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Speaker 1: Hey, Alyssa's sale and this is Joe. Welcome to the

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Speaker 1: Okay story Time podcast game show, the.

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Speaker 2: Show where you can hear the greatest stories on Earth.

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Speaker 1: And luckily you've won the jackpot for listening to the

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Speaker 1: best stories your ears could listen to. All you have

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Speaker 1: to do is wait for two minutes through these messages

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Speaker 1: from our sponsors.

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Speaker 2: My girlfriend keeps scaring my brother, so I asked her

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Speaker 2: to leave.

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Speaker 3: Boo nice so onto the situation. My girlfriend twenty three

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Speaker 3: female and I twenty four female have been together for

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Speaker 3: two years.

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Speaker 2: My family always loved her and she even has a

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Speaker 2: good relationship.

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Speaker 3: Even had a good relationship with my brother's sixteen male

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Speaker 3: as well. By the way, this comes from throw A

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Speaker 3: eight nine three four year nine two seven. If you

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Speaker 3: want to spit your own stories, go to the our

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Speaker 3: slash Okay Storytime Separate it. So last year, my brother

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Speaker 3: was diagnosed with a certain disease that almost took his life.

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Speaker 3: My brother always has always had a low immune system,

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Speaker 3: which made everything even worse. My brother is still recovering

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Speaker 3: but in a much better condition now, but unfortunately he

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Speaker 3: ended up losing sight in both his eyes. Legally speaking,

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Speaker 3: he can be considered blind right now. When social isolation

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Speaker 3: started to happen because of the most recent events, I

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Speaker 3: decided to speak with my parents about how it would

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Speaker 3: be better if my brother lived with me by that

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Speaker 3: time for the time being, my parents agreed happily, they

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Speaker 3: both are essential workers and they wouldn't have much time

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Speaker 3: to stay with my brother. He is still getting used

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Speaker 3: to his new life as a blind person and is

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Speaker 3: still adapting on how to live with it. If he

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Speaker 3: needed help with anything, my parents wouldn't be able to help.

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Speaker 3: And also because my brother already has a bad immune

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Speaker 3: system and it wouldn't be a good idea for him

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Speaker 3: to live in a house with our parents, who would

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Speaker 3: constantly be dealing with patients who may or may not

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Speaker 3: be sick.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I mean this, Yeah, Yeah, I can totally see why

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Speaker 3: he's like, let's get the brother with me.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And also shout out to OPI I mean, at twenty three,

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Speaker 3: twenty four years old, essentially being the guardian to your secure,

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Speaker 3: old blind brother blind, I mean, that's a huge undertaking.

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Speaker 3: I can work from home and I have a lot

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Speaker 3: of free times, so if he ever needed help, I

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Speaker 3: would be more than available.

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Speaker 4: To help him.

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Speaker 3: So it was a win win situation. I also invited

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Speaker 3: my girlfriend to live with me. She has a very

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Speaker 3: good house of rown, but we could be together, so

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Speaker 3: why not. Everything was good and fine, but recently I

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Speaker 3: started to notice that my brother became started to become

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Speaker 3: not himself anymore. I mean, even with all of this

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Speaker 3: happening with him, he always was cheerful and happy and

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Speaker 3: always trying to look on the good side of all this.

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Speaker 3: But recently he started to become more shy and introverted

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Speaker 3: when my girlfriend was around, and I found that strange. Yesterday,

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Speaker 3: I was in my living room reading a book and

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Speaker 3: my brother was at the kitchen drinking a cup of water,

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Speaker 3: just drinking water Casually, my girlfriend approached him and just

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Speaker 3: said good morning. She had just gotten up. It was

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Speaker 3: almost seven thirty am. I noticed my brother got scared.

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Speaker 3: I thought that was just an isolated incident. She must

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Speaker 3: have caught him by surprise, so I didn't pay much

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Speaker 3: attention to it. But today I was hearing music while

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Speaker 3: preparing for our lunch. My brother was sitting in the

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Speaker 3: kitchen while talking to me. I noticed someone approaching and

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Speaker 3: I saw that it was my girlfriend. When she noticed

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Speaker 3: we were hearing music, She started to walk slowly, as

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Speaker 3: if she didn't want to make a sound. She got

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Speaker 3: behind my brother and quickly held his shoulders and shouted, hello, there,

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Speaker 3: how are you doing. So we're walking up to the

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Speaker 3: brother who just recently became legally blind and were scarce

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Speaker 3: shaking him and be like, hey.

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Speaker 5: How are you doing?

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Speaker 4: How are you doing?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: That's that kind of sucks.

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Speaker 7: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: My brother said he wanted to stay alone and went

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Speaker 3: to his room. I was pissed at her, I mean yeah.

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Speaker 3: I asked her what did she think she was doing

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Speaker 3: by scaring him that way. She told me that she

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Speaker 3: had read on the internet and also from her mother

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Speaker 3: that scaring a blind person is a good thing because

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Speaker 3: it makes some more way of their surroundings. No, no,

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Speaker 3: why that is a incorrect and be freaking awful.

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Speaker 4: Hi yeah yeay.

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Speaker 3: I started to connect the dots and asked her for

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Speaker 3: how long had she been scaring my brother like that?

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Speaker 3: She told me around two weeks, up to three times

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Speaker 3: a day if possible. In her words, she's on a mission. Oh.

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Speaker 3: I was seeing red at that moment. I asked her

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Speaker 3: to never do that again. It didn't take much. It

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Speaker 3: was almost four pm today, and I was watering my

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Speaker 3: garden when I heard my brother shout. When I got inside,

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Speaker 3: he was shouting at my girlfriend to leave him alone.

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Speaker 3: I ended up getting into a fight with her. I

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Speaker 3: tried every single thing I could to show her that

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Speaker 3: it wasn't okay to do that to a blind person

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Speaker 3: and she needed to stop or else she would have

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Speaker 3: to come back to her house. She promised me never

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Speaker 3: to do it again. Why am I having a hard

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Speaker 3: time believing that she'll never do it again.

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Speaker 8: She's gonna do it again. She's in training.

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Speaker 6: She's dude, she's training.

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Speaker 3: What what would possess someone to do something so cruel

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Speaker 3: and stupid?

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Speaker 2: Where did you get this in from?

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Speaker 6: From? What is her.

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Speaker 8: Mom telling her? Like?

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Speaker 6: Where did her mom come up with this idea too?

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Speaker 3: And like other I feel like it was literally just

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Speaker 3: her mom. And her mom was like, yeah, you know,

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Speaker 3: people tell me all the time. I read it all

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Speaker 3: the time, like, yeah, you have to scare a blind

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Speaker 3: person because then it'll like make them more aware. No,

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Speaker 3: did you ever stop to consider, hey, maybe I should

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Speaker 3: run this by the person who is blind. It'd be like, uh, yeah,

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Speaker 3: I don't need that right, Like I'm kind of good, bro,

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Speaker 3: so she promised me to never do it again. Tonight,

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Speaker 3: I was making dinner and she did it again. Break

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Speaker 3: up tonight the same day, same day.

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Speaker 2: I don't know what to do anymore.

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Speaker 3: We got into a huge fight and I ended up

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Speaker 3: telling her to go back to her house. She argued

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Speaker 3: with me but that I was being unfair and that

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Speaker 3: she was just trying to help. I still refuse the

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Speaker 3: letter's day, and she went back to her home. She

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Speaker 3: has been bombarding mysel pH one the entire night about

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Speaker 3: how it was wrong for me to do that and

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Speaker 3: that I should have never kicked her out because of

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Speaker 3: something so trivial as that. To say, even to say

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Speaker 3: something as so trivial means you still the levels of

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Speaker 3: which you don't get it, and how you're like, you know,

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Speaker 3: it's so awful. You're doing it to brother, your brother,

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Speaker 3: the fact that how this would hurt Ope, that her

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Speaker 3: poor brother is going through this and you're terrorizing him

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Speaker 3: to say it's trivial.

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Speaker 8: This poor kid is afraid to walk around his own house. Yes,

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Speaker 8: like that should be a safe spot.

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Speaker 3: Oh, god like, And he had to move, Remember, he

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Speaker 3: had to move from his parents' house because it's like oh,

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Speaker 3: because it'll be sick people coming, like, oh, it's gonna

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Speaker 3: be a bad fire. Anyways, he's he's away from his parents, who, like,

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Speaker 3: you know, if I'm being honest, like, if I was

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Speaker 3: in a situation, I would be so grateful for my sibling,

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Speaker 3: but also probably pretty nervous.

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Speaker 2: Like you, your parents take care of your whole life.

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Speaker 3: You know, you're like more comfortable under their care, and

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Speaker 3: just like it's just like something to get used to.

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Speaker 3: And this poor kid is freaking terrified. God, I haven't

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Speaker 3: been answering and I don't even know how to. I

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Speaker 3: feel like I shouldn't have kicked I feel like I

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Speaker 3: shouldn't have kicked her out of my house. But I

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Speaker 3: don't feel like it would be a safe space for

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Speaker 3: my brother if she just goes around scaring him. My

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Speaker 3: brother told me he didn't say anything to me before

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Speaker 3: because he didn't want to cause problems as he was

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Speaker 3: a guest.

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Speaker 2: Oh, she's the ghad dude.

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Speaker 3: He's literally like, I don't want to be any more

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Speaker 3: of a Oh this poor kid, Oh, he's sweet. He's

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Speaker 3: a sweet baby boy. I don't think she would stop

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Speaker 3: if she came back. She has a history of being

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Speaker 3: a little bit stubborn sometimes, but never something like this

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Speaker 3: that would affect other people. I don't know how to

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Speaker 3: respond to her. Should I just let her back at

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Speaker 3: my house but setting some ground rules? No, don't let

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Speaker 3: her back. Should I not allow her until my brother

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Speaker 3: are back at my parents' house? Otherwise, other than this,

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Speaker 3: she was always a loving girlfriend and always treated me

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Speaker 3: in my family with nothing but respect and love.

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Speaker 4: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: How to go on from this. We have an update,

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Speaker 3: and Carly, I think we need to help op figure

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Speaker 3: out how to go on from this. What would you

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Speaker 3: do in this scenarios as Opie, I don't think she's.

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Speaker 8: Coming back to the house anytime soon, even as like

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Speaker 8: a visit. I mean they're quarantines, so she might not

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Speaker 8: even be able to come back if she's going back

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Speaker 8: to her home.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, wow.

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Speaker 3: I think for me it's the fact that she still

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Speaker 3: so clearly, I mean, you can like break it down

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Speaker 3: further to like, Okay, let me let me really break

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Speaker 3: it down for you on why this is so bad,

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Speaker 3: Like you, for instance, saying it's so trivial means you

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Speaker 3: don't understand the gravity of like my little brother who's

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Speaker 3: like going through this horrible experience has to live away

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Speaker 3: from his parents, Like you scaring and terrorizing him and

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Speaker 3: literally doing it right after you promised me, you told

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Speaker 3: me you'd stop.

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Speaker 8: Like that's what got me, the fact that it's the

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Speaker 8: same day still.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's like it's it's so abundantly clear that you

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Speaker 3: know you don't respect me, you don't respect my brother,

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Speaker 3: and like everything he's going through, she's deliberately being being

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Speaker 3: being cruel, and it's like if you don't understand that,

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Speaker 3: you can't like change the behavior, and like I just

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Speaker 3: have just seen negative ten percent evidence of you changing

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Speaker 3: your behavior.

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Speaker 8: There would need to be some conversation further of like

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Speaker 8: why she thought that was okay? But I don't think

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Speaker 8: she's gonna come back with anything that's redeemable. And I

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Speaker 8: don't think there is anything redeemable from that blindfold the

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Speaker 8: girlfriend for a day in the house and put her

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Speaker 8: through everything.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, freaking attention just like scare her away, Like let's

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Speaker 5: do that. Yeah, we have an update, ladies and gentlemen.

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Speaker 5: I would like to start by saying that I decided

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Speaker 5: to get in contact again with my girlfriend, and I

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Speaker 5: did decide to talk to her.

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Speaker 3: Of course, I didn't let her back into my home.

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Speaker 3: I wanted to talk on any other place than there.

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Speaker 3: She called me to go to her house. I'm tired

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Speaker 3: of her nonsense. I started by asking her where did

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Speaker 3: she get the advice that she saw on the internet

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Speaker 3: that said scary blind people.

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Speaker 2: Was a good thing to be done?

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Speaker 3: A great question to start us off. She was very

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Speaker 3: reluctant to tell me, but when I pressured her a

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Speaker 3: little more, she ended up telling me apparently there is

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Speaker 3: no article, no research, no elaborate study, nothing. The advice

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Speaker 3: she got came from a friend of hers on a

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Speaker 3: Facebook chat. It's always Facebook, and she just went along

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Speaker 3: with it. She also told me she lied about her

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Speaker 3: mother telling her that. To clarify, her mother is a

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Speaker 3: social worker where we live. So she thought that if

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Speaker 3: she said that her mother had also said that, it

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Speaker 3: would make her friend's advice a little more credible because

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Speaker 3: she couldn't find any study or article. Maybe when you

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Speaker 3: couldn't find any, first of all, I highly doubt you

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Speaker 3: looked for a study article no. Second of all, even

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Speaker 3: if you did, once you couldn't find any credible sources

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Speaker 3: to back this up.

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Speaker 2: Wouldn't that cause you to pause for a moment?

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Speaker 3: Be like maybe, like attacking this newly blind person child

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Speaker 3: is maybe not a good idea.

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Speaker 2: Maybe maybe, just maybe maybe.

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Speaker 3: I tried to ask her about why why she would

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Speaker 3: think that her friend's advice was good when she could

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Speaker 3: find nothing to cooperate it. She didn't want to answer.

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Speaker 3: I asked her then, why she would ignore me when

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Speaker 3: I told her to stop and kept scaring my brother.

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Speaker 3: She told me she didn't think I would find it

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Speaker 3: that bad, and that if I really loved her, I

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Speaker 3: would just ignore it because she was trying to help,

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Speaker 3: and that she feels I don't love her because I

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Speaker 3: would choose my brother over her, because now he is

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Speaker 3: c her own words on something.

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Speaker 6: So trivial break up, break up, break up.

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Speaker 3: She'll never get it, Dude, I choosing my brother over you.

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Speaker 3: He just became blind, and you're scaring him as not choosing.

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Speaker 6: Him over you, brother, like and like, if you.

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Speaker 3: Just behave like a normal human being, she would be

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Speaker 3: thrilled having you there, thrilled having him there, Like it

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Speaker 3: would just be everyone would be peacefully coexisting and it

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00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:34,520
Speaker 3: would be amazing and so great, and that he should

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Speaker 3: grow up and deal with his problems himself, and I,

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Speaker 3: as her girlfriend, should always be.

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Speaker 2: On her side always. Of course, I was very angry

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Speaker 2: at this answer, as you should be.

