1 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:15,160 Speaker 1: So the dating pod has been sort of back alive, 2 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,480 Speaker 1: and I've been dabbling. I'm a dating dabbler. Now, I'm 3 00:00:18,480 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 1: a dating dabbler. And once you get one person who's 4 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:23,600 Speaker 1: very interested in you that you sort of like, it's like, 5 00:00:23,680 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: that's when your burner gets going. That's when the Viking 6 00:00:26,040 --> 00:00:30,200 Speaker 1: stove has something on boil, something you took off, something simmering, 7 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 1: something on the middle, something just waiting to be put 8 00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:35,520 Speaker 1: on the stove, and something just waiting to be taken off. 9 00:00:35,560 --> 00:00:38,000 Speaker 1: So I'm a big believer, and get your burners going 10 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:41,599 Speaker 1: and don't lock anything down. That being said, it is 11 00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:45,680 Speaker 1: almost worse when someone likes you more than you like them, 12 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:49,320 Speaker 1: because they're so great and so nice and such a 13 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:53,599 Speaker 1: good pursuer and so persistent. But if you don't love it, 14 00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: you don't like it. If you don't know, yes, it's no, 15 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,440 Speaker 1: And you don't want to like put someone in the 16 00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: friend zone, and you don't want to make some and 17 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,880 Speaker 1: feel bad. And it's definitely something to navigate when someone 18 00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 1: really likes you much more than you like them. So 19 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,360 Speaker 1: be mindful, be respectful, be kind, And you have to 20 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: find that sweet spot between blowing someone out because you 21 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:17,720 Speaker 1: just think that you definitely don't like them, because in 22 00:01:17,720 --> 00:01:19,600 Speaker 1: the past there have been people that you don't love, 23 00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:22,639 Speaker 1: so you don't like. But there are so many stories 24 00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:26,080 Speaker 1: if someone people weren't into but then it surprised them. 25 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: Maybe they had sex with them and then it all 26 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,120 Speaker 1: came alive. Maybe they saw the way they handled when 27 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:32,440 Speaker 1: you were sick. Maybe they dealt with your child in 28 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:36,000 Speaker 1: a certain way. Maybe they're super compassionate. So you gotta 29 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: find the delicate balance. But it is almost more difficult 30 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: when they like you more than you like them. Hold 31 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: face signing someone is a fucking assault. Hold face signing 32 00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:53,360 Speaker 1: someone is a hate card. I love people that I 33 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,960 Speaker 1: don't speak too often. Text me out of the blue 34 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:58,880 Speaker 1: sometimes that's jarring. Calm me out of the blue, that's 35 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 1: way more. 36 00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 2: Oh, FaceTime me. 37 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: Are you a sociopath? Lunatic? Are you in your fucking mind? 38 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:10,880 Speaker 1: It is like someone giving me a rectal exam mid day, Like, 39 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:11,640 Speaker 1: what are you doing? 40 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:13,360 Speaker 2: No, get off my phone. 41 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: It's freaking me out that if I accidentally hit this, 42 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: you're gonna like. 43 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:19,359 Speaker 2: See my face right now, like immediately. No. 44 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 1: And likewise, I the someone try to date me and 45 00:02:23,160 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: we're just on the phone and then they all of 46 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,359 Speaker 1: a sudden hit face time like no, I want to No, 47 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to see you right now? Okay, seeing 48 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,720 Speaker 1: is not talking and texting. It's so annoying. And that's 49 00:02:32,760 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: related to the ick. You get the ick when you're 50 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,919 Speaker 1: dating someone. Even if you get a half a knick 51 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,720 Speaker 1: fucking over, there's nothing. The ick is so incredibly icky. 52 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:45,320 Speaker 1: It is so icky. And and love bombing is icky. 53 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 1: And I've been getting like sort of version of love 54 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 1: bombing and it's like so and when someone slathers something 55 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:52,880 Speaker 1: on and you didn't ask for it, and then they 56 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:54,960 Speaker 1: slather it on more, you're like, I didn't ask for 57 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: the slaughter the first time. 58 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 2: I didn't want the first swath of butter or cream taste. 59 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 2: Why you doubling down? 60 00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: If I didn't respond to it and say, oh I 61 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,040 Speaker 1: love a slatter, I want more frostic. 