WEBVTT - 9. Writings 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:12.160 Murder in Illinois is a production of iHeartRadio. The words 0:00:12.320 --> 0:00:15.360 the pen is Mightier than the Sword were first written 0:00:15.400 --> 0:00:18.639 in eighteen thirty nine by an English novelist and playwright. 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:23.240 It's an interesting concept, the power of words to defend, 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:27.280 to inspire, or to wound, especially now in a time 0:00:27.320 --> 0:00:31.360 in which technology enables us to fire off texts, shoot 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:34.839 each other emails, and attack one another on social media 0:00:35.040 --> 0:00:38.879 or online posts. It's something I thought of often as 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:42.479 I set out to write this podcast. The Vaughan family 0:00:42.520 --> 0:00:47.440 had already experienced written outrage in many forms after Chris's arrest, trial, 0:00:47.600 --> 0:00:51.479 and verdict. As we neared the release of our first episode, 0:00:51.840 --> 0:00:57.320 potential response weighed heavily on everyone involved. The first article 0:00:57.360 --> 0:01:00.360 about this podcast to go live was the local Patch 0:01:00.360 --> 0:01:04.319 website in Shanahan where the tragedy occurred, and with it 0:01:04.360 --> 0:01:10.000 came reader comments like these Jim from Joliet, lock me 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:13.119 in his cell with him. He'll remember who did it 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:19.000 real quick. Wally, also from Joliet. Unless the Vaughan family 0:01:19.120 --> 0:01:22.360 is saying Chris is guilty, they really need to shut up. 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:27.280 And Phil from Wheaton, Illinois reference is another man convicted 0:01:27.280 --> 0:01:31.240 of killing his family in his post. Let's lock him 0:01:31.319 --> 0:01:34.560 up with Chris Watts and they can swap stories of 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:37.800 how they each murdered their children and wives while we 0:01:37.959 --> 0:01:42.720 slowly burn down the place. I'm Lauren Bright Pacheco, and 0:01:42.800 --> 0:02:22.919 this is murder in Illinois, okay you. After Chris Vaughn's 0:02:22.960 --> 0:02:26.519 wife and three children were found dead, speculation as to 0:02:26.600 --> 0:02:30.760 Chris's guilt started immediately on message boards and reader comments 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:34.760 beneath news articles. Here's Gail's sister Rose. 0:02:35.200 --> 0:02:42.560 Passing judgment on people hiding behind a screen and putting 0:02:42.600 --> 0:02:47.640 words and texts on the Internet without knowing truths, not 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:54.680 knowing whole story, only seeing parts that have been manufactured 0:02:54.800 --> 0:02:56.520 in a lot of different areas. 0:02:57.880 --> 0:02:58.600 That's a hard one. 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:02.400 There's a lot, and it's billed over in person on 0:03:02.440 --> 0:03:04.160 a deeply personal level. 0:03:04.639 --> 0:03:08.239 When this all took place, even though I don't live 0:03:08.280 --> 0:03:11.760 anywhere near Missouri, but this is where our original family started, 0:03:12.200 --> 0:03:15.639 I had to put my children of protectiveness. 0:03:15.040 --> 0:03:15.760 At their school. 0:03:16.320 --> 0:03:18.640 So I had two middle schoolers and I had to 0:03:18.680 --> 0:03:23.440 go and talk to the principal because there were parents 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:29.440 that were just being I was stocked. I had people 0:03:29.440 --> 0:03:33.440 in our driveway constantly. I had reporters. We have a 0:03:33.480 --> 0:03:37.040 long driveway, like a three quarter of a mile driveway, 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:40.520 and there were people parked everywhere. I called the police, 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:41.680 but the police wouldn't do anything. 0:03:42.160 --> 0:03:46.440 After Chris's arrest, many viewed the extended Vaughan family as 0:03:46.480 --> 0:03:51.560 guilty too. By relation. Gail Vaughan was particularly targeted as 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:54.600 the woman who mothered the man accused of killing, the 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:58.880 mother of his three kids and his children. Some were 0:03:58.920 --> 0:04:02.640 even motivated enough to express their thoughts in calls or 0:04:02.720 --> 0:04:04.600 letters they mailed to her home. 0:04:05.480 --> 0:04:07.920 Oh pretty much, How could you be the mother of 0:04:07.960 --> 0:04:08.480 a killer? 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:13.240 Why did you even give him birth? 