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Speaker 1: Hey, guys, welcome to I've never said this before with

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Speaker 1: me Tommy de Dario. Today's guest is the brilliantly talented

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Speaker 1: actress Lindsay Morgan. Lindsay shot into international superstard and by

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Speaker 1: playing the beloved role of Raven in the hate post

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Speaker 1: apocalyptic sci fi drama The Hundred, which went on for

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Speaker 1: an incredible seven seasons. So here's a quick summary of

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Speaker 1: The Hundred. Follow me here. Ever since a devastating nuclear war,

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Speaker 1: humanity has lived on spaceships far above the Earth's radioactive surface,

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Speaker 1: and now one hundred juvenile delinquents considered expendable by society

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Speaker 1: are being sent on a dangerous mission, and that mission

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Speaker 1: is to recolonize the planet. Did you get all that?

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Speaker 1: Lindsay is so badass in this series? And while she's

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Speaker 1: played many impressive film and TV roles, another fan favorite

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Speaker 1: one you may recognize her from is the CW hit

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Speaker 1: series Walker. So when I was chatting with my buddy

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Speaker 1: Jerre Padleki, who was her co star on Walker, her

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Speaker 1: and who came on my show a few months ago,

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Speaker 1: he said that Lindsay is a total sweetheart, and after

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Speaker 1: chatting with her, I couldn't agree more. So, let's see

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Speaker 1: if today we can get Lindsay to say something that

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Speaker 1: she has never said before. Lindsey Morgan, it is so

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Speaker 1: good to see you today.

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Speaker 2: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm great? How are you?

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Speaker 1: I am fantastic. Listen, we have a few mutual friends,

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Speaker 1: so ahead of time, I was like, all right, give

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Speaker 1: me the tea. Is she cool? Like what is she like?

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Speaker 1: And everyone said like glowing things about you? So I

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Speaker 1: feel like we're you. I'm in a good place.

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Speaker 3: I got a ten out of ten, ten.

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Speaker 1: Out of ten, maybe even on eleven out of ten.

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Speaker 4: Don't tell my husband I'm in eleven.

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Speaker 1: That's right, That's all right. Well, I'm so happy to

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Speaker 1: be hanging out with you today. Thank you for joining

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Speaker 1: the show.

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Speaker 3: Me too, Me too happy to be here, Tommy.

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Speaker 1: This is a show that celebrates it's a lot of

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Speaker 1: fan favorite artists. And I have to say, you were

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Speaker 1: someone who has come up quite a bit to be

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Speaker 1: on the show because you've been a part of work

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Speaker 1: that means so much to so many people. And it's

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Speaker 1: really cool when I see in my dms and in

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Speaker 1: my tweets, like the names that keep reoccurring you being

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Speaker 1: one of them. So We're going to celebrate your work

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Speaker 1: here a little bit more about you as a person,

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Speaker 1: and maybe find out something new.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 4: I really love it here, John, and all these I'm

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Speaker 4: like overwhelmed from all these compliments.

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Speaker 3: But thank you.

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Speaker 1: I'm just here to compliment you for half an hour.

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Speaker 1: We're not going to really talk about anything. I'm just

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Speaker 1: going to compliment you.

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Speaker 3: And I will respond awkwardly and a little flustered. But

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Speaker 3: thank you so much. That's so sweet and yeah, amazing,

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Speaker 3: thank you.

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Speaker 1: So you You had such an amazing career. And I

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Speaker 1: always like to stress this to artists because I think

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Speaker 1: sometimes when you're in the grind, you don't always realize that, right,

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Speaker 1: because as humans, we always want more, we always want

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Speaker 1: to do more. We're always pushing ourselves for what's next.

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Speaker 1: But you got essentially your big break on one of

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Speaker 1: the biggest soaps in the world, General Hospital, and then

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Speaker 1: from that, you know, with a few jobs in between,

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Speaker 1: you then landed this huge role on primetime television in

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Speaker 1: the Hundred, which went on for seven seasons. So what

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Speaker 1: was that transition like for you, jumping from the soap

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Speaker 1: world to the primetime world.

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Speaker 4: That was crazy, you know, I was so Green when

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Speaker 4: I was doing the soap, and even when I got

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Speaker 4: the soap, you know, it was like I think I

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Speaker 4: had been acting professionally for maybe around eight months and

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Speaker 4: then like I didn't I have this like terrible manager

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Speaker 4: and agent at the time. And I remember it was

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Speaker 4: pilot season and my acting coach was asking me, like,

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Speaker 4: you know, why aren't you going out for pilots and

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Speaker 4: I said, oh, well, my manager told me I wasn't

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Speaker 4: good enough what verbatim. Then he was like, okay, fire,

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Speaker 4: your manager hooks me up with some man in your

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Speaker 4: meetings in La I meet my current manager, Tim Taylor

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Speaker 4: from Luba Rockland. He had one meeting and he was like, look,

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Speaker 4: you're great. I'd love to work with you. I got

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Speaker 4: such a good feeling about him, and I said okay.

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Speaker 4: Within one month, I book a contract role on the

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Speaker 4: soap opera, which was like crazy for a young actor

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Speaker 4: because I think a lot of actors or a lot

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Speaker 4: of artists, well, yeah, we we are artists, right, and

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Speaker 4: we want to do the art. But then there's that

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Speaker 4: other side of financial freedom and also being able to

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Speaker 4: provide for ourselves, and so you know, the statistics for

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Speaker 4: actors are crazy it's like three percent are working at

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Speaker 4: any given moment.

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Speaker 3: Which is bonkers.

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Speaker 4: So to get a contract role for a soap opera

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Speaker 4: is basically like a series regular role, so I would

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Speaker 4: be on contract indefinitely or like main cast, you know.

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Speaker 3: What I mean.

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Speaker 4: So this role not only was it like a huge

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Speaker 4: role for me just as a new actor and like

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Speaker 4: super green, but also the ability to be able to

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Speaker 4: take care of myself financially as a young woman and

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Speaker 4: a young artist was like mind blowing. So my time

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Speaker 4: on the soap was.

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Speaker 3: Was great in the sense of like I got such.

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Speaker 4: A boot camp sort of learning because you are filming

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Speaker 4: almost every day and you don't have a hiatus. You

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Speaker 4: have one week off every month, but you film the

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Speaker 4: entire year versus most shows it's like we're on for

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Speaker 4: six months, we're on for nine months, and then you

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Speaker 4: have like a break break.

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Speaker 3: So just the act of like repetition.

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Speaker 4: Doing and doing and doing it, I feel like, really

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Speaker 4: is where I really learned a lot. But also, you know,

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Speaker 4: I failed a lot, Like when I watch some of

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Speaker 4: my old clips, I'm like, you know, And I also

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Speaker 4: kind of played a villain, which I didn't know I

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Speaker 4: was a villain. When I was playing the character.

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Speaker 3: And not to say she's a bad character or anything,

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Speaker 3: but she she's a lovely character.

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Speaker 4: It's just that she added conflict to a lot of

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Speaker 4: people's lives. Right, So I dealt with like internet hate,

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Speaker 4: which was really hard for again, young actor, young artists,

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Speaker 4: just a young person. I was like, wait, I'm doing

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Speaker 4: my dream and I got my you know, my big break,

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Speaker 4: and you guys hate me. So that was tough in

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Speaker 4: the sense of like I had to really separate myself

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Speaker 4: from like do they hate me, do they hate the character?

