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Speaker 1: We're not really penetrating the surface.

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Speaker 2: We're like literally saying as much as we can in

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Speaker 2: like a five minute segment, and you have to like

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Speaker 2: it's tied up really pretty and we're not really used

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Speaker 2: to doing that, and granted we can. And like don't

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Speaker 2: say fuck, don't say sex, don't say pussy. You know,

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Speaker 2: like we've been obsessing about this for two weeks, like

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Speaker 2: don't say fun, don't say don't say bit, don't say

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Speaker 2: until Like the last appearance, Erica was like moms have sex,

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Speaker 2: and I was like, whoa.

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Speaker 3: It was the New York News, Daytime News. I felt

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Speaker 3: like it was if it was either that or now

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Speaker 3: we're going home.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to good mom's bad choices. I'm Erica and

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Speaker 2: I'm Nila. Happy Wednesday, Happy Weddesday's Wesday. Oh no, please

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Speaker 2: stop before we lose the people who just loves my voice.

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Speaker 3: We've been waiting for this. My raps and my singing.

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Speaker 3: That is false, that's just false.

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Speaker 4: I'm telling you my next phase of life.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna retap into my j phase and I don't

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Speaker 3: mean Erica and Jamila.

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Speaker 1: Well then you need to not sing here.

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Speaker 2: Hi, guys, it's Wednesday, we're hearing this stew Good Good Media.

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Speaker 2: We are finally home after a lot of weeks of traveling.

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Speaker 2: So many weeks we've been to like I don't know,

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Speaker 2: we've been gone like the last three weeks.

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Speaker 1: Of the four weeks that we've had, we've.

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Speaker 4: Been to three places.

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Speaker 3: We went to Atlanta to go record with Samaya, shout

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Speaker 3: out to Not Just Not Just Another Sex podcast and

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Speaker 3: the se Content House.

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Speaker 4: Record with Jade.

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Speaker 2: We went to Mexico. We went to Mexico to do

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Speaker 2: some spiritual shit, and we came back for like one

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Speaker 2: and a half days and then went to New York. No,

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Speaker 2: that's not true.

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Speaker 3: We came when out days, went from Atlanta, then went

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Speaker 3: to Mexico, then came back for like six days, and

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Speaker 3: then went to New York.

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Speaker 2: Yes, and now we're here and I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm a little bit depleted. Guys.

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Speaker 3: A lot has happened. Our book is officially fucking out.

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Speaker 3: We're published authors. We have reviews on Amazon. If you

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Speaker 3: have gotten the book, please and you liked it, he

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Speaker 3: loved it. Please even if you hated it, still leave

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Speaker 3: a positive review. Go on Amazon, Go on Barnes and

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Speaker 3: no we'll go wherever the fuck you bought the book,

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Speaker 3: and please leave a review. I saw a lot of

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Speaker 3: white women with thousands of reviews, thousands.

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Speaker 1: If the whites can get thousands, we can't get thousands.

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Speaker 3: We get thousands of listens a month, I mean an episode,

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Speaker 3: thousands and thousands.

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Speaker 2: I'm wondering if it's just like the lack of support

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Speaker 2: in our community, or is it like other just more

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Speaker 2: white people, or are white people are just like more like.

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Speaker 3: Excited not I wouldn't say tareny they want to like

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Speaker 3: tell that they want.

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Speaker 2: To They're just safe, like okay, like we're okay. Let's

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Speaker 2: look at the like, let's look at the book world,

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Speaker 2: Let's look at Amazon as a micro micro.

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Speaker 1: Let's unpack this, let's I.

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Speaker 2: Need to impact this. I've been asking this for years.

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Speaker 2: Is the microcosm of the world. Is that like we

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Speaker 2: are a small percentage of the women like that are

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Speaker 2: a little bit like raw and crazy? Or is everyone

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Speaker 2: and everyone else is safer and so the white women

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Speaker 2: are safer and it's like you're just like doing the

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Speaker 2: safe thing that you can get the reviews.

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Speaker 1: Or do white people support each other more?

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Speaker 3: Or I think white people have been trained to have

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Speaker 3: a follow through with the support.

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Speaker 4: We don't. We haven't.

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Speaker 3: We haven't got the follow through yet. Together we support

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Speaker 3: I think we support each other. There's still a lot

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Speaker 3: of haters, but we do support each other where we're

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Speaker 3: kind of turning that leaf now, especially as women, especially

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Speaker 3: as black women. But it's the follow through after the support. Like,

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Speaker 3: after you've read my book and I give you all

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Speaker 3: that all that fucking tea that helped you, are.

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Speaker 1: You then going to go to this?

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Speaker 4: I need you to go and write review you know?

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Speaker 3: Like?

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Speaker 4: Or do like?

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Speaker 1: Are you going to have subscribed to the newswitter?

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Speaker 4: You know?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? You know, I'm guilty. I'm guilty as a consumer.

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Speaker 2: I don't. My follow through isn't strong. I've had I

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Speaker 2: had a cart of sheen for like five.

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Speaker 4: Days, whichmaen get that all the time? Now? Oh I

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Speaker 4: am okay? So I do I need launchen? Also, today's

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Speaker 4: a less.

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Speaker 2: Say okay before we unpack this though, because it seems

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Speaker 2: like this is going to take a lot of brain power,

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Speaker 2: let me hit my backwood.

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Speaker 4: Do we need it? A backward? If? If we need

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Speaker 4: brain power for brain power.

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Speaker 2: I choose my vanilla backwood. It always gives me brain power, and.

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Speaker 4: This time I rolled it. I rolled the backwood.

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Speaker 3: This time I finally figured that the fuck out Jamila

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Speaker 3: has been our official backwood roller, but now I have created.

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Speaker 4: Look at this baby. Wow, It's beautiful, isn't it.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I think that my joint rolling skills have

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Speaker 3: come into handy at this point. I did put a

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Speaker 3: good amount of honey. Think I might have put a

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Speaker 3: little bit too much, but it makes it burns sof

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Speaker 3: like cares exactly. Let me hit it, let me check

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Speaker 3: it out.

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Speaker 4: Okay, tell me tell me if you approve.

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Speaker 1: Okay, okay, like it's hitting. Okay, it's hitting. Okay, time

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Speaker 1: to unpack this.

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Speaker 4: Okay, I unpack.

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Speaker 2: I got thirty items though for twenty two dollars two

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Speaker 2: hundred yep at least seventeen babings. When you see me

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Speaker 2: shining and machine, don't say shit hit girl.

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Speaker 4: I listen.

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Speaker 3: After our last retreat, when everycond everyone had sheen, I

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Speaker 3: was like, Okay, well, I know that this is toxic,

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Speaker 3: and I'm not a proponent of sine, but the shit

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Speaker 3: was cute and it was fast and it was cheap.

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Speaker 1: I'm predicting like maybe like.

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Speaker 4: So when our last retreat, hit I bought a few

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Speaker 4: things on shin. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh that cute dress you gave me too, right.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, about sixty five percent of it was terrible.

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Speaker 1: Well that's what I was gonna say.

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Speaker 2: I'm already expecting that twenty percent of it won't fit

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Speaker 2: like you know what, but I love.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, it will fit you. It won't. It

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Speaker 4: doesn't fit me.

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Speaker 2: That's why I like that type of shit because like

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Speaker 2: there's actually a category that says like eat eating, like tiny,

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Speaker 2: like I don't know any bitty or something, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, yes, the smaller the better. So yeah, that's

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Speaker 2: but our follow through isn't great. I know mine is

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Speaker 2: it is? It just I don't know what that is.

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Speaker 2: But we need to be better. We really need to

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Speaker 2: support each other more because I'm not gonna lie like

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Speaker 2: the white influencers are out here winning, I mean, and

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Speaker 2: not to mention that brands are like cutting them bigger

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Speaker 2: checks because you know, they probably are safer and they

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Speaker 2: are more like I don't know, uh, marketable girl.

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Speaker 4: It's just racism and unconscious bias. Do you No one?

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Speaker 4: No one should have ever showed me taught me that word?

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Speaker 4: When did you do?

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Speaker 1: You must have learned it this week.

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Speaker 4: No, no, no, I've known it for a little while.

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Speaker 3: I've known it since the pandemic when we had what's

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Speaker 3: her name, the unconscious bias person on don't you remember

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Speaker 3: the girl we met on the internet and she teaches

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Speaker 3: unconscious biased. She we had a zoom with her, we

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Speaker 3: had a zoom episode with her. I think she's called

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Speaker 3: like the something adjuster, the conscious bias adjuster.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that sounds familiar. Wow, that's crazy that we've had

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Speaker 2: that many episodes. I think I thought I knew everything.

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Speaker 3: That was a long time ago, but she I had

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Speaker 3: never heard it. I mean, I've always known that existed,

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Speaker 3: but I didn't know there was a.

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Speaker 1: Term I have, like the legitimate word for you.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, but it is true. You don't.

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Speaker 3: No one should have ever show me that word because

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Speaker 3: I've been saying it on all of our calls.

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Speaker 2: She's been using that word in the meetings, and I

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Speaker 2: was like, yeah.

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Speaker 4: Sounds like unconscious biased.

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Speaker 2: Me guys' subconscious biased or it's intentional.

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Speaker 3: It's it's a nice way to say racist without saying racist.

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Speaker 3: It makes white people feel feel a little more comfortable,

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Speaker 3: but feel like they can work with it.

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Speaker 4: Like it's manageable.

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Speaker 1: Are we being racist on accident? We can't have them

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Speaker 1: think that, Like it.