0:04:14.760 --> 0:04:19.040 There was a gentleman that texted and said that in 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.479 his opinion, Chris was guilty and he needed to be 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:25.560 stripped and sent to Canada in the middle of the 0:04:25.560 --> 0:04:31.880 winter and see if he can survive there. And just 0:04:31.960 --> 0:04:37.080 a lot of why Chris was even here, Why are 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:38.080 you defending your son? 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:39.320 He did it? 0:04:40.720 --> 0:04:44.279 And we received that stuff, but there again, our lawyers 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:47.839 told us not to speak the public, so we never 0:04:47.880 --> 0:04:50.680 even gave a comment to any media person at all. 0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:54.200 The letter started coming shortly after the tragedy. 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:58.160 It seemed like it was about a week. The letters 0:04:58.160 --> 0:05:03.640 started coming after the funeral I got a number of 0:05:04.000 --> 0:05:08.719 hate mail that just said vile things. I got a 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:13.559 couple letters from religious people that wanted to save Chris's soul. 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:17.240 Many of them were very, very hateful. 0:05:17.760 --> 0:05:21.880 Here's an excerpt from one that she's capped for fourteen years. 0:05:22.360 --> 0:05:27.680 There was no return address, it has been typed, it 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:35.559 was not signed, and it's dated June twenty sixth, twenty seven. 0:05:37.040 --> 0:05:42.600 Mister and missus Vaughan, as a resident of Aswego, Illinois. 0:05:43.000 --> 0:05:46.839 I am sickened at the news of the heartless, cruel 0:05:46.920 --> 0:05:51.040 act your son inflicted on his wife and beautiful children. 0:05:52.600 --> 0:05:55.400 Following the news story from the moment it broke, I 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:58.480 had no doubt in my mind of your son's guilt. 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:04.039 His story made absolutely no sense from the very beginning. 0:06:05.360 --> 0:06:09.400 What kind of sick mind would put two bullets through 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:13.799 each one of his children's bodies at such close range 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:17.479 and then kill his wife. I can't even begin to 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:23.159 imagine the scared thoughts running through those children's minds as 0:06:23.200 --> 0:06:27.400 this punk riddled their bodies with bullets. Matter of fact, 0:06:28.000 --> 0:06:30.000 Chris is such a coward he couldn't even put a 0:06:30.000 --> 0:06:32.960 bullet through his own head, which is where it belongs. 0:06:34.640 --> 0:06:37.200 We are delighted in the fact that he was arrested, 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.960 and now Kim and his precious children may rest in 0:06:41.000 --> 0:06:44.599 the comfort of God's peace. It would have been highly 0:06:44.680 --> 0:06:48.760 unfair for the souls of those murdered that Chris be 0:06:48.839 --> 0:06:53.680 given the opportunity to attend their burial. Congratulations to the 0:06:53.760 --> 0:06:57.520 law enforcement personnel who made his arrest early in the morning. 0:06:58.360 --> 0:07:00.640 We are now left with having to playing to our 0:07:00.680 --> 0:07:06.160 little children why the dad of Kim's three children killed them. 0:07:07.000 --> 0:07:10.040 The children in this community do not understand, and frankly, 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:14.760 neither do the adults. Chris thought he was so cool 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.960 that he could get away with this horrific crime. I 0:07:18.000 --> 0:07:21.200 look forward to the day he is found guilty for this. 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:27.040 Only a cold hearted, psychopathic mind would kill his children 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:31.800 and wife, and I would be disgusted and ashamed of 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:36.360 my son. May the souls of Kim, Abby, Sandy and 0:07:36.360 --> 0:07:41.040 Blake rest in peace. Hell awaits those so cruel. 0:07:43.840 --> 0:07:46.560 Written things would also play heavily and to the time 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:50.560 Galen Rose spent cleaning and clearing out the Vaughan family's 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.320 os we Go home after the tragedy. In Chris's office, 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:57.640 Rose discovered a written list on his desk. 0:07:58.280 --> 0:07:59.160 In his office. 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:03.160 He had an amazing book collection that was right next 0:08:03.200 --> 0:08:05.760 to where he sat, and you could tell that he 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:11.480 used them quite often because there were markers and napkins 0:08:11.560 --> 0:08:14.720 whatever marking places. And the books were amazing to me 0:08:14.840 --> 0:08:20.680 because these are all my loves, David Throw, Walt Whitman, Emerson, 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:24.640 Edgar Allan Poe. There were just amazing books that he had, 0:08:24.680 --> 0:08:26.240 and they weren't like they were on the top shelf. 0:08:26.280 --> 0:08:29.480 They were right next to his desk, and because we 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:33.600 were cleaning everything out, they would take out annie markers 0:08:33.679 --> 0:08:36.920 or names or anything like that. I took out a 0:08:36.960 --> 0:08:39.760 piece of paper that was in one of those and 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:44.559 it looked like it was newer than later older, and 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:51.360 it struck me because the note was I'm looking at 0:08:51.360 --> 0:08:54.360 my notes. It was a new Year's resolution list from 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:58.720 Chris written in his hand, and what it said on 0:08:58.760 --> 0:09:04.600 it was he wrote about being a better reader, a 0:09:04.600 --> 0:09:09.080 better listener. Nothing on the list was selfish or one sided. 0:09:09.200 --> 0:09:13.040 Everything he wrote was about being better to be better 0:09:13.400 --> 0:09:19.600 for others, and I think that speaks mountains with his demeanor. 0:09:20.760 --> 0:09:23.760 In Abigail's room, Gail would discover a journal with a 0:09:23.800 --> 0:09:28.240 single handwritten entry. It offers tender and revealing insight into 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:31.600 a young girl's life and family. Later, when we would 0:09:31.600 --> 0:09:34.080 meet in person, Gail would share it with me. 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:42.559 This is what Abbie wrote, Read that, I mean it's touching. 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:46.480 Today was Valentine's Day. 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:50.920 My box won the contest on the best Valentine's Box. 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.679 That's how I got this notebook and all the other stuff. 0:09:54.160 --> 0:09:56.160 I like the stickers best. I got a lot of 0:09:56.160 --> 0:09:58.880 candy today. I'm going to try to save it. I 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:01.360 want Sandy and Blake to be jealous because I have 0:10:01.400 --> 0:10:04.600 more candy than them, but probably going to eat all 0:10:04.840 --> 0:10:08.640 of their candy in like two seconds. Sometimes Sandy saves 0:10:08.640 --> 0:10:12.400 hers two sometimes she eats it. Blake, well, he eats 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:14.560 his in five seconds and then he complains to Mom 0:10:14.640 --> 0:10:18.520 that we have more candy than him. He can be 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:22.280 whiny sometimes, and Sandy can be bossy. I don't know why, 0:10:22.400 --> 0:10:28.959 but pain is only a four letter word. Pain seems 0:10:29.040 --> 0:10:32.160 like it should be a bigger word. Everybody hates pain, 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:36.120 so why is one big thing so darn stinking small. 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:39.640 It seems like it should be a seven or eight 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.520 letter word, doesn't it. I don't think I've ever written 0:10:42.520 --> 0:10:45.400 this far before, but I just don't write, but I 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:48.320 know I figured out it is the only way to 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:52.080 express my feelings without getting mad. I am an artist. 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:55.080 I am cursed with the gift of art. Unfortunately it 0:10:55.160 --> 0:11:01.240 came with a couple of extra things. Anger, frustration, patience. 0:11:01.960 --> 0:11:05.440 And of course a gazillion other things. 0:11:06.000 --> 0:11:09.640 I just picture the thing I'm drawing in my head 0:11:09.720 --> 0:11:13.199 and draw. Here comes the bad part. I always mess up, 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:16.880 like make mistakes, not just in drawing, but in other 0:11:17.120 --> 0:11:21.440 things too. I have to have everything perfect. I have 0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:25.400 a neatness problem. It's crazy, is it not. But think 0:11:25.400 --> 0:11:27.800 of all the great artists you know of all of 0:11:27.840 --> 0:11:32.160 them went through a lot of anger and frustration that 0:11:32.200 --> 0:11:33.239 they made their mistakes. 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:33.920 Right. 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:36.119 Well, that's how I am. 0:11:36.800 --> 0:11:38.240 I am always angry. 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:41.000 When I think it's going to be a good day 0:11:41.320 --> 0:11:44.080 and it's nice and sunny out, I always get angry 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:51.360 because of people yelling or fighting. I don't get why 0:11:51.480 --> 0:11:56.280 I have to be like this. I am. I don't 0:11:56.280 --> 0:12:00.120 want to be. I want to write more, to have 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.120 more stuff to tell you, but I'm so tired. It's 0:12:03.160 --> 0:12:06.280 like when you're breathing and you want to breathe in 0:12:06.320 --> 0:12:08.760 all the way, but you just can't. It's like part 0:12:08.800 --> 0:12:12.160 of your breath is lost in some other dimension where 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.400 no one else but you have the key for. But 0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.480 the bad part is you lost the key, lost the 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:21.320 key to your breath. I'm really tired now. I've written 0:12:21.360 --> 0:12:22.760 for like five pages so far. 0:12:23.000 --> 0:12:23.679 Weird. 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:27.120 I think mom might be in my room again. 0:12:28.400 --> 0:12:31.599 I'm really really tired. I don't know why, though, it 0:12:31.720 --> 0:12:34.920 seems like my eyelids are begging the top ones to 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:39.360 come down together. Well, I think that's enough writing for now. Anyway, 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:40.200 I have a headache. 0:12:40.360 --> 0:12:40.760 Abby. 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:47.600 What's the data that it is the February the sixth. 0:12:48.040 --> 0:12:50.080 February fourteenth, two thousand and six. 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:56.760 I mean, that's pretty profound for that's but the. 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:03.240 Subject of pain and the fighting and the hollering. Yeah, 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.839 I always say that's what I picked up. Yeah, I 0:13:05.840 --> 0:13:09.160 always get angry because of people yelling or fighting. And 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:11.920 this is interesting too. I think my mom might be 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:15.200 in my room. I think my mom might be in 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:18.840 my room again. I was there, so I don't know, 0:13:19.200 --> 0:13:22.400 but that was just eerie. Now, I do know that 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:25.760 Kim told Chris he could not go into those girls'. 0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:30.480 Room, any of the kids rooms, any of their rooms. 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:53.960 I reached out again to Abigail's closest friend at the 0:13:53.960 --> 0:13:57.240 time of her death, Alexa and shared the journal entry 0:13:57.280 --> 0:13:59.000 with her. Here are her thoughts. 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:04.960 Yeah, after reading it, it seemed like she was kind 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:07.040 of I wouldn't I don't know how to say, like 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:09.360 crying out for help a little bit, or she was 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.120 in pain, but she was trying to figure out how 0:14:12.120 --> 0:14:16.080 to navigate through it while writing, like she was wise 0:14:16.120 --> 0:14:19.560 beyond her words or her years, like when she said, so, 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:23.360 why is this big thing? So darn's tinking small? It 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:25.400 seems like it should be a seven or eight letter word, 0:14:25.440 --> 0:14:27.960 doesn't it. And then she started going into just reading, 0:14:28.080 --> 0:14:31.800 writing and being tired, and it kind of opened my 0:14:31.880 --> 0:14:36.720 eyes to seeing like maybe there were problems or issues 0:14:36.760 --> 0:14:39.800 going on that she was not talking to everybody about. 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:43.440 Maybe she wrote about her kept to herself. 0:14:44.200 --> 0:14:47.120 You know, it's interesting. I viewed it the same way. 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:53.560 And I have to say, having now mothered adolescents in 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:57.080 addition to having been one at one point, I do 0:14:57.360 --> 0:15:02.160 feel children are like mood rings, very much manifest the 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:06.960 dysfunction that they are around. And it's as if she 0:15:07.120 --> 0:15:13.360 couldn't articulate the real issue, the real problem, But she 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:14.800 felt that there was one. 0:15:15.840 --> 0:15:18.760 Yes, I agree, and she was trying to get it 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:19.720 out through her writing. 