1 00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:05,040 Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space and a 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,559 Speaker 1: lot of times, being yourself will challenge people who benefit 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 1: from conformity, and that's okay. It will make people uncomfortable, 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,280 Speaker 1: and that's okay. I think it's about us being comfortable 5 00:00:16,840 --> 00:00:19,840 Speaker 1: in their discomfort. As long as we're being true to ourselves. 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 1: I think that's really important as well. 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,760 Speaker 2: Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just 8 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:27,479 Speaker 2: doesn't get you? 9 00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,560 Speaker 3: Well, we do. 10 00:00:31,680 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting 11 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:37,040 Speaker 1: and empowering women like you. 12 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:44,080 Speaker 2: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Grussard and educator and psychologists. 13 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:46,199 Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techy and transformational speaker. 14 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:51,560 Speaker 2: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from 15 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 2: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black 16 00:00:56,440 --> 00:01:00,040 Speaker 2: women to just be. 17 00:01:00,040 --> 00:01:02,040 Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 1: button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady. 19 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:07,920 Speaker 1: We are black founded and black owned, and your support 20 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,119 Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you. 21 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:15,720 Speaker 2: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. 22 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:21,120 Speaker 4: It's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. 23 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 4: Are you currently a resident of the State of California 24 00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 4: in contemplating starting your therapy journey. Well, if so, please 25 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,200 Speaker 4: reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com. 26 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:39,520 Speaker 4: That's d R D O M I N I q 27 00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 4: U E B R O U ss ar D dot 28 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 4: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look 29 00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,320 Speaker 4: forward to hearing from. 30 00:01:51,200 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 2: You our quote of the day. We must remember that 31 00:01:57,120 --> 00:02:03,200 Speaker 2: an apology isn't an apology unless it's meaningful. So I'm 32 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,559 Speaker 2: gonna say that one more time again to make sure 33 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,079 Speaker 2: lady that you truly heard that and that you are 34 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 2: letting it sink deep into you. We must remember that 35 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:22,360 Speaker 2: an apology isn't an apology unless it's meaningful. 36 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:23,880 Speaker 3: A right. 37 00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:30,880 Speaker 2: You know when you hear that, what comes up for you? 38 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 2: Thinking about our topic for today? 39 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:35,640 Speaker 1: Okay, I'm trying to I'm over here taking fair I'm 40 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 1: trying to meditate on this quote, and the first thing 41 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:40,200 Speaker 1: that came to mind for me is something that I 42 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 1: believe we talked about in a previous episode, where we 43 00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 1: talked about how an apology should a company change behavior. Yes, 44 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:52,239 Speaker 1: and within the context of this conversation, I feel like 45 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,440 Speaker 1: a true apology goes beyond just saying I'm sorry reflects 46 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:59,480 Speaker 1: real understanding and ownership. But again, based on the conversation 47 00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,680 Speaker 1: we're having to what's the point of apologizing if it's 48 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: not authentic and if it's just like an automatic reflex. 49 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:08,600 Speaker 1: That's kind of what this quote makes you think about. 50 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: So there's like a place for an apology. But there 51 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 1: are times where it's like, girl, well why are you 52 00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:17,679 Speaker 1: saying sorry? You ain't doing nothing? What about you? Dom 53 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,600 Speaker 1: what comes up for you when you hear this quote? 54 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 2: No, I like what you said about an automatic reflex, right, 55 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 2: And I think that like what we're talking about today, 56 00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:31,480 Speaker 2: the examples that we're going to give today are some 57 00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:34,600 Speaker 2: of them are prime examples of when we apologize out 58 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 2: of reflex instead of out. 59 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:40,960 Speaker 3: Of genuinely meaning to be sorry. 60 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 2: And I know that a lot of us have been 61 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 2: socialized in that way, and I think it's time that 62 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 2: we kind of we shift that that. For an apology 63 00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:58,760 Speaker 2: to truly carry its weight, it needs to truly be meaningful. 64 00:03:58,960 --> 00:03:59,840 Speaker 3: It needs to. 65 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 2: Be I am acknowledging something that a behavior that I did, 66 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:16,880 Speaker 2: that I engaged in that was harmful, offensive, or inconvenient, 67 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 2: and the resulting impact was somebody got hurt, somebody was hurt, 68 00:04:22,720 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 2: whether it's physically or their emotions, right, and within that, 69 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:34,160 Speaker 2: I then need to take, like you said, take accountability 70 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 2: and ownership for the behavior that I did that and 71 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:42,080 Speaker 2: the impact that it caused. Yeah, some of the things 72 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:47,120 Speaker 2: that we're talking about today, that definition does not apply exactly, 73 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 2: and so we got to stop saying sorry for these things. 74 00:04:50,960 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 1: And Lady, before we get into this, I would say, 75 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: don correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we are. 76 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,279 Speaker 1: Many of us are guilty of this. I know how 77 00:04:57,279 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 1: I am to This episode is as much for me 78 00:04:59,760 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: as it is for you listening. So just know that 79 00:05:03,160 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 1: we're having a conversation. I guess you could say we're 80 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,320 Speaker 1: coming for a habit that many of us have been 81 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:11,640 Speaker 1: conditioned to do, which is over apologizing. And we do 82 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 1: again want to make this clear that this conversation is 83 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:17,200 Speaker 1: meant to make you just reflect on your life and 84 00:05:17,240 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 1: not necessarily make you feel guilty or call you out. 85 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:22,160 Speaker 1: It's really an opportunity for us to think, huh do 86 00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: I do this? Is there an opportunity for me to 87 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: tweak this? And we'll talk about some of the reasons 88 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,680 Speaker 1: why and also share some alternatives to saying I'm sorry 89 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 1: when it's not