WEBVTT - Talking Parenting 0:00:00.960 --> 0:00:04.240 This is he said a Yadiho with Eric Winter and 0:00:04.320 --> 0:00:05.840 Rosalind Fantaz. 0:00:07.480 --> 0:00:09.480 Afternoon High. What's happening? 0:00:10.280 --> 0:00:12.520 Well, clearly became in frantic, but we're putting it together. 0:00:12.560 --> 0:00:16.920 We sound all composed him to that. He said, getting 0:00:16.920 --> 0:00:19.960 her braces today, I just dropped. 0:00:19.640 --> 0:00:23.639 Her off at school. She was like she there's a 0:00:23.680 --> 0:00:25.959 side of her loving it because she's been wanting to 0:00:26.000 --> 0:00:27.880 do this for a while, but there's another side going, 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:31.120 oh my god, I'm already in pain. It's two years. 0:00:32.760 --> 0:00:33.760 But she looks very cute. 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.159 Actually, she do clear, She do clear. She did do 0:00:36.200 --> 0:00:39.160 this clear, it's clear with rubber bands that are coming, 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:40.240 it's clear. 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:42.680 But the molus at the towards the back, they're actual 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:45.600 brackets you see, like the silver stuff. But the main 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:47.480 smile is kind of clear. 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:51.920 What clear brackets they're brack clear brackets. Yeah, it's not 0:00:51.960 --> 0:00:53.040 in visil line. They're braces. 0:00:53.159 --> 0:00:53.800 No, they're braces. 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:55.720 But she opted to go clear, don't clear, get yellow. 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:57.920 Oh my god, where's my retainer? 0:00:58.280 --> 0:00:59.800 Oh I got here? We go with the retainer that 0:00:59.840 --> 0:01:04.640 you everything I'm supposed to have got adjusted to sit. 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:06.760 In the case. 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.160 It got adjusted to sit in the box. 0:01:08.680 --> 0:01:11.039 It did no, I'm going to do it. It's just 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:11.640 it's hard. 0:01:11.640 --> 0:01:17.280 Guys are clear braces, don't tyke it yellow clear No, no, 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:21.479 to be fine, really fine? Oh wow, be fine? Anyways, 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:24.720 another step in parenting. You know this book that I 0:01:24.720 --> 0:01:28.400 told you I've been reading, how to Raise Mentally Strong Kids, 0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:33.480 We are also again just failing in the department of 0:01:33.720 --> 0:01:37.960 what parent with student athletes. We are failing. 0:01:38.040 --> 0:01:38.880 What do you say that? 0:01:38.959 --> 0:01:41.520 Because again we do when we've gotten better, But it's 0:01:41.560 --> 0:01:43.640 like it goes It says the same thing that we've 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:47.480 been hearing all the time. Don't coach your kids, keep 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:51.080 your relationship as a parent, don't be given advice from 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:53.720 the sidelines. Don't scream. So many kids talk about like 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:54.960 I wish I had to shove on my back so 0:01:55.000 --> 0:01:57.480 I could just bury myself because my like literally it 0:01:57.480 --> 0:01:59.920 says there, my mom embarrasses me, my dad embarrasses me. 0:02:00.320 --> 0:02:02.160 It says in the book like every kid goes through 0:02:02.200 --> 0:02:04.520 the same feeling of parents. 0:02:04.200 --> 0:02:05.559 That did you see pass? 0:02:05.680 --> 0:02:06.040 How do you? 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:13.919 Says cipass his Greek and something else? Player top ten male? 0:02:14.680 --> 0:02:16.480 You know the French Open is happening right now, and 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:22.079 he was playing against I forgot Oh my god Acharas 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.720 he was playing against a charas right, and the dad, 0:02:25.560 --> 0:02:27.080 I guess he's one of the coaches. You know, his 0:02:27.160 --> 0:02:30.000 mom was a pro tennis player, I think dad, and 0:02:30.120 --> 0:02:32.320 he comes from a family of athletes. So mom and 0:02:32.400 --> 0:02:35.680 dad are there and he was did he lose? Actually 0:02:35.720 --> 0:02:38.000 I don't know, he lost, right, so he lost his 0:02:38.120 --> 0:02:41.720 bananas because the dad said something, and he just very 0:02:41.760 --> 0:02:45.560 loudly talked to the dad in Greek. So I don't 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:48.320 know what he said, but the commentators were saying that 0:02:48.480 --> 0:02:50.240 it was completely and called for to a like what 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:53.320 would the kid talk to a dad like that? And 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:56.000 it was clearly the conversation between them, but he said 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:58.760 it loud enough for everybody to hear, and I don't listening. 