WEBVTT - The Worst Poet in the World | From Cautionary Tales 0:00:15.356 --> 0:00:15.796 Pushkin. 0:00:18.436 --> 0:00:21.276 You're about to hear an episode of Cautionary Tales with 0:00:21.396 --> 0:00:26.516 Tim Harford. Tim's podcast explores mistakes from history and importantly, 0:00:26.716 --> 0:00:29.356 what we can learn from them. As you can imagine, 0:00:29.436 --> 0:00:31.796 there's a lot of disasters to choose from, but there's 0:00:31.836 --> 0:00:34.636 always an interesting angle on what we can take from them. 0:00:35.036 --> 0:00:37.916 I learned something new every time it be surprised, but 0:00:37.996 --> 0:00:40.876 a shipwreck from the sixties can teach us something about 0:00:40.916 --> 0:00:44.356 a mistake we all make when making decisions today. This 0:00:44.516 --> 0:00:47.996 episode is about a poet. William McGonagall is remembered today 0:00:47.996 --> 0:00:50.756 as the worst poet in the world, and Tim is 0:00:50.876 --> 0:00:53.676 obsessed with his work. I think I am too. Here's 0:00:53.716 --> 0:00:56.796 a quick example, A pathetic tale of the sea I 0:00:56.836 --> 0:01:01.316 will unfold enough to make one's blood run cold, concerning 0:01:01.396 --> 0:01:05.076 four fishermen cast a drift in a dory. As I've 0:01:05.116 --> 0:01:08.836 been told, I'll relate the story twas on the eighth April, 0:01:09.156 --> 0:01:11.756 on the afternoon of that day that the village of 0:01:11.916 --> 0:01:16.756 Louisbourg was thrown into a wild state of disarray. So 0:01:17.476 --> 0:01:20.436 what can we learn from a disastrous poet? Tim has 0:01:20.436 --> 0:01:23.396 a few ideas, and in true revisionist history style, he 0:01:23.476 --> 0:01:27.236 has a feeling we've been understanding McGonagall all wrong. Enjoy 0:01:27.276 --> 0:01:29.636 the episode. It's one of my favorites, and make sure 0:01:29.676 --> 0:01:33.836 you subscribe to Cautionary Tales for plenty more disasters and 0:01:33.916 --> 0:01:36.156 plenty more lessons. 0:01:43.756 --> 0:01:47.716 The wind is fierce, no doubt about it. It's the 0:01:47.796 --> 0:01:51.876 strongest gale that John Watt can remember, and he's been 0:01:51.916 --> 0:01:55.956 working for the North British Railway since eighteen sixty seven, 0:01:56.436 --> 0:02:00.316 a full twelve years. It's a good night to be 0:02:00.516 --> 0:02:04.596 safely sheltered in the Railways signal cabin, sharing a mug 0:02:04.636 --> 0:02:10.476 of tea with a friend, signalman Thomas Barkley. As what 0:02:10.876 --> 0:02:13.676 and Berkley sit their tea and look out of the 0:02:13.676 --> 0:02:16.996 window into the darkness, it can see the faint line 0:02:17.036 --> 0:02:21.436 of lamps all along the new railway bridge, running almost 0:02:21.556 --> 0:02:25.596 two miles across the wide River Tay to the city 0:02:25.636 --> 0:02:29.836 of Dundee. Every now and then the clouds gust apart 0:02:30.356 --> 0:02:34.036 and the full moon picks out the high girders of 0:02:34.116 --> 0:02:40.756 the longest bridge in the world. A few minutes after 0:02:40.876 --> 0:02:45.236 seven o'clock comes the signal from the south the northbound 0:02:45.276 --> 0:02:50.276 train is approaching. Thomas Barkley steps out of the cabin 0:02:50.676 --> 0:02:54.996 into the wind and waits. As the train approaches, the 0:02:55.116 --> 0:02:58.876 sparks from the wheels visible in the dark, he greets 0:02:58.916 --> 0:03:01.836 the crew with a smile, handing over the batten that 0:03:01.956 --> 0:03:05.796 gives permission for a train to cross the bridge. The 0:03:05.876 --> 0:03:09.996 train is moving at walking pace. He sees child peer 0:03:10.076 --> 0:03:12.396 out of the window of a carriage as it passes. 0:03:16.196 --> 0:03:21.076 Then as the train puffs off over the long, high 0:03:21.316 --> 0:03:24.996 iron span, Thomas goes back to his friend in the 0:03:24.996 --> 0:03:27.556 shelter of the cabin and sends a message to the 0:03:27.596 --> 0:03:30.596 signal box over on the other side of the river, Tay. 0:03:33.116 --> 0:03:37.956 The signal bell rings three times in response, and still 0:03:38.636 --> 0:03:45.116 the wind howls. Thomas turns back to his mug of tea. 0:03:45.876 --> 0:03:48.956 But John, what is gazing out of the window at 0:03:48.996 --> 0:03:54.756 the bridge. There's something wrong with the train, he says Thomas. 