom has said to me that resonates so deeply. 22 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 2: Focus on what you can control. Today's episode is sure 23 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 2: to provide you with motivation inspiration or a fresh perspective. 24 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 2: If you have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from 25 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 2: this episode, please leave us a review to let us 26 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 2: know we're on the right track. Also, we release episodes 27 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,640 Speaker 2: every Friday, so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and 28 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 2: visit cultivatingheirspace dot com to access our exclusive after show 29 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 2: and other bonus content from the Patreon tab. 30 00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting 31 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:46,679 Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a 32 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist. 33 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 34 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 35 00:01:58,040 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate our conversations on everything from 36 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 2: five roids to fake friends and create a safe space 37 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:07,280 Speaker 2: where black women can just. 38 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:15,520 Speaker 1: Be Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here. From the Cultivating 39 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:19,120 Speaker 1: her Space podcast. Do you have a burning question you're 40 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,519 Speaker 1: dying to get feedback on? Do you want an unbiased 41 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: perspective on a situation you're facing. If so, visit cultivatinghirspace 42 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:32,600 Speaker 1: dot com and click ask doctor Dom under the start 43 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,480 Speaker 1: here option. Every Tuesday, I'll choose a few questions and 44 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 1: answer them at random. Our quote of the day resilience 45 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: allows us to tap into deeper resources in ourselves we 46 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:51,720 Speaker 1: didn't even know we had, not just to overcome the obstacles, 47 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:56,919 Speaker 1: but to be transformed by them. And this quote comes 48 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:02,639 Speaker 1: to us from Arianna Huffington, founder of Huffington Posts, t 49 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: we have been through a year right, twenty twenty for 50 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 1: a lot of folks was a test of patience, resilience, strength, 51 00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:28,799 Speaker 1: just a test of everything right. When you hear this quote, 52 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 1: what comes up for you? 53 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 2: One part of the quote that I really like is 54 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 2: not to just overcome obstacles, but to be transformed by them. 55 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:39,839 Speaker 2: That's the part where I'm just like, yes, because yeah, 56 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:44,040 Speaker 2: we overcome, but how does it transform us for the 57 00:03:44,080 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 2: next stage in the journey? So I think that's what 58 00:03:45,920 --> 00:03:48,119 Speaker 2: I'm really leaning into. But also I mean the part 59 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 2: about tapping into ourselves, it kind of goes back to 60 00:03:51,960 --> 00:03:55,080 Speaker 2: that quote of everything I need is already within. And 61 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 2: so I really love this conversation. I love this topic 62 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 2: in general, and so I'm defress to dive in what 63 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,800 Speaker 2: about you, don what comes up for you or what 64 00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 2: does this mean to you? When you hear this quote? 65 00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: I think for me, what really comes up is this 66 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 1: ability for us to access things within ourselves that sometimes 67 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:25,159 Speaker 1: we forget that we have, right, and that and how 68 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: we may look at certain experiences that we have and 69 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:37,159 Speaker 1: how those experiences impact us. Right, So I just think about, like, 70 00:04:38,000 --> 00:04:43,320 Speaker 1: over the course of this last year, how it has 71 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:52,719 Speaker 1: allowed a lot of people to really be reminded of 72 00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:56,839 Speaker 1: a lot of the beauty that they have within a 73 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:01,279 Speaker 1: lot of the things that they kind of forgot about 74 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:05,800 Speaker 1: within themselves. And so you know, I know that we 75 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 1: have talked about resilience in previous episodes, right, and lady, 76 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:16,799 Speaker 1: if this is your first time listening, thank you for 77 00:05:17,120 --> 00:05:20,839 Speaker 1: checking us out and know that we have at this 78 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:25,919 Speaker 1: point over one hundred episodes in our catalog that you 79 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 1: can go and access and just have a binge listening 80 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,680 Speaker 1: session and get caught up. But today we're going to 81 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:36,000 Speaker 1: look at resilience from I don't want to say a 82 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: different perspective. I think we're just gonna dive a little 83 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:45,719 Speaker 1: bit deeper into it and take a different approach to 84 00:05:46,839 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 1: engaging in resilience. If that makes sense, that makes perfect. 85 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 2: Since domin I feel like this is a great segue 86 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 2: and compliment to our last episode where we made a 87 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,960 Speaker 2: big announcement and it's so funny. So we talked about 88 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:06,919 Speaker 2: the new direction of the podcast and our new podcast name, 89 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 2: which is cultivating her Space. And although that's our new 90 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,240 Speaker 2: like brand name, you can still find us everywhere on 91 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:18,839 Speaker 2: social media at her Space podcast. But we caught ourselves 92 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,200 Speaker 2: just putting out a teaser on Instagram. 93 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:22,280 Speaker 1: Just like, Okay, we're gonna, you know, go ahead and 94 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:23,440 Speaker 1: post and let everyone. 95 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 2: Know, like we're leaving her Space podcast in twenty twenty 96 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 2: and there's something new coming. 97 00:06:29,040 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: But you know, you got to tune into the episode. 98 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 2: And lady, you may have been one of the ones 99 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:36,280 Speaker 2: on Instagram that was commenting, but I don't know, Don, 100 00:06:36,320 --> 00:06:37,919 Speaker 2: We're probably not gonna do that again. There was so 101 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,159 Speaker 2: much feedback, but people were so sad, and I was 102 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 2: looking at the comments. I was like, oh my god, 103 00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:44,960 Speaker 2: and it was so funny to me down to hear 104 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:47,799 Speaker 2: some of the ladies say like, yeah, I actually didn't 105 00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 2: listen to the episode because I wasn't ready for it 106 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 2: to end. 107 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:52,359 Speaker 1: I didn't want to be sad, and I was like, 108 00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, Don, we gotta go let them know. 109 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:57,360 Speaker 2: They can listen. Like it's Okay, we're still here. We're 110 00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:59,719 Speaker 2: just leaving that chapter in twenty twenty and we're moving 111 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 2: into a new phase, a new direction, so to speak. 112 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,520 Speaker 2: And so that was interesting for us to see, like, 113 00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:09,279 Speaker 2: oh crap, this is one people are so sad, which 114 00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 2: made us sad, but then also like to know and 115 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 2: to hear some of the stories about how the podcast 116 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,600 Speaker 2: has impacted your life, Lady. That really touched us. And 117 00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:20,640 Speaker 2: so definitely follow us on Instagram at her Space podcast, 118 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 2: because we do try to go live so that you 119 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 2: can see our faces, put a you know, a face 120 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 2: to the voices, and we can interact with you live 121 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,440 Speaker 2: in action. But yeah, dom, that was pretty interesting. 122 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:38,880 Speaker 1: That was really interesting and definitely a learning experience for us. 123 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: Definitely definitely a learning experience. So, Lady, when we think 124 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: about the transition in terms of us changing our name 125 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:57,600 Speaker 1: right and just the process that we have gone through 126 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 1: over the last two years of putting this podcast together 127 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:07,840 Speaker 1: and being consistent, I think that particularly with the conversation 128 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:12,240 Speaker 1: with our trademark attorney, who we're going to have on 129 00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:15,280 Speaker 1: in a future episode and an upcoming episode, because I 130 00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 1: think this was such an important conversation. But I think 131 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:23,080 Speaker 1: there was a level of resilience within each of us. 132 00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:28,320 Speaker 1: That was a necessary component when we went into that 133 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: conversation around having to change our name. 134 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,559 Speaker 2: Yeah, she always tells us Don that she really admired 135 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,600 Speaker 2: the way that we responded. But I think when you 136 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 2: think about resilience, it's like the ability to bounce back, right, 137 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 2: And so I think that resilience looks different for different people, 138 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:47,080 Speaker 2: you know what I mean. So it doesn't mean like 139 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 2: something happens and then the next day you got to 140 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 2: just like suppress all your emotions and be in numb 141 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 2: your shit and just be like, Okay, I'm ready to go. 142 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 2: I don't think that's resilience necessarily. I think it's like 143 00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:59,319 Speaker 2: we're speaking of, like a healthy resilience where you give 144 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,000 Speaker 2: yourself time to process those emotions. Because we had a 145 00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:04,000 Speaker 2: little grieving process. I think we may have talked about 146 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 2: that in the last episode where it was like, wait, 147 00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 2: this is our baby. It's like naming your child and 148 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 2: then you find out that you can't have this name anymore, 149 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 2: but there were so much meaning behind the name and 150 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 2: you're like wait a minute. So it was a process. 151 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:18,839 Speaker 2: But then after you give yourself time and space to 152 00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:22,800 Speaker 2: feel those emotions, to understand where you are. The next 153 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:24,839 Speaker 2: question should be Okay, what am I going to do next? 154 00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 2: You know what I mean? And so I think that's 155 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:30,719 Speaker 2: really at the core of resilience is understanding where you are, 156 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,840 Speaker 2: processing those emotions, being real with yourself, and then Okay, 157 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 2: what's the next step, what is the solution? What am 158 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 2: I leaning into? And when you think about twenty twenty, 159 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:43,400 Speaker 2: who one hell of a year? 160 00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: Right? For many people? 161 00:09:44,880 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 2: For some people it was a great year, right, And 162 00:09:47,240 --> 00:09:49,720 Speaker 2: for some people it was one of their worst years. 163 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:52,480 Speaker 2: I think it was like a I would say mediocre year. 164 00:09:52,520 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 2: I had some highs and some lows in twenty twenty. 165 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,600 Speaker 2: But now that we're in this new year, one thing 166 00:09:57,640 --> 00:10:00,800 Speaker 2: that I think we should be mindful of is, you know, 167 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 2: it's cute to see it on social media down and 168 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,640 Speaker 2: we talked about this on our IG Live. But people 169 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:07,680 Speaker 2: are like they give the years personalities, right, And I 170 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:10,079 Speaker 2: think sometimes there is some merit to that when you 171 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 2: think about, you know, the universe and the planets and 172 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:16,160 Speaker 2: what season we're in. But you know, people pretended that 173 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 2: twenty twenty one would come and it's like a new chapter. 174 00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,960 Speaker 2: Coronavirus will be gone, everything will be perfect, and it's like, 175 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,440 Speaker 2: this is still life and we're going through some major 176 00:10:24,520 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 2: shifts as a collective, and so I think not putting 177 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,600 Speaker 2: this expectation that things are going to be perfect. 178 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,920 Speaker 1: And we talked about that at the end of twenty nineteen. 179 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 2: I believe in one of our episodes when we did 180 00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,240 Speaker 2: our year and review, it was like, I'm not looking 181 00:10:37,280 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 2: for this next year. 182 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 1: I didn't realize how. 183 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: Timely that conversation was done, but it was like, Okay, 184 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:44,800 Speaker 2: I'm not looking for this next year to be perfect. 