1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:01,880 Speaker 1: You know that feeling of I'm trying to manifest but 2 00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:05,760 Speaker 1: nothing's happening. Manifestation is not creating a fantasy and then 3 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,440 Speaker 1: waiting for it to come. Try with no action from yourself. 4 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,960 Speaker 2: Leading neuroscientists, best selling author doctor Tarriswipe. 5 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,240 Speaker 1: We cannot undo a negative thought pattern. We have to 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:17,920 Speaker 1: overwrite it with a new one. Your brain it's two 7 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,080 Speaker 1: and a half times more strongly wired to avoid risk 8 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,520 Speaker 1: than is to get a reward. 9 00:00:22,680 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 2: Wow. The number one health and wellness podcast Ja Shedy 10 00:00:29,720 --> 00:00:36,919 Speaker 2: j Sheddy only shed Hey Everyone, Welcome back to on Purpose, 11 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 2: the place you choose to become a happier, healthier and 12 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:43,000 Speaker 2: more healed. Today's guest is someone that I've wanted to 13 00:00:43,040 --> 00:00:45,640 Speaker 2: talk to for such a long time, and I'm so 14 00:00:45,760 --> 00:00:48,840 Speaker 2: excited because we finally have a in the studio, actually 15 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 2: all the way in London because we didn't know when 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:53,120 Speaker 2: she was coming to LA and I'm so glad we 17 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,880 Speaker 2: made it happen. I'm speaking about the one and only 18 00:00:56,080 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 2: doctor Tara Swat. She's a PhD neuroscientist for I'm D, 19 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 2: Executive Advisor, best selling author, and Senior Advisor for Neuroscience 20 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:10,320 Speaker 2: and Leadership at MIT Sloan. Her book is called The 21 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,440 Speaker 2: Source The Secrets of the Universe, The Science of the Brain. 22 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:16,679 Speaker 2: If you don't already have a copy, I want you 23 00:01:16,720 --> 00:01:18,920 Speaker 2: to go and grab it now. I promise you you 24 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 2: won't regret it. Please welcome to On Purpose, doctor Tara 25 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 2: Swat Tara. It's such a joy to have you here. 26 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 1: Honestly, thank you so much, and thank you for you know, 27 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 1: squeezing me in when you're in London for such a 28 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 1: short time. 29 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:32,640 Speaker 2: No, no, not, this is something I was looking forward 30 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 2: to all week. I can promise you. It's a Thursday 31 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 2: for anyone who's listening, and I've been recording all week 32 00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 2: and I was really excited to sit down with you. 33 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 2: I think the work that you're doing is so similar 34 00:01:43,880 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 2: in value to the work I'm trying to do in 35 00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:50,320 Speaker 2: the world. I really believe that for so long ancient wisdom, 36 00:01:50,680 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 2: and the wisdom of the East especially, has been seen 37 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 2: through two lenses. I think there's been a lot of 38 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,840 Speaker 2: enthusiasm towards it and a lot of value and reverence, 39 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,320 Speaker 2: and at the same time, I think there's been, as 40 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:05,440 Speaker 2: you say, skepticism and cynicism around it. And so to 41 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 2: have someone of your caliber your research, your insight and 42 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 2: communicating in the way you do, I think is such 43 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 2: a great blessing and benefit for the industry in and 44 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 2: of itself. So thank you so much for the work 45 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:21,120 Speaker 2: you do. You really means the world. But let's dive 46 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,560 Speaker 2: straight in and if you hear me and Tara lock 47 00:02:24,639 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 2: into some what would I call them inside jokes because 48 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,000 Speaker 2: we're both North Londoners, then just please roll with us. 49 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,359 Speaker 2: But Tara, I wanted to start off with, where did 50 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 2: you and why did you get so passionate about this 51 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:42,480 Speaker 2: work and finding the parallels between ancient wisdom and modern 52 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 2: science and why did that work call you? 53 00:02:46,160 --> 00:02:48,240 Speaker 1: As you know, I grew up in North London and 54 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 1: I was the oldest child of first generation immigrant parents. 55 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,160 Speaker 1: So I always felt like I was bridging two worlds. 56 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:54,880 Speaker 2: You know. 57 00:02:54,919 --> 00:02:57,280 Speaker 1: I went to school, I didn't have any Indian friends, 58 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: and I just wanted to fit in with my friends. 59 00:02:59,639 --> 00:03:02,440 Speaker 1: And then I would come home and obviously we would 60 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,880 Speaker 1: have like the altars and the incense and the ceremonies 61 00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:09,640 Speaker 1: and the rituals and everything, and so yeah, I would 62 00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 1: say for most of my childhood I was living in 63 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: two worlds. And then at the age of eighteen, I 64 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,600 Speaker 1: went to medical school, and I think I moved very 65 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 1: much away from our cultural heritage and just lived like 66 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,800 Speaker 1: a teenager and so on in their twenties at university. 67 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 1: And I was at university for most of my twenties 68 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 1: because I did medical school and a PhD, so nine 69 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 1: years at university. Around the time that I became a doctor, 70 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 1: yoga was becoming quite popular in society, so I sort 71 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,840 Speaker 1: of returned to that, and I would say that reignited 72 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 1: my interest in our cultural heritage, but then still I 73 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 1: would keep it very separate from my work. So I 74 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,119 Speaker 1: was working in the NHS, you know that really wasn't 75 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 1: very holistic. But at home I was eating in an 76 00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:59,720 Speaker 1: Aerovhadic way and doing yoga. And some time past and 77 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:03,760 Speaker 1: these things came more into our culture anyway. But still 78 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,680 Speaker 1: at the time that I wrote the Source, it was 79 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: a risk for me, as an MIT professor to start 80 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:13,480 Speaker 1: speaking about manifestation and visualization and meditation and things like that. 81 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,760 Speaker 1: But writing it really for me, actually brought those two 82 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,560 Speaker 1: things together and made me think I don't have to 83 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,599 Speaker 1: keep my personal life separate from my professional life. And 84 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:24,599 Speaker 1: I have to say thank you to everyone that the 85 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: response to it. Then you took that even further. As 86 00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,160 Speaker 1: we were discussing, you know, we both had books out 87 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 1: around that time. Couldn't really do world promo because of 88 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 1: the pandemic. But very early on in the pandemic, I thought, 89 00:04:37,320 --> 00:04:40,320 Speaker 1: oh no, there's going to be a huge mental health crisis. 90 00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:44,400 Speaker 1: And it was so unprecedented. I thought, what can I 91 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 1: offer that isn't already available to people? But I will 92 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,480 Speaker 1: caveat that by saying, I think all of the ancient 93 00:04:51,520 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: wisdom knowledge that I tried to apply to modern mental 94 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:58,040 Speaker 1: health problems is it's just things that we've forgotten. It's 95 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,120 Speaker 1: not anything new, but it's about bringing you know, finding 96 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 1: those things. It's like gold mining and bringing them to 97 00:05:04,440 --> 00:05:06,000 Speaker 1: people and saying this could really help you. 98 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 2: It's fascinating that all of these things have been practiced 99 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:13,479 Speaker 2: for thousands and thousands of years, and ironically, we've also 100 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 2: had mental health and anxiety challenges for much longer than 101 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 2: we believe we have. And I often think of the 102 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:24,040 Speaker 2: Bagadaghita and origin, which you know was spoken five thousand 103 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,800 Speaker 2: years ago. But that experience that he's having on the 104 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:32,159 Speaker 2: battlefield is anxiety stress. He's having a sense of a 105 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:36,159 Speaker 2: loss of identity. He's worried about the surroundings and the 106 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,039 Speaker 2: impending war that's about to take place. And so you 107 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:42,359 Speaker 2: see that in a text that's five thousand years old, 108 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 2: and then you have all of this wisdom that surrounds it. 109 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:48,839 Speaker 2: But being able to translate that into what's happening now 110 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,640 Speaker 2: is so needed. And I guess that's why you had 111 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 2: that positive response. 112 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:55,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, And what I found really interesting is that it 113 00:05:55,880 --> 00:05:57,800 Speaker 1: would be one thing if you and I sat here 114 00:05:57,839 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: and talked about our own cultural he But what I 115 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,479 Speaker 1: found is that if you look at the ancient Greeks, 116 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 1: ancient Egyptians, Babylon, and you know, all sorts of other 117 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:11,120 Speaker 1: ancient cultures, the first Americans, that there are so many 118 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 1: similar themes of the things keep us healthy and such 119 00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:17,680 Speaker 1: new science as if it's just been discovered in the 120 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 1: last year or two, like things like connection to nature. 121 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 1: I mean, how will we not understanding that for so long? 122 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 1: You know, I think because there are no planes in 123 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,839 Speaker 1: the sky and less traffic, and our time and nature 124 00:06:31,000 --> 00:06:33,240 Speaker 1: in this country anyway was limited people who allowed like 125 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,160 Speaker 1: a one hour walk outside during the day. At some 126 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:39,960 Speaker 1: point the appreciation of nature grew, and then suddenly, as 127 00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,000 Speaker 1: if from nowhere comes out the science that time and 128 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:46,480 Speaker 1: nature helps your mental health, your physical health, your longevity, 129 00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 1: it boosts your immunity, that there's just an impact of 130 00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:55,680 Speaker 1: that awe inspiring sort of feeling of being in beautiful 131 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: nature on the way that your brain works. So like 132 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:03,840 Speaker 1: so much modern science, that is actually not one of 133 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:04,720 Speaker 1: those things is near. 134 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, it's not new at all. This idea then, 135 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 2: that we have the power to change our destiny, this 136 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 2: idea that we have the power to propel our lives, 137 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,400 Speaker 2: whether it's careers, whether it's relationships. We have the ability 138 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,200 Speaker 2: to shift and pivot. A lot of people will hear 139 00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: that and they think to themselves, well, that doesn't happen 140 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,760 Speaker 2: to me. It happens for those people. They hear that 141 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 2: and think, yeah, you can't really think your way into anything. 142 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 2: Or people hear it and say, no, I tried that 143 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 2: once and it didn't work for me. How do you 144 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: approach that conversation of helping people realize the power that 145 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,520 Speaker 2: they hold and the power of what's possible for any 146 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 2: one of us. 147 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 1: I love the way you've kind of segued that from 148 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:56,760 Speaker 1: nature into manifestation. Because a few things here, one thing 149 00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:59,600 Speaker 1: is that if you just observe nature, you see manifestation 150 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 1: or the time you know, you see a flower growing 151 00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,000 Speaker 1: from a bard into a fully formed flower, and then 152 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:07,360 Speaker 1: it's petals starting to fall, you see trees growing, you know, 153 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,800 Speaker 1: all sorts of things. And the other connection there is 154 00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:14,800 Speaker 1: that creating the environment within yourself and around yourself to 155 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:18,000 Speaker 1: allow things like manifestation to happen. And that basically means 156 00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: at the simplest level, that you set a goal, you say, 157 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 1: this is what I want my life to be, like, well, 158 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,960 Speaker 1: this is a specific thing I want in my life, 159 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: and then there's a process that leads that to potentially 160 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 1: manifesting in the real world. But I do agree with 161 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,080 Speaker 1: one of those skepticism points, which is that you can't 162 00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: sit at home and think about it. So I've been 163 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,880 Speaker 1: really really clear about saying that it's manifestation, is not 164 00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:44,439 Speaker 1: creating a fantasy and then waiting for it to come 165 00:08:44,480 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: true with no action from yourself. So I actually renamed 166 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:50,960 Speaker 1: vision boards action boards as if to say that, yes, 167 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: create imagery that represents what you want, but then you 168 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 1: have to be doing something every day to move yourself 169 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 1: closer to that, whether it's being healthier, just so that 170 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,320 Speaker 1: you're brain is in a better environment, or it's networking 171 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:05,960 Speaker 1: or dating or you know, saving money, whatever it is 172 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,160 Speaker 1: that's going to get you. Let's say the house that 173 00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: you want. You know, a great example is people might say, 174 00:09:12,880 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: of course, I'd love a house in the Hampton's but 175 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,439 Speaker 1: if that's not realistic for you in the short term, 176 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: then you'll only reinforce the fact that you're failing at manifesting. 177 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 1: So it's better to say I'd like to be on 178 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:28,000 Speaker 1: the property ladder and start there and then obviously build bigger. 179 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,000 Speaker 2: Do you find a difference, And I want to get 180 00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 2: into the science and research part to show the validity 181 00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,280 Speaker 2: of what you're saying, Did you find a difference in 182 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 2: the science of measuring extrinsic and intrinsic motivators? Because I 183 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,600 Speaker 2: feel like manifestation is still always about what do you want? 184 00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:49,199 Speaker 2: Where do you want to be? And as you know, honestly, 185 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 2: I can only I can only really speak for myself. 186 00:09:51,320 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 2: But when I think about it, for me, I've if 187 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 2: someone asked me what that was, I've always wanted to 188 00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 2: just wake up and do what I love every day, 189 00:09:58,000 --> 00:10:00,960 Speaker 2: like that's that's really all I care about. And so 190 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 2: It's all I care, right, is I want to wake 191 00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,960 Speaker 2: up and do what I love every day and hopefully 192 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 2: improves the lives of other people. And if those two 193 00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 2: things can go together. And I find that a lot 194 00:10:09,640 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 2: of manifestation stems around like what kind of house do 195 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,679 Speaker 2: you want? And what kind of car do you want? 196 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:15,600 Speaker 2: And what kind of life do you want? And it 197 00:10:15,640 --> 00:10:19,440 Speaker 2: gets very extrinsic, and so I wonder whether I'm intrigued. 