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Speaker 3: That is healthy anger ladies and gentlemen being frustrated something

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Speaker 3: that is worth being frustrated over, and we ended up

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Speaker 3: getting into another fight and her words, I shouldn't have

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Speaker 3: asked my brother to come live with me, but I

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Speaker 3: I ended up asking he should just be quiet and

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Speaker 3: obey and accept what we do because we know better

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Speaker 3: for being adults. Before going into her house, I took

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Speaker 3: some people's advice and I decided to ponder about our

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Speaker 3: relationship until that moment, and looking back, I could see

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Speaker 3: a lot of things that I didn't want to.

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Speaker 4: See at first.

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Speaker 3: First, every single approach in our relationship was taken was

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Speaker 3: taken by me. One a date, I was the one

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Speaker 3: inviting her. Let's go see a movie, Let's go see

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Speaker 3: a movie. I always had to be the one to

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Speaker 3: invite romantic time. I had to start it always. Looking back,

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Speaker 3: the entire relationship looks one sided. Second, she doesn't look

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Speaker 3: like she cared much about boundaries from the start. She

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Speaker 3: disregarded every single boundary I've had before. I never took

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Speaker 3: much action about them because they were small things. I

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Speaker 3: believe that if I made myself more clear before, it

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Speaker 3: wouldn't get to a point where it would cause problems

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Speaker 3: to my brother. Problems to my brother. So I made

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Speaker 3: a decision. I didn't want to break up, but if

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Speaker 3: you were to continue a relationship, all of this would

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00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,600
Speaker 3: have to change. I talked with her and told her

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Speaker 3: that I didn't want to break up, but if we

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Speaker 3: were to continue relationship, First, she would not be allowed

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Speaker 3: near my brother and wouldn't be welcome to my house

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Speaker 3: when my brother is there. Second, she would have to

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Speaker 3: apologize to him and promise and this time respect that

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Speaker 3: promise that what was done wouldn't happen again. And third

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Speaker 3: she would have to go to counseling with me. Those

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Speaker 3: are my terms, and if we were to continue together,

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Speaker 3: things had to change.

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Speaker 6: So he just goes.

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Speaker 8: Anytime I've set a boundary, she's completely ignored and pushed it.

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Speaker 8: So instead of breaking up with her, I set a boundary.

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Speaker 3: You know, and and Carly Keon, I have to ask you,

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Speaker 3: do we think that she's gonna transform into an angel

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Speaker 3: and be amazing and the most caring person ever and

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Speaker 3: it'll be great?

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Speaker 8: I hope so, But I don't think so.

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Speaker 2: She's doubling down. She's double now.

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Speaker 6: She's like, she gets scared of me.

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Speaker 2: You cann tell me what to do?

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Speaker 6: Mm hmm. It's gonna be so right.

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Speaker 8: She's gonna start searing both of them.

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Speaker 3: She got mad at me, yep, cursed me, told me

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Speaker 3: I was an idiot to choose family over her, and

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Speaker 3: that I was crazy to end a relationship over this.

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Speaker 2: My god, she didn't even end the relationship.

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Speaker 3: She gave you a which you did not deserve by

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Speaker 3: the way she gave you the out. All you had

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Speaker 3: to do was, you know, go to counseling and not

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Speaker 3: be a freaking maniac. That's literally all, and and here

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00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:36,400
Speaker 3: we are, and then again too. It's it's just the

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Speaker 3: way that she responds, like anytime you even set a boundary,

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Speaker 3: she's like, how dare you? Like, oh, oh my god,

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Speaker 3: like no, no, there's just zero respect here. I talked

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Speaker 3: with her about those things I mentioned earlier, and she

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00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:52,440
Speaker 3: called me stupid that this is what a good relationship

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Speaker 3: looks like. Of course we got into another fight. In

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Speaker 3: the end. She wasn't willing to recompromise and make the

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00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:05,440
Speaker 3: relationship work. So I decided two end things. Let's go Yep,

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00:16:05,480 --> 00:16:08,080
Speaker 3: we broke up. Of course, I left her house being

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00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,400
Speaker 3: called a lot of names. I blocked her on both

335
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 3: my cell phone and social media, and right now I'm focusing.

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00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:14,000
Speaker 2: On my brother.

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00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 3: It hurts a lot that the person that I've been

338
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:18,960
Speaker 3: calling the love of my life recently could be that cold,

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00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:22,760
Speaker 3: but I guess it was for the better. Blies and gentlemen,

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00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:25,680
Speaker 3: we have a little bit more to the story, But Carly,

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00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:27,480
Speaker 3: what are your closing thoughts here?

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00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:28,000
Speaker 6: What's what?

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00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:29,680
Speaker 2: What's what's going through your head right now?

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00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:32,200
Speaker 8: I mean, they broke up, That's what they had to do.

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00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:33,120
Speaker 8: That's what happened.

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00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:33,360
Speaker 7: I think.

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Speaker 8: Yeah, go home and give your brother some ice cream.

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00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:41,360
Speaker 3: Yes, honestly, go hang out with the brother and just

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00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:46,760
Speaker 3: like have a movie marathon, calm ice cream, like favorite,

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Speaker 3: what's your what's your favorite restaurant?

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Speaker 4: I'm buying, That's.

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00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:50,480
Speaker 8: What I'm saying.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that is great.

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00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:55,640
Speaker 3: Well, to get into this, A lot of you recommended

355
00:16:55,680 --> 00:16:58,920
Speaker 3: therapy and counseling for my brother, and he's already on it.

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Speaker 3: Before coming to my house, he was already doing that.

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Speaker 3: I would like to thank you all for the advice.

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Speaker 3: I don't think I would ever look back at my

359
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,080
Speaker 3: own relationship if I hadn't gotten to that point, and

360
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:10,159
Speaker 3: I don't think it would be safer to continue in

361
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:14,359
Speaker 3: that relationship anymore. She already disregarded boundaries with me. I

362
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,719
Speaker 3: didn't I didn't do I didn't do anything about it,

363
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,560
Speaker 3: and it got to a point where it ended affecting

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00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 3: very badly my brother and I felt very guilty for that.

365
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,800
Speaker 3: Thank you for all your help and for your kind

366
00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,880
Speaker 3: words of comfort and a quick at it. It looks

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00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,960
Speaker 3: like a lot of people are misreading or it didn't

368
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,639
Speaker 3: see my original post. I am also a woman. My

369
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,879
Speaker 3: girlfriend is a woman as well.

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Speaker 4: And there you have it.

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Speaker 2: Uh wow, What a keeper?

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00:17:40,080 --> 00:17:40,879
Speaker 6: What a keeper?

373
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Speaker 2: What a freaking keeper.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend's family lost their home in a fire. They

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Speaker 1: want my name on the mortgage.

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Speaker 6: Put your name on it.

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00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:55,480
Speaker 1: I've been dating my boyfriend for almost four years, living

378
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Speaker 1: together for about two. I'll cut to the chase. His family, mom, dad,

379
00:17:59,840 --> 00:18:04,560
Speaker 1: and sister suffered a house fire in January, and they

380
00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,920
Speaker 1: stayed with us in our one bedroom apartment for a

381
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Speaker 1: couple of weeks until their insurance got them a hotel.

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00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,880
Speaker 1: Now they're in a hotel. By the way, this comes

383
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,560
Speaker 1: from worried strength seventy eight ninety four. If you want

384
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:17,720
Speaker 1: to spit your own stories, go to the r slash

385
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:23,119
Speaker 1: okay storytime subreddit. Is Baily had ten cats. Nine of

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00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:25,760
Speaker 1: those cats are in the apartment with us currently. Oh

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00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:29,120
Speaker 1: so one of them, one of them, I guess, got

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00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:35,400
Speaker 1: caught in the fire, had their last life last Oh no, yeah,

389
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,440
Speaker 1: I mean you're herding cats like that is a famously

390
00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,639
Speaker 1: hard thing to do. They pay for the food and litter,

391
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 1: but I bought them a cat tower and some toys.

392
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Speaker 1: They basically destroyed my couch, but I figured they would

393
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:52,920
Speaker 1: and it was a cheap couch, all right. So man

394
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:57,840
Speaker 1: has been a cat expectations this past Sunday. Two days ago,

395
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,280
Speaker 1: they went to see a realtor to talk about a

396
00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:04,000
Speaker 1: house where they lived. Was a place they rented for

397
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:07,119
Speaker 1: a decade, and the landlord was pissed about the fire,

398
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,680
Speaker 1: so they don't want to go back there even when

399
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:12,240
Speaker 1: the house is fixed. My boyfriend was supposed to be

400
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 1: the one on the loan because his parents aren't citizens

401
00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:19,359
Speaker 1: and would have to pay an arm and a leg

402
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:23,440
Speaker 1: on the down payment. But since he has a Social

403
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,720
Speaker 1: Security number, he can get a regular rate. Problem is

404
00:19:27,560 --> 00:19:30,840
Speaker 1: he doesn't make enough on his own If I went

405
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:34,840
Speaker 1: in on him for the loan, our combined income would

406
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,320
Speaker 1: be enough to qualify. If I go in on the loan,

407
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:40,160
Speaker 1: we could stay with his family in the house and

408
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 1: save for our own home later. We'd have more space,

409
00:19:44,320 --> 00:19:46,480
Speaker 1: which would be great because I'm trying to start a

410
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 1: business and I would be living in the one bedroom

411
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,240
Speaker 1: with nine cats, and I wouldn't be living in the

412
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:55,080
Speaker 1: one bedroom with nine cats. One bedroom in nine cats

413
00:19:55,280 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 1: sounds so difficult, terrible.

414
00:19:58,040 --> 00:20:00,400
Speaker 8: The smell that I'm like is my nose?

415
00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:00,919
Speaker 9: Yes?

416
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 4: Also, is nine cats too much?

417
00:20:03,640 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 6: Yeah?

418
00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:07,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know there is someone in Chad that has

419
00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:09,040
Speaker 1: at least nine cats.

420
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 8: Okay, I know nine foster cats though that's like more acceptable,

421
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:14,960
Speaker 8: but their cats.

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00:20:15,119 --> 00:20:19,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can have nine temporary cats, but nine cats

423
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:24,160
Speaker 1: is a lot. But it's also a thirty year mortgage loan.

424
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,840
Speaker 1: He has told me that whatever I decide to do

425
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:31,400
Speaker 1: won't affect our relationship, but I'm afraid this will for

426
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,000
Speaker 1: me if I don't decide to go in on this loan.

427
00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:37,159
Speaker 1: His parents said they'll get a trailer and take the cats,

428
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:40,520
Speaker 1: but a sister nineteen would still probably end up living

429
00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:42,359
Speaker 1: with us because her job is close to us, and

430
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,159
Speaker 1: she doesn't drive. I feel like I'm losing it. I

431
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,800
Speaker 1: feel like no matter what I do, I'm losing something.

432
00:20:47,920 --> 00:20:51,000
Speaker 1: I'm so conflicted. I've asked the advice of my mom

433
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,280
Speaker 1: and some friends, and they think they're asking too much.

434
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 1: But if I don't go in on the house, I'm

435
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:00,240
Speaker 1: still in this apartment that costs too much, and I'm

436
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:03,000
Speaker 1: adding an extra person to our space. So I'm asking

437
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,520
Speaker 1: should I just let them put my name on the

438
00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: mortgage loan or should I accept that his sister will

439
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 1: be living with us. I hate to add any more

440
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 1: elements of stress to their lives because they've already been

441
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:17,640
Speaker 1: through so much, but now it's leaking into my life

442
00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:23,240
Speaker 1: a lot. There's an edit, there's an updates. But Carly, Yeah,

443
00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,280
Speaker 1: is the nine cats, one sister a little bit to

444
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:27,800
Speaker 1: and to.

445
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:31,000
Speaker 8: Parents, and that's too much for the one bedroom?

446
00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 6: So much for the one bedroom.

447
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 8: But if they're okay, So if she won't put her

448
00:21:36,080 --> 00:21:38,360
Speaker 8: name on and they're willing to go into a trailer

449
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 8: with the cats, with the cats and the sister is

450
00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:43,119
Speaker 8: staying with them, yeah, And the only issue is that

451
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,200
Speaker 8: the apartment costs too much. Can we not have the

452
00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 8: sister pay a little for the.

453
00:21:46,320 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 4: Apartment, you know that, see, and she's working.

454
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 2: She's working, she's working, she got a job.

455
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,000
Speaker 4: She's got a job.

456
00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:55,200
Speaker 1: But you know, a one bedroom for you, even three

457
00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:59,240
Speaker 1: people is a little rough, it is. It is asking

458
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,719
Speaker 1: a lot, So we have I have an edit with

459
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:06,240
Speaker 1: some more clarifying information. This house would be in my

460
00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:10,600
Speaker 1: name on the deed. The cats are not destroying my apartment,

461
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: as so many people are, assuming just the couch. I

462
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,800
Speaker 1: obviously care about these people, which is why I would

463
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,679
Speaker 1: even consider it, So please stop creating a story in

464
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,520
Speaker 1: your head where I'm some sucker wanting to be scammed.

465
00:22:23,160 --> 00:22:26,000
Speaker 1: And another edit. It's got a lot of attention pretty fast.

466
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,000
Speaker 1: I'd like to clear up that they aren't pressuring me.

467
00:22:29,119 --> 00:22:31,399
Speaker 1: But it's obviously a tense situation for them because you know,

468
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,600
Speaker 1: it's their housing in the line. They're just kind of

469
00:22:34,640 --> 00:22:37,240
Speaker 1: at the mercy of insurance paying for their hotel. It's

470
00:22:37,240 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 1: a desperate situation and a desperate ask. I will talk

471
00:22:40,640 --> 00:22:43,359
Speaker 1: to my boyfriend about different options. I spoke to my mom,

472
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 1: who is a homeowner, and she advised against this. But

473
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 1: seeing all of your reasons as well, like not being

474
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,120
Speaker 1: able to get a second mortgage because of this one

475
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 1: is a nail on the coffin, because she wouldn't be

476
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:55,560
Speaker 1: able to get a house if they eventually wanted to

477
00:22:55,600 --> 00:22:59,640
Speaker 1: move in together severally from the nine cats, and that could.

478
00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 8: Also affect if they didn't live in the house or

479
00:23:02,160 --> 00:23:04,440
Speaker 8: an apartment. An apartment might not approve if that much

480
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 8: is coming out of their income, they're not making enough

481
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 8: for a one bedroom.

482
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 4: That is true. That is true.

483
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:13,840
Speaker 1: I'll suggest his sister stay with us as long as

484
00:23:13,880 --> 00:23:17,439
Speaker 1: she is looking for another place of her own, and

485
00:23:17,560 --> 00:23:20,000
Speaker 1: encourage her to maybe look for a roommate with a

486
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,320
Speaker 1: good friend of hers. Maybe I knew this would be

487
00:23:22,320 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 1: a risky move, but seeing how much it really takes

488
00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:28,480
Speaker 1: for me, just know. I'll update later, but have peace

489
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,040
Speaker 1: of mind that I will not be taking out a

490
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: mortgage for his family.

491
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:35,160
Speaker 9: Good.

492
00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:38,679
Speaker 1: That's good. But yes, there's an update. There's an update.

