1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:06,360 Speaker 1: Conversations on life, style, beauty, and relationships. It's The Velvet's 2 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:09,799 Speaker 1: Edge Podcast with Kelly Henderson. Cynthia Caine is here. She's 3 00:00:09,840 --> 00:00:15,120 Speaker 1: the CEO and founder of Caine Intentional Communication Institution. Wow, 4 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:18,200 Speaker 1: that's kind of a mouthful. You have to be very 5 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:23,240 Speaker 1: intentional when the intentional there you go when way to go? Ye? 6 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: Well I almost did, and then I caught myself because 7 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,400 Speaker 1: I was like, wait, that's not what this is. I 8 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: know what this is. Um. You're also the author of 9 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: three books, how to Communicate like a Buddhist, talk to 10 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 1: yourself like a Buddhist, and Meditate How to Meditate like 11 00:00:38,080 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: a Buddhist. Are you a Buddhist? I practice Buddhism? Yes, yeah, 12 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:46,160 Speaker 1: I have not. I should say I have not taken vows. Okay, 13 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,960 Speaker 1: I practiced it as a philosophy of living amazing. I 14 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: actually really resonate with a lot of the Buddhist um 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:57,960 Speaker 1: principles or stories, and I just find so much of 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 1: it to be based on slowing down, getting in touch 17 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 1: with yourself, um, communicating kindly like kindness, and all of 18 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: those practices. And so I'm like, yeah, that's a great 19 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,039 Speaker 1: thing to take away, which is sort of what you 20 00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:13,759 Speaker 1: know in line with a lot of what we want 21 00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:18,120 Speaker 1: to talk about today. UM, I told you that our 22 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:22,320 Speaker 1: theme this month is overcoming fear. I don't think communication 23 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 1: was one that I initially thought of that fell under 24 00:01:25,760 --> 00:01:30,199 Speaker 1: the umbrella of overcoming fear topic. The more I thought 25 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:34,479 Speaker 1: about it, I'm thinking about reactions or shutting down, and 26 00:01:34,560 --> 00:01:40,720 Speaker 1: in my communications with other people, whether it be romantic relationships, friendships, work, whatever, 27 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,680 Speaker 1: it is a lot of time there is this underlying 28 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,040 Speaker 1: fear that's actually leading the bus. So is that anything 29 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 1: like do you find that in your work with people 30 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: in developing better communication skills? So, fear is at the root. 31 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,920 Speaker 1: I mean, fear is at the root of most every 32 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,080 Speaker 1: thing I believe, right, and it's compos to communication. It's 33 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:08,360 Speaker 1: the same in the sentence that often we have we 34 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 1: have difficult conversations that we want to have. We have 35 00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:13,560 Speaker 1: things we want to ask for, things we want to express, 36 00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,440 Speaker 1: and yet the fear of what the other person's reaction 37 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 1: will be often times holds us back from having the 38 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,919 Speaker 1: conversations that we want to be having. UM, fear plays 39 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:28,839 Speaker 1: a really big role in how we interact, just generally, right, 40 00:02:28,880 --> 00:02:34,880 Speaker 1: So when you got UM going into your default patterns 41 00:02:34,919 --> 00:02:39,440 Speaker 1: of communicating, which are you know, getting passive, aggressive, lashing out, 42 00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 1: maybe shutting down, walking away, getting louder, getting dismissive. Right, 43 00:02:44,639 --> 00:02:50,240 Speaker 1: we all have our own little recipe, um, and the 44 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:54,919 Speaker 1: it's the fear that pushes us in that direction, right, 45 00:02:54,960 --> 00:02:57,600 Speaker 1: because we feel attacked in some way or threatened in 46 00:02:57,639 --> 00:03:00,919 Speaker 1: some way, and so our defense mechanism has come up 47 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:05,639 Speaker 1: and we want to prevent the threat, and so that's 48 00:03:05,639 --> 00:03:07,480 Speaker 1: why we react in the ways that we do. So 49 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: fear is really at the heart of the cycle of 50 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 1: really different actions. Yeah, it's so interesting because it feels 51 00:03:17,160 --> 00:03:20,920 Speaker 1: like if we had different skill sets, which as I 52 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:23,800 Speaker 1: think the purpose of your work, um, we would be 53 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:27,680 Speaker 1: able to not sabotage the way we do with our fear, 54 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:29,600 Speaker 1: because it feels like when you let the fear drug 55 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: of us, you end up creating the scenario that you're 56 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: actually so scared of. Yeah you know what I mean. Yeah, 57 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:39,400 Speaker 1: like whether it's shutting down or you like scream at 58 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: someone because you're defensive, whatever it is. It's like, oh, 59 00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:46,120 Speaker 1: but that's actually probably what you're scared of happening, and 60 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:50,400 Speaker 1: you're making it happen right now. And that's exactly what 61 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,240 Speaker 1: we have a tendency to fall into, right, Yeah, we 62 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:58,240 Speaker 1: And it's the same with a lot of the reasons 63 00:03:58,280 --> 00:04:02,000 Speaker 1: we don't connect in the ways we want to is 64 00:04:02,080 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 1: because we talked to ourselves in a way that promotes 65 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: more fear or promotes more doubt and more worry, and 66 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 1: that then just leads us to living out those doubts, 67 00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: in those worries and creating those scenarios. Fascinating, but yeah, yeah, 68 00:04:18,400 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: it's so crazy. Well, so how did you get into 69 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: this kind of work, because I mean, I think like 70 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 1: actually teaching people how to communicate as such an interesting 71 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 1: career choice. And so I'm curious about your story, and 72 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 1: I know there was a relationship, in fact, a loss 73 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: of a relationship that kind of suggared this journey for 74 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:41,159 Speaker 1: Youze tell us about that. Yeah, well, it's interesting because 75 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:45,640 Speaker 1: fear is the topic, right, and I think that, um 76 00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 1: one of my based fears that I used to have 77 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 1: was losing someone who knew me the most in the world, right, 78 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,840 Speaker 1: or like who knew me the best in the world. UM, 79 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:02,479 Speaker 1: I would always fear losing like my grandmother or people 80 00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,960 Speaker 1: who were super close to me. Death was something that um, 81 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 1: I had a really big fear of and my so 82 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,159 Speaker 1: my first Leve and I had been together about seven 83 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 1: and a half years, and we were kind of at 84 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 1: that point where it's either you like get married and 85 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:25,599 Speaker 1: go forward, or you decide, Okay, I need to grow 86 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 1: on my own and figure out myself and then let's 87 00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 1: come back together. And we were in the camp of 88 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,960 Speaker 1: we had grown really well together, but now it was 89 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: like we had to separate, UM really believing that the 90 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: universe would bring us back together, and four years later 91 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: it did bring us back together. We were both in 92 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,360 Speaker 1: New York at the same time, and it was awesome 93 00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 1: because we got to re meet each other and like 94 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 1: go through all the things that weren't great about our relationship, 95 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:56,920 Speaker 1: which a lot had to do with communication, because I 96 00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,480 Speaker 1: really before I was very passive, aggressive, very judge mental. 