1 00:00:01,760 --> 00:00:04,960 Speaker 1: I am a younger your host for this journey. I 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 1: was a hopeless love aholic but just could not get 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,960 Speaker 1: my love to work. Then, after a series of heartbreaks 4 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:18,639 Speaker 1: and deep heartache, I finally got clear about what love 5 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 1: is and what it is not. I want to share 6 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:27,639 Speaker 1: some of what I've learned about love aholism. Welcome to 7 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:31,800 Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of shondaland Audio in partnership 8 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. In any successful, loving, fulfilling relationship, 9 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:53,920 Speaker 1: people will be required to make sacrifices in order to 10 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:58,560 Speaker 1: come together. You see, sometimes you'll want something and the 11 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: other person may want something else, but you can come 12 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 1: together to compromise and work out a solution. But there 13 00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 1: are those times when people in relationships can be extremely selfish, 14 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:18,200 Speaker 1: only taking, never giving. So I am here today to 15 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: tell you, if you are dealing with a partner who 16 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: has treated you poorly, disregarded your feelings, and taken taken, taken, 17 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:32,319 Speaker 1: without ever giving back, it is a okay to vote 18 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:37,800 Speaker 1: for you, to choose you above your partner. Remember that 19 00:01:37,920 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: you are a person, and you deserve respect, and you 20 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: deserve to be treated fairly. And my first caller is 21 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,120 Speaker 1: a prime example of someone who has let's say lost 22 00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 1: their way and needs a reminder that they must stand 23 00:01:55,800 --> 00:02:03,280 Speaker 1: for themselves within themselves. Good afternoon, beloved, Welcome to the 24 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,919 Speaker 1: our spot. Now, what is the question, challenge, issue, dilemma 25 00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:12,079 Speaker 1: that you would like us to investigate and explore today? First, 26 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:17,079 Speaker 1: thank you for taking the call. Secondly, I am at 27 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: my wits in in reference to a marriage for twelve 28 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:29,359 Speaker 1: year marriage, um ready to divorce because my husband has 29 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 1: he's going to recovery program twenty something years and he 30 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:38,520 Speaker 1: has a lot of female friend It's quote unquote some 31 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,920 Speaker 1: of these friends all or text in the middle of 32 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:45,720 Speaker 1: the night. I'm never able to meet these quote unquote 33 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: friends right now. The major problem is every Tuesday night 34 00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 1: he's at an ex girlfriend's house with this group of 35 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: recovering friends, supposedly playing cards, and he's screamed at me 36 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: at the top of his lungs that this is going 37 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: to continue no matter how I feel about it. I'm 38 00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,519 Speaker 1: not sure if I'm justified in feeling like hanging out 39 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:13,600 Speaker 1: of the ex girlfriend's house is okay. And we've had 40 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:17,600 Speaker 1: this very same argument. I said, invite them to our home. 41 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,040 Speaker 1: I need to feel something, and my gut is telling 42 00:03:22,080 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: me something isn't correct here, but I can't seem to 43 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 1: get him to understand my side, empathize with the fact 44 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: that I'm not okay with this. Help me because I'm 45 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: about to down my house and walk out of this 46 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: whole thing because I'm feeling crazy. Really, you feel crazy. 47 00:03:44,120 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: Your husband has a bunch of female friends that you 48 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: can't meet. He goes out every Tuesday night to play 49 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 1: cards at an ex girlfriend's house. He doesn't hear or 50 00:03:55,040 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 1: honor your request that he invites you into that part 51 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: of his life, and you feel crazy? Is that what 52 00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:06,400 Speaker 1: I'm hearing you said? It is exactly hearing me say, well, 53 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:12,960 Speaker 1: that's crazy as hell. I know. The more I talked 54 00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: about it or just said it, I'm I had the 55 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: same thought. Is as crazy as hell. So let's let's 56 00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: start here. Did you know about these female friends before 57 00:04:23,839 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 1: you got married? You say you've been married twelve years, 58 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,840 Speaker 1: he's in recovery twenty, so you knew about them, and 59 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: what was your what was your request prior? Um? We've 60 00:04:33,920 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: always this Every year since our marriage, there has been 61 00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:43,520 Speaker 1: some female that we've argued about, coworker or something that 62 00:04:43,720 --> 00:04:48,520 Speaker 1: I told him. I think you're crossing a boundary or 63 00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:51,960 Speaker 1: you're not putting down to me? Is down? They call 64 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,280 Speaker 1: when they want And I told one of them. I 65 00:04:55,320 --> 00:04:57,520 Speaker 1: actually said to one, could you not call him on 66 00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 1: his only day off? You guys worked together six days 67 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: a week. She said, I will call him anytime I 68 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 1: want to. Oh, help me, No, you gotta help yourself. 