needed. Right, So we want you to 90 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,000 Speaker 1: pause and think about how this shows up for you 91 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:38,120 Speaker 1: and your life, possibly your kids or people around you. 92 00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 1: And we're just inviting you to check in with yourself 93 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 1: and have a little self awareness check in. I guess 94 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,440 Speaker 1: you can call it okay, Yes. 95 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,920 Speaker 2: Yes, I think that's important because for us, especially as 96 00:05:49,960 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 2: black women, we are often in a space of shrinking ourselves, 97 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:05,919 Speaker 2: making ourselves invisible, or engaging in behaviors to make other 98 00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,200 Speaker 2: people feel comfortable. And when we do that, those are 99 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:16,279 Speaker 2: the things that we find ourselves automatically apologizing for, right 100 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:20,040 Speaker 2: when it's something that it seems as if the other 101 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:25,000 Speaker 2: person our presence is potentially making the other person comfortable. 102 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,280 Speaker 2: And I get that some. 103 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 1: Of that. 104 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 2: Was needed for previous generations for safety. 105 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, and for some of us. 106 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:41,839 Speaker 2: Today, there may be some things that are still needed 107 00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:46,400 Speaker 2: for our safety. But I think the goal for us 108 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: today is for us to truly reflect on what are 109 00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:54,600 Speaker 2: the times in which we are shrinking ourselves and apologizing 110 00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:57,279 Speaker 2: for to make other people feel comfortable for things that 111 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 2: don't need an apology. 112 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, so. 113 00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:05,159 Speaker 2: We ready to do this because I know, ladies, I 114 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:07,919 Speaker 2: don't know about you. Maybe you're sitting there waiting like, 115 00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,960 Speaker 2: all right, well, what are these examples, or maybe you've 116 00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:14,200 Speaker 2: come up with a few already in your head like automatically, 117 00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 2: were like, oh crap, yeah, I do do that for 118 00:07:19,320 --> 00:07:25,080 Speaker 2: this thing. So let's as you're reflecting, let's dive in 119 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:26,720 Speaker 2: to these seven things. 120 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 1: Let's get into a dime. So the first one, this 121 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,840 Speaker 1: is the one. This is one that again I'm trying 122 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 1: not to tell everyone else's business or getting everyone else's business, 123 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,480 Speaker 1: and I'm going to take ownership from my experience. Okay, 124 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna try my best not to say we 125 00:07:42,160 --> 00:07:45,280 Speaker 1: and say I. But one of the biggest areas where 126 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: I found myself apologizing unnecessarily is when I set boundaries. 127 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 1: And it's wild how often, right we feel like we 128 00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 1: have to explain or justify or soften a no to 129 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 1: keep the peace. You know, this is a lot of 130 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:03,920 Speaker 1: it may come from, like like you said, past generations, 131 00:08:03,960 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: possibly some childhood experiences, but at the end of the day, 132 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:11,160 Speaker 1: boundaries aren't meant to be mean. They're They're there to 133 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: be clear and also to protect ourselves. Right, Yes, so 134 00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:22,840 Speaker 1: set boundaries. The boundaries are there for both of us. 135 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: Both parties, right, The boundaries are there to hopefully communicate 136 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: a space of love and deeper connection. 137 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 3: And so. 138 00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 2: For me, when I think about this, like apologizing for 139 00:08:41,640 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 2: having boundaries is like it's almost like saying this thing 140 00:08:49,120 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 2: that I'm needing isn't really worth you really engaging with that, 141 00:08:58,120 --> 00:09:02,560 Speaker 2: this thing that I'm needing does not have to be 142 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:07,679 Speaker 2: a priority for you. That it might be okay if 143 00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 2: you violate that boundary. And I already know that that's 144 00:09:13,600 --> 00:09:15,319 Speaker 2: the opposite of what we want to do, and that's 145 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 2: the opposite purpose that creating boundaries has. Yeah, and so 146 00:09:24,160 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 2: we telling someone setting a boundary and then saying I'm 147 00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 2: sorry to have to ask you to do this. Are 148 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:38,360 Speaker 2: you really sorry to have to ask them to do this? No, 149 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 2: you need them to do this, right, So, like I'll 150 00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:45,040 Speaker 2: give an example. 151 00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:47,600 Speaker 1: Okay, So. 152 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:52,120 Speaker 2: I think the easiest example for me that comes to 153 00:09:52,200 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 2: mind is me prioritizing my bedtime. All right, So if 154 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 2: I am, let's say that I am, I've got friends over. 155 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:08,480 Speaker 3: I was like, let me think of it that. 156 00:10:08,559 --> 00:10:10,400 Speaker 2: Let me think of a really good example that people 157 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:14,920 Speaker 2: could understand and relate to, right where you all could 158 00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:22,960 Speaker 2: visualize it. Yeah, I've got friends over, and let's say 159 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 2: my bedtime is ten pm. It's about nine thirty, and 160 00:10:28,960 --> 00:10:33,040 Speaker 2: I tell everyone, hey, y'all, it's sorry to have to 161 00:10:33,080 --> 00:10:36,839 Speaker 2: do this, but I need everybody to start making their 162 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 2: way out the door because I have to be in bed. 163 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 3: By ten. 164 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:44,959 Speaker 1: Am. 165 00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:49,200 Speaker 2: I truly sorry that I'm asking the folks to leave. 166 00:10:50,320 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 2: And I know some of you all are listening and 167 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 2: you're like, well, yeah, I might be Are you bad right? 168 00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:02,760 Speaker 2: You may feel, you may feel a little guilty, you 169 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:09,520 Speaker 2: may be a little sad, but are you truly sorry 170 00:11:09,559 --> 00:11:12,360 Speaker 2: that you're asking them to uphold a boundary that you have. 171 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:14,520 Speaker 2: I don't know what do you think, Tee. 172 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:18,320 Speaker 1: Well, you just said something here to made me think 173 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 1: of a lot of different things when you said oh, 174 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: when you gave the example like oh, I'm sorry I 175 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:25,719 Speaker 1: have to go to bed at this time, or I'm 176 00:11:25,720 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 1: trying to think of I'm trying to think of one 177 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 1: for my life as well. When you say, you know, oh, 178 00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:30,800 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I won't be able to do this thing, 179 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:33,720 Speaker 1: whatever it might be. I think sometimes that can signal 180 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,760 Speaker 1: to narcissists or manipulators to violate like you said and 181 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 1: make them think, you know what, there might be an 182 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,320 Speaker 1: opportunity for me to push this limit. She did say 183 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: she's sorry, right, And so I think that when we 184 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 1: say I'm sorry and then we try to put up 185 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 1: a boundary, it can show people that we're not serious, right. 