493
00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: It was good, there's an update. There could be juicy

494
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:46,320
Speaker 1: details coming in. She's got her head straight, she's got

495
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:48,359
Speaker 1: her head straight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like the

496
00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 1: internet and also wise words from Mama was like, hey,

497
00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,359
Speaker 1: hold of your horses. Let's not get on a thirty

498
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,560
Speaker 1: year commitment for someone you've been seeing for four years.

499
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:05,840
Speaker 1: That's crazy. That is crazy. Let's get in too the update.

500
00:24:05,960 --> 00:24:09,120
Speaker 1: So I was not expecting thirteen hundred people to find

501
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:10,560
Speaker 1: so many different ways to say no.

502
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,600
Speaker 4: Lmaoh. I'll be honest.

503
00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:17,159
Speaker 1: I was not inclined to sign anything, not because I

504
00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:19,560
Speaker 1: didn't think his family would fall through or anything. I

505
00:24:19,680 --> 00:24:22,200
Speaker 1: just knew I didn't know enough to make this decision.

506
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 1: Home ownership is a distant thought right now, at the

507
00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:28,360
Speaker 1: wee age of twenty five.

508
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,840
Speaker 8: I forgot that she was twenty five.

509
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: No, twenty five, twenty five four year relationship, I don't boom.

510
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,560
Speaker 8: I would not be approved for that right now, they'd

511
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 8: laugh at me.

512
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,640
Speaker 1: I came here hoping to see if this is something

513
00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: people actually do and what it would mean for me

514
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:49,240
Speaker 1: my boyfriend if we did. The obvious risk was what

515
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:53,080
Speaker 1: if we break up? Which is a big risk. That's

516
00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: a huge risk, four years, the whole risk. Forty people

517
00:24:58,080 --> 00:25:02,560
Speaker 1: break up all the time. My uh, my girlfriend uh

518
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:06,400
Speaker 1: does short term she has a short term mental property.

519
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,200
Speaker 1: Right now, you're my my girlfriend?

520
00:25:11,359 --> 00:25:12,080
Speaker 4: My girlfriend?

521
00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 6: Is the first time you dropped that.

522
00:25:15,359 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 4: On here? Yeah?

523
00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:22,280
Speaker 6: Yes, I was here for that. Wow, I'm so happy.

524
00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,320
Speaker 1: Well, don't be happy for her. It's her for her property. Yes, yeah, yeah,

525
00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 1: but it can it can happen. It can't happen. You

526
00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 1: can't make money from property. So maybe if he if

527
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: op gets the uh property business opportunity.

528
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:38,879
Speaker 6: Honestly, maybe you should just go ahead with it.

529
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:43,760
Speaker 1: Then we're gonna get into this next bit. So the

530
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 1: obvious risk was what if we break up? But I

531
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,440
Speaker 1: knew there was more than that, and you all made

532
00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:51,960
Speaker 1: that clear. First things first, no mortgage. I made that

533
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,760
Speaker 1: post yesterday morning, and after reading through the comments that

534
00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: actually gave insight into something like this, I was realized,

535
00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 1: or I realized, yeah, there's no way we can do this.

536
00:26:01,640 --> 00:26:03,720
Speaker 1: I wish it was a viable option to solve their problem,

537
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:06,640
Speaker 1: but it just isn't. Fortunately, by the time I got

538
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,760
Speaker 1: home after work and talked to my boyfriend about it,

539
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,080
Speaker 1: he also had realized this was not a good idea.

540
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 1: Good glad I had the foresight to make us wait

541
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: before giving his family In answer, it just stunted too

542
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,520
Speaker 1: many of our own opportunities for the future. So we

543
00:26:22,520 --> 00:26:24,879
Speaker 1: were both on the same page about it. Thank god.

544
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,320
Speaker 1: Someone mentioned that you can learn a lot about someone

545
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: by how they handle the word no, and I can

546
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 1: say that I didn't really learn anything, but just confirmed

547
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:39,040
Speaker 1: suspicions I already had. His mom was very understanding, and

548
00:26:39,080 --> 00:26:42,199
Speaker 1: I don't think she even understood what she was asking

549
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: when it came up. After my boyfriend explained it to her,

550
00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:47,359
Speaker 1: she told his dad, who is not his biodad or

551
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 1: even his stepdad, just his mom's longtime boyfriend, which matters

552
00:26:51,640 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 1: for the next part. His dad quote unquote quote unquote,

553
00:26:56,560 --> 00:27:01,520
Speaker 1: rather did not take it very well. Before any of this,

554
00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:05,080
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's parents told him they would help him get

555
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:08,040
Speaker 1: his credit up so he could take the loan or

556
00:27:08,080 --> 00:27:10,320
Speaker 1: the house. They'd help pay off his credit card and

557
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,640
Speaker 1: obviously front the money for the down payment, and they

558
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 1: said even if we didn't help with the house, they'd

559
00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:20,119
Speaker 1: still do that because he's helped so much. Already coordinated

560
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 1: with Red Cross to get them assistance at the fire,

561
00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: helped wrangle the cats, how's the cats, and his family

562
00:27:26,720 --> 00:27:29,800
Speaker 1: went with them to the real orm as I suspected, though,

563
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:31,880
Speaker 1: once we made it clear that it was not happening

564
00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 1: with the mortgage and how it would damage our future

565
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 1: chances at a home for ourselves, his dad was not happy.

566
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,800
Speaker 1: When his mom asked if they would still pay my

567
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 1: boyfriend's credit card. His dad said, no.

568
00:27:46,600 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 8: Oh no, you can't just go back on that pay.

569
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 4: Can't go back on the word. But they are.

570
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:57,240
Speaker 1: He didn't help us, so we wouldn't help him, is

571
00:27:57,240 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 1: how he put it.

572
00:27:57,800 --> 00:27:58,280
Speaker 4: Apparently.

573
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:02,919
Speaker 1: Yeah, like I said, my boyfriend's family is dysfunctional. I

574
00:28:02,960 --> 00:28:06,040
Speaker 1: can't say I've ever had the most respect for his dad,

575
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,879
Speaker 1: but he's been there for most of my boyfriend's life.

576
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,760
Speaker 1: I have lots of thoughts on how this should go,

577
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 1: but ultimately we're just going to try solving it in

578
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:19,320
Speaker 1: different ways. Definitely no rushing into quick fixes. Maybe be

579
00:28:19,440 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: less ready to help so his dad can see what

580
00:28:23,359 --> 00:28:27,520
Speaker 1: that's actually like. There's another relevant updates, but let's discuss

581
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,800
Speaker 1: what do you think about where we're landing as we

582
00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:36,480
Speaker 1: get towards the end of this saga, the dad being ungrateful,

583
00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: being understanding, everyone agreeing that the mortgage is not something

584
00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:42,720
Speaker 1: that we should do. Yeah, how do we feel about that?

585
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 8: The dad needs to just get over it.

586
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:45,640
Speaker 4: You can get over it.

587
00:28:45,720 --> 00:28:48,239
Speaker 8: Like I saw someone saying earlier, I don't remember who

588
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 8: it was, that she might not even have the credit

589
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,480
Speaker 8: to put her name down, so there was no ever

590
00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 8: guarantee that she could even help, and he like going

591
00:28:56,280 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 8: back on your word and stuff for that.

592
00:28:58,080 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 6: That's just not right.

593
00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 1: I mean, it also sounds like they were trying to

594
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:06,800
Speaker 1: get the credit up for both of them to yeah,

595
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 1: to even try to get the to get the mortgage.

596
00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:12,080
Speaker 1: So I don't know if this this whole plan just

597
00:29:12,120 --> 00:29:16,360
Speaker 1: seems poorly concocted terribly, and now the guy's mad. The

598
00:29:16,480 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: dad quote unquote is mad for it not working out

599
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:22,680
Speaker 1: like this. This is a plan that was failed from

600
00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,440
Speaker 1: the beginning, right, We got a little bit more of

601
00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:26,600
Speaker 1: the story, so I'm gonna finish up. So also as

602
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,120
Speaker 1: a note to you all as a collective, I understand

603
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 1: the world is full of cruel people, but I think

604
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:33,360
Speaker 1: a lot of you miss context of the situation when

605
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,320
Speaker 1: you cast judgment on his family's intentions. This is a

606
00:29:36,360 --> 00:29:39,000
Speaker 1: family who has been displaced in a house fire. They

607
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 1: are immigrants who aren't completely perfectly savvy to all logistics

608
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: of buying home. The reality for a lot of immigrants

609
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,239
Speaker 1: is that they do rush into terrible solutions because they

610
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,960
Speaker 1: don't always think they have another option. They know they

611
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:54,440
Speaker 1: have less resources because they lack this and status, and

612
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:57,400
Speaker 1: it is not uncommon for children to help their parents

613
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:01,440
Speaker 1: in extreme ways, and that doesn't just apply to immigrants.

614
00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:04,720
Speaker 4: There are people all over the world taking extreme.

615
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,600
Speaker 1: Risks and try to better their situation, but since they

616
00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,240
Speaker 1: have lived so long needing to think on their feet,

617
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,680
Speaker 1: they don't always feel they can afford to look for

618
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 1: other options. All that to say, practice a bit more compassion.

619
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,200
Speaker 1: I understand that this was too much of a risk

620
00:30:17,600 --> 00:30:19,960
Speaker 1: for myself, but that's not going to stop me from

621
00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:24,200
Speaker 1: helping them where I can. Thanks for your help, and

622
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:26,360
Speaker 1: that is where that story ends.

623
00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 4: Hey, it's Sam, your og host. Here.

624
00:30:29,200 --> 00:30:30,800
Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories, but here's three

625
00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 1: minutes of ads from our sponsors.

626
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,960
Speaker 6: I became a doctor for my fiance, but she's still

627
00:30:36,000 --> 00:30:37,040
Speaker 6: not satisfied.

628
00:30:37,320 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 4: You know, there's always a better doctor. Why not a surgeon.

629
00:30:41,000 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 6: I'm as satisfying. Chased my fiance all my life, tried

630
00:30:45,160 --> 00:30:48,400
Speaker 6: hard to be successful because she wanted a doctor. She's

631
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 6: still cheating.

632
00:30:49,760 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 1: Oh oh, I mean she still wants a doctor.

633
00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:56,880
Speaker 4: She wants to be with the doctor. She wants to

634
00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 4: sleep with.

635
00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 10: The neurosurgeon because they give better head wo.

636
00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 7: Yoh.

637
00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,720
Speaker 6: Now you didn't have to explain it. We got it.

638
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,040
Speaker 6: I know if people are going to see this, they're

639
00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:12,840
Speaker 6: gonna call me a stalker or a simp or whatnot,

640
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:15,480
Speaker 6: but it is what it is. By the way, this

641
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 6: comes from Embarrassed AD fifty eight to seventy one and

642
00:31:18,400 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 6: if you want to sumit your own stories, go to

643
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,400
Speaker 6: the r slash Okay storytime separate it. So I male

644
00:31:23,480 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 6: twenty eight have loved my fiance, female twenty seven since

645
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:30,440
Speaker 6: the day I have known what love is. We met

646
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:34,560
Speaker 6: when I was fifteen and she was fourteen. She was beautiful,

647
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:42,280
Speaker 6: like someone you'll see once in a mall fu and

648
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,200
Speaker 6: remember her even after ten years. I'm sure everyone has

649
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:49,160
Speaker 6: at least once seen such a girl. She was also

650
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:52,280
Speaker 6: sweet and fun. She had many issues at her home

651
00:31:52,320 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 6: which affected a lot of her life choices, but you'll

652
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,000
Speaker 6: never see her in a bad mood. But she was

653
00:31:57,080 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 6: materialistic and she never did all that.

654
00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 4: You see.

655
00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,959
Speaker 6: She always wanted good things and she accepted it. I

656
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 6: liked her for it because she wasn't pretentious or fake.

657
00:32:09,200 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 6: She she knew she wanted that diamond.

658
00:32:13,320 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 4: And she w yeah, she wanted that Tiffany Mall diamond.

659
00:32:18,240 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 6: When I first interacted with her, she made it clear

660
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,320
Speaker 6: she will only marry a doctor. She also had good

661
00:32:23,360 --> 00:32:24,959
Speaker 6: reasons and a story for it.

662
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:27,240
Speaker 4: The reason and I do.

663
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:30,760
Speaker 6: Acknowledge that I accepted it. See, I wasn't very good

664
00:32:30,760 --> 00:32:33,680
Speaker 6: at studies, but not an absolute dumb butt either, so

665
00:32:33,760 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 6: I gave it my everything. We live in India, so

666
00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:38,240
Speaker 6: if you're a middle class kid, you have to pass

667
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:41,120
Speaker 6: a crazy hard competitive exam to get into a good

668
00:32:41,160 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 6: government run medical school, because frankly, we didn't have enough

669
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 6: money to get into a private one. I had to

670
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:49,840
Speaker 6: try two years after graduating high school to finally get

671
00:32:49,880 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 6: into medical school, all while I was stuck at home

672
00:32:53,040 --> 00:32:55,080
Speaker 6: trying to study, and she was doing a degree in

673
00:32:55,200 --> 00:32:58,360
Speaker 6: arts after high school. When I was preparing for the entrance,

674
00:32:58,400 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 6: she was just a friend, not too friendly, but not

675
00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:01,960
Speaker 6: too distant either.

676
00:33:02,400 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 1: Well, wait, so he's been in love with her since

677
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,320
Speaker 1: he was fifteen, yes, and she was fourteen. Yes, but

678
00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:12,320
Speaker 1: they weren't together. They weren't together she was yeah, so

679
00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:14,240
Speaker 1: he's like, I got to become a doctor before I

680
00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:15,040
Speaker 1: can spit game.

681
00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,120
Speaker 6: When I was preparing for the entrance, she was just

682
00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 6: a friend, not too friendly, but not too distant either.

683
00:33:21,120 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 6: She made it clear it was nothing more than friendship.

684
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 6: I also heard about her dating other people, but I

685
00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 6: didn't care much because in my mind I always thought

686
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:31,240
Speaker 6: of marrying her. Eventually.

687
00:33:31,840 --> 00:33:33,360
Speaker 4: Man has too much faith in himself.

688
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:36,000
Speaker 6: I got vision. I know this sounds creepy, but it's

689
00:33:36,040 --> 00:33:39,360
Speaker 6: how my mind worked. So when I finally got into

690
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 6: medical school, she changed. She got more friendly to me,

691
00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,760
Speaker 6: she broke up with her boyfriend, and then we started

692
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,960
Speaker 6: dating after a while. Let's go, girl knows what.

693
00:33:47,880 --> 00:33:49,440
Speaker 4: She got a cold school riz.

694
00:33:49,520 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 2: I'm calling it out right now. She's an opportunist.

695
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you don't want to date someone who wants

696
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:59,520
Speaker 1: to be in a relationship based on what profession you have.

697
00:33:59,680 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 6: The thing. It seems like she's pretty straightforward about that.