185 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:46,960 Speaker 2: But what I am going to do is I'm going 186 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 2: to lean into my mantra of everything is working out 187 00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 2: for my good, right, Like what mantra are you standing 188 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 2: all regardless of what's happening in the world and what 189 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:57,920 Speaker 2: the news is saying, what the media is saying, what 190 00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,679 Speaker 2: you see on social media, what mantra is around you 191 00:11:00,920 --> 00:11:03,360 Speaker 2: and your life, because I truly believe that's really all 192 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,679 Speaker 2: that matters, is like focusing on what Dom has said 193 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 2: to me that resonates so deeply. Focus on what you 194 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:10,240 Speaker 2: can control, right. 195 00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:14,320 Speaker 1: Yes, yes, I mean you said it so beautifully, Like 196 00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:21,600 Speaker 1: focusing on what we can control, trusting the process, you know, 197 00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:28,679 Speaker 1: and knowing that things are working out how they're supposed 198 00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:32,439 Speaker 1: to in your favor, even if that is not how 199 00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:35,880 Speaker 1: you envisioned it. And because I know that there's a 200 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:40,320 Speaker 1: lot of times that we develop plans and things go awry, 201 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:45,200 Speaker 1: but when we step back, things usually end up working 202 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 1: out for a good right. And I think part of 203 00:11:50,720 --> 00:11:57,440 Speaker 1: having resilience is, like you mentioned, that ability to allow 204 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:04,480 Speaker 1: yourself to like feel the fit and still keep pushing right. 205 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:09,960 Speaker 1: So whether that means you take a day two days 206 00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:15,720 Speaker 1: a week to really go let yourself feel the feelings, 207 00:12:15,760 --> 00:12:19,280 Speaker 1: you still will find a way to keep pushing. Resilience 208 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:27,920 Speaker 1: is about not being stopped. Resilience is about stepping within 209 00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: to figure out what you need to keep going right 210 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 1: to persevere. Like I think sometimes I know when at first, 211 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: when I used to hear the word resilience at one 212 00:12:40,920 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 1: point in my life, I used to think that that 213 00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:49,560 Speaker 1: required me going through something traumatic or something negative, right, 214 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,439 Speaker 1: But I've come to realize, at least this stage in 215 00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:59,840 Speaker 1: my life, that resilience is more about what's truly within 216 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:04,400 Speaker 1: that's empowering you and enabling you to get through whatever 217 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:09,280 Speaker 1: the circumstances may be. That there may be a circumstance 218 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,719 Speaker 1: That's just it's what it is. It's not necessarily it's 219 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:14,559 Speaker 1: not positive because you're not excited about it, but it's 220 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: not traumatic either. It's just what it is, and you 221 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:23,600 Speaker 1: still need resilience to get through that. If that makes sense, Yep, 222 00:13:23,679 --> 00:13:25,800 Speaker 1: that makes perfect sense. That does. 223 00:13:25,840 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 2: I would just thinking about different examples in life. And 224 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 2: I mean one thing you said as we were preparing 225 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 2: for the episode, don was you know, as we walk 226 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:38,800 Speaker 2: into this new year, right, how can we build up 227 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:42,320 Speaker 2: our armor in a positive way as we move into 228 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,079 Speaker 2: this new season? 229 00:13:43,200 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 1: Right? 230 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,720 Speaker 2: And so when we think about that, I mean, what 231 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,760 Speaker 2: does that even look like? And I guess another question 232 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,400 Speaker 2: would be I think one thing we could all do 233 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 2: right now is just reflect on. 234 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,640 Speaker 1: What does resilience mean to us? 235 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 2: And what experiences in life have we had where we've 236 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 2: had to take happened to our resilience? 237 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:01,680 Speaker 1: Right? 238 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 2: You know those situations where you look back and like, 239 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,440 Speaker 2: I don't know how I made it out of that 240 00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:10,000 Speaker 2: situation or okay, or now they say you don't know 241 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,760 Speaker 2: how strong you are until being strong is the only option. 242 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:15,079 Speaker 1: Okay, So you go through something you're just like. 243 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:16,720 Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, I didn't even know I could really 244 00:14:16,760 --> 00:14:18,920 Speaker 2: do this, but you do it right again. We have 245 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 2: episodes about this where we've talked about our personal struggles 246 00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 2: and we've talked about resiliency as well. But lady, think 247 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 2: about that in your own life, because what I find 248 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 2: is that there's this I guess, I'm going to make 249 00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 2: up a word dumb, but I guess it's like a 250 00:14:31,680 --> 00:14:35,040 Speaker 2: compound resilience where it's like certain things that you go 251 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:40,320 Speaker 2: through in your life, if you are allowing those obstacles 252 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:44,200 Speaker 2: to transform you, you can then use that for other 253 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,880 Speaker 2: situations in life. And so there were times where I've 254 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 2: gone through something and I didn't understand it. I didn't 255 00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:51,440 Speaker 2: think it was fair. But then later down the line, 256 00:14:51,480 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, it makes sense that this happened 257 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:58,000 Speaker 2: because now I developed a skill here or a mindset 258 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,240 Speaker 2: shift that I can use in this other fase of 259 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:03,360 Speaker 2: life that allows me to push past the situation and 260 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 2: be transformed. 