0:15:20.640 --> 0:15:24.800 Did you find anything odd? She does reference I think 0:15:24.880 --> 0:15:26.440 my mom's in my room Again. 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:32.320 I was trying to decipher what that, what that meant. 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.200 It seemed like it was like, seems like she's been 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:37.240 in my room going through my things, or she's in 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:37.640 my room. 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:38.440 I couldn't. 0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:40.080 I couldn't decipher between the two. 0:15:41.480 --> 0:15:43.960 That just struck out. I remember getting a little bit 0:15:43.960 --> 0:15:45.760 of a chill the first time I read that, because 0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:49.440 it's it's what does that mean exactly? 0:15:49.520 --> 0:15:51.320 Like, what's what's really going on? 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:54.320 That kind of made me think, like what what did 0:15:54.360 --> 0:15:56.040 she mean by that? Does she mean she'd been going 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.400 through things? Did she mean she'd you know, been through 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:01.200 her room straightening? No idea what that. 0:16:01.160 --> 0:16:05.960 Meant, But that made it sound like it had happened before. 0:16:06.280 --> 0:16:07.760 Yeah, And she said. 0:16:07.560 --> 0:16:11.920 Again yeah, and that it was something that that wasn't 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:16.600 a good thing necessarily, It was something that seemed like 0:16:17.200 --> 0:16:19.720 it was she was conflicted about it. 0:16:20.280 --> 0:16:22.960 Yeah, kind of like she had been, you know, going 0:16:22.960 --> 0:16:26.320 through her things. It kind of made me remember like 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:27.880 a moment that we all had. 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:30.280 I remember being us. 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:33.760 All being in the car going to one of Blake's games, 0:16:33.800 --> 0:16:37.360 and everyone was talkative and laughing and joking, all the 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:40.920 kids and whatnot. And then both mister and Missus Vaughn 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.000 got in the car and everything was just silent and 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.560 it was tense, and it was like you could hear 0:16:45.600 --> 0:16:47.920 a pin drop on the carpeting in the floor of 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.280 the car, you know what I mean. Like the music 0:16:50.360 --> 0:16:53.280 was playing really really low, you could really hear it, but. 0:16:53.200 --> 0:16:55.320 No one was talking. That's interesting. 0:16:55.400 --> 0:17:00.480 So their dynamic altered the atmosphere in the car, I. 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:03.080 Would say so. And we were literally laughing joking. 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:07.320 I remember, like Casandra said something about Blake sucks or 0:17:07.680 --> 0:17:10.680 them being dirty and he never watches, you know, just joke, 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:13.479 you know, like playful banter with kids and us laughing. 0:17:13.520 --> 0:17:15.000 And then all of a sudden, it was just like 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:18.520 we all are just quiet and silent, you know, sit 0:17:18.640 --> 0:17:19.400 up straight. 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:21.280 Don't say anything dumb. 0:17:21.600 --> 0:17:23.840 I remember, just sitting in the car. It was a 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:26.439 like a switch, almost like a flip of a switch. 0:17:27.920 --> 0:17:30.840 At this point, Christopher Vaughn and I had been communicating 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:34.359 regularly via email for about six months, and I was 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:38.800 making progress into gleaning increasingly more insight into the complicated 0:17:38.840 --> 0:17:44.000 marital problems and dysfunctional dynamics. He and Kim shared during 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:48.000 his trial. Something Vaughn had said during his initial interrogation 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:51.480 the day of the tragedy was held against him, that 0:17:51.640 --> 0:17:55.159 divorce was not an option. Here's an excerpt from an 0:17:55.240 --> 0:18:00.600 email I sent him. Also, another question which was made 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.159 