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:01.519 He was under a lot of pressure, know she Alcarazis 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:05.560 is tight, so every mistake, you know, gets in their head. 0:03:06.520 --> 0:03:08.960 And you see the dad like trying to us to 0:03:09.000 --> 0:03:11.320 also stay composed and not say anything because he's in 0:03:11.320 --> 0:03:14.239 the middle of playing. But what happens if you're the 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:15.520 dad is the. 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.680 Coach, because I think in most pro sports, like not 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:22.200 most a lot of pro sports, dads were coaching for sure, 0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:25.760 exactly the parents were coaching because they almost behind every 0:03:26.520 --> 0:03:29.680 great athlete there was like a parent that was instrumental 0:03:29.720 --> 0:03:32.120 in pushing them along, even if it caused conflict. 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:33.920 So then that's why I feel like the kids have 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:36.880 to also chill. Yeah, but I don't because once they 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:40.680 become adults, they they thank their parents. You know, they 0:03:40.800 --> 0:03:42.440 have knowledge it was necessary. 0:03:42.600 --> 0:03:44.760 The book also talks about how it's like you can 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:47.560 be even you can add more confusion to the to 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:49.720 the puzzle of learning a sport or being involved in 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:51.600 the sport, because they have coaches that should be correcting 0:03:51.640 --> 0:03:54.000 and giving them that advice, and they should be following that. 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:57.840 But more cooks in the kitchen, more information. Every parent 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:00.160 wants to be a coach, and it is Listen, if 0:04:00.200 --> 0:04:01.800 a kid says I want to play with you, it 0:04:01.840 --> 0:04:03.560 says you go play with your kids in the backyard, 0:04:03.600 --> 0:04:05.560 Go do sports with the kids. Just don't keep giving 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.560 them advice. Let the coaches give them advice. I think 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:09.400 parents can do it too. 0:04:09.440 --> 0:04:11.960 But if you are an expert on something and you 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.840 see your kids pursuing where you are, that's the problem 0:04:14.880 --> 0:04:18.320 an expert at And you know how brutally it is 0:04:18.360 --> 0:04:20.960 as a human being to see the kid that you 0:04:21.040 --> 0:04:24.719 love more than anything in the world to do something 0:04:24.720 --> 0:04:27.799 that is wrong and not correct. The posture, the technique 0:04:27.960 --> 0:04:31.279 is like why the service If you're saying, baby, listen, 0:04:31.520 --> 0:04:32.839 this is not how you hold it. This is the 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:33.400 way you do it. 0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:36.200 But like with the I get under it feels like 0:04:36.240 --> 0:04:37.840 it should make perfect sense. But like in the book, 0:04:37.839 --> 0:04:40.800 it also makes perfect sense. It's like, they're not our projects. 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:43.560 There are kids where they're to groom them and help 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:44.520 them in guide exactly. 0:04:44.839 --> 0:04:48.159 Project parentinge is different than coaching. 0:04:48.160 --> 0:04:49.560 Though you're talking about. 0:04:49.400 --> 0:04:54.080 You as parents eric your goal in them through life. 0:04:54.279 --> 0:05:00.360 It's yeah, you are protecting them. You talk is a. 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:01.240 Project, it has to be. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:05.600 It's a life long project, healthy protection. I know. I 0:05:05.640 --> 0:05:09.039 don't think any parent. Some parents might take it too 0:05:09.080 --> 0:05:11.479 far and there's nothing healthy about the way they can 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.320 at times. If you have a parent that is actually 0:05:15.960 --> 0:05:17.480 teaching you, coaching you. 0:05:17.560 --> 0:05:21.600 With love, yes, but for a kid. But for a kid, 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.960 it is very hard to separate the parent coach relationship 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.040 and that is what's more valuable keeping that parent relationship 