261 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:06,800 Speaker 1: In a new way, you know what I mean. So, yeah, 262 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 1: you know, I think about I was watching this movie 263 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:16,840 Speaker 1: recently and it was like a documentary and people were 264 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 1: going through like had experienced different tragedies and they were 265 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,880 Speaker 1: talking about like, essentially, they didn't use the word resilience. 266 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 1: But essentially that's what they were talking about, right of Okay, 267 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:36,640 Speaker 1: So I was in this tragic car accident and I 268 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: had to have multiple surgeries, and people didn't think that 269 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:44,880 Speaker 1: I was gonna make it, And these surgeries were surgeries 270 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:49,360 Speaker 1: that like my face was you know, misconfigured and didn't 271 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: have the ability to walk in all of these things, right, 272 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:57,160 Speaker 1: all of these things that are tragic, but you persevere 273 00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:02,640 Speaker 1: and you develop. This woman developed a different appreciation for 274 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:07,200 Speaker 1: life after having been through that tragedy. One of the 275 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,640 Speaker 1: things that she talks about was how people would come 276 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: up to her on the street and they would have 277 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:17,360 Speaker 1: a harder time than she had. She lived through it, right, 278 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:22,520 Speaker 1: And to me, that speaks to her resilience that she 279 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: lived through something that most of us, when we think 280 00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 1: about it, we don't know if we would have survived, right. 281 00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:33,760 Speaker 1: But I think what that shows us is that we 282 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: do truly all have possessed resilience, That we do all 283 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:47,520 Speaker 1: truly possess the power within us to come through situations 284 00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:52,920 Speaker 1: that when someone hears of it, they can't even begin 285 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: to imagine coming through it, Like I'm trapped under a car, 286 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: my face buried in the ground, And I'm not going 287 00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,040 Speaker 1: to go into all the details because I don't want 288 00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:11,719 Speaker 1: to be triggering for anyone. But I'm in a space 289 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 1: where it's expected that I probably shouldn't live through this, 290 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:21,160 Speaker 1: and I do. All I can say is, Wow. 291 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 2: Do you have anything that you want to share personally 292 00:17:23,480 --> 00:17:26,440 Speaker 2: down on, Like any experiences that you've had where you've 293 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 2: had to tap into resilience on your own and you 294 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 2: realize that you were stronger than you thought you were. 295 00:17:30,760 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 2: Any of those experiences that come to mind for you, Oh, they. 296 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 1: Are most experiences been through some thing. 297 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 2: You know. 298 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:48,239 Speaker 1: One thing that is most present for me is just 299 00:17:48,280 --> 00:17:54,680 Speaker 1: twenty twenty in general, right of twenty twenty really being 300 00:17:54,760 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 1: and for me personally an opportunity. And I've talked about 301 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 1: this on previous up so to kind of reassess where 302 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: I am in life, what am I doing in life? 303 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:14,800 Speaker 1: And while I didn't personally experience like the loss of 304 00:18:14,840 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 1: a loved one or having COVID nineteen, like I didn't 305 00:18:20,840 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: experience those things, I think just the shift of how 306 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:29,040 Speaker 1: my life changed, right, how all of us experience life 307 00:18:29,119 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: change in general, right, having to create new norms or 308 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:41,720 Speaker 1: different norms, being able to come through that without sinking 309 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,080 Speaker 1: into depression because I know that there are a lot 310 00:18:44,080 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: of people who did right, and I know for me, 311 00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:51,399 Speaker 1: like I live alone, and I know that there are 312 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:56,040 Speaker 1: a lot of people who were living alone who were depressed. 313 00:18:56,400 --> 00:19:01,520 Speaker 1: And so for me, knowing that, like I allowed myself 314 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:06,359 Speaker 1: to really just tap into and pay attention to what 315 00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:11,520 Speaker 1: are the things that I need right? So whether that 316 00:19:11,720 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 1: was saying, Okay, I need to be around family, how 317 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,199 Speaker 1: can I do it safely? What feels good for me? 318 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:24,439 Speaker 1: And just being able to identify that and ask right, 319 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 1: I think that for me was a big sign of 320 00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:33,399 Speaker 1: like resilience because I could have said, Okay, I'm going 321 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:39,640 Speaker 1: to just go within and completely isolate and shut everybody 322 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 1: out because things aren't happening exactly the way that I 323 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 1: want them to. And you know, I know that there 324 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,560 Speaker 1: are some people out there who did experience it that way, right, 325 00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: and hopefully they're coming out of that now and getting 326 00:19:57,040 --> 00:19:58,960 Speaker 1: the help that they need to come out of that. 327 00:19:59,359 --> 00:20:03,440 Speaker 1: But for me, it was a keen awareness that that's 328 00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 1: not what I was going to do. And I think 329 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,199 Speaker 1: that that was my resilience is like, Okay, how do 330 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: I identify the things that I need to pour into myself 331 00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,479 Speaker 1: so that I don't fall apart. 332 00:20:19,119 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: Yes, that's a really good example, Dom And I think 333 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,560 Speaker 2: that's admirable too, especially as you see so many people 334 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 2: were struggling with loneliness. And I know we've talked about 335 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 2: some of the things that you've done for yourself for 336 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:32,800 Speaker 2: self care, like really prioritizing that. So whether it's working out, 337 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,080 Speaker 2: eating well, I know you talked about some of your 338 00:20:35,080 --> 00:20:37,280 Speaker 2: like your girlfriends, things with some of your people where 339 00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:38,960 Speaker 2: you all will be on zoom or you know, just 340 00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,960 Speaker 2: do stuff that makes you feel that connection to people 341 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:44,360 Speaker 2: when we couldn't be as connected as we usually were. 342 00:20:44,600 --> 00:20:47,399 Speaker 2: So I think that's a really good example. And what 343 00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:50,480 Speaker 2: about for you, girl, I'm trying to think like you. 344 00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,360 Speaker 2: I'm like, which. 345 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:55,320 Speaker 1: One, right, girl? There's a lot. I feel like. 346 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,439 Speaker 2: The one that came to mind as soon as we 347 00:20:57,480 --> 00:21:00,680 Speaker 2: started talking about this was probably when I was seventeen, 348 00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,520 Speaker 2: and I talked about my story on the podcast before, 349 00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:05,680 Speaker 2: but I know this might be your first time listening, lady. 350 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,119 Speaker 2: And so when I was seventeen, my family and I 351 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:10,719 Speaker 2: were going on like a little family vacation and they 352 00:21:10,720 --> 00:21:14,040 Speaker 2: were taking me off to a missionary trip for my 353 00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:17,360 Speaker 2: church and my bonus dad, who was my dad who 354 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:19,920 Speaker 2: raised me, who was the one who was there since 355 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:21,679 Speaker 2: I was two, who you know, taught me how to 356 00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 2: drive everything. We were really close. He passed away in 357 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 2: our hotel room in front of my younger siblings and 358 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,680 Speaker 2: my mom, and I remember, I mean down, that experience 359 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:33,879 Speaker 2: rocked me, like being so young. You know, I was 360 00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:35,919 Speaker 2: going to go to college a month after that I 361 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,680 Speaker 2: was supposed to. It was the day I was leaving 362 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,760 Speaker 2: on this really important trip that I was building up to, 363 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:44,359 Speaker 2: and it was just such a tragic situation and I 364 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 2: really didn't know how I was going to overcome. And 365 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,320 Speaker 2: you said something earlier down that I kind of want 366 00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:51,399 Speaker 2: to go back to there. 367 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 1: You know. 368 00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,840 Speaker 2: I talk about how I overcame in my book right 369 00:21:53,880 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 2: how to Glow Up As You Grow Up, So lady, 370 00:21:55,760 --> 00:21:57,919 Speaker 2: you definitely want to go get that on Amazon. You 371 00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,960 Speaker 2: can head over to glow upbook dot com. But one 372 00:22:01,000 --> 00:22:04,119 Speaker 2: of the things I talk about in the book is 373 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:06,040 Speaker 2: I had a friend that I met the day that 374 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,560 Speaker 2: my dad died. We still talk to this day, but 375 00:22:09,040 --> 00:22:11,359 Speaker 2: I remember her saying to me, oh my gosh, I 376 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 2: can't believe that you're still going on this trip and 377 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,399 Speaker 2: I can't believe that. You know, you're you're so strong. 378 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,680 Speaker 2: I could never do that, Like I couldn't even imagine 379 00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 2: that happened to me. And I remember telling her like, 380 00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:25,840 Speaker 2: don't say never, Like, don't don't say that you know 381 00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:27,359 Speaker 2: you don't know how you could ever do it, because 382 00:22:27,359 --> 00:22:29,080 Speaker 2: you really, I don't know how I'm doing it. Shit 383 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:31,240 Speaker 2: like you never know until you're put in the situation, 384 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:33,640 Speaker 2: and so you know, I had to shy away from 385 00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,440 Speaker 2: saying things like oh, I could never experience that, or 386 00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:38,959 Speaker 2: I could never overcome that, because you really don't know, 387 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:43,000 Speaker 2: and lo and behold. A few months after I want 388 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,920 Speaker 2: to say, maybe six months or so after that. 389 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:46,920 Speaker 1: I got a call from her when I was in college. 390 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:47,800 Speaker 1: She called. 391 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,479 Speaker 2: You know how your friend calls you one night and 392 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,080 Speaker 2: you're like, I'm tired, girl, I'm just gonna get I'll 393 00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:54,159 Speaker 2: catch you tomorrow. She called twice and I was like, 394 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 2: let me answer the phone. And I remember her saying 395 00:22:56,359 --> 00:22:58,400 Speaker 2: that her dad died, and I was just like, oh 396 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,040 Speaker 2: my gosh. And just when I look back at why 397 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,680 Speaker 2: we were putting each other's lives right, isn't that crazy? 398 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:04,480 Speaker 1: I mean, dom, I. 399 00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 2: Couldn't even make this stuff up. I'm like, this is 400 00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 2: just this is like a movie, this is wild. But 401 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:10,959 Speaker 2: I think we were putting each other's lives for an 402 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:14,320 Speaker 2: important reason, and I was able to help her cope 403 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 2: was losing her dad, you know, suddenly, and we were 404 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:19,439 Speaker 2: able to just build each other up in certain aspects 405 00:23:19,480 --> 00:23:20,879 Speaker 2: of life. And so that kind of goes back to 406 00:23:20,920 --> 00:23:23,280 Speaker 2: what you were saying about resilience earlier. 407 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,880 Speaker 1: So that would be my example, girl. 408 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 2: That. 409 00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:31,119 Speaker 1: And at such a young age, right at such a 410 00:23:31,280 --> 00:23:35,920 Speaker 1: pivotal point, right, I think that that is a true 411 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:41,600 Speaker 1: testament of resilience, right in a moment that is completely unexpected, 412 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 1: when most people would say like lost for words like frozen, 413 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:52,680 Speaker 1: not sure what to do, and you had resilience within 414 00:23:52,840 --> 00:24:00,240 Speaker 1: you that allowed you to move forward. That's beautiful. Thank 415 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:04,479 Speaker 1: you Domb, Thank you Dom. And so are we ready 416 00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:06,440 Speaker 1: to excite? 