0:03:54.796 --> 0:03:58.916 Barkley thinks he's imagining it, but John knows what He's seen. 0:03:59.996 --> 0:04:04.156 Three red tail lamps fading into the distance over the bridge, 0:04:04.316 --> 0:04:08.316 and then a series of flashes, three small and one big, 0:04:09.196 --> 0:04:16.036 then darkness. No tail lamps. The train's gone over, Thomas, 0:04:16.476 --> 0:04:23.396 he says. Thomas Berkley still isn't convinced. Surely the train 0:04:23.476 --> 0:04:27.196 has just disappeared from view after cresting the highest point 0:04:27.276 --> 0:04:31.796 of the bridge. Surely they'll see her again soon, but 0:04:31.836 --> 0:04:37.076 they don't. Thomas tries calling the signal box on the 0:04:37.116 --> 0:04:42.836 other side of the bridge, nothing. They go outside, briefly 0:04:42.916 --> 0:04:46.596 venture onto the bridge, and then retreat as the wind 0:04:46.756 --> 0:04:49.276 threatens to tear them off the girders and into the 0:04:49.316 --> 0:04:55.556 waters below. The clouds part again, and the full moon 0:04:55.716 --> 0:05:01.556 reveals the scene. A thousand yards of the bridge are gone, 0:05:02.156 --> 0:05:06.796 the high girders of the central spans, the iron piers 0:05:06.876 --> 0:05:11.556 that had supported them also gone. And of course the 0:05:11.636 --> 0:05:15.676 train has gone too, and every one of its passengers. 0:05:16.996 --> 0:05:22.036 It's a catastrophe. But this is not a story about 0:05:22.076 --> 0:05:26.796 a fatal bridge collapse. It's a story about a poet. 0:05:28.196 --> 0:05:56.836 I'm Tim Harford, and you're listening to cautionary tales beautiful 0:05:57.076 --> 0:06:01.276 railway bridge of the silvery tay Alas. I'm very sorry 0:06:01.316 --> 0:06:05.156 to say that ninety lives have been taken away on 0:06:05.196 --> 0:06:09.436 the last Sabbath day of eighteen seventy nine, who will 0:06:09.436 --> 0:06:14.676 be remembered for a very long time. Thus begins a 0:06:14.676 --> 0:06:20.316 poem titled the tay Bridge Disaster. It is widely regarded 0:06:20.476 --> 0:06:26.156 as the worst poem ever written, and its author, William McGonagall, 0:06:26.676 --> 0:06:31.676 is widely regarded as the worst poet. I'll spare you 0:06:31.756 --> 0:06:36.196 the full poem, but here's a central verse. So the 0:06:36.276 --> 0:06:40.436 train moved slowly along the Bridge of Tay until it 0:06:40.476 --> 0:06:44.556 was about midway. Then the central girders, with a crash. 0:06:44.316 --> 0:06:48.276 Gave way, and down went the train and passengers into 0:06:48.316 --> 0:06:53.356 the tea. The storm fiend did loadally bree because ninety 0:06:53.556 --> 0:06:56.996 lives had been taken away on the last Sabbath day 0:06:57.076 --> 0:07:00.796 of eighteen seventy nine, which will be remembered for a 0:07:00.956 --> 0:07:01.956 very long time. 0:07:04.796 --> 0:07:07.716 When I was just a boy, I saw an illustration 0:07:07.916 --> 0:07:11.596 of the Tay Bridge catastrophe in a children's picture book. 0:07:12.636 --> 0:07:15.156 It stayed with me. I can still see it in 0:07:15.196 --> 0:07:19.876 my mind. The bridge seems so horribly high and thin 0:07:20.596 --> 0:07:23.676 as it collapses into the storm. The train is just 0:07:23.996 --> 0:07:31.956 steaming off into thin air. It's awful. And then I 0:07:32.116 --> 0:07:38.036 encountered William mcgonagall's truly terrible poem, and it stuck with 0:07:38.156 --> 0:07:42.196 me just as vividly, or should I say, it has 0:07:42.236 --> 0:07:46.716 been remembered for a very long time. Here's the end 0:07:46.796 --> 0:07:47.876 of the poem. 0:07:49.196 --> 0:07:53.316 Oh ill fated Bridge of the silvery tea. I must 0:07:53.396 --> 0:07:57.676 now conclude my lay by telling the world fearlessly without 0:07:57.716 --> 0:08:01.516 the least dismay, that your central girders would not have 0:08:01.596 --> 0:08:05.916 given way. That least many sensible men do say had 0:08:05.956 --> 0:08:10.196 they been supported on each side with buttresses. At least 0:08:10.236 --> 0:08:14.756 many sensible men confesses. For the stronger we our houses 0:08:14.796 --> 0:08:18.956 do build, the less chance we have of being killed. 