186 00:11:50,320 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: And I think that people who benefit most from us 187 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 1: not having boundaries are the ones who often try to 188 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,040 Speaker 1: resist them most, right. So I think it's just so 189 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,320 Speaker 1: important for us to make sure that we're come from 190 00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,200 Speaker 1: a place of power and you can still be kind 191 00:12:03,320 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 1: and set of boundary and at the end of the day, 192 00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,200 Speaker 1: down one of the things I've learned in life, all 193 00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:11,360 Speaker 1: these years of living right on this earth, is that 194 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: we ideally right in an ideal world, we should be 195 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,640 Speaker 1: our own advocates, right like we should be our own cheerleader, 196 00:12:19,679 --> 00:12:21,599 Speaker 1: and we should be protecting ourselves. And it's something I 197 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,400 Speaker 1: teach my daughter, like you are your first priority, like 198 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: making sure that you're okay, and even at this age 199 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,040 Speaker 1: as a toddler, teaching how it's important for us to 200 00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: fill our cup first, right, make sure that you have 201 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,400 Speaker 1: what you need, make sure that you have the boundaries 202 00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:36,040 Speaker 1: in place so that you can have your piece the 203 00:12:36,160 --> 00:12:38,280 Speaker 1: energy that you need, and also your mental health intact, 204 00:12:38,320 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 1: and so I think that again, we're all works in 205 00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: progress with this, even myself, But it's just important to 206 00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:45,800 Speaker 1: realize that Noah's a full sentence, and it is okay 207 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 1: for you to set boundaries, and the people who love 208 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 1: you and care for you, they should be They may 209 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 1: not like it all the time, but they should be 210 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 1: supportive of that. So you should not be apologizing. We 211 00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:58,679 Speaker 1: should not be apologizing for setting boundaries. 212 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 2: Exactly exactly. So then that takes us to number two 213 00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 2: m taking up space. We should not be apologizing for 214 00:13:12,559 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 2: taking up space. And I have several examples or for 215 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:21,480 Speaker 2: what that could look like, right, So I one of 216 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:28,800 Speaker 2: the most common examples that where we, particularly as women, 217 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,960 Speaker 2: find ourselves apologizing And I say ourselves because I do 218 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 2: this too, and I have been working on stopping this behavior. Yeah, 219 00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:48,480 Speaker 2: is apologizing when someone else bumps into me. So let's 220 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:55,319 Speaker 2: say you're in the grocery store and that frozen food. 221 00:13:55,360 --> 00:13:59,720 Speaker 2: I might get a little busy because maybe everybody's trying 222 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: to get to those that ice cream. You're standing there 223 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,160 Speaker 2: putting the ice cream. You just got your favorite flavor 224 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 2: of ice cream. No, we're not going to debate on 225 00:14:10,160 --> 00:14:10,800 Speaker 2: what those are. 226 00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 1: Right right. 227 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:20,680 Speaker 2: We're not gonna debate it. But your favorite flavor, you're 228 00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:24,120 Speaker 2: putting it into your car and you're making room for it. 229 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 2: Someone is walking past and they bump into you, and 230 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 2: your instinct is to turn around and say, oh, I'm sorry, 231 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 2: as if it was a problem that you were in 232 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:46,480 Speaker 2: that space in that moment. Actually, no, unless you were 233 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:51,760 Speaker 2: legit in the middle of the aisle and there was 234 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:55,960 Speaker 2: no room for anyone to go around you, why are 235 00:14:55,960 --> 00:15:01,400 Speaker 2: you apologizing. It's up to that person, say, the person 236 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:04,320 Speaker 2: who bumped you, to say, excuse me. 237 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 1: Now, let's talk through this, let's unpack it, because if 238 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: you share that, what I'm realizing is something that you 239 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,280 Speaker 1: said in the beginning is coming up for me around 240 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: saying sorry for protection based on whatever environment you grew 241 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 1: up in, or to keep the peace. And so I'm 242 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,400 Speaker 1: as you were saying that, I'm like visualizing a boom. 243 00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:24,520 Speaker 1: I'm in the grocery store, somebody comes out, they back 244 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,080 Speaker 1: their cart into me, and then you have that moment 245 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 1: where you like lock eyes with them, and I feel 246 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,480 Speaker 1: like sometimes saying I'm sorry even though it wasn't you, 247 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 1: it's the easiest thing to kind of keep it moving. 248 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: So that there's no conflict, there's no altercation or whatever. 249 00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:40,320 Speaker 1: What would you propose someone doing that type of scenario. 250 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: That's what I'm thinking about, was like that actual instance 251 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 1: where it happened so fast and then you're looking at 252 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: each other and it feels like slow motion. You're just like, well, 253 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 1: what they're not saying? What do I say? You know 254 00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:50,400 Speaker 1: what I mean? What do you suppose? I feel like 255 00:15:50,480 --> 00:15:51,760 Speaker 1: my body's responding to that. 256 00:15:51,800 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 2: It's you know, it's like it's getting tense, right, because 257 00:15:55,480 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 2: you're like, particularly if this is someone that for whatever 258 00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 2: reason may feel like a threat, right, or it made 259 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:09,200 Speaker 2: you made sense that this could escalate. Well, one, let's 260 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,640 Speaker 2: recognize that they were the person at fault. Yeah, okay, 261 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 2: because if we're visualizing this situation, you were not in 262 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,240 Speaker 2: the way they bumped you. 263 00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 3: Now I want to be clear, let me back up. 264 00:16:21,720 --> 00:16:27,160 Speaker 2: But in the event that you were actually in the way, right, 265 00:16:27,280 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 2: let's say that you were taking up all the space 266 00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:36,440 Speaker 2: and there was no room for anyone to move past. Now, 267 00:16:36,600 --> 00:16:42,200 Speaker 2: ideally that person would have said, excuse me, I can 268 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:44,040 Speaker 2: can you move a little bit so that I can 269 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,240 Speaker 2: get through, Like they would have acknowledged that you were 270 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 2: in the way and asked for you to move right. 