1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: What is the what is the best comeback? Would you say, like, 2 00:00:04,320 --> 00:00:06,720 Speaker 1: what's the best comeback that comes to mind? Is there 3 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:08,560 Speaker 1: like a comeback that works every time? 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:14,360 Speaker 2: Yo, Mama, I don't know. 5 00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,119 Speaker 1: You know, that's what I won't do. You know, I 6 00:00:16,160 --> 00:00:18,760 Speaker 1: won't do that one. I won't do your mom Yo Mama, 7 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,119 Speaker 1: I won't do it, Yo Mama, I don't know. I 8 00:00:21,160 --> 00:00:23,440 Speaker 1: won't do it like that. Don't do it, Yo Mama. 9 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 1: I won't do it, Yo Mama, I won't do it. 10 00:00:26,720 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 1: I don't know why. I can't make fun of people's moms. 11 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,239 Speaker 1: I can't do it. And like at this age, you know, 12 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:34,520 Speaker 1: you say your mama, then they can say, well they're dead, 13 00:00:34,680 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: you know or something. It's like you can't you know 14 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: what I mean? Like it? It just makes it so 15 00:00:37,800 --> 00:00:39,199 Speaker 1: much worse. And I'm not trying to make it so 16 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:39,800 Speaker 1: much worse. 17 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 2: Do you remember where you were, like, were you're part 18 00:00:42,080 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 2: of this movement when people were like talk to the hand. 19 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:46,879 Speaker 1: I never once said that to somebody, but yeah, I 20 00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: know I'm familiar with it. Nor was it ever said 21 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,360 Speaker 1: to me. No one ever, No one ever put their 22 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:53,360 Speaker 1: hand in my face and said talk to it. But 23 00:00:53,440 --> 00:00:54,680 Speaker 1: I mean, I definitely saw it. 24 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, I used to say talk to the hand because 25 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 2: the face say listen. We used to set it up 26 00:00:59,320 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 2: in kindergarten. 27 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:01,680 Speaker 1: I would have laughed at you if you said something 28 00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 1: like that to me, really, yeah, I would. 29 00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 3: For me, it's just like, what do you say when 30 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 3: someone does the all f you Like, there's really not 31 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:11,680 Speaker 3: much left to say, you know, It's like there's no response. 32 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:13,399 Speaker 2: Can you really repeat it? I feel like you just 33 00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 2: repeat that back and forth. 34 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:14,800 Speaker 1: You know. 35 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,800 Speaker 3: I say, as a matter of fact, I will I'll 36 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 3: leave right now. And what you know, I just think, like, 37 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,600 Speaker 3: what do you you know? This kind of ends things. 38 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:23,960 Speaker 1: I usually lean into it now, Like if someone said 39 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: something to me and they intended for it to be mean, 40 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: I'm just like, yeah, you're right. 41 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:30,760 Speaker 2: I am. 42 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 1: Like I had someone yell at me the other day 43 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,080 Speaker 1: on the street. I was telling you guys about this, 44 00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:35,760 Speaker 1: I know I was. I told you the story. I 45 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:37,680 Speaker 1: was accosted on the street. I really was like, I'm 46 00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,640 Speaker 1: just walking down the street and it was someone someone 47 00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,120 Speaker 1: trying to have a conversation with me. They wanted something 48 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,960 Speaker 1: from me, and I just was just walking and I 49 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:47,280 Speaker 1: wasn't going to give it to them, So they just 50 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,920 Speaker 1: start yelling slurs at me, and one of them was, 51 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 1: you know, a very bad slur that they said to me. 52 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: And then I and I just looked at the gun 53 00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:57,240 Speaker 1: and I was like want some you know, like like 54 00:01:57,320 --> 00:01:59,040 Speaker 1: I just I basically just lean into it. And then 55 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:00,600 Speaker 1: the people don't know what to you, you know what 56 00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: I mean, Like when they say something means you And 57 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: I remember my parents used to say this to me 58 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 1: growing up in a much simpler form, in a much 59 00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:07,720 Speaker 1: simpler time. But it was like if someone says you're dumb, 60 00:02:07,800 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 1: or someone says you're this or you're that or whatever, 61 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,440 Speaker 1: and you're just like yeah, like they don't know where 62 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: to go from there, you know, but because they're looking 63 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: for a reaction, So like if you're like, oh, I'm not, 64 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: I'm not, then they just keep going because they know 65 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:20,720 Speaker 1: they got you. But if you're just like and it's 66 00:02:20,720 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 1: so hard to do in the moment, but if you're 67 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,080 Speaker 1: just like, oh, you want some of this, you know, 68 