Speaker 1: Hey there, everybody, Welcome to another episode of Amy and
Speaker 1: TJ Robes. We not too terribly long ago, we found
Speaker 1: ourselves at a wedding, and the fact that we were
Speaker 1: at a wedding ended up making headlines because we were
Speaker 1: accused of some particular behavior at that wedding. Do you
Speaker 1: remember what I'm talking about here?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, my good friend JK.
Speaker 2: Long.
Speaker 3: Yes, her wedding, She.
Speaker 1: Got married and we had it was a great wedding.
Speaker 1: We had a really actually a really really good time
Speaker 1: that night. But the following day we got messages from
Speaker 1: people and we got some alerts and people kind of
Speaker 1: making fun because of several headlines that were out there
Speaker 1: about our behavior. Now, when I say I behavior, we
Speaker 1: need to be more specific.
Speaker 3: Yes, it was we were accused of dancing a particular
Speaker 3: way on the dance floor. And yes, the dance floor
Speaker 3: was full and I was on it, but you were
Speaker 3: more notably not on the dance floor. You were just
Speaker 3: cheering me on, so to speak.
Speaker 1: That's not what the article said.
Speaker 3: That's not what the article said that we were dirty
Speaker 3: dancing in front of a hundred people or so on
Speaker 3: a dance floor, just showing a lot of PDA, and frankly,
Speaker 3: I guess the implication was that we were inappropriate.
Speaker 1: Now, I don't mind the PDA. You and I are.
Speaker 1: We hold hands a lot. I mean we just naturally
Speaker 1: are that way. That's one thing. But that's not what
Speaker 1: this was suggested. It was suggested that something untoward was
Speaker 1: taking place and inappropriate on the dance floor in front
Speaker 1: of all these folks. The funniest part of that is
Speaker 1: that I have been going to weddings, of course, my
Speaker 1: whole life. There's only been one wedding in life that
Speaker 1: I did not dance.
Speaker 3: At, and that was at Jk's wedding.
Speaker 1: Didn't I get on the dance floor single time. And
Speaker 1: there's a very good reason.
Speaker 3: For that, that's right, because this was actually a themed wedding,
Speaker 3: and the theme of the wedding was yatrac And if
Speaker 3: you've listened to the podcast, you know, oh that TJ
Speaker 3: is not a fan of yacht rock, namely because I
Speaker 3: think you have said this, I don't see how y'all
Speaker 3: dance to that.
Speaker 1: Okay, and I think some would agree, But some of
Speaker 1: the things, at least you hear me or you play
Speaker 1: for me, I don't. I don't like them. Is one thing,
Speaker 1: but I find them difficult to dance to. And one
Speaker 1: of the most famous examples is your favorite maybe your
Speaker 1: favorite song, if not in the top three, at least
Speaker 1: is sailing right, Yes, Christopher Cross, go ahead, give.
Speaker 3: The people, takes me away to where I'm going.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to snap and sway now and can't get it.
Speaker 1: You can't dance to it, you just sway or you're
Speaker 1: just supposed to listen, right, It's not supposed to dance.
Speaker 3: Just let your body move to the rhythm.
Speaker 1: That's dancing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I find there to be a rhythm and swaying.
Speaker 3: Swaying is moving, swang is dancing. The point being we
Speaker 3: were not draating. We were doing the opposite. We weren't
Speaker 3: even we actually weren't even on the dance dance floor.
Speaker 1: When you hear dirty dancing, the first thing that comes
Speaker 1: to anybody's mind.
Speaker 3: Has to be that movie that man Patrick Swayze, Patrick Swayze,
Speaker 3: Jennifer Gray. Nobody puts baby in a corner. I mean,
Speaker 3: how many times do you hear that a week? I mean,
Speaker 3: I think I said it. I think I said it
Speaker 3: twice already. This week there was a knitsa where a
Speaker 3: guy was in the corner. I'm like, nobody puts baby
Speaker 3: in a corner.
Speaker 1: You said it, I did night guy was just trying
Speaker 1: to hold the door open for us. He got tucked
Speaker 1: in a little bit behind the door, and you said,
Speaker 1: nobody puts baby in the corner.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's such a great line delivered by Yes,
Speaker 3: the one and only Patrick Swayze. And uh, I mean,
Speaker 3: I don't think even if the right music came on, babe,
Speaker 3: we could ever do it. Well, we just couldn't even
Speaker 3: I don't. I can't even imagine us ever even attempting
Speaker 3: dirty dancing.
Speaker 1: Look, doing the Cupid shuffle with he was difficult enough,
Speaker 1: SOPHI will leave it to thank you Sidney. She gets it.
Speaker 1: But you think about Patrick Swayze, it certainly ghost might
Speaker 1: be I don't know, dirty dancing a ghostes when the
Speaker 1: first two will come to mind. But also Roadhouse I loved,
Speaker 1: and then point break might be my favorite point. It
Speaker 1: was a brilliant movie.
Speaker 3: It was Oh my goodness, I think for me it's
Speaker 3: ghost first and dirty Dancing second.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, okay, that makes sense, that makes sense. And
Speaker 1: we ended up watching a little bit of Roadhouse. We
Speaker 1: had it on because we were getting set to talk
Speaker 1: to you. Look, he's been gone now fifteen they have
Speaker 1: the years, right, fifteen years. And his wife Lisa, who
Speaker 1: who's married to for thirty four years, thirty four years, right,
Speaker 1: She has continued since his passing to carry on his
Speaker 1: legacy by making sure she fights to get funding for
Speaker 1: research pancreatic cancer, which he lost his life after twenty months,
Speaker 1: twenty two.
Speaker 3: Months, twenty two months.
Speaker 1: I believe and deally with that. But she has carried on.
Speaker 1: But she's carried on not just as a woman missing
Speaker 1: her husband that we all know their love story, but
Speaker 1: she has her own new love story now, which makes
Speaker 1: which makes her I guess in a lot of ways.
