1 00:00:04,760 --> 00:00:07,360 Speaker 1: Everybody. It's Bill Courtney with an army of normal folks, 2 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 1: and welcome to Shop Talk number fifty eight. Welcome into 3 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 1: the shop. Oh there's Alex who just walked in. What's up. 4 00:00:15,120 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 2: I've been here the whole time, but there you go. 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 1: Well, it's trying to, you know, like some nineteen forties 6 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:22,360 Speaker 1: radio stuff. Maybe we should have. 7 00:00:24,040 --> 00:00:25,919 Speaker 2: We're both too tired from that. You said you've been 8 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:28,200 Speaker 2: waking up at what four you or you've been doing 9 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 2: four hours sleep every day. 10 00:00:29,880 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm dealing with all kinds of stuff, but I'm 11 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: trying to make this fun. But this one. You you 12 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:37,720 Speaker 1: stepping in and we need one of those. Yeah, from all. 13 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,479 Speaker 2: That, you're old enough to remember those forties radio stuff, right. 14 00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 1: I just I've watched them on TV before. 15 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:43,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. 16 00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:47,080 Speaker 1: So anyway, Uh, Chop Talk number fifty eight, everybody, we 17 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:52,000 Speaker 1: are continuing a little bit of our discussion on experimenting 18 00:00:52,159 --> 00:00:55,800 Speaker 1: with Uh no, we're not sorry. 19 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 2: Keep going. 20 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, what we're doing for the next two weeks is 21 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 1: we're going to feature powerful pieces of writing from an 22 00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 1: Army member named Eric Losmo. Eric has a substack titled 23 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 1: Some Assembly Required, and his first piece is titled for 24 00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:23,119 Speaker 1: All the fifty year old men who dot dot dot. 25 00:01:25,160 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: So we're going to dive into that right after these 26 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:43,040 Speaker 1: brief messages from our general sponsors. All right, everybody, welcome 27 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:48,320 Speaker 1: back chot Talk number fifty eight. Some assembly required. This 28 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,200 Speaker 1: first spiece you're about to hear is titled for all 29 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:56,600 Speaker 1: the fifty year old men who Eric recorded a performance 30 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: of the Peace Force, and Alec is gonna cue it 31 00:02:02,080 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 1: and play it for me right now, and then we 32 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:09,400 Speaker 1: will have a little conversation about it when it concludes. 33 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:15,519 Speaker 1: So now is Eric Oxmo performing for all the fifty 34 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: year old men who. 35 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:19,720 Speaker 3: Do all the boys who were told to grow up 36 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:23,160 Speaker 3: to be a man, to get over it, Stop crying, 37 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 3: stop daydreaming, make mom proud, be the hero, fight back, 38 00:02:28,280 --> 00:02:31,519 Speaker 3: and never show your true self. This one's for you 39 00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 3: to this striver who spent twenty five years chasing the 40 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,480 Speaker 3: paycheck in the position who now sits in the corner office, 41 00:02:39,560 --> 00:02:43,520 Speaker 3: holds the executive title, where's the envy of others, but 42 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 3: feels trapped, wondering if it was all worth it, and 43 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:51,000 Speaker 3: dreams about quitting to write that novel or open that restaurant. 44 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 3: May you find courage to the father packing up his 45 00:02:55,400 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 3: daughter's car for college, wishing he could rewind the clock 46 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 3: to relive just one more dance recital or softball game, 47 00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,720 Speaker 3: to grasp a little hand crossing the street, to hear 48 00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:10,000 Speaker 3: bedtime giggles, and comfort tears over teenage heartbreaks. May you 49 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,520 Speaker 3: find grace to the husband who's afraid to say it 50 00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:18,800 Speaker 3: out loud, I feel lonely. May you find comfort to 51 00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 3: the friend who believes his time has passed, that the 52 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 3: finances will always be tight, that the pain will never leave, 53 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 3: that the marriage will always be so hard, and that 54 00:03:28,480 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 3: his heart may always feel broken. May you find hope 55 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 3: to the addict who wears the title of an amer 56 00:03:35,760 --> 00:03:39,080 Speaker 3: doctor but spends his days in a fog of shame, 57 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 3: promising himself every night, just one more time, then I'll stop. 58 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 3: May you find healing to the artist still waiting year 59 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 3: after year for the break, watching others less talented get 60 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,320 Speaker 3: the deal, the attention, the applause, and wondering if it 61 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,640 Speaker 3: is him or will it be someone else. May you 62 00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:04,480 Speaker 3: find passion to the daddy who silently wonders if his 63 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 3: children will repeat the same mistakes he did. May you 64 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 3: find peace to the entrepreneur whose wife is begging for 65 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 3: stability while he keeps chasing a dream that always stays 66 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 3: just out of reach. May you find wisdom to the 67 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,840 Speaker 3: single man who hasn't found love yet, who wonders if 68 00:04:23,880 --> 00:04:27,000 Speaker 3: he ever will, who questions whether he can't even love 69 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:32,680 Speaker 3: or be loved. May you find truly find love to 70 00:04:32,720 --> 00:04:35,560 Speaker 3: the husband his wife no longer wears her ring, who 71 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 3: doesn't look up when he walks in the door and 72 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,280 Speaker 3: only reminds him of the running toilet in the guest bathroom. 