198 00:10:19,480 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 2: I'm really curious to know what the science suggests about 199 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:24,920 Speaker 2: when you're having an action board towards an intrinsic motivator 200 00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:26,160 Speaker 2: or an extrinsic motivator. 201 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:27,880 Speaker 1: There's a lot to unpack here. 202 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 2: Please, I'm all leaders, I'm here as a student to 203 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,080 Speaker 2: just listen because I'm so fascinated. 204 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,880 Speaker 1: So in terms of the motivation, to make it really 205 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 1: easy for people to understand, I called it magnetic desire, 206 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:43,679 Speaker 1: which is something that is so emotionally driven for you, 207 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:48,199 Speaker 1: personally underligned with you know what's logically doable in your 208 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,280 Speaker 1: life and what your intuition tells you, and you know 209 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,280 Speaker 1: what your creative brain can help you to achieve. That 210 00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: if you have magnetic desire for something, then you know 211 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 1: I always say if you follow your passion, you will 212 00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:03,840 Speaker 1: be successful. But I'm mindful that that statement and even 213 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,360 Speaker 1: your one if I just want to wake up and 214 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:09,880 Speaker 1: do what I love, are extremely privileged statements. So with manifestation, 215 00:11:10,040 --> 00:11:12,679 Speaker 1: one of the criticisms is that you know, that's a 216 00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:16,240 Speaker 1: luxury for people who already have, you know, more than 217 00:11:16,240 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 1: what they need, and then they can say, oh, well, 218 00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,839 Speaker 1: I would love, you know, to do this or have this. 219 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: And so I think what I've learned in where I 220 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:28,120 Speaker 1: have ever felt slightly defensive around that statement is that 221 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:32,120 Speaker 1: whoever you are, wherever you are, there is one tiny 222 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: thing that you could do to make your life better, 223 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 1: and it's the micro changes that build you up to 224 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: getting to a point where maybe you can actually do 225 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,800 Speaker 1: something that you love rather than do what you have 226 00:11:42,840 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 1: to do to put food on the table for your children. 227 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: But having said that, if your ideas for what you 228 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,760 Speaker 1: want to manifest are things like, well, all my friends 229 00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 1: are getting married and having family, so I want to 230 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,240 Speaker 1: get married and have a family, rather than I've really 231 00:11:58,280 --> 00:12:00,600 Speaker 1: thought about what I want to do, and my passion 232 00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,800 Speaker 1: and purpose might mean that I have to delay having 233 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 1: a family, and that's okay. It's more likely to work 234 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:08,319 Speaker 1: out with the second one than the one that's kind 235 00:12:08,360 --> 00:12:15,559 Speaker 1: of too guided by parental expectations, societal expectation, career, you know, aspirations. 236 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 1: So I do think people have to dig deeper for 237 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,559 Speaker 1: manifestation to you know, really work well. 238 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, walk me through some of the science that and 239 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,679 Speaker 2: the research that validates some of these claims, because I 240 00:12:29,720 --> 00:12:33,839 Speaker 2: think that's your unique perspective, and that's been the unique 241 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 2: angle that you brought to in I feel like it's 242 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,800 Speaker 2: great to understand that this stuff is actually being research tested, discovered. 243 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,719 Speaker 2: It's not just being said because it not just sounds good, 244 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,440 Speaker 2: but that maybe there's a couple of case studies, but 245 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:47,080 Speaker 2: there's more than that. 246 00:12:47,640 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: So there's two main sort of areas around that. One 247 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 1: is the sort of six themes that I narrowed down 248 00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:59,200 Speaker 1: from the twelve laws of attraction that I could explain 249 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:02,480 Speaker 1: with cognitive science, which is neuroscience and psychology. So when 250 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:06,480 Speaker 1: I first started that research, I saw that there wasn't 251 00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,080 Speaker 1: even agreement over what the laws of attraction were or 252 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 1: how many there were. So I thought, okay, let me 253 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 1: distill this down to like something that makes sense to me, 254 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,640 Speaker 1: and then like see what we can do with it. 255 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 1: So the first one is abundance because one of the 256 00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 1: strongest gearings in the brain is loss avoidance. So to 257 00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: survive when we lived in the cave, we had to 258 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,520 Speaker 1: stay safe rather than take risk. Now for most of 259 00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:33,000 Speaker 1: us who are lucky enough, you know, to live in 260 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: the modern world and have basic safety around us, it's 261 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: healthier for us to be willing to take risk. So 262 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,640 Speaker 1: you actually have to override that ancient wiring of the 263 00:13:41,679 --> 00:13:44,960 Speaker 1: brain which says, no, don't go and like, you know, 264 00:13:45,040 --> 00:13:47,040 Speaker 1: fly to London and try to have meetings with lots 265 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 1: of different people who may not want to meet you. 266 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 1: Stay in LA because that's safer, and you've got your 267 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:54,160 Speaker 1: community around you and you know, you know, you've got 268 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,440 Speaker 1: a big network. So for you to say, well, I'm 269 00:13:57,480 --> 00:13:59,000 Speaker 1: going to go to a news I know it's not 270 00:13:59,240 --> 00:14:02,000 Speaker 1: it was your home. But in terms of like recent work, 271 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: you know, kind of take a bit of a risk, 272 00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,440 Speaker 1: take a week out there. You know, see who I 273 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:09,360 Speaker 1: can interview. That is you overriding that part of your 274 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: brain that might say it would just be easier for 275 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:13,600 Speaker 1: me to stay in LA. So it's as simple as that. 276 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:15,920 Speaker 1: It can obviously be a lot harder than that as well. 277 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 1: But it's understanding that your brain will do quite a 278 00:14:19,280 --> 00:14:22,400 Speaker 1: lot to stop you from taking risk. It's two and 279 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: a half times as strongly wired to avoid risk as 280 00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:26,720 Speaker 1: it is to gain reward. 281 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:28,920 Speaker 2: And do that part again, it's two. 282 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:31,920 Speaker 1: And a half times more strongly wired to avoid risk 283 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 1: than is to get a reward. 284 00:14:33,720 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 2: Wow. 285 00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:37,560 Speaker 1: It's about believing that there are enough resources out there 286 00:14:37,640 --> 00:14:41,880 Speaker 1: for everyone, and that by you know, perhaps entering a 287 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 1: new career pool or a new community of people, that 288 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,360 Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that you're likely to fail if you've 289 00:14:47,400 --> 00:14:49,720 Speaker 1: managed to be in an abundant state, Because what that 290 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 1: does in the brain is it moves the brain away 291 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:57,000 Speaker 1: from the fear and shame kind of states which correlate 292 00:14:57,080 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: with the stress woman cortisol, to the love and trust 293 00:15:00,480 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: and joy and excitement states which correlate with the bonding 294 00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:06,360 Speaker 1: hormone oxytocin. Now, when your brain is in that state, 295 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,880 Speaker 1: it's much more likely to take a healthy risk. It's 296 00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 1: much more likely to ask someone for a favor. We 297 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,200 Speaker 1: were talking about, you know, asking each other for favors before. 298 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 1: You wouldn't do that if you thought, well, don't ask ja, 299 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 1: because you'll just shut you down, then you would never 300 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 1: ask anyone. But if you start a conversation and someone 301 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,240 Speaker 1: looks like they want to be generous and help you, 302 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,720 Speaker 1: then you know you go into that oxytocin mode. But 303 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 1: you need to be pushing yourself into that mode as 304 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,880 Speaker 1: much of the time as you can. So the second 305 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 1: one is manifestation, which is believing that with your abundant 306 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: resources you can do things in the real world that 307 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,480 Speaker 1: mean that whether it's that feeling if I do what 308 00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:45,000 Speaker 1: I love, or it's an actual house, that you have 309 00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,120 Speaker 1: it in your capability to make that happen. Because of course, 310 00:15:48,160 --> 00:15:49,920 Speaker 1: if you believe it will never happen for me one 311 00:15:49,960 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 1: of these common statements that's likely to become true, that's 312 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: manifestation too, it's just negative manifestation. And it's important to 313 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 1: say that both manifestation and the process of neuroplasticity, which 314 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 1: I will describe in detail, which is how your brain 315 00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 1: changes to allow you to grow and grasp new opportunities, 316 00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:11,120 Speaker 1: they both have a good side and a bad side. 317 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: And the classic example of a bad side of neuroplasticity 318 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:19,040 Speaker 1: is obsessing over an X after a breakup, because what 319 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 1: you're saying to your brain is this is what people do. 320 00:16:22,120 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: You know, you trust them, and then they leave you, 321 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,200 Speaker 1: and you just remind yourself of all the times that 322 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: you should have seen the signs, and then you know 323 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,920 Speaker 1: all the times that it went wrong. That's also inducing 324 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:37,160 Speaker 1: neuroplasticity and potentially manifestation in your brain, because if you 325 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,640 Speaker 1: don't make a change after that, your relationship pattern will 326 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,160 Speaker 1: stay the same and you'll reinforce it further with more 327 00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 1: breakups and more you know, sort of choices of partners 328 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,280 Speaker 1: aren't ideal for you. The third one is the magnetic 329 00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:52,680 Speaker 1: desire that I already discussed, which means that it has 330 00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: to be really authentic to you but also aligned in 331 00:16:56,560 --> 00:16:58,520 Speaker 1: simple terms in your head, your heart, and your gut. 332 00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:01,520 Speaker 1: But in the source, I talk about six ways of thinking, 333 00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 1: which are logical, emotional, physical, intuitive, motivational, and creative. So 334 00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: if you think of something that you want and you 335 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 1: ask yourself in six different questions, you know, why do 336 00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:14,960 Speaker 1: I want this? 337 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:15,399 Speaker 2: Logically? 338 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:18,040 Speaker 1: Why do I want it? Intuitively? And you can get 339 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:20,000 Speaker 1: a really good answer to those, then it's likely that 340 00:17:20,359 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: you know you will be able to manifest that. Then 341 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: there's patience, which is to do with neuroplasticity. So until 342 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,800 Speaker 1: we had sophisticated scanning technologies, a lot of this work, 343 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 1: cognitive science work was all thought to be psychological rather 344 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,800 Speaker 1: than neurological. So it would kind of be like, oh, 345 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,320 Speaker 1: you know, Jay, you're not mentally strong enough. You gave 346 00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 1: up too quickly, and it would kind of infer an 347 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:48,159 Speaker 1: intangible psychological weakness that is kind of your fault. And 348 00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,840 Speaker 1: I think that's another criticism of manifestation as well, that 349 00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:52,760 Speaker 1: if it doesn't work, then there's something wrong with you. 350 00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:56,480 Speaker 1: If you understand that it's actually physical work when you're 351 00:17:56,560 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 1: changing something, when you're striving for something, connecting up neurons 352 00:18:01,640 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: or nerve cells in your brain that weren't connected previously. 353 00:18:06,000 --> 00:18:08,600 Speaker 1: You may even be growing new nerve cells from little 354 00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 1: embryonic you know, baby nerve cells that then connect up 355 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:14,840 Speaker 1: with ones that already exist. And you may also be 356 00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:19,520 Speaker 1: adding an insulating coat around existing neural pathways to make 357 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 1: them faster, to make them more efficient. So the patient's 358 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: piece is because a lot of hard work goes on. 359 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,359 Speaker 1: You know, that feeling of I'm trying to manifest but 360 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,760 Speaker 1: nothing's happening. That's in the patient's piece, Because when you 361 00:18:32,840 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 1: get to a critical mass, of neurons that have created 362 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:39,399 Speaker 1: a new pathway that is stronger than the pathway you 363 00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: had before. So let's say it's just the things like 364 00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,199 Speaker 1: that never happened for me. Pathway changes to a well, actually, 365 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,040 Speaker 1: I've seen Jay do it, so maybe it could happen 366 00:18:48,080 --> 00:18:51,680 Speaker 1: for me. Pathway that takes a lot of effort, But 367 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: once you get to the critical mass of enough neurons, 368 00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:58,280 Speaker 1: suddenly it feels like everything's easy and everything's manifesting. And 369 00:18:58,760 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 1: I do feel like people have to get a taste 370 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:02,919 Speaker 1: of that before, you know, at least once with a 371 00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 1: quick win, to have the courage to take it to 372 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:10,359 Speaker 1: the next level. And the last two, which I didn't 373 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 1: expand on too much in the source, are harmony and 374 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 1: universal connection. And harmony is kind of also to do 375 00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,600 Speaker 1: with the fact that you're aligned in yourself, but it 376 00:19:19,640 --> 00:19:22,520 Speaker 1: also means that it should be aligned like with the world, 377 00:19:22,560 --> 00:19:24,680 Speaker 1: like you're not doing some harm to get what you want. 378 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,199 Speaker 1: And universal connection is about the fact that you know 379 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,199 Speaker 1: we are all into related. If you believe that you 380 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:33,879 Speaker 1: can achieve something because there are enough resources in the 381 00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,679 Speaker 1: world for everyone, then you should also be generous and 382 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:37,359 Speaker 1: pay it forward. 