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Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is a John your og

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Speaker 1: Okay Storytime podcast host, and we got some great stories

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Speaker 1: coming up. Before that, we have a quick two minute

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Speaker 1: break from the sponsors that keep the show a lot.

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Speaker 2: My mother left us to work in the adult industry.

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Speaker 2: Now she's reaching out.

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Speaker 3: Ooh, I don't have anything for.

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Speaker 2: That boasting gear because my therapist said it would be

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Speaker 2: nice to get off my chest. My dad's sixty eight

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Speaker 2: male used to travel a lot for work, staying away

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Speaker 2: for weeks at a time. He and my mother had

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Speaker 2: an open marriage arrangement, though she was the only one

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Speaker 2: who took advantage of it. Throughout most of my childhood.

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Speaker 2: I remember her leaving at night to go to clubs parties,

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Speaker 2: sometimes staying away for days and neglecting me and my brother.

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Speaker 2: I learned how to get groceries and cook when I

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Speaker 2: was eight so my brother wouldn't starve so young. Oh

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Speaker 2: my gosh. By the way, this comes from Throwaway Crazy

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Speaker 2: mom Tin And if you want to sing your own stories,

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Speaker 2: go to the r slash Okay Storytime subreddit.

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Speaker 4: I'm Riley, I'm Carly, and I'm Keon.

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Speaker 1: And Op says.

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Speaker 2: When I was around thirteen, my parents started fighting a parent.

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Speaker 2: She had broken their deal. Somehow, my dad discovered the neglect,

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Speaker 2: and she had started working in the adult industry. They

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Speaker 2: separated for years and I had no contact with my mother.

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Speaker 2: I sent her texts emails that showed as read, but

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Speaker 2: she never replied. Eventually I gave up trying to contact her.

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Speaker 2: I managed to stay in touch with some people from

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Speaker 2: her side of the family, but many of them began

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Speaker 2: turning against us. They said we were too harsh on her,

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Speaker 2: that we never supported her, that she was right to

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Speaker 2: leave us. Gradually I cut contact with them as well.

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Speaker 2: She became pretty famous in the adult industry in my

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Speaker 2: country and made a lot of money. I stopped using

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Speaker 2: any NSFW website since she appeared on the top pages

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Speaker 2: of all of them. God fortunately, I suffered almost nobling

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Speaker 2: in high school because there was no way of connecting

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Speaker 2: her to me. Most of my friends who had known

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Speaker 2: my mother didn't recognize her. After she dyed her hair

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Speaker 2: and had surgeries. I moved on with my life, joined

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Speaker 2: the army, and I'm doing pretty well now. However, a

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Speaker 2: year ago, out of nowhere, she found me on social

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Speaker 2: media and began messaging me. She asked how I was

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Speaker 2: comment on how I'd grown up so much and tried

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Speaker 2: to make small talk. I replied with one word answers

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Speaker 2: and eventually stopped responding with my nerves got the better

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Speaker 2: of me. Apparently she had retired, and after feeling what

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Speaker 2: she called overwhelming remorse throughout her life, she decided to

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Speaker 2: contact us again. My brother was cautious but essentially accepted

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Speaker 2: her back since he had always been closer to her.

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Speaker 2: My father remains cordial, but nothing more. She also enlisted

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Speaker 2: her entire side of the family to help. I was

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Speaker 2: bombarded with messages and calls from both sides who had

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Speaker 2: previously criticized and supported me and my dad. They all

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Speaker 2: insisted she was remorseful that she had made a huge mistake,

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Speaker 2: but wanted to make it right. That she had come

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Speaker 2: back for us, and I made it clear that I

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Speaker 2: wanted nothing to do with her, but they persisted, I

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Speaker 2: don't know whatever you're comfortable with. If you're not comfortable

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Speaker 2: to have her back in your life right now, don't

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Speaker 2: do it.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think you have to. She chose to

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Speaker 5: leave and not reach out to you. You tried reaching

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Speaker 5: out to her. Why should she get different treatment than that?

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Speaker 2: No matter what your mom left to do. She left

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Speaker 2: you alone and your dad. Your mom and your dad

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Speaker 2: left you alone for you to make groceries and cook

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Speaker 2: food to eight.

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Speaker 5: Right, she abandoned you all exactly, regardless of what she

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Speaker 5: chose to do, Like, there's no shame in the fact

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Speaker 5: that she wanted to go do that, but she shouldn't.

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Speaker 3: Have left you.

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Speaker 4: Yea yeah, Jem saying she's reaping what she said.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: More recently, she saw how found out where I live

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Speaker 2: and began leaving random gifts at my doorstep with messages

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Speaker 2: that work clearly from her. Things like a basket of

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Speaker 2: chocolates I liked when I was little, expensive clothes she

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Speaker 2: got my size wrong on all of them, flowers when

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Speaker 2: my cat passed away, and even a very expensive hiking kit.

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Speaker 5: So now she's like hitting Stoker Territory hikeys.

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Speaker 6: She's trying to buy your love. And also she's trying

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Speaker 6: to be a mom, see a real mommy now.

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Speaker 3: God, OK.

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Speaker 2: And what sucks is her version of love is transactional. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you do this, I'll do this right, And that's what

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Speaker 2: her idea of it. And now she's like, oh, my son,

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Speaker 2: I need to be transactional.

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Speaker 1: With him.

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Speaker 2: Thus that's how I can get back into his good likings. Ooh,

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Speaker 2: so I messaged her several times saying I didn't want

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Speaker 2: any of that, but she either pretended not to know

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Speaker 2: what I was talking about or said she thought of

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Speaker 2: me in that moment. I made it clear repeatedly that

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Speaker 2: I wanted nothing to do with her, but she persisted,

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Speaker 2: saying she could be my mom again. Now I don't

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Speaker 2: know what else to say, so advice would be more

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Speaker 2: than welcome. We have some relevant comments. Pixie on Axis

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Speaker 2: says you are under no obligation to allow her back

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Speaker 2: in your life, block her and her family, and dump

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Speaker 2: all the gifts she gives you. Stop entertaining her attention.

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Speaker 2: If she will not stop, I honestly recommend going the

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Speaker 2: legal route. Get a cease and assist letter send out

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Speaker 2: to her and her family, and if it doesn't stop,

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Speaker 2: go to the police to get her pestimant on file

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Speaker 2: so it'll be easier to file a police report slash

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Speaker 2: restraining order in the future. Opie says, I've donated or

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Speaker 2: sent back all of the gifts already. Unfortunately, ccyn assist

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Speaker 2: letters are not a thing in my country. But I

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Speaker 2: am really thinking about filing a police report for PESTRUMNT.

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Speaker 2: Just don't know if they will accept since she never

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Speaker 2: did it personally, Dave, I decided to take the moral

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Speaker 2: high ground with a polite approach. I called her and

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Speaker 2: asked her to meet at a small cafe, since there

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Speaker 2: was no way I was meeting her privately. She arrived

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Speaker 2: looking like she had won the lottery, with a smile

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Speaker 2: from ear to ear, almost jumping up and down. Her

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Speaker 2: smile faded when she saw my face. She sat down

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Speaker 2: and tried to make small talk, but I cut her

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Speaker 2: off with all the calm and patience I could gather.

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Speaker 2: I told her that no matter what she did or said,

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Speaker 2: there would be no way for her to be my

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Speaker 2: mom again.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: I explained that she was a complete stranger to me

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Speaker 2: now that I still had resentments, and reminded her that

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Speaker 2: I tried many times to stay in contact.

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Speaker 1: But she had refused.

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Speaker 2: I even stated that I was almost thirty now, so

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Speaker 2: I didn't really need a mom anymore.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 5: I mean I think you always maybe like having a

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Speaker 5: mom is cool, but yes, one hundred percent agree you

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Speaker 5: don't need her any more.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've been good since eight ma'am.

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Speaker 5: You pulled yourself up. You took care of yourself and

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Speaker 5: your sibling.

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Speaker 2: Before I could finish speaking, she burst into tears and

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Speaker 2: began rambling about how sorry she was. She apologized for

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Speaker 2: not seeing me grow up, for ignoring me, and said

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Speaker 2: she could do anything for a second chance. She even

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Speaker 2: offered to have all of her old work taken down

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Speaker 2: and pay for therapy if I wanted. Apparently she didn't

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Speaker 2: know I'd been in therapy since I was a teenager.

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Speaker 2: I politely refused, and since the conversation wasn't likely to progress,

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Speaker 2: I left after asking her once more to not contact

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Speaker 2: me again. A couple hours later, while I was in

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Speaker 2: the shower, my phone exploded with calls and messages. She

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Speaker 2: had apparently told her family again, and once again they

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Speaker 2: were either cursing or trying to convince me. That showed

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Speaker 2: me that some of the more direct device from my

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Speaker 2: previous post was right, so I decided to follow it.

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Speaker 2: I changed my phone number, clean my social media of

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Speaker 2: any family members from her side, and told my lawyer

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Speaker 2: to proceed with the restraining order.

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Speaker 5: Wow, okay, sounds like too then, wherever they're from, restraining

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Speaker 5: orders are a little bit easier to get. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, because here, I think that's a pretty long process.

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Speaker 2: She received an order a couple of days ago and

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Speaker 2: immediately broke it by driving straight to my house to

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Speaker 2: scream about what I was doing.

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Speaker 7: That's a great way to handle a fresh restraining order

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Speaker 7: is to immediately break the restraining order.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh. I didn't come out and called the cops. Thankfully,

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Speaker 2: they saw the restraining order and took her to the

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Speaker 2: station for questioning.

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Speaker 3: Perfect timing for it, having one though.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not sure if what I did was You're right,

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Speaker 2: but at least I had some peace in these last

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Speaker 2: few days. She's still trying to send gifts, but I'm

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Speaker 2: going legal on that too. We have a second updates Kean,

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Speaker 2: any any predictions here. Do you think she breaks it again?

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Speaker 6: Uh?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think she breaks it again.

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Speaker 6: And I think with the family members like really berating

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Speaker 6: you on this, I feel like Op'd be like I can't.

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Speaker 6: I don't want to talk like low contact with all

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Speaker 6: the family members that keep doing this. There's just they

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Speaker 6: don't respect Op's wishes boundaries, like they need to understand like, great,

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Speaker 6: you guys can have her in your life. I don't

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Speaker 6: want her in mine. That's that's literally all yet, like

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Speaker 6: and they don't respect that low contact or no contact.

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Speaker 1: Yeah exactly.

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Speaker 5: I'm kind of wondering too, like the rest of that

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Speaker 5: family were they in contact with her while she was gone,

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Speaker 5: because they seem perfectly fine with like she's she's just talking.

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Speaker 6: To any of us want to I want to know

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Speaker 6: which family members are reaching out or like still talking

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Speaker 6: to her, because again if they're like cousins or it's

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Speaker 6: his aunt or like how close it was she with

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Speaker 6: her when she abandoned' right?

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Speaker 4: Oh exactly, Yeah, we don't have that context and we

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Speaker 4: don't know who.

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Speaker 2: So we have a second update. You have anything else aid?

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Speaker 8: That's it.

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Speaker 2: My mother is now legally finding the restraining order, and

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Speaker 2: I'm trying to get an additional restraining orders for the

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Speaker 2: extreme members of her family. My lawyer advised caution because

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Speaker 2: requesting too many orders at once make me look unreasonable

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Speaker 2: and result and a lot of them being denied. She

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Speaker 2: hasn't broken the restraining order again since that incident, but

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Speaker 2: the gifts have continued and even intensified.

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Speaker 3: How does that not count as breaking it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like always because one how do you know

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Speaker 2: they're not pampering it. And two, their presence is still.

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Speaker 3: There, right, that's still something from her.

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Speaker 2: I'm donating all of them. Although my childhood was difficult,

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Speaker 2: I can say the amount of chocolate she has sent

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Speaker 2: me is making a lot of kids really happy. Right now,

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Speaker 2: I'll say it, I'm not revealing her name. Anyone sending

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Speaker 2: messages like that will be blocked up.

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Speaker 6: The link bro crazy that people are like they read

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Speaker 6: this all the way up to this point.

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Speaker 4: They're like, soho, who is she?

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Speaker 1: So? So what's the link?

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Speaker 3: So just give us a name.

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Speaker 1: Is there a link?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 2: So this is a third update, real quick. This is

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Speaker 2: three and a half years later. My mom has been

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Speaker 2: pushing the limit, but at least with the restraining order,

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Speaker 2: she was keeping away mostly. There were a few incidents,

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Speaker 2: like when she showed up at my dad's house during

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Speaker 2: a family dinner and my dad's girlfriend at the time

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Speaker 2: now wife, opened the door. She also showed up at

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Speaker 2: my job asking for me, and one of my friends

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Speaker 2: on guard duty scared her off.

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Speaker 1: We have a little bit left here. Any other thoughts,

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Speaker 1: I'd be Mom is crazy.

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Speaker 2: Mom's crazy also, like because she worked in that industry,

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Speaker 2: having her show up at work yeah, I'd be crazy

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Speaker 2: because if someone recognized her, it's like, wait, that person

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Speaker 2: was calling you their son, especially.