Speaker 1: For some people, they look and they want to only
Speaker 1: think about her with Patrick Swayzey. But a lot of
Speaker 1: us can look at it and not think. Many people
Speaker 1: do like another chance at love, another chance at life,
Speaker 1: and just this woman who didn't have to give up
Speaker 1: anything in her relationship with Patrick Swayzey to continue the
Speaker 1: life that she now leads, Lisa Niemi swayze But it
Speaker 1: described the dance that you were just talking.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I was googling Lisa and Patrick and
Speaker 3: I came upon this beautiful dance they did together. I
Speaker 3: believe it was in the nineties, and the two of
Speaker 3: you were on stage, and obviously you're both beautiful dancers,
Speaker 3: but to see two people who love each other so
Speaker 3: beautifully dancing in that way on stage in front of everyone,
Speaker 3: I was swept away. Looks like you're getting a little teary,
Speaker 3: because I'm sure those are. That's a beautiful memory, I'm sure.
Speaker 3: But can you take us back to that moment of
Speaker 3: being on stage with Patrick And I mean the two
Speaker 3: of you met dancing.
Speaker 2: Well, yes we did. I my first dance teacher was
Speaker 2: his mom, So that's how we met. And yeah, so
Speaker 2: we'd be he was my first dance partner. And I
Speaker 2: tell you what, the first time we ever danced on
Speaker 2: stage together, we did this Romonda padda and you know,
Speaker 2: when something clicks, and it was very classical, and he
Speaker 2: presents his hand to me and the lights were on.
Speaker 2: It was like a high school auditorium or something, and
Speaker 2: he presents his hand. I put my hand in his,
Speaker 2: and we looked in each other's eyes and was like, yes,
Speaker 2: this incredible magic happened at that moment. So we pretty
Speaker 2: much stayed dance partners for the next thirty four years.
Speaker 1: You know how much we talked about the one we
Speaker 1: just saw. We saw it on video, We saw you
Speaker 1: all in the public eye. But all of us, all couples,
Speaker 1: I mean, Robot and I, we do it. We dance
Speaker 1: around the house sometimes. But you all as trained and
Speaker 1: very good dancers. Did you all play around the house
Speaker 1: and were you just dancing around in private a lot
Speaker 1: as well?
Speaker 2: Oh? You know, of course, you know there's some great
Speaker 2: music going on and you kind of get in the
Speaker 2: group and book it a little bit. But I tell
Speaker 2: you what, it would never dance with me on in
Speaker 2: public because everybody would be sitting around, going, what's he
Speaker 2: going to do next? That's an underglass. So I just
Speaker 2: usually out on the floor by myself or dancing with
Speaker 2: the girls. So that's funny, that's funny.
Speaker 3: I just love though, hearing about that moment you two
Speaker 3: first locked eyes and you said it was magic. People
Speaker 3: talk about love at first sight, but that sounded like
Speaker 3: what you were describing it was.
Speaker 2: It was. It was really interesting because we were had
Speaker 2: a little contential start because each of us he I
Speaker 2: had kind of a reputation as Castanova, I had a
Speaker 2: reputation as a bad girl, and we were supposed to
Speaker 2: stay away from each other. But it's really funny with
Speaker 2: some people know and I knew. I knew before we
Speaker 2: were done that something was going to happen between us
Speaker 2: that was significant, and I just I had every confidence
Speaker 2: in every bone in my body that that was what
Speaker 2: was going to happen. I didn't know and culminate in
Speaker 2: a very long term marriage. But I was suddenly like
Speaker 2: sixteen at that time, so I wasn't exactly marrying myself
Speaker 2: off just yet.
Speaker 1: Well I'm looking at you here now and hearing your voice,
Speaker 1: and nothing about you necessarily would say bad girl to me.
Speaker 1: I know that was a long time ago, but did
Speaker 1: you deserve that reputation at the time.
Speaker 2: Absolutely not. Oh, okay, you know, I hung around with
Speaker 2: the kind of bad cool people because I didn't really
Speaker 2: fit in, you know how that is. So I hung
Speaker 2: around with the people who didn't fit in either, And
Speaker 2: but I was underneath it all as like I was.
Speaker 2: I was pretty conservative and cautious. So but I was
Speaker 2: so quiet that nobody ever knew what was going on
Speaker 2: with me. And when somebody sat quiet and I didn't
Speaker 2: know how to make small small talk. You could see
Speaker 2: I got over that the the uh, you can kind
Speaker 2: of read into that person whatever you want to because
Speaker 2: they're not giving any giving you any signals.
Speaker 1: Well, from what you know now of what you got
Speaker 1: to know about him, did he deserve the reputation of
Speaker 1: being a castanoakle Oh oh uh.
Speaker 2: No, he he had. He had quite a significant amount
Speaker 2: of girlfriends and uh. Of course he was very handsome
Speaker 2: and sought after, but he I think he was looking
Speaker 2: for something more than just fooling around. So uh. And
Speaker 2: it wasn't that he was such, It wasn't he wasn't
Speaker 2: a womanizer. He was very gentleman. Link In fact, I
Speaker 2: was like he'd opened the door for me, and I'm
Speaker 2: kind of freak out about that. It's like I could
Speaker 2: own on my own door. Awesome. He actually liked that
Speaker 2: because he was going places and gonna be doing things,
Speaker 2: and he wanted somebody to come along that could do
Speaker 2: it with them. You know, I'm not just sitting and
Speaker 2: keep file their nails. But he did have come up
Speaker 2: with a come off with a bizarrely huge amount of confidence,
Speaker 2: and he held himself really upright, and he was just
Speaker 2: so all American, handsome, talenteded everything that It just kind
Speaker 2: of made you sick. And a lot of people didn't
Speaker 2: like them because of that. He was like too perfect.
Speaker 2: He was so perfect, he didn't he didn't fit in either.
Speaker 3: Wow. You know, it's amazing because you all got married.
Speaker 3: I believe you were nineteen, he was twenty three, is
Speaker 3: that correct?
Speaker 2: Yeah, eighteen twenty three, eighteen twenty three.
Speaker 3: Wow, So not only did you get married young, but
Speaker 3: now you're in the spotlight. And Patrick Sweezey was, as
Speaker 3: you mentioned, America's all American, you know, just the guy
Speaker 3: every girl wanted to be with. Everyone remembers Dirty Dancing.
Speaker 3: My daughters love that movie. They love Patrick Swayzey. We
Speaker 3: were just watching rewatching Roadhouse this morning, just reminiscing. You know,
Speaker 3: it's such a part of coming up and Patrick was
Speaker 3: such a big part of that. How I mean, you
Speaker 3: can love someone, you can have love at first sight,
Speaker 3: but so many marriages feel that aren't in the spotlight.
Speaker 3: And to have the love story you had, was there
Speaker 3: ever a moment where it got tough or you worried
Speaker 3: about it? Sounds like you all were rock solid from
Speaker 3: start to finish, and that's just a remarkable thing, and
Speaker 3: I'm curious, how did that happen?
Speaker 2: Well, you know it's I love that term rock solid,
Speaker 2: and I always felt that way, and you know, things
Speaker 2: would get really tough, but we we fight it out.
Speaker 2: We had great, great fights, but we always hung in there,
Speaker 2: and our fights were about hanging in there. And I
Speaker 2: think for me when you brought brought up about the
Speaker 2: fame and how difficult that could be, and he's we're
Speaker 2: both being pulled in so many different places. He always
Speaker 2: made me feel like I was the most important person
Speaker 2: in the world. And he would never let like we'd
Speaker 2: be going in someplace and we'd have bodyguards and occasionally
Speaker 2: the bodyguard would like cut me out. It's like and
Speaker 2: he's first all, He's just like, you don't do that
Speaker 2: to my wife, you know, Lisa come here, and or
Speaker 2: somebody leaning over and actually had a coat put on
Speaker 2: my head once because they wanted to talk to him,
Speaker 2: and he just wasn't going to have that behavior. He
Speaker 2: insisted that everyone paid me the same respect that was
Speaker 2: given him and always made me feel important.
Speaker 1: And loved what was his relationship with. Some people are
Speaker 1: run into they love it, some people loathe it. Some
Speaker 1: people just tolerated. What what did he like or not
Speaker 1: like about being as big of a star and the
Speaker 1: fame and things that came with it.
Speaker 2: Wow, I you know, that's kind of a that's it.
Speaker 2: That's kind of an interesting question for Patrick because he
Speaker 2: used to always say, I'm a contradiction and that's okay,
Speaker 2: and because he had he had contradicting sides to that,
Speaker 2: because he definitely embraced fame. He was just from the
Speaker 2: time I ever knew, from the time I knew him,
Speaker 2: he was like, I am going to be successful and
Speaker 2: you will notice me and you will pay attention, and
Speaker 2: and then there's the other part of me. It's like
Speaker 2: of him, that's uh. You know, we had we stayed
Speaker 2: on our little horse ranch and didn't go any place
Speaker 2: because we didn't want to be bothered by anybody, and so,
Speaker 2: you know, we isolated a lot, but we had our
Speaker 2: horses and our dogs and our cats and our friends,
Speaker 2: and so we didn't suffer.
Speaker 1: Where if he had an option, where would he prefer
Speaker 1: to be on the ranch, you know, on the couch,
Speaker 1: hanging out somewhere, or walking a red carpet and rubbing
Speaker 1: elbows on our.
Speaker 2: Ranch in New Mexico hunder percent. In fact, you know,
Speaker 2: we were both pilots and we had our own plane,
Speaker 2: so we fly back and forth, and sometimes it's like
Speaker 2: I could hardly get him to go back to La
Speaker 2: He just didn't want to leave. Well, I said, at
Speaker 2: one time, I said, hey, you know what, you don't
Speaker 2: have to do this anymore. We can go on a
Speaker 2: mountaintop do carpentry. And he said, you know, you don't
Speaker 2: have to do this pressure and everything, because he was
Speaker 2: at that time he was very frustrated with some of
Speaker 2: his career choices and what he was and wasn't getting.
Speaker 2: And when I told him that you don't have to
Speaker 2: do this anymore, let's go do a carpentry on a mountaintop,
Speaker 2: he looked at me with are you crazy? Where we
Speaker 2: know where he stood on that one.
Speaker 3: It sounds like both of you would have said, no
Speaker 3: matter what, the thing you were most proud of was
Speaker 3: your relationship and just your love story is one of
Speaker 3: the biggest legacies he leaves behind. But was there something
Speaker 3: he was most proud of professionally? And you mentioned his frustrations,
Speaker 3: but I'm curious what he was most proud of and
Speaker 3: maybe what he was most frustrated by.
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, well, you know, especially when he got sick,
Speaker 2: he really questioned his legacy and he was concerned about
Speaker 2: how he would be remembered. And I have to say
Speaker 2: he needn't worry at all. You know, he's still very
Speaker 2: much of people's minds. And for every movie that he did,
Speaker 2: there's a different thing that he liked about it and
Speaker 2: or didn't like it. Well, actually he didn't. I don't
Speaker 2: think he ever didn't like it one of his movies.
Speaker 2: But it's just like City of Joy was very fulfilling
Speaker 2: for him. He was working with a great director and
Speaker 2: he was doing great work. And of course, uh, dirty dancing.
Speaker 2: He liked a pooh pooh dirty dancing. You know, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: blew the lid off my life and blah blah blah.
Speaker 2: But you know, as the decades went on, and just
Speaker 2: like you mentioned your daughters loving the movie, you know,
Speaker 2: he was still alive when he was on his third
Speaker 2: or fourth generation of fans. It's crazy, it's like super crazy.
Speaker 2: You know, these women coming up to him, from women
Speaker 2: coming up that weren't even born when the movie came out,
Speaker 2: So that's astonishing. And you know, he loved ghost point.
Speaker 2: It was just like an amazing ride for him. And
Speaker 2: I love it that he stands in the doorway of
Speaker 2: that airplane he says, Ostillo, God, I can't believe I
Speaker 2: don't remember bye bye or whatever.