0:08:22.636 --> 0:08:29.436 It's awful. I'm obsessed with William McGonagall. I have so 0:08:29.796 --> 0:08:33.996 many questions. Who was this man? What does he teach 0:08:34.076 --> 0:08:38.556 us about art? And above all, how does a poem 0:08:38.716 --> 0:08:43.956 get to be this bad? I have several biographies of 0:08:43.996 --> 0:08:46.796 the poet McGonagall in front of me. One of them 0:08:46.836 --> 0:08:50.556 says he was born in eighteen twenty five. Another says 0:08:50.596 --> 0:08:54.556 he was born in eighteen thirty, and both were written 0:08:54.556 --> 0:09:01.116 by William McGonagall himself. William mcgonagall's parents were Irish, but 0:09:01.196 --> 0:09:03.876 he was born in Edinburgh and went to school in 0:09:03.996 --> 0:09:08.036 South Ronalds Say, one of the Orkney islands, remote even 0:09:08.076 --> 0:09:13.276 by the standards of schooltland. William's education was interrupted by, 0:09:13.516 --> 0:09:18.236 of all things, an encounter with his teacher's beloved pet tortoise. 0:09:19.956 --> 0:09:23.596 William was fascinated by the creature, but when he picked 0:09:23.636 --> 0:09:26.476 it up to fully admire the beauty of its shell, 0:09:27.236 --> 0:09:33.116 the unfortunate animal voided its bowels on his hands. In disgust, 0:09:33.396 --> 0:09:36.516 the boy hurled the tortoise to the ground, nearly killing it, 0:09:37.156 --> 0:09:45.596 and mcgonagall's teacher, enraged, started thrashing his face with a cane. 0:09:45.956 --> 0:09:51.876 All very distressing. William's father complained to the local magistrate. 0:09:52.636 --> 0:09:56.556 The magistrate threatened to disbar a teacher, and the practical 0:09:56.596 --> 0:10:00.036 outcome was that the teacher lived in fear of ever 0:10:00.196 --> 0:10:05.636 upsetting William again, who skipped school with impunity. That was 0:10:05.716 --> 0:10:09.116 the story McGonagall would tell, and his point was clear. 0:10:09.996 --> 0:10:14.596 William McGonagall was much like William Shakespeare. He had learned 0:10:14.716 --> 0:10:19.836 more from nature than he learned at school. McGonagall adored 0:10:19.956 --> 0:10:25.356 his namesake, William Shakespeare. He read and re read Macbeth, Richard, 0:10:25.356 --> 0:10:27.676 the Third Hamlet, and othellow. 0:10:29.436 --> 0:10:33.836 I gave myself no rest until I obtained complete mastery 0:10:34.036 --> 0:10:36.916 over the above four characters. 0:10:38.596 --> 0:10:42.356 Mcgonagall's family moved to Dundee, where both he and his 0:10:42.476 --> 0:10:47.756 father worked as weavers. William would give impromptu performances of 0:10:47.796 --> 0:10:52.236 Shakespeare to his shopmates. He says they were quite delighted, 0:10:52.596 --> 0:10:55.436 and perhaps they were, since they were willing to pay 0:10:55.556 --> 0:11:00.716 good money to support his theatrical ambitions. William McGonagall was 0:11:00.756 --> 0:11:05.156 to play the title role in Macbeth just as long 0:11:05.156 --> 0:11:07.796 as he paid one pound to the theater owner for 0:11:07.836 --> 0:11:12.276 the privilege one hundred dollars in today's money. His colleagues 0:11:12.436 --> 0:11:16.476 all contributed, and nobody can say they didn't get their 0:11:16.516 --> 0:11:22.036 money's worth. McGonagall couldn't afford a costume of his own, 0:11:22.476 --> 0:11:26.356 so borrowed a few items from friends and colleagues, and 0:11:26.436 --> 0:11:31.276 took the stage dressed less like the ambitious nobleman Macbeth 0:11:31.796 --> 0:11:37.316 and more like a highland beggar. The play traditionally ends 0:11:37.316 --> 0:11:41.756 with a climactic fight in which Macbeth is slain by Macduff. 