417 00:24:06,800 --> 00:24:07,760 Speaker 2: Yes, let's do it. 418 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,199 Speaker 1: Okay, So, lady, we know that, like we said, twenty 419 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,840 Speaker 1: twenty has been a year and we want to build 420 00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:20,439 Speaker 1: up our armor. And part of building up our armor 421 00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 1: is visualizing how we can cultivate resilience. So what I 422 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: want us to do is, as I take you all 423 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:39,879 Speaker 1: through this visualization exercise, Lady, I want you to first 424 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:47,479 Speaker 1: get into a comfortable position. And so if you are 425 00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:51,439 Speaker 1: listening to us while you are in the middle of 426 00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: cleaning up, or commuting or any other activity, you might 427 00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:03,159 Speaker 1: either want to pause if you can that activity to 428 00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 1: take part in this, or press pause and come back 429 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:12,520 Speaker 1: to us when you can be fully present in these 430 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 1: next few moments, because lady, this is for you, all right, 431 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:22,680 Speaker 1: So tee, are you ready? I'm so damn excited now, 432 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 1: all right, okay, so let's do this. So take a 433 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:37,240 Speaker 1: moment to get comfortable in your chair, get grounded in 434 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:42,320 Speaker 1: that chair, in that seated position, whether you feel more 435 00:25:42,359 --> 00:25:47,480 Speaker 1: comfortable sitting cross lad or firmly planting your feet on 436 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: the ground. 437 00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 2: But close your. 438 00:25:51,359 --> 00:26:03,840 Speaker 1: Eyes and take a few deep breaths in and just listen. 439 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 1: We know that the previous year allowed us to learn 440 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:23,000 Speaker 1: what we need and what we don't need that adds 441 00:26:23,119 --> 00:26:29,320 Speaker 1: value to our lives and makes us stronger. And we've 442 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:36,080 Speaker 1: also learned what has depleted us. By tapping into the 443 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:41,399 Speaker 1: parts of our lives that we were either ignoring or 444 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: not tending to, we can nurture our resilience and create 445 00:26:48,640 --> 00:26:54,399 Speaker 1: a new normal for this new year, one that's not 446 00:26:54,560 --> 00:27:03,080 Speaker 1: simply going back to pre pandemic status quo. But that's better. 447 00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:12,399 Speaker 1: It's our resilience that offers us a chance for true transformation, 448 00:27:14,480 --> 00:27:21,880 Speaker 1: allowing us to go deeper, connect with what we truly value, 449 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:29,919 Speaker 1: grow and expand. While it is common for us to 450 00:27:31,160 --> 00:27:37,560 Speaker 1: want to say goodbye and be excited about saying goodbye 451 00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:45,960 Speaker 1: to twenty twenty, what if your goal was more than 452 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,879 Speaker 1: to just get through twenty twenty, which will pass no 453 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:59,359 Speaker 1: matter what we do. This new year is here, the 454 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 1: year will inevitably come. So take a moment to think 455 00:28:07,320 --> 00:28:14,800 Speaker 1: about and maybe visualize the following. What kind of year 456 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:23,640 Speaker 1: will this be for you? Again asking yourself, what kind 457 00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:30,800 Speaker 1: of year will this be for you? Try to envision 458 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:48,520 Speaker 1: a year of hope, possibility, growth, love and connecting with others. 459 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 1: What lessons will you carry with you from the previous year? 460 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:06,960 Speaker 1: What obstacles did you face? And I'll give you a 461 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,960 Speaker 1: moment to reflect on those. So what lessons do you 462 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:17,600 Speaker 1: want to carry with you into this new year? And 463 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: what obstacles did you face? How have you been transformed 464 00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:40,000 Speaker 1: based on what you have experienced? How do you want 465 00:29:40,360 --> 00:29:50,040 Speaker 1: to show up in this new year? As you continue 466 00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:56,160 Speaker 1: to reflect with your eyes closed, take a few moments 467 00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:07,880 Speaker 1: to focus and reflect upon the images, thoughts, and hopes 468 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:17,680 Speaker 1: you have created for yourself. Really focus on it, see 469 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:25,880 Speaker 1: it in your mind's eye, and give it credence, give 470 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 1: it it's due. The more we summon and strengthen our resilience, 471 00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:48,680 Speaker 1: learn from our lived experience, and create opportunity for new experiences, 472 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 1: the more we can bounce forward into a new and 473 00:30:55,960 --> 00:31:04,640 Speaker 1: better year. All Right, lady, take a final big deep 474 00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:17,040 Speaker 1: breath in and slowly exhale, and when you're ready, open 475 00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: your eyes. See how do you feel? He is knocked 476 00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:26,400 Speaker 1: out right now? 477 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:29,920 Speaker 2: Okay, he is gone, she's sleep. Dom, Your voice is 478 00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:33,400 Speaker 2: so soothing. Thank you those quiet moments. You are so 479 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,840 Speaker 2: welcome those quiet moments. I was just like, oh, I 480 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:37,960 Speaker 2: need I'm going to talk about the reflection, but I 481 00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,920 Speaker 2: was like, I need to contract Dom to do a 482 00:31:40,040 --> 00:31:42,280 Speaker 2: nighttime sleep audio for me. 483 00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:45,360 Speaker 1: So soothing. 484 00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:48,720 Speaker 2: I love it. I love the visualization. I think that 485 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 2: those are really great questions to ask ourselves as we 486 00:31:52,760 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 2: transition into this new year. And the thing about it is, 487 00:31:55,880 --> 00:31:59,920 Speaker 2: I mean, when you don't have those conversations with yourself, 488 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:01,800 Speaker 2: it's kind of like that quote where if you don't 489 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,920 Speaker 2: aim for anything or if you aim for nothing, you'll 490 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 2: hit it every time. Right, It's like, get clear on 491 00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:08,920 Speaker 2: you know, how do you plan to show up in 492 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,680 Speaker 2: twenty twenty one. We're not going to just wait for 493 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,400 Speaker 2: things to happen and then just react. And this is 494 00:32:13,400 --> 00:32:14,959 Speaker 2: how I'm going to do it. But let's set up 495 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:16,960 Speaker 2: presidents for how do we want to show up right? 496 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:20,400 Speaker 2: Who do we want to be right? What lessons will 497 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:22,640 Speaker 2: carry us through because I'm sure we don't learn some 498 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,440 Speaker 2: stuff right in this past year. 499 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,680 Speaker 1: So that was really really soothing. 500 00:32:27,920 --> 00:32:30,920 Speaker 2: I appreciate that, Dom, and I was trying to be 501 00:32:31,120 --> 00:32:34,040 Speaker 2: in the activity but also jot down some reflections so 502 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:38,120 Speaker 2: I don't forget them. So I thought about when you 503 00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 2: said what don't we need or like what do we learn? 