271 00:16:49,680 --> 00:16:50,800 Speaker 1: Yeah. 272 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,840 Speaker 2: So in that instance, yeah, okay, you can say, oh 273 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,560 Speaker 2: my bad, I'm sorry and move out the way. That 274 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 2: that's not the instance that I'm talking about here. I'm 275 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 2: talking about is that person bumped into you and you 276 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:08,120 Speaker 2: were in no way in the wrong. Because you were 277 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,560 Speaker 2: not in the wrong, you do not owe that person 278 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:14,640 Speaker 2: in apology. And so even in that moment where you're 279 00:17:14,680 --> 00:17:19,320 Speaker 2: feeling tense and you're feeling that urge that maybe I 280 00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:23,320 Speaker 2: need to say I'm sorry, you don't have to acknowledge them. 281 00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:27,119 Speaker 2: If they're not going to acknowledge you to apologize for 282 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 2: bumping into you, you don't even acknowledge their existence, and 283 00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 2: you keep going about what you're doing. You may have 284 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:41,240 Speaker 2: that split second, oh let me look up, because somebody 285 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:44,600 Speaker 2: bumped into me, they lock eyes with you. You give 286 00:17:44,640 --> 00:17:48,960 Speaker 2: them a moment, a quick second to initiate their apology. 287 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 2: They're not initiating their apology. All right, We're going to 288 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:56,160 Speaker 2: go on about our business because this isn't a situation 289 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,640 Speaker 2: where I feel like I need to demand an apology. 290 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 2: But I also don't owe them one either. 291 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,240 Speaker 1: For sure, that makes sense, and I guess in my 292 00:18:06,280 --> 00:18:09,920 Speaker 1: mind I was thinking about I guess I was thinking 293 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:11,800 Speaker 1: that we were going to say something, and it's like, Okay, 294 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,160 Speaker 1: you're not gonna say I'm sorry, what do you say? 295 00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 1: And so I'm thinking of like I was walking here, 296 00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,920 Speaker 1: like I'm thinking of different scenarios, but I do appreciate 297 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:19,359 Speaker 1: the silence. It's just like, Okay, well, if you're not 298 00:18:19,359 --> 00:18:21,720 Speaker 1: gonna say sorry, I'm definitely not saying it because I 299 00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,480 Speaker 1: wasn't in the wrong, and so that makes sense. I'm 300 00:18:24,520 --> 00:18:28,000 Speaker 1: also thinking about taking up space, not just physically, but 301 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 1: also presents your voice off to your brilliance. And black women, 302 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 1: I think we can all relate to this right. So 303 00:18:34,680 --> 00:18:36,800 Speaker 1: many of us have been trained to shrink ourselves in 304 00:18:36,920 --> 00:18:40,560 Speaker 1: rooms who's been there before? Raise your hand, right, to 305 00:18:40,680 --> 00:18:44,280 Speaker 1: downplay our success raise two hands, or to not be 306 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: too much right. Because the thing is, we need to 307 00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:49,639 Speaker 1: remember that we deserve to take up every inch of 308 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:53,600 Speaker 1: space that we've earned fully, boldly, end without apology. And 309 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 1: I think that another thing to keep in mind is 310 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:00,720 Speaker 1: that our playing small doesn't serve anyone right except for 311 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: people who the people who don't matter, who are insecure 312 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,480 Speaker 1: or intimidated by us. But what I found is even 313 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,120 Speaker 1: to this days. Sometimes oftentimes many times, almost every time 314 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 1: I'm using affirmations Mantra's breath work, I'm doing the work 315 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 1: because sometimes those habits from back in the day, from 316 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 1: childhood come up where it's like, oh, don't do too much, 317 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:22,199 Speaker 1: don't say too much, and so I have to do 318 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 1: the affirmations to remind myself that you belong here, it's 319 00:19:24,560 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 1: okay to use your voice. And when we do that, 320 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:28,639 Speaker 1: it frees other people to do the same, gives them 321 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: permission to show up authentically, fully and boldly. And I 322 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:35,399 Speaker 1: think that speaking up doesn't mean that you have to 323 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,359 Speaker 1: be arrogant. It just means that you are present, you 324 00:19:38,440 --> 00:19:41,360 Speaker 1: are aware, and you have something to say and it's okay. 325 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:49,120 Speaker 2: Exactly exactly like it. Also, I also think about like 326 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:53,720 Speaker 2: the physical space in terms of when we're in groups 327 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,800 Speaker 2: and black women when we get together, that sisterhood is. 328 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:04,919 Speaker 2: It's a beautiful thing to witness, right And if you 329 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:11,040 Speaker 2: I think about scenarios where I'm at a restaurant and 330 00:20:11,080 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 2: it's a group of us, that restaurant has done what 331 00:20:16,080 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 2: they needed to do, or hopefully they did what they 332 00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: needed to do on their part to accommodate us in 333 00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,479 Speaker 2: that space. Right, So if they have set it up, 334 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 2: they've said, all right, women full of black joy, party 335 00:20:31,119 --> 00:20:38,120 Speaker 2: of ten in this center of the restaurant. We don't 336 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,879 Speaker 2: need to apologize for having a good ass time in 337 00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:47,160 Speaker 2: the center of that restaurant. The restaurant staff put us there. 338 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,600 Speaker 2: We deserve to be in that space just as much 339 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:57,199 Speaker 2: as anybody else, and we don't need to silence ourselves. 340 00:20:57,240 --> 00:20:59,680 Speaker 3: We're not in church, we're not in the library. 341 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 2: We need to have that joyful time without apologizing for it. 342 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 2: To me, it's up to the restaurant to kind of navigate, 343 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:13,720 Speaker 2: and I'm speaking specifically about being in a taking up 344 00:21:13,760 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 2: space in a restaurant. It's up to the restaurant to 345 00:21:16,680 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 2: kind of navigate and manage the patrons. 346 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 3: If you put us. 347 00:21:23,119 --> 00:21:25,520 Speaker 2: Ten of us in the center of the restaurant, then 348 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,040 Speaker 2: that means that hopefully you have mapped out and planned 349 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 2: your space accordingly so that you're not having an overcrowding situation. 350 00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,479 Speaker 2: And if you are, then you come and address that 351 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:42,560 Speaker 2: as the restaurant staff. 352 00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:45,919 Speaker 1: All right, now you talking about the restaurant making me hungry. 353 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,320 Speaker 1: But we're gonna move on to number three, all right, y'all. 354 00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 1: Number three you're ready for this one. Okay. Number three 355 00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:57,920 Speaker 1: is changing your mind. Okay, let's normalize changing our minds. 