Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you.
Speaker 1: Claim to give us.
Speaker 4: Time and a turmano and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off inside. We wanna welcome
Speaker 1: you back home. Tell us all about it. We scared her?
Speaker 1: Was it fine? Malforn?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need with Karen and Chris. Welcome to another
Speaker 2: episode of Do You Need a Ride? I'm Chris Fairbanks,
Speaker 2: I'm Garath and today we are picking up Chris.
Speaker 1: Is there. I just texted him to say come down.
Speaker 1: He's watching us from.
Speaker 2: His apartment, very mysteriously. He's watching us in the car.
Speaker 2: Whereas you know, we.
Speaker 1: Record setting up our all of our very high end equipment.
Speaker 1: I'm sortainly. I'm leaning into this mic. There is it
Speaker 1: all right?
Speaker 2: Got a little hot?
Speaker 1: Didn't go too hot? It is a little I put
Speaker 1: it all the way in my mouth.
Speaker 2: Okay, sorry, it's a good test.
Speaker 1: It's a good test to do that. They're here. That's
Speaker 1: about it, right?
Speaker 2: Oh wow, No, I don't know. It's hard to. I'll
Speaker 2: just turn you down a little.
Speaker 1: Oh, I moved it down.
Speaker 2: I thought we're good. Okay, here he's coming down.
Speaker 1: And should I say sorry right at the beginning, because
Speaker 1: especially I don't know what that podcast is going to
Speaker 1: turn out. Like the one we did last night.
Speaker 2: It was great, was it? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Okay it was. It makes me nervous to be the
Speaker 1: guest of my own podcast. Yes, But what I was
Speaker 1: going to say is, oh, that's true. But I felt
Speaker 1: responsible for I don't know.
Speaker 2: It just was a funny way of wording the description. Oka,
Speaker 2: Actually we have guests last the last show with Karen
Speaker 2: Kilgear with the guest and Henry Phillips was the co host.
Speaker 2: But once you got in the car quickly you took over. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, in both giving you directions and conversation.
Speaker 2: I just thought it was funny to say it that way.
Speaker 1: Oh, I see.
Speaker 2: Instead, it was very confusing.
Speaker 1: I felt the I didn't. I felt whatever, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of problems. What I was going
Speaker 1: to say is we need to start remembering to say
Speaker 1: if you like this podcast, please review us on iTunes
Speaker 1: so that we get good reviews and stuff, and thank
Speaker 1: you for listening because we're so excited to be doing it.
Speaker 2: Don't base your review on our show strictly on the
Speaker 2: intro of this episode.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, this episode has nothing to do with the
Speaker 1: quality of our show.
Speaker 2: Talk too much about the past, the past. They live
Speaker 2: in the past too much, and then they go straight
Speaker 2: to iTunes reviews. There he is, there he is, with
Speaker 2: a fresh haircut and it's actual bag and a.
Speaker 1: Fresh attitude of the young and the youth. Hi, Chris there, Hi, Hi, come.
Speaker 2: On in, Hi. There's a microphone for your mouth, your wordhole.
Speaker 1: Than you are we starting, We're starting skateboarding. Skateboarder went
Speaker 1: by you, mister Chris.
Speaker 2: Oh, I get excited like a like a like a
Speaker 2: dog does when he sees a skateboard. I just run
Speaker 2: up and I'm like, I do that too, and I
Speaker 2: bite him on the ankles.
Speaker 1: Chris there, how are you?
Speaker 4: I'm good? How are you? How are you? Too good?
Speaker 1: To see you?
Speaker 4: Thanks for picking me up. I'm driving my pleasure.
Speaker 2: Oh it's doesn't stop here, it stops at LA specifically, is.
Speaker 4: This your first LA extrip?
Speaker 2: Oh? No, no, we're old. We're old hands at lax
Speaker 2: drop offs.
Speaker 1: Do you think I should do.
Speaker 4: This is your second lax strip.
Speaker 2: We've done mostly lax scripts.
Speaker 1: I'd say it's our seventh.
Speaker 4: Oh I thought you guys were Burbank only.
Speaker 1: Oh no, did I tell that to you?
Speaker 4: I was under the impression for some reason.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, I lie a lot. If not, Usually,
Speaker 2: if we're at Burbank, we're dropping off a magician or
Speaker 2: some other kind of older Vegas entertainer.
Speaker 1: Danny gans has been in the car.
Speaker 2: But God rest his soul, Danny Gance passed away. Of
Speaker 2: course he was master entertainer, but quoted two thousand and six,
Speaker 2: we lost him in seven. I realize as the peak
Speaker 2: of his career. Not only Chris did he do impressions,
Speaker 2: which I don't know if you have any love, He
Speaker 2: did impersonations and in tations, as well as celebrity copies
Speaker 2: and very good at sleight of hand, close up magistry.
Speaker 4: Celebrity.
Speaker 1: He would run off some dittos of celebrities that you
Speaker 1: would think were the original doctors.
Speaker 2: To almost smell the carbon from the copies that he made.
Speaker 1: Chris, when's the last time you went to Las Vegas?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Uh, last year maybe, But it was also the
Speaker 4: first time I've been to Las.
Speaker 1: Vegas first and most recent.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I will. I don't ever want to go back.
Speaker 2: I could hear your heart rate.
Speaker 1: I'm really excited.
Speaker 2: Well, you're in bad luck then, because we're taking you
Speaker 2: to Vegas.
Speaker 1: Like one of those Travelosity commercials.
Speaker 4: We are going to the Burbank Airport.
Speaker 1: Y that guy honked for hell, there's a lot going on.
Speaker 2: There is a lot. Do you feel scared yet in
Speaker 2: our podcast because it's it's very dangerous.
Speaker 4: No, not at all. I drive these mean streets every day.
Speaker 2: I gotta make sure. I mean, look at that tagger
Speaker 2: right there. That guy is ready to spray paint something.
Speaker 1: That's racist or the white guy.
Speaker 2: Yes, the old white guy, not the actual kid holding
Speaker 2: a spray can I'm not racist?
Speaker 1: Chris? Did you Chris there? Did you go to Vegas
Speaker 1: for fun? For work? And did you win any money?
Speaker 4: I did not win any money. I went for fun
Speaker 4: and it wasn't that fun.
Speaker 2: I'm with you, Chris. Vegas is just a showcase of
Speaker 2: the bottom feeders of our society. I went with They're
Speaker 2: there for all the wrong reasons.
Speaker 4: Whoes that's why I was there?
Speaker 1: Uh horror around Yeah, I guess that's for one second.
Speaker 1: While we go over the original Roman road.
Speaker 4: Here your heart.
Speaker 2: Some of the roads in la are so old. There's
Speaker 2: still cobblestone. That's the history of wherever we are.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, and where are you going to dig?
Speaker 4: Chris?
Speaker 1: There, I'm going to New York, New York City. Yes,
Speaker 1: for comedy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have like nine or ten shows.
Speaker 2: Isn't it fun? And probably in the span of five
Speaker 2: days you could do that.
Speaker 4: I was last time I was there. I booked it
Speaker 4: like that. But I'm there for two weeks.
Speaker 2: Oh that's great.
Speaker 4: So I tried to give myself a little bit of
Speaker 4: free time so I could go to the Apollo. Nice
Speaker 4: catch a show, of course.
Speaker 2: Good, that's great.
Speaker 4: Hope they asked me to perform. You know how it
Speaker 4: is to sit.
Speaker 1: In an audience yep, and like you there, you got
Speaker 1: what it takes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I recognize you.
Speaker 2: Do you know what you're saying at the Apollo?
Speaker 4: I bet he's not really, I'm not really.
Speaker 2: I sometimes I get tricked, and those times, but now
Speaker 2: it just makes me nostalgic for the days I was
Speaker 2: always tricked. What shows are you? Are you excited about
Speaker 2: anyone in particular?
Speaker 4: I'm excited about all of them. They're all pretty good.
Speaker 4: I think I'm doing Night Train, which I've heard good
Speaker 4: things about doing Cabin. I have a bunch of shows
Speaker 4: at U see BE East.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, those are all good shows. They're fun and
Speaker 2: people there, do you agree they listen a little more
Speaker 2: the audiences.
Speaker 4: I don't know. I haven't been in like two and
Speaker 4: a half years, so UCB East wasn't open at that time.
Speaker 4: The only one of those shows I mentioned that I've
Speaker 4: done so far as Cabin a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just like it seems like New York crowds.
Speaker 2: I don't want to slight Los Angeles people, but they're
Speaker 2: a little smarter, a lot of not a lot of
Speaker 2: Like I moved here to be an improv actor. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and books are for squares. It seems like in New
Speaker 2: York people think books are cool. That being said, I never.