97 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: I really thought it was other people's responsibility to read 98 00:06:06,240 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 1: my mind and know what I wanted to need it 99 00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 1: when I had no idea of how to express really 100 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:14,960 Speaker 1: what it was that I wanted and needed again with UM, 101 00:06:15,080 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: and I was very reactionary, so everything for me was 102 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:23,120 Speaker 1: like the worst possible scenario, or it was like the 103 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: best possible scenario. But there was no there was like 104 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,880 Speaker 1: no in between um, and so a lot of what 105 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:34,560 Speaker 1: we ended up talking about was, you know, ways that 106 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 1: we could come back together again and give it another 107 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:41,200 Speaker 1: shot and try him. And then four months later he 108 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:45,400 Speaker 1: passed away unexpectedly. He was a river guide. He was 109 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,120 Speaker 1: from Costa Rica and he was going down the river 110 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 1: in a kayak and he got cotton as swell and 111 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,599 Speaker 1: he drowned. And my whole, like my whole world in 112 00:06:55,640 --> 00:07:02,599 Speaker 1: that moment, just it was empty. It felt, um, like 113 00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: my worst fear had really come true. And I didn't 114 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,960 Speaker 1: I think it was possible that like the world was 115 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:15,040 Speaker 1: existing and continuing on because I was in such a 116 00:07:15,120 --> 00:07:19,600 Speaker 1: state of emptiness um and heartache and sadness and anxiety 117 00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 1: and um going through all of the emotion, and I 118 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 1: really realized that I could potentially just dialong with him 119 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: if I didn't figure this out, like how how to 120 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: feel better? And everyone tried and everybody was so loving 121 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,280 Speaker 1: and caring, but nothing helped, right, But that's all I 122 00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,520 Speaker 1: just wanted somebody to come and be like, this is 123 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: what you do and you're gonna feel better and that 124 00:07:45,280 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 1: out for you. Yeah, I wanted wanted someone else to 125 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 1: do it, but that that really was kind of my 126 00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:54,720 Speaker 1: m O up into that point, right, And so then 127 00:07:54,760 --> 00:07:56,520 Speaker 1: I realized, Okay, I was going to have to try 128 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,200 Speaker 1: to figure this out. And that's when you know, I 129 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 1: read a lot of boo because I went on retreats, 130 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:07,440 Speaker 1: I um did seminars, I did workshops, I did coaching, 131 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 1: I did all, like all the things, and what I 132 00:08:11,920 --> 00:08:18,960 Speaker 1: was finding was this piece about communication was there, but nobody, 133 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: nobody like had the thing that I was looking for. 134 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:24,600 Speaker 1: It was like I was learning all these really amazing 135 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,960 Speaker 1: bits of like how to take care of myself and 136 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:30,880 Speaker 1: how to you know, nurture myself and how to form 137 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,199 Speaker 1: you know, maybe deeper relationships, but so much of it 138 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 1: was down to communication. And that's what I was really missing. 139 00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:44,319 Speaker 1: And a friend of mine recommended writing and meditation workshop 140 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: at the Shabal Institute when I lived in New York. 141 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: And I didn't know much about why I've never meditated before, 142 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,360 Speaker 1: and I didn't really know a lot about Buddhism either, 143 00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: and I went and it changed my life because basically 144 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 1: that was where I was able to just let myself 145 00:09:01,440 --> 00:09:04,720 Speaker 1: be with all the emotion. I learned how to meditate 146 00:09:05,280 --> 00:09:07,960 Speaker 1: um and I never allowed myself to do that before 147 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:11,560 Speaker 1: just let myself be in all the anxiety and the 148 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,880 Speaker 1: fear and the sadness, and like then all the beauty 149 00:09:15,920 --> 00:09:17,480 Speaker 1: that I was also seeing in the world. And it 150 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:21,520 Speaker 1: was like this very strange time. And um. That's then 151 00:09:21,559 --> 00:09:23,240 Speaker 1: where I learned the elements of right speech. And I 152 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 1: was like, this is it, Like I can do this, 153 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:29,959 Speaker 1: Like I can find my way out of suffering if 154 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 1: I can just change the way that I communicate, if 155 00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 1: I can be honest, if I can, you know, use 156 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 1: helpful language, if I can not gossip and not exaggerate, 157 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 1: and it all sounded amazing to me. But then I 158 00:09:41,400 --> 00:09:43,160 Speaker 1: woke up and was like, I have no idea how 159 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: to do this, Like how like how do I actually 160 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: speak in a kind of honestly helple way and how 161 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:52,240 Speaker 1: do I know it's necessary? And um, and that's where 162 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,360 Speaker 1: this whole practice really begin, with myself and starting to 163 00:09:56,400 --> 00:10:00,160 Speaker 1: talk to myself differently. And then once I started doing that, 164 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 1: it opened up into changing the way that I was 165 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,400 Speaker 1: connecting with others and not changed the way that I 166 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:08,679 Speaker 1: connected with the world, and I started writing about it, 167 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,679 Speaker 1: and then it started working for other people, and then 168 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,080 Speaker 1: I started teaching about it, and it started changing the 169 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,280 Speaker 1: way that other people were engaging in their lives. And 170 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:22,080 Speaker 1: that's really like, that's really how it all came to be. 171 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: It's kind of odd way to get here. But you know, 172 00:10:26,679 --> 00:10:30,839 Speaker 1: without this practice or without really learning how to listen 173 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: to myself and listen to others and use silence and 174 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:38,719 Speaker 1: speak consciously, clearly and concisely, and you know, meditation as 175 00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:44,319 Speaker 1: truly the like the glue that true you know, keeps 176 00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:51,440 Speaker 1: it all going. Um, I wouldn't have found another relationship, 177 00:10:51,520 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 1: I don't believe, like I wouldn't be in relationship now, 178 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,760 Speaker 1: and I wouldn't have the relationship I have with my 179 00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,719 Speaker 1: kids that I have now or with my family. And 180 00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:06,640 Speaker 1: everything has changed because of this practice for me. Yeah, 181 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 1: and then I get to see it it changed the 182 00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: lives of others too, So it's really phenomenal. Yeah, well 183 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:16,080 Speaker 1: you said you you said something like, um, it's kind 184 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:17,959 Speaker 1: of an odd way to get to that, but I 185 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:20,560 Speaker 1: actually don't think so, because when we talk about this 186 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: a lot on the podcast, about the that pain is 187 00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 1: you know, the biggest contributed to our changing. And so 188 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: like in my life, I've never actually had a deep 189 00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:36,360 Speaker 1: dive or looked to actually learn new things or you know, 190 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: learn new tools and make new practices in my life 191 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: without something extremely painful. So it's like unfortunately, it's like 192 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,960 Speaker 1: we have to be rocked in that capacity to then 193 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:50,440 Speaker 1: say okay, and what next, like what is not working 194 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 1: for me? And how do I do it differently? That's 195 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,400 Speaker 1: so true and I think that, I mean, when I 196 00:11:56,440 --> 00:12:01,480 Speaker 1: look at it now, what's amazing to me is, um, 197 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 1: everything really grew out of what I was experimenting with 198 00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 1: on my own and what changing the way that I 199 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:14,760 Speaker 1: was interacting with myself and others and the demand for 200 00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: it is what made it grow, right, So like then 201 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: there became courses, then there became a training program, then 202 00:12:21,920 --> 00:12:24,680 Speaker 1: there became an advanced training, then there became an instructor 203 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 1: training program, and so but all that came through this 204 00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 1: um this way where I get to keep now his 205 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,600 Speaker 1: name is now I get to keep him alive also 206 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:42,440 Speaker 1: through all this, And to me that that's just like 207 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: such a blessing, you know that obou um, out of 208 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:54,679 Speaker 1: something so terrible come something really beautiful, right, Yeah, exactly. 209 00:12:55,280 --> 00:12:58,040 Speaker 1: Well you touched on the meditation piece, which I wanted 210 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,599 Speaker 1: to talk to you about because when I think of meditating, 211 00:13:00,640 --> 00:13:03,520 Speaker 1: I think of it. You know, it's very much maybe 212 00:13:03,559 --> 00:13:06,120 Speaker 1: I'm communicating with myself or my higher power, but I 213 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,480 Speaker 1: don't think about it in a in a way that 214 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 1: would help me to communicate with others. And so I 215 00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:14,280 Speaker 1: wanted you to kind of break down how you find 216 00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: meditation to be really helpful in how we're communicating. So meditation, 217 00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,960 Speaker 1: I really believe the way you are in meditation is 218 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:27,280 Speaker 1: the way you are in communication. So in meditation, you 219 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,680 Speaker 1: know you're there and you have all these thoughts that 220 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:34,200 Speaker 1: are just they are going by, and really what they 221 00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:38,679 Speaker 1: are are their distraction, right, So they're taking you out 222 00:13:38,679 --> 00:13:40,959 Speaker 1: of the present moment, and then you get caught in 223 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 1: one you're like, oh, thanks so much for sharing. I'm 224 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 1: just gonna come back now, right. And it's the same 225 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 1: thing in interaction and communication. You're having a conversation, you 226 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:53,559 Speaker 1: get distracted, you think about what the other person is 227 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600 Speaker 1: going to say, what maybe you should be saying. You're 228 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,559 Speaker 1: thinking about the list of things that you have to do, 229 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,480 Speaker 1: what you have to pick up the crows to restore, 230 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,679 Speaker 1: all the things that distract you, and then you just 231 00:14:03,720 --> 00:14:06,359 Speaker 1: get the moment where you get to be like, oh, hey, 232 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 1: I'm distracted, thanks so much. Let me come back to 233 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:11,320 Speaker 1: the person that I'm with, the person that I'm talking to. 234 00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: Let me ask myself, how can I be helpful in 235 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 1: this moment? What are my feet doing, what are my 236 00:14:16,280 --> 00:14:20,880 Speaker 1: hands doing? What's my breath doing? Right? So, meditation what 237 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,920 Speaker 1: it really helps us to do. It helps us to 238 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: focus on one thing at a time, It helps us 239 00:14:26,760 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: become more responsive instead of reactive, and it helps us 240 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 1: access the present moment. And so that all is super 241 00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: helpful when you're in conversation because you want to be 242 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:40,240 Speaker 1: able to access the present moment. You want to be 243 00:14:40,360 --> 00:14:44,080 Speaker 1: able to take that pause that everybody talks about and 244 00:14:44,120 --> 00:14:48,840 Speaker 1: be able to have that silence right to work with 245 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 1: the emotion that may be coming up where you can 246 00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:53,000 Speaker 1: kind of move it to the side, access yourself, and 247 00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: then have a conversation. And then you also want to 248 00:14:56,840 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 1: be able to focus on one thing at a time, 249 00:14:59,640 --> 00:15:03,760 Speaker 1: So the formal practice of meditation helps in that regard, right. 250 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,600 Speaker 1: And it's also that moment right where we get caught up. 251 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 1: And you know, when I first started meditating, it was 252 00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 1: like Cynthia, just like come back, like what are you doing? 253 00:15:15,880 --> 00:15:18,520 Speaker 1: You know, like stop doing it? In the voice, was 254 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:22,720 Speaker 1: like really mean it was like hey, girl, like get back, 255 00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:27,080 Speaker 1: you know, but over time that voice is gotten much 256 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:30,960 Speaker 1: softer and it's like, hey, it's cool, thanks so much, 257 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 1: let's just come back. And that voice is so important 258 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 1: because that's the voice when you're in those difficult interactions, 259 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 1: as difficult moments, that is like yelling at you, and 260 00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:45,680 Speaker 1: instead we want that voice to come in and be 261 00:15:45,760 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: like it's okay, we've got this. We're okay. Like you're 262 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:52,160 Speaker 1: feeling really stupid right now, you're feeling miserable, right now, 263 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:56,720 Speaker 1: you're feeling misunderstood. We're okay, you've got it. Let's begin again, right, 264 00:15:56,840 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 1: And so it's also it's also that piece you're learning 265 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: how to cultivate the sense of self compassion. It was 266 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,480 Speaker 1: so interesting because when I was reading about you, um, 267 00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 1: there was a lot of talk about the way we 268 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 1: talked to ourselves. So like, obviously most of your work 269 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,880 Speaker 1: is around or the outer layer would look like we're, 270 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:24,760 Speaker 1: you know, building communication skills for relationships, but that piece 271 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,640 Speaker 1: that we missed so often is like how are we 272 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: communicating with ourselves? And I know for me that was 273 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 1: a huge thing that I've like really bumped up against 274 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,080 Speaker 1: in this last year because I kept drawing in these 275 00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: relationships where I wasn't being treated very well or spoken 276 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: to very kindly. And then it dawned on me like 277 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:43,280 Speaker 1: I was doing a lot of mirroring work, and like, 278 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 1: why am I bringing in these kind of partners? And 279 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,200 Speaker 1: I don't remember if it was my therapist, my astrologists, 280 00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: you know, I have all the people whatever, like who 281 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: it was that pointed this out to me, But they're like, 282 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,560 Speaker 1: you realize, X, Y and Z is talking to you 283 00:16:56,680 --> 00:17:00,840 Speaker 1: exactly the way that you're talking to yourself. Like realizing 284 00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 1: that that voice inside of my head was so critical 285 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,920 Speaker 1: and harsh, and I mean, it's a daily thing I'm 286 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,480 Speaker 1: having to really like pay attention to because I don't 287 00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:12,840 Speaker 1: even notice that it's happening. But I can see now, 288 00:17:12,880 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 1: Like when I was reading about your work, it was 289 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,439 Speaker 1: really clear to me. Oh, the reason it's just like 290 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,760 Speaker 1: transferring into my life too, is because if I'm talking 291 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,399 Speaker 1: to myself that way, it's what I'm used to, and 292 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:27,320 Speaker 1: so when like someone else comes in, it's what's familiar 293 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,840 Speaker 1: to me to be spoken to that way. That is 294 00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 1: so crazy, Like that realization, So how important is our 295 00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:38,080 Speaker 1: communication with ourselves to the way that we communicate in 296 00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,320 Speaker 1: the world. I mean, it's a h of everything. Yeah, 297 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:44,919 Speaker 1: Like the first step in all of this is to 298 00:17:44,920 --> 00:17:50,399 Speaker 1: start listening to yourself. Okay, people, Well, most people come 299 00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:54,200 Speaker 1: to courses and things like that really wanting like scripts 300 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 1: and dialogues, and they're like, you know how to say this. 301 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: It's like, actually, we don't need scripts. You don't need 302 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,959 Speaker 1: any of that, because the most important thing is for 303 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 1: us to start listening to ourselves and seeing, am I 304 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:10,439 Speaker 1: talking to myself in a kind of honest and helpful way, right, 305 00:18:10,920 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: Starting to pay attention to the sensation in the body 306 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:17,919 Speaker 1: with the language that you're using. There's a lot of 307 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 1: language that we can use that can make us feel 308 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,399 Speaker 1: really contracted or stressed or tense. And then there's a 309 00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,719 Speaker 1: language that we can use when we talk to ourselves 310 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:32,480 Speaker 1: that makes us feel more open and abundant. Right. Depending 311 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:36,200 Speaker 1: on how we're communicating with ourselves, it's going to change 312 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 1: how you how you interact, right, Like, think about um, 313 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:48,360 Speaker 1: if you know, if I'm telling myself that my partner 314 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:53,760 Speaker 1: thinks that I'm unattractive, or that my partner thinks that, um, 315 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 1: you know, I am not great at I don't know, 316 00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:01,359 Speaker 1: like I'm not great at getting the kids to dressed 317 00:19:01,359 --> 00:19:03,880 Speaker 1: and out the door on the right time, things like that. Right, 318 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:06,600 Speaker 1: then the way that I interact with my partner is 319 00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:08,679 Speaker 1: going to be pretty negative. It's going to be a 320 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:12,320 Speaker 1: little resentful, probably for me, because I get passive aggressive. 321 00:19:12,359 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 1: I would start getting passive aggressive, and I would then 322 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:17,880 Speaker 1: be asked the question of what's wrong, and I would 323 00:19:17,880 --> 00:19:21,199 Speaker 1: say nothing because I would then hope that he understands 324 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: why I'm upset. But in that situation, it's understanding I'm 325 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,560 Speaker 1: talking to myself in a way that's not true. Right, 326 00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,920 Speaker 1: I don't know if he thinks I'm attractive or unattractive. 327 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,880 Speaker 1: I don't know if he thinks that I'm a good 328 00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,400 Speaker 1: mom or not, because I've never asked those questions, right, 329 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 1: Potentially you have to start going through like is that true? 330 00:19:43,040 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: Is it kind? Is it helpful? And is it necessary? 331 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,640 Speaker 1: And one to answer those questions, you know, whether you 332 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,160 Speaker 1: are talking to yourself in a way that moves you 333 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,680 Speaker 1: more in the direction you want to go, or talking 334 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 1: to yourself in a way that's making you feel less 335 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:05,560 Speaker 1: than right. So it's really it's the it's the first 336 00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: piece and everything, because first you have to start paying 337 00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:10,480 Speaker 1: attention to if you're talking to yourself in a way 338 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,359 Speaker 1: that's helpful or hurtful, then you start paying attention to 339 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,480 Speaker 1: um the sensation in the body to understand when you're 340 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 1: in an interaction right how what the other person is 341 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:26,359 Speaker 1: saying feels to you. That then you understand how to 342 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,840 Speaker 1: talk to yourself differently. Because if if you're feeling stupid 343 00:20:30,119 --> 00:20:33,320 Speaker 1: and you normally are like, I'm I'm so stupid, I'm 344 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: a failure, I can't do this in that moment, that's 345 00:20:38,119 --> 00:20:40,439 Speaker 1: where you're going to go, right. But if in that 346 00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,560 Speaker 1: moment you're feeling that and instead you get to come 347 00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:45,800 Speaker 1: and you're like, oh, I see you, Like I see 348 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,960 Speaker 1: that you are really hurting right now and you're feeling 349 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:52,240 Speaker 1: all these things and it's okay, We're okay, what do 350 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,399 Speaker 1: we want to feel instead? I want to feel smarter, 351 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:57,600 Speaker 1: I want to feel capable. Okay, Well, like, what can 352 00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: we do now in this moment to help you feel 353 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:04,520 Speaker 1: that way? So it's so crazy to even listen to 354 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:08,080 Speaker 1: you phrase those questions to yourself, like that is the 355 00:21:08,160 --> 00:21:11,400 Speaker 1: step that we skip, you know, Like I just I've 356 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: started doing in in therapy. A lot of times they 357 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,000 Speaker 1: call it like reparenting yourself or like your inner child 358 00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: or you know, or things like that. Um, but it's 359 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: the same thing. It's just like asking myself for the things. 360 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:26,080 Speaker 1: And I realize I'm forty and I'm just now learning 361 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:28,640 Speaker 1: how to do that. Like that is crazy that we're 362 00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:31,960 Speaker 1: not taught. That we're not taught, and it's really this 363 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,119 Speaker 1: is truly the key to being able to express yourself. Yeah, 364 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,720 Speaker 1: Like that's why you don't end up needing scripts, because 365 00:21:39,720 --> 00:21:42,760 Speaker 1: what you end up seeing is once you start talking 366 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:45,919 Speaker 1: to yourself in a different way and to weed out 367 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:49,280 Speaker 1: what's true and what's not true, then you get to 368 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 1: hear what it is that you have to say, and 369 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,200 Speaker 1: then then you can express yourself because then you trust 370 00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 1: what you hear. Yeah. Right, And then fear or is 371 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,879 Speaker 1: not driving the bus either, You're not there anymore because 372 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:06,399 Speaker 1: instead fear comes in and you're like, oh, hey, fear, 373 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:10,320 Speaker 1: thanks so much for being here, Like I totally understand 374 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 1: why you've showed up. Yeah, but today we get to 375 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,840 Speaker 1: go in another direction because you you're not pushing the 376 00:22:17,840 --> 00:22:21,720 Speaker 1: fear away anymore. You're not saying like it's bad, You're 377 00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:23,880 Speaker 1: bringing it in and you're giving it a hug. Because 378 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,280 Speaker 1: it's a part of you. So you're like, hey, come 379 00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 1: on board, we've got this. We're okay. I'm going to 380 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 1: show you how, and then because of that you're able 381 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,439 Speaker 1: to move through. Yeah, that makes total sense. Well, I 382 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,680 Speaker 1: took the quiz on your website about what kind of communicator. 