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 1: and then it's like you. 69 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:26,480 Speaker 3: Know what I mean? 70 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:31,519 Speaker 1: And then and then they're like what no, you know, 71 00:02:31,560 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 1: it's like they don't know what to do. 72 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:35,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a fan of just like smiling, you know, 73 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,320 Speaker 3: or saying, are you okay? 74 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 1: It seems like you're having a really bad day. People 75 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: don't like that. Oh yeah, oh yeah, I get some 76 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: more riled up. Oh but you got you got your 77 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:48,040 Speaker 1: comeback wrong. It's uh, it's talked to the hand because 78 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,760 Speaker 1: the face don't understand. Okay, that one eats or no, 79 00:02:50,840 --> 00:02:52,440 Speaker 1: talk to the hand. Kens you eat a new man? 80 00:02:53,440 --> 00:03:01,760 Speaker 1: That one we grew up on lake. We have cell phones. 81 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,080 Speaker 1: I know you are, but one am I you could 82 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: do that one. Yeah. I bring this up because a 83 00:03:09,240 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 1: neuroscientist has chimed in on the best way to handle 84 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 1: an insult. It's with a clever, playful comeback that takes 85 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:18,000 Speaker 1: the power away from the person trying to hurt you. 86 00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:24,480 Speaker 1: His favorite three year word retort is calm down, grandma? 87 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 1: What what I'm not saying that. The idea is that 88 00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:31,920 Speaker 1: it flips the situation, making the insulter look silly in 89 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,320 Speaker 1: out of touch rather than you. For example, if someone 90 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 1: says your haircut looks stupid, replying with calm down, Grandma 91 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:42,520 Speaker 1: makes them look ridiculous, especially if they clearly aren't your grandma. 92 00:03:43,560 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 1: This guy's a neuroscientist. He has a PhD. And this 93 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: is what he came up with. Other strategies include using 94 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: their own words against them or responding with humorous self deprecation. 95 00:03:52,280 --> 00:03:55,000 Speaker 1: For example, if someone insults your partner choice, you might say, 96 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: would you like me to explain it with craons? Huh again, no, no, 97 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 1: that doesn't hit. And then if if they call you fat, 98 00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: you should respond I should hope so I worked hard 99 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,000 Speaker 1: for this. That's kind of funny. Yeah, I would actually 100 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: do that. That's that's what I mean. Like, if someone 101 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: says something to you that they intend to be hurtful, 102 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,120 Speaker 1: if you immediately make it seem like you're not hurt 103 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,920 Speaker 1: by it, like maybe you are it, you know, like 104 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:20,359 Speaker 1: maybe you maybe you wanted it that way, you know. 105 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,760 Speaker 1: And if you're like yeah, and all of a sudden 106 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 1: people get uncomfortable or like if you if you spin 107 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:28,159 Speaker 1: it like and then you approach them, like in this case, 108 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 1: somebody was called me a well, they were calling me 109 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: a lot of things. I wouldn't give money, but I 110 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,240 Speaker 1: didn't know this. I didn't know this person the first 111 00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,280 Speaker 1: have the conversation with me, and then they were calling 112 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:42,360 Speaker 1: me all kinds of things, including a slur for being gay. 113 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:44,960 Speaker 1: And but what's funny is I've seen this done before, 114 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:46,880 Speaker 1: where people will do that and then the person will 115 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 1: be like, oh, yeah, well what's your number? You know, 116 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:54,280 Speaker 1: like like really no, no, no, like like just just embrace it. No, 117 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: But then people get super uncomfortable because then it's like, 118 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: oh right, like Paulina said, take the power oft exactly, 119 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:04,000 Speaker 1: it's like, oh no, you're saying that doesn't bother me, 120 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,200 Speaker 1: you know, like that I am. I am that. I'd 121 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:07,760 Speaker 1: be like, get over here, you want to kiss? That's 122 00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,360 Speaker 1: what I mean, That's what I mean. And then all 123 00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:11,240 Speaker 1: of a sudden, this guy was because I was like, hey, 124 00:05:11,279 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: you know that. I kind of looked at him and smiled, 125 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,960 Speaker 1: and he was like, oh god, no no. But this 126 00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 1: guy points out that insults really do hurt. Thank you 127 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 1: for what this is, dumb insults you heard? Thank you. 128 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: Studies show verbal abuse can cause long term emotional and 129 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:30,279 Speaker 1: mental health problems. You think I could have told you that, sir. 130 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:31,839 Speaker 1: Calm down, Grandma