Speaker 1: Read people in New York. I also think have lives
Speaker 1: outside of the media's And that's what so respectable to me.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean.
Speaker 1: It really seems.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's what I meant to say.
Speaker 1: It's just like you could be sitting next to a
Speaker 1: college professor, you know whatever. There just seems to be
Speaker 1: a real it.
Speaker 4: Feels like a media studies professor.
Speaker 1: Then you're like, fuck off, palace nerd.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've heard you're a bartender. Now make me let.
Speaker 1: I picked the worst street to drive down. We started
Speaker 1: and immediately stopped in traffic and road repairs. This is
Speaker 1: this perfect for a Friday afternoon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the street where Michael Douglas lost lost
Speaker 2: his mind and falling down? Is it all the just
Speaker 2: where all the construction was. I like to reference well movie.
Speaker 4: I actually don't even live over there. I just wanted
Speaker 4: more time on the podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh that's great that you're going to do great. I
Speaker 1: live right by l a X, so could we drop
Speaker 1: you off at your apartment right before?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I planned on walking. I was just open. You
Speaker 4: can get me right back home.
Speaker 2: I live by LAX and I that's it's very inconvenient
Speaker 2: for being a comedian. Or I live in Venice Beach,
Speaker 2: so I'm driving all the time at night, and it's
Speaker 2: I regret it all the time until I have to
Speaker 2: go to the airport. Then it's pretty sweet.
Speaker 1: Yeah, then you love it.
Speaker 4: How often is that.
Speaker 2: The old airport? How often am I gigging? Yes? Oh
Speaker 2: you know?
Speaker 4: How often? Is it worth it? To live where you live.
Speaker 2: I'm a bit of a road dough now it's yeah,
Speaker 2: once a month, I'm like, well, here I go again.
Speaker 2: That's a lot with it, I guess you know.
Speaker 1: And also the clean air with the negative ions, which
Speaker 1: is very good for your brain and spirit.
Speaker 4: Do I have those?
Speaker 1: No, we don't have any heir.
Speaker 4: In the I'm negative.
Speaker 1: Oh that's true. Wait, let's think about it. Person, I
Speaker 1: think that I am negative? Can I say this? Chris
Speaker 1: Thayer and I just worked on the Peat Home Show together,
Speaker 1: recently canceled heartbreaking.
Speaker 4: Sometimes your best isn't good enough.
Speaker 1: And here we are back where we were before.
Speaker 2: But remembering lyrics didn't beating.
Speaker 1: You at that Chris Thayer was our digital content writer. Yes,
Speaker 1: and I loved it because the few things that I
Speaker 1: ever had to check that he wrote, I didn't have
Speaker 1: to check. When I looked at them, I was like
Speaker 1: word perfect, perfectly spelled, perfectly put together, very solid writing,
Speaker 1: very very funny but non intrusive.
Speaker 4: There we go.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I should have said.
Speaker 4: That first spelling.
Speaker 1: I want you to become a typographer or maybe an editor.
Speaker 1: Do when to indent, he will not put He is
Speaker 1: against doctford commas just like I am.
Speaker 4: He puts in semi Collins, but he's not flashy about it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just he really wants to break that phrase.
Speaker 2: A lot of people overuse commas just every time they
Speaker 2: want to pause.
Speaker 4: I'm kind of like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, me too. I love comments.
Speaker 4: I actually am bad about semi collins and I just
Speaker 4: read a quote from Kurt Vonaga yesterday where he was
Speaker 4: saying that they're complete bullshit. They don't signify anything. They're
Speaker 4: just to show that you.
Speaker 1: Went to college semi collins.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, funny, but I didn't go to college, so oh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, take off, Kurt. Yeah, Vonna gout, Yeah, dead bitch,
Speaker 2: Vonna gut comma, Kurt.
Speaker 1: I thought that started as a respectful homage turned into
Speaker 1: a total We scorched that motherfucker.
Speaker 4: I felt bad when I read.
Speaker 1: It because because I've.
Speaker 4: Been using them like crazy. I love using semi colons.
Speaker 4: I thought about that, like, if I ever was like it,
Speaker 4: I don't think I could get away with a crime
Speaker 4: because I use semi colons so often. They could easily
Speaker 4: trace back anything written to me.
Speaker 1: That's good, Give me all your money, pause.
Speaker 2: What's your alibi? Fees?
Speaker 1: It's a series, so you're trying to prove you went
Speaker 1: to college by using them, just like I'm.
Speaker 4: Just trying to save money.
Speaker 2: Kurt. Come on, God, Kurt just got a text. We're
Speaker 2: multimedia podcast speaking a digital writing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, don't forget to text us.
Speaker 4: Why do we keep getting in wrecks in your questions?
Speaker 2: The other though, the uh, Mike Fleno posts our episode,
Speaker 2: posts them onto the interweb. He uploads them. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Technically, we just call him Mike.
Speaker 2: He's very happy with the last episode. O good, very
Speaker 2: great episode.
Speaker 4: Has he gone up yet?
Speaker 2: I think it just went up. Usually we like to
Speaker 2: do them for Friday morning. That one will be on
Speaker 2: next Friday morning.
Speaker 4: Nice. But I'll still be in New York. I have shows.
Speaker 4: If people want to come, I'll wait till the end.
Speaker 4: I wait till the end. I get it. I get
Speaker 4: it and look it up.
Speaker 2: I guess we can throw our whole format to the
Speaker 2: wind and talk about what shows you're doing now.
Speaker 4: I love a podcast that hides the plugs in the middle.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think that's smart because they're.
Speaker 4: Only for the fans. You know, that's right.
Speaker 2: You can see him at cabin.
Speaker 1: He thinks, what go then, dude, Yeah, you've got it
Speaker 1: you've got the floor.
Speaker 2: They're not injured enough. Now that wasn't I'd say, do
Speaker 2: you say bad things, Chris when you're in a car? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 2: I just say unspeakable things.
Speaker 4: I said a real hurtful thing the other day.
Speaker 1: Let's hear it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's hear it.
Speaker 4: I was driving behind a car that was going really
Speaker 4: slow and uh. And normally I'd be like, are you
Speaker 4: fucking kidding me? Like if somebody cuts me off or something,
Speaker 4: or like you're a fucking asshole, you know, and then
Speaker 4: I get over it. Yeah, but the guy was going slow,
Speaker 4: which is pretty uncommon. It was on the freeway, and
Speaker 4: I was like, I thought you're a loser. Yeah, like it,
Speaker 4: which was a more pointed thing, like you'll never amount
Speaker 4: to anything because you drive slow. It's like a character flaw.
Speaker 1: It's the worst thing you can say to someone in
Speaker 1: Los Angeles where everyone's trying to be a winner.
Speaker 2: Was it ausible to him?
Speaker 4: No, I didn't even say that.
Speaker 2: Oh well you just thought it. Yeah, Well that's not
Speaker 2: I mean, you're I already know you're a nicer person
Speaker 2: than I.
Speaker 4: Oh sometime, Yeah, I can control myself.
Speaker 2: I don't burp every other contest I thought about I
Speaker 2: thought of a burp a minute ago and let it out.
Speaker 2: So you think about the bad things, you don't let
Speaker 2: them fly out your mouth like me and the word
Speaker 2: cocksucker and then burps. No, no, man, I really, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: I actually I was on San Fernando and there were
Speaker 1: people I almost saw a train car wreck. You know
Speaker 1: how they always warn you of, like don't stop on
Speaker 1: the tracks, where you're like, who would ever do that?
Speaker 1: That's so stupid.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's bells and sounds also the sound of a train.
Speaker 1: But I saw a person and stop on the tracks
Speaker 1: and the bar come down, a white lexus, and then
Speaker 1: the person not back up like they thought they were
Speaker 1: gonna gun it through, and then the people behind that
Speaker 1: person getting so close that he couldn't back up. So
Speaker 1: I rolled my window down. This is how controlling and
Speaker 1: what a lunatic I am. I rolled my window down
Speaker 1: and yelled back up, and then they all backed up.
Speaker 4: But it was like, oh, you sad.
Speaker 1: I like to think it was about me. I'm positive
Speaker 1: it wasn't, but just the idea that it's like that's
Speaker 1: so that's an LA driver where they just stay right
Speaker 1: behind you, even if a train is coming. If you
Speaker 1: move up, they'll just fill that empty space instead of
Speaker 1: like looking at the whole picture.
Speaker 4: Wouldn't you would any part of you have felt okay
Speaker 4: with the fact that it was Alexis though, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I kind of wanted to see that train if
Speaker 1: over when the.