383 00:22:41,760 --> 00:22:45,119 Speaker 1: I'm a cloudy communicator. Apparently a good place to start, 384 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,479 Speaker 1: is it? Okay? Can you talk us through the different 385 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:52,480 Speaker 1: kind of communicators that there are? Yeah, So, I mean, 386 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 1: cloudy communicators are really in the state of living within 387 00:23:00,080 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 1: their reactivity, right. I'm just kidding. It's because it's think 388 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 1: about if you think about most of your interactions. Um, 389 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:23,359 Speaker 1: they it's like sometimes it feels like maybe feeling misunderstood. 390 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:28,119 Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels confusing. Sometimes it feels like, you know, 391 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,880 Speaker 1: maybe you're saying one thing but feeling another. Sometimes sometimes 392 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:36,320 Speaker 1: you maybe get into passive aggressive behavior, or you shut 393 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:40,920 Speaker 1: down or you just stop talking. Um. And this this 394 00:23:41,040 --> 00:23:44,399 Speaker 1: is where I started to write. So most of us 395 00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:48,880 Speaker 1: are in the cloudy communicator place because we are just 396 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:51,520 Speaker 1: going off of what we know, right, And you don't 397 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 1: learn how to communicate growing up. We like we learned 398 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,560 Speaker 1: how to talk, but people think that is communicating and 399 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: it's not different. Right, what we end up interacting like 400 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,920 Speaker 1: is like what we have been around, what we've absorbed 401 00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,400 Speaker 1: growing up, what we've learned from you know, our teachers, 402 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:15,880 Speaker 1: our relationships, our friendships, media, Yeah, all of that, right, 403 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:22,119 Speaker 1: and so we're just kind of going along in the 404 00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:24,360 Speaker 1: same way that we have And that's really like cloudy 405 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 1: communicating right. Partly cloudy is that sometimes we're really able 406 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,440 Speaker 1: to express ourselves and we get our needs met, and 407 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:35,479 Speaker 1: then other times it feels like we're going backwards and 408 00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:40,560 Speaker 1: we're you know, and we're reacting again, or we're going 409 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,199 Speaker 1: over the top, So it's cloud Partly cloudy is like 410 00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:46,240 Speaker 1: you're going forward, but then you come back and you're 411 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,000 Speaker 1: going forward, and then you come back and then when 412 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:53,159 Speaker 1: you get too clear, that's really when you are able 413 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,159 Speaker 1: to be in difficult interactions and instead of letting your 414 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,719 Speaker 1: emotions leave, do you're able to like what we were 415 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,720 Speaker 1: talking not before you're there's a whole process that goes 416 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 1: on inside of you to be able to to understand, Oh, 417 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 1: I feel the fear, I feel the feeling. I'm going 418 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: to access the present moment, now, access myself so I 419 00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,920 Speaker 1: can stay here in this discomfort sit in this discomfort 420 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 1: of what is happening and express myself. Yeah. Right, And 421 00:25:25,520 --> 00:25:29,679 Speaker 1: so that's the clear communicator where you're really able to 422 00:25:30,400 --> 00:25:37,119 Speaker 1: navigate the emotion and be able to have difficult interactions right, 423 00:25:37,240 --> 00:25:39,199 Speaker 1: or be able to express yourself in a way that 424 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,479 Speaker 1: you respect. Yeah, it's okay. I like that. There's partly 425 00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,320 Speaker 1: cloudy too, because when I actually was reading about the cloudy, 426 00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 1: I was like, good, is this true for me across 427 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:51,880 Speaker 1: the board, because, like I mean, I'm in a business 428 00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:55,000 Speaker 1: of communication. I communicate for a living, like this is 429 00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: a part of my job, you know, and I'm told 430 00:25:57,280 --> 00:26:00,640 Speaker 1: I'm very good at it, and so I'm like, it's 431 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,080 Speaker 1: it was confusing to me. And then I thought about 432 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,600 Speaker 1: it though, and I'm like, no, in certain relationships or situations, 433 00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:09,480 Speaker 1: I am a clear communicator and everything that I want 434 00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,280 Speaker 1: to say comes very easily out of my mouth. It's 435 00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: very clear. All the things. In relationships where the stakes 436 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,560 Speaker 1: are high, though, that is where I can see the 437 00:26:18,600 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: cloudiness because I get very scared of Looke losing the relationship, 438 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 1: like if it's if it threatens my security in any capacity. 439 00:26:26,480 --> 00:26:30,159 Speaker 1: So that could be friends, that could be work, definitely, romance, 440 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:35,479 Speaker 1: um it like inhibits my ability to speak freely about 441 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,760 Speaker 1: or to speak clearly, and like lose. It's like I 442 00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:43,560 Speaker 1: lose even like what you're saying about um asking yourself 443 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: the questions, I just don't even that doesn't even dauntant 444 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 1: me to do, because you are because of the fear, yes, 445 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,800 Speaker 1: because you are in the state of it's the fight, 446 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:59,479 Speaker 1: fight exactly in that moment, and that's exactly where we go. 447 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:03,119 Speaker 1: And so our work in the moment is for us 448 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:06,879 Speaker 1: to find ways to soothe ourselves in the moment, right, 449 00:27:07,000 --> 00:27:09,560 Speaker 1: so that we know that we're okay and that we're safe, 450 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:12,680 Speaker 1: so that then we can express ourselves and we can 451 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 1: feel okay to express ourselves. Right. But I love what 452 00:27:16,880 --> 00:27:21,440 Speaker 1: you're saying because people will say, well, but I'm really 453 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 1: good at communicating at work, But it's like when I 454 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,080 Speaker 1: met home, or like when I went to my family, 455 00:27:26,119 --> 00:27:28,760 Speaker 1: or when I'm with my friends, right, and we all 456 00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:33,120 Speaker 1: have an area where we feel more confident with our communication. 457 00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,440 Speaker 1: Our work though, is to see can we, like, can 458 00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:42,240 Speaker 1: we be as confident in our work communication at home? 459 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,320 Speaker 1: Right in the way that I'm connecting with people at 460 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,080 Speaker 1: work be the same way that I connect with my 461 00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:53,480 Speaker 1: partner or my children instead of it being I'm this 462 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: way here and I'm this way here. Can everything be congruent? Right? 