698
00:34:03,120 --> 00:34:07,760
Speaker 6: She's like, I'm an opportunist, I'm materialistic, and he's like, uh,

699
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:12,320
Speaker 6: I knew that about her and I love. Medical school

700
00:34:12,480 --> 00:34:17,320
Speaker 6: is long, so when I so when I was in school,

701
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 6: she had already graduated and was teaching in a secondary school,

702
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:23,040
Speaker 6: which was not very stable or high paying. But she

703
00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:25,760
Speaker 6: stuck with me all through the medical school. She's playing

704
00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,040
Speaker 6: the long game. After I graduated, I joined a hospital

705
00:34:29,080 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 6: pretty good pay. Although I had long shifts, the pay

706
00:34:31,760 --> 00:34:34,960
Speaker 6: was pretty good during this period. She told her parents

707
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,200
Speaker 6: about me. Her parents were pretty happy too, because in

708
00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:41,040
Speaker 6: India everyone wants a doctor's son in law.

709
00:34:41,440 --> 00:34:41,799
Speaker 4: They do.

710
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 6: We have been engaged for a year now. We would

711
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 6: have been married already, but I'm doing postgrad in dermatology,

712
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,240
Speaker 6: which is how I found out about her cheating. Actually oof,

713
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 6: and it is quite hectic to even attend someone else's marriage,

714
00:34:57,480 --> 00:34:58,640
Speaker 6: let alone be mine.

715
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:02,000
Speaker 1: Although dermatologists like dermotologists are up there like those are,

716
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:03,239
Speaker 1: that's a lot.

717
00:35:05,080 --> 00:35:08,360
Speaker 6: Uh. Two weeks ago, I saw my fiance had red

718
00:35:08,400 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 6: spots on her body, mostly on her back. I checked

719
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:17,120
Speaker 6: everything and I diagnosed it's possibly due to bedbug bites.

720
00:35:17,239 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 10: Ohoh yeah, but wait, wait wait, but my bed doesn't

721
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,359
Speaker 10: have beg buggs. Where your bed doesn't have beg bugs?

722
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:27,920
Speaker 10: Where are you getting the bed bugs?

723
00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,200
Speaker 6: But I just told her there are no issues because

724
00:35:30,239 --> 00:35:32,360
Speaker 6: we'll just clean our houses and it won't happen again.

725
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:35,120
Speaker 6: So we checked both our places. She has rented a

726
00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:37,200
Speaker 6: house near to her school, and I have a hostel

727
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:41,879
Speaker 6: room in the hospital premises which the hospital provides two

728
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:45,080
Speaker 6: PG trainees. Although I mostly live at her place. We

729
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:49,000
Speaker 6: didn't find anything much. Anything much did you find like

730
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:52,359
Speaker 6: a couple. What is anything much? So I told her

731
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,440
Speaker 6: I must have diagnosed wrong, and I told her we

732
00:35:54,440 --> 00:35:57,840
Speaker 6: should get her blood tested. She was very hesitant because

733
00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:01,719
Speaker 6: she's very afraid of needles. So I told her to

734
00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,200
Speaker 6: come to the hospital the day after when she got

735
00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,480
Speaker 6: free from her school. The next day, she came to

736
00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 6: the hospital from her school with a male colleague. I

737
00:36:09,200 --> 00:36:11,399
Speaker 6: had met him earlier, so I was cordial to him.

738
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,040
Speaker 6: We got her blood sampled to pathology lab and started

739
00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 6: to talk with this colleague of her. I asked him

740
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:19,839
Speaker 6: where does he live? And he told me where. That

741
00:36:20,000 --> 00:36:22,520
Speaker 6: just rang a huge f and bell in my head

742
00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:26,120
Speaker 6: because you see an opt we see hundreds of patients

743
00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,240
Speaker 6: in a day. Of the surrounding areas we see many

744
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 6: people from the same area have popular erticaria, which is

745
00:36:34,200 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 6: a fancy way of saying insect bites. The bites can

746
00:36:36,960 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 6: be of any insects or even bedbugs, but that particular

747
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 6: area has a swamp area which gets dried out in summers,

748
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 6: and the whole area gets popular ertic carria symptoms. It's

749
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 6: a common, regular thing and everyone in our dermatology department

750
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:53,759
Speaker 6: knows it. So I just blurted out, do you have

751
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 6: any red swellings on your body or anything. He says, yeah, yeah, little.

752
00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:02,319
Speaker 6: Just after he said it, he went back on his

753
00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 6: words and said nothing much though, just like mosquitoes and all.

754
00:37:05,520 --> 00:37:08,680
Speaker 6: But it had already registered in my mind. Oh yeoh,

755
00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:11,480
Speaker 6: she brought she's a dumb button, and she brought her

756
00:37:11,560 --> 00:37:15,160
Speaker 6: a fair partner to her dermatologist partner.

757
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 4: Oh.

758
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:19,719
Speaker 6: After he left, I took my fiance back home, but

759
00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,919
Speaker 6: I had this feeling that didn't go away. The next

760
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,440
Speaker 6: day I saw her reports and she had no issues.

761
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:27,440
Speaker 6: So I just called her and told her I found

762
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 6: no issues. I just took insect bite meds for and

763
00:37:30,120 --> 00:37:32,919
Speaker 6: gave her them. In two three days. She was all right,

764
00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 6: but I couldn't get the feeling out of me. So

765
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:39,360
Speaker 6: one night I checked her phone when she slept. I

766
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,719
Speaker 6: went through her phone. I had never done it in

767
00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 6: my life, but I found nothing, oh nothing, But I

768
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:49,240
Speaker 6: couldn't get this nagging feeling to go away.

769
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:53,560
Speaker 1: And the nagging feeling is that she's probably sleeping with

770
00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,320
Speaker 1: this other doctor.

771
00:37:54,400 --> 00:38:00,160
Speaker 6: I just want to point out how like gullible and

772
00:38:00,680 --> 00:38:03,839
Speaker 6: just naive you would have to be to not have

773
00:38:03,960 --> 00:38:09,680
Speaker 6: any warning bells go off when your girlfriend, sorry, your

774
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:15,640
Speaker 6: fiance brings a colleague to a dermatologist appointment, Like, why

775
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:21,480
Speaker 6: would she have brought a colleague to a dermatologist? That

776
00:38:21,520 --> 00:38:24,360
Speaker 6: doesn't you know? Like, I'm not bringing you guys to

777
00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,000
Speaker 6: my dermatology appointments.

778
00:38:27,640 --> 00:38:28,800
Speaker 4: Yeah, make sure.

779
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,480
Speaker 2: When you get sick sometimes I'm sorry.

780
00:38:32,920 --> 00:38:34,879
Speaker 6: You're right, You're right, I should be bringing to all

781
00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 6: my doctors. I'll come to you when I come to

782
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:38,239
Speaker 6: my Amrie.

783
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:39,840
Speaker 8: Yeah.

784
00:38:39,960 --> 00:38:41,840
Speaker 6: The next day, I took a break from my shift

785
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,440
Speaker 6: and went near her school and followed her. When she left,

786
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 6: she went straight home. When I saw this, I just

787
00:38:47,320 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 6: scolded myself for being such an ahole and being so suspicious.

788
00:38:51,280 --> 00:38:54,280
Speaker 6: But for the next three days I kept doing the same.

789
00:38:54,920 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 6: On the third day, I saw her leave with that

790
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:00,399
Speaker 6: colleague and I saw them go to his house. Here

791
00:39:00,760 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 6: my world shattered. Why is she cheating on him with

792
00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:04,880
Speaker 6: a man that has bedbugs?

793
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,600
Speaker 4: I mean, it's like it's like a little little little

794
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 4: party in there.

795
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:13,640
Speaker 10: Wait, don't you see if you have someone that the doctor,

796
00:39:14,040 --> 00:39:16,359
Speaker 10: they can treat any symptoms you get as you cheat.

797
00:39:16,600 --> 00:39:16,959
Speaker 8: I guess.

798
00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 6: So, yeah, I have loved her all my life. I

799
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 6: changed my life for she wanted to marry a doctor,

800
00:39:22,719 --> 00:39:25,960
Speaker 6: so I became a doctor. Didn't she say she'll be

801
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:27,799
Speaker 6: with someone who's more successful than her?

802
00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 4: Then?

803
00:39:28,360 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 6: What the heck was she doing with this bum? I

804
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,479
Speaker 6: have nothing against teachers, but he literally earns in four

805
00:39:33,480 --> 00:39:35,719
Speaker 6: months what I can earn in one. But why the

806
00:39:35,760 --> 00:39:38,160
Speaker 6: heck did I work this hard? Why the heck did

807
00:39:38,160 --> 00:39:40,040
Speaker 6: I love her so much? Since that day, I've said

808
00:39:40,080 --> 00:39:41,680
Speaker 6: nothing to her because I don't know what to do.

809
00:39:42,280 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 6: I have built my whole life around her. I just

810
00:39:44,680 --> 00:39:46,960
Speaker 6: keep saying to myself what I didn't have that she

811
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:50,000
Speaker 6: had to go to someone else. I know I'm not

812
00:39:50,160 --> 00:39:53,279
Speaker 6: super handsome, but I'm not that bad looking either. She

813
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 6: is way out of my lea, I know, but I

814
00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 6: have worked all my life so that I could be

815
00:39:57,360 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 6: able to be someone she can remain with. If this

816
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:02,560
Speaker 6: is what she wants, why has she stayed with me

817
00:40:02,640 --> 00:40:04,960
Speaker 6: all these years? You know I have had no issues

818
00:40:05,000 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 6: with her ever. She's been the perfect girlfriend. She cares

819
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 6: for me, she supports me. I've literally slept on her

820
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:13,359
Speaker 6: lap for hours while she sat there stroking my hair.

821
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:16,560
Speaker 6: So what is this? Now? Where did this go wrong?

822
00:40:16,640 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 6: That she has to go to someone else? What we're

823
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:22,239
Speaker 6: the last eight years? Oh mean there's a difference. It's

824
00:40:22,280 --> 00:40:22,879
Speaker 6: just so close.

825
00:40:23,040 --> 00:40:23,719
Speaker 4: Yeah, go ahead it.

826
00:40:23,800 --> 00:40:25,920
Speaker 6: I know this is getting quite long, but I have

827
00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:28,319
Speaker 6: nowhere to go. I don't have many close friends because

828
00:40:28,360 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 6: she was my everything, because my life revolves around her.

829
00:40:31,600 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 6: I can't tell this to my family because I don't

830
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:34,839
Speaker 6: want anyone else to find out.

831
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 2: What do I do?

832
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,080
Speaker 6: I know it might be that no one sees this,

833
00:40:39,239 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 6: But what am I supposed to do?

834
00:40:40,560 --> 00:40:43,120
Speaker 4: Okay? I have thoughts.

835
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 6: I have thoughts too.

836
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:48,759
Speaker 1: One, you should never date someone who says like I

837
00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: want you to be this, and I will homely see

838
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:52,560
Speaker 1: you if you are this.

839
00:40:52,719 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 6: Your first mistake was going for the exact type of

840
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:56,200
Speaker 6: person who would do this.

841
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:59,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, she's she's she's materialistic. She wants to be married

842
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:02,480
Speaker 1: to a doctor, but she probably wants to hook up

843
00:41:02,719 --> 00:41:03,839
Speaker 1: with people that are hot.

844
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,160
Speaker 6: She broke up with her boyfriend because you went to

845
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 6: med school.

846
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:10,839
Speaker 1: Which is ridiculous. Which is ridiculous. Second, I don't think,

847
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 1: and this might be controversial, I don't think your life

848
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:16,280
Speaker 1: should ever revolve around your partner.

849
00:41:17,040 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 6: That's not controversial.

850
00:41:18,160 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 4: That's just true.

851
00:41:19,600 --> 00:41:22,000
Speaker 6: You shouldn't. I mean, like, that's the agel thing that

852
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 6: parents tell their kids. Don't go chase. You know, don't

853
00:41:24,760 --> 00:41:27,680
Speaker 6: go to school because your partner's going to that school.

854
00:41:27,719 --> 00:41:29,240
Speaker 6: Don't follow someone to college.

855
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:32,680
Speaker 1: And like I think, like, don't change your life trajectory

856
00:41:32,719 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: because of what a partner wants you to do. But

857
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,839
Speaker 1: also I think, like you become uninteresting if you do

858
00:41:38,080 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: everything that your partner wants you.

859
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:42,239
Speaker 6: To do, Like, like, do you have any interests of

860
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:42,640
Speaker 6: your own?

861
00:41:42,760 --> 00:41:43,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

862
00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: Like I think like people are interested in people that

863
00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:49,560
Speaker 1: are are that are yeah, that are authentic to themselves

864
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: and they are actually exploring what they want. And as

865
00:41:52,120 --> 00:41:54,640
Speaker 1: soon as you give that away, you're you're you are

866
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 1: just an extension of them rather than your own person.

867
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,160
Speaker 1: And that's not an interesting person to begin with it.

868
00:41:59,400 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 10: And to be clear, sorry, because if you focus on them,

869
00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:03,360
Speaker 10: you lose yourself.

870
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly.

871
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:07,480
Speaker 6: And to be clear, she's obviously awful. We know that, yes,

872
00:42:07,560 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 6: she You never deserve to have someone cheat on you. However,

873
00:42:11,160 --> 00:42:15,200
Speaker 6: when you chase after the shallow girl, she's got to

874
00:42:15,200 --> 00:42:15,720
Speaker 6: be shallow.

875
00:42:15,840 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 8: Yeah.

876
00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:18,640
Speaker 1: I think in a relationship, there are a couple things

877
00:42:18,640 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 1: that need to be taken care of. There's the relationship,

878
00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,000
Speaker 1: there's your partner, and there's yourself. And if like, you

879
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,719
Speaker 1: need to take care of all those things in equal segments, right,

880
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 1: and it sounds like you are not taking care of

881
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 1: yourself at all.

882
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, but there is an update.

883
00:42:34,560 --> 00:42:35,319
Speaker 4: All right, let's hear it.

884
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:38,920
Speaker 6: I'm updating this to address all the people who have commented,

885
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,360
Speaker 6: people who have given me genuine advice. I thank you.

886
00:42:41,719 --> 00:42:44,000
Speaker 6: I will try to keep in mind everything you have said.

887
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:48,759
Speaker 6: I have also offended people by disrespecting teachers. Sorry, I

888
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 6: was feeling very low and the negativity just came out.

889
00:42:51,800 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 6: I don't think a man feeling low or having low

890
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,680
Speaker 6: self esteem and saying that honestly here will bring so

891
00:42:56,760 --> 00:43:00,000
Speaker 6: much negative emotions in people. Some people have been outright

892
00:43:00,200 --> 00:43:03,480
Speaker 6: hostile and harmful. I do understand that people don't like

893
00:43:03,520 --> 00:43:07,600
Speaker 6: a man being weak. I'll try to strengthen that about me. Good,

894
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,879
Speaker 6: be yourself, be yourself. He's literally doing it right here.

895
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:14,640
Speaker 6: You have to change myself because people want me to.

896
00:43:15,120 --> 00:43:18,319
Speaker 4: H What do you want? Who do you want to be?