Speaker 2: Train hit the car, would you have said under your breath,
Speaker 2: what a loser? Because that's the ultimate and loss.
Speaker 1: It's loss of life.
Speaker 2: Yes, you're a user of your life. Yeah, and then
Speaker 2: some sort of song.
Speaker 4: All dead people are losers and.
Speaker 2: They really are right if you really think about it.
Speaker 2: Breaking down language styles.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna move that so I can see your face.
Speaker 2: Oh hi, hey, yeah, sorry, not make an eye contact
Speaker 2: kind of it. Usually I like to, but uh, the
Speaker 2: nature of our podcast. You're in a Honda fit. I
Speaker 2: love you do.
Speaker 4: I came to l A in an fit. Well color shit,
Speaker 4: Oh it's like no, I think it might have been orange.
Speaker 4: Oh okay, yeah, shit.
Speaker 1: Orange like it looked like a little penny.
Speaker 4: Only yeah, like a coppery. I think I could be
Speaker 4: completely wrong, by the way, but I think it was
Speaker 4: a fit.
Speaker 1: And how long ago did you come here?
Speaker 4: I came to LA in July of twenty twelve and
Speaker 4: I was driven by Megan Keister and Alan Strickland Williams.
Speaker 4: Two very funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like those I love them. They're so funny. And
Speaker 1: they're dating, which is the greatest.
Speaker 4: They have a hand a fit. I think you guys
Speaker 4: have I think.
Speaker 1: Wait, were either of them City of San Francisco Comics
Speaker 1: or we're just coming back down.
Speaker 4: They're just coming back down and they took me and
Speaker 4: all my stuff, so awesome. Yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: I really love Megan Keister. She gives me hope for
Speaker 1: girl comedy in the future.
Speaker 2: I sure like her name women.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they prefer the term women.
Speaker 1: The sketch group women like them. God damn it.
Speaker 2: You're a part of the problem, Karen. I know, it's
Speaker 2: so ironic because you are a comedian, comedian.
Speaker 4: Comedian like Raggedy Ann, Raggedy Andy, comedian Andy. He's a comedian, Andy, Chris.
Speaker 1: What's the difference between San Francisco and Los Angeles?
Speaker 4: Yes, Oh, like it's like three hundred miles away.
Speaker 1: Uh huh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's more north.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's further north.
Speaker 2: And San Francisco politically.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I well, I mean it's so much more compact.
Speaker 4: It's like seven by seven miles, and public transportation is
Speaker 4: used by everyone. You're down in the streets, you're around people,
Speaker 4: You're not so isolated.
Speaker 2: Yes, you're really It sounds like you really prefer San
Speaker 2: Francisco to Los Angeles.
Speaker 4: Well, those are the things I miss about it. I
Speaker 4: don't know I like la I don't know that I've
Speaker 4: fallen in love with it. And I don't know what
Speaker 4: I would say that I like about it to someone.
Speaker 2: It's that's understandable.
Speaker 1: Don't fall in love.
Speaker 2: Don't. Don't If you fall in love with this city,
Speaker 2: it makes you harsh.
Speaker 1: She'll break your heart twice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the minute you're in love, she turns on you.
Speaker 4: Have you guys been through something?
Speaker 1: Also, it's I don't I think there's nothing to love
Speaker 1: on purpose, Like I think people keep it lucy goosey
Speaker 1: so that people leave because there's too many people here.
Speaker 4: I just tell people, like when people are thinking of
Speaker 4: moving or whatever, I say like, yeah, you should. A
Speaker 4: lot of people that have moved here or seem to
Speaker 4: really like it. I really don't know what to say.
Speaker 4: I'm like, yeah, the weather's nice, and a lot of
Speaker 4: the other people who've moved here from where you're from
Speaker 4: really enjoy it. Yeah, so you probably will too.
Speaker 1: And what you're not saying is there's this kind of
Speaker 1: a psychic miasma you're about to enter into that you
Speaker 1: can't understand and won't, but you will just be in it.
Speaker 1: And that's what living in la is all about.
Speaker 4: If I had thought of that, I would have just
Speaker 4: said that, would you, Yeah, it's not that I'm not
Speaker 4: saying that.
Speaker 2: Would you say psychics?
Speaker 1: Sorry, I don't know what that is.
Speaker 4: That's one of the semi that's one of them semiculon words.
Speaker 1: It is cat org I bet and you looked it
Speaker 1: up and it doesn't mean anything. But I just meant
Speaker 1: it as like when you're just having this is the
Speaker 1: kind of place where you, if you are a certain
Speaker 1: kind of person, you will doubt everything about yourself.
Speaker 4: Oh I'm that kind of person.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think most people are, unless you're I just.
Speaker 4: Referred to it as negative ions.
Speaker 1: That's what people on the West Side do.
Speaker 2: I just call it rods and cones firing. That's your eyes.
Speaker 2: I like San Franny. I did my comedy album there
Speaker 2: and I found that that city is very, of course liberal,
Speaker 2: which I like. I'm a liberal person. I like when
Speaker 2: people are open minded, but I felt like during a
Speaker 2: lot of jokes there, I would get groans if something
Speaker 2: was even touching on something that you know, liberal folks
Speaker 2: are known are supposed to be a trigger to where
Speaker 2: they're reacting and kind of being closed minded as a result.
Speaker 2: So they're so liberal they're being conservative.
Speaker 4: I see that happening where it's a lot of like
Speaker 4: it's they would rather it's like throwing out the baby
Speaker 4: with the bathwater kind of thing, right, No, there's no
Speaker 4: attention to contact sometimes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's.
Speaker 4: Like, oh, you're talking about this at all, so it
Speaker 4: must be in a way that it's going to offend
Speaker 4: my sensibilities. Exact comedians are patently offensive or something.
Speaker 1: Well, and also those people that have themselves to be
Speaker 1: the police of everybody else. There's lots of police people
Speaker 1: up there that are like, oh, you clearly don't know
Speaker 1: that that's not the way we do it here.
Speaker 2: And then if you do a show of hands here
Speaker 2: who here likes San Francisco, Everyone's like yay because they
Speaker 2: the houses and it's pretty and there's public transit and
Speaker 2: people are nice. But if you go there, they're like boo,
Speaker 2: we hate la.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I never understood that.
Speaker 1: It's because LA doesn't give a shit about flee Cisco. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess, and Sancisco, Like when I lived there, everyone
Speaker 1: feared living there. There's a lot of fear involved, at
Speaker 1: least for me. But then there's it's also the thing
Speaker 1: that they're so superficial and this and this and this,
Speaker 1: and it's like, well, basically, it's like it's like trying
Speaker 1: to say the big leagues in baseball, are they're just
Speaker 1: using you or whatever?
Speaker 4: I mean, are you taking about the one like the
Speaker 4: one way rivalry between Yes, Okay, yeah I got lost
Speaker 4: for a second, but I totally see that for sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, there's a one way.
Speaker 4: But I I don't know, it's it's weird comedically, I
Speaker 4: feel like I have been having to adjust because audiences
Speaker 4: are a lot more patient up there though. For sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you'll find while you're in New York
Speaker 2: patients will be given to you. Yeah, and you'll love it.
Speaker 4: But I don't know. I mean, i'd like to, you know,
Speaker 4: I want to be good performing in both kinds of places.
Speaker 2: Yeah, none of these none of these shitholes are Boise, Idaho.
Speaker 2: That's the best place you could ever tell jokes.
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 2: Be town I used to like, I don't know, I'm
Speaker 2: kind of kidding, but there are random little non city
Speaker 2: spots that are really terrific to format. That's all I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 2: defending the old road.
Speaker 4: Bloomington is really fun.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: No, smaller town, but I mean those are like college place.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. Madison is one of my favorite places. It's
Speaker 2: just like, look at all these happy young people that
Speaker 2: are like the people I grew up around being a Montana.
Speaker 1: Every show I've ever done in Canada has been incredible.
Speaker 2: Isn't Canada just a great trucking greatest? Are you in Canada? Chris?
Speaker 4: I've never been? I uh, I want, I would really
Speaker 4: like to go. I feel like I'm gonna have some
Speaker 4: trouble though, I got it. Do you I like ten
Speaker 4: years ago? Oh okay, and I think they're pretty strict
Speaker 4: on that.
Speaker 2: But after seven years, doesn't it kind of Yeah?
Speaker 1: I think there's a there's an old time lapse thing.
Speaker 4: I'm glad I made that public. Jesus too.
Speaker 2: Out our Canadian.
Speaker 1: Fans, Let's tell them about all the times we've been
Speaker 1: in jail.
Speaker 2: We keep getting tweeted by their border patrol so don't bother.
Speaker 1: Going now they Oh god, they're huge fans of the border.