69 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:15,839 Speaker 1: I got Yeah. So you knew this going into the marriage. 70 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,040 Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, what was your love story? 71 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 1: What was your love story with this man who'd been 72 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:28,720 Speaker 1: in recovery? What then eight years? What was your love 73 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:34,599 Speaker 1: story that made you want to marry this man? Ah? Wow, 74 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: that's so strange. We I actually met him at an 75 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:46,480 Speaker 1: excess home. We seem to just I mean, I call 76 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 1: him straight up. If you're not single, it's not available. Please. 77 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,680 Speaker 1: This was New Year's Eve. I'm not starting my year 78 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:56,440 Speaker 1: off blah blah blah. But laid down all these rules, um, 79 00:05:56,480 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: and he said he was available. He was ready. He 80 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:03,719 Speaker 1: at that time fifty something, you know, I was ready 81 00:06:03,720 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 1: to settle down. Yet he's still redated. And all throughout 82 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: that dating process, which was about a year before we 83 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: got married, there was always something this female that we 84 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,559 Speaker 1: go to, that he goes to her home I knew 85 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 1: her before I knew him. In the moment we got engaged, 86 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 1: she stopped speaking to me. My gut is telling me 87 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 1: I am not off. Well, then why are you calling 88 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:40,200 Speaker 1: meet you? And I know, don't you trust your God? Really? 89 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 1: My only family everyone, I'm the oldest person in my 90 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: family and I've kind of made him that in my head, 91 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:51,919 Speaker 1: like that's it. He's my family. And in other ways, 92 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,960 Speaker 1: he's a good guy. But hold on, hold on, hold on, 93 00:06:56,000 --> 00:07:01,000 Speaker 1: hold on, hold on. I really am challenged when we 94 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:06,279 Speaker 1: as women do that, when we do a bypass, doesn't 95 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: honor my feelings, he doesn't hear or respect my concerns. 96 00:07:13,120 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 1: My gut is telling me something. I'm betraying. My gut 97 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:23,600 Speaker 1: too align with his behavior. Because other than the fact 98 00:07:23,680 --> 00:07:26,160 Speaker 1: that he doesn't hear me, honor me, or respect me, 99 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:34,160 Speaker 1: he's a good guy. Why do we do that? As women? 100 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:38,640 Speaker 1: Why do we do that? That is crazy as hell? 101 00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:42,240 Speaker 1: You see in a relationship, beloved, And this is this 102 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:45,080 Speaker 1: is a broader teaching just for all of us as women. 103 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:49,360 Speaker 1: Yours sixty seven, I'm two years almost three years older 104 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:53,440 Speaker 1: than you. But the broader, the broader teaching is you 105 00:07:53,480 --> 00:07:56,880 Speaker 1: know that as women, we move into a cycle where 106 00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 1: the princess, and then we become the bride, and then 107 00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: we become the mother, than we become a woman, and 108 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: then we move into our wisdom years. You know, once 109 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,720 Speaker 1: you cross that sixty yard dash, you're now moving into 110 00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: your wisdom years. So there's a wisdom that's born in 111 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:19,239 Speaker 1: us that comes forward to keep us safe and solid 112 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: and secure. And like many many of us, we we 113 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 1: discard that we dishonor it we disrespected by allowing what 114 00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:35,000 Speaker 1: we hear and see and think to override what's coming 115 00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:39,520 Speaker 1: from the sacred center of our being. What are you 116 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:44,600 Speaker 1: acting like? You don't know? I'm acting like one that 117 00:08:44,679 --> 00:08:47,959 Speaker 1: I'm not worth. Well, let's keep it. Let's make it. 118 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: Let's make it a little simpler than that. Okay, what 119 00:08:52,440 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: I'm acting like I don't know is that my feelings 120 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:01,199 Speaker 1: don't matter to him. M hmm. You see, a man 121 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,199 Speaker 1: wants to know that he is respected. A woman wants 122 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:09,600 Speaker 1: to know that her feelings are respected. So whether he's 123 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,840 Speaker 1: with these women or not with these women, or whether 124 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: there's some she nanigations going on, you feel like they are, 125 00:09:18,679 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 1: and it is incumbent upon him as your partner to 126 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: provide to protect, to perform, and to please. So I 127 00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: don't know if he's providing for you. I heard you 128 00:09:28,040 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 1: say I'm going to sell my house. I don't know 129 00:09:31,520 --> 00:09:36,280 Speaker 1: if he is, if he is protecting you, well not 130 00:09:36,559 --> 00:09:38,880 Speaker 1: if a woman can call your house and tell you 131 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:42,360 Speaker 1: she's gonna call whenever she wants, he needs to protect 132 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:45,800 Speaker 1: you from that. I don't know how he's performing for you, 133 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,840 Speaker 1: you know, in other ways. Does he take the trash out, 134 00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:50,839 Speaker 1: does he do laundry, does he cook? Does he put 135 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: the toilet seat down? Kenny? Is he rocking it between 136 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,640 Speaker 1: the sheets? I mean, what is How is he performing? 137 00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,200 Speaker 1: And then how does he please you? How do he 138 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,840 Speaker 1: please you? If you've got this upset going on from 139 00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:06,640 Speaker 1: the beginning of the marriage, I want to know why 140 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 1: you stepped into it. You didn't tell me a love story. 141 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,400 Speaker 1: You told me all of the demands you made of him, 142 00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: and then he acquiesced to it. You know, So what 143 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:19,199 Speaker 1: did he bring to the table that you need? M 144 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:25,439 Speaker 1: Companionship is about it? Okay, so you have a companion 145 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: and the companion that you have because a companion and 146 00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:33,840 Speaker 1: a husband ain't the same thing a roommate. Okay, there 147 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:40,319 Speaker 1: you go? Is that what you want. No, can you 148 00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 1: stay in this exactly as it is right now because 149 00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,439 Speaker 1: it's twelve years down. Chances are it's not going to 150 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:50,199 Speaker 1: change because you've allowed him to believe that it's okay. 151 00:10:50,559 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 1: You may fuss and argue he knows how to get 152 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,680 Speaker 1: around that. You may raise it every now and then, 153 00:10:54,880 --> 00:10:59,120 Speaker 1: but then there's no consequences to his dishonored, disrespect and 154 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,960 Speaker 1: violation of your feelings. There's no consequence. Why should he stop? 155 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: Why would he stop? I just I think that I 156 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:12,800 Speaker 1: am at the point that because I am selling the house, 157 00:11:13,240 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: I am moving forward in spite of all my pain 158 00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:20,640 Speaker 1: and depression and et cetera, that I'm finally there. You know, 159 00:11:21,559 --> 00:11:24,680 Speaker 1: I'm finally to the point where I've got to take 160 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: care of myself in this or the consequences are going 161 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,920 Speaker 1: to be dire for me. What is the pain? The 162 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 1: pain for me is that it seems I give a 163 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 1: hundred percent in all relationships, and I get this every time. 164 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:47,440 Speaker 1: You know, the pain is I'm not Maybe I'm just 165 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 1: not worse somebody loving me a hundred Or perhaps it's 166 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:59,320 Speaker 1: because you ignore your gut. How about that, Perhaps he's 167 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:04,320 Speaker 1: showing you how you treat yourself. He's not listening to you. Well, 168 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:07,880 Speaker 1: you don't listen to you. He's not honoring your feelings. 169 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 1: You don't honor your feelings. So perhaps the pain has 170 00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:15,680 Speaker 1: nothing to do with him. The pain is about, oh 171 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,360 Speaker 1: my god, look how I am treating myself. I'm out 172 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 1: of this. Right after the break, we'll talk about what 173 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: my caller needs to be asking her partner. Welcome back 174 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,440 Speaker 1: to the our spot. You know, it's hard. This is 175 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: hard for me because I know, to the untrained ear, 176 00:12:41,840 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 1: it sounds like I'm advocating the dissolution of a marriage 177 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,840 Speaker 1: or a dissolution of a relationship. We've got a couple 178 00:12:48,880 --> 00:12:51,240 Speaker 1: of things going on here that I want us to 179 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:53,800 Speaker 1: just look at because I'm not talking to you, I'm 180 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,480 Speaker 1: talking to the hundreds of thousands of other people who 181 00:12:56,559 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: are listening. You just volunteered to put the issue on 182 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:06,400 Speaker 1: the table. Okay, okay, But what do you value now 183 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:11,200 Speaker 1: as a wise woman in her wisdom years? What are 184 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:14,360 Speaker 1: the three or four or five things that you value 185 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 1: most right now? Not much? Mm hmmm. Do you value peace? Um? 186 00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: I thought I did, but I don't feel like I've 187 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:27,920 Speaker 1: had it for so long? What is it? You know? 188 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: Because you're accommodating something that's dishonoring you. Mm hmmm, you're accommodating, 189 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: tolerating something that is dishonoring you. And not to say 190 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:45,000 Speaker 1: that your your boo, your husband is a bad guy, 191 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: but his behavior is disrupting your peace right. I value 192 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:54,439 Speaker 1: peace so much that I bought a dog and named 193 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 1: it Peace, so that all throughout my day I'm calling peace. 