0:11:42.836 --> 0:11:48.316 This concept proved two pedestrian for McGonagall. One witness described 0:11:48.356 --> 0:11:53.316 the result an immortal scene in more ways than one. 0:11:54.196 --> 0:11:57.196 McGonagall had evidently made up his mind to astonish the 0:11:57.356 --> 0:12:01.876 gods at his performance, for instead of dying when run 0:12:01.916 --> 0:12:05.116 through the body by the sword of Macduff, he maintained 0:12:05.156 --> 0:12:08.636 his feet and flourished his weapon about the ears of 0:12:08.636 --> 0:12:11.836 his adverse. In such a way that there was for 0:12:11.956 --> 0:12:15.756 some time an apparent probability of the performance ending in 0:12:15.956 --> 0:12:16.916 real tragedy. 0:12:20.196 --> 0:12:21.556 McGonagall saw it differently. 0:12:22.556 --> 0:12:27.516 The actor who was playing Macduff against my Macbeth tried 0:12:27.516 --> 0:12:29.756 to spoil me in the combat by telling me to 0:12:29.836 --> 0:12:33.156 cut it short. I continue the combat until he were 0:12:33.196 --> 0:12:36.836 fairly exhausted, and until there was one old gentleman in 0:12:36.876 --> 0:12:42.116 the audience cried out well done. McGonagall walk into him, 0:12:42.156 --> 0:12:44.236 and so I did until he was in a great 0:12:44.356 --> 0:12:48.676 rage and stamped his foot and cried out, fool, why 0:12:48.716 --> 0:12:49.676 don't you fall? 0:12:52.516 --> 0:12:57.916 With Macduff audibly urging mcgonagall's Macbeth to go down, and 0:12:57.996 --> 0:13:03.556 Macbeth ignoring him over and over again. Macduff, enraged, wrapped 0:13:03.596 --> 0:13:06.196 Macbeth out his knuckles with the flat of the blade, 0:13:06.676 --> 0:13:10.876 forcing him to drop his own sword. McGonagall was now 0:13:11.116 --> 0:13:15.556 unarmed but undaunted, and he dodged around and around Macduff, 0:13:15.836 --> 0:13:18.436 looking for all the world as though he now planned 0:13:18.436 --> 0:13:22.916 to wrestle for it. The Macduff actor, disgusted at the 0:13:22.956 --> 0:13:27.156 tomfoolery camp, tossed his own sword aside and charged in 0:13:27.356 --> 0:13:32.996 to tackle McGonagall. The sublime tragedy of Macbeth came to 0:13:33.036 --> 0:13:37.036 an undignified end with a title character swept off his 0:13:37.116 --> 0:13:43.716 feet and deposited on his backside. The audience were ecstatically. 0:13:44.316 --> 0:13:47.716 They bellowed for McGonagall to be brought forward to receive 0:13:47.836 --> 0:13:55.116 a standing ovation. What a shame that mcgonagall's artistic sensitivities 0:13:55.116 --> 0:13:58.436 were not put to full time use. He continued to 0:13:58.476 --> 0:14:03.356 work as a weaver for decades. Not to worry. Good 0:14:03.396 --> 0:14:07.436 things come to those who wait. He would eventually emulate 0:14:07.756 --> 0:14:13.796 William Shakespeare, the man he so admired. William McGonagall would 0:14:13.836 --> 0:14:19.876 become a poet cautionary tales will be back after the break. 0:14:27.596 --> 0:14:30.876 McGonagall was about fifty when it became clear to him 0:14:30.916 --> 0:14:34.916 that there was no future in weaving. Machine looms had 0:14:34.956 --> 0:14:35.516 taken over. 0:14:36.116 --> 0:14:39.956 I couldn't make a living from it. But I may 0:14:40.036 --> 0:14:43.676 see Dame Fortune has been very kind to me by 0:14:43.876 --> 0:14:48.836 endowing me with the genius of poetry. I remember how 0:14:48.876 --> 0:14:53.716 I felt when I received the spirit of poetry. 0:14:54.916 --> 0:14:59.356 It was June eighteen seventy seven. McGonagall was lamenting that 0:14:59.436 --> 0:15:01.916 he couldn't get away to the Highlands for a holiday. 0:15:02.836 --> 0:15:06.916 All of a sudden, my body got inflamed and instantly 0:15:07.036 --> 0:15:10.636 I was seized with a strong desire to write poetry, 0:15:11.076 --> 0:15:14.116 so strong in fact, that in imagination I thought I 0:15:14.196 --> 0:15:19.476 heard a voice crying in my ears right right. I 0:15:19.556 --> 0:15:21.956 wondered what could be the matter with me? And I 0:15:21.996 --> 0:15:24.916 began to walk backwards and forwards in a great fit 0:15:24.956 --> 0:15:29.076 of excitement, saying to myself, I know nothing about poetry, 0:15:29.516 --> 0:15:33.876 but still a voice kept ringing in my ears right right. 0:15:34.636 --> 0:15:38.956 Until at last, being overcome with a desire to write poetry, 0:15:39.276 --> 0:15:42.716 I found paper, pen and ink, and in a state 0:15:42.796 --> 0:15:46.316 of frenzy, sat me down to think what would be 0:15:46.396 --> 0:15:50.756 my first subject for a poem. 0:15:50.876 --> 0:15:55.596 That subject was the Reverend George Gilfillan, a local preacher. 0:15:55.756 --> 0:16:00.916 McGonagall wished to praise. The poem stirringly concludes. 0:16:01.076 --> 0:16:05.036 My blessing on his noble form and on his lofty head, 0:16:05.836 --> 0:16:09.676 May all good angels guard him while living, and hereafter 0:16:10.036 --> 0:16:10.836 when he's deed. 0:16:11.956 --> 0:16:16.036 McGonagall sent the poem to the Dundee Weekly News, which 0:16:16.156 --> 0:16:20.956 took the unwise step of printing it. Thus encouraged, he 0:16:21.036 --> 0:16:27.476 sent a second poem, Bonnie Dundee. 0:16:25.436 --> 0:16:29.396 Oh, Bonnie Dundee, I will sing in thy praise a 0:16:29.436 --> 0:16:33.636 few but true, simple lays regarding some of your beauties 0:16:33.636 --> 0:16:37.196 of the present day, and virtually speaking, there's none can 0:16:37.236 --> 0:16:41.476 then gainsay for super fine goods. There's none can excel 0:16:41.836 --> 0:16:46.316 from Inverness to Clarkenwell and your tramways. I must confess 0:16:46.596 --> 0:16:50.116 that they have proved a complete success, which I am 0:16:50.236 --> 0:16:53.396 right glad to see, and a very great improvement to 0:16:53.516 --> 0:16:56.196 Bonnie Dundee. 0:16:57.436 --> 0:17:01.276 There is more, but alas, the Weekly News declined to 0:17:01.356 --> 0:17:05.836 print what it described as a so called poem, at 0:17:05.876 --> 0:17:09.596 which point McGonagall sent them a letter threatening to stop 0:17:09.756 --> 0:17:14.036 sending any more poems. The Weekly News dryly explained to 0:17:14.076 --> 0:17:18.356 its readers that we can only express the fervent hope 0:17:18.756 --> 0:17:25.156 that he may put into execution this artful threat. In 0:17:25.196 --> 0:17:28.476 the summer of eighteen seventy eight, McGonagall had been a 0:17:28.476 --> 0:17:31.756 poet for just a year when he received a letter 0:17:31.796 --> 0:17:37.556 from Queen Victoria's private secretary, Sir Thomas Biddulf, informing him 0:17:37.596 --> 0:17:40.556 that Her Majesty would like to become a patron of 0:17:40.596 --> 0:17:45.756 his poems. McGonagall seems not to have registered any surprise 0:17:45.876 --> 0:17:48.916 at this sudden honor, but he was inspired to make 0:17:48.956 --> 0:17:53.276 the fifty nine mile journey from Dundee to Queen Victoria's 0:17:53.276 --> 0:17:56.676 residence at Balmorral so that he could recite his verse 0:17:56.716 --> 0:18:00.916 for her. For an unemployed weaver, there was no way 0:18:00.956 --> 0:18:05.396 to reach Balmorrale except to walk. The journey took three days, 0:18:05.916 --> 0:18:09.676 during which time McGonagall was fared and sheltered by shepherds 0:18:09.716 --> 0:18:13.236 who took pity on him. He recorded some of his 0:18:13.316 --> 0:18:16.196 journey in poetry, notably. 0:18:16.436 --> 0:18:19.756 On the Spittle of Glen Shee, which is most dismal 0:18:19.796 --> 0:18:23.436 for to see, with its bleak and rugged mountains, and 0:18:23.636 --> 0:18:28.836 clear crystal spouting fountains with their misty form, and thousands 0:18:28.836 --> 0:18:30.556 of sheep there together doth. 0:18:30.436 --> 0:18:37.036 Room, He was drenched by hours of rain, and threatened 0:18:37.036 --> 0:18:40.556 by the roaring and flashing of a thunderstorm overhead. That 0:18:40.996 --> 0:18:44.956 was undaunted, having told his friends back in Dundee that 0:18:45.116 --> 0:18:48.556 on his way to see Her Majesty and Balmoral he 0:18:48.596 --> 0:18:54.236 would pass through fire and water rather than retreat. Finally, 0:18:54.676 --> 0:18:58.476 mid afternoon on the third day, McGonagall reached Her Majesty's 0:18:58.516 --> 0:19:02.956 residence at Balmoral Castle. He was intercepted by the constable 0:19:02.996 --> 0:19:08.756 at Balmoral's Gatehouse Lodge, who presumably observed mcgonagall's collar length 0:19:08.836 --> 0:19:13.316 way of hair, his drenched, patched up clothes and his 0:19:13.396 --> 0:19:17.476 dirty boots, and did not think to himself, here comes 0:19:17.476 --> 0:19:18.916 a future poet laureate. 0:19:20.476 --> 0:19:23.596 I showed him Her Majesty's Royal letter of Patronage for 0:19:23.756 --> 0:19:27.316 my poetic abilities, and he read it and said it 0:19:27.356 --> 0:19:28.796 was not Her Majesty's letter. 0:19:30.556 --> 0:19:35.036 Someone had played a cruel trick, But McGonagall insisted that 0:19:35.076 --> 0:19:38.356 the letter was genuine. The Constable took it away for 0:19:38.356 --> 0:19:41.316 a while before returning to announce. 0:19:41.476 --> 0:19:43.956 Well, I've been up at the castle with her letter, 0:19:44.276 --> 0:19:46.436 and the answer I got for you is they can 0:19:46.436 --> 0:19:47.356 he be bothered with you? 0:19:48.076 --> 0:19:52.156 McGonagall showed the Constable a copy of his poems, including 0:19:52.196 --> 0:19:56.396 the claim that McGonagall was poet to Her Majesty. The 0:19:56.476 --> 0:19:57.996 Constable objected. 0:19:58.556 --> 0:20:02.036 You are not poet to her Majesty. Tennyson's the real 0:20:02.076 --> 0:20:03.196 poet to her Majesty. 0:20:05.156 --> 0:20:11.396 Ah. Yes, Alfred Lord Tennyson, the actual poet laureate. How 0:20:11.596 --> 0:20:17.796 inconvenient In writing The Charge of the Light Brigade, Alfred 0:20:17.836 --> 0:20:22.196 Lord Tennyson performed a rare feat. He created a poem 0:20:22.276 --> 0:20:26.156 that is as famous as the Disaster. It describes. 0:20:27.276 --> 0:20:30.156 Canon to the right of them, Canon to the left 0:20:30.236 --> 0:20:33.996 of them, canon in front of them, bollied and thundered, 0:20:34.556 --> 0:20:38.556 stormed at with shot and shell. Boldly they rode and 0:20:38.796 --> 0:20:43.236 well into the jaws of death, into the mouth of hell, 0:20:43.596 --> 0:20:47.596 rode the six hundred. 0:20:51.876 --> 0:20:56.556 William McGonagall never got close to succeeding Tennyson as poet laureate. 0:20:57.396 --> 0:21:03.356 Yet his poem The tay Bridge Disaster matches Tennyson's achievement. 0:21:04.796 --> 0:21:09.076 I mean, Tennyson was good, but he was no William mcgone. 0:21:10.316 --> 0:21:14.356 But I digress. The constable suggested that McGonagall demonstrate his 0:21:14.476 --> 0:21:19.956 skills by reciting some poetry at the castle gate. No, sir, 0:21:20.596 --> 0:21:24.596 said McGonagall. He wasn't some wandering charlatan. He was the 0:21:24.676 --> 0:21:25.396 real thing. 0:21:25.996 --> 0:21:28.196 Take me into one of the rooms on the lodge 0:21:28.556 --> 0:21:31.716 and pay me for it, and I will give you 0:21:31.876 --> 0:21:32.876 a recital. 0:21:33.596 --> 0:21:37.796 The constable didn't oblige, but he gave McGonagall some advice. 0:21:38.596 --> 0:21:42.276 Unless you want to be arrested, go home and don't 0:21:42.356 --> 0:21:47.716 think of returning to balmorel. McGonagall duly began the three 0:21:47.836 --> 0:21:51.836 day walk home to Dundee. When he got back, he 0:21:51.876 --> 0:21:55.556 wrote up his adventures, sent them to the newspapers, and 0:21:55.636 --> 0:21:59.996 before long was being mocked up and down the British Isles, 0:22:00.836 --> 0:22:05.356 as a headline in the Evening Telegraph put it, extraordinary 0:22:05.476 --> 0:22:11.796 freak of a Dundee poet William mcgonagh at Balmoral, genius 0:22:11.836 --> 0:22:20.596 still unrecognized. When a cruel prank wastes a week of 0:22:20.636 --> 0:22:23.996 your life, dashes your hopes and leads you to being 0:22:24.116 --> 0:22:29.796 mocked in the national press, what can you do? The answer, 0:22:30.676 --> 0:22:36.676 pick yourself up and try again. McGonagall noted that Tennyson 0:22:36.916 --> 0:22:40.316 was famous for his war poetry, so he decided to 0:22:40.396 --> 0:22:44.996 dabble in war poems too. They are not very good. 0:22:45.996 --> 0:22:48.036 The Battle of Cresse begins. 0:22:48.476 --> 0:22:51.156 To us on the twenty sixth of August. The sun 0:22:51.356 --> 0:22:54.636 was burning hot in the year of thirteen forty six, 0:22:54.956 --> 0:22:57.036 which will never be forgot. 