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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. I welcome to Steph.

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Speaker 1: I've never told you production I heart radio. So for

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Speaker 1: today's question, Samantha, I'm not sure you know the answer,

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Speaker 1: but do you remember when you became familiar with the

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Speaker 1: idea of self care? You know? I honestly, I don't

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Speaker 1: think it was until recently that I learned of this.

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Speaker 1: And when I say recently, the idea and concept of

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Speaker 1: self care was not something in my Christian upbringing. Sure,

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Speaker 1: so that was not something especially as a woman who

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Speaker 1: was supposed to be the caretaker of the nurturer. That's

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Speaker 1: not a thing. For my mother. I definitely never saw

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Speaker 1: that from her. She's constantly going. She is still constantly

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Speaker 1: going to this day and she is sixty five. So

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Speaker 1: for me, I don't think it really came into play

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Speaker 1: until I literally had a panic attack, anxiety attack that

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Speaker 1: shut me down for a week in when I was

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Speaker 1: working as a child abuse investigator and I had a

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Speaker 1: pank attack in the middle of Longhorns. Yes, I did,

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Speaker 1: to the point that my friends were like, are you okay?

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Speaker 1: Are you okay? Like the coworkers and they're like, don't

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Speaker 1: look at it. Don't look at it, because they knew

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Speaker 1: it made it worse, and so it wasn't until then,

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Speaker 1: so out of college in my first job, that I

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Speaker 1: truly figured out, Oh, I'm trying to kill myself through

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Speaker 1: doing too much and not taking care of myself because

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Speaker 1: I'm putting the responsibility of the world on me. So

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Speaker 1: I feel like it really wasn't until about two thousand

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Speaker 1: and six, so pretty a pretty long time that I

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Speaker 1: understood the concept without knowing the term right, And that

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Speaker 1: included a lot of hiking and exercising, and that was

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Speaker 1: my like form of self care. And don't get me wrong,

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Speaker 1: I already started therapy, but that was trauma related, So

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Speaker 1: self care is really different delving into trauma. Yeah, as

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Speaker 1: we all know, as we all know people who listen

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Speaker 1: to this show certainly, I actually don't think I knew

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Speaker 1: about self care because I feel like, you know, you

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Speaker 1: know about it in terms of taking care of yourself,

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Speaker 1: but the term and the idea of like prioritizing it

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Speaker 1: and that it's important. I don't think I knew until

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Speaker 1: we've talked about it before on this show in several

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Speaker 1: different instances. I am really bad at it. I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of women are, so even when I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this self care thing. My attitude around

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Speaker 1: it was the opposite of what it needed to be.

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Speaker 1: It was like another check box that made it in

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Speaker 1: another stressor and like, oh, I have to do this thing,

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Speaker 1: so we are going to talk about that. But I

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Speaker 1: it's still something I struggle with. I mean, I think

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Speaker 1: for me, yeah, the term was not self care. It

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Speaker 1: was mental health day, which I know we talked about

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Speaker 1: in my industry where I came from, especially with like

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Speaker 1: government jobs or service jobs. We talked about mental health

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Speaker 1: days and trying to get them. And it's so frowned

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Speaker 1: upon in that industry. Like they tell you to do it.

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Speaker 1: They tell you to do it, they tell you to

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Speaker 1: shut off your phone, they tell you that, you know,

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Speaker 1: you take you a week of vacation. And a few

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Speaker 1: people have and I love and admire that, And I

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Speaker 1: think a few people have because they had to, you know,

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Speaker 1: like they had families or whatever whatnot, and it costs

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Speaker 1: a lot of problems and marriages or problems with their

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Speaker 1: children because a lot of people would put their job first.

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Speaker 1: But we were told to take our mental health day,

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Speaker 1: but made sure to be told don't say it's a

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Speaker 1: mental health day, tell him you're sick. It's just kind

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Speaker 1: of that level. So for the longest time, and I

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Speaker 1: know I think people think it that way still, that

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Speaker 1: term is really really it's definitely become a little more

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Speaker 1: of a fad, the term not necessarily a practice. So

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Speaker 1: to me, it's kind of a newer idea, and it

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Speaker 1: does feel really else fish to say you need that, Yes,

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Speaker 1: And we're going to talk about that that feeling, and

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Speaker 1: and today we're we're also going to talk a lot

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Speaker 1: about how self care has been feminized, how seen as

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Speaker 1: sort of this purview of women, and as it's been

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Speaker 1: in all the news a lot lately for a variety

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Speaker 1: of reasons. But I didn't want to bring this up

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Speaker 1: that Pinterest recently announced guidelines to I guess, foster a

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Speaker 1: healthier environment on their platform, to be kinder and to

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Speaker 1: be more positive in general, which I find interesting because Pinterest.

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Speaker 1: To me, there's a lot of great things that can

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Speaker 1: happen on Pinterest, but I see the negative of almost that,

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Speaker 1: like wishful, you know, your pinboard. If I want to

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Speaker 1: be what is that called in inspiration? We want to

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Speaker 1: be this thin and I'm gonna do this and this

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Speaker 1: and this and like that perfect life that you build unhealthy. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm not really into Pinterest, so but I'm definitely seeing

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Speaker 1: the boards and that sounds horrifying because also people can

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Speaker 1: look at this, right, they can, but you can put

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Speaker 1: it on private. I think all of mine are on private,

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Speaker 1: except for my random nineties board. I was going to

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Speaker 1: a nineties theme party with costume, of course, but all

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Speaker 1: my like you'll find out soon enough. You know what

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Speaker 1: that makes me panic? Let's not, I know. So back

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Speaker 1: to this Interest thing is they have this creator code

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Speaker 1: that says I agree to be kind, check my facts,

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Speaker 1: be aware of triggers, practice inclusion, and do no harm,

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Speaker 1: which I'm curious how they will re enforce those. But

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Speaker 1: we're seeing more social media platforms trying to do these things,

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Speaker 1: which is something else we've talked about a lot. And

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Speaker 1: I remember when I first came on as a host

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Speaker 1: of this show, some people would write in and say

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Speaker 1: why they get like trigger warnings, why they thought they

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Speaker 1: were like useless and actually harmful, and I would argue back,

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Speaker 1: like my side of it. And I feel like it's

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Speaker 1: shifting towards people being more aware of why you need

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Speaker 1: to think about those sorts of things, right, I mean, honestly,

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Speaker 1: that's kind of why we how that conversation about trauma

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Speaker 1: series began is everybody was so leaning to oh my god,

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Speaker 1: everybody's so PC that are so sensitive, blah blah blah,

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Speaker 1: and we're like, no, but this is why we need

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Speaker 1: these things, because it has for our entire lives. We

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Speaker 1: didn't have this, and I really wish we did, and

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Speaker 1: that is okay to have those warnings, but why it

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Speaker 1: was important and why we need to respect them. But yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's interesting to see because we have kind of gone

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Speaker 1: all up back and forth and back and forth of

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Speaker 1: is this a problem or is this a solution or

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Speaker 1: is this adding on to the problems, And it's kind

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Speaker 1: of I'm really glad to see that it's sticking. It's

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Speaker 1: becoming a thing, aren't you. Yeah? Yeah. And I remember

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Speaker 1: in particular, one person was a professor and they wrote

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Speaker 1: in and they were like, I just feel that giving

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Speaker 1: trigger warnings it means that topics that need to be

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Speaker 1: talked about won't be talked about. And I was like,

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Speaker 1: I hear you, but I think it doesn't mean I

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Speaker 1: won't show up to whatever lesson. It just means I'll

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Speaker 1: show up knowing I need to be prepared for this,

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Speaker 1: and I obviously you and I don't think. That doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean don't talk about something. It's just giving puple that

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Speaker 1: like warning if they need it to take care of themselves.

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Speaker 1: And speaking of let's do a brief definition, like we

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Speaker 1: like to do, what is self care? According to the

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Speaker 1: World Health Organization, it is quote, self care is what

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Speaker 1: people do for themselves to establish and maintain health and

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Speaker 1: to prevent and deal with illness. It is a broad concept,

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Speaker 1: encompassing hygiene at general and personal nutrition and type in

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Speaker 1: quality of food eaten, lifestyle, sporting activities, leisure, etcetera. Environmental

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Speaker 1: factors that living conditions, social habits, etcetera, as socia and

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Speaker 1: economic factors, income level, cultural beliefs, etcetera. And self medication.

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Speaker 1: This can include things like yes, nutrition, hygiene, or seeking

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Speaker 1: medical care. It is often described as something that brings

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Speaker 1: you joy. And this definition is pretty old. I think

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Speaker 1: it's from actually and it's been updated and various outlets

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Speaker 1: like the World Health Organization. To me, this makes sense,

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Speaker 1: but I think of self care is a much more

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Speaker 1: like find something, yeah that brings you joy and do

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Speaker 1: that thing, right, But I do think that large definition

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Speaker 1: that makes sense as well. Right. Some have put self

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Speaker 1: care into categories like emotional self care, taking dedicated breaks,

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Speaker 1: physical self care, getting enough sleep, eating well, and spiritual

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Speaker 1: self care, which can include spending time in nature. Um

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Speaker 1: break it down even further into temporary versus enduring, so

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Speaker 1: like a one time self care thing or something that

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Speaker 1: is an ongoing self care thing. And also I really

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Speaker 1: recommend looking up. Actually it's not. I don't know. I

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Speaker 1: thought it was funny, but the World Health Organization has

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Speaker 1: a self care hippopotamus diagram, which did bring me joy

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Speaker 1: and I did laugh quite heartily at it. Well, I

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Speaker 1: love hippopotamus so even though they're quite dangerous, Samantha, I'm

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Speaker 1: sure I also like many other things that I would

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Speaker 1: rather not hang out with, you know, right, it's fair

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Speaker 1: just saying so. It can manifest many ways, like writing

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Speaker 1: or journaling, meditating, yoga, hiking, listening to music, stretching and

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Speaker 1: crafting a long bath with some wine one of my favorites.

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Speaker 1: Taking time on social media, which I yet to be

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Speaker 1: able to do, enjoy a nice cup of coffee, a

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Speaker 1: facial allowing yourself to say no or cancel plans which

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Speaker 1: I'm a at happy hour with friends, which oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: we've gotten vaccinated, so we can do that again. Yea. Um,

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Speaker 1: still safely, of course, and basically a way for you

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Speaker 1: to make space to relax, check in with yourself and recharge.

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Speaker 1: And as an introvert, I definitely have to do this

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Speaker 1: on a consistent basis. Uh. Self care goes hand in

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Speaker 1: hand with mindfulness of being aware when you're engaging in

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Speaker 1: unhealthy habits or behaviors and asking yourself what triggered that? Right,

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Speaker 1: and quarantine has made self care more difficult in a

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Speaker 1: lot of ways, which sounds like that doesn't make sense.

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Speaker 1: But if you're thinking, but all I've been doing is

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Speaker 1: watching Netflix on my couch during the pandemic, isn't that

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Speaker 1: self care? Why do I need self care? It does

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Speaker 1: not necessarily count. Unless it's a mindful decision to take

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Speaker 1: care of yourself, It doesn't really qualify as self care.

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Speaker 1: It might be a coping mechanism. But if that's all

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Speaker 1: you're doing, you're buying and mine won't thank you for it.

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Speaker 1: No blame, no shame at all. Um. There is an

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Speaker 1: end it in my couch that was not there before

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Speaker 1: this quarantine. Oh, it's just an odd space to navigate

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Speaker 1: our thoughts on self care and productivity when you are

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Speaker 1: confined inside. At least that's been my case. I've definitely

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Speaker 1: given a lot of thoughts and mindfulness and I think

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Speaker 1: I've gotten better at it. But by getting better at it,

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Speaker 1: I've learned I have a lot of other issues that

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Speaker 1: I need to get better at. I think this is

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Speaker 1: the problem with reflecting too much on yourself. You're like, well, well,

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Speaker 1: when they check in, oh crap, Like there are so

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Speaker 1: many things, especially for a person like you who's on

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Speaker 1: the go all the time. For me talking about the

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Speaker 1: Netflix thing, do not think about those things. I consistently

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Speaker 1: watched the same things over and over and over against

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Speaker 1: at least I can just drift off, but it's all

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Speaker 1: the time. And for me, the practice of self care

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Speaker 1: is actually meditating. I've talked about the colmat before, and

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Speaker 1: I've talked about how much I enjoy it, and I

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Speaker 1: don't use it as often as I had, like meaning daily,

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Speaker 1: But when I do, it is a self awareness of knowing, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I need to do this to focus a little bit.

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Speaker 1: That's not Netflix, you know, And so I think, yeah, definitely,

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Speaker 1: But having those moments is very RESTful to me to

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Speaker 1: be able to sit and not do anything and just

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Speaker 1: hear nice water sounds. Yeah. But yeah, also those tubs

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Speaker 1: are like, why can't I do this all the time?

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Speaker 1: What is going on? And like you said earlier, Samantha,

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Speaker 1: though self care is often painted as selfish or indulgent,

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Speaker 1: it's really important to our health. Research shows practicing it

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Speaker 1: promotes better health, longer life, less stress, higher self esteem,

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Speaker 1: and more productivity. Actually, um, not practicing self care can

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Speaker 1: have negative impacts on your mind and body, leading to

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Speaker 1: things like burnout, not just professionally but personally. And we've

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Speaker 1: seen a lot of converse station about this recently in

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Speaker 1: the activist space. It can also be costly in terms

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Speaker 1: of doctors visits that might be necessary if you're not

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Speaker 1: looking after yourself, or even the loss of work when

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Speaker 1: it comes to burnout. Right, and also with burnout, we

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Speaker 1: could also talk about the new term is fatigue, and

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Speaker 1: we're talking a lot about now because we're talking about

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Speaker 1: COVID fatigue or quarantine fatigue or any of those things

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Speaker 1: and try to go back out. It's a whole thing.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it's definitely something that actually helps you care

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Speaker 1: for yourself in a way that seems selfish, but it's

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Speaker 1: actually not. And then think about self care. It's not

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Speaker 1: just about you, but how you impact the other people

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Speaker 1: in your life and how you can serve your community

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Speaker 1: and do your job. As the importance of self care

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Speaker 1: has been largely recognized in many ways, it's been co opted, yes,

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Speaker 1: by beauty companies and feminized, of course it has. And

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Speaker 1: if you search for self care kids, you'll see an

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Speaker 1: I will say this because I actually try to find

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Speaker 1: one for a friend who was going through a really

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Speaker 1: hard time, and all, my goodness, you see a lot

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Speaker 1: of small related items and chocolate and the entire time, like,

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Speaker 1: I don't know if she likes to do a to

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Speaker 1: you things that like Michael likes to ride motorcycles and

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Speaker 1: you know she likes to go to target practice. There's

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Speaker 1: no need for this, don't get me wrong. If you

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Speaker 1: love it, that's great too. Absolutely, I love chocolate, Give

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Speaker 1: me my chocolate. If you specifically search for men's self care,

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Speaker 1: it is almost always black and red accented grilling stuff

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Speaker 1: and or alcohol which by by women like alcohol twos.

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Speaker 1: But that's not always a solution for self care. And mileness.

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Speaker 1: Just put that out there. And grilling is great. Grilling

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Speaker 1: is great if you like that, great boss stuff is great.

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Speaker 1: Once again, I love that. But clearly, this is a space,

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Speaker 1: like many others, that has been very, very gendered to

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Speaker 1: even the point to say the words like mental Health Day,

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Speaker 1: it seems weak, and so people don't want to say

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Speaker 1: it when it really does not need to be. In

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Speaker 1: a lot of ways, the gendering is unhealthy. Oh yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: and more and more people are getting in on self

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Speaker 1: care from Google, trends indicate that searches for self care doubled.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, there is this unhealthy gender split, and we'll

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Speaker 1: get into that, but first we're gonna pause for equip

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Speaker 1: break for word from our sponsor. Hey we're back, Thank

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Speaker 1: you sponsor, and we're back with self care for men.

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Speaker 1: Would I see this? I keep wanting to say, just

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Speaker 1: for men, like the hair product. Yes, I mean that's

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Speaker 1: a that's a space where the companies have tried to

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Speaker 1: like masculine eyed self care. It's like, hey, manly man

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Speaker 1: smells good, so you can get cute lady over there.

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Speaker 1: Look at this gray bottle is obviously for you, the

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Speaker 1: dark gray and the only clear with the red top

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Speaker 1: almost always old spice. Really, they have specifically brought in

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Speaker 1: a woman to tell her she can't use it because

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Speaker 1: it's not for her for their newer products. Why because

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Speaker 1: it smells too nice. So she's like, that's obviously for me,

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Speaker 1: right right, But he's saying, no, it's mine, don't touch it.

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Speaker 1: I can't do it's whatever product is available. So men

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Speaker 1: are not as involved in the self care space as women,

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Speaker 1: and there are a couple of reasons why. One reason

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Speaker 1: is that there are more entry points into self care

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Speaker 1: for women, whether it is Friends of Yours or magazines

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Speaker 1: or Instagram. It's generally more accessible and acceptable for women. Um.

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Speaker 1: Some of that is the beauty industry trying to capitalize

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Speaker 1: off women, no doubt, but it is more acceptable. In

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Speaker 1: our very warped society. Taking care of yourself is sometimes

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Speaker 1: viewed as yes, a weakness or selfish, and because we

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Speaker 1: view women as the quote weaker gender, it's more acceptable

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Speaker 1: for them to do it. And beauty was a space

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Speaker 1: that was already dominated by women in a lot of ways,

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Speaker 1: so it was an easier transition. Not at all self

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Speaker 1: care is beauty based, not at all, but a lot

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Speaker 1: of it When we see it advertised. A lot of

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Speaker 1: it is. There's a lot of dismissal of self care

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Speaker 1: is being for snowflakes, are vappish women, indulgent women, things

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Speaker 1: like that, right, which is hilarious because when we look

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Speaker 1: at the job industry and we talk about the working

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Speaker 1: from home, how it's doubled women's workfload, and yet we

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Speaker 1: want to say this is weak. Makes me laugh again.

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Speaker 1: This is a big deal for a lot of reasons.

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Speaker 1: We've talked in previous episodes about the rates of mental

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Speaker 1: health issues and suicide for men. American men are three

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Speaker 1: point five times more likely to die by suicide than women,

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Speaker 1: and men are more likely to delay help if they

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Speaker 1: seek it at all, and they typically don't have that

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Speaker 1: strong of a part system as women. While self care

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Speaker 1: obviously it's not going to make these things go away,

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Speaker 1: it can be an important part of someone's mental health.

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Speaker 1: But again, the Internet seems to indicate that self care

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Speaker 1: for men is generally not taken seriously or outright mocked

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Speaker 1: as weakness. And of course, again this is kind of

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Speaker 1: that conversation of self care has been kind of hijacked

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Speaker 1: by the beauty industry, and so therefore that type of

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Speaker 1: level of spawn. Massages and going to salons so feminized

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Speaker 1: that men cannot be associated with that, we know, even

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Speaker 1: though they should. If you want to do that stuff

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Speaker 1: as a man, it should be acceptable. Massages are are

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Speaker 1: when I mean, they freaked me out on one level,

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Speaker 1: but at the end pandemic has kind of care. Yes, yes,

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Speaker 1: it's gonna take a while, and then we can talk

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Speaker 1: about the hyper sexualization of the fact that massages are

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Speaker 1: double entendre right when it comes to red in thing

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Speaker 1: for men. So that's a whole other conversation that I hate,

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Speaker 1: just to put that out there. And when self care

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Speaker 1: does exist, it's often hyper masculine. Eyed even in proponents

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Speaker 1: of it use a lot of wars like manly and

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Speaker 1: masculine and all those stupid words. Yeah, I read several

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Speaker 1: of these articles that had a lot of uses of

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Speaker 1: manly and masculine, And this really is I think it's

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Speaker 1: easy to dismiss, but this really is a huge part

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Speaker 1: of what we're talking about when we're talking about like

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Speaker 1: toxic masculinity and mental health, and it has it ripples

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Speaker 1: out and touches all kinds of things. But there was

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Speaker 1: a part of me that was almost like, I this

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Speaker 1: feels like the weakness to me that someone has to

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Speaker 1: pander to you and be like, hey, manly man, You'll

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Speaker 1: still be a manly man if you like do this thing.

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Speaker 1: And I'm not, like, I don't. There's not a weakness

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Speaker 1: there of like recognizing you've need to take care of yourself, right,

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Speaker 1: And I get why these articles are doing that, but

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Speaker 1: it just feels very sad that this is the point

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Speaker 1: that we're at, right, I mean, And then when we

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Speaker 1: talk about self care, a lot of it is done

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Speaker 1: in isolation. And then, as we were saying previously about

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Speaker 1: how oftentimes they don't have support system. When we see

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Speaker 1: people talking about self care for men, whether it is

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Speaker 1: having a step of scotch, sitting by yourself in your

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Speaker 1: lounge share looking out the window, like that's the idea

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Speaker 1: of self care, and that's not always the most healthy either,

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Speaker 1: the whole like the private din, the man cake, it's

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Speaker 1: all very isolating, and to have time with men is

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Speaker 1: to be with the boys, but that's not necessarily for

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Speaker 1: self care. Once again, and so it's kind of that

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Speaker 1: question of why are we so determined to isolate men

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Speaker 1: as well as to look down on women when they

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Speaker 1: do need support when everyone needs support. We know this,

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Speaker 1: We know this, and I do I don't want to

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Speaker 1: put it in here. America is not the only place,

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Speaker 1: by any means, where this ideology exists, and because of

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Speaker 1: the pervasive attitude, there are frequently more crisis resources available

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Speaker 1: to women. Right before we recorded this, I found a

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Speaker 1: really fascinating and upsetting article from Australia about a very

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Speaker 1: similar thing of high rates of suicide among men, but

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Speaker 1: not a lot of resources dedicated to giving them help.

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Speaker 1: So that's another issue, like on a even a governmental level.

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Speaker 1: And when you think of in the past of men

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Speaker 1: being breadwinners and that idea of like the scott the

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Speaker 1: mad Men, you know, it's almost sexy that you are

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Speaker 1: alone with your Scotch in a dim lighting why your

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Speaker 1: family is like shadow. So if you look at that

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Speaker 1: idea when being a man basically meant working all of

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Speaker 1: the time him and not really making time for your family.

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Speaker 1: Self care doesn't fit into that. It's an athetical to

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Speaker 1: that whole idea. And we've talked about that on the

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Speaker 1: show about particularly here in the United States, the idea

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Speaker 1: of a workaholic and how it's in fact been painted.

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Speaker 1: It's such a good thing when it is unhealthy. And

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Speaker 1: obviously times have changed from like the mad Men era,

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Speaker 1: but a lot of that toxic cultural stuff is still

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Speaker 1: baked in there and we haven't gotten rid of it.

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Speaker 1: So that's a part of this whole conversation. I did

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Speaker 1: see when I was researching this some sites calling for

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Speaker 1: men to prioritize self care. But they did it. A

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Speaker 1: lot of them did it by blaming women for feminizing

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Speaker 1: the space. Basically that because women and female influencers that

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Speaker 1: they got a lot of blame dominate in quote self care,

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Speaker 1: they've kept men out and up men need to get

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Speaker 1: in and take it over, which is wild to me.

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Speaker 1: A lot of it can't coexist in any way, so

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Speaker 1: it has to be us versus them, and it literally

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Speaker 1: becomes the whole man explaining situation of no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: let me show you how we're going to do it,

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Speaker 1: and this is how we're gonna do it, and it's

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Speaker 1: our space, don't touch it, how dare you? And maybe

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Speaker 1: they can talk about that being with like video gaming

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Speaker 1: or any of that, being like it used to be comfortable.

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Speaker 1: Now women are doing it too, and I'm like, what

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Speaker 1: is this divide that it has to be one or

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Speaker 1: the other. I don't understand. Of course, we also have

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Speaker 1: a lot of pushback with the whole we're losing our masculinity,

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Speaker 1: we're losing real men, so we have to claim the

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Speaker 1: space in a different manner to take back what was

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Speaker 1: our which is any attention. I guess yeah, I mean

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Speaker 1: that whole perceived loss of power and and we've talked

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Speaker 1: about that before, to you of the d of feminization

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Speaker 1: of the Democratic Party in our country and the masculinization

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Speaker 1: of the Republican Party, and the Republican Party very much

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Speaker 1: being like no snowflakes, while at the same time being

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Speaker 1: extremely sensitive, Uh, cancel culture. That's a different thing I did.

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Speaker 1: I was reminded of that Gillette commercial where they were like, dudes,

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Speaker 1: it's not cool to mistreat women, which you can argue

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Speaker 1: back and forth about when companies do that the benefits

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Speaker 1: in the town side, but people were so upset about, like,

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Speaker 1: how damn you tell men with mystat women ridiculous? Anyway,

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Speaker 1: I don't remember that commercial commercial. It came out I

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Speaker 1: think the twenty nineteen Super Bowl, and it was just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, commercial about like it's not cool to make

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Speaker 1: these comments to women or the cat call. You know,

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Speaker 1: sexually assault someone not cool and people freaked out about it.

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Speaker 1: Um god, dare you say I can't assault someone? This

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Speaker 1: is very like loose memory. So if people are like,

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Speaker 1: actually it was about this, I just I just remember

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Speaker 1: that what we're talking about has tried to been tackled

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Speaker 1: in age lit commercial and so that's the where we're at. Well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: speaking of commercials, obviously we see this in beauty hygiene

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Speaker 1: projects a lot, usually a big Yes, it's a big

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Speaker 1: muscular dude selling this idea and that he uses X

427
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,119
Speaker 1: y Z product and he is the dudeliest of dudes,

428
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:44,880
Speaker 1: usually in a humorous manner. Of course, I think the

429
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:49,120
Speaker 1: yoga commercial comes to mind. I'm like what And then

430
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:51,879
Speaker 1: then the food. Everything has to be bigger portions or

431
00:25:51,880 --> 00:25:57,760
Speaker 1: bigger sizes for the hungry. Okay, cool, cool cool. We

432
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:00,040
Speaker 1: talked about the old spice and I'm still trying to

433
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,440
Speaker 1: figure out what's happening there. They're not letting that go,

434
00:26:02,960 --> 00:26:05,440
Speaker 1: and we know acts trying to turn it a little bit.

435
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's worked well for them. Has

436
00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 1: it worked well? I don't know what you're talking about,

437
00:26:11,320 --> 00:26:14,160
Speaker 1: but knowing them I'm going to say no, but that's

438
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:19,199
Speaker 1: a very acts trying to be all like, I'm a

439
00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:23,440
Speaker 1: sensitive dude. This is the smell I have. I think

440
00:26:23,720 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 1: maybe I'm thinking about this wrong. Even a long time since,

441
00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:28,879
Speaker 1: I've seen a lot of commercials. My favorite is want

442
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: there it does That's my favorite, but dessert commercials, Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

443
00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:38,399
Speaker 1: I got you. I I still thought to that. And

444
00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,320
Speaker 1: then there are some areas traditionally viewed as self care

445
00:26:41,520 --> 00:26:44,480
Speaker 1: that men do take part in, especially when it comes

446
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: to physical looks. Everybody looks a good trim beard. We

447
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: know this. However, this is frequently more to me, to

448
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,919
Speaker 1: standard and less about taking care of themselves, you know,

449
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:59,119
Speaker 1: maybe being mocked constantly. Like the whole level of metrosexual

450
00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: came out and right was very either into it or

451
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,360
Speaker 1: not into it. So the lumberjack sexual came in as well,

452
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:09,399
Speaker 1: which is kind of along those same lines. I just

453
00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:12,280
Speaker 1: find that funny. Do we have that for women? What

454
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 1: meterosexual level? Yeah? I don't think we do. I'd be

455
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:23,320
Speaker 1: worth investigating the whole episode on. Yeah, I don't think

456
00:27:23,320 --> 00:27:26,280
Speaker 1: we do. I think you are either. It's like the

457
00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:32,240
Speaker 1: flip of I guess being slightly more masculine. I don't know.

458
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:36,440
Speaker 1: I think that's the whole level of needing to identify

459
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: men as manly or not their sexuality, That we have

460
00:27:40,080 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 1: to know their sexuality, whether or not it's it benefits

461
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: for whatever reason. Whether so if he's metrosexual, that means

462
00:27:46,720 --> 00:27:50,640
Speaker 1: he's heterosexual, but has style, right in that sense, So

463
00:27:50,760 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 1: we have to know, Okay, okay, just because he has

464
00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 1: style doesn't mean he's gay. We must classify this, which

465
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 1: is a whole level of homophobia and itself that we

466
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,919
Speaker 1: could talk about, which again kind of goes down to

467
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 1: this whole gender idea that we have to label it

468
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: and make sure we know that something is masculine in

469
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 1: order to prove manliness. Yep, and at the detriment and

470
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: the health of everyone. Yeah, there's definitely a layer of

471
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:21,199
Speaker 1: homophobia involved in all of this. Despite all this native stuff,

472
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,320
Speaker 1: men's self care market it is growing. According to Allied

473
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:28,800
Speaker 1: Market Research projects it will be worth million dollars two.

474
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: That's not necessarily a good thing, but uh, I guess

475
00:28:33,080 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 1: it shows that at least companies they're they're making movements

476
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:43,280
Speaker 1: in those areas capitalism, capital Indeed, we didn't want to

477
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,200
Speaker 1: talk about self care and women for a little bit

478
00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:46,959
Speaker 1: as well. But first we're gonna pause for one more

479
00:28:47,000 --> 00:29:04,080
Speaker 1: quick break for word from sponsor, and we're back. Thank you, sponsor.

480
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 1: So a lot of people have written and spoken about

481
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 1: self care when it comes to women, us included, but

482
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:13,600
Speaker 1: we did want to talk about it a little bit

483
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:18,360
Speaker 1: over at Huffington's post, Lindsay Holmes wrote, self care shouldn't

484
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: be reduced to a fleeting activity or dispensable product. It

485
00:29:21,160 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: shouldn't even just be considered a wellness phenomenon for women.

486
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: It's a difficult but necessary act that helps us survive

487
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 1: in a world with work demands, family pressures, duties at home,

488
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:36,040
Speaker 1: rampant incidents of sexual harassment, a relentless news cycle, financial worries,

489
00:29:36,040 --> 00:29:39,720
Speaker 1: and more. In our reflection, takes time and energy. Resources

490
00:29:39,760 --> 00:29:43,080
Speaker 1: were already lacking. Self care is hard work, and I

491
00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,320
Speaker 1: wanted to include that quote because I think people forget

492
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:49,480
Speaker 1: when we're thinking, oh, it's this selfish, indulgent woman. It

493
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:53,360
Speaker 1: is hard work, and it's something that you have to

494
00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: prioritize and take the time for, which in itself can

495
00:29:57,440 --> 00:29:59,760
Speaker 1: be difficult when you do have all of these things

496
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 1: that she listed them more, I think a lot of

497
00:30:02,280 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 1: people do view it as sort of a hippie dippy

498
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 1: wellness phenomenon, and absolutely companies have capitalized on that, and

499
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,959
Speaker 1: some people do treat it that way, But what at

500
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:17,520
Speaker 1: its core, that's not what it is and that's not

501
00:30:17,560 --> 00:30:20,800
Speaker 1: what it should be. Right Religiously, it was a whole command.

502
00:30:20,840 --> 00:30:23,920
Speaker 1: It was a whole day. Whether we're looking at traditional

503
00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: Jewish cultures or and or just Western Christian ideas that

504
00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,719
Speaker 1: Sunday Sabbath. You know, people get very upset about this sometimes,

505
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:33,040
Speaker 1: and some people don't take it seriously at all, however

506
00:30:33,080 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: you want to say it. My parents got upset when

507
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 1: alcohol sales happen on Sunday and they're like, what's the

508
00:30:37,800 --> 00:30:41,240
Speaker 1: world going to? But it was a religious thing, and

509
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,120
Speaker 1: it's somehows changed for a lot of the cultures, and

510
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 1: not that you have to do it and you have

511
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: to set a date. It shouldn't be a command by

512
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 1: an overlord, essentially, for the lack of better words, but

513
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 1: it was there for a reason. And yeah, talking about

514
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: the fact that most of the times, for women, this

515
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 1: is the first thing to go out the wind. You

516
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,560
Speaker 1: have to take something off your list. This is it

517
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:07,520
Speaker 1: and we know this, We know this, which again part

518
00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:10,480
Speaker 1: of that is if we're not doing something, that we're

519
00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,400
Speaker 1: not doing it right, and that had this level of guilt.

520
00:31:13,560 --> 00:31:17,400
Speaker 1: It is this idea that productivity is the morality of

521
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:20,479
Speaker 1: your life, point blank, um. And a lot of us

522
00:31:20,480 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: measure success by productivity, whether it's how many hustles you've got,

523
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 1: how many things are doing, what are you've gotten by

524
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:28,400
Speaker 1: a certain age, Like I still have it in my

525
00:31:28,520 --> 00:31:31,440
Speaker 1: head that I am not successful, I am not adult

526
00:31:31,480 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: thing because I did not hit these markers that you

527
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:37,800
Speaker 1: and I talked about so many times. That's yeah. The

528
00:31:37,840 --> 00:31:41,760
Speaker 1: other day I think it was very fairy. Somebody called

529
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,920
Speaker 1: me an adult, which I am, but I was like,

530
00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: I mean, just listing off the things that I haven't

531
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,720
Speaker 1: done is one of the first things that I do, like,

532
00:31:53,760 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: oh no, I haven't done this and this and this

533
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: and that does not And then comparing myself to others

534
00:31:58,920 --> 00:32:01,400
Speaker 1: who are fifteen years longer than me, twenty years after

535
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,640
Speaker 1: than thirty years younger than me doing it better, I

536
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: don't like, what have I done with my life? But

537
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:09,120
Speaker 1: I mean that's the kind of thing is we define

538
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 1: ourselves that way, which is detrimental. Yes, in the end,

539
00:32:14,840 --> 00:32:17,240
Speaker 1: and I you know back to good old capitalism. I

540
00:32:17,280 --> 00:32:20,720
Speaker 1: think there's a big part of it actually is that

541
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:26,120
Speaker 1: idea of the workaholic and that that's somehow a good

542
00:32:26,160 --> 00:32:29,920
Speaker 1: thing and that is what you measure success by. And

543
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: then on top of that this idea, especially in the

544
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 1: United States, that if you hustle hard enough, you will

545
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:43,120
Speaker 1: succeed no matter what obstacles, systemic obstacles are in your way.

546
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 1: And in that way, you're blaming yourself, whether you know

547
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,920
Speaker 1: it or not, for issues that are really beyond your control,

548
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:56,160
Speaker 1: and others blame others. I can't understand the systemic level

549
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 1: why it can't be like this. So it's like cautionary

550
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:02,000
Speaker 1: till is like early bird, get the worm. All this

551
00:33:02,320 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 1: bs has really been ingrained into our head that we're

552
00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: not successful if we do not follow these things and

553
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,640
Speaker 1: have all of our savings and all of these things

554
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 1: saved away so that we can enjoy the easy, relaxed

555
00:33:15,080 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 1: life which is very quickly disappearing for a lot of

556
00:33:18,280 --> 00:33:21,040
Speaker 1: our generations, that whole level of social security, we know,

557
00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 1: that financial stability that doesn't exist where we talk about

558
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:30,680
Speaker 1: no living wages. Starting as a freshly graduated college student

559
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:33,680
Speaker 1: with some loans under my belt because my parents could

560
00:33:33,680 --> 00:33:36,560
Speaker 1: not It's not one of those had everything saved away

561
00:33:36,560 --> 00:33:38,680
Speaker 1: from me. So I had to pay everything as best

562
00:33:38,680 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 1: as I could, and that included some loans, including the

563
00:33:41,960 --> 00:33:43,360
Speaker 1: fact that I had to live on campus, all of

564
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,240
Speaker 1: those to say, and then going to a job that

565
00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 1: only paid me twenty five thousand a year to live

566
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,360
Speaker 1: by myself, to take care of my myself for the

567
00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:54,400
Speaker 1: first time ever. And that doesn't include the fact that

568
00:33:54,400 --> 00:33:56,600
Speaker 1: they take away money for insurance, that take away money

569
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,400
Speaker 1: for all of these benefits that I did not understand,

570
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: you know, like all of these things. And to the

571
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,320
Speaker 1: fact that we are supposed to pretend like we know

572
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:10,359
Speaker 1: what we're doing. And then realizing that my loans went

573
00:34:10,440 --> 00:34:13,960
Speaker 1: from this to twenty times that because of something that

574
00:34:14,120 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 1: was out of my controls, Like, what the hell just happened?

575
00:34:16,600 --> 00:34:19,000
Speaker 1: This became more than my wishing for the four years.

576
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:22,160
Speaker 1: And to say, oh, but you should have done it better,

577
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: you should have planned ahead. How do you tell the

578
00:34:24,760 --> 00:34:28,799
Speaker 1: nineteen twenty two year old to plan ahead? Yeah, yeah,

579
00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,080
Speaker 1: and you know, we that's a whole separate conversation, but

580
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:33,680
Speaker 1: we really don't train people for that kind of stuff,

581
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: like young people. And then we're like surprised when they

582
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: don't know what to do, Like, Okay, you're expecting this

583
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 1: eighteen year old to make the wise financial decisions. Great,

584
00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,480
Speaker 1: but that's the thing is like that means you have

585
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: failed because you are not to this level. But you

586
00:34:52,120 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: better not take care of yourself because you will never

587
00:34:54,600 --> 00:34:57,799
Speaker 1: get to that level. Yeah. Yeah, And I think a

588
00:34:57,840 --> 00:35:01,359
Speaker 1: part of that too, which we're going to talk about

589
00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,480
Speaker 1: a little bit in a second, is self esteem related.

590
00:35:03,560 --> 00:35:06,120
Speaker 1: Like part of self care is you have to say

591
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:09,520
Speaker 1: you're worth the self care. And I think that's hard

592
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 1: for a lot of people, and I think especially marginalized folks.

593
00:35:14,000 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: If you are living in a country that has these

594
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 1: systems in place, are just social events that remind you

595
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 1: that you're not valued as much as say, straight white guy,

596
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 1: it can be hard to tell yourself like, no, I

597
00:35:28,600 --> 00:35:30,840
Speaker 1: am and I deserve to take this time. And just

598
00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: because I didn't understand a very complicated financial system at

599
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:37,320
Speaker 1: the age of eighteen doesn't mean that I don't deserve

600
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:40,800
Speaker 1: these things. I still don't understand. And yes, since domestic

601
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,920
Speaker 1: work is still taken on more by women, and studies

602
00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:46,600
Speaker 1: show women have less leisure time than men by about

603
00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,320
Speaker 1: three times, it can be harder for women to carve

604
00:35:49,320 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 1: out this time to take care of themselves, and perhaps

605
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 1: doing so comes with increased guilts. And there is a difference,

606
00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:58,920
Speaker 1: which I do want to say here, between meeting basic

607
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,640
Speaker 1: needs and self care. So if you're saying, like, oh,

608
00:36:02,719 --> 00:36:05,320
Speaker 1: I've carved out the time to get enough sleep tonight,

609
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,319
Speaker 1: that's great, that's not really self care. It can be.

610
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:11,680
Speaker 1: But like if you're talking about a very that's just

611
00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:14,920
Speaker 1: your norm as you don't get enough sleep, that's not

612
00:36:14,960 --> 00:36:18,960
Speaker 1: really self care. That's that's a basic need that you're

613
00:36:19,000 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 1: not meeting. And around the world, women don't have access

614
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,000
Speaker 1: to health care at the same rates as men, which

615
00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,120
Speaker 1: does impact self care. So that is another part of

616
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:31,520
Speaker 1: this conversation, right, and we know the pandemic alone has

617
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:37,480
Speaker 1: affected that immensely, immensely. Even though again we've talked about

618
00:36:37,520 --> 00:36:39,360
Speaker 1: the fact that you know, we're at home, it's okay,

619
00:36:39,480 --> 00:36:41,680
Speaker 1: what we're doing, we can do this constantly. That's not true.

620
00:36:41,760 --> 00:36:44,279
Speaker 1: We know this. We already talked about again mentioning how

621
00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 1: the fact that majority of the household work falls on

622
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:51,279
Speaker 1: women in general, as well as the stress of being

623
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:56,759
Speaker 1: quarantined and stress of living in a pandemic world uh

624
00:36:56,880 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: causes a lot of that. And then when you can't escape,

625
00:36:59,760 --> 00:37:03,839
Speaker 1: so in your usual methods of escaping, such as exercising

626
00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:07,680
Speaker 1: with wherever you go to exercise and or traveling or

627
00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 1: even just being able to walk out the door, that

628
00:37:11,120 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 1: is highly affected as well. Again, we talked about the

629
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:17,120
Speaker 1: fact that a lot of the money that was slowly

630
00:37:17,160 --> 00:37:22,040
Speaker 1: going towards women to help with care has disappeared because

631
00:37:22,080 --> 00:37:24,960
Speaker 1: other issues have come rise. And we know that when

632
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 1: it comes down to it, it's secondary for women to

633
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,240
Speaker 1: get the care that they need. Yes, around the world.

634
00:37:30,400 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 1: That's a whole different conversation and recognizing that you, again

635
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:37,239
Speaker 1: as any said, that you actually are worth that, that

636
00:37:37,400 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: you are worth the time to run away from your

637
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: family for two hours. Maybe I don't know, it's okay,

638
00:37:46,080 --> 00:37:48,040
Speaker 1: I mean I think for me, and this is very

639
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:52,960
Speaker 1: very general. We went to your beach house and I

640
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:57,480
Speaker 1: have not been so excited. And it was like six seven,

641
00:37:57,640 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: eight months after quarantine began, because we were I think

642
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:07,360
Speaker 1: we went it was labor day and it started in

643
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,440
Speaker 1: Mark and I hadn't left and I was losing it.

644
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:12,680
Speaker 1: I was losing it and just being able to be

645
00:38:12,760 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 1: in a car to drive somewhere was such a phenomenon

646
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,880
Speaker 1: at that moment that the minute we got in the

647
00:38:19,920 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 1: car and we started driving in like realizing we were

648
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:27,200
Speaker 1: on a trip pulled something from me that was it

649
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:30,200
Speaker 1: so like to me, like stuff like that, being like,

650
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:32,719
Speaker 1: oh wow, being so scared and you and I have

651
00:38:32,719 --> 00:38:35,680
Speaker 1: talked about this. We are so scared, especially as podcasters,

652
00:38:35,680 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 1: as people who are sort of you know, seen, I

653
00:38:39,080 --> 00:38:40,680
Speaker 1: guess this is the best way to put it. We're

654
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,279
Speaker 1: so scared of saying the wrong things, or doing the

655
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,840
Speaker 1: wrong things, or being hypocritical and being really cautious because

656
00:38:46,840 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 1: of course we don't want to talk about that was

657
00:38:48,640 --> 00:38:50,759
Speaker 1: a privilege. Had I not known you, I would have

658
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: never been able to do that, and it felt like

659
00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:55,480
Speaker 1: a privilege. It was amazing and doing things like that

660
00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 1: as a privilege. But that's the other part to that.

661
00:38:57,800 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 1: It's like I don't feel like I can because I

662
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:01,680
Speaker 1: know other people are suffering, so am I allowed to

663
00:39:01,680 --> 00:39:05,240
Speaker 1: do this? And that again that builds onto that self

664
00:39:05,280 --> 00:39:08,719
Speaker 1: worth and again being a basically the whole different level.

665
00:39:08,760 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 1: You should be able to have that, and it's absurd

666
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,120
Speaker 1: that we don't. Being able to be on living wage,

667
00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 1: you should be able to have that, especially when you

668
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 1: work your ass off trying to provide for your people

669
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,399
Speaker 1: that you love in the story. But things like that,

670
00:39:19,480 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 1: like the traveling that I got to do for the

671
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:25,080
Speaker 1: first time in eight months, was such a glorious moment

672
00:39:25,640 --> 00:39:29,279
Speaker 1: that felt like self care, but felt so guilty that

673
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:33,160
Speaker 1: I was doing it. Yeah. Yeah, I thought about that

674
00:39:33,239 --> 00:39:36,560
Speaker 1: a lot lately because I think a lot of women

675
00:39:36,600 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 1: do this, um, a lot of marginalized people do this,

676
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 1: But I do that a lot where I'm like, well,

677
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,759
Speaker 1: is it worth I don't have it as bad as

678
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,520
Speaker 1: this person or whoever, so I'm just being a big

679
00:39:46,560 --> 00:39:49,120
Speaker 1: baby or whatever it is like because I don't have

680
00:39:49,200 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 1: it as bad. And I think that is a part

681
00:39:52,040 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 1: of what holds people back when it comes to self care,

682
00:39:56,239 --> 00:40:00,799
Speaker 1: is that guilt around that whole idea. And when we're

683
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 1: talking about social media as part of this, it has

684
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:08,520
Speaker 1: been a great space for normalizing self care. But if

685
00:40:08,560 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: it becomes competitive or performative, that's defeating the purpose, and

686
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,360
Speaker 1: a lot of self care can get caught up in

687
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:18,360
Speaker 1: reinforcing tropes around beauty and weight. So going back to

688
00:40:18,360 --> 00:40:20,880
Speaker 1: what I was saying at the beginning about pinterest, to me,

689
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:24,640
Speaker 1: that's what a lot of pinterest is is people kind

690
00:40:24,640 --> 00:40:28,600
Speaker 1: of showing off that there because they eat this and

691
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:31,279
Speaker 1: they exercise as much these this is how they look

692
00:40:31,280 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: in these the clothes they can wear, and and that

693
00:40:34,120 --> 00:40:36,760
Speaker 1: can be healthy. But if you turn it, it's so

694
00:40:36,960 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 1: like a fine line. And that's a problem I have

695
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:43,480
Speaker 1: a lot is I turn it into something that is

696
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,200
Speaker 1: not self care anymore. It is like a competitive thing.

697
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:48,680
Speaker 1: And speaking of that, I think there's a hijacking of

698
00:40:48,719 --> 00:40:51,680
Speaker 1: self care too in this self help productivity workspace that's

699
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,440
Speaker 1: basically selling it as a tool to do more work,

700
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 1: which it does help productivity, but it's not about that.

701
00:40:57,719 --> 00:41:01,200
Speaker 1: It's not about doing more work necess fairly. And it's

702
00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:03,799
Speaker 1: not some magical way to become a CEO. If you're

703
00:41:03,920 --> 00:41:07,080
Speaker 1: like good, if you really crush it, it comes to

704
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:12,400
Speaker 1: self scare, it's not that's not what it is. Look,

705
00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:16,279
Speaker 1: I admire and respect the people who are on here

706
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:19,040
Speaker 1: talking about their fitness and getting these workouts and then

707
00:41:19,080 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: having the whole why aren't you doing it? That makes

708
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: me want to throw my phone across the room like that,

709
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 1: Like I see that constantly and I want to be

710
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: like because I'm depressed and my anxiety is really high,

711
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:30,920
Speaker 1: And all I really want to do is carl up

712
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,359
Speaker 1: in a fetal position under my blanket while my dog

713
00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,080
Speaker 1: sits on top of me until last suff Okay, I

714
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 1: mean that's some of the level that I'm at. But

715
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:42,000
Speaker 1: the thing is, if it's for them, that's great. But

716
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 1: to turn it around and accuse people of not being

717
00:41:44,120 --> 00:41:47,839
Speaker 1: able to hit your mark is really damaging. And when

718
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 1: you do that as a way of getting likes or

719
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: getting promotions what like promotional benefits from other companies, that's damaging.

720
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 1: And what you're doing is causing more harm than than

721
00:42:00,440 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 1: anything else. And I say you, I'm just saying the

722
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:08,120
Speaker 1: general in all all aspects, because let's be honest, this year,

723
00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: it's been a year of collective trauma. I want to

724
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,120
Speaker 1: talk about this later. It could be a whole other

725
00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:17,480
Speaker 1: episode about women and collective trauma, especially in the marginalized communities,

726
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:19,799
Speaker 1: and we're gonna talk a little more about the intersections

727
00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,360
Speaker 1: of this. But the level of trauma that has happened

728
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:28,399
Speaker 1: this year, the fact that anyone got up congratulations. There's

729
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:32,040
Speaker 1: a debate about drinking water. It's absurd. If you're doing it, wonderful.

730
00:42:32,080 --> 00:42:35,880
Speaker 1: If you're not, you do you be healthy, though, be

731
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:39,880
Speaker 1: healthy again. We have to recognize how self care looks

732
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: different for people of color and for the LGBTQ community

733
00:42:43,120 --> 00:42:47,279
Speaker 1: or any other marginalized groups. Let's be honest politically, what

734
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:51,839
Speaker 1: we've been seeing it's horrible. And I think we're coming

735
00:42:51,840 --> 00:42:54,279
Speaker 1: through the upswing, but the constant back and forth, the

736
00:42:54,360 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: constant back and forth, it's traumatizing. I maybe because I've

737
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 1: been so focused and been so isolated that that's all

738
00:43:03,719 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 1: I focus on. But these past few years feel disgusting.

739
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:13,239
Speaker 1: Whether it's I've lost friendships, I've lost family members, I've

740
00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 1: lost trust in people. There's so much that we have

741
00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:18,680
Speaker 1: to talk about, and we have talked about, and we

742
00:43:18,760 --> 00:43:20,720
Speaker 1: continue to talk about, and then we put on people's

743
00:43:20,719 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 1: shoulders to explain it's been a hard damn year period,

744
00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:30,960
Speaker 1: and self care may just mean I'm not going to

745
00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: talk to you today, i might not see my family

746
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:39,120
Speaker 1: for a year. I'm okay. Things like that have happened.

747
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 1: And then the amount of death and the amount of

748
00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:47,439
Speaker 1: heartache that we've seen on a consistent basis, and maybe

749
00:43:47,480 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 1: it's just because we're seeing it for the first time.

750
00:43:49,239 --> 00:43:52,319
Speaker 1: Also because our administration allowed millions of people to die

751
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 1: all of those things way, So when we talk about

752
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 1: what's happening in the marginalist commun unities, when we look

753
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,840
Speaker 1: at all of the politics that are having even today

754
00:44:02,880 --> 00:44:05,560
Speaker 1: with the trans community, l g b t Q plus community.

755
00:44:05,640 --> 00:44:10,520
Speaker 1: I just saw a new a law allowing for organizations

756
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:14,200
Speaker 1: to discriminate against the l g B t Q plus

757
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,440
Speaker 1: community to allowing them to be part of the group.

758
00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 1: I see consistently the bills that are trying to block

759
00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,680
Speaker 1: that community from adopting, which I have a lot of

760
00:44:22,680 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 1: fields on. We know this. We consistently see the bills,

761
00:44:26,239 --> 00:44:30,840
Speaker 1: the injustice that has happened on all the levels, mats shootings,

762
00:44:31,160 --> 00:44:34,880
Speaker 1: just this freaking weak a loan has made one of vomit.

763
00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:39,600
Speaker 1: This last month has been awful. So when we talk

764
00:44:39,640 --> 00:44:42,839
Speaker 1: about self care, it may just very well be I

765
00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:47,239
Speaker 1: don't want to talk to anyone in the story, and

766
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:50,880
Speaker 1: that's okay. So to try to place this whole line

767
00:44:50,960 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: of buy this, do this, be this is damaging in itself.

768
00:44:56,440 --> 00:45:01,759
Speaker 1: I'm done. Yeah, And UM, when I was researching this,

769
00:45:02,320 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: there are a lot of resources out there for that

770
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:09,280
Speaker 1: are for specific marginalized groups. And what I was reading

771
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:13,400
Speaker 1: from people who were writing about it and they were

772
00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 1: talking about the value of community support and camaraderie and

773
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: finding those things. So certainly if you need those resources,

774
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:26,040
Speaker 1: they are out there. Also, much bigger conversation, but the

775
00:45:26,080 --> 00:45:28,920
Speaker 1: whole mass shooting thing, like some of that is what

776
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:31,959
Speaker 1: we're talking about here with men can't get mental health care,

777
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:37,120
Speaker 1: much bigger conversation. We also need to talk about accessibility

778
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:40,120
Speaker 1: and cost here, because of course, when companies got involved,

779
00:45:40,120 --> 00:45:43,759
Speaker 1: prices went up for things items that have been in

780
00:45:43,840 --> 00:45:48,680
Speaker 1: this self care space, like like skincare, beauty they can get.

781
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 1: It can get really pricey, especially when celebrities and influencers

782
00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: get involved, which more and more male celebrities have been

783
00:45:55,520 --> 00:45:58,560
Speaker 1: getting involved in the sun noticed not an option for

784
00:45:58,600 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 1: everyone and may turn people off who otherwise would participate

785
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 1: in self care. That's what they're seeing, that's what they

786
00:46:04,360 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 1: think it is. Again beauty, it's not a self care

787
00:46:08,960 --> 00:46:11,920
Speaker 1: make a lot of things, but for a lot of

788
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:14,200
Speaker 1: people that is I have friends or that is their

789
00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:17,680
Speaker 1: thing of like doing the facial and just relaxing, or

790
00:46:17,719 --> 00:46:20,040
Speaker 1: if we talk about physical activities that aren't possible or

791
00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,920
Speaker 1: comfortable for everyone for variety of reasons. Just keeping those

792
00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:26,960
Speaker 1: things in mind too. Of accessibility, and uh yeah, of

793
00:46:26,960 --> 00:46:30,800
Speaker 1: course they are predatory products out there marketed as self

794
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:33,560
Speaker 1: care that are like guaranteed to get rid of your

795
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:37,040
Speaker 1: eye bags or whatever it is. That's not I beg

796
00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:44,680
Speaker 1: My friend calls them, um baggies, I baggies baggies. I

797
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:47,520
Speaker 1: love it. Yeah. And for those who have been able

798
00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,600
Speaker 1: to be successful and maybe publish a book or do

799
00:46:50,680 --> 00:46:54,359
Speaker 1: some things we kindle, friendships whatever, that's phenomenal too, and

800
00:46:54,400 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 1: you should be allowed to celebrate. That's the other part again,

801
00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 1: as at guilt level. Don't point out all say you're

802
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:03,120
Speaker 1: not doing this like me, don't do that. Let's just

803
00:47:03,160 --> 00:47:06,040
Speaker 1: say that. But celebrate what you have been able to do.

804
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: Celebrate the good things in your life. I mean, I

805
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:11,120
Speaker 1: do celebrate the fact that I am able to do

806
00:47:11,239 --> 00:47:16,400
Speaker 1: this instead of being in the world, which for my

807
00:47:16,520 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: old coworkers who are continually seeing trauma on the outside

808
00:47:21,719 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 1: and then continually dealing with trauma in their work space,

809
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: that's a lot. And I'm very grateful that I I

810
00:47:28,680 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 1: am in this space where I can process it in

811
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,040
Speaker 1: a different manner now. But it's not lost on me

812
00:47:34,600 --> 00:47:36,600
Speaker 1: that people are doing these jobs, and people are doing

813
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:40,360
Speaker 1: these things, people are doing this work and it's important

814
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: that we allow for them to celebrate the things that

815
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,919
Speaker 1: they have been able to accomplish. I just remember one

816
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:49,560
Speaker 1: of my biggest things being in that field, just constantly

817
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:52,160
Speaker 1: thing I just needed one small victory, like crying about

818
00:47:52,200 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 1: it and how big of a deal it was. Whether

819
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:57,280
Speaker 1: it's to know that I helped a kid rehabilitate and

820
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,399
Speaker 1: get off of probation. In general, like I was able

821
00:48:00,440 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: to be like, we're gonna work this out, we're gonna

822
00:48:02,200 --> 00:48:05,160
Speaker 1: do these things together in the story, or hooking them

823
00:48:05,200 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 1: up and able to get them an internship, to be

824
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 1: able to make money, like stuff like that is phenomenal.

825
00:48:10,040 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: We're not gonna talk about the incarceration system, which I

826
00:48:12,120 --> 00:48:14,480
Speaker 1: have a lot of guilt about in general. But the

827
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:18,239
Speaker 1: thing is there's a collective amount of trauma that is happening,

828
00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:21,800
Speaker 1: and we need to be able to celebrate the things

829
00:48:22,160 --> 00:48:25,920
Speaker 1: that can't be celebrated. And for those who have you know,

830
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:28,280
Speaker 1: children in their lives who were able to have babies

831
00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 1: and and are living in a place of health, and

832
00:48:30,680 --> 00:48:33,719
Speaker 1: that those who are seeing someone for the first time,

833
00:48:33,760 --> 00:48:38,719
Speaker 1: that's that's wonderful. Congratulations and we celebrate that with you. Yeah, Yeah,

834
00:48:40,640 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 1: that's I'm glad you said that, because I do. I

835
00:48:42,680 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 1: think that is another aspect of this is people feel

836
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:48,360
Speaker 1: like they can't share happy things right now. I know

837
00:48:48,440 --> 00:48:50,799
Speaker 1: I don't. That's why I like not on social media,

838
00:48:50,840 --> 00:48:54,280
Speaker 1: hardly enter anymore. I don't want to post some stuff,

839
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:58,279
Speaker 1: but I can't post it. The world is on fire.

840
00:48:58,520 --> 00:49:00,640
Speaker 1: I like self deprecating stuff like and I tripped and

841
00:49:00,680 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 1: trust in my angle in a living room. But for

842
00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: those who are asking, how, how do we even go

843
00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:10,720
Speaker 1: down this road? Or should we even go down this route?

844
00:49:10,760 --> 00:49:13,359
Speaker 1: So if you're listening to this and thinking I need

845
00:49:13,400 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 1: to start doing this, you don't have to. But if

846
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:19,280
Speaker 1: you want to, or maybe like I need to do better,

847
00:49:19,320 --> 00:49:22,399
Speaker 1: how to go about that? Again, you're better stefferent from

848
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:25,400
Speaker 1: everybody else's just be healthy. So here are some tips.

849
00:49:26,200 --> 00:49:29,960
Speaker 1: Choose an activity or activity you enjoy or that relaxes you,

850
00:49:30,239 --> 00:49:33,760
Speaker 1: such as playing fiends and trying to beat your coworkers

851
00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:37,200
Speaker 1: like Lauren who has yet to reply to my banter.

852
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 1: If that makes you feel better, then do it. Yeah, yeah,

853
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:45,360
Speaker 1: get a get some activities that you like better healthy um,

854
00:49:45,400 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: and then narrow it down to one at first that

855
00:49:47,640 --> 00:49:50,480
Speaker 1: you want to start putting into your daily routine. So

856
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 1: here we're talking more about incorporating it more regularly as

857
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:57,040
Speaker 1: opposed to that sort of one time event. Then yeah,

858
00:49:57,160 --> 00:50:00,120
Speaker 1: try implementing it every day for a week. After that

859
00:50:00,160 --> 00:50:02,760
Speaker 1: week's done, think about how you feel about it, repeat

860
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:06,680
Speaker 1: with another activity, switch out activities, or just to reflect

861
00:50:06,800 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 1: on how you want to go about it and if

862
00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:11,040
Speaker 1: it worked for you and why it did or didn't

863
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:14,439
Speaker 1: work for you. If it didn't, it's okay. It moving on,

864
00:50:14,680 --> 00:50:16,839
Speaker 1: It is okay. And speaking of I, I did want

865
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:20,200
Speaker 1: to briefly talk about this because I I, like I said,

866
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:23,000
Speaker 1: I'm really bad at it, and uh, I was working

867
00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:26,720
Speaker 1: on this outline the day after I got my second

868
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:30,839
Speaker 1: dose of the vaccine and I ended up getting having

869
00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:34,680
Speaker 1: a pretty severe reaction, I will say. And I was

870
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,080
Speaker 1: in bed and I was shaking so hard that the

871
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:41,600
Speaker 1: bed frame was rattling, and I was sweating. It looked

872
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 1: like I had gone swimming. I was so cold, and

873
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:48,080
Speaker 1: I felt so bad, and I was typing like women

874
00:50:48,160 --> 00:50:51,400
Speaker 1: made to do better at self care? Not bad, but

875
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:53,839
Speaker 1: essentially like how could women be better at self care?

876
00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:58,279
Speaker 1: And then I was working away and Lauren, my co

877
00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:03,040
Speaker 1: worker and friend, she texted me and said stop working,

878
00:51:03,440 --> 00:51:05,560
Speaker 1: and then she sent an email out to like everybody

879
00:51:05,600 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: I was supposed to work with that day to record,

880
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 1: and she said, we're not recording. She's good. And then

881
00:51:14,000 --> 00:51:16,719
Speaker 1: you showed up. You're so kind and you bought me fun.

882
00:51:16,760 --> 00:51:18,480
Speaker 1: But I felt guilty about it because I was like,

883
00:51:18,520 --> 00:51:20,600
Speaker 1: oh no, what if I was, I know, you wouldn't

884
00:51:20,680 --> 00:51:24,080
Speaker 1: let me like I'm doing it, damn it. Fine, fine,

885
00:51:24,640 --> 00:51:26,880
Speaker 1: this is part of myself here. We've talked about this before,

886
00:51:27,400 --> 00:51:30,200
Speaker 1: like for people like me, I love doing things like that,

887
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:32,400
Speaker 1: so I have to do it, So let me do it.

888
00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 1: Let me do it. I kept be like, oh no, no,

889
00:51:37,040 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 1: And then I did have the thing where I was

890
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,239
Speaker 1: like so proud of myself, which is very unhealthy because

891
00:51:43,280 --> 00:51:45,120
Speaker 1: I was like, wow, I feel terrible, but look at

892
00:51:45,120 --> 00:51:48,320
Speaker 1: how much work I'm doing. Yeah, and I did nothing.

893
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:52,960
Speaker 1: I did nothing. I we purposely didn't record. We changed

894
00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:55,200
Speaker 1: the date, and I was like, you know what, this

895
00:51:55,239 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: is going to be a rough one for I don't know,

896
00:51:58,080 --> 00:51:59,959
Speaker 1: maybe it could be a rough one I've seen store.

897
00:52:00,440 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 1: And of course my reaction because we ended up getting

898
00:52:02,760 --> 00:52:06,000
Speaker 1: our shots at the same day. Hey, we're very different,

899
00:52:06,080 --> 00:52:08,319
Speaker 1: Like I was nowhere in your as bad as you were.

900
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:10,000
Speaker 1: We had I had this a little bit of chills

901
00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 1: and enough favor, but that was quickly gone. But I

902
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 1: was like, I'm just going to check in on her

903
00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:17,959
Speaker 1: and make sure she's alive. But we're not talking about work.

904
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:22,759
Speaker 1: And I purposely did not ask about work. And we

905
00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:26,560
Speaker 1: did bring some noodles for you, because you know, this

906
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,040
Speaker 1: is all about getting together. And that's the other part

907
00:52:29,239 --> 00:52:33,080
Speaker 1: this is you have to recognize when your body is

908
00:52:33,120 --> 00:52:37,520
Speaker 1: telling you something because it's telling you something for a reason.

909
00:52:38,560 --> 00:52:42,880
Speaker 1: And that was hey, stop it, go to bed, damn it.

910
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:46,560
Speaker 1: It's surprisingly difficult to do that, I feel like as women,

911
00:52:47,000 --> 00:52:49,560
Speaker 1: but we are especially I can just speak. In my case,

912
00:52:50,000 --> 00:52:53,520
Speaker 1: I've distanced myself so much from my body that it's

913
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:57,879
Speaker 1: I can't basic things like sleepy and hunger, and I don't.

914
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:02,959
Speaker 1: I'm working, honest of that. Yeah. I on the other hand,

915
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,560
Speaker 1: I do recognize it, but it's accord to what I

916
00:53:05,600 --> 00:53:08,239
Speaker 1: have to do. And if there's just like I felt

917
00:53:08,239 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 1: guilty because I had a feeling you were working, and

918
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:14,200
Speaker 1: so I didn't know what else to do. But I'm like, yeah,

919
00:53:14,360 --> 00:53:17,000
Speaker 1: but I'm sleepy and I'm tired, and we can do

920
00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:20,160
Speaker 1: this later. If I do things I don't want to

921
00:53:20,719 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: just laid back. JA. I was like, I'm done, I'm good.

922
00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 1: I will do that, but there are days that I'm like,

923
00:53:31,080 --> 00:53:33,560
Speaker 1: I have to do more. If it came down to

924
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:39,120
Speaker 1: helping someone else, then yeah, I will do it. But

925
00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 1: if it comes down to it's just me, Oh, I

926
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 1: got that. So you and I clearly have work to

927
00:53:48,200 --> 00:53:53,160
Speaker 1: do as well. Yeah, I have better at it. And

928
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: like the fan ficed, writing fan fiction is something I

929
00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:59,000
Speaker 1: do hiking when whenever we can go, when I can

930
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:00,719
Speaker 1: go back out comfortably because I know I could have

931
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,879
Speaker 1: always but I was never comfortable. That is a big

932
00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:05,480
Speaker 1: one for me. So it is something that I have

933
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:08,000
Speaker 1: been mindful of and have been trying to be better at.

934
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,839
Speaker 1: But long ways ago. Still well, listeners, we would love

935
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,680
Speaker 1: to hear about your self care. What do you do?

936
00:54:15,000 --> 00:54:16,880
Speaker 1: Are are you any good at it? Are you terrible

937
00:54:16,920 --> 00:54:20,439
Speaker 1: at it? You can email us our emails, Stuff Media

938
00:54:20,480 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 1: Mom Stuff at i hurt media dot com. You can

939
00:54:22,239 --> 00:54:24,160
Speaker 1: find us on Twitter at most Stuff podcast, or on

940
00:54:24,160 --> 00:54:26,360
Speaker 1: Instagram and stuff I've Never told you. Thanks as always

941
00:54:26,360 --> 00:54:29,680
Speaker 1: to our super producer Christina. Thank you Christina, and thanks

942
00:54:29,680 --> 00:54:31,640
Speaker 1: to you for listening. Stuff I never told these protection

943
00:54:31,760 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 1: I Hurt Radio. For more podcast from I Heart Radio,

944
00:54:33,680 --> 00:54:36,160
Speaker 1: visit I Heartradio app, Apple podcast, or every listen to

945
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 1: your favorite shows