356 00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:01,639 Speaker 1: Growth means evolution, and it means you're allowed to pivot, 357 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,399 Speaker 1: to outgrow, or to realize that what once fit doesn't 358 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,920 Speaker 1: fit anymore. But I think a lot of us were 359 00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 1: taught that changing our course makes us flaky or disloyal 360 00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:15,880 Speaker 1: or even fake. Whenever reality is, it's a sign of growth. 361 00:22:16,119 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 1: And I have a quick example. There was years ago 362 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,480 Speaker 1: when I was in school, I was dating this guy 363 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 1: and I think I talked about this on like episode 364 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:28,520 Speaker 1: seasons back, but we were thought we were in love, 365 00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: and was like, oh, we're going to be together. And 366 00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 1: then I realized that he was it was not a 367 00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,680 Speaker 1: good fit for me, and so I changed my mind 368 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:35,960 Speaker 1: about the relationship and he made me feel so guilty 369 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,639 Speaker 1: about it, and I felt so bad. I'm like, damn, 370 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,600 Speaker 1: am I a bad person because I said this one thing? 371 00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:45,120 Speaker 1: But now I feel this way about this scenario. And 372 00:22:45,520 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: one thing that Okay, y'all gonna laugh at this, but 373 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,720 Speaker 1: one Wendy Williams. Right, many of us watched Wendy Williams 374 00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:54,359 Speaker 1: or herd on the radio or whatever, but I listened. 375 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,520 Speaker 1: I used to listen to her back in the day 376 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 1: on Power ninety nine, and one of the things she 377 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,520 Speaker 1: said on her talk show and on the show was 378 00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: that she would say, I'm a woman of a particular age, 379 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:03,920 Speaker 1: and I'm allowed to change my mind. And I love 380 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:05,520 Speaker 1: that she said that because it was just a reminder 381 00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: that it is okay to change your mind. People sometimes 382 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,560 Speaker 1: make it seem as though you have to be stagnant 383 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:12,959 Speaker 1: or stay you know, in this career, or make this 384 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: decision to stick with it for life, when it's like, no, 385 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,919 Speaker 1: we're evolving humans, you can change. What do you think 386 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 1: about this one? 387 00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,840 Speaker 3: Don No? I agree with that. 388 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,199 Speaker 2: I definitely agree that we are is our prerogative to 389 00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 2: change our mind and we don't have to say sorry 390 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 2: unless we truly are remorseful, right unless I am truly 391 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 2: feeling regretful of making making a new decision. I like 392 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,920 Speaker 2: what you said about standing in your power, that it 393 00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 2: is okay for me to decide that this morning I 394 00:23:55,119 --> 00:24:02,560 Speaker 2: want to wear a green dress, and by afternoon decide that, 395 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:06,959 Speaker 2: you know, I need to take a few minutes and 396 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 2: change into some genes because I'm changing my itinerary for 397 00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:19,160 Speaker 2: the day, and I don't need to apologize for making 398 00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:25,359 Speaker 2: that change unless I'm truly inconveniencing someone for doing so. 399 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 2: And even then, do I need to apologize for making 400 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:35,919 Speaker 2: the change or do I acknowledge the impact that the 401 00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:40,320 Speaker 2: change is having on them I'm leaning on. I'm not 402 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 2: apologizing for changing my mind. I'm going to acknowledge the 403 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:48,520 Speaker 2: impact that it might have on the person, though, because 404 00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,360 Speaker 2: if I get into a space of apologizing for changing 405 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:56,440 Speaker 2: my mind, then to me, that signals that there is room. 406 00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:59,879 Speaker 3: Like we pointed out earlier, there is room. 407 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:04,400 Speaker 2: For someone else to come in and have some negative 408 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 2: influence or ask me to change course, change my mind 409 00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:14,280 Speaker 2: back to the original plan. And chances are, if you're 410 00:25:14,359 --> 00:25:22,120 Speaker 2: changing your mind, there is something instinctual that is leading 411 00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:29,240 Speaker 2: you to do that. Listen to it. Amen, all right, 412 00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:33,600 Speaker 2: So then that takes us to number four. Lady, we 413 00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:39,359 Speaker 2: got to stop apologizing for wanting more, whether that is 414 00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:47,399 Speaker 2: more money, more love, more pleasure, more softness. Let's stop 415 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 2: apologizing for wanting more. We deserve to have our heart's desires. 416 00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:58,760 Speaker 2: And so if my heart is saying I need more love, 417 00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:05,199 Speaker 2: I need more pleasure, I don't need to apologize for 418 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:10,239 Speaker 2: wanting more of that it's something that I'm enjoying and 419 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 2: it's not causing harm to myself or anyone else. I 420 00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,119 Speaker 2: don't need to apologize for this. 421 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 1: I agree, John, and I think that one and more 422 00:26:18,119 --> 00:26:20,840 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that you're ungrateful. It just means that you 423 00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:24,560 Speaker 1: know you're worth and or you just know what you want. Period. 424 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: That's it. Like point blank, I know I want listen. 425 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: After we record tonight, I'm gonna go eat me some 426 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,400 Speaker 1: cake and ice cream, even though I had some cake earlier, 427 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 1: and that's what I want. It's all good, you know. 428 00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,000 Speaker 1: So that's what I'm gonna do. But don a couple 429 00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:38,600 Speaker 1: of things I wanted to share with you about this. 430 00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,439 Speaker 1: One thing that my mom used to always say when 431 00:26:41,440 --> 00:26:43,280 Speaker 1: I was younger, and it stuck with me, was she 432 00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,840 Speaker 1: was like, we don't say sorry, we apologize. And I 433 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:50,560 Speaker 1: think about whenever you make a statement, an affirmative statement 434 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 1: using eye and just the power of our words. And 435 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: when you look at the definition, I'm over here like 436 00:26:55,440 --> 00:27:00,000 Speaker 1: googling it for accuracy of sorry. One of the definitions, 437 00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:04,520 Speaker 1: in addition to feeling regret or remorse, is in a 438 00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,720 Speaker 1: poor or pitiful state or condition a social My mom 439 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:09,199 Speaker 1: would say we are not sorry. We apologize, and I 440 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:14,119 Speaker 1: personally prefer to say I apologize when it you know, 441 00:27:14,280 --> 00:27:16,840 Speaker 1: something deserves an apology when I'm taking accountability when I've 442 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:18,960 Speaker 1: made a mistake, But not in these scenarios of course, 443 00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 1: right because we're not apologizing anymore for things these scenarios exactly. 