62 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,399 Speaker 2: If I didn't say that, don't fucking give me more. 63 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: People like try to like keep going with the love 64 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 1: bombing and the comments, and you're like, oh, now I 65 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:17,400 Speaker 1: can ever seek you again. It's the worst. Any version 66 00:03:17,400 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 1: of it is the biggest stick in the world. Do 67 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 1: not gaslight yourself because someone seems nice and I like 68 00:03:22,639 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 1: you so much with a gross run. 69 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 2: Ick is icky. 70 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 1: No way. I got invited to the Sports Illustrated Swim Show. 71 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: I had no idea what to expect. I thought what 72 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:42,280 Speaker 1: they were doing was interesting with different types of women 73 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,440 Speaker 1: from the outside peripherally, I didn't really understand it. I'm 74 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 1: not gonna pretend I knew everything about it. I didn't 75 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:52,680 Speaker 1: know ninety eight percent of the women there. But I'm 76 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 1: gonna tell you, guys, do not let people tell you. Now. 77 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 2: I'm being serious. Listen, if you say. 78 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 1: I want to be a brain surgeon and you are 79 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:00,520 Speaker 1: a baker, I think that you should be told no. 80 00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 2: But I'm just telling you. I have ten examples. 81 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 1: I have ten examples of emphatically being told no to 82 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,280 Speaker 1: things that I knew were yes, okay, so green means go. 83 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: I was told emphatically by someone on my team, you 84 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: TikTok is not for you. It's for eight to eleven 85 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:17,960 Speaker 1: year olds, and that's not for you. I was told 86 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 1: emphatically in writing by someone on my team. Sports Illustrated 87 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:23,360 Speaker 1: would not want you. Everybody's already seen you in a 88 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: bathing suit a bunch of times. That's a hard no. 89 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,560 Speaker 1: I was told things about Forbes magazine is a hard No. 90 00:04:28,760 --> 00:04:31,200 Speaker 1: I was told Skinny Girl was not a fuck you 91 00:04:31,279 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: idea that I thought it was, and to just go 92 00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: back and focus on reality TV. I was told no, 93 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,440 Speaker 1: not to do The Housewives by everybody, and I was 94 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 1: told not to come back to the Housewives when I 95 00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 1: came back. I was told, I was told, I was told, 96 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: I was told. I was told, no, do not listen 97 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,479 Speaker 1: to other people. Put up your guardrails. It is dangerous 98 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: because what happens is people are told and most people listen. 99 00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,400 Speaker 2: I say fuck off. 100 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 1: I was told, no, you can't cancel today on HSN 101 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:00,719 Speaker 1: when you don't want to sell the those bathing suits 102 00:05:00,760 --> 00:05:05,120 Speaker 1: to people because you think they look like shit on everybody. 103 00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:07,640 Speaker 1: You're not gonna do that to people. Let me remind 104 00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:09,680 Speaker 1: you all, because it's because I just did a swim show. 105 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,800 Speaker 1: I was launching bathing suits. We had spent sixty thousand 106 00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,640 Speaker 1: dollars on these bathing suits and we were launching them. 107 00:05:15,760 --> 00:05:18,080 Speaker 1: Ww D had written an article I was going on 108 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,800 Speaker 1: live on HSN to sell bathing suits. 109 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 2: Tried them on after we'd done many. 110 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,159 Speaker 1: Reviews and designer zooms during a pandemic to change them 111 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: they were ill fitting, they fit like shit. I said, 112 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 1: I'm not doing it. My business manager said, you have 113 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,920 Speaker 1: to do it, yelling at me. We sent all this money, HSN, 114 00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 1: et cetera. I called it just then. I said, I'm 115 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 1: not going on. HSN understood. It wasn't perfect or convenient, 116 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,400 Speaker 1: but they understood because they don't want to sell ship 117 00:05:45,440 --> 00:05:47,720 Speaker 1: bathing suits. And my business manager said, we'll sell them 118 00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 1: to like off price stores, meaning like a Marshal's or 119 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,240 Speaker 1: something that like sells for less. I go, so, we're 120 00:05:53,240 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 1: gonna let poor people look like shit like I was. 121 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,040 Speaker 1: So I did not go on and sell them. I 122 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,479 Speaker 1: don't listen or what other people say if I know 123 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,920 Speaker 1: it's right, and neither should you. You do not let 124 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:07,400 Speaker 1: people determine your boundaries. Okay, you do not, because I 125 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: walk that runway and that person on my team was wrong, 126 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,320 Speaker 1: and I have been so tempted to just say I 127 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:14,760 Speaker 1: can't believe. 128 00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,400 Speaker 2: I almost listen to you, but there's no upside. It 129 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:16,960 Speaker 2: doesn't matter. 