Speaker 1: You mentioned. He had thoughts about his the legacy, what
Speaker 1: did he was there more so a concern about if
Speaker 1: he'd be remembered or how he'd be remembered.
Speaker 2: I think both. I think both in fact, and I
Speaker 2: wish I could remember. But there's a line that Toman says,
Speaker 2: and whatever Movi it was, I don't I'm terrible at
Speaker 2: names today. Were they going to get the kid out
Speaker 2: of the war because the boys have died?
Speaker 3: Ryan?
Speaker 2: There we go, thank you. But he has a line
Speaker 2: that basically says what makes a man? And and how
Speaker 2: will he be remembered when all of a sudden died
Speaker 2: And he, you know, he knew that he was had
Speaker 2: achieved great fame. He also knew that you know, at
Speaker 2: times he could be difficult, but I you what, most
Speaker 2: of the most of the people around him never saw
Speaker 2: that difficult side and absolutely adored him. And he was
Speaker 2: very generous with this time and very sweet and caring.
Speaker 2: So I don't think he needn't have worried. I guess no.
Speaker 2: I mean, because whole life, you know, he was really
Speaker 2: he was really made to do this job that he
Speaker 2: ended up doing. From the time he was very young.
Speaker 2: He was trained by his mom. He was in the theater,
Speaker 2: he was a dancer, and so this is his whole
Speaker 2: life was geared towards this kind of career. And you
Speaker 2: have to take a step back and look back and go,
Speaker 2: how did I do?
Speaker 3: He was doing so much all the time, and fifty
Speaker 3: seven is far too young to leave this world and
Speaker 3: to leave this life. Did he have unfinished business? Did
Speaker 3: he have things he really wanted to do that he
Speaker 3: didn't get a chance to do?
Speaker 2: Well. I think he would have wanted to go camping
Speaker 2: one last time, you know, he he Uh. We were
Speaker 2: on our rent to New Mexico and we were walking
Speaker 2: outside one day and uh, it's a beautiful day. The
Speaker 2: horses were around, and and actually he did want to
Speaker 2: go camping. And I was like, oh my god, how
Speaker 2: am I going to do this? Because you know, at
Speaker 2: that time, he was getting a lot of medication and
Speaker 2: he was getting some pain stuff, and we there are
Speaker 2: bags at things, and and I thought to myself, he
Speaker 2: wants to go camping. I have to find out find
Speaker 2: a way to do it. We're just going to go
Speaker 2: and do it. We're going to take all that s
Speaker 2: h I t with us. We have to. But anyway,
Speaker 2: we're we're walking along. It's a beautiful day. And he
Speaker 2: looked at me with tears in his eyes. He said,
Speaker 2: I want to live. Yeah. It was really Yeah, that's
Speaker 2: what he wanted to do more than anything else. He
Speaker 2: just wanted to go with And it's a shame that,
Speaker 2: you know, h You know, when he first found out
Speaker 2: he had pancreatic cancer, he turned to me and he said,
Speaker 2: I'm a dead man because I didn't know much about
Speaker 2: pancreatic cancer, but he did. And from what he knew,
Speaker 2: anytime you heard someone did have Patrick acreated cancer, it
Speaker 2: was like, well he's out of here. And uh and
Speaker 2: sure enough, the doctor said, you know, you could go
Speaker 2: ahead and treat it and be as aggressive as you want,
Speaker 2: but do you think about getting your affairs in order
Speaker 2: sooner rather than later. That's a that's a tough thing
Speaker 2: to hear.
Speaker 3: He heard that immediately after the diagnosis.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, wow, yeah, because we it'd have been confirmed. Uh,
Speaker 2: he had a h orthoscopic into scopic thing that confirmed it,
Speaker 2: and he was pretty knocked out, and because he was
Speaker 2: in a lot of pain after that, and I couldn't
Speaker 2: tell him when he was like woozy, you know what
Speaker 2: a thing? That tell him? Huh, you got back granded cancer.
Speaker 2: So slept in the room with him in the hospital,
Speaker 2: and when I woke up, the doctor was sitting across
Speaker 2: from him and he was in the bed, and I
Speaker 2: knew that the doctor had just told him. So that's
Speaker 2: how we found out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lisa, that's his first reaction to hearing that diagnosis.
Speaker 1: What was yours.
Speaker 2: Mine? The first thing I I, well, my first action
Speaker 2: was I called my sister in law, who's a brilliant
Speaker 2: oncologist in Houston, Texas, Yes or US, and uh, you
Speaker 2: know she's like when I told her the news, she
Speaker 2: was like, oh no, And she says, Lisa, we have
Speaker 2: to get this together. We need to find a pinacal
Speaker 2: trial for him. And I don't want you to delay.
Speaker 2: I want you to have him in treatment within a
Speaker 2: week and you know, just to come out with all
Speaker 2: guns blazing. But it's your life turns on a dime,
Speaker 2: and it's just never going to be the same after that,
Speaker 2: and yeah, just everything shifted. And we always called ourselves
Speaker 2: optimistic realists because we knew in all likelihood how this
Speaker 2: was going to turn out. But we held hope that
Speaker 2: he would be the one that would make it through,
Speaker 2: because miracles do happen. But there was and we kept
Speaker 2: so positive about everything. But I tell you what it
Speaker 2: was like, living in a complete nightmare all twenty four
Speaker 2: to seven. Yeah, and and trying to keep that positive
Speaker 2: energy because you know, I wanted to be there for
Speaker 2: him because We're going to fight this with everything we had.
Speaker 2: And if I sat down and cried and saw, which
Speaker 2: I did on a casha in private, he caught me once,
Speaker 2: you know, because I didn't every every outset of energy
Speaker 2: we had was going to go into helping him live.
Speaker 2: So it was a it was a tough rug.