463 00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 1: And so makes sense? That's I mean, that's also a 464 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,000 Speaker 1: part of this work too. And most people are very 465 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:08,639 Speaker 1: surprised because, um, you know, they think it's just like 466 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:11,920 Speaker 1: a listening course or speaking course, but it's not. This 467 00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:17,199 Speaker 1: is like a holistic um my thing. Well, and I 468 00:28:17,240 --> 00:28:20,359 Speaker 1: hear so much about like it would make doing this 469 00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,359 Speaker 1: kind of work seems like it would bring up the 470 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 1: pieces that still need to you know, it's still looking 471 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: for healing, like certain parts of yourself, because if you're 472 00:28:28,280 --> 00:28:31,320 Speaker 1: communicating with yourself, then you're like, okay, Like when I 473 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:35,560 Speaker 1: was in that relationship, I really couldn't speak my needs 474 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:38,960 Speaker 1: clearly and like I expected someone to just guess because 475 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:41,960 Speaker 1: I was actually scared too, you know, and we could 476 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: go on and on about maybe that wasn't the right 477 00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:46,560 Speaker 1: partner and all those things, but ultimately, like I'm still 478 00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,160 Speaker 1: stuck with me, so I have to navigate how not 479 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 1: to do that again, you know, and um, to me, 480 00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 1: it just brings up, Oh, I still probably have some 481 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,240 Speaker 1: trauma from some losses in my past that I have 482 00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:04,800 Speaker 1: not fully resolved, and so I'm so scared to communicate clearly. 483 00:29:05,480 --> 00:29:07,720 Speaker 1: But on the flip side, if you don't learn how 484 00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 1: to do that, or you're not communicating with yourself, you 485 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,720 Speaker 1: do end up letting fear drop of us and you 486 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,720 Speaker 1: end up in the reaction stage. Yeah, I have to 487 00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 1: it is. It is a lot of self inquiry, yes, right, yeah, 488 00:29:24,280 --> 00:29:27,640 Speaker 1: And self inquiry meditation is one of like there's specific 489 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:32,120 Speaker 1: meditations that are really helpful for communication, and self inquiry 490 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,600 Speaker 1: is a great one because the idea of first off 491 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:40,760 Speaker 1: is for us to be able to be with ourselves right, 492 00:29:40,920 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: not push away the emotion and not push away the pain, 493 00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:51,240 Speaker 1: and not push away um you know what we think 494 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:54,680 Speaker 1: we need to get over or all that. Instead, we 495 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,840 Speaker 1: want to sit with it, sit in the discomfort so 496 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:03,080 Speaker 1: we can become like friendly with discomfort, so we can 497 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:09,280 Speaker 1: communicate within discomfort and at the same time ask ourselves 498 00:30:09,440 --> 00:30:12,440 Speaker 1: questions that we may not know the answers to. The 499 00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:14,960 Speaker 1: most important part is that we just start asking ourselves 500 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:18,280 Speaker 1: the questions so that we start becoming somebody that we 501 00:30:18,400 --> 00:30:22,760 Speaker 1: listened to. Yeah, yeah, I just I do. I'm so 502 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,240 Speaker 1: glad that you're talking about that, because, as we said, earlier. 503 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,320 Speaker 1: It's just not really taught. And when I'm I was 504 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,200 Speaker 1: prepping for this thinking about like, you know, well, how 505 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:38,320 Speaker 1: do we communicate authentically? How do we communicate um without 506 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:41,080 Speaker 1: reacting or responding and all of it. Again, it gets 507 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,680 Speaker 1: like what people say that's so annoying when you're like, oh, 508 00:30:43,720 --> 00:30:46,080 Speaker 1: you can't love anyone else until you love yourself. What's 509 00:30:46,120 --> 00:30:48,160 Speaker 1: sort of like you can't communicate with anyone else until 510 00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:52,719 Speaker 1: you can communicate with yourself. It's true, It's true because 511 00:30:52,960 --> 00:30:56,040 Speaker 1: what you end up learning is that so much of 512 00:30:56,080 --> 00:31:00,800 Speaker 1: the way that you communicate now is not you. You 513 00:31:01,000 --> 00:31:03,200 Speaker 1: end up learning that like the way that you've been 514 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:08,360 Speaker 1: talking to yourself so much to do with other the 515 00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 1: way that other people have potentially labeled do or things 516 00:31:12,600 --> 00:31:14,640 Speaker 1: that have happened in your past right. And you know 517 00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,800 Speaker 1: you maybe um failed one test when you were in 518 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,080 Speaker 1: like sixth grade, and suddenly you are now deemed like 519 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:26,000 Speaker 1: I'm just so stupid, I'll never be right um. And 520 00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:29,719 Speaker 1: so you start to be able to see, oh, wow, 521 00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: like that's not even mine, right, this isn't even mine? 522 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 1: So well, what is mine? Right? How do I want 523 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,720 Speaker 1: to talk to myself? And I think that that's that's 524 00:31:39,760 --> 00:31:43,920 Speaker 1: a really important question that it's like, how do I 525 00:31:43,960 --> 00:31:46,000 Speaker 1: want to relate to myself? How do I want to 526 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:50,080 Speaker 1: connect with myself? And it's not about thinking it right, 527 00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 1: it's not about like being positive and being like your 528 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: best friend. It really is. It's like very objective. It's like, today, 529 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,760 Speaker 1: when I wake up, can I be kind to myself 530 00:32:02,800 --> 00:32:04,800 Speaker 1: in the way that I'm talking to myself? Can I 531 00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:09,280 Speaker 1: just pay attention to that? And that's where it starts. Yeah, 532 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,000 Speaker 1: keeps pinging in my head that statement stay curious, which 533 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 1: has been such a guiding force for me in the 534 00:32:15,200 --> 00:32:18,360 Speaker 1: last couple of months, because it's like, you detach from 535 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:21,040 Speaker 1: anything being good or bad. But if you stay curious, 536 00:32:21,960 --> 00:32:24,000 Speaker 1: especially about the way you're talking to yourself, it's like, 537 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:27,560 Speaker 1: oh what's behind that? Are like, oh what where did 538 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: that even come from? And then it's like the sixth 539 00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:31,880 Speaker 1: grade tests, like you're talking about, it's not the forty 540 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:34,520 Speaker 1: year old person walking around the world, and it's just 541 00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:38,600 Speaker 1: such an interesting dynamic. Um. I was going to talk 542 00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,160 Speaker 1: to you a little bit about how learning how to 543 00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 1: communicate can reduce stress and anxiety. Can you speak to 544 00:32:44,680 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 1: that a little bit? I mean, think about all the 545 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,400 Speaker 1: things that you may be holding on to that you've 546 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,200 Speaker 1: never talked to, right like that. There have been so 547 00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:02,760 Speaker 1: many in senses, um of people that I've worked with 548 00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:08,160 Speaker 1: who have things that they have wanted to share and 549 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:11,640 Speaker 1: express to people that they have not been able to write, 550 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,200 Speaker 1: and all of that stays within the body. Okay, So 551 00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,280 Speaker 1: the moment most people have anxiety, most people have overwhelmed, 552 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:27,000 Speaker 1: most people have stress because of not talking to something, right, 553 00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:30,360 Speaker 1: the moment that you talked to it, it all goes 554 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:33,280 Speaker 1: away because we hold it all in our body, and 555 00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,120 Speaker 1: so we have to find ways for the stress to 556 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,360 Speaker 1: release itself, right. I mean, we know that to relieve stress, 557 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:44,360 Speaker 1: you can exercise, you can shake, you can