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Speaker 5: When OP tried so hard to make sure that he

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Speaker 5: didn't have connection to her when she started that kind

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Speaker 5: of just like fully being like, this is not my mom,

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Speaker 5: this is not my mom for her to be able

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Speaker 5: to come in and like basically ruin that pretty quickly.

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Speaker 2: I wasn't going well in other areas either. I got

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Speaker 2: being passed over for promotions, My requests for officer school

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Speaker 2: were always denied, and then my girlfriend at the time

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Speaker 2: cheated on me and dumped me. Years went by, and

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Speaker 2: when I finally thought I would get a promotion, I

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Speaker 2: got dismissed from the army, along with many others sudden unemployment.

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Speaker 2: I had to move back in with my dad while

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Speaker 2: I figured out what to do with my life. The

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Speaker 2: restraining order against my mom also expired, so she came

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Speaker 2: back with renewed energy, which didn't help the situation at all. Oh, dude,

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Speaker 2: skyk Kate's are break.

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Speaker 3: Reknew that get a new restraining order.

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Speaker 2: I'm still figuring things out, but I'm determined to maintain

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Speaker 2: my boundaries regardless of what anyone else thinks.

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Speaker 1: I should do.

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Speaker 9: Wow.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, shoot, dude, hopefully you get everything figured out. I'm

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Speaker 2: really sorry for all the things that have happened. That

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Speaker 2: is super unfair. And that's the end of the story.

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Speaker 2: We're going on to the next one.

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Speaker 5: My mother met someone else online and it ruined our family.

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Speaker 1: Was he a prince?

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Speaker 3: And we do have a trigger warning for.

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Speaker 9: Emotional abuss Oh No.

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Speaker 5: I sixteen male, have always been very close to my

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Speaker 5: mother fifty female. I always knew that if I needed help,

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Speaker 5: she would be there for me, regardless of what it was.

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Speaker 3: My dad, fifty two.

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Speaker 5: Male, on the other hand, though we loved each other

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Speaker 5: and still do, wasn't as involved in my personal life,

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Speaker 5: usually having to know how I was feeling through my mom.

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Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from Marquee Babies.

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Speaker 8: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Sure, And if you want to submit your own stories,

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Speaker 5: go to the r slash okay story time subreddit. I'm Carly,

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Speaker 5: I'm Sophia and Op says. This however, changed some months ago,

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Speaker 5: around January. My mom started to obsess with politics and Twitter,

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Speaker 5: spending more and more time on the site, arguing with

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Speaker 5: strangers and being on the phone with some of the

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Speaker 5: friends she made there.

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Speaker 3: As time went.

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Speaker 5: On, she slowly started to isolate herself from her family

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Speaker 5: and friends, closing herself in her room and barely speaking

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Speaker 5: with my dad and me. The relationship between my parents

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Speaker 5: hasn't been the best for the last three years because

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Speaker 5: of different reasons. They became distant and rarely talked. At times,

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Speaker 5: it seemed if they were just roommates sharing a house

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Speaker 5: and only talking when necessary. Between her and me, though

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Speaker 5: there had never been any problems. Some occasional arguing, sure,

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Speaker 5: but nothing serious. So it really hurt to see how

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Speaker 5: she pushed me out of her life. This went on

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Speaker 5: for some months until recently, about a month ago, by accident,

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Speaker 5: I heard how she told one of her friends things

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Speaker 5: like I love you, honey, and I don't know what

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Speaker 5: I would.

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Speaker 3: Do without you. I exploded.

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Speaker 5: I screamed at her without insulting or being threatening, that said,

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Speaker 5: I'm not proud of what I did and have already

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Speaker 5: apologized for losing my temper. I started to cry. I

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Speaker 5: felt betrayed and felt horrible for my dad, though in

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Speaker 5: the end he didn't take it too badly since he

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Speaker 5: kind of expected it.

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Speaker 8: Dang.

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Speaker 9: I mean, if she was closed off and isolated and

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Speaker 9: really not talking to them, yeah.

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Speaker 5: She kept telling me how this guy gave her the

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Speaker 5: attention that she lacked at home.

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Speaker 9: Well, if you stay in your room, it's kind of

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Speaker 9: hard to get attention.

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Speaker 7: She's like, I never get attention. I'm gonna go sit

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Speaker 7: in my room and sew.

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Speaker 8: I'm locking the door and you can't come in.

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Speaker 9: Why aren't you talking to me?

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Speaker 3: I'm locking my door.

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Speaker 5: Give me attention, please, And how it wasn't cheating because

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Speaker 5: they didn't have spicy sleep.

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Speaker 9: Well, that's not how that works.

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Speaker 5: It would have been pretty difficult since the guy literally

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Speaker 5: lives in another island. I told her that her excuses

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Speaker 5: were stupid and to stop trying to justify her actions.

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Speaker 3: And then my father came home.

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Speaker 5: He found me almost having an anxiety attack, and after

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Speaker 5: calming down a bit, I told him everything to sum up.

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Speaker 5: They agreed to a friendly divorce. Everything was as fine

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Speaker 5: as it could be, or at least it was until

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Speaker 5: a week ago, when because of a stupid thing about

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Speaker 5: internet payments, my mother started to scream at my dad,

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Speaker 5: telling him that she.

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Speaker 3: Was fed up, that he always did the same.

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Speaker 5: And that he was manipulating me to hate her, when

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Speaker 5: in fact it was quite the opposite. She said some

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Speaker 5: really awful things and even pushed me because I was

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Speaker 5: supposedly about to hurt her, even though I would never

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Speaker 5: dare to even think of hurting her. After a lot

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Speaker 5: of screaming, I had a full anxiety attack. I started

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Speaker 5: wailing while she just kept telling me, look what your

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Speaker 5: father is doing to you. If he just paid, none

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Speaker 5: of this would have even happened. And if you love

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Speaker 5: him so much, leave with him. But in the end

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Speaker 5: you will understand that.

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Speaker 9: I'm right, girl, You're the one who's like leaving your

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Speaker 9: family emotionally right.

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Speaker 5: Needless to say, I was a mess. I had never

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Speaker 5: seen her act in such a way, and it hurt

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Speaker 5: me a lot. We called my grandma and she asked

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Speaker 5: me to give her a hug before going to sleep,

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Speaker 5: even if that's what she said was that bad, and

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Speaker 5: so I did, not because I wanted to forgive her,

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Speaker 5: but because my grandma would calm down a bit. But

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00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:11,360
Speaker 5: to add insult to injury before even apologizing what she

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00:16:11,480 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 5: didn't do at that moment, one of the first things

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Speaker 5: she said was that I should stop insulting the guy

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Speaker 5: she found on Twitter because he respects me and my

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Speaker 5: father a lot.

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Speaker 9: I'm sorry her.

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Speaker 8: Wait oh PE's mom.

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Speaker 3: Oh Pea's mom.

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Speaker 9: Said that the guy that she's cheating with respects her

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Speaker 9: ex husband. Yeah, no he doesn't. He was having an

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00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,520
Speaker 9: affair with her. It's not really a sign of respect.

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Speaker 9: I don't think in any culture.

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Speaker 5: I said, whatever, but again, it hurt that, even after

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00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,840
Speaker 5: all the things that happened that day, the first thing

363
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Speaker 5: she could think of was defending her boyfriend someone trying

364
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:55,480
Speaker 5: to date a married person because he knew she was married.

365
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,040
Speaker 5: He doesn't deserve to be treated with respect, if you

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Speaker 5: ask me. And here I am, oh a week after

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00:17:00,680 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 5: this incident and still a mess. She has apologized for

368
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:06,560
Speaker 5: most of what she said. Anne has started to be

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00:17:06,640 --> 00:17:09,439
Speaker 5: really affectionate, giving me hugs and trying to talk to

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00:17:09,480 --> 00:17:11,879
Speaker 5: me more often. But I just can't see her in

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00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,720
Speaker 5: the same way as before. She isn't even trying to

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00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:18,439
Speaker 5: change her behavior that much. She still spends way too

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Speaker 5: much time on Twitter, and I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 5: I don't think I want to cut her off, but

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00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,800
Speaker 5: every time I see her, I get in a bad

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00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:28,479
Speaker 5: mood and just want to go outside to take a

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00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:30,119
Speaker 5: walk or met up with my friends so that I

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00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:31,679
Speaker 5: can relax and think about.

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Speaker 3: Other stuff, So what should I do?

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Speaker 5: My dad and the rest of my family are encouraging

381
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Speaker 5: me to value her efforts to recover our old relationship,

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Speaker 5: but I don't know if I will be able to

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Speaker 5: or at least if I even want to leave this behind.

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Speaker 5: We have an update, Dakota, what are your thoughts?

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00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,360
Speaker 1: I think it sounds a little hypocritical.

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00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:53,840
Speaker 8: Yes, yeah, right?

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00:17:54,000 --> 00:17:56,960
Speaker 1: Is that the right response? Am I right on the

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00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 1: money with that?

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Speaker 3: Ped you not heard it?

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Speaker 1: It just seems like uh being like, yeah, we should

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Speaker 1: just be good with this. It's like, why, yeah, so

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00:18:05,800 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 1: they really be okay with this? I don't know.

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00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:10,800
Speaker 9: I don't think that you should rush yourself into recovering

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Speaker 9: a relationship that has been emotionally damaging to you.

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Speaker 8: If at some.

396
00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:19,520
Speaker 9: Point you find yourself down the line ready, then that's fine, Like,

397
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,680
Speaker 9: don't close yourself off to future reconciliation. But in the moment,

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Speaker 9: if you're like, I don't know, I don't know if

399
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:27,240
Speaker 9: I'm ready for that, then I don't think you have to.

400
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:30,520
Speaker 5: Yeah, I would agree, But we have an update. So Hi,

401
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:36,520
Speaker 5: I posted here nearly six years ago about how strained

402
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 5: my relationship with my mother had become after she closed

403
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:43,000
Speaker 5: herself off from both me and my father because of

404
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:46,240
Speaker 5: her obsession with politics. A lot of stuff has happened

405
00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:48,760
Speaker 5: since then, so I figured I could make an update.

406
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Speaker 3: I debated for a while if I.

407
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,760
Speaker 5: Should even make this update, since, after all, it's been

408
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:57,040
Speaker 5: half a decade since I made the original post and

409
00:18:57,080 --> 00:18:59,920
Speaker 5: it didn't even get that much attention in the end, though,

410
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:01,960
Speaker 5: so I think it will give me a bit of closure,

411
00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:05,359
Speaker 5: which has been difficult to find otherwise For starters. I

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Speaker 5: ended up moving out permanently from my mother's house not

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Speaker 5: long after I posted.

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Speaker 3: We had a couple.

415
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:13,960
Speaker 5: Big arguments about her behavior, in which she kept insisting

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00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,800
Speaker 5: that she had done nothing wrong and I should not

417
00:19:16,840 --> 00:19:19,320
Speaker 5: be upset at her. I tried using some of the

418
00:19:19,359 --> 00:19:22,399
Speaker 5: recommendations I got from people here, such as setting some

419
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,760
Speaker 5: clear boundaries with her, but nothing really worked. The straw

420
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,280
Speaker 5: that broke the camel's back, though, was when she told

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Speaker 5: me that my uncle's caterer had come back only as

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00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:32,680
Speaker 5: a way.

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Speaker 3: To hurt me.

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00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 5: Is was it true since she didn't mention it before

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00:19:37,240 --> 00:19:38,920
Speaker 5: to avoid causing me stress.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so it was true.

427
00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,200
Speaker 9: She just she strategically mentioned it.

428
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:45,480
Speaker 3: She just waited to cry it up. Yeah, dang, yeah,

429
00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:46,960
Speaker 3: I'm glad you were out there.

430
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:50,240
Speaker 5: She kept that information in her back pocket until I

431
00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:53,239
Speaker 5: made her angry enough to want to hurt me. As

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00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 5: I mentioned before, I moved out and I ended up

433
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:59,160
Speaker 5: living with my dad and my grandma a couple towns over.

434
00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:02,239
Speaker 5: By then, I was getting close to turning eighteen, so

435
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,399
Speaker 5: there wasn't much she could do to stop me, and

436
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:05,800
Speaker 5: to her credit, she didn't.

437
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:07,720
Speaker 3: After that last incident.

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00:20:07,440 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 5: I pretty much cut her off, and it has stayed

439
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,159
Speaker 5: that way up until now, with a couple exceptions, the

440
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,439
Speaker 5: main one being that my grandfather ended up passing away

441
00:20:16,480 --> 00:20:19,800
Speaker 5: in twenty twenty two, so I re established contact with her,

442
00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:22,320
Speaker 5: partly as a way to try to make my grandmother

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Speaker 5: happy after her husband passed away, and partly because in

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00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:28,760
Speaker 5: a way I did miss her. As you might guess,

445
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:31,639
Speaker 5: it did not work out. At first, things seemed to

446
00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:34,720
Speaker 5: be going slightly better than last time, since she didn't

447
00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:37,919
Speaker 5: push as hard for my affection and seemed more respectful

448
00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,440
Speaker 5: of my boundaries. That didn't last, though, and after another

449
00:20:41,520 --> 00:20:44,800
Speaker 5: difficult incident during Christmas of that same year, I cut

450
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:47,720
Speaker 5: her off again, this time for good Other than that

451
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,600
Speaker 5: and for me personally, these years have been a bit

452
00:20:50,640 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 5: of a roller coaster with quite a few highs and lows.