194 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,360 Speaker 1: Can you hear me? Because I value my peace? And 195 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 1: you know what else I value? Freedom? Do you value freedom? 196 00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:10,200 Speaker 1: I do? I do? Okay? Do you feel free to 197 00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: speak your mind and to say what you feel and 198 00:14:13,960 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 1: know that it will be respected and honored? Um? Not completely. No, 199 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:23,680 Speaker 1: it's a good way of turning things around when I speak, 200 00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:26,320 Speaker 1: almost to the point where I feel like I need 201 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,120 Speaker 1: to record it. You know, do you value your own company? 202 00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:35,680 Speaker 1: I do. I'm okay with being alone? Yes? No, you 203 00:14:35,840 --> 00:14:39,760 Speaker 1: said I've been alone. I feel alone. I asked you 204 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 1: what that meant. You said that you know, if you 205 00:14:43,520 --> 00:14:45,400 Speaker 1: were to die or something that had happened to you, 206 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,080 Speaker 1: there'd be nobody else that the people could call but him. 207 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,080 Speaker 1: So I have to ask you, do you value not 208 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:57,520 Speaker 1: only being with yourself? But where is God? In USh 209 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 1: for you. Right, I'm telling you, I have been praying 210 00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:14,800 Speaker 1: to my God incessantly and I don't feel anything. What 211 00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: is your prayer? When you said you've been praying to 212 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 1: God incessantly, what is your prayer? Yes, for clarity, Give 213 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:26,000 Speaker 1: me clarity. Please give me courage to do the right thing. 214 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:29,760 Speaker 1: I know what you're saying. And I pray for the 215 00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:34,920 Speaker 1: courage to to sell the house, to leave, to take 216 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 1: care of myself. So you are clear, you got it. 217 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:43,800 Speaker 1: Sell the house, take care of myself. Leave. What else 218 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: do you need to know? What day, what time? What 219 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,960 Speaker 1: moving company to call? Right? All of that and I'm 220 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: going I'm gonna be okay. And where are you going 221 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:57,120 Speaker 1: when you sell the house? I have a friend actually 222 00:15:57,120 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: who I'm in North Carolina and she lives in Coasta, Rica, 223 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 1: and she's invited me. Oh girl, they got some hot 224 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 1: Custer recon man over there. Please. I just came back. 225 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,440 Speaker 1: It's just I cand it just make you greaty. You 226 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: don't have to do nothing but sit on your portrait 227 00:16:12,320 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: all day long and watching pass delicious. I have that 228 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: invitation to come and live. I just got to get 229 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,880 Speaker 1: the courage to take that step. And I am Courage 230 00:16:26,960 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 1: comes by doing, and encourage requires that you do what 231 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 1: feels right in the moment before you are forced to 232 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:42,240 Speaker 1: do it before. So courage, courage is not going to 233 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 1: drop in. It's a result of doing what you know 234 00:16:46,880 --> 00:16:50,440 Speaker 1: is required before you are forced to do it. That's 235 00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:54,720 Speaker 1: what courage is. Let me talk to you, wise woman 236 00:16:54,760 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: to wise woman. Okay, I hear you. I get it in. 237 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 1: In twenty nineteen, my partner of thirteen years died, died, 238 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:13,359 Speaker 1: and I said, oh my Lord, here I am oldest, 239 00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 1: rusty shoes and I got to be by myself. Oh God. 240 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 1: So my prayer was, show me how to be with you, God, 241 00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 1: so that I'll be more comfortable being with myself. Show 242 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,479 Speaker 1: me what it is you would have me do, because 243 00:17:34,760 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 1: I'm not getting on match dot com at sixty three. 244 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:43,280 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna do that, Okay. So the first thing 245 00:17:43,359 --> 00:17:47,040 Speaker 1: I had to work through was what does it mean 246 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,159 Speaker 1: at this age that I am with myself? See, I 247 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 1: don't call it alone with myself because I've got a 248 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:59,040 Speaker 1: lot of people in my life. But every day coming home, 249 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:02,240 Speaker 1: nobody to pick up, to bring the suitcase upstairs, and 250 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:04,399 Speaker 1: and nobody to help me. Blah blah, blah, you know, 251 00:18:04,520 --> 00:18:07,160 Speaker 1: walk the dogs or whatever. So I did what I'm 252 00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: telling you. I looked to the young uns. I got 253 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:14,280 Speaker 1: a son, I got grandchildren, I got god children. I 254 00:18:14,359 --> 00:18:16,280 Speaker 1: can call any of them at any time and get 255 00:18:16,320 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: done whatever I need done. Because I'm a wise woman. 256 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,960 Speaker 1: I'm in my crone years, my elder ship. The young uns, 257 00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:26,760 Speaker 1: that's their job. Now. I have to be here all 258 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:30,800 Speaker 1: the time. Keep some oreos and some lace potato chips 259 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:33,360 Speaker 1: and a few drink boxes around. They'll come. They'll do anything, 260 00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:38,040 Speaker 1: and they work cheap. Okay. So I hear you, baby, 261 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:40,800 Speaker 1: I hear you, my sister woman. I mean, not even 262 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,000 Speaker 1: call you baby. You don't want to be alone, and 263 00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 1: you're wondering why is there another failed relationship? Because the 264 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: first relationship you failed at is the one with yourself, 265 00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:59,400 Speaker 1: not trusting your gut, not honoring yourself, not knowing when 266 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 1: people cross boundaries and cross lines, not in acting consequences 267 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 1: that keep you safe and protect you. He may be 268 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: a very nice person, and I'm sure one of his 269 00:19:10,119 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 1: female friends will find that out when you moved to 270 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: Costa Rica to look at the pretty men from the porch. 271 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 1: So I want to honor celebrate I want to encourage 272 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,400 Speaker 1: and motivate you to do what feels right for you 273 00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: in your guts at this time. Thank you. If nobody 274 00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 1: else gives you permission, I want to give you permission. 275 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 1: And what's the worst that can happen? You were wrong? 276 00:19:40,440 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 1: Oh I shouldn't have left him? Well, hell, you were 277 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:49,560 Speaker 1: wrong marrying him. Okay, my darling, thank you very much, 278 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:56,680 Speaker 1: have a great day. Bye bye. I have all the 279 00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 1: faith in the world that she'll move forward and have 280 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:04,280 Speaker 1: that conversation, because one thing is clear for her. She 281 00:20:04,480 --> 00:20:09,560 Speaker 1: needs to choose herself. Now. My next caller is dealing 282 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:14,760 Speaker 1: with an issue from another perspective. His partner left him, 283 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: blaming him as the problem. We'll see about that after 284 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:32,680 Speaker 1: this break. Welcome back to the Our Spot. Today we're 285 00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:36,919 Speaker 1: discussing how my callers can stand up for themselves in 286 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:42,160 Speaker 1: their relationships. And my next callers partner left him for 287 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:46,400 Speaker 1: something some would say is a trivial reason to end 288 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 1: a relationship, but maybe that's not the real issue. Let's explore. 289 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: Greetings beloved, Welcome to the Our Spot where we discuss 290 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:00,119 Speaker 1: all things relationships. So what is the problem issue? You 291 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 1: challenge question you would like us to nibble on today. Uh, 292 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 1: you know, thank you so much for even taking my call. 293 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,359 Speaker 1: So I've been in a relationship for about two and 294 00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:13,680 Speaker 1: a half years. Um. During this time, maybe like nine 295 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:17,120 Speaker 1: months into the relationship, my life just started to spiral. 296 00:21:17,600 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 1: So I bought my house. Three months later, I got 297 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,240 Speaker 1: laid off from my job. Fans for a six months later, 298 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 1: my mom passed away. Um. And with that happening, like, 299 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:32,120 Speaker 1: I just lost it, like I gained sixty pounds, and 300 00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,600 Speaker 1: my partner expressed to me, like, if you don't lose 301 00:21:36,640 --> 00:21:39,360 Speaker 1: the weight, like, I can't see myself staying with you. 302 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:44,080 Speaker 1: So February of this year, um, the relationship actually we 303 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:47,879 Speaker 1: parted ways. Um. He said that he needed to figure 304 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,399 Speaker 1: out if he actually wanted this and he needed time, 305 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:54,399 Speaker 1: um for himself to think through is this what he wanted? 