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Speaker 1: What's up, everybody. Welcome to Financial Haircy, where we talk

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Speaker 1: about how money works so that you can make more,

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Speaker 1: keep more, and give more. Today we are talking about

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Speaker 1: the number one most important decision you will ever make

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Speaker 1: in your entire life about what will make you financially successful.

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Speaker 1: This is this decision has a bigger impact on whether

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Speaker 1: or not you are financially successful then literally any other

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Speaker 1: decision you will make ever in your life. And this

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Speaker 1: decision is who you marry. So we're going to go

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Speaker 1: over I don't know, probably about twenty different items here

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Speaker 1: that I have learned over the course of my marriage. Now,

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Speaker 1: I want to be very clear with a you know,

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Speaker 1: before we start here about these things. Number one, these

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Speaker 1: are not things that I have made up myself. These

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Speaker 1: are not things that are sourced, you know, from me

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Speaker 1: and my wife. These are things that we have picked

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Speaker 1: up from other people who are around us that were

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Speaker 1: either more successful or learned from people's mistakes, and that

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Speaker 1: that we have learned over the last nine years. My

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Speaker 1: wife and I have been married for nine years here

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Speaker 1: and up until this point, if somebody would have asked

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Speaker 1: me about about my marriage, it would have been you know,

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Speaker 1: you know, I'll tell I'll tell anybody what I think

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Speaker 1: and my experience. But when when you're when you're when

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Speaker 1: you're new at something, especially with something like marriage, the

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Speaker 1: typical response is, hey, you you've you've been married for

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Speaker 1: six months. Uh, Wait until you've been married, you know,

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Speaker 1: two years? Uh and then and and then talk to

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Speaker 1: me about it. Or hey, wait, you've been only been

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Speaker 1: married for two years, Wait until you hit five, or

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Speaker 1: you've only been married for five years, Wait until you

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Speaker 1: hit ten, Wait until you have kids, wait until blah

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Speaker 1: blah blah. And the reality is most people have failed marriages,

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Speaker 1: whether or not they are still married or divorced. That's

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Speaker 1: you know, that's not what I'm talking about. A lot

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Speaker 1: of people who stay married for their entire lives have

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Speaker 1: failures as marriages. And so I because of a couple

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Speaker 1: of things that my wife and I did beforehand, and

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Speaker 1: a couple of things that we got really lucky on,

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Speaker 1: we have always had the best relationship of anybody that

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Speaker 1: we know. And what I mean by that is we

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Speaker 1: would not swap or change our marriage or even any

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Speaker 1: small part of it with anybody that we know. And

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Speaker 1: it has consistently been that way for nine years now

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Speaker 1: through being in very difficult financial positions, through no kids,

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Speaker 1: through kids, through being in very good financial positions, the

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Speaker 1: situation has not changed that and we would not have

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Speaker 1: you know, I say this all the time, I would

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Speaker 1: not be in this situation that I am financially today

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Speaker 1: if I would have married anybody else. And and so

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Speaker 1: we're going to go through a couple of things for

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Speaker 1: people that a maybe not are married, maybe are not

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Speaker 1: married yet, that are extremely important to look for if

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Speaker 1: you care about financial success at all. And then for

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Speaker 1: people who are already married, some things that you can

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Speaker 1: focus on changing with your relationship because it's never too late.

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Speaker 1: You're going to be with the same person until you die.

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Speaker 1: Might as well start getting it right now and fixing

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Speaker 1: that relationship and start enjoying the rest of your life.

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Speaker 1: So the first, the first tip, first thing to look

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Speaker 1: for is characteristics, not not position. So you marry for

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Speaker 1: for who who the person is, not for what they've

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Speaker 1: already accomplished, mary for the potential, who they what they

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Speaker 1: could do, not that they've already done it. So I

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Speaker 1: don't know if you've ever seen these videos, there's these

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Speaker 1: guys who go around and they ask women on the

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Speaker 1: streets they say, okay, what is you know, what if

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Speaker 1: you're gonna if you're gonna date a guy, if you're

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Speaker 1: gonna marry guy, Let's say, what is the minimum height

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Speaker 1: if you're if you're considering marrying a person, what is

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Speaker 1: the minimum height for that guy? And the girls will

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Speaker 1: usually say six feet. Sometimes they'll say like, you know,

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Speaker 1: six one, six two, but usually they'll say six feet.

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Speaker 1: Very rarely do they say anything under that, like you know, five,

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Speaker 1: ten or anything. The second thing they say is okay, okay,

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Speaker 1: minimum minimum amount of money that this person makes, and

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Speaker 1: it's usually one hundred grand. Sometimes it's like, you know,

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Speaker 1: two hundred and fifty grand. Usually it's somewhere in the

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Speaker 1: neighborhood of one hundred grand. So six feet tall, one

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Speaker 1: hundred grand, obviously single. And there are other characteristics that

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Speaker 1: they ask about, like you know, the amount of debt

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Speaker 1: or the color of the person's skin, and you know

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Speaker 1: things like that. So what they take, you know, four

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Speaker 1: or five different characteristics and they plug it into a calculator,

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Speaker 1: which basically just says, okay, given all the men on

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Speaker 1: Earth and the current characteristics and position of all men

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Speaker 1: on Earth, what are your chances of finding this guy.

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Speaker 1: What are the chances, you know, how many of these

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Speaker 1: guys are there, and usually it's in the neighborhood of

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Speaker 1: like a half a percent. When you look for if

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Speaker 1: you're if you're a single woman and you're looking for

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Speaker 1: a guy to mary, and you say that he has

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Speaker 1: to be at least six feet tall, he has to

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Speaker 1: make at least one hundred a year, he has to

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Speaker 1: be single, he has to you know, and then usually

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Speaker 1: it's like one or two other things about there's about

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Speaker 1: you know, one one of those for every two hundred

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Speaker 1: guys out there. So it's extremely unlikely that that average

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Speaker 1: woman on the street is the type of woman that

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Speaker 1: that guy is going to go for, because if he's

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Speaker 1: the guy that every woman out there is saying, this

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Speaker 1: is my minimum standard, and there's only one of him

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Speaker 1: for every two hundred other guys, well, that guy is

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Speaker 1: going to have his choice of at least one hundred

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Speaker 1: of two hundred women. And the chances that you, as

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Speaker 1: a random woman on the street, are also going to

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Speaker 1: meet or exceed all of that guy's expectations or minimum

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Speaker 1: requirements is very low. And so the point here is

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Speaker 1: to look for somebody who is heading the direction that

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Speaker 1: is important and has the capability, the potential, the characteristics

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Speaker 1: that can get them there for instance, And this is

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Speaker 1: not I want to be clear because this is going

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Speaker 1: to sound like I'm you know, tooting my own horn. Basically,

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Speaker 1: when when my wife and I got married, though, I

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Speaker 1: was not personally in my mindset thinking that, you know,

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Speaker 1: I would ever get to the position where I'm in today.

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Speaker 1: And part of that reason was because of the position

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Speaker 1: that I was in. I was making less than minimum wage,

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Speaker 1: I had twenty five thousand dollars of debt. I you know,

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Speaker 1: at that point, didn't even have a degree, didn't have

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Speaker 1: a real job, didn't just had to It was like

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Speaker 1: just a regular h you know, college kid basically, and

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Speaker 1: clearly by net now, I've demonstrated that I had the

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Speaker 1: capacity for achieving success, But there were none of the

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Speaker 1: I hadn't arrived there yet, and none of the markers

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Speaker 1: were there for that. It wasn't, you know, I didn't

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Speaker 1: already have the one hundred thousand dollars a year job.

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Speaker 1: And so the point is, when you're looking at these

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Speaker 1: you know, like women are looking for guys who have

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Speaker 1: already gotten there and are still single. But the point

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Speaker 1: is that these guys who have the capacity to get there,

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Speaker 1: by the time they're there, they're already taken. They've already chosen,

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Speaker 1: they've already taken their pick, and they are they're not

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Speaker 1: single anymore. So it's more important to find the person

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Speaker 1: who has the potential inside of them rather than having

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Speaker 1: already arrived, because by the time they arrive, somebody else

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Speaker 1: has already seen that potential in them and and joined

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Speaker 1: them for the ride. And it's the same the other

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Speaker 1: way around. When I was you know, some things that

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Speaker 1: were important to me where oh, she's going to be

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Speaker 1: you know, you know, a good mother. She's gonna, you know,

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Speaker 1: prioritize hell, she's going to prioritize me in our relationship,

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Speaker 1: and she's going to respect me and not you know,

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Speaker 1: not not not tear me down. And she's going to

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Speaker 1: be a partner. We're going to work together on things,

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Speaker 1: and we're going to sacrifice together for common goals. And

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Speaker 1: there are all these things that were important to me

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Speaker 1: that uh there there was no evidence of that already

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Speaker 1: because that wasn't already there. She had the characteristics and

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Speaker 1: the potential to do that in the future. But I'm

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Speaker 1: not I'm not I wasn't going out there looking for

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Speaker 1: somebody who is already a mother. I was looking for

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Speaker 1: somebody who would have the capacity to be a very

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Speaker 1: good mother in the future, you know, with with my children.

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Speaker 1: And so, uh, this is uh, it's it seems obvious

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Speaker 1: after stating it, but many people are looking for the

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Speaker 1: person who is already at the destination that they're looking for.

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Speaker 1: And those people are already gone, they're already out of

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Speaker 1: your league, they're already taken. And so it's more important

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Speaker 1: to look for somebody who is, you know, number one

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Speaker 1: on on par with you. Uh that that which we'll

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Speaker 1: get into later. But number two, somebody who has the

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Speaker 1: capacity to get where you want to go, not somebody

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Speaker 1: who's already there, all right. Next one, money is the

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Speaker 1: number one cause of divorce. When you look at all

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Speaker 1: of the different causes for divorce, financial problems are the

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Speaker 1: number one cause of divorce. And this is because money

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Speaker 1: is fifty percent of everything that happens. And so if

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Speaker 1: you're not making enough money, if you're spending money in

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Speaker 1: the wrong way, if you're over spending money, if you're

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Speaker 1: loading up on debt, number one, there's a ton of stress.

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Speaker 1: And when there're stress. I mean imagine like physically, when

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Speaker 1: there's stress, like on an object. When you impose the

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Speaker 1: force of stress on an object, any weak point will break.

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Speaker 1: And so if your relationship is not there, if you

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Speaker 1: made an incorrect decision with the type of person you

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Speaker 1: married because you were you know, you were in a

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Speaker 1: relationship for the fleeing or because it is exciting, or

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Speaker 1: because you know they were hot, or whatever it was,

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Speaker 1: and you didn't prioritize the things that were good for

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Speaker 1: the long term, well, then the foundation will not be

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Speaker 1: very strong. And when stress is applied, and money is

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Speaker 1: going to be the biggest stressor when stress is applied,

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Speaker 1: that foundation is going to crack. And so it makes

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Speaker 1: sense that money is the number one cause of divorce.

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Speaker 1: The next thing is that divorce takes half your money.

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Speaker 1: So even if you are able to achieve some level

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Speaker 1: of financial success despite marrying the wrong person or despite

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Speaker 1: never creating intentionally the relationship that you want in your marriage,

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Speaker 1: then and that foundation is rocky. When the stress finally

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Speaker 1: does break you, guys, and you end up leaving each

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Speaker 1: other and getting divorced and going separate ways, you're losing

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Speaker 1: half of that. Now, if there is ever a recession

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Speaker 1: that cut your four O one K and your house

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Speaker 1: and all your assets, your savings, everything in half, that

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Speaker 1: would be looked at as one of the worst recessions

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Speaker 1: you ever had to live through, if there's a market

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Speaker 1: event anything like that. And so the fact that fifty

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Speaker 1: percent of Americans are voluntarily, they're intentionally living life in

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Speaker 1: a way that exposes them to this sort of a

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Speaker 1: blow up is insanity. It is more important than any

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Speaker 1: other financial decision. You can get subpar returns for the

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Speaker 1: rest of your life. Marrying the right person, you'll come

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Speaker 1: out ahead, rather than marrying the wrong person than them

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Speaker 1: taking half your assets. Now, what about the difficulty with

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Speaker 1: making money when you're married, Like you know, a lot

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Speaker 1: of guys especially will try and say, Okay, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'd like to get married someday, but first I have

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Speaker 1: to work on myself. First. I have to make money first.

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Speaker 1: I have to make six figures. First, I have to

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Speaker 1: make my first million. First, I have to blah blah blah,

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Speaker 1: all this bullshit. So working together, you make more money,

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Speaker 1: not less, because of the division of labor. So now

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Speaker 1: think about this, think about it this way. Would you

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Speaker 1: be better off financially, just considering expenses. If you live

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Speaker 1: in your own place by yourself, or if you have

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Speaker 1: a roommate where you split the split the rent, obviously

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Speaker 1: you'd save more money if you split the rent with somebody. Well,

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Speaker 1: that's what getting married is. You're working together towards a

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Speaker 1: common goal and you're sharing expenses. Number one. Number two,

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Speaker 1: you get a tax break if you're married. Number three.

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Speaker 1: You have different strengths and weaknesses and focus on doing

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Speaker 1: different things in pursuit of financial success. So whether it's

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Speaker 1: budgeting or investing, or doing the shopping, or or not

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Speaker 1: doing the shopping, staying away from the stores, or you know,

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Speaker 1: whatever it is, you have two people working towards the

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Speaker 1: exact same common shared goal and shared outcome instead of one.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna get there much faster together than trying to

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Speaker 1: do it on your own. And then find somebody who's

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Speaker 1: you know, willing to put up with a you know,

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Speaker 1: a selfish animal who's lived by himself without having to

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Speaker 1: consider anybody else's needs for the last ten or fifteen years.

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Speaker 1: It's just ludicrous. You'll you'll make far more progress, far

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Speaker 1: faster together than a part. The next thing is Mary.

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Speaker 1: This is This is a big one that I need

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Speaker 1: to emphasize, was an like, it wasn't an accident, but

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Speaker 1: I really lucked out with this one. It's vital that

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Speaker 1: you marry somebody who you really like being around, somebody

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Speaker 1: who like who you who you like being around, somebody

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Speaker 1: who you really enjoy their presence. Think about the worst

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Speaker 1: game possible, Like for many people it's the game of Monopoly.

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Speaker 1: It's like, oh, that's the worst board game possible. Some

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Speaker 1: people that might be chess, some people whatever. Think about

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Speaker 1: your least favorite board game that you've ever played, and

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Speaker 1: if you can enjoy playing that game with that person,

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Speaker 1: then it's likely a good fit. Most people that I know,

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Speaker 1: I would not enjoy playing you know, let's say Monopoly

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Speaker 1: or chess with them, But with my wife, I would

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Speaker 1: not because the game is fun, but because I enjoy

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Speaker 1: being around her. And it's been like that from the

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Speaker 1: very beginning. And there were other women, the other girls

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Speaker 1: that I dated before I met my wife, where that

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Speaker 1: was not the case, Absolutely not the case. So you

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Speaker 1: had to introduce other things in order to either justify

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Speaker 1: the relationship or make the relationship interesting or fun, and

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Speaker 1: so boil it down to what's the most boring thing

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Speaker 1: possible to do, and if I can enjoy doing that

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Speaker 1: thing with that person, then that's a really good green flag.

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Speaker 1: And I see many relationships that get started for one

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Speaker 1: reason or another and they don't actually like each other,

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Speaker 1: and for whatever reason, they convince themselves or justify the

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Speaker 1: relationship that they have to stay in it. And you

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Speaker 1: get into a relationship where you don't actually like the

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Speaker 1: other person, you don't like spending time with them, you

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Speaker 1: don't like being around them. And then fifteen years later,

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Speaker 1: you've got a couple of kids together, you've got a house,

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Speaker 1: and you can't stand each other and you're constantly fighting.

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Speaker 1: You're making the lives of everyone around you miserable. And

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Speaker 1: if you're already in that position, you know, that's fine.

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Speaker 1: We'll talk about that later. But for anybody who is

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Speaker 1: who is not already committed, you're not committed. That's the point.

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Speaker 1: Find somebody who you really actually enjoy. Next, men, if

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Speaker 1: you're if you're a woman and you're looking for a man,

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Speaker 1: find this is This is the advice that I give

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Speaker 1: to my daughter. This is the type of man that

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Speaker 1: I want my daughter to find. Number One, the capacity

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Speaker 1: to be productive, so This is like the classic hard worker.

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Speaker 1: It's not about the fact that somebody does work that

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Speaker 1: is difficult. It's about the fact that they have the

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Speaker 1: capacity to force themselves to do something even though everything

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Speaker 1: in their body is screaming not to everything in their

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Speaker 1: mind is telling them to quit, that they don't give up.

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Speaker 1: So this is why sports are like a good kind

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Speaker 1: of a good proxy for this, because you get to

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Speaker 1: see that character, that grit come out of somebody in

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Speaker 1: sports that if they walk before you know, they start

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Speaker 1: walking before they get to the get to the finish

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Speaker 1: line instead of running all the way through, If they

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Speaker 1: you know, they start to slow up at the end

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Speaker 1: during conditioning, during training, are they pushing themselves? Like sports

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Speaker 1: are a good a good good thing for this. Early

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Speaker 1: jobs are a good thing for this, Like hard manual

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Speaker 1: labor like landscaping, allows you to kind of see what

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Speaker 1: does this person do under pressure when they are, you know,

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Speaker 1: given a job, given an expectation that they will do

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Speaker 1: something that is very difficult. So do they have the

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Speaker 1: capacity to produce? That's that's at a young age. At

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Speaker 1: a little bit of an older age, you can actually

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Speaker 1: measure production, like do they do they show up to

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Speaker 1: work on time, do they actually produce? Are they gaining

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Speaker 1: in their wages or losing in their wages? Are they

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Speaker 1: being productive and accumulating wealth? Are they increasing their savings?

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Speaker 1: Are they spending more and more? Are they wasting their time?

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Speaker 1: Are they staying up all night playing video games with

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Speaker 1: their friends like an adult child, or are they you know,

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Speaker 1: prioritizing their health and being productive in the most healthy

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Speaker 1: years of their life. Are they out there trying to

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Speaker 1: get ahead? So do they have the capacity to be productive,

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Speaker 1: but that has to be paired with the desire to

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Speaker 1: be generous and to share. Because there are a lot

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Speaker 1: of men out there who are extremely productive. They're hard workers,

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Speaker 1: they're laser focused. They're gonna do the hard work. They're

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Speaker 1: going to focus that work in the right areas to

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Speaker 1: start producing wealth. But they are extremely selfish, focused on them, narcissists,

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Speaker 1: and they are not generous. They do not share. They

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Speaker 1: go out to you know, they take you out to

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Speaker 1: dinner on a date and they want to split the tab,

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Speaker 1: you know, whatever it is. There are a lot of

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Speaker 1: red flags that show, hey, this person is not generous,

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Speaker 1: this person is not a share this person is not

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Speaker 1: compassionate to those around him that he claims to care about.

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Speaker 1: There's selfishness and a narcissism that they only care about themselves.

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Speaker 1: And that is not the type of man that I

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Speaker 1: would you know, regardless of how productive they are, that

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Speaker 1: will not be somebody who will be a good fit

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Speaker 1: for any woman. And then a couple other characteristics. The

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Speaker 1: tendency to delay gratification, because if you're consuming the fruits

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Speaker 1: of your labor right now, you never plant seeds to

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Speaker 1: build more wealth in the future, So you have to

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Speaker 1: have that tendency to delay the gratification for later. And

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Speaker 1: all the people who have built the biggest amounts of

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Speaker 1: wealth in their life, you've seen that instead of cashing

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Speaker 1: out early, they've reinvested, reinvested, reinvested, reinvested, and it produces

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Speaker 1: long term large wealth. And then finally, for characteristics of

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Speaker 1: a man, somebody who has that caged monster inside of

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Speaker 1: them that gives them the capability to suffer with purpose,

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Speaker 1: so not suffer unnecessarily. I know a lot of guys

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Speaker 1: who are really hard workers, and they suffer through hard

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Speaker 1: jobs unnecessarily and it's not producing anything or getting them

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Speaker 1: anywhere near their goals. That's not what I'm talking about unnecessary,

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Speaker 1: meaningless suffering is suffering. That's it, And there is no

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Speaker 1: point but somebody who has the monster within them that

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Speaker 1: gives them the strength they need to be able to

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Speaker 1: suffer through the hard times with a purpose in mind,

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Speaker 1: being able to recognize, hey, this is hard, but if

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Speaker 1: I do this, I know I'm actually getting one step

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Speaker 1: closer to where I want to go. This is things

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Speaker 1: like you know, if they have the habit of weightlifting

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Speaker 1: every single day, it's like there's there is no weight

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Speaker 1: training session that has the intensity, a high enough intensity

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Speaker 1: level to give you a six pack in one day.

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Speaker 1: But if you show up for thirty minutes to an

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Speaker 1: hour every single day for five years, it would be

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Speaker 1: it would be unreasonable to think that you wouldn't have

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Speaker 1: a six pack by that point. And so the caged

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Speaker 1: monster to suffer with purpose. And I think those things

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Speaker 1: you know are characteristics that if my daughter found a

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Speaker 1: man that met those four things, it would be it

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Speaker 1: would be at least at least part way there, all right.

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Speaker 1: And then if you're a man who are who is

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Speaker 1: looking for a woman women who are in compassion, I

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Speaker 1: speak because on this because I am extremely low in

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Speaker 1: compassion in empathy, and so I need somebody who off

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Speaker 1: sets that, who has that to be a counterbalance to that.

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Speaker 1: So women who are high in compassion, and most most

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Speaker 1: women are, but to the extent that you are not,

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Speaker 1: you need one who is even more so, a woman

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Speaker 1: who is adaptable. There are many women out there who

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Speaker 1: I know, women who cannot do anything unless they have

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Speaker 1: you know, days in advance, heads up, weeks in advance

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Speaker 1: heads up, that they cannot deal with curve balls, they

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Speaker 1: cannot deal with stress. They they cannot get thrown into

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Speaker 1: a new situation or an unexpected circumstance without completely self imploding.

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Speaker 1: They need somebody to hold their hand and guide them through.

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Speaker 1: And if you're if you're the type of man that

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Speaker 1: looks at that and feels like, you know, Prince Charming

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Speaker 1: and you're the you're the you know, the night in

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Speaker 1: shining armor that gets to guide the princess through the

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Speaker 1: through the castle, that's that's fine. But the relationships I

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Speaker 1: see where the men where the women are like that,

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Speaker 1: more often than not, it's a burden on the man,

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Speaker 1: not not something that ends up benefiting the relationship long term.

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Speaker 1: So the ability to be adaptable and too, uh go

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Speaker 1: into any circumstance and just change your expectations and say, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, this is the circumstance, so let's let's make

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Speaker 1: the best of it as possible. That's been extremely valuable,

387
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Speaker 1: and I'm super thankful that my wife is like that,

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Speaker 1: you know, to a way higher degree than I am.

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Speaker 1: It's easy for them to endure tough times. So, you know,

390
00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:48,360
Speaker 1: when my wife and I got married, we the first

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00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,000
Speaker 1: apartment that we lived in was about six hundred bucks

392
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Speaker 1: a month, so just right off the bat, you know,

393
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,960
Speaker 1: with that price, it's not in a good area. And

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Speaker 1: my my dad is a retired police officer and he

395
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 1: had been a cop in the city where we first

396
00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 1: lived our first apartment and the lot next door to us,

397
00:24:11,680 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: he told me that he there was a prostitute that

398
00:24:17,520 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: had been murdered in the lot next door to our apartment,

399
00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:24,399
Speaker 1: and so it was it was not a good area.

400
00:24:24,920 --> 00:24:27,080
Speaker 1: And we were working towards the gold getting out of

401
00:24:27,080 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 1: debt as fast as possible, and that was the cheapest

402
00:24:29,119 --> 00:24:31,320
Speaker 1: place we could find to live that was actually you know,

403
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 1: livable without you know, like you know, bed bugs and

404
00:24:34,119 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: you know, things like that, and it was not it

405
00:24:37,600 --> 00:24:40,320
Speaker 1: was not a good place by really any measure. Our

406
00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:42,480
Speaker 1: family told us they we were crazy. They did not

407
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:45,200
Speaker 1: want us living there. Our friends told us we were crazy.

408
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:47,360
Speaker 1: They said, we're we're making the same amount of money

409
00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:50,240
Speaker 1: as you. Just spend a couple hundred dollars more and

410
00:24:50,359 --> 00:24:55,000
Speaker 1: live somewhere better. But the difference in the attitude allowed

411
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:58,080
Speaker 1: us to accelerate our path towards success so much faster.

412
00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:02,479
Speaker 1: And it's because she was good at enduring tough times.

413
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,520
Speaker 1: It didn't seem tough to her. She just looked at

414
00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,439
Speaker 1: it and said, yeah, like that's fine, we can do that.

415
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,800
Speaker 1: And then this might be a personal preference, but in

416
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: terms of how much of it an accelerant this is

417
00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:19,919
Speaker 1: towards financial success, I think it's important that she doesn't

418
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 1: really care about material and flashy things. And I know

419
00:25:24,800 --> 00:25:27,040
Speaker 1: a lot of guys out there like buying, you know,

420
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:34,520
Speaker 1: the jewelry and the cars and the bags and the

421
00:25:34,960 --> 00:25:39,439
Speaker 1: flashy things so that their women can show off. But

422
00:25:41,240 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: if a woman cares about that, that is going to

423
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: be a net detractor on your ability to build wealth

424
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: long term. If she cares about that over the other

425
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,120
Speaker 1: things that are more important, Like it's almost like, hey,

426
00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:55,840
Speaker 1: if you can if you can delay your desire for

427
00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 1: the Gucci bag and the big rock on your finger,

428
00:25:59,800 --> 00:26:05,879
Speaker 1: and the the designer clothes and the Mercedes or the BMW,

429
00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,639
Speaker 1: the g Wagon, if you can delay your desire for that,

430
00:26:09,720 --> 00:26:11,000
Speaker 1: then you'll be able to have as much of that

431
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: as you want. But if you try and get that

432
00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,760
Speaker 1: right now, then it will always be a struggle to

433
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:22,640
Speaker 1: get those things. And so my wife's inability to or

434
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 1: her her lack of desire for those flashy things, has

435
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:29,439
Speaker 1: been one of the biggest factors that contributed, especially in

436
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 1: the beginning, to us being able to get on the

437
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:37,640
Speaker 1: path towards financial success. And she is frugal, so that's

438
00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:40,199
Speaker 1: another thing that's important to look for. That when we

439
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:41,920
Speaker 1: go to the grocery store, it's not like, oh, I

440
00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:44,040
Speaker 1: don't like that cream cheese. I want the name brand

441
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 1: cream cheese, or it's not like no, my wife was

442
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: the one who is She was finding the coupons and

443
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:50,439
Speaker 1: we were going to the different you know, the different

444
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: stores to buy the stuff that was on sale, and

445
00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,800
Speaker 1: the meal planning and the things like that. Frugal like,

446
00:26:56,320 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 1: she was skilled at at making sure that if we

447
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,320
Speaker 1: have you know, X amount of dollars for the month

448
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:07,480
Speaker 1: that we we stick to that and maybe we even

449
00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: come under that. And then finally, a woman who is

450
00:27:10,080 --> 00:27:12,920
Speaker 1: skilled at distribution. Most of the time, men are more

451
00:27:12,960 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 1: skilled at producing and women are more skilled at distribution.

452
00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:21,520
Speaker 1: So I'll make sure that we bring home enough bacon,

453
00:27:21,560 --> 00:27:24,159
Speaker 1: and she makes sure that everybody in the family gets

454
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,880
Speaker 1: to eat some of the bacon, if that makes sense.

455
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 1: So you have to have a producer, and you have

456
00:27:28,720 --> 00:27:33,240
Speaker 1: to have a distributor, and and so tip it doesn't

457
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:36,280
Speaker 1: have to be, but typically the producer is going to

458
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:37,960
Speaker 1: be the man and the woman is going to be

459
00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 1: the distributor. And so if you're a man looking for

460
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: a woman and you know that you're primarily a producer,

461
00:27:43,200 --> 00:27:47,800
Speaker 1: then finding woman who is skilled at distribution is going

462
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:51,359
Speaker 1: to be imperative. All right. So now that we've covered

463
00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:53,520
Speaker 1: kind of the characteristics for you know, to look for

464
00:27:53,800 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 1: in each other, here are some things to do to

465
00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 1: make the relationship work and be amazing. And I speak

466
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 1: from you know, now, nine years of experience of having

467
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: in my opinion, the best marriage. Like again, like I said,

468
00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 1: there's no there's nobody I know who I would trade

469
00:28:13,880 --> 00:28:20,119
Speaker 1: places with never leave. Now this is an old fashioned

470
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 1: idea that a lot of people will probably disagree with.

471
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:28,159
Speaker 1: But if you have two people who both know that

472
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,200
Speaker 1: there's no way out, that you have to work it

473
00:28:31,240 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 1: out at all costs, then you're going to work it out.

474
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:38,800
Speaker 1: But if you know in the back of your mind

475
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 1: that if if one certain thing happens, or if you

476
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:47,560
Speaker 1: know it gets just a little bit too hard, if

477
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:50,280
Speaker 1: it gets to that level, if it ever becomes like that,

478
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:55,120
Speaker 1: then you know I would just leave there. Good. There

479
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 1: are a chance, there's a good chance that it will

480
00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 1: actually get there then because you know there's uh, there's

481
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,719
Speaker 1: an exit door, an escape door in the in the

482
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,360
Speaker 1: back that you can that you can escape through. But

483
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: if you know you're stuck there and there is no escape,

484
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: then the only choice you have to make it better

485
00:29:16,520 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 1: is to make it better. You can't just quit. So

486
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: as much as possible, adopting the attitude of this is

487
00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: this is uh. You know that that's I mean, just

488
00:29:31,840 --> 00:29:33,719
Speaker 1: going back to the marriage vows till death to us

489
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 1: part going. If you actually commit to that, then there

490
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 1: is uh, there's a much higher chance that you're going

491
00:29:41,880 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 1: to decide to put in the work, and uh it

492
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:48,960
Speaker 1: will it will get much better and then the earlier

493
00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:51,400
Speaker 1: you have that mentality, the better because you won't let

494
00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:53,800
Speaker 1: things fester to get to that point. Because there's no

495
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 1: point to letting things fester. Might as well make it

496
00:29:56,440 --> 00:30:00,280
Speaker 1: better as soon as possible, because that just means to

497
00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 1: live with the uh the conflict for a shorter amount

498
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 1: of time. All right, Next, always finish the fight now.

499
00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 1: Like Jordan Peterson talks about marriage quite frequently lately, and

500
00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 1: he talks about always having the fight, I I think

501
00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:27,000
Speaker 1: it's more important to emphasize always finish the fight because

502
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:34,640
Speaker 1: I've been around quite a few couples who have unhappy marriages,

503
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:40,120
Speaker 1: and they have fights quite a bit. I don't think

504
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 1: I don't think a lot of people struggle with having

505
00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 1: the fight now. Part of that problem is, hey, we

506
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: don't have the little fight, and so that festers, that

507
00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,240
Speaker 1: compounds that boils over into having the big fight, and

508
00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,200
Speaker 1: that's a problem. So you always want to make sure

509
00:30:55,240 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 1: you have the fight as early as possible and so

510
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,640
Speaker 1: that they're as little as possible. But I think it's

511
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 1: vital that you've finished the fight because there's a tendency

512
00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: to begin the fight. Neither of you wants to give in,

513
00:31:10,640 --> 00:31:13,680
Speaker 1: and so it's like, all right, we'll we'll just finish

514
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,200
Speaker 1: this later, or I'm so upset because I wasn't able

515
00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,360
Speaker 1: to prove myself right, so I'm gonna walk away. Every

516
00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:22,720
Speaker 1: time you do that, you let bitterness and resentment enter

517
00:31:22,800 --> 00:31:26,760
Speaker 1: the equation, and eventually that boils over into contempt. And

518
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:30,680
Speaker 1: once you find yourself viewing that person as higher than

519
00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,200
Speaker 1: you or better than you, or you as higher or

520
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:35,840
Speaker 1: better than the other person, if one or both of

521
00:31:35,880 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: you view yourselves as unequal in terms of status, in

522
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: terms of being, in terms of goodness or badness, contempt

523
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: has entered the relationship, and that is called the fourth

524
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:57,560
Speaker 1: horsemen of relationships. From this is from John Gottman, the

525
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:01,959
Speaker 1: four horsemen of divorce Marriage. Contempt is the one that

526
00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:04,440
Speaker 1: I think ninety nine or one hundred percent at a time,

527
00:32:04,520 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: when that's visible in a relationship, the relationship ends in divorce.

528
00:32:07,840 --> 00:32:11,080
Speaker 1: So if you never let bitterness or resentment under the equation,

529
00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:13,840
Speaker 1: you don't have any ability for that to boil over

530
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:15,959
Speaker 1: into contempt. And the way you do that is by

531
00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 1: finishing the fight. Like when my wife and I get

532
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,600
Speaker 1: into an argument, and usually it's about very small stuff,

533
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,400
Speaker 1: as most people will know, like you're not you're not

534
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: really ever arguing about you know, really big things. Most

535
00:32:26,120 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: of the time, it's like, you know, arguing about who

536
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:32,560
Speaker 1: left the who left the doors or the cabinet the

537
00:32:32,560 --> 00:32:37,280
Speaker 1: cabinet doors open in the kitchen, or you know, you

538
00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 1: lost the remote you were the last one to use it,

539
00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:41,680
Speaker 1: not me. You know. It's little things like that, But ultimately,

540
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,720
Speaker 1: at the at the bottom of those there's something. There's

541
00:32:44,760 --> 00:32:47,400
Speaker 1: like a pain cord, there's an emotion, there's like a

542
00:32:48,080 --> 00:32:52,160
Speaker 1: need that's being you know struck or you know, poked

543
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,080
Speaker 1: underneath that surface level fight. So that surface level it's

544
00:32:56,160 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: never really about the remote or the cabinet doors. There's

545
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 1: something underneath that, and if you force yourself to finish

546
00:33:01,840 --> 00:33:04,200
Speaker 1: the fight, you'll discover what that is. Eventually get to

547
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: the point you'll be like, look, the reason why that

548
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: bothered me so much is because when you said, you know, no,

549
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,479
Speaker 1: I didn't touch it, and I told you you know,

550
00:33:15,560 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 1: I remember, you know the last thing that happened was

551
00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 1: you know this, and then I walked away. It felt

552
00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:22,800
Speaker 1: like you were telling me that I was lying to you,

553
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:26,000
Speaker 1: or that I was you know, an idiot, or you

554
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,840
Speaker 1: know whatever. Like there's some pain cored that's being struck

555
00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: and eventually you'll get to that. And once you get

556
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:33,760
Speaker 1: to the bottom of it, like the reason why this

557
00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:36,200
Speaker 1: made me so upset is because this was the pain

558
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 1: that it's that it caused in me, This was that

559
00:33:38,480 --> 00:33:41,840
Speaker 1: fear that it struck in me. Then you can address

560
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 1: that and be like, you know, I'm I'm really sorry.

561
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,680
Speaker 1: That was not my intention. This is this is what

562
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,880
Speaker 1: I've really meant when when that so, I'm sorry that

563
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:51,360
Speaker 1: that that you know caused that in you. And so

564
00:33:51,520 --> 00:33:53,720
Speaker 1: basically what I'm getting at is that if you always

565
00:33:53,840 --> 00:33:56,000
Speaker 1: force yourself to finish the fight, then you'll get to

566
00:33:56,040 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: that underlying issue and you'll be able to smooth over

567
00:33:59,160 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: the pain and empty out that pain bucket so that

568
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 1: it never fills to the top, never becomes bitterness. You

569
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:10,920
Speaker 1: never let that resentment sit overnight and then just say, Okay,

570
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,000
Speaker 1: well we forgot about it, we moved on. You did

571
00:34:13,040 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 1: not move on. Trust me, it is still there. You

572
00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:21,160
Speaker 1: must finish that fight, otherwise that will build up, build up,

573
00:34:21,160 --> 00:34:23,200
Speaker 1: build up over time, and then suddenly one of you

574
00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,880
Speaker 1: cheats and you wonder, where in the world did our

575
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 1: life go, How in the world did this ever happen?

576
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: Where did my best friend go? I thought this was

577
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 1: going to be for life. Always finish the fight next.

578
00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:40,799
Speaker 1: Missed expectations will cause you to doubt what you know.

579
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:45,840
Speaker 1: You know, I'm going to say that again. Missed expectations

580
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: will cause you to doubt what you know. You know.

581
00:34:50,440 --> 00:34:53,080
Speaker 1: So there's a good story about this. For those of

582
00:34:53,120 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: you who aren't religious, don't worry. This does not actually,

583
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:57,960
Speaker 1: you know, I'm not, you know, making any religious point here.

584
00:34:58,000 --> 00:35:03,839
Speaker 1: But there's a story in the Bible where Jesus has

585
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,959
Speaker 1: a cousin named John, and John's mission was to tell

586
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:11,560
Speaker 1: the world that Jesus was the Messiah, that Jesus was

587
00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:15,320
Speaker 1: the one who had who God had sent to rescue

588
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 1: the world. And so the as the Bible says, John

589
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,600
Speaker 1: knew this from birth, and so when John became an adult,

590
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:27,520
Speaker 1: that's what he did. He went around telling people, Hey, Jesus,

591
00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 1: this is the person that everybody has been waiting for.

592
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,520
Speaker 1: This is the person God is sent to save everybody.

593
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:37,480
Speaker 1: And then what happened in the in the stories that

594
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 1: John goes to jail, he's arrested, and he's in prison,

595
00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: and he hears stories about what Jesus is doing, and

596
00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: Jesus is doing things like hanging out with prostitutes and

597
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,480
Speaker 1: hanging out with alcoholics and drug addicts and you know,

598
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: tax collectors like our version of like the irs agents,

599
00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,000
Speaker 1: and like, he's hanging out with all the wrong people,

600
00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:04,360
Speaker 1: doing all the wrong things. And so John sends some

601
00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:07,399
Speaker 1: of his friends to, you know, go ask Jesus and say, hey,

602
00:36:07,440 --> 00:36:11,319
Speaker 1: what's up? Are you actually the person who is here

603
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,720
Speaker 1: to save everybody? Now think about that for a second.

604
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,760
Speaker 1: The one who knew from birth and whose only mission

605
00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 1: in life was to tell the entire world as many

606
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:21,400
Speaker 1: people as he could that Jesus was the one that

607
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 1: God had sent. Suddenly he hears something Jesus is doing,

608
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:27,799
Speaker 1: like hanging out with prostitutes and alcoholics, and it makes

609
00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:31,640
Speaker 1: him question everything he had known since birth. He had

610
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,839
Speaker 1: an expectation that Jesus would come in he would be

611
00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 1: like a ruler, like a military leader, and overthrow Romans militarily.

612
00:36:40,360 --> 00:36:46,040
Speaker 1: That was his expectation, as most peoples were, and he

613
00:36:46,160 --> 00:36:49,560
Speaker 1: knew from birth that God had sent Jesus to be

614
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 1: the one to save everybody. But when his expectations were missed,

615
00:36:53,920 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: he had an expectation that didn't come true. It caused

616
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,879
Speaker 1: him to doubt what he knew he knew, and so

617
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: this is vital to understand in a relationship that when

618
00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 1: you start to question things that you used to know

619
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: with certainty, most of the time it's due to a

620
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:19,000
Speaker 1: missed expectation. You thought something would happen or should happen

621
00:37:19,120 --> 00:37:22,720
Speaker 1: and it didn't, or you thought something would never happen

622
00:37:22,840 --> 00:37:25,720
Speaker 1: and then it did. That will cause you to question

623
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 1: reality more than anything. So how do you get around this?

624
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 1: How do you stop that from happening? Over communicate. This

625
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 1: is the only way to prevent missed expectations from happening,

626
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:45,080
Speaker 1: or to deal with those missed expectations once they do happen.

627
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:51,240
Speaker 1: You must over communicate about everything. Funny little story within

628
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,240
Speaker 1: the first I don't know. This is probably the first

629
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:57,760
Speaker 1: year that my wife and I were married. We were

630
00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: going into a car wash and we had one of

631
00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 1: those We had just bought this car and it had

632
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,760
Speaker 1: like a membership left over on it to a car wash,

633
00:38:07,800 --> 00:38:09,759
Speaker 1: and so we were you know, it was like, you know,

634
00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:11,120
Speaker 1: one day left on it. So I was like, all right,

635
00:38:11,200 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 1: let's go get it washed because it's a free car wash.

636
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 1: So we pull into the car wash and there is

637
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:18,480
Speaker 1: nobody there, and so I stay out loud. I'm like,

638
00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:22,359
Speaker 1: this is so weird. Why in the world would there

639
00:38:22,400 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 1: not be anybody at the car wash? And my wife

640
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:31,439
Speaker 1: about two seconds later, she looks out the window, looks

641
00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:35,240
Speaker 1: up at the sky says, it's really cloudy out today.

642
00:38:36,239 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: So I think she wasn't listening to me, because that

643
00:38:41,719 --> 00:38:43,560
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with what I just said. So

644
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,120
Speaker 1: she was clearly just daydreaming, thinking about something else, noticed

645
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: it was cloudy, and then decided to verbalize that to

646
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 1: me and just say, hey, did you notice it was cloudy?

647
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,720
Speaker 1: Later that night? Because I didn't respond, I was like, oh, yeah, okay,

648
00:38:57,760 --> 00:38:59,440
Speaker 1: and then we went to the car wash, drove home whatever.

649
00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,680
Speaker 1: Later that night, it starts to rain, and I'm like,

650
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:07,680
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I can't believe it's raining. On the

651
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,240
Speaker 1: day we get the car, it hasn't rained in months,

652
00:39:10,480 --> 00:39:12,480
Speaker 1: and on the one day we decide to go get

653
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 1: the car washed, it rains, and my wife says, I

654
00:39:17,640 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 1: told you it was gonna rain. I just said, oh what, No,

655
00:39:23,040 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 1: you didn't. We got in the car, drove to the

656
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,799
Speaker 1: car wash, and then got the car washed, and not

657
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:32,879
Speaker 1: once did you ever communicate to me that it might

658
00:39:32,920 --> 00:39:35,520
Speaker 1: not be a good idea to do that because it

659
00:39:35,640 --> 00:39:39,000
Speaker 1: was going to rain probably, And she said, I did

660
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 1: when we were pulling into the car wash, I told

661
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:44,080
Speaker 1: you that it was likely to rain. And I said,

662
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,920
Speaker 1: do you mean when you looked at the sky and

663
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:53,680
Speaker 1: said it was cloudy? She's like yes. So when when

664
00:39:53,719 --> 00:39:59,200
Speaker 1: you just communicate, that is miscommunication. In order to actually

665
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:02,520
Speaker 1: have real communicat you have to over communicate. And she

666
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:05,399
Speaker 1: has learned this by now that I am it's very

667
00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:08,360
Speaker 1: difficult for me to pick up on her subtle hints

668
00:40:08,440 --> 00:40:12,359
Speaker 1: and cues that might be a me thing, that might

669
00:40:12,360 --> 00:40:14,719
Speaker 1: be a man thing. I'm not sure, but she is

670
00:40:14,800 --> 00:40:17,239
Speaker 1: now very good at over communicating. So if we were

671
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,760
Speaker 1: in that situation now, she would say, well, there's clouds

672
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,400
Speaker 1: in the sky, so maybe nobody's in the car wash

673
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 1: because it's likely to rain today, so maybe we shouldn't

674
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,680
Speaker 1: get the car washed today, knowing now that I probably

675
00:40:29,719 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: wouldn't pick up on it if she just said, hey,

676
00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:37,359
Speaker 1: it's cloudy out. And so over communication results in communication,

677
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 1: and just communication results in miscommunication. And so the way

678
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:50,240
Speaker 1: to avoid missed expectations is to over communicate, especially about

679
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,520
Speaker 1: needs and wants, and we'll get into that in a

680
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 1: few minutes next one. Never ever text. My wife and

681
00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:00,799
Speaker 1: I have by happenstance, not because we want to, but

682
00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:02,719
Speaker 1: just because we've kind of been thrust into it. Because

683
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:06,200
Speaker 1: our relationship is like the healthiest marriage of like everybody

684
00:41:06,200 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 1: that we know. Anytime somebody else's relationship blows up, like

685
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:12,040
Speaker 1: it just they come to us basically, And so we've

686
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:14,520
Speaker 1: been you know, kind of forced into a situation where

687
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,320
Speaker 1: we end up kind of like you know, talking people

688
00:41:17,360 --> 00:41:21,399
Speaker 1: through uh, you know, relationship troubles quite a bit. The

689
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:24,920
Speaker 1: one thing that is almost constant that shows up across

690
00:41:24,920 --> 00:41:28,360
Speaker 1: the board is that people have fights over text. That

691
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,719
Speaker 1: not even that, but even just that they communicate overtext.

692
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:37,279
Speaker 1: So this is this is important. Never ever, ever ever

693
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: text ever, Like if you want to, like like my

694
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 1: wife and I will text little like reminders of hey,

695
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:46,200
Speaker 1: remind me to tell you about this when I get home,

696
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:51,080
Speaker 1: or you know, random little questions, Hey did you did

697
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,480
Speaker 1: you do this? Or Hey, you know is this right?

698
00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:56,359
Speaker 1: Or whatever, like when we're when we're not near each other.

699
00:41:56,400 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: But for the most part, like we never communicate or

700
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:03,720
Speaker 1: talk or discuss things over text. Why is that because

701
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:09,520
Speaker 1: ninety percent of communication is nonverbal. Did you know that

702
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 1: when you talk with somebody, ninety percent of communication is nonverbal,

703
00:42:14,560 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 1: meaning the meaning doesn't come from the words themselves, even audio,

704
00:42:20,480 --> 00:42:23,360
Speaker 1: which you're listening to right now. If you close your eyes,

705
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:28,839
Speaker 1: you can probably imagine my facial expressions when I'm saying

706
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: these words, my hand gestures as I'm saying these words.

707
00:42:33,080 --> 00:42:37,239
Speaker 1: You hear the pauses, the words that I'm emphasizing. You

708
00:42:37,320 --> 00:42:39,759
Speaker 1: hear when I inflect up at the end of a

709
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,640
Speaker 1: sentence to make it sound like a question. Like all

710
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,239
Speaker 1: of these things, most people don't realize that these are

711
00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 1: nonverbal communication cues. These are this is meaning that is

712
00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:54,959
Speaker 1: being communicated through the waywords are said, the way words

713
00:42:55,000 --> 00:42:59,279
Speaker 1: are not said, the silences, the delays, and the emphasis

714
00:42:59,360 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 1: emphasis on the words, not the words themselves. And so

715
00:43:04,320 --> 00:43:07,320
Speaker 1: when you text somebody to communicate to them, or email

716
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:11,200
Speaker 1: somebody to communicate to them, you are missing ninety percent

717
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:15,000
Speaker 1: of what that person is trying to communicate to you

718
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:19,000
Speaker 1: ninety percent, And so you would have to flood it

719
00:43:19,160 --> 00:43:22,799
Speaker 1: with I mean, basically, it's just almost impossible to not

720
00:43:22,920 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 1: miscommunicate about anything meaningful if you're doing it over text

721
00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:29,080
Speaker 1: or email. And so when you have any sort of stress,

722
00:43:29,160 --> 00:43:30,880
Speaker 1: or if there's any sort of fight or an argument

723
00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 1: or discussion about something, you put one little punctuation mark

724
00:43:35,360 --> 00:43:38,360
Speaker 1: in the wrong spot, a period instead of an exclamation point,

725
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,680
Speaker 1: or a period instead of no period, or you use

726
00:43:43,000 --> 00:43:45,399
Speaker 1: either if there's a typo, or you use one little

727
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 1: wrong word, and in your mind, you're emphasizing the first word,

728
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,320
Speaker 1: but in their mind when they read it, they emphasize

729
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:55,880
Speaker 1: the last word. It's like the ability to communicate properly

730
00:43:56,360 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 1: is almost impossible, and miscommunicate over text email is almost

731
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:05,479
Speaker 1: inevitable because of how much communication is not transferred through

732
00:44:05,520 --> 00:44:09,640
Speaker 1: written word. That that meaning that you're trying to convey

733
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: just doesn't go if you just include written words. And so,

734
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:19,240
Speaker 1: especially about a fight, but even for regular discussion. Never text.

735
00:44:19,520 --> 00:44:21,480
Speaker 1: By the way, if you don't text, then when you

736
00:44:21,520 --> 00:44:24,360
Speaker 1: see each other, you'll actually have something to talk about,

737
00:44:24,520 --> 00:44:27,640
Speaker 1: and you won't just resort to throwing on Netflix or

738
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:30,799
Speaker 1: sitting on your phones and watching tiktoks or YouTube on

739
00:44:30,840 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 1: the same couch. It's like, no, you're actually going to

740
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,120
Speaker 1: have things to talk about. You're going to be living

741
00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 1: with this person in a relationship for the rest of

742
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,160
Speaker 1: your life. Don't you want to be able to talk

743
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: to them and so actually talk to them about these things,

744
00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,440
Speaker 1: because if you and if you, if you talk to

745
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,120
Speaker 1: them about it in person, then that will lead to

746
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:53,160
Speaker 1: other conversation. You'll you'll continue to get to know each

747
00:44:53,200 --> 00:44:56,040
Speaker 1: other forever. Instead of getting it all out the way

748
00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:01,200
Speaker 1: in these lack communication lacking uh, text messages or emails

749
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:06,120
Speaker 1: that cause fights, you'll actually be able to continue to

750
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 1: enjoy each other. Okay, Next, consider their needs as more

751
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: important than your own. And now this is not consider

752
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: that that person is better than you. This is not

753
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:23,799
Speaker 1: a false belief about humility or anything like that. This

754
00:45:23,920 --> 00:45:26,920
Speaker 1: is just in your actions, act as if their needs

755
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:31,440
Speaker 1: are more important than yours, and in doing so, they

756
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: will be uh, they will be so blessed if that's

757
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:42,640
Speaker 1: the right word, that they will reciprocate. This just how

758
00:45:42,960 --> 00:45:45,719
Speaker 1: how humans work. This is mirror neurons. This is the

759
00:45:45,719 --> 00:45:48,560
Speaker 1: way that humans interact with each other is reciprocal. It's

760
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:52,000
Speaker 1: I scratch your back, you scratch mind. It's give first,

761
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: and the other person is also likely to give. And

762
00:45:54,680 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 1: the more you treat them as if they were their

763
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 1: needs were more important than yours, then the more, they

764
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:03,359
Speaker 1: will reciprocate that, and if they don't, then you've got

765
00:46:03,360 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 1: a communication issue there. If you are this is this

766
00:46:08,200 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: goes back I have I guess I have this one

767
00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 1: out of order. This goes back to if you are

768
00:46:11,640 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 1: looking for if you're not married yet, the biggest question

769
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,799
Speaker 1: that I would ask is when when I have a

770
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:22,200
Speaker 1: son or a daughter and they grow up, what I

771
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,200
Speaker 1: want them to be like you? So, if I'm a man,

772
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:27,759
Speaker 1: I'm looking at a woman and I think I'm gonna

773
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:29,719
Speaker 1: have a daughter someday when she grows up, what I

774
00:46:29,760 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 1: want her to be like you? Then that really forces

775
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,080
Speaker 1: you to think, Okay, our whole relationship, how does she

776
00:46:35,120 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 1: treat me? What does she do? What does she not

777
00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 1: do like? How does she talk? How does she interact

778
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,799
Speaker 1: with you know, superiors, with my family, with everybody? Like?

779
00:46:41,840 --> 00:46:44,040
Speaker 1: What kind of person is she? And what I want

780
00:46:44,040 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 1: my daughter to be? Just like that? And if the

781
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 1: answer is yes, that's a huge green flag, great sign.

782
00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:55,160
Speaker 1: The answer is no, it's almost as it's time to

783
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:59,120
Speaker 1: end this thing. Because every marriage, every every relationship will

784
00:46:59,200 --> 00:47:02,880
Speaker 1: either end in death or in a breakup or a divorce.

785
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 1: You're either going to be with that person forever, or

786
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:09,160
Speaker 1: you're gonna be with somebody else instead. And so, if

787
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 1: you're not going to be with that person forever, might

788
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:16,440
Speaker 1: as well move on and find that person. And so.

789
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 1: And then if you're a woman you're looking at a man,

790
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:20,960
Speaker 1: you know you're gonna have a son, or you imagine

791
00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,640
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a son some day? What I want?

792
00:47:23,000 --> 00:47:24,600
Speaker 1: Even if you don't think you are, it's still a

793
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:26,680
Speaker 1: helpful question. Ask if I have a son some day,

794
00:47:26,680 --> 00:47:28,640
Speaker 1: would I want them to turn out just like this guy?

795
00:47:28,719 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: Because chances are, if you do have kids, they will

796
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 1: probably grow up pretty similar to you. Because as a man,

797
00:47:38,200 --> 00:47:39,960
Speaker 1: your biggest role model in life is going to be

798
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:42,520
Speaker 1: your father, and as a woman, your biggest role model

799
00:47:42,520 --> 00:47:44,239
Speaker 1: in life is going to be your mother. And so

800
00:47:44,440 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: chances are you're gonna grow up pretty similar to your parents,

801
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:54,239
Speaker 1: at least for the base characteristics. All right, Next, stick

802
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:58,520
Speaker 1: to your strengths and allow them to stick to their strengths.

803
00:47:58,920 --> 00:48:04,919
Speaker 1: So many relationships clash over finances. Some people are good

804
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:08,799
Speaker 1: at spending, you know, being frugal and budgeting. Some people

805
00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 1: are good at investing. So like for me and my wife,

806
00:48:12,719 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 1: we would sit down this was you know, for the

807
00:48:14,600 --> 00:48:17,920
Speaker 1: when we were really, you know, financially pressed. In the

808
00:48:17,960 --> 00:48:20,359
Speaker 1: first couple of years of our marriage, we would sit

809
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:22,959
Speaker 1: down at the beginning of each month and we would say, Okay,

810
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:24,840
Speaker 1: we know this month we're going to make exactly this

811
00:48:24,920 --> 00:48:27,040
Speaker 1: many dollars. And at the beginning it was like two

812
00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:30,000
Speaker 1: thousand dollars. We know we have to spend you know,

813
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,000
Speaker 1: let's say seven hundred and fifty bucks or eight hundred

814
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: bucks on rent. So now we have twelve hundred bucks

815
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:36,520
Speaker 1: left over. All right, we have two hundred fifty dollars

816
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:38,680
Speaker 1: to spend on food, we have this much to spend

817
00:48:38,719 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: on gas, we have this much to spend on whatever,

818
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:44,120
Speaker 1: whatever the categories were, insurance, et cetera. We didn't have

819
00:48:44,160 --> 00:48:47,080
Speaker 1: any money left over. If I go to the grocery

820
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:49,000
Speaker 1: store and I have two hundred fifty dollars, it's supposed

821
00:48:49,000 --> 00:48:50,560
Speaker 1: to last the whole month. I'm going to see a

822
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,399
Speaker 1: bag of chips. I'm going to look at the grocer list,

823
00:48:53,960 --> 00:48:55,879
Speaker 1: and I'm going to see that there's no chips on there.

824
00:48:56,760 --> 00:48:58,759
Speaker 1: I'm probably going to get the chips anyway, because they

825
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,439
Speaker 1: look really good, and we have two hundred fifty dollars.

826
00:49:01,480 --> 00:49:03,239
Speaker 1: So what if I spent an extra five dollars this time,

827
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 1: we still have you know, the rest of the money

828
00:49:04,960 --> 00:49:07,520
Speaker 1: for the rest of the month. But that means now

829
00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:09,839
Speaker 1: we can't get something later on and maybe we blow

830
00:49:09,880 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: our budget, go over whatever. And so my wife and

831
00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:16,200
Speaker 1: I realized that really quickly that I get tempted by

832
00:49:16,760 --> 00:49:19,520
Speaker 1: colorful pack well, okay, used to I you know, since

833
00:49:20,000 --> 00:49:22,759
Speaker 1: before twenty twenty, when I used to eat chunk food,

834
00:49:23,120 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 1: I'd get tempted by colorful packaging on Cheetos and cookies

835
00:49:27,440 --> 00:49:30,640
Speaker 1: and ice cream. And so I was not the one

836
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:33,839
Speaker 1: in charge of grocery shopping because when I did, I'd

837
00:49:33,840 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 1: buy the stuff we didn't need. And guess what, I

838
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 1: recognized that was a weakness too. She definitely recognized that

839
00:49:41,200 --> 00:49:45,200
Speaker 1: was a weakness. She was okay picking up that burden

840
00:49:45,680 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: of the one that I was not able to bear,

841
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:51,160
Speaker 1: and she did a fantastic job at it. And I

842
00:49:51,200 --> 00:49:52,759
Speaker 1: was okay with letting her do that, even though it

843
00:49:52,800 --> 00:49:56,640
Speaker 1: meant I couldn't have my doritos. It was a season.

844
00:49:57,360 --> 00:49:59,880
Speaker 1: And so stick to your strengths. And I know, like

845
00:50:00,080 --> 00:50:01,520
Speaker 1: the reason why I mention that is because a lot

846
00:50:01,560 --> 00:50:04,439
Speaker 1: of people will clash over that. That'll be a source

847
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:07,319
Speaker 1: of contention and a fight, like she won't let me

848
00:50:07,360 --> 00:50:10,920
Speaker 1: get the things that I want to get, or we

849
00:50:10,960 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: would be financially successful if he would have let me

850
00:50:13,680 --> 00:50:15,960
Speaker 1: invest for the long term. But he always spent our

851
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:21,080
Speaker 1: money right now. So it's like, I'm personally very good

852
00:50:21,160 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: at the long term. My wife is a lot better

853
00:50:23,600 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 1: at the short term, a lot better than me at

854
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:28,759
Speaker 1: the short term. So instead of fighting about it, work

855
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: to your strengths, like a cog in a machine, like

856
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:34,040
Speaker 1: a gear and a clock. It's like she is one thing,

857
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,279
Speaker 1: I do the other, and we benefit by sticking to

858
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:41,120
Speaker 1: our strengths. Instead of fighting over that, we allow each

859
00:50:41,120 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 1: other to take up those burdens. Now, a lot of

860
00:50:48,840 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 1: these things that I've talked about are not normal. When

861
00:50:52,160 --> 00:50:54,080
Speaker 1: I talk about you know, never leave, work it out

862
00:50:54,080 --> 00:50:57,800
Speaker 1: at all costs, finish the fight over, communicate, never text,

863
00:51:00,080 --> 00:51:02,080
Speaker 1: think about would you want your kids someday to grow

864
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 1: up like them? You know. Division of labor even this

865
00:51:06,320 --> 00:51:08,520
Speaker 1: is like a you know, this is you know, politically

866
00:51:08,600 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 1: incorrect these days to say, Okay, I produce and she distributes.

867
00:51:13,440 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 1: It's like it's like you're you're being sexist or something,

868
00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 1: and you know what these are abnormal, but normal people

869
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:25,840
Speaker 1: are miserable, and normal people are broke. So if you

870
00:51:25,960 --> 00:51:30,360
Speaker 1: want to be normal, that's fine. Go do the things

871
00:51:30,400 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: that all of the broken, miserable people do, and you

872
00:51:33,600 --> 00:51:36,600
Speaker 1: will be normal, and you will be miserable and you

873
00:51:36,640 --> 00:51:40,239
Speaker 1: will be broke. But if you want to have financial success,

874
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 1: most people don't have financial success, so you cannot do

875
00:51:45,160 --> 00:51:48,120
Speaker 1: the thing that most people do. You have to do

876
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:53,480
Speaker 1: something that is different than society's standards. And so maybe

877
00:51:53,520 --> 00:51:56,080
Speaker 1: the things that I'm saying aren't one hundred percent going

878
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:59,600
Speaker 1: to work for you, but the mindset of saying, you

879
00:51:59,640 --> 00:52:01,920
Speaker 1: know what, we're going to do what works for us,

880
00:52:01,960 --> 00:52:06,720
Speaker 1: and nobody, whether society or our family or our friends,

881
00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 1: is going to be able to tell us to do

882
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: something different. Even though it looks weird to them, it

883
00:52:11,280 --> 00:52:13,920
Speaker 1: works for us. And my wife or my husband is

884
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:15,680
Speaker 1: my best friend and we're going to be together for

885
00:52:15,719 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: the rest of our lives. And so we're going to

886
00:52:17,320 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 1: do the thing that makes us happiest and most successful,

887
00:52:21,320 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 1: regardless of what anybody else says. And you know what,

888
00:52:24,280 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 1: when you do that, five years go by, people will

889
00:52:28,040 --> 00:52:31,600
Speaker 1: come to you asking you for advice. At the beginning

890
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:34,399
Speaker 1: the beginning, they'll tell you you're strange, they'll tell you're

891
00:52:34,400 --> 00:52:36,840
Speaker 1: making a mistake, they'll tell you should do something different

892
00:52:36,880 --> 00:52:40,400
Speaker 1: because you're going to make them uncomfortable because you're not

893
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 1: conforming to their standards. But in five years, when you're

894
00:52:45,680 --> 00:52:49,319
Speaker 1: worth ten times what they're worth, and you're successful and

895
00:52:49,320 --> 00:52:51,319
Speaker 1: you're happy and they're on the verge of divorce, they're

896
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:54,200
Speaker 1: going to be coming to you for advice and no

897
00:52:54,280 --> 00:52:56,600
Speaker 1: longer be telling you what to do, so the results

898
00:52:56,640 --> 00:53:00,719
Speaker 1: will speak for themselves. All right, this is a big one.

899
00:53:01,320 --> 00:53:06,799
Speaker 1: You must tell your spouse what you want. How can

900
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 1: you expect that they will know what you want if

901
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:14,000
Speaker 1: you will never tell them Every time you think, well,

902
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:16,759
Speaker 1: they should just know that by now. That is a

903
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:20,200
Speaker 1: signal that you need to go tell them something, because

904
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:24,200
Speaker 1: if they don't know it by now, then maybe they'll

905
00:53:24,239 --> 00:53:27,120
Speaker 1: never know it unless you tell them. And if you

906
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:31,600
Speaker 1: have to tell them one hundred times every single day

907
00:53:32,040 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: for one hundred days straight before they finally get it, well,

908
00:53:36,200 --> 00:53:40,960
Speaker 1: guess what that was three and a half months. What

909
00:53:41,080 --> 00:53:45,520
Speaker 1: is that in the scope of the next fifty years

910
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:50,000
Speaker 1: is three and a half months of I have to

911
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:53,520
Speaker 1: desire to repeat myself every day is that worth it

912
00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: to get fifty years of satisfaction, of happiness, of being

913
00:53:59,000 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 1: able to stop resenting your partner for not doing something

914
00:54:03,000 --> 00:54:06,560
Speaker 1: you never told them you wanted them to do. Always

915
00:54:07,040 --> 00:54:10,880
Speaker 1: tell them what you want. And again it's self like.

916
00:54:11,280 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: Introspection is very difficult. So you have to build patterns

917
00:54:15,680 --> 00:54:20,600
Speaker 1: of recognizing flags. And one of these flags is the

918
00:54:20,680 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 1: thought they should know this by now, because that thought

919
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:27,880
Speaker 1: pops up. And when that thought pops up, that is

920
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:30,759
Speaker 1: a flag, and you need to translate that to what

921
00:54:30,840 --> 00:54:34,040
Speaker 1: do I need to tell them? And look, I understand

922
00:54:34,360 --> 00:54:42,120
Speaker 1: it's hard. Resentment actually feels good, and it's it's difficult

923
00:54:42,160 --> 00:54:44,719
Speaker 1: to admit this to yourself, especially in the moment. But

924
00:54:44,840 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 1: resentment does feel good because it allows you to say

925
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:51,360
Speaker 1: I was right. When they don't do something that you

926
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:54,360
Speaker 1: wanted them to do and you told them that you

927
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,719
Speaker 1: knew they weren't going to do it, it allows you

928
00:54:56,760 --> 00:54:58,799
Speaker 1: to say you were right. You feel that resentment, you're

929
00:54:59,040 --> 00:55:03,040
Speaker 1: mildly angry, frustrated, even though it makes you upset at them,

930
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:08,319
Speaker 1: it feels good because you were right. There's a there's

931
00:55:08,360 --> 00:55:11,840
Speaker 1: a an experiment. Andrew Huberman talks about this experiment that

932
00:55:11,880 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 1: they insert probes into a little elect electric probes into

933
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,680
Speaker 1: people's brains too, And this is you know, they could

934
00:55:18,719 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 1: stimulate like little little electric pulses in the brain to

935
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,799
Speaker 1: stimulate different emotions so and feelings. And so if they

936
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:27,120
Speaker 1: do it one way, they can make somebody actually feel drunk.

937
00:55:27,120 --> 00:55:28,920
Speaker 1: They do it another way, they can make feel somebody

938
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,440
Speaker 1: feel you know, like sexual pleasure. Another way they can

939
00:55:31,480 --> 00:55:37,319
Speaker 1: feel make them feel angry, mild frustration, sleepy, whatever the

940
00:55:37,960 --> 00:55:40,080
Speaker 1: And then people would mark down like how much they

941
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:45,359
Speaker 1: enjoyed each one without knowing what they were. The one

942
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:48,319
Speaker 1: that people raided the highest as the most enjoyable of

943
00:55:48,440 --> 00:55:54,040
Speaker 1: all those feelings mild frustration, mild anger. And the reason

944
00:55:54,120 --> 00:55:58,680
Speaker 1: is because like biologically, that is fuel. Whenever we feel

945
00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:01,320
Speaker 1: that mild frustration mild anger, that is fuel that gives

946
00:56:01,400 --> 00:56:03,200
Speaker 1: us the drive and the energy and the motivation to

947
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:05,680
Speaker 1: go out and accomplish something. It allows us to go

948
00:56:05,719 --> 00:56:08,920
Speaker 1: do what's necessary. So it makes sense biologically that that

949
00:56:08,920 --> 00:56:11,759
Speaker 1: would be the most enjoyable, because as you encounter those

950
00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:16,399
Speaker 1: things that that are obstructing your way forward, it makes

951
00:56:16,440 --> 00:56:18,200
Speaker 1: sense that that would be the most enjoyable to go

952
00:56:18,239 --> 00:56:24,080
Speaker 1: and try and attack that. And so when It can

953
00:56:24,080 --> 00:56:26,680
Speaker 1: be self destructive if you allow it to fester because

954
00:56:26,719 --> 00:56:29,280
Speaker 1: of it feeling good without you actually fixing the problem,

955
00:56:29,280 --> 00:56:31,399
Speaker 1: because it allows you to say I was right, even

956
00:56:31,400 --> 00:56:35,759
Speaker 1: though it makes you upset at them. And if you

957
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:37,799
Speaker 1: open yourself up to them and say, hey, look like

958
00:56:38,239 --> 00:56:40,160
Speaker 1: I want you to do this or I don't want

959
00:56:40,160 --> 00:56:42,040
Speaker 1: you to do this, this makes me feel this way,

960
00:56:42,320 --> 00:56:46,480
Speaker 1: if they still either reject you or do something anyway

961
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:49,680
Speaker 1: even though you ask them not to, that opens yourself

962
00:56:49,760 --> 00:56:55,680
Speaker 1: up to real pain. So it's very difficult to allow

963
00:56:55,680 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 1: yourself to be that vulnerable and to expose yourself to

964
00:56:59,239 --> 00:57:01,319
Speaker 1: somebody and say, hey, look like, I'm giving you the

965
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:05,200
Speaker 1: opportunity to really hurt me here because I want this

966
00:57:05,320 --> 00:57:08,400
Speaker 1: or I don't want this, and now you have the

967
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:11,040
Speaker 1: opportunity to hurt me. And so that's a really difficult

968
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:15,640
Speaker 1: thing to do. And so because of that, it's a

969
00:57:15,680 --> 00:57:18,080
Speaker 1: lot easier to resort to that really good feeling of

970
00:57:18,080 --> 00:57:22,440
Speaker 1: that mild frustration. But the long term effects compounding interest

971
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,880
Speaker 1: is everything in life, and the compounding interest effects of

972
00:57:24,920 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 1: that are resentment, bitterness, contempt, anger, and divorce or dying miserable.

973
00:57:31,240 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 1: The alternative is being vulnerable, telling somebody what they telling

974
00:57:35,720 --> 00:57:40,000
Speaker 1: them what you want, because how can you expect that

975
00:57:40,040 --> 00:57:42,000
Speaker 1: they'll know what you want if you'll never tell them.

976
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,840
Speaker 1: And eventually, if you both are committed to this for

977
00:57:45,920 --> 00:57:50,240
Speaker 1: the long haul, eventually you guys will start doing things right.

978
00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:52,440
Speaker 1: And if it takes you one hundred times, if it

979
00:57:52,520 --> 00:57:55,560
Speaker 1: takes you a thousand times, what is three years in

980
00:57:55,560 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 1: the scope of the next sixty years. It's nothing. So

981
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:04,640
Speaker 1: tell them what you want, be vulnerable, and never enjoy

982
00:58:04,760 --> 00:58:12,200
Speaker 1: resentment more than you desire the long term of true satisfaction.

983
00:58:13,440 --> 00:58:19,040
Speaker 1: All right, Now for a little bit with kids, just

984
00:58:19,080 --> 00:58:22,120
Speaker 1: for the last to wrap this up here, always prioritize

985
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:25,000
Speaker 1: your marriage over parenting. I know this is another one

986
00:58:25,040 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 1: that people are going to lose their minds about, but

987
00:58:27,600 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 1: the only way to actually prioritize your kids well being

988
00:58:30,960 --> 00:58:35,280
Speaker 1: is to prioritize your spouse because if your marriage is

989
00:58:35,320 --> 00:58:40,560
Speaker 1: falling apart, your kids' lives are going to suffer immeasurably.

990
00:58:41,720 --> 00:58:45,280
Speaker 1: So if you don't prioritize your relationship, that suffering will

991
00:58:45,280 --> 00:58:48,919
Speaker 1: get passed on. You're going to benefit your kids by

992
00:58:49,000 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 1: modeling that the most important person in your life is

993
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,640
Speaker 1: your spouse because guess what, you're with that person for

994
00:58:55,680 --> 00:58:57,200
Speaker 1: the rest of your life. Your kids are with you

995
00:58:57,320 --> 00:59:01,080
Speaker 1: until they're eighteen or maybe, you know, maybe if they're

996
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 1: really unsuccessful, then they're with you till they're thirty and

997
00:59:03,280 --> 00:59:06,360
Speaker 1: they're living in your basement playing video games. But your

998
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 1: lifelong partner is your spouse, not your kids. So modeling

999
00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:13,320
Speaker 1: is more important than anything. The default learning for humans

1000
00:59:13,360 --> 00:59:15,880
Speaker 1: is through mirror neurons. That's how we learn. That's why

1001
00:59:16,200 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 1: kids copy their parents. When you know, they always say

1002
00:59:20,360 --> 00:59:22,640
Speaker 1: that you're at you're the average of the five people

1003
00:59:22,640 --> 00:59:25,600
Speaker 1: that you spend the most time around. It's because of

1004
00:59:25,640 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 1: the way that people learn is modeling behavior. It's always

1005
00:59:28,840 --> 00:59:31,160
Speaker 1: been that way for all people. That's what mirror neurons are.

1006
00:59:31,160 --> 00:59:34,160
Speaker 1: That's you know, that's that's how how we learn how

1007
00:59:34,160 --> 00:59:37,880
Speaker 1: to do things is by mimicking the people that were around,

1008
00:59:37,880 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 1: and we do that automatically by default, without trying. And

1009
00:59:43,000 --> 00:59:46,520
Speaker 1: so if you model, hey, the most important person in

1010
00:59:46,600 --> 00:59:49,479
Speaker 1: a person's life is their spouse, well, number one, they're

1011
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: going to have a much better relationship when they get older.

1012
00:59:54,200 --> 00:59:58,480
Speaker 1: Number two, you are going to present a unified frontier kids,

1013
00:59:58,760 --> 01:00:00,720
Speaker 1: and you're not going to be battling each other. Every

1014
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:03,440
Speaker 1: time one of you tries to parent, like I know

1015
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:06,320
Speaker 1: people where every time, you know, the dad tries to

1016
01:00:07,480 --> 01:00:12,840
Speaker 1: discipline his kids, the the mom steps in and yells

1017
01:00:12,880 --> 01:00:16,680
Speaker 1: at him for the way that he tries to parent

1018
01:00:16,760 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 1: his kids. So then he stops parenting his kids, and

1019
01:00:19,680 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 1: then she starts to yell at him for never parenting.

1020
01:00:22,040 --> 01:00:24,240
Speaker 1: So it's like, what do you want? Do you want

1021
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:27,520
Speaker 1: somebody who like is he bad at it? Yes, because

1022
01:00:27,520 --> 01:00:30,200
Speaker 1: he's never been allowed to do it, So let him

1023
01:00:30,240 --> 01:00:34,600
Speaker 1: do it. Fight in private about it, or not even fight,

1024
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:37,360
Speaker 1: just discuss it in private. Next time. Do it this way, please,

1025
01:00:37,720 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 1: because you know when you do it this way, it

1026
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,560
Speaker 1: makes me feel like you know this, and you can

1027
01:00:41,600 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 1: present a unified front to your kids. And then maybe

1028
01:00:45,360 --> 01:00:46,800
Speaker 1: it takes him a couple of years to get good

1029
01:00:46,840 --> 01:00:49,000
Speaker 1: at it, but eventually he'll get good at it instead

1030
01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:52,160
Speaker 1: of never allowing him to practice and fail and get better.

1031
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:56,560
Speaker 1: And so always prioritize your marriage over your parent over parenting.

1032
01:00:58,040 --> 01:01:00,840
Speaker 1: Never prioritize your relationship with your kids over your relationship

1033
01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:04,000
Speaker 1: with your spouse, and never let the kids come in

1034
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:06,960
Speaker 1: between you. You are more, your relationship is more important,

1035
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:11,680
Speaker 1: and that's difficult to do sometimes, but when you do it,

1036
01:01:12,040 --> 01:01:17,360
Speaker 1: then your kids' lives will actually benefit immeasurably over trying

1037
01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:19,920
Speaker 1: to prioritize them first, because if you try and prioritize

1038
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:27,280
Speaker 1: them first, your marriage falls apart. Everything suffers. Lastly, how

1039
01:01:27,320 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 1: to find this person? I mentioned this earlier. If you're

1040
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:33,160
Speaker 1: not already married, you have to you have to be

1041
01:01:33,360 --> 01:01:37,600
Speaker 1: worthy of that person. So kind of going back to

1042
01:01:37,640 --> 01:01:40,959
Speaker 1: the beginning of that, what the videos where those guys

1043
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,200
Speaker 1: will go around and the last women, Hey, like, what's

1044
01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:46,440
Speaker 1: your minimum standards for a guy that you're going to marry?

1045
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 1: Ninety nine percent of those women are not women that

1046
01:01:52,960 --> 01:01:57,600
Speaker 1: those guys would choose. They're out there partying every single night.

1047
01:01:57,840 --> 01:02:00,920
Speaker 1: They're sleeping around, they're spending all their money, They're not

1048
01:02:01,080 --> 01:02:04,160
Speaker 1: doing anything with their lives. They're not compassionate, they're not

1049
01:02:04,800 --> 01:02:08,280
Speaker 1: uh you know, hard working, they're not They're not anything

1050
01:02:08,840 --> 01:02:11,680
Speaker 1: that those people would be looking for. And similarly, like,

1051
01:02:11,760 --> 01:02:14,120
Speaker 1: if you're a guy and you want a girl who

1052
01:02:14,200 --> 01:02:18,840
Speaker 1: is uh, you know, healthy, who is in shape, who

1053
01:02:18,920 --> 01:02:23,920
Speaker 1: is respectful, who is loving, who is uh you know

1054
01:02:24,240 --> 01:02:28,640
Speaker 1: uh has has a great family? Uh somebody who is

1055
01:02:29,280 --> 01:02:33,520
Speaker 1: uh has the capacity to be a good mother, someday,

1056
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:36,880
Speaker 1: somebody who is frugal, somebody who is able to suffer

1057
01:02:36,920 --> 01:02:41,000
Speaker 1: through difficult times, somebody who you really enjoy, who has

1058
01:02:41,040 --> 01:02:43,400
Speaker 1: a really good personality and a great sense of humor.

1059
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 1: And here I'm just basically describing describing my wife. If

1060
01:02:48,880 --> 01:02:52,760
Speaker 1: you're if you're looking for that type of girl, and

1061
01:02:52,840 --> 01:02:57,600
Speaker 1: you're working a dead end job, you quit, you quit

1062
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:01,160
Speaker 1: working on your degree, You're not pursuing any skills, you

1063
01:03:01,360 --> 01:03:04,440
Speaker 1: waste all of your time. You're spending time on the

1064
01:03:04,440 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 1: internet looking at women instead of going out there and

1065
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:10,680
Speaker 1: becoming social and meeting people. You're playing video games with

1066
01:03:10,720 --> 01:03:14,880
Speaker 1: your high school friends. You're getting drunk every night, you're partying.

1067
01:03:15,520 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 1: You're not the type of person that that girl is

1068
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 1: looking for. So the best way to find that person

1069
01:03:23,280 --> 01:03:26,600
Speaker 1: is to become the person that that person is looking for.

1070
01:03:27,760 --> 01:03:31,200
Speaker 1: And in pursuit of that, there's a good chance that

1071
01:03:31,240 --> 01:03:36,080
Speaker 1: you'll probably find somebody who is similar to you know,

1072
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:39,240
Speaker 1: who you're looking for, because you're gonna start associating with

1073
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:41,000
Speaker 1: different people. You're gonna be on different paths, you're gonna

1074
01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:42,880
Speaker 1: doing different things. You're gonna be you know, on you know,

1075
01:03:43,120 --> 01:03:46,440
Speaker 1: a different wavelength. You're going to be in different in

1076
01:03:46,480 --> 01:03:50,760
Speaker 1: different groups, around different people in pursuit of becoming that person.

1077
01:03:51,360 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: So so become the person that that person is looking for.

1078
01:03:56,680 --> 01:04:00,880
Speaker 1: I hope this is helpful. Like I said, said, who

1079
01:04:00,920 --> 01:04:03,480
Speaker 1: you marry is the number one decision that will dictate

1080
01:04:03,520 --> 01:04:07,240
Speaker 1: your financial success. And if I wouldn't have found somebody,

1081
01:04:07,280 --> 01:04:09,840
Speaker 1: if I would have married somebody who was extremely frugal,

1082
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,280
Speaker 1: who was able to live through hard times luck Like

1083
01:04:12,320 --> 01:04:18,760
Speaker 1: my wife grew up in four different countries including the US, Afghanistan,

1084
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:21,320
Speaker 1: who was Pakistan, and Pakistan is where she grew up

1085
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:26,960
Speaker 1: as a kid, and so she's there's nothing we that

1086
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:29,160
Speaker 1: I could have you know, especially in the early years

1087
01:04:29,200 --> 01:04:31,600
Speaker 1: of our relationship, no situation we could have been in

1088
01:04:31,640 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 1: where she would have been like, oh this is too hard,

1089
01:04:33,400 --> 01:04:35,600
Speaker 1: Like I'm not into this. It's like it's like no,

1090
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:40,840
Speaker 1: she understands suffering, she understands how to live life well.

1091
01:04:42,040 --> 01:04:47,720
Speaker 1: And all of the enjoyable memories we've had all of

1092
01:04:47,720 --> 01:04:50,640
Speaker 1: our relationship, all the things that we've learned have been

1093
01:04:50,760 --> 01:04:55,480
Speaker 1: you know, either we've stumbled on by luck or we've

1094
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 1: found through you know, talking to uh, talking to people

1095
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:02,360
Speaker 1: who who are wiser than us, or examining the failures

1096
01:05:02,360 --> 01:05:05,480
Speaker 1: of relationships around us and avoiding those pitfalls. So this

1097
01:05:05,640 --> 01:05:08,520
Speaker 1: is not anything that we have you know, gotten to

1098
01:05:08,640 --> 01:05:15,480
Speaker 1: by our own strength. But at the same time, we

1099
01:05:15,520 --> 01:05:17,920
Speaker 1: have a better relationship than anybody that I know, and

1100
01:05:17,960 --> 01:05:21,840
Speaker 1: I wouldn't trade it with anybody, and it's only getting

1101
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:24,920
Speaker 1: better over time. And so I hope this was helpful

1102
01:05:24,920 --> 01:05:30,160
Speaker 1: and can be a big full toolbucket for anybody who

1103
01:05:30,240 --> 01:05:34,480
Speaker 1: is either looking for a marriage that will help with

1104
01:05:34,680 --> 01:05:38,720
Speaker 1: achieving your dreams, your success, your you know, financial goals,

1105
01:05:39,440 --> 01:05:44,760
Speaker 1: or if you are already in a marriage, then this

1106
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:48,880
Speaker 1: type of these tools will help you course correct because

1107
01:05:48,880 --> 01:05:52,000
Speaker 1: it's never too late. Even if you are you know,

1108
01:05:52,560 --> 01:05:54,520
Speaker 1: you're in your fifties or in your sixties, you still

1109
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:58,560
Speaker 1: probably have twenty thirty years together. So might as well

1110
01:05:58,560 --> 01:06:03,240
Speaker 1: spend the next one or two or three suffering well

1111
01:06:03,520 --> 01:06:07,480
Speaker 1: with a purpose of figuring out those deep seated wounds

1112
01:06:07,480 --> 01:06:09,800
Speaker 1: and pains, getting to the bottom of them and healing

1113
01:06:09,840 --> 01:06:13,000
Speaker 1: them then moving forward together. It's going to be worth

1114
01:06:13,000 --> 01:06:15,560
Speaker 1: it in the long run, and it'll allow you to

1115
01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:18,600
Speaker 1: achieve much more financial success in the long run as well.

1116
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:23,120
Speaker 1: As always, thanks so much for listening, and we'll talk

1117
01:06:23,160 --> 01:06:23,640
Speaker 1: next week.