897
00:43:18,480 --> 00:43:20,080
Speaker 6: Who do you want be?

898
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:20,319
Speaker 5: Who?

899
00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 4: Who are you?

900
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 6: Who are you? Yes? I do accept I'm coming off

901
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:33,240
Speaker 6: as naive, obsessed, and whatnot. Emotional attachment of thirteen years

902
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 6: does not go in a single day. If it does

903
00:43:36,200 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 6: for you, then maybe I'm not as strong as you,

904
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:42,799
Speaker 6: but all this negativity has at least numbed me. I

905
00:43:42,840 --> 00:43:45,200
Speaker 6: do think this will help me to confront her and

906
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 6: face up my life. I didn't think I was emotionally

907
00:43:48,520 --> 00:43:50,800
Speaker 6: strong enough to do that, so I guess it helped

908
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:53,640
Speaker 6: me a little. Also, people have texted me saying this

909
00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,400
Speaker 6: seems fake and everything. I wish that was true. I

910
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,000
Speaker 6: wouldn't be in such condition right now if it wasn't.

911
00:43:59,239 --> 00:44:01,400
Speaker 6: If it comes off as too flowery or seems like

912
00:44:01,440 --> 00:44:03,720
Speaker 6: it's written by AI, that I have to say, I'm sorry.

913
00:44:04,120 --> 00:44:08,920
Speaker 6: I can't write in bad English purposely, purposefully. Our Indian

914
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,359
Speaker 6: education system is crammed into us the power to write

915
00:44:11,400 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 6: in correct English with slaps, six sandals and whatnot. If

916
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:17,600
Speaker 6: there are grammatical mistakes and anything else, I will accept that.

917
00:44:18,160 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 6: And no, I'm not harmful. I've never been. I come

918
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:23,759
Speaker 6: off as a stalker following her and everything I know.

919
00:44:24,280 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 6: I miss some of my medical duties for that, which

920
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,239
Speaker 6: I never thought I will. So I think I can't

921
00:44:29,239 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 6: go any lower than that. And there is an update.

922
00:44:32,280 --> 00:44:33,880
Speaker 4: Which means you can go lower.

923
00:44:34,360 --> 00:44:35,600
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm worried.

924
00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,680
Speaker 1: I am worried. I feel like man is not in a.

925
00:44:39,360 --> 00:44:43,840
Speaker 1: I feel like he has not been a like solid.

926
00:44:44,800 --> 00:44:47,399
Speaker 1: I feel like he hasn't known himself for like since

927
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:48,480
Speaker 1: he was like fourteen.

928
00:44:48,680 --> 00:44:50,520
Speaker 6: He lives on a pile of jello.

929
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, he lives for another woman, this jello of a woman. Yeah.

930
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 6: Like he says that he loved her, He's loved her

931
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:57,200
Speaker 6: since he was fourteen.

932
00:44:57,239 --> 00:44:58,080
Speaker 4: You didn't even know her.

933
00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:00,040
Speaker 6: He didn't know her at fourteen.

934
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,799
Speaker 10: And more importantly, didn't know yourself exactly.

935
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,360
Speaker 6: We are changed with people anytime. I am certainly not

936
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:12,640
Speaker 6: the person I was at fourteen. Updates. I've talked to her.

937
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:14,280
Speaker 4: Okay, oh wow.

938
00:45:14,840 --> 00:45:19,560
Speaker 6: She admitted CHEA didn't. That was easy. Wow, we talked.

939
00:45:19,880 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 6: She didn't object to anything I told her.

940
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:24,120
Speaker 4: She's like, yeah, yeah, true. What are you gonna do

941
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:24,880
Speaker 4: about it? Nothing?

942
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,240
Speaker 6: She has told me she will respect whatever I decide.

943
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:30,480
Speaker 6: It was a messy thing. I am not in a

944
00:45:30,480 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 6: state of mind to describe anything more low key. I

945
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 6: feel like that sentence was I don't really care what

946
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:40,200
Speaker 6: you do. Yeah, he was like, did you cheat on me? Yeah?

947
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, what's it to you?

948
00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:44,520
Speaker 6: I guess nothing. I guess I'll respect whatever you choose

949
00:45:44,560 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 6: to do after this. Okay, I think this will be

950
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:51,320
Speaker 6: my last post here, so I'm making some things clear.

951
00:45:51,640 --> 00:45:54,040
Speaker 6: I've already missed a lot of my hospital duties. We're

952
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 6: not allowed to do that. I'm surely going to face

953
00:45:57,400 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 6: the consequences, but I want to take a short break.

954
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 6: I know people are going to plat I No, people

955
00:46:02,200 --> 00:46:04,520
Speaker 6: are going to blast me for it, but I'm not

956
00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:07,400
Speaker 6: gonna dump her right now. That's not how it works

957
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:10,320
Speaker 6: here in India. If I do that, even if nobody

958
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 6: else knows why, everyone is going to point fingers at

959
00:46:12,960 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 6: her and brand her all sorts of names. Societal pressure

960
00:46:16,760 --> 00:46:18,640
Speaker 6: is a big thing in India. I don't wish it

961
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 6: on anyone, even if they were my enemy. People who

962
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,960
Speaker 6: have given me genuine advice, thank you from my core.

963
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:26,719
Speaker 6: I haven't been able to reply to you all. I

964
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,560
Speaker 6: will when i'm okay. A lot of you have pointed

965
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:34,640
Speaker 6: out my flaws, that I'm obsessive, silence, a stalker, and

966
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 6: many more things. Oh, I acknowledge my flaws.

967
00:46:38,960 --> 00:46:39,360
Speaker 4: That's me.

968
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 6: That's me. You're really wondering how I got into this situation.

969
00:46:43,360 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 6: I'll go to therapy and try to work on it.

970
00:46:46,239 --> 00:46:48,279
Speaker 6: I accept I shouldn't base my whole life on a

971
00:46:48,320 --> 00:46:53,240
Speaker 6: single person. He's learning. Most of the DMS and comments

972
00:46:53,280 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 6: I have received have been outright hostile and harmful. Sorry

973
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:59,839
Speaker 6: I elicited such negative emotions.

974
00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:05,680
Speaker 1: Didn't mean to dude, I'm like, he's like a little slug. Yeah,

975
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:07,840
Speaker 1: he's like like you.

976
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,400
Speaker 6: Kick him and he stays down. Also, I have painted

977
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:13,440
Speaker 6: her way too negatively in my previous post.

978
00:47:13,680 --> 00:47:15,200
Speaker 4: What is it like? How do you? How do you

979
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 4: get out of this? What do you mean like? How

980
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,280
Speaker 4: do you how do you stop being like such a slug?

981
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:20,680
Speaker 6: You go to therapy?

982
00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:22,239
Speaker 4: Well or an alpha male?

983
00:47:24,920 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 6: I was low and I shouldn't have done that. I

984
00:47:27,040 --> 00:47:31,160
Speaker 6: accept it. She's materialistic. I don't deny that, but she's

985
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:32,320
Speaker 6: never been a gold digger.

986
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,919
Speaker 4: That's literally what she is. That's what she did.

987
00:47:35,960 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 6: She met her at the mall a metaphor.

988
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:42,960
Speaker 4: I think she's not a she's a future gold digger.

989
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:46,800
Speaker 6: Furthermore, whenever I want to buy something expensive, she shots

990
00:47:46,800 --> 00:47:49,239
Speaker 6: at me. Not to She's materialistic in the sense she

991
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 6: wants to have good assets in her life which we

992
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 6: can both use for a long time. I was sorry

993
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:58,280
Speaker 6: if I misled on everyone and didn't make it clear.

994
00:47:58,840 --> 00:48:00,560
Speaker 6: I don't think I think you're mislead yourself.

995
00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean I think she she wants.

996
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:09,239
Speaker 1: To have a lifestyle that is super flash and flush,

997
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,440
Speaker 1: but she wants to hook up with whoever she wants.

998
00:48:11,600 --> 00:48:14,720
Speaker 6: Yeah, her wanting to marry a doctor has a good reason,

999
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 6: which I had pointed out in the post.

1000
00:48:16,640 --> 00:48:18,160
Speaker 4: Yes, she wants your money.

1001
00:48:18,760 --> 00:48:21,399
Speaker 6: I know it and accept it. No, I'm not going

1002
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:24,480
Speaker 6: to share it because it's very personal. Oh okay, so

1003
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 6: there's another he's implying. There's another reason that she has.

1004
00:48:27,680 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 4: What's the other reason?

1005
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:31,359
Speaker 6: Too personal to share? There is a little bit left

1006
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,360
Speaker 6: to this story. Do you have any final thoughts? Sam?

1007
00:48:34,600 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: I feel like everything like this guy in the post

1008
00:48:38,520 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 1: is like he just has such a defeatus mindset. Yeah,

1009
00:48:42,000 --> 00:48:47,160
Speaker 1: he needs to uh instill himself with some self confidence,

1010
00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,600
Speaker 1: which is what I don't know if he's going to

1011
00:48:49,640 --> 00:48:52,359
Speaker 1: be able to do that in this relationship. I feel

1012
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:56,520
Speaker 1: like he's going to be constantly trying to appease her.

1013
00:48:56,800 --> 00:48:58,960
Speaker 6: I mean, he found out that she was cheating, she

1014
00:48:59,080 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 6: made no attempts to apologize or lie about it. He

1015
00:49:02,680 --> 00:49:05,640
Speaker 6: was like, well, I guess we're staying together.

1016
00:49:06,160 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 4: My prediction is he's just gonna stay together with her.

1017
00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,880
Speaker 1: She's gonna keep cheating, cheating, and he's just gonna like

1018
00:49:12,440 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 1: accept that.

1019
00:49:13,320 --> 00:49:15,239
Speaker 6: Yeah, He's like, well, no, she's actually not that bad

1020
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:18,520
Speaker 6: because he's so in love with her. Yeah, she has

1021
00:49:18,600 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 6: never been exploitative or manipulative before. She has always been

1022
00:49:22,920 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 6: very devoted and has always put me first. That's that's

1023
00:49:27,080 --> 00:49:31,759
Speaker 6: just not true. Yeah, that's why this incident was so heartbreaking.

1024
00:49:32,040 --> 00:49:35,120
Speaker 6: I'm not defending her mistakes, because even if she didn't,

1025
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 6: she accepted. I'm also looking to accept all the mistakes

1026
00:49:38,600 --> 00:49:42,040
Speaker 6: I have made. No, she didn't blame me. I'm doing

1027
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:45,400
Speaker 6: this on my own. We know because I've received so

1028
00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,640
Speaker 6: much feedback here and know neither me nor she has

1029
00:49:48,680 --> 00:49:51,680
Speaker 6: ever been harmful in our relationship. Everyone has small fights.

1030
00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:55,000
Speaker 6: That all, that's all we ever have. I'm looking forward

1031
00:49:55,040 --> 00:49:58,440
Speaker 6: to improving myself mentally, emotionally and physically. I have not

1032
00:49:58,600 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 6: been emotionally strong, as any of you have pointed out.

1033
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 6: I hope to work on that.

1034
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:05,359
Speaker 4: I mean, the first step is breaking up.

1035
00:50:05,880 --> 00:50:08,520
Speaker 6: Yeah. The thing is that Opie's like, I have to

1036
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:12,840
Speaker 6: be emotionally strong for my fiance. No, you have to

1037
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:14,439
Speaker 6: be emotionally strong for you.

1038
00:50:15,080 --> 00:50:18,719
Speaker 4: Yeah you Hey, it's John here.

1039
00:50:18,760 --> 00:50:20,160
Speaker 3: We're gonna get back to the stories put a quick

1040
00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 3: three minute ad break from our sponsors that keep the

1041
00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:22,640
Speaker 3: show going.

1042
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,319
Speaker 7: My sister claimed to be excluded from the family, but

1043
00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:28,080
Speaker 7: she's the one pulling away.

1044
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 9: She's the puppet master, pulling the puppet strings.

1045
00:50:32,640 --> 00:50:36,360
Speaker 7: This one comes directly from the r slash okay story

1046
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:38,080
Speaker 7: time subreddit.

1047
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,959
Speaker 6: One of our own, no, one of our own.

1048
00:50:42,080 --> 00:50:43,480
Speaker 4: Oh oh oh, but.

1049
00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:45,840
Speaker 7: We are going to continue, and before we do, just

1050
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:48,040
Speaker 7: want to put a trigger wording out there. The story

1051
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 7: does mention substance abuse, so keep that in mind. So

1052
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,520
Speaker 7: this is a long one, twenty plus years in the making,

1053
00:50:55,600 --> 00:50:58,000
Speaker 7: so thank you in advance if you stick it out

1054
00:50:58,040 --> 00:51:02,000
Speaker 7: with me. I thirty five and the middle child of

1055
00:51:02,080 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 7: six kids. My oldest sister, let's call her Mary, is forty.

1056
00:51:06,440 --> 00:51:09,240
Speaker 7: My mom had her at nineteen, straight out of high school.

1057
00:51:09,320 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 7: Mary's dad is not in the picture and never has been.

1058
00:51:12,080 --> 00:51:15,320
Speaker 7: My mom met my dad since divorced when Mary was

1059
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:16,160
Speaker 7: about seven.

1060
00:51:16,840 --> 00:51:18,680
Speaker 6: Okay uh, they.

1061
00:51:18,640 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 7: Married and my dad legally adopted Mary. Then then they

1062
00:51:24,000 --> 00:51:26,560
Speaker 7: had my older brother, Devin, who sadly passed away in

1063
00:51:26,600 --> 00:51:27,360
Speaker 7: twenty fifteen.

1064
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:28,360
Speaker 6: Oh my gosh.

1065
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:32,800
Speaker 7: Me and my younger siblings Abby, Dave, and Alexis were then.

1066
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:34,319
Speaker 6: Born okay, so all right.

1067
00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 7: By the way, this comes from Middle Child nineteen ninety four,

1068
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,040
Speaker 7: and if you want to submit your own stories, go

1069
00:51:39,080 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 7: to the r slash okay story time Supreddit.

1070
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:42,319
Speaker 6: So all right.

1071
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:44,319
Speaker 7: All names have been changed, but since there are so

1072
00:51:44,400 --> 00:51:47,240
Speaker 7: many of us, the names felt important to follow this story.

1073
00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:50,000
Speaker 7: It is very important to mention that while she is

1074
00:51:50,040 --> 00:51:53,239
Speaker 7: technically our half sister, I have never felt that way

1075
00:51:53,280 --> 00:51:56,680
Speaker 7: towards Mary, nor have any of my other siblings. She

1076
00:51:56,800 --> 00:52:01,520
Speaker 7: has always just been our sister until Reese. Uh uh oh,

1077
00:52:01,560 --> 00:52:05,719
Speaker 7: you can demoted from sister. She has isolated herself from

1078
00:52:05,719 --> 00:52:07,799
Speaker 7: the rest of us, but blames all of us for

1079
00:52:07,920 --> 00:52:09,319
Speaker 7: not having a relationship with her.

1080
00:52:09,880 --> 00:52:10,240
Speaker 6: Okay.