over the comment attributed to you that divorce was not 0:18:03.240 --> 0:18:06.680 an option? Would you expand on it and what would 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:09.600 it have meant to you? It resonated with me because 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:12.840 it's actually something I've said many times to my husband 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:16.199 of almost twenty four years. I don't mean it or 0:18:16.240 --> 0:18:19.560 hear it as a threat, but more a principle. I'd 0:18:19.560 --> 0:18:23.840 be interested in your thoughts. That appears to have struck 0:18:23.880 --> 0:18:29.480 a chord with Chris. Here's his response, Lauren, I attempted 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:32.960 to answer your question regarding my comment about divorce and 0:18:33.080 --> 0:18:35.520 quickly found I was unable to do it within the 0:18:35.640 --> 0:18:39.639 limits of the email character count. Context is really needed. 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:42.800 I neglected to provide it then, and my comments were 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:49.440 seriously misinterpreted. He then expressed he'd write in letter form 0:18:49.520 --> 0:18:52.440 and send it to my home address. That letter would 0:18:52.480 --> 0:18:56.480 never arrive. Instead, Chris went radio silent for more than 0:18:56.520 --> 0:19:00.240 two weeks. I worried that Chris was pulling back, that 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:03.680 COVID restrictions were easing, and I'd soon be sitting with 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:06.919 him in person. We were getting closer to the questions 0:19:07.240 --> 0:19:09.800 I'd plan to ask him from the first moment I'd 0:19:09.880 --> 0:19:13.680 learned about this case. Chris might not remember everything about 0:19:13.680 --> 0:19:16.320 the way in which his family died that day, but 0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:20.119 he's sure as hell would have remembered planning it. I 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:23.320 was going to ask Chris if he ever intended to 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:27.000 kill his wife and children. Gail and I began to 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:31.199 exchange concern texts and emails. He'd gone radio silent with 0:19:31.280 --> 0:19:33.840 them too, for more than two weeks. 0:19:36.480 --> 0:19:38.919 Have you heard from him from Chris? 0:19:39.000 --> 0:19:39.240 Yes? 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:42.120 Yes, Oh, thank goodness. I was worried. 0:19:42.240 --> 0:19:45.200 So when did you hear from him? 0:19:45.800 --> 0:19:47.800 Let's see Wednesday? 0:19:47.960 --> 0:19:49.040 Yesterday, Wednesday. 0:19:49.640 --> 0:19:52.080 My week is all confused now because he sent us 0:19:52.080 --> 0:19:55.520 a letter, and what he has in the letter is 0:19:55.600 --> 0:19:59.120 something we don't know how to handle. But I wish 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:03.960 you to read it. It's five pages, okay, and I'd like 0:20:04.080 --> 0:20:07.200 to send it to you some way and see how 0:20:07.240 --> 0:20:09.119 it impacts what we're doing. 0:20:09.760 --> 0:20:09.840 Me. 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:11.440 It's all good, okay. 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:14.520 How it'll be taken. 0:20:15.720 --> 0:20:18.440 So you know, probably the quickest way to do it 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:22.080 would be to just take a picture of each page 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:23.280 and text it to me. 0:20:23.680 --> 0:20:28.160 Okay, because once you read it, it's something I really 0:20:28.200 --> 0:20:31.160 can't explain over the phone, and you have to actually 0:20:31.240 --> 0:20:34.600 read it to take it in, and I don't know 0:20:34.600 --> 0:20:37.280 how people are going to respond to it, so it's like, 0:20:38.640 --> 0:20:40.719 oh my gosh, so I don't know what to do 0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:41.879 with it to tell you the truth? 0:20:42.000 --> 0:20:43.240 Do you want to send it to me and I'll 0:20:43.280 --> 0:20:44.680 read it right away and call you back. 0:20:46.320 --> 0:20:49.160 Gail would first try to text images of the letter. 0:20:49.560 --> 0:20:52.760 They were too blurred to read. I waited, stomach nodded 0:20:52.760 --> 0:20:56.200 as she scanned, and email them after reading the letter. 0:20:56.480 --> 0:20:59.440 When I called Gail back, my fingers suddenly seemed too 0:20:59.520 --> 0:21:00.640 large for the keypad. 0:21:02.240 --> 0:21:03.200 Are you there? 0:21:03.880 --> 0:21:04.880 Yes, Yes, we are. 0:21:04.800 --> 0:21:07.680 Here, okay. I had to compose myself. 0:21:10.200 --> 0:21:11.960 I know I couldn't have read it to you. 0:21:13.280 --> 0:21:16.800 My next call was to Bill Clutter, Are you sitting down? 0:21:17.680 --> 0:21:18.040 Yes? 0:21:18.560 --> 0:21:21.159 I am sitting down, okay, because you might lose your 0:21:21.240 --> 0:21:25.320 legs on this one. I just got off the phone 0:21:26.320 --> 0:21:30.000 with Gail and Pierre. I have been waiting to get 0:21:30.000 --> 0:21:33.920 a letter from Chris because I asked him to explain 0:21:34.119 --> 0:21:40.000 what he meant by the expression that divorce was not 0:21:40.040 --> 0:21:45.400 an option. I hadn't heard back, and Gail had reached 0:21:45.440 --> 0:21:48.800 out to me concerned because she hadn't heard back from Chris. 0:21:49.480 --> 0:21:52.879 On Wednesday, she received a five page letter from Chris. 0:21:54.680 --> 0:22:03.399 He remembers that morning. Oh my god, he remembers everything. 0:22:11.960 --> 0:22:15.399 After hearing nothing from Chris for two weeks, his parents 0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:18.600 finally received a letter. It was likely prompted by my 0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:21.280 question about the dynamics and his marriage leading up to 0:22:21.320 --> 0:22:25.120 the tragedy. Pierre agreed to read the letter Chris sent. 0:22:25.680 --> 0:22:30.159 Mom and dad. When Lauren showed interest in my case, 0:22:30.560 --> 0:22:33.199 I truly thought she would go the way of the 0:22:33.240 --> 0:22:38.879 others before. She still seems intent on telling the story. 0:22:40.240 --> 0:22:44.160 I know I have not been forthcoming, approachable, or even 0:22:44.200 --> 0:22:50.040 cooperative in talking about what happened. My standard deflection to 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:54.399 any question is that I do not remember. It has 0:22:54.440 --> 0:22:58.120 been easier not to talk about the kids and more specifically, 0:22:58.359 --> 0:23:02.800 what Kim did. I have been really hopeful that I 0:23:02.800 --> 0:23:08.399 wouldn't need to talk about that morning. Ever, again, I 0:23:08.440 --> 0:23:12.600 don't know why now should be any different. I don't 0:23:12.600 --> 0:23:15.760 know if it would be better just to leave everything 0:23:15.840 --> 0:23:21.880 as is. I don't believe anything will change my being 0:23:21.920 --> 0:23:26.800 locked up. I'm sure talking now will only get things 0:23:26.800 --> 0:23:30.840 stirred up for everyone. But I am also thinking that 0:23:30.920 --> 0:23:36.320 Lauren has already started, that you have been with me 0:23:36.480 --> 0:23:41.160 through all of this. I cannot even begin to express 0:23:41.160 --> 0:23:47.800 how truly grateful I am. If I am going to 0:23:47.840 --> 0:23:50.200 fill in the blanks, it will be for you first. 0:23:51.560 --> 0:23:54.479 Perhaps that will be enough, and it will be of 0:23:54.560 --> 0:23:58.439 any real value to give Lauren this. Just leave it 0:23:58.480 --> 0:24:06.800 as is. I did not know how to or want 0:24:06.840 --> 0:24:10.080 to deal with what happened that morning, so I lied 0:24:10.080 --> 0:24:14.360 about not remembering how kimberly shot my kids then killed herself. 0:24:16.119 --> 0:24:21.639 This is what happened. We drove to the water park, 0:24:22.320 --> 0:24:25.000 as Kim and I had talked about the night before. 0:24:26.760 --> 0:24:30.719 Kim told me she felt sick. I pulled over and 0:24:30.800 --> 0:24:34.520 got out to give her a minute. When I was 0:24:34.560 --> 0:24:39.159 around the back of the truck, heading back towards my door, 0:24:39.720 --> 0:24:44.000 it sounded like the inside of the truck was exploding. 0:24:45.359 --> 0:24:48.560 I opened my door, saw the gun Kim was holding, 0:24:49.160 --> 0:24:53.399 and jumped in my seat to grab it. Kim fired 0:24:53.440 --> 0:24:56.639 at me. I fell back out the door, preparing to 0:24:56.680 --> 0:25:02.040 make another attempt. Kim looked at me and said, you 0:25:02.080 --> 0:25:06.240 will not take my kids. You killed them. She then 0:25:06.320 --> 0:25:13.160 turned the gun on herself and fired. I got back 0:25:13.200 --> 0:25:17.879 in to check the kids. Nothing can be done. I 0:25:17.920 --> 0:25:21.959 thought to drive the truck. Kim was slumped, so I 0:25:22.000 --> 0:25:27.680 tried to buckle her. My hands shook badly. I couldn't 0:25:27.680 --> 0:25:32.040 buckle the belt. I couldn't drive the truck. I got 0:25:32.080 --> 0:25:36.560 to the road to get help. I was and am 0:25:36.640 --> 0:25:41.399 deeply ashamed that I failed to protect the kids. I 0:25:41.440 --> 0:25:44.360 am ashamed that I drove Kim to do something so horrible. 0:25:45.520 --> 0:25:51.080 I am ashamed that had she not shot herself, I 0:25:51.119 --> 0:25:56.800 would have taken the gun and shot her myself. I 0:25:56.840 --> 0:26:00.359 did not want to deal with what happened. I was 0:26:00.400 --> 0:26:04.800 completely unequipped to do so. I did not want to 0:26:04.840 --> 0:26:09.720 discuss why Kim did what she did. I did not 0:26:09.880 --> 0:26:13.159 want to repeat what she said to me before she 0:26:13.280 --> 0:26:18.560 killed herself. So I lied, saying I did not remember. 0:26:20.560 --> 0:26:24.480