130 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,679 Speaker 1: But that person told me no, and they were wrong, 131 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,039 Speaker 1: and they should call me now and say I was wrong, 132 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 1: and they know who they are. So I have had 133 00:06:38,839 --> 00:06:42,880 Speaker 1: a struggle with long lost family because some people say 134 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:44,800 Speaker 1: that they love their friends more than their family. And 135 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:46,919 Speaker 1: just because someone's your blood doesn't mean they're your family 136 00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:48,560 Speaker 1: because you don't know them and you haven't had a 137 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:51,760 Speaker 1: relationship with them. And over the years, I've had long 138 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: lost family reach out to me. And it's because I 139 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 1: had a family of my fathers for years reach out 140 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: to me. 141 00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,240 Speaker 2: I never knew them. 142 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 1: And like, I'm a very I came from a very dysfunctional, 143 00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 1: very guarded, very abusive, insane child like household. Like it's 144 00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: hard to believe and it seems insane if you even 145 00:07:14,320 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 1: tell somebody what my child who was like. And I'm 146 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 1: not looking for any sort of sympathy whatsoever. I don't 147 00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 1: like to talk about it. And when I go out 148 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,240 Speaker 1: on a date and someone asks me, like where are 149 00:07:22,280 --> 00:07:22,679 Speaker 1: you from? 150 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 2: What's this? Where religion are you? Where did you grow up? 151 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 2: What about your parents? I cringe. 152 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: I wither. I just want to I want to die. 153 00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: And so I don't trust people. 154 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 2: I try. 155 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: I have the same friends from high school. I don't 156 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:39,120 Speaker 1: trust people. You're in or you're out, I'm loyal to you, 157 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 1: or I couldn't give a shit, like I don't really 158 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:43,800 Speaker 1: have I'm a loyal person, meaning in business, I don't 159 00:07:43,840 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 1: fuck people over and if I say it, I mean it. 160 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: I never betray someone's trust. I never tell anyone's secret. 161 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 1: I have secrets on people from like the bravosphere that 162 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 1: I don't speak to nor care for. But I would 163 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: never divul to text or something someone told me. I 164 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,520 Speaker 1: am in the Witness Protection program. And that's sort of 165 00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: like another code too of growing up with like mafia 166 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,960 Speaker 1: ties and the racetrack, Like it's just like, don't fuck around. 167 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 2: I don't. 168 00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:09,120 Speaker 1: I'm extremely hardcore and loyal and you always know what's 169 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,680 Speaker 1: going on with me. You always know where you stand 170 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: with me. And that can be frightening to people that said, 171 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,400 Speaker 1: I'm not really touchy feeling and I'm not looking for 172 00:08:16,440 --> 00:08:17,320 Speaker 1: a lot of new friends. 173 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm really not. So when long lost family. 174 00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: Reaches out to me, it's not comfortable and it's cringe 175 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 1: cringe to me, and I don't want to do it 176 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,800 Speaker 1: because I don't know them and other people and in 177 00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 1: Hallmark films they say, like, it's your family and wouldn't 178 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:31,720 Speaker 1: that be nice and bring could have cousins and all 179 00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,920 Speaker 1: this stuff because they have kids, But like, I don't 180 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 1: want to meet new people, and I really don't trust people. 181 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,840 Speaker 1: And some of the people have been slightly more persistent 182 00:08:38,880 --> 00:08:41,199 Speaker 1: since I've been a well known person, and that could 183 00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,640 Speaker 1: also because they've seen me more publicly and it's reminded 184 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: them of it, but it could also not, And like, 185 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,640 Speaker 1: I just don't know how to go back. And even 186 00:08:48,679 --> 00:08:50,200 Speaker 1: if you have a family member that was like a 187 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,680 Speaker 1: father or a mother or a stepfather that you didn't 188 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:55,120 Speaker 1: speak to for like ten or twenty years, for me, 189 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 1: like it's impossible. I can't do it, and I'm upset 190 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:00,800 Speaker 1: with myself. I kind of want to know what you 191 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,560 Speaker 1: guys think about this, because I get upset with myself 192 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,040 Speaker 1: and I think about it and I try to be 193 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:07,400 Speaker 1: nice to them and like say something nice to them 194 00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,680 Speaker 1: to make them feel good. But I'm like that with 195 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: friends that I was within friends with in high school 196 00:09:11,600 --> 00:09:13,760 Speaker 1: and college too. If I lost touch with you for 197 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,840 Speaker 1: twenty years, I don't want you to reach out to 198 00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: me and like ask me for things or like get 199 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: together because I'm paranoid and I think you're with me 200 00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:23,839 Speaker 1: for the wrong reasons because we haven't spoken for twenty years, 201 00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 1: but you were friends of me years ago when I 202 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:29,120 Speaker 1: wasn't anybody. But it's just like my circle's closed, and 203 00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 1: it's kind of sad, not because I'm lonely or not, 204 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: it's just my circles closed. And I don't know what 205 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: you guys think of that, Like do you think we 206 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,720 Speaker 1: should be opening up the circle. I meet new people 207 00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:40,520 Speaker 1: through business that I get together with. I mean new 208 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: people through dating that I get together with. I have 209 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 1: new friends that I've met through dating. It's just sort 210 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 1: of in the former friends and very distant family that 211 00:09:50,160 --> 00:09:53,760 Speaker 1: I have no relationship with. And also it's connected to 212 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: my mother or father, which represents such a dysfunctional household 213 00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:01,440 Speaker 1: that people that are connected to them or all want 214 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:03,480 Speaker 1: to talk about it. Like someone reached out to me 215 00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: about my stepfather the other day by social media, and 216 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 1: they want to tell stories about the racetrack. But like 217 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:11,120 Speaker 1: I'm traumatized for my childhood. I don't want to go 218 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,040 Speaker 1: back there. My mother died. I went back there, you know, 219 00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:15,880 Speaker 1: I cried on the internet. I did like an hour 220 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,520 Speaker 1: long thing about death and her and what it was, 221 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:21,040 Speaker 1: and it like I had to heal. I don't want 222 00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 1: to go back and maybe that's wrong, and maybe I 223 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,680 Speaker 1: have a blind spot and I'm missing something like that. 224 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: I should be going back, but I just feel like 225 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 1: you're fifty. Your your fifty is like, what are we doing? 226 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:31,960 Speaker 2: I don't know. 227 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:35,040 Speaker 1: So like people want to reach out and they think that, oh, yeah, 228 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: I used to know your dad, I used to. 229 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 2: Know your mom. I was your mom's brothers whatever. 230 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,840 Speaker 1: They used to say this about you, or they used 231 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:42,520 Speaker 1: to do to do this at the racetrack, or this 232 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: happened I die same thing in third grade, Like, oh 233 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 1: I was in your third grade class. Hi, I remember this, 234 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,440 Speaker 1: and there was a sadness in you and this about 235 00:10:50,440 --> 00:10:53,040 Speaker 1: your parent. I don't want to go back there. And 236 00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 1: therapists probably want you to crack it open. And actually 237 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:56,880 Speaker 1: this is what I have to talk to my therapist 238 00:10:56,920 --> 00:10:59,440 Speaker 1: about because I just don't want to do it. And 239 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:04,000 Speaker 1: it's like it's just trauma and it's trauma associated and 240 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: it's triggering. And I guess I've answered my own question, 241 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,720 Speaker 1: but I just don't know if there's something that's there 242 00:11:07,760 --> 00:11:09,920 Speaker 1: that like I don't know, and I'm making a mistake. 243 00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:12,040 Speaker 2: I don't know. Every time it happens, I punt it. 244 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:16,000 Speaker 1: I'm very grateful that my daughter begged me to meet 245 00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: my mother. Because then the box got to be checked. 246 00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 1: She met my mother, but I didn't. I went back 247 00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,679 Speaker 1: there and saw my mother when my daughter was cause 248 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:26,280 Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna have them just be had my daughter 249 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 1: be with her alone. But like, I didn't feel anything 250 00:11:28,240 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: like I felt anger and triggered. I didn't feel like 251 00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: a movie like opened up and like you're my mom. 252 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,120 Speaker 2: Like I didn't feel that at all. 253 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 1: I felt triggered and like heightened, and I had to 254 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: control myself and control my emotions in the way that 255 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 1: I felt because there's no upside and I'm. 256 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,319 Speaker 2: Very good at regulating myself. 257 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:49,760 Speaker 1: But I didn't feel like I wanted to like piece 258 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: everything back together after twenty thirty years of having no relationship, 259 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 1: but just it doesn't seem realistic. So I just don't 260 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 1: know what you guys think, and you might know something different, 261 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: but it's certainly it's certainly not what they say in 262 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 1: the movies.