Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central. Hello, my dearies, Halloween is
Speaker 1: right around the corner, which reminds me I need to
Speaker 1: get a costume now. According to my local CBS, Halloween
Speaker 1: is a two month festival beginning September one, which celebrates
Speaker 1: the worst candy of all time. But actually, Halloween is
Speaker 1: an ancient holiday with a rich and spooky history, and
Speaker 1: by spooky I mean interesting. It all started in ancient Ireland,
Speaker 1: where they celebrated the earliest version of Halloween, the Festival
Speaker 1: of Salwin. That's right, the Irish gave us not one,
Speaker 1: but two holidays where people get wasted and have sex
Speaker 1: behind a dunkin donuts. Hey, Ireland, thank you. They believe
Speaker 1: that on the night of October thirty one, the veil
Speaker 1: between the world and the afterlife was lifted, and that
Speaker 1: spirits returned for one night, like a divorced dad on
Speaker 1: your birthday. So to win favor with the spirits, they
Speaker 1: lit bond buyers and offered gifts to them. But most importantly,
Speaker 1: they disguised themselves in costumes so the dead wouldn't recognize them.
Speaker 1: Because trust me, no one wants to get stuck in
Speaker 1: a conversation with the ghosts. They're always like, avenge me,
Speaker 1: avenge me. It's like, okay, weirdo, I just met you.
Speaker 1: Costumes during Sawin consisted of animal heads and skins you.
Speaker 1: But in their defense, it was ancient times. Those were
Speaker 1: the only costumes Party City had back then. For thousands
Speaker 1: of years, someone was celebrated in Ireland by the Celtics,
Speaker 1: sorry Celtics, until Ireland got a very special delivery on
Speaker 1: its doorstep, Catholicism, and the Catholics gave the festival a
Speaker 1: holy makeover, naming November one all Saints Day a k a.
Speaker 1: All Hallows, making the night before Hallow's Eve. Eventually this
Speaker 1: evolved into Halloween. Like many other scary things, you have
Speaker 1: the Catholic Church to think. After this transition, the earliest
Speaker 1: version of trigger treating began. Medieval beggars would pray for
Speaker 1: people's dead relatives in exchange for food. And that's pretty
Speaker 1: depressing outsourcing your praying to the less fortunate. I mean,
Speaker 1: how lazy are you? Oh my postmates with a single
Speaker 1: bottle of water is here, bring it in. But there
Speaker 1: was fun trigger treating too. Kids dressed up in costumes
Speaker 1: and offered to sing or recite a poem and exchanged
Speaker 1: for food or money or wine. And I know what
Speaker 1: you're thinking, kids drinking wine, but don't worry. It's Irish wine,
Speaker 1: so it's basically just rancid grape juice. In the eighteenth
Speaker 1: and nineteenth centuries, Halloween started getting popular around the world,
Speaker 1: especially in America, after a Halloween poem by Robert Burns
Speaker 1: became popular. And I know it might seem weird that
Speaker 1: something became mainstream due to poetry, but if you think
Speaker 1: about it, it's the same way we all learned about scissors.
Speaker 1: At the turn of the century, the influx of Irish
Speaker 1: immigrants made Halloween even bigger in the US, and it
Speaker 1: actually started to get a little rowdy. Kids used the
Speaker 1: day as an excuse for vandalism and general assholary, a
Speaker 1: tradition that continues to this day. I will kick your
Speaker 1: ass at soccer practice, Timmy. It was so bad some
Speaker 1: politicians wanted to cancel Halloween altogether. Luckily, the solution was
Speaker 1: already built in trigger treating. Everyone figured out that if
Speaker 1: they gave kids treats in exchange for not acting like
Speaker 1: little dickheads, they'd be chill. Trigger treating exploded by the
Speaker 1: nineteen fifties with the mass production of candy, Although back
Speaker 1: then candy was weird. They had all these suggestive names
Speaker 1: like zag nuts and sugar daddies. If you like candy, kids,
Speaker 1: you'll love Uncle Jimmy's pull smokers whole. By the nineteen seventies,
Speaker 1: Halloween wasn't just for kids anymore. Adults started to get
Speaker 1: into it too through parties. They work costumes, some sexy
Speaker 1: and some really sexy. Oh yeah, Dick Nicks high, where
Speaker 1: are you at? These days? Halloween has taken on a
Speaker 1: new meaning, celebrating the maccab and having a safe space
Speaker 1: to explore our identities with our friends and family. I'm
Speaker 1: just working with you. It's about making as much money
Speaker 1: as possible. It's the most expensive holiday after Christmas, and
Speaker 1: we don't even get a PlayStation out of it. Just
Speaker 1: some highly regrettable photos and a mouthful of cavities. Lost
Speaker 1: another one. So now you know how Halloween got to
Speaker 1: be so spectacular. I hope everyone out there has a
Speaker 1: safe and fun time this year. Enjoy it because the
Speaker 1: next holiday is Thanksgiving, when you have to spend the
Speaker 1: whole day with your entire family. Ha ha ha ha.
Speaker 1: Watch the Daily Show. We nights and eleven tenth Central
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Speaker 1: This has been a Comedy Central podcast