Speaker 1: Hell I Suck Good Dating with Dean, Vanessa and Jared
Speaker 1: and I Heart Radio Podcast. Hello, everyone, welcome to the
Speaker 1: program help I Suck at Dating. I'm Jared Haven in
Speaker 1: studio recording from Burbank, California. I am joined via Skype
Speaker 1: from about let's say, three thousand miles away by the roughly.
Speaker 1: You're a cross country well in another country. But the beautiful,
Speaker 1: the wonderful Vanessa Grimle Da Vanessa. How are you? Um?
Speaker 1: I love how you ruled your RS so that means
Speaker 1: you can I can probably teach you French and Italian
Speaker 1: really well. And you blend in really amazingly. That's like
Speaker 1: my overall theme in life is just to blend in easily. UM.
Speaker 1: We have a great show for you coming up. We
Speaker 1: have Amanda stan who's going to be in studio. You
Speaker 1: all know her from her time on the Bachelor. We're
Speaker 1: very good friends with her. She's talking about her brand
Speaker 1: new book that just hit bookshelves called Now Accepting Roses,
Speaker 1: Finding Myself while searching for the One and other lessons
Speaker 1: I learned from The Bachelor. I read it over the weekend.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited to talk to her about that. I
Speaker 1: have many questions. We also have Patty Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker,
Speaker 1: who will be on the line in a little while
Speaker 1: talking about a new show that she was involved in.
Speaker 1: Excuse me, not a new show, a new movie, uh,
Speaker 1: starring one of my favorite actresses of all time. I'll
Speaker 1: talk about that later, uh in the show. But first,
Speaker 1: we have a very special announcement here on Help I
Speaker 1: Suck at Dating. By the way, Dean is not here today.
Speaker 1: He's still in Egypt, I think, looking at pyramids. And no,
Speaker 1: he did not drive the van there. But we have
Speaker 1: a very important message announcement, uh, something that we are
Speaker 1: very excited to talk about on the podcast today. It
Speaker 1: only comes once a year and it's the best time
Speaker 1: of the year. It is Vanessa Grimaldi's birthday. Birthday. I
Speaker 1: thought you were going to talk about the other important
Speaker 1: thing that we're mentioning today too, because there's another thing
Speaker 1: we're celebrating as well. We are, but this takes your birthday,
Speaker 1: takes precedent. The other thing that Vanessa was talking about
Speaker 1: is today marks the one hundredth episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating? And I Heart Radio podcast. Is that
Speaker 1: the only sounder you have? Pretty much? I got that
Speaker 1: or this one that's not as fun, but Dean's not here,
Speaker 1: and Dean Dean hosted the first one. I know he's solo,
Speaker 1: so we're gonna celebrate when he gets back, because it
Speaker 1: really would be ridiculous just for Vanessa to celebrate the
Speaker 1: one episode of a podcast that we didn't start. But Vanessa,
Speaker 1: it's your birthday. I know that I'm not really supposed
Speaker 1: to talk about women's age, but we're all friends here,
Speaker 1: So how old are you turning? Two? So young you
Speaker 1: don't look at them over twenty and I'm not joking
Speaker 1: about four. I don't look older than twenty four. I
Speaker 1: think you look like a woman in her mid to
Speaker 1: late I'm not going any higher than that. Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: take twenty six. I mean, listen, I definitely when my
Speaker 1: birthday hit this year, I totally forgot was my birthday.
Speaker 1: Today was So it's also the Jewish New Year for
Speaker 1: anyone that's celebrating Rasha Shanna, Happy New Year, Happy New Year.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend is Jewish, so we went to the synagogue
Speaker 1: today and it was my first time at the synagogue,
Speaker 1: and what the rabbi was saying was resonated so much
Speaker 1: with me and I guess a message that I needed
Speaker 1: to hear on my birthday, and he basically was staying
Speaker 1: for the new year to focus on three things. One
Speaker 1: of the three things is forgiveness, learning how to forgive,
Speaker 1: forgive yourself, and learning how to not hold grudges because
Speaker 1: life is too short. And it was so funny because
Speaker 1: I just posted a picture on Instagram, UM yesterday saying
Speaker 1: all the things that I do that I've done that
Speaker 1: I was ashamed of and then I have forgiven myself
Speaker 1: for in the last year and things that you know, like,
Speaker 1: I know I'm not perfect, and I don't want to
Speaker 1: be perfect, but it's things that I've learned and I've
Speaker 1: grown from and um, so that resonated with me. And
Speaker 1: number two was too. And this goes out to Mark
Speaker 1: and Easton and Tori and Amy, the people that to
Speaker 1: show humanity, so to ask questions that people who you
Speaker 1: work with, who are not directly related to your job,
Speaker 1: who might be working and cleaning in the studio, who
Speaker 1: might be doing the things on the back end that
Speaker 1: aren't getting the recognition that they deserve, show humanity towards
Speaker 1: those people. So huge thank you to the producers, Mark Easton,
Speaker 1: Amy the backer of this podcast really backbone. UM, I
Speaker 1: love you guys, and number three was, Um, I don't
Speaker 1: remember number three? Well, why are you thinking to number three?
Speaker 1: Let's get a round of applause everybody who's in there.
Speaker 1: You guys really are the hard working crew of this
Speaker 1: and Vanessa myself indeed, just we we ramble, we talked
Speaker 1: about nonsense, and you guys just make us look better.
Speaker 1: So we really appreciate what we are richer for knowing
Speaker 1: you guys, because it's really been wonderful getting to know
Speaker 1: all of the people on these podcasts. Really a fair point, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: why did you think of number three yet? Oh? Yes,
Speaker 1: number three? And I think this we can all resonate with.
Speaker 1: This is UM to not get distracted by the noise,
Speaker 1: not to get to make sure that you stay on
Speaker 1: your path and not get distracted by the fancier the
Speaker 1: shinier things in life. UM, and to stay loyal to
Speaker 1: the people that UM have stayed by your side. So
Speaker 1: that was a big one. So what did you mean
Speaker 1: by don't let the noise distract you? So, especially in
Speaker 1: the industry that we are in, it's very easy to
Speaker 1: get distracted or not even just the industry. We're in
Speaker 1: Instagram nowadays is a huge distraction, right. UM. I find
Speaker 1: myself sometimes being really low on comparing myself with other
Speaker 1: people are doing, where they're traveling to, um, assuming how
Speaker 1: much money they're making, um, and all that stuff, and
Speaker 1: that's just noise. That's such a distraction, And we shouldn't
Speaker 1: get redirected, um, towards those things. We should stay focus
Speaker 1: on the path and the goals that fuel us. And
Speaker 1: what are you know? I was having this conversation with
Speaker 1: someone in high school. When you're in high school, you
Speaker 1: have to decide what's your job going to be for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life? Right? How do you how
Speaker 1: do you know what you want to be for the
Speaker 1: rest of your life when you're high school. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty, I still don't know what I want to
Speaker 1: do that we're still figuring it out. And so I
Speaker 1: think it's so important to you at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, find what you're what fuels you and what
Speaker 1: drives you and what makes you so hungry in the
Speaker 1: morning to wake up and like do the things that
Speaker 1: you love, and what your definition of successes. And for me,
Speaker 1: my definition of success is having my friends and family
Speaker 1: around me that loved me and that that support me
Speaker 1: and doing things to help people. That's my level of
Speaker 1: that's what my level of successes, and that's what I
Speaker 1: want to focus on this year. Yeah, totally. I wish
Speaker 1: I was trying to find the article right now, but
Speaker 1: I was reading something last year about how you shouldn't
Speaker 1: look at Instagram before you go to bed. You actually
Speaker 1: look at something it's not It doesn't say that you
Speaker 1: shouldn't look at your phone, but you shouldn't look at
Speaker 1: social media because apparently it gives you so much anxiety
Speaker 1: because you are always comparing yourself to other people that
Speaker 1: you see, whether it be friends or influencers or bloggers
Speaker 1: that you follow. Uh, And that you should really watch
Speaker 1: something far more lighthearted that makes you feel ease and
Speaker 1: comfortable before you go to bed, and it will make
Speaker 1: you sleep better at night. I wish I found the article,
Speaker 1: but I didn't. But like so many people watch Friends
Speaker 1: if all sleeped, Like my wife Antonia, both falselep to
Speaker 1: friends every night. It's yeah, it's it's just something about
Speaker 1: turning off your brain and just enjoying it and just happiness. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it. Yeah, Uh, I agree, Mark, what's your show.