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:30.520 alive or the coaching relationship alive. And it's very hard. 0:05:31.440 --> 0:05:34.240 It's very hard to balance both. All I'm saying is 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:37.520 that it is kind of true that look, at some 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:40.520 point the kid will invite you in or not, I think, 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:42.800 into that space. But you hire coaches for that reason 0:05:43.279 --> 0:05:45.600 to be the ones that are in charge of nudging 0:05:45.600 --> 0:05:48.359 them and pushing them and correcting them, and for you 0:05:48.440 --> 0:05:50.800 not to confuse them or us not to confuse them. 0:05:50.800 --> 0:05:52.520 I should say, I don't mean you as in you, 0:05:52.640 --> 0:05:55.599 but you as and parents. It makes a lot of 0:05:55.600 --> 0:05:57.640 sense to me. However, we fail at it all the time. 0:05:57.680 --> 0:05:59.120 I do too. I'm not saying that, you know, we 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:01.440 both do it. It's where I was arguing through the 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:04.320 other day. So I get it. But it is toxic 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:06.560 in a lot of ways, and I don't know. It's 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:08.760 very fascinating with this book. It also talks about like bullying, 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:10.680 which is funny because it's like, you should never allow 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:16.039 your child to be bullied in the true sense of 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:19.040 the word, and you should teach them how to overcome bullying, 0:06:19.560 --> 0:06:22.760 not intervene, but teach them how to handle it. But 0:06:22.800 --> 0:06:28.400 also differentiating between bullying or someone have an opinion, like 0:06:28.440 --> 0:06:31.000 if someone comes in and says, oh, man, like a 0:06:31.080 --> 0:06:33.240 kid starts oh, I can't believe it. So and so 0:06:33.320 --> 0:06:35.400 made fun of mine or said they didn't like my shoes, 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.240 that's not bullying. That's just an opinion that doesn't agree 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:40.800 with you. If someone starts bullying you verbally, they're saying 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:43.080 jobs that don't make sense. Right, So teaching your kid 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:47.160 how to how to smile and sort of comment back 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:48.919 to the kid in a diffusing way that they have 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:52.640 no comeback, because what bullies prey on are weak kids 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:55.760 that show emotion and get a reaction they want. Bullies 0:06:55.760 --> 0:06:57.839 want a reaction. So if a kid is trained not 0:06:57.920 --> 0:07:00.600 to give them a reaction, and even if it's even 0:07:00.640 --> 0:07:02.600 if it's like you know your mom did this and 0:07:02.600 --> 0:07:04.240 you yeah, I know, I keep telling my mom not 0:07:04.320 --> 0:07:06.600 to do that, smile and walk away, the kid has 0:07:06.600 --> 0:07:09.760 no comeback. So the bully has to pause. Now, it says, 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:12.560 the difference is if a kid lays their hands on somebody, 0:07:12.600 --> 0:07:15.080 the bully, that is not bullying anymore. Then it's actually 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:17.320 they just started the book. Yeah it's not bullying. Then 0:07:17.320 --> 0:07:18.360 it's like a form of assault. 0:07:18.360 --> 0:07:19.520 And then why do you teach your kids? 0:07:19.760 --> 0:07:22.440 Do you you go as far as intervening and getting 0:07:22.440 --> 0:07:24.440 the school involved, or even like it says, even long 0:07:24.480 --> 0:07:25.880 file and report. 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:29.280 So The book doesn't say teach your kid that if 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.320 he's been bullied to the point of physical contact. 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:33.360 Only in is different than assault. 0:07:33.440 --> 0:07:36.240 Okay, so the book doesn't say, if your kid is assaulted, 0:07:36.440 --> 0:07:38.400 make sure that you teach them you. 0:07:38.320 --> 0:07:43.200 To assault punch back. I mean, look, self defense is 0:07:43.200 --> 0:07:45.760 a real thing. So I think self defense is valid, 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:50.240 but I also think don't the terms. It's basically saying 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.680 is people mix up the term. They think like if 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:54.600 a kid, like there was a kid being choked on 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:56.520 a school bus. They give us example choked and like 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:58.920 hit on a school bus a little bit by another kid, 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:01.080 and they're like, he's being bullying. It's like, no, no, that's 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:05.239 not bullying, that's assault. Like that's actually a charge police 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:05.480 with that. 0:08:05.520 --> 0:08:07.760 I agree. But my question to you is, as as 0:08:07.800 --> 0:08:09.440 a parent of a boy. 0:08:09.800 --> 0:08:12.000 Yeah, if he gets assaulted, you should teach him self 0:08:12.040 --> 0:08:13.880 defense and then you would file. I would say you 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:16.480 take it up to higher level of either school. 