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Speaker 4: Do they hate my acting? And I had to separate

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Speaker 4: myself from all of it to be like, you know

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Speaker 4: what I always think about, like that great speech by Roosevelt,

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Speaker 4: the man in the Arena, and I'm going to butcher it,

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Speaker 4: but basically it's all about the courageous and most bravest

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Speaker 4: person is the man in the arena. You can have

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Speaker 4: the audience and critics watching and they can say whatever

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Speaker 4: they want, but they're not in the arena fighting. They're

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Speaker 4: not the gladiator fighting and trying. So you know, I

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Speaker 4: really had to learn that lesson that no matter what

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Speaker 4: anyone thinks of my art or what I do, I

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Speaker 4: have to do it for me, and if I'm doing

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Speaker 4: it for other people's approval or other people's like acknowledgment,

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Speaker 4: then I'm in trouble, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, And that's a good mentality to take then

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Speaker 1: with you to primetime, which the show correct me if

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Speaker 1: I'm wrong, but I believe it was one of the

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Speaker 1: first primetime shows that really kind of utilized Twitter and

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Speaker 1: social media because it was really blowing up to promote

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Speaker 1: the show and to engage with the fans, so you

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Speaker 1: had to deal with that too. Then going over there.

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Speaker 4: That was crazy too, because again, you know, it's kind

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Speaker 4: of crazy too, because it's.

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Speaker 3: Like we forget how new social media is.

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Speaker 4: Like I know, we've had it for maybe I don't know,

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Speaker 4: fourteen fifteen years, but that's not a long time, right, So,

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Speaker 4: like there was a time when you would watch shows

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Speaker 4: and you couldn't go on Twitter to talk about how

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Speaker 4: you feel, or you wouldn't you as an actor, or

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Speaker 4: you as a creator, or even at a studio head

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Speaker 4: have no clue how people are receiving it.

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Speaker 3: So I always talk about how kind of magical that.

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Speaker 4: First season was because that was before we really had

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Speaker 4: social media and before the show debuted or aired, and

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Speaker 4: it was like nobody knew what we were making.

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Speaker 3: We were just like in the woods. It felt like

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Speaker 3: we were camping every day and just kind of figuring

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Speaker 3: it out right.

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Speaker 4: And then when we wrapped, I believe right when before

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Speaker 4: we wrapped, the network head and show producer or showrunner

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Speaker 4: was like, I want the cast and crew to see

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Speaker 4: the first four episodes. And usually that's that doesn't always happen.

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Speaker 4: You don't always get to see anything. And so we

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Speaker 4: all went to this like theater they had rented out

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Speaker 4: in Vancouver and watched it and by the fourth episode

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Speaker 4: we all left and we all were like looking at

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Speaker 4: each other being like I think we have something special,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean? You just had that feeling

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Speaker 4: like it just came alive and like everyone was so

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Speaker 4: good and it just clicked.

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Speaker 3: So that was really cool.

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Speaker 4: And then we debut and then it's like social media

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Speaker 4: really responded. And again as an artist, it's kind of

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Speaker 4: I had my toes dipped in that area with the

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Speaker 4: so with like social media, but like in a negative way.

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Speaker 4: So then to have like an overwhelming positive response, I

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Speaker 4: was like, what this is crazy, And you know, I

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Speaker 4: felt so grateful, but it wasn't the other way. But

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Speaker 4: also it was really strange and surreal as an artist

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Speaker 4: to get like instant feedback.

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Speaker 1: That's great, but it also is scary, and it was

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Speaker 1: such unchartered territory. And there's probably some people listening who

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Speaker 1: only kind of know the context of television and film

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Speaker 1: with the correlation to social media, but that was such

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Speaker 1: a new and different thing to have to I don't

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Speaker 1: know if the word worry is the right word, but

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Speaker 1: like to have to think about that on top of

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Speaker 1: doing your job is so wild. I mean, it's I think.

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Speaker 3: Worries is the right word.

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Speaker 4: I think a lot of people began to worry about

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Speaker 4: how they would be perceived or what would be perceived,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 3: And as an artist, I.

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Speaker 4: Think, again, you can't be doing what you do for

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Speaker 4: the approval of others, you know. And it's just like

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Speaker 4: we are in a bubble where it's like, yeah, on

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Speaker 4: one hand, you want people.

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Speaker 3: To like what you do. You want people to like

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Speaker 3: your work.

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Speaker 4: You want to be able to pay your bills and

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Speaker 4: feed yourself and you know, have a life and whatnot.

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Speaker 4: But also and that's like kind of the gamble though

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Speaker 4: with artistry. If you're being true to your artist. You

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Speaker 4: just don't know, and I feel like you can't now

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Speaker 4: now in my old age, again, feel like you can't

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Speaker 4: base it on that. And that's like my personal preference,

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Speaker 4: like everything I do, because I've done things for other

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Speaker 4: people's approval and it's just I've noticed it's not true

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Speaker 4: to me, and so I have to personally do things.

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Speaker 3: That's where for me.

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Speaker 1: Now we've just started talking and I couldn't love you more.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there's eight thousand things I want to say,

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Speaker 1: and I'm trying to streamline this conversation, but I so

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Speaker 1: feel you on that, and it's just so funny. A

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Speaker 1: quick aside, like this very young reporter reached out or Will.

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Speaker 1: He posted something on in Instagram that kind of made

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Speaker 1: me worried, and it just he was having a bad

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Speaker 1: day and he seemed like he was in a pretty

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Speaker 1: dark space. So I reached out and I said, are

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Speaker 1: you okay, like what's going on? And he said, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, I just I feel like my dreams are

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Speaker 1: escaping me and I have such bad days and you know,

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Speaker 1: it's just so hard this industry. And I said, guess

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Speaker 1: what I said, I have really bad fucking days too,

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Speaker 1: And he's like, how you're on a national television show,

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Speaker 1: you have this podcast with iHeart, Like I didn't think

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Speaker 1: you really would. And I said, oh my god, there's

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Speaker 1: some days where I just feel like what am I doing?

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Speaker 1: Like I'm tired of the grind? And he was like,

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Speaker 1: you have no idea how much that helps me to

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Speaker 1: hear that, because hey, I don't think a lot of

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Speaker 1: people would admit that maybe in your position and be

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Speaker 1: like it makes me feel like, oh, it's all part

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Speaker 1: of it. So yes to everything you're saying.

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Speaker 3: Yes, And I hear you on that too, right, It's

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Speaker 3: just so.

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Speaker 4: So interesting, Like people in these very public fields are

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Speaker 4: people you know who are very in the public eye,

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Speaker 4: like yourself.

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Speaker 3: You know, there is a certain level of like one.

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Speaker 4: Professionalism you want to always bring and you have your

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Speaker 4: own standards and you know who you are as a

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Speaker 4: creator and an artist is like, yeah, I'm doing this

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Speaker 4: and this is me.

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Speaker 3: But it doesn't mean it's easy.

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Speaker 4: You know, just because you're successful, nobody saw all those

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Speaker 4: days when you weren't, because we both have.

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Speaker 3: Them, you know what I mean. And like when I

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Speaker 3: was on the SAP and I was dealing with that

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Speaker 3: Internet hate. That really was hard for me. That was

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Speaker 3: really that was a struggle of being like these people

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Speaker 3: hate me and.

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Speaker 4: I have to show up and do this every day

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Speaker 4: and they hate me and there's nothing I can do,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean.

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Speaker 3: And it was like super tough.

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Speaker 4: And I didn't talk about this earlier, but essentially this

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Speaker 4: this soap went through like a reconfiguration where like a

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Speaker 4: lot of cast members were lieving or changing positions, and

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Speaker 4: so my contract was up for renegotiation and I was struggling.

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Speaker 4: I was struggling mentally. I think the Internet hate was

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Speaker 4: a lot of it. I felt like I wasn't doing

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Speaker 4: a good job. I also hadn't learned enough technique as

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Speaker 4: an artist to Okay, I have to deliver these emotions,

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Speaker 4: but I have to protect my true life from it

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Speaker 4: and not it filtered through. And so I was, you know,

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Speaker 4: with soaps, something bad is happening constantly, like it is crazy,

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Speaker 4: and so I was really crying every day and so

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Speaker 4: I really slipped into this like depression where I was

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Speaker 4: like everyone hates me, Like I was just I was

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Speaker 4: so young, right, so I can laugh at it now,

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Speaker 4: but like looking back, it was I was a mess.

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Speaker 3: And so you know, I was talking to I told

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Speaker 3: my manager. I was like, could I I'm really struggling,

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Speaker 3: Like can I switch to a recurring which is kind

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Speaker 3: of like a lighter contract because going every day was

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Speaker 3: really wearing on me.

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Speaker 4: And I also was like, clearly, as people don't like

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Speaker 4: my acting, so maybe I need to like go back

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Speaker 4: into class. And you know, I was so new, so

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Speaker 4: I was like, yeah, I need to get educated more. Anyway,

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Speaker 4: So manager brings that up to the producer and they

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Speaker 4: talk about it, and then ultimately they were like, you

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Speaker 4: know what, We're just gonna let Lindsay go. And I

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Speaker 4: was like, young Lindsay was like, am I getting fired?

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Speaker 3: I always got fired and was like what do I

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Speaker 3: do now?

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Speaker 4: Like, you know, this was my financial everything, This was

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Speaker 4: me making my dreams come true.

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Speaker 3: This was me.

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Speaker 4: I had dropped out a to pursue acting, and like

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Speaker 4: my parents did not approve, hated it. I also had

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Speaker 4: like scholarships too, and I foregone or let them go

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Speaker 4: so I could pursue acting. So I was just like

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Speaker 4: everything I have sacrificed to be here and I get

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Speaker 4: to what I felt was my goal was like acting

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Speaker 4: and being able to provide for myself gone like gone,

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Speaker 4: you know what I mean, Like it just felt all

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Speaker 4: for nothing because I felt like I wasn't good enough.

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Speaker 4: And so there was a period where I got really

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Speaker 4: you know, dark with myself, and I was just like,

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Speaker 4: maybe I'm not cut out for this, Maybe this isn't it.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I really like how to sit and

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Speaker 4: talk with myself and be like, you know what, fuck that,

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Speaker 4: I'm not done yet, you know what I mean. And

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Speaker 4: so I got back into class. I hired a personal

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Speaker 4: trainer because I gained some weight in my sadness.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, you know what, I'm.

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Speaker 4: Gonna put my nose to the grind and I'm going

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Speaker 4: to I'm going to grind. And I was taking like

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Speaker 4: maybe three four classes a week. I was acting every

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Speaker 4: day for like five hours a day, like in rehearsals

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Speaker 4: like boom boom, boom boom.

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Speaker 3: You know. Maybe three months later, I think a book

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Speaker 3: one hundred.

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Speaker 1: First of all, thank god, because what you created in

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Speaker 1: the hundred with your role is is so iconic. You

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Speaker 1: of course played a badass mechanical engineer. Her name was Raven.

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Speaker 1: Do you think about that time often?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like it was, oh gosh, it's so crazy

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Speaker 4: too now because I'm always like, wait, it just happened,

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Speaker 4: and I'm like, no.

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Speaker 3: It's been years.

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Speaker 4: And you know what surprises me is the people who

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Speaker 4: found it. Like I get all walks of life coming

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Speaker 4: up to me and saying like, hey, I really.

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Speaker 3: Loved your show or I really loved your character.

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Speaker 4: Now, even like there was like a period where it,

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Speaker 4: you know, it wasn't happening as much. And I was like, okay,

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Speaker 4: I think the show got off Netflix, like it wasn't

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Speaker 4: on there anymore. And I'm like, Okay, people aren't really

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Speaker 4: seeing it anymore.

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Speaker 3: That's fine. And then my friend twelve year old.

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Speaker 4: Daughter was like, oh my god, you're raving, like at

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Speaker 4: dinner the other week, and I was like, what, how

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Speaker 4: have you seen this show?

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Speaker 3: And so, you know, I guess maybe it's kind of

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Speaker 3: coming back. And she was like everyone at my school's

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Speaker 3: seen it. And I was like, that's so crazy.

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Speaker 4: How you know, when you make something, especially now in

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Speaker 4: this digital age, it is kind of a time capsule

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Speaker 4: and anyone can find it at any point, and like,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to be eighty five, god willing one day

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Speaker 4: and somebody's going to be like, remember this Grandma, you know.

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Speaker 5: What I mean, that's gonna be that's gonna be really

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Speaker 5: rad you know, Like it's so crazy because that was

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Speaker 5: my twenties and so now to have like my twenties

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Speaker 5: encapsulated in film is kind of wild to think.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it was a special show, and I think, you know,

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Speaker 4: I learned so much from it. It grew so much

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Speaker 4: during it highs and lows. I think we've all everyone

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Speaker 4: part of it had such an interesting and really impactful experience.

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Speaker 3: I think people who watched it, I think it was.

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Speaker 4: Ahead of its time and it was presenting a lot

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Speaker 4: and also like it was a really ambitious show, like

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Speaker 4: very creative for what it was doing and for the

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Speaker 4: audience it was apparently for you know, it really pushed

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Speaker 4: a lot of boundaries and broke a lot of rules.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I also think it was a big

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Speaker 4: part of this kind of female empowerment that we see

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Speaker 4: now in film and TV. And I remember, you know,

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Speaker 4: like Hunger Games just came out right before We came

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Speaker 4: out right, and it's like we were on that wave,

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Speaker 4: and I well, it's so lucky that I got to

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Speaker 4: be a part of it, and I got to play

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Speaker 4: character that I respect like just as a person and

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Speaker 4: also as a young woman. You know, Raven was so

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Speaker 4: impactful on me, and I think at that age and

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Speaker 4: through that age for myself, I needed strength and Raven

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00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:25,399
Speaker 4: really taught me how to harness it and find it

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Speaker 4: for myself. So yeah, it was it was a journey.

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Speaker 1: It's also so successful today because it was such this

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Speaker 1: viral sensation and there were clips all over the internet

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Speaker 1: and people I think today are still seeing clips before

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Speaker 1: maybe watching the series and then going to find the

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Speaker 1: series in twenty twenty four, right, So it's so amazing

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Speaker 1: the legacy that it's created, and that's largely due to yes,

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00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:51,280
Speaker 1: amazing writing, but the artists who brought that show to life.

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Speaker 1: In this age of reboots and sequels and remakes, Like

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Speaker 1: do you ever think what if, Like could I do

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Speaker 1: another version of The Hundred reboot?

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I'd be game, I.

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Speaker 4: Think, you know, I think the coolest thing about The

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Speaker 4: Hundred is it had so much life to it and

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Speaker 4: world in different worlds and different characters. So it's like

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Speaker 4: I always I still feel like there's so much story

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Speaker 4: to tell in you know, we could have gone on

395
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Speaker 4: for a long time because everyone created such rich worlds

396
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Speaker 4: and rich characters and just a rich lore, like a

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Speaker 4: rich story of like the minute you think they're all

398
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Speaker 4: done and alone and left for dead, like another clan

399
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:49,080
Speaker 4: of people around, you're just like what a wormhole opens

400
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 4: up a portal, you know what I mean? We meet

401
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,239
Speaker 4: aliens like it's just like it can go, you know.

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Speaker 4: I think that was one of the best things about

403
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Speaker 4: the show, and probably one of the hardest things to

404
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Speaker 4: pull off.

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Speaker 1: Was it weird for you to hang up your raven

406
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,239
Speaker 1: hat when it was all set and down. I mean,

407
00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,040
Speaker 1: something years is a long time to be a part

408
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:10,080
Speaker 1: of something, especially in this day and age where it's

409
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Speaker 1: like a mini series or maybe three seasons seven years

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Speaker 1: of your life.

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Speaker 5: You know.

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Speaker 3: It's it's also interesting.

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Speaker 4: I think what helped us is we did thirteen episodes

414
00:22:19,640 --> 00:22:22,920
Speaker 4: versus like a twenty two from another like kind of

415
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,800
Speaker 4: the older method of shows now, which is wild that

416
00:22:25,840 --> 00:22:29,320
Speaker 4: we're not doing that anymore. As creative as the show

417
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 4: was right and amazing as the show was, it was

418
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Speaker 4: kind of dark like we had, like especially my character,

419
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Speaker 4: I had darkness I had to go through. And the

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00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:41,680
Speaker 4: elements were tough too, you know. We filmed a lot

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Speaker 4: in the snow. We filmed a lot in the rain,

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Speaker 4: a lot outside because of the world written, and that's

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Speaker 4: just tough on everyone. That's tough on the crew, that's

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00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:56,960
Speaker 4: tough on actors, that's tough on the artists who create

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Speaker 4: the sets, who create costumes. Like it's just like, please

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00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,640
Speaker 4: don't rain, and then it's pouring rain. So, you know,

427
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Speaker 4: I think it was good. We would always have six

428
00:23:07,680 --> 00:23:12,040
Speaker 4: months off in between to kind of reset and and

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Speaker 4: so we're fresh. You know, when you're shooting, it's almost

430
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 4: kind of like your a professional athlete where it's like

431
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Speaker 4: you have to not get sick like ever, which is

432
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Speaker 4: really hard. You can't always control it, but like it's

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Speaker 4: something in your back of your mind where you're like,

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Speaker 4: I need to be healthy so I can deliver and

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Speaker 4: I can perform, And I am an athlete at this

436
00:23:34,240 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 4: point that is on in season for this amount of time,

437
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 4: So we needed the breaks to not burn everyone out.

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Speaker 4: But also, I don't know, I always felt like thirteen

439
00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 4: was such a sweet spot. It was such a great

440
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:53,080
Speaker 4: spot for us because we really got to push hard,

441
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,920
Speaker 4: and sometimes I felt like we went a little too fast,

442
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,080
Speaker 4: like we could have slowed down a little bit. And

443
00:23:59,080 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 4: this story would have still been impactful and great and

444
00:24:02,640 --> 00:24:05,560
Speaker 4: you had some time to breathe. But I remember when

445
00:24:05,560 --> 00:24:08,920
Speaker 4: we'd be rapping in Vancouver, so many other shows were

446
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:10,240
Speaker 4: still they were still.

447
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 3: Shooting and they were doing twenty two.

448
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 4: So technically we were like, they're middle when we were finishing,

449
00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:18,280
Speaker 4: and they were just like, oh my gosh, we still

450
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 4: have halfway through to go, and you guys are rapping.

451
00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:24,919
Speaker 4: But I think that was smart because it didn't it

452
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,280
Speaker 4: was longer than a mini series, you know, so it

453
00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,800
Speaker 4: felt like fulfilling as an audience member, I felt, but

454
00:24:30,840 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 4: it wasn't too long to where everyone's getting burnt out,

455
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:39,439
Speaker 4: everyone's cranky and tired, or were completely running out of story.

456
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,119
Speaker 1: And I think to your point, you know, filming in

457
00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:44,400
Speaker 1: Brain and Snow and the Elements and all of that,

458
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:46,960
Speaker 1: if a reboot does ever happen, let's do it in

459
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,920
Speaker 1: like Malibu or something Hawaii.

460
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:54,280
Speaker 4: I pitched Hawaii one time because I was like, I

461
00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,880
Speaker 4: don't know, it's like Becca's because they were doing like.

462
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,200
Speaker 3: Some flashback or something.

463
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,359
Speaker 4: They're kind of like like Becca's capsule is going to

464
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,840
Speaker 4: come to like the coaster, and I was like, can there's.

465
00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:06,399
Speaker 3: Be a white Yeah?

466
00:25:06,440 --> 00:25:08,720
Speaker 4: So that's my pitch for the reboot is like, maybe

467
00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 4: we're in heaven and it's Hawaii.

468
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,320
Speaker 1: I'm here for it. I'm here for it, and I'll

469
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 1: be like, I'm volunteering to be like a pool boy

470
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,720
Speaker 1: with a drink and an umbrella in it, and there

471
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:17,040
Speaker 1: I am.

472
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 2: We need more pool boys, always, more pool boys in life, Lindsay,

473
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:26,880
Speaker 2: you also were a part of another project I want

474
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:29,679
Speaker 2: to bring up, and that's Walker, and people loved Walker

475
00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:30,720
Speaker 2: so much.

476
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: I know the series recently wrapped for good and Jerry's

477
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: been on my show and we talked about Walker. But

478
00:25:36,640 --> 00:25:38,159
Speaker 1: what I want to talk about is something kind of

479
00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:40,440
Speaker 1: that you were talking about earlier as well. So after

480
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:44,280
Speaker 1: the second season you exited the show, right, was that

481
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 1: a difficult decision for you to make? And if you

482
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 1: don't mind me asking and sharing, like what was behind that?

483
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:54,040
Speaker 3: That was the hardest decision I've ever made, hands down.

484
00:25:54,640 --> 00:26:00,600
Speaker 4: You know, you go back to like, I think people

485
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:05,840
Speaker 4: forget what it's like to be an artist in the

486
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 4: sense of you're a freelancer, Like I don't have any

487
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,840
Speaker 4: job security. I work from job to job and what

488
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 4: I offer is a creative service, so I don't have

489
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,639
Speaker 4: any guarantee that someone's going to hire me ever, or

490
00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 4: that everyone's going to like what I do, because that's impossible.

491
00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:23,959
Speaker 3: I'm an artist.

492
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 4: Everyone is free to have their opinion of art, right,

493
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 4: and I think that's great. We have great different kinds

494
00:26:31,320 --> 00:26:32,159
Speaker 4: of art because of that.

495
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 3: So it's wonderful.

496
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:38,520
Speaker 4: It's just sometimes it's difficult as the artist pursuing this

497
00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:42,600
Speaker 4: as a career and in this industry, because again, you

498
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,440
Speaker 4: need to be able to provide for yourself a home,

499
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 4: maybe a family. We all got bills, right, So for me.

500
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:56,320
Speaker 3: Me getting Walker was a huge deal to me.

501
00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:00,880
Speaker 4: You know, up to this point, I I was really

502
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 4: proud of the work I did on one hundred right,

503
00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 4: but I wasn't a lead. I wasn't a lead character.

504
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:07,919
Speaker 4: I was a supporting character. And in that sense, you know,

505
00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,119
Speaker 4: I didn't work as much as the leads did, and

506
00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:14,680
Speaker 4: I wasn't as front and center.

507
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:14,920
Speaker 3: As they were.

508
00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,560
Speaker 4: Right I could, I got more rest, I got, I

509
00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:20,400
Speaker 4: got to do cool stuff, but I didn't. It wasn't

510
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:24,320
Speaker 4: on my shoulders to fully carry the story. So up

511
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,199
Speaker 4: until this point, I have been manifesting and being like,

512
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 4: I really just want to be a lead. I want

513
00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:34,119
Speaker 4: to like get that promotion in my journey, in my

514
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 4: career journey, right, So when Walker came, it was like

515
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:40,120
Speaker 4: I'm the lead, which or like the lead female, which

516
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,719
Speaker 4: is like that was my dream come true. You know,

517
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 4: I was making the kind of money that I could

518
00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 4: buy a house and have a home, And that was

519
00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,040
Speaker 4: a huge deal for me because there was a period

520
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,919
Speaker 4: when in my other journey where I was kind of

521
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 4: I was kind of home, like I didn't have a

522
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:00,720
Speaker 4: home for a long time.

523
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:02,560
Speaker 3: I was just like kind of being a gypsy.

524
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:06,439
Speaker 4: So for me to buy my own home was like

525
00:28:06,960 --> 00:28:09,320
Speaker 4: a big goal of mine and like very important to me.

526
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,760
Speaker 3: So all of a sudden, it was like all these.

527
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:19,679
Speaker 4: Amazing things given to me, and I bought a house

528
00:28:19,720 --> 00:28:23,280
Speaker 4: here in Austin, thinking hoping the show would go on

529
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 4: for a long time. And because you never know either,

530
00:28:25,880 --> 00:28:28,960
Speaker 4: we're always every show could be canceled, so you just

531
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,919
Speaker 4: don't know. So when you're on location filming, you usually

532
00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 4: rent something, right, Like I never knew about the Hundreds,

533
00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,959
Speaker 4: so I rented a place to live every seven years.

534
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 4: So when Walker came along, me deciding to buy a

535
00:28:41,560 --> 00:28:45,520
Speaker 4: home here in Austin was another gamble, Like I don't

536
00:28:45,520 --> 00:28:47,959
Speaker 4: know if I'm if it's gonna last, but I'm gonna

537
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 4: make the move and do it and.

538
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,160
Speaker 3: Kind of fulfill this big goal of mine.

539
00:28:55,400 --> 00:29:01,560
Speaker 4: So while we were working, and maybe you know, if

540
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:06,680
Speaker 4: I'm being honest, I think I knew something was up

541
00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 4: in the sense of like I didn't feel my best.

542
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,640
Speaker 4: And so what it happened to was we just wrapped

543
00:29:14,640 --> 00:29:19,560
Speaker 4: A hundred around February twenty twenty. Okay Walker was supposed

544
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 4: to start filming April twenty twenty, so I was like,

545
00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 4: maybe gonna get a month off go into filming just

546
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:29,960
Speaker 4: the pilot, and then the pilot was set to series,

547
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,080
Speaker 4: so maybe we'd start fully.

548
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 3: Like August or something.

549
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,480
Speaker 4: And so before this, I hadn't really had a I

550
00:29:38,520 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 4: hadn't had a break. I worked seven years on a show,

551
00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:43,120
Speaker 4: and of course we did six months on six months off,

552
00:29:43,120 --> 00:29:45,160
Speaker 4: but during my six months off, I always did a

553
00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 4: movie during my hiatus, and then I would do conventions too,

554
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:53,680
Speaker 4: So it's like I was pretty packed my schedule for

555
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:55,840
Speaker 4: the last seven years. And prior to that, I'd been

556
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:59,520
Speaker 4: on the soap for almost two years, and so I

557
00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:03,479
Speaker 4: had worked really consistently up into this point of like

558
00:30:04,080 --> 00:30:10,400
Speaker 4: almost nine years without an actual break break again. For actors,

559
00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:14,760
Speaker 4: for artists, it's assumed there'll be down time because it's

560
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 4: hard to get a job, right, So it's like when

561
00:30:17,240 --> 00:30:19,400
Speaker 4: people are trying to get a job, that's their downtime.

562
00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:23,480
Speaker 4: I was really blessed and lucky that I started working.

563
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 4: I didn't stop, But looking back, I realized my mistake

564
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 4: in the sense of like an athlete, I was working, working, outputting, outputting, outputting,

565
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 4: but I wasn't recovering. So I started having like problems

566
00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:44,800
Speaker 4: around the last season of the hundred, like my skin

567
00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:47,640
Speaker 4: started breaking out really bad, which was bizarre to me

568
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:48,800
Speaker 4: because that's never happened.

569
00:30:48,840 --> 00:30:50,760
Speaker 3: So it's like all these.

570
00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 4: Weird things kept happening, which to me, I've realized where

571
00:30:55,480 --> 00:30:59,120
Speaker 4: triggers are like alarms because I'm a really hard worker,

572
00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:02,800
Speaker 4: Like nope, doesn't bother me, Like I'm not going to

573
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:07,240
Speaker 4: I'm not going to admit weakness. I'm going to push

574
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 4: through a quality in myself I really admired for a

575
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:15,960
Speaker 4: long time. But now to come to realize was a

576
00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,200
Speaker 4: little naive and like, you know, sure, I think it's

577
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:25,320
Speaker 4: important to be strong or like push yourself and challenge yourself,

578
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:32,120
Speaker 4: but it's ignorant of you to ignore alarm bells, things

579
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 4: in your body telling you, hey, something's going on.

580
00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 3: Right, So again I was like, I'm going to push through.

581
00:31:39,440 --> 00:31:45,880
Speaker 3: So we start filming. Everything's great, everyone's great. I'm from Texas,

582
00:31:45,960 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 3: so I'm back home.

583
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 4: Actually, like get to see my mom, which I haven't

584
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 4: really besides holidays, haven't really spent time with like or

585
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,120
Speaker 4: at sea since like over a decade.

586
00:31:54,160 --> 00:31:56,440
Speaker 3: So all these like amazing things.

587
00:31:56,480 --> 00:32:01,160
Speaker 4: All my dreams are coming true. And I was a mess,

588
00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 4: Like me personally was not in a good place. My

589
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,320
Speaker 4: anxiety was through the roof.

590
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:16,200
Speaker 3: My skin was thank God for like photoshop retouching, because

591
00:32:16,320 --> 00:32:18,280
Speaker 3: it was a disaster. You know. I was so.

592
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:23,640
Speaker 4: Embarrassed and like ashamed, you know what I mean, because

593
00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 4: like I didn't know what I was doing wrong.

594
00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:29,960
Speaker 3: And I was like, I'm doing all the things I've seen,

595
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 3: all the doctors, I've tried some medications, and this is

596
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:39,600
Speaker 3: still happening. And again, this is like my alarm bells, right,

597
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:43,720
Speaker 3: it keeps going forward, and.

598
00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 4: I just I feel like I did not do good work,

599
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:53,480
Speaker 4: and I feel like, looking back on it now, it

600
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 4: was because I was so stressed out in my body

601
00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 4: and mentally and physically and I was just a mess

602
00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 4: and I couldn't.

603
00:33:02,520 --> 00:33:03,160
Speaker 3: Figure out why.

604
00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 4: So I was like, I have all this responsibility now

605
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:08,680
Speaker 4: on my shoulders, right, like I'm a lead, and like

606
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 4: the show's success is on my shoulders. And I felt

607
00:33:12,800 --> 00:33:17,360
Speaker 4: like I was failing everyone in myself too, And that

608
00:33:17,480 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 4: was really hard for me because I really hold myself

609
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:24,280
Speaker 4: to a certain standard of like, you know, I'm here

610
00:33:24,320 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 4: to do my best work.

611
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,560
Speaker 3: I'm here to deliver.

612
00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:31,080
Speaker 4: I want to like, if I commit to something, I'm

613
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,400
Speaker 4: all in one hundred percent.

614
00:33:33,280 --> 00:33:36,600
Speaker 3: And I always just felt like I was failing anyways.

615
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:38,480
Speaker 3: So I'm fast forward.

616
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 4: I start really looking into my health because I'm like,

617
00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:47,840
Speaker 4: something's not right. I start getting some like autoimmune numbers

618
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 4: on my tests, and I'm like, this is crazy because

619
00:33:52,120 --> 00:33:55,560
Speaker 4: no one in my family has autoimmune issues. This isn't genetic.

620
00:33:56,600 --> 00:34:02,239
Speaker 4: I'm a very healthy person, Like I'm active, I you know,

621
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:04,120
Speaker 4: eat very healthy.

622
00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:05,880
Speaker 3: I have my supplements.

623
00:34:05,920 --> 00:34:09,600
Speaker 4: I've always been that person who, you know, was this

624
00:34:09,680 --> 00:34:11,320
Speaker 4: kind of picturesque of health.

625
00:34:11,960 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 3: There's one point when I was taking like fifty.

626
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:19,600
Speaker 4: Vitamins a day, like supplements a day, because my body

627
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 4: wasn't processing anything, like wasn't getting the nutrients or help

628
00:34:25,000 --> 00:34:26,680
Speaker 4: that I needed in my body, and so like my

629
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:29,719
Speaker 4: body was like shutting down and that was adding to

630
00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,239
Speaker 4: my anxiety because I didn't know what to do.

631
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 3: So when I decided to.

632
00:34:37,640 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 4: Leave, it was really set up to me in this

633
00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,680
Speaker 4: kind of simple way where the doctors I was seeing

634
00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 4: at the time were like, you know, you have two choices.

635
00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,520
Speaker 4: One we put you on some medications that you may

636
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 4: have to stay on for life or like a long

637
00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:56,759
Speaker 4: period of time and will be difficult to get off.

638
00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:03,000
Speaker 4: Or you completely change your lifestyle and that includes no stress.

639
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 4: And when you're leading a TV show, you know you're

640
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 4: working sixteen hours a.

641
00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:12,919
Speaker 3: Day, four to five days a week. And we were.

642
00:35:12,800 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 4: Shooting twenty two episodes at a time that was nine

643
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:18,440
Speaker 4: months straight. In between season one and season two, we

644
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:19,760
Speaker 4: maybe had a six week break.

645
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,560
Speaker 3: So this was like I was in marathon mode, you know.

646
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:28,719
Speaker 4: And I always tell Jared he's a marathon man, and

647
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,040
Speaker 4: not just like in like in the actual real sense,

648
00:35:31,080 --> 00:35:33,520
Speaker 4: but also in the metaphorical sense. I really have always

649
00:35:33,520 --> 00:35:38,160
Speaker 4: admired him because that man can just film and film

650
00:35:38,239 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 4: and film and run and run and run, and his

651
00:35:41,280 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 4: capacity for work is just where's work ethic is insane.

652
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 3: And so you know, I was like, I also have.

653
00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 4: A very similar one, and I was like, what's going

654
00:35:52,160 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 4: with me? And then I found out I was having

655
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:58,040
Speaker 4: these issues. Anyways, I decided to leave the show, and

656
00:35:58,080 --> 00:36:02,040
Speaker 4: I really I was a hard decision I've ever made

657
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:04,359
Speaker 4: because I worked so hard to get there.

658
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 6: Yeah, that was my dream, and then I have to

659
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:18,600
Speaker 6: leave and give it up, and then I had to

660
00:36:18,640 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 6: deal with.

661
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:23,520
Speaker 3: The repercussions of what that meant, and that was hard.

662
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 3: That was almost harder for me because it was like

663
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 3: dealing with.

664
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:33,319
Speaker 4: Not only was I dealing with my health journey, which

665
00:36:33,360 --> 00:36:36,160
Speaker 4: was really scary because I was like, Okay, I need

666
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,400
Speaker 4: to figure this out and I need to do something

667
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 4: about it.

668
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 3: Right, but also it was like.

669
00:36:42,520 --> 00:36:45,000
Speaker 4: I felt like I failed, and that was hard for

670
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:49,360
Speaker 4: me because I, like I said, I'm somebody that really

671
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 4: pushes themselves and has really high standards and I never

672
00:36:55,560 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 4: want to let anyone around me down, you know what

673
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 4: I mean. So like I felt a little bit like

674
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 4: I let Jared down or let the show down, and

675
00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 4: that was the hardest part for me because it still

676
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 4: makes me emotional, which I know is silly, because I

677
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 4: was doing what I needed to do to take care

678
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,560
Speaker 4: of myself and that's more important.

679
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 3: But I'm definitely a person.

680
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:19,239
Speaker 4: That always I don't know, not that I put people

681
00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:24,440
Speaker 4: in before myself, but I really care about Like if

682
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 4: I made a commitment to you, I mean it.

683
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:27,799
Speaker 3: You know what I mean.

684
00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,520
Speaker 7: So that was hard for me, right, But that was

685
00:37:30,520 --> 00:37:37,080
Speaker 7: a really great lesson that like life happens, and we

686
00:37:37,320 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 7: have to make decisions that are the best for us,

687
00:37:42,120 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 7: even if that means disappointing other people.

688
00:37:45,640 --> 00:37:48,160
Speaker 4: And that's scary, right because you know, you don't want

689
00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,000
Speaker 4: to hurt someone or you don't want to disappoint someone,

690
00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:54,280
Speaker 4: But you are the most important person in your life.

691
00:37:55,080 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 4: And that could be loved ones, that could be family,

692
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:03,680
Speaker 4: that could be romantic partners, could you coworkers, And it

693
00:38:03,760 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 4: really is up to you to be your own advocate.

694
00:38:07,760 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 3: Right.

695
00:38:08,800 --> 00:38:12,799
Speaker 4: That was what I learned, And so that period in

696
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:16,440
Speaker 4: my life changed my life. Like I'm a different person

697
00:38:16,960 --> 00:38:23,000
Speaker 4: now because I did that, and a better person.

698
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 3: You know, not only Anyways, my health thing was crazy.

699
00:38:26,560 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 4: I ended up finding out I had a spinal injury

700
00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:33,239
Speaker 4: which was affecting my nervous system and like my brainstem.

701
00:38:33,560 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 3: So it was when I say it was crazy, it

702
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:36,760
Speaker 3: was crazy.

703
00:38:37,000 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 1: That's a lot to go And first of all, thank

704
00:38:38,560 --> 00:38:40,839
Speaker 1: you for telling me that entire story, because I don't

705
00:38:41,040 --> 00:38:42,360
Speaker 1: know if you've shared that before.

706
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,279
Speaker 3: I don't think I have, I really and I think

707
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 3: I couldn't.

708
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, it had to be when you were ready, you know.

709
00:38:49,160 --> 00:38:52,839
Speaker 1: And I think that it's so hard sometimes to put

710
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,000
Speaker 1: yourself first, and thank god you did because you were

711
00:38:56,040 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 1: able to get the help you needed. And I mean,

712
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 1: a spinal injury is no joke. And then to have,

713
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:03,880
Speaker 1: you know, maybe as as a side effect of that,

714
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 1: which seems like somewhat crippling anxiety that you had to

715
00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 1: also deal with. I mean, it's a lot on your plate.

716
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: And I'm so happy you knew I need to put

717
00:39:13,320 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 1: me first because there'll be no jobs forever if I'm

718
00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 1: not here to do that, you know.

719
00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:22,880
Speaker 4: And that's what I learned. I was like, your health is.

720
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:27,719
Speaker 4: Everyone's health is their number one priority. And you know,

721
00:39:28,280 --> 00:39:31,799
Speaker 4: this life and this industry we're in can make you

722
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:35,160
Speaker 4: feel like well no, no, no work is, and this job

723
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:38,319
Speaker 4: is and making your dreams come true is on this

724
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:42,320
Speaker 4: pedestal and that's the you give everything to that.

725
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:45,440
Speaker 3: You know what I mean. And it's like, no.

726
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:49,520
Speaker 4: People want to tell you too, And people want to,

727
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 4: especially people who are benefiting from you, want to tell

728
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,480
Speaker 4: you to do that. But the people who really care

729
00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:57,720
Speaker 4: about you, and the people who really like care about

730
00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:00,399
Speaker 4: you and your wellness, you.

731
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:05,120
Speaker 3: Know, they support you. Like I look at like Simon Biles.

732
00:40:04,920 --> 00:40:08,319
Speaker 4: The gymnasts, like when she left, like the country was

733
00:40:08,360 --> 00:40:11,640
Speaker 4: mad at her, Like I was so appalled. I was like,

734
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:16,680
Speaker 4: you guys are classless to think this has anything to

735
00:40:16,719 --> 00:40:20,160
Speaker 4: do with you, and to not support this woman who

736
00:40:20,239 --> 00:40:25,400
Speaker 4: has the bravery to stand in front of the country

737
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 4: and tell them I need a moment or I'm done.

738
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:32,319
Speaker 4: She did not owe us to come back. And then

739
00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:36,000
Speaker 4: she did, and she crushed it even more. And so

740
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:40,600
Speaker 4: I you know, when I was looking back at my stuff,

741
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:45,480
Speaker 4: I was I'm not Simon, but where I am now,

742
00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,400
Speaker 4: in my body and my heart and my spirituality, in

743
00:40:50,480 --> 00:40:53,920
Speaker 4: my wellness and even in my craft, like in my

744
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:58,200
Speaker 4: work and in my acting, far surpasses where I was.

745
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 4: And I'm so grateful for that, because I don't know

746
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:05,320
Speaker 4: if I would have gotten to hear if I didn't

747
00:41:05,360 --> 00:41:09,520
Speaker 4: go through that. And I feel like, you're right, I

748
00:41:09,560 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 4: haven't really shared this with them. Maybe this is what

749
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:15,240
Speaker 4: was my share I haven't really ever shared this because

750
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:20,680
Speaker 4: I wasn't ready and also because I hadn't had enough

751
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:26,960
Speaker 4: time to really process and understand and evaluate my journey,

752
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,480
Speaker 4: my story, and also.

753
00:41:30,640 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 3: Let go of the fear. There was a lot of fear.

754
00:41:33,920 --> 00:41:35,760
Speaker 3: I didn't tell a lot of people why I left

755
00:41:35,920 --> 00:41:38,560
Speaker 3: because I was afraid they judged me.

756
00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 4: I was afraid it could hurt me, Like you know,

757
00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:44,799
Speaker 4: you have to be insured for projects, and like if

758
00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,200
Speaker 4: I was a liability, I was afraid about that. I

759
00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,279
Speaker 4: was afraid people would think I was weak, I know,

760
00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:52,520
Speaker 4: very dumb, but like.

761
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 3: Not dumb, but like you know what I mean. Those

762
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:55,320
Speaker 3: are the fears, right.

763
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 4: And so I was like, I'm not I got to

764
00:41:58,840 --> 00:42:02,399
Speaker 4: just take care of me. But now I'm looking at

765
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:04,920
Speaker 4: this and just like what we were saying in the

766
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:08,760
Speaker 4: beginning is like, well this is part of my story, right,

767
00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,719
Speaker 4: and like there's a lot of it people don't see

768
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:12,759
Speaker 4: and don't know.

769
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 3: But if there's somebody out.

770
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 4: There who wants to do what I do, or is

771
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 4: inspired to do what I do, or just like your

772
00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:22,280
Speaker 4: reporter who reached out to you.

773
00:42:23,000 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 3: It is important they know.

774
00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:28,600
Speaker 4: And I look at people i'm inspired by, you know,

775
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:33,760
Speaker 4: like Simone and It's like this is such a huge

776
00:42:33,800 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 4: part of I don't even know, like humanity, Like this

777
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:40,120
Speaker 4: is storytelling, right, Like I'm telling you my story and

778
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:44,040
Speaker 4: hopes that maybe it helps anyone out there who's struggling,

779
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:48,479
Speaker 4: because I was that I was struggling at one point, right, And.

780
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:51,560
Speaker 3: So Simone's story helped me, you know what I'm saying.

781
00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:55,560
Speaker 3: You telling that reporter like that helped.

782
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,239
Speaker 1: That, you know what, even saying like it's so important.

783
00:42:58,440 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 1: We don't as a society share enough. And it's so

784
00:43:01,480 --> 00:43:03,400
Speaker 1: wild to me because when you were sharing what you

785
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,440
Speaker 1: went through and what you know led to that decision

786
00:43:06,440 --> 00:43:09,359
Speaker 1: to leave Walker, It's like I could almost feel what

787
00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:11,799
Speaker 1: you were going through. It's like it's the strangest thing

788
00:43:11,880 --> 00:43:14,960
Speaker 1: to me, and I could so just understand how someone

789
00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 1: could feel the weight of the world on their shoulders.

790
00:43:17,000 --> 00:43:19,480
Speaker 1: And you said something so powerful that you felt like

791
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:22,560
Speaker 1: a failure, and we've all been there before in our lives,

792
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:25,040
Speaker 1: and I just think it's oh, like I just wanted

793
00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:27,400
Speaker 1: to hug that Lindsay back then to let you know

794
00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,000
Speaker 1: that would be okay. So I honestly I so appreciate

795
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:31,879
Speaker 1: you sharing that. I think we need more and more

796
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,120
Speaker 1: stories like this out in the world. I need a second.

797
00:43:34,120 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 1: I'm like, I was like, you won't find me crying

798
00:43:36,120 --> 00:43:39,280
Speaker 1: over here. I'm like, I'm sweating. I'm like so emotional.

799
00:43:39,320 --> 00:43:41,240
Speaker 1: I'm me at the person. So I'm an Italian from Jersey,

800
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:45,640
Speaker 1: so I'm very emotional. But that was just And I

801
00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:48,720
Speaker 1: hate saying things like this because every show is special

802
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 1: to me. But this conversation, seriously has been one of

803
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,440
Speaker 1: the most special conversations for me because it went in

804
00:43:53,440 --> 00:43:55,920
Speaker 1: all these directions that I never could have anticipated because

805
00:43:55,920 --> 00:43:57,960
Speaker 1: it was so raw and organic and honest. And I

806
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,319
Speaker 1: don't I don't even know if I should ask my

807
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:03,120
Speaker 1: final question because I feel like the whole conversation has

808
00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,360
Speaker 1: been an answer to this question. But in you know,

809
00:44:06,400 --> 00:44:08,919
Speaker 1: in same of what I do for every single show,

810
00:44:08,960 --> 00:44:10,840
Speaker 1: I will ask it. And if you say it was

811
00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 1: already what we talked about, great, But the name of

812
00:44:14,280 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 1: the show is called I've never said this before, and

813
00:44:16,719 --> 00:44:19,279
Speaker 1: I usually wrap up by asking my guest, what is

814
00:44:19,280 --> 00:44:22,120
Speaker 1: one thing that you've never said before? So the floor

815
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:24,399
Speaker 1: is yours whatever comes to mind, unless you think we've

816
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,240
Speaker 1: covered it well.

817
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:34,920
Speaker 4: I think I really nailed the assignment, so kudos for that.

818
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,880
Speaker 3: You know what It's interesting.

819
00:44:38,920 --> 00:44:41,000
Speaker 4: I went through a big period in my life where

820
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 4: I didn't want to be seen anymore. I felt a

821
00:44:44,560 --> 00:44:46,200
Speaker 4: lot of failure, I felt a lot of guilt, I

822
00:44:46,239 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 4: felt a lot of shame, and I'm I've done a

823
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:52,799
Speaker 4: lot of work on myself to know.

824
00:44:54,400 --> 00:44:56,200
Speaker 3: That's not true.

825
00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 4: And so I'm sharing this because it it's important that

826
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 4: I be witnessed, you know what I'm saying, or like

827
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:10,040
Speaker 4: you be witnessed or we are witnessed, because that's how

828
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:14,480
Speaker 4: we heal. Right, So you know, I want to thank

829
00:45:14,520 --> 00:45:20,400
Speaker 4: you for allowing me to share into witnessing me because

830
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,320
Speaker 4: this is in You are a major part of my healing,

831
00:45:24,239 --> 00:45:29,319
Speaker 4: and I hope everyone listening or who does listen knows

832
00:45:29,360 --> 00:45:33,239
Speaker 4: they're also a part of that. And that was a

833
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:36,799
Speaker 4: big lesson for me that maybe I've never shared, is

834
00:45:36,840 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 4: that when I'm going through things that are hard, i

835
00:45:39,760 --> 00:45:44,319
Speaker 4: hide or I'll isolate. And I've learned now that that

836
00:45:44,520 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 4: is the opposite of what we need to do.

837
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:47,080
Speaker 3: You know.

838
00:45:47,600 --> 00:45:50,160
Speaker 4: If anything, that's when we need more connection, We need

839
00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:54,719
Speaker 4: to reach out, We need to be really fucking honest, like, hey,

840
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:59,360
Speaker 4: I'm struggling, Hey I'm going through this, Hey I'm having

841
00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,680
Speaker 4: these thoughts, you know, and like, I'm a big advocate

842
00:46:02,719 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 4: for therapy. I'm a big advocate for mental health, and

843
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:10,840
Speaker 4: now in my life I'm a big advocate for truth.

844
00:46:11,920 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 4: And I'm not perfect, like not even close. And I

845
00:46:18,120 --> 00:46:19,960
Speaker 4: used to think that was a bad.

846
00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:25,080
Speaker 3: Thing, and now I'm so proud of me in the

847
00:46:25,120 --> 00:46:27,560
Speaker 3: sense of like, I'm not perfect, and.

848
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:31,799
Speaker 4: I am okay and happy to be seen again. And

849
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:34,239
Speaker 4: I think there was a while where I was really

850
00:46:34,280 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 4: doubting if I got back into acting, And there was

851
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 4: a while where I was doubting myself and didn't think.

852
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:43,640
Speaker 4: I felt I was like washed up but didn't have

853
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:46,440
Speaker 4: the juice anymore. And now I'm like, no, no, I

854
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 4: didn't want to be seen, right, And acting is so

855
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:53,480
Speaker 4: much about being seen, even though if I'm being another character,

856
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:56,240
Speaker 4: I'm playing somebody else, that's still my heart, that's still

857
00:46:56,719 --> 00:47:00,279
Speaker 4: my artistry, my soul that's coming through my.

858
00:47:00,280 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 3: Body is that vessel. Right.

859
00:47:02,320 --> 00:47:09,600
Speaker 4: Yes, I realized that I got into acting because I

860
00:47:09,640 --> 00:47:12,799
Speaker 4: wanted to be seen and I wanted to connect. And

861
00:47:12,840 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 4: then now in my life I'm seeing the importance of it,

862
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:22,000
Speaker 4: not just in my career, my career pursuits, but in

863
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 4: my real life. You know like I need to be

864
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,799
Speaker 4: seen as Lindsay, not as a character, and I need

865
00:47:28,840 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 4: to see others the same, and that to me is

866
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:35,080
Speaker 4: our healing and also that's our growth.

867
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:42,359
Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes, yes, yes yes, oh Lindsay No, thank you,

868
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:46,759
Speaker 1: I know, no, seriously, thank you. I know we met

869
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:51,000
Speaker 1: half an hour ago, but I feel strangely proud that

870
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:52,920
Speaker 1: you're at this point of your life as if I've

871
00:47:52,960 --> 00:47:55,279
Speaker 1: known you forever, and that you can be at a

872
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:59,600
Speaker 1: point where you feel like you're truly seen. And this

873
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:02,120
Speaker 1: is probably probably the episode where I've gotten the most

874
00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 1: emotional myself in because I feel like this is why

875
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:05,839
Speaker 1: I started the show.

876
00:48:05,920 --> 00:48:06,080
Speaker 3: Right.

877
00:48:06,160 --> 00:48:08,399
Speaker 1: Yes, I want to celebrate the work that fans love

878
00:48:08,440 --> 00:48:11,279
Speaker 1: and let's go and have fun and play, but I

879
00:48:11,320 --> 00:48:13,520
Speaker 1: also want people to come on and reveal a side

880
00:48:13,560 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 1: to themselves they don't often get to reveal. I mean,

881
00:48:15,840 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: you're not going to turn on your Instagram live or

882
00:48:18,040 --> 00:48:20,239
Speaker 1: your camera and just start saying this, right it's it's

883
00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:25,200
Speaker 1: a space to have a real conversation. And for me,

884
00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:28,319
Speaker 1: I'm so fulfilled that you brought your full self to

885
00:48:28,400 --> 00:48:31,880
Speaker 1: this today and I'm so sorry I've kept you for

886
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 1: like an hour and I could have kept you for

887
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:38,040
Speaker 1: four more, but in the interest of maybe a part

888
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,640
Speaker 1: two down the line, I'm gonna let you go. But honestly,

889
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:45,040
Speaker 1: thank you for everything today because I think this conversation

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00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,960
Speaker 1: is healing for me and it's gonna be healing for

891
00:48:47,960 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: a lot of people. So I just fucking adore you

892
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,799
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy we got to meet. Not tell

893
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:57,040
Speaker 1: me no, like besties like best eason, low key, like

894
00:48:57,160 --> 00:48:59,040
Speaker 1: I might have to leave my husband for you, sorry,

895
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 1: like you know, and I know you're married, but I

896
00:49:02,200 --> 00:49:04,600
Speaker 1: know you'll figure it out. We'll figure it out. But

897
00:49:04,880 --> 00:49:05,399
Speaker 1: am I gay?

898
00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:05,880
Speaker 4: I don't know.

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00:49:06,280 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding and just kidding. Love you too, But

900
00:49:14,160 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 1: thank you, Thank you so much, and I adore you.

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00:49:17,360 --> 00:49:19,879
Speaker 3: Thank you so much. It was truly a pleasure.

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00:49:21,040 --> 00:49:24,560
Speaker 1: I've Never Said This Before is hosted by Me Tommy Dedario.

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00:49:25,280 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: This podcast is executive produced by Andrew Puglisi at iHeartRadio

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00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:33,960
Speaker 1: and by Me Tommy, with editing by Joshua Colaudney. I've

905
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,360
Speaker 1: Never Said This Before is part of the Elvis Duran

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00:49:36,480 --> 00:49:40,719
Speaker 1: podcast network on iHeart Podcasts. For more, rate review and

907
00:49:40,840 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 1: subscribe to our show and if you liked this episode,

908
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:47,320
Speaker 1: tell your friends Until next time, I'm Tommy de Dario