504 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:44,160 Speaker 2: I remember in the midst of twenty twenty when we 505 00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:46,360 Speaker 2: were you know, well, I mean we're still staying at home, 506 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:47,840 Speaker 2: but when we were like in the throes of like 507 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:50,120 Speaker 2: the first stay at home mandate, and I was looking 508 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:53,120 Speaker 2: at my closet, like I have all these goddamn clothes 509 00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:56,520 Speaker 2: and shoes. I literally have not worn half of them 510 00:32:56,800 --> 00:33:00,320 Speaker 2: for almost a year now, you know, because I'd be 511 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,000 Speaker 2: trying to wear the same thing over and over, so 512 00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,720 Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm not pulling this out and trying to 513 00:33:03,720 --> 00:33:05,640 Speaker 2: iron this and do that. And it made me think, 514 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:07,920 Speaker 2: like do I really need all this stuff? Like why 515 00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:09,640 Speaker 2: do I have all this anyway? You know, I'm hopping 516 00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,720 Speaker 2: on zoom sometimes. You know, you may not wear pants, 517 00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:14,040 Speaker 2: you know how it is, you might just leave your 518 00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 2: talk for right. Why don't I have all this? 519 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 1: Right? 520 00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:19,239 Speaker 2: And then I thought about, you know, the work that 521 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 2: many of us have been able to do. You know 522 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,400 Speaker 2: a lot of times folks are like, you can't work 523 00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:26,360 Speaker 2: from home, No, you can't do it, and it's like, well, now. 524 00:33:26,320 --> 00:33:27,800 Speaker 1: I won't have a choice, and all of a sudden, 525 00:33:28,320 --> 00:33:28,920 Speaker 1: many of us. 526 00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:30,840 Speaker 2: I know that we have certain folks that cannot work 527 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:32,480 Speaker 2: from home because of the nature of their job, but 528 00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:34,800 Speaker 2: many of us, we are working from home and we're 529 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,560 Speaker 2: making it work. And so it really made me think 530 00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:39,720 Speaker 2: about like what has been important right and what have 531 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:42,280 Speaker 2: I learned in twenty twenty And I think for me, 532 00:33:42,480 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 2: like it goes back to those conversations around like legacy 533 00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,480 Speaker 2: and the bigger picture and not the oh I gotta 534 00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,480 Speaker 2: get my Gucci bag or get my burthen so I 535 00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,239 Speaker 2: could you know, go post it on social media or 536 00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,480 Speaker 2: like just be out in the in the club or 537 00:33:55,480 --> 00:33:56,280 Speaker 2: the lounge, you know. 538 00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:57,360 Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it's. 539 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:58,479 Speaker 2: Cool to have a good time, but it just made 540 00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,040 Speaker 2: me think about, like, what are them important things in life? 541 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:01,320 Speaker 1: Right? 542 00:34:01,640 --> 00:34:03,680 Speaker 2: There was one more thing, but I just want to 543 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,000 Speaker 2: take a pause down to see if there was anything 544 00:34:06,000 --> 00:34:08,280 Speaker 2: that came up for you as you were even doing 545 00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 2: the activity or facilitating. 546 00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:13,439 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean as I was facilitating, I was also 547 00:34:13,520 --> 00:34:15,719 Speaker 1: thinking about, like, yeah, for myself, like what are the 548 00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:19,359 Speaker 1: lessons that I've learned in this previous year? What do 549 00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:21,520 Speaker 1: I want to take into this new year? And I 550 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,160 Speaker 1: think for me, like the biggest lesson that I want 551 00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:30,200 Speaker 1: to take into this new year is just listening to myself, right, 552 00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:38,160 Speaker 1: and really just doing what feels healthy for me, and 553 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:44,600 Speaker 1: knowing that I don't owe an explanation to anyone for 554 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,719 Speaker 1: doing what feels healthy for me, Like whether it's on 555 00:34:47,880 --> 00:34:52,400 Speaker 1: trend or not, if it's something that is nourishing me 556 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,919 Speaker 1: and adding to my well being, then I should be 557 00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,120 Speaker 1: unapologetic about doing that. 558 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:03,319 Speaker 2: I could not agree with that more Dom. I mean, 559 00:35:03,360 --> 00:35:05,839 Speaker 2: you are so on point, and I resonate with that 560 00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:08,440 Speaker 2: so deeply. You know, it just kind of reminds me 561 00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 2: about some of the episodes we've done on like setting 562 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:15,279 Speaker 2: boundaries right and no meaning no, you know, and advocating 563 00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:17,520 Speaker 2: for what you need. And I would say the last 564 00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,120 Speaker 2: thing I thought about as you were speaking, you said 565 00:35:20,160 --> 00:35:24,640 Speaker 2: something about the time is going to pass regardless. Right, 566 00:35:24,680 --> 00:35:27,560 Speaker 2: So whether you answer these questions or not, twenty twenty 567 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:29,279 Speaker 2: is gonna come. Twenty twenty is gonna give us what 568 00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:31,040 Speaker 2: is going to give us? So how you how'd you 569 00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,080 Speaker 2: go and show up? That's the question, right, how you doing? 570 00:35:33,560 --> 00:35:34,360 Speaker 2: How have you prepared? 571 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:37,799 Speaker 1: Okay? And it made me think about this situation in life. 572 00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:38,120 Speaker 1: Don So. 573 00:35:38,280 --> 00:35:40,880 Speaker 2: This old job that I had, one of the odd 574 00:35:41,120 --> 00:35:44,480 Speaker 2: job descriptions. This was an administrative role at a university, 575 00:35:44,480 --> 00:35:47,600 Speaker 2: but one of the odd job descriptions was to shovel snow. 576 00:35:48,120 --> 00:35:49,680 Speaker 2: I don't know if they didn't want to pay people 577 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,480 Speaker 2: to shovel the snow when it snowed or what, but 578 00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,600 Speaker 2: that was one of the things that our supervisor what 579 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,359 Speaker 2: said that everyone we did it all as a team, 580 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:03,120 Speaker 2: including the big boss thatch shovel snow. I know. And 581 00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:05,319 Speaker 2: the thing about it is one day I remember us 582 00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:07,359 Speaker 2: it was so cold one day we were just like, well. 583 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:08,520 Speaker 1: I want to shovel snow. 584 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:10,720 Speaker 2: And I managed a team I think it was around 585 00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,759 Speaker 2: four people, and so I'm like, well, shit, I don't 586 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:15,080 Speaker 2: want to shovel snow either, but I'm gonna do it 587 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:16,960 Speaker 2: because I need to be a good role model for 588 00:36:17,000 --> 00:36:17,279 Speaker 2: my team. 589 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,000 Speaker 1: I need to these people. How am I going to 590 00:36:19,040 --> 00:36:20,520 Speaker 1: motivate my team to do it right? 