0:08:16.240 --> 0:08:18.600 But you'll be comfortable telling him if he punches or 0:08:18.600 --> 0:08:19.440 you're going to punch back. 0:08:19.600 --> 0:08:23.840 If yeah, you should defend yourself. Percent, Oh god, one 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:25.200 hundred percent. I want my kid to defend. 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:27.240 Him because I'm sure there's some parents that go absolutely not. 0:08:27.320 --> 0:08:28.680 You just go take it, and then you just go 0:08:28.760 --> 0:08:29.120 run and. 0:08:29.040 --> 0:08:31.240 You take it. I think you defend yourself and then 0:08:31.280 --> 0:08:33.400 you go get you get the right help because somebody 0:08:33.400 --> 0:08:34.120 has done something to you. 0:08:34.200 --> 0:08:36.760 Because at least my brothers were taught by my dad, 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:43.800 you know, beat him up to the pulp. Is that? 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:47.280 Is that correct? Until you see blood? 0:08:47.720 --> 0:08:47.920 Yeah? 0:08:48.040 --> 0:08:51.040 I mean, and always you throw the first punch, don't 0:08:51.160 --> 0:08:54.880 don't don't don't worry for anybody to even make the motion. 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:57.720 Is that the second you see the motion happening, boom. 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:00.800 So if you're talking about two people, like much I 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:03.319 grew up, two people squared off and like got into 0:09:03.360 --> 0:09:06.080 a fight. Right, if you know you're about to get 0:09:06.080 --> 0:09:09.440 into a fight and there's no avoiding that fight, then 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:11.360 you could throw the first punch or take the or 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:14.040 take it and then you know, come back with a 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:17.319 you know, a CounterPunch. Right, But if there's a way 0:09:17.360 --> 0:09:19.480 to diffuse it without throwing a punch, then I think 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:21.480 that would be the better case because if you go 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:23.160 and throw the first punch, then that person says, well, 0:09:23.200 --> 0:09:25.400 then you actually pat them up. Then you take the assault. 0:09:25.440 --> 0:09:27.480 Church you know what's an interesting guys, we as you know, 0:09:27.600 --> 0:09:28.480 we're really good friends. 0:09:28.720 --> 0:09:31.960 Also talks about guys. 0:09:31.960 --> 0:09:33.480 This is really funny. I want to say two things. 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:38.240 First is, you know, we're good friends with Mario Lopis 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.360 and Courtney Lopis, right, and they have three kids, and 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:44.680 the two boys are very much into jiu jitsu and wrestling, 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:46.600 you know, and he's always telling us that it's so 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:51.520 important to take Dylan to do some kind of martial arts, 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.880 you know, specifically jujits. So that's what they followed. That's 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:56.880 what they love, is self defense. The kids are stads. 0:09:57.480 --> 0:10:00.240 Niko is winning all kinds of tournaments. I mean Niko, Like, 0:10:00.280 --> 0:10:06.560 I'm such a fan of Nigo. Anyways, I'm like, absolutely not. 0:10:07.080 --> 0:10:11.120 I don't want Dylan around anything to do with like 0:10:11.240 --> 0:10:15.360 aggression or boxing. No exactly. But wait and he tried 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.360 karate and that didn't work. He was bored. Anyways, I'm like, 0:10:18.440 --> 0:10:23.680 nobody's touching the beautiful little face. I will I can't. Anyways, 0:10:24.000 --> 0:10:26.520 then I'm looking. I'm listening to this podcast and Dana White, 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.880 which is also a good friend of Mario, was tiling 0:10:29.920 --> 0:10:32.080 some guy asking what is the best advice you could 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:35.000 