1081
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,879
Speaker 7: For some background, my mom and oldest sister have had

1082
00:52:13,920 --> 00:52:17,400
Speaker 7: a tumultuous relationship since I can remember. We grew up

1083
00:52:17,560 --> 00:52:19,960
Speaker 7: very strict and religious, and Mary was a bit of

1084
00:52:19,960 --> 00:52:23,360
Speaker 7: a rebel, nothing too crazy, mostly being late for curfew,

1085
00:52:23,480 --> 00:52:26,120
Speaker 7: hanging out with boys, and getting piercings that she knew

1086
00:52:26,160 --> 00:52:28,920
Speaker 7: my parents would not approve of. Yes, their control was

1087
00:52:28,960 --> 00:52:32,160
Speaker 7: overkill in my opinion, and prevented us from expressing ourselves

1088
00:52:32,160 --> 00:52:35,640
Speaker 7: growing up. Since our fashion, choice of music and friends, well,

1089
00:52:35,840 --> 00:52:39,560
Speaker 7: we're all monitored closely. I do not remember listening to

1090
00:52:39,640 --> 00:52:42,800
Speaker 7: non Christian music until middle school when my friends shared

1091
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:45,279
Speaker 7: it with me. We were all homeschooled for a time,

1092
00:52:45,440 --> 00:52:48,520
Speaker 7: then went to a private Christian school. We eventually did

1093
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:50,640
Speaker 7: go to public school, but I was in my last

1094
00:52:50,680 --> 00:52:53,279
Speaker 7: semester of eighth grade when I was finally enrolled in it.

1095
00:52:53,360 --> 00:52:55,640
Speaker 6: So yes, as the years went on, they.

1096
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:58,880
Speaker 7: Did start relaxing, but Mary, being the oldest, got the

1097
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:02,839
Speaker 7: brunt of it. To this day, Mary still brings up

1098
00:53:03,400 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 7: all the things that we were allowed to do that

1099
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:09,319
Speaker 7: she wasn't. It's clear that she's resentful not only to

1100
00:53:09,400 --> 00:53:12,520
Speaker 7: our parents, but also to us her siblings as well.

1101
00:53:13,320 --> 00:53:15,440
Speaker 7: One example of many was that she had to be

1102
00:53:15,520 --> 00:53:18,480
Speaker 7: a teenager before she could get her ears pierced, while

1103
00:53:18,520 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 7: me and Abby got ours pierced at age nine and seven.

1104
00:53:22,040 --> 00:53:24,360
Speaker 7: Ah man, Yeah, I'm not an oldest sibling, but I

1105
00:53:24,400 --> 00:53:29,080
Speaker 7: can definitely see, you know, being resentful of the privileges

1106
00:53:29,120 --> 00:53:30,280
Speaker 7: that the younger sibling gets.

1107
00:53:30,360 --> 00:53:33,040
Speaker 9: Well that's from all the older siblings, I know. That's

1108
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 9: really how it usually goes. Yeah, oldest sibling is like

1109
00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:41,880
Speaker 9: everything is like no strict.

1110
00:53:40,239 --> 00:53:42,640
Speaker 2: And then the second one they're like, oh whatever, do whatever.

1111
00:53:42,640 --> 00:53:45,200
Speaker 7: You want, I don't care, yeah, because the parents learn like, oh,

1112
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 7: I guess it doesn't actually matter.

1113
00:53:46,800 --> 00:53:49,719
Speaker 2: That sure, yeah yeah.

1114
00:53:49,760 --> 00:53:51,760
Speaker 7: Mary moved out of the house when she was seventeen

1115
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:52,960
Speaker 7: and in with her boyfriend.

1116
00:53:53,040 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 6: Oh wow.

1117
00:53:54,440 --> 00:53:57,160
Speaker 7: When that turned toxic, she moved back in and then

1118
00:53:57,320 --> 00:53:59,600
Speaker 7: once again did not want to follow my parents' rules,

1119
00:53:59,640 --> 00:54:02,520
Speaker 7: so she moved out again, cutting contact with us. All

1120
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,600
Speaker 7: this is Mary's go to move to cut people out

1121
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,200
Speaker 7: of her life who do not agree with her and

1122
00:54:07,239 --> 00:54:12,000
Speaker 7: fully support her and is her right. However, the first

1123
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:14,600
Speaker 7: time that this happened, all of us siblings were so young.

1124
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,160
Speaker 7: She got in a fight with my parents and cut

1125
00:54:17,280 --> 00:54:17,879
Speaker 7: all of us.

1126
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:18,800
Speaker 6: Out of her life.

1127
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:24,920
Speaker 7: Her younger siblings were Devin who was eleven, eleven nine,

1128
00:54:25,200 --> 00:54:28,040
Speaker 7: Abby seven, Dave five, and Lexis won.

1129
00:54:28,120 --> 00:54:29,120
Speaker 6: So this was at the time.

1130
00:54:29,160 --> 00:54:32,680
Speaker 7: Obviously everyone's grown up now everyone was this young when

1131
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,760
Speaker 7: she left our lives. I will admit that I've always

1132
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,799
Speaker 7: been the more emotional one of the family, and her

1133
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:41,279
Speaker 7: leaving really affected me. I was heartbroken not having my

1134
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 7: big sister in my life, and one day decided to

1135
00:54:44,040 --> 00:54:46,920
Speaker 7: write her letter about how much she was missed and

1136
00:54:46,960 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 7: how much I wished for her to reconcile things with

1137
00:54:49,640 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 7: moms so that we could see her again. I sent

1138
00:54:52,320 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 7: it in snail mail, and this was in like two

1139
00:54:54,560 --> 00:54:56,920
Speaker 7: thousand and five, so email was a thing, but I

1140
00:54:57,120 --> 00:55:00,160
Speaker 7: was nine or ten and deemed too young to have one,

1141
00:55:00,200 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 7: which is fair. The letter worked and she reconciled.

1142
00:55:03,360 --> 00:55:03,880
Speaker 6: With my mom.

1143
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,800
Speaker 7: Oh wow, okay. She had two kids at the time,

1144
00:55:06,920 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 7: ages three and one. I will be very honest here,

1145
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:11,600
Speaker 7: I'm guessing the years and ages.

1146
00:55:11,640 --> 00:55:12,680
Speaker 6: Since it was so long.

1147
00:55:12,560 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 7: Ago, I probably have a few things mixed up, as

1148
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:17,839
Speaker 7: memory isn't perfect and I was young. Things were great

1149
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:19,920
Speaker 7: for a time, but Mary and my mom had another

1150
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:23,120
Speaker 7: falling out and she cut contact again. This time it

1151
00:55:23,200 --> 00:55:26,759
Speaker 7: lasted for many more years. When I turned sixteen and

1152
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,359
Speaker 7: got my driver's license, I started going over to her

1153
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,040
Speaker 7: house without telling my mom for fear of making her sad.

1154
00:55:32,400 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 6: She was so.

1155
00:55:33,000 --> 00:55:36,160
Speaker 7: Depressed because she missed Mary and was missing watching her

1156
00:55:36,200 --> 00:55:40,160
Speaker 7: grandkids grow up. My mom is not without blame or fault.

1157
00:55:40,280 --> 00:55:43,160
Speaker 7: She and Mary both said hurtful things that they regret.

1158
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,359
Speaker 7: I started cultivating a relationship with them on my own

1159
00:55:46,440 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 7: terms while she remained estranged from the rest of the family.

1160
00:55:49,440 --> 00:55:51,919
Speaker 7: My older brother was getting into substances at the time,

1161
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:54,760
Speaker 7: and because of that, he did not have a license

1162
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:58,000
Speaker 7: or relationship with Mary, so I was the only one

1163
00:55:58,040 --> 00:56:00,640
Speaker 7: seeing her niece and nephew. It remained the way until

1164
00:56:00,640 --> 00:56:03,920
Speaker 7: twenty fifteen when our brother passed away from his substance abuse.

1165
00:56:04,360 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 7: After the funeral, Mary and my mom made up and

1166
00:56:06,760 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 7: the whole family was backing each other's lives. Well, almost

1167
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:13,040
Speaker 7: the whole family. By this time, my parents were divorced

1168
00:56:13,120 --> 00:56:15,560
Speaker 7: and both remarried. None of us are close with our

1169
00:56:15,640 --> 00:56:17,600
Speaker 7: dad and his wife, but are really close with my

1170
00:56:17,640 --> 00:56:20,799
Speaker 7: mom and her husband. Her husband has stepped up into

1171
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:26,320
Speaker 7: the father role our biological and our biological and Mary's

1172
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 7: adoptive dad ran away from. But that story deserves its

1173
00:56:30,520 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 7: own posts. The bigger the family, the more drama, I guess. Anyways,

1174
00:56:35,080 --> 00:56:38,319
Speaker 7: things were great. Mary and Mom rebuilt the relationship. Their

1175
00:56:38,360 --> 00:56:41,040
Speaker 7: whole family started celebrating holidays with us and even went

1176
00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:42,440
Speaker 7: on family vacations together.

1177
00:56:42,840 --> 00:56:44,120
Speaker 6: This was huge.

1178
00:56:44,560 --> 00:56:48,600
Speaker 7: Unfortunately, on the last family vacation, crap hit the fan. Though,

1179
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,440
Speaker 7: dang man, this is a lot of back and forth

1180
00:56:51,480 --> 00:56:53,399
Speaker 7: and being good and bad and good and bad.

1181
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 6: That's exhausting. I don't know if my heart can take it.

1182
00:56:58,400 --> 00:57:00,839
Speaker 7: Leading up to the vacation, Mary and her husband were

1183
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:04,359
Speaker 7: having serious marital problems. Mary turned to drinking to shut

1184
00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:07,480
Speaker 7: it out, and as these things do, it eventually blew

1185
00:57:07,600 --> 00:57:10,640
Speaker 7: up without airing their dirty laundry. We all have it,

1186
00:57:10,719 --> 00:57:13,680
Speaker 7: and it isn't mine to share. Mary decided to quit drinking,

1187
00:57:13,760 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 7: and her and her husband have been in counseling and

1188
00:57:16,200 --> 00:57:19,520
Speaker 7: been making it work. So why is this important? Because

1189
00:57:19,560 --> 00:57:22,200
Speaker 7: Mary is the only one not drinking in the family.

1190
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:29,160
Speaker 7: Mary wasn't and isn't. Mary hasn't and doesn't.

1191
00:57:28,840 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 6: Have a problem with booze. She just had. She just

1192
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 6: saw how.

1193
00:57:33,680 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 7: Booze can make emotions and situations worse. She's never liked

1194
00:57:38,040 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 7: the taste of booze, only drank for the buzz and

1195
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:45,040
Speaker 7: because it's such a societal norm. Since she quit, she's

1196
00:57:45,200 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 7: ordered a few cocktails for special occasions and doesn't end

1197
00:57:49,160 --> 00:57:52,280
Speaker 7: up finishing them because they just don't taste good to her. However,

1198
00:57:52,440 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 7: with my older brother's substance views, this is a very

1199
00:57:55,040 --> 00:57:57,800
Speaker 7: sensitive topic in the family, and Mary uses her sobriety

1200
00:57:57,840 --> 00:58:00,960
Speaker 7: as a weapon against those of us who drink and smoke.

1201
00:58:00,760 --> 00:58:01,560
Speaker 6: The devil's lettuce.

1202
00:58:01,920 --> 00:58:04,320
Speaker 7: It feels like she believes that she is superior for

1203
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:07,040
Speaker 7: being sober. She says that it doesn't bother her that

1204
00:58:07,080 --> 00:58:09,200
Speaker 7: we order a drink when we go out to eat,

1205
00:58:09,200 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 7: but I cannot help but feel judged, so I refrained.

1206
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:17,200
Speaker 9: That's literally the most annoying kind of person. Yeah, it

1207
00:58:17,280 --> 00:58:19,960
Speaker 9: doesn't even it's not even about like sip. It's about anything. Like.

1208
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,520
Speaker 9: It can be sobriety, it can be veganism, it can

1209
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:31,000
Speaker 9: be like whyking of a sports team, like anyone who's like, oh, well, I've.

1210
00:58:30,720 --> 00:58:33,000
Speaker 2: Got it all figured out the right way and you don't.

1211
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 2: But it's okay. I won't judge you for it.

1212
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 8: Uh.

1213
00:58:36,640 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 7: However, none of us refrained.

1214
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 6: On vacation. My mom and stepdad arranged.

1215
00:58:41,520 --> 00:58:44,080
Speaker 7: An airbnb about fifteen minutes from the beach on a

1216
00:58:44,120 --> 00:58:47,080
Speaker 7: gorgeous three acre property with a pond, a pool, and

1217
00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,840
Speaker 7: a hot tub. There were ten people going on this trip,

1218
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,840
Speaker 7: so accommodations were tight, but everyone had a place to sleep.

1219
00:58:53,280 --> 00:58:55,480
Speaker 7: We had stayed in the high rise condos on the

1220
00:58:55,480 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 7: beach before, but it was so overcrowded this time we

1221
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:00,280
Speaker 7: all agreed that we would rather have our our own

1222
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:02,320
Speaker 7: space and make the fifteen minute drive to the beach.

1223
00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:03,120
Speaker 6: When we wanted.

1224
00:59:03,600 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 7: It is important to mention that Mary and her kids

1225
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,720
Speaker 7: spend most of the time at the hotel pool instead

1226
00:59:08,720 --> 00:59:11,160
Speaker 7: of the beach anyway, so having our own private pool

1227
00:59:11,240 --> 00:59:13,960
Speaker 7: sounded better, especially since we had a car so we

1228
00:59:14,000 --> 00:59:16,720
Speaker 7: didn't need to uber and could make the fifteen minute

1229
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,160
Speaker 7: drive to the beach whenever we wanted.

1230
00:59:18,640 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 6: With ten of us going.

1231
00:59:20,080 --> 00:59:21,920
Speaker 7: We knew that everyone would not always want to do

1232
00:59:21,960 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 7: the same thing, and all agreed ahead of time that

1233
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,760
Speaker 7: it was okay to split up and do different things

1234
00:59:25,760 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 7: with different people at different times. About two weeks before

1235
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:31,680
Speaker 7: the vacation, we got a group text from Mary stating

1236
00:59:31,680 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 7: that her family booked a hotel on the beach because

1237
00:59:34,520 --> 00:59:36,840
Speaker 7: they felt that the house was going to be too

1238
00:59:36,920 --> 00:59:39,000
Speaker 7: overcrowded and they wanted to be closer to the beach.

1239
00:59:39,480 --> 00:59:42,000
Speaker 6: At this point, alarm bells started going off.

1240
00:59:41,840 --> 00:59:44,680
Speaker 7: In my head, wondering why they were isolating themselves, but

1241
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,640
Speaker 7: was assured by several family members that they just liked

1242
00:59:47,680 --> 00:59:50,240
Speaker 7: their space they always have, and as someone who lived

1243
00:59:50,280 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 7: alone at the time, I was also concerned about not

1244
00:59:52,720 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 7: having my own space or time to myself, so I

1245
00:59:55,480 --> 00:59:58,400
Speaker 7: let it go. One week before the vacation, they stopped

1246
00:59:58,400 --> 01:00:01,960
Speaker 7: sharing their locations with us cut to the vacation and

1247
01:00:02,000 --> 01:00:05,400
Speaker 7: they could not dip out, and they could not dip

1248
01:00:05,480 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 7: out at the airport and away from us fast enough.