453
00:20:53,840 --> 00:20:57,640
Speaker 5: I finished high school, got into college, gained forty kilograms,

454
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 5: lost twenty five of them, got really slowly crawled out

455
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 5: of it. Made some new friends, lost some old ones.

456
00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 9: We just montaged so hard, and that one sentence day

457
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 9: is your roller coast. I just felt like I was like, whoa,

458
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 9: I'm on freaking space mountain right there, saw your whole

459
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:22,480
Speaker 9: life flashbot behind my eyes. Okay, job.

460
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 3: We got a little bit more though, but.

461
00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:29,439
Speaker 9: Uh, I mean, yeah, it's been six years. Seems like

462
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:32,879
Speaker 9: you moved out. Yeah, you moved out, moved in with

463
00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,720
Speaker 9: your dad and your grandma. You're figuring your life out.

464
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,199
Speaker 9: It's tricky, as life often is.

465
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 5: Good luck oo right now, though, I'd say that I'm

466
00:21:43,119 --> 00:21:43,800
Speaker 5: better than ever.

467
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,080
Speaker 3: Okay, there we go.

468
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:47,719
Speaker 5: I turned twenty two a few months ago, and for

469
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,000
Speaker 5: the first time in a while, I look forward to

470
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,480
Speaker 5: the future. I just graduated from college. I'm officially a

471
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:57,360
Speaker 5: historian now, so cool. I already got into the Masters

472
00:21:57,359 --> 00:21:59,399
Speaker 5: I want to do. I have a pretty chill job,

473
00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:02,560
Speaker 5: and next I'm planning on staying for a few months

474
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:07,440
Speaker 5: in Belgium thanks to an EU program things are not perfect,

475
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:10,400
Speaker 5: of course, but I have a strong support system which

476
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,480
Speaker 5: has helped me not completely fall apart these last few years.

477
00:22:13,760 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 5: My dad in particular, has been my rock all this time,

478
00:22:17,160 --> 00:22:20,240
Speaker 5: and our bond is stronger than ever. Even though him

479
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,919
Speaker 5: and I are very different and he didn't always know

480
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,080
Speaker 5: how to help me, he really gave it his all

481
00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,439
Speaker 5: and I couldn't be more thankful. So yeah, these almost

482
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 5: six years have not been easy, but I feel like

483
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 5: I've come out on the other side happier and stronger.

484
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:36,040
Speaker 3: That's the end of that story.

485
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,159
Speaker 8: That's all you can ask for.

486
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:42,359
Speaker 9: My mother tried to control my child, so I cut her.

487
00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:44,680
Speaker 3: Off get her out of there, And this.

488
00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 9: Comes directly from the r slash Okay storytime separate it

489
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:51,440
Speaker 9: so there is a trigger warning for emotional to start off.

490
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,720
Speaker 9: My mental health was really bad for a bit after

491
00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:56,760
Speaker 9: the company I worked for was closing my location, thus

492
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,160
Speaker 9: losing my job and an awful breakoup.

493
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,800
Speaker 8: I was a single of a three year old daughter.

494
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:04,360
Speaker 9: So my mom kindly offered to have my daughter stay

495
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:06,320
Speaker 9: with her while I got the help I needed. By

496
00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:08,800
Speaker 9: the way, this comes from Anxious Bunny ninety three and

497
00:23:08,840 --> 00:23:10,440
Speaker 9: if you want to spent your own stories. Go to

498
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,200
Speaker 9: the r slash Okay storytime separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm.

499
00:23:14,040 --> 00:23:17,040
Speaker 3: Carly, and I'm Dakota, and Opie says.

500
00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 9: I did an outpatient program at the hospital and got better.

501
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,000
Speaker 9: I found a new job and told this all to

502
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 9: my mother, telling her I was ready for my daughter

503
00:23:25,280 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 9: to come home. Her response was, maybe you should get

504
00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:31,720
Speaker 9: settled in your new job first. Let her stay here

505
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,240
Speaker 9: for the rest of the month, which I did appreciate.

506
00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:37,240
Speaker 9: After that time, I once again reached out and was

507
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,720
Speaker 9: told she just finished school and this summer will be

508
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 9: hard for you to find care, so let me watch her.

509
00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:44,720
Speaker 9: Your brother can help me. Is she trying to steal

510
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,120
Speaker 9: your child? I'm like, what's I got? Yees, just don't

511
00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 9: worry about back. I'll give her back eventually, SNAr right now.

512
00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:53,679
Speaker 9: I didn't have much help locally, as she and my

513
00:23:53,720 --> 00:23:56,200
Speaker 9: brother had just moved to a new city shortly before

514
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 9: this story began. Again, I appreciated this. After the summer,

515
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:03,080
Speaker 9: I again asked for my daughter to come home, but

516
00:24:03,119 --> 00:24:05,480
Speaker 9: my mother told me I was going to register her

517
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,119
Speaker 9: for school here so you can focus on you a

518
00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:11,199
Speaker 9: little longer. This is where I began to grow frustrated,

519
00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 9: but I always had a hard time standing up to her.

520
00:24:13,800 --> 00:24:16,439
Speaker 9: What I'm like, she's stealing your daughter.

521
00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,200
Speaker 5: She's fully registered, because then if she's registered in school,

522
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 5: she has to stay.

523
00:24:20,320 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 9: She's gotta be there. She's stealing your daughter. Around this time,

524
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 9: I began to date my now husband, let's call him Tom.

525
00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 9: He supported me and loved my daughter on all my visits,

526
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,679
Speaker 9: as she was at my house every weekend. During the

527
00:24:35,720 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 9: next few months. We did move rather quickly, and we're

528
00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:40,480
Speaker 9: living together a few months later. At one point, we

529
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 9: had hoped to expand our family, but face some disappointment.

530
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,240
Speaker 9: When I went to my mother for comfort, she told me, good,

531
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 9: I can't raise any more of your kids. You saw

532
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 9: that one.

533
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:51,800
Speaker 3: You didn't let her go back.

534
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:55,040
Speaker 9: I kept asking for my child, give me my child back.

535
00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:57,520
Speaker 3: Also, even if because it's not like she felt like.

536
00:24:57,640 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 5: I'm sure that it could have been like, no, give

537
00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 5: me my kid back, but it's like she kept offering.

538
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:02,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

539
00:25:02,320 --> 00:25:05,560
Speaker 9: Also that shortly after this, I again asked for my

540
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,480
Speaker 9: daughter to come home, which was halfway through the school year.

541
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:10,480
Speaker 9: My mother told me she wanted my daughter to finish

542
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 9: the school year with her. I said some not so

543
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:15,119
Speaker 9: nice things to her, including a lot of swear words.

544
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 9: This is where I started looking at legal help. Finally, yes,

545
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:22,960
Speaker 9: seer and make her give you your daughter back.

546
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:24,360
Speaker 3: Just go pick your kid up.

547
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,120
Speaker 9: Come on, my aunt, let's call her. Mary found out

548
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,760
Speaker 9: I was asking a lawyer for legal advice and asked

549
00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 9: if she could talk to my mother before I did anything.

550
00:25:32,240 --> 00:25:32,760
Speaker 1: I agree.

551
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 9: Several minutes later, I received a message from my mom saying,

552
00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 9: you could have just messaged me about this. When are

553
00:25:38,920 --> 00:25:40,959
Speaker 9: you picking her up? I gave her a date shortly

554
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,560
Speaker 9: after my brother's upcoming birthday, so she had time to

555
00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 9: pack and my brother could enjoy some time with her.

556
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,160
Speaker 9: On this day, after she finally came home, my daughter

557
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 9: told me how difficult life has been with my mother,

558
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:55,200
Speaker 9: and this honestly brought up a lot of challenging experiences

559
00:25:55,240 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 9: I had normalized from my childhood, emotional manipulation, controlling baby behavior,

560
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 9: harsh treatment.

561
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:02,880
Speaker 8: The works in a whole new light.

562
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 9: She told me my mother had lied to her, saying

563
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 9: I never wanted her back home, that I didn't love her.

564
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:09,920
Speaker 8: God, my heart.

565
00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:11,320
Speaker 9: Was absolutely broken.

566
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:12,720
Speaker 8: That's awful.

567
00:26:12,880 --> 00:26:15,479
Speaker 9: I would never let her see my child again.

568
00:26:15,560 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 8: If she said that to my kid.

569
00:26:16,960 --> 00:26:19,760
Speaker 3: I have like no words for that right now? That's oh,

570
00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:20,680
Speaker 3: my God, to.

571
00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 9: Tell a child that her mom doesn't love her.

572
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:25,480
Speaker 3: And then for like neither of them to like the

573
00:26:25,520 --> 00:26:26,840
Speaker 3: mom and the child's not known.

574
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 5: Yeah.

575
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,600
Speaker 9: At this time, my family held what I call interventions

576
00:26:30,600 --> 00:26:33,600
Speaker 9: where they attempted to repair the relationship. However, they all

577
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 9: consisted of me being open about my feelings while my

578
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,119
Speaker 9: mother sat there staring at nothing in particular and not

579
00:26:39,280 --> 00:26:42,280
Speaker 9: responding other than to guilt me for never appreciating her

580
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,360
Speaker 9: help and sacrifices. I still allowed my mother to see

581
00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 9: my daughter because I do think the grandparent relationship is important.

582
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,840
Speaker 9: Shortly after she moved back home, we started getting constant

583
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 9: CPS visits and accusations over nothing, one being that Tom

584
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:59,640
Speaker 9: was acting inappropriately towards my now five year old daughter,

585
00:27:00,280 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 9: him never being alone with her as he had given

586
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 9: me the opportunity to be a stay at home mom.

587
00:27:04,400 --> 00:27:05,280
Speaker 8: At this time, we.

588
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:09,040
Speaker 9: Buckled down did what CPS wanted, including a parenting program

589
00:27:09,119 --> 00:27:11,760
Speaker 9: due to her behavior issues and tension in the home

590
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,840
Speaker 9: after the whole ordeal, and they constantly told us they

591
00:27:14,840 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 9: had no safety concerns whatsoever. My mother kept accusing Tom

592
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:20,520
Speaker 9: of being controlling to the rest of my family, though

593
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 9: they actually knew him and knew that wasn't the case,

594
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:26,920
Speaker 9: they still can't understand why she dislikes him so much.

595
00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 9: After this and a visit from my brother where he

596
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:31,680
Speaker 9: told me she had asked him to record my daughter

597
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 9: for her so she knew she was safe, I ended

598
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 9: up blocking her from my cell and Facebook so I

599
00:27:36,280 --> 00:27:39,399
Speaker 9: wouldn't say more awful things. Frankly, I just didn't want

600
00:27:39,440 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 9: a relationship with someone who didn't trust me or my

601
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 9: judgment with my own child. Dohortly before my daughter's birthday,

602
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:48,439
Speaker 9: I got an email from my mother asking if she

603
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:51,520
Speaker 9: could take her overnight for her birthday. I literally would

604
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 9: not do. No. No, no, are you like that?

605
00:27:55,440 --> 00:27:57,639
Speaker 3: I hope that was not even like an option in

606
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:58,000
Speaker 3: your mind.

607
00:27:58,000 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 9: I'd be like, uh uh oh no, Remember when you

608
00:28:00,600 --> 00:28:02,360
Speaker 9: told my daughter that I didn't love her? Remember when

609
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 9: you called on me?

610
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 10: No?

611
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:07,160
Speaker 9: Remember give my child back?

612
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:07,879
Speaker 8: No?

613
00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 9: I asked my daughter, who said she'd like to, but

614
00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,000
Speaker 9: would be more comfortable with my aunt Mary or her

615
00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,560
Speaker 9: great grandparents present for the visit, which meant no sleepover.

616
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 9: I relate her feelings to my mother of via email

617
00:28:20,160 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 9: and never received a response. Mary ensured they still saw

618
00:28:23,720 --> 00:28:26,879
Speaker 9: each other regularly with my knowledge and honored our boundaries.

619
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,440
Speaker 9: My mother told my daughter about the email and told

620
00:28:29,440 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 9: her I never replied, Okay, we just have so much

621
00:28:33,240 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 9: proof that that's not true. Right when she told me this,

622
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,760
Speaker 9: I showed her my response and told her she was

623
00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,520
Speaker 9: again lying to her. At this point, I do think

624
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,760
Speaker 9: that we need to cut your mom off. I like,

625
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:46,200
Speaker 9: at this point, your mom is lying, actively lying to

626
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:47,120
Speaker 9: your daughter.

627
00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 8: I don't know how.

628
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,240
Speaker 3: We didn't after she was actively telling your kid that.

629
00:28:51,360 --> 00:28:54,560
Speaker 9: I would have cut her off after that I hated her. Yeah,

630
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:56,920
Speaker 9: I mean, there's just no appropriate kind.

631
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 3: Of I certainly wouldn't bring my kid back without me.

632
00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,120
Speaker 9: No, absolutely not. There's no way that you know this

633
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 9: mother would ever be alone with Eventually the visits slowed down.

634
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,880
Speaker 9: She no longer reached out to Mary to see her.