do as as a dad right to your kid? What 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.280 is the best thing you can do for your kid 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:41.679 that is going to be a life long lesson, something 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:43.960 that they're going to carry for life. And he said, 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.960 your kid goes to ju jitsu. It's the most the 0:10:46.960 --> 0:10:52.480 most complete sport. It teaches them discipline and and to 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:57.400 need to be neutral, to study situations self defense. So 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:01.800 nobody messes with somebody that knows you. So every single 0:11:01.880 --> 0:11:05.000 kid should go to jiu jitsu, right, And it has 0:11:05.040 --> 0:11:07.120 me thinking. So the other day, I'm playing with Dylan. 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:08.520 He won't do it, you want to do it. 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:13.680 But it's funny. I'm in the backyard and we're playing 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:16.080 and I said, did I want you to do jiu jitsu? 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:19.199 Here's me going against everything that I have ever said. 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:22.600 He will never do a contact sport at that level, right, 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.559 And he said, what what is that? So I'm putting 0:11:25.720 --> 0:11:28.520 I'm showing him videos. I'm showing him Nicol like looking 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.440 like a start, right, and he's just observing and he's like, well, 0:11:31.440 --> 0:11:33.400 that's wrestling. I'm going, well, that's the difference. I don't 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:35.559 know too much about it, but I think wrestling is this, 0:11:35.800 --> 0:11:38.040 and I thinks is this. Come here, let's play and 0:11:38.040 --> 0:11:40.400 we roughed around a little bit and we're laughing hysterical. 0:11:40.480 --> 0:11:42.280 So do you like it? And he's like no, he 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:45.559 said no, and I was like, okay, you're too young. Anyways, 0:11:45.640 --> 0:11:49.680 you're too young. And so that's one thing. I know, 0:11:49.840 --> 0:11:51.640 what do you think it'll freak me out? I wouldn't 0:11:51.640 --> 0:11:53.480 be like, like I tell Courtney all the time, how 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:55.439 do you go to those tournaments? How do you see him? 0:11:56.720 --> 0:11:58.720 If your kid has it in them from the get 0:11:58.720 --> 0:12:00.160 go and they're comfortable in that and buying. 0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:00.719 That's not the right. 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:03.520 It's a very get there at some point. 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:05.480 Yeah, I just want to make sure that he knows 0:12:05.600 --> 0:12:07.960 how to defend himself. 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:17.440 Yeah. 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:19.720 And another thing that I was and this is very personal, guys, 0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:21.959 but it's very interesting because we're talking about parenting and 0:12:22.520 --> 0:12:26.120 and all that, right, and you know, we go through it. 0:12:26.200 --> 0:12:28.439 And Eric now has been very mindful about the way 0:12:28.440 --> 0:12:30.719 he communicates and he's trying to pay himself because of 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.679 the book, which I think is fantastic. But last night 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.720 I had with the kids, Yeah, I had a little 0:12:36.760 --> 0:12:40.280 incident with Sebbie that annoying me so much because just 0:12:40.320 --> 0:12:42.880 Sebbie being Sebbie a teenager, you know, I want to 0:12:42.920 --> 0:12:45.959 do something that I'm helping her, and she's like, don't know, 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.360 like this, no, no, and she's just fighting me every 0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:50.079 step of the way, which is what they're supposed to 0:12:50.160 --> 0:12:52.599 do at this age. But you know what, it was 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:54.800 a long day. I'm going through a lot of stuff 0:12:54.840 --> 0:13:00.040 work wise. My patients at the moment is zero. So 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:01.680 I leave the room and I tell Eric I can't 0:13:01.679 --> 0:13:03.360 with her anymore. So I got up in the morning 0:13:04.120 --> 0:13:07.320 and I tell Eric, I can't. I can't. I just 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:09.120 need some space. And I said, I don't want to 0:13:09.160 --> 0:13:11.160 take her to this appointment. It's like I just need 0:13:11.200 --> 0:13:13.920 some space from her. And then I said something