Speaker 4: I love just the border.
Speaker 2: I love any kind of boundary. Anytime there's an imaginary
Speaker 2: line and I shouldn't cross it, I love it.
Speaker 1: Is you get your blood pumpin, Yeah, get into it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh that line? You mean that one that decides
Speaker 2: which one of us is mice and which is men?
Speaker 2: And then I either I usually don't cross it.
Speaker 4: I like to hop back and forth between the tle
Speaker 4: I'm a mice man, I mean I'm a mouse.
Speaker 2: Man would if I don't want to decide between those
Speaker 2: and I'm a bunny rabbit, And then you just hop around.
Speaker 4: It's kind of like or like a kangaroo would be
Speaker 4: like between the two, right, it kind of looks like
Speaker 4: a mouse looks like you were shaking your head.
Speaker 2: No, like my bunny rabbit.
Speaker 1: That's why I can't be in an improv class.
Speaker 2: So much negation, yell you do no end me quite
Speaker 2: a bit.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 1: Actually, I was thinking, man has a phrase. I liked it.
Speaker 1: Something about it that's super appealing. He's a plural singular.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's good.
Speaker 1: Like he's got a lot of mice on him.
Speaker 2: Oh that would be cool because everyone else was just
Speaker 2: thinking of a guy in a suit that just had
Speaker 2: not me.
Speaker 1: I'm super different.
Speaker 2: A man. I'm a mouse man, and he's covered in mice.
Speaker 2: A man made of mice.
Speaker 1: Because a rat king, yes, yeah, do you know what
Speaker 1: a rat king is? You might see a rat king
Speaker 1: while you're in New York?
Speaker 4: What I hope? So, I honestly get so excited when
Speaker 4: I see rats in the subway right, because.
Speaker 2: It's really real. This is New York is real.
Speaker 1: All those movies I saw are real. A rat king
Speaker 1: is when a bunch of rats gets tangled up in
Speaker 1: each other. You've never heard of that?
Speaker 2: You know by their tails?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess yeah, they get all stuck together.
Speaker 2: And then it forms a larger like a transformer.
Speaker 1: Into the shape of one big mouth, like.
Speaker 2: One big rat. I forget it's a transformer name. He's
Speaker 2: made up of many robots. Oh nuts, that's what would
Speaker 2: be the.
Speaker 1: Most you watch Transformers.
Speaker 2: No, it turns out none of us. I respect everyone
Speaker 2: in the car for not knowing Optimist Prime. Oh that
Speaker 2: is it is Optimis Prime. Thank you. Yeah, he's like
Speaker 2: he is a robot that is comprised of other robots
Speaker 2: with their own personalities. But then they get together and
Speaker 2: they fight the septicons as one unit, and together they
Speaker 2: can turn into a semi truck.
Speaker 1: Written by a genius boys, stuff is so dumb.
Speaker 4: Rats.
Speaker 1: This is the story about rats, rats into one big rat.
Speaker 2: I think the time I lived in Texas and then
Speaker 2: I would see many armadillos and possums, and possums look
Speaker 2: a lot like a giant rat. So then when you
Speaker 2: go to New York and you finally see a big
Speaker 2: one scurrying on the tracks, it's not as impressive because, hey,
Speaker 2: you're the same guy that's been digging in my plumb garden.
Speaker 1: You're no armadilla.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, last time I was in New York, there
Speaker 4: was a rat on the subway platform, terrorizing people, and
Speaker 4: in the summertimes when people were in flip flops and stuff,
Speaker 4: just freaking the fuck out running away from this rat.
Speaker 4: And my friend and I were watching, and you know,
Speaker 4: kind of amused at what was going on, and then
Speaker 4: I'm looking at my friend we're talking about it, and
Speaker 4: he just he screamed in my face, and it scared
Speaker 4: me so bad. I just screamed back. And it turned
Speaker 4: out that the rat had like run across his feet
Speaker 4: as we were talking about other people like encountering this rat.
Speaker 1: Then it happened to him. Yeah, that's easy to point
Speaker 1: the finger.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 2: And before Karen tells her rat story, I'll tell mine.
Speaker 2: It was Halloween. Halloween. It happened maybe two weeks prior,
Speaker 2: and I had this jack a lantern that I had
Speaker 2: carved and it was just droopy and rotten.
Speaker 4: Ready for fuck.
Speaker 2: It was really ready to just American tie my dick
Speaker 2: into Well you.
Speaker 1: That's why you love Halloween so much.
Speaker 2: And I have a black cat, and my black cat
Speaker 2: was standing there and this is all stuff that you
Speaker 2: see on a Halloween greeting card. I went to pick
Speaker 2: up the jack lantern it's like at time to put
Speaker 2: him in the trash, and my fingers just sunk into
Speaker 2: the side of it a lot like my dick would have. Yeah,
Speaker 2: all right, we had and it ripped, it ripped open,
Speaker 2: and there was a fucking mouse in there.
Speaker 1: And he went and the mouse was having a birthday party.
Speaker 2: Well, nobody was wearing a hat because as he propped up,
Speaker 2: he was wearing the top of the pumpkin like a
Speaker 2: little Jack lannern top hat.
Speaker 1: And then it said happy birthday, grandson, and.
Speaker 2: Right then my cat was like rot and he jumped.
Speaker 2: A black cat jumped in the air and silhouetted in
Speaker 2: front of the moon with a perfect arch mat Yeah,
Speaker 2: also seen on Halloween cards.
Speaker 1: It was much of the story was true my cat.
Speaker 2: Okay. What is true is the mouse was inside there.
Speaker 2: It was not true that the jack lantern was being
Speaker 2: worn like part of a hat. It is true that
Speaker 2: the cat leapt into the air. It is not true
Speaker 2: that he art froze in front of the moon, causing
Speaker 2: a silhouette that beckoned back man, back man.
Speaker 1: Fuck, Who's there's a really good chance that both of
Speaker 1: us every podcast have strokes.
Speaker 2: I think I'm having the heat variety right now.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a good chance.
Speaker 2: Why am I wearing layers?
Speaker 1: You always do?
Speaker 2: Anyway, the mouse scared me, and I scared the cat.
Speaker 2: I just like it when cats react in a human
Speaker 2: way to something. The one time my cat walked through
Speaker 2: a spider web and then he stopped and he's like
Speaker 2: h and he was like looking at his podyssey if
Speaker 2: the spider wed was on him, which proved that he
Speaker 2: scared us by And I just I missed that cat
Speaker 2: so much yeah.
Speaker 1: My cat Angus, who's also dead. I used to we
Speaker 1: used to have a trick, like a dog trick. He
Speaker 1: would sit down and if I got a certain distance
Speaker 1: away from him and pointed at him, he would me
Speaker 1: owt And it was he was hilarious. He was so
Speaker 1: not like a cat.
Speaker 2: That's like a dog style trick.
Speaker 4: Yeah that is.
Speaker 1: And it was a trick that he showed me he
Speaker 1: could do like I didn't. I one time was like,
Speaker 1: stop doing that and pointed at him and he mowed
Speaker 1: back like he was assassing me. Oh wow, this is
Speaker 1: the dumbest story I've ever told.
Speaker 4: So he turned it into turned his bad behavior into
Speaker 4: a game.
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, that's great.
Speaker 1: And then we'd literally at parties be like, come in here,
Speaker 1: I show you this thing. Oh it's so terrible. And
Speaker 1: then uh, and then he died.
Speaker 2: My cat. I didn't want everyone to think my cat's dead.
Speaker 2: He just is in Montana. He's retired at night.
Speaker 1: That's your cat that has feline age.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, eight cat eight.
Speaker 4: Wait is he really in Montana?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, I flew him on an airplane.
Speaker 4: That sounds like a thing that like a parent would
Speaker 4: tell their kid. A farm ranch in Montana can we
Speaker 4: go to Montana? No, there's no way to get there.
Speaker 2: It's all rural.
Speaker 4: You'll go there one day.
Speaker 2: Will That's how everyone if they're like kind of agnostic,
Speaker 2: just tell your kid one day they go to Montana.
Speaker 4: It's weird to think that your cat is a loser.
Speaker 1: He's such a loser.
Speaker 2: Mine's not a loser yet. He's just really really skinny
Speaker 2: and weak.
Speaker 4: We're all we're all losing every day.
Speaker 1: We lose every day. That's why we have to live,
Speaker 1: live live.
Speaker 2: I think we know what the tagline of this episode
Speaker 2: is going to be.
Speaker 4: Fuck off, loser, Kurt dead bitch.
Speaker 1: There's so many possibilities. Chris, what when you go to
Speaker 1: New York.
Speaker 4: One second? Do you think it's indicative of stand up
Speaker 4: temperament to only like quote yourself in the tagline of
Speaker 4: what the episode will be?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: You mean like we all pick our own lines.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're like, what was my best thing that I said?
Speaker 1: What was the best thing? It's definitely something I said, Mmm.
Speaker 4: I don't know if these other guys said something aids something.
Speaker 2: I liked it when I said Batman or back man
Speaker 2: back man instead of Batman back man.
Speaker 1: YEP, A great night out for you in New York?
Speaker 1: What is it? You're up till four, then you get
Speaker 1: a slice, then you drink twenty five beers?
Speaker 4: Is this the intro to Louis?
Speaker 2: That's what I wanted to fuck you got me. I
Speaker 2: was gonna say another thing from the intro.
Speaker 1: Do you stand at the comedy cellar doing a set
Speaker 1: and touching the back wall with your hand?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 2: You you let Todd Berry be grumpy in a scene? Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's right, calling people.
Speaker 1: Out fuck by names.
Speaker 2: Sometimes Tod Berry's grumpy and he's sometimes on Louis.
Speaker 1: Tell me about what you're looking forward to going to
Speaker 1: that city. That's a que I'm trying to get out there.
Speaker 4: I'm trying to figure out what to do. I I'll
Speaker 4: have a lot of I want to do a lot
Speaker 4: of stuff in the daytime because I stopped drinking since
Speaker 4: last time I went there, So like going out at
Speaker 4: night is not as enticing anything because of that. Do
Speaker 4: you want No, that was like ten years ago. Okay,
Speaker 4: I start drinking like a year and a half ago.
Speaker 1: The details, Yeah.
Speaker 4: I appreciate it. I now have to edit that out too.
Speaker 2: No, I'm glad.
Speaker 4: I'm glad I quit drinking that's a theme.
Speaker 2: Well, then go to the park. I it's it's not
Speaker 2: overrated Central Park. I think it's cool that it's there.
Speaker 2: It's really I.
Speaker 4: Want to do. I don't know. I just have a
Speaker 4: bunch of friends that I want to see. I have
Speaker 4: friends that are visiting while I'm out there, which is
Speaker 4: great also convenient for me. I'm excited to do all
Speaker 4: the shows that I'm doing and I actually get mugged.
Speaker 1: Yeah you want. It's so nice there now boring.
Speaker 2: I like new experiences and I've never been stabbed.
Speaker 1: Well, then take the train to one hundred and sixth Street.
Speaker 2: Is that the l I don't know. I like to pretend.
Speaker 2: I know. Oh, on thirty eighth and thirty ninth, that
Speaker 2: corner Avenue and straight not Boulevard.
Speaker 1: I really when I lived there, which was a couple
Speaker 1: of years ago, but and for a short amount of time.
Speaker 1: But I really, I just love that city so much.
Speaker 1: It's such it feels like fun things are happening when
Speaker 1: nothing's happening at all. Yeah, which it's the opposite of.
Speaker 2: La It's just a bunch of people rushing to grab
Speaker 2: groceries at the last minute. But it just if you
Speaker 2: glance over it them. They're all solving crimes.
Speaker 1: You're like Broadway Broadway, but you're just at CBS.
Speaker 4: Last time I went there, there was like a line
Speaker 4: to get into Trader Joe's with like a one in,
Speaker 4: one out policy, like a bouncer. I was like trying
Speaker 4: to go to Trader Joe's. But I saw that.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, you know what, I've heard that about Trader
Speaker 2: Joe's there. That's like a common thing.
Speaker 4: They so weird.
Speaker 2: I get that. Yeah, one in, one out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it makes a lot like sunders to go there
Speaker 4: that it makes me feel so ashamed that I shot there.
Speaker 4: Oh no, god, it feels like a cult, you know.
Speaker 4: I mean it feels like that.
Speaker 2: Everyone there's happy and wearing a Hawaiian shirt.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just what's the thing you always get the
Speaker 1: Trader Joe's item made by Trader Joe's that you always
Speaker 1: get like some kind of an empanada.
Speaker 4: Or I actually eat pretty boring at Trader Joe's. It's
Speaker 4: always like raw unsalted nuts.
Speaker 1: Happy.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's never really like it's not fun snacks anymore.
Speaker 4: Oh you know what, though, there's a there's like these
Speaker 4: rosemary raisin crackers that are like they sound bad, but
Speaker 4: it's hard to eat. Not a whole box in one sitting. Wow,
Speaker 4: they're really like tread the line between sweet and savory. Ah,
Speaker 4: they're so fucking good.
Speaker 2: That's a line I do like to cross.
Speaker 4: That's a border.
Speaker 2: I am familiar with sweet and savory state line.
Speaker 4: I will go into mice territory.
Speaker 2: I'm sheriff of both these counties.
Speaker 1: Raisins and rosemary sounds like, yeah, so you want stuffed quail,
Speaker 1: but you don't want to deal with the bird itself.
Speaker 1: Here's all the shit you love.
Speaker 2: Is it raisin flavored or is there raisins in it?
Speaker 4: There's little raisins.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, maybe we need to have a trader. Joe's
Speaker 1: my favorite item. Party fun and that's all that's there.
Speaker 4: They're so good.
Speaker 1: Then you have to defend what you brought.
Speaker 4: I'm looking at pictures right now, and you are.
Speaker 2: You're looking at My mouth is.
Speaker 4: Watering, So I think you gotta give them a chance.
Speaker 1: Okay, Sharen, you have pictures of those crackers on your fee.
Speaker 2: You just brought them up. They're jpeggs.
Speaker 4: Their gifts actually animated gifts.
Speaker 1: It's you really fascinating those.
Speaker 4: It's the time lapse of them being baked into perfection.
Speaker 2: By little keydler Ill. That used to work for Keith,
Speaker 2: but now they work for Trader.
Speaker 4: I think they still probably work for Keebler and then
Speaker 4: Trader Joe's buys a bowl, come out and then re labels.
Speaker 1: That's their trick.
Speaker 2: That is what they do, right, They do that with
Speaker 2: tequila and stuff. You can get tequila. They do that.
Speaker 4: But there, but like I sincerely did that. But that
Speaker 4: is like a real morning radio thing to do. I guess, yeah,
Speaker 4: just like yo, what's the relevant sort of cultural reference
Speaker 4: to that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, tequila? From this point forward, let's act like we
Speaker 2: have a little sample button for those moments.
Speaker 4: Oh, I'm so glad we're close to the airport.
Speaker 1: Wait, why is that guy selling flowers? Is it a holiday?
Speaker 1: Coming up?
Speaker 2: Holiday?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Make time, it's a different time on purpose. You
Speaker 4: can't celebrate a holiday, Karen, for's sake.
Speaker 1: Come on, good times.
Speaker 2: Oh that didn't get enough laughter, tell a great good time?
Speaker 2: Wrong song o God? Why is that what I enjoy it?
Speaker 2: At age forty almost.
Speaker 1: It's always fun to ship on your friends.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 4: We're friends, Chris.
Speaker 1: Not only were we friends, but I would like to
Speaker 1: brag that Chris is one of my first real Twitter friends. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we met on Twitter. I knew followed him and your
Speaker 1: picture got me. Your picture sold me outright, which his
Speaker 1: picture is this weird thing. It's so crazy, like all
Speaker 1: your hairs brushed.
Speaker 4: Down, toure of me, Karen, But you look like your eyes,
Speaker 4: you look like I was actually singing in that photo.
Speaker 1: Were you really?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm in a photo booth in Berlin, not bragging,
Speaker 4: and and I was singing a Temptation song and I
Speaker 4: just had it take pictures of me while I was singing. Oh,
Speaker 4: you look like I was really feeling it.
Speaker 1: And then you did something about a guy on a
Speaker 1: motorcycle peeling out that made me laugh.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and then.
Speaker 1: We just were friends on Twitter. And then when you
Speaker 1: came here.
Speaker 4: You took me out to breakfast to breakfast and I
Speaker 4: had a fried chicken and waffles.
Speaker 1: I did so many bits with your face to me.
Speaker 1: It's so enjoyable.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I kept pretending to having trouble finding the straw in
Speaker 4: my drink without looking at it, like a lot of times.
Speaker 4: And actually I remember this. At the time, you were
Speaker 4: like I was about to start working on the pilot
Speaker 4: for the show, and you were like, I'm a big
Speaker 4: fan of Pete's. If anything ever opens up, let me know.
Speaker 4: And it's really interesting that you wound up became full
Speaker 4: circle ended up working on the show.