73 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:46,080 Speaker 3: May you find joy to the former athlete who puts 74 00:04:46,080 --> 00:04:49,200 Speaker 3: pressure on his junior high son, driving home in silence 75 00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:51,919 Speaker 3: after a bad game. Remind the boy of all the 76 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:56,520 Speaker 3: trophies in the office. May you find humility to the 77 00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:59,719 Speaker 3: neighbor who feels the simmering resentment that his car isn't 78 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,960 Speaker 3: as nice, his house isn't as big, his lawn not 79 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,880 Speaker 3: as green, his vacation not as extravagant. May you find 80 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,960 Speaker 3: contentment and to all the fifty ish year old men 81 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,839 Speaker 3: who still believe the lies, who carry a shame like 82 00:05:14,880 --> 00:05:18,200 Speaker 3: a backpack full of bricks, who think they're all alone, 83 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 3: who wish they could start over, who wonder how they 84 00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,800 Speaker 3: got here, the ones who long for affection, admiration, appreciation, 85 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,400 Speaker 3: Who cringe when they look in the mirror, who ache 86 00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,279 Speaker 3: for a true friend, Who think maybe just a few 87 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,920 Speaker 3: more dollars or one more good vacation will finally fix it? 88 00:05:34,560 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 3: Who whisper in the dark? Am I needed? Am I wanted? Anymore? 89 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:43,600 Speaker 3: May you have assurance that you are not alone? 90 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, so Eric, thank you for what you wrote, 91 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:57,360 Speaker 1: and thanks for the narration. And I'm not sure if 92 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 1: I if I want to crawl a whole and cry 93 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:07,440 Speaker 1: or if I want to feel vindicated for about twenty 94 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:10,120 Speaker 1: things I've done wrong in my life after listening to it. 95 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:13,880 Speaker 1: What do you think, Heyvy? 96 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 2: It reminded me of the line from Henry David Threau. 97 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:18,440 Speaker 1: It does. 98 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:21,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, most men live lives of quiet desperation. 99 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: Yeah. What I really appreciate about it is we are broken. 100 00:06:30,120 --> 00:06:36,480 Speaker 1: We are broken from birth, and so much of what 101 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 1: we learn wrongly about masculinity is we're supposed to be 102 00:06:43,160 --> 00:06:48,799 Speaker 1: tough and overcome it all, and our heart's break and 103 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:54,320 Speaker 1: our feelings get hurt, and our dreams get dashed, and 104 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: we also deal with depression, and fifty years or more 105 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:02,920 Speaker 1: in this life, you will get beaten about the head 106 00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:07,080 Speaker 1: and shoulders plenty, and those battle scars where on your 107 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: psyche and your heart. And as I hear Eric, I 108 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:20,480 Speaker 1: almost get this overarching feeling that hey, guys, we're not alone. 109 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: We all feel some of the same stuff in one 110 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:25,600 Speaker 1: way or another. 111 00:07:25,920 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 3: And. 112 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:30,240 Speaker 1: It's okay to fill those things and it doesn't make 113 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: you less of a man or a failure to deal 114 00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:37,440 Speaker 1: with many of those types of emotions and thoughts and 115 00:07:37,480 --> 00:07:39,360 Speaker 1: situations that Eric mentions. 116 00:07:39,680 --> 00:07:42,480 Speaker 2: What I appreciate him talking and writing about it too, 117 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,960 Speaker 2: is one of my favorite Bonheffer lines. Go back and 118 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 2: listen to our Bonheffer episode. There's a paraphrase, but he 119 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,160 Speaker 2: basically says the problem of Christians that they're lonely in 120 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,640 Speaker 2: their sins, whereas the centers of the bar have so 121 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:58,360 Speaker 2: much more fellowship with each other because they share everything. 122 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:03,080 Speaker 2: And so whether it's your line, yeah, I mean it's 123 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:06,200 Speaker 2: a paraphrase, but that's basically what he's saying. And yeah, 124 00:08:06,240 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 2: I think if we all share stuff like this, we 125 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 2: feel us alone. And it's not just us. 126 00:08:11,880 --> 00:08:14,400 Speaker 1: I think even if you fill alone and you hear 127 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:20,520 Speaker 1: another man recite what Eric just recited, you are reminded 128 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 1: you're not alone, and your failures are okay, and the 129 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 1: sun's going to come up tomorrow and you just keep rolling. 