that 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:16.560 it bothered you, because you know that is a comment 0:13:16.720 --> 0:13:18.960 that it has affected me in my entire life, which 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:22.240 is when I was maybe sevy age, I was very 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:25.319 difficult with my mom as well, not Sabella difficult, difficult 0:13:25.320 --> 0:13:27.840 in different ways, but it was very difficult, you know. 0:13:28.400 --> 0:13:30.200 And my mom said to me in one of those 0:13:30.240 --> 0:13:32.240 moments that she just had it with me, and she's like, 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.280 if I would have known that this was having a daughter, 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:36.800 I wouldn't have had one. And I never forget when 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.000 she said that to this day. I'm fifty one years old, 0:13:39.160 --> 0:13:41.360 and I think about it, and at that moment it 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:43.240 bothered me. It hurt me. It has hurt me. 0:13:43.880 --> 0:13:47.400 What clearly because you still think about it. 0:13:47.440 --> 0:13:51.520 But then today I said to Eric, I feel just 0:13:51.600 --> 0:13:54.720 like my mom. If I would have known that it 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:57.760 was like this, I would have thought twice about it. 0:13:57.920 --> 0:14:01.920 And Eric was like, ras, don't say that. That is awful. 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:06.920 That caused so much damage to you and your emotional life, 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:08.760 you know what I mean? And I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:11.560 generation and listen, and it's generational trauma. About to be 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:16.160 honest with you, I understand that, and it's I'm not 0:14:16.160 --> 0:14:20.480 gonna repeat it because it's very damaging, you know. And 0:14:20.520 --> 0:14:23.280 I actually don't feel like that ninety nine percent of 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:25.040 the time, because I would have when you have. 0:14:24.920 --> 0:14:27.080 To realize how damaging it is. Fifty one years later, 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:27.920 you're still talking about it. 0:14:28.000 --> 0:14:31.840 I know. But I never wanted to see my mom's side. 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:36.640 My whole life was about she's wrong, she's too controlling, 0:14:36.720 --> 0:14:38.240 she's to this, she's to that. 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:38.600 Right. 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:42.320 I was always as a kid, as you're always picking 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:45.320 on everything that your parents are doing that are wrong, 0:14:45.480 --> 0:14:48.160 you know, And it was wrong to say that. But 0:14:48.320 --> 0:14:51.000 now as a mom dealing with a teenager that is 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:55.280 a girl, I just go, I understand why my mom 0:14:55.360 --> 0:14:57.600 said that, But you guys, I actually understand it. 0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:00.240 I get it. I think a lot of pains. It's 0:15:00.280 --> 0:15:02.160 like the saying, like we said before, like a lot 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.560 of parents love their children, they don't like their children 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:07.720 at certain stages in their growth because it's so difficult 0:15:07.720 --> 0:15:09.880 and they can be so challenging. And God bless you 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:11.600 for all of your parents that say, oh, my kid's perfect, 0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:13.320 they don't do any of this, that's awesome like that 0:15:13.360 --> 0:15:15.320 if you don't live through that. But I know a 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:17.280 lot of people deal with teenage drama, and it's to. 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:18.240 Everybody deals with it. 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.680 I mean, I'm sure there's variations different degrees. 0:15:20.720 --> 0:15:23.400 But there's that smooth sailing all the way and your 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:25.920 kid never give you any trouble. I don't think that exists. 0:15:26.120 --> 0:15:28.720 I don't know. I mean, I'm an amount of trouble, 0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:30.080 I'm sure, But to the level of that you would 0:15:30.120 --> 0:15:32.280 say make a comment like that, probably not everybody goes 0:15:32.320 --> 0:15:32.880 to the same. 0:15:32.760 --> 0:15:34.160 The crazy thing is, I was a really good kid. 0:15:34.160 --> 0:15:35.000 I don't know why my mom. 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:37.360 Said that, just like you were a fast runner. 