Speaker 1: I know that was actually very exciting to me because
Speaker 1: I went you got me into that pilot taping that
Speaker 1: I went to think Matt Kneedson was with me and
Speaker 1: who we saw last night, and and I watched that
Speaker 1: thing and I was like, Oh, I want to be
Speaker 1: on a so bad. This is all I know, all
Speaker 1: these things, this is what I do, and this is
Speaker 1: what I know how to do. And then like a
Speaker 1: year later, my agent's like, hey, do you want to
Speaker 1: go in for the Petle Show? And I was just
Speaker 1: like that secret even though I didn't make a vision
Speaker 1: board or try at all, I just was like, I
Speaker 1: want that one time.
Speaker 2: I keep imagining Chris doing that straw thing. Yeah, work
Speaker 2: on the Pete Holmes Show.
Speaker 1: So do you feel alienated just now?
Speaker 4: Well?
Speaker 2: I mean you guys could talk about stuff. I like, we.
Speaker 1: Already talked about mice men.
Speaker 2: Okay. My brother in law's a fireman and he went
Speaker 2: to a wedding like in Washington somewhere, and one of
Speaker 2: the Foo Fighters was there, I think the least popular,
Speaker 2: the one that's always smiling in their videos, face player,
Speaker 2: and my brother in law went up and said, hey,
Speaker 2: you're a food fighter. I'm a firefighter, and the guy
Speaker 2: he was just staring at him, and then he tried
Speaker 2: to do that thing with his straw where he wasn't
Speaker 2: looking at it, and went up. He knows so badly
Speaker 2: that when he pulled it out it's it started bleeding.
Speaker 2: And then the food fighter guys like, oh wow, you're
Speaker 2: you're bleeding and he ran to get napkin. He was
Speaker 2: like first respond sponder or whatever he like, gave him napkins.
Speaker 4: He's a firefighter, now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, that's right.
Speaker 1: Who's the fire said, that's embarrassing. Story?
Speaker 2: Now I just did a sound sample.
Speaker 1: You say a songscape?
Speaker 2: A songscape? I pushed another songscape.
Speaker 1: Do you want me to tell my girls story?
Speaker 2: I do? I do, I really do.
Speaker 1: I find it on podcasts if you ask permission to
Speaker 1: tell stories, it really gums up the rhythm. So that's
Speaker 1: what I do all the time. When I worked on
Speaker 1: the Whitney Cummings talk show, Love you mean.
Speaker 2: It a bigger.
Speaker 1: Being Berlin Dave Grohl was co hosting or was guest
Speaker 1: hosting Chelsea Lately. So he was upstairs writing with the writers,
Speaker 1: and he came down to say hi to Whitney because
Speaker 1: they're friends. And he walked into our writer's room and
Speaker 1: looked around and said hi to everybody, and then he
Speaker 1: looked at me and goes, it's you. And I was
Speaker 1: like just staring at him, and he goes, it's you,
Speaker 1: the girl with the thing doing a guitar gesture, And
Speaker 1: come to find out, I literally got dizzy because, like
Speaker 1: Nirvana was a very big deal to me. I was
Speaker 1: completely in that generation.
Speaker 2: It was like eighteen everyone worships day.
Speaker 4: I am still hoping they'll do a reunion tour.
Speaker 1: He's amazing. He's amazing, and he's more amazing in real life.
Speaker 4: Yeah, only when he recognizes you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's pretty good. Was I supposed to go in there?
Speaker 1: I was, Girl, we're lost, We're lost.
Speaker 2: She's driving directly to Dave, girl's beach house.
Speaker 4: If you're listening to this next week, I'm still in LA.
Speaker 4: Don't go to my shows in.
Speaker 1: New York's rude.
Speaker 2: Do not go to a few times to UCBS yet?
Speaker 4: Wait, so he what was the rest of the story.
Speaker 1: Sorry, no, it's all right. I feel stupid for telling it. No,
Speaker 1: he just recognized he apparently.
Speaker 4: Sorry we made you bring it up because.
Speaker 1: You always think things are gonna work out, don't you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well you hope they do time. It's more important
Speaker 2: than Karen. They don't.
Speaker 1: And sometimes you know enough to bail.
Speaker 4: Wait, go ahead, we all want to hear the rest
Speaker 4: of the story.
Speaker 1: On the Food Fighters tour bus. They used to watch
Speaker 1: the Girls Guitar Club short film. He recognized me from.
Speaker 2: That's funny because I saw that short film in the
Speaker 2: green room at the left stop in like two thousand
Speaker 2: and two before.
Speaker 1: We knew each other. Yeah, so there you goucking Mark
Speaker 1: Mark Babbitt. God bless that man. Yeah, he did a
Speaker 1: lot for me, and God rest his soul.
Speaker 4: He Also, he's in Montana now celebrity copies. But he
Speaker 4: has to.
Speaker 1: Put him down in.
Speaker 2: It's not true.
Speaker 4: I don't know who he is. Also, if he's if
Speaker 4: he books shows, I would love to perform at.
Speaker 2: I think he's in the hotel business, now go ahead
Speaker 2: and talk shit.
Speaker 4: If he books hotel rooms, I would love to stay
Speaker 4: in the hotel to day.
Speaker 2: And I think he repairs them with him, and he's like,
Speaker 2: I'm kind of out of the comedy Bison biscuits. And
Speaker 2: I looked back and he had like a grout and
Speaker 2: some wallsiding for like you for a hotel room. So
Speaker 2: he was deep in the hotel biz.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's making it work.
Speaker 2: Once you have pieces of hotel in your back seat,
Speaker 2: you know you're not getting out, you know what I mean? Hm, Karen,
Speaker 2: I'm sorry about the dave.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, I'm I'm sorry. That was all on me.
Speaker 1: There's nothing worse than trying to do a brag and
Speaker 1: just having it flopped there.
Speaker 2: Look a pimp man where he was tall BMW with
Speaker 2: those thin chariot wheels, which is my favorite lowrider wheel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like cool.
Speaker 2: I'm a guess, is this? What is this?
Speaker 4: Derrick's Derek's Jamaican food?
Speaker 2: You know, Derek man.
Speaker 4: No, I'm not in exile from my regular country. I
Speaker 4: did not break the law.
Speaker 2: My name is Derek Johnson. Bought this from a I'm
Speaker 2: from Wisconsin. I'm sorry, you guys. My throat gets sore
Speaker 2: when I do that.
Speaker 4: No, mine sounded like Dracula. My name is Derek Johnson.
Speaker 2: One one order of Jack Chicken mine and then we're good.
Speaker 2: We're no Danny Gans in this car. I'll tell you
Speaker 2: that right now. You mean with celebrity copies you saved
Speaker 2: do a Jamaican guy? He says, which village? Oh my, yeah?
Speaker 2: He was amazing, Dan.
Speaker 4: That's like that Andrey Hepburn movie. I can't remember.
Speaker 2: Did I also mention that he sang as different people.
Speaker 2: He was a dance man. He did dance numbers. He
Speaker 2: was such a good dancer that on its own that
Speaker 2: could have been a Vegas spotlighted. Go to his website.
Speaker 2: When you go to his website, I was going to
Speaker 2: it because for a while I was obsessed with him,
Speaker 2: and then he died and then I felt sad. But
Speaker 2: ossion over another line. But he did have the cursor
Speaker 2: of you went over the little Lost in Powers guy
Speaker 2: he did it would go yeah baby, and so you
Speaker 2: could do it over and over, and that was not
Speaker 2: that long ago.
Speaker 4: There's no real way to add a morning radio thing
Speaker 4: to that. It's already baked in.
Speaker 1: Look at that cute fan family, That's what I was
Speaker 1: staring at, where there are three three kids and the
Speaker 1: mom and a dad and they're all about to walk
Speaker 1: that baby, they're.
Speaker 2: All yeah, yeah, they're all you you know what.
Speaker 4: Okay, that's not appropriate.
Speaker 2: Family.
Speaker 1: It was a supportive honk of we love your family.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there's some other elements you didn't mention, and
Speaker 4: it's a little weird.
Speaker 2: What no one has to know? No one in that
Speaker 2: family had both arms. No, I'm just kidding, all single arm.
Speaker 1: It was a single arm family, very common these days
Speaker 1: in America. Oh man, Chris, maybe you could do a
Speaker 1: brag right now?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, other than your all of your stories of
Speaker 2: birdle in.
Speaker 1: Yeah, what's a good celebrity brag that you have?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't know if I have any everyone's.
Speaker 2: Got one or two.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean, I've seen how those kind of things
Speaker 4: can work out if you try to brag about a
Speaker 4: celebrity thing.
Speaker 2: Oh and between you and I, Chris, was your example
Speaker 2: fairly recent? Yeah?
Speaker 4: It was quite recent.