Speaker 3: I can't imagine with that kind of love and that
Speaker 3: kind of commitment for one another. Yes, he was going
Speaker 3: through hell physically and emotionally. But for you to be
Speaker 3: the one who has to be the rock that has
Speaker 3: I mean, people don't talk about it often enough what
Speaker 3: it's like to be the caregiver, to be the person
Speaker 3: who loves the person who's fighting and battling this and
Speaker 3: how did you he only caught you crying once? That
Speaker 3: that blew my mind. That's remarkable. How did you do that?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, you know, just now I find a place.
Speaker 2: I find a place to go on a crying jag. No,
Speaker 2: maybe maybe twice. And I think the first time I
Speaker 2: cried all the way home on a drive and scared
Speaker 2: the hell out of them. I just it scared them.
Speaker 2: And but yeah, it's it's it's very tough for a
Speaker 2: caregiver when you're fighting. You know, it's like it's going
Speaker 2: to war and it is a matter of life and
Speaker 2: death and that those are the stakes that you are
Speaker 2: dealing with. And uh, it's hard to take care of yourself.
Speaker 2: And that's one of the things if I had to
Speaker 2: do it all over again.
Speaker 3: Please no, please no, But you know what, Lisa of
Speaker 3: my life imagine, Oh my god, oh my goodness, but
Speaker 3: there are Lisa, people are gonna happen again.
Speaker 2: My husband, my my wonderful husband. Now I said, I'm sorry,
Speaker 2: I'm going first.
Speaker 3: Oh, I can't do this again.
Speaker 2: You're used to this id coming out the other end,
Speaker 2: you know. I would recommend for people in a killer
Speaker 2: giving situation to really try have some self care, give
Speaker 2: yourself some breaks. I used to go to TJ Maxim's shop,
Speaker 2: paid two hours, twelve dollars T shirt later.
Speaker 3: One of our favorite places.
Speaker 2: I love it. I love it and the Uh yeah,
Speaker 2: so taking care of yourself. And I didn't do enough
Speaker 2: of that. And I because I always said I'll cry later, Scarlet,
Speaker 2: I'll cry later, but I can't cry now because I've
Speaker 2: got to be here for him. And uh, you know,
Speaker 2: after he passed. In the ensuing years after that, I
Speaker 2: really paid a high price for stuffing down all those
Speaker 2: feelings and had to go through a lot of trauma
Speaker 2: treatment that I finally got smart enough to go ahead
Speaker 2: and address so I could kind of unravel all the
Speaker 2: things I had done to myself during all that time
Speaker 2: I stuff this feelings down. So, yeah, take care of yourself.
Speaker 2: Gotta you've got to be there for them. It's not
Speaker 2: going to help help them if you get sick.
Speaker 1: So, you know, Lisa, thank you for putting Both of
Speaker 1: us are sitting here wiping tears for the past several
Speaker 1: minutes and listening to you. But then you threw some
Speaker 1: humor in there. Un that's something robot here. Everybody knows
Speaker 1: she's a breast cancer survivor. She talks about this thing
Speaker 1: cancer humor, and it only seems that it's necessary sometimes,
Speaker 1: But all survivors and their caregivers often seem to be
Speaker 1: the ones It all seems wrong to laugh with you,
Speaker 1: but you clearly we appreciated the smile that you were
Speaker 1: able to just put on our faces. Just then about it.
Speaker 1: But back to the idea of the caregiver. Self care
Speaker 1: is one thing, and taking care of yourself, but how
Speaker 1: important what do you advise people caregivers about letting your
Speaker 1: loved one who is battling cancer see your pain as well.
Speaker 1: It seems like you always want to keep it away
Speaker 1: from them because they're going through that cancer struggle. But
Speaker 1: is that something you certainly tried to do. But is
Speaker 1: that something you advise or recommend to caregivers who are
Speaker 1: listening and people you've talked to over the years. It
Speaker 1: just seems so difficult to do.
Speaker 2: You mean, to share what you're feeling with them?
Speaker 1: Yeah, to try to Hie you said he only saw
Speaker 1: you cry maybe once or twice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, And I have to say there were a
Speaker 2: couple of times when the opportunity came that to have
Speaker 2: a really meaningful conversation about death and how he was
Speaker 2: feeling about that, how I was feeling about that, and
Speaker 2: it was it was too scary. It's too scary too
Speaker 2: for me. And I wish in a way that that
Speaker 2: was my weak part, you know, in a way, I
Speaker 2: wish I had been stronger to be able to risk
Speaker 2: having that conversation with him, because it was so frightening
Speaker 2: to me that I mean for me, I felt, you know,
Speaker 2: I felt like I felt like the one who was
Speaker 2: going to die. You know, he got to leave, but
Speaker 2: I had to stay here, and that was, you know,
Speaker 2: so kind of another thing. So anyway, yeah, so I
Speaker 2: think that it would have been valuable for me to
Speaker 2: who had sat down and have some of those really
Speaker 2: meaningful conversations with him, because I think he wanted it.
Speaker 2: But I think we were both kind of protecting each
Speaker 2: other in that regard.
Speaker 3: I mean, you were, as you know, I know, you're
Speaker 3: a big advocate for pancreatic cancer research pan CAN, specifically
Speaker 3: the organization. You know, you're a huge advocate and an
Speaker 3: amazing ambassador for that organization. But this is a disease
Speaker 3: that unfortunately, so many people are still going through walking
Speaker 3: through so hearing what you went through and telling your
Speaker 3: story in Patrick's story, I know, as you know, helped
Speaker 3: so many people just to not feel so alone and
Speaker 3: to learn maybe what you wish you could have done,
Speaker 3: But my god, you did the best you could. Because
Speaker 3: who could possibly be prepared to handle something like that,
Speaker 3: because this happens suddenly, and unfortunately a lot of times
Speaker 3: people pass quickly. How long was Patrick's battle from start
Speaker 3: to finish?
Speaker 2: And amazing? Twenty two months?
Speaker 3: Wow?
Speaker 2: And that that was incredible because in general, I mean,
Speaker 2: we ran into people who, like a good friend his brother,
Speaker 2: got pancreatic cancer. Yeah, one round of chemotherapy and after
Speaker 2: diagnosis he was dead within two weeks.