383 00:19:38,680 --> 00:19:41,640 Speaker 2: I couldn't be more excited to share something truly special 384 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,840 Speaker 2: with all u Ta lovers out there. 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When I think 416 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:55,040 Speaker 2: about the way we talk about our relationship with money. 417 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,360 Speaker 2: You may have grown up in a family that says 418 00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:02,080 Speaker 2: we have just enough to survive, or we don't need more, 419 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:06,840 Speaker 2: we have all we need, and those things become so hardwired, 420 00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 2: and therefore as we get older, it becomes really hard 421 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 2: to change them, right, and so that also applies to love. 422 00:22:13,119 --> 00:22:15,679 Speaker 2: It's like, oh, if someone says, oh, my parents had 423 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,920 Speaker 2: a bad marriage, like, I'm just scared I'm going to 424 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,320 Speaker 2: repeat it, and then that becomes their narrative when we're 425 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,920 Speaker 2: talking about changing those Does every thought count? Does every 426 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,520 Speaker 2: thought matter? Like, talk me through that. 427 00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:31,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, every single thought matters. And that's why there's 428 00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:34,240 Speaker 1: an old Buddhist saying that has replace every negative thought 429 00:22:34,240 --> 00:22:37,879 Speaker 1: with a positive thought. And neuroplasticity completely back set up 430 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,400 Speaker 1: because the way we rewire our brains is not that 431 00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:45,719 Speaker 1: we so basically we cannot undo a negative thought pattern 432 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:49,600 Speaker 1: or a negative relationship pattern. We have to overwrite it 433 00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:52,880 Speaker 1: with a new one. So rather than focusing on the negatives, 434 00:22:52,920 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: which is, you know, to do with that abundance piece, 435 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,320 Speaker 1: it's better to work out what do I need to 436 00:22:57,320 --> 00:23:02,960 Speaker 1: do differently to not keep repeating this obstacle or challenge 437 00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,160 Speaker 1: that keeps coming up in my life. So the way 438 00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:09,560 Speaker 1: that it physically works, the process that underpins neuroplastic is 439 00:23:09,640 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 1: underpinned by neuroplasticity is a four step process, and it 440 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 1: starts with raised awareness, which is kind of what you've 441 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 1: already said, which is really monitoring your thoughts, understanding what 442 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,160 Speaker 1: the beliefs are that are underneath driving those thoughts, and 443 00:23:24,200 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 1: making you make the decisions that you make in the 444 00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:29,000 Speaker 1: real world. And I would suggest that people spend at 445 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,840 Speaker 1: least a month monitoring that with journaling, maybe talking therapy, 446 00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:36,199 Speaker 1: maybe talking to a friend, as long as you know 447 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:38,760 Speaker 1: you're very clear that they that their agenda for you 448 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,240 Speaker 1: kind of doesn't, you know, affect that. And then the 449 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:45,000 Speaker 1: second stage is focused attention. So that is then let's 450 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,000 Speaker 1: say you notice a particular pattern that you have. Let's 451 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 1: say it's around money. Notice the next time again for 452 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:53,000 Speaker 1: a month, probably that you don't buy something because you 453 00:23:53,040 --> 00:23:55,160 Speaker 1: don't feel you deserve it, because you think it's too expensive, 454 00:23:55,920 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 1: or you wait for something to go into the sale 455 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:00,879 Speaker 1: and then you miss out on getting it, you know, 456 00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,800 Speaker 1: So things like that, any money behaviors or love behaviors, whichever, 457 00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:09,800 Speaker 1: And at first, don't try to change anything, but just 458 00:24:09,960 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 1: notice it, like maybe straight after it happened. Then try 459 00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:16,560 Speaker 1: to in time get yourself to notice when it's happening 460 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,440 Speaker 1: and see if you can reframe it. Maybe you can, 461 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:21,119 Speaker 1: maybe you can't, and then to try to get yourself 462 00:24:21,119 --> 00:24:23,760 Speaker 1: to the stage where you think. Normally, I wouldn't buy 463 00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:25,840 Speaker 1: this because I don't think I deserve it. But today 464 00:24:25,920 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 1: I'm going to treat myself because I believe in abundance 465 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:32,200 Speaker 1: and I believe that I will achieve the career aims 466 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:34,119 Speaker 1: that I have that will make me able to afford that. 467 00:24:35,119 --> 00:24:37,959 Speaker 1: The third stage is deliberate practice, which is that you 468 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:42,240 Speaker 1: regularly practice the new desired behavior until it becomes so 469 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:44,919 Speaker 1: ingrained in your brain that it's actually easier for you 470 00:24:44,960 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 1: to do that than default to the old behavior. And 471 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:50,240 Speaker 1: the last part, it's not really one of the stages 472 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 1: it takes you through the whole process, is accountability. So 473 00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 1: how do you hold yourself accountable? Some people have a 474 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,960 Speaker 1: coach or a therapist or a partner that might hold 475 00:24:58,960 --> 00:25:01,800 Speaker 1: them accountable. If you don't, and you need to do 476 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:03,880 Speaker 1: it by yourself, then a vision board is a really 477 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:05,919 Speaker 1: good way of doing it. Because you've clearly stated what 478 00:25:05,960 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 1: you want, you can see if you've got it or not. 479 00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,320 Speaker 1: At the end of the year, you can say I 480 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:14,199 Speaker 1: manifested sixty percent of the things that I wanted. And 481 00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,040 Speaker 1: I also use an app called Habit share where I 482 00:25:17,119 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 1: record twelve micro habits each year and I can track them, 483 00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,639 Speaker 1: I can share them if I want to. I found 484 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:26,120 Speaker 1: that was better for me than New Year's resolutions, because 485 00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:27,639 Speaker 1: I could just take two or three of them and 486 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,439 Speaker 1: try to bring them into my talkit each quarter of 487 00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,440 Speaker 1: the year, and then by the end of the year 488 00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 1: I would find like eight of ten or ten of 489 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,520 Speaker 1: those were habits already. So I kind of do that 490 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 1: alongside my bigger goals. 491 00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 2: I find like when people think about this, one of 492 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:43,919 Speaker 2: the things that kind of keeps tripping them up is 493 00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:46,760 Speaker 2: Jack can say it, and I can think it, but 494 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 2: I don't believe it. Yeah, right, And I'm sure you've 495 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:52,439 Speaker 2: heard that a million times, that fear of like, okay, well, 496 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:56,919 Speaker 2: you know, I don't believe I can start living my 497 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,600 Speaker 2: passion and I don't believe that I can and do 498 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 2: what I love for work, or I don't believe that 499 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:07,480 Speaker 2: I have it's possible for someone like me to achieve 500 00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,680 Speaker 2: whatever else it may be. And then I can say 501 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,000 Speaker 2: it to myself before I go to bed, but I 502 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:14,119 Speaker 2: don't believe it because I don't believe it. I stopped 503 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,200 Speaker 2: doing it after two to three days. What's the difference 504 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,199 Speaker 2: between someone who's practicing this in a way that it 505 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:22,920 Speaker 2: works and we'll get onto action in a second, but 506 00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,720 Speaker 2: at least practicing the belief change because I'm fully with you. 507 00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:29,520 Speaker 2: By the way, I remember, I had a mentor that 508 00:26:29,680 --> 00:26:31,520 Speaker 2: used to constantly say to me. You'd say, Jay, you're 509 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 2: an entrepreneur. You're an entrepreneur, You're an entrepreneur. At this time, 510 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:37,040 Speaker 2: I was working a full time job nine to five 511 00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:40,440 Speaker 2: and getting paid whatever it was, and he'd keep telling me, 512 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 2: But like, Jay, you're an entrepreneur. I'd keep telling hm. 513 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 2: I'd be like, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. No, 514 00:26:44,160 --> 00:26:48,000 Speaker 2: I'm not I'm an artist, I'm a creative. I'm definitely 515 00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:49,840 Speaker 2: not an entrepreneur. The last thing I want to do 516 00:26:49,920 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 2: is run a business. Like that's just not who I am. 517 00:26:52,840 --> 00:26:54,199 Speaker 2: And if you asked me, I would have said, I'm 518 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 2: a very self aware person at this point in my life. 519 00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 2: It wasn't that I didn't reflect enough. I felt like 520 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:01,159 Speaker 2: I really knew who I was and I was like 521 00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:02,959 Speaker 2: this is And then it was only when I was 522 00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:05,920 Speaker 2: required to have to be an entrepreneur did I have 523 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:08,959 Speaker 2: to shift into that gear and become one. But if 524 00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,040 Speaker 2: you still ask me today, I'm like, I'm an entrepreneur, 525 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,360 Speaker 2: but I much prefer being a creative and an artist 526 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,159 Speaker 2: and a thinker. That's that's where I thrive, if you 527 00:27:17,240 --> 00:27:19,320 Speaker 2: ask me. Yeah, but I did something when I was 528 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:22,199 Speaker 2: required to do it. So I see you smiling, and 529 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,560 Speaker 2: so I want to hear your reaction to what I'm sharing. 530 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,360 Speaker 1: Four things there, so I hope I can remember them all. 531 00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,760 Speaker 1: The first one is that there's a step before what 532 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:32,840 Speaker 1: you said, which is that some people aren't even aware 533 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 1: that they don't think they deserve it. So well, I 534 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:38,040 Speaker 1: discovered something quite by accident, which was a theme of 535 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:43,080 Speaker 1: people selecting images for their vision board, placing them onto 536 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,760 Speaker 1: the board, even spending the time to like shuffle them 537 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:47,720 Speaker 1: around make sure it all like looks and feels right, 538 00:27:48,080 --> 00:27:49,920 Speaker 1: and then telling me that they never stuck them down. 539 00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:51,120 Speaker 2: Wow. 540 00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: And I just had a light bulb moment and I said, 541 00:27:53,240 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 1: you haven't stuck them down, so you don't believe you 542 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:57,120 Speaker 1: deserve them, And the person, just like you know, had 543 00:27:57,119 --> 00:27:59,800 Speaker 1: a bit of a meltdown. And so every time i've 544 00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:02,080 Speaker 1: heard someone do you know a variation on that theme, 545 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,040 Speaker 1: I've talked about deserving this, So so like even that 546 00:28:06,080 --> 00:28:07,480 Speaker 1: has to be known in the first place. 547 00:28:07,600 --> 00:28:10,120 Speaker 2: Right well, we think it's too ridiculous or too out 548 00:28:10,160 --> 00:28:11,679 Speaker 2: there or right. 549 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,359 Speaker 1: Next, I do think it's about who you surround yourself with. 550 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,360 Speaker 1: So I started smiling when you said I had a mentor, 551 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,600 Speaker 1: because that already means that you've sought out someone that's 552 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,119 Speaker 1: going to challenge your thinking, that's going to push you 553 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:25,719 Speaker 1: to be your best. And my version of that is that, 554 00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:29,359 Speaker 1: like I said, I spent nine years at university to 555 00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:31,960 Speaker 1: become a medical doctor in the NHS. I did not 556 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,000 Speaker 1: believe that I could do anything else. I didn't I 557 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 1: had a vocational degree. I didn't have a more general 558 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 1: degree where I could say I could go and you know, 559 00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,840 Speaker 1: apply to do something else. My best friend, whose kids 560 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: I was just babysitter, she had read biochemistry at Oxford, 561 00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,680 Speaker 1: she'd worked in the dot com explosion, and then she 562 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 1: just announced to our sort of closest circle one day 563 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:55,160 Speaker 1: at dinner, I'm going to give it all up and 564 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 1: go and study a master's in sculpture. And I remember 565 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:04,120 Speaker 1: thinking that's incredible, But I could never do that. And 566 00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: it was only kind of like one and a half 567 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:09,240 Speaker 1: or two years later that I then said I'm leaving medicine, 568 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: and I remember my brother said to me, I'm really 569 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,640 Speaker 1: proud of you, but I could never do that. So 570 00:29:14,160 --> 00:29:17,000 Speaker 1: it's almost like there's a chain of totally yeah. And 571 00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,800 Speaker 1: if you were around people who were only doing what 572 00:29:20,840 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: you do, who also had self limiting beliefs, who you know, 573 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: had maybe some things even against being entrepreneurial, you might 574 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,280 Speaker 1: have stayed stuck where you were. And then the next 575 00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 1: stage is a lot of people try and then give up. Right, 576 00:29:35,360 --> 00:29:38,760 Speaker 1: And I'm not saying this is for everyone, but when 577 00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,440 Speaker 1: I changed career, I went from having a you know, 578 00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:46,040 Speaker 1: not very high but stable salary to having nothing. And 579 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,880 Speaker 1: that was the case for quite a while. And a 580 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 1: few people said to me, please just go and like 581 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:53,520 Speaker 1: work in the hospital for one weekend, You'll be able 582 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,840 Speaker 1: to pay your rent and like not you know, kind 583 00:29:55,840 --> 00:29:59,120 Speaker 1: of worry about money so much, and a lot of 584 00:29:59,120 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 1: people hold down part time job when they're becoming an entrepreneur. 585 00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: But I said, if I do that, I will feel 586 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,720 Speaker 1: like I failed. So for me, I had to burn 587 00:30:07,760 --> 00:30:09,960 Speaker 1: my boats like there was no way back. I had 588 00:30:10,000 --> 00:30:12,239 Speaker 1: to succeed. And like I said, I'm not saying that's 589 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,080 Speaker 1: right for everyone, but everyone will have their version of 590 00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: the thing that will really make them say I cannot fail. 591 00:30:19,880 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 2: That initial challenge of like you're saying that, even becoming 592 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,000 Speaker 2: aware that we don't believe we deserve something or something's 593 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:29,640 Speaker 2: meant for us, it can be such an uncomfortable discovery 594 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:37,280 Speaker 2: because it almost starts indicating towards the fact that there 595 00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:42,200 Speaker 2: are past experiences, past traumas, past relationships that you now 596 00:30:42,240 --> 00:30:45,080 Speaker 2: have to go back to and uncover and unlearn and 597 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:49,400 Speaker 2: understand because you've almost been living in a sense of 598 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,480 Speaker 2: darkness in that area of your life. And I think 599 00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,480 Speaker 2: that can be really disconcerting because it requires so much 600 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,720 Speaker 2: time to actually and an energy to actually go back 601 00:30:59,720 --> 00:31:03,120 Speaker 2: there and excavate and look at it and face it 602 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,760 Speaker 2: head on. What does signs have to say about how 603 00:31:06,800 --> 00:31:09,440 Speaker 2: can we look at our past? How can we look 604 00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,600 Speaker 2: at our wiring in a healthy way rather than a 605 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 2: judgmental way, Because we could just turn around and say, 606 00:31:15,920 --> 00:31:18,479 Speaker 2: I'm the worst that I've been thinking this way, you 607 00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:22,040 Speaker 2: start criticizing yourself. I've wasted so much time. I always 608 00:31:22,040 --> 00:31:24,240 Speaker 2: hear even sometimes I hear people and like, I wish 609 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:26,120 Speaker 2: I started when I was eighteen. I wish I started 610 00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:28,560 Speaker 2: when I was twenty five, and there's this regret that's 611 00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:32,000 Speaker 2: underlying that feeling. Even if they did change, how do 612 00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:34,720 Speaker 2: we look at our past and look at change in 613 00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:37,160 Speaker 2: a healthier way rather than a negative way. 614 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:39,120 Speaker 1: I think one of the things that you're talking about 615 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,800 Speaker 1: is this idea of having really in depth psychotherapy and 616 00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,960 Speaker 1: having to uncover every trauma in your life to get 617 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,000 Speaker 1: to the point where you're healed enough to move forward. 618 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 1: I am obviously a fan of therapy, you know, for 619 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,200 Speaker 1: many reasons, but I don't particularly think that you have 620 00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,800 Speaker 1: to uncover every trauma in your life to be able 621 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:01,000 Speaker 1: to move forward. The career changed I made in factors 622 00:32:01,040 --> 00:32:06,640 Speaker 1: to coaching, So coaching tends to be more forward looking 623 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: or you know, sort of positive looking unless there's, you know, 624 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,080 Speaker 1: some kind of major trauma. I don't think it's necessary 625 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:16,360 Speaker 1: to dig everything up in like years of psychotherapy. But 626 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:20,440 Speaker 1: there are some sort of models in science that can 627 00:32:20,480 --> 00:32:22,560 Speaker 1: be quite useful for people, whether you know, it could 628 00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 1: just be self discovery. So there's one called Ghosts in 629 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:30,960 Speaker 1: the Executive Suite, and that talks about the childhood systems 630 00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 1: that you grew up in and the fact that the 631 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:36,120 Speaker 1: wiring that was embedded in the first seven and then 632 00:32:36,160 --> 00:32:39,440 Speaker 1: also the first fourteen years of your life are likely 633 00:32:39,520 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 1: to be very non conscious now in adulthood, but still 634 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:45,000 Speaker 1: driving a lot of your behaviors. And so the business 635 00:32:45,000 --> 00:32:47,040 Speaker 1: side of that is called in the executive suite. So 636 00:32:47,080 --> 00:32:49,120 Speaker 1: it's looking at CEOs who are behaving in a certain 637 00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 1: way because of those but it can apply to anyone's life, 638 00:32:52,960 --> 00:32:55,680 Speaker 1: and it looks at things like the boundaries and the 639 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,720 Speaker 1: values and the secrets and the sort of identities that 640 00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,200 Speaker 1: you had as a child. So you know, you may 641 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:03,120 Speaker 1: have had a home where everyone was welcome to drop 642 00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,959 Speaker 1: in and they would just be added into the family 643 00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:07,240 Speaker 1: meal and they could stay the night. And I may 644 00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:09,040 Speaker 1: have been, you know, grown up in a home where 645 00:33:09,480 --> 00:33:11,920 Speaker 1: you had to plan everything in advance. If someone was 646 00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:14,280 Speaker 1: coming over, then you know, the people would make sure 647 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 1: there was enough food and make sure that a bed 648 00:33:16,640 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: was made in advance, and all this kind of thing. 649 00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,960 Speaker 1: And then values tends to be a lot around money, 650 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:25,320 Speaker 1: So you know, you may have grown up in a 651 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:29,080 Speaker 1: household where people say money is a bad thing. It's 652 00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 1: not good to have too much of it. You know, 653 00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: even in many religions they say that if you're excessively wealthy, 654 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,640 Speaker 1: that your chances of going to heaven are kind of lower. 655 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:38,280 Speaker 1: So you know, there's a lot of that rhetoric in 656 00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:43,760 Speaker 1: our society. Identification is about things like, oh, you're just 657 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 1: like your father, or you're just like you know, your 658 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: uncle used to be. Secrets is we never talk about 659 00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:53,480 Speaker 1: that alcoholic gun call kind of thing, and roles includes 660 00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,720 Speaker 1: things like where you the peacemaker or the go between, 661 00:33:56,200 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: and all of those sorts of things may influence you 662 00:33:59,280 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: later in life without you realizing it. But there is 663 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:05,720 Speaker 1: self exploration and other work that you can do with 664 00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:08,520 Speaker 1: people to help you uncover that. And also the really 665 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:13,760 Speaker 1: good news is that Freud talked about stages of child 666 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:20,719 Speaker 1: psychosocial development and things like trauma, neglect, abandonment, separation from parents' illness, 667 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,080 Speaker 1: and described in great detail what would go wrong with 668 00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:26,040 Speaker 1: you for the rest of your life if you experienced 669 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:29,560 Speaker 1: any of those things. And then later a psychologist called 670 00:34:29,719 --> 00:34:33,960 Speaker 1: Ericson came along and talked about the vice and the virtue. 671 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,640 Speaker 1: So he said, if you have a childhood trauma at 672 00:34:36,640 --> 00:34:40,320 Speaker 1: a certain age, then this is what could go wrong, 673 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:43,440 Speaker 1: but this is also your opportunity for something to go 674 00:34:43,520 --> 00:34:46,160 Speaker 1: really right. And what I find is that a lot 675 00:34:46,200 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: of the CEOs or really successful entrepreneurs that I work 676 00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,680 Speaker 1: with had their first childhood disruption between the ages of 677 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,879 Speaker 1: five and seven, where the vice and the virtue are 678 00:34:56,120 --> 00:35:01,359 Speaker 1: inferiority or industry and industry meaning hard works of being industrious. 679 00:35:01,840 --> 00:35:03,799 Speaker 1: So that means if you did have a trauma at 680 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:06,279 Speaker 1: that age, then you could either spend the rest of 681 00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:10,279 Speaker 1: your life feeling inferior and undeserving, or you could say, 682 00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,640 Speaker 1: I'm going to work so hard, I'm going to get 683 00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:15,359 Speaker 1: myself out of this situation of poverty forever. I'm going 684 00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,480 Speaker 1: to be self sufficient. I'm going to be financially independent, 685 00:35:19,239 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 1: you know. And there's several other trust, mistrust, and you know, 686 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:25,040 Speaker 1: other kind of vices and virtues that people can look up. 687 00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 1: It's all on the internet. 688 00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:30,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, that kind of opening of the idea that you 689 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,359 Speaker 2: went through this, but it could also be an opportunity 690 00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:36,919 Speaker 2: of this impediment could also be an invitation. Like that 691 00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:40,520 Speaker 2: kind of understanding I find to be really powerful, and 692 00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:42,560 Speaker 2: I would agree with you. I think the most purposeful 693 00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:45,680 Speaker 2: people I've met are people who went through a pain 694 00:35:45,760 --> 00:35:48,480 Speaker 2: point and now they don't want other people to go 695 00:35:48,600 --> 00:35:51,239 Speaker 2: through that pain, or they want to help people through 696 00:35:51,280 --> 00:35:55,000 Speaker 2: that pain, and that's what created their ability to do that, 697 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:57,279 Speaker 2: whereas someone else who may not have had that pain 698 00:35:57,440 --> 00:36:00,840 Speaker 2: or may not have had that challenge almost can it 699 00:36:00,920 --> 00:36:03,640 Speaker 2: sometimes feel less clear or a bit more lost because 700 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:06,640 Speaker 2: they don't know what the meaning of their life is 701 00:36:06,920 --> 00:36:07,880 Speaker 2: or where they stand. 702 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,040 Speaker 1: Well, I think what often happens with those people is 703 00:36:10,080 --> 00:36:13,280 Speaker 1: that you know, life's just okay, life's fine, you're married, 704 00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:16,600 Speaker 1: you know, your kids are healthy, You're going to this, 705 00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:21,319 Speaker 1: you know, sort of regular day job, and you've kind 706 00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:23,479 Speaker 1: of forgotten what you dreamed of when you were a child, 707 00:36:23,600 --> 00:36:26,200 Speaker 1: what you're you know, maybe you've just given up your 708 00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:29,640 Speaker 1: real passion because it's fine to have this kind of 709 00:36:29,719 --> 00:36:33,520 Speaker 1: quite easy life. And often it does take a later 710 00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:37,759 Speaker 1: disruption like a divorce or a bereavement to really make 711 00:36:37,800 --> 00:36:40,800 Speaker 1: people rethink that. And so, you know, a big example 712 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,080 Speaker 1: that affected a lot of people is a financial crisis. 713 00:36:43,080 --> 00:36:46,280 Speaker 1: So a lot of people in financial services lost their jobs. 714 00:36:46,840 --> 00:36:49,080 Speaker 1: And then said, actually, I always wanted to be a 715 00:36:49,080 --> 00:36:52,440 Speaker 1: teacher or a journalist, but I also wanted a more 716 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 1: expensive lifestyle, so I didn't make that choice, and now 717 00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,359 Speaker 1: I have the opportunity to do what I really want 718 00:36:58,400 --> 00:37:00,840 Speaker 1: to do. So I guess it depends on how you 719 00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:04,640 Speaker 1: define wealth, because wealth can be having a lot of money, 720 00:37:04,640 --> 00:37:07,400 Speaker 1: but it can also be waking up every day and 721 00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:07,839 Speaker 1: doing what. 722 00:37:07,719 --> 00:37:09,759 Speaker 2: You love, yeah, or having a lot of free time, 723 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,160 Speaker 2: or whatever it may be. When people are trying I 724 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:15,400 Speaker 2: feel like we live in a time right now where 725 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 2: and you alluded to this earlier, and I'm kind of 726 00:37:17,760 --> 00:37:20,360 Speaker 2: going back to it. We live at a time where 727 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:25,680 Speaker 2: there's a lot of projected goals and expectations, and a 728 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:29,080 Speaker 2: lot of people can feel like they're so far away 729 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:32,080 Speaker 2: from their own goals because there's goals from other people 730 00:37:32,080 --> 00:37:35,120 Speaker 2: around them. Now. My mentor I'm still good friends with them, 731 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,080 Speaker 2: knew me very well, and so he wasn't projecting his 732 00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,360 Speaker 2: entrepreneurial thing. He was seeing something that I couldn't. But 733 00:37:41,440 --> 00:37:43,880 Speaker 2: a lot of the times, there's like society like, oh, 734 00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,560 Speaker 2: let's live in hustle culture. Everyone needs to be an entrepreneur, 735 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:48,880 Speaker 2: everyone needs to be a CEO, everyone needs to like 736 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,520 Speaker 2: there's a lot of performance culture out there, in productivity culture, 737 00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:57,680 Speaker 2: and I find that a lot of people either struggle 738 00:37:57,800 --> 00:38:01,799 Speaker 2: with that weight of that expectation or they actually curl 739 00:38:01,880 --> 00:38:03,320 Speaker 2: up into a ball and kind of don't want to 740 00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,080 Speaker 2: go anywhere and do anything, and it makes them hide 741 00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:08,600 Speaker 2: from that as well, because it's almost like everyone's just 742 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,560 Speaker 2: pushing them to be more ambitious and be more driven. 743 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 2: At the same time, I would love to understand the 744 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,040 Speaker 2: psychology of being needing to open up to more challenges 745 00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,680 Speaker 2: and more opportunities as just a healthy way of living. 746 00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:25,440 Speaker 2: So if someone's stuck in that space of you know, 747 00:38:25,520 --> 00:38:27,640 Speaker 2: Tara and Jay, I'm just you know, I'm kind of 748 00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:31,640 Speaker 2: stuck because I do want more. I'm trying to get 749 00:38:31,680 --> 00:38:34,040 Speaker 2: there that I believe I deserve it, but then I 750 00:38:34,080 --> 00:38:35,920 Speaker 2: don't know if that's what I really want, or if 751 00:38:35,920 --> 00:38:37,879 Speaker 2: it's what my parents want, or what social media wants 752 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:39,600 Speaker 2: me to want, or what my friends are doing. 753 00:38:40,520 --> 00:38:42,160 Speaker 1: I just want to go back to something because I 754 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,239 Speaker 1: only actually twigged when you said, Tara and Jay that 755 00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:47,920 Speaker 1: my brother's name is Jay. Oh no way, yeah, And 756 00:38:48,520 --> 00:38:50,560 Speaker 1: I didn't put it together like that. And I wanted 757 00:38:50,560 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 1: to say something that he said to me when I 758 00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,879 Speaker 1: changed career and I was like in my mid thirties seven. 759 00:38:55,560 --> 00:38:57,640 Speaker 1: He said the best time to plant an acorn was 760 00:38:57,640 --> 00:39:00,320 Speaker 1: two hundred years ago, but the second best time is now. 761 00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:02,520 Speaker 1: So for anyone that's saying it's too late, you know, 762 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:05,320 Speaker 1: I regret things. I think that's a really amazing saying. 763 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:10,400 Speaker 1: And then before you started really like posing your question 764 00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,319 Speaker 1: and I understood like where you were going with it, 765 00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,920 Speaker 1: I thought, oh, I wanted to tell you about at 766 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: the start of the pandemic. When I said, I sort 767 00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,279 Speaker 1: of like saw that, I thought there could be a 768 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:24,319 Speaker 1: really big mental health crisis. Quite quickly, I would say, 769 00:39:24,320 --> 00:39:26,440 Speaker 1: within like a month or two. I thought this is 770 00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:30,480 Speaker 1: also an opportunity for a spiritual revolution or evolution. And 771 00:39:30,560 --> 00:39:33,719 Speaker 1: so in all the research I've done since kind of 772 00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,480 Speaker 1: the end of the pandemic, at the official end, I 773 00:39:36,480 --> 00:39:41,520 Speaker 1: guess which is more about ancient wisdom and neuroesthetics. I 774 00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:48,480 Speaker 1: believe that returning to ancient practices like chanting, humming, drumming, singing, 775 00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:54,600 Speaker 1: and neuroesthetics is neuro arts. It's the science of why 776 00:39:54,800 --> 00:39:58,080 Speaker 1: beauty and art and creativity and nature are so healthy 777 00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:02,000 Speaker 1: for us. So if you yourself in nature, if you 778 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:06,320 Speaker 1: spend time making or beholding creative things like either singing 779 00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:10,360 Speaker 1: or going to listen to a concert, or sketching or 780 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:15,040 Speaker 1: going to an art gallery, etc. That actually opens up 781 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,840 Speaker 1: your mind in a way that the modern world and 782 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:19,680 Speaker 1: all that noise around you that you've just described doesn't 783 00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:24,440 Speaker 1: let us. So that allows a level of introspection. And 784 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,520 Speaker 1: there's so many other things in that category that you 785 00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:29,000 Speaker 1: know one can do, but that really helps you to 786 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:33,480 Speaker 1: separate your inner voice from all the words around you 787 00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:35,040 Speaker 1: that are telling you what you should do. And I 788 00:40:35,080 --> 00:40:37,839 Speaker 1: also always say there's a certain age, and it could 789 00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:40,280 Speaker 1: be different for different people, whether there's no more should 790 00:40:41,080 --> 00:40:43,279 Speaker 1: you know you've got to an age now where what 791 00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,640 Speaker 1: your parents should said you should do, or you think 792 00:40:45,680 --> 00:40:47,239 Speaker 1: you should do, what your friends are doing is not 793 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:51,000 Speaker 1: It cannot be applicable forever because that is probably the 794 00:40:51,040 --> 00:40:53,400 Speaker 1: one thing you'll regret on your death bed, right. 