635
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,400
Speaker 9: Mary god bless stepped into mother and grandmother roll with

636
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 9: us and spoiled her and my now three other children

637
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:18,840
Speaker 9: with gifts and time. At one point, she and I

638
00:29:18,880 --> 00:29:20,920
Speaker 9: were at my grandparents at the same time to use

639
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 9: my grandfather's car tools. He is a much larger garage

640
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 9: with tools everyone of the family visits to use neither

641
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:29,920
Speaker 9: of us acknowledged the other. My daughter even screamed her

642
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 9: name and ran to her. My mother didn't acknowledge her.

643
00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,600
Speaker 9: Her boyfriend introduced himself to me and told me, your

644
00:29:35,600 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 9: mother's grown up a lot and misses you, and maybe

645
00:29:39,240 --> 00:29:40,440
Speaker 9: ten feet away.

646
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:42,760
Speaker 3: Maybe she should tell me then if she's so.

647
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 9: Boyfriend said that she.

648
00:29:44,440 --> 00:29:47,040
Speaker 3: Sent her boyfriend in to be like tell him, tell him.

649
00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:50,000
Speaker 9: That she's like she's standing over there, she's like you.

650
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 9: I told them she would need to take accountability and

651
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:56,720
Speaker 9: talk to me as an adult, and then took my

652
00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,280
Speaker 9: daughter to the nearby park while Tom finished working on

653
00:29:59,320 --> 00:30:02,880
Speaker 9: the car. Left before we returned. Three years later, Tom

654
00:30:02,880 --> 00:30:05,120
Speaker 9: and I had our first child together, and it was

655
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:09,840
Speaker 9: a very complicated delivery that resulted in the baby requiring surgery.

656
00:30:09,960 --> 00:30:12,640
Speaker 9: We got married five months after her birth. We kept

657
00:30:12,680 --> 00:30:15,960
Speaker 9: a very small only parents and grandparents. My aunt once

658
00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 9: again stepped into the parent role. I never heard anything

659
00:30:19,040 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 9: from my mother. A year and a half after this,

660
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,640
Speaker 9: we were expecting twins and I heard my mother was

661
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,200
Speaker 9: engaged and had a wedding coming up soon. I received

662
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,360
Speaker 9: an email from her that said, you've been on my

663
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,760
Speaker 9: mind a lot lately. You've never been far from it, actually,

664
00:30:31,840 --> 00:30:35,160
Speaker 9: but lately it's more constant. Maybe it's the upcoming wedding

665
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:37,760
Speaker 9: that sets it off. The fact that you've walked down

666
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 9: that aisle yourself not so long ago. I wonder how

667
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 9: that was for you without any parent present. I hope

668
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:45,959
Speaker 9: your grandparents and Mary have been able to fill that

669
00:30:46,080 --> 00:30:49,600
Speaker 9: void for you. There's no intention in this email. I

670
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,880
Speaker 9: just wanted to reach out and say that I hope

671
00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 9: you're happy.

672
00:30:52,880 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 3: If you have to say, there's no intention in the email.

673
00:30:55,760 --> 00:30:57,720
Speaker 3: No intention in the email.

674
00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 9: The subject line of the emails says no intention, no subject.

675
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 8: I wish the.

676
00:31:02,600 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 3: Subject mine says the intention.

677
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 5: Yeah, like there's no one uh intention in the body

678
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 5: of this email, read the subject.

679
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:09,600
Speaker 8: Read the subject.

680
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 9: Please refer to the subject for the intention. Also look

681
00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 9: at the PostScript if you want the subtext. I hope

682
00:31:17,080 --> 00:31:20,040
Speaker 9: being a wife and mother is fulfilling desires and bringing

683
00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 9: so much joy for you. I hope every blessing and

684
00:31:24,080 --> 00:31:26,480
Speaker 9: happiness that life can bring for you and your family.

685
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:27,840
Speaker 1: I don't fully believe that.

686
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 9: As a mom yourself, I'm sure you know that nothing

687
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,400
Speaker 9: could ever stop you from loving your children, and I

688
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 9: will always love you. Have a wonderful day and know

689
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 9: that your love more than you will have a know.

690
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,920
Speaker 3: Oh my god, take that email as the goodbye.

691
00:31:41,320 --> 00:31:44,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, we can just be like, great, have a wonderful time,

692
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 5: see you at the wedding.

693
00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, my daughter's not staying you again.

694
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 8: You're never going to see my daughter again.

695
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 5: And I mean, yeah, I'm still not fully against Like,

696
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:56,960
Speaker 5: if your daughter likes your mother so much, you were

697
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:59,600
Speaker 5: there as yeah, exactly as long as you are present,

698
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,280
Speaker 5: partners present to make sure that your mother is not

699
00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:05,280
Speaker 5: actively being like and your mom.

700
00:32:05,560 --> 00:32:07,880
Speaker 9: Yeah, I mean, it's just like, it's it's it's totally

701
00:32:07,960 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 9: unacceptable that she's actively lying to your daughter. Terrible, But

702
00:32:11,600 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 9: there's a little bit left to this story. Again, this

703
00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:17,440
Speaker 9: felt like a guilt trip and a painful reminder that

704
00:32:17,520 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 9: she wasn't at my wedding. This isn't what I wanted.

705
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:23,160
Speaker 9: I wanted to fix things, but it seems impossible with her.

706
00:32:23,400 --> 00:32:25,800
Speaker 9: I'm honestly much happier without her in my life. She

707
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,400
Speaker 9: ended up getting married the day before my one year anniversary.

708
00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:31,400
Speaker 9: My twins came and again had a difficult delivery where

709
00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,800
Speaker 9: I had some serious complications. They're now five months old

710
00:32:34,840 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 9: and I still have heard nothing since this last email,

711
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 9: my family is still telling me to reconnect. So am

712
00:32:41,520 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 9: I the ale for going no contact with my mother?

713
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 9: Am I the ale for going continuing no contact and

714
00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 9: living my life guilt free with my loving small family?

715
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 9: And some comments common one says, not the ahle calling CPS,

716
00:32:55,720 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 9: especially on your then boyfriend, is a huge Nope. People

717
00:32:58,440 --> 00:33:01,560
Speaker 9: that can lie, gaslight and manipulate like that need to

718
00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:04,280
Speaker 9: be cut off. If not for you, then for your daughter.

719
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,680
Speaker 9: How many lies has she told her you don't want her,

720
00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,200
Speaker 9: You've abandoned her. What kind of human says that to

721
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 9: a child? Disgusting? Yeah, that is the end of that story.

722
00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 9: I agree, not the a hole at all. And also

723
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 9: it seems like she kind of cut you off. Yeah,

724
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,640
Speaker 9: she never almost said anything, So that's just kind of it.

725
00:33:21,920 --> 00:33:24,239
Speaker 3: And that's the end of this story. We're going on

726
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,080
Speaker 3: to the next one.

727
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: Hey, it's Sam. We're gonna get back to these stories.

728
00:33:28,160 --> 00:33:30,160
Speaker 1: But here's three bits of ads from our sponsors that

729
00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 1: keep the show alive. I lied to my girlfriend about

730
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:40,080
Speaker 1: the time because she's always late. Okay, followup, boy, My

731
00:33:40,240 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: girlfriend is really bad at being early or on time

732
00:33:44,080 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: for things. This usually causes us to be late and

733
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 1: we both hate being late, but she always repeats the

734
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:55,400
Speaker 1: same behaviors. There are several factors that lead us to

735
00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 1: being late. She has IBS, which is something out of

736
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:03,480
Speaker 1: her control but contributes to lateness. By the way, this

737
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 1: comes from user my back is hurting me and if

738
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

739
00:34:09,120 --> 00:34:10,840
Speaker 1: r slash okay storytime subreddit.

740
00:34:11,000 --> 00:34:13,680
Speaker 4: I'm Dakota and I'm key On. I don't know op

741
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:14,960
Speaker 4: with that name. Maybe you're just.

742
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: Old, Op says. If she is too tired, she'll insist

743
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 1: on getting an hour of sleep. She putters around the

744
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 1: house watching TV shows on her phone while trying to

745
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:31,319
Speaker 1: do other things. She insists on breakfast and spends time

746
00:34:31,360 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 1: cooking and eating without rushing. She spends a long time

747
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:37,759
Speaker 1: figuring out what clothes she wants to wear. Sometimes she'll

748
00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: put on clothes not like how she looks and then

749
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,839
Speaker 1: go to find other clothes. She also spends a lot

750
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:46,239
Speaker 1: of time putting on makeup. On top of that, she

751
00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,440
Speaker 1: often needs to bring extra things like wipes, water, and

752
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:52,239
Speaker 1: sometimes extra clothes if we're going to be out for

753
00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:55,040
Speaker 1: a long time. I've tried speaking to her about this

754
00:34:55,120 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 1: before and told her she needs to focus on getting

755
00:34:57,600 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 1: ready so we do not end up running late. Usually

756
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:05,120
Speaker 1: one of two things will happen. She will either get

757
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 1: mad at me for getting on her about being late,

758
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:11,279
Speaker 1: which she'll tell me she's actually trying to hurry and

759
00:35:11,360 --> 00:35:14,360
Speaker 1: I'm not noticing, or she'll be sad that she knows

760
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:18,200
Speaker 1: we're running late and tells me to go without her. Yesterday,

761
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: we were going to a small event a friend of

762
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 1: mine put on. I told my girlfriend we needed to

763
00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: be there at twelve pm as expected. The above mentioned

764
00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:30,480
Speaker 1: things happened, and she kept asking me if I was

765
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: mad at her because we were running late. I told

766
00:35:33,120 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: her it was okay, but we really needed to go.

767
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:40,560
Speaker 1: She didn't finish getting ready until twelve sixteen pm. She

768
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 1: apologized for taking so long and asked me how long

769
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 1: it would take us to get there and if my

770
00:35:45,120 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 1: friends would be mad at both of us. I told

771
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:49,840
Speaker 1: her it was okay because I lied and the event

772
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:52,600
Speaker 1: did not really start at twelve pm, but actually started

773
00:35:52,640 --> 00:35:56,560
Speaker 1: at one point thirty After she found out she was

774
00:35:56,640 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 1: living and told me I was such a huge a

775
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:01,640
Speaker 1: hole for lying to her and making her rush all

776
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:05,359
Speaker 1: that time. I told her this was good because now

777
00:36:05,400 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: we were going to arrive early for something. She told

778
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:11,120
Speaker 1: me that was not the point and focused on me

779
00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 1: lying to her. Now, I don't know if what I

780
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,359
Speaker 1: did was wrong or not. She spent the whole day

781
00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 1: speaking to me as little as possible. Am I the

782
00:36:19,719 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 1: a hole? There's an update. I got a lot of replies,

783
00:36:23,520 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 1: and I'm absolutely shocked with the responses. I did not

784
00:36:27,440 --> 00:36:29,760
Speaker 1: think I would get so many opinions, and I read

785
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,160
Speaker 1: through a lot of them. I want to clear up

786
00:36:32,200 --> 00:36:35,560
Speaker 1: a lot of questions that were asked in the previous post. Yes,

787
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:38,439
Speaker 1: my girlfriend is also late for work and her own

788
00:36:38,520 --> 00:36:40,799
Speaker 1: stuff too. I took her to get her hair done

789
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,719
Speaker 1: recently and we were late. She has also been late

790
00:36:43,760 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: for work more than a few times, which has led

791
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: me to having to drive her. I'm the only one

792
00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,000
Speaker 1: who has a car and she doesn't have a license,

793
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,920
Speaker 1: so if we're going anywhere, then it has to be

794
00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:56,640
Speaker 1: me that drives. Otherwise, she used to take uber everywhere.

795
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,600
Speaker 1: A lot of people said she sounds like a good

796
00:36:59,640 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 1: case for ADHD. Truthfully, I only took her at her

797
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: word that she doesn't have it, but she also has

798
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 1: not been diagnosed for it, so maybe she does have

799
00:37:08,719 --> 00:37:11,719
Speaker 1: it and is refusing to prioritize a diagnosis. Some of

800
00:37:11,760 --> 00:37:14,000
Speaker 1: you said she was doing this on purpose, like she

801
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:17,440
Speaker 1: enjoys being fashionably late, or is intentionally trying to be

802
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 1: late for things I do that she doesn't want to

803
00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,080
Speaker 1: go to. I can assure you that this is not

804
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,760
Speaker 1: the case. If she doesn't want to go with me somewhere,

805
00:37:24,880 --> 00:37:27,520
Speaker 1: she will tell me, and I have no qualms about it.