Speaker 2: I think I I think I know which one you're
Speaker 2: talking about.
Speaker 4: You know, you learned by seeing someone get burned. That's
Speaker 4: what my mom always.
Speaker 1: Said as she died in a fire loser.
Speaker 4: She said that as she was saying like that, I
Speaker 4: spent the night at Danny DeVito's house. No, twice, what
Speaker 4: two different houses, his regular house and his beach house
Speaker 4: in Malibu.
Speaker 1: Break come on, I have the nice beach house in Malibu?
Speaker 4: Was that the best? It was? But there was an
Speaker 4: ordeal before where a friend of mine got arrested on
Speaker 4: the way there. Oh, and so I had to find
Speaker 4: other people to like pick up his car and drive
Speaker 4: me the rest of the way. And then I was
Speaker 4: just like on the phone with him figuring out like
Speaker 4: jail stuff. Oh wow, I was like, arrested for drug possession?
Speaker 4: Do you have like a secret little problem that I
Speaker 4: don't nobody knew about?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: And so I was like on the phone like in
Speaker 4: hysterics for most of the night. And then after I
Speaker 4: got off the phone with him, I like just got
Speaker 4: super wasted and spent the night at Danny's house kick it.
Speaker 4: But they uh, he had like paraphernalia and stuff that
Speaker 4: the cops decided to not take his evidence, and they
Speaker 4: were like, Okay, put that stuff back in the trunk
Speaker 4: of the car and you know, get rid of it
Speaker 4: when you get to where you're going. And I was like,
Speaker 4: I don't really want to touch any of this stuff
Speaker 4: or have anything to do with it, and they were like,
Speaker 4: just do it. And I forgot about it, and then
Speaker 4: the next morning I had to throw all these like
Speaker 4: drug bags and like craft pipes and Danny Vidos track.
Speaker 2: It's a weird thing for them to demand of you,
Speaker 2: we don't have room in our storage locker rough drug.
Speaker 4: Well it's because they were gonna, excuse it. It was
Speaker 4: like empty bags. So they were like if there was
Speaker 4: drugs in any of these, there's so many of them
Speaker 4: that you would go to jail with possession with intent
Speaker 4: to distribute. Oh wow, she's just crazy.
Speaker 2: But friends with that guy or is he in rehab? Uh?
Speaker 4: He has, he's gotten his stuff together.
Speaker 1: Good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 4: I did not like where your tone was is in Montana?
Speaker 1: Oh no, he's a winner. He's a winner.
Speaker 2: Please at least tell me it's in the Rocky Mountains.
Speaker 2: So the guy that forgets never mind.
Speaker 1: Where Montana is.
Speaker 2: No, they never and in this car is against me.
Speaker 4: Are the Rockies in Montana?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Yeah, see I think that was the problem.
Speaker 2: They go through the western edge.
Speaker 4: It was like a geographical issue.
Speaker 2: There's a little beautiful movie that is a great story
Speaker 2: called A River Runs through It. Oh, I've seen that
Speaker 2: was a shot in my town.
Speaker 1: Are you kidding me a.
Speaker 2: He was a preacher at the church where I used
Speaker 2: to pretend to believe, and I was a youth group
Speaker 2: leader at Tom Skarett. It was a lot like the
Speaker 2: real pastor there.
Speaker 4: The overachieving non believer youth group leader.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm not a leader. I mean the kids lucked
Speaker 2: up to me. I think they put me in some sort.
Speaker 4: Of a leaderships a celebrity brag coming in.
Speaker 2: He went on a few trips. We went to Toronto.
Speaker 4: Once, we went to the mall up there and wow,
Speaker 4: and that takes care of my Berlin. So one we
Speaker 4: got fired.
Speaker 2: The old but one wall in Mexico.
Speaker 4: Wow, border part even killing your own references here, Yes, but.
Speaker 2: I think it's what we did in Washington State where.
Speaker 4: Oh, my god, we had a free one convert just
Speaker 4: tossing them out.
Speaker 2: There's these guys that were out of prison up in
Speaker 2: a beautiful helping the.
Speaker 4: My god.
Speaker 2: But we were supposed to scare them with They were like, oh,
Speaker 2: we'll have kids visit them and talk about the Bible.
Speaker 2: And I'd never read the Bible.
Speaker 4: You had to scare straight the prisoners.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, So they were well revers motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: The kids, right, the prisoner. No, you could end up
Speaker 1: like these kids. Yeah, and this boring church group.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you get your ship too far together?
Speaker 1: Sorry?
Speaker 2: Sorry, how dare you boring? We were? We listen to
Speaker 2: Chili Peppers and we.
Speaker 1: So torturous, horrifying, not at the time of nightmare in
Speaker 1: retroch back to asked, but at the time it was
Speaker 1: some funky ship.
Speaker 4: Hey, is that the new Chili Peppers? I think I'm
Speaker 4: want to stay in prison.
Speaker 1: You know what, I'm gonna go straight to solitary confinement.
Speaker 4: Huh. Regular life is a prison too, are everywhere.
Speaker 2: But more of an ear prison with a lot of guitar.
Speaker 4: I already got my bunk set up, so You'm gonna
Speaker 4: stay here.
Speaker 2: Okay, I didn't make a difference.
Speaker 4: You turn those kids onto the PEPs, bro. You did
Speaker 4: make a difference, that's right, PEPs. The other day we
Speaker 4: had I had nothing to do at work and I
Speaker 4: watched a long segment of a based tutorial. It was
Speaker 4: just flee Oh wow. Uh it was like from square
Speaker 4: one about bass. So I don't even know if we
Speaker 4: got really to slapping yet.
Speaker 2: That's so great? Are you trying to learn? Basically?
Speaker 4: I don't think he slaps I think he plucks maybe, Yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't know. He's not a.
Speaker 1: Slapper who cares about the bass? Oh you do?
Speaker 4: I have a guitar. Really, I have two guitars.
Speaker 2: Really, it's one a regular guitar and one a bass guitar.
Speaker 4: One is an acoustic, one is electric.
Speaker 2: Oh wow.
Speaker 1: And then you have a basis.
Speaker 4: Oh my god. I love that sound so much and
Speaker 4: I can't do it. It really bumps me out. Pete
Speaker 4: is really good at it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it really.
Speaker 4: I'm so jealous. I wish that I could do it,
Speaker 4: and I really I don't have any right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I learned this from Danny Gans. This is a trumpet.
Speaker 4: God rest his soul. Yeah, his talents live on.
Speaker 2: Even though his body is in Montana.
Speaker 1: The Danny Gams references are just you can't be faking this.
Speaker 1: You're a fan of Sorry, no, don't apologize. I like it.
Speaker 2: Vegas came up, Vegas, Danny. They're synonymous.
Speaker 1: When you first started talking about Danny Gans, I thought
Speaker 1: you were totally lying, and I was like, well, how
Speaker 1: far can he go with it?
Speaker 4: All the way to the end of the podcast, we're
Speaker 4: pulling into the airport.
Speaker 2: Just now, we are pulling in l a and we're
Speaker 2: going through past these. That was pretty good.
Speaker 4: That was a clarinet.
Speaker 2: Clarinet with lips like an elderly chicken from the Muppets.
Speaker 2: But it's.
Speaker 4: I love that song. Anytime I hear that song, I
Speaker 4: really get very happy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, nostalgic. Everything's fun. It makes you want to
Speaker 2: what airline?
Speaker 4: It makes you want to plod No, no, you know,
Speaker 4: like plodding along like.
Speaker 2: Okay, I thought you meant plod against someone. You guys, do.
Speaker 1: You know his airline?
Speaker 2: Oh? That the word is not part of my vocabulary.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: Christmas supposed to. He didn't. Won't high I'm that I'm
Speaker 2: not a wurgin. No, he didn't. He didn't give me
Speaker 2: a little work. That's right. Lots of you people sound California.
Speaker 2: And then I'm gonna sing.
Speaker 1: Torture.
Speaker 2: I used to have a chili pepper sticker on my
Speaker 2: Ford Escort. That was the entire back window. I used
Speaker 2: to get pulled over.
Speaker 4: It's the entire band.
Speaker 1: They're all standing on my suits, their faces.
Speaker 4: It was flee but it used to get pulled over
Speaker 4: old Ferrel high five by the cops.
Speaker 1: The other guy.
Speaker 2: They would they would, you know, pull me over and
Speaker 2: say that sticker is taking up too much of your
Speaker 2: your view, and I'm like, I'll peel it up, sir.
Speaker 2: In a set in a town of sixty thousand. I
Speaker 2: didn't give a fuck and I kept it on. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because it's the PEPs.
Speaker 1: Did you see that?