444 00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,560 Speaker 1: So just wanted to use that as well. Lady Like 445 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: language is powerful, and I think that there is something 446 00:27:29,320 --> 00:27:31,520 Speaker 1: that it does to your spirit, in my opinion, when 447 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:35,320 Speaker 1: you say I'm sorry, especially in any scenario, but especially 448 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:39,159 Speaker 1: when you haven't done anything wrong. But going back to 449 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:43,439 Speaker 1: wanting more, desire is in greed. That's one thing to 450 00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: remember as well. And ambition isn't a flaw, it's divine right. 451 00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:49,719 Speaker 1: We should be wanting more. And I think that some 452 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:52,960 Speaker 1: of us, I know, yeah, I know, some of us 453 00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:55,680 Speaker 1: have grown up in spaces where when you want it more, 454 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,720 Speaker 1: whether it was a fancy car, you wanted more money, 455 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,720 Speaker 1: people judged you or because of their limitations or limiting beliefs, 456 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:05,239 Speaker 1: they thought you were extra too much. But look, you 457 00:28:05,240 --> 00:28:07,159 Speaker 1: can have whatever you desire. And I truly believe that 458 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,440 Speaker 1: if the desire is there, then the creator has given 459 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: you the means to get that desire, So it's okay 460 00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 1: to want more, and sometimes everyone around you may not 461 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,280 Speaker 1: see that vision, and that's okay too. 462 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:18,280 Speaker 3: Yes, I agree. 463 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:21,200 Speaker 2: I'm with you on that one period. 464 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,240 Speaker 1: All Right, y'all, let's go on to the next one. 465 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 1: So the next one is, ooh, we should not be 466 00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:38,240 Speaker 1: apologizing for not being everything for everyone. Okay, let's just 467 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,400 Speaker 1: say it again, y'all. A lot of us have won 468 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,280 Speaker 1: the badge right of being everything for everybody. We do 469 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,960 Speaker 1: not need to be apologizing because we're not doing that anymore, right, 470 00:28:47,800 --> 00:28:51,360 Speaker 1: taking care of everyone, managing everything, managing other people's emotions, 471 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:54,800 Speaker 1: making sure no one's uncomfortable, and then apologizing when we 472 00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:58,000 Speaker 1: get overwhelmed, or apologizing when we have a breakdown. But 473 00:28:58,080 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 1: being able to do everything for everyone is unsustainable and 474 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:04,920 Speaker 1: it's not our job. And so especially as black women, 475 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: I think it's really important for us to know that 476 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 1: it's not selfish to indulge in self care and to 477 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 1: fill our cups, even as mothers and as you know, 478 00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,440 Speaker 1: aunties that are taking on some of the motherly roles, 479 00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:19,000 Speaker 1: and just as caregivers in general, like we need to 480 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:22,480 Speaker 1: be filling our cups. And I do believe that a 481 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,720 Speaker 1: lot of this I'm sorry as like an automatic reflex. 482 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:27,840 Speaker 1: It comes from people pleasing as well, because I know 483 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 1: I'm a recovering people pleaser, and I yeah, and I 484 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,040 Speaker 1: think that it's rooted in possibly a fear of abandonment. 485 00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 1: We have a therapist here, so don can let us know, 486 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:39,960 Speaker 1: but possibly the fear of abandonment or rejection, because I 487 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,720 Speaker 1: think about instances where I would just automatically, oh, I'm sorry, 488 00:29:42,760 --> 00:29:45,120 Speaker 1: I'm sorry. It's like, girl, you ain't doing nothing. Those 489 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: are the moments where I'm just like, oh, let me 490 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 1: keep the peace. I don't want to upset this person. 491 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:51,760 Speaker 1: And you know, even though I'm doing everything for everyone 492 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:56,040 Speaker 1: and I'm tired and war out, we just don't speak 493 00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:57,880 Speaker 1: up for ourselves, right, So I think that, yeah, it's 494 00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:00,880 Speaker 1: important for us not to apologize for that, for setting 495 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:01,560 Speaker 1: that boundaries. 496 00:30:02,240 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 2: Yes, And that's where there is that overlap, right of 497 00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 2: like you not being everything for everyone is setting a boundary, 498 00:30:11,920 --> 00:30:16,480 Speaker 2: and it is saying that I need to not take 499 00:30:16,520 --> 00:30:23,000 Speaker 2: on everything, that I need to slow down. And that's 500 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 2: not a mistake to make the decision to slow down, 501 00:30:27,680 --> 00:30:31,520 Speaker 2: to make the decision to be intentional about what you 502 00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:41,600 Speaker 2: say yes to to decide to not give until you 503 00:30:41,760 --> 00:30:46,520 Speaker 2: have nothing left to give. That is not a mistake. 504 00:30:47,320 --> 00:30:51,000 Speaker 2: That is exactly what you need to be doing to 505 00:30:51,200 --> 00:30:55,760 Speaker 2: You need to be setting those boundaries so that you 506 00:30:55,840 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 2: aren't taking on all the things and so then you 507 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:04,920 Speaker 2: don't need to apologize for that. And to your point 508 00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:11,120 Speaker 2: earlier about the people pleasing, yes, that is the saying 509 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:17,000 Speaker 2: I'm sorry when you aren't able to take on a 510 00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 2: task that someone is asking you to do, even though 511 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:23,960 Speaker 2: it's outside of your area of expertise or your real 512 00:31:24,000 --> 00:31:30,880 Speaker 2: house or your capabilities and capacity, you saying you saying 513 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:33,360 Speaker 2: that you can't do it. You saying that you're not 514 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 2: going to take it on. That's helpful for everybody involved, 515 00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 2: and that keeps you from getting into that space of 516 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:49,720 Speaker 2: people pleasing and people who truly care about you, who 517 00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 2: truly have everyone's best interests. Yeah, they are not going 518 00:31:55,520 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 2: to abandon you. They are not going to end the 519 00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:07,120 Speaker 2: friendship or the relationship. And if they do, then that 520 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,239 Speaker 2: is a person who did not need to be in 521 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:12,600 Speaker 2: your life in the first place, because chances are they 522 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:18,760 Speaker 2: may have been manipulating or maybe even abusing you in 523 00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:25,719 Speaker 2: some way. So we're gonna stop this apologizing when we 524 00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:29,760 Speaker 2: can't do all the things. So then that takes us 525 00:32:29,840 --> 00:32:35,040 Speaker 2: to number six, which kind of it bleeds into this one. 526 00:32:35,080 --> 00:32:39,680 Speaker 2: It's similar to this one. Is we are gonna stop 527 00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:44,360 Speaker 2: apologizing for saying no without an explanation. We have said 528 00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 2: it on this episode already, We have said it in 529 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,880 Speaker 2: other episodes. You have heard it in other spaces. Besides 530 00:32:50,880 --> 00:32:57,280 Speaker 2: from here, no is a complete sentence, and you don't 531 00:32:57,320 --> 00:33:05,000 Speaker 2: owe anyone an explanation for why you're saying no. 532 00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:09,000 Speaker 1: All right, Dom, we had y'all, this is behind the 533 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: scenes scoop as we record. We had some technical difficulties. 534 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:13,680 Speaker 1: Was it were you passing it off to me because 535 00:33:13,720 --> 00:33:17,960 Speaker 1: I couldn't hear anything? Okay, yeah, and we're back, y'all. 536 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:21,040 Speaker 1: We're back. So yeah, we're on number six now. So 537 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,880 Speaker 1: I would just add I would just add here that 538 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:28,880 Speaker 1: over explaining it can often come from the fear of disapproval. 539 00:33:29,400 --> 00:33:31,840 Speaker 1: I and I again, i feel like I'm still working 540 00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:33,720 Speaker 1: on every single one of these, and it's like it's 541 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,960 Speaker 1: a daily process, right, And I just remember a time 542 00:33:37,000 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 1: in life I would just over explain. It provides so 543 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:42,560 Speaker 1: much extra detail into things where it's like that motherfucker, 544 00:33:42,600 --> 00:33:44,880 Speaker 1: they don't need to know all that. The answer is no. 545 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,040 Speaker 1: The answer is no, I cannot go No, you cannot 546 00:33:48,040 --> 00:33:51,280 Speaker 1: have my number. No, I'm not whatever it is right 547 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,640 Speaker 1: and the thing is too like our piece is worth protecting, 548 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:59,320 Speaker 1: and we can honor others while still honoring ourselves. But again, 549 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:03,200 Speaker 1: we have to prioritize ourselves and our well being. It's 550 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:06,440 Speaker 1: so important and so dom I think you you wrapped 551 00:34:06,480 --> 00:34:10,560 Speaker 1: up the No. Yeah, we're gonna move on to number seven. 552 00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:16,400 Speaker 1: And number seven this is all about stop apologizing for 553 00:34:16,520 --> 00:34:19,279 Speaker 1: just being yourself. And I know this feels like a 554 00:34:19,320 --> 00:34:21,719 Speaker 1: loaded one because I think that don my love for 555 00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:23,240 Speaker 1: us that is like, dive into this a bit deeper 556 00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:29,400 Speaker 1: because I know that, especially as a allowance as a 557 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:34,799 Speaker 1: black woman in predominantly white spaces, when it comes to 558 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,319 Speaker 1: you know, the work environment, things of that nature, one 559 00:34:37,360 --> 00:34:41,200 Speaker 1: of the things that I typically know, one of the 560 00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,440 Speaker 1: things I don't do, point blank, cleariod, point blank period, 561 00:34:44,560 --> 00:34:47,120 Speaker 1: is bring my full self to work. Oftentimes they say 562 00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,440 Speaker 1: bring your full self to work and things of that nature, 563 00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,800 Speaker 1: and that's something that I personally don't do, and I 564 00:34:51,800 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 1: think a lot of it has to do with just safety, 565 00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,560 Speaker 1: you know, like I like to be my full self 566 00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,960 Speaker 1: with people that I trust, people that have earned the 567 00:34:58,080 --> 00:35:01,080 Speaker 1: right to see different layers and aspects of me. And 568 00:35:01,120 --> 00:35:04,320 Speaker 1: so I understand the sentiment, and I appreciate the fact that, Okay, 569 00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:06,560 Speaker 1: they're saying that they're open for this. I think that 570 00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:09,400 Speaker 1: in some spaces it doesn't feel safe to be yourself, 571 00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:12,120 Speaker 1: but you don't have to apologize for being that person. 572 00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 1: And so, yeah, that's what I'll say first time, and 573 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,840 Speaker 1: I'm sure you'll bring up some points I'll circle back on. 574 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:20,480 Speaker 3: I agree with that. 575 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:27,000 Speaker 2: I know that there are, especially for us as black women, 576 00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:31,800 Speaker 2: that going back to that piece about not shrinking ourselves 577 00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:38,000 Speaker 2: to make other people feel comfortable, that we should not 578 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:42,320 Speaker 2: have to apologize for whatever opinion we might have. 579 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:48,000 Speaker 3: If we are that person who. 580 00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 2: Always has something to say and it truly is making 581 00:35:54,239 --> 00:35:57,960 Speaker 2: a contribution, because I know we can all think of 582 00:35:58,040 --> 00:36:02,520 Speaker 2: people who take space just for the sake of hearing 583 00:36:02,560 --> 00:36:06,920 Speaker 2: their voice. That's not what I'm referring to here, Okay, 584 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 2: So lady, do your reflection and make sure that when 585 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 2: you are offering your opinion and you are making a contribution, 586 00:36:18,520 --> 00:36:23,359 Speaker 2: that it truly is from a space of being informed, 587 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:30,400 Speaker 2: being curious, and not from that space of being insecure 588 00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 2: or wanting to say something for the sake of hearing 589 00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:37,160 Speaker 2: your own voice, which I know there's not a lot 590 00:36:37,160 --> 00:36:38,719 Speaker 2: of us that do that, but I just needed to 591 00:36:38,760 --> 00:36:46,439 Speaker 2: acknowledge that right and also thinking about you know, let's 592 00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:52,640 Speaker 2: say that you are the person who loves bright colors, 593 00:36:53,200 --> 00:37:00,960 Speaker 2: and you are the person who comes into work, shows 594 00:37:01,040 --> 00:37:06,880 Speaker 2: up for brunch, shows up to yoga class wearing the 595 00:37:07,000 --> 00:37:12,279 Speaker 2: bright yellows and oranges and fuchias right in teals, just 596 00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:14,920 Speaker 2: all these beautiful, vibrant colors. 597 00:37:16,920 --> 00:37:17,680 Speaker 3: You don't have. 598 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:22,239 Speaker 2: To apologize for that. Everybody else in that space could 599 00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:27,120 Speaker 2: be wearing black and white and you were there in 600 00:37:27,160 --> 00:37:31,600 Speaker 2: your fuchia dress, be there in your future dress, and 601 00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:36,440 Speaker 2: don't apologize for it. It is again, it is not 602 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:43,080 Speaker 2: a mistake. You are not intentionally causing harm by wearing 603 00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:48,439 Speaker 2: that fuchia color dress, so you don't need to apologize 604 00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:48,719 Speaker 2: for it. 605 00:37:49,680 --> 00:37:51,880 Speaker 1: And that makes me think of all scenarios where I 606 00:37:51,920 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 1: have I'm using air quotes here of y'all where I 607 00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:57,759 Speaker 1: have overdressed and I definitely was that person. I'm like, 608 00:37:57,760 --> 00:37:59,520 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, Like I feel like 609 00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:01,560 Speaker 1: I just, you know, I want to I did too 610 00:38:01,600 --> 00:38:05,600 Speaker 1: much because everyone else is dressed down, and so as 611 00:38:05,640 --> 00:38:08,080 Speaker 1: we have this conversation we come to a close. I'm 612 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:11,240 Speaker 1: just thinking about how important it is to be secure 613 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:14,480 Speaker 1: oneself and to have a relationship with yourself and your 614 00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:17,319 Speaker 1: higher power and just be very clear on who you 615 00:38:17,360 --> 00:38:19,600 Speaker 1: are and try to get more clarity on like why 616 00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:23,359 