806
00:37:27,920 --> 00:37:29,759
Speaker 1: The event we went to was for a barbecue, and

807
00:37:29,800 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 1: my friend makes really good grilled pineapple that my girlfriend

808
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,880
Speaker 1: had been looking forward to having all year, so I

809
00:37:35,960 --> 00:37:39,239
Speaker 1: knew she wanted to be there. About ninety percent of

810
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:42,360
Speaker 1: you guys said something like leave without her then, or

811
00:37:42,440 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 1: tell her the time you're going to leave, and if

812
00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:47,359
Speaker 1: she's not ready by then, you leave, even referencing where

813
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:49,200
Speaker 1: she said for me to go by myself because she

814
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:53,600
Speaker 1: was running late. Reddit, I promise you this is the

815
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 1: wrong answer that works for me. But I promised she

816
00:37:57,120 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 1: would be so pissed if I left without her. I

817
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:03,120
Speaker 1: know this because I've done that very same thing to

818
00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:05,640
Speaker 1: her two times a few years back, and it led

819
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:09,440
Speaker 1: to us fighting badly. The first time was because she

820
00:38:09,520 --> 00:38:10,920
Speaker 1: was going to cause us to be late for my

821
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 1: brother's play. And the second time was when I wanted

822
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:16,040
Speaker 1: to get groceries and she was taking forever to get

823
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:17,719
Speaker 1: ready and the store was going to close in an

824
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:20,640
Speaker 1: hour and a half. After all the comments, I knew

825
00:38:20,640 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 1: I needed to talk to her about it. Every Saturday,

826
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:26,440
Speaker 1: we talk about what happened in our relationship, past and present,

827
00:38:26,719 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: and discuss what is working for us and what we're

828
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,319
Speaker 1: not happy about. I brought up the week before and

829
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:34,839
Speaker 1: apologized for lying, telling her I would not trick her

830
00:38:34,920 --> 00:38:37,200
Speaker 1: like that again. She told me she was happy I

831
00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:39,799
Speaker 1: apologized because it was on her mind, and she told

832
00:38:39,880 --> 00:38:42,080
Speaker 1: me I made her feel stupid and like a kid

833
00:38:42,080 --> 00:38:44,879
Speaker 1: that needs a parent, which a lot of you did say.

834
00:38:45,440 --> 00:38:47,680
Speaker 1: I then explained to her how frustrating it is to

835
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:49,719
Speaker 1: be late to a lot of functions because of her.

836
00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: Here she took offense because she did not like that

837
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:59,160
Speaker 1: I was putting it on her. Oh no, oh man,

838
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,560
Speaker 1: oh no, but it's on you, babe. I'm ready to

839
00:39:02,600 --> 00:39:03,520
Speaker 1: go in ten minutes.

840
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 8: Yeah. So I don't know what to tell you. It's

841
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 8: not mean to do in that. It's just the fact.

842
00:39:09,320 --> 00:39:13,759
Speaker 1: There's only one person who's making us late. Yeah, if

843
00:39:13,800 --> 00:39:16,560
Speaker 1: you're upset about that, I don't know.

844
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:18,280
Speaker 4: I don't know. Look, it's a look in the mirror

845
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:19,080
Speaker 4: kind of situation.

846
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:24,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Unless he was like, oh, babe, you're stupid. Makeup,

847
00:39:25,000 --> 00:39:28,520
Speaker 1: you're stupid clothes, keep making us late, right, it's stupid,

848
00:39:30,040 --> 00:39:32,560
Speaker 1: then sure you can, you'd be like, all right, you

849
00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:35,120
Speaker 1: messed up there. Yeah. I told her to think about

850
00:39:35,160 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 1: the last ten times we were late for something and

851
00:39:37,800 --> 00:39:40,680
Speaker 1: who was at fault. She agreed it was her. Here,

852
00:39:40,880 --> 00:39:43,439
Speaker 1: she started making all kinds of excuses, which I told

853
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:47,759
Speaker 1: her were nothing more than excuses. She admitted here that

854
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:50,880
Speaker 1: she has a problem managing her time, and I agreed

855
00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: with her. Then I brought up what some of you

856
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 1: had said in the previous post. I told her that

857
00:39:56,200 --> 00:39:58,839
Speaker 1: in her being late, she is making me late, and

858
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,640
Speaker 1: while I understand she it feels hurt about me lying

859
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: to her. I told her how much it hurts me

860
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,120
Speaker 1: when she causes us both to be late for something,

861
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 1: and how disrespectful it is. If this one instance of

862
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: me lying to her affected her so much, imagine what

863
00:40:12,920 --> 00:40:15,359
Speaker 1: it's like for me to be late over hundreds of

864
00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:18,440
Speaker 1: times throughout our relationship. She started crying and told me

865
00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:21,080
Speaker 1: to stop saying I was making such a big deal

866
00:40:21,120 --> 00:40:24,000
Speaker 1: about this. I tried something different and showed my girlfriend

867
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,760
Speaker 1: the Reddit post, and she was shocked. She said, OMG,

868
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,240
Speaker 1: the whole internet thinks I'm some sort of evil witch.

869
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:32,600
Speaker 1: As she was reading, I asked her, be honest, when

870
00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:34,279
Speaker 1: you told me it was okay for me to leave,

871
00:40:34,440 --> 00:40:38,280
Speaker 1: you did not mean that, right, right? If I left

872
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 1: without you, you would have been really upset with me, right,

873
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:45,680
Speaker 1: And she agreed she would have considered going to her

874
00:40:45,719 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: mom's for a few days. If I did that, then

875
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 1: don't say that.

876
00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,320
Speaker 8: Don't say it. Don't say it.

877
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:56,720
Speaker 10: If you don't, That's not what you want to do, girl,

878
00:40:56,840 --> 00:40:59,000
Speaker 10: That's not what you want to do. If the if

879
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,840
Speaker 10: on one case, what was the other thing that would

880
00:41:01,920 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 10: that she would do? He would get she would get

881
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 10: upset for him rushing her or something like that, and

882
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,600
Speaker 10: then she would get it was either that or she

883
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 10: gets sad and it's like, just leave without me, just

884
00:41:10,920 --> 00:41:14,280
Speaker 10: go on, go on around me. But then she'd be like, well, actually,

885
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 10: you only have that first. The first option is to

886
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:20,120
Speaker 10: just shush and let me do this.

887
00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm setting all your clocks early.

888
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:25,640
Speaker 8: Yeah, it's if you gotta do that, that's what she

889
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 8: gotta do.

890
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 10: I'm gonna tell you that the event is an hour

891
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,640
Speaker 10: and a half later than it actually is, because.

892
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,319
Speaker 1: That's all we got it. I mean, honestly, like if

893
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:36,960
Speaker 1: you take all the feelings out of it, it was

894
00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:43,240
Speaker 1: clearly a very effective strategy. It worked, absolutely said practical because.

895
00:41:42,880 --> 00:41:45,719
Speaker 10: She was late to that. She was late to that

896
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:47,720
Speaker 10: fake time too.

897
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:51,560
Speaker 1: She was so very late to the fake time, very late.

898
00:41:52,840 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: She really connected with a lot of comments where people

899
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:59,440
Speaker 1: would say, I'm your girlfriend and I'm always late. She

900
00:41:59,520 --> 00:42:02,120
Speaker 1: even thought about all the commenters who said she had

901
00:42:02,200 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 1: ADD or ADHD, and she was really concerned because she's

902
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,240
Speaker 1: never been diagnosed and a lot of people were saying

903
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 1: she has it. One redditor actually said something that really

904
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:14,320
Speaker 1: clicked with both of us, and that was powerful pollution

905
00:42:14,400 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: twenty six. I had looked up the time Optimist a

906
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 1: few days ago and thought that was her one hundred percent. Usually,

907
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:23,560
Speaker 1: the night before, my girlfriend plans out how she's gonna

908
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:25,960
Speaker 1: get ready and does not follow through, and she always

909
00:42:26,000 --> 00:42:28,520
Speaker 1: thinks she has more time than she actually has. My

910
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:31,240
Speaker 1: girlfriend also agreed that sometimes she'll jump in the shower

911
00:42:31,520 --> 00:42:33,600
Speaker 1: and then she comes out and a whole hour has

912
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:38,840
Speaker 1: gone by. Little more story here I think you know,

913
00:42:39,840 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 1: she's embarrassed, Yeah, that she got put on blast. I

914
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:45,560
Speaker 1: don't like the whole stop.

915
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 3: You're making such a big deal out.

916
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:51,120
Speaker 1: Of this, see either No, I'm just making it known

917
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:53,080
Speaker 1: that it's problematic.

918
00:42:53,840 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 10: Yeah, yeah, exactly, like you're he's just letting her know

919
00:42:57,960 --> 00:43:01,319
Speaker 10: that he's he gets hurt by being late and by

920
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:04,200
Speaker 10: her making him late, and then then she responds with

921
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 10: your overreacting.

922
00:43:05,840 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 8: You're making a big deal out of it. That's not

923
00:43:07,960 --> 00:43:09,840
Speaker 8: what you want in the relationship.

924
00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,680
Speaker 10: Not saying that's like a reason to break up or anything,

925
00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 10: but it's just like that's just.

926
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 1: You know, not cool. Maybe you should like dress up

927
00:43:17,160 --> 00:43:19,320
Speaker 1: like a coach and have like a whistle there you

928
00:43:19,400 --> 00:43:22,680
Speaker 1: go and like, you know, like a you know, like

929
00:43:22,760 --> 00:43:27,000
Speaker 1: a hat and sunglasses, little stop watch calling play whistle.

930
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,680
Speaker 8: Yeah, Like let's go, let's go, let's let's go. Let's go.

931
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:34,040
Speaker 8: All right, ten more minutes on the clock, ten more

932
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:37,960
Speaker 8: minutes on the clocks. Let's go. We've been spending too

933
00:43:38,000 --> 00:43:41,759
Speaker 8: much on that Moscow. We gotta we gotta speed things up. Hustle, hustle, Like,

934
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:42,160
Speaker 8: why are.

935
00:43:42,040 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 1: We doop scrolling? Why are we doop scrolling?

936
00:43:43,560 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 8: We were right? Why are we scrolling? Pick your feet up,

937
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:46,719
Speaker 8: pick your feet up?

938
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 1: So all right, we got it. We're right there, We're

939
00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:52,160
Speaker 1: right there. And she'd be like, babe, shut up, yeah literally,

940
00:43:52,280 --> 00:43:55,799
Speaker 1: and you go, okay, I'm setting the clocks early, and

941
00:43:55,880 --> 00:43:56,960
Speaker 1: I know you're always late.

942
00:43:57,080 --> 00:44:00,839
Speaker 8: That's the only you leave me no choice to fall out.

943
00:44:00,880 --> 00:44:02,880
Speaker 4: Boy, you got to start off with. I don't blame

944
00:44:02,920 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 4: you for you.

945
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:07,040
Speaker 1: I don't blame you for me and you, but you

946
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 1: can't blame me for setting them clocks early.

947
00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:10,759
Speaker 8: That's just me, be and me.

948
00:44:11,080 --> 00:44:13,960
Speaker 1: I asked her what is she going to do to

949
00:44:14,000 --> 00:44:16,439
Speaker 1: make sure she works on being late? And she asked

950
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,520
Speaker 1: me what I could do to help her do the

951
00:44:18,520 --> 00:44:21,440
Speaker 1: coach thing. I told her we could buy quick easy

952
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:24,760
Speaker 1: food to microwave, and I can take her iPad.

953
00:44:24,320 --> 00:44:25,640
Speaker 4: Away like a child.

954
00:44:25,800 --> 00:44:28,320
Speaker 8: What take her iPad away?

955
00:44:29,080 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: Oh my god, take her iPad away. You're talking about

956
00:44:32,560 --> 00:44:38,160
Speaker 1: making her lean cuisines and no iPad time. This is insane.

957
00:44:38,480 --> 00:44:39,319
Speaker 8: Oh man.

958
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:44,680
Speaker 1: She did not like that idea at all. I told

959
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:46,799
Speaker 1: her to pick out clothes the day before, so at

960
00:44:46,880 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 1: least it doesn't take her forever to find what she

961
00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:52,360
Speaker 1: wants to wear. She actually agreed to that. I also

962
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,759
Speaker 1: told her what another redditor said about getting in the

963
00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: car and doing her makeup. There there you go. She

964
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:00,960
Speaker 1: reluctantly agreed to that, but only for places far away.

965
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,520
Speaker 1: Funny enough, my girlfriend and I were supposed to go

966
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:07,080
Speaker 1: meet her friend downtown for this festival called cary Bana,

967
00:45:07,160 --> 00:45:09,880
Speaker 1: and yes we relate for that because she needed to

968
00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,040
Speaker 1: grab other things to make sure we would be okay,

969
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: like sunscreen and water bottles, and we could not find hers.

970
00:45:15,560 --> 00:45:17,719
Speaker 1: This is not a place I wanted to be, so

971
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,520
Speaker 1: I did not care about being late. But I brought

972
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 1: up our discussion and she apologized. This is where we

973
00:45:23,760 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: are right now, and that is the end of that story.

974
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:28,840
Speaker 1: The story ends at cary Bana.

975
00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,520
Speaker 10: I demanded my partner to pay when we're out together,

976
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:33,960
Speaker 10: and he took a fence.

977
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:35,880
Speaker 1: He took the whole fence.