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. But the arch usually people passed between because
Speaker 2: by the time you find out it's usually advanced. Usually
Speaker 2: they passed between three and six months, and seventy five
Speaker 2: percent die within the first year, and at time when
Speaker 2: Patrick was silt, less than six percent survived till five years.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Now it's up to a remarkable thirteen percent, which says
Speaker 2: we're doing something a little better now. Yeah, So more
Speaker 2: people are finding a way better treatments and better ways
Speaker 2: of diagnosing all of this.
Speaker 3: I saw that and I thought, you know, that's amazing.
Speaker 3: The numbers have almost doubled from the time Patrick was
Speaker 3: diagnosed with a five year survivability. But still you're talking
Speaker 3: about nearly ninety percent of people after five years are
Speaker 3: no longer with us. That is a devastating disease and
Speaker 3: a devastating diagnosis. What do you want people to know
Speaker 3: about pancreatic cancer? What can we do? What needs to
Speaker 3: be happening? Just give us your your thoughts on what
Speaker 3: needs to be done that hasn't been done yet.
Speaker 2: Well, then I tell you what this is. Why what
Speaker 2: fourteen fifteen years later, I'm still hanging in there because
Speaker 2: it's not always easy talking about this stuff. You know,
Speaker 2: it brings up, you know, memories that are you know,
Speaker 2: not all that pleasant. But I tell you what I know,
Speaker 2: and it's I know what these people feel like to
Speaker 2: fight for somebody they love, and to do it with
Speaker 2: a disease that has so little resources. It's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: we are, we all got to go at some point,
Speaker 2: but give us a fighting chance. And that's why I
Speaker 2: hang in there, because I want those people to have
Speaker 2: the opportunity that Patrick want so valiantly for but the
Speaker 2: only way, of course, number one is awareness, well not
Speaker 2: number one number one, excuse me, money.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 2: Funding, federal funding. At the end of April, we do
Speaker 2: our annual walk, this Purple Stride at April twenty seventh.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be at Santa Monica Peer for that,
Speaker 2: but in like sixty communities all over the country, we're
Speaker 2: going to be doing this walk all on one day.
Speaker 2: So it's the biggest thumb raiser of the year. And
Speaker 2: I would encourage people to go to paincan dot org
Speaker 2: where they can donate or sign up to go into
Speaker 2: the walk. But also bringing awareness so that we can
Speaker 2: know the symptoms of pancreat cancer, because earlier you'd catch it,
Speaker 2: the better because, like I said, usually it's so advanced
Speaker 2: by the time you do, there's not a whole lot
Speaker 2: of options. And like Patrick was stage four when he
Speaker 2: was diagnosed.
Speaker 3: What were his symptoms, Lisa, what were patrick symptoms?
Speaker 2: He had had persistent stomach pain, his stool had gotten pale,
Speaker 2: unusual and he came to me one morning he says,
Speaker 2: to my eyes looking, I said, yeah, they do you know?
Speaker 2: And that's because anyway, I don't want to get the
Speaker 2: pancreas cuts off the Bill Duck, the Billy Reuben doesn't
Speaker 2: get through, and so it changed does so that John
Speaker 2: Dust comes in. But there are other other ways, like
Speaker 2: unexplained weight loss, sudden onset of diabetes. What's some of
Speaker 2: the other ones. Yeah, persistent pain in your back, you're
Speaker 2: adam him yellowing, Yeah, stuff like that. The sooner you
Speaker 2: catch it, the better.
Speaker 1: So you mentioned a moment ago there are so little resources.
Speaker 1: You mentioned money, but then you use that word. It's
Speaker 1: a little that phrase, there's so little resources. But why
Speaker 1: is it still that it's hard to get people to
Speaker 1: rally in the huge ways we'd like to see for
Speaker 1: cancer as one of, if not the deadliest cancer out there,
Speaker 1: but it has the least resources and seems to get
Speaker 1: the least attention. Sometimes. We've had some high profile people,
Speaker 1: certainly Patrick and certainly famously recently Alex Trebek. But what
Speaker 1: can you say to people listening to get them to
Speaker 1: maybe think differently and start to do more of a
Speaker 1: rallying cry for pancreatic cancer.
Speaker 2: I know, when Patrick was sick, it was pretty apparent
Speaker 2: to me that everyone researchers are scared off this thing,
Speaker 2: like you know it is so tough, and what makes
Speaker 2: it so difficult to treat is that what works for
Speaker 2: one person may not work for another, which is why
Speaker 2: this targeted therapy and molecular profiling and everything to help
Speaker 2: direct patients towards the treatment that's going to work best
Speaker 2: for them. But that makes it really really hard thing
Speaker 2: to crack. Just like Patrick, he did get in a
Speaker 2: clinical trial. I believe there are seventy five people and
Speaker 2: he was one of two that thrived on it. It's very,
Speaker 2: very tough. And then these pharmaceutical companies and bio companies,
Speaker 2: you know, becomes a matter of money, because why do
Speaker 2: they want to invest all this time into developing a
Speaker 2: clinical study when in all likelihood fail and a lot
Speaker 2: of them fail, and so but you what you need?
Speaker 2: You need more money?
Speaker 1: Is that kind of hit right there? The bottom line
Speaker 1: is who wants to invest in something that they don't
Speaker 1: think is going to be financially beneficial? I mean that,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, that seems like the crassest thing in the world,
Speaker 1: But is that bottom line?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But you know what, it's it's going to be people
Speaker 2: like us out there that are going to help be
Speaker 2: helped supporting it in PANCN does may I've just read
Speaker 2: how many millions and millions they've raised for research, and
Speaker 2: they are very keen on that, and they do a
Speaker 2: lot of research and anytime I'm in one of their
Speaker 2: dinners or meetings, that's their first and foremost. But also
Speaker 2: pan CAN in addition to their fundraising for research, which
Speaker 2: has been very beneficial, they also offer patient services so
Speaker 2: that if you have a loved one or friend who
Speaker 2: is diagnosed, I would encourage them heartily to contact pancan
Speaker 2: dot org and you'll get a person on the phone
Speaker 2: that can help walk you through all the information that
Speaker 2: you will ever need. It's a multifaceted organization. It's like
Speaker 2: a one stop shopping and they can even help you
Speaker 2: find a clinical trial to get in that might be
Speaker 2: near you and do a not hold handing because when
Speaker 2: pan created cancer comes up, you start learning a lot
Speaker 2: about something you never wanted to learn about.