Speaker 1: Do you have a show that you false like darkness
Speaker 1: and silence? I don't. I don't subscribe to this theory.
Speaker 1: So you're not in your own head. I'm not in
Speaker 1: my own head. I I'm pretty good at getting out
Speaker 1: of my own head. I can tell when I'm laying
Speaker 1: there in my own head, and I have techniques just
Speaker 1: to get out of it. And then i'm what's your
Speaker 1: technique for the listeners? It's not really I don't know
Speaker 1: that it's shareable necessarily. It's certain like I don't turn.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to put it into words. Actually,
Speaker 1: I mean it's it's breathing and it's um. It's a
Speaker 1: certain amount of just kind of visualization of of anything.
Speaker 1: You know what I will do sometimes I can share this,
Speaker 1: So I will do sometimes if I hear something awful
Speaker 1: in the news, some horrible story in the news, I
Speaker 1: will imagine myself as a superhero stopping that from happening.
Speaker 1: I know that's weird and childlike, but I will imagine
Speaker 1: that I have the ability to stop that person from
Speaker 1: getting killed or attacked or robbed or whatever it is.
Speaker 1: Anything that really affects me, I will imagine myself stopping it.
Speaker 1: From happening and that helps me drift off to sleep.
Speaker 1: Oh huh, I don't know how to react to it.
Speaker 1: I think it's great because I'm trying to put myself
Speaker 1: in that where I'm watching the news because I I
Speaker 1: have a hard time watching the local news everything. And
Speaker 1: I understand that we live in a very difficult world today,
Speaker 1: but everything is car crash, uh, you know, entencing, um murder,
Speaker 1: h a van or kidnapped or whatever it is. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I get it. We live in a
Speaker 1: dark world, and I'm I want to be aware of
Speaker 1: what's happening in my surroundings, but at the same time,
Speaker 1: it just weighs on you. So that's an interesting technique
Speaker 1: that I'm actually going to try to watch the news
Speaker 1: and then I'm gonna imagine myself as a superhero, which
Speaker 1: I do all the time anyway, and I'm gonna imagine
Speaker 1: myself stopping that crime and see if it helps, because
Speaker 1: I'm always looking for techniques to get out of my
Speaker 1: own head regrets. Um, So, Vanessa, you actually said something
Speaker 1: that I was perked my ears. You said that you
Speaker 1: did a list of the things that you were ashamed
Speaker 1: of over the past year. I was just reading it here.
Speaker 1: It is very interesting. Did you write this? Where did
Speaker 1: you get the list? It's on her Instagram. Oh, it's
Speaker 1: not that you know, this looks like it looks to
Speaker 1: me like if I had to guess, would like, oh,
Speaker 1: she took this from Motivational Speaker's website or something like that.
Speaker 1: This is very well written, right, so, so obviously you're
Speaker 1: you wanted to share it, so I don't have to
Speaker 1: ask that question. What are some of the things, Vanessa,
Speaker 1: What are some of the things that you put on there? Um? So,
Speaker 1: which is so interesting. So I came up with this
Speaker 1: concept yesterday. I wanted to start my new year, the
Speaker 1: year thirty thirty two, on a clean slate, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to not go into year thirty two with having
Speaker 1: anxiety over certain things that have happened in the last
Speaker 1: year or throughout the years, um that could creep up
Speaker 1: and make me kind of feel derailed in my thoughts
Speaker 1: and in my purpose. And so, I mean, there's nothing
Speaker 1: really specific. I think it's just you know, at times
Speaker 1: I could feel down, um, and sometimes I feel like
Speaker 1: maybe I can't share that I'm gonna start crying. No, Well,
Speaker 1: take a breath, if you want you don't. We don't
Speaker 1: have to talk about this if you don't want to. No, No,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Um, and it's all good. I think sometimes, UM,
Speaker 1: there's this level of pressure that we put on ourselves
Speaker 1: where if we don't achieve certain things, or if we
Speaker 1: put a timeline on certain things and we don't get there,
Speaker 1: how about I read some of this because she wrote
Speaker 1: last day as a thirty one year old and reflecting
Speaker 1: on life this past year and years leading up to this,
Speaker 1: I've realized a lot. I know I'm not perfect, and
Speaker 1: I don't strive to be, but I want to keep
Speaker 1: being a better person. I forgive myself for allowing my
Speaker 1: insecurities to get the best of me, and for comparing
Speaker 1: myself to others. Boy, we've all done that. I forgive
Speaker 1: myself for allowing my jealousy to cloud my judgment at times.
Speaker 1: I forgive myself for doubting who I am, my purpose,
Speaker 1: and my worth. I forgive myself for not being compassionate
Speaker 1: with myself when I was feeling down. I forgive myself
Speaker 1: for being selfish at times and not prioritizing friends and family.
Speaker 1: I forgive myself. I'm not perfect. I don't strive to be.
Speaker 1: But I want to keep growing to becoming a better
Speaker 1: person with age, a person with more compassion, more love,
Speaker 1: more forgiveness, more empathy, more understanding. Thank you your thirty one,
Speaker 1: thirty two. I'm ready for you. That's so sweet, really
Speaker 1: well written, very well written, very well spoken, Videssa. I
Speaker 1: also want to defend myself. I saw that when you
Speaker 1: said a list, I thought it was going to be
Speaker 1: a specific list of like I'm ashamed of this that
Speaker 1: that that's I was like, oh okay, and the best general.
Speaker 1: I gave a general and then the best part is
Speaker 1: at the end, top and Scarfe Hudson Bay. So there
Speaker 1: you go. That's all in there. I thought it was
Speaker 1: gonna be a list, like on June, I didn't help
Speaker 1: an old lady across the street on the shamed of myself. Ah,
Speaker 1: that's hilarious, that's so funny. So um, I keep talking
Speaker 1: about the Jewish faith just because I learned so much
Speaker 1: about it yesterday and because I put this post up yesterday. Um.
Speaker 1: We also had Rossia shown at dinner at my boyfriend's house,
Speaker 1: and his mother was explained to me what the new
Speaker 1: year symbolizes and for them they have like an apple
Speaker 1: and a piece of bread with honey on it to
Speaker 1: have a sweet new year and to start off the
Speaker 1: new year's sweet um. And they also have between between
Speaker 1: Russiatown and Young Kidpor they have a week where people
Speaker 1: that they have to make or they want to make
Speaker 1: amends to. That's their time to make amends to those people,
Speaker 1: apologize for certain things you may have done or said
Speaker 1: if you I think you may have hurt them, that's
Speaker 1: your week to make her amends and to start your
Speaker 1: your year on a fresh start, on a fresh note.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, wow, that's kind of like what I
Speaker 1: did with myself yesterday. I made amends with myself yesterday,
Speaker 1: so I can feel like it can start fresh. And
Speaker 1: you know, I just had this feeling when I was
Speaker 1: thinking of what do I want in my my year
Speaker 1: thirty two? What do I want? And for me, I
Speaker 1: don't want the money, I don't want the fame. I
Speaker 1: you know, there's a lot of darkness that can come
Speaker 1: with all that stuff. I just want to have purpose
Speaker 1: again and feel refueled in my being and why I'm
Speaker 1: why I'm on earth. So that's what I want to
Speaker 1: focus on for your thirty two. I'm sorry, no, please,
Speaker 1: I would have got I got a little emotional reading
Speaker 1: it too. It's not even my post or my birthday, UM,
Speaker 1: But I think Vanessa, you're an incredible person who I
Speaker 1: understand why you feel like you would want a fresh start,
Speaker 1: but you really don't, because even in your year thirty
Speaker 1: one on this earth, you've done so many incredible things,
Speaker 1: and you're always sweet and kind and generous, and you
Speaker 1: always bring a positive attitude to this podcast that you
Speaker 1: you you don't need a fresh start. I I totally
Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from, and I love your attitude
Speaker 1: towards it, but as a friend, I just want you
Speaker 1: to know that it's it's there's nothing that you ever
Speaker 1: need to be quote ashamed of. We're all vain and
Speaker 1: selfish at times, and I I can count numerous times
Speaker 1: throughout the past hour how many times I've been selfish, um,
Speaker 1: and you are one of the most kind people I've
Speaker 1: ever met, Vanessa. So happy birthday to you, and I
Speaker 1: hope it's a great one. So you have dinner? Do
Speaker 1: you have you have any more plans? You have dinner
Speaker 1: at your boyfriend's um parents house last night and then
Speaker 1: and tonight I will be spending time with my family. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: what are you guys going out to? You eating in
Speaker 1: your feel like you guys are cooking. Well, so my
Speaker 1: mom was like, well, I want to get you a cake.
Speaker 1: And I'm so simple and like, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys have this brand in the States McCain. It's
Speaker 1: basically frozen cake that you can buy at the grocery store.
Speaker 1: It's my favorite. It's like five dollars. And she's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna get you McCaine cake. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's literally all I want. It's like it tastes like
Speaker 1: a McDonald's cake. When you were a kid and you
Speaker 1: had birthday parties at McDonald's. Ronald McDonald's thing. I never remember.
Speaker 1: I remember what is this McDonald's cake you speak of.
Speaker 1: You've never had a McDonald's cake. No, I've had a
Speaker 1: mcflorian my time. Okay, Jared, w's your birthday November McDonald's
Speaker 1: cake for your birthday? No? Actually yes, please? What are
Speaker 1: you going to send it from Canada? I'm confused. I
Speaker 1: I can. I can go to the local McDonald's and
Speaker 1: get it. I will, because how about this on my birthday?
Speaker 1: The week of the podcast. I'll bring in a McDonald's
Speaker 1: cake if this thing does exist. I've never heard of
Speaker 1: a McDonald's cake. Maybe that's a Canadian thing too. Oh wow,
Speaker 1: we have something in Canada. The States doesn't happ we don't.
Speaker 1: I look them up here. They look great, deep and delicious.
Speaker 1: But I've never seen these before. So cakes in universal
Speaker 1: healthcare the two things that can have. I do have
Speaker 1: a question. Hello Tory ladies in jail. I enjoy the
Speaker 1: podcast over here. Hi, happy birthdayby well, I want to know.
Speaker 1: I feel like the Grimaldi's have a good birthday tradition,
Speaker 1: like what do you what do you guys do? So
Speaker 1: my sister is born on my brother's born September seven,
Speaker 1: My sister is born September eight. I'm born September. So
Speaker 1: we usually celebrate all of our birthdays. Like I kind
Speaker 1: of sell lebrated with them for their birthday and they're
Speaker 1: going to be celebrating with me. But we always get
Speaker 1: together with my grandparents on Sunday, and for me, that's
Speaker 1: the most sacred time of the week. Um, so we're
Speaker 1: we just all all fourteen of us are going to
Speaker 1: get together on Sunday. This Sunday, coming up and we're
Speaker 1: gonna have my grandmother's famous homemade cake. What flavor cake
Speaker 1: is this? It's like six layers of chocolate cake, and
Speaker 1: in between she puts this like cream. It's a moose,
Speaker 1: but it has it has chocolate and coffee flavor in it.
Speaker 1: That sounds delicious, my two favorite flavors. It is so good.
Speaker 1: And that's the only thing I asked Bright and like,
Speaker 1: don't buy me presents, just get me that cake. It's fantastic.
Speaker 1: We also learned that your parents really like to get frisky.
Speaker 1: You're on the holidays, I know, all right, Mark doing
Speaker 1: some quick there. I think there's a high number of
Speaker 1: people who are born in September because it is the
Speaker 1: most populous month for birthdays. Yeah, you know, it's the holidays.
Speaker 1: If Ellen and love you staying inside, you're cozy by
Speaker 1: the fire. September nine, there's the most common birthday in America,
Speaker 1: and September is the busiest month for births overall. I'm
Speaker 1: telling you it's Christmas and New Years. Jared's is going
Speaker 1: to be January because that's Super Bowl February and half
Speaker 1: super Bowl baby to February, and that's when my kid
Speaker 1: will be born. And that's it's so crazy because I
Speaker 1: messed with Jared and Ashley. I had a dream that
Speaker 1: you guys had a baby and named her Marie, but
Speaker 1: it was you had three I remember, it was like
Speaker 1: three names. The first name was Marie, and then you
Speaker 1: gave two other two other middle names, and then was
Speaker 1: your last name. Yeah, Marie Tom Brady Hayden was the
Speaker 1: proper name right there. Um, that will definitely be the
Speaker 1: name of my kid as long as Ashley approves. But
Speaker 1: we have a very special guest coming up next. But
Speaker 1: before we get there, we're gonna take a little break.
Speaker 1: Hiring can be a challenge, and I know this because
Speaker 1: right now I'm looking to expand my team for my
Speaker 1: nonprofit it and as Quotable co founder Gretchen Heatner discovered
Speaker 1: she needed to hire a game artist for her education
Speaker 1: tech company, she knew it wasn't going to be easy
Speaker 1: to find someone to grow her team, and that's why
Speaker 1: she went to zip recruiter dot com. Zip recruiter doesn't
Speaker 1: depend on Canada's finding you. They find them for you,
Speaker 1: Yes they do. It's technology identifies people with the right
Speaker 1: experience and invites them to apply to your job, so
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Speaker 1: on zip recruiter, and she said she was so impressed
Speaker 1: with how quickly she found qualified applicants, she's recommending it
Speaker 1: to everybody. So she also us zip recruiter screening questions
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Speaker 1: Get this in less than two weeks. Two weeks. Good lord,
Speaker 1: that's that's really quick. I mean, that's really qulin. Something
Speaker 1: I do faster than in two weeks. I can't I
Speaker 1: take longer vacations. I don't know. Well, with results like that,
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Speaker 1: Welcome back to help I suck at dating on the line.
Speaker 1: Right now, we have the executive producer of the brand
Speaker 1: new Hallmark movie Matchmaker Mysteries A Killer Engagement, which is
Speaker 1: premiering this Sunday, October six on Hallmark Movies and Mysteries.
Speaker 1: Patty Stanger, thank you so much, Patty. How are you good?
Speaker 1: How are you? I'm doing well. You're in the line
Speaker 1: with myself and Vanessa and we are very excited about
Speaker 1: your brand new movie that you have a character based
Speaker 1: about you. Yeah, I do well. Kind of like me.
Speaker 1: I'd say it's a little more Hallmark Matchmaker Matchmaker. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's fair enough. I saw the trailer for it. And
Speaker 1: so Danika McKellar plays a character Annie Dove, who is
Speaker 1: pretty much Angie Angie Dove. Um, I can't read. It's
Speaker 1: right in front of me. I'm I'm a terrible reader.
Speaker 1: And um. And so she plays a character that's a
Speaker 1: matchmaker but also pretty much solving a murder mystery. It
Speaker 1: appears right, and that character is based on you. So
Speaker 1: did you sit down to Anika and be like, hey,
Speaker 1: listen to Anka. This is what you should be doing,
Speaker 1: This is how you should act, this is what matchmaking
Speaker 1: is all about. Well, I mean, I don't think you
Speaker 1: tell Dannica what to do in the acting department. I
Speaker 1: think she pretty much got that wrapped up, but she
Speaker 1: we did spend a lot of time together and I
Speaker 1: was helping the writer rights to script and it was
Speaker 1: my idea with my executive producer, Lance Robbins. And when
Speaker 1: we pitched it to Hallmark Um Michelle who's voice Risdon
Speaker 1: the Hallmark she based a We said, Dannica wants to
Speaker 1: do a mystery Wheel and it was like it was
Speaker 1: like a no brainer at that point because it was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I could totally see her doing this.
Speaker 1: And she's really scientific in a lot of ways. If
Speaker 1: you know that she wrote Math book, she's kind of
Speaker 1: a nerdy, sexy scientist, and that's kind of what the
Speaker 1: mathmakers are. We noticed things that nobody notices, the subtle nuances,
Speaker 1: the body language, the things that the cops wouldn't generally
Speaker 1: pick up on. We kind of know. And that's why
Speaker 1: when she teams up with Victor Webster and he's the
Speaker 1: cop on the beach trying to figure out the murderer,
Speaker 1: and she's like, yeah, I don't see it that way,
Speaker 1: they become the perfect team. And then again Bruce box
Speaker 1: Sitner as the father is like the perfect you know,
Speaker 1: like he's like the wisdom you know of all this
Speaker 1: that's going on totally. And we know Danica from her
Speaker 1: time on the Wonder Years, but I also know her
Speaker 1: very well from her time on A Practical Jokers if
Speaker 1: you've ever seen that show. Yes, big fan over here, um,
Speaker 1: And she's great. So I'm very excited to see her
Speaker 1: in this role as Angie Dove. And so Patty, what
Speaker 1: what inspired this idea, you know, kind of combining matchmaking
Speaker 1: with solving mysteries. Well, it started out first where I
Speaker 1: had a flue but two years ago and I was
Speaker 1: stuck in bed and I fell on the Hallmark Channel.
Speaker 1: And I've always been a fan of like, you know,
Speaker 1: the commercials, you know, with the cards and all that stuff,
Speaker 1: But I didn't realize there was this whole NonStop movie,
Speaker 1: you know, Cattle that like kind of stuck you into
Speaker 1: Christmas Crack. So I basically went into Christmas Crack and
Speaker 1: then I was like Christmas is over, and I kept going,
Speaker 1: and then there's New Years and there's and saying. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, this is like a house
Speaker 1: of love. And then I switched over to the Mysteries
Speaker 1: channel and I got really hooked on that, and then
Speaker 1: I came up with, like, what if there was a
Speaker 1: matchmaker that evolved a crime. That's basically what happened. Channels. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean even the drama channel. Now I'm falling in
Speaker 1: love with. So it's kind of like, you know, I
Speaker 1: saw other icons from other various famous television shows becoming
Speaker 1: these amazing you know people on Hallmark, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, this is a perfect Gantica fit. You know,
Speaker 1: her viewers are there and everything, and she's she's done
Speaker 1: a lot of movies in Christmas time, and she's going
Speaker 1: about to do the Dolly movie and did a lot
Speaker 1: of good stuff with her, so and we get along
Speaker 1: really well. That's really nice to hear. Okay, friends through
Speaker 1: the process. Yeah, yeah, she looks like a fantastic fit.
Speaker 1: I'm very excited about it. Now, Patty, my question is
Speaker 1: have you ever solved the crime? I have, but it's home, okay,
Speaker 1: a little bit more of a Bravo crime. It's a
Speaker 1: Bravo crime. It wasn't necessarily a murderer. But I did
Speaker 1: stoll who did what to whom? Yeah, I mean I
Speaker 1: did stop like somebody somebody had stolen something, and I
Speaker 1: figured it out. Did your matchmaking feels like? Did that
Speaker 1: come in handy? Well, I mean, this person has too
Speaker 1: many people in their house all the time. And then
Speaker 1: I figured out the person was that stole and sure
Speaker 1: enough they found the good Will say the jewelry in
Speaker 1: this person's car. So I did kind of spit out.
Speaker 1: Good for you, Damn, that's awesome. You're a badass, Patty.
Speaker 1: I'll give you that. Yeah. Um, But we do have
Speaker 1: some reader emails that I would love to read to
Speaker 1: you on air, because you are a professional matchmaker and
Speaker 1: you know a lot more about dating than myself. I
Speaker 1: can tell you that. Would you mind answering some of
Speaker 1: these perfect So this one is from Diana and the
Speaker 1: subject line is I don't know what we are. She says,
Speaker 1: I've been talking dating this guy for almost five months now,
Speaker 1: and I'm not entirely sure as to what it is
Speaker 1: that we are. We don't live in the same state,
Speaker 1: so this is like a long distance sort of thing,
Speaker 1: but we talk almost every day and even FaceTime once
Speaker 1: or twice a day as well. We're about a seven
Speaker 1: hour drive away from each other, and recently he actually
Speaker 1: drove out to see me, even though we could only
Speaker 1: spend one day together, so he drove seven hours just
Speaker 1: to spend one day with her. There are a couple
Speaker 1: of things that he does throw me off, though. There
Speaker 1: are a couple of things that he does it throw
Speaker 1: me off, like liking other girls pictures on Instagram, and
Speaker 1: he'll sometimes take forever to reply, even though I know
Speaker 1: he's not busy. But then I'll start to feel guilty
Speaker 1: about getting mad since we haven't had that discussion just yet.
Speaker 1: I've brought up the whole are what are we? Are?
Speaker 1: We are? What are we not? Talk? Um? But my
Speaker 1: question is are are? Should I bring it up? Should
Speaker 1: I bring it up more? Do I need to talk
Speaker 1: to him? I don't really know what to do? How
Speaker 1: can I get some clarity on this situation? Al First
Speaker 1: of all, we need to know what on that. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's an important pre ingredient if you're in your forties
Speaker 1: and you're doing this your children. But if you're in
Speaker 1: your twenties and doing this, of course he's gonna like
Speaker 1: kids women on Instagram. Um. Second thing is if it's
Speaker 1: all about the accident stuff for you showing accents, so
Speaker 1: don't think about all the other stuff, think about the
Speaker 1: positive stuff. That he drove semin hours for one day
Speaker 1: that you're talking and again the phone. It's at that
Speaker 1: point it's five months, especially if you're sleeping together, that
Speaker 1: you need to declare what you are and say, look,
Speaker 1: I would assume you'd be exclusive, because you know me,
Speaker 1: I don't believe in having such that monogamy. So I
Speaker 1: do believe you have to have the exclusivity conversation and
Speaker 1: then talk about where this is going to go because
Speaker 1: you're gonna get tired of that long distance shuffle. It's
Speaker 1: gonna get old really fast if you don't have a
Speaker 1: direction of where that train is headed to. Our next
Speaker 1: email is from an overwhelmed newbie data, she says, or
Speaker 1: he you know she. I'm a twenty four year old
Speaker 1: female who's never really dated. I actually only just had
Speaker 1: my first kiss a couple of weeks ago, and it
Speaker 1: completely freaked me out. The lack of dating hasn't really
Speaker 1: bothered me because I've been super busy with school to
Speaker 1: master degrees down congratulations girl, and I haven't lived in
Speaker 1: the same place for more than ten months in the
Speaker 1: last three years. However, and now that I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: diving in, I'm finding the whole idea incredibly overwhelming. I'm
Speaker 1: particular terrified of online dating, but that seems to be
Speaker 1: how everything's done these days. I'm the kind of person
Speaker 1: who needs a foundation of friendship before I catch feelings
Speaker 1: for a guy, and I have a hard time getting
Speaker 1: past a first date with a guy I've just met
Speaker 1: because it just feels too intense. How do I stop
Speaker 1: over thinking this dating thing? Am I just putting way
Speaker 1: too much pressure on a first date? Or maybe should
Speaker 1: I just give up on online dating? Help? Okay, so
Speaker 1: I'm an online dating two so I know how overwhelming
Speaker 1: it can be. Second of all, you can't put so
Speaker 1: much attachment to a first date, let alone an online
Speaker 1: first date. That's throw that away. The second thing is
Speaker 1: why is everything in online dating? You have a hundred
Speaker 1: percent of a search and should only be online. You
Speaker 1: should be going to meet up, should be going to
Speaker 1: friends events, charity events like moving, moving around your neighborhood
Speaker 1: or getting out of your own neighborhoods, going from the
Speaker 1: next town over. Like this whole business that is that
Speaker 1: is at your computers. That's so lazy and you're getting
Speaker 1: disappointed in it. It may not be for you. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't give off on it, but I wouldn't put my
Speaker 1: whole first in that. And this final email is from anonymous,
Speaker 1: which our favorite emails come from because they're usually the juiciest,
Speaker 1: and it says subject line two and a half years
Speaker 1: of friends with benefits. A while back, I had just
Speaker 1: moved to a new place, and soon thereafter I met
Speaker 1: someone on tender. We hit it off, but I had
Speaker 1: just gotten out of a bad relationship and told him
Speaker 1: anything more than hanging out and hooking up wasn't going
Speaker 1: to happen. Over the past two and a half years,
Speaker 1: we've maintained a close friendship, and although both of us
Speaker 1: have dated other people on and off, we've always ended
Speaker 1: up getting together once we were single again. This past summer,
Speaker 1: I moved back home. I decided to take the plunge
Speaker 1: and had him come over for a full day night.
Speaker 1: While I was house sitting, I showed him around my hometown.
Speaker 1: We went to the beach and out to dinner. It
Speaker 1: was also natural and fun. I realized how well we
Speaker 1: know each other and that I could see myself having
Speaker 1: a future with him. The problem is that I don't
Speaker 1: think I'm ready to be in a relationship. I just
Speaker 1: finished school, and essentially still trying to figure out who
Speaker 1: I am and what I want in my life. Do
Speaker 1: I pursue the relationship so that I don't lose him
Speaker 1: or stick to my gut and put my feelings away
Speaker 1: so that I can focus on myself. Okay, I don't
Speaker 1: understand why it can have volt Why can't you declare
Speaker 1: are we an exclusive relationship? And if we're not next?
Speaker 1: Why does it have to be all? You know, end
Speaker 1: all be all like? First of all, if you want
Speaker 1: a relationship, you have to speak up and say, I'm
Speaker 1: not going past this point. Let's for an exclusive, anagamous,
Speaker 1: committed relationship, and I'm not going to twist your arm.
Speaker 1: Either you feel the same way or we're done. Okay,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to go off and lick your
Speaker 1: rooms and try to find yourself like you pray love.
Speaker 1: You can have another guy. He just might not be
Speaker 1: the guy. He might be the transition guy to the
Speaker 1: next guy. So stupid we all make these decisions so rashly.
Speaker 1: There's no rash decisions. It's just a learning curve, that's
Speaker 1: all it is. And you have the rights to state
Speaker 1: what you want based on how much you like that person.
Speaker 1: If you don't like the person and you're just using
Speaker 1: them for sex, that's time to move on. I agree
Speaker 1: with you. I think that two are not mutually exclusive. Patty,
Speaker 1: you are truly the best. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: calling in today. No, thank you. We really need you
Speaker 1: back in studio because you are a personality that I
Speaker 1: just love being around. So will you come back in
Speaker 1: studio sometime? Absolutely love to let's left. No, Patty, thank
Speaker 1: you for joining us. And once again, everybody check out
Speaker 1: the new Hallmark movie UH, premiering this Sunday, October six.
Speaker 1: It is called Matchmaker Mysteries A Killer Engagement, and Patty
Speaker 1: is the executive producer on it. Very excited, Patty, you
Speaker 1: have a wonderful day. Thank you too, good bye, welcome
Speaker 1: back to help I suck at dating. Uh. We have
Speaker 1: a very special guest on the line. Yet again, all
Speaker 1: our guests are very special, but this one is extremely
Speaker 1: special because she's a dear friend of the podcast. She
Speaker 1: has a new book out called Now Accepting Roses, Finding
Speaker 1: Myself while searching for the One, and other lessons I
Speaker 1: learned from the Bachelor. Amanda Stand Ladies and gentlemen, Amanda,
Speaker 1: how are you? I'm good? How are you guys. We
Speaker 1: are doing pretty well. You're on the line with Vanessa
Speaker 1: and myself right now is driving the van some okay
Speaker 1: perfect Um. First, well, we really wanted to talk about
Speaker 1: your book, Now Accepting Roses Can Gratulations. First of all,
Speaker 1: is in order. Thank you, You're very welcome. I read
Speaker 1: it over the weekend. It's a great read. You have
Speaker 1: so much stuff and now you have your clothing line
Speaker 1: Lonnie the label you have this book coming out. I
Speaker 1: just look at you and I'm like, how does she
Speaker 1: do it with two kids and then all these amazing
Speaker 1: career path that you're on. It's truly incredible. Thank you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's been a really busy year for me, but it's
Speaker 1: been fun. Um. So, as I was reading the book yesterday,
Speaker 1: first open it and it says praise for now Accepting Roses,
Speaker 1: and I see some familiar names. One who's a co
Speaker 1: host of this podcast, who is not here, Mr Dean Anglert.
Speaker 1: So I'd like to say I'd like to read what
Speaker 1: Dean had to say about Amanda and this book. Quote.
Speaker 1: A lot of people have seen me and many of
Speaker 1: us in Bachelor Nation make mistakes when it comes to
Speaker 1: dating and finding love. So reading Amanda's book and knowing
Speaker 1: that she braved through certain storms and takes accountability for
Speaker 1: mistakes is definitely inspiring. I can see why Amanda and
Speaker 1: I became and stayed good friends. She's honest, for giving,
Speaker 1: funny and genuine, and I'm proud to support her through
Speaker 1: and through end quote. It's really nice. I know he
Speaker 1: was he was really sweet, but I was not gonna lie.
Speaker 1: I really wish that it was a collaborative quote from
Speaker 1: help I Suck at Dating? But yeah, I just wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about the book a little bit. I really
Speaker 1: enjoyed reading it. For me. I don't want to describe it, Um,
Speaker 1: obviously because you are the author of it, But when
Speaker 1: I was reading it, it felt like a combination of
Speaker 1: your dating life experiences, both on and off show and
Speaker 1: with a mommy blogger, uh stamp on it is that inaccurate?