306 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:57,480 Speaker 1: Because if he had met me at the size that 307 00:21:57,520 --> 00:22:00,399 Speaker 1: I am now, that he wouldn't have pursuit me. Wow. 308 00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,880 Speaker 1: So you were in the relationship for two years, your 309 00:22:03,920 --> 00:22:06,920 Speaker 1: partner decided they didn't want to be in the relationship 310 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 1: no matter how hard he tried, he just can't get 311 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,159 Speaker 1: pass Like the physical attraction to me, he said it 312 00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 1: everything internally without connection is strong and exactly where he 313 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,040 Speaker 1: wanted to be, but it's just a physical that he 314 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:21,200 Speaker 1: can't wrap his head around and sickness and in health 315 00:22:21,240 --> 00:22:24,879 Speaker 1: that was then his coming and huh, exactly what I 316 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,840 Speaker 1: was thinking. And I told him to expressed ended the 317 00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,840 Speaker 1: relationship that um, you know, I you know, felt that pressure, 318 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: and he was like, well, I gave it two years, 319 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: um for you to lose the weight, and you still didn't. 320 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 1: So he said, his therapist told him, it sounds like 321 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,240 Speaker 1: I'm not a person that has the same values that 322 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: he has. Oh my god, are you kidding me? Well, 323 00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:50,199 Speaker 1: what does that tell you? See you acting like you 324 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:54,680 Speaker 1: don't know something here? What did that tell you about 325 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:58,960 Speaker 1: this person? It made me feel like you won't stick 326 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,880 Speaker 1: around because I'm thinking in my head, if I met 327 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:05,080 Speaker 1: gaining weight, um, what's the end it. I can't imagine 328 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 1: us being down the line with kids and the family 329 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 1: and us like all hell to break loose. And the 330 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:13,080 Speaker 1: last thing I will want is to be going through 331 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: hell and being also worried about is my partner gonna 332 00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 1: leave me because he can't stick out here with me? 333 00:23:19,760 --> 00:23:22,160 Speaker 1: So first of all, I want to say this to you, 334 00:23:22,520 --> 00:23:25,800 Speaker 1: and I know this is gonna sound bizarre, okay, but 335 00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:31,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna say it, it ain't personal. Apparently your ex 336 00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:38,679 Speaker 1: partner had some standards, criteria, desires that maybe you guys 337 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 1: never discussed, never talked about. But that's his stuff. That's 338 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,720 Speaker 1: not your stuff. You lost your mom, you lost your job. 339 00:23:46,840 --> 00:23:50,959 Speaker 1: Stress will make you eat, Stress will put weight on 340 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,200 Speaker 1: you some people, it takes weight off of some people 341 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:56,359 Speaker 1: that puts weight onto But this wasn't about the weight. 342 00:23:57,119 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: This was about the value of the relations ship. You. 343 00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,480 Speaker 1: You've got to know that somewhere you miscalculated who this 344 00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 1: person was. You just miscalculated. Oops, okay, next, because you 345 00:24:11,040 --> 00:24:13,159 Speaker 1: had the house, you had the car, You look good. 346 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: And as soon as those things became threatened, this person, 347 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:21,000 Speaker 1: you know, bailed, and that's not a good solid foundation. 348 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:25,439 Speaker 1: I would encourage you to go back and look at 349 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,840 Speaker 1: the beginning, because if you want to know the end, 350 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:31,800 Speaker 1: look at the beginning. There had to be some indications 351 00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:36,920 Speaker 1: of shallowness, or indications of something there at the beginning 352 00:24:36,960 --> 00:24:40,480 Speaker 1: that maybe you misread or overlooked or didn't pay attention to. 353 00:24:40,840 --> 00:24:43,320 Speaker 1: The only head in the beginning is that he was 354 00:24:43,359 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 1: so adamant with one of the relationships to move away 355 00:24:46,520 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 1: faster than I wanted it to move. But other than that, 356 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,600 Speaker 1: it was like he was presenting himself to be like 357 00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:57,639 Speaker 1: a great Yeah, but how he presents himself. You know, 358 00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:02,199 Speaker 1: women present themselves as having a great body, uh, and 359 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,399 Speaker 1: they'll have on three spanks and a push up bra 360 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:10,680 Speaker 1: I didn't present And what's really going on up underneath 361 00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:14,240 Speaker 1: all that synthetic rubber. It's a whole another thing. It's 362 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:18,479 Speaker 1: something you missed here, something y'all didn't discuss. But it 363 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:22,000 Speaker 1: ain't personal. That's his stuff. Don't take it on. Don't 364 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:25,639 Speaker 1: take it on. That and as a result of major 365 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:29,679 Speaker 1: transitions and changes in your life that you know, you 366 00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:34,160 Speaker 1: had a physical reaction. You know, eating disorders a serious 367 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,440 Speaker 1: thing and it can be brought on by stress. He's 368 00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:41,240 Speaker 1: just he just wasn't the one boot and it's okay. Yeah, 369 00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:44,320 Speaker 1: So moving forward, like because I'm starting back to lose 370 00:25:44,359 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 1: weight and you know, finding my way back to my real, 371 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:51,160 Speaker 1: authentic self. And so let's say that I meet someone 372 00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: once I'm at my best health again, I weighted down 373 00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: and all that. How do I know that I'm choosing 374 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 1: the right person and it's not just a physical attraction thing. Well, 375 00:26:00,280 --> 00:26:02,320 Speaker 1: you got to ask them that you have to look 376 00:26:02,359 --> 00:26:05,160 Speaker 1: like you said, this person wanted the relationship to move 377 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 1: faster than you wanted it, and maybe you sped up 378 00:26:08,359 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 1: to be with this particular person. And I would encourage 379 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:15,760 Speaker 1: you to be mindful of how you use your physical 380 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:21,639 Speaker 1: appearance to attract people. I'm not saying you do, but 381 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,560 Speaker 1: you know, if you do, just be mindful of that, 382 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 1: because that's you know, then they get attracted to the 383 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,080 Speaker 1: window dressing. You could have shown up looking like that 384 00:26:32,160 --> 00:26:34,920 Speaker 1: and had on three spanks because they have male spanks, 385 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:41,600 Speaker 1: you know, male girdles. How will you know the next time? 386 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 1: Take your time, Take your time, and you've got something 387 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:48,399 Speaker 1: to say to that person. Listen, you know what in 388 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:52,640 Speaker 1: my last relationship, I lost my job, I lost my mom. 389 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: I gained some weight as a result of stress induced 390 00:26:56,600 --> 00:26:59,600 Speaker 1: eating disorder, and that person, you know, booked in the 391 00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 1: midst of my crisis. I hope what about you? What 392 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,040 Speaker 1: would you say if I gained sixty? But ask the questions, 393 00:27:06,080 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 1: put it out there. So this is now a a 394 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:14,320 Speaker 1: marker that you can have, but you'll know. But also, 395 00:27:14,440 --> 00:27:20,040 Speaker 1: don't be attracting people because you're cute and look good. Well, 396 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 1: I mean that's initial thing though, so it's like, how 397 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,479 Speaker 1: do you Because initially people are usually drawn to you 398 00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 1: because you are physically attractive, and then after talking to 399 00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:32,640 Speaker 1: you know, getting to know you, that's when a start 400 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 1: to like you on a deeper level. But it's usually 401 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:38,359 Speaker 1: the physical that attracts a person first. But then you 402 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:42,200 Speaker 1: got to find out their heart beloved, and that comes 403 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 1: to conversation, that comes to shared interests, that comes to 404 00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:50,479 Speaker 1: a shared vision, that comes through a lot of things. 405 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:53,520 Speaker 1: And there are people and like big people. I had 406 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,679 Speaker 1: a man one time tell me you're very beautiful, but 407 00:27:55,720 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 1: you need to gain some weight. I'm like, what, too skinny? 408 00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:07,240 Speaker 1: I'm like really, okay, well that's not you know, because 409 00:28:07,359 --> 00:28:11,520 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be comfortable with more weight. I'm too skinny. Okay, 410 00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:14,919 Speaker 1: that's rare for a man to say. Okay, so people 411 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:18,199 Speaker 1: have their likes and their dislikes. We're not making him wrong. 412 00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:21,400 Speaker 1: We're just saying that, you know, two years in, if 413 00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:25,000 Speaker 1: that's what um broke took him out of the relationship, 414 00:28:25,119 --> 00:28:29,399 Speaker 1: that's very shallow. But more than that, it wasn't safe 415 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,399 Speaker 1: for your heart. Do you understand what I'm saying? So 416 00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:36,919 Speaker 1: you may have dodged a bullet here, think of it 417 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 1: this way. Nothing is permanent. Nothing we wanted to be. 418 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:47,000 Speaker 1: We want things to stay the same, but nothing is permanent. 419 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:51,040 Speaker 1: So your weight's not permanent. Your physical appearances and permanent, 420 00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:55,760 Speaker 1: your relationships, they're not permanent. You went through a rough patch, 421 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,479 Speaker 1: and you want somebody that's gonna be in it, that 422 00:28:58,520 --> 00:29:00,880 Speaker 1: has the staying power to glue, to stick to it 423 00:29:00,960 --> 00:29:03,120 Speaker 1: now because you don't know what life is going to 424 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:07,120 Speaker 1: bring you. Right, you had two years work on yourself. 425 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,760 Speaker 1: You know, life is hard enough to be worried about 426 00:29:10,880 --> 00:29:13,440 Speaker 1: anything but sixty pounds as long as there's a size 427 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: bigger than the one you wear you okay, is there 428 00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,400 Speaker 1: a size bigger than the one you're wearing right now? 429 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:23,520 Speaker 1: It definitely is, you know. And then you're in grieving. 