591 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:24,400 Speaker 2: And one thing that the head honcho has said, he 592 00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:28,520 Speaker 2: was like, look, whether you want to shovel the snow 593 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,600 Speaker 2: or not, this is part of the job. 594 00:36:31,320 --> 00:36:32,879 Speaker 1: It needs to get done. It's going to get done. 595 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:34,520 Speaker 2: You guys are going to do it unless you're just 596 00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 2: like planning on quitting today. Basically, So we said, what 597 00:36:37,880 --> 00:36:40,719 Speaker 2: you can focus on is the attitude that you have, 598 00:36:41,360 --> 00:36:43,799 Speaker 2: so you have a positive attitude while you shovel and 599 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 2: you have a good time, or you'll have a negative 600 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,040 Speaker 2: attitude and you'll be miserable the entire time. And that 601 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:50,919 Speaker 2: for me was so game changing because it's like time 602 00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:53,319 Speaker 2: is going to go by. So it's like whether you're 603 00:36:53,360 --> 00:36:55,279 Speaker 2: doing something you don't like to do, but you have 604 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:59,040 Speaker 2: to just tap into that resilience and push through because 605 00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:01,880 Speaker 2: it's part of the journey. You get to decide, you 606 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:04,839 Speaker 2: get to control what attitude you have. And so I 607 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,359 Speaker 2: ended up reiterating that to my team, and I think 608 00:37:07,360 --> 00:37:09,200 Speaker 2: I got them like hot chocolate and some other things. 609 00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:11,239 Speaker 2: And we had a good time. We had a little 610 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:12,840 Speaker 2: snowball fight, and we made them most. 611 00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: Out of it. 612 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,040 Speaker 2: And there were some people that were miserable, and they 613 00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,359 Speaker 2: were miserable the whole time. They probably spent the whole 614 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,239 Speaker 2: rest of the day complaining about what they had to 615 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,600 Speaker 2: do and call their family up reliving the moment while 616 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:24,200 Speaker 2: we were all having a really good time and had 617 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 2: a chance to bond. So just keep that in mind, lady, 618 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:30,000 Speaker 2: as you think about this new year and what you 619 00:37:30,040 --> 00:37:33,440 Speaker 2: can control and this activity, beautiful activity that Dom has 620 00:37:33,440 --> 00:37:34,160 Speaker 2: walked us through. 621 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,880 Speaker 1: You know when you said there. As you were saying that, 622 00:37:36,960 --> 00:37:40,080 Speaker 1: I just kept thinking about attitude is everything? 623 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:40,720 Speaker 2: Right? 624 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:48,359 Speaker 1: Like, we can be presented with some really messed up circumstances, right, like, well, 625 00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,200 Speaker 1: let me just be real, some fucked up situations, right 626 00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:57,359 Speaker 1: and and fucked up not necessarily from our perspective but 627 00:37:57,400 --> 00:38:03,240 Speaker 1: from other people's view of it, right, And but that resilience, 628 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:07,160 Speaker 1: what's part of that resilience is our attitude towards the situation. 629 00:38:08,239 --> 00:38:12,400 Speaker 1: Right that I love. That was so beautiful. It's such 630 00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:15,600 Speaker 1: a beautiful example of how you all were presented with 631 00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:20,680 Speaker 1: something that is like a fucked up situation of like, wait, 632 00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: what why are we having to shovel the snow? Like 633 00:38:23,719 --> 00:38:27,120 Speaker 1: y'all should there should be people for this, But your 634 00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:31,480 Speaker 1: attitude about it was one in which how can we 635 00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:39,239 Speaker 1: reimagine this experience and make it something that is joyous 636 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:43,279 Speaker 1: to us? Right, despite the circumstances, we're still finding some 637 00:38:43,440 --> 00:38:46,400 Speaker 1: joy in it. And I think that's all of what 638 00:38:46,480 --> 00:38:48,799 Speaker 1: twenty A lot of what twenty twenty was right, just 639 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:52,960 Speaker 1: finding finding instances in which we could cultivate some joy. 640 00:38:54,640 --> 00:38:57,440 Speaker 2: I couldn't have said it better myself, dim I would agree. 641 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:02,600 Speaker 2: And lady, the show is over now, but Domin and 642 00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:04,160 Speaker 2: I are about to hop off and we're going to 643 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,560 Speaker 2: head on over to Patreon to record our after show 644 00:39:07,560 --> 00:39:10,440 Speaker 2: where we just talk a little bit about this episode, 645 00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:13,840 Speaker 2: what we thought we might even know, have a little 646 00:39:13,880 --> 00:39:17,000 Speaker 2: I don't know, behind the scenes conversations there about our planning. 647 00:39:17,160 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 2: So make sure you head on over to our website, 648 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:22,280 Speaker 2: Herspace podcast dot com and click on Wednesday and Wednesday 649 00:39:22,320 --> 00:39:25,719 Speaker 2: with Terry Patreon and you'll get access to our after show. 650 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,759 Speaker 2: Hey lady, it's Terry here from Cultivating her Space. Are 651 00:39:30,760 --> 00:39:33,759 Speaker 2: you tired of working hard for your money? Do you 652 00:39:33,800 --> 00:39:37,000 Speaker 2: want your business to run smoothly when you're out of office? 653 00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:39,760 Speaker 2: If you want to learn how to automate your business 654 00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:44,279 Speaker 2: cash flow and increase your impact and influence, join me 655 00:39:44,320 --> 00:39:48,600 Speaker 2: from our free workshop at Brand with Terry dot com. Again, 656 00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:53,080 Speaker 2: it's brand with Terry dot com. My name is spelled 657 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:56,280 Speaker 2: Te Doubri. I hope to see you there, lady. 658 00:39:56,840 --> 00:40:02,640 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show 659 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:08,600 Speaker 1: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and 660 00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,840 Speaker 1: mental health, but is by no means meant to be 661 00:40:11,880 --> 00:40:16,160 Speaker 1: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained 662 00:40:16,239 --> 00:40:20,279 Speaker 1: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is 663 00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:23,600 Speaker 1: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy 664 00:40:23,680 --> 00:40:29,600 Speaker 1: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider. 665 00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 666 00:40:32,160 --> 00:40:36,759 Speaker 2: the conversation going, visit our website, cultivatinghirspace dot com and 667 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:39,360 Speaker 2: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access 668 00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:44,279 Speaker 2: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show. And 669 00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:48,759 Speaker 2: before we meet again, repeat after me. I'm aligned with 670 00:40:48,840 --> 00:40:50,239 Speaker 2: my inevitable outcome 671 00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:52,640 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady.