1 00:00:01,840 --> 00:00:12,040 Speaker 1: Welcome to Jay dot Ill a production of My Heart Radio. Hi, ladies, 2 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:14,440 Speaker 1: this is Nadia from New York. I just want to 3 00:00:14,440 --> 00:00:18,759 Speaker 1: say I can't even refer to a specific episode. I've 4 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: listened to them all multiple times over. I just want 5 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,000 Speaker 1: to say, in each and every episode, you ladies, touch 6 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 1: on something that is important to me, that is laying 7 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: within me that I didn't even know I was laying 8 00:00:31,160 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: in my spirit sometimes. And I just want to thank you, Jill, Asia, Asia, 9 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:40,879 Speaker 1: excuse me, and thank you for being the voice that 10 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 1: a lot of us didn't know that we needed. Thank 11 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:47,479 Speaker 1: you for being the voices that educate us on our bodies, 12 00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:51,280 Speaker 1: our love, our beings, just everything about you. I just 13 00:00:51,320 --> 00:00:53,080 Speaker 1: want to thank you, ladies. I want to say that 14 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,840 Speaker 1: you are the voice that I have been looking for. 15 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:58,080 Speaker 1: You are a voice that we all need. Y'all be blessed, 16 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 1: say sweet, appreciate you, God blessed, Thank you, Thank you 17 00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: so much. Welcome to j dot Ello podcast. And guess 18 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:16,320 Speaker 1: what our voicemail is full? Is full? You called, you 19 00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: left messages, you let us know how you feel about 20 00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:23,080 Speaker 1: what we're doing here, and I promise you would mean 21 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,960 Speaker 1: so much to us. Um this is our first time 22 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: listening through to the messages, and we just want to 23 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:32,760 Speaker 1: be surprised. We don't know what you're gonna say, like 24 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: we hate you pictures they could hit and could go 25 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,880 Speaker 1: down like that, and I don't know. But the fact 26 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:41,000 Speaker 1: that you've left such a lovely message, and you know, 27 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:43,319 Speaker 1: you let us know that what we're doing is not 28 00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: in vain. That feels really, really good. We're really here 29 00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:53,080 Speaker 1: just trying to, you know, spark that conversation. We're just 30 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 1: trying to spark that conversation so that you can get 31 00:01:55,440 --> 00:01:57,919 Speaker 1: through to the other side of the world. Honey, We're 32 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:03,840 Speaker 1: all trying to get to the other side. Listen and 33 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:06,120 Speaker 1: put our feet in the grass and smell the flowers 34 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: on the way. I want to acknowledge that the young 35 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: lady who left that message took the time to pronounce 36 00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:20,519 Speaker 1: my name God she let's sake, and then she charged 37 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: to circle back, and there was such a lesson in 38 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:28,359 Speaker 1: that to make a mistake. Amen, Amen says circle back. 39 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:30,679 Speaker 1: That is the one thing you back on. J d 40 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,400 Speaker 1: il if anything was how to stay asa. How about 41 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:39,360 Speaker 1: that Ada Graydon Danceler that's me, yeah, and Layahs st 42 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:43,200 Speaker 1: Clair that's me. And I'm just Scott all day And 43 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 1: this is j d Ilda Podcast, and we're gonna listen 44 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: to these messages and see what y'all got to say. 45 00:02:48,120 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 1: Play another one. Amber, Oh my god, my name is 46 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 1: I'm calling from Atlanta and I was listening to bro 47 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 1: mix VAHU. I was driving. I'm an uber driver, and 48 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: I absolutely could not ride down the road to close 49 00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:06,280 Speaker 1: my eyes. That would have been a detriment to my 50 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:09,080 Speaker 1: life and everybody else in the city of Atlanta, Georgia. 51 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:14,239 Speaker 1: But in my heart, oh my god, you, I could 52 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:20,600 Speaker 1: have cried the stars, the color of the stars, the 53 00:03:20,639 --> 00:03:24,560 Speaker 1: start flats, the bush people, the food, the tendency to 54 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: off the ground. Um, taking your son over the delta. Uh. 55 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 1: You guys being in Paris, experiencing the food, Uh, the 56 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:39,000 Speaker 1: louse uh museum like I your words. God has really 57 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: gifted you with a way with words. You say something 58 00:03:43,120 --> 00:03:46,160 Speaker 1: and I see it, I feel it, I experienced it. 59 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,720 Speaker 1: You can describe a particular hell of blue and I 60 00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 1: see it, I feel it, I sense it, and I 61 00:03:52,520 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 1: get all into it. I was like Layah where her 62 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: eyes were closed. I am you are such a gym. Jill, 63 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 1: you are such a gym. Asia, you are such a 64 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 1: motherfucking beast. And you are so solid, and you are 65 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 1: such a balance and like Babe, you are an adventure 66 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: and me and you was like Dora. We'll be got 67 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:18,360 Speaker 1: that bitch with backpack. Backpack. That's all we do. I 68 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:22,119 Speaker 1: love everything that you ladies do. You women are vital 69 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: to my life. I thank you so much. I love 70 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 1: you so much, and thank you for taking me to 71 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: Boots Wanna and them babies. Yes, ma'am. Thank y'all so much. 72 00:04:34,839 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: I love y'all, and y'all be easy to be blessed 73 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:40,760 Speaker 1: and enjoy your weekends. I look forward to next two stepisode. 74 00:04:41,240 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: Thank you, and I am talking your Instagram pages just 75 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:48,119 Speaker 1: f y. I like your congratulations on goddam. I'm dropping 76 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:51,240 Speaker 1: the baby off but not crying. Baby. I love y'all 77 00:04:51,279 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 1: so much. I talk to y'all soon back. First of all, 78 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,159 Speaker 1: Ed is about to get all my love number one 79 00:05:05,320 --> 00:05:13,320 Speaker 1: with that as from that was everything we'll see. Listen, 80 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,599 Speaker 1: y'all try to we're starting the day off. We're starting 81 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:25,120 Speaker 1: what my chest est my body. That was a sweet episode. Man, 82 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 1: that was though it was like it was it was 83 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:35,040 Speaker 1: like an audio pleasure here. It was an extraordinary experience 84 00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:38,320 Speaker 1: and all the ideas that it popped. Jill like, for 85 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 1: everybody listening. I mean, I'm talking about me, but yeah, 86 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: but everybody listening was like, I could I could do 87 00:05:43,920 --> 00:05:48,719 Speaker 1: a little version of is what It really helped me 88 00:05:48,839 --> 00:05:53,000 Speaker 1: understand what's just the importance of, you know, honoring the 89 00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:59,359 Speaker 1: transition into adulthood, for these young people to be intentional 90 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 1: about honoring that, and that it's not just about a birthday, 91 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:05,960 Speaker 1: it's not just about a you know, it's about it's 92 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,479 Speaker 1: a process. Who is who do I want this person 93 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 1: to become? And what am I going to do to 94 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: show them that I'm invested in that in a way 95 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:17,600 Speaker 1: that says, okay, you know what, we've gone into the 96 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:21,920 Speaker 1: next stage of this. Now we did that first part 97 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,480 Speaker 1: and now we're going into this next stage. And I 98 00:06:24,520 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: just thought it was beautiful and I loved how it 99 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:31,200 Speaker 1: was just an intention. It's not all just about exactly 100 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,479 Speaker 1: what was done, it's the intention behind what was done. 101 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 1: They Yeah, I'll provowed you. Thank you man. I just 102 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: want to do this thing as best as I possibly can. 103 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: And you know, just a reminder for far As bro 104 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:52,640 Speaker 1: Mits Fuzz or Sismiths Fuzz, if you will um the 105 00:06:53,880 --> 00:06:57,920 Speaker 1: you know like that, Like, as far as those things 106 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:02,320 Speaker 1: are concerned, Like I saved for two years for that. 107 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:04,400 Speaker 1: I knew it was coming, and I knew what I 108 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,000 Speaker 1: wanted him to experience, and I knew what I didn't 109 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: want to, you know, do something that was a financial 110 00:07:09,640 --> 00:07:13,320 Speaker 1: burden to me, because I don't. You know, people will 111 00:07:13,320 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: assume I ain't got no financial burdens, but you know, 112 00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:21,200 Speaker 1: I'm still you know, text main't come every year. Looking Rode, 113 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:23,920 Speaker 1: when you said you saved for that trip, we all 114 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:28,800 Speaker 1: heard you. Like, but that's also part of the intentional. 115 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 1: When you save, that means you you're intentional. You're making 116 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 1: a play that part. Because now at thirteen, you know 117 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: that would attest to this, it's gotten a lot harder. 118 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:48,840 Speaker 1: I'm rough on him now, Oh I'm not. I'm not. 119 00:07:48,960 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: I'm not letting things slide as I would a little 120 00:07:52,840 --> 00:08:02,440 Speaker 1: person and important you could get this too, but now, no, no, 121 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: no longer, little tink tank, no more, no more, And 122 00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 1: there are consequences to your actions and far as right now, 123 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:21,960 Speaker 1: I'm the one that Yeah, it's not going to be 124 00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: all sweet, but we thank you so much, as you know, 125 00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 1: for leaving that message and letting us know that. You know, 126 00:08:28,320 --> 00:08:35,239 Speaker 1: we're inspiring you and igniting, you know, dreams of fancy 127 00:08:35,559 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 1: and that don't have to be that fancy. It's not 128 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:45,000 Speaker 1: and it could be too. It could be too. We 129 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:52,320 Speaker 1: manifest luxury, talling, the manifests the best, right loaded style, 130 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:55,640 Speaker 1: y'all goals, right loaded style. Let's come Yeah, what what's 131 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: White Loadus? White Loaders is a series on HBO about 132 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:03,000 Speaker 1: fancy as hotel. The last season it was one place. 133 00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,760 Speaker 1: This season it was in a in Italy off the coast, 134 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 1: and it's a it's a mystery that goes on in 135 00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:12,480 Speaker 1: it's fancy, extra luxurious hotel. I should watch this. I 136 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:15,960 Speaker 1: like these things. Yeah, you would like it. I wanted 137 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: to tell you guys that I'm watching Kendred. I'm finished. 138 00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:24,440 Speaker 1: I finished that. I'm finished too. I didn't know talk 139 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:26,599 Speaker 1: we're done. I thought it was just one season. I 140 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 1: was like, oh, okay, wait, there's more than one season. Yes, 141 00:09:31,080 --> 00:09:33,640 Speaker 1: that's up for a second season. You'll you'll figure that out. 142 00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:38,200 Speaker 1: You'll be like, oh, okay, okay, that's what it's gonna 143 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:42,480 Speaker 1: make you do in there. Hold up, hold up, guys, 144 00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:51,240 Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. Stop no mm hmm, okay, that ain't 145 00:09:51,280 --> 00:09:56,439 Speaker 1: even know editing told you all the time. I told 146 00:09:56,480 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 1: the time, I said, this is the time that I'm 147 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: a boring on room. You booked the room for a 148 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:06,600 Speaker 1: certain the room for a certain time. Y'all knocking on 149 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,120 Speaker 1: the toe all in my audio, like what is happening? 150 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 1: That just goes to show you everybody, And it don't stop. 151 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:21,439 Speaker 1: Don't stop it don't stop when you decide somebody, it 152 00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:30,680 Speaker 1: don't stop ever, not ever. What is kindred on? Um? 153 00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: Hulu Hulu hulu. Okay, nobody, nobody's paying us to say 154 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 1: that you know anything. We're just watching this because we're 155 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: big fans of Octavia Butler and it's well done and 156 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,000 Speaker 1: it's very interesting, and like Agia had mentioned to me, 157 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 1: I think she mentioned it privately that it was kind 158 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,079 Speaker 1: of like heavy and you got to kind of take 159 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 1: a break and come back with some breaths and start again. Um, 160 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,400 Speaker 1: just throwing that out there. But thanks y'all. We really 161 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:02,920 Speaker 1: appreciate your home states. Stay safe on those roads. Um 162 00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:14,600 Speaker 1: just England that somebody ain't right pull off my friend, Yeah, Georgia, 163 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 1: more real talk after the break, play another one for us, 164 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:34,280 Speaker 1: if you'd be so kind, My dear Emba, Hi ladies. 165 00:11:34,520 --> 00:11:37,480 Speaker 1: My name is Alicia. I was just calling because I'm 166 00:11:37,520 --> 00:11:40,520 Speaker 1: a great fan of the show and I actually am 167 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:42,760 Speaker 1: getting caught up on the episodes now that I'm back 168 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:46,480 Speaker 1: at work. And um, the June twenty second episode Your 169 00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:49,720 Speaker 1: Coaches on Camera Part one, there was an interesting part 170 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: in it that you guys were discussing virginity and why 171 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: would somebody be a virgin for some long particularly. I 172 00:11:57,679 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 1: think that would be a great episode topic just because 173 00:12:00,880 --> 00:12:05,000 Speaker 1: as a fellow virgin, I'm almost in my forties and 174 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:08,440 Speaker 1: I'm a virgin as well. But I realized that I've 175 00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 1: been a virgin for so long because I've had some 176 00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: trauma that's happened in the past year. So I stayed 177 00:12:14,760 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: out from going out and I stayed home. And then 178 00:12:18,440 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: as the time passed along, I started to get older 179 00:12:21,559 --> 00:12:23,600 Speaker 1: and older and older, and then I realized, like, oh 180 00:12:23,640 --> 00:12:26,400 Speaker 1: my gosh, I'm not living and now I'm in the 181 00:12:26,440 --> 00:12:29,120 Speaker 1: predicament that I'm about to be a forty year old virgin. 182 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 1: So I think that'd be a great topic if you 183 00:12:31,679 --> 00:12:34,280 Speaker 1: guys would just talk to all kinds of different virgins 184 00:12:34,360 --> 00:12:37,680 Speaker 1: out there and see and get their perspective on stuff 185 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: as into why they are a virgin. Thank you ladies. 186 00:12:40,520 --> 00:12:46,440 Speaker 1: By wow, that is a very interesting topic. I do 187 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:52,920 Speaker 1: know a fifties six year old virgin. Wo. Yeah. I 188 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:55,520 Speaker 1: have a good friend who is just turning forty and 189 00:12:55,559 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: actually today is having a theme party called the forty 190 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: year Old Virgin, and he has put out a a 191 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:07,480 Speaker 1: birthday um invitation complete with the remake of the forty 192 00:13:07,559 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: year old version movie poster and everything. Yeah, we haven't 193 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,679 Speaker 1: talked about that. I wonder. I wonder if your friend 194 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,720 Speaker 1: is like he's trying and change that for the birthday. 195 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,199 Speaker 1: I don't know, okays, I'm gonna find out, you know, whenever, 196 00:13:23,280 --> 00:13:24,640 Speaker 1: if we do get a chance to do this as 197 00:13:24,640 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 1: an episode, you know, I'll ask him if he'd be 198 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:32,040 Speaker 1: interested to come on in, come in the room and 199 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,920 Speaker 1: talk about it, because I would love to see here 200 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:38,560 Speaker 1: from a diverse group of virgins. Yeah. Man, Because what 201 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:41,680 Speaker 1: she was saying is like hers was like, Hey, I 202 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 1: put it off, put it off, put it off. It 203 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:45,840 Speaker 1: wasn't even intentional. So I'm sure there's some people where 204 00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:49,520 Speaker 1: it's deeply intentional like I think hers was. She said 205 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,800 Speaker 1: she had been you know, she had to experience some 206 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:55,679 Speaker 1: trauma and at that point you know, it's kind of 207 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 1: made a decision about it. What I've learned from the 208 00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:03,880 Speaker 1: field virgins that I've had the experience the pleasure to know, Um, 209 00:14:03,960 --> 00:14:07,360 Speaker 1: they were just good folks. But also if you stay 210 00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:10,440 Speaker 1: a virgin after a certain age, you tend to stay one, 211 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 1: you know what I mean. If you're a virgin after 212 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 1: a certain agers a shame thing. You think it's a 213 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,960 Speaker 1: shame thing. You don't want to tappin. It's probably individual, 214 00:14:19,640 --> 00:14:22,280 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes it's habit right out of habit. I 215 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 1: mean just because I just didn't know more, because it's 216 00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 1: just like I just don't. I just ain't never did. 217 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,320 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, like you don't even have the desire. 218 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 1: I think, are they a sexual Jill? The ones that 219 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 1: you know, like do they still pleasure themselves? Or how 220 00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,400 Speaker 1: about the ones that you know? I don't know. I 221 00:14:41,440 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: mean we know a couple of just not too long ago, 222 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 1: look separate entity do We'll talk about it later, But 223 00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:55,360 Speaker 1: I know, you know, I wonder, I wonder to me, 224 00:14:55,440 --> 00:14:57,920 Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, something gotta go in here, 225 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:02,120 Speaker 1: that's gotta go in there. Yes, So I'm like to 226 00:15:02,160 --> 00:15:05,640 Speaker 1: go in here and after Jill tell me, after Jill 227 00:15:05,640 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 1: tell me who it is. I might, I might ask 228 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:08,720 Speaker 1: if I know what I'm gonna ask them. I'm curious. 229 00:15:08,760 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: I want to know all the things. Okay, I doubt 230 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,240 Speaker 1: very much that they would talk about it, but you 231 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:15,880 Speaker 1: never know, Okay, you never know. We can't help, but 232 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,560 Speaker 1: you know it's okay to take some really take some anonymous. 233 00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: No shame, we can shoot all. There's no shame, of course, 234 00:15:23,600 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: not none. But you know, people will put stuff on 235 00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:29,840 Speaker 1: you like yeah, and sometimes even in our tone because 236 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:33,040 Speaker 1: we're so used to socialize in certain ways. I fear 237 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 1: that on that particular episode, we we ourselves may have 238 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,680 Speaker 1: come across a little bit like, oh well, why would 239 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,760 Speaker 1: you know, just maybe a little bit just outside of talking, 240 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:46,560 Speaker 1: outside of the experience, you know what I'm saying. So oh, 241 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: I know. I mean that's why I asked about the 242 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,760 Speaker 1: a sexual thing, because I think once you we get 243 00:15:49,800 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: to that point, I know, I'm might. You know, I 244 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:53,320 Speaker 1: would be one of those people to be like damgn 245 00:15:53,360 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: like what is that like? Not having that in your life? 246 00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 1: Like I understand maybe virgin, but and there's so many 247 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:04,000 Speaker 1: days to experience intimacy that could that's would definitely be 248 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 1: even more powerful, you know, okay, you know what I mean. Yeah, ways, 249 00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:13,040 Speaker 1: that's why I said, it's like so many different types 250 00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:16,240 Speaker 1: of people who are probably experiencing this and that to 251 00:16:16,840 --> 00:16:20,440 Speaker 1: make this kind of monolithic you know, statement about what 252 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 1: that looks like, right, I mean irresponsible. It isn't fair 253 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 1: Jerry's line like are you a virgin? We need to 254 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,880 Speaker 1: know your different experience. I'm just joking, but I'm not, 255 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: though I am. Yeah, thank you at Les, yeah for 256 00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:40,720 Speaker 1: for bringing us a topic because you know, looking for 257 00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,640 Speaker 1: something to to share and learn about. You know, it's 258 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:49,120 Speaker 1: we want to learn and it's so cool because people 259 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:52,960 Speaker 1: are people are amazing. Yeah, and that kind of choice 260 00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 1: is it's one that I don't identify with. But that's 261 00:16:56,920 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 1: what's up, Like, okay, to stop. I like how diverse 262 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: our people are too. It's like we got a little 263 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:07,119 Speaker 1: bit everything. We got the freaking thing end and the 264 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:10,800 Speaker 1: opt outs come on, you got opt out. Let's go listen. 265 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:14,399 Speaker 1: One thing I'll say about this podcast for sure, and 266 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: this is I really really love this. This is absolute 267 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:23,480 Speaker 1: proof again that people are smart. The world will make 268 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:30,360 Speaker 1: you think that everybody is you know, um lacking in capacity, 269 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,639 Speaker 1: you know, but it's not true. People are actually thinking, 270 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 1: people are reading, people are questioning, people are making big 271 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: choices about their existence. That, um, that inspire. So I'm glad. 272 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,960 Speaker 1: I'm glad to notice that. I'm glad to see that. 273 00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: Keep thinking. Y'all love it. I love it. If we 274 00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 1: love it, we love that. Okay. So we got a 275 00:17:53,080 --> 00:17:57,520 Speaker 1: message from from someone on Instagram. Um it's at Isaiah 276 00:17:57,560 --> 00:18:02,600 Speaker 1: Ribera two for eight and they wrote, I thank you 277 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:06,080 Speaker 1: for sharing your life and doing everything that you do. 278 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 1: Just know that your podcast has blessed this little Puerto 279 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 1: Rican boy from the hood. I appreciate everything you do. 280 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:16,880 Speaker 1: Your podcast has got me through some days, and that's 281 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:21,679 Speaker 1: the best man. Some days, yo, as you can do 282 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,199 Speaker 1: is get through. I love it. I have quite a 283 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: few some days, and I promise you I'm grateful to 284 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: have been a part of getting somebody to what's something that. Yeah, 285 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: I'm still I'm like urgance. Puerto Ricans. I love them. 286 00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 1: We're touching people in this way. I guess that's so cool. 287 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: I like that. The brother's lessening. That's what's up right 288 00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:47,679 Speaker 1: me too. Oh let me see if I could, I 289 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:51,439 Speaker 1: might got another brother for y'all since you mentioned her brother, Oh, Royce, 290 00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:55,400 Speaker 1: we love Royce, Royce and all all all his comments. 291 00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: Uh Royce says episodes are great topics asked for yesterday's 292 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,560 Speaker 1: app all the bells and whistles. Thank you all for 293 00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:07,640 Speaker 1: the love, knowledgeable inclusion and affirming us trans men. Shoutouts 294 00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: to Nina Joiner, owner a Feel More Sex Shop. Oh 295 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:14,359 Speaker 1: that was a good episode. That was a good episode. Yes, 296 00:19:15,560 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 1: we learned some things. Update update. I bought the rows 297 00:19:20,320 --> 00:19:24,639 Speaker 1: for quite a few of my um uh senior sisters. 298 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:27,560 Speaker 1: I'm talking about over the age of sixty five. You 299 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. Did you get some feedback yet? 300 00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: The feedback is it's a hit. One said she almost 301 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 1: had a heart attack, and the other has gone back 302 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:41,200 Speaker 1: for more, more and more, and she says it keeps 303 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: getting better. She loves the wish she just washed it. Child. Listen, 304 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,880 Speaker 1: I'm girl, I'm changing lives out here. You are changing lives. 305 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:54,359 Speaker 1: You are changing lives. That is so dope, you know, No, seller, 306 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,359 Speaker 1: I don't celebrate the Christmas, but I'm gonna go ahead 307 00:19:57,359 --> 00:20:03,240 Speaker 1: and just do a maths send out. Huh. That is 308 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:08,560 Speaker 1: everything I do want to send out. I love it. 309 00:20:08,880 --> 00:20:11,360 Speaker 1: I love it, but I love that you were specific 310 00:20:11,359 --> 00:20:13,960 Speaker 1: about who was going to receive them, because we forget 311 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: it about our our elders and our older sisters and 312 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:21,159 Speaker 1: our older aunties that they they ain't you know, they 313 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:25,719 Speaker 1: still here and they still need Most times they hear 314 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,520 Speaker 1: more than our uncles. So they need to experience pleasure 315 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 1: and and and the era that some of them came 316 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:37,600 Speaker 1: from that wasn't something that some some of them talked 317 00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,560 Speaker 1: to about or that they felt was important. So I 318 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 1: think that's really cool. I want to speak on the 319 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 1: fact that Royce really did say something about inclusion, which 320 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:48,520 Speaker 1: is important, which is just important to me in general, 321 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,760 Speaker 1: but I think that, um, I love. What I love 322 00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:56,200 Speaker 1: about this podcast is that we are always trying to 323 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,639 Speaker 1: make sure that we're thinking in that space that we 324 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:01,040 Speaker 1: try to leave from that place. We can't always say 325 00:21:01,240 --> 00:21:04,160 Speaker 1: or know all the things because we're not living all 326 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:07,439 Speaker 1: the experiences, but the fact that we always try to 327 00:21:07,440 --> 00:21:09,840 Speaker 1: come back to the fact that yes, there are there 328 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,240 Speaker 1: so many experiences to be had, and that we want 329 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:18,199 Speaker 1: to affirm those experiences and we want to affirm other folks, 330 00:21:18,240 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 1: and particularly all the different types of black folks that 331 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:25,080 Speaker 1: we know of because our community is so diverse and 332 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,199 Speaker 1: we have so many lived experiences to draw from. So 333 00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:36,320 Speaker 1: I'm just happy to hear that that is noticed and received. Amen. 334 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:41,919 Speaker 1: You you both, you both have definitely opened my mind 335 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,000 Speaker 1: and my eyes in a beautiful way when it comes 336 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 1: to inclusion, because in any of us become can become insular. 337 00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: We think that our experience is the experience, when in reality, 338 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 1: you know, we're all living on a different plane, but 339 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:11,080 Speaker 1: completely attached. Completely attached, but different wonderful, crazy, wild, funny, sad, 340 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,639 Speaker 1: uplifting stories. You know if if you look at it, 341 00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,240 Speaker 1: look at humanity as a book. You know. So, I 342 00:22:18,440 --> 00:22:22,480 Speaker 1: really really appreciate how you have learned to me. Uh, 343 00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:28,320 Speaker 1: I think we have all learned each other. Listen and 344 00:22:28,440 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: learn from our listeners too, because I want to shout 345 00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 1: outs to not just Royce who is always making great 346 00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:36,760 Speaker 1: comments and putting us on the things, but Donna another 347 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:39,800 Speaker 1: Donna will be on Twitter like listening, ladies listen. Literally, 348 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: I looked at my Twitter and they go, Donia like okay, so, uh, 349 00:22:43,640 --> 00:22:46,320 Speaker 1: y'all need a good somatics person. I got that. Like 350 00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:50,359 Speaker 1: our whole we have a community of amazing resource people 351 00:22:50,560 --> 00:22:53,000 Speaker 1: and that's dope too. We just I just love my folks, 352 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:58,920 Speaker 1: don't you know, you know, yeah, we've feel proud over 353 00:22:58,920 --> 00:23:02,920 Speaker 1: here today. We are we're feeling proud today. We enjoy 354 00:23:03,000 --> 00:23:05,000 Speaker 1: each other. So it's like the funny part is that 355 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,520 Speaker 1: we could do this and just cackle with each other 356 00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:11,040 Speaker 1: and being la la happyland, just doing that, but knowing 357 00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:14,520 Speaker 1: that in the process of enjoying one another's company and 358 00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,880 Speaker 1: getting to kind of sift through and talk through all 359 00:23:16,880 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: the stuff that we're thinking about and want to know 360 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,760 Speaker 1: about that also that's affecting other people in a positive way. 361 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,640 Speaker 1: What more could you really ask for after all of that? 362 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:29,199 Speaker 1: You know, that's something that you're just doing that comes natural, 363 00:23:29,359 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: that that just that feeds you is also feeding others. 364 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 1: It's like it's a community. And to think we are 365 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:40,439 Speaker 1: having this conversation during the good people's quanza Okay, okay, 366 00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:48,040 Speaker 1: what Habar Gandhi agent today is near a purpose? Yeah, 367 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:53,640 Speaker 1: so we're living fully, you know, we're living in our love. 368 00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:57,199 Speaker 1: I think we should have a conversation about quanta. You know, 369 00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,840 Speaker 1: I know some people are familiar with it. I'm not 370 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 1: as familiar as most um or some but I think 371 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:07,120 Speaker 1: we share a conversation about quansa where it comes from, 372 00:24:07,359 --> 00:24:10,479 Speaker 1: who it comes from, and the principles of kwanza. You know, 373 00:24:10,520 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 1: I like I like good things, you know, I like 374 00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: things that benefit the people. You know, yeah, clans is cool. 375 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:23,120 Speaker 1: There's you know, all kinds of conversation around quansa you know, yes, 376 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:27,960 Speaker 1: so you know, let's I welcome this conversation about about 377 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:31,240 Speaker 1: the good people's coins. Thank you for today. It is 378 00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,880 Speaker 1: is Nia and we are definitely I feel like living 379 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:37,639 Speaker 1: in our purpose. Today you say one today, on today, 380 00:24:37,880 --> 00:24:41,960 Speaker 1: you say on today today, and today I say on 381 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:44,560 Speaker 1: today a lot. What's funny is that some of our 382 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 1: some of our fans actually reach out to me and 383 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 1: and spit back the stuff I say a lot on 384 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,600 Speaker 1: all the good People's Internet or the good people said that. 385 00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:59,680 Speaker 1: Somebody else said that. I guess, I say, listen a lot. Yeah, 386 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:06,639 Speaker 1: I think got to do. There's a baby, h it 387 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:11,760 Speaker 1: was it was the season one was White supremacy. Pull back. 388 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:14,360 Speaker 1: I pull back not because I'm afraid of the man, 389 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: but because I pulled back because I want. I want 390 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,800 Speaker 1: you to understand that it's easy to talk to me. 391 00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:24,040 Speaker 1: It is. I promise you, it's not a difficult. I 392 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: promise you. Oh my god, it's hilarious. Guys. Please another 393 00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:36,119 Speaker 1: one Amber. This is so nice. Thanks shau Hi. This 394 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,360 Speaker 1: is Mardi Um. I just finished listening to young Shonnon. 395 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:43,840 Speaker 1: I think that's how you say it, um, and I 396 00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:50,800 Speaker 1: just am moved um two tears at the how eloquent 397 00:25:52,440 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: this beautiful young lady is. And I have this thing 398 00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:02,360 Speaker 1: to Asia and her husband. Job well done. I am 399 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: so happy to know that you have parentsed six beautiful 400 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:13,159 Speaker 1: games and that their present, their extension of your brilliance, 401 00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: to add with their own brilliance, will be in this 402 00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:22,520 Speaker 1: world to contribute like this young lady Lana is already 403 00:26:22,560 --> 00:26:27,680 Speaker 1: contributing to listening the vibration of the universe. I am 404 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 1: so honored to have listened to her. And I have 405 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:35,320 Speaker 1: a question for those of us parents who were challenged 406 00:26:35,480 --> 00:26:41,399 Speaker 1: with communication with our young, our babies, who didn't have 407 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:47,200 Speaker 1: the ability or the wherewithal too engage, who were caught 408 00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:52,000 Speaker 1: up in financial struggles and and and depression and trauma 409 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: and drama. What do we do? How do we begin 410 00:26:56,640 --> 00:27:00,200 Speaker 1: to create that? Is it too late? And I I'm 411 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: not gonna say it's too late, because it's never too late. 412 00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:05,720 Speaker 1: Every day is an opportunity to recreate yourself and to 413 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,879 Speaker 1: recreate something new manifest something new, and we are great 414 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:15,440 Speaker 1: manifestos of the Africans living in America. So, um, what 415 00:27:15,760 --> 00:27:20,600 Speaker 1: do you think how can we, as moms who may 416 00:27:20,640 --> 00:27:24,120 Speaker 1: have missed the mark develop a bond with our children 417 00:27:24,880 --> 00:27:28,920 Speaker 1: who are in their twenties and thirties. What do you suggest? 418 00:27:29,359 --> 00:27:32,640 Speaker 1: How do we do that? Is it maybe having Sunday 419 00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:37,119 Speaker 1: dinners once a week? You know? Um, going with the flow? 420 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,719 Speaker 1: How do we you know, still share our wisdom with 421 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:43,920 Speaker 1: our children as we feel like we missed the mark 422 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:46,800 Speaker 1: and we didn't bond with our children and we know 423 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 1: that we still have so much more to teach them. 424 00:27:50,080 --> 00:27:55,720 Speaker 1: Thank you and have a blessed, blessed day. That's a 425 00:27:56,080 --> 00:28:02,560 Speaker 1: that's a that's a bit of a toll request. Um man, Well, 426 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 1: thanks y'all, because honestly, I did get a lot of 427 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:10,119 Speaker 1: like m d M s and stuff about Lana's episode. 428 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,720 Speaker 1: So thank you guys for loving up on my kid. 429 00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:16,360 Speaker 1: That's number one. She saw all the love that y'all 430 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 1: gave her on social media, oh god. And um, I 431 00:28:20,560 --> 00:28:24,080 Speaker 1: did allow her to to see it, and she, you know, 432 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:26,840 Speaker 1: it was just really really grateful and I was super 433 00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:29,400 Speaker 1: proud of her, and it was definitely a difficult thing 434 00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 1: to listen to her in that way because it's mothering 435 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 1: and it's like I'm trying not to be goofy and 436 00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 1: proud and you know, and just whatever the case may be. 437 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:41,720 Speaker 1: But you know, it was really a great experience. So 438 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:43,440 Speaker 1: I just want to thank you all for allowing her 439 00:28:43,480 --> 00:28:47,440 Speaker 1: to come on and talk and share her experiences. But 440 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: as far as like what you should do, I just 441 00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:53,280 Speaker 1: think parenting is just like an ongo and learning process, 442 00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:57,560 Speaker 1: and for me, in terms of like connecting and bonding 443 00:28:57,560 --> 00:29:00,440 Speaker 1: with your kids, one of the things that has helped 444 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: me with my relationship with my children, it's constantly um 445 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:08,080 Speaker 1: learning how to listen. I think we all believe in 446 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 1: and know what we've been through. We we were there, 447 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,720 Speaker 1: we experienced it. We know what we know, and we're 448 00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: ready to share that wisdom and we're just ready to 449 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 1: pass it on. But I'm not sure if we're always 450 00:29:19,840 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 1: ready to listen for the nuances. We're not ready to 451 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 1: really hear what our kids have to say, and oftentimes 452 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,920 Speaker 1: when they say something that we don't like or that 453 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,720 Speaker 1: we disagree with, then we feel that it is then 454 00:29:33,800 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: our job to make them agree with us, instead of 455 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 1: actually listening to what it is they're saying and really 456 00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,200 Speaker 1: giving it, you know, the context that's necessary for us 457 00:29:43,240 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: to have empathy for what they're saying. Recently, there was 458 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:50,360 Speaker 1: the former First Lady was on tour for her book 459 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,880 Speaker 1: and talked about how she felt that it was not 460 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:57,000 Speaker 1: a good idea to be friends with your kids. She 461 00:29:57,120 --> 00:30:00,000 Speaker 1: said that it puts you in a situation and where 462 00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: you you're you're at the mercy of not being liked. 463 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:07,120 Speaker 1: And I can't disagree more fervently with that. And as 464 00:30:07,160 --> 00:30:09,840 Speaker 1: much as I respect her as a woman and as 465 00:30:09,880 --> 00:30:14,440 Speaker 1: an accomplished person and her children appeared to be amazing 466 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 1: young women from what I could see from my vantage point, 467 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: I will say that, um, yeah, no, I think a 468 00:30:21,280 --> 00:30:24,280 Speaker 1: friendship is a perfect place to learn what you need 469 00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:26,600 Speaker 1: to learn from the outside world. I think that a 470 00:30:26,640 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 1: friendship is a place that doesn't exist just to be liked. 471 00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: In fact, a friendship, a real one, exists in the opposite. 472 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 1: So developing a bond and a friendship with your children 473 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,000 Speaker 1: does not exist outside of the boundaries that person would 474 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: make as a parent. It's like it's you have boundaries 475 00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:47,520 Speaker 1: with your friends too, So at the end of the day, 476 00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,160 Speaker 1: if you're functioning and healthy friendships. You can model that 477 00:30:50,240 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 1: same healthy friendship with your children. If you can't model 478 00:30:53,360 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 1: a healthy friendship with your children, you should probably be 479 00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,040 Speaker 1: looking at the health of the friendships that you have 480 00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:03,040 Speaker 1: outside of that, because they're probably toxic too. So I 481 00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,840 Speaker 1: think it's important to um just be open and listen 482 00:31:06,960 --> 00:31:09,520 Speaker 1: because first of all, listening to your children doesn't mean 483 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:12,520 Speaker 1: that you are easy on them. Listening to your children 484 00:31:12,520 --> 00:31:15,160 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you don't have boundaries. Listening to your 485 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:19,200 Speaker 1: children doesn't mean that you are coddling them. Listening is 486 00:31:19,240 --> 00:31:24,640 Speaker 1: just listening, but understanding. You are listening so you understand 487 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,320 Speaker 1: the person who you are having a relationship with. But 488 00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:30,800 Speaker 1: to Michelle Obama's defense, that was just a very black 489 00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,440 Speaker 1: boomer thing to say you're fifty fifty. When you're a 490 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,760 Speaker 1: boomer parent, you're one or the other. Either you decide 491 00:31:35,800 --> 00:31:38,719 Speaker 1: to have that mentality or you are a friend. And 492 00:31:38,760 --> 00:31:41,720 Speaker 1: that's just just recognized that's her age group and like 493 00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 1: a game before anybody beats me up about it, like 494 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 1: I can disagree with Michelle Obama and still here to respect. 495 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,280 Speaker 1: I think that's part of the problem that we have 496 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,320 Speaker 1: here and now is that we think that people aren't 497 00:31:53,400 --> 00:31:56,560 Speaker 1: certain people are not to be disagreed with publicly. And 498 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,120 Speaker 1: that's not true. That's not how you grow, that's not 499 00:31:59,160 --> 00:32:02,120 Speaker 1: how you spoke, calm station. Right. But we have we 500 00:32:02,160 --> 00:32:03,480 Speaker 1: have to we have to get there, just like we 501 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:06,560 Speaker 1: get into where we're listening to the kids. Right. But 502 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,600 Speaker 1: I love that. I mean, just thank you again, um 503 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 1: tomorrow because I appreciate you even you know, asking that. 504 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 1: And I'm you know, wary to give advice, advice because 505 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:20,360 Speaker 1: your children or your children m and you got to 506 00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,480 Speaker 1: exist and get in there and you know, got getting 507 00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,680 Speaker 1: in the mud with them, you know, and and see 508 00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:29,520 Speaker 1: how the idea of getting in the mud with where 509 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: they are, you know. Um, not that you ask me, 510 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,760 Speaker 1: but I'm gonna throw this in here, and I hope 511 00:32:36,840 --> 00:32:41,840 Speaker 1: it was beneficial to you what I've taken to doing lately. 512 00:32:42,600 --> 00:32:45,880 Speaker 1: And I'm sure something I'll come up with something else later. Um, 513 00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,640 Speaker 1: just to try to make sure I connect with this 514 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:52,240 Speaker 1: new person who has his own interests in friends and 515 00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:56,440 Speaker 1: you know, uh, all these things on new things is 516 00:32:56,520 --> 00:33:01,400 Speaker 1: I'll just go wherever he is and be if that 517 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 1: that means I'm looking through my phone or it means 518 00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:06,840 Speaker 1: I'm reading a book or it means I'm watching. I'll 519 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 1: watch whatever he's watching, you know. I just want to 520 00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:14,120 Speaker 1: be near him, and then I try to It's not 521 00:33:14,240 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 1: that it's hard, but throw a little touch in there too, 522 00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:23,000 Speaker 1: you know. Just I'm here, I'm here, I'm here, you know. 523 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:26,320 Speaker 1: So you know, maybe that's an hour or two, you know, 524 00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't think about it that way. 525 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 1: I'm like, I feel the vibe, and when it's time 526 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:33,000 Speaker 1: to roll, I roll, you know, I'm like, Okay, I 527 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:37,000 Speaker 1: got stuff to do, but just be in the space. 528 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 1: That's really nice for us. I always feel a little 529 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:44,440 Speaker 1: more connected when I'm just like kicking it with him. 530 00:33:44,440 --> 00:33:46,240 Speaker 1: We don't even have to be doing the same thing, 531 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 1: but I'm in I'm in the space with you. You're 532 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,720 Speaker 1: getting to know him the way you would a human being, 533 00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:56,479 Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. You're observing and getting to 534 00:33:56,520 --> 00:33:59,480 Speaker 1: know him. Don't you think maybe that when kids are little, right, 535 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 1: spent a lot of time looking at them. Yeah, we do, 536 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:06,360 Speaker 1: and then eventually we stopped looking at them, and then 537 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:09,560 Speaker 1: we stopped seeing them, you know, And it's like, and 538 00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,360 Speaker 1: then all we see is this reflection of what we 539 00:34:13,440 --> 00:34:16,640 Speaker 1: have done and whether we have been successful as parents 540 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,759 Speaker 1: rather than just seeing this other human beings, you know, 541 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,640 Speaker 1: and if you just really be looking just looking at them. 542 00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,200 Speaker 1: I love that you said put it in the touch, 543 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:26,840 Speaker 1: because again, we stopped touching each other after a while. 544 00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,440 Speaker 1: Mm hmm. You have an infant, you have a toddler. 545 00:34:30,480 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 1: You're picking them up all the time, and you're touching 546 00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:34,720 Speaker 1: them all the time. They can't pee, they can't bathe, 547 00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:38,040 Speaker 1: they can't do nothing without you touching them, and eventually 548 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: you go some time without touching mm hmm. I love that. 549 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:49,440 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's more simple and more settled than we think. Right, Yeah, yeah, 550 00:34:49,960 --> 00:34:53,800 Speaker 1: I'm I'm I'm off with the simplicity of things, and 551 00:34:53,960 --> 00:34:57,240 Speaker 1: I'm not believing in keeping things as simple as possible. 552 00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,600 Speaker 1: Then they have to be convoluted. You know, we're talking 553 00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:10,319 Speaker 1: about love. We're talking about we're talking about love. Yeah, 554 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:16,560 Speaker 1: thank you so much for leaving that message. We're gonna 555 00:35:16,600 --> 00:35:18,640 Speaker 1: take a quick break and then we'll be right back. 556 00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 1: All right, who nets? Who got next? Hi? I just 557 00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:38,239 Speaker 1: wanted to say that, um. So, first of all, my 558 00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,080 Speaker 1: name is Trista, and I just wanted to say that 559 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:47,240 Speaker 1: your podcast, UM titled The New Effort, was so profound 560 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:51,280 Speaker 1: and it really resonated with me because in two thousand 561 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 1: and sixteen, I have my own hybroid surgery. Um, I 562 00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:58,040 Speaker 1: have my own my own mactomy, and it was a 563 00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 1: life changing event. Um. I just was not prepared, and 564 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,759 Speaker 1: in retrospect, I really should have done my research on 565 00:36:06,880 --> 00:36:10,600 Speaker 1: how to nourish my body as it was healing in 566 00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,160 Speaker 1: and all of the things that would come with the surgery. 567 00:36:14,360 --> 00:36:17,480 Speaker 1: And I just wanted to tell you all that I 568 00:36:17,520 --> 00:36:21,279 Speaker 1: appreciate the work that you're doing, um putting me your 569 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:25,360 Speaker 1: experiences out there, because I know at least two or 570 00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:28,120 Speaker 1: three of my sister friends have had my own ecdomy. 571 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:30,760 Speaker 1: And I will tell you that as a black woman, 572 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,600 Speaker 1: the first thing that you're told by a doctor that's 573 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:36,200 Speaker 1: not of color um is or you need to get 574 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,920 Speaker 1: a hysterectomy. And I was still in my thirties when 575 00:36:40,920 --> 00:36:43,640 Speaker 1: I had my my own ectomy, and it was just 576 00:36:43,719 --> 00:36:45,759 Speaker 1: no way that I was going to do that. And 577 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,360 Speaker 1: so I just really appreciate all that you're doing and 578 00:36:49,560 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 1: getting the word out there that we need to educate ourselves, 579 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:56,120 Speaker 1: because I put it off for so long, you know, 580 00:36:56,239 --> 00:36:58,279 Speaker 1: and not really normal what was going on with me 581 00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,279 Speaker 1: until I finally had to get surgery, and so I 582 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:04,680 Speaker 1: thank you all so much for what you all are doing, 583 00:37:05,280 --> 00:37:09,440 Speaker 1: and keep up the beautiful work. Take care, be blest. 584 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:15,840 Speaker 1: Oh that was dope. Yes, yeah, I mean our club 585 00:37:15,920 --> 00:37:20,040 Speaker 1: is big. Shoot, since I did that story, I didn't shoot. 586 00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: I got a whole new thirties something year old neighbor 587 00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:23,840 Speaker 1: and while I was recuperating, she was like, Oh, my 588 00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:26,480 Speaker 1: sister is on her her six months. She's just about 589 00:37:26,480 --> 00:37:29,480 Speaker 1: to get the clear and I am about to schedule. Mind, 590 00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:33,000 Speaker 1: I was like, good God, outlaw is this club? Girl? 591 00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:35,040 Speaker 1: This club is like one in five. I feel like 592 00:37:35,040 --> 00:37:38,759 Speaker 1: it's a one in five. STIs pretty much short, dis concerning, 593 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,640 Speaker 1: but it's good to know this community. Y. Yeah, but 594 00:37:43,560 --> 00:37:48,640 Speaker 1: it's it's so concerning. I know. I'm like, why are 595 00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:51,560 Speaker 1: they wanting us back and forth? Thank you for sharing? 596 00:37:51,640 --> 00:37:56,879 Speaker 1: Like yah, oh yeah, I look for people. I want 597 00:37:56,880 --> 00:37:59,759 Speaker 1: to hear more about this Kamala Harris task Force. As 598 00:37:59,800 --> 00:38:02,560 Speaker 1: we move into three, I hope she comes outside more 599 00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:05,120 Speaker 1: and tells us about what's going on with that come 600 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:12,240 Speaker 1: on outside Kamala epidemic levels. At this point, we agree, agreed, 601 00:38:12,960 --> 00:38:16,440 Speaker 1: it's it's it's a it's a public health emergency, and 602 00:38:16,440 --> 00:38:18,040 Speaker 1: they don't forget they come back. I was listening to 603 00:38:18,080 --> 00:38:20,120 Speaker 1: her talk about her thirties. I was like, well she 604 00:38:20,160 --> 00:38:23,200 Speaker 1: got him in her her thirties, A good chance they 605 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:27,759 Speaker 1: you know, ten years later they're big. So luckily I'm 606 00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:29,440 Speaker 1: doing this word you know a few years but hopefully 607 00:38:29,440 --> 00:38:33,920 Speaker 1: if you use before menopause. But thank y'all, thank you 608 00:38:33,960 --> 00:38:35,720 Speaker 1: all for let me do that. So we figured research 609 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:40,600 Speaker 1: research is the thing, then huh things about research stand visions? 610 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:44,440 Speaker 1: Who do we let research us? You know, it's getting 611 00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:48,400 Speaker 1: the research. Who's gonna do it? That's why I was 612 00:38:48,440 --> 00:38:51,319 Speaker 1: looking forward to this whole task force situation, I mean 613 00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:54,040 Speaker 1: led by assist hopefully I know, with some some black 614 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:58,960 Speaker 1: female doctors involved, like you know, I'm always looking for him. Yeah, 615 00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:04,359 Speaker 1: we need that know goodness, good night? Yeah, Yeah, yeah 616 00:39:04,400 --> 00:39:06,719 Speaker 1: I can assist. Hell shout out to my my sister Tera, 617 00:39:06,760 --> 00:39:09,680 Speaker 1: who's working in government to get more to get you know, 618 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,799 Speaker 1: with the black doctors and whatnot, so we can get 619 00:39:12,800 --> 00:39:15,279 Speaker 1: more data. But at the same time making black people 620 00:39:15,280 --> 00:39:17,840 Speaker 1: feel comfortable enough to want to give the data, because 621 00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:22,120 Speaker 1: that's our thing, rightfully. So yeah, because you're always fighting 622 00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:26,800 Speaker 1: that battle between like trying to be preemptive and taking 623 00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:29,759 Speaker 1: care of yourself, but then that distrust about who you 624 00:39:29,800 --> 00:39:32,080 Speaker 1: trust to take care of you, are you gonna get 625 00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,879 Speaker 1: the care that you need? And it's and it's just 626 00:39:34,960 --> 00:39:38,520 Speaker 1: such a tough tough place to be in as as 627 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:40,720 Speaker 1: as a black person and a person of color, particularly 628 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: around being a black woman. You know, our specific experience 629 00:39:44,160 --> 00:39:47,040 Speaker 1: is just so hard to figure that out. And even 630 00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,560 Speaker 1: in some instances, and I want to put this out here, 631 00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,560 Speaker 1: I've had friends who had a terrible experience with a 632 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,640 Speaker 1: black female doctor. They didn't get the care they needed 633 00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:58,239 Speaker 1: till they moved on to a non black doctor. So 634 00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,880 Speaker 1: sometimes I think there's a there's some there's always this 635 00:40:00,920 --> 00:40:03,600 Speaker 1: thing about just finding who has your best interest their hearts. 636 00:40:04,080 --> 00:40:06,880 Speaker 1: You want to have that cultural sensitivity, but you also 637 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:11,040 Speaker 1: want people who are not you know, um invested in 638 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:14,319 Speaker 1: this kind of traditional way to approach. I hope that's 639 00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,040 Speaker 1: a super minority, Lord, Please let that be a super minority. 640 00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:21,280 Speaker 1: Good goodness, Mark. Yeah, I mean I think obviously, again 641 00:40:21,360 --> 00:40:23,919 Speaker 1: we don't want to speak in general general terms. Yes, 642 00:40:23,960 --> 00:40:28,040 Speaker 1: there's gonna be some situations where people don't act as expected, okay, 643 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:30,480 Speaker 1: but and we generally do want doctors who have the 644 00:40:30,520 --> 00:40:32,920 Speaker 1: same lived experience as us, because we know that that 645 00:40:32,960 --> 00:40:35,319 Speaker 1: gives them a heads up when they're when they're having 646 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:38,840 Speaker 1: certain conversations with us. But but you know, I think bigger, 647 00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:41,800 Speaker 1: even bigger than than that, that we have to feel 648 00:40:41,800 --> 00:40:45,640 Speaker 1: comfortable enough to first want to involve ourselves. Black women 649 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:49,319 Speaker 1: have such a crazy history about being experimented on and 650 00:40:49,360 --> 00:40:52,640 Speaker 1: in the medical industry and how our bodies have been used. 651 00:40:52,920 --> 00:40:55,319 Speaker 1: So I think for us, we have to feel a 652 00:40:56,400 --> 00:41:00,719 Speaker 1: confident that our participation is not going to end and exploitation. 653 00:41:00,840 --> 00:41:03,560 Speaker 1: So that's just, you know, a hard pill to swaller, 654 00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:05,879 Speaker 1: but it doesn't and we gotta fight for ourselves because 655 00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:08,200 Speaker 1: people don't believe it's I literally like, y'all, this is 656 00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,480 Speaker 1: so crazy having this conversation. I literally was talking to 657 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,279 Speaker 1: one of my best friends on the phone who's been 658 00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:14,200 Speaker 1: going through some health challenges. She was telling me. She 659 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:16,640 Speaker 1: was like, I'm be telling these doctors that there's something 660 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:18,759 Speaker 1: bigger going on with me. I can't have cancer and 661 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:21,600 Speaker 1: seals here one day and it's going on. It's something bigger, 662 00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:24,800 Speaker 1: But they are not listening. And I'm like, damn, you 663 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,759 Speaker 1: gotta come you become your own medical advocate. And it's 664 00:41:28,840 --> 00:41:32,520 Speaker 1: so yeah, so, but but be vigilant. I'm saying, stay vigilant, y'all. 665 00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:36,120 Speaker 1: Be that. Do do that. If you feel something a right, 666 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 1: speak on it and and until you know I'm speaking, 667 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,120 Speaker 1: until it's addressed it. It's so tough because every time 668 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:46,359 Speaker 1: system here, you know, I just had to, you know, 669 00:41:46,440 --> 00:41:49,280 Speaker 1: try to to to see my gun in college just recently, 670 00:41:49,840 --> 00:41:53,080 Speaker 1: and I'm on a waiting list, you know what I mean. 671 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:55,799 Speaker 1: They're like, I can see you in April. Y'all. Hear 672 00:41:55,880 --> 00:42:00,799 Speaker 1: this word, and you ain't no first time. Just ain't 673 00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:02,440 Speaker 1: your first time going to see this doctor? Right, That's 674 00:42:02,520 --> 00:42:05,719 Speaker 1: usually the way for the first time visits. You know, 675 00:42:06,600 --> 00:42:10,399 Speaker 1: it can be that way. It can key exactly that way. 676 00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:14,400 Speaker 1: And urgent care, you know, you know I've got my 677 00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:18,560 Speaker 1: history with with urgent care, you know. So you know 678 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,799 Speaker 1: it's like going to different communities. You've gotta get on 679 00:42:22,239 --> 00:42:24,680 Speaker 1: We're back on getting on the bus. We're back to 680 00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:27,120 Speaker 1: getting on the bus going to a whole other community, 681 00:42:27,440 --> 00:42:32,520 Speaker 1: a whole other neighborhood's urgent care. Because you can't just 682 00:42:32,560 --> 00:42:34,640 Speaker 1: go to the ones that are in your neighborhood. You 683 00:42:34,680 --> 00:42:37,600 Speaker 1: gotta move around if you want a second opinion, And 684 00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:39,799 Speaker 1: you should get a second opinion. It's sometimes a third 685 00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:42,680 Speaker 1: opinion as well, and it seems like urgent care is 686 00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,839 Speaker 1: the only way to get um. It ain't immediate care, 687 00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:48,960 Speaker 1: but it's it's better than waiting five months, four months. 688 00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:53,520 Speaker 1: It turns to see somebody I ain't never had urgent 689 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:57,279 Speaker 1: care twys each waite though, I'm like, that's interesting. I've 690 00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,359 Speaker 1: had limitations with urgent. But we're talking about long term 691 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:05,799 Speaker 1: care here, not that's not you can't sleep you were 692 00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:11,880 Speaker 1: considered yeah, emergency yes, long term no, you know, but 693 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:14,319 Speaker 1: even once you get once you you know, there's so 694 00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,640 Speaker 1: many The point is there's many challenges. So that's the thing, 695 00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,879 Speaker 1: So that there's the challenges finding the find first of all, 696 00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:24,239 Speaker 1: being comfortable enough to seek the care, then finding the 697 00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:28,920 Speaker 1: cared in the quality of care. You know what I'm saying, 698 00:43:31,560 --> 00:43:37,799 Speaker 1: care listening to me, right, and then you're so many hurdles, 699 00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,120 Speaker 1: so many hurdles before you're actually being And that's why 700 00:43:41,120 --> 00:43:43,880 Speaker 1: we're at this epidemic level where it's like, this is 701 00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:46,760 Speaker 1: why we're here. That's how we got there. We didn't 702 00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:49,759 Speaker 1: just stumble and we can't stumble unto it. You know, 703 00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:52,160 Speaker 1: it's really and that's why You can't throw out a 704 00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:53,880 Speaker 1: promise like that and not back it up. So we 705 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:57,279 Speaker 1: need to back it up. Please back it up. It 706 00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,719 Speaker 1: is we're dying out here, and we're living lives that 707 00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,720 Speaker 1: are not the lives we want to live. We're living 708 00:44:03,719 --> 00:44:08,480 Speaker 1: with pain, we're living with discomfort, We're living with things 709 00:44:08,480 --> 00:44:12,000 Speaker 1: that are absolutely causing other issues and they may not 710 00:44:12,080 --> 00:44:14,719 Speaker 1: have come out yet, but trust and believe we're not 711 00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,520 Speaker 1: having foreign objects in our bodies and in our uteruses 712 00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:20,000 Speaker 1: and not having other problems that are associated with it. 713 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:23,839 Speaker 1: You're not about to tell me that. Yeah, make sure 714 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:27,480 Speaker 1: when you go to the doctors, you know, ask them 715 00:44:27,520 --> 00:44:33,839 Speaker 1: to look for five roids. Yeah, be as specific as 716 00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,560 Speaker 1: you possibly can. You know, like I don't. If you 717 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:42,560 Speaker 1: don't feel right, I's something that's not your cycling. Ain't cycling. 718 00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:45,840 Speaker 1: If your cyclane cycling and it feels off, come on, 719 00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:49,080 Speaker 1: you know you better than anybody else. That's all. As 720 00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:51,480 Speaker 1: I'm saying, fight for yourself. I know it sucks, but 721 00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:56,759 Speaker 1: it is. We only got one body. Girl. One of 722 00:44:56,880 --> 00:45:07,680 Speaker 1: one exam said, bo oh, shall we move onless? That's heavy? Hello, 723 00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:12,040 Speaker 1: this is Kishana and I just finished listening to y'all. 724 00:45:12,120 --> 00:45:17,399 Speaker 1: Y'all business and I had to say something I reflected immediately. 725 00:45:17,560 --> 00:45:20,200 Speaker 1: I felt it all in my body when I heard 726 00:45:20,239 --> 00:45:23,520 Speaker 1: the story of the grandmother and grandmother was my father. 727 00:45:24,160 --> 00:45:26,640 Speaker 1: My father stood me in front of the congregation when 728 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:29,920 Speaker 1: I was thirteen years old, just from learning that I 729 00:45:30,000 --> 00:45:33,680 Speaker 1: was pregnant. He just learned that I was pregnant. And 730 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:36,160 Speaker 1: I can hear you all saying, oh, there's a preacher's 731 00:45:36,239 --> 00:45:40,280 Speaker 1: kid being a preacher's kid. Well, I was a thirteen 732 00:45:40,360 --> 00:45:45,959 Speaker 1: year old innocent. I definitely did what I did consensually. 733 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:47,400 Speaker 1: I didn't know what I was doing. It was my 734 00:45:47,560 --> 00:45:52,239 Speaker 1: very first time having sex, and I had to tell 735 00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:57,000 Speaker 1: my mom and my dad that I was pregnant. My 736 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:58,880 Speaker 1: dad stood me in front of the church and says, 737 00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:02,200 Speaker 1: anyone that has any thing negative to say, keep it 738 00:46:02,239 --> 00:46:06,960 Speaker 1: to yourself. Tishana has a village. She will be supported. 739 00:46:07,760 --> 00:46:09,880 Speaker 1: That didn't stop and they say, as they didn't stop 740 00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:12,000 Speaker 1: him from grabbing me on the way to the restroom 741 00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:16,040 Speaker 1: to speak something negative into my ears. But it was 742 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:18,640 Speaker 1: the support of my father and my mom who told 743 00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,879 Speaker 1: me that this is your child, and you will take 744 00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:25,279 Speaker 1: care of this child. And I'm your mother and I'm 745 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:28,560 Speaker 1: going to show you how it was that village, my 746 00:46:28,719 --> 00:46:32,760 Speaker 1: sisters and my brother who did everything that they could 747 00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,480 Speaker 1: to make sure I kept going in the direction that 748 00:46:35,640 --> 00:46:38,000 Speaker 1: I wanted to go in and supported me and being 749 00:46:38,000 --> 00:46:41,279 Speaker 1: the mother that I am today. Anyway, this show is 750 00:46:41,360 --> 00:46:46,080 Speaker 1: yah y'all business. Today. I have an amazing son who's 751 00:46:46,160 --> 00:46:51,520 Speaker 1: a college graduate, who was a married, lovely example of 752 00:46:51,560 --> 00:46:54,920 Speaker 1: a man, and I'm a yah yah of four years. 753 00:46:56,040 --> 00:46:59,680 Speaker 1: And I remember that that first announcement that I would 754 00:46:59,680 --> 00:47:05,719 Speaker 1: be a mimi was the best appreciation I had to 755 00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:09,480 Speaker 1: God for turning that thing around that happened to me 756 00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:14,680 Speaker 1: when I was thirteen. Congratulations, Asia, this is going to 757 00:47:14,800 --> 00:47:21,960 Speaker 1: be the most amazing journey. God bless you. Who I 758 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:29,160 Speaker 1: didn't know he's gonnahead to bust to tell shoes. Yeah, man, 759 00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:33,480 Speaker 1: I'm so happy to hear that that was someone else's 760 00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:43,200 Speaker 1: experience too, that there was support and love. I'm so 761 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:46,279 Speaker 1: happy to hear that because I grew up as a 762 00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:52,080 Speaker 1: Jehovah's witness and I'll never forget the day. And you know, 763 00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:56,000 Speaker 1: I'm only speaking for this particular experience, but this was 764 00:47:56,120 --> 00:47:59,160 Speaker 1: it was remarkable to me. There was a young girl 765 00:48:00,200 --> 00:48:02,320 Speaker 1: we were standing on the corner came then I watched 766 00:48:02,320 --> 00:48:05,440 Speaker 1: hours in the wakes because that's what we did. Huh 767 00:48:05,800 --> 00:48:08,759 Speaker 1: and um, there was a girl from our congregation. I 768 00:48:08,800 --> 00:48:12,160 Speaker 1: didn't know her, but you know I saw around and 769 00:48:12,239 --> 00:48:15,520 Speaker 1: she walked by and she was pregnant and I spoke, 770 00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,799 Speaker 1: but nobody else did, and I got, you know, a 771 00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,839 Speaker 1: little um. Some one of the sisters grabbed me by 772 00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:27,040 Speaker 1: my my wrist and said, we don't speak to her 773 00:48:27,080 --> 00:48:30,120 Speaker 1: and I said why and they were like, well, you know, 774 00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:35,239 Speaker 1: she's she's pregnant. And I was like, well, isn't this 775 00:48:35,280 --> 00:48:39,120 Speaker 1: when she needs everybody the most. That was the day 776 00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:46,040 Speaker 1: I decided I wasn't going to be a Jooh's witness. Wow. Wow, Yeah, 777 00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:50,680 Speaker 1: that was the day because I just felt like, it's 778 00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:55,799 Speaker 1: it's it's not right to shun someone when they need 779 00:48:55,880 --> 00:49:00,640 Speaker 1: you the most, you know, especially at a young person 780 00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:04,440 Speaker 1: like a child. There there's everything in their life is 781 00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:08,160 Speaker 1: about to change and you know they need guidance and that. 782 00:49:08,320 --> 00:49:10,759 Speaker 1: I love that lunch. I'm gonna you're gonna be a mother, 783 00:49:10,800 --> 00:49:15,000 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna show you how that was. That's the 784 00:49:15,040 --> 00:49:19,480 Speaker 1: part in which my body became affected by that. But 785 00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:21,160 Speaker 1: she said how you're gonna be a mother? I'm gonna 786 00:49:21,160 --> 00:49:24,120 Speaker 1: show you how how how do you know? How do 787 00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:26,920 Speaker 1: you know how to so many levels to this, how 788 00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,600 Speaker 1: do you know how to be a mother? If nobody 789 00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:34,399 Speaker 1: shows you, right, I don't care how old you are, Right, 790 00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:39,440 Speaker 1: then then there's this thing where the shame and the 791 00:49:39,719 --> 00:49:42,240 Speaker 1: the attempt of people, and that it was in church 792 00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:45,439 Speaker 1: that that the dad went. We'll talk we'll talk another 793 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:47,680 Speaker 1: time about why he felt he needed to go to 794 00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:52,400 Speaker 1: the church to say, don't say nothing slicked to my 795 00:49:52,480 --> 00:49:56,000 Speaker 1: daughter right the place where she was supposed to be 796 00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:59,759 Speaker 1: loved and where it should have been no question that 797 00:50:00,200 --> 00:50:02,319 Speaker 1: was going to be loved. Why did you have to 798 00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:07,080 Speaker 1: make a statement in front of those people, as the 799 00:50:07,120 --> 00:50:08,880 Speaker 1: pastor the people who should have been praying for her, 800 00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:11,000 Speaker 1: the people who should have been ever her. Why would 801 00:50:11,040 --> 00:50:13,719 Speaker 1: you didn't have to correct them, pre correct them. But 802 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,480 Speaker 1: we'll talk about that another time. But my point is 803 00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:19,200 Speaker 1: that I feel like, you know, and she's this woman 804 00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:21,040 Speaker 1: is not the only person that had reached out to 805 00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:26,120 Speaker 1: me about this, about their their experiences with being supported 806 00:50:26,160 --> 00:50:29,360 Speaker 1: at times, you know, when particularly around being pregnant. We 807 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,880 Speaker 1: like to blame women. We like to shame and blame 808 00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:37,480 Speaker 1: same and blame, shame and blame women for everything that 809 00:50:37,600 --> 00:50:43,320 Speaker 1: happens in their lives. Everything, it's the shame and blame. 810 00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:53,000 Speaker 1: Got yourself pregnant, You got yourself, yourself yourself, and it 811 00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:58,200 Speaker 1: be the people who posed to be so their relationship 812 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:02,280 Speaker 1: with the all for giving, the most giving, the most 813 00:51:02,520 --> 00:51:07,480 Speaker 1: loving entity and in their universe. And then this be 814 00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:11,640 Speaker 1: the energy they want to come to you with a woman, 815 00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:14,239 Speaker 1: a person who you and I both know doesn't get 816 00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:19,319 Speaker 1: Every woman, every person born female, does not get the 817 00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:26,400 Speaker 1: opportunity to give birth, Every female born body doesn't necessarily 818 00:51:26,920 --> 00:51:31,360 Speaker 1: do that. So when it happens, it's something that we 819 00:51:31,360 --> 00:51:35,080 Speaker 1: should all support because we are all invested in the 820 00:51:35,160 --> 00:51:40,680 Speaker 1: health and the beauty of that child, not just the body, 821 00:51:41,000 --> 00:51:44,840 Speaker 1: not just the body that does it. All who witness 822 00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:50,680 Speaker 1: are responsible, All who witness are needed. You're not throwing 823 00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:54,040 Speaker 1: this in here. You may not agree, UM, but I 824 00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:58,520 Speaker 1: I fully believe this that when did you find out 825 00:51:58,760 --> 00:52:06,959 Speaker 1: that someone that's very young and very unprepared um, financially, emotionally, 826 00:52:08,560 --> 00:52:13,560 Speaker 1: mentally for what's happening, um, for pregnancy. You're not happy 827 00:52:13,719 --> 00:52:16,120 Speaker 1: about it? So I don't want to I don't want 828 00:52:16,120 --> 00:52:19,240 Speaker 1: to get you. I don't I'm not I'm not because 829 00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:25,040 Speaker 1: because being a parent is a lot and um, taking 830 00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:28,759 Speaker 1: care of someone outside of yourself is a big job, 831 00:52:29,560 --> 00:52:33,080 Speaker 1: and it seems unfair that somebody is so young would 832 00:52:33,080 --> 00:52:37,560 Speaker 1: have to take on that kind of responsibility. So you're 833 00:52:37,600 --> 00:52:41,240 Speaker 1: not happy about it, but you've got to grow up. 834 00:52:41,840 --> 00:52:44,960 Speaker 1: This is what has occurred, and now that person has 835 00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:47,319 Speaker 1: needs support and love and they have to they have 836 00:52:47,360 --> 00:52:50,320 Speaker 1: to learn how to do this thing. It's not optional. 837 00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:54,319 Speaker 1: I mean, children coming into the world requires sacrifice. And 838 00:52:54,440 --> 00:52:57,560 Speaker 1: so when when a child is coming to the world 839 00:52:57,600 --> 00:52:59,840 Speaker 1: and then that reflects the sacrifice that needs to be 840 00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:03,320 Speaker 1: by others, there you know they're not gonna be happy 841 00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:06,520 Speaker 1: about it, even in even in the sacrifice of whatever 842 00:53:06,680 --> 00:53:09,759 Speaker 1: the vision was that they had for that person's life. 843 00:53:09,960 --> 00:53:13,080 Speaker 1: They're looking at the young person who they you know, 844 00:53:13,160 --> 00:53:14,920 Speaker 1: are looking at We we tend to look at young 845 00:53:14,960 --> 00:53:18,160 Speaker 1: people and we have dreams for them. We dream a 846 00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,400 Speaker 1: thing for them, and then when they have babies and 847 00:53:21,440 --> 00:53:24,080 Speaker 1: they're young, a lot of times we feel that dream 848 00:53:24,160 --> 00:53:27,200 Speaker 1: has to die. And so therefore we have a disappointment 849 00:53:27,239 --> 00:53:31,000 Speaker 1: that sometimes outweighs even the difficulty and disappointment that they 850 00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,040 Speaker 1: may have. So there's a there's a lot that we 851 00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:36,920 Speaker 1: project in that moment, you know what I mean, that's 852 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:40,880 Speaker 1: that's necessary and unnecessary, but you know from the from 853 00:53:40,920 --> 00:53:43,880 Speaker 1: the reality of it, and the things that aren't necessarily 854 00:53:43,920 --> 00:53:47,280 Speaker 1: reality is because everybody's experience will not be the same. 855 00:53:47,840 --> 00:53:50,440 Speaker 1: You know, some of our grandmothers were fourteen and fifteen 856 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:53,880 Speaker 1: and sixteen years old, and had that not happened, we 857 00:53:53,920 --> 00:53:57,160 Speaker 1: wouldn't be here. Um. And that's not saying that at 858 00:53:57,200 --> 00:53:59,560 Speaker 1: that age you're ready, because the truth of the matter 859 00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:01,920 Speaker 1: is that, uh that when you're young and you have 860 00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,799 Speaker 1: not fully developed you know all those things. You know. 861 00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:07,040 Speaker 1: In my situation, my daughter has grown. I want to 862 00:54:07,080 --> 00:54:10,279 Speaker 1: continue to say that, but I do recognize that for 863 00:54:10,320 --> 00:54:13,120 Speaker 1: people when they are asked to step up and be 864 00:54:13,239 --> 00:54:16,760 Speaker 1: there for someone who was very young in that experience, 865 00:54:17,160 --> 00:54:19,319 Speaker 1: that it takes them seeing things from a certain point 866 00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:21,160 Speaker 1: of view. But I just want to shout out to 867 00:54:21,200 --> 00:54:24,960 Speaker 1: Kashawna's parents and to her father in particular, who was 868 00:54:25,040 --> 00:54:30,160 Speaker 1: brave enough and had enough loving him two understand that 869 00:54:30,280 --> 00:54:33,839 Speaker 1: his disappointment whichever whatever that was, was not the most 870 00:54:33,880 --> 00:54:40,120 Speaker 1: important item on the agenda for that day. Yeah, but 871 00:54:40,320 --> 00:54:47,600 Speaker 1: the disappointment was not the most important factor. You have 872 00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:51,000 Speaker 1: the right to be disappointed. You have the right. You've 873 00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,239 Speaker 1: invested time, energy, love into a young person and young 874 00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,840 Speaker 1: woman and young man. You've invested that time. You have 875 00:54:57,880 --> 00:55:00,680 Speaker 1: the right to feel to disappointed. But it, like A 876 00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:06,640 Speaker 1: just said, it is not the most important factor. Cool 877 00:55:06,680 --> 00:55:13,880 Speaker 1: with the y'all y'all business. More conversation after the break. 878 00:55:25,280 --> 00:55:29,160 Speaker 1: I think we got another one. Go ahead. My name 879 00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:32,120 Speaker 1: is Myra and I just listened to y'all y'all business, 880 00:55:32,120 --> 00:55:35,720 Speaker 1: and I can't think Asia enough. I'm a new mom 881 00:55:35,719 --> 00:55:38,759 Speaker 1: and while I'm twenty eight years old, my parents have 882 00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:41,359 Speaker 1: been really hard on me for having a baby while 883 00:55:41,360 --> 00:55:45,200 Speaker 1: I'm not married. And just hearing Asia really bringing to 884 00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:48,719 Speaker 1: the room the societal pressure is that we placed on 885 00:55:49,120 --> 00:55:52,480 Speaker 1: each other, and just her accepting her daughter really did 886 00:55:52,520 --> 00:55:55,960 Speaker 1: something for me. Um. I didn't know I needed to 887 00:55:56,040 --> 00:55:58,640 Speaker 1: hear this episode as much as I did, And I 888 00:55:58,719 --> 00:56:02,160 Speaker 1: thank you so much for just calling out the pressures 889 00:56:02,160 --> 00:56:05,000 Speaker 1: and how you have to show up for your child. 890 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:08,440 Speaker 1: They're having a child themselves because of the depression that 891 00:56:08,480 --> 00:56:11,799 Speaker 1: they go through. I resonate with that, and while I'm 892 00:56:11,800 --> 00:56:14,759 Speaker 1: working through it now, I just I can't say thank 893 00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:20,080 Speaker 1: you enough. I had my son at thirty eight. I 894 00:56:20,120 --> 00:56:25,800 Speaker 1: think that's all I was. And I was not expecting 895 00:56:27,520 --> 00:56:33,439 Speaker 1: or happy about being a single mother. I didn't see 896 00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:35,480 Speaker 1: that coming. I never saw that for me. First line, 897 00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:38,120 Speaker 1: I never saw me having a child in the first place. 898 00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:40,359 Speaker 1: But then to actually have to be a single mother, 899 00:56:40,400 --> 00:56:43,360 Speaker 1: I wasn't. I wasn't. Like that kind of blew my mind. 900 00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:48,719 Speaker 1: There's a lot of things that happened, you know, when 901 00:56:48,800 --> 00:56:54,560 Speaker 1: you when you have a child, A lot of the emotions, 902 00:56:54,960 --> 00:57:07,560 Speaker 1: the hormones, silk making built you're making milk, like, that's 903 00:57:07,120 --> 00:57:11,640 Speaker 1: what are you talking about? So many things that are 904 00:57:11,640 --> 00:57:14,480 Speaker 1: going on inside of your body, inside of your your 905 00:57:14,560 --> 00:57:18,040 Speaker 1: mind and body experience all of the things. And I 906 00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:22,720 Speaker 1: was thirty eight and financially, you know, to it capable. 907 00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:26,360 Speaker 1: I'll go it capable, financially capable of doing the things. 908 00:57:26,760 --> 00:57:30,560 Speaker 1: And I had to go get myself together. I had 909 00:57:30,600 --> 00:57:35,840 Speaker 1: to go get myself together. The disappointment was so much. Now, 910 00:57:35,920 --> 00:57:39,680 Speaker 1: imagine being you know, thirteen four, to imagine being someone 911 00:57:39,720 --> 00:57:41,880 Speaker 1: that's still living at home with their parents and have 912 00:57:42,040 --> 00:57:45,120 Speaker 1: never really experienced, um being out on the world on 913 00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:48,680 Speaker 1: their own. Now they had the responsibility of taking care 914 00:57:48,680 --> 00:57:52,280 Speaker 1: of someone else who is so tiny, somebody else who 915 00:57:52,400 --> 00:57:56,440 Speaker 1: really can't take care of themselves at all. Yeah, I'm 916 00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:59,160 Speaker 1: you know, like putting yourself in that position is a 917 00:57:59,200 --> 00:58:05,600 Speaker 1: lot take take a moment, I think, yes, you know, 918 00:58:05,840 --> 00:58:11,400 Speaker 1: I yeah, I would say this. You know, Mara talked about, 919 00:58:11,880 --> 00:58:18,120 Speaker 1: you know, being unmed, being unmarried. It hurts me that 920 00:58:18,240 --> 00:58:21,360 Speaker 1: a twenty eight year old grown ass woman has to 921 00:58:21,520 --> 00:58:24,880 Speaker 1: feel some kind of way about having a baby and 922 00:58:24,920 --> 00:58:29,320 Speaker 1: not being married like that upsets me, Like I'm actually 923 00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:33,600 Speaker 1: I'm upset, okay, because that that bothers me so much 924 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:39,320 Speaker 1: because again it's the the shame and blame. Right, we 925 00:58:39,520 --> 00:58:42,560 Speaker 1: talk about this situation where it's like no one is 926 00:58:42,560 --> 00:58:44,640 Speaker 1: saying and I hate this thing that happens in our 927 00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:49,720 Speaker 1: community with y'all glorifying baby mama's and you no a 928 00:58:49,800 --> 00:58:54,400 Speaker 1: nobody glorifying nothing. We are allowing. We are asking people 929 00:58:54,720 --> 00:58:57,560 Speaker 1: to love one another and to be in community with 930 00:58:57,600 --> 00:59:01,800 Speaker 1: one another. That's when staying toxic relationships for the sake 931 00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:05,520 Speaker 1: of for the sake of a child. Girl, Listen, let 932 00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:08,520 Speaker 1: me tell you something. Many many of our ancestors and 933 00:59:08,560 --> 00:59:11,920 Speaker 1: the women that have come before us stayed married, and 934 00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:14,520 Speaker 1: we're in situations with men that they should never have 935 00:59:14,640 --> 00:59:16,919 Speaker 1: been in just so that they didn't have to be 936 00:59:17,160 --> 00:59:21,280 Speaker 1: unmarried with a baby and feel that shame and feel 937 00:59:21,360 --> 00:59:25,520 Speaker 1: that shame. It's like, I need us to wake up then, 938 00:59:25,520 --> 00:59:27,200 Speaker 1: And there's a lot of women it's fine. I just 939 00:59:27,240 --> 00:59:29,040 Speaker 1: had this conversation with somebody the other day was talking 940 00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,240 Speaker 1: about their their thirty year old cousin who was really 941 00:59:31,280 --> 00:59:34,240 Speaker 1: concerned about finding a husband. She really wants to be 942 00:59:34,320 --> 00:59:37,440 Speaker 1: somebody's wife, like And some of that comes from your 943 00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:41,280 Speaker 1: boomer parents who got together in their twenties and built 944 00:59:41,320 --> 00:59:44,640 Speaker 1: them a beautiful home and had their two children, and 945 00:59:44,800 --> 00:59:46,320 Speaker 1: you know, and so you look at that, and that's 946 00:59:46,320 --> 00:59:49,960 Speaker 1: the way you Yeah, I can say this, whatever way 947 00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:54,080 Speaker 1: that your life is designed, whatever way your life is designed, 948 00:59:54,160 --> 00:59:56,560 Speaker 1: is going to be a mixture of things that you 949 00:59:56,680 --> 01:00:00,160 Speaker 1: have prayed for or asked for, or one to the 950 01:00:00,320 --> 01:00:05,760 Speaker 1: desired things you intentionally did and curveball that you could 951 01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:09,800 Speaker 1: have never seen coming. And at the end of the day, 952 01:00:09,920 --> 01:00:12,480 Speaker 1: we are all dealing with a mixture of those three things. 953 01:00:12,560 --> 01:00:15,680 Speaker 1: And if we approach any other person without the proper 954 01:00:16,200 --> 01:00:21,040 Speaker 1: grace and humility that should come from doing that, then 955 01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:23,480 Speaker 1: you are most definitely on the wrong side of history. 956 01:00:24,080 --> 01:00:26,280 Speaker 1: Everybody knows this about me and mine because I don't 957 01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:31,080 Speaker 1: play that ship of humanity. We're not doing that today. 958 01:00:31,400 --> 01:00:33,880 Speaker 1: But we gotta got to remember that when people like 959 01:00:33,960 --> 01:00:36,160 Speaker 1: her parents, and I think that's the best advice you 960 01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:38,040 Speaker 1: can give her in that way too. It's kind of like, 961 01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:41,920 Speaker 1: you know, not for nothing, girl, live your life, because 962 01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:44,000 Speaker 1: the life that they were taught to live is not 963 01:00:44,160 --> 01:00:47,120 Speaker 1: the true life of happiness. And that's what you know. 964 01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:50,360 Speaker 1: That's not your past, that's not everybody don't have the 965 01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:53,240 Speaker 1: same path of happiness. However, Yes, fifty years ago we 966 01:00:53,240 --> 01:00:56,280 Speaker 1: were told that this plus this equals this and that 967 01:00:56,320 --> 01:00:59,440 Speaker 1: will bring happiness. That's not the case no more. I 968 01:00:59,440 --> 01:01:01,480 Speaker 1: don't know if it ever was the case. Thank you. 969 01:01:01,480 --> 01:01:03,680 Speaker 1: Why don't we all just start being honest with these 970 01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:07,600 Speaker 1: young women women women I called to you in this moment. 971 01:01:08,280 --> 01:01:14,160 Speaker 1: Be honest with the young women in your life. Stop 972 01:01:14,360 --> 01:01:19,000 Speaker 1: lying to them, Stop lying to yourself. The life that 973 01:01:19,080 --> 01:01:21,320 Speaker 1: you are requiring them to live, not only did you 974 01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:27,760 Speaker 1: not live it, but nobody that you know lived it, okay, 975 01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:31,640 Speaker 1: And you are pressing a ideal of phony and fake 976 01:01:31,720 --> 01:01:34,560 Speaker 1: ideal onto young people that you know they can never 977 01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,919 Speaker 1: ever live up to. And when they find out, they're 978 01:01:37,920 --> 01:01:39,720 Speaker 1: gonna be mad at you. And I'm gonna tell you 979 01:01:39,800 --> 01:01:43,000 Speaker 1: right now, these young millennials, these gen zs, not the 980 01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:46,640 Speaker 1: young millennials, not the ones that's forty, These young millennials 981 01:01:46,640 --> 01:01:49,280 Speaker 1: and these gen zs, they are finding out that y'all 982 01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,200 Speaker 1: have lied to yourselves, and they're mad at you. Or 983 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:53,840 Speaker 1: they've been lied to too, That's what I'm saying. But 984 01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:55,919 Speaker 1: they've been lied too too, So like you can be mad, 985 01:01:55,960 --> 01:01:58,040 Speaker 1: but everybody's been lied to. It all come from somewhere, 986 01:01:58,040 --> 01:01:59,720 Speaker 1: so it don't be but so mad because it comes 987 01:01:59,720 --> 01:02:01,720 Speaker 1: from an over generation. Don't take it out on them 988 01:02:01,760 --> 01:02:03,480 Speaker 1: like that because they took the ship for you. Like, 989 01:02:03,640 --> 01:02:06,360 Speaker 1: come on, everybody be paid where everybody you got the information, 990 01:02:06,400 --> 01:02:08,240 Speaker 1: You got the knowledge, all right, go ahead and do 991 01:02:08,320 --> 01:02:12,720 Speaker 1: better share because the sharing will free you. It really will. 992 01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:15,720 Speaker 1: It will really free you. You know, there used to 993 01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,920 Speaker 1: be a joke back in the day about um girl. 994 01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:20,480 Speaker 1: It was like, you know, it's just a joke. You know, 995 01:02:20,520 --> 01:02:23,200 Speaker 1: girls will joke about say yeah, how many partners have 996 01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:24,560 Speaker 1: you had? And they're like, you mean, how many how 997 01:02:24,600 --> 01:02:27,440 Speaker 1: many boyfriends have I hadked or how many relationships have 998 01:02:27,560 --> 01:02:30,160 Speaker 1: I had? Or that would be the joke, Like we're 999 01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:33,400 Speaker 1: not gonna talk about partners. We're gonna talk about actual relationships. 1000 01:02:33,760 --> 01:02:37,040 Speaker 1: My thing is like this, whatever you have used, really 1001 01:02:37,080 --> 01:02:40,480 Speaker 1: think about the things that you've done to rationalized behavior 1002 01:02:40,520 --> 01:02:45,680 Speaker 1: that you hold shame about, to rationalize that way that 1003 01:02:45,760 --> 01:02:48,440 Speaker 1: you say things and you hold things because of your 1004 01:02:48,480 --> 01:02:51,360 Speaker 1: own particular shame, and be really careful not to project 1005 01:02:51,440 --> 01:02:55,080 Speaker 1: that onto other people, especially young people, because it's not 1006 01:02:55,120 --> 01:02:57,560 Speaker 1: theirs to carry. They'll have their own stuff to carry. 1007 01:02:58,360 --> 01:03:00,960 Speaker 1: Just try to be mindful about allowing them to carry 1008 01:03:00,960 --> 01:03:04,080 Speaker 1: your stuff. Okay, you made a mistake, Just be honest 1009 01:03:04,120 --> 01:03:07,800 Speaker 1: about it when they're making a mistake. Don't get all 1010 01:03:07,840 --> 01:03:10,880 Speaker 1: angry and turned up because you're still mad about your mistake. 1011 01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:15,240 Speaker 1: M h Just do whatever you can do to show 1012 01:03:15,280 --> 01:03:21,520 Speaker 1: love and compassion and humility, like humble yourself. Humble yourself 1013 01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:29,280 Speaker 1: to yourself, m hmm, it's really okay, it's really okay. 1014 01:03:31,280 --> 01:03:33,760 Speaker 1: And to my brother's out there, to my brother's out 1015 01:03:33,760 --> 01:03:38,280 Speaker 1: there that are constantly in your mind. You have like 1016 01:03:38,880 --> 01:03:41,280 Speaker 1: some sort of standard in your mind that you have 1017 01:03:42,280 --> 01:03:46,160 Speaker 1: made up in your brain about what you think the 1018 01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:51,200 Speaker 1: best kind of woman is. Right, I want you to stop, 1019 01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:55,760 Speaker 1: because your mama is not that she's not the auntie 1020 01:03:55,840 --> 01:03:58,760 Speaker 1: is not that your sister is not that. Everybody is 1021 01:03:58,800 --> 01:04:02,120 Speaker 1: a human being and they're living this life. I wish 1022 01:04:02,160 --> 01:04:08,000 Speaker 1: I had that button. Don't we get the last one agent? 1023 01:04:08,360 --> 01:04:17,120 Speaker 1: And you might not deserve that. Just today I talked 1024 01:04:17,200 --> 01:04:21,160 Speaker 1: to an old friend and her mother is um fully 1025 01:04:21,160 --> 01:04:24,920 Speaker 1: sanctified and all the good things, you know, quote unquote. 1026 01:04:25,400 --> 01:04:28,840 Speaker 1: And she found a picture of her mother sitting with 1027 01:04:28,920 --> 01:04:32,480 Speaker 1: a group of people, old picture, and her mother had 1028 01:04:32,520 --> 01:04:37,040 Speaker 1: a cigarette in one hand and a drinking another. Yeah yeah, 1029 01:04:37,080 --> 01:04:43,880 Speaker 1: and it looked like she was having a good Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 1030 01:04:44,600 --> 01:04:47,400 Speaker 1: don't get me wrong. Mother's mother's and aunties and everybody 1031 01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:50,680 Speaker 1: get to change. Hey, listen, if you do that, if 1032 01:04:50,680 --> 01:04:55,040 Speaker 1: the pastor made the down and you just change your life, 1033 01:04:55,360 --> 01:04:58,240 Speaker 1: just don't forget it's it's not it's fine. You ain't 1034 01:04:58,280 --> 01:05:00,040 Speaker 1: got to be the same person at forty that you 1035 01:05:00,040 --> 01:05:06,520 Speaker 1: are at twenty. It's not even possible. Come on, shout 1036 01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:09,120 Speaker 1: out to Kareema. She had already always kept her truth 1037 01:05:09,160 --> 01:05:12,200 Speaker 1: around here and always said to me, I tell you know, 1038 01:05:12,240 --> 01:05:14,000 Speaker 1: if I could have waited, I had you twenty eight. 1039 01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:15,960 Speaker 1: But lord, you know, if I could have waited, let 1040 01:05:16,000 --> 01:05:18,800 Speaker 1: me say the life not to say I have any 1041 01:05:18,880 --> 01:05:23,280 Speaker 1: regrets about you, However, life could have been different. I 1042 01:05:25,080 --> 01:05:29,320 Speaker 1: like the album Beautifully Human for a reason, you know 1043 01:05:29,320 --> 01:05:32,240 Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like we out here, we're living, We're 1044 01:05:32,280 --> 01:05:36,840 Speaker 1: experiencing life, and there will be changes. There will be 1045 01:05:36,960 --> 01:05:40,440 Speaker 1: highs and thows, like my my sister friends here have said, 1046 01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:43,280 Speaker 1: and it will be curve balls that you don't expect. 1047 01:05:43,640 --> 01:05:47,439 Speaker 1: But life is poor the living, and it's a beautiful thing. 1048 01:05:48,160 --> 01:05:51,800 Speaker 1: Remember that. Remember that when you're when you're listening to 1049 01:05:51,880 --> 01:05:54,880 Speaker 1: a young person, Remember that when you're listening to an elder. 1050 01:05:55,160 --> 01:05:58,520 Speaker 1: Remember that when you're somewhere in private listening to yourself. 1051 01:06:01,440 --> 01:06:04,640 Speaker 1: The update also is just for all the listeners. The 1052 01:06:04,760 --> 01:06:07,120 Speaker 1: update is that my grand baby has come into the 1053 01:06:07,160 --> 01:06:13,760 Speaker 1: world healthy. On October nineteen, two thousand and twenty two, one, 1054 01:06:13,880 --> 01:06:20,600 Speaker 1: Mr Reverie was born. And she is absolutely fantastic and 1055 01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:26,560 Speaker 1: her mother is an absolutely fantastic mother, and she did 1056 01:06:26,640 --> 01:06:28,800 Speaker 1: the damn thing and I was so proud of her, 1057 01:06:29,280 --> 01:06:32,200 Speaker 1: and I'm still proud of her, and I will always 1058 01:06:32,280 --> 01:06:35,760 Speaker 1: be proud of her. And sometimes I'm still gonna let 1059 01:06:35,800 --> 01:06:38,320 Speaker 1: her ask know what it is because she's my daughter 1060 01:06:39,440 --> 01:06:43,040 Speaker 1: and she's my friend, and I keep it real with 1061 01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:46,800 Speaker 1: my daughter and my friends and my daughter friends, and 1062 01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:51,080 Speaker 1: that is what it is. I love y'all, seriously, my family. 1063 01:06:51,720 --> 01:06:55,560 Speaker 1: There was something in me. Just here. I hear a 1064 01:06:55,680 --> 01:07:01,280 Speaker 1: loud clapping to clapping from his simmer. So you be 1065 01:07:01,320 --> 01:07:05,360 Speaker 1: proud of you hate your creating. She was so in 1066 01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:09,920 Speaker 1: the mix. She because she remains in the mix, so 1067 01:07:10,160 --> 01:07:13,920 Speaker 1: in the mix. And I'm proud to have had her 1068 01:07:13,960 --> 01:07:17,919 Speaker 1: as a mother and I just a girl. It's a thing. 1069 01:07:18,840 --> 01:07:21,120 Speaker 1: It is a whole thing. It's a thing to see 1070 01:07:21,120 --> 01:07:24,640 Speaker 1: a thing be full circle. To see my child give 1071 01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:28,320 Speaker 1: birth in a room that she has known since she 1072 01:07:28,440 --> 01:07:32,480 Speaker 1: was two years old. To stand there and watch my 1073 01:07:32,560 --> 01:07:36,840 Speaker 1: grandchild come into the world, to actually watch her come 1074 01:07:37,000 --> 01:07:41,880 Speaker 1: into the world like I saw that, you know, and 1075 01:07:42,560 --> 01:07:45,400 Speaker 1: to have helped my daughter through that process is everything 1076 01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:48,320 Speaker 1: I can't you know. And I have other daughters. This 1077 01:07:48,400 --> 01:07:50,520 Speaker 1: might not be the first time, it won't be the 1078 01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:55,160 Speaker 1: last time, god willing, but I'm telling you that first 1079 01:07:55,160 --> 01:08:02,680 Speaker 1: time that was everything. That's everything. So yeah, yeah, I 1080 01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:07,120 Speaker 1: feel grateful, deeply grateful, And I'm grateful for my whole 1081 01:08:07,200 --> 01:08:12,360 Speaker 1: village and everybody who takes time to to be there 1082 01:08:12,440 --> 01:08:16,679 Speaker 1: for all of us. So thank you, Auntie Jill and Auntil. 1083 01:08:17,000 --> 01:08:22,120 Speaker 1: Yeah for the lovely love that y'all have given this process. 1084 01:08:23,280 --> 01:08:28,040 Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing your experiences women, sister friends, Thank 1085 01:08:28,040 --> 01:08:32,719 Speaker 1: you for sharing your experiences. You you. I grow because 1086 01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:38,320 Speaker 1: of you, and I know because of you, and I 1087 01:08:38,400 --> 01:08:42,479 Speaker 1: noticed like like a childhood like you know, elementary rhyme, 1088 01:08:42,560 --> 01:08:45,439 Speaker 1: but it's it's it's real ship. It's just real ship. 1089 01:08:45,560 --> 01:08:47,759 Speaker 1: I love it said, he said, you got the ways 1090 01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:50,720 Speaker 1: of words. Shout out to edge. You do? You do? 1091 01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:56,759 Speaker 1: You do? Shout way of explaining things because girl, whether 1092 01:08:56,840 --> 01:09:01,160 Speaker 1: in elementary school, rhyme or prose or whatever, it's all beautiful. 1093 01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:04,800 Speaker 1: Thank you so so much. I appreciate good, appreciate you guys. 1094 01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:07,400 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to Jay dot Ill 1095 01:09:07,640 --> 01:09:14,920 Speaker 1: the podcast and as always we have conversations, just spark conversation. 1096 01:09:15,400 --> 01:09:27,560 Speaker 1: Appreciate it. How do you eat an elephant? One by it? Kind? Hey, listeners, 1097 01:09:27,880 --> 01:09:31,320 Speaker 1: it's Amber the producer here. As you can tell, we 1098 01:09:31,800 --> 01:09:34,880 Speaker 1: love hearing from you, whether it's a comment on a 1099 01:09:34,920 --> 01:09:38,800 Speaker 1: social media post or a voicemail in our inbox. We 1100 01:09:39,280 --> 01:09:42,200 Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Give us a call anytime 1101 01:09:42,360 --> 01:09:45,719 Speaker 1: at eight six six, hey jail and leave us a message. 1102 01:09:46,479 --> 01:10:01,880 Speaker 1: Talk to you soon. Hi, if you have comments on 1103 01:10:01,960 --> 01:10:06,439 Speaker 1: something that you said in this episode called eight six six, Hey, Jill, 1104 01:10:07,000 --> 01:10:09,679 Speaker 1: if you want to add to this conversation that's eight 1105 01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:13,800 Speaker 1: six six nine five four five by don't forget to 1106 01:10:13,840 --> 01:10:16,519 Speaker 1: tell us your name and the episode you're referring to. 1107 01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:20,080 Speaker 1: You might just hear your message on a future episode. 1108 01:10:20,920 --> 01:10:24,559 Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Jill Scott Presents Jay dot Ill. 1109 01:10:24,960 --> 01:10:30,880 Speaker 1: The podcast JA dot Ill is a production of I 1110 01:10:31,160 --> 01:10:35,280 Speaker 1: heart Radio. For more podcast from I heart Radio, visit 1111 01:10:35,320 --> 01:10:39,600 Speaker 1: the I heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you 1112 01:10:39,680 --> 01:10:41,280 Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows,