Speaker 1: I am a younger your host for this journey. I
Speaker 1: was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get
Speaker 1: my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks
Speaker 1: and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love
Speaker 1: is and what it is not. I want to share
Speaker 1: some of what I've learned about love aholism. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. In any successful, loving, fulfilling relationship,
Speaker 1: people will be required to make sacrifices in order to
Speaker 1: come together. You see, sometimes you'll want something and the
Speaker 1: other person may want something else, but you can come
Speaker 1: together to compromise and work out a solution. But there
Speaker 1: are those times when people in relationships can be extremely selfish,
Speaker 1: only taking, never giving. So I am here today to
Speaker 1: tell you, if you are dealing with a partner who
Speaker 1: has treated you poorly, disregarded your feelings, and taken taken, taken,
Speaker 1: without ever giving back, it is a okay to vote
Speaker 1: for you, to choose you above your partner. Remember that
Speaker 1: you are a person, and you deserve respect, and you
Speaker 1: deserve to be treated fairly. And my first caller is
Speaker 1: a prime example of someone who has let's say lost
Speaker 1: their way and needs a reminder that they must stand
Speaker 1: for themselves within themselves. Good afternoon, beloved, Welcome to the
Speaker 1: our spot. Now, what is the question, challenge, issue, dilemma
Speaker 1: that you would like us to investigate and explore today? First,
Speaker 1: thank you for taking the call. Secondly, I am at
Speaker 1: my wits in in reference to a marriage for twelve
Speaker 1: year marriage, um ready to divorce because my husband has
Speaker 1: he's going to recovery program twenty something years and he
Speaker 1: has a lot of female friend It's quote unquote some
Speaker 1: of these friends all or text in the middle of
Speaker 1: the night. I'm never able to meet these quote unquote
Speaker 1: friends right now. The major problem is every Tuesday night
Speaker 1: he's at an ex girlfriend's house with this group of
Speaker 1: recovering friends, supposedly playing cards, and he's screamed at me
Speaker 1: at the top of his lungs that this is going
Speaker 1: to continue no matter how I feel about it. I'm
Speaker 1: not sure if I'm justified in feeling like hanging out
Speaker 1: of the ex girlfriend's house is okay. And we've had
Speaker 1: this very same argument. I said, invite them to our home.
Speaker 1: I need to feel something, and my gut is telling
Speaker 1: me something isn't correct here, but I can't seem to
Speaker 1: get him to understand my side, empathize with the fact
Speaker 1: that I'm not okay with this. Help me because I'm
Speaker 1: about to down my house and walk out of this
Speaker 1: whole thing because I'm feeling crazy. Really, you feel crazy.
Speaker 1: Your husband has a bunch of female friends that you
Speaker 1: can't meet. He goes out every Tuesday night to play
Speaker 1: cards at an ex girlfriend's house. He doesn't hear or
Speaker 1: honor your request that he invites you into that part
Speaker 1: of his life, and you feel crazy? Is that what
Speaker 1: I'm hearing you said? It is exactly hearing me say, well,
Speaker 1: that's crazy as hell. I know. The more I talked
Speaker 1: about it or just said it, I'm I had the
Speaker 1: same thought. Is as crazy as hell. So let's let's
Speaker 1: start here. Did you know about these female friends before
Speaker 1: you got married? You say you've been married twelve years,
Speaker 1: he's in recovery twenty, so you knew about them, and
Speaker 1: what was your what was your request prior? Um? We've
Speaker 1: always this Every year since our marriage, there has been
Speaker 1: some female that we've argued about, coworker or something that
Speaker 1: I told him. I think you're crossing a boundary or
Speaker 1: you're not putting down to me? Is down? They call
Speaker 1: when they want And I told one of them. I
Speaker 1: actually said to one, could you not call him on
Speaker 1: his only day off? You guys worked together six days
Speaker 1: a week. She said, I will call him anytime I
Speaker 1: want to. Oh, help me, No, you gotta help yourself.
Speaker 1: I got Yeah. So you knew this going into the marriage.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, what was your love story?
Speaker 1: What was your love story with this man who'd been
Speaker 1: in recovery? What then eight years? What was your love
Speaker 1: story that made you want to marry this man? Ah? Wow,
Speaker 1: that's so strange. We I actually met him at an
Speaker 1: excess home. We seem to just I mean, I call
Speaker 1: him straight up. If you're not single, it's not available. Please.
Speaker 1: This was New Year's Eve. I'm not starting my year
Speaker 1: off blah blah blah. But laid down all these rules, um,
Speaker 1: and he said he was available. He was ready. He
Speaker 1: at that time fifty something, you know, I was ready
Speaker 1: to settle down. Yet he's still redated. And all throughout
Speaker 1: that dating process, which was about a year before we
Speaker 1: got married, there was always something this female that we
Speaker 1: go to, that he goes to her home I knew
Speaker 1: her before I knew him. In the moment we got engaged,
Speaker 1: she stopped speaking to me. My gut is telling me
Speaker 1: I am not off. Well, then why are you calling
Speaker 1: meet you? And I know, don't you trust your God? Really?
Speaker 1: My only family everyone, I'm the oldest person in my
Speaker 1: family and I've kind of made him that in my head,
Speaker 1: like that's it. He's my family. And in other ways,
Speaker 1: he's a good guy. But hold on, hold on, hold on,
Speaker 1: hold on, hold on. I really am challenged when we
Speaker 1: as women do that, when we do a bypass, doesn't
Speaker 1: honor my feelings, he doesn't hear or respect my concerns.
Speaker 1: My gut is telling me something. I'm betraying. My gut
Speaker 1: too align with his behavior. Because other than the fact
Speaker 1: that he doesn't hear me, honor me, or respect me,
Speaker 1: he's a good guy. Why do we do that? As women?
Speaker 1: Why do we do that? That is crazy as hell?
Speaker 1: You see in a relationship, beloved, And this is this
Speaker 1: is a broader teaching just for all of us as women.
Speaker 1: Yours sixty seven, I'm two years almost three years older
Speaker 1: than you. But the broader, the broader teaching is you
Speaker 1: know that as women, we move into a cycle where
Speaker 1: the princess, and then we become the bride, and then
Speaker 1: we become the mother, than we become a woman, and
Speaker 1: then we move into our wisdom years. You know, once
Speaker 1: you cross that sixty yard dash, you're now moving into
Speaker 1: your wisdom years. So there's a wisdom that's born in
Speaker 1: us that comes forward to keep us safe and solid
Speaker 1: and secure. And like many many of us, we we
Speaker 1: discard that we dishonor it we disrespected by allowing what
Speaker 1: we hear and see and think to override what's coming
Speaker 1: from the sacred center of our being. What are you
Speaker 1: acting like? You don't know? I'm acting like one that
Speaker 1: I'm not worth. Well, let's keep it. Let's make it.
Speaker 1: Let's make it a little simpler than that. Okay, what
Speaker 1: I'm acting like I don't know is that my feelings
Speaker 1: don't matter to him. M hmm. You see, a man
Speaker 1: wants to know that he is respected. A woman wants
Speaker 1: to know that her feelings are respected. So whether he's
Speaker 1: with these women or not with these women, or whether
Speaker 1: there's some she nanigations going on, you feel like they are,
Speaker 1: and it is incumbent upon him as your partner to
Speaker 1: provide to protect, to perform, and to please. So I
Speaker 1: don't know if he's providing for you. I heard you
Speaker 1: say I'm going to sell my house. I don't know
Speaker 1: if he is, if he is protecting you, well not
Speaker 1: if a woman can call your house and tell you
Speaker 1: she's gonna call whenever she wants, he needs to protect
Speaker 1: you from that. I don't know how he's performing for you,
Speaker 1: you know, in other ways. Does he take the trash out,
Speaker 1: does he do laundry, does he cook? Does he put
Speaker 1: the toilet seat down? Kenny? Is he rocking it between
Speaker 1: the sheets? I mean, what is How is he performing?
Speaker 1: And then how does he please you? How do he
Speaker 1: please you? If you've got this upset going on from
Speaker 1: the beginning of the marriage, I want to know why
Speaker 1: you stepped into it. You didn't tell me a love story.
Speaker 1: You told me all of the demands you made of him,
Speaker 1: and then he acquiesced to it. You know, So what
Speaker 1: did he bring to the table that you need? M
Speaker 1: Companionship is about it? Okay, so you have a companion
Speaker 1: and the companion that you have because a companion and
Speaker 1: a husband ain't the same thing a roommate. Okay, there
Speaker 1: you go? Is that what you want. No, can you
Speaker 1: stay in this exactly as it is right now because
Speaker 1: it's twelve years down. Chances are it's not going to
Speaker 1: change because you've allowed him to believe that it's okay.
Speaker 1: You may fuss and argue he knows how to get
Speaker 1: around that. You may raise it every now and then,
Speaker 1: but then there's no consequences to his dishonored, disrespect and
Speaker 1: violation of your feelings. There's no consequence. Why should he stop?
Speaker 1: Why would he stop? I just I think that I
Speaker 1: am at the point that because I am selling the house,
Speaker 1: I am moving forward in spite of all my pain
Speaker 1: and depression and et cetera, that I'm finally there. You know,
Speaker 1: I'm finally to the point where I've got to take
Speaker 1: care of myself in this or the consequences are going
Speaker 1: to be dire for me. What is the pain? The
Speaker 1: pain for me is that it seems I give a
Speaker 1: hundred percent in all relationships, and I get this every time.
Speaker 1: You know, the pain is I'm not Maybe I'm just
Speaker 1: not worse somebody loving me a hundred Or perhaps it's
Speaker 1: because you ignore your gut. How about that, Perhaps he's
Speaker 1: showing you how you treat yourself. He's not listening to you. Well,
Speaker 1: you don't listen to you. He's not honoring your feelings.
Speaker 1: You don't honor your feelings. So perhaps the pain has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with him. The pain is about, oh
Speaker 1: my god, look how I am treating myself. I'm out
Speaker 1: of this. Right after the break, we'll talk about what
Speaker 1: my caller needs to be asking her partner. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to the our spot. You know, it's hard. This is
Speaker 1: hard for me because I know, to the untrained ear,
Speaker 1: it sounds like I'm advocating the dissolution of a marriage
Speaker 1: or a dissolution of a relationship. We've got a couple
Speaker 1: of things going on here that I want us to
Speaker 1: just look at because I'm not talking to you, I'm
Speaker 1: talking to the hundreds of thousands of other people who
Speaker 1: are listening. You just volunteered to put the issue on
Speaker 1: the table. Okay, okay, But what do you value now
Speaker 1: as a wise woman in her wisdom years? What are
Speaker 1: the three or four or five things that you value
Speaker 1: most right now? Not much? Mm hmmm. Do you value peace? Um?
Speaker 1: I thought I did, but I don't feel like I've
Speaker 1: had it for so long? What is it? You know?
Speaker 1: Because you're accommodating something that's dishonoring you. Mm hmmm, you're accommodating,
Speaker 1: tolerating something that is dishonoring you. And not to say
Speaker 1: that your your boo, your husband is a bad guy,
Speaker 1: but his behavior is disrupting your peace right. I value
Speaker 1: peace so much that I bought a dog and named
Speaker 1: it Peace, so that all throughout my day I'm calling peace.
Speaker 1: Can you hear me? Because I value my peace? And
Speaker 1: you know what else I value? Freedom? Do you value freedom?
Speaker 1: I do? I do? Okay? Do you feel free to
Speaker 1: speak your mind and to say what you feel and
Speaker 1: know that it will be respected and honored? Um? Not completely. No,
Speaker 1: it's a good way of turning things around when I speak,
Speaker 1: almost to the point where I feel like I need
Speaker 1: to record it. You know, do you value your own company?
Speaker 1: I do. I'm okay with being alone? Yes? No, you
Speaker 1: said I've been alone. I feel alone. I asked you
Speaker 1: what that meant. You said that you know, if you
Speaker 1: were to die or something that had happened to you,
Speaker 1: there'd be nobody else that the people could call but him.
Speaker 1: So I have to ask you, do you value not
Speaker 1: only being with yourself? But where is God? In USh
Speaker 1: for you. Right, I'm telling you, I have been praying
Speaker 1: to my God incessantly and I don't feel anything. What
Speaker 1: is your prayer? When you said you've been praying to
Speaker 1: God incessantly, what is your prayer? Yes, for clarity, Give
Speaker 1: me clarity. Please give me courage to do the right thing.
Speaker 1: I know what you're saying. And I pray for the
Speaker 1: courage to to sell the house, to leave, to take
Speaker 1: care of myself. So you are clear, you got it.
Speaker 1: Sell the house, take care of myself. Leave. What else
Speaker 1: do you need to know? What day, what time? What
Speaker 1: moving company to call? Right? All of that and I'm
Speaker 1: going I'm gonna be okay. And where are you going
Speaker 1: when you sell the house? I have a friend actually
Speaker 1: who I'm in North Carolina and she lives in Coasta, Rica,
Speaker 1: and she's invited me. Oh girl, they got some hot
Speaker 1: Custer recon man over there. Please. I just came back.
Speaker 1: It's just I cand it just make you greaty. You
Speaker 1: don't have to do nothing but sit on your portrait
Speaker 1: all day long and watching pass delicious. I have that
Speaker 1: invitation to come and live. I just got to get
Speaker 1: the courage to take that step. And I am Courage
Speaker 1: comes by doing, and encourage requires that you do what
Speaker 1: feels right in the moment before you are forced to
Speaker 1: do it before. So courage, courage is not going to
Speaker 1: drop in. It's a result of doing what you know
Speaker 1: is required before you are forced to do it. That's
Speaker 1: what courage is. Let me talk to you, wise woman
Speaker 1: to wise woman. Okay, I hear you. I get it in.
Speaker 1: In twenty nineteen, my partner of thirteen years died, died,
Speaker 1: and I said, oh my Lord, here I am oldest,
Speaker 1: rusty shoes and I got to be by myself. Oh God.
Speaker 1: So my prayer was, show me how to be with you, God,
Speaker 1: so that I'll be more comfortable being with myself. Show
Speaker 1: me what it is you would have me do, because
Speaker 1: I'm not getting on match dot com at sixty three.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that, Okay. So the first thing
Speaker 1: I had to work through was what does it mean
Speaker 1: at this age that I am with myself? See, I
Speaker 1: don't call it alone with myself because I've got a
Speaker 1: lot of people in my life. But every day coming home,
Speaker 1: nobody to pick up, to bring the suitcase upstairs, and
Speaker 1: and nobody to help me. Blah blah, blah, you know,
Speaker 1: walk the dogs or whatever. So I did what I'm
Speaker 1: telling you. I looked to the young uns. I got
Speaker 1: a son, I got grandchildren, I got god children. I
Speaker 1: can call any of them at any time and get
Speaker 1: done whatever I need done. Because I'm a wise woman.
Speaker 1: I'm in my crone years, my elder ship. The young uns,
Speaker 1: that's their job. Now. I have to be here all
Speaker 1: the time. Keep some oreos and some lace potato chips
Speaker 1: and a few drink boxes around. They'll come. They'll do anything,
Speaker 1: and they work cheap. Okay. So I hear you, baby,
Speaker 1: I hear you, my sister woman. I mean, not even
Speaker 1: call you baby. You don't want to be alone, and
Speaker 1: you're wondering why is there another failed relationship? Because the
Speaker 1: first relationship you failed at is the one with yourself,
Speaker 1: not trusting your gut, not honoring yourself, not knowing when
Speaker 1: people cross boundaries and cross lines, not in acting consequences
Speaker 1: that keep you safe and protect you. He may be
Speaker 1: a very nice person, and I'm sure one of his
Speaker 1: female friends will find that out when you moved to
Speaker 1: Costa Rica to look at the pretty men from the porch.
Speaker 1: So I want to honor celebrate I want to encourage
Speaker 1: and motivate you to do what feels right for you
Speaker 1: in your guts at this time. Thank you. If nobody
Speaker 1: else gives you permission, I want to give you permission.
Speaker 1: And what's the worst that can happen? You were wrong?
Speaker 1: Oh I shouldn't have left him? Well, hell, you were
Speaker 1: wrong marrying him. Okay, my darling, thank you very much,
Speaker 1: have a great day. Bye bye. I have all the
Speaker 1: faith in the world that she'll move forward and have
Speaker 1: that conversation, because one thing is clear for her. She
Speaker 1: needs to choose herself. Now. My next caller is dealing
Speaker 1: with an issue from another perspective. His partner left him,
Speaker 1: blaming him as the problem. We'll see about that after
Speaker 1: this break. Welcome back to the Our Spot. Today we're
Speaker 1: discussing how my callers can stand up for themselves in
Speaker 1: their relationships. And my next callers partner left him for
Speaker 1: something some would say is a trivial reason to end
Speaker 1: a relationship, but maybe that's not the real issue. Let's explore.
Speaker 1: Greetings beloved, Welcome to the Our Spot where we discuss
Speaker 1: all things relationships. So what is the problem issue? You
Speaker 1: challenge question you would like us to nibble on today. Uh,
Speaker 1: you know, thank you so much for even taking my call.
Speaker 1: So I've been in a relationship for about two and
Speaker 1: a half years. Um. During this time, maybe like nine
Speaker 1: months into the relationship, my life just started to spiral.
Speaker 1: So I bought my house. Three months later, I got
Speaker 1: laid off from my job. Fans for a six months later,
Speaker 1: my mom passed away. Um. And with that happening, like,
Speaker 1: I just lost it, like I gained sixty pounds, and
Speaker 1: my partner expressed to me, like, if you don't lose
Speaker 1: the weight, like, I can't see myself staying with you.
Speaker 1: So February of this year, um, the relationship actually we
Speaker 1: parted ways. Um. He said that he needed to figure
Speaker 1: out if he actually wanted this and he needed time,
Speaker 1: um for himself to think through is this what he wanted?
Speaker 1: Because if he had met me at the size that
Speaker 1: I am now, that he wouldn't have pursuit me. Wow.
Speaker 1: So you were in the relationship for two years, your
Speaker 1: partner decided they didn't want to be in the relationship
Speaker 1: no matter how hard he tried, he just can't get
Speaker 1: pass Like the physical attraction to me, he said it
Speaker 1: everything internally without connection is strong and exactly where he
Speaker 1: wanted to be, but it's just a physical that he
Speaker 1: can't wrap his head around and sickness and in health
Speaker 1: that was then his coming and huh, exactly what I
Speaker 1: was thinking. And I told him to expressed ended the
Speaker 1: relationship that um, you know, I you know, felt that pressure,
Speaker 1: and he was like, well, I gave it two years,
Speaker 1: um for you to lose the weight, and you still didn't.
Speaker 1: So he said, his therapist told him, it sounds like
Speaker 1: I'm not a person that has the same values that
Speaker 1: he has. Oh my god, are you kidding me? Well,
Speaker 1: what does that tell you? See you acting like you
Speaker 1: don't know something here? What did that tell you about
Speaker 1: this person? It made me feel like you won't stick
Speaker 1: around because I'm thinking in my head, if I met
Speaker 1: gaining weight, um, what's the end it. I can't imagine
Speaker 1: us being down the line with kids and the family
Speaker 1: and us like all hell to break loose. And the
Speaker 1: last thing I will want is to be going through
Speaker 1: hell and being also worried about is my partner gonna
Speaker 1: leave me because he can't stick out here with me?
Speaker 1: So first of all, I want to say this to you,
Speaker 1: and I know this is gonna sound bizarre, okay, but
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it, it ain't personal. Apparently your ex
Speaker 1: partner had some standards, criteria, desires that maybe you guys
Speaker 1: never discussed, never talked about. But that's his stuff. That's
Speaker 1: not your stuff. You lost your mom, you lost your job.
Speaker 1: Stress will make you eat, Stress will put weight on
Speaker 1: you some people, it takes weight off of some people
Speaker 1: that puts weight onto But this wasn't about the weight.
Speaker 1: This was about the value of the relations ship. You.
Speaker 1: You've got to know that somewhere you miscalculated who this
Speaker 1: person was. You just miscalculated. Oops, okay, next, because you
Speaker 1: had the house, you had the car, You look good.
Speaker 1: And as soon as those things became threatened, this person,
Speaker 1: you know, bailed, and that's not a good solid foundation.
Speaker 1: I would encourage you to go back and look at
Speaker 1: the beginning, because if you want to know the end,
Speaker 1: look at the beginning. There had to be some indications
Speaker 1: of shallowness, or indications of something there at the beginning
Speaker 1: that maybe you misread or overlooked or didn't pay attention to.
Speaker 1: The only head in the beginning is that he was
Speaker 1: so adamant with one of the relationships to move away
Speaker 1: faster than I wanted it to move. But other than that,
Speaker 1: it was like he was presenting himself to be like
Speaker 1: a great Yeah, but how he presents himself. You know,
Speaker 1: women present themselves as having a great body, uh, and
Speaker 1: they'll have on three spanks and a push up bra
Speaker 1: I didn't present And what's really going on up underneath
Speaker 1: all that synthetic rubber. It's a whole another thing. It's
Speaker 1: something you missed here, something y'all didn't discuss. But it
Speaker 1: ain't personal. That's his stuff. Don't take it on. Don't
Speaker 1: take it on. That and as a result of major
Speaker 1: transitions and changes in your life that you know, you
Speaker 1: had a physical reaction. You know, eating disorders a serious
Speaker 1: thing and it can be brought on by stress. He's
Speaker 1: just he just wasn't the one boot and it's okay. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So moving forward, like because I'm starting back to lose
Speaker 1: weight and you know, finding my way back to my real,
Speaker 1: authentic self. And so let's say that I meet someone
Speaker 1: once I'm at my best health again, I weighted down
Speaker 1: and all that. How do I know that I'm choosing
Speaker 1: the right person and it's not just a physical attraction thing. Well,
Speaker 1: you got to ask them that you have to look
Speaker 1: like you said, this person wanted the relationship to move
Speaker 1: faster than you wanted it, and maybe you sped up
Speaker 1: to be with this particular person. And I would encourage
Speaker 1: you to be mindful of how you use your physical
Speaker 1: appearance to attract people. I'm not saying you do, but
Speaker 1: you know, if you do, just be mindful of that,
Speaker 1: because that's you know, then they get attracted to the
Speaker 1: window dressing. You could have shown up looking like that
Speaker 1: and had on three spanks because they have male spanks,
Speaker 1: you know, male girdles. How will you know the next time?
Speaker 1: Take your time, Take your time, and you've got something
Speaker 1: to say to that person. Listen, you know what in
Speaker 1: my last relationship, I lost my job, I lost my mom.
Speaker 1: I gained some weight as a result of stress induced
Speaker 1: eating disorder, and that person, you know, booked in the
Speaker 1: midst of my crisis. I hope what about you? What
Speaker 1: would you say if I gained sixty? But ask the questions,
Speaker 1: put it out there. So this is now a a
Speaker 1: marker that you can have, but you'll know. But also,
Speaker 1: don't be attracting people because you're cute and look good. Well,
Speaker 1: I mean that's initial thing though, so it's like, how
Speaker 1: do you Because initially people are usually drawn to you
Speaker 1: because you are physically attractive, and then after talking to
Speaker 1: you know, getting to know you, that's when a start
Speaker 1: to like you on a deeper level. But it's usually
Speaker 1: the physical that attracts a person first. But then you
Speaker 1: got to find out their heart beloved, and that comes
Speaker 1: to conversation, that comes to shared interests, that comes to
Speaker 1: a shared vision, that comes through a lot of things.
Speaker 1: And there are people and like big people. I had
Speaker 1: a man one time tell me you're very beautiful, but
Speaker 1: you need to gain some weight. I'm like, what, too skinny?
Speaker 1: I'm like really, okay, well that's not you know, because
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be comfortable with more weight. I'm too skinny. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's rare for a man to say. Okay, so people
Speaker 1: have their likes and their dislikes. We're not making him wrong.
Speaker 1: We're just saying that, you know, two years in, if
Speaker 1: that's what um broke took him out of the relationship,
Speaker 1: that's very shallow. But more than that, it wasn't safe
Speaker 1: for your heart. Do you understand what I'm saying? So
Speaker 1: you may have dodged a bullet here, think of it
Speaker 1: this way. Nothing is permanent. Nothing we wanted to be.
Speaker 1: We want things to stay the same, but nothing is permanent.
Speaker 1: So your weight's not permanent. Your physical appearances and permanent,
Speaker 1: your relationships, they're not permanent. You went through a rough patch,
Speaker 1: and you want somebody that's gonna be in it, that
Speaker 1: has the staying power to glue, to stick to it
Speaker 1: now because you don't know what life is going to
Speaker 1: bring you. Right, you had two years work on yourself.
Speaker 1: You know, life is hard enough to be worried about
Speaker 1: anything but sixty pounds as long as there's a size
Speaker 1: bigger than the one you wear you okay, is there
Speaker 1: a size bigger than the one you're wearing right now?
Speaker 1: It definitely is, you know. And then you're in grieving.
Speaker 1: You lost your mom, you lost your your your heartbeat,
Speaker 1: you know, and somebody's gonna be worried about sixty pounds. Really,
Speaker 1: don't do that to yourself. Don't do that to yourself.
Speaker 1: I've been trying to, like you said, not personalizing and
Speaker 1: realizing that. Um, I did get lost, like lose myself
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Like I was using the relationship to
Speaker 1: get the validation that I needed because I wasn't validating myself.
Speaker 1: I wasn't allowing myself to affirming myself. I was using
Speaker 1: the relationship to affirm me. So once they got stripped
Speaker 1: away from me, then it became a winner. Why it
Speaker 1: hurt me so bad? What should hurt you? Is? Boy?
Speaker 1: What did I miss with that one? What are the
Speaker 1: questions I didn't ask? What are the things that I
Speaker 1: didn't see? Let me sharpen those skills so that next
Speaker 1: time I don't have to go through this, Because again,
Speaker 1: this isn't about the weight game, and we're not making
Speaker 1: him wrong. He has his likes and his dislikes. You know,
Speaker 1: some people like ball people, some people don't. Some people
Speaker 1: like beards, some people don't. Some people like mustaches, some
Speaker 1: people don't. Some people like some meat to hold onto,
Speaker 1: and other people don't. It's okay, that's his desire, you know.
Speaker 1: But considering that, you know the thing is that you're
Speaker 1: in this together, and then their dislikes took over their
Speaker 1: commitment to the relationship. That ain't about you, that's about him.
Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay, how many pounds did you? I'm
Speaker 1: more concerned about have you gotten another job? So I'm
Speaker 1: doing well with it. I got lunch, my own business
Speaker 1: and for myself. Now alrighty, look at that. Look at that.
Speaker 1: So there's somebody out there that wants something. Uh, entrepreneur
Speaker 1: with some meat on his bones. It's somebody out there.
Speaker 1: So just practice that in your mind, you know, and
Speaker 1: allow yourself to grieve both your mom and the relationship.
Speaker 1: Allow yourself to grieve it. Just let it go and
Speaker 1: get the lessons and you'll use them next time. Okay, Okay,
Speaker 1: I thank you so much to speak on me today.
Speaker 1: It really did give me another way to think about this.
Speaker 1: I really appreciate you. I appreciate you, and good luck,
Speaker 1: good luck with your business. Thank you so much. Alrighty,
Speaker 1: bye bye. I like to say stand up for yourself
Speaker 1: within yourself, but the common phrases sticking up for yourself,
Speaker 1: particularly in a relationship, when it's important to know where
Speaker 1: you're boundaries are and exactly what you will and will
Speaker 1: not put up with. But it's also important to admit
Speaker 1: your own mistakes so that you can move on and
Speaker 1: grow from them. Listen, we're human, we are crazy as hell.
Speaker 1: No one is perfect, but everyone, especially you, deserves respect.
Speaker 1: You deserve to know and feel that you are loved
Speaker 1: and to be able to choose for yourself when it
Speaker 1: comes to your happiness. I am an La and I
Speaker 1: thank you for joining me. If you have questions or
Speaker 1: insights about this or any other relationship topic and you
Speaker 1: would like us to explore it here on the our spot,
Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three
Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight now be sure to
Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling times.
Speaker 1: In the meantime, stay in peace and not pieces. The
Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.