Speaker 1: you're here, because sometimes when you're walking this journey, it 617 00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:25,759 Speaker 1: will feel lonely, like you will feel like you're like 618 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,239 Speaker 1: you may be in that yoga class or at that 619 00:38:28,280 --> 00:38:30,080 Speaker 1: dinner and you may be the one that's just standing 620 00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:32,520 Speaker 1: out just because of the essence of who you are 621 00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,719 Speaker 1: and being comfortable in that when you don't have your 622 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,439 Speaker 1: people around you. I think that's important, but I think 623 00:38:38,440 --> 00:38:43,600 Speaker 1: it comes from that self love, the self awareness, but 624 00:38:43,640 --> 00:38:46,239 Speaker 1: also the clarity of who you are within self. And 625 00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:49,480 Speaker 1: a lot of times being yourself will challenge people who 626 00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:54,359 Speaker 1: benefit from conformity, and that's okay. It will make people uncomfortable, 627 00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:57,719 Speaker 1: and that's okay. I think it's about us being comfortable 628 00:38:58,280 --> 00:39:01,480 Speaker 1: in their discomfort. We're being true to ourselves. I think 629 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,640 Speaker 1: that's really important as well. And the more that we 630 00:39:03,719 --> 00:39:06,840 Speaker 1: lean into our true selves, the more aligned and peaceful 631 00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,160 Speaker 1: our life becomes, and the more that we attract other 632 00:39:09,200 --> 00:39:11,160 Speaker 1: people who are on that same wavelane. So it's just 633 00:39:11,160 --> 00:39:13,640 Speaker 1: so important to be true to ourselves. And the last 634 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:16,399 Speaker 1: thing I want to say on this particular, this last 635 00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,120 Speaker 1: one before we do a recap, is that I truly 636 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,880 Speaker 1: believe that we are all called here on this earth 637 00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,879 Speaker 1: for a purpose and to do some type of work, 638 00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,080 Speaker 1: some type of learning and development here on this plane 639 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:30,759 Speaker 1: of existence. And it would be a shame right to 640 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:34,680 Speaker 1: leave here and not get to experience the full just 641 00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,720 Speaker 1: the full range of who you are, right like your voice, 642 00:39:37,840 --> 00:39:40,840 Speaker 1: your presence, your brilliance. And I think one of the 643 00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,040 Speaker 1: things that I've been working on even at this stage 644 00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,600 Speaker 1: in life is being more of me and not worried 645 00:39:45,640 --> 00:39:47,200 Speaker 1: about what they're going to think or what they're going 646 00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:52,560 Speaker 1: to say, because y'all you already know this. But one 647 00:39:52,560 --> 00:39:54,640 Speaker 1: thing for sure is that we are all going to 648 00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:57,880 Speaker 1: expire at some point, and the hope is that we 649 00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,000 Speaker 1: have lived fully. Doctor Miles Monroe has a quote that 650 00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,279 Speaker 1: says live fully and die empty, and I love that 651 00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,839 Speaker 1: quote so much, and I think that this conversation can 652 00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:07,799 Speaker 1: help us to live more fully while we're here on 653 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:11,200 Speaker 1: this earth. So let's go ahead and do our recap. 654 00:40:10,960 --> 00:40:13,759 Speaker 3: Y'all, yes, yes, yes, all right. 655 00:40:13,920 --> 00:40:19,080 Speaker 2: So seven things that we are going to stop apologizing for. 656 00:40:19,840 --> 00:40:25,280 Speaker 2: Number one is having boundaries, number two taking up space, 657 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:35,320 Speaker 2: number three changing your mind, number four, wanting more, number 658 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:43,120 Speaker 2: five not being everything for everyone, number six saying no 659 00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:48,200 Speaker 2: without explanation, and number seven being yourself. 660 00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,640 Speaker 1: All right now, lady, mm hmmm, we're on the same page. 661 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:54,400 Speaker 1: Was about to say, we didn't get to get to 662 00:40:54,440 --> 00:40:57,480 Speaker 1: the juicy stuff with the juicy hear stuff, right, Okay, see, 663 00:40:57,560 --> 00:40:58,920 Speaker 1: y all, this is about we co host because we 664 00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:02,600 Speaker 1: be on the same Wavelet we have these alternatives that 665 00:41:02,600 --> 00:41:04,239 Speaker 1: we wanted to share with you. So instead of saying 666 00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,439 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, we wanted to share what you can say 667 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,359 Speaker 1: in place of that, in addition to when you can 668 00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,520 Speaker 1: use them. But y'all, this episode and I ran a 669 00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,160 Speaker 1: little bit longer than expected, so we're going to take 670 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:15,080 Speaker 1: this conversation to the after show. So if you head 671 00:41:15,080 --> 00:41:17,839 Speaker 1: on over to Herspace podcast dot com and you click 672 00:41:17,960 --> 00:41:20,960 Speaker 1: anywhere you see Patreon, become a patron and support this 673 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:24,200 Speaker 1: black owned, black founded, and black funded business and these 674 00:41:24,200 --> 00:41:26,560 Speaker 1: two black women that y'all listening to. Okay, and you 675 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:29,600 Speaker 1: can hear the six alternatives too, I'm sorry and when 676 00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:32,239 Speaker 1: to use them so we'll catch you in the after show. 677 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:37,320 Speaker 1: If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps, 678 00:41:37,760 --> 00:41:41,319 Speaker 1: this is for you. Hey, lady, is tea here and 679 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,319 Speaker 1: I just want to invite you to my free goal 680 00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:46,160 Speaker 1: Map Black, a pro coaching workshop where I'll share the 681 00:41:46,239 --> 00:41:50,000 Speaker 1: five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals. 682 00:41:50,280 --> 00:41:54,840 Speaker 1: Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas, 683 00:41:55,040 --> 00:41:58,280 Speaker 1: or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop 684 00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:01,400 Speaker 1: will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to 685 00:42:01,520 --> 00:42:05,040 Speaker 1: take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting 686 00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:09,320 Speaker 1: her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal Map 687 00:42:09,400 --> 00:42:12,279 Speaker 1: like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance 688 00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:14,279 Speaker 1: to gold a roadmap that fits your life and set 689 00:42:14,320 --> 00:42:16,560 Speaker 1: you up for success. I hope to see you there. 690 00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:22,640 Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning me into cultivating her Space. Remember that 691 00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:27,040 Speaker 2: while this podcast is all about healing, empowerment, and resilience, 692 00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:31,640 Speaker 2: it's not a substitute for therapy. If you or someone 693 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:35,560 Speaker 2: you know need support, check out resources like Therapy for 694 00:42:35,640 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 2: Black Girls for Psychology Today. If you love today's episode, 695 00:42:40,520 --> 00:42:42,520 Speaker 2: Do us a favor and share it with a friend 696 00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:46,560 Speaker 2: who needs some inspiration, or leave us a quick five 697 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:50,160 Speaker 2: star review. Your support means the world to us and 698 00:42:50,239 --> 00:42:52,080 Speaker 2: helps keep this space thriving. 699 00:42:52,600 --> 00:42:57,160 Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me. I honor 700 00:42:57,239 --> 00:43:02,440 Speaker 1: my journey by balancing effort and rest to achieve my goals. 701 00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,279 Speaker 1: Keep thriving, Lady, and tune in next Friday for more 702 00:43:07,360 --> 00:43:11,959 Speaker 1: inspiration from cultivating her Space. In the meantime, be sure 703 00:43:11,960 --> 00:43:15,560 Speaker 1: to connect with us on Instagram at her Space Podcast