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Speaker 1: Excess. Divorce lawyer says, send three years of complete financials

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Speaker 1: or else me, here's one thousand McDonald's receipts. Okayop, this

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Speaker 1: is Okayop. I'm Samuel, and we tell the funniest stories

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Speaker 1: on the world wide Web Web Web. You remember when,

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Speaker 1: like in the nineties, people are like, oh, world wide Web,

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Speaker 1: what's up? What is this?

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Speaker 2: What this newfound computers connected?

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Speaker 1: Well? Why when I look up a recipe on my

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Speaker 1: computer when I could just open a recipe book.

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Speaker 2: I got some good old fashioned paper right here.

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Speaker 1: It never breaks, never breaks all the way for computers.

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Speaker 1: I gotta yeah, I gotta wait around and you freaking

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Speaker 1: uh gotta gotta plug it in. It needs a trust today.

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Speaker 1: This paper does just Man.

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Speaker 2: We went from from old people to just straight leddites.

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Speaker 3: Uh.

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Speaker 1: But the old people in the lets were wrong. The

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Speaker 1: internet is great because it helps us find the funniest

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Speaker 1: stories on the internet exactly. And uh uh, John, Actually,

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Speaker 1: I have a I have a law one for you. Oo.

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Speaker 2: I like I like something I could sing my teeth into,

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Speaker 2: you know, a little meat on it.

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Speaker 1: Ex's divorce lawyer says, send three years of complete financials

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Speaker 1: or else me. Here's one thousand McDonald's receipts. Man, is

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Speaker 1: this is this the guy from Super Size Me? Or

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Speaker 1: what's going on going to McDonald's for a long time.

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Speaker 1: This happened several years ago when my ex and I

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Speaker 1: were going through a heated divorce slash custody battle. A yeah,

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Speaker 1: not not mice. While we were married, we had a

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Speaker 1: couple of conversations about how rich people hide their assets

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Speaker 1: to avoid paying taxes. I've never had enough assets to

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Speaker 1: do this, but she somehow got the idea that I

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Speaker 1: was and told her attorney that I was laundering money

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Speaker 1: and hiding income. Man's got like Ozark? So freaking Oh?

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Speaker 1: Actually Ozark season four is out. Have we watched that?

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Speaker 2: I have not watched.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty good. This is an ad for Netflix.

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Speaker 3: But the problem is I can only see Michael Bateman

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Speaker 3: as the guy from Arrested Development.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we could never look at him the same way. Again,

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Speaker 1: he plays a pretty good, kind of like semi evil character.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, he launders money. That's that's that's a joke.

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Speaker 1: It was more likely the heat of the moment, as

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Speaker 1: divorced slash custy battles often come down to. And the

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Speaker 1: thing is I couldn't even afford my own attorney, so

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Speaker 1: I represented myself, which should have been an indicator that

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Speaker 1: he's not hiding massive amounts of money somewhere.

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Speaker 3: Or he's a mastermind genius, and that's to throw.

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Speaker 2: People off his self.

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Speaker 1: John's thinking like a true criminalizer. Right, let's look at

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Speaker 1: his tax returns. Irs, look him up, guy, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I don't need the irs looking into myself any more

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Speaker 3: than they already.

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Speaker 1: Her lawyer wasn't a total butthole, but he clearly was

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Speaker 1: out to get me, and he talked down to me

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Speaker 1: like I didn't deserve to breathe the same air as him. God,

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Speaker 1: one day I get a letter in the mail from

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Speaker 1: him requesting an updated income declarations form and three years

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Speaker 1: of financials. It had a long list of things to include,

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Speaker 1: so which sounds terrible, like he has to get everything,

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Speaker 1: all these things put together. Sounds like a drag. I

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Speaker 1: own a communications tech company that was in super startup

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Speaker 1: phase back then. Money was already tight. I was trying

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Speaker 1: to get this business off the ground with no financing,

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Speaker 1: and I was finishing my MBA with scholarships and loans,

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Speaker 1: so paying for copies and posted or driving thirty miles

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Speaker 1: to his office meant eating peanut butter and saltines for

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Speaker 1: a week. So I called him to explain my situation.

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Speaker 1: He all but called me a liar and didn't believe

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Speaker 1: I couldn't afford it. I was put off by that,

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Speaker 1: and I said that it was taking time away from

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Speaker 1: my business I needed to handle, to which he replied,

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Speaker 1: and I'll never forget this. Well, according to your income

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Speaker 1: de clarations, you're not that busy. What do you do

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Speaker 1: all day? He then said if he didn't get these documents,

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Speaker 1: he would consider my previous filings as fraudulent. Tell the judge,

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Speaker 1: contact the DA, and also alert the state tax agency

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Speaker 1: and IRS. Oh my god, he's unleashing the hounds.

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Speaker 2: God, that's that's unleashing Satan's army.

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Speaker 1: I know, Jesus, Irs and company. Not something we want

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Speaker 1: to bump into. Probably an empty threat, but I'm no warrior,

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Speaker 1: so I'm not really sure. The facts is one of

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Speaker 1: the services my company provides, and at this time it

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Speaker 1: was relatively unknown. So I asked him if he has

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Speaker 1: a fax machine. He said he had a fact scanner

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Speaker 1: copier device, and what law off is doesn't have a

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Speaker 1: fax machine just like talking down to him, what a

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Speaker 1: d bag? And then I suddenly got an idea. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I said to him, I'll put together in facts everything

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Speaker 1: I can. Okay, mother effort. You want three years of financials?

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Speaker 1: You got it. I scanned to PDF every receipt I

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Speaker 1: could find, a McDonald's receipt from five years ago. F it,

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Speaker 1: Wi'll hurt to include it. CVS receipt, It's three miles long. Perfect.

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Speaker 1: They get one dollar off tooth based company. They get

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Speaker 1: one dollar off tooth based coupons too.

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Speaker 2: Wow, he's doing such a favor.

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Speaker 1: I know what a guy. I downloaded every bank statement,

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Speaker 1: credit card statement, purchase orders from vendors, and every invoice

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Speaker 1: I sent to clients. I printed to PDF the entire

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Speaker 1: three year accounting journal, monthly quarter, monthly, quarterly, annual balance sheets,

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Speaker 1: cash flow statements, profit and losses. Not only did I

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Speaker 1: pdf three years of tax filings, but every single letter

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Speaker 1: I received from the IRS and state tax agency, including

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Speaker 1: the inserts advising me of my rights. It took a while,

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Speaker 1: but I was a few days ahead of the deadline.

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Speaker 1: I made a cover page black background with white lettering

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Speaker 1: wherever I could basically waste it just.

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Speaker 2: Destroying his ankers. Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: I included separator pages in all caps, in the biggest,

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Speaker 1: boldest font that would fit on the page, in the

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Speaker 1: landscape twenty xx receipts, twenty xx taxes like twenty nineteen,

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Speaker 1: twenty eighteen, et cetera. I merge everything into a single

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Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty plus page compress PDF and sent

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Speaker 1: the documents using my efact system. Every hour or so,

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Speaker 1: I received a status emails saying the facts failed. Huh,

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Speaker 1: that's weird. Well they're getting this document. So I changed

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Speaker 1: the system configuration to unlimited reach eyes after failures to

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Speaker 1: keep redialing it until it went through. Weird, I was

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Speaker 1: still getting status email failures. I'll delete the failure emails

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Speaker 1: and keep success and keep the successful ones after it

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Speaker 1: eventually goes through. I thought problem solved. Two days later,

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Speaker 1: a lady from his office called and asked me to

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Speaker 1: stop sending the facts. Their fact scanner printer cut had

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Speaker 1: been printing non stop twenty four to seven. They kept

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Speaker 1: getting paper jams, kept running out of ink, and they

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Speaker 1: had to keep shutting it off and back on to print.

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Speaker 1: I explained to her sweetly, as sweetly as I could

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Speaker 1: that her boss told me to send this by the deadline,

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Speaker 1: or else he would call the DA an IRS. Since

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Speaker 1: I didn't want to call from the DA or the IRS,

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Speaker 1: I would keep sending until I got a success confirmation.

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Speaker 1: I suggested they just not print until my facts completes,

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Speaker 1: but she didn't like that. She asked me to email,

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Speaker 1: but she asked me to email the documents. I told

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Speaker 1: a little white lie that my email wouldn't allow an

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Speaker 1: attachment that big unless her boss in writing agreed to

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Speaker 1: cancel the request or agreed to reimburse me for my

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Speaker 1: cost to print in ship. I said I would continue

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Speaker 1: to fact until they confirm they have received every single

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Speaker 1: last page.

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Speaker 2: I'm sorry, I got to applaud you. That is beautiful.

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Speaker 1: It's is great, all right, but what is the response? Uh? Oh?

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Speaker 1: She put me on hold, and the attorney gets on

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Speaker 1: the line. He said, forget sending the financials. I said

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Speaker 1: that I would need this in writing, so I will

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Speaker 1: keep sending the facts until he has sent that to me.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 1: He asked me to stop faxing and he would send

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Speaker 1: it in writing, and I said, send it in writing

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Speaker 1: first and then I'll stop. There we go, long moment

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Speaker 1: of silence click. After twenty minutes, I received an email

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Speaker 1: from his assistant with an attached signed letter in PDF

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Speaker 1: that I no longer needed to provide financials. The letter

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Speaker 1: then threatened to pursue sanctions in court or assue me

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Speaker 1: for interfering with their business for printing every single page

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Speaker 1: twenty four to seven. Every time I saw him after that,

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Speaker 1: the lawyer never brought up any sanctions, lawsuits, criminal referrals,

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Speaker 1: or financial ever. Again, that is so beautiful.

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Speaker 3: Like we've all had moments in our lives like kind

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Speaker 3: of similar to that where it's like, oh, this tax

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Speaker 3: thing is wrong, or like you need to like redo

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Speaker 3: this form or whatever, and they're like they just don't care.

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Speaker 3: They're just like, Nope, this is what it is. The

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Speaker 3: fact that he got such sweet, delicious revenge is.

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Speaker 1: Just delicious justice, malicious compliance for a reason. Yeah, sub

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Speaker 1: read it, oh man. But what you should always jam

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Speaker 1: up our email boxes and inboxes and facts is with.

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Speaker 3: Screenshots proving you have subscribed and followed to all.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we'll be channels.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, make sure that you're following us on TikTok, you're

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Speaker 1: following us on Spotify or wherever you listen to your podcast,

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Speaker 1: and if you really want to be an OG support

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Speaker 1: support us on Patreon. That's right.

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Speaker 2: Join join the ranks of none.

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Speaker 3: Other Kathy Quickly, Kathy Quigley, Keegan Simmons, and Desiree Canterbury,

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Speaker 3: the true heroes.

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Speaker 1: The true Heroes. Thank you for your support and we'll

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Speaker 1: see you very soon