978
00:45:38,000 --> 00:45:40,759
Speaker 10: This goes directly from the yard slasher gay story to

979
00:45:40,760 --> 00:45:43,560
Speaker 10: I'm suppering it. By the way, I'm twenty eight female

980
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 10: and the guy is thirty one male. We met at

981
00:45:45,760 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 10: work and were immediately attracted to each other. Here he's

982
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:51,640
Speaker 10: from another state and was living in an airbnb. He

983
00:45:51,680 --> 00:45:53,520
Speaker 10: doesn't have a car, so he takes the bus to

984
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:56,200
Speaker 10: work and I live an hour away from the workplace

985
00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:59,240
Speaker 10: in a different city. When we started talking, he mentioned

986
00:45:59,239 --> 00:46:01,960
Speaker 10: that his Airbnb he was in my city, near my apartment,

987
00:46:02,000 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 10: so naturally I was curious since my apartment is an

988
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:07,120
Speaker 10: hour away. By the way, this comes from a desperate

989
00:46:07,200 --> 00:46:09,720
Speaker 10: target eighty three eighty and if you want to submit

990
00:46:09,800 --> 00:46:12,880
Speaker 10: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay story

991
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:15,160
Speaker 10: time subreddit and I'm Angie.

992
00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:17,960
Speaker 8: I'm Dakota, and I'm Keon and OPI says.

993
00:46:19,000 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 10: After two weeks of talking, he asked me to show

994
00:46:21,719 --> 00:46:24,320
Speaker 10: him around the city because he was new. I initially

995
00:46:24,600 --> 00:46:27,440
Speaker 10: was apprehensive, but I agreed. I took him to my

996
00:46:27,480 --> 00:46:29,879
Speaker 10: apartment and let him sleep on my couch. At this time,

997
00:46:29,920 --> 00:46:31,879
Speaker 10: I also had plans to leave my apartment and didn't

998
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:33,880
Speaker 10: want to pay it to k to break my lease,

999
00:46:33,920 --> 00:46:36,279
Speaker 10: so I had the idea of letting him take over

1000
00:46:36,320 --> 00:46:38,719
Speaker 10: my lease. He agreed, so I asked him to pay

1001
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:40,319
Speaker 10: rent at the beginning of the month and said that

1002
00:46:40,360 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 10: I would leave immediately if he made the payment. He

1003
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 10: said he would pay me or when we got our paycheck.

1004
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:48,720
Speaker 10: We got paid weekly, so I agreed. When he didn't

1005
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:50,760
Speaker 10: make payments at the beginning of the months, I decided

1006
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:52,799
Speaker 10: to pay the rent since it was due. Then I

1007
00:46:52,880 --> 00:46:54,759
Speaker 10: told him, since he didn't pay me yet, I would

1008
00:46:54,840 --> 00:46:56,400
Speaker 10: move out in the middle of the month so I

1009
00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,040
Speaker 10: had time to move my stuff without rushing. I told

1010
00:46:59,120 --> 00:47:00,960
Speaker 10: him he could pay half and I would leave when

1011
00:47:01,000 --> 00:47:03,760
Speaker 10: he paid his share, so it would be half and half.

1012
00:47:04,040 --> 00:47:06,880
Speaker 10: Rent is fifteen hundred dollars, so he would have to

1013
00:47:06,920 --> 00:47:10,879
Speaker 10: pay seven fifty, not including electricity, which I already paid for.

1014
00:47:11,160 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 10: When we got paid again on the second week, he

1015
00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 10: only paid me four hundred dollars. I thought maybe he

1016
00:47:16,840 --> 00:47:19,440
Speaker 10: was behind, but that was okay. Promised to pay me

1017
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 10: the rest the next paycheck. He was now living in

1018
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,319
Speaker 10: my apartment and I was driving us to work every

1019
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 10: day and driving us around town. I bought the groceries

1020
00:47:27,800 --> 00:47:30,359
Speaker 10: and cooked for us and packed his lunch. While all

1021
00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 10: of this was going on, our relationship got closer and

1022
00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 10: we became intimate, and he expressed that he loved me.

1023
00:47:36,120 --> 00:47:39,080
Speaker 10: I thought we were getting closer to a relationship. I

1024
00:47:39,120 --> 00:47:41,480
Speaker 10: told him I wasn't into guys who vape or smoked

1025
00:47:41,480 --> 00:47:43,720
Speaker 10: devil's lettuce because I don't do those things myself.

1026
00:47:43,800 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 8: He told me he would quit if I agreed to

1027
00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:46,600
Speaker 8: be his girlfriend.

1028
00:47:46,920 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 10: I didn't respond, but he stopped doing those things anyway,

1029
00:47:49,600 --> 00:47:51,360
Speaker 10: so I thought maybe I should give him a chance.

1030
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:53,440
Speaker 10: The first time we went out to a restaurant, the

1031
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,719
Speaker 10: check came and I paid, thinking he still needed to

1032
00:47:55,719 --> 00:47:57,359
Speaker 10: pay me the rest of the rent, and if he

1033
00:47:57,360 --> 00:48:00,200
Speaker 10: paid for the check, it would take him longer to

1034
00:48:00,239 --> 00:48:03,080
Speaker 10: pay me. The second time we went out again, I

1035
00:48:03,200 --> 00:48:06,359
Speaker 10: paid again. I didn't mind, but I had never paid

1036
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,080
Speaker 10: for anything in my past relationships, so the feelings were

1037
00:48:09,080 --> 00:48:11,879
Speaker 10: weird and I didn't understand it at first. Third time,

1038
00:48:12,040 --> 00:48:14,000
Speaker 10: I paid again and I felt.

1039
00:48:13,640 --> 00:48:15,799
Speaker 8: Weird, but I didn't understand it.

1040
00:48:16,480 --> 00:48:18,840
Speaker 10: At this place, he tried to touch me and kiss me,

1041
00:48:19,000 --> 00:48:22,239
Speaker 10: but I pulled away. After thinking about what happened, I

1042
00:48:22,280 --> 00:48:24,320
Speaker 10: realized that I got the ag from paying for something

1043
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,680
Speaker 10: when I'm with the man I'm seeing it makes me

1044
00:48:27,719 --> 00:48:30,560
Speaker 10: feel less feminine. I didn't know this because, like I said,

1045
00:48:30,600 --> 00:48:32,200
Speaker 10: I had never paid for anything when I was with

1046
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:33,959
Speaker 10: my man in the past relationships.

1047
00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 8: Later that day, I brought it up to him.

1048
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 10: I said, when he tried to touch me and kiss

1049
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 10: me at this place and I pulled away, it was

1050
00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,359
Speaker 10: because I felt an ick, and it's from paying for stuff. Lately,

1051
00:48:43,440 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 10: and I didn't realize or understand it at first, but

1052
00:48:46,040 --> 00:48:48,879
Speaker 10: now I just realized it. The reason is it made

1053
00:48:48,920 --> 00:48:52,200
Speaker 10: me feel less feminine. So from now on, I'll let

1054
00:48:52,280 --> 00:48:54,920
Speaker 10: you pay, and if you're not comfortable with paying, we

1055
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:57,680
Speaker 10: will pay for our own stuff, or you pay and

1056
00:48:57,840 --> 00:49:00,680
Speaker 10: I'll wire you the money. The action of paying in

1057
00:49:00,719 --> 00:49:02,920
Speaker 10: front of a man I am with gives me the

1058
00:49:02,960 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 10: ick and makes me feel less feminine. He instantly shifted

1059
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,040
Speaker 10: his energy and I felt it. So he instantly shifted

1060
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:11,760
Speaker 10: his energy and I felt it. He left the bedroom

1061
00:49:11,800 --> 00:49:13,920
Speaker 10: and went to sleep on the couch. The next morning

1062
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:17,239
Speaker 10: we had an argument. He said, from his perspective, he

1063
00:49:17,280 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 10: thought that I was making a nice gesture by paying,

1064
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:22,360
Speaker 10: and all that was fake since I brought up the conversation.

1065
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:25,920
Speaker 10: I told him, no, it wasn't fake because I actually wanted.

1066
00:49:25,680 --> 00:49:26,360
Speaker 8: To do it.

1067
00:49:25,920 --> 00:49:28,840
Speaker 10: It's like wanting to give a man a massage. At first,

1068
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:31,319
Speaker 10: the first time, it's great, comes out of wanting to

1069
00:49:31,320 --> 00:49:33,440
Speaker 10: do something nice. But then the third and fourth times

1070
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:36,160
Speaker 10: I realized that I actually don't like giving massages and

1071
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 10: changed my mind.

1072
00:49:37,560 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 8: He didn't take it very well and was still caught

1073
00:49:40,400 --> 00:49:42,759
Speaker 8: up on the idea of me being fake because all

1074
00:49:42,760 --> 00:49:44,920
Speaker 8: of those times that I paid, he thought it was

1075
00:49:44,960 --> 00:49:47,200
Speaker 8: a nice gesture that I was doing for him. But

1076
00:49:47,280 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 8: now it's all fake. Mind you.

1077
00:49:49,320 --> 00:49:52,279
Speaker 10: I never said that I regretted paying those times. I said,

1078
00:49:52,320 --> 00:49:55,160
Speaker 10: moving forward, we would do it differently, because I just

1079
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:58,439
Speaker 10: now realized that I actually don't like doing that. Then

1080
00:49:58,520 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 10: he brought up some random dew losing his job and

1081
00:50:01,480 --> 00:50:04,839
Speaker 10: his wife going and talking behind his back about leaving him.

1082
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:08,080
Speaker 10: Then he had the audacity to talk about women leaving

1083
00:50:08,120 --> 00:50:10,560
Speaker 10: their husbands the moment their husband no longer has a

1084
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:11,320
Speaker 10: stable job.

1085
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 8: Why is this coming up?

1086
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 10: This conversation just pushed me to my limits because how

1087
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:18,560
Speaker 10: can he compare me to a woman I don't even

1088
00:50:18,600 --> 00:50:21,240
Speaker 10: know or care about. Then he went on about women

1089
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:25,000
Speaker 10: being shallow and just using men for money. I'm shaking

1090
00:50:25,000 --> 00:50:27,920
Speaker 10: my head even writing this. For the next three days,

1091
00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,759
Speaker 10: he wouldn't let it go. He would rub it in

1092
00:50:30,840 --> 00:50:33,360
Speaker 10: my face. Whenever we went out. For example, I was

1093
00:50:33,400 --> 00:50:35,399
Speaker 10: talking about going to this one place that has really

1094
00:50:35,400 --> 00:50:37,359
Speaker 10: good food and he said, oh yeah, I went there

1095
00:50:37,400 --> 00:50:40,000
Speaker 10: with my friends and they paid for me. And one

1096
00:50:40,080 --> 00:50:42,200
Speaker 10: time I was asking if he was going to take

1097
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:44,359
Speaker 10: out his wallet to pay, and I'd pay him back.

1098
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:46,560
Speaker 10: He said, I'll pay. I wouldn't want you to feel

1099
00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 10: less feminine, or he would say things like I don't

1100
00:50:49,200 --> 00:50:51,439
Speaker 10: care about money as much as you do, even though

1101
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:52,040
Speaker 10: I told him.

1102
00:50:51,960 --> 00:50:54,400
Speaker 8: Multiple times it's not about money. It's the action that

1103
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:55,200
Speaker 8: gives me the ick.

1104
00:50:57,360 --> 00:50:59,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say something a lot of people aren't gonna like,

1105
00:50:59,440 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 1: probably say it because I used to be a guy

1106
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,279
Speaker 1: who's like, I don't care about money, money doesn't matter.

1107
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,880
Speaker 1: And I said that to cope with the fact that

1108
00:51:06,920 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 1: I had no money. Yeah, yeah, money is important. Yeah, uh,

1109
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:18,719
Speaker 1: it's we've replaced hunting and gathering with gathering money to

1110
00:51:18,760 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: buy things you need to survive, exact, And it's not

1111
00:51:22,719 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 1: always a fair system. I don't think billionaires should exist,

1112
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 1: but you should be striving to make more money. If

1113
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:34,800
Speaker 1: you can't pay your girlfriend the rent that you owe,

1114
00:51:35,719 --> 00:51:39,840
Speaker 1: you need to be like, I need more more money.

1115
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,360
Speaker 10: Money meals, Yeah, Like, if you don't care about money,

1116
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:45,760
Speaker 10: then then pay the rents that you You were literally

1117
00:51:45,800 --> 00:51:48,920
Speaker 10: living in her apartment and not paying for it.

1118
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:49,600
Speaker 1: You're a bum.

1119
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:51,000
Speaker 8: Yeah, come on.

1120
00:51:51,080 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 1: And if you don't have any ways to make more money,

1121
00:51:53,320 --> 00:51:56,120
Speaker 1: you need more skills to make more money, and the way.

1122
00:51:55,960 --> 00:51:58,560
Speaker 9: That you need more skills is you develop them?

1123
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:02,759
Speaker 8: Yeah? Things, Everything costs time or money. Dude. If you

1124
00:52:02,800 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 8: don't have money, I spend time with it.

1125
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 1: And the time and the time.

1126
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:10,200
Speaker 10: We would argue about the same thing for three days

1127
00:52:10,200 --> 00:52:12,640
Speaker 10: straight because he refused to see where I was coming from.

1128
00:52:12,920 --> 00:52:15,360
Speaker 10: I'm a traditional woman and grew up with my traditional

1129
00:52:15,360 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 10: culture of a man taking care of their women. He

1130
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 10: still thinks that I'm in the wrong for thinking that

1131
00:52:20,280 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 10: my man should pay when I'm with him, and if

1132
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:25,320
Speaker 10: he can't afford it, I'll transfer the money, he said.