Speaker 1: Would you kind of say that's along the lines? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would say something like that. So when I first
Speaker 1: decided to write it, Um, I obviously just wanted to
Speaker 1: write a book kind of about my experiences and dating
Speaker 1: as a single mom. But then obviously The Bachelor has
Speaker 1: been a huge part of my life the past two years. So, um,
Speaker 1: it kind of ended up turning into a little bit
Speaker 1: of a bachelor book and then also kind of a
Speaker 1: self help book. Yeah. I think a lot of people
Speaker 1: who you know, follow all of our lives don't realize
Speaker 1: how big of an impact Bachelor really has on our lives,
Speaker 1: because a lot of people will criticize us saying, we
Speaker 1: only talk our post about Bachelor of things, and I
Speaker 1: think they failed to realize that it was really a
Speaker 1: very uh huge, huge part of everybody's lives that were
Speaker 1: involved in it. Um. Yeah. And that's not just the
Speaker 1: book though, because your your entire you know, you don't
Speaker 1: you start talking about Bachelor really until like the third
Speaker 1: or fourth chapter. Um, because you start off talking about
Speaker 1: your your marriage with your ex husband Nick. And I
Speaker 1: like how you have like a little bad boy red flags. Um.
Speaker 1: I thoroughly enjoyed that. Like you have like a list
Speaker 1: of of red flags that say this guy is a
Speaker 1: bad boy. And Eastern just walked in and he he's
Speaker 1: got a few of these boys going on over here. Um.
Speaker 1: First one we've talked about in the podcast before it
Speaker 1: says he's secretive? Does he cover his phone from when
Speaker 1: he's texting? Keep his inbox out of sight. If he's hiding,
Speaker 1: chances are he has something to hide. And we talked
Speaker 1: about that too, about possibly bringing your phone into the bathroom,
Speaker 1: UM to try to hide that. Yeah, I mean there's
Speaker 1: lots of ways you can hide things, but I feel
Speaker 1: like that I just think it's the red flag. I
Speaker 1: think if you're going to have a good relationship with someone,
Speaker 1: you should be pretty open and not who we hide
Speaker 1: think totally, Amanda, you get into UM your relationship talks
Speaker 1: with people for on that we're on the Bachelor, your
Speaker 1: ex husband. At any point did you feel because I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I've dated people, and did you ever
Speaker 1: feel like should I not show this information? Should I
Speaker 1: show this information? Or if I show this information, I
Speaker 1: know it can help out other women that are be
Speaker 1: going through the same thing. Like what what was your
Speaker 1: thought process us with that part of the book? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean there was obviously a lot of things that
Speaker 1: I didn't share just because I felt like I didn't
Speaker 1: need to UM. So it was kind of I just
Speaker 1: wanted to be intentional with it. I mean, I didn't
Speaker 1: want to write a book just bashing all of my exes.
Speaker 1: But just like you said, it was kind of like
Speaker 1: if I felt like something would help someone, UM, that's
Speaker 1: kind of the stuff that I included. So I had
Speaker 1: to be picky with what I chose to include and
Speaker 1: what I chose not to UM. But I would say
Speaker 1: there's a lot of things that I didn't include just
Speaker 1: because it wasn't needed. Well, one thing, I don't know
Speaker 1: if we spoke about it. I think I had messaged
Speaker 1: to you when you and Bobby had broken up. Um,
Speaker 1: there's one. So first of all, thank you for going
Speaker 1: on the show and being a single mother, because I
Speaker 1: think I gave a lot of mothers out there who
Speaker 1: are experiencing the same thing and being in the dating
Speaker 1: world kind of that hope that they can find love. UM.
Speaker 1: And then you had a public breakup. All of your
Speaker 1: breakups for public, but the one with Bobby, I think
Speaker 1: none of us saw that coming. I was in shock.
Speaker 1: I was like, well, what they just worked in together.
Speaker 1: We're all invested in that story. Is that a new
Speaker 1: relationship that you explore in the book as well. So
Speaker 1: when I wrote the book was actually I started writing
Speaker 1: it before I was even dating him, so he wasn't included.
Speaker 1: And then once we started dating, I included, you know,
Speaker 1: at the end, there's parts of our relationship in there,
Speaker 1: but it was before we broke up, so there's nothing
Speaker 1: about our breakup in the book. Um. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean it's so funny because everybody's like, we're so surprised
Speaker 1: by that breakup, and I was actually super surprised by
Speaker 1: it too. Um. So yeah, I didn't really have time
Speaker 1: to edit or include any of that in there. I mean,
Speaker 1: do you say in the book that there's a big
Speaker 1: difference between being a single woman and a single parent.
Speaker 1: What do you mean by that? A single woman in
Speaker 1: a single parent? Yeah, you said that in the dating world,
Speaker 1: that there's a difference with you personally being a single
Speaker 1: woman and a single parent. Uh, and then that you've
Speaker 1: realized that there's differences in dating between the two, and
Speaker 1: it kind of it was just a line that really
Speaker 1: struck me, and I was curious, Uh, if you want
Speaker 1: to expand on it more. Yeah, I mean what I
Speaker 1: mean by that, I mean, being a single parent is
Speaker 1: just kind of how you're you know, raising your kids
Speaker 1: on your own. And I think being a single woman
Speaker 1: is something that I've recently, you know, over the past
Speaker 1: few years, tried to be better about because you're still
Speaker 1: you know, your own person. You're still just another single
Speaker 1: woman out there, whether you have kids or not. But
Speaker 1: there's definitely things that you have to look out for
Speaker 1: one year dating when you do have kids. So I
Speaker 1: wouldn't necessarily say it complicates things, but you have to
Speaker 1: pay attention to certain things more than you would if
Speaker 1: you didn't have kids. But I just think that there's
Speaker 1: so many people that you know, whether you're single or not.
Speaker 1: Once you have kids, you just kind of identify yourself
Speaker 1: as like a mom and that's all you are. And
Speaker 1: I think that it's good to still be your own
Speaker 1: person and you know, do things for yourself still. Um.
Speaker 1: And in the book, you have a lot dedicated to
Speaker 1: your time on The Bachelor and both seasons a Bachelor
Speaker 1: in Paradise. A lot of it is about your relationship
Speaker 1: with Josh and you're engagement to him. Did you talk
Speaker 1: to Josh at all or reach out to him before
Speaker 1: the book? Know? Yeah, I mean we had talked to
Speaker 1: you knew I was writing a book because I was
Speaker 1: writing the book over two years, so we've definitely talked
Speaker 1: in between that time. Um, so he was aware and yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean he had he had a warn he was warned. Well,
Speaker 1: that's good. It's not the first time he's had a
Speaker 1: book written about him either, so it is not And
Speaker 1: you address that as well. Uh, when you met him
Speaker 1: on Paradise. Uh, the book had just come out from
Speaker 1: Andy describing her relationship with Josh and some of the
Speaker 1: red flags that she had seen from him. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: the crazy thing is when that book came out, I
Speaker 1: was getting ready to go on the show, and nobody
Speaker 1: had really read it that was on the season. Actually,
Speaker 1: nobody read it that was in Paradise with me. So
Speaker 1: I feel like that's why it was hard for me
Speaker 1: to really listen to what people were saying, because it
Speaker 1: was kind of just hearsay. No one had actually read
Speaker 1: the book. And even if people had read it, and
Speaker 1: we're warning me, I'm just one of those people. I
Speaker 1: kind of have to figure things out for myself. M Yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. I was. I remember being on that season
Speaker 1: with you and and it was it was weird. It
Speaker 1: was a weird feeling because it was, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: good friends with Nick, and Nick was there first, and
Speaker 1: then you guys went on date and that you talked
Speaker 1: about on the book. Um, and then Josh came in
Speaker 1: and I while reading, I kind of asked myself the
Speaker 1: same question that you did, apparently, which was, would Josh
Speaker 1: have been as interested in me if I had not
Speaker 1: gone on the date with Nick? Um. Yeah, and that's
Speaker 1: just you know, I mean, I don't know, but it's
Speaker 1: an interesting question. Um. But it's like a competitive thing,
Speaker 1: you know, totally. Um. But I remember that season and
Speaker 1: just everybody kind of uh telling you one thing. But
Speaker 1: at the same time, you're absolutely right. The only way
Speaker 1: you figure out things in this world is you have
Speaker 1: to figure out them on your own. Um. And I
Speaker 1: always say to him, like, I'm sure it was super
Speaker 1: frustrating to watch because people were like, this girl is
Speaker 1: such an idiot. She's ignoring what everyone's telling her. But
Speaker 1: I wasn't really ignoring everything, you know. It was like
Speaker 1: I kept it in the back of my mind, like
Speaker 1: I saw things, but I also really like him, so
Speaker 1: I just had to kind of figure things out from myself. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And that's like any relationship, you only really start seeing
Speaker 1: the person's true colors once you're outside of it looking in.