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:40.040 I was a fast runner. I was an amazing kid. 0:15:40.080 --> 0:15:44.520 I know, I never actually gave I was amazing. I 0:15:44.560 --> 0:15:46.880 never gave any trouble. The only trouble was a boy 0:15:46.880 --> 0:15:48.120 that I would like that SHO wouldn't like. 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:50.880 The thing is like in this book talks about again 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:53.240 like generational trauma. I was not a believer in any 0:15:53.240 --> 0:15:54.640 of that kind of stuff, you know that I always 0:15:54.640 --> 0:15:57.640 been like whatever. But this book is opening my mind 0:15:57.680 --> 0:15:59.640 to a lot of things. And some of it is 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:03.080 easier said than done, like to say and do and 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.720 be that perfect with how you communicate and et cetera, 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:10.160 et cetera. But I do you know, probably agree that 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:12.800 you can create generational trauma that doesn't break and then 0:16:12.840 --> 0:16:15.040 it becomes like it even goes as far as saying 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.680 it manifests in you and even in the development of 0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:22.120 the child when you're carrying the baby, like stressors whatever. 0:16:22.160 --> 0:16:24.280 Let's say you're going through panic attacks. So let's say 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.800 you're going through mental health issues and you're pregnant, that 0:16:26.800 --> 0:16:30.400 that's going to affect potentially the genetic makeup the chemistry 0:16:30.400 --> 0:16:32.280 of the baby, you know, because they're they're evolving and 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:34.840 changing in the bo Okay, But I mean, like that's 0:16:34.880 --> 0:16:38.160 a perfect example. Like those and those continued things are 0:16:38.240 --> 0:16:41.800 affecting your child that you've been You've brought into this 0:16:41.880 --> 0:16:46.480 world from it, that from you know, the womb, and generationally, 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:48.520 so you're dealing with all these cards and you have 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:51.120 to find a way to break that cycle for the 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:52.840 kids so they can try to break it for their children. 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:54.240 You know, it's the only way I can think about it. 0:16:54.240 --> 0:16:57.760 It's it's I didn't believe it totally, but now I'm 0:16:58.000 --> 0:16:58.480 I'm listening. 0:16:58.560 --> 0:17:01.480 So because the book says it, not because your wife 0:17:01.480 --> 0:17:04.680 has been telling you for pretty much nineteen years. 0:17:04.720 --> 0:17:06.760 You've been telling me not trying to break it general. 0:17:07.400 --> 0:17:10.080 I'm not what trying to break the generational You just 0:17:10.119 --> 0:17:12.960 said it this morning, but I didn't tell her that. 0:17:13.040 --> 0:17:15.600 I will never tell Sabella that I was. You've probably 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:16.280 said things that you were. 0:17:16.440 --> 0:17:20.399 I've been breaking generational trauma my whole life. I left 0:17:20.400 --> 0:17:21.240 my country. 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:23.840 I trauma. 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:26.159 Are you joking that I left at your country to 0:17:26.160 --> 0:17:29.119 get out of no meaning, I left my nuclears, I 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:30.360 left my family. 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:34.440 I left Trauma is just spread your wings and just grown. 0:17:34.520 --> 0:17:36.280 No, it's generational trauma because I was. 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:37.680 Trauma is to not leave you. 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:44.280 That's your soul wanting to fly and stay and break 0:17:44.400 --> 0:17:47.000 away from the chans. But at that moment, it wasn't 0:17:47.000 --> 0:17:48.640 about I want to leave because I want to leave 0:17:48.640 --> 0:17:50.720 my family. Was I want to leave because I have aspirations. 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.320 I want to get it, I want to that's breaking. 0:17:55.800 --> 0:17:56.520 It is growth. 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:59.720 Every kid that's left their family is not breaking generational 0:17:59.760 --> 0:18:01.119 trum if they moved away to go. 0:18:01.320 --> 0:18:05.159 In my case. In my case, it was my soul 0:18:05.560 --> 0:18:08.639 having more more knowledge than my mind at the moment 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:12.720 to do I know. But and you know, out of 0:18:12.760 --> 0:18:16.360 one hundred people, ninety eight even with an aspiration, would 0:18:16.480 --> 0:18:17.199