1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:02,800 Speaker 1: My husband doesn't treat me seriously. I want a divorce. 2 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:05,480 Speaker 1: Sound serious? I three to five female met my husband 3 00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: Tom forty mail eleven years ago. We were both still 4 00:00:08,640 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 1: in the party phase of our twenties at the time. 5 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 1: We drank and partied a lot and had jobs where 6 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 1: that sort of lifestyle was common. I was a waitress 7 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:16,160 Speaker 1: and he also. 8 00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:16,880 Speaker 2: Worked in restaurants. 9 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,000 Speaker 1: And this comes from Maria Preutzer for our slash okay 10 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: story So what was the tod on this one? It 11 00:00:21,800 --> 00:00:23,400 Speaker 1: was my husband doesn't treat me seriously. 12 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 2: I want a divorce. 13 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,639 Speaker 1: He's not serious, but it seriously came from our slash 14 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,200 Speaker 1: Okay storytime. But during his time, my money was never 15 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:32,479 Speaker 1: well spent and I got my car repode twice and 16 00:00:32,640 --> 00:00:35,479 Speaker 1: had to move in with him to survive. This really 17 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: made him reevaluate our current lifestyle. Tom dragged me into 18 00:00:39,280 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 1: a healthier lifestyle kicking and screaming. Can we get a poll, 19 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: Do we drag our significant others into healthy lifestyles kicking 20 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: and screaming force them to be healthy? 21 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 2: Yes? Or not? That's tough. 22 00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,479 Speaker 1: It depends on where it's if there, if they're healthy 23 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:52,360 Speaker 1: of reasonable health? 24 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:54,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, of Reasonaby're like a normal person, then you don't 25 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 2: have to force them on your train. But it sounds 26 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,320 Speaker 2: like you got your car repoad twice and you want 27 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:01,000 Speaker 2: to go out and drink can party all the time. 28 00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 2: Maybe you need to reconsider some things. 29 00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,839 Speaker 1: Bring more coconut water, and keep doing everything you're doing currently. 30 00:01:06,920 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 2: H R. 31 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: Now, I still wanted to party, but I didn't want 32 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:11,559 Speaker 1: to lose him. Well, we didn't know at the time 33 00:01:11,720 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: that I had undiagnosed severe depression, anxiety and PTSD. The 34 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,520 Speaker 1: party lifestyle was my way of self medicating, and we 35 00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:21,720 Speaker 1: didn't find out about this until much later. I ended 36 00:01:21,800 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 1: up getting a job as a medical assistant, and he 37 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:26,039 Speaker 1: finished his degree and got a government job. We moved 38 00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:28,800 Speaker 1: across the country, got married, had a baby. All while 39 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,319 Speaker 1: I didn't really have a solid grasp on my mental 40 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 1: health struggles. After the birth of our daughter, I realized 41 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: I still had a lot of work to do in 42 00:01:35,959 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: order to become the mother that she deserved. I finally 43 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,920 Speaker 1: saw my doctors about my struggles, got into talk therapy, 44 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,679 Speaker 1: and was placed on medication talk therapy as opposed to 45 00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: there's a lot of therapies mind therapy. Yeah, the podcast 46 00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:57,480 Speaker 1: listeners really love that segment. 47 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:03,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, we just something. Really, it was so come on. 48 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: It took a couple of tries, but I am finally 49 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,160 Speaker 1: on a good regimen and my mental health is better 50 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:10,640 Speaker 1: than it. 51 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,760 Speaker 2: Ever has been. There we go, we'd love to see 52 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:13,680 Speaker 2: that health. 53 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 1: I also took the birth of my daughter as an 54 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: opportunity to quit my job and start working on a 55 00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 1: degree of my own. 56 00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 2: This is where the roles. 57 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 1: In Tom and my relationship started to become a problem. 58 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:25,840 Speaker 3: And everyone seventy percent nod do not force your partner 59 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:26,919 Speaker 3: to do healthy things. 60 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,840 Speaker 1: Seventy As soon as we discussed my plan to go 61 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 1: to school, Tom took it upon himself to find a 62 00:02:31,120 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: college program for me, and he picked LPN Licensed Practical Nurse. 63 00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 2: I explained to. 64 00:02:36,200 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: Him that while I wanted to stay in the medical field, 65 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:40,320 Speaker 1: I didn't want to move into the world of nursing 66 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: for a variety of reasons. He insisted that it was 67 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: the best choice for our family, and then I would 68 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: love it. Anthony, there's this amazing new job we have 69 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:52,160 Speaker 1: for you. It's called trash smelling. Oh make sure you 70 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 1: know what that is. 71 00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 2: What I've been doing, so I understand why you would 72 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,079 Speaker 2: suggest something like that. You know, what I think. I'm 73 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 2: ready tracks. 74 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,919 Speaker 1: You know, I think you would love it. 75 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 2: That's what I think. We do have a kid. That's true, 76 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,960 Speaker 2: and so our sweet baby boy. I guess I'll just 77 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 2: smell trash. Do it for j Anthony. I do it for. 78 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 1: He needs you now. I told him that I didn't 79 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: really think it would suit me well, but that if 80 00:03:21,520 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 1: you really wanted me to go into nursing, that I 81 00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:26,680 Speaker 1: should try to become an RN a registered nurse, because 82 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 1: the pay would be better and the training would be 83 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: more comprehensive. He disagreed and said that we couldn't afford 84 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: for me to be in. 85 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:33,960 Speaker 2: School that long. 86 00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: I really didn't want to argue with him, and I 87 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,880 Speaker 1: felt myself shutting down, which is always done when pressured 88 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 1: with conflict. 89 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:46,200 Speaker 2: Hmmm, okay, okay, I'm listening. 90 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 1: Day after day he would ask me if I had 91 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,600 Speaker 1: contacted the school he picked, or if I had started 92 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 1: the registration process. The constant pressure also made it very 93 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: difficult for me to move forward. But finally, one day, 94 00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: while he was at work and our daughter napped, I 95 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,280 Speaker 1: looked through different programs available at the school he picked. 96 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 1: I found radiology technologist and this quickly caught my interest. 97 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: I called the school, scheduled my placement test, and was 98 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: put in touch with who would end up being my advisor. 99 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,640 Speaker 2: When he got home, I told him. 100 00:04:13,480 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 1: What I accomplished and how excited I was to be 101 00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,279 Speaker 1: in this particular program, and said something to the effective. 102 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:21,159 Speaker 1: But I thought you wanted to do the LPN program. 103 00:04:21,600 --> 00:04:24,320 Speaker 1: When did you change your mind? I explained, no, no, no, 104 00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:26,919 Speaker 1: you wanted me to do the LPN program, and I 105 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 1: told you I didn't want to get into nursing. I 106 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:31,640 Speaker 1: only agreed because you pushed it so hard. But look, 107 00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 1: this is to year program. I'll end up being an 108 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:36,360 Speaker 1: X ray tech, which I think will suit my strength 109 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,200 Speaker 1: a lot better and it has a lot of the 110 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,279 Speaker 1: same requirements. We ended up agreeing that rad tech was 111 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,680 Speaker 1: the best idea, but he has always insisted that LPN 112 00:04:45,000 --> 00:04:48,359 Speaker 1: was my idea. I don't like it like wy I 113 00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:50,599 Speaker 1: like it. I agree with Jonica. I see you, that's 114 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:54,240 Speaker 1: a Jonica. We share half of I love that past 115 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 1: forward in two years, I'm thriving in school and is 116 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:59,000 Speaker 1: a mother and with my mental health good in all departments. 117 00:04:59,120 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 1: Our daughter is to start preschool in the fall, and 118 00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 1: I will be transferring school to complete my degree. I 119 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,200 Speaker 1: have a three point nine gpa genius. I am part 120 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,840 Speaker 1: of this prestigious honor society and have earned numerous scholarships. 121 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,719 Speaker 1: I would like to think I have grown up immensely 122 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:16,280 Speaker 1: in the past few years. However, Tom Tom still often 123 00:05:16,320 --> 00:05:17,920 Speaker 1: treats me like a child. He does this in a 124 00:05:17,960 --> 00:05:20,560 Speaker 1: lot of different ways. Whatever the issue is, we almost 125 00:05:20,640 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: always navigate through it and find a compromise. I don't 126 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:25,880 Speaker 1: shut down with confrontation anymore, and I've gotten much better 127 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 1: at arguing my points of view. But the way he 128 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 1: talks to me seems super dismissive, and he has the 129 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 1: same tone as a strict father talking to a rebellious team. 130 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,760 Speaker 1: That drives me crazy. That's brutal. When someone's like, oh no, 131 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: just just do this. It's okay, sweetie. 132 00:05:41,040 --> 00:05:43,320 Speaker 2: And it's also like you can see her growth here. 133 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:47,240 Speaker 2: But yeah, if in the early on part, if you're 134 00:05:47,240 --> 00:05:49,839 Speaker 2: not necessarily firm in your point of view or even 135 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:53,040 Speaker 2: just a good arguer, it doesn't even matter who's right, 136 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,080 Speaker 2: You're always gonna lose. If like somebody is like more 137 00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,320 Speaker 2: tactful with the no you should do this, and like 138 00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,159 Speaker 2: they're more manipulative, you'll always feel like you're losing and 139 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:04,200 Speaker 2: so then to have ground to stand on. He's probably 140 00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 2: just still in his same old I'm right vibe. 141 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,080 Speaker 1: And he's continued through the whole time. He's always like no, 142 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:14,440 Speaker 1: do this, always like no, just do this. Like I 143 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,200 Speaker 1: finally reached my breaking point with the way he talks 144 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,840 Speaker 1: to me. Yesterday, I had gone to my new campus 145 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,799 Speaker 1: to pick up my student ID and to walk around 146 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 1: and get a feel for the place. I ended up 147 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: being able to also get a copy of my class 148 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,920 Speaker 1: schedule before it was posted online. I realized that they 149 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,839 Speaker 1: had registered me for a class that I had already 150 00:06:31,839 --> 00:06:34,919 Speaker 1: completed this past semester. Tom called me while he was 151 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,760 Speaker 1: at lunch to chat, and I told him about my 152 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 1: day in the mix up with my classes. I told 153 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:42,040 Speaker 1: him I would make sure updated transcripts got sent to 154 00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 1: the campus and I would email my advisor to discuss 155 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:47,640 Speaker 1: filling the slot with a different class. Tom essentially took 156 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,320 Speaker 1: almost his entire lunch break to not only tell me 157 00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:52,719 Speaker 1: what to do, but most of what he said was 158 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,400 Speaker 1: what I already planned on doing. When he had tired 159 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 1: himself out with his rant, I stayed quiet and just said, okay, 160 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,440 Speaker 1: a dude, A somber okay, would be. 161 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:03,160 Speaker 2: A nuclear bomb to a relationship. 162 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: He asked if I was mad, and I simply said no, 163 00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 1: but please stop treating me like a child and trust 164 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:11,400 Speaker 1: that I can do this on my own. You basically 165 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,600 Speaker 1: took fifteen minutes to tell me the exact same thing 166 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 1: I told you. 167 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,920 Speaker 2: Stop it, I said that on her. 168 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,200 Speaker 1: Later that night, while I was cooking dinner, he opened 169 00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 1: the envelope that had my schedule in it, which had 170 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:23,800 Speaker 1: my name on it, not his, and started reading the schedule. 171 00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,200 Speaker 1: This is a huge pet peeve of mine, but no 172 00:07:26,240 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 1: matter how often I tell him this, he still does it. 173 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,680 Speaker 1: He then started trying to explain to me what all 174 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:33,680 Speaker 1: the different abbreviations on the format. 175 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 2: Bro Bro said, dude, can't handle not being the one 176 00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:39,960 Speaker 2: who knows things and like tells her what like this 177 00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:40,560 Speaker 2: is crazy? 178 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,480 Speaker 1: Can't he can't breathe, he can't take another breath. 179 00:07:43,760 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 2: I need you to know that I know this. Do 180 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:46,760 Speaker 2: you need to know that I know this? 181 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 1: Did you know about this abbreviation? Baby? 182 00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 2: Oh? Oh, thank god, I'm glad I taught you that 183 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 2: I was lost it there, glad you. 184 00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 1: And then he started saying that he didn't like how 185 00:07:58,480 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: my schedule was set up. He thought that it was 186 00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,960 Speaker 1: too many classes, one right after the other. It's three 187 00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: classes in a row, and would allow me to finish 188 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:06,320 Speaker 1: my school day early. 189 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:10,560 Speaker 3: Come on, efficiency, dude, batching. I did that and I 190 00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:13,280 Speaker 3: hated it. I did three classes in a row during lunchtime. 191 00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,600 Speaker 3: It was like eleven to one. 192 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 2: And now we batch every day. I'm batching banana bread, 193 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 2: I'm batching pancakes, I'm batching the show. I'm always batching. 194 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 1: But you know what they're batching is not delicious. 195 00:08:26,200 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 2: They making some foul muffins. Yeah, yeah, I want to Well, no, 196 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,319 Speaker 2: she's batching, she's batching, she's batch. I forgot that. It 197 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,120 Speaker 2: was unbatch. 198 00:08:40,440 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, unbatching, patching, and we don't anti batching. And the 199 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 1: dispatch oh wait, dispatch. We got a dispatchful word, We 200 00:08:51,360 --> 00:08:54,800 Speaker 1: got a dispatch dispatch. But we're making it. We're changing 201 00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,719 Speaker 1: it up. He started telling me that I needed to 202 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:01,319 Speaker 1: tell my advisor to stretch out my schedule to allow 203 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: time for a long lunch break, possibly the study time 204 00:09:04,760 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: in between. 205 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 2: YadA YadA. 206 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:09,320 Speaker 1: I say YadA YadA because I stopped hearing what he 207 00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 1: said after a moment. Was he literally telling me to 208 00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,640 Speaker 1: do the exact same thing that I asked him to 209 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,640 Speaker 1: stop earlier that day. Was he really man explaining my 210 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:19,719 Speaker 1: class schedule to me? Was he really under the impression 211 00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 1: that he could tell me what to tell my advisor. 212 00:09:22,240 --> 00:09:24,160 Speaker 1: I ended up cutting him off in the middle of 213 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 1: whatever he was saying and saying, Hey, you're doing it again. 214 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:29,040 Speaker 2: Can you please stop treating me like a child. I'll 215 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 2: take care of this myself. He responded, You know, I'm. 216 00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,200 Speaker 1: Just trying to help, but if you don't want my 217 00:09:33,280 --> 00:09:35,840 Speaker 1: hope the fun, I'll just shut up. 218 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:39,480 Speaker 2: I want to know what his GPA was. Show me 219 00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 2: the tax you know, show me the tax return, Show 220 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:42,439 Speaker 2: me the GPA. 221 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,679 Speaker 1: There's literally only two ways he can be as smart 222 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:46,480 Speaker 1: or smarter than Ope. 223 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, and my guess it's you either have a three 224 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,559 Speaker 2: point nine or a four point zero, and if you 225 00:09:50,559 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 2: don't have either of those things, shut up, zip it, lip, 226 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:56,839 Speaker 2: We'll see the receipts. I lost it at that moment. 227 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:00,840 Speaker 1: The floodgates opened, and I honestly had no control of 228 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: the words that came out of my mouth. I was 229 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:07,360 Speaker 1: batching talking. I yelled that he wasn't trying to help, 230 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,000 Speaker 1: that he was trying to dictate. I threw my GPA 231 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 1: and his face smart move playing checkers, not chess, or 232 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:16,440 Speaker 1: chest not checkers, and explained how much I accomplished while 233 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 1: being the full time caregiver to our child, cooking every meal, 234 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,240 Speaker 1: running every household eron, and keeping the house speless. I 235 00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: yelled at that I wasn't the dress over my head 236 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,960 Speaker 1: party girl. Wow, who needed a guiding hand anymore? And 237 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: that I was a grown asked response, well, woman. I 238 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: ended up with saying you need to stop treating me 239 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: like a gd child and start treating me like a 240 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: partner because I've earned it, which, by the way, hey, 241 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 1: you don't even need to earn it. 242 00:10:39,240 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 2: Hey, but she also did speak talk reach hawk that 243 00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:44,160 Speaker 2: talk hack yo to. 244 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: Batch queen, uh huh. Tom was silent, couldn't batch any words. 245 00:10:47,920 --> 00:10:50,800 Speaker 1: We haven't had a fight involved yelling in years. He 246 00:10:50,840 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 1: wasn't used to the side of me at all. Eventually 247 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: he apologized and said that I was right, and then 248 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,720 Speaker 1: went to have some alone time to process everything. Here's 249 00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,760 Speaker 1: why I think that I might have been the a 250 00:11:00,880 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: hole And no, it's not him trying to gaslight me 251 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 1: into me thinking I am as I play the whole 252 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 1: thing back in my head. I can't help but think 253 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:10,360 Speaker 1: that I seriously crossed a line or two. First, our daughter, 254 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,480 Speaker 1: who's only two years old, was in the room with us, 255 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 1: and I never want us to be the type of 256 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 1: parents that yell and scream in front of her. But 257 00:11:17,679 --> 00:11:19,360 Speaker 1: you can yell and scream to your friends that were 258 00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: live on YouTube every weekday at three pm. 259 00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:24,840 Speaker 2: Thank you. 260 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 1: You can say that in front of your children. Janthony, 261 00:11:26,520 --> 00:11:28,559 Speaker 1: By the way, I am totally fine with you yelling 262 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: that to Janthony. 263 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,080 Speaker 2: Dad's love you anyways. 264 00:11:37,800 --> 00:11:39,959 Speaker 1: And Second, in the span of a couple of years, 265 00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 1: I basically completely flipped the script on him. The beginning 266 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,000 Speaker 1: was most of our relationship was spent with him being 267 00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 1: the grown up and me being the screw up. I 268 00:11:47,760 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 1: have essentially changed my entire brain chemistry with medication and 269 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: have had talk therapy to help me grow as a person. Basically, 270 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:56,760 Speaker 1: I reinvented myself. While all this has happened over the 271 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 1: course of two years, you'd be surprised with how quickly 272 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,200 Speaker 1: time flies in your late thirties early forties, especially with 273 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,839 Speaker 1: a baby to slash toddler thrown into the mix. Tom, 274 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: it could really seem like this change in my anger 275 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:10,400 Speaker 1: came out of nowhere. Also, just because I've changed doesn't 276 00:12:10,440 --> 00:12:12,160 Speaker 1: mean that he has. He hasn't been through the same 277 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 1: hormonal and chemical changes that I've been through. Maybe I'm 278 00:12:14,679 --> 00:12:16,839 Speaker 1: the a hole for expecting the person he has always 279 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 1: been to suddenly conform to me. But what's the verdict? 280 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:21,079 Speaker 1: Am I the A hole? We got We've got some 281 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 1: stuff to break down here, Anthony. First off, seems Opie 282 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 1: is very fair and self aware. 283 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 2: She's become very self aware, and maybe she always was 284 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 2: self aware, but it's in the story and those of 285 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:31,600 Speaker 2: this story. 286 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:33,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, she's the batch queen, she's the match queen. She's 287 00:12:33,880 --> 00:12:34,240 Speaker 1: made it. 288 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:36,880 Speaker 2: I'm on her side. M I think you are not 289 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 2: the A hole. I think he can handle one outburst. 290 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 2: I think he can handle that. And if he can't, 291 00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 2: and I think he will. It sounded like he heard 292 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:46,280 Speaker 2: it and was like dang, okay, yeah, you're right, and 293 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:47,559 Speaker 2: it'll take a little bit of time for him to 294 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 2: be like, hey, I don't need to say all these 295 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,800 Speaker 2: things all the time. Yeah, I think because maybe in 296 00:12:51,840 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 2: the past, like he literally did have to do all 297 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,000 Speaker 2: that stuff because she was maybe not quite in control. 298 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 2: I don't want to assume too much. But so he 299 00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 2: didn't sort of shake off that shell of having to 300 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:01,679 Speaker 2: do that yet. 301 00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,800 Speaker 1: He's kind of had this like conditioning, for lack of 302 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: a better word, of like oh all like hop in 303 00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,360 Speaker 1: and help or whatever, which maybe was actually a useful 304 00:13:09,400 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: thing in the past, but now is like the complete opposite. 305 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, now the kid has grown up. It's like, no, mom, 306 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:15,600 Speaker 2: you can't tell me what to do. 307 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 1: Little Janthony's he's a big, big grown man, brown man. 308 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,160 Speaker 2: He makes me proud. So, Opie, I don't think you're 309 00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 2: the a. 310 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,360 Speaker 1: Home I'm so. I think I'm with you. I think, uh, 311 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: we have said before like I generally do think to 312 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:30,480 Speaker 1: try try super super super super hard to never like 313 00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 1: yell at your partner in a relationship. On the flip 314 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: side of that token, he didn't get it until she that's. 315 00:13:36,840 --> 00:13:39,079 Speaker 2: What it takes, And that's what it took. It wasn't 316 00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:41,320 Speaker 2: like physical, it wasn't like this crazy thing that. It 317 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:46,280 Speaker 2: wasn't like sabotage. Yeah, like burst of intense conversation. Yeah. 318 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,440 Speaker 1: And I think like, and Opie is like, I think 319 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,559 Speaker 1: very self aware of it, and I think like, I 320 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: think it's totally fair to say, hey, it was a 321 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 1: mistake of like how I communicated it, but it ultimately 322 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,520 Speaker 1: ended up kind of needing to be what happened, and 323 00:13:58,559 --> 00:14:00,599 Speaker 1: like also agree with like not wanting to yell in 324 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,560 Speaker 1: front of the kids and everything like totally good rule. 325 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:04,760 Speaker 1: But yeah, I think, I think, especially I think what 326 00:14:04,840 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: pushes me over the edge to not the a whole 327 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: is Opie's self awareness and fairness. 328 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:13,079 Speaker 2: And even asking and even act like am I you know, 329 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,440 Speaker 2: am I to take it too far? Yeah? Is something 330 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 2: a self aware person which. 331 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: Is yeah, which is usually many times as the person 332 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,360 Speaker 1: who is like, look, guys, I'm not an ahole. I'm 333 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,360 Speaker 1: coming here just to proved by you know, she's doing 334 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,560 Speaker 1: the exact opposite. Yeah, So I think I'm in agreement, 335 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: not the a hole, That's what I'm saying. But you know, Anthony, 336 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: I would be an ahole if I ended this episode 337 00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: right here, doctor me, I'd be a raging monster, a lunatic. 338 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,200 Speaker 1: Janthony would have resent me for life, for life. But 339 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to do that to us. I don't 340 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 1: want to do that to j Anthony or our beautiful 341 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 1: members watching live right now. So could you could you 342 00:14:43,640 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: read us another story? 343 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 2: Is there any way I think I might just be 344 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: able to do that. Let's go. My husband is convinced 345 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:54,520 Speaker 2: I'm cheating. I think he's delusional. Okay, a battle of 346 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 2: the delusional. Okay. So my husband has been dealing with 347 00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,360 Speaker 2: some major issues we I've not yet figured out what 348 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 2: it is, but he has been like dealing with certain delusions. 349 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,960 Speaker 2: For example, it all started six months ago when he 350 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,000 Speaker 2: was convinced he had caught me cheating because he found 351 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:15,280 Speaker 2: a document saying so on my laptop. 352 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 1: I cheated signed its crazy. 353 00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 2: He just like found this doctor was a contract when 354 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,840 Speaker 2: I arrived home and he tried looking for it to 355 00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,640 Speaker 2: show me. He obviously couldn't find it. It was chatchby 356 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:32,120 Speaker 2: t it deleted it. It made it up. By the way, 357 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:36,320 Speaker 2: this comes from upstairs writing five one five five from 358 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 2: the ro Okay storytime is Subreddit. He is going to therapy, 359 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 2: but as of right now we are technically separated and 360 00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:47,120 Speaker 2: living in different rooms. It's just because this keeps happening, 361 00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 2: a certain insecurity eats it itself into my husband and 362 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:54,720 Speaker 2: it becomes convinced it's the truth. He either dreams proof 363 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:58,080 Speaker 2: or he just convinces himself that anything is proof. I 364 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,400 Speaker 2: don't know what he does with the therapist, but I 365 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 2: honestly don't see it getting better. Last week, he was 366 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 2: mad at our daughter who's fifteen, because she didn't want 367 00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 2: him to drive her to prom and take pictures and 368 00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 2: take pictures with her. When I went to ask her, 369 00:16:13,120 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 2: she said that that was not true. She had talked 370 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 2: to her dad about what she would like to do 371 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:20,880 Speaker 2: when she graduates in two years. Her father just got 372 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 2: really mad at the perceived sly light blight blight. The 373 00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:30,119 Speaker 2: problem is that he keeps talking to people about the issues. 374 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,800 Speaker 2: I was already wondering why so many mutuals stopped responding 375 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 2: to me. Oh, but apparently they all think I'm an 376 00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 2: awful human being and a terrible spouse. That's not fun. 377 00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:43,320 Speaker 2: This is odd. I just want to tell people what 378 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,760 Speaker 2: is going on also so they are aware that my 379 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 2: husband is basically lying to them, and for them to 380 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 2: tell me delusions that he might be having that I 381 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:51,440 Speaker 2: don't know. 382 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 3: AI is ruining this family. 383 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,200 Speaker 2: AI's running rip it. This has got to be some 384 00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 2: sort of like condition. 385 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, Dutchess, Cassanda, we actual had a big story a 386 00:17:01,640 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: while back, brain tumor or something like. Literally, this person 387 00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:07,240 Speaker 1: became a completely different person. They found it, cut it out, 388 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 1: and then they were like back to normal. 389 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:09,360 Speaker 2: WHOA. 390 00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,400 Speaker 1: So yeah, some it seems like it could be some 391 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,480 Speaker 1: sort of major medical type that the AI. 392 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 2: Planted seriously, I got smart, but at the very beginning 393 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:21,439 Speaker 2: of his therapy, he begged me not to tell anyone 394 00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 2: because people would think he is crazy. Yeah, therapy is crazy. 395 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,040 Speaker 2: My sister said that it would also be an a 396 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:31,760 Speaker 2: whole thing to do that would basically feed into his delusions. 397 00:17:32,080 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 2: I get them not telling people about Oh he's like 398 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:35,920 Speaker 2: he's going therapy. Maybe that's something he doesn't want people 399 00:17:35,960 --> 00:17:39,239 Speaker 2: to know. But if you're lying to people or all 400 00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:42,000 Speaker 2: these crazy things are happening anyway, I just feel like 401 00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,879 Speaker 2: I'm done. Am I the A hole? Edit? We already 402 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:48,119 Speaker 2: did a brain scam MRI and nothing was found. So 403 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:51,720 Speaker 2: to answer that question, verdict by the comments is not 404 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,000 Speaker 2: the A hole. Shall we read some comments or do 405 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,400 Speaker 2: we have some thoughts? Yeah? 406 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,080 Speaker 1: I think that if he keeps getting to a certain point, 407 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,359 Speaker 1: I definitely think would would not be a I don't know, 408 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: did they mention a hole? There should be a lot 409 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:07,720 Speaker 1: more or like there could be a lot more things 410 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:09,480 Speaker 1: than just like like like a brain tumor or something 411 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 1: like we thought maybe there's I mean, brain chemistry. 412 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,879 Speaker 2: Can you even see that in an nemmar? I don't know, 413 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:16,680 Speaker 2: Maybe I have no idea. It just seems from the 414 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:20,800 Speaker 2: POV of the op if your whole life is being 415 00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:24,600 Speaker 2: turned upside down because somebody's spreading these weird lies and 416 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,040 Speaker 2: you have a people are falling off, like people aren't 417 00:18:27,040 --> 00:18:28,600 Speaker 2: responding or they aren't reaching out as much as they 418 00:18:28,680 --> 00:18:31,399 Speaker 2: used to be because they think you're this weird, terrible person. 419 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,080 Speaker 2: You have to do something or I don't know, what 420 00:18:34,080 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 2: would you do? 421 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,639 Speaker 1: You know, it's like life is like you said, like 422 00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,360 Speaker 1: your life is slipped upside down and you're walking around 423 00:18:38,359 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 1: the neighborhood some guys that are uption no good and 424 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 1: you can want on way fight and your mom gets scared. 425 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 2: Yeah that's crazy because you gotta go to a Blair 426 00:18:47,520 --> 00:18:48,520 Speaker 2: put it all seriousness. 427 00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:51,919 Speaker 1: I think that this very very quickly would become something 428 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,560 Speaker 1: where it's like, yeah, I should leave this relationship because 429 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:56,479 Speaker 1: like what OPI's saying, like all of these things are 430 00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,480 Speaker 1: like not happening. She's asking the daughter, She's saying, what 431 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,320 Speaker 1: I'm curious. I think Bethany's like what was a document, like, 432 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 1: what what document would like? 433 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not like a picture. It's not a text pdf, PDF, 434 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 2: my manuscript. 435 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:19,720 Speaker 1: About mop totally fictional character. I think at this point 436 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,880 Speaker 1: it sounds like breakup, which they're they're married with the kid, right, yeah, 437 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:24,320 Speaker 1: if it married with the fifteen year old kid. 438 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, and the kid is must be somewhat aware because 439 00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 2: they said, no, that's not they're being affected. Yeah. That's 440 00:19:30,720 --> 00:19:33,080 Speaker 2: also another thing. I think it seems like everybody is 441 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,720 Speaker 2: just wanting to trust the guy. He's the one that 442 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 2: got the word out for little suss. I feel like, yeah, yeah, 443 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 2: he got to the scene first. He's like, no, this 444 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:45,960 Speaker 2: is what happened. This is what it's like. Okay, let's 445 00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:50,639 Speaker 2: see what the people are saying. Obviously I'm not in 446 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 2: the medical field, but I can't describe them as anything else, 447 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,679 Speaker 2: mainly because we have not done any of the things 448 00:19:56,720 --> 00:20:00,399 Speaker 2: he's convinced himself of. For example, he convinced our oldest 449 00:20:00,480 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 2: daughter nineteen two kids pregnant because she said no to sushi. 450 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 2: She was just not in the mood for raw fish. 451 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 2: So my husband obviously became obsessed with the idea that 452 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 2: our daughter was pregnant. He would go to full rants 453 00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 2: saying how dare she we gave her anything, et cetera. 454 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,760 Speaker 2: This is clearly something's wrong. 455 00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's almost it's feeling like dangerous, like at 456 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:25,680 Speaker 1: this point, even even just in terms of like dangerous 457 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:29,080 Speaker 1: of an emotional or verbal abuse perspective, like if your 458 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 1: partner is like saying this, if my partner is saying 459 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:34,200 Speaker 1: this to my daughter, I'm like, we need to blake. 460 00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:37,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, removed, because something's off and it's not healthy to anybody. 461 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 3: Seems like they've been non r slash conspiracy theories or 462 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,239 Speaker 3: slash red pill and any little thing they see, they 463 00:20:43,320 --> 00:20:45,760 Speaker 3: just go into a rabbit hole and fixate on it. 464 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,600 Speaker 1: You know, where they should have been, where should they 465 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:48,680 Speaker 1: would have been at or slash. 466 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:53,400 Speaker 2: Okay, story time, everybody knows, nothing bad happens. 467 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:58,200 Speaker 1: Sunshine a rainbow, We're all safe here. Just a great 468 00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 1: trigger warning. This story evolves some mental health issues, some 469 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,719 Speaker 1: emotional possibly verbal abuse. If you're a sensitive that might 470 00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:06,239 Speaker 1: want to give this one, we'll get into it. 471 00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 2: There was an update five months later. I was not 472 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,480 Speaker 2: allowed to update on am I the a whole because 473 00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:16,720 Speaker 2: of the violent content of the post. Here's the link Okay, 474 00:21:17,040 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 2: maybe that was the sort of pregnant. 475 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:22,960 Speaker 3: They did their post before, so they're on a new subredde. 476 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,240 Speaker 2: Now new subretter. I thank everyone for their supportive words, 477 00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:28,920 Speaker 2: especially the people who have been through something similar. Thank 478 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 2: you so much for sharing with me. It makes me 479 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 2: feel less alone. Thank you Internet. Also, just because I've 480 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 2: seen that a lot of people have not been able 481 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:40,880 Speaker 2: to read my first post. I have tried everything from 482 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:44,560 Speaker 2: getting him to a real psychologist to having him committed. Well, 483 00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:48,800 Speaker 2: I've tried with his doctor, with my m il law 484 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,199 Speaker 2: thank you, and with my lawyer. But he has not 485 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:55,160 Speaker 2: broken the law or actually assaulted me, just threatened to 486 00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 2: end me and our daughter. Yeah for being rower ors. 487 00:21:59,520 --> 00:22:02,399 Speaker 2: My bad. But to the police that does not matter 488 00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:07,399 Speaker 2: because we don't matter. So please all the suggestions you have, 489 00:22:07,640 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 2: and suggestions to get him committed, or that he might 490 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 2: have a tumor or dementia or schizophrenia, please stop. I 491 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:16,320 Speaker 2: have no fight left in me. I also have no 492 00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 2: legal ground over him. I can't care anymore or I 493 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,480 Speaker 2: will drive myself in saying this is getting very serious. 494 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 2: He still has a support net, he will never be alone. 495 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,480 Speaker 2: But that man is dangerous to me and my daughter's 496 00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,879 Speaker 2: and the duty of a parent is above all else. 497 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:35,720 Speaker 2: So again, please stop suggesting what he could have or 498 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,960 Speaker 2: what I should do regarding him, because that job is 499 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 2: no longer mine. First off, thank you for all your 500 00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,479 Speaker 2: feedback and support. I took some time to process everything, 501 00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 2: and honestly, I was at my breaking point. The situation 502 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:50,399 Speaker 2: has escalated in ways I never imagined, and I've made 503 00:22:50,440 --> 00:22:54,920 Speaker 2: some tough decisions. After I posted, things started to unravel quickly. 504 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,680 Speaker 2: About five months ago, when my husband's behavior first started escalating, 505 00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 2: I quietly consulted with a lawyer. At that time, his 506 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 2: delusions had begun to affect our daily lives, and I 507 00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:07,560 Speaker 2: knew I needed legal advice. The divorce process requires a 508 00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:11,480 Speaker 2: period of legal separation before the divorce can be finalized. 509 00:23:11,600 --> 00:23:14,680 Speaker 2: We initiated the process and I requested full custody of 510 00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 2: our fifteen year old daughter, given her in increasing fear 511 00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:19,920 Speaker 2: of her father. The court was also concerned and ordered 512 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:24,159 Speaker 2: a psychological evaluation or husband, who assessed his mental fitness 513 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:27,679 Speaker 2: for parenting. A few weeks into the legal separation, my 514 00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 2: husband's paranoia worsened. He started placing Apple air tags in 515 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,040 Speaker 2: my car and in our fifteen year old's daughter's backpack, 516 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,400 Speaker 2: backing our every move. My daughter was the one who 517 00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,280 Speaker 2: found the air tag in her bag and was terrified. 518 00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 2: When I confronted him, he insisted it was for our safety, 519 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,399 Speaker 2: but it was clear to me that his paranoia was 520 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 2: spiraling out of control. This incident deeply affected our daughter, 521 00:23:51,840 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 2: who began refusing to see her father. Around this time, 522 00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:57,119 Speaker 2: my mother in law reached out to me. She was 523 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:00,320 Speaker 2: concerned because my husband had accused her of cheating on 524 00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:03,840 Speaker 2: his father, something that was completely out of character for him. 525 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:06,159 Speaker 2: Father in law didn't believe it for a second, but 526 00:24:06,320 --> 00:24:09,360 Speaker 2: was deeply worried about his state mind. Her reaching out 527 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 2: was a small but much needed relief. She acknowledged that 528 00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,280 Speaker 2: his behavior was erratic and offered her support, knowing that 529 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:21,159 Speaker 2: something was seriously wrong. This is intense. I think that 530 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:24,080 Speaker 2: this is you know, this is definitely above our pay grade. 531 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,920 Speaker 2: But what I will say is that, like, I think 532 00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,760 Speaker 2: that OPI like prioritizing her daughter's well being, in her 533 00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,880 Speaker 2: well being above all else, is like absolutely the right move, 534 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,760 Speaker 2: and yeah, kind of kind of, I feel like it 535 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:37,399 Speaker 2: was really smart to get the conversation going with the lawyer, 536 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 2: knowing like in your gut that something's wrong and like 537 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,199 Speaker 2: that you need to protect your family. 538 00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:43,679 Speaker 1: Yeah, not that I would know what to do, but 539 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,760 Speaker 1: I feel like everything OPI has done was like absolutely 540 00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: the right move and again like prioritizing her daughter and 541 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:52,280 Speaker 1: her protection, and that's like what else can. 542 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 2: My older daughter, who's nineteen, had also become involved in 543 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,160 Speaker 2: the situation. You had been quietly documenting her father's behavior 544 00:24:59,240 --> 00:25:02,800 Speaker 2: for months. Recorded three different occasions where my husband went 545 00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:06,120 Speaker 2: on delusive rants. The first one was about how I'm 546 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:09,199 Speaker 2: supposedly cheating on him with one of my coworkers, a 547 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,959 Speaker 2: man I barely interact with. The second was about how 548 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,199 Speaker 2: our fifteen year old daughter was secretly dating somebody older 549 00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:17,520 Speaker 2: and lying to him about it. The third was about 550 00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:20,760 Speaker 2: how the entire family was conspiring against him. Yeah, to 551 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:23,960 Speaker 2: make him look crazy. Watching these videos was heartbreaking, but 552 00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:27,960 Speaker 2: they validated everything I've been dealing with privately. It sounds 553 00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,560 Speaker 2: like schizophrenians to me. But again, she said, stop suggesting that, 554 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:35,480 Speaker 2: But that's my instinct. Yeah, it seems like I don't know. 555 00:25:35,520 --> 00:25:37,920 Speaker 1: I don't have any idea, but from the little things 556 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,040 Speaker 1: I've heard, definitely something extremely wrong, like extreme. 557 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,760 Speaker 2: Things escalated further when my husband almost attacked one of 558 00:25:45,760 --> 00:25:49,240 Speaker 2: my colleagues. He had convinced himself that this man was 559 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,880 Speaker 2: the affair partner I was supposedly seeing behind his back. 560 00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 2: It took all my strength to physically separate them before 561 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,240 Speaker 2: the situation turned to violence. 562 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,040 Speaker 1: Oh my god. Oh pe had to separate them. 563 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:05,960 Speaker 2: Dang, this is getting nuts. As the legal process continued, 564 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 2: my lawyer informed me that due to the severe severity 565 00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:13,160 Speaker 2: of the situation and the psychological evaluation ordered by the court, 566 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:17,199 Speaker 2: my request for full custody was strongly considered. In Spain, 567 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,520 Speaker 2: courts typically prioritized the well being of the child, and 568 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 2: given my husband's mental state and the danger he posed, 569 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 2: it seemed likely that I would be granted full custody 570 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:28,840 Speaker 2: of our fifteen year old daughter. She made it clear 571 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 2: that she didn't want to see her father, and the 572 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 2: court was taking her wishes into account. In the midst 573 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 2: of this, my nineteen year old daughter decided to take 574 00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:39,439 Speaker 2: matters into her own hands. Ugh, this is tough. She 575 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 2: posted the three videos she recorded on her father's breakdowns 576 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:48,080 Speaker 2: on Instagram, along with compilations of text, photos and other 577 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:50,800 Speaker 2: evidence she had to collect over the past few months. 578 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:53,560 Speaker 2: Oof Her intention was to show the world what we 579 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:57,320 Speaker 2: had been enduring, but it quickly turned into a public spectacle. 580 00:26:57,600 --> 00:27:01,080 Speaker 2: The backlash was intense. Some people were horrified and reached 581 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 2: out with sympathy and support, while others criticized us for 582 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 2: airing out dirty laundry and accused my daughter of betraying 583 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:08,280 Speaker 2: her father. 584 00:27:09,520 --> 00:27:11,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's never the move. 585 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 2: That's a lot, no, Matt, Like, what do you gain 586 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 2: just to sort of dissuade anybody who might be on 587 00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,439 Speaker 2: I think you're lying, Like, why would you do that? 588 00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:20,920 Speaker 2: No idea. 589 00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's never the move, I think now, collecting it 590 00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 1: just so like I don't know, Yeah, totally, but yeah, 591 00:27:29,080 --> 00:27:30,120 Speaker 1: airing it out is. 592 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:33,879 Speaker 2: As the divorce process continued, my husband's mental health became 593 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:37,560 Speaker 2: a significant factor. The psychological evaluation ordered by the court 594 00:27:37,640 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 2: revealed the depths of his delusions, particularly around cheating and 595 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:44,920 Speaker 2: female sexuality. It became clear that he was not fit 596 00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 2: to make decisions regarding our daughter's well being. The evaluation 597 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,040 Speaker 2: supported my claim for full custody and that the court 598 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,320 Speaker 2: and the court is now in the process of finalizing 599 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 2: that decision. In the meantime, all communication between my husband 600 00:27:56,560 --> 00:27:59,400 Speaker 2: and me is being handled through our lawyers, and I'm 601 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 2: ensuring that any interaction between him and our fifteen year 602 00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,919 Speaker 2: old daughter is supervised. This is quite a long clarification, 603 00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,320 Speaker 2: but we will continue on. Given the severity of the 604 00:28:09,359 --> 00:28:11,840 Speaker 2: situation and the damage done to our lives, I'm making 605 00:28:11,880 --> 00:28:14,240 Speaker 2: plans to move away with my daughter once the legal 606 00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 2: proceedings are finalized. My reputation in our current community is 607 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:22,000 Speaker 2: shattered thanks to his delusions and the lies he has spread. 608 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 2: That's really really unfortunate. 609 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 1: Like what else can you do but leave one hundred percent? 610 00:28:27,000 --> 00:28:30,399 Speaker 2: Starting fresh somewhere new seems like the only way for 611 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 2: us to heal and rebuild our lives. I never wanted 612 00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,000 Speaker 2: it to come to this. I still care deeply for 613 00:28:35,080 --> 00:28:38,000 Speaker 2: my husband, but I can't keep sacrificing our well being 614 00:28:38,080 --> 00:28:40,720 Speaker 2: for the sake of his image. The revolution that he's 615 00:28:40,760 --> 00:28:44,840 Speaker 2: been lying to his therapist, or rather his unqualified life coach, 616 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:47,560 Speaker 2: was a breaking point for me. I realized I couldn't 617 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,080 Speaker 2: trust him to get better on his own. Thankfully, some 618 00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 2: friends have started to see through his stories and our 619 00:28:53,160 --> 00:28:55,240 Speaker 2: reaching out to support us, which gives me hope. But 620 00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 2: I know it's going to be a long difficult road 621 00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:01,479 Speaker 2: ahead for anyone else in a cimilar situation. Please know 622 00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:03,719 Speaker 2: that you are not alone. This has been the hardest 623 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,280 Speaker 2: decision I've ever made, but sometimes you have to do 624 00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,400 Speaker 2: what's best for your own mental health and safety, no 625 00:29:09,440 --> 00:29:11,600 Speaker 2: matter how much it hurts. Thank you again for all 626 00:29:11,600 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 2: the advice. I'm hopeful this is the first step towards 627 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 2: a better future, even if it's a painful one. Wow. Wow, 628 00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 2: I don't know. 629 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 1: There's not much again in that one, right. I think 630 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,280 Speaker 1: like it's this is one of those situations that it's 631 00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,720 Speaker 1: kind of it's just so far beyond that. It's like, 632 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,720 Speaker 1: you know, two guys on. 633 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:35,480 Speaker 2: A podcast, here's what you should do. You know. I 634 00:29:35,520 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 2: think what I'm trying to do is imagine if my 635 00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 2: partner were to suddenly do all these things, how confusing 636 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:45,160 Speaker 2: that would be to me to be like, man, here's 637 00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,320 Speaker 2: somebody who I've been in a relationship for a while, 638 00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:50,800 Speaker 2: it's normal. I have two kids with we're fifteen and nineteen, 639 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 2: and all of a sudden, out of nowhere is questioning 640 00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 2: all these things aren't real, and you're like, you know, 641 00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:58,760 Speaker 2: the first one, you're like, Okay, that's a little weird, 642 00:29:58,800 --> 00:29:59,960 Speaker 2: and then it just keeps happening. 643 00:30:00,440 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: That's crazy, and probably like to your point, like you've 644 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,640 Speaker 1: known this person for like twenty twenty five, thirty years. 645 00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: There's so much trust there that it'll probably take a 646 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: while to untrust yeah, before you even like really because 647 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,080 Speaker 1: like if it's like a new relationships, like oh this 648 00:30:13,120 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: is you know, I don't want to get involved this, 649 00:30:14,520 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 1: but because of the trust, so much trust is there, 650 00:30:16,560 --> 00:30:19,320 Speaker 1: it's yeah, and then it's like, yeah, there's it's an 651 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 1: impossible situation to be in. 652 00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:22,240 Speaker 2: The one thing I will say. 653 00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 1: Is I think Op probably did every single thing right. 654 00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 2: It seems like it if you know, it's just it. 655 00:30:28,680 --> 00:30:31,880 Speaker 1: It seems like Op protected her daughter, protected herself, got 656 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 1: herself out of the situation, like you know, cut cut 657 00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:36,240 Speaker 1: her lized, like, hey, look our safety and everything else 658 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 1: is just absolutely number one. That's a point point period 659 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:40,320 Speaker 1: And I don't know that. I think I feel like 660 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,240 Speaker 1: that it's all you can do. But again, two guys 661 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:46,960 Speaker 1: on a podcast can't really you know, there's something every once. 662 00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:48,600 Speaker 2: In a while there's one of those that we uh, 663 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 2: you know, we're not. 664 00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:51,560 Speaker 1: We're not qualified for, but but here we are, ladies 665 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,040 Speaker 1: and gentlemen. 666 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,440 Speaker 2: Ladies and gentlemen to we go through some all right 667 00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:57,120 Speaker 2: buys and girls. Let's take them home.