Speaker 1: So I'm the same way. I'll date someone and I
Speaker 1: want to make sure that if it ends. It ends
Speaker 1: because it was on my terms, not what other people
Speaker 1: were saying or trying to convince me. Um. Then another
Speaker 1: thing that I love. I love following you because you
Speaker 1: have such great style, and then your kids are still adorable,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure a lot of our listeners are just
Speaker 1: as obsessed with your kids as they are with you.
Speaker 1: What kind of advice would you give to parents listening? Um? Well,
Speaker 1: especially now with like social media and like putting pictures
Speaker 1: up of your kids, and you know, there's always going
Speaker 1: to be people who are whether it's about you or
Speaker 1: your kids or whatever. You can post a picture about
Speaker 1: a glass with water in it and people are going
Speaker 1: to say something negative about it. What advice would you
Speaker 1: give to parents on I guess not being so affected
Speaker 1: or not even just parents, even someone like me, like
Speaker 1: not being so affected by people's comments on Instagram. I
Speaker 1: feel like, I mean, I go through phases where it's
Speaker 1: like I don't really care what people are saying, and
Speaker 1: then you have your moments or people will say something
Speaker 1: that you're sensitive about and it kind of gets to you.
Speaker 1: And I still feel that way sometimes. But yeah, like
Speaker 1: I recently posted a picture of Charlie and I got
Speaker 1: a ton of hate for it, but I think it's
Speaker 1: just kind of preference, and um, like, I obviously know
Speaker 1: that I protect my kids the best they can, and
Speaker 1: everyone just used things differently. So I know that all
Speaker 1: my friends that have kids post a million photos of
Speaker 1: their kids all day long, um, and no one ever
Speaker 1: really says anything. But I think it's just because you know,
Speaker 1: I have a following that people think that I shouldn't
Speaker 1: do that. So I guess it's this preference, like I'm
Speaker 1: going to continue to post what I want to post
Speaker 1: and people can either like it or they cannot like it,
Speaker 1: and I just try not three the comments and be
Speaker 1: to just not let it affects me and just keep
Speaker 1: doing me. So I think, like you said, you can
Speaker 1: post a photo of a glass of water and I
Speaker 1: feel like people would hate on it. So I think
Speaker 1: if you know that, it's easier to just kind of
Speaker 1: continue to do what you are too. I agree. I
Speaker 1: think that's a good mindset to have. And something that
Speaker 1: you actually talk about in the book is social media
Speaker 1: and the following that you gain from the show. And
Speaker 1: it's a really great read. I can't recommend it enough
Speaker 1: because I think it's it's about your time on the Bachelor,
Speaker 1: which is really fascinating, but it's also about you dating
Speaker 1: as as a single parent in your time through your
Speaker 1: first marriage and having kids and then thereafter. Um, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's it's a really good read and you guys
Speaker 1: can pick it up at anywhere books are sold. It's
Speaker 1: called Now Accepting Roses, Finding Myself while searching for the One,
Speaker 1: and other lessons that I learned from The Bachelor by
Speaker 1: Amanda stand Amanda, we'd really love to have you in
Speaker 1: studio once again, so if you're ever in the l
Speaker 1: A area, please hit up any three of us and
Speaker 1: we would love to have you here to talk more
Speaker 1: about this book. Yes, I would love to let you
Speaker 1: guys know next time I'm around. All right, thank you
Speaker 1: so much for calling a man. Thanks Ada, guys, jaredd
Speaker 1: Are you have flint Stones family well looking with they
Speaker 1: sent over milk. They're on Me TV every night starting today,
Speaker 1: the flint Stones. Now, are you more of a chocolate
Speaker 1: flint Stone cereal? Guy? I go Coco Pebbles on that one. Personally, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm all for the Coco pebbles. If I can have
Speaker 1: chocolate around the morning and have an excuse to do it.
Speaker 1: I'm in baby, Sign me up six and six thirty
Speaker 1: pm Eastern end Pacific on Me TV. The flint Stone
Speaker 1: starts tonight. Well, welcome back. But before we end the
Speaker 1: podcast this week, Mark had a Cosmopolitan article that you
Speaker 1: wanted to read to us about what again? I love
Speaker 1: my Cosmo. First of all, you know Ashley writes for
Speaker 1: Cosmo for Bachelor recap. Oh nice, look at that shameless
Speaker 1: plug r the Cosmo family. We love Cosmo over here.
Speaker 1: I mean, what's not to allow? Cosmo Cramer is my favorite,
Speaker 1: but Cosmo Magazine is a close second. But also as
Speaker 1: a guy, there's a lot to be glean from Cosmopolitan magazine.
Speaker 1: You look at that cover, there's at least four articles.
Speaker 1: Do you like I would like to read that article? Oh,
Speaker 1: I've bought Cosmo bovar because I forget what the headline was,
Speaker 1: but it was like eleven ways to make her go crazy,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'll take this, thank you very much. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: what they're talking about is the dating term zombing. Are
Speaker 1: we familiar with zombiing? Yes? And no? What do you
Speaker 1: think it is? Just based on the name, what do
Speaker 1: you think it is? Um? I guess someone lobuler, I
Speaker 1: have no idea. Well, also, I'd like to say it's
Speaker 1: very timely. This this word, this word us doing zombieing
Speaker 1: October Halloween. Tell us Mark, tell the people what zombieing is.
Speaker 1: Cosmo says, be aware of the zombie who goes to
Speaker 1: you and then after some time has passed, rises from
Speaker 1: the dead and hits you up again. And it's can
Speaker 1: come in the form of a text, a d M,
Speaker 1: a phone call, or simply matching on another dating app.
Speaker 1: Can I read it from the Urban Dictionary. I'm a
Speaker 1: big fan of dictionary dot com. So zombieing related to
Speaker 1: dating a person who cuts off all contact but then
Speaker 1: repeatedly comes back after long absences, different from someone who
Speaker 1: ghosts and never returns. A zombie pops up and says
Speaker 1: high every few months. To use it in a sentence.
Speaker 1: We went out for three months and then I never
Speaker 1: heard for her again. Two months later, she texts me
Speaker 1: as if nothing happened. I think she's zombie and me,
Speaker 1: why are they insinuating it's a girl that would do
Speaker 1: that to a guy? My head and mediately went to
Speaker 1: a guy to which maybe which is why Urban Dictionary
Speaker 1: said it was a girl throw you off? So wait,
Speaker 1: is it's someone that shows you attention then go sue
Speaker 1: and then comes back like with you? It's a ghost
Speaker 1: rising from the dead. First of all, why is this
Speaker 1: not called peek a boo? That's fantastic, Vanessa, I got
Speaker 1: peeka boon. I think he's peekaboo with me? He has
Speaker 1: anyone experienced this yet? Oh? Yes, are you kidding me? Before? Yeah,
Speaker 1: before the Bachelor, I definitely think. I definitely think this
Speaker 1: is more guys than girls. Vanessa, What was your story?