1133
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 10: And a woman can do things that are nice gestures

1134
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:31,040
Speaker 10: for a man. Yes, I can do nice gestures and

1135
00:52:31,200 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 10: buy things when my man isn't with me and I'm

1136
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:34,320
Speaker 10: out by myself.

1137
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:36,239
Speaker 8: If he isn't with me while I'm out, I can

1138
00:52:36,239 --> 00:52:36,719
Speaker 8: buy him.

1139
00:52:36,600 --> 00:52:39,239
Speaker 10: Coffee as a nice gesture. I have done that for him.

1140
00:52:39,560 --> 00:52:41,160
Speaker 10: It's only when I'm with him.

1141
00:52:41,600 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 8: Then, he said, me saying I feel less.

1142
00:52:44,200 --> 00:52:47,000
Speaker 10: Feminine when paying is like setting a condition to the

1143
00:52:47,080 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 10: dynamic of the relationship.

1144
00:52:48,880 --> 00:52:49,400
Speaker 8: He said.

1145
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 10: It's like saying I'll only feel feminine if a man

1146
00:52:51,800 --> 00:52:54,680
Speaker 10: pays for stuff. Then he continued, asking what if a

1147
00:52:54,760 --> 00:52:57,360
Speaker 10: husband said I'll only go to work if my wife.

1148
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 8: Is spicy with me. That was a stupid comparison.

1149
00:53:03,719 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 10: When I brought up all the time I cooked and

1150
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:08,799
Speaker 10: packed his lunch and asked if that wasn't enough nice

1151
00:53:08,840 --> 00:53:11,400
Speaker 10: gestures for him, and what more does he want from me?

1152
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 10: I just instantly got the ick and decided to move

1153
00:53:14,560 --> 00:53:16,879
Speaker 10: out completely so that he could take over the lease.

1154
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:19,240
Speaker 1: There you go that it has spoken.

1155
00:53:19,400 --> 00:53:20,279
Speaker 8: There is a little bit more.

1156
00:53:20,239 --> 00:53:22,400
Speaker 10: To this story, but yeah, I feel like that's a

1157
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:26,200
Speaker 10: good This is the ick that we are speaking of

1158
00:53:27,040 --> 00:53:28,120
Speaker 10: that decides the breakup.

1159
00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,680
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that this guy said I love you. I

1160
00:53:30,719 --> 00:53:33,480
Speaker 1: feel like this guy's been trying to, from the sound

1161
00:53:33,520 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: of this story, manipulate you the whole time. Yeah, you know,

1162
00:53:37,719 --> 00:53:40,719
Speaker 1: I don't. Yeah, there are times when it's like people

1163
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 1: who are overcome by feeling in emotion would be like, mushety,

1164
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:48,680
Speaker 1: I love you, like yeah, before y'all are even dating.

1165
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:52,320
Speaker 1: But it really felt more like a, well, I need

1166
00:53:52,320 --> 00:53:56,080
Speaker 1: the security of having my rent paid for, so I

1167
00:53:56,320 --> 00:53:58,880
Speaker 1: love you and will live together.

1168
00:53:59,400 --> 00:53:59,720
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1169
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:04,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I got four hundred bucks on rent and

1170
00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna and I guess I'm just not gonna

1171
00:54:07,480 --> 00:54:11,400
Speaker 1: pay the rest of it. Ever, I guess and also

1172
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:15,000
Speaker 1: three meals paid. Please. I don't know, I just don't.

1173
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:17,440
Speaker 10: These people just don't seem right for each other, so

1174
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,000
Speaker 10: good thing they're breaking up.

1175
00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:21,759
Speaker 1: Good thing, breakup.

1176
00:54:22,000 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 10: Finally, my last straw was when I was leaving. I

1177
00:54:26,239 --> 00:54:28,160
Speaker 10: was giving him and one last chance to make it

1178
00:54:28,200 --> 00:54:31,440
Speaker 10: up by cooking him one last meal, but we again

1179
00:54:31,560 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 10: had the same argument. At that point, I was completely

1180
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:36,759
Speaker 10: fed up, so I went off on him. I told

1181
00:54:36,840 --> 00:54:39,160
Speaker 10: him I'm not the girl for him, and he isn't

1182
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:41,560
Speaker 10: the guy for me. If he wants a girl that cooks,

1183
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:44,960
Speaker 10: packs his lunch, cleans and pays his bills, then he

1184
00:54:45,040 --> 00:54:46,799
Speaker 10: needs to find a girl that is willing to do

1185
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:50,000
Speaker 10: that and can't expect me to change into that. He

1186
00:54:50,080 --> 00:54:51,920
Speaker 10: keeps saying that he wants a girl like me as

1187
00:54:51,960 --> 00:54:53,880
Speaker 10: his wife, but he isn't willing to put in the

1188
00:54:53,960 --> 00:54:55,080
Speaker 10: effort to be the.

1189
00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:58,080
Speaker 8: Man that I need. Make it make sense. I told

1190
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,920
Speaker 8: him men want a traditional wife but aren't willing to

1191
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:02,040
Speaker 8: be a traditional partner.

1192
00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:06,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exact. Nikki Wolf in the comment says, again,

1193
00:55:06,239 --> 00:55:08,680
Speaker 1: we don't do wifey stuff for a man that doesn't

1194
00:55:08,719 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 1: do hubby things.

1195
00:55:09,680 --> 00:55:13,239
Speaker 10: In returns exactly, Yes, if you wanted to be a

1196
00:55:13,280 --> 00:55:16,040
Speaker 10: princess in a relationship and have women take care of him.

1197
00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:17,719
Speaker 8: Then he needs to find one that will do that

1198
00:55:17,760 --> 00:55:18,160
Speaker 8: for him.

1199
00:55:18,560 --> 00:55:21,239
Speaker 10: I packed up on my stuff and left and told

1200
00:55:21,360 --> 00:55:24,160
Speaker 10: him that we were done. He called me a knucklehead,

1201
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:26,920
Speaker 10: And now that I've calmed down, it makes me wonder

1202
00:55:26,960 --> 00:55:29,640
Speaker 10: if I'm really a knucklehead and if I was being unreasonable.

1203
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 10: So please tell me, am I the ahole? And what's

1204
00:55:32,680 --> 00:55:33,680
Speaker 10: our answer to coda?

1205
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:39,040
Speaker 1: No? No, I mean like depending on how how that

1206
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:42,239
Speaker 1: like you gave me the ick. Conversation went like you

1207
00:55:42,360 --> 00:55:46,520
Speaker 1: might have not been the most like tactical, sure, but

1208
00:55:46,719 --> 00:55:49,920
Speaker 1: like it's not an a whole thing to just be like, yeah,

1209
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,279
Speaker 1: you owe me money. I feel weird paying for our

1210
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:57,160
Speaker 1: meals while you still owe me rent exactly, And it's

1211
00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:02,319
Speaker 1: like not, you know, to it's enough money where it's

1212
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:06,640
Speaker 1: like you could go get a job at door dash

1213
00:56:06,680 --> 00:56:08,800
Speaker 1: and make that in like a couple days.

1214
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:11,359
Speaker 8: Right, And that's the end of the story. We're gonna

1215
00:56:11,360 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 8: go on to the next one.

1216
00:56:13,160 --> 00:56:14,759
Speaker 1: Hey, it's John here. We're gonna get back to the stories.

1217
00:56:14,800 --> 00:56:16,800
Speaker 1: Put a quick three minute ad break from our sponsors

1218
00:56:16,800 --> 00:56:20,120
Speaker 1: that keep the show going. My fiance wants to marry

1219
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,440
Speaker 1: before deployment, but I'm hesitating.

1220
00:56:22,560 --> 00:56:24,759
Speaker 8: Oh, we got to hurry up to get those tax breaks.

1221
00:56:25,239 --> 00:56:28,680
Speaker 1: And this comes directly from the r slash showcase story Time.

1222
00:56:28,760 --> 00:56:29,880
Speaker 8: So let's go.

1223
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 1: Am I the a hole for refusing to marry the

1224
00:56:33,040 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 1: love of my life right now? I have always enjoyed

1225
00:56:36,000 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 1: your stories, but never thought I would be writing one myself. However,

1226
00:56:40,080 --> 00:56:44,160
Speaker 1: this is a circumstance I never imagined myself in. I'm

1227
00:56:44,160 --> 00:56:46,800
Speaker 1: a thirty one year old female. I've been with my fiance,

1228
00:56:47,040 --> 00:56:51,120
Speaker 1: thirty two male for a total of fourteen years, and

1229
00:56:51,200 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 1: he is the absolute love of my life. By the way,

1230
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:58,000
Speaker 1: this comes from user my Navy Love and nan Ifoor

1231
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:00,239
Speaker 1: And if you want to submit your own storys, go

1232
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 1: to the r slash Okay story time subreddit. I'm Dakota,

1233
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:08,759
Speaker 1: and I'm Angie and I'm Keon, and op says to

1234
00:57:08,840 --> 00:57:12,080
Speaker 1: provide a little context, we met in high school and

1235
00:57:12,160 --> 00:57:15,719
Speaker 1: we're always close friends. We even dated a little during

1236
00:57:15,840 --> 00:57:20,200
Speaker 1: high school, but we always remained best friends. Even with

1237
00:57:20,360 --> 00:57:22,680
Speaker 1: all of the drama of high school and life in

1238
00:57:22,760 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 1: our younger years. It seemed like nothing could break our bond.

1239
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:30,120
Speaker 1: After high school, my fiancee John enlisted in the military

1240
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 1: and subsequently spent several years training to achieve his dream.

1241
00:57:35,560 --> 00:57:38,520
Speaker 1: During this time, I attended nursing school and then began

1242
00:57:38,840 --> 00:57:42,640
Speaker 1: working at a local hospital. After nearly four years of

1243
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:47,280
Speaker 1: John training and relocating, we ultimately landed in Virginia Beach, Virginia.

1244
00:57:47,840 --> 00:57:51,280
Speaker 1: We have a beautiful, small home and a seemingly perfect life.

1245
00:57:51,600 --> 00:57:54,400
Speaker 1: In twenty twenty two, we finally got engaged and would

1246
00:57:54,480 --> 00:57:59,960
Speaker 1: often talk about our dream wedding together, something simple yet special. However,

1247
00:58:00,080 --> 00:58:03,240
Speaker 1: or there was no rush. Marriage to us was merely

1248
00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:07,280
Speaker 1: a formality. We love each other unconditionally, and John's unit

1249
00:58:07,400 --> 00:58:10,720
Speaker 1: is often in rotation or on deployment several times a year,

1250
00:58:10,920 --> 00:58:14,360
Speaker 1: so we just stayed engaged, knowing we would have our

1251
00:58:14,400 --> 00:58:17,280
Speaker 1: perfect dream wedding when the timing worked out. Now for

1252
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:20,479
Speaker 1: the hard part. John was recently informed that his unit

1253
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:24,600
Speaker 1: is being unexpectedly deployed once again. I should note that

1254
00:58:24,640 --> 00:58:28,200
Speaker 1: this is nothing new. This will be John's seventh combat deployment.

1255
00:58:28,720 --> 00:58:31,160
Speaker 1: I knew this going in, and I'm okay with it.

1256
00:58:31,560 --> 00:58:33,440
Speaker 1: The unit that John worked so hard to be a

1257
00:58:33,440 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 1: part of and spent years training for is considered to

1258
00:58:36,440 --> 00:58:40,479
Speaker 1: be Tier one and notorious for long, grueling and even

1259
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:46,360
Speaker 1: impromptu deployments. Thankfully, spouse's and significant others have great support systems.

1260
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 1: We are truly there to support each other, which does

1261
00:58:49,440 --> 00:58:52,400
Speaker 1: make a huge difference. Since John received word of his

1262
00:58:52,520 --> 00:58:55,440
Speaker 1: upcoming deployment, he has been having the same recurring dream,

1263
00:58:55,920 --> 00:58:59,080
Speaker 1: which has prompted John to insist that we get married

1264
00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 1: before his upcoming deployment. When I inquired why the sudden rush,

1265
00:59:04,080 --> 00:59:06,200
Speaker 1: John told me, with tears in his eyes, about the

1266
00:59:06,200 --> 00:59:08,720
Speaker 1: same recurring dream and that he knows deep in his

1267
00:59:08,760 --> 00:59:11,600
Speaker 1: core that he will not be returning from this deployment

1268
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:14,360
Speaker 1: and he wants us to be married so that I

1269
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:19,240
Speaker 1: will be presented with his flag. This absolutely broke me.