430 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:27,280 Speaker 1: You lost your mom, you lost your your your heartbeat, 431 00:29:28,040 --> 00:29:31,520 Speaker 1: you know, and somebody's gonna be worried about sixty pounds. Really, 432 00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: don't do that to yourself. Don't do that to yourself. 433 00:29:35,760 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: I've been trying to, like you said, not personalizing and 434 00:29:38,960 --> 00:29:43,560 Speaker 1: realizing that. Um, I did get lost, like lose myself 435 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,200 Speaker 1: in a relationship. Like I was using the relationship to 436 00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,840 Speaker 1: get the validation that I needed because I wasn't validating myself. 437 00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:53,880 Speaker 1: I wasn't allowing myself to affirming myself. I was using 438 00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:57,800 Speaker 1: the relationship to affirm me. So once they got stripped 439 00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:01,440 Speaker 1: away from me, then it became a winner. Why it 440 00:30:01,760 --> 00:30:04,720 Speaker 1: hurt me so bad? What should hurt you? Is? Boy? 441 00:30:04,800 --> 00:30:08,320 Speaker 1: What did I miss with that one? What are the 442 00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,600 Speaker 1: questions I didn't ask? What are the things that I 443 00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:15,400 Speaker 1: didn't see? Let me sharpen those skills so that next 444 00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,560 Speaker 1: time I don't have to go through this, Because again, 445 00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,160 Speaker 1: this isn't about the weight game, and we're not making 446 00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,239 Speaker 1: him wrong. He has his likes and his dislikes. You know, 447 00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:26,280 Speaker 1: some people like ball people, some people don't. Some people 448 00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:29,040 Speaker 1: like beards, some people don't. Some people like mustaches, some 449 00:30:29,080 --> 00:30:31,760 Speaker 1: people don't. Some people like some meat to hold onto, 450 00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,880 Speaker 1: and other people don't. It's okay, that's his desire, you know. 451 00:30:36,400 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: But considering that, you know the thing is that you're 452 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 1: in this together, and then their dislikes took over their 453 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:50,680 Speaker 1: commitment to the relationship. That ain't about you, that's about him. 454 00:30:50,800 --> 00:30:54,040 Speaker 1: You're gonna be okay, how many pounds did you? I'm 455 00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,080 Speaker 1: more concerned about have you gotten another job? So I'm 456 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,920 Speaker 1: doing well with it. I got lunch, my own business 457 00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 1: and for myself. Now alrighty, look at that. Look at that. 458 00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 1: So there's somebody out there that wants something. Uh, entrepreneur 459 00:31:09,080 --> 00:31:15,560 Speaker 1: with some meat on his bones. It's somebody out there. 460 00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: So just practice that in your mind, you know, and 461 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:24,560 Speaker 1: allow yourself to grieve both your mom and the relationship. 462 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:28,520 Speaker 1: Allow yourself to grieve it. Just let it go and 463 00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,280 Speaker 1: get the lessons and you'll use them next time. Okay, Okay, 464 00:31:32,320 --> 00:31:34,080 Speaker 1: I thank you so much to speak on me today. 465 00:31:34,080 --> 00:31:36,760 Speaker 1: It really did give me another way to think about this. 466 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: I really appreciate you. I appreciate you, and good luck, 467 00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 1: good luck with your business. Thank you so much. Alrighty, 468 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:49,400 Speaker 1: bye bye. I like to say stand up for yourself 469 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:54,080 Speaker 1: within yourself, but the common phrases sticking up for yourself, 470 00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:59,560 Speaker 1: particularly in a relationship, when it's important to know where 471 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:03,840 Speaker 1: you're boundaries are and exactly what you will and will 472 00:32:03,960 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 1: not put up with. But it's also important to admit 473 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: your own mistakes so that you can move on and 474 00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:17,520 Speaker 1: grow from them. Listen, we're human, we are crazy as hell. 475 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 1: No one is perfect, but everyone, especially you, deserves respect. 476 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,479 Speaker 1: You deserve to know and feel that you are loved 477 00:32:27,640 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 1: and to be able to choose for yourself when it 478 00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,880 Speaker 1: comes to your happiness. I am an La and I 479 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:39,080 Speaker 1: thank you for joining me. If you have questions or 480 00:32:39,160 --> 00:32:42,800 Speaker 1: insights about this or any other relationship topic and you 481 00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,560 Speaker 1: would like us to explore it here on the our spot, 482 00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:49,280 Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three 483 00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:52,560 Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight now be sure to 484 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:56,080 Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling times. 485 00:32:56,280 --> 00:33:08,040 Speaker 1: In the meantime, stay in peace and not pieces. The 486 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,120 Speaker 1: R Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 487 00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, 488 00:33:16,880 --> 00:33:20,719 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 489 00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:22,920 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.