Speaker 1: There's no specific stories exactly that where shows you and
Speaker 1: even actually that's not true. Even after the show. I
Speaker 1: was talking to someone and then all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: they ghosted me out of nowhere, and I was like,
Speaker 1: what the did I do? And then obviously becomes a
Speaker 1: did I do something? Did I did I insult them? That?
Speaker 1: Was I too need you? Was I to this or whatever?
Speaker 1: And then you know, I guess uh, the next best
Speaker 1: thing was boring to them? And then they come back
Speaker 1: and they reappear in your life again so many times,
Speaker 1: not so many times, but enough times to be like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been zombie more than one, so it could be
Speaker 1: years between the ghost and the zombie Oh totally wow.
Speaker 1: But can it only be called zombie if you take
Speaker 1: that person back, because then they're like back to life
Speaker 1: a little bit or zombie just if they come back
Speaker 1: in I think if they come back because they're showing life,
Speaker 1: they're back from the dead, because once they ghost you,
Speaker 1: they're dead. They're a ghost bye bye there in the afterlife.
Speaker 1: But if they start showing you attention, if they start
Speaker 1: showing you attention again, then they're brought back to life,
Speaker 1: which makes them a zombie. That's what I think of it,
Speaker 1: even if it's a little attention. I'm trying to think
Speaker 1: of personal examples. There is one that comes to mind,
Speaker 1: but it's like very very ingrained in my heart, So
Speaker 1: I don't know if I really want to share it
Speaker 1: because it's somebody that I mean, has meant a lot
Speaker 1: to me in my past, uh that this kind of
Speaker 1: falls in line with and it has to do a
Speaker 1: little bit with the show. Um. But then I'm trying
Speaker 1: to think of my own experience because I'm a guy.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'll share it at one point, maybe as being
Speaker 1: a guy, you know, sometimes you show somebody attention who's attractive,
Speaker 1: and you're thinking, is this going to go anywhere? Probably not,
Speaker 1: but let's have some fun now. I've never ghosted anybody.
Speaker 1: I don't think. I don't think I've ghosted, but you know,
Speaker 1: I have my ended thing and then maybe, you know,
Speaker 1: like a month or two down the line, not a
Speaker 1: U up text, but like, hey, what's going on? How's things?
Speaker 1: Where are you up to? It's a loneliness thing, right,
Speaker 1: It's like, I know, maybe it was an okay situation
Speaker 1: that I'm not in anymore. I know, so I can't
Speaker 1: say that never goes to anybody and then zombie them.
Speaker 1: But I have ended things and then been that guy
Speaker 1: who's like, hey, what's going on? Because it is a
Speaker 1: loneliness and borderment. It's so bad. It's so bad. That's
Speaker 1: one of the things on my birthday I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: I'm ashamed of that. I have done that. Anybody want
Speaker 1: to chime in. It's got to be a name for that.
Speaker 1: In dating terms, they got the ex boyfriend who shows
Speaker 1: up out of the blue a boyfriend, But like, I've
Speaker 1: gone on dates with people that that's whiplash. Whiplash when
Speaker 1: the X shows back up, it's like whoa, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? Vanessa that's whip lash. Yeah, it and
Speaker 1: now you're back, and it's because it's a gear change.
Speaker 1: It's like if you're dropping your transmission now because you're
Speaker 1: cruising along, you're finally getting over that person and then wham,
Speaker 1: there they are again. I'm trying to like, I'm dating
Speaker 1: someone and then there X shows up? Or is it
Speaker 1: when you want your ex right? If there's definitely another
Speaker 1: term of one of your friends X comes after you,
Speaker 1: that's just what If I'm dating so I'm dating Josh
Speaker 1: and his X shows up, what's that? I think that
Speaker 1: would be whip a whiplash towards Josh because he's like, whoa,
Speaker 1: my ex is back. Not that Josh talks like that,
Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. I'm doing it for
Speaker 1: dramatic effects, but I think zombiing, Yeah, zombing. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm sure somebody would accuse me of zombie. I wish
Speaker 1: Dean was here. He's definitely zombie. He is a living zombie.
Speaker 1: I have zero doubts about that. No, I know, but
Speaker 1: I love it. Um yeah, what do we think about zombie? Um?
Speaker 1: Don't do it. Don't do it. You shouldn't have in
Speaker 1: the first place. Yeah. If for for the definition of this,
Speaker 1: if you've ghosted, let it die, just let it die.
Speaker 1: Don't be that guy to come back. Yes, I think so, Okay,
Speaker 1: so I've never so then technically I've never zombied anyone.
Speaker 1: Have you ghosted anybody? Vanessa? I haven't ghosted anyone, but
Speaker 1: I guess I've done like the Peeka boom peekabood. Can
Speaker 1: we just grab I've left? You know, I kind of
Speaker 1: didn't show interest, but then I was like, ah, I
Speaker 1: need some attention. Let me go back to this person
Speaker 1: and get them attention. I never ghosted them, so I
Speaker 1: never zombie. All right, So, yeah, you and I are
Speaker 1: Peka boots were not zombies. We got to find out
Speaker 1: if Dean is a zombie or if he's a pekater
Speaker 1: all of the above. We just coined that term. I
Speaker 1: really enjoy it. We should takes off. Yeah, this is
Speaker 1: like the next catfish. We should really take ownership of
Speaker 1: this promoted post it. I enjoy it. Geredd Are you
Speaker 1: have flintsed? Yeah? Looking what they sent over wrap milk
Speaker 1: there on me TV every night starting today? The flint Stones. Now,
Speaker 1: are you more of a chocolate flint stone? Cereal? Guy?
Speaker 1: I go Coco Pebbles on that one. Personally. Oh, I'm
Speaker 1: all for the Coco Pebbles. If I can have chocolate
Speaker 1: or in the morning and have an excuse to do it,
Speaker 1: I'm in baby. Sign me up six and six thirty
Speaker 1: pm Eastern end Pacific on Me TV. The flint Stone
Speaker 1: starts tonight. All right, well, that'll do it with our
Speaker 1: episode this week of help I Suck at Dating. Tory Mark,
Speaker 1: thank you very much for joining us. As always, it's
Speaker 1: your job, you get paid to do it, so I
Speaker 1: guess I really should thank you all that much. Vanessa,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. As always, again, your job, but
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say thank you. It's my job
Speaker 1: to be here, so nobody thank me. Uh, Dean, We'll
Speaker 1: be back next week. Uh. We have some very awesome
Speaker 1: guests coming up, including Rosalind Sanchez and her husband uh,
Speaker 1: and they talk about their new podcast coming up. They
Speaker 1: have a lot in the in the works and they're
Speaker 1: very fascinating people, so make sure you tune in next week. Uh.
Speaker 1: Other than that, thank you so much to Patti Stanger
Speaker 1: for joining us today. We really appreciate it. Thank you
Speaker 1: for all of our sponsors. Thank you so much for
Speaker 1: Amanda stand stopping by talking about her new book Now
Speaker 1: Accepting Roses, finding myself while searching for the One, and
Speaker 1: other lessons I learned from The Bachelor, which you can
Speaker 1: buy anywhere you buy books. You guys are the best.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening because without you guys,
Speaker 1: we wouldn't have a podcast, So you really really are
Speaker 1: the backbone of this podcast. Um and definitely follow us
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'm running that account and I put a
Speaker 1: lot of work into it. I find it's doing pretty well.
Speaker 1: We're gaining followers, people were engagements growing. Things are looking up,
Speaker 1: so definitely follow us. We are obviously at help by
Speaker 1: Second Dating and you can also join the Facebook group
Speaker 1: again Help by Second Dating podcast Facebook group, and make
Speaker 1: sure you join us next week where hopefully we all
Speaker 1: suck a little less. Follow Help By Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: with Dean, Vanessa and Jared on I Heart Radio or
Speaker 1: wherever you listen to podcast fun