130 00:08:27,280 --> 00:08:32,880 Speaker 1: I particularly a couple of the lines, and I'm paraphrasing 131 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:39,720 Speaker 1: now of Eric's, but one was the dad who makes 132 00:08:39,760 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 1: his eight year old endure a quiet ride home, reminding 133 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 1: his son of his own trophies in his cabinet. May 134 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:55,920 Speaker 1: you find humility? That line alone is how we create 135 00:08:56,640 --> 00:09:00,120 Speaker 1: this desperate masculinity and we got to be better for 136 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 1: our own sons. 137 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:04,640 Speaker 2: Yeah. One of my takeaways from the piece too, is 138 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 2: how you avoid some of those traps is by deciding 139 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:10,959 Speaker 2: what game you're playing. And this is something I've heard 140 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 2: a lot of other podcasts day in the last two years, 141 00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 2: and I've really reflected on, is is your game for power? 142 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,800 Speaker 2: Is it for money? Is it for status? Is it 143 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,199 Speaker 2: for pleasure? Sex? And so deciding or. 144 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 1: Some combination of all, Yeah, and. 145 00:09:25,600 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 2: What's your god? 146 00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:26,440 Speaker 1: Right? 147 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 2: Those things could be your god too. So you know, 148 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,960 Speaker 2: for me personally, my game is the calogue is trying 149 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,640 Speaker 2: to get it to have it, and that's the game. 150 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 2: And that's easier said than done, right. I feel it 151 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 2: every single day of trying to play these other games, 152 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,520 Speaker 2: but reminding myself you know of that or you give it. 153 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:43,920 Speaker 2: You know it's something not of faith, you know for you. 154 00:09:44,080 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 2: I really like Jackie Robinson's line we talked about recently 155 00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 2: of a life is unimportant except for the impact it 156 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 2: has on other lives. So you can make that the 157 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:53,720 Speaker 2: game you're playing your impact on other people. Right, But 158 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,719 Speaker 2: deciding what game you're playing and having a not be 159 00:09:56,880 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 2: one of these traps that I think is. 160 00:09:58,280 --> 00:10:08,040 Speaker 1: Huge, and I think also kind of parlay on top 161 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:12,280 Speaker 1: of that Jackie Robinson line is you know where better 162 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 1: or where more important is your influence than in your 163 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:19,640 Speaker 1: own home. But in your own home is also where 164 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:22,400 Speaker 1: you get the most scars, because we hurt the people 165 00:10:22,440 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: closest to us. It's where our wives do stuff that 166 00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,560 Speaker 1: hurt us, our guard. I mean that the line at 167 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:31,679 Speaker 1: my age now, the line of longing for another little 168 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:38,439 Speaker 1: hand across the street with as your children leave. Yeah, 169 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:41,040 Speaker 1: I mean it's tough a guy like me with four 170 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: children who he worships that are now adult, eight children 171 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 1: and all moved off and living out of this house. 172 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 1: That new seasons of life can be jolting. And everybody's like, 173 00:10:55,840 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 1: you know, the moms and you know the empty and 174 00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,800 Speaker 1: all that but hey, it hits me too. It's the 175 00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: guy to So you know. 176 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,839 Speaker 2: At least your wife loves you. You got that one right, 177 00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 2: what's up? At least Lisa loves you. You got that 178 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:10,679 Speaker 2: one all right. 179 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: And I love her too, So you're right. So for 180 00:11:14,360 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 1: all the fifty year old men who maybe play that 181 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: over four or five times and understand, you're not alone. 182 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,880 Speaker 1: There's choices every day to atone for the things you've 183 00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 1: done wrong. And for those of you who have people 184 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 1: that love you that you love, understand gosh, every single 185 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:44,199 Speaker 1: day you have a chance to make a difference from 186 00:11:45,240 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 1: Eric Loxmo. Some assembly required shop Talk number fifty eight 187 00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 1: for all the fifty year old men who thanks Eric. 188 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: That's good stuff, Alex, anything else before we leave, that's great? 189 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:03,000 Speaker 1: Thanks Bill, all right, we'll see you. We'll see you 190 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 1: next week. If you like this episode, rate to review it. 191 00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: If you want to come up with some shop Talk ideas, 192 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 1: send me an email at Bill at normalfolks dot us 193 00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:17,320 Speaker 1: or Alex at Army at normal folks dot us. Join 194 00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:21,319 Speaker 1: the podcast and I don't know, subscribe to it and 195 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:22,400 Speaker 1: do something else right. 196 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,520 Speaker 2: Follow us all your favorite social channels. 197 00:12:24,559 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: Follow us on our Premium member. All the things, all of 198 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:29,160 Speaker 1: these things that will help us scrow an army normal folks. 199 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 1: That's Shop Talk number fifty eight one more time, Eric Loxmo, 200 00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: thanks for sharing.