Speaker 3: You have been and continue to be an incredible advocate,
Speaker 3: and I know that pan CAN and anyone who is
Speaker 3: battling this disease or love someone who's battling this disease,
Speaker 3: is grateful to you and to your work, because it
Speaker 3: is about the power of one voice even to get
Speaker 3: people thinking and talking and doing something different. And I
Speaker 3: know that you know, Patrick is just cheering you on
Speaker 3: because my god, like what a legacy you are for
Speaker 3: him to be carrying this torch and to shout it
Speaker 3: from the rooftops. People need to pay attention and people
Speaker 3: need to fund research to save lives because this is
Speaker 3: outrageous that we're still dealing with cancer and the way
Speaker 3: we are, that we don't have a cure, we don't
Speaker 3: have a way forward. And I applaud you, just personally
Speaker 3: as a cancer survivor for your work and how you
Speaker 3: honor Patrick. And I think another part of this journey.
Speaker 3: You mentioned that he got to leave and you had
Speaker 3: to stay, and that's part of the pain. But I
Speaker 3: also think for anyone who's going through that or who
Speaker 3: has been through that, to look and see what you've
Speaker 3: been able to do, not only as an advocate, but personally.
Speaker 3: You did find love again, and I think that's an
Speaker 3: important part of this story. That your life didn't end,
Speaker 3: it's continued. Can you talk a little bit about finding
Speaker 3: another love. It didn't replace the love, but to be
Speaker 3: able to love again.
Speaker 2: You know, Robert or and I both feel very fortunate,
Speaker 2: and he had gone through a very heartbreaking divorce and
Speaker 2: it was really wounded. And of course I lost Patrick,
Speaker 2: and it was about three years later. If we had
Speaker 2: met before then, we would have happened. But after three
Speaker 2: years we were about ready and we were introduced by
Speaker 2: longtime friends that we both known for over thirty years
Speaker 2: and who vouched for the other person. And it was
Speaker 2: you know, I didn't realize just how lonely I was
Speaker 2: until much much later, because I've I'm a buck up
Speaker 2: kind of girl. You know, I could take it. You know,
Speaker 2: I this is not loneliness. I'm feeling your heart. I'm
Speaker 2: dealing with brief yes, But it was so wonderful when
Speaker 2: it came in my life. And what was interesting to
Speaker 2: me was, you know, you think, well, how could you
Speaker 2: forget Patrick? Are you kidding me? Patrick's still with me,
Speaker 2: you know, I still have a relationship with him. It's
Speaker 2: just he's physically not here. He's in every day he's
Speaker 2: with me, and I feel him there. And what was
Speaker 2: really unusual was that and I really fell in love
Speaker 2: with Albert and it didn't affect interesting to see how
Speaker 2: it didn't affect my love for Patrick one bit. It
Speaker 2: was it was like, and I was talking to a
Speaker 2: girlfriend about that and how extraordinary that was, and she says,
Speaker 2: that's because love comes from the same Well I thought
Speaker 2: that was pretty deep deep. Well, yeah, it's just like,
Speaker 2: just because you lose a loved one doesn't mean you
Speaker 2: stop loving and you don't have that love to give.
Speaker 2: And I think Albert and I were fortunate to find
Speaker 2: someone to give that love to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you hesitate on your own even to feel
Speaker 1: like did it take you a moment to say is
Speaker 1: it okay for me? And talking to yourself, is it
Speaker 1: okay for me to love someone?
Speaker 2: When he asked when he asked me to marry him,
Speaker 2: I was like, oh.
Speaker 1: I'm sure he appreciated that response.
Speaker 2: Just what do you wanted to hear? Yeah, you know,
Speaker 2: I was like, I was like, oh my gosh, well
Speaker 2: that's different because I'm already married. You know. It's like
Speaker 2: I felt like I was already married in a way,
Speaker 2: because you know, I still love Patrick. And I even
Speaker 2: said that Albert, I said, that doesn't bother you that
Speaker 2: I still love Patrick. He says, no, this is how
Speaker 2: I know you love him, and I know you love me,
Speaker 2: and I'm here to love you now. It's like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's pretty nice. But I actually had a dream when
Speaker 2: we were looking at getting married and everything I had
Speaker 2: it was interesting. I won't go into a whole description,
Speaker 2: but it was like he was resurrected and I was
Speaker 2: in this courtyard and he came out. And when I
Speaker 2: see him in my dreams, he would never speak, you know,
Speaker 2: but I can understand what he was saying, and because
Speaker 2: I had many dreams about him. And he came up
Speaker 2: to me and I'm like, and he put his arms
Speaker 2: on me, around me, and he said, and I was like,
Speaker 2: I can't. I can't marry a Hobert. Oh. I was elated.
Speaker 2: First of all. I was elated. He's back. He's back,
Speaker 2: He's back, and I was just so, but oh my god,
Speaker 2: I can't marry Albert now because you're back. Thank god,
Speaker 2: you're back. And he just looked at me and I
Speaker 2: in what his words came to me were says, no,
Speaker 2: I know you love me. It has nothing to do
Speaker 2: with it, you know. He he just said this. I
Speaker 2: can't remember exactly, but it was like he he was
Speaker 2: letting me know it didn't change how we felt about
Speaker 2: each other, in our relationship with each other, and it
Speaker 2: was like giving a blessing.
Speaker 1: Did you need that, Lisa, did you need a blessing
Speaker 1: of some kind before a nod from Patrick? Almost before
Speaker 1: you would get married.
Speaker 2: It sure didn't hurt.