1270
00:59:19,800 --> 00:59:21,840
Speaker 1: The man I have never seen cry with his big

1271
00:59:21,880 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 1: bushy beard being so emotional and being so adamant that

1272
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 1: we marry, wanting to ensure that I received his flag

1273
00:59:28,120 --> 00:59:31,400
Speaker 1: and associated benefits. I tried telling him that I'm here

1274
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 1: for him no matter what, and it's gonna be fine,

1275
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,480
Speaker 1: just like all the deployments before. I told him that

1276
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 1: we don't need to rush into getting married just because

1277
00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:41,080
Speaker 1: of a bad dream. I reassured him that I'm not

1278
00:59:41,200 --> 00:59:45,080
Speaker 1: going anywhere and he will come home we will absolutely

1279
00:59:45,080 --> 00:59:47,680
Speaker 1: get married and have our dream wedding, which we have

1280
00:59:47,840 --> 00:59:51,480
Speaker 1: always talked about, simple yet special. When he looked back

1281
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:53,640
Speaker 1: at me after hearing everything I had to say, he

1282
00:59:53,720 --> 00:59:56,560
Speaker 1: wasn't mad or upset. He just looked empty, and he

1283
00:59:56,640 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 1: responded saying, I know I'm not coming home this time,

1284
00:59:59,320 --> 01:00:02,120
Speaker 1: and I'm okay with that. This is the life we chose,

1285
01:00:02,200 --> 01:00:04,480
Speaker 1: but it's my responsibility to make sure you get everything

1286
01:00:04,520 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 1: you deserve when I'm not here. I broke down and

1287
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,680
Speaker 1: told him I can't marry him right now, not because

1288
01:00:10,680 --> 01:00:13,480
Speaker 1: I don't love him, not because I need some extravagant wedding.

1289
01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:18,120
Speaker 1: It's because I can't bring this fear to life. I

1290
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 1: reassured him I love him more than anything. I reassured

1291
01:00:21,120 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 1: him that he will come home and I will marry

1292
01:00:23,240 --> 01:00:26,400
Speaker 1: him one thousand percent, but I can't bring this fear

1293
01:00:26,400 --> 01:00:28,960
Speaker 1: to life right now. He stared at me for a moment,

1294
01:00:29,160 --> 01:00:31,080
Speaker 1: got up, gave me a hug and a kiss, and

1295
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:32,480
Speaker 1: told me he needed to head to the base for

1296
01:00:32,480 --> 01:00:34,919
Speaker 1: a little bit and would be home later, and left

1297
01:00:34,960 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 1: without speaking another word. I honestly don't know what to do.

1298
01:00:39,120 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 1: I feel broken, I feel lost. I would do anything

1299
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:44,840
Speaker 1: for him, and I want to marry him, and I will,

1300
01:00:44,920 --> 01:00:46,640
Speaker 1: but I'm just not sure I can get married in

1301
01:00:46,720 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: a courthouse under these emotional and fearful circumstances. Again, not

1302
01:00:51,720 --> 01:00:54,360
Speaker 1: because I don't love him. I do more than anything.

1303
01:00:54,720 --> 01:00:57,600
Speaker 1: If his dream becomes a reality, I will be forever

1304
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:00,480
Speaker 1: broken and I will always regret not marrying him in

1305
01:01:00,520 --> 01:01:02,400
Speaker 1: the moment. But on the other hand, I do not

1306
01:01:02,520 --> 01:01:06,320
Speaker 1: want to bring this fear to life. Any advice, support, ideas,

1307
01:01:06,440 --> 01:01:11,480
Speaker 1: anything would be appreciated. We have some comments, um dang,

1308
01:01:12,080 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 1: I think this is like, uh, just you should do it.

1309
01:01:14,920 --> 01:01:18,480
Speaker 1: I know that the emotions are not there or not right,

1310
01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:21,760
Speaker 1: but it's like at this point it's just a practical

1311
01:01:22,400 --> 01:01:25,959
Speaker 1: it's pragmatic. And then it's like, look, we're getting married

1312
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:28,600
Speaker 1: right now, but this is stupid because you're getting you

1313
01:01:28,720 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 1: come back, We're doing our real wedding. Yeah, and like

1314
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:34,880
Speaker 1: there's got to be a you know site. I think

1315
01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,720
Speaker 1: Toria bumgarnering the comments as here there are sykes on

1316
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: base uh that are in place yet, so it's like,

1317
01:01:41,080 --> 01:01:42,560
Speaker 1: hopefully that's who something.

1318
01:01:42,960 --> 01:01:44,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, Winchester by Queen.

1319
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,160
Speaker 6: Again, it's just I feel like that would ease his

1320
01:01:47,240 --> 01:01:48,480
Speaker 6: mind of everything.

1321
01:01:49,080 --> 01:01:50,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's just it's very tough.

1322
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 6: It's very tough because you don't want to be like,

1323
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:55,760
Speaker 6: I'm marrying you because this is the notion that you

1324
01:01:55,800 --> 01:01:58,000
Speaker 6: are not going to make it home. And that's that's

1325
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 6: Opie's take. It's like, if we're getting married because you're

1326
01:02:03,680 --> 01:02:05,960
Speaker 6: not going to make it home, that that's not the

1327
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 6: reason why I'm going to marry you.

1328
01:02:07,400 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 4: And it's very Yeah, I get it.

1329
01:02:11,080 --> 01:02:13,960
Speaker 1: Comment number one says, do it not for you, but

1330
01:02:14,080 --> 01:02:17,200
Speaker 1: for him. You will be safe at home, living your life,

1331
01:02:17,360 --> 01:02:20,400
Speaker 1: circled with friends and support system, but he'll be risking

1332
01:02:20,440 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: his out there and alone. So if there's anything that

1333
01:02:23,160 --> 01:02:25,200
Speaker 1: could put his mind at ease, you should do it.

1334
01:02:25,800 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 1: You can still have your dream wedding with reception dress

1335
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,920
Speaker 1: and everything when he returns, but now I think you

1336
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:34,240
Speaker 1: should put his needs above your fears. Comment two says,

1337
01:02:34,240 --> 01:02:37,120
Speaker 1: you're sending that man off to war single. That's the

1338
01:02:37,120 --> 01:02:39,360
Speaker 1: way the government will see it. If anything happens to him,

1339
01:02:39,840 --> 01:02:42,600
Speaker 1: you get nothing. He's trying to protect you, and you

1340
01:02:42,640 --> 01:02:46,959
Speaker 1: pretty much slapped him in the face. All right, let's relax. Yeah,

1341
01:02:47,000 --> 01:02:50,240
Speaker 1: fourteen years means nothing if you're just his girlfriend. That's

1342
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:51,840
Speaker 1: also not true. Let's relax.

1343
01:02:52,000 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 8: Yeah, maybe that just means like in the eyes of

1344
01:02:54,040 --> 01:02:55,240
Speaker 8: the government.

1345
01:02:55,040 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 1: True though in the and you do have to fight

1346
01:02:57,800 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 1: the VA to get the things they owe you. And

1347
01:03:00,080 --> 01:03:02,959
Speaker 1: on paper, Yeah comment three. I get where you're coming from,

1348
01:03:02,960 --> 01:03:05,919
Speaker 1: but you also need to understand his perspective. Forget about

1349
01:03:05,960 --> 01:03:07,880
Speaker 1: the possibility of him not coming back home for a

1350
01:03:07,880 --> 01:03:10,760
Speaker 1: bit and focus on the idea that him being married

1351
01:03:10,800 --> 01:03:15,320
Speaker 1: to you as his lucky charm. That man is being

1352
01:03:15,400 --> 01:03:18,400
Speaker 1: emotionally vulnerable to you and shared you his biggest fear

1353
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:21,439
Speaker 1: and needed you to calm his nerves, regardless of whether

1354
01:03:21,520 --> 01:03:23,640
Speaker 1: or not marriage is just a formality to the both

1355
01:03:23,640 --> 01:03:26,040
Speaker 1: of you. The way I see it, being married to

1356
01:03:26,080 --> 01:03:28,400
Speaker 1: you while being deployed is like having a mental and

1357
01:03:28,440 --> 01:03:31,400
Speaker 1: emotional support for him. So I'm going to be a

1358
01:03:31,440 --> 01:03:33,760
Speaker 1: bit blunt. I invite you to put yourself in his

1359
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:36,000
Speaker 1: situation for a minute. If you were in a position

1360
01:03:36,040 --> 01:03:38,240
Speaker 1: where there's a possibility of you not coming back to

1361
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:40,360
Speaker 1: your loved ones, don't you want to know and feel

1362
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:42,680
Speaker 1: at ease that, at least in your final days, you

1363
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:44,600
Speaker 1: are tied to the love of your life and they

1364
01:03:44,640 --> 01:03:47,320
Speaker 1: are taking care of in your absence. Your fears and

1365
01:03:47,360 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 1: reservations towards the marriage is also valid. But I'm gonna

1366
01:03:50,480 --> 01:03:53,919
Speaker 1: say you are minor a hole because all I've heard

1367
01:03:54,040 --> 01:03:58,880
Speaker 1: is your too focused on yourself. Disagree, not that it's bad,

1368
01:03:59,200 --> 01:04:01,600
Speaker 1: but try to under stand his views as well and

1369
01:04:01,680 --> 01:04:04,920
Speaker 1: make a well informed and balanced decision from there onwards.

1370
01:04:05,200 --> 01:04:09,000
Speaker 1: And there is an update. I never suspected I would

1371
01:04:09,000 --> 01:04:12,920
Speaker 1: have so many people respond. It's helpful to get unbiased feedback,

1372
01:04:12,960 --> 01:04:15,640
Speaker 1: even some that was maybe a little harsh. In short,

1373
01:04:15,720 --> 01:04:17,560
Speaker 1: my soon to be a husband and I will be

1374
01:04:17,640 --> 01:04:21,440
Speaker 1: getting married tomorrow, wow, surrounded by immediate family and our

1375
01:04:21,480 --> 01:04:24,520
Speaker 1: closest friends. And his unit will be deploying on Wednesday.

1376
01:04:25,080 --> 01:04:27,560
Speaker 1: On Monday, the day my fiance confronted me with his

1377
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:30,200
Speaker 1: fears and his wish to marry before his deployment. It

1378
01:04:30,320 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 1: was a roller coaster of emotions, but I want to

1379
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,000
Speaker 1: make it very clear to anyone who questioned it. I

1380
01:04:35,040 --> 01:04:39,160
Speaker 1: never questioned wanting to marry John. He truly is the

1381
01:04:39,200 --> 01:04:42,720
Speaker 1: love of my life. I suppose I was merely overwhelmed

1382
01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:45,960
Speaker 1: in this moment by his fear of not returning this time,

1383
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:49,400
Speaker 1: and somewhere inside of me believed if I agreed in

1384
01:04:49,440 --> 01:04:53,960
Speaker 1: this moment, I would somehow be confirming his fears. Nevertheless,

1385
01:04:54,080 --> 01:04:56,520
Speaker 1: I have come to realize that whether we're married or not,

1386
01:04:57,000 --> 01:04:59,480
Speaker 1: it will not control our future or our fate, and

1387
01:04:59,560 --> 01:05:01,160
Speaker 1: I never want want to look back and say I

1388
01:05:01,160 --> 01:05:04,600
Speaker 1: wish we did so tomorrow will be our big day.

1389
01:05:04,840 --> 01:05:06,040
Speaker 8: That's a great way to put it.

1390
01:05:06,200 --> 01:05:08,800
Speaker 1: I like that. Yeah, just to comment on some of

1391
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:11,560
Speaker 1: the feedback I received, First and foremost, thank you to

1392
01:05:11,600 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 1: all of you. You all shared some great perspectives and

1393
01:05:14,280 --> 01:05:17,720
Speaker 1: even some personal experiences. Some asked why we had not

1394
01:05:17,840 --> 01:05:21,040
Speaker 1: yet married after fourteen years. Truthfully, I do not have

1395
01:05:21,080 --> 01:05:23,560
Speaker 1: a good answer for that. We always had each other

1396
01:05:23,600 --> 01:05:26,640
Speaker 1: in merely viewed marriage as a formality, Even with John

1397
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:29,200
Speaker 1: losing friends over the years, it was never at our

1398
01:05:29,360 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 1: forefront of importance, and he has never had intuitive fears

1399
01:05:33,480 --> 01:05:36,000
Speaker 1: like this before. There's a little bit more story left here, Yeah,

1400
01:05:36,080 --> 01:05:38,600
Speaker 1: let's go ahead and finish it off. To address the

1401
01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:41,760
Speaker 1: point others made, as I previously mentioned, John's unit is

1402
01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:45,080
Speaker 1: considered to be Tier one. That said, I usually do

1403
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:47,680
Speaker 1: not know where his unit is being deployed to, and

1404
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:51,680
Speaker 1: contact during deployment is often limited and sporadic at best.

1405
01:05:52,200 --> 01:05:54,480
Speaker 1: So where his unit is being deployed, this time and

1406
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 1: what he might know he's not sharing. That said, as

1407
01:05:58,120 --> 01:05:59,920
Speaker 1: many of you mentioned, it is important for me to

1408
01:05:59,880 --> 01:06:01,880
Speaker 1: do anything I can to help put his mind at ease,

1409
01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:04,440
Speaker 1: and even more important for him to be focused on

1410
01:06:04,520 --> 01:06:07,240
Speaker 1: the task at hand while deployed and not worried about home.

1411
01:06:07,680 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 1: So tomorrow we will be legally officially married, and I

1412
01:06:11,320 --> 01:06:14,840
Speaker 1: pray this helps put John's mind at ease. I will

1413
01:06:14,840 --> 01:06:17,120
Speaker 1: be there for him no matter what and forever support

1414
01:06:17,200 --> 01:06:19,960
Speaker 1: him in any way I can, and that is the

1415
01:06:20,080 --> 01:06:21,120
Speaker 1: end of that story.