dance, you 558 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:49,800 Speaker 1: can scream, right um. And another big part of it 559 00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:54,240 Speaker 1: is being able to really like talk to what the 560 00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:58,320 Speaker 1: issues are. So the moment that people have difficult conversations 561 00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:04,080 Speaker 1: or ask for forgiveness or you know, um, tell people 562 00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:06,720 Speaker 1: what's been on their mind, all of the stress and 563 00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:11,680 Speaker 1: anxiety goes away. Yeah. And it's the same with the 564 00:34:12,719 --> 00:34:15,880 Speaker 1: you know, the way that we talk to ourselves about aging, 565 00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:18,239 Speaker 1: the way that we talk to ourselves about our finances, 566 00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:21,560 Speaker 1: the way that we talk to ourselves about our relationships, 567 00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,160 Speaker 1: the way that we talk to other people about our relationships, 568 00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:29,640 Speaker 1: our finances. Right, all of it can either lead to 569 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:35,160 Speaker 1: more stressful thinking, more anxious thoughts, more worried. Or it 570 00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:39,480 Speaker 1: can be helpful. It can be productive, it can be inspiring. Right, 571 00:34:39,680 --> 00:34:44,200 Speaker 1: it can be more you know, like more cultivating that 572 00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:48,080 Speaker 1: which feels better. And so at every moment, we get 573 00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 1: this opportunity to choose whether we interact in a way 574 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,960 Speaker 1: that causes us more stress in the body, or we 575 00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:00,400 Speaker 1: interact in a way that feels more common relax so 576 00:35:00,480 --> 00:35:09,880 Speaker 1: much sense. I have a friend who is literally physically 577 00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:14,120 Speaker 1: almost or maybe it's emotionally scared to communicate, like call 578 00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:16,600 Speaker 1: me and say, how do I say this to this 579 00:35:16,640 --> 00:35:19,200 Speaker 1: person or whatever a situation that I'm not involved in, 580 00:35:19,520 --> 00:35:22,680 Speaker 1: and it's like it just doesn't come to her how 581 00:35:22,719 --> 00:35:26,160 Speaker 1: to say things. So if anyone's listening and they're just 582 00:35:26,280 --> 00:35:28,520 Speaker 1: like I find us when I watch her, it's like 583 00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,160 Speaker 1: if I see her just be crippled almost with the 584 00:35:31,160 --> 00:35:33,279 Speaker 1: thought of having to say something that I may even 585 00:35:33,360 --> 00:35:37,040 Speaker 1: view as very simple to someone else, you know, is 586 00:35:37,080 --> 00:35:39,880 Speaker 1: that common one? And then what would you say to 587 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:43,960 Speaker 1: anyone listening who may resonate with that? Yeah, so it's 588 00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:49,319 Speaker 1: very common. It is. Yeah, it's really common, um, in 589 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:56,560 Speaker 1: the sense that people people would just shut down, yeah um, 590 00:35:56,600 --> 00:36:00,680 Speaker 1: and won't talk to like, won't talk to what they 591 00:36:00,680 --> 00:36:03,919 Speaker 1: need to, but they'll talk to everybody else about it. 592 00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:11,760 Speaker 1: That's the person that they really need to be talking to, right, um. 593 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 1: And one of the things too start with is just 594 00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 1: even the word soften, right, Like if you're even if 595 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:27,080 Speaker 1: you're in a difficult interaction, even just thinking the word soften, 596 00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,520 Speaker 1: your whole body will kind of just relax. Right. If 597 00:36:30,560 --> 00:36:36,399 Speaker 1: you just say to yourself over and over again like soften, softened, softened, right, 598 00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:40,759 Speaker 1: that will help your body just feel a little more relaxed. 599 00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 1: Then from there you want to ask yourself what are 600 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,759 Speaker 1: my hands doing, what are my feet doing, what's my 601 00:36:48,840 --> 00:36:53,400 Speaker 1: belly doing? And then you take a deep breath, And 602 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:57,640 Speaker 1: then it's really about then seeing if you can look 603 00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:00,360 Speaker 1: at the other person in that moment as some body 604 00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:04,479 Speaker 1: that you respect, somebody that you care for, somebody who 605 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 1: you know doesn't want to hurt you, somebody who is human. Right, 606 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:11,440 Speaker 1: if you can actually look at the other person and 607 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:16,759 Speaker 1: see their humanness, that helps as well, right, and being 608 00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,080 Speaker 1: able in the moment to be able to say to yourself, 609 00:37:19,520 --> 00:37:23,960 Speaker 1: you're scared right now, you're freaking out right now, and 610 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:28,640 Speaker 1: it's totally fine. We're okay, we're safe in this moment. 611 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,839 Speaker 1: We can take a deep breath, we can stand here 612 00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:35,840 Speaker 1: right and it's just starting there, because you're not going 613 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:40,560 Speaker 1: to start talking right away, right, It's just about can 614 00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:46,240 Speaker 1: I can I help my body in this moment feel safe? 615 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,839 Speaker 1: Can I help it feel relaxed so that I can 616 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:53,920 Speaker 1: get to the place where I can actually access myself 617 00:37:54,719 --> 00:37:58,919 Speaker 1: because in that moment, you're in the fight fight, right, 618 00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:02,439 Speaker 1: so you can't access us. So it's our work. How 619 00:38:02,480 --> 00:38:05,440 Speaker 1: can we suthe ourselves in that moment? So you're taking 620 00:38:05,600 --> 00:38:10,200 Speaker 1: like the silence, you're using the silence so the other 621 00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:13,160 Speaker 1: person is talking to you. Where we normally go is 622 00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 1: I can't believe this other person. I have no idea 623 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:18,720 Speaker 1: why they're talking to me in this way. They they 624 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:22,560 Speaker 1: they like we go outward and blame right. Our practice 625 00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:26,439 Speaker 1: in that moment is to be like, oh, okay, I'm 626 00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,879 Speaker 1: totally feeling all this in my body right now. I'm 627 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:31,120 Speaker 1: feeling like, oh, there it is. I feel like I 628 00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:34,440 Speaker 1: want to vomit, Like my heart's beating really fast. This 629 00:38:34,520 --> 00:38:37,080 Speaker 1: is my cue. This means that I'm about to shut 630 00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:40,200 Speaker 1: down and not pay attention or I can't talk right, 631 00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,000 Speaker 1: so I'm going to soften. Can I soften in this moment? 632 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:45,839 Speaker 1: Can I ask myself? What are my feet doing? When 633 00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,440 Speaker 1: my hands doing? Can I take a deep breath? Can 634 00:38:48,480 --> 00:38:51,760 Speaker 1: I say, oh my gosh, you're freaking out? Everything's fine, 635 00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 1: We're okay. Can I see this person in front of 636 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:58,680 Speaker 1: me as somebody who isn't here to hurt me? And 637 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:03,840 Speaker 1: then that's like, that's the beginning stages. Okay, that's a 638 00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:07,279 Speaker 1: really good one too. Like I was thinking sometimes or 639 00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:11,480 Speaker 1: in past relationships, I don't have necessarily the shutdown issue. 640 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:15,680 Speaker 1: I get mad and so I'm a fighter. Um it's 641 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:18,680 Speaker 1: the CAJN and me, I think, But I'm working on 642 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:22,759 Speaker 1: it anyway. I just that pause. I mean, that would 643 00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:25,359 Speaker 1: be a very interesting practice for me to say when 644 00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:27,319 Speaker 1: someone is saying something to me that I don't like, 645 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:30,400 Speaker 1: instead of telling them why I don't like those things 646 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,560 Speaker 1: in such an aggressive manner, the getting calm and like 647 00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,440 Speaker 1: asking myself what it's bringing up and then deciding how 648 00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:39,480 Speaker 1: I want to communicate. For sure, because for you, it 649 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:42,280 Speaker 1: would be practicing what is anger feeling in your body 650 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:46,120 Speaker 1: right a moment, what's the sensation of it, so that 651 00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:49,960 Speaker 1: you're able very easily to be like, oh, okay, this 652 00:39:50,080 --> 00:39:53,359 Speaker 1: is my cue to know that I'm about to get 653 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:56,120 Speaker 1: angry and I'm about to fight with the words. What's 654 00:39:56,160 --> 00:40:00,960 Speaker 1: always really fear ultimately, but that's what I've last for myself. 