Speaker 3: I know that. That was for me almost like life
Speaker 3: imitating art, because I kept thinking of the movie Ghost
Speaker 3: when you were saying.
Speaker 2: That, Oh my gosh, yes, it was.
Speaker 3: Wild you were describing that, and I was just I
Speaker 3: was seeing the movie in my mind.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I I have to say it was. It was
Speaker 2: a really wonderful dream, just like what you what I
Speaker 2: said earlier, what my girlfriend said about love being from
Speaker 2: the same well and uh, well and going through the
Speaker 2: whole fight with heacreated cancer and this terminal illness and
Speaker 2: uh you know, it really focuses you on what's important
Speaker 2: in life, and that love and that's that was the
Speaker 2: most important thing of all, was the love that we
Speaker 2: had together. So it sounds like I'm quoting the end
Speaker 2: line of Ghosts, now, aren't they.
Speaker 3: Oh it's I mean, it's so beautiful, I mean, and
Speaker 3: it's so inspirational, and it's not the way anybody wants
Speaker 3: perspective to be given, but my god, it is the
Speaker 3: ultimate perspective when you realize what's important and what's not.
Speaker 3: And sadly sometimes it comes in these types of moments.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and interestingly, I've always coming out of that. It
Speaker 2: is like, gosh, I never want to forget this. I
Speaker 2: never want to forget that and what's really important in life?
Speaker 2: And dang it, don't you know? You get involved with
Speaker 2: stuff and you know, got a house under construction and
Speaker 2: we're renovating this, and we're I can't get to my
Speaker 2: horses and I can't get to finish that, and you
Speaker 2: start losing track and uh, instead of just enjoying every
Speaker 2: moment that you've got here, because you know, you we
Speaker 2: don't own each We don't have each other in each
Speaker 2: other's life forever. We don't even have our own life.
Speaker 2: It's not something we own. And uh so we got
Speaker 2: to appreciate it while it's here. And that's hard, and
Speaker 2: that's pretty be hard to keep track of.
Speaker 1: The Lisa, and I asked, did you ever you all
Speaker 1: had a very public love story, And in your story,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking to about Kelly Rizzo, who someone we know
Speaker 1: who the course, the wife of Bob Sagett. He was
Speaker 1: a very beloved public figure and she actually came out
Speaker 1: it made a statement not too long ago, because she
Speaker 1: was getting criticism because she was dating after he'd been
Speaker 1: he passed a year and a half with two years years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but she even felt that she had to come out
Speaker 1: and make a statement about how lonely she was and
Speaker 1: to almost she wasn't asking for permission, But I was
Speaker 1: amazed that people were criticizing her for loving again or
Speaker 1: dating again. But did you ever feel that kind of thing,
Speaker 1: even internally or externally from folks that you all had
Speaker 1: this public love story and people only want to think
Speaker 1: about you two together, not you with somebody else.
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, And you know what, pretty quickly after Patrick died,
Speaker 2: I remember hearing about both by there and Carol Joyce.
Speaker 2: So it's the author, brilliant author, and she she started
Speaker 2: she like got married six months after her husband died,
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, in the world could you
Speaker 2: do that? You know how in the world? And then
Speaker 2: as I went along, I went you go girl, good
Speaker 2: for you, you know, And another another girlfriend of mine
Speaker 2: says something wonderful life life is too short to not God.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to figure out I'm going to make up
Speaker 2: the first part, life is too short to not find
Speaker 2: love and it's too long to be alone, so you know,
Speaker 2: get on with it. And yes, I got a lot
Speaker 2: of flack. It's like, how dare you? And for you know,
Speaker 2: there's some pretty rabbit Patrick fans out there and who
Speaker 2: think I'm evil, you know, just don't like me because
Speaker 2: I was married to him, and so I got there's
Speaker 2: a lot of flat that came on that, a lot
Speaker 2: of criticism and you know, you just learned to deal
Speaker 2: with it and move on. So but you know, it's
Speaker 2: like i'd like to I was so temped as so
Speaker 2: many times you say, hey, hey, girlfriend, stand in my shoes.
Speaker 2: Tell me about it. Now, go ahead, tell me just
Speaker 2: because I lost my husband that I don't love them anymore.
Speaker 2: You know, It's like, how can I can just say that?
Speaker 2: You know, so ridiculous.
Speaker 3: Well, it's it's I think anyone who has any worth
Speaker 3: or value in your life knows who you are and
Speaker 3: sees that and knows that you can you can love again,
Speaker 3: and it doesn't have anything to do with the love
Speaker 3: you had and still have for Patrick. And I love
Speaker 3: that you're speaking out about it because so many people
Speaker 3: are walking this path and so you sharing your experience
Speaker 3: is a huge comfort. I know just so many people,
Speaker 3: and again, thank you so much for I mean, this
Speaker 3: is not an easy subject. It is, but it's an
Speaker 3: important one and just to really appreciate you lending your
Speaker 3: beautiful voice to it.
Speaker 2: Oh that's thank you so much. And I love sharing
Speaker 2: about it because I know when I've heard people share
Speaker 2: their experiences how much it's meant to me. So I
Speaker 2: appreciate the opportunity to share it that.
Speaker 1: It meant a lot to us personally. At least. Maybe
Speaker 1: you've never listened to our podcast before, but several episodes
Speaker 1: end up becoming therapy sessions for the two of us,
Speaker 1: and I will say thank you from both of us
Speaker 1: on a very personal level because I kid you not.
Speaker 1: On the train ride to the studio today, she and
Speaker 1: I were struggling with something and something small, petty, but
Speaker 1: it had us kind of down down the dumps about
Speaker 1: what was going on and we needed perspective and we
Speaker 1: tried to get it on the walk away here and
Speaker 1: tried to come out of it on our own. But
Speaker 1: you are exactly who we needed to talk to today to
Speaker 1: to laugh, to cry, and to get a little perspective
Speaker 1: back about life. Sometimes you need reminders. We so we
Speaker 1: thank you for the therapy session today. You were very helpful.
Speaker 2: Great thank you