795 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:53,440 Speaker 2: So. 796 00:40:54,920 --> 00:40:57,040 Speaker 1: Taking that time. But it is so hard because you know, 797 00:40:57,040 --> 00:40:58,960 Speaker 1: I still hear people saying, oh, I go for my 798 00:40:59,040 --> 00:41:01,200 Speaker 1: nature walk, but I listen to podcast at the same time. 799 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:05,200 Speaker 1: That's not giving you time for introspection. And I'm sure 800 00:41:05,239 --> 00:41:07,440 Speaker 1: you're one of the few people that will agree with 801 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:11,000 Speaker 1: me that we aren't doing it like enough or any being. 802 00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:14,040 Speaker 1: We're just always doing I often say to people, when 803 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,520 Speaker 1: do you sit down and actually do nothing? And I 804 00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:19,640 Speaker 1: think that people maybe not if they know me well, 805 00:41:19,680 --> 00:41:22,360 Speaker 1: but if they look at my career, would say she 806 00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,640 Speaker 1: probably never sits down and does nothing. I do a 807 00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:30,280 Speaker 1: lot of sitting down and doing nothing. We do, I think, 808 00:41:30,440 --> 00:41:34,680 Speaker 1: you know, to access yourself nature is a massive mirror 809 00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:36,360 Speaker 1: for us, so time and nature, you know, and the 810 00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:38,239 Speaker 1: science for that in the last few years has just 811 00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:43,439 Speaker 1: rocketed interestingly. At the same time, the science around having 812 00:41:43,480 --> 00:41:47,640 Speaker 1: a purpose that transcends yourself, so not one that earns 813 00:41:47,680 --> 00:41:49,239 Speaker 1: the money that you need to just live your life, 814 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,440 Speaker 1: not even one that just makes you happy and satisfied 815 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:56,160 Speaker 1: in yourself, but one that is more altruistic is actually 816 00:41:56,280 --> 00:42:01,320 Speaker 1: very expanding for our consciousness. And I think that's probably 817 00:42:01,400 --> 00:42:04,560 Speaker 1: what we're really getting at a conversation that I don't 818 00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:06,279 Speaker 1: have with many people, but I feel like I could 819 00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:08,640 Speaker 1: have with you, which is that we need to sort 820 00:42:08,680 --> 00:42:11,920 Speaker 1: of be able to access altered states of consciousness to 821 00:42:12,040 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 1: really understand what our soul's purpose is in this life. 822 00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,920 Speaker 1: And breath work is a great way of doing that too. Obviously, 823 00:42:19,600 --> 00:42:21,680 Speaker 1: there's a popular sort of trend at the moment for 824 00:42:21,760 --> 00:42:25,440 Speaker 1: plant medicine, and you know, I'm watching the research on 825 00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,920 Speaker 1: that at Johns Hopkins really carefully, and there's a lot 826 00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,040 Speaker 1: of positive stuff around it, But what I'd really like 827 00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:32,759 Speaker 1: to say to people is it's nothing that you can't 828 00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:37,200 Speaker 1: achieve through time and nature, breath work, meditation, nourishing your 829 00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:41,279 Speaker 1: body with really healthy food, sleeping really well, and crucially 830 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,279 Speaker 1: having that really like positive, meaningful community around you. 831 00:42:46,160 --> 00:42:49,080 Speaker 2: What's your understanding so far about the soul's purpose of 832 00:42:49,120 --> 00:42:52,840 Speaker 2: what you've been able to discover and cover on this journey. 833 00:42:52,960 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 1: I did do some research into near death experiences and 834 00:42:55,960 --> 00:43:00,560 Speaker 1: terminal lucidity and dark retreats. The original scientific intro that 835 00:43:00,760 --> 00:43:03,880 Speaker 1: was to understand the nature of consciousness more in terms 836 00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:06,560 Speaker 1: of how separate it can be from the body. So 837 00:43:06,719 --> 00:43:09,160 Speaker 1: if we look at the research or near death experiences, 838 00:43:09,200 --> 00:43:13,160 Speaker 1: then we see that people who had the physical signs, 839 00:43:13,280 --> 00:43:15,160 Speaker 1: as a medical doctor, I would say they were dead. 840 00:43:15,480 --> 00:43:17,839 Speaker 1: So whether it was the amount of time that your 841 00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,320 Speaker 1: heart had stop beating or your brain waves had gone flat, 842 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,719 Speaker 1: have then somehow which we can't explain, been able to 843 00:43:26,200 --> 00:43:29,960 Speaker 1: become conscious in that body again and describe an experience 844 00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:34,200 Speaker 1: that they've had whilst seemingly not in their body. What's 845 00:43:34,239 --> 00:43:36,759 Speaker 1: really interesting about that research is you don't have to 846 00:43:36,800 --> 00:43:39,200 Speaker 1: have had that experience yourself, because people will say, well, 847 00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:41,520 Speaker 1: you know, Okay, that's great for those people if it 848 00:43:41,560 --> 00:43:43,960 Speaker 1: made them understand their soul's purpose. But we can't all 849 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:46,200 Speaker 1: have that, although you actually can if you go and 850 00:43:46,239 --> 00:43:48,279 Speaker 1: do a dark retreat, which is why I then listen 851 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:51,759 Speaker 1: to those And you know, in the ancient cultures like 852 00:43:51,800 --> 00:43:54,000 Speaker 1: the Greeks and Egyptians, they used to bury people for 853 00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:58,839 Speaker 1: days to mimic death, and then when they uncovered them, 854 00:43:58,880 --> 00:44:00,920 Speaker 1: they were the people that became like the mystics and 855 00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:04,520 Speaker 1: the seers of those communities. So again, just things that 856 00:44:04,560 --> 00:44:08,280 Speaker 1: we've forgotten. But if you you know, there's an amazing 857 00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:11,680 Speaker 1: book called After by doctor Bruce Grayson, or if you 858 00:44:11,760 --> 00:44:14,439 Speaker 1: just like look into the research around near death experiences. 859 00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:19,120 Speaker 1: Most common themes that people say are I feel more compassionate, 860 00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:23,399 Speaker 1: I feel more connected, I feel more grateful, I want 861 00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,799 Speaker 1: to do things to help people, and I just see 862 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:29,759 Speaker 1: beauty like in everything that's around me. And that's supported 863 00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:32,359 Speaker 1: by the modern science of neuro aesthetics. We can all 864 00:44:32,440 --> 00:44:34,120 Speaker 1: choose to do that. You know, we don't have to 865 00:44:34,120 --> 00:44:36,479 Speaker 1: have a near death experience to do that. If we're 866 00:44:36,520 --> 00:44:39,440 Speaker 1: living more like that for them, I think we get 867 00:44:39,480 --> 00:44:42,680 Speaker 1: a greater clarity around the reason that we were put 868 00:44:42,719 --> 00:44:44,920 Speaker 1: on this earth. I mean, I think the biggest blessing 869 00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:46,560 Speaker 1: any of us could have is to wake up one 870 00:44:46,640 --> 00:44:48,799 Speaker 1: day and think, I know why I was put onto 871 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:50,360 Speaker 1: this earth. I know what I need to be doing. 872 00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:53,560 Speaker 1: And it's not always going to be necessarily the thing 873 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:56,000 Speaker 1: that just gives you personal satisfaction. You know, it could 874 00:44:56,040 --> 00:44:58,520 Speaker 1: be your calling, could be something quite different to that. 875 00:44:59,360 --> 00:45:02,520 Speaker 1: Terminal loose is super super interesting as a I mean, 876 00:45:02,560 --> 00:45:05,400 Speaker 1: I did my PhD in neuroscience because I thought I 877 00:45:05,440 --> 00:45:08,280 Speaker 1: wanted to become a neurologist, but then I became a psychiatrist, 878 00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,080 Speaker 1: which is also super fascinating in terms of things like 879 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:13,239 Speaker 1: you can hear voices that aren't there, and you know 880 00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:15,760 Speaker 1: your mood can change like you know, not in your control. 881 00:45:16,360 --> 00:45:20,080 Speaker 1: But interminal lucidity is when people who either have had 882 00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:22,719 Speaker 1: dementia for a significant period of time or have had 883 00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:25,799 Speaker 1: a stroke and so parts of their brain are physically 884 00:45:25,840 --> 00:45:30,160 Speaker 1: altered or damaged chemically or physically, and they have lost 885 00:45:31,239 --> 00:45:34,920 Speaker 1: the personality and level of consciousness that their closest friends 886 00:45:34,920 --> 00:45:39,200 Speaker 1: and family knew in them can suddenly become completely lucid. 887 00:45:39,440 --> 00:45:42,480 Speaker 1: So we've got stories of you know, parents who no 888 00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:46,600 Speaker 1: longer recognize their children and their grandchildren just suddenly saying 889 00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:49,560 Speaker 1: one day, oh, Jay darling, come here, I want to, like, 890 00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:52,800 Speaker 1: you know, give you a motherly message. And it's usually 891 00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:54,759 Speaker 1: a sign that they will pass away within one to 892 00:45:54,800 --> 00:46:00,480 Speaker 1: twenty four hours. But there's no physical explanation how they 893 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:04,480 Speaker 1: could know the names and react in a completely maternal 894 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:08,480 Speaker 1: or paternal way towards an adult child that they didn't 895 00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:12,000 Speaker 1: recognize for several years. So that starts to make you think, 896 00:46:12,040 --> 00:46:14,759 Speaker 1: are we actually that connected to our body? And if 897 00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,920 Speaker 1: we're not, what does that mean? And I don't have 898 00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:19,120 Speaker 1: all the answers. 899 00:46:18,760 --> 00:46:22,080 Speaker 2: But fascinating. Yeah, no, sorry, I could carry out. 900 00:46:21,920 --> 00:46:23,439 Speaker 1: Well I I was just going to say. It makes 901 00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:27,759 Speaker 1: you think that what happens in this life and in 902 00:46:27,800 --> 00:46:31,920 Speaker 1: this physical world and on this material plane can't be 903 00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,680 Speaker 1: the be all and end all of everything. And if 904 00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:35,600 Speaker 1: it's not, what does that mean about how I want 905 00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:38,560 Speaker 1: to live? And to me, that brings me back to 906 00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:41,160 Speaker 1: I want to live a life that's guided by love. 907 00:46:41,480 --> 00:46:44,080 Speaker 1: And you know, I don't mean romantic love by that necessarily, 908 00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,000 Speaker 1: although that could be included. If I've got a dilemma, 909 00:46:47,040 --> 00:46:49,520 Speaker 1: if I've got a difficult decision to make, if I'm 910 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,840 Speaker 1: feeling like I'm in a really challenging situation, then I 911 00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,439 Speaker 1: always go back to love and gratitude, and I've now 912 00:46:56,440 --> 00:46:59,600 Speaker 1: included observing beauty as part of that too, because what 913 00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,840 Speaker 1: they're all doing is moving us into the oxytocin state, 914 00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:06,080 Speaker 1: which is our highest state and really the only state 915 00:47:06,080 --> 00:47:08,919 Speaker 1: from which we can live our best life. So it's 916 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:11,640 Speaker 1: really about doing everything that you can to move yourself 917 00:47:11,680 --> 00:47:16,799 Speaker 1: away from stress and towards love, and overly listening to 918 00:47:16,800 --> 00:47:20,960 Speaker 1: that chatter around you is pretty much going to do 919 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:23,840 Speaker 1: the opposite. So it is a little bit about liberating 920 00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,239 Speaker 1: ourselves from that, I think, at least for moments. 921 00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,640 Speaker 2: When you talked about spending time in nature, you talked 922 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:32,520 Speaker 2: about chanting, you talked about humming, you talked about the 923 00:47:32,640 --> 00:47:36,040 Speaker 2: art class, the kind of more analogue tasks as well. 924 00:47:36,360 --> 00:47:39,560 Speaker 2: What do those tasks have in common from what's happening 925 00:47:40,880 --> 00:47:44,280 Speaker 2: scientifically inside of us, like biologically, like chemically, what's happening 926 00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:47,320 Speaker 2: that's similar across those or is it different? 927 00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:49,160 Speaker 1: Well, you know, I have this thing about if I 928 00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,480 Speaker 1: don't know the exact answer, I always take it back 929 00:47:51,520 --> 00:47:55,000 Speaker 1: to evolution. Sure, So what we know about our ancestors 930 00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,400 Speaker 1: was that they had scarce resources, and it was all 931 00:47:58,400 --> 00:48:01,319 Speaker 1: about survival and reproduction. So in terms of like, what 932 00:48:01,440 --> 00:48:04,520 Speaker 1: was our live's purpose then it was literally live long 933 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:07,040 Speaker 1: enough to have children and pass on your genes, and 934 00:48:07,080 --> 00:48:09,719 Speaker 1: then it didn't matter if you get got eaten by 935 00:48:09,760 --> 00:48:15,920 Speaker 1: a saber toothed tiger. But those same ancestors who naturally 936 00:48:15,960 --> 00:48:19,839 Speaker 1: in their life to survive, walked barefoot in nature, sat 937 00:48:19,880 --> 00:48:21,719 Speaker 1: around a fire at night, looked at the stars in 938 00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:27,279 Speaker 1: the sky at night, also chose with those scarce resources 939 00:48:27,800 --> 00:48:31,520 Speaker 1: to make cave paintings, to dance around that fire, to sing, 940 00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:36,760 Speaker 1: to hum, to drum, to chant. And we don't know why, 941 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:40,160 Speaker 1: but the only conclusion that we can draw is that 942 00:48:40,239 --> 00:48:43,640 Speaker 1: there was a benefit to a survival benefit. And what 943 00:48:43,760 --> 00:48:46,759 Speaker 1: we know now is and again, some of these activities 944 00:48:46,760 --> 00:48:50,279 Speaker 1: are luxuries. I completely get that. But when we make 945 00:48:50,400 --> 00:48:54,719 Speaker 1: or behold any of those activities that we in the 946 00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:58,640 Speaker 1: brain becomes more hyper connected. We get The benefit of 947 00:48:58,960 --> 00:49:04,319 Speaker 1: novel experience is we open up more connections in the 948 00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:06,719 Speaker 1: creative parts of our brain, which actually allow us to 949 00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:12,760 Speaker 1: solve complex problems better, to think more flexibly, to override 950 00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:16,120 Speaker 1: our biases, and regulate our emotions better, all of which 951 00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:20,680 Speaker 1: obviously you know, survival advantages because if you think about 952 00:49:21,440 --> 00:49:23,320 Speaker 1: just you know, on the very most basic level, the 953 00:49:23,360 --> 00:49:26,839 Speaker 1: implication of that in a relationship. You know, if we 954 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,799 Speaker 1: were in a relationship and I was much more able 955 00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:32,120 Speaker 1: to regulate my emotions to solve problems with you, to 956 00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,960 Speaker 1: like overcome any biases that I might have about the 957 00:49:34,960 --> 00:49:37,600 Speaker 1: way that you're behaving, it's obviously the relationship is going 958 00:49:37,600 --> 00:49:40,440 Speaker 1: to survive better. And one of the pieces of research 959 00:49:40,480 --> 00:49:43,239 Speaker 1: I've really looked into from the neuro esthetics is called 960 00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:47,200 Speaker 1: shared trait vulnerability, and it's about the fact that people 961 00:49:47,239 --> 00:49:51,320 Speaker 1: with psychopathologies like schizophrenia also tend to be more creative 962 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:56,160 Speaker 1: than the general population. So if you think about some 963 00:49:56,280 --> 00:50:00,520 Speaker 1: of the symptoms of psychotic illnesses, it includes things like 964 00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:04,920 Speaker 1: magical thinking or to states of consciousness, you know, perhaps 965 00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:09,000 Speaker 1: access to I want to put this really carefully, you know, 966 00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:13,120 Speaker 1: sort of data and signs that we are choosing to 967 00:50:13,160 --> 00:50:15,600 Speaker 1: ignore in the real world because our brain is filtering 968 00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:19,360 Speaker 1: out information to help us survive, you know, as people 969 00:50:19,400 --> 00:50:26,000 Speaker 1: who don't have a mental health issue. So one hypothesis 970 00:50:26,000 --> 00:50:28,319 Speaker 1: could be that you could use creativity and all of 971 00:50:28,320 --> 00:50:33,080 Speaker 1: those things are creative things to open up more of 972 00:50:33,080 --> 00:50:36,719 Speaker 1: your consciousness. And if you have a high IQ and 973 00:50:36,719 --> 00:50:40,400 Speaker 1: you're mentally resilient, but you can also do that. I 974 00:50:40,560 --> 00:50:43,239 Speaker 1: just think it's so exciting to think about what we 975 00:50:43,280 --> 00:50:46,000 Speaker 1: could do with our minds that again, it is probably 976 00:50:46,040 --> 00:50:48,279 Speaker 1: stuff that we knew that we've forgotten, but in our 977 00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:51,320 Speaker 1: lifetimes or in the modern world, we haven't been practicing. 978 00:50:51,800 --> 00:50:55,560 Speaker 1: And that is also one of the hypotheses that comes 979 00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:57,960 Speaker 1: out of the research or near death experiences, which is 980 00:50:58,000 --> 00:51:01,160 Speaker 1: that our brains are actually filtering down our minds rather 981 00:51:01,239 --> 00:51:01,960 Speaker 1: than the other way. 982 00:51:01,800 --> 00:51:03,840 Speaker 2: Around, filtering down our minds meanings. 983 00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:06,920 Speaker 1: So our consciousness is capable of a lot more than 984 00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:09,440 Speaker 1: what our brain allows us to do to survive in 985 00:51:09,520 --> 00:51:10,640 Speaker 1: this material world. 986 00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:14,759 Speaker 2: And would the brain ever allow for more or is 987 00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:18,840 Speaker 2: it just so against survival that we couldn't experience it here? 988 00:51:18,920 --> 00:51:21,640 Speaker 1: Well, the easiest way for me to demonstrate that to 989 00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,600 Speaker 1: you is it it allows for more when you take 990 00:51:23,640 --> 00:51:27,000 Speaker 1: psychedelic or plant medication right right, And we know that 991 00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:30,240 Speaker 1: a lot of like create. Our breathwork, for example, allows 992 00:51:30,280 --> 00:51:33,160 Speaker 1: some altered states of consciousness, and so does other breath work. 993 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:37,680 Speaker 1: Time and nature alone can allow some aughtered states of 994 00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:42,080 Speaker 1: consciousness or expansion of our consciousness, so clearly it can, 995 00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:44,680 Speaker 1: and I don't know if we're afraid of it, or 996 00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,759 Speaker 1: you know, there's some kind of survival or societal mechanism 997 00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:51,120 Speaker 1: that prevents it. I mean, if you think about the 998 00:51:51,239 --> 00:51:54,840 Speaker 1: tides in interest in psychedelics and how it's been shut 999 00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,880 Speaker 1: down every time, it does make you wonder about the 1000 00:51:57,920 --> 00:52:00,080 Speaker 1: reasons for that. It's so interesting to be in one 1001 00:52:00,120 --> 00:52:02,040 Speaker 1: of these rising tides at the moment and see what 1002 00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:02,880 Speaker 1: actually happens. 1003 00:52:03,320 --> 00:52:06,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I mean I feel like, as 1004 00:52:06,320 --> 00:52:09,360 Speaker 2: you referred to earlier, meditation has been such a powerful 1005 00:52:10,080 --> 00:52:13,479 Speaker 2: form of reaching altered states of consciousness and breath work 1006 00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:17,880 Speaker 2: you referred to nature for sure. I mean I've had 1007 00:52:17,880 --> 00:52:20,880 Speaker 2: the fortune of spending some time in some special, special 1008 00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:22,600 Speaker 2: places both in India and just this year I got 1009 00:52:22,640 --> 00:52:23,719 Speaker 2: to go to Bhutan as well. 1010 00:52:23,800 --> 00:52:24,400 Speaker 1: Oh wow. 1011 00:52:24,640 --> 00:52:28,200 Speaker 2: And you know it was definitely went to places that 1012 00:52:29,080 --> 00:52:31,960 Speaker 2: I felt they were it almost felt like there were 1013 00:52:31,960 --> 00:52:35,480 Speaker 2: places in the material world that were already in different realms, 1014 00:52:36,000 --> 00:52:38,920 Speaker 2: Like it almost felt that way around. Does that make sense? Yeah, 1015 00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:41,440 Speaker 2: Like places I went to in South India, I definitely 1016 00:52:41,520 --> 00:52:44,440 Speaker 2: felt that because some of these temples are like thousands 1017 00:52:44,440 --> 00:52:47,560 Speaker 2: and thousands of years old, and they were built with that. 1018 00:52:48,080 --> 00:52:49,920 Speaker 2: I mean they're built with that kind of like Vedic 1019 00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:53,920 Speaker 2: mathematics and just the way they're the architecture and everything, 1020 00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:57,759 Speaker 2: kind of how we marvel at the Pyramids, the Mayan Ruine, Yeah, 1021 00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:00,120 Speaker 2: the Mayan Route, it's that kind of those those I 1022 00:53:00,120 --> 00:53:02,640 Speaker 2: saw those temples in South India, which I guess have 1023 00:53:02,719 --> 00:53:05,359 Speaker 2: less publicity in PR but when I went there, I 1024 00:53:05,360 --> 00:53:08,200 Speaker 2: was like, Wow, this is just you know, there's this 1025 00:53:08,400 --> 00:53:13,560 Speaker 2: I remember this one kind of hallway and it's almost 1026 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:15,799 Speaker 2: I forget the exact name they've given it, but it 1027 00:53:15,840 --> 00:53:19,080 Speaker 2: almost feels like a portal. And it's just pillars and 1028 00:53:19,120 --> 00:53:21,800 Speaker 2: pillars and pillars for so long, but it almost is 1029 00:53:21,840 --> 00:53:24,840 Speaker 2: seen as this transitionary portal. And so you kind of 1030 00:53:24,880 --> 00:53:28,160 Speaker 2: find these places in the world that have other worldly, 1031 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:32,600 Speaker 2: other realm aspects that you almost feel like an automatic 1032 00:53:32,760 --> 00:53:36,080 Speaker 2: sense of connection to a part of you that's beyond. 1033 00:53:36,960 --> 00:53:42,200 Speaker 2: And having had those experiences, it's amazing to me as 1034 00:53:42,239 --> 00:53:45,320 Speaker 2: well so many of my friends who've taken psychedelics or 1035 00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,120 Speaker 2: clients that have practiced, that no one ever comes back 1036 00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:52,520 Speaker 2: and believes that this four dimensional world is all we have, 1037 00:53:52,920 --> 00:53:56,600 Speaker 2: that that there is more. What's the benefit of that 1038 00:53:56,719 --> 00:53:58,880 Speaker 2: or what is what do you believe Do you believe 1039 00:53:58,920 --> 00:54:03,000 Speaker 2: that's the next stage of human evolution? Is that spiritual dimension? 1040 00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:07,080 Speaker 2: Or is that what we're leaning towards, hinting towards? Is 1041 00:54:07,320 --> 00:54:08,560 Speaker 2: that how you say it progressing? 1042 00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:10,520 Speaker 1: I mean, that's the feeling I got, you know, when 1043 00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:15,800 Speaker 1: I thought that things were just going to go downhill 1044 00:54:15,800 --> 00:54:18,080 Speaker 1: for humanity, I kind of quite quickly thought there's an 1045 00:54:18,120 --> 00:54:22,440 Speaker 1: opportunity for it to like evolve to another level. And personally, 1046 00:54:22,480 --> 00:54:24,719 Speaker 1: being a medical doctor and a scientist, I look at 1047 00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:30,160 Speaker 1: people like Deepak Chopra, Daniel Siegel, Bruce Lipton, and you know, 1048 00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:32,440 Speaker 1: because they're quite a lot older than me, I remember thinking, 1049 00:54:32,520 --> 00:54:34,839 Speaker 1: you know, when I was still a doctor that how 1050 00:54:34,840 --> 00:54:37,359 Speaker 1: could they be saying some of the things that they're saying, 1051 00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:38,799 Speaker 1: And like, I don't think I would ever be able 1052 00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,400 Speaker 1: to say that in my career. But I've just said 1053 00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:41,880 Speaker 1: some of the things that I've just said to you, 1054 00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:46,120 Speaker 1: and I just wanted to add that again in my research, 1055 00:54:46,160 --> 00:54:48,560 Speaker 1: I completely agree with what you said about certain places. 1056 00:54:48,960 --> 00:54:52,120 Speaker 1: But apparently there's three ways of seeing, like a thinning 1057 00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:54,200 Speaker 1: of the veil, if you like, you know, let's say 1058 00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,400 Speaker 1: we let's just hypothesize that we believe that there are 1059 00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,760 Speaker 1: spiritual planes or astral planes. Have you seen that Disney 1060 00:54:59,800 --> 00:55:02,640 Speaker 1: movie Cocoa, I've seen you haven't seen it. 1061 00:55:02,800 --> 00:55:04,480 Speaker 2: I thought you're going to say, Soul, I've seen that, 1062 00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:05,400 Speaker 2: but I've not seen Coco. 1063 00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:08,239 Speaker 1: Coco is about the Mexican Day of the Dead, so 1064 00:55:08,320 --> 00:55:10,640 Speaker 1: that's obviously an example of a time of year when 1065 00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:13,920 Speaker 1: the veil is thin. But a lot of people around 1066 00:55:13,960 --> 00:55:16,360 Speaker 1: the world believe that some of the places that you've described, 1067 00:55:16,480 --> 00:55:19,799 Speaker 1: and Ibitha and Hawaii are vortex is where the veale 1068 00:55:19,880 --> 00:55:22,760 Speaker 1: is thin and you can maybe like access a different 1069 00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:26,640 Speaker 1: spiritual plain in yourself or you know, perhaps even more tangibly. 1070 00:55:27,400 --> 00:55:30,080 Speaker 1: And then there are also certain people, so you know, 1071 00:55:30,120 --> 00:55:33,120 Speaker 1: obvious examples of the Delai Lama, and I know people 1072 00:55:33,160 --> 00:55:36,040 Speaker 1: who've been touched by him physically touched by him have 1073 00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:39,680 Speaker 1: said that they saw the interconnectedness of everything and it 1074 00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:42,160 Speaker 1: changed the way that they live their life. So I 1075 00:55:42,239 --> 00:55:44,640 Speaker 1: think what you and I I really like saying here 1076 00:55:44,719 --> 00:55:48,040 Speaker 1: is that there are certain things, activities that we can 1077 00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:50,680 Speaker 1: indulge in that can change the way that you look 1078 00:55:50,680 --> 00:55:53,319 Speaker 1: at life. And I mentioned dark retreats, which I don't 1079 00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:54,880 Speaker 1: think a lot of people have heard of, but obviously 1080 00:55:54,920 --> 00:55:56,919 Speaker 1: silent retreats are a way of doing that that more 1081 00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,040 Speaker 1: people I think you know, have heard of. 1082 00:55:59,560 --> 00:56:04,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, and dark retreats too. I think it's 1083 00:56:04,680 --> 00:56:06,839 Speaker 2: interesting that all of it's trying to get us to 1084 00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:10,000 Speaker 2: just be, like it all starts with this sense of 1085 00:56:10,040 --> 00:56:12,840 Speaker 2: just being. But some of these activities I think for 1086 00:56:12,920 --> 00:56:14,880 Speaker 2: a lot of people they seem so foreign, right, Like 1087 00:56:15,400 --> 00:56:18,359 Speaker 2: I think dark retreats him foreign, silent retreats him far. 1088 00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:22,120 Speaker 2: And obviously they're quite big differences to the way people live. 1089 00:56:22,719 --> 00:56:25,480 Speaker 2: And even things like chanting and humming and being in 1090 00:56:25,560 --> 00:56:28,960 Speaker 2: nature like those, I think coming from an Indian background, 1091 00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:33,160 Speaker 2: like chanting is somewhat far more accessible or normal or 1092 00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:35,120 Speaker 2: a practice that you grew up with, whereas in the 1093 00:56:35,440 --> 00:56:38,480 Speaker 2: Western world that wouldn't necessarily have been in practice. What 1094 00:56:38,640 --> 00:56:42,399 Speaker 2: has been the neurological impact of chanting. I'm intrigued by 1095 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:44,480 Speaker 2: that because that's always been something I've been fascinated by it. 1096 00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:47,319 Speaker 1: Yeah, so I will tell you that. But what I 1097 00:56:47,360 --> 00:56:49,600 Speaker 1: do now, which is just much more accessible to people, 1098 00:56:49,719 --> 00:56:52,279 Speaker 1: is I just listened to chanting on I found a 1099 00:56:52,320 --> 00:56:53,799 Speaker 1: YouTube channel. I just listened to it. I have it 1100 00:56:53,840 --> 00:56:57,000 Speaker 1: on in the background. I don't particularly chant myself now, 1101 00:56:57,040 --> 00:57:00,520 Speaker 1: to be honest, but if you've got it on in 1102 00:57:00,520 --> 00:57:03,680 Speaker 1: the background and it's creating a certain like vibration and 1103 00:57:03,719 --> 00:57:06,680 Speaker 1: resonance just in your home, which just literally you know, 1104 00:57:06,680 --> 00:57:09,000 Speaker 1: it's nothing magical. It's through sound waves is having an 1105 00:57:09,000 --> 00:57:11,480 Speaker 1: impact on We see that sound can have an impact 1106 00:57:11,560 --> 00:57:13,759 Speaker 1: on water, and we're mostly made up of water, so 1107 00:57:14,239 --> 00:57:17,320 Speaker 1: it's having an impact on you and what we actually 1108 00:57:17,560 --> 00:57:19,960 Speaker 1: what actually happens in your heart and your brain is 1109 00:57:20,000 --> 00:57:24,280 Speaker 1: something called entrainment. So particularly in the research shows that 1110 00:57:24,320 --> 00:57:27,520 Speaker 1: groups of people who are together, who are subjected to 1111 00:57:27,680 --> 00:57:33,200 Speaker 1: either chanting or certain pulsations of light, that their heart 1112 00:57:33,280 --> 00:57:36,760 Speaker 1: rates and their brain waves will synchronize, and this makes 1113 00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:41,440 Speaker 1: them much more likely to cooperate, to see themselves as 1114 00:57:41,480 --> 00:57:47,680 Speaker 1: not other, and basically to just be in that oxytocin 1115 00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:49,320 Speaker 1: state of love and trust more. 1116 00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:51,720 Speaker 2: Than well, I didn't know about the science behind that. 1117 00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:54,720 Speaker 2: It's so funny because one of my teachers would always 1118 00:57:54,760 --> 00:57:56,840 Speaker 2: tell us, so, if you have a conflict with anyone 1119 00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:58,840 Speaker 2: in the monastery, you should dance and chant together. 1120 00:57:59,080 --> 00:58:01,240 Speaker 1: Really that to where he would say, so your face 1121 00:58:01,240 --> 00:58:01,840 Speaker 1: when you went. 1122 00:58:03,320 --> 00:58:05,200 Speaker 2: He would always say that, and he would always tell 1123 00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:07,400 Speaker 2: everyone that it's like if you're having a conflict with 1124 00:58:07,440 --> 00:58:10,080 Speaker 2: another monk or someone in the monastery, or there's something 1125 00:58:10,160 --> 00:58:12,600 Speaker 2: you should dance and chant together. And we'd always thought 1126 00:58:12,600 --> 00:58:14,240 Speaker 2: it was like a nice cute thing, like we didn't, 1127 00:58:14,240 --> 00:58:17,760 Speaker 2: you know, you don't realize just how much you've recognized 1128 00:58:17,800 --> 00:58:20,120 Speaker 2: there's spiritual depth behind it. But to even hear the 1129 00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:24,000 Speaker 2: idea that it's actually creating trust on a chemical level 1130 00:58:24,680 --> 00:58:26,680 Speaker 2: is pretty far out, because well, it's. 1131 00:58:26,520 --> 00:58:29,360 Speaker 1: Clearly creating coherence in terms of you wouldn't chant out 1132 00:58:29,360 --> 00:58:31,280 Speaker 1: of tune with each other, which correct one of you 1133 00:58:31,320 --> 00:58:33,720 Speaker 1: will kind of fallen, you know, or you both do it. 1134 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:37,440 Speaker 1: Same with the dancing, But once you're doing that, your 1135 00:58:37,480 --> 00:58:41,960 Speaker 1: heart rate and your brain waves will change accordingly. 1136 00:58:41,560 --> 00:58:45,200 Speaker 2: And that simple act of doing it, even subconsciously, is 1137 00:58:45,240 --> 00:58:49,880 Speaker 2: going to bleed into when you're trying to consciously operate. Yeah, 1138 00:58:50,200 --> 00:58:53,000 Speaker 2: I mean, that's fascinating from a romantic perspective too, I guess, 1139 00:58:53,040 --> 00:58:57,120 Speaker 2: and from a relationship perspective of how often a couple 1140 00:58:57,200 --> 00:58:59,919 Speaker 2: spending time together in nature, or how often a couple 1141 00:59:00,480 --> 00:59:03,560 Speaker 2: spending time in the same frequency and vibration together. Is 1142 00:59:03,560 --> 00:59:06,440 Speaker 2: there any research around that that suggests the same for 1143 00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:07,360 Speaker 2: romantic love. 1144 00:59:07,640 --> 00:59:09,880 Speaker 1: So those things I think are kind of given the 1145 00:59:10,000 --> 00:59:13,440 Speaker 1: two examples that you've just stated, But we know that 1146 00:59:14,160 --> 00:59:16,720 Speaker 1: now most of this research is done in vols little 1147 00:59:16,920 --> 00:59:19,640 Speaker 1: they're quite cute, they're rodents, but they're quite cute. But 1148 00:59:19,840 --> 00:59:22,720 Speaker 1: it's also been done in humans, which is, for example, 1149 00:59:22,760 --> 00:59:26,440 Speaker 1: that if you see your partner in distress, your cortisol 1150 00:59:26,520 --> 00:59:28,400 Speaker 1: levels will go up, your heart rate will go up, 1151 00:59:28,440 --> 00:59:32,600 Speaker 1: you will start sweating curally. You will then seek to 1152 00:59:32,640 --> 00:59:35,840 Speaker 1: move towards your partner and soothe them with physical touch. 1153 00:59:36,440 --> 00:59:40,680 Speaker 1: We know that people who are in hospital in pain 1154 00:59:41,560 --> 00:59:44,240 Speaker 1: that when their partner physically touches them, that their heart 1155 00:59:44,320 --> 00:59:48,120 Speaker 1: rate decreases, their blood pressure decreases, and they are in 1156 00:59:48,240 --> 00:59:51,960 Speaker 1: less pain. If the couple are you know, a really 1157 00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:55,560 Speaker 1: well bonded couple. There's lots of bits of research around that. 1158 00:59:55,680 --> 00:59:59,440 Speaker 1: So it's definitely both the fact that if you do 1159 00:59:59,520 --> 01:00:02,840 Speaker 1: things together like time and nature or chanting or dancing, 1160 01:00:03,360 --> 01:00:06,560 Speaker 1: that that will make you more coherent. It's also the 1161 01:00:06,560 --> 01:00:10,880 Speaker 1: fact that when you see or experience lack of coherence 1162 01:00:10,880 --> 01:00:13,560 Speaker 1: with you know, and especially the partner who's seeing the 1163 01:00:13,560 --> 01:00:16,560 Speaker 1: other one kind of out of coherence, that there is 1164 01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:19,920 Speaker 1: a move to go towards them and soothe them, and 1165 01:00:19,960 --> 01:00:22,640 Speaker 1: it's and involves physical touch, which, like I said, can 1166 01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:23,880 Speaker 1: reduce pain in your partner. 1167 01:00:24,480 --> 01:00:27,439 Speaker 2: You kind of talked about these two ideas and even 1168 01:00:27,440 --> 01:00:30,520 Speaker 2: what we're talking about now is this kind of spectrum 1169 01:00:30,560 --> 01:00:33,040 Speaker 2: that exists between stress and love. And you were talking 1170 01:00:33,080 --> 01:00:35,560 Speaker 2: about how, like, you know, you're trying to move towards 1171 01:00:35,640 --> 01:00:38,120 Speaker 2: love in your life, and you said, not simply of 1172 01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:40,400 Speaker 2: romantic love, just love as a force and as an 1173 01:00:40,520 --> 01:00:44,040 Speaker 2: energy source. And you were saying that, you know, stress, 1174 01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,800 Speaker 2: of course sits at the polar opposite of that, and 1175 01:00:46,920 --> 01:00:49,640 Speaker 2: so much of our decisions today are based on stress naturally, 1176 01:00:49,680 --> 01:00:52,880 Speaker 2: whether it's stress to pay the bills, stress to survive, 1177 01:00:53,000 --> 01:00:55,520 Speaker 2: stress to take care of the people we love, stress 1178 01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:57,840 Speaker 2: because someone we love has been diagnosed with the disease. 1179 01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:01,720 Speaker 2: Like there's so much stress, and it's almost like, how 1180 01:01:01,720 --> 01:01:05,280 Speaker 2: could you ever infuse love with that? What have you seen? 1181 01:01:06,680 --> 01:01:10,800 Speaker 2: When is that even possible to measure what it's been 1182 01:01:10,880 --> 01:01:12,960 Speaker 2: like to infuse stressful situations with love? 1183 01:01:13,120 --> 01:01:14,960 Speaker 1: So I just want to go back and just like 1184 01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:21,000 Speaker 1: clarify something. So the stress hormone cortisol correlates with five emotions, 1185 01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:26,480 Speaker 1: which we will experience if we're under stress, so that's fear, anger, discust, shame, 1186 01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:31,919 Speaker 1: and sadness. And then the bonding hormone oxytocin correlates with love, trust, joy, 1187 01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:37,040 Speaker 1: and excitement. And in between those two is surprise, which 1188 01:01:37,040 --> 01:01:40,520 Speaker 1: correlates with nora adrenaline, and it can flip people from 1189 01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:43,160 Speaker 1: one side to the other quite quickly, so like you know, 1190 01:01:43,240 --> 01:01:44,960 Speaker 1: sort of you know, when like someone jumps out at 1191 01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:47,760 Speaker 1: you from behind the door. But the more positive side 1192 01:01:47,760 --> 01:01:49,240 Speaker 1: of that is that if you know, you asked me 1193 01:01:49,280 --> 01:01:51,720 Speaker 1: a really surprising question and it made me think really differently, 1194 01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,360 Speaker 1: then it could make me stop being nervous and think, 1195 01:01:54,440 --> 01:01:56,760 Speaker 1: oh wow, this is really interesting. I'm curious. That's you know, 1196 01:01:56,800 --> 01:02:00,200 Speaker 1: go down this road. So the thing about those those 1197 01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:03,800 Speaker 1: two ends of the spectrum is that they're like a 1198 01:02:03,840 --> 01:02:06,920 Speaker 1: seesaurce so they can't coexist at the same time. So 1199 01:02:07,040 --> 01:02:11,000 Speaker 1: the more you have trained your brain to go into 1200 01:02:11,040 --> 01:02:14,920 Speaker 1: the oxytocin mode, the less of the time it can 1201 01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:18,840 Speaker 1: possibly be in the stress mode. Physical exercise is something 1202 01:02:18,840 --> 01:02:21,640 Speaker 1: that we see if we use heart rate variability technology 1203 01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:25,160 Speaker 1: that after you've done physical exercise, there's a time period 1204 01:02:25,160 --> 01:02:27,000 Speaker 1: where that you're actually in a non phase, but you 1205 01:02:27,040 --> 01:02:29,960 Speaker 1: cannot be stressed, so there are things that we can do. 1206 01:02:31,240 --> 01:02:33,840 Speaker 1: I know you're talking about really difficult situations for people, 1207 01:02:35,040 --> 01:02:36,920 Speaker 1: you know, how do you infuse that with love? But 1208 01:02:37,720 --> 01:02:41,080 Speaker 1: I wonder if that's bringing us back almost full circle 1209 01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:44,840 Speaker 1: to manifestation and visualization, which is that with all the 1210 01:02:44,880 --> 01:02:47,120 Speaker 1: forms of loss that I see people going through, loss 1211 01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:51,360 Speaker 1: of sense of self, can't trust yourself, breakdown of relationships 1212 01:02:51,400 --> 01:02:56,280 Speaker 1: at home, at work, in community, and even loss through death. 1213 01:02:56,880 --> 01:02:58,720 Speaker 1: If we believe some of the things that you and 1214 01:02:58,720 --> 01:03:01,480 Speaker 1: I have just spoken about from near death experiences in 1215 01:03:01,560 --> 01:03:06,000 Speaker 1: terminal lucidity, then I think that's the reason that it's 1216 01:03:06,000 --> 01:03:08,920 Speaker 1: important to expand your consciousness and have more spiritual beliefs, 1217 01:03:08,960 --> 01:03:12,360 Speaker 1: because there is a choice there too, to make a 1218 01:03:12,400 --> 01:03:16,000 Speaker 1: gift out of a really bad situation. I can completely 1219 01:03:16,000 --> 01:03:19,720 Speaker 1: see why people's lives get ruined by a loss and 1220 01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:22,920 Speaker 1: they feel regretful and bitter for the rest of their life. 1221 01:03:23,400 --> 01:03:29,040 Speaker 1: But I also think that it's possible if you can 1222 01:03:29,120 --> 01:03:34,520 Speaker 1: find some kind of legacy or learning or gift to 1223 01:03:34,640 --> 01:03:37,400 Speaker 1: make something good come out of the bad thing. 1224 01:03:38,200 --> 01:03:42,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. No, that reminds me of Edithigue's book The Gift 1225 01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:47,400 Speaker 2: and the Work of Victor Frankcorn, Yeah, and that idea 1226 01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:52,400 Speaker 2: of that future motion of how how does what I 1227 01:03:52,440 --> 01:03:54,600 Speaker 2: do now, how will that make me feel in the future, 1228 01:03:55,360 --> 01:03:57,200 Speaker 2: and who will I be able to help and serve 1229 01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:59,840 Speaker 2: in the future even if I can't help anyone now. 1230 01:04:00,640 --> 01:04:03,080 Speaker 1: And I think there's another point from both of them, 1231 01:04:03,120 --> 01:04:06,200 Speaker 1: and also Nelson Mandela, which is about the mental prison 1232 01:04:06,200 --> 01:04:08,919 Speaker 1: that we create. And you know, I know that Victor 1233 01:04:08,920 --> 01:04:11,560 Speaker 1: Frankel spoke about that a lot, but I really love 1234 01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:13,760 Speaker 1: the quote from Mandela where he says, I knew when 1235 01:04:13,800 --> 01:04:15,960 Speaker 1: I walked away from prison that if I didn't let 1236 01:04:16,040 --> 01:04:17,760 Speaker 1: go of my bitterness, I'd be in prison for the 1237 01:04:17,760 --> 01:04:21,240 Speaker 1: rest of my life. And I find all of those 1238 01:04:21,240 --> 01:04:23,280 Speaker 1: things really inspiring. And I've looked at a lot of 1239 01:04:23,280 --> 01:04:27,960 Speaker 1: the science that we've discussed today to help myself understand 1240 01:04:28,720 --> 01:04:31,040 Speaker 1: how you can possibly override that when there are so 1241 01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,800 Speaker 1: many difficult things in life, and to try to bring 1242 01:04:33,880 --> 01:04:37,720 Speaker 1: that information to people. And really, and I'm not just 1243 01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:39,840 Speaker 1: saying this, That's why I was so thrilled when you 1244 01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:41,840 Speaker 1: invited me to come onto a podcast, because I think, 1245 01:04:42,720 --> 01:04:44,520 Speaker 1: you know, you've just got such an amazing platform, and 1246 01:04:45,040 --> 01:04:47,640 Speaker 1: I'm just so grateful to you for letting me, like, 1247 01:04:47,840 --> 01:04:49,560 Speaker 1: you know, share some of my findings. 1248 01:04:49,720 --> 01:04:52,680 Speaker 2: I'm so tight that the feeling is very mutual. I 1249 01:04:52,680 --> 01:04:54,960 Speaker 2: was so excited to have a platform that I could 1250 01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:57,000 Speaker 2: have this conversation with you, and that you agreed to it. 1251 01:04:57,080 --> 01:04:59,760 Speaker 2: And I want to make sure, out of just my 1252 01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:02,000 Speaker 2: expect for your work, that you feel you're being able 1253 01:05:02,040 --> 01:05:04,520 Speaker 2: to touch on the things that you really deeply believe 1254 01:05:04,520 --> 01:05:05,200 Speaker 2: in and talk about. 1255 01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:07,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, well I'm talking about some things that I actually 1256 01:05:07,000 --> 01:05:08,280 Speaker 1: don't normally really talk about. 1257 01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:11,960 Speaker 2: That. That's that's brilliant. Okay, good, yeah, good, No, what 1258 01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,680 Speaker 2: is it I guess that you're most fascinated by right now, 1259 01:05:14,720 --> 01:05:18,880 Speaker 2: like something that you're personally obsessed with. I imagine that when 1260 01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:22,400 Speaker 2: you're in discovery mode, just as when someone's healing not healed, 1261 01:05:22,960 --> 01:05:25,440 Speaker 2: So in a scientist sense, it's like when you're just 1262 01:05:25,480 --> 01:05:29,520 Speaker 2: when you're learning, not teaching. Like, what is that for 1263 01:05:29,600 --> 01:05:30,720 Speaker 2: you right now? Well? 1264 01:05:30,760 --> 01:05:33,280 Speaker 1: I think it's broadly covered by a lot of the 1265 01:05:33,320 --> 01:05:36,280 Speaker 1: topics that we've mentioned, But I think the tension that 1266 01:05:36,280 --> 01:05:40,120 Speaker 1: I'm interested in is how far you take these things, because, 1267 01:05:40,840 --> 01:05:43,200 Speaker 1: as you well know, you could take these things so 1268 01:05:43,280 --> 01:05:45,320 Speaker 1: far that you just like run off into the wilderness. 1269 01:05:45,320 --> 01:05:48,760 Speaker 1: And become a monk and and just disengage from real life. Right, Yeah, 1270 01:05:49,520 --> 01:05:52,800 Speaker 1: I think what I'm really curious about is how far 1271 01:05:52,880 --> 01:05:56,520 Speaker 1: do you take these things until you get to a 1272 01:05:56,560 --> 01:05:59,840 Speaker 1: point where you have some level of understanding or potentially 1273 01:06:00,120 --> 01:06:04,160 Speaker 1: night where you can live this life to the fullest. 1274 01:06:04,880 --> 01:06:06,560 Speaker 1: That I'm obsessed with at the moment. 1275 01:06:06,920 --> 01:06:09,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I am too. When I'm listening to you. 1276 01:06:10,520 --> 01:06:13,840 Speaker 2: I always think about how does something stop being a 1277 01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,960 Speaker 2: fad and a trend and the moment, and how does 1278 01:06:18,000 --> 01:06:21,280 Speaker 2: it become a real shift in lifestyle and a commitment 1279 01:06:21,360 --> 01:06:24,920 Speaker 2: to whatever practice it is that you feel is valuable 1280 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:28,880 Speaker 2: because I find that as humans are always looking for 1281 01:06:28,880 --> 01:06:30,600 Speaker 2: the next thing to entertain us, and you can also 1282 01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,360 Speaker 2: have a lot of spiritual entertainment, and you can also 1283 01:06:33,400 --> 01:06:36,240 Speaker 2: have a lot of purposeful entertainment, and it just becomes 1284 01:06:36,280 --> 01:06:40,440 Speaker 2: another thing that you kind of use in order to escape, 1285 01:06:40,920 --> 01:06:44,040 Speaker 2: as opposed to, No, this is what I'm dedicating my 1286 01:06:44,120 --> 01:06:47,120 Speaker 2: life to, and this is what I'm committing my life to. 1287 01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:49,280 Speaker 2: If that makes sense exactly. Yeah. 1288 01:06:49,320 --> 01:06:51,400 Speaker 1: I think that's just another way of saying what I 1289 01:06:51,400 --> 01:06:52,000 Speaker 1: was trying to say. 1290 01:06:52,080 --> 01:06:54,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, I just I was just trying to say 1291 01:06:54,800 --> 01:06:57,520 Speaker 2: to understand that, because Yeah, I think for me it's 1292 01:06:57,520 --> 01:07:01,880 Speaker 2: been really interesting having learned a very ancient philosophy and 1293 01:07:01,920 --> 01:07:06,000 Speaker 2: then grappling with trying to make it make sense in 1294 01:07:06,040 --> 01:07:09,080 Speaker 2: the real life that I live now has been such 1295 01:07:09,080 --> 01:07:15,560 Speaker 2: a difficult, beautiful, graceful, awkward path to walk. And I 1296 01:07:15,560 --> 01:07:17,520 Speaker 2: don't think I figured it out. I'm still walking that 1297 01:07:17,640 --> 01:07:22,320 Speaker 2: path and trying to make sense of it, but I 1298 01:07:22,360 --> 01:07:24,160 Speaker 2: know that underlying it, and you talked about that, you 1299 01:07:24,400 --> 01:07:27,240 Speaker 2: alluded to this this idea of having a purposeful life 1300 01:07:27,280 --> 01:07:30,520 Speaker 2: based on service being a place that we're all trying 1301 01:07:30,600 --> 01:07:34,520 Speaker 2: to get to. I think that's been the only guiding light, 1302 01:07:34,640 --> 01:07:36,880 Speaker 2: like that's that's been the only thing that is the 1303 01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:38,600 Speaker 2: light at the end of the tunnel that makes sense. 1304 01:07:39,440 --> 01:07:42,680 Speaker 2: And I find that when i'm deeply when I help 1305 01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:48,560 Speaker 2: people find theirs, and I find that what distracts us 1306 01:07:48,640 --> 01:07:57,200 Speaker 2: me included from that is past desires, future opportunities, and ultimately, 1307 01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:58,840 Speaker 2: I'd say the biggest one, which is what I want 1308 01:07:58,880 --> 01:08:05,160 Speaker 2: to talk about now, is this societal noise that keeps 1309 01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:09,600 Speaker 2: us bound. And that could be news cycles, it could 1310 01:08:09,680 --> 01:08:15,919 Speaker 2: be entertainment conversations, it could be like we talked about before, 1311 01:08:15,920 --> 01:08:18,479 Speaker 2: the expectations of work and life and people around us, 1312 01:08:18,479 --> 01:08:21,000 Speaker 2: and so like, you're so swept up in all of that, 1313 01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:25,479 Speaker 2: and naturally most of the people around us, including us, 1314 01:08:25,960 --> 01:08:31,439 Speaker 2: are skewed towards negativity bias, confirmation bias. We're stuck. And 1315 01:08:31,520 --> 01:08:34,400 Speaker 2: so to override, going back to where we started, to 1316 01:08:34,560 --> 01:08:39,280 Speaker 2: override that kind of primitive self to say no, I'm 1317 01:08:39,280 --> 01:08:42,280 Speaker 2: going to find the answer, I'm going to push is 1318 01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:46,880 Speaker 2: so rare, if not impossible, that how does someone kind 1319 01:08:46,880 --> 01:08:48,600 Speaker 2: of let go of those shackles and going back to 1320 01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:50,920 Speaker 2: your prison point, how do you get out the prison? 1321 01:08:50,960 --> 01:08:54,600 Speaker 2: Because the biggest I can't remember who said this, but 1322 01:08:54,640 --> 01:08:58,120 Speaker 2: there's this idea of like it's a vadic concept, but 1323 01:08:58,240 --> 01:09:00,160 Speaker 2: I think maybe it's been said in a movie or 1324 01:09:00,160 --> 01:09:02,960 Speaker 2: something more recently, the idea that the best prisons are 1325 01:09:03,000 --> 01:09:06,040 Speaker 2: the ones where you can't see the handcuffs. Right, This 1326 01:09:06,200 --> 01:09:09,960 Speaker 2: idea that you don't even know you're trapped. 1327 01:09:10,760 --> 01:09:14,000 Speaker 1: Wow, right again, so much there, Jayes. 1328 01:09:14,280 --> 01:09:17,920 Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm backing like I'm just downloading onto you because 1329 01:09:17,920 --> 01:09:20,840 Speaker 2: I'm like, you're super smart, Taris. I'm like downloading onto 1330 01:09:20,880 --> 01:09:22,960 Speaker 2: you and like figure it out for me. That's that's 1331 01:09:23,040 --> 01:09:25,880 Speaker 2: kind of where this how our relationship's working right now 1332 01:09:25,960 --> 01:09:26,519 Speaker 2: it works for me. 1333 01:09:26,880 --> 01:09:28,600 Speaker 1: Well, I think something I just picked up from you, 1334 01:09:28,640 --> 01:09:31,320 Speaker 1: This I think is really really inspiring for me and 1335 01:09:31,400 --> 01:09:34,639 Speaker 1: I'm sure for many others, is where you've talked about 1336 01:09:34,640 --> 01:09:37,360 Speaker 1: that beautiful but difficult journey. I think if you were 1337 01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:39,400 Speaker 1: sitting here saying I figured it out and now I 1338 01:09:39,439 --> 01:09:42,120 Speaker 1: want to help others, I don't think I would have 1339 01:09:42,120 --> 01:09:44,320 Speaker 1: had the same feeling towards you at all. And it 1340 01:09:44,439 --> 01:09:47,080 Speaker 1: just made me think, because I feel like I'm kind 1341 01:09:47,120 --> 01:09:49,840 Speaker 1: of interested in a lot of things at the moment 1342 01:09:49,880 --> 01:09:53,960 Speaker 1: in going down some rabbit holes and don't necessarily know, 1343 01:09:54,200 --> 01:09:55,880 Speaker 1: like you know, where it's going to end up, that 1344 01:09:56,560 --> 01:10:00,640 Speaker 1: maybe that's the beautiful thing. Maybe that's better than me 1345 01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:02,640 Speaker 1: coming here and saying, let me tell you everything I 1346 01:10:02,640 --> 01:10:05,800 Speaker 1: know about neuroscience, you know. So, yeah, I don't know 1347 01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:07,400 Speaker 1: where I'm going with that, but I know I'm going 1348 01:10:07,400 --> 01:10:10,080 Speaker 1: to think about that overnight because I'm very reflective. That 1349 01:10:10,200 --> 01:10:14,960 Speaker 1: really touched me, actually to think that there isn't some 1350 01:10:15,040 --> 01:10:16,800 Speaker 1: golden nugget that you've got to come up with at 1351 01:10:16,800 --> 01:10:19,559 Speaker 1: the end. It's actually you know what you delve into 1352 01:10:19,600 --> 01:10:21,439 Speaker 1: and are curious about, and where you go and how 1353 01:10:21,439 --> 01:10:24,400 Speaker 1: easy or difficult it is. I think that's actually like 1354 01:10:24,720 --> 01:10:27,479 Speaker 1: what the thing is for people. So now if only 1355 01:10:27,520 --> 01:10:29,200 Speaker 1: I could remember any of the other things that. 1356 01:10:30,160 --> 01:10:32,080 Speaker 2: No, No, I'm glad you talked about that, and I 1357 01:10:32,080 --> 01:10:34,200 Speaker 2: want to touch on that too, Like I do feel 1358 01:10:34,200 --> 01:10:37,720 Speaker 2: like there was a point in my life where I 1359 01:10:37,760 --> 01:10:40,680 Speaker 2: believed I was teaching what I was learning, and then 1360 01:10:40,720 --> 01:10:42,920 Speaker 2: I had to live what I'd learned, and then it 1361 01:10:42,920 --> 01:10:46,479 Speaker 2: all changed, like its just completely changed. And even now, 1362 01:10:46,600 --> 01:10:51,519 Speaker 2: that's why I'm in that dance, because you don't know, 1363 01:10:52,280 --> 01:10:55,879 Speaker 2: and the situation is giving you. As we said earlier, 1364 01:10:56,160 --> 01:10:59,639 Speaker 2: each impediment is giving you a new invitation to learn, 1365 01:10:59,760 --> 01:11:03,759 Speaker 2: live and react and respond and figure it out again. 1366 01:11:04,439 --> 01:11:06,320 Speaker 2: And then that happens again and again and again. 1367 01:11:07,040 --> 01:11:09,400 Speaker 1: I think it's like you know that phrase, healer, heel thyself. 1368 01:11:10,720 --> 01:11:14,000 Speaker 1: I think that I've never understood that phrase in the 1369 01:11:14,040 --> 01:11:15,840 Speaker 1: way that I have until what you said, what you 1370 01:11:15,920 --> 01:11:18,400 Speaker 1: just said, which is that you kind of create like 1371 01:11:18,400 --> 01:11:20,439 Speaker 1: an elixir that you can share with others if you 1372 01:11:20,479 --> 01:11:23,360 Speaker 1: actually do that, if you keep just trying to impart 1373 01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:27,200 Speaker 1: what you think you know. I don't think that has 1374 01:11:27,880 --> 01:11:29,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to say it, I'm not sure it has 1375 01:11:29,320 --> 01:11:31,559 Speaker 1: like much effect at all, But I think if you 1376 01:11:32,760 --> 01:11:37,120 Speaker 1: can impart a feeling of what you went through, I 1377 01:11:37,160 --> 01:11:40,680 Speaker 1: think that has much more power. Wow, And I'm going 1378 01:11:40,720 --> 01:11:42,639 Speaker 1: to move on quite swiftly because I just remembered another 1379 01:11:42,640 --> 01:11:44,880 Speaker 1: thing I wanted to say. So you were talking about 1380 01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:47,280 Speaker 1: the noise around us, but also earlier we were talking 1381 01:11:47,320 --> 01:11:49,920 Speaker 1: about all these ancient practices, a lot of which come 1382 01:11:49,960 --> 01:11:52,439 Speaker 1: from our culture and maybe don't come from other people's cultures. 1383 01:11:52,680 --> 01:11:54,799 Speaker 1: I'll tell you the one thing I do that expands 1384 01:11:54,800 --> 01:11:57,320 Speaker 1: my consciousness to most That is the easiest thing that 1385 01:11:57,479 --> 01:11:59,960 Speaker 1: anyone can do from any culture. Do you want to 1386 01:12:00,040 --> 01:12:00,640 Speaker 1: guess what it is? 1387 01:12:00,840 --> 01:12:02,400 Speaker 2: Oh, go for it. I have no idea. 1388 01:12:02,280 --> 01:12:06,320 Speaker 1: Digital detos so I don't watch the news anyway, but 1389 01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:08,840 Speaker 1: obviously I am aware of the most important things that 1390 01:12:08,880 --> 01:12:11,479 Speaker 1: are going on in the world because I've got people 1391 01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:13,120 Speaker 1: around me that make sure I stay informed. And that 1392 01:12:13,160 --> 01:12:15,120 Speaker 1: does not mean I make other people watch the news. 1393 01:12:15,280 --> 01:12:17,479 Speaker 1: Just my family will tell me and if I need 1394 01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:20,879 Speaker 1: to look into something. But when I do digital detoxes, 1395 01:12:20,920 --> 01:12:23,400 Speaker 1: which I usually do, if I take two three four 1396 01:12:23,400 --> 01:12:26,720 Speaker 1: weeks off over like Christmas a new year, that is 1397 01:12:26,760 --> 01:12:29,599 Speaker 1: the biggest change for me in terms of my mental space, 1398 01:12:30,520 --> 01:12:34,639 Speaker 1: my perception of time, how creative I become at that time. 1399 01:12:34,680 --> 01:12:36,519 Speaker 1: I may also be probably spending a lot of time 1400 01:12:36,600 --> 01:12:40,800 Speaker 1: in nature and kind of you know, doing more of 1401 01:12:40,840 --> 01:12:42,240 Speaker 1: the kinds of exercise that I love to do, like 1402 01:12:42,240 --> 01:12:44,800 Speaker 1: swimming in the sea and stuff like that. But that 1403 01:12:44,920 --> 01:12:48,479 Speaker 1: one thing alone makes a noticeable difference for me, and 1404 01:12:48,520 --> 01:12:50,879 Speaker 1: it does take some time. You know, doing a weekend 1405 01:12:51,240 --> 01:12:53,080 Speaker 1: is great, like, please do that if you can't do 1406 01:12:53,120 --> 01:12:56,200 Speaker 1: anything else, but if you can give it some more time, 1407 01:12:56,800 --> 01:13:00,439 Speaker 1: I noticed towards the end, I just become like super creative. 