0:22:57.356 --> 0:23:01.236 And ends with the classic McGonagall move of cramming some 0:23:01.356 --> 0:23:04.196 extra syllables in free of charge. 0:23:05.356 --> 0:23:08.596 And the king's heart was filled with great delight, and 0:23:08.676 --> 0:23:12.116 he thanked Jack for capturing the Bohemian standard during the fight. 0:23:14.356 --> 0:23:18.316 But McGonagall was soon encouraged to receive a lucrative job 0:23:18.356 --> 0:23:24.036 offer from the famous playwright and theater impresario Dion Busico. 0:23:24.796 --> 0:23:29.236 Busico's letter invited him to a fine dinner, but as 0:23:29.316 --> 0:23:33.756 McGonagall tells the story, he arrived to find several men 0:23:33.796 --> 0:23:38.356 awaiting him, barely suppressing giggles as McGonagall was served a 0:23:38.516 --> 0:23:46.556 cheap sandwich. McGonagall had been pranked again, although when Busico 0:23:46.676 --> 0:23:49.996 heard about the joke, he sent McGonagall a sympathetic letter 0:23:50.316 --> 0:23:54.236 and five pounds, enough money for McGonagall to visit London. 0:23:56.236 --> 0:23:58.796 He had hoped to meet with one or two of 0:23:58.876 --> 0:24:03.196 London's most celebrated actors, but had no more luck there 0:24:03.596 --> 0:24:09.596 than at Balmoral. Later, McGonagall ventured to New York, a 0:24:09.636 --> 0:24:12.236 city he honored indistinctive style. 0:24:13.476 --> 0:24:17.036 As for Brooklyn Bridge, it's a very great height and 0:24:17.116 --> 0:24:21.076 fills the stranger's heart with wonder at first sight, and 0:24:21.156 --> 0:24:24.516 with all its loftiness, I venture to say it cannot 0:24:24.556 --> 0:24:27.276 surpass the new railway bridge of the Silvery Tay. 0:24:29.556 --> 0:24:33.036 William McGonagall did not succeed in selling his poems in 0:24:33.116 --> 0:24:38.236 New York, so returned to Scotland. He was cheered to 0:24:38.316 --> 0:24:42.476 receive a letter from the poet Laureate of Burma, writing 0:24:42.556 --> 0:24:46.836 on behalf of Burma's King t boor Mad King McGonagall 0:24:47.516 --> 0:24:54.236 Topaz McGonagall Knight of the white Elephant of Burma. McGonagall 0:24:54.396 --> 0:24:58.196 accepted the honor and wore his medal, a silver elephant, 0:24:58.556 --> 0:25:03.116 with pride. If he ever feared that this letter was 0:25:03.156 --> 0:25:10.596 as fraudulent as the others, he shared no doubts. McGonagall 0:25:10.636 --> 0:25:15.836 spent his final years giving public performances in Perth, Glasgow 0:25:15.996 --> 0:25:18.676 and Edinburgh, where the main attraction appeared to be the 0:25:18.756 --> 0:25:24.276 opportunity to hurl abuse and worse at the aspiring poet laureate. 0:25:25.236 --> 0:25:29.436 McGonagall would dash about the stage excitedly enacting the action 0:25:29.556 --> 0:25:33.316 as he gave dramatic recitals of his war poems, clad 0:25:33.356 --> 0:25:38.076 in a kilt and brandishing a claim or with perilous enthusiasm. 0:25:38.596 --> 0:25:41.836 More useful was his small round shield with which he 0:25:41.876 --> 0:25:49.476 could parry incoming eggs and cabbages. William McGonagall died in 0:25:49.516 --> 0:25:53.636 poverty on the twenty ninth of September nineteen oh two. 0:25:53.716 --> 0:25:58.956 He was seventy two years old or seventy seven. He 0:25:59.036 --> 0:26:02.956 was buried in a pauper's grave, having practiced the art 0:26:03.036 --> 0:26:07.236 of poetry for twenty five years, and having been mocked 0:26:07.316 --> 0:26:12.636 for every one of them. The death certificate misspells his 0:26:12.796 --> 0:26:17.996 name Emil Zola died on the same day, as it happens. 0:26:18.836 --> 0:26:26.276 Zola a fine writer, he was no William McGonagall. Cautionary 0:26:26.316 --> 0:26:39.596 tales will return after the break. The poetry critics argue 0:26:39.636 --> 0:26:43.116 that McGonagall has an important lesson to teach us. He 0:26:43.356 --> 0:26:48.556 is the perfect example of how not to write poetry. 0:26:49.116 --> 0:26:51.676 If you must read him, be sure to do the 0:26:51.756 --> 0:26:57.916 opposite of whatever he does. Joseph Salaimy, an award winning poet, complains, 0:26:58.676 --> 0:27:01.636 I know far too many persons who share some of 0:27:01.716 --> 0:27:05.156 mcgonagall's faults. Can we at least resolve that we will 0:27:05.196 --> 0:27:09.676 not commit the poetic crimes that McGonagall committed. We stop 0:27:09.836 --> 0:27:14.636 with the humdrum plainness, the vapid statement, the dull diction, 0:27:14.916 --> 0:27:20.196 the crappy meter, the tedious length, the triviality, the commonplace thoughts, 0:27:20.276 --> 0:27:25.476 and the cliched perceptions. Dr Gerard Carruthers, an expert in 0:27:25.596 --> 0:27:30.556 Scottish literature, agrees there is something rather cruel about us 0:27:30.636 --> 0:27:36.316 still reprinting and republishing McGonagall. He told the BBC it's 0:27:36.396 --> 0:27:39.356 time for us to close the book on McGonagall once 0:27:39.436 --> 0:27:45.276 and for all. But that feels so narrow minded. I 0:27:45.436 --> 0:27:48.636 draw a different lesson. We shouldn't complain about a man 0:27:48.716 --> 0:27:52.916 who wrote bad poetry. We should celebrate a man who 0:27:52.916 --> 0:27:56.396 wrote poetry. Of course, the poems are bad, but most 0:27:56.436 --> 0:28:01.476 poems are bad. Most acts of human creativity are fairly incompetent. 0:28:01.956 --> 0:28:04.396 Most of us can't write novels, not that anyone else 0:28:04.396 --> 0:28:07.036 would pay to read. Most of us can't draw or 0:28:07.076 --> 0:28:10.156 paint anything that anyone else would pay to look. Most 0:28:10.156 --> 0:28:12.876 of us can't act. We can't sing, We can't dance. 0:28:13.396 --> 0:28:19.796 Who cares dance and sing? Anyway? I think we're prone 0:28:19.876 --> 0:28:23.476 to making a sad mistake. When we think about creative acts, 0:28:24.036 --> 0:28:27.876 we instinctively set the benchmark at an absurdly high level. 0:28:28.636 --> 0:28:32.356 We've been spoiled, perhaps because at the touch of a button, 0:28:32.756 --> 0:28:36.116 we can listen to Glenn Gould playing Johann Sebastian Bach. 0:28:36.676 --> 0:28:40.716 We can watch Ian McKellen and Judy Dench performing Shakespeare. 0:28:41.076 --> 0:28:43.356 We can read a novel by Austin, or watch a 0:28:43.396 --> 0:28:47.036 film by Coppola, or gaze at an interior by Vermere. 0:28:48.876 --> 0:28:52.996 Not only has modern technology made these wonders possible, but 0:28:53.076 --> 0:28:59.276 modern technology also makes more humdrum creative acts economically worthless. 0:28:59.996 --> 0:29:02.836 Nobody is going to pay me to perform bark or 0:29:02.996 --> 0:29:06.316 paint a watercolor. But I still play the piano from 0:29:06.356 --> 0:29:08.796 time to time, and very occasionally I pick up a 0:29:08.796 --> 0:29:12.036 pencil in a sketch book. It doesn't matter if there's 0:29:12.036 --> 0:29:16.556 no economic value in the result. There's personal value for 0:29:16.676 --> 0:29:21.476 me in the process of trying to express myself. That 0:29:21.596 --> 0:29:25.196 might seem obvious, but it's easy to forget. In debates 0:29:25.236 --> 0:29:29.196 about the rise of generative AI, people worry about the 0:29:29.236 --> 0:29:33.916 death of human creativity. But I don't think generative AI 0:29:34.076 --> 0:29:36.836 is more of a threat to human creativity than the 0:29:36.916 --> 0:29:41.356 camera or the record player. It changes the economics, to 0:29:41.436 --> 0:29:45.476 be sure, McGonagall lost his job as a weaver because 0:29:45.476 --> 0:29:48.316 of machine looms, so he would have understood all about 0:29:48.436 --> 0:29:53.556 losing work to a machine. But while a new technology 0:29:53.716 --> 0:29:57.316 changes who might be paid for creative work, and what 0:29:57.436 --> 0:30:00.036 sort of creative work they might be paid for, and 0:30:00.076 --> 0:30:02.756 how much they might be paid for it, it doesn't 0:30:02.836 --> 0:30:06.876 make creative work impossible. All of us are free to 0:30:06.956 --> 0:30:09.996 sit down in front of a piano or an easel 0:30:10.596 --> 0:30:14.076 and try to create something beautiful. And while it's nice 0:30:14.076 --> 0:30:20.836