655 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:05,000 Speaker 1: But right, like to understand the bubbling up feeling, because 656 00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:09,800 Speaker 1: then then you can talk to it, then you can breathe, 657 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 1: then you can be like, oh, this is curious, right, right, 658 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:20,080 Speaker 1: and then you're more detached now from the emotion the fear. 659 00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:24,360 Speaker 1: The anger isn't going to drive the conversation. Yeah, okay, 660 00:40:24,600 --> 00:40:28,240 Speaker 1: learn one new thing. There we go. That's the first 661 00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,920 Speaker 1: real part of it is to to know the cube, 662 00:40:32,600 --> 00:40:34,919 Speaker 1: like to know the moment that you're going to move 663 00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:40,280 Speaker 1: into your default pattern, because it's that moment that you 664 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,719 Speaker 1: you have. You have a way to detach that it's 665 00:40:44,760 --> 00:40:49,439 Speaker 1: not driving you simply by acknowledging it by being like, oh, wow, 666 00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:53,400 Speaker 1: there's the anger, there's the and the fear. So and 667 00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:58,440 Speaker 1: this is where it gets a little even more in depth. 668 00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:01,480 Speaker 1: But underneath the fear, they're really a core feeling. Right, 669 00:41:01,520 --> 00:41:03,719 Speaker 1: There's like two poor feelings that each of us have. 670 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:07,520 Speaker 1: And if you think about interactions that you had in 671 00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:09,840 Speaker 1: the past that have been stressful or where you've gone 672 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:16,400 Speaker 1: to anger, you'll be able to identify like two core 673 00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:20,480 Speaker 1: feelings that create the anger. And then once you know 674 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 1: your core feelings, then you can talk to anything because 675 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:27,400 Speaker 1: then you like, when you said this, I felt misunderstood, 676 00:41:27,480 --> 00:41:31,920 Speaker 1: I felt invisible, I felt helpless, I felt guilty, I 677 00:41:31,960 --> 00:41:37,319 Speaker 1: felt you know, that's really interesting and then you and 678 00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:40,600 Speaker 1: then you get to talk from there. Well, that is 679 00:41:40,640 --> 00:41:42,920 Speaker 1: a really good tip. I want to know more about 680 00:41:42,960 --> 00:41:45,600 Speaker 1: what it would look like to work with you. So 681 00:41:45,680 --> 00:41:48,680 Speaker 1: for people listening who may be like, you know, okay, yeah, 682 00:41:48,800 --> 00:41:50,680 Speaker 1: I need to work on my communication, or this is 683 00:41:50,680 --> 00:41:53,600 Speaker 1: actually a real thing for me. UM, what kind of 684 00:41:53,719 --> 00:41:57,560 Speaker 1: things do you do with your clients? So we have 685 00:41:57,840 --> 00:42:02,080 Speaker 1: we have a monthly membership and that's really like weekly 686 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:07,080 Speaker 1: communication guidance. So each week, UM, there's an intention and 687 00:42:07,160 --> 00:42:10,960 Speaker 1: communication intention for the week, and then there's a meditation 688 00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:15,600 Speaker 1: specific to what you're working on weekly to talk to 689 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,520 Speaker 1: the practice that you're doing, and then any you know, 690 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:21,560 Speaker 1: any communication challenges that are coming up. And then there's 691 00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:23,920 Speaker 1: the actual training program that we have which is a 692 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:27,160 Speaker 1: fifteen week training program, which is really it teaches you 693 00:42:27,280 --> 00:42:30,719 Speaker 1: how to change the way that you're interacting, So how 694 00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:34,440 Speaker 1: to go from reactive too responsive, how to be able 695 00:42:34,480 --> 00:42:37,840 Speaker 1: to work with the fear that we're talking about, move 696 00:42:37,920 --> 00:42:40,520 Speaker 1: it to the side so that you can access yourself 697 00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:44,879 Speaker 1: and then express yourself. And it really teaches you how 698 00:42:45,000 --> 00:42:46,960 Speaker 1: I mean, it teaches you how to become present in 699 00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,320 Speaker 1: your interactions, and it changes your relationship. I mean, it 700 00:42:50,400 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: changes your relationship to yourself and then everyone around you, 701 00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,960 Speaker 1: and also the way that you connect with the world. 702 00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:01,560 Speaker 1: So the fifteen week training program is like the jam 703 00:43:01,920 --> 00:43:04,640 Speaker 1: the way to go. Yeah, I mean, I think the week, 704 00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:08,080 Speaker 1: the weekly guidance, and the membership is great. If you 705 00:43:08,640 --> 00:43:11,360 Speaker 1: wanna just show up and be like these are the 706 00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:15,040 Speaker 1: issues and get the practices or tools, that's awesome. But 707 00:43:15,080 --> 00:43:19,960 Speaker 1: if you really want to learn how like how to 708 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,040 Speaker 1: have the conversations that you want to have, how to 709 00:43:22,640 --> 00:43:26,440 Speaker 1: create more connection, how to fight less you know, like, 710 00:43:26,480 --> 00:43:30,640 Speaker 1: how did I really enjoy being with people? Even people 711 00:43:30,680 --> 00:43:34,120 Speaker 1: that you disagree with? The training program teaches you how 712 00:43:34,160 --> 00:43:36,040 Speaker 1: to do it. Well, that's a big one right now, 713 00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,239 Speaker 1: learning how to be with people we disagree with it 714 00:43:38,239 --> 00:43:42,960 Speaker 1: seems like our society could use a lot of my 715 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:49,440 Speaker 1: next book. Oh, there we go a little teaser teaser. Um. 716 00:43:49,480 --> 00:43:51,920 Speaker 1: As I mentioned, Cynthia has but three books that I 717 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,240 Speaker 1: will link in the description of this podcast. If people 718 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:57,839 Speaker 1: are interested in signing up to work with you, where 719 00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:01,320 Speaker 1: would they go do that? So they go to Kane 720 00:44:01,520 --> 00:44:04,800 Speaker 1: communicate dot com. Okay, where they can go to Cynthia 721 00:44:04,880 --> 00:44:07,920 Speaker 1: Kane dot com, dkan dot com. I'll put again all 722 00:44:07,960 --> 00:44:10,880 Speaker 1: of this in the description on this podcast. Where can 723 00:44:10,920 --> 00:44:12,880 Speaker 1: people find you on social media to keep up with 724 00:44:12,880 --> 00:44:14,640 Speaker 1: what's going on and maybe when this new book is 725 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:18,920 Speaker 1: coming out? So you can find me at see hy 726 00:44:19,200 --> 00:44:23,759 Speaker 1: kane one on Instagram, also on TikTok but I don't 727 00:44:23,840 --> 00:44:28,160 Speaker 1: remember my handle, but this is my thing. I'm not 728 00:44:28,280 --> 00:44:35,759 Speaker 1: super social. Yeah um and yeah, so on Instagram c 729 00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:40,319 Speaker 1: y k Kane one Okay, Okay, I will find it 730 00:44:40,360 --> 00:44:43,359 Speaker 1: and put it in the description as well. Cynthia, thank 731 00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,160 Speaker 1: you so much. These are great tips. I'm actually going 732 00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:48,960 Speaker 1: to take a lot of these home with myself. I 733 00:44:49,000 --> 00:44:51,360 Speaker 1: thought that I was a great communicator, and you're always 734 00:44:51,440 --> 00:44:57,480 Speaker 1: learning new things about yourself. So we're phenomenal thing and 735 00:44:57,960 --> 00:45:01,680 Speaker 1: you're getting curious about is where maybe it just doesn't 736 00:45:01,719 --> 00:45:04,680 Speaker 1: feel so good right now. I like that reframe. That 737 00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:06,719 Speaker 1: was a very good one. Yes, and see I was 738 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:10,280 Speaker 1: already talking bad to myself. So there you go. Things 739 00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:14,760 Speaker 1: to work on. It's a constant evolution, but um, daily 740 00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:18,480 Speaker 1: daily practice. Absolutely. Thank you so much for being here 741 00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:23,600 Speaker 1: and forgetting Thank you guys for listening. Thanks for listening 742 00:45:23,680 --> 00:45:26,400 Speaker 1: to The Velvet's Edge podcast with Kelly Henderson, where we 743 00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,200 Speaker 1: believe everyone has a little velvet and a little edge. 744 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:33,800 Speaker 1: Subscribe for more conversations on life, style, beauty and relationships. 745 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,520 Speaker 1: Search Velvet's Edge wherever you get your podcasts.