1408 01:13:00,400 --> 01:13:02,600 Speaker 2: Is so true. I can relate to it completely. I 1409 01:13:02,600 --> 01:13:05,439 Speaker 2: think that's probably one of my favorite habits too. And 1410 01:13:05,080 --> 01:13:07,040 Speaker 2: it's funny because I was like, no, Jay, I just 1411 01:13:07,080 --> 01:13:09,320 Speaker 2: saw you post yesterday. I'm like, no, We've got to 1412 01:13:09,320 --> 01:13:11,280 Speaker 2: a point where we built the systems where we can 1413 01:13:11,280 --> 01:13:15,360 Speaker 2: be online and offline at the same time. And I 1414 01:13:15,400 --> 01:13:19,040 Speaker 2: couldn't agree with you more. I'm my best self creatively, 1415 01:13:20,040 --> 01:13:23,840 Speaker 2: even productively, if I'm not glued to doom scrolling or 1416 01:13:23,840 --> 01:13:27,599 Speaker 2: whatever else it may be. And I think it comes 1417 01:13:27,640 --> 01:13:30,320 Speaker 2: back down to that's what I meant by the noise, 1418 01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:33,000 Speaker 2: and that is the answer. That's a great answer, because 1419 01:13:33,040 --> 01:13:35,519 Speaker 2: I do think that you just have to switch the 1420 01:13:35,560 --> 01:13:38,680 Speaker 2: noise off. There isn't a way to operate in the 1421 01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:41,360 Speaker 2: noise and hope that you won't be affected by it. 1422 01:13:41,360 --> 01:13:43,960 Speaker 2: It's almost like you walk into a restaurant, you will 1423 01:13:44,000 --> 01:13:46,400 Speaker 2: walk out smelling like the food in that restaurant, Like 1424 01:13:46,479 --> 01:13:49,080 Speaker 2: you can't go in there, eat, enjoy it, and walk out. 1425 01:13:49,600 --> 01:13:51,840 Speaker 2: And I used to often think I could do that, 1426 01:13:51,880 --> 01:13:53,599 Speaker 2: Like I used to think you could engage with an 1427 01:13:53,720 --> 01:13:56,679 Speaker 2: energy and not be affected by it, and that's not true, 1428 01:13:56,720 --> 01:14:00,519 Speaker 2: Like no one's powerful enough to do that, and you 1429 01:14:01,200 --> 01:14:03,880 Speaker 2: will kind of absorb that energy. And I do find 1430 01:14:03,920 --> 01:14:09,920 Speaker 2: that we're just losing spaces of high frequency and vibration 1431 01:14:10,000 --> 01:14:12,200 Speaker 2: that people can go to to have that the other way. 1432 01:14:12,520 --> 01:14:14,200 Speaker 2: So there's lots of places you could go to and 1433 01:14:14,200 --> 01:14:16,280 Speaker 2: we all probably know what they are, where like I 1434 01:14:16,280 --> 01:14:18,320 Speaker 2: don't like going there's managing against train and I don't 1435 01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:21,120 Speaker 2: like going there because I don't feel my best. I 1436 01:14:21,120 --> 01:14:25,360 Speaker 2: think we're losing places in society that have the opposite effect, 1437 01:14:25,840 --> 01:14:28,240 Speaker 2: like where does someone go to? And you're saying nature 1438 01:14:28,400 --> 01:14:30,320 Speaker 2: is definitely one of them that. 1439 01:14:30,360 --> 01:14:32,160 Speaker 1: Was free opposite to people, and that one's. 1440 01:14:32,000 --> 01:14:34,840 Speaker 2: Free as well and accessible, and it's become harder. I 1441 01:14:35,400 --> 01:14:37,680 Speaker 2: read this article a few years ago, and it was 1442 01:14:37,720 --> 01:14:41,840 Speaker 2: talking about how what we value as a society has 1443 01:14:42,000 --> 01:14:45,599 Speaker 2: changed by the tallest building in the town. And so 1444 01:14:45,800 --> 01:14:47,840 Speaker 2: back in the day, the tallest building in the town 1445 01:14:47,880 --> 01:14:50,120 Speaker 2: would be the church, so you can see the cross 1446 01:14:50,160 --> 01:14:53,520 Speaker 2: from anywhere, and that would be the center point of community. 1447 01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:56,960 Speaker 2: And then that changed to the government building, the capitol building. 1448 01:14:57,000 --> 01:14:59,920 Speaker 2: You'd see that building, the State building became the tallest building. 1449 01:15:00,280 --> 01:15:02,120 Speaker 2: And today if you looked at any city center, it 1450 01:15:02,120 --> 01:15:04,200 Speaker 2: would be the commerce, it would be the business, it 1451 01:15:04,200 --> 01:15:06,559 Speaker 2: would be you know, the tallest building will be a banker. 1452 01:15:06,680 --> 01:15:07,160 Speaker 1: Very cool. 1453 01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:09,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, And it was just this idea of how society 1454 01:15:10,040 --> 01:15:13,439 Speaker 2: shows what's important and what's powerful too. I'd add that 1455 01:15:13,520 --> 01:15:16,240 Speaker 2: as well that it's also what we deem as powerful. 1456 01:15:16,600 --> 01:15:18,240 Speaker 2: And I want to wanted to get your take on 1457 01:15:18,400 --> 01:15:21,880 Speaker 2: what is it your perspective on God and the source 1458 01:15:21,920 --> 01:15:24,040 Speaker 2: in that sense, like what have you discovered or seen 1459 01:15:24,479 --> 01:15:25,920 Speaker 2: from your research in that space. 1460 01:15:26,240 --> 01:15:28,840 Speaker 1: I mean, that's a very difficult question to answer. 1461 01:15:28,920 --> 01:15:30,680 Speaker 2: I think you don't have to if you don't want to. 1462 01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:32,240 Speaker 1: No, it's not that I don't want to. I mean 1463 01:15:32,560 --> 01:15:34,400 Speaker 1: it's difficult for me because I have to put my 1464 01:15:34,439 --> 01:15:37,040 Speaker 1: scientist head on and I want to answer that question, 1465 01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:42,280 Speaker 1: which is that clearly God brings a lot of comfort 1466 01:15:42,320 --> 01:15:46,439 Speaker 1: to a lot of people. And probably you could argue 1467 01:15:46,439 --> 01:15:49,720 Speaker 1: that it can't be disproven that God exists, but with 1468 01:15:49,840 --> 01:15:52,160 Speaker 1: the science that we have at our fingertips at the moment, 1469 01:15:52,240 --> 01:15:55,719 Speaker 1: it can't be proven. So I have nothing against people, 1470 01:15:55,840 --> 01:15:59,040 Speaker 1: you know, having that as their primary source of comfort 1471 01:15:59,120 --> 01:16:02,920 Speaker 1: and guide in life. But I can't give you any 1472 01:16:02,920 --> 01:16:05,680 Speaker 1: evidence that such a thing exists. 1473 01:16:05,320 --> 01:16:09,560 Speaker 2: Even with the experiences that people have had under psychedelics 1474 01:16:09,680 --> 01:16:12,439 Speaker 2: or things like that. I've heard or met so many 1475 01:16:12,439 --> 01:16:15,680 Speaker 2: people who have had like God interactions or godlike interactions 1476 01:16:15,680 --> 01:16:17,559 Speaker 2: with it. Yeah, and things I'm sure you have too. Yeah, 1477 01:16:17,880 --> 01:16:19,439 Speaker 2: that's why I was trying to get it from from 1478 01:16:19,439 --> 01:16:22,519 Speaker 2: the research point of view. But you're saying that that's 1479 01:16:22,520 --> 01:16:25,599 Speaker 2: still not you wouldn't count as proof in the scientific ecent. 1480 01:16:25,720 --> 01:16:27,160 Speaker 1: No, I wouldn't count it as proof. And I would 1481 01:16:27,160 --> 01:16:29,799 Speaker 1: say that the person who described that in the biggest 1482 01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:32,080 Speaker 1: detail to me, who someone that I really trust to 1483 01:16:32,160 --> 01:16:35,120 Speaker 1: is a positive psychologist, said I had what I can 1484 01:16:35,200 --> 01:16:38,120 Speaker 1: only describe as a godlike experience. I don't think anyone 1485 01:16:38,120 --> 01:16:41,040 Speaker 1: can really say more than that. The people with the 1486 01:16:41,080 --> 01:16:44,160 Speaker 1: near death experiences often talk about something similar as well, 1487 01:16:44,160 --> 01:16:46,640 Speaker 1: and there are some common themes like a tunnel of 1488 01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:49,720 Speaker 1: white light, you know, a being that's like more full 1489 01:16:49,760 --> 01:16:53,240 Speaker 1: of love than anything you've ever experienced. It does tend 1490 01:16:53,320 --> 01:16:57,400 Speaker 1: to hold archetypes depending on what religious or cultural background 1491 01:16:57,520 --> 01:17:03,719 Speaker 1: you come from. Not always, but so yeah, again, I'm curious, 1492 01:17:03,720 --> 01:17:05,960 Speaker 1: you know, I'm curious, but I'm always going to be 1493 01:17:06,000 --> 01:17:08,200 Speaker 1: that person that is very happy to go down a 1494 01:17:08,240 --> 01:17:10,439 Speaker 1: rabbit hole. But we'll also say that this is the 1495 01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:12,719 Speaker 1: end of what we know, like totally yeah. 1496 01:17:12,520 --> 01:17:15,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, no, And that's totally it's totally interesting 1497 01:17:15,400 --> 01:17:17,639 Speaker 2: and fair and it's yeah, it's just been something I've 1498 01:17:17,640 --> 01:17:20,040 Speaker 2: been fascinated by from a scientific point of view because 1499 01:17:20,040 --> 01:17:27,439 Speaker 2: it's it's yeah, trying to understand the as we've talked 1500 01:17:27,479 --> 01:17:31,120 Speaker 2: about today, the other worldly or other realm is something 1501 01:17:31,160 --> 01:17:33,120 Speaker 2: that's beyond us, like we don't we don't even have 1502 01:17:33,680 --> 01:17:35,600 Speaker 2: Like you said, the brain doesn't even allow us to 1503 01:17:35,600 --> 01:17:36,200 Speaker 2: go there. 1504 01:17:36,120 --> 01:17:39,920 Speaker 1: That's what we think. But I think if we even 1505 01:17:39,920 --> 01:17:41,920 Speaker 1: believe that hypothesis, there must be more that we can 1506 01:17:41,960 --> 01:17:43,880 Speaker 1: do to try to go there. Yes, yeah, and I 1507 01:17:43,920 --> 01:17:46,640 Speaker 1: will say that science does say that a sort of 1508 01:17:46,680 --> 01:17:50,719 Speaker 1: a healthy. Moderate amount of religiosity or belief in God 1509 01:17:50,880 --> 01:17:55,440 Speaker 1: is beneficial to our mental health, and non or fundamentalism 1510 01:17:55,560 --> 01:17:58,240 Speaker 1: is actually, you know, negative for our mental health. 1511 01:17:58,760 --> 01:18:01,720 Speaker 2: We've talked about so what's today. We've really gone there 1512 01:18:01,800 --> 01:18:04,880 Speaker 2: and it was more that I've thought too. I've I've 1513 01:18:04,960 --> 01:18:08,760 Speaker 2: avoided every bullet point my team sent me, and I 1514 01:18:08,760 --> 01:18:10,840 Speaker 2: love that because it's been so much more fun just 1515 01:18:10,920 --> 01:18:14,840 Speaker 2: diving into your amazing mind and research and just getting 1516 01:18:14,880 --> 01:18:16,559 Speaker 2: getting an inking. Is there anything that we haven't talked 1517 01:18:16,560 --> 01:18:19,760 Speaker 2: about that you really want to touch on it? I'm 1518 01:18:19,800 --> 01:18:22,680 Speaker 2: like just making sure that to sit with someone and 1519 01:18:22,760 --> 01:18:27,719 Speaker 2: really pick their brain, and someone who can speak about 1520 01:18:27,720 --> 01:18:29,519 Speaker 2: so many different things and such a broad range of 1521 01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:31,720 Speaker 2: topics is so rare. I'm so grateful to you for 1522 01:18:31,760 --> 01:18:35,559 Speaker 2: that because I love how much how curious you are. 1523 01:18:35,560 --> 01:18:37,599 Speaker 2: I love how much you're willing to push the envelope. 1524 01:18:37,600 --> 01:18:40,240 Speaker 2: I love how challenging you are of both sides of 1525 01:18:40,240 --> 01:18:44,120 Speaker 2: the idea, whether it's spirituality or science. And we end 1526 01:18:44,200 --> 01:18:48,120 Speaker 2: every On Purpose episode with a final five. So I'd 1527 01:18:48,160 --> 01:18:50,320 Speaker 2: love to ask you these five questions. Some of them 1528 01:18:50,320 --> 01:18:51,880 Speaker 2: are things we ask everyone, and some of them will 1529 01:18:51,920 --> 01:18:55,160 Speaker 2: be geared towards you. So doctor Torres sat These are 1530 01:18:55,200 --> 01:18:59,000 Speaker 2: your final five. The first question is what is the 1531 01:18:59,080 --> 01:19:01,559 Speaker 2: best advice you've ever heard or received? 1532 01:19:02,000 --> 01:19:04,360 Speaker 1: There's a few that you can say all of them, okay. 1533 01:19:04,400 --> 01:19:06,920 Speaker 1: So that one is particularly to do with writing, because 1534 01:19:07,600 --> 01:19:09,200 Speaker 1: the first time I had to write out my PhD, 1535 01:19:09,280 --> 01:19:11,000 Speaker 1: and then every time I've written a book since then, 1536 01:19:11,680 --> 01:19:14,639 Speaker 1: which I'm actually doing at the moment, I struggle. So 1537 01:19:14,760 --> 01:19:18,439 Speaker 1: somebody said to me, just write something, and I think 1538 01:19:18,439 --> 01:19:20,640 Speaker 1: that's quite an important metaphor for life, like you just 1539 01:19:20,640 --> 01:19:22,360 Speaker 1: have to start. You have to put one foot forward, 1540 01:19:22,400 --> 01:19:24,280 Speaker 1: you know, and then it's much easier than looking at 1541 01:19:24,320 --> 01:19:27,080 Speaker 1: a blank page. And then the other one, I think, 1542 01:19:27,680 --> 01:19:30,760 Speaker 1: which I didn't really understand at the time but is 1543 01:19:30,840 --> 01:19:33,320 Speaker 1: kind of where I am now, is follow your heart. 1544 01:19:33,680 --> 01:19:35,760 Speaker 2: What do you understand about it differently now? 1545 01:19:36,080 --> 01:19:37,800 Speaker 1: I think at the time, I was probably in my 1546 01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:40,160 Speaker 1: late twenties or early thirties, and I thought, you can't 1547 01:19:40,160 --> 01:19:41,800 Speaker 1: live life like that. You've got to do the right 1548 01:19:41,800 --> 01:19:44,040 Speaker 1: thing with your career, and you know that, I sort 1549 01:19:44,080 --> 01:19:47,200 Speaker 1: of worried about what my parents would think, and but 1550 01:19:47,280 --> 01:19:49,160 Speaker 1: now I just I believe that if you do that, 1551 01:19:49,280 --> 01:19:50,000 Speaker 1: you can't go wrong. 1552 01:19:50,360 --> 01:19:52,880 Speaker 2: I love that question. Number two, what is the worst 1553 01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:54,400 Speaker 2: advice you ever heard or received. 1554 01:19:56,920 --> 01:19:59,080 Speaker 1: I'm not going to say it's the worst advice, but 1555 01:19:59,160 --> 01:20:02,520 Speaker 1: I'm to say that the concept around it is perhaps 1556 01:20:03,320 --> 01:20:05,960 Speaker 1: flawed in a way that again I understand differently now, 1557 01:20:06,560 --> 01:20:08,719 Speaker 1: which is that when I was at school, high school, 1558 01:20:10,000 --> 01:20:11,840 Speaker 1: my English teacher said to me, you're so good at 1559 01:20:11,880 --> 01:20:14,560 Speaker 1: drama that you should read English Oxford and go to 1560 01:20:14,680 --> 01:20:17,639 Speaker 1: Rada and you could become an actress. Now, in those days, 1561 01:20:17,720 --> 01:20:20,360 Speaker 1: there were no like Indian actors or actresses in like 1562 01:20:20,360 --> 01:20:23,080 Speaker 1: the western world, really, and so my father said, over 1563 01:20:23,120 --> 01:20:25,120 Speaker 1: my dead body, and you will go to medical school. 1564 01:20:25,600 --> 01:20:28,120 Speaker 1: I've obviously had a very privileged education. I'm very pleased 1565 01:20:28,120 --> 01:20:30,240 Speaker 1: to be where I am now. But I just wonder 1566 01:20:30,280 --> 01:20:32,639 Speaker 1: what could have happened if I'd actually been supported in that, 1567 01:20:32,720 --> 01:20:36,679 Speaker 1: because because I'm not doing medicine now and I'm way 1568 01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:39,840 Speaker 1: more successful now in something that you know, my parents 1569 01:20:39,880 --> 01:20:42,600 Speaker 1: couldn't have imagined. So I just think this clipping of 1570 01:20:42,640 --> 01:20:45,280 Speaker 1: the wings of children, I think is bad advice. 1571 01:20:45,960 --> 01:20:48,960 Speaker 2: Question number three, is it possible to manifest love? 1572 01:20:49,240 --> 01:20:52,320 Speaker 1: One hundred percent? I did how I did it with 1573 01:20:52,360 --> 01:20:53,160 Speaker 1: my vision board. 1574 01:20:53,840 --> 01:20:54,720 Speaker 2: It walk us through it. 1575 01:20:55,120 --> 01:20:57,559 Speaker 1: So I had been divorced for quite a few years, 1576 01:20:57,600 --> 01:21:00,439 Speaker 1: and I'd basically become a workaholic, and I'd had a 1577 01:21:00,439 --> 01:21:03,120 Speaker 1: lot of success with vision boards for my work. And 1578 01:21:03,160 --> 01:21:05,639 Speaker 1: then I remember just slightly thinking, I think I'm using 1579 01:21:05,640 --> 01:21:08,760 Speaker 1: my work to run away from love again, and then 1580 01:21:08,800 --> 01:21:11,240 Speaker 1: I just pushed that thought aside. Then the following year, 1581 01:21:11,280 --> 01:21:13,519 Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, I'm going to put this tiny little 1582 01:21:13,560 --> 01:21:15,479 Speaker 1: heart on my vision board, but it's all going to 1583 01:21:15,520 --> 01:21:19,439 Speaker 1: be about business and travel, and so nothing changed. And 1584 01:21:19,479 --> 01:21:21,720 Speaker 1: then I really thought to myself, Okay, Tara, if you 1585 01:21:21,800 --> 01:21:24,960 Speaker 1: believe in this manifestation, if you really really believe in it, 1586 01:21:25,000 --> 01:21:27,120 Speaker 1: you've got to prove it to yourself that you can 1587 01:21:27,120 --> 01:21:30,439 Speaker 1: manifest love. So I put this like huge engagement ring 1588 01:21:30,479 --> 01:21:32,880 Speaker 1: on the top left corner of my vision board. I 1589 01:21:32,960 --> 01:21:35,960 Speaker 1: never usually put phrases on it, but I was looking 1590 01:21:35,960 --> 01:21:38,160 Speaker 1: through magazines and I saw this phrase that said joy 1591 01:21:38,160 --> 01:21:41,599 Speaker 1: comes out of the blue. It's actually Tiffany advert. I 1592 01:21:41,680 --> 01:21:43,000 Speaker 1: just loved it, so I put it like on the 1593 01:21:43,000 --> 01:21:45,439 Speaker 1: top of my board and the various other things. So 1594 01:21:45,479 --> 01:21:48,120 Speaker 1: I did that for twenty for twenty fifteen, and actually 1595 01:21:48,160 --> 01:21:50,560 Speaker 1: nothing had happened by the end of twenty fifteen. But 1596 01:21:50,720 --> 01:21:53,479 Speaker 1: February twenty sixteen, I met the person who was to 1597 01:21:53,479 --> 01:21:57,400 Speaker 1: become my husband on a plane, so that's out of 1598 01:21:57,439 --> 01:22:00,360 Speaker 1: the blue in the sky, and we got engaged year 1599 01:22:00,360 --> 01:22:01,560 Speaker 1: and then married the finding. 1600 01:22:01,320 --> 01:22:04,599 Speaker 2: You Wow, I love that. That's a great story. That's beautiful. 1601 01:22:05,560 --> 01:22:07,640 Speaker 2: I'm sure that'll give people a lot of hope. What 1602 01:22:07,720 --> 01:22:11,200 Speaker 2: are people doing wrong with manifesting love? Where are people 1603 01:22:11,240 --> 01:22:11,719 Speaker 2: going wrong? 1604 01:22:12,040 --> 01:22:13,559 Speaker 1: I think it's a lot to do with this noise 1605 01:22:13,600 --> 01:22:15,240 Speaker 1: around us that you talked about, So I think a 1606 01:22:15,280 --> 01:22:17,280 Speaker 1: lot of it is at a certain stage of life 1607 01:22:17,280 --> 01:22:18,880 Speaker 1: where you just think that's what you should be doing. 1608 01:22:19,640 --> 01:22:21,960 Speaker 1: And personally, I will go with a theme that you 1609 01:22:22,439 --> 01:22:25,240 Speaker 1: sort of alluded to as well, which is that I 1610 01:22:25,280 --> 01:22:28,080 Speaker 1: think people are going for a lot of external characteristics 1611 01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:30,479 Speaker 1: when they actually should be going for like values and 1612 01:22:31,360 --> 01:22:33,479 Speaker 1: you know, what the human being is actually like and 1613 01:22:33,640 --> 01:22:37,120 Speaker 1: what that relationship would be like, rather than the material 1614 01:22:37,160 --> 01:22:38,040 Speaker 1: things that's around it. 1615 01:22:38,800 --> 01:22:41,800 Speaker 2: Absolutely a question number five fifty final question. We asked 1616 01:22:41,800 --> 01:22:43,960 Speaker 2: this to everyone who's ever been on the show. If 1617 01:22:44,000 --> 01:22:46,559 Speaker 2: you could create one law that everyone in the world 1618 01:22:46,600 --> 01:22:48,479 Speaker 2: had to follow, what would it be? Love? 1619 01:22:48,520 --> 01:22:50,880 Speaker 1: Everyone just give out so much love. 1620 01:22:51,200 --> 01:22:55,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's so needed, yeah, so needed. Especially now well 1621 01:22:55,160 --> 01:22:57,320 Speaker 2: doctor Tarris, Well, thank you so much for coming on 1622 01:22:57,320 --> 01:23:00,559 Speaker 2: on purpose. The book is called The Source, The Secrets 1623 01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:03,280 Speaker 2: of the Universe, The Signs of the Brain. Please if 1624 01:23:03,280 --> 01:23:05,080 Speaker 2: you don't have a copy already, go and grab one. 1625 01:23:05,280 --> 01:23:07,960 Speaker 2: And of course, if you don't follow doctor Tara on 1626 01:23:08,320 --> 01:23:11,760 Speaker 2: social media, please go and subscribe and follow on all channels. 1627 01:23:12,400 --> 01:23:13,960 Speaker 2: I can't wait to share this. I want to hear 1628 01:23:14,000 --> 01:23:16,960 Speaker 2: what resonated with you, what connected with you? Please tag 1629 01:23:17,040 --> 01:23:20,680 Speaker 2: us both sharing insights, your favorite clips, things you're practicing, 1630 01:23:21,000 --> 01:23:23,479 Speaker 2: your action boards. I want to see it all. And 1631 01:23:23,560 --> 01:23:25,960 Speaker 2: doctor Tyreswat, thank you so much for your time and energy. Again, 1632 01:23:26,000 --> 01:23:27,760 Speaker 2: it was truly a joy, So thank you. 1633 01:23:28,000 --> 01:23:29,920 Speaker 1: It was amazing for me too. Thank you so much. 1634 01:23:30,000 --> 01:23:33,760 Speaker 2: Thank you. Hey everyone. If you love that conversation, go 1635 01:23:33,840 --> 01:23:37,000 Speaker 2: and check out my episode with the world's leading therapist 1636 01:23:37,320 --> 01:23:41,360 Speaker 2: Lourie Gottlieb, where she answers the biggest questions that people 1637 01:23:41,439 --> 01:23:45,840 Speaker 2: ask in therapy when it comes to love, relationships, heartbreak, 1638 01:23:45,960 --> 01:23:48,719 Speaker 2: and dating. If you're trying to figure out that space 1639 01:23:48,800 --> 01:23:51,600 Speaker 2: right now, you won't want to miss this conversation. 1640 01:23:52,000 --> 01:23:56,360 Speaker 3: If it's a romantic relationship, hold hands. It's really hard 1641 01:23:56,360 --> 01:23:59,880 Speaker 3: to argue. It actually calms your nervous systems. Just hold 1642 01:23:59,880 --> 01:24:02,759 Speaker 3: on and as you're having the conversation, it's so lovely.