1249
01:00:09,080 --> 01:00:11,280
Speaker 7: We made dinner plans that night and at one of

1250
01:00:11,320 --> 01:00:13,720
Speaker 7: our favorite local restaurants and asked them to meet us,

1251
01:00:14,160 --> 01:00:17,479
Speaker 7: but we got no reply. We sent daily texts out

1252
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,960
Speaker 7: with our plans and they always made different ones. We

1253
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:23,640
Speaker 7: asked them to dinner at the house repeatedly, but they

1254
01:00:23,720 --> 01:00:27,120
Speaker 7: didn't want to make the fifteen minute drive. We felt

1255
01:00:27,120 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 7: completely ignored and shut out. We said that we were

1256
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:33,800
Speaker 7: booking an excursion and didn't get a reply. I felt

1257
01:00:33,800 --> 01:00:36,280
Speaker 7: like they had just muted the family chat at this point.

1258
01:00:36,720 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 7: So we made the best of the situation and hung

1259
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:41,520
Speaker 7: out as we had for more than ten years of

1260
01:00:41,560 --> 01:00:44,280
Speaker 7: our lives at this point without our eldest sister and

1261
01:00:44,360 --> 01:00:48,360
Speaker 7: her family, though it did really bother us. So here

1262
01:00:48,440 --> 01:00:52,520
Speaker 7: comes the drama. A boy, oh boy, that was the drama.

1263
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:55,040
Speaker 2: No, no drama, no drama, drama there.

1264
01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:57,560
Speaker 9: I know how it sounds like you there could have

1265
01:00:57,560 --> 01:00:59,960
Speaker 9: been yeah, yeah, but actually there was no drama.

1266
01:01:00,440 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 2: And here it comes.

1267
01:01:01,200 --> 01:01:03,960
Speaker 7: Now we're grading the drama on a curve here, So

1268
01:01:04,600 --> 01:01:06,920
Speaker 7: Towards the end of the trip, they finally agreed to

1269
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,680
Speaker 7: meet up with us as long as we came to them.

1270
01:01:10,240 --> 01:01:12,280
Speaker 7: It was already late in the day and we had

1271
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 7: been drinking, with the exception of our stepdad, so he

1272
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:18,880
Speaker 7: agreed to drive us. Hindsight, being twenty twenty, we probably

1273
01:01:18,880 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 7: should have declined and just not seen them at all.

1274
01:01:21,480 --> 01:01:25,320
Speaker 7: During this family vacation, my mom was wasted. She was

1275
01:01:25,360 --> 01:01:28,320
Speaker 7: also very hurt, and as mentioned before, my mom can

1276
01:01:28,360 --> 01:01:31,720
Speaker 7: say things that she regrets. She doesn't like being vulnerable,

1277
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:34,520
Speaker 7: so when she is hurt, it is usually expressed with anger.

1278
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:37,560
Speaker 7: My mom can communicate with all of her children, well,

1279
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 7: except for Mary. To be honest, none of us can

1280
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,480
Speaker 7: really communicate with her and have it be a positive

1281
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 7: outcome unless we hear her out, see her side, and

1282
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:49,240
Speaker 7: agree to not do whatever annoys her again, though, we

1283
01:01:49,320 --> 01:01:52,200
Speaker 7: almost never leave the conversation feeling heard or like she

1284
01:01:52,320 --> 01:01:54,440
Speaker 7: spent any time seeing our side of things.

1285
01:01:54,760 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 6: Yeah, that feels like you can't communicate at all.

1286
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:01,560
Speaker 7: It's just easier to say, hey, yes, Mary, we're sorry

1287
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:04,680
Speaker 7: and move on to keep the peace. When we met

1288
01:02:04,680 --> 01:02:07,000
Speaker 7: them at the beach, my mom decided to confront them.

1289
01:02:07,120 --> 01:02:10,080
Speaker 7: She was very aggressive and said a lot of wrong things.

1290
01:02:10,600 --> 01:02:12,680
Speaker 7: I have a very close relationship with my mom and

1291
01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:16,360
Speaker 7: did not recognize her. Needless to say, it went as

1292
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:19,480
Speaker 7: poorly as a meeting could possibly go. Since then, the

1293
01:02:19,560 --> 01:02:23,600
Speaker 7: relationship has fractured again. My mom has had separate conversations

1294
01:02:23,600 --> 01:02:26,040
Speaker 7: with all her kids and we expressed how what she

1295
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 7: did hurt us, embarrassed us, and was not okay. We've

1296
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:33,160
Speaker 7: all forgiven her on our time, with the exception of Mary.

1297
01:02:33,600 --> 01:02:36,479
Speaker 7: My mom has started counseling and has apologized to Mary

1298
01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:40,959
Speaker 7: and her kids individually. Okay, that's progress, but they want

1299
01:02:41,000 --> 01:02:43,200
Speaker 7: nothing to do with her. What is upsetting to me

1300
01:02:43,240 --> 01:02:45,600
Speaker 7: now is that we will all hurt by them booking

1301
01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:48,240
Speaker 7: a vacation with us and then essentially saying that you're

1302
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:51,919
Speaker 7: not my real family. I want to spend it with them.

1303
01:02:52,360 --> 01:02:54,400
Speaker 7: We cannot bring up how it hurt us because of

1304
01:02:54,440 --> 01:02:57,480
Speaker 7: how poorly our mother handled it. I have gone out

1305
01:02:57,480 --> 01:02:59,200
Speaker 7: to lunch with Mary a couple of times and set

1306
01:02:59,200 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 7: the boundary that we can cannot talk about Mom. I

1307
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:03,560
Speaker 7: set the same boundary with my mom saying that we

1308
01:03:03,560 --> 01:03:06,520
Speaker 7: cannot talk about Mary. I was always the peacekeeper growing

1309
01:03:06,600 --> 01:03:08,840
Speaker 7: up and stuck in the middle of things, and people

1310
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:11,720
Speaker 7: looked to me to fix the rifts between them. I

1311
01:03:11,760 --> 01:03:14,160
Speaker 7: am dealing with my own anxiety and depression now and

1312
01:03:14,240 --> 01:03:17,320
Speaker 7: simply do not have the capacity to continue to insert

1313
01:03:17,360 --> 01:03:21,520
Speaker 7: myself in other people's quarrels. I play the devil's advocate,

1314
01:03:21,600 --> 01:03:22,320
Speaker 7: maybe too much.

1315
01:03:22,640 --> 01:03:22,720
Speaker 4: So.

1316
01:03:22,840 --> 01:03:25,160
Speaker 7: When Mom vents about Mary, she feels like I am

1317
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:28,320
Speaker 7: taking Mary's side, and when Mary vents about Mom, she

1318
01:03:28,400 --> 01:03:31,560
Speaker 7: feels that I'm taking Mom's side. They both end up

1319
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:34,480
Speaker 7: annoyed at me. And it isn't even something that I'm

1320
01:03:34,600 --> 01:03:38,720
Speaker 7: involved in. That sounds so incredibly exhausting to do that

1321
01:03:38,800 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 7: your whole life, Like my goodness, I guess I do

1322
01:03:43,400 --> 01:03:45,640
Speaker 7: not know how to hold space for people. I always

1323
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:48,120
Speaker 7: try to get them to see each other's sides, which

1324
01:03:48,160 --> 01:03:51,560
Speaker 7: is why I set this boundary. Mary simply does not

1325
01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:54,120
Speaker 7: respect it. She will make a snide comment about my

1326
01:03:54,160 --> 01:03:57,720
Speaker 7: mom and flippantly say, oh, but let's not talk about her,

1327
01:03:57,760 --> 01:03:59,200
Speaker 7: to respect your boundary.

1328
01:03:59,440 --> 01:04:01,520
Speaker 6: So I I have just distanced myself.

1329
01:04:01,960 --> 01:04:04,280
Speaker 7: I would say that I'm currently low contact with Mary,

1330
01:04:04,360 --> 01:04:06,480
Speaker 7: and so are the rest of my siblings. For some reasons,

1331
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:09,320
Speaker 7: or for some reasons I've outlined in this story, and

1332
01:04:09,560 --> 01:04:12,800
Speaker 7: many more of their own Sadly, since being low contact,

1333
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:17,880
Speaker 7: I have felt so peaceful, a weight literally lifted. However,

1334
01:04:18,280 --> 01:04:21,240
Speaker 7: I went no contact with Devin before he passed again

1335
01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:24,760
Speaker 7: for good reason, as the as the toxicity of an

1336
01:04:24,800 --> 01:04:28,000
Speaker 7: attic's life was spilling into my own since he was

1337
01:04:28,000 --> 01:04:30,240
Speaker 7: renting a room for me and I could not let it.

1338
01:04:30,720 --> 01:04:31,560
Speaker 6: I was not.

1339
01:04:31,400 --> 01:04:34,400
Speaker 7: Speaking to him when he passed, and I have had

1340
01:04:34,560 --> 01:04:38,000
Speaker 7: so much guilt for it, and it has taken me

1341
01:04:38,080 --> 01:04:41,080
Speaker 7: nearly ten years to process it. Every time I think

1342
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 7: I have a new layer reveals itself. Because of this,

1343
01:04:44,440 --> 01:04:47,240
Speaker 7: I know that no contact with Mary is not an

1344
01:04:47,280 --> 01:04:50,959
Speaker 7: option for me. Low contact has been working. We wish

1345
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:53,520
Speaker 7: each other happy birthday and reach out on the holidays.

1346
01:04:53,880 --> 01:04:56,240
Speaker 7: I wish her a happy Mother's Day, but we haven't

1347
01:04:56,240 --> 01:04:59,000
Speaker 7: gotten together in a few months. I feel guilty that

1348
01:04:59,120 --> 01:05:02,760
Speaker 7: I don't miss her, just her kids. However, my youngest sister,

1349
01:05:02,800 --> 01:05:05,720
Speaker 7: alexis now twenty one, recently told me that she wanted

1350
01:05:05,720 --> 01:05:07,840
Speaker 7: to have lunch with Mary and figure out where things

1351
01:05:07,880 --> 01:05:11,880
Speaker 7: went oh, where things went so wrong? I admire her heart.

1352
01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,160
Speaker 7: She reminds me so much of myself when I was

1353
01:05:14,160 --> 01:05:17,120
Speaker 7: younger trying to fix things. However, when she invited me

1354
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,560
Speaker 7: to come to lunch. I declined, and she of course understood.

1355
01:05:21,120 --> 01:05:24,160
Speaker 7: Alexis said me screenshots of her texts with Mary asking

1356
01:05:24,240 --> 01:05:24,880
Speaker 7: her to lunch.

1357
01:05:25,360 --> 01:05:26,360
Speaker 6: This is what it said.

1358
01:05:26,680 --> 01:05:28,960
Speaker 7: Hi, Mary, I'm reading a book about family and love

1359
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:30,960
Speaker 7: and forgiveness and I was thinking of you, so I

1360
01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:33,600
Speaker 7: wanted to reach out. I love you always and forever,

1361
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,360
Speaker 7: and I hope whatever distance we have been experiencing and

1362
01:05:36,400 --> 01:05:41,000
Speaker 7: doesn't last forever. I love and miss you. Her response was, Hi, Lexi,

1363
01:05:41,160 --> 01:05:42,240
Speaker 7: I'm sorry there has.

1364
01:05:42,080 --> 01:05:42,800
Speaker 6: Been a distance.

1365
01:05:43,040 --> 01:05:45,840
Speaker 7: I honestly don't feel a certain way about anything. I

1366
01:05:45,920 --> 01:05:47,640
Speaker 7: do think that hanging out with me is not a

1367
01:05:47,720 --> 01:05:50,400
Speaker 7: huge priority from any of my siblings, not just you.

1368
01:05:50,920 --> 01:05:53,280
Speaker 7: I personally just felt like if you were free and

1369
01:05:53,440 --> 01:05:55,760
Speaker 7: wanted to hang out, that you would text me. If

1370
01:05:55,760 --> 01:05:58,080
Speaker 7: there is something more on your side, please let me know.

1371
01:05:58,280 --> 01:06:00,400
Speaker 7: Of course, I love and miss you. There have been

1372
01:06:00,440 --> 01:06:02,920
Speaker 7: times you girls get together and don't invite me, so

1373
01:06:03,000 --> 01:06:05,200
Speaker 7: I really just stay away until you or one of

1374
01:06:05,200 --> 01:06:09,200
Speaker 7: our sisters makes that a priority. This response gave me

1375
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:13,280
Speaker 7: so many feelings. Yeah that I feel conflicted over that

1376
01:06:13,360 --> 01:06:16,600
Speaker 7: as well. Here we have a twenty year old reaching

1377
01:06:16,640 --> 01:06:19,200
Speaker 7: out to her forty year old sister who has willingly

1378
01:06:19,200 --> 01:06:21,320
Speaker 7: cut us out of her life multiple times, trying to

1379
01:06:21,320 --> 01:06:23,919
Speaker 7: be the bigger person. And her response is, I don't

1380
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:25,240
Speaker 7: really feel a certain way about it.

1381
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:26,959
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, it's.

1382
01:06:26,840 --> 01:06:28,360
Speaker 9: How you feel about it again, And that's one of

1383
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:30,400
Speaker 9: those things. Just like the worst I can say is no,

1384
01:06:30,680 --> 01:06:33,680
Speaker 9: it's like, nah, I feel like being like, actually, I

1385
01:06:33,720 --> 01:06:37,240
Speaker 9: don't even feel anything about you, good or bad.

1386
01:06:37,560 --> 01:06:39,640
Speaker 6: But it seemed like she did though, like.

1387
01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:42,680
Speaker 9: Yeah, it's like for of course, of course she does.

1388
01:06:42,760 --> 01:06:47,120
Speaker 6: She's just lying, yeah, because she's a little fibber because.

1389
01:06:46,840 --> 01:06:48,800
Speaker 7: She said, you know, of course I love and miss you,

1390
01:06:49,160 --> 01:06:50,920
Speaker 7: but like you guys don't invite me to things. So

1391
01:06:51,000 --> 01:06:53,200
Speaker 7: until you do, you know, I'm just gonna keep my

1392
01:06:53,240 --> 01:06:55,760
Speaker 7: distance and you guys can be in charge.

1393
01:06:55,880 --> 01:06:58,800
Speaker 9: But but that's why we don't invite you to things,

1394
01:06:59,080 --> 01:07:01,600
Speaker 9: because it seems like you would like to keep your distance.

1395
01:07:02,320 --> 01:07:06,840
Speaker 7: Yeah, it feels like playing games. It feels like you know,

1396
01:07:06,920 --> 01:07:09,520
Speaker 7: when your friends are like dating a new guy or

1397
01:07:09,520 --> 01:07:12,160
Speaker 7: something like that, and they're like, they didn't respond for

1398
01:07:12,200 --> 01:07:14,520
Speaker 7: two days, So I'm gonna put a timer for fifty

1399
01:07:14,600 --> 01:07:17,040
Speaker 7: minutes on my phone so that I can I don't

1400
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:19,720
Speaker 7: respond right away to them, you know, that's that's what

1401
01:07:19,760 --> 01:07:22,680
Speaker 7: it kind of feels like. It's like, Okay, if either

1402
01:07:22,720 --> 01:07:24,800
Speaker 7: of you, if both of you are playing this game,

1403
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:28,040
Speaker 7: nothing's gonna happen. No conversation is going to happen. So

1404
01:07:28,080 --> 01:07:30,439
Speaker 7: you got if you want to reach out, reach out,

1405
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:33,040
Speaker 7: if you want to hang out, hang out. I feel

1406
01:07:33,080 --> 01:07:37,840
Speaker 7: like Mary has some sort of redeeming quality in my opinion.

1407
01:07:38,720 --> 01:07:41,560
Speaker 7: Maybe I'm just being too optimistic about it, but the

1408
01:07:41,600 --> 01:07:43,600
Speaker 7: fact that, like the mom kind of blew up the

1409
01:07:43,600 --> 01:07:47,240
Speaker 7: situation at that family vacation makes me think like there

1410
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:51,800
Speaker 7: is some like valid resentment. I guess, but but you're

1411
01:07:51,840 --> 01:07:54,360
Speaker 7: forty years old and this is your twenty one year

1412
01:07:54,400 --> 01:07:58,000
Speaker 7: old sister, Like I feel like there's a way to

1413
01:07:58,040 --> 01:07:58,440
Speaker 7: fix this.

1414
01:07:58,880 --> 01:07:59,040
Speaker 9: Uh.

1415
01:07:59,240 --> 01:08:02,680
Speaker 7: Fun fact she doesn't reach out either Dade any of

1416
01:08:02,720 --> 01:08:05,200
Speaker 7: the times that we got lunch, I arranged it. If

1417
01:08:05,240 --> 01:08:06,560
Speaker 7: we don't want to go out, I.

1418
01:08:06,600 --> 01:08:07,560
Speaker 6: Go to her house.

1419
01:08:07,800 --> 01:08:10,880
Speaker 7: She has never once come to mind we live about

1420
01:08:10,920 --> 01:08:12,920
Speaker 7: two miles from each other. I know that I have

1421
01:08:12,960 --> 01:08:15,400
Speaker 7: gone low contact, and that is my choice and I

1422
01:08:15,440 --> 01:08:18,080
Speaker 7: own it. I do feel bad about not explaining any

1423
01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:20,320
Speaker 7: of it to her. Then again, it's not like she

1424
01:08:20,400 --> 01:08:22,960
Speaker 7: is reaching out to me, so to hear her say

1425
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:24,800
Speaker 7: this after all the effort that I have put in,

1426
01:08:25,080 --> 01:08:27,519
Speaker 7: when I feel like all I have done since I

1427
01:08:27,600 --> 01:08:30,040
Speaker 7: was nine years old was beg for her to be

1428
01:08:30,080 --> 01:08:33,320
Speaker 7: in my life, and she kept disappearing, and somehow it

1429
01:08:33,400 --> 01:08:35,799
Speaker 7: is still my responsibility to have.

1430
01:08:35,680 --> 01:08:36,800
Speaker 6: A relationship with her.

1431
01:08:37,360 --> 01:08:40,280
Speaker 7: Her response to Alexis was perfect in that she didn't

1432
01:08:40,320 --> 01:08:43,960
Speaker 7: outright complain or point fingers, but she very clearly painted

1433
01:08:43,960 --> 01:08:47,559
Speaker 7: a picture that she is excluded and it's our fault. Yes,

1434
01:08:47,640 --> 01:08:50,760
Speaker 7: we have hung out without her. The example she used

1435
01:08:50,760 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 7: at lunch with Alexis is that she wasn't invited to

1436
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:57,000
Speaker 7: Abby's birthday. We went dancing and drinking in Old Town

1437
01:08:57,040 --> 01:08:59,280
Speaker 7: Square and she is forty and sober and has no

1438
01:08:59,360 --> 01:09:01,559
Speaker 7: interest in this. She said that she could have done

1439
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:02,920
Speaker 7: something else to include her.

1440
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:05,400
Speaker 6: Why is it on Abby.

1441
01:09:05,280 --> 01:09:09,240
Speaker 7: For Mary to see her on her own birthday? Why

1442
01:09:09,280 --> 01:09:13,080
Speaker 7: doesn't she text her and make her own plans? Great question,

1443
01:09:13,720 --> 01:09:17,000
Speaker 7: It's kind It's like, this is the situation that you

1444
01:09:17,000 --> 01:09:20,599
Speaker 7: could say the phone works both ways, Like parents can't

1445
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:23,680
Speaker 7: really say that to their kids, but sisters like this,

1446
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:27,679
Speaker 7: especially when one sister is complaining to the others. It's like, listen, Mary,

1447
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,640
Speaker 7: the mom was the one that was having problems with you,

1448
01:09:30,960 --> 01:09:31,519
Speaker 7: not us.

1449
01:09:31,880 --> 01:09:34,479
Speaker 6: Leave us out of this, don't associate us with that.

1450
01:09:34,760 --> 01:09:38,880
Speaker 9: Please, don't make us one big lump. Yeah, don't make

1451
01:09:38,960 --> 01:09:39,599
Speaker 9: us lumpy.

1452
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:42,200
Speaker 6: Don't make us lumpy. Not fair.

1453
01:09:42,840 --> 01:09:45,000
Speaker 7: I can see how she is feeling left out because

1454
01:09:45,000 --> 01:09:47,880
Speaker 7: we do drink and she doesn't. She's also nine years

1455
01:09:47,920 --> 01:09:50,280
Speaker 7: older than me and never made getting to know me

1456
01:09:50,520 --> 01:09:52,920
Speaker 7: or hanging out with me or any of my younger

1457
01:09:52,920 --> 01:09:56,080
Speaker 7: siblings a priority growing up. I am not saying this

1458
01:09:56,160 --> 01:09:59,040
Speaker 7: is healthy, but I feel like, how dare you expect

1459
01:09:59,120 --> 01:10:02,920
Speaker 7: us expect something from us that you never gave us,

1460
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:06,120
Speaker 7: especially when you are nearly a decade older than me

1461
01:10:06,640 --> 01:10:09,040
Speaker 7: and eighteen years older than Alexis?

1462
01:10:09,760 --> 01:10:10,840
Speaker 6: How dare you?

1463
01:10:11,280 --> 01:10:12,400
Speaker 2: How dare you?

1464
01:10:13,520 --> 01:10:15,920
Speaker 7: I don't think I'm the a hole, but she does

1465
01:10:16,160 --> 01:10:19,120
Speaker 7: such a good job at playing the victim. She also

1466
01:10:19,200 --> 01:10:22,040
Speaker 7: has been abandoned by her bio dad and adoptive dad,

1467
01:10:22,080 --> 01:10:24,320
Speaker 7: so I realize that there is an insane amount of

1468
01:10:24,360 --> 01:10:27,840
Speaker 7: pain there. So why isolate yourself from us? Is it

1469
01:10:27,920 --> 01:10:30,599
Speaker 7: a defense mechanism? And if so, is it on us

1470
01:10:30,680 --> 01:10:33,920
Speaker 7: to break down that barrier? Sorry for rambling Reddit. It

1471
01:10:33,960 --> 01:10:36,120
Speaker 7: feels good to slow down and write out my feelings.

1472
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:38,000
Speaker 7: As I have been dealing with this since I was

1473
01:10:38,040 --> 01:10:41,200
Speaker 7: a child, and it always circles back. My niece, who

1474
01:10:41,280 --> 01:10:45,519
Speaker 7: is nineteen, and nephew seventeen are becoming resentful as they

1475
01:10:45,560 --> 01:10:48,280
Speaker 7: listen to everything that their parents say, and I am

1476
01:10:48,520 --> 01:10:49,760
Speaker 7: just at a loss.

1477
01:10:50,120 --> 01:10:51,080
Speaker 6: So what should I do?

1478
01:10:51,439 --> 01:10:53,720
Speaker 7: Roll over for peace so I don't miss out on

1479
01:10:53,760 --> 01:10:56,240
Speaker 7: my niece and nephew's lives. Try to have a conversation

1480
01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:58,439
Speaker 7: with her, though I feel like my feelings will fall

1481
01:10:58,479 --> 01:11:00,559
Speaker 7: on deaf ears and it will be all about her

1482
01:11:00,600 --> 01:11:03,280
Speaker 7: being excluded. I feel like my nine year old self

1483
01:11:03,320 --> 01:11:06,720
Speaker 7: was more mature than my current self at thirty. Am

1484
01:11:06,760 --> 01:11:09,640
Speaker 7: I protecting myself or being stubborn? Because I feel like

1485
01:11:09,720 --> 01:11:10,840
Speaker 7: it's her turn to.

1486
01:11:10,800 --> 01:11:12,160
Speaker 6: Try and save our relationship.

1487
01:11:12,680 --> 01:11:15,680
Speaker 7: So if anyone's stuck through this novel, I appreciate you,

1488
01:11:15,880 --> 01:11:18,720
Speaker 7: thanks for reading. And do you think that I owe

1489
01:11:18,760 --> 01:11:21,400
Speaker 7: it to her or myself to reach out yet again

1490
01:11:21,920 --> 01:11:24,640
Speaker 7: and try to be the one to mend our broken relationship?

1491
01:11:24,680 --> 01:11:26,360
Speaker 7: And that is the end of that story. But what

1492
01:11:26,439 --> 01:11:28,519
Speaker 7: do we think? What do we think?

1493
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:31,759
Speaker 6: Dakota? No, No, it's.

1494
01:11:31,680 --> 01:11:34,680
Speaker 9: Not on you or like or a hole for like

1495
01:11:34,720 --> 01:11:38,160
Speaker 9: if you don't do it, really, all you need to.

1496
01:11:37,320 --> 01:11:40,880
Speaker 2: Determine is what do I want?

1497
01:11:40,960 --> 01:11:42,040
Speaker 4: What am I okay with?

1498
01:11:42,880 --> 01:11:47,080
Speaker 9: If you're okay with eating the eating the mud pie

1499
01:11:47,520 --> 01:11:49,800
Speaker 9: of having to reach out to your sister who you've

1500
01:11:49,800 --> 01:11:52,559
Speaker 9: done nothing really wrong to and the having to be like, hey,

1501
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:55,760
Speaker 9: this is me trying to mend the bridge, yeah that

1502
01:11:55,960 --> 01:11:58,920
Speaker 9: I didn't break. Yeah, I mean you're the only one

1503
01:11:58,960 --> 01:11:59,880
Speaker 9: who can make that call.

1504
01:12:00,600 --> 01:12:04,160
Speaker 7: Yeah, like you you could do that, and that's definitely

1505
01:12:04,200 --> 01:12:05,800
Speaker 7: an option, but it feels like you have been doing

1506
01:12:05,840 --> 01:12:08,880
Speaker 7: that and it's still is kind of like training her into,

1507
01:12:09,600 --> 01:12:13,200
Speaker 7: you know, just going along with that. So I because

1508
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:15,320
Speaker 7: again like a reminder, she doesn't want to go, oh,

1509
01:12:15,439 --> 01:12:17,320
Speaker 7: he doesn't want to go fully no contact with Mary

1510
01:12:17,320 --> 01:12:19,439
Speaker 7: because she did that with her brother that has since

1511
01:12:19,439 --> 01:12:21,559
Speaker 7: passed away and she deeply regrets that.

1512
01:12:22,120 --> 01:12:24,920
Speaker 6: So it's like she's trying so hard to hold on. Yeah,

1513
01:12:24,960 --> 01:12:27,120
Speaker 6: that's probably where a lot of that, like I do

1514
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:29,600
Speaker 6: I have to is it like my obligated to do it?

1515
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,880
Speaker 9: Is probably where that's coming from. Yeah, But you know

1516
01:12:31,960 --> 01:12:34,479
Speaker 9: again it's like, well, you know that you don't want

1517
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:37,479
Speaker 9: to go full no contact because of that. Yeah, So

1518
01:12:37,520 --> 01:12:40,120
Speaker 9: it's really all that matters is what do you want

1519
01:12:40,120 --> 01:12:45,120
Speaker 9: in this situation? Catering to Mary for any reason, is

1520
01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:49,320
Speaker 9: you know, yeah, outside of yourself wanting to do it. Yeah,

1521
01:12:49,360 --> 01:12:52,000
Speaker 9: you don't need to. If you feel like this is unfair,

1522
01:12:52,880 --> 01:12:56,080
Speaker 9: is BS, Yeah, then it is, then you shouldn't put

1523
01:12:56,160 --> 01:12:56,519
Speaker 9: up with it.

1524
01:12:56,840 --> 01:13:00,040
Speaker 7: I yeah, And maybe you can be clear about that

1525
01:13:00,160 --> 01:13:03,880
Speaker 7: with Mary too, Like I think having a conversation, especially

1526
01:13:03,920 --> 01:13:05,960
Speaker 7: if you feel that guilt from before, you feel like

1527
01:13:06,040 --> 01:13:09,599
Speaker 7: this this need to to reach out and keep something up,

1528
01:13:10,000 --> 01:13:12,880
Speaker 7: at least give it a shot. I would say, have

1529
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:15,720
Speaker 7: a conversation and maybe invite her to things, but or

1530
01:13:15,760 --> 01:13:19,400
Speaker 7: maybe just have invite her out just one on one

1531
01:13:19,479 --> 01:13:22,000
Speaker 7: and be like hey, hey, like slip it into conversation,

1532
01:13:22,520 --> 01:13:24,759
Speaker 7: like we really we do want sho out to things.

1533
01:13:25,040 --> 01:13:27,880
Speaker 7: We kind of get mixed signals on our end, like

1534
01:13:28,040 --> 01:13:30,800
Speaker 7: from like what you want you know, and then and

1535
01:13:30,840 --> 01:13:33,719
Speaker 7: we kind of feel no, not We kind of feel

1536
01:13:34,280 --> 01:13:37,800
Speaker 7: what it looks like when when we're trying to reach

1537
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:40,040
Speaker 7: out to someone or try to have a conversation and

1538
01:13:40,040 --> 01:13:41,760
Speaker 7: they're just like yeah, no, I'm just you guys are

1539
01:13:41,800 --> 01:13:42,200
Speaker 7: the problem.

1540
01:13:42,280 --> 01:13:44,960
Speaker 6: It's like we are a family here.

1541
01:13:45,400 --> 01:13:48,160
Speaker 7: We would like to work this out together, and hopefully

1542
01:13:48,240 --> 01:13:50,599
Speaker 7: that you can you can do that together.

1543
01:13:50,640 --> 01:13:52,280
Speaker 6: Hopefully that conversation works,