Speaker 4: Was it seth Myers or fallon? They did the drum off?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was fine. I actually thoroughly enjoyed that. And
Speaker 2: because you know, I like comedy and I just.
Speaker 4: Like drums, I was like, hell yeah, going together. Well
Speaker 4: they look alike though, it was where all Ferrell because
Speaker 4: they look the same and they dressed the same.
Speaker 2: They really looked a lot like they look. It was
Speaker 2: very funny. It was hard not to very much think
Speaker 2: it was funny. And I'm not I'm not a big
Speaker 2: Will Ferrell guy. Wow. Yeah, sorry man.
Speaker 1: He was our first subscriber. But what else I don't
Speaker 1: give a fuck.
Speaker 4: Yeah, sorry, that's how we are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this isn't a Funnier Die thing where you can
Speaker 2: just say no and get rid of it, because you
Speaker 2: are here to stay.
Speaker 4: Gun's blazing right now.
Speaker 2: It's part of Funnier Die. That's why I said, that's right.
Speaker 4: Not just bringing funnier die into it, but clarifying the
Speaker 4: connection between the two in the interest of insulting will
Speaker 4: fer that's clarity.
Speaker 2: I show my work.
Speaker 1: Is virgin Atlantic what we're looking for.
Speaker 4: It's virgin America. Okay, Atlantic is for the British people.
Speaker 1: Is that true?
Speaker 2: You know England? One month ago? Yes, I was in Buxton,
Speaker 2: and then Brixton and then West just Shia. That's in
Speaker 2: the UK, part of Great Britain, but mostly Britain and
Speaker 2: also in the United Kingdom. Those are all when I
Speaker 2: was there, because I really was there.
Speaker 4: Okay, there we go, that's what I was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he was just looking for an American voice to
Speaker 1: tell what was really happening.
Speaker 2: And that's my British voice is a liar can voices
Speaker 2: didn't and uh and uh everyone. I didn't know the
Speaker 2: difference between Great Britain and the United Kingdom, and there
Speaker 2: isn't a difference as far as I go ahead, superstar, Yeah,
Speaker 2: why did you get more family members tattooed on your elbow? Oh? Yeah,
Speaker 2: this is my Montana arm.
Speaker 4: Did you get in trouble because of the Great Britain
Speaker 4: UK thing?
Speaker 2: No? No, I did ask it hesitantly. I almost got
Speaker 2: in trouble when I said.
Speaker 1: So woo woo woo.
Speaker 2: What's the difference, you guys? How's a pound different from
Speaker 2: a cuckoo quid? And there is no difference, by the way.
Speaker 2: But yeah, United Kingdom, you would think. But Great Britain
Speaker 2: same thing. If someone disagrees with me, go ahead and
Speaker 2: tweet at us.
Speaker 4: What is the difference.
Speaker 2: Maybe Scotland is involved with the United Kingdom and Great
Speaker 2: Britain is just the English England part.
Speaker 4: Because it's just England. Yeah, oh so Great Britain and
Speaker 4: is like a masturbatory thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like Britain weren't great. Yeah, in the United
Speaker 2: Kingdom is like what you say when you're wearing a
Speaker 2: suit and not jerking off.
Speaker 1: I just got back into this conversation that brought me
Speaker 1: back to you.
Speaker 2: Are we that is it not fun for you? Karen?
Speaker 2: What do you have a date?
Speaker 1: This van putting his arm out, his tattooed arm out
Speaker 1: with his slicked back hair to stop me, instead of
Speaker 1: like going can I get in? But instead of like here,
Speaker 1: let me in because it's me with the tattooed.
Speaker 4: He's attracted to him.
Speaker 2: Karen likes a rebel.
Speaker 1: I do I hate him? For I hate him for
Speaker 1: being so beautiful that white.
Speaker 4: Van even more attractive to you about him, isn't it.
Speaker 4: He bossed me around and his I love a slightly
Speaker 4: larger vehicle than mine. Sticker.
Speaker 2: I could see the sticker. I'll describe it. It says, iHeart.
Speaker 2: And there's a picture of a school bu and this
Speaker 2: guy's driving a white Uh. Oh, that's so great. God,
Speaker 2: damn it, God, Chris, you're all right? Yes? Yeah.
Speaker 1: Also it's hot, but it's hot as fuck.
Speaker 2: Turn it up. Yeah, I can turn down the mic
Speaker 2: that is aimed exactly at the thing. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: We have the sights and sounds of the road.
Speaker 1: It's so true. We should roll a windows down.
Speaker 2: Chris, you want to, I don't care it. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Those Jackhammer birthday August first, August first.
Speaker 1: So you're a leo?
Speaker 4: Yes I am. Do you know anything about that?
Speaker 1: My sister's leo. My sisters really bossy, really large and
Speaker 1: in charge.
Speaker 2: My sisters room really mine.
Speaker 1: That's what you guys are like.
Speaker 2: My sister is a leo, and I she would totally
Speaker 2: thank god. She let me into her room, taught me
Speaker 2: all about music and even in uh, in their twenties,
Speaker 2: you know I she's older than me. We'd like to
Speaker 2: sleep in the same bed on Christmas Eve.
Speaker 4: So wake up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fun. Yeah, just the two of you, just
Speaker 2: the two UBOs. Sorry I was gonna do that.
Speaker 4: What uh wait? So I'm like your sister.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, Virgin America.
Speaker 2: You're like my sister. Her sister's bossy.
Speaker 4: Yes, Virgin America America. Well, whose sister am I like?
Speaker 4: Before I get out, I want to know.
Speaker 1: I feel like, no, I don't think you're like my sister.
Speaker 1: I don't really believe in horoscopes. I just like to
Speaker 1: think about Oh.
Speaker 4: I like to think about it too.
Speaker 1: I like to think about people because it hurts my feelings.
Speaker 4: It does to be Leo, well sometimes it does. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: that is like me, I gotta change or whatever. And
Speaker 4: those are the times where I'm like this stuff is
Speaker 4: true right when they're like you're confident and self assured
Speaker 4: and like, this stuff's bullshit, it's not right right. This
Speaker 4: is for goofing.
Speaker 2: If it's you have trouble organizing things and you need
Speaker 2: to make more lists.
Speaker 4: I read this book that was like the Sink The
Speaker 4: Secret Language of Birthdays, and it tells you it's not
Speaker 4: even your sign, it's specifically your actual birthdate. And it
Speaker 4: was like, you don't feel comfortable being a leader or
Speaker 4: a follower, so you're just kind of stuck in life.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, And I was like, oh my god, we're back.
Speaker 4: I gotta get this book.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely think again because I have both of
Speaker 1: those books. Now. I have the sacret language of birthdays
Speaker 1: and the and the sacred language of relationships, where you
Speaker 1: can look the person that you like, you can look
Speaker 1: up their birthday and your birthday and see if you're
Speaker 1: a match. It's such bullshit, but it's just fun and dumb.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's fine, but I don't like the fun part.
Speaker 4: I'm like, tell me why I'm.
Speaker 1: Bad and wrong, fix me with things I don't need fixing. Oh,
Speaker 1: there's my brain. We are.
Speaker 2: There is your brush curbside like you left it. What
Speaker 2: do you mean I can't hold this as a carry on?
Speaker 4: Well fine, I'll just throw it in the street.
Speaker 1: Goodbye brush.
Speaker 2: Chris. You're great, This is great.
Speaker 4: Thank you everybody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Trip, you have everything.
Speaker 4: You need non stop. Baby, I want to plug anything.
Speaker 2: You're going to be in New York and.
Speaker 4: Uh yeah, I'll be in New York until July fifth.
Speaker 4: So even when this comes out, I still have a
Speaker 4: bunch of shows coming up.
Speaker 2: People could just go to your website or maybe your Twitter.
Speaker 4: Yes, my website this is Christhayer dot com, or on
Speaker 4: Twitter at Chris Thayer says, and that's it.
Speaker 2: That sounds great, that's it.
Speaker 4: Thanks so much you guys.
Speaker 2: Thanks by Chris, Bye Chris.
Speaker 1: Then you throw that down.
Speaker 2: Oh and that's been another You watch another episode.
Speaker 4: That's been another episode.
Speaker 2: Do you need a ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need it?
Speaker 2: Why aar?
Speaker 3: This has been an Exactly Right production.
Speaker 1: Produced by Annalise Nelson, mixed by Edson Troy. Our talent
Speaker 1: booker is Patrick Cottner.
Speaker 3: Theme song by Karen Kilgarrett.
Speaker 1: Artwork by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 1: and Facebook at dinar podcast That's d y n R podcast.
Speaker 3: For more information, go to Exactly Rightmedia dot com.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Oh you're welcome.