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Speaker 3: Was unconscious, guys, So it wasn't really racist. It was

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Speaker 3: unconscious I mean.

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Speaker 2: But the fact of the matter is is like even

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Speaker 2: we ourselves suffer from unconscious bias. We are Like when

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Speaker 2: you live in a world that is created like primarily

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Speaker 2: in white supremacy, like you too will react in ways

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Speaker 2: and in ways that are definitely like in support of

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Speaker 2: the whiteness. Yeah kind of no, you don't even realize.

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Speaker 3: It, of course, Like you might be more inclined to

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Speaker 3: trust a white travel experience than a black travel experience.

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Speaker 2: I mean, because I'd be the first time to be like, like,

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Speaker 2: how black are we talking? Because like, you know, we've

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Speaker 2: all gone to our people's shit and they take long

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Speaker 2: and they be rude, and like, you know, we've all

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Speaker 2: dealt with us in customer service and it can be

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Speaker 2: great and it could sometimes be like it's given you

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Speaker 2: don't give a fuck, and it's frustrating, and like it's

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Speaker 2: frustrating for me as a black business owner, just like

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Speaker 2: a customer service person in general, like don't half ask anything,

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Speaker 2: like I.

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Speaker 1: Hate that shit, Like why are you here? Just go home.

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Speaker 2: Don't make everybody else's fucking life miserable anyway. Leave it

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Speaker 2: to you on Amazon.

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Speaker 4: It's all that sad leave Please leave us a review.

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Speaker 3: They matter to us, They matter to the future of

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Speaker 3: our next book, and just the support and getting us

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Speaker 3: in the algorithm on Amazon and all the places and spaces.

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Speaker 3: My goal is to really have this book in an airport.

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Speaker 3: I don't know why that's really important to me.

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Speaker 2: Because I told you it was hard to get books.

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Speaker 3: Because I just really feel like if someone saw this

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Speaker 3: book at that airport bookstore on you're gonna about to

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Speaker 3: have a long flight, You're like, who are these bitches?

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Speaker 3: I want to know more. I'm a good mom. I've

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Speaker 3: made some bad choices. Look at this.

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Speaker 4: It's bright, it's pink, it's yellow.

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Speaker 2: I feel so relieved now that it's outside. I was

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Speaker 2: having a lot of anxiety around it, But now that

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Speaker 2: it's outside, I feel like, yep, I wrote it, bitches

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Speaker 2: read it and weep it.

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Speaker 4: I just I have I same as well.

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Speaker 3: I think that the feedback that we've gotten from all

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Speaker 3: different types of people is what has made me feel

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Speaker 3: so good. Like men, people without children, people that don't

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Speaker 3: even want to have kids, people that are way in

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Speaker 3: their in their pregnancy journey, people that are just found

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Speaker 3: out they're pregnant, like, and that was my hope and

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Speaker 3: my hope has come true is that we are good writers, yes,

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Speaker 3: and that it is it is good read, it is

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Speaker 3: it is an easy read, and that it takes you

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Speaker 3: on a journey, you cry, you laugh, like those are

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Speaker 3: all the Those were all of my hopes because that

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Speaker 3: was that's kind of the journey of my life and

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Speaker 3: my life as good Mom's bad choices. There's been a

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Speaker 3: lot of tears, there's been a lot of joy. There's

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Speaker 3: been a lot of hard conversations, transformations, mirror work, you know,

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Speaker 3: all those things. And so my hope was that I

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Speaker 3: could encompass all of this in two hundred and whatever

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Speaker 3: fucking pages eighty pages that we have.

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Speaker 4: And I think we did a good job, No, I do.

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Speaker 2: Clarence are a good friend from the podcast Movement Too,

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Speaker 2: hit me up and he was listening to it at

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Speaker 2: work and he was like, yeah, you know, it was difficult.

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Speaker 4: For me to read.

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Speaker 1: I was like why. He was like, well, I'm a man.

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Speaker 2: And also like, you know, I guess I just only

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Speaker 2: I really I didn't realize you guys had lives before podcasting,

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Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, we are people, And I'm like,

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Speaker 2: how many people feel this way? Like we are a

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Speaker 2: whole ass people and we've experienced it, and like we've

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Speaker 2: been dumb bitches, We've been in fucked up relationships, we've

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Speaker 2: been cheated on, we've been like talked down to. Like

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Speaker 2: it's just like, it's so crazy how people once they

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Speaker 2: see you in one way, they like it's hard to

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Speaker 2: see you outside of that. Even the other fucking day,

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Speaker 2: I should kick Nelly's ass. Nellie Hi, Nelly and Miami

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Speaker 2: I put we were posting on Good Moms and she

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Speaker 2: she was like, Haha, remember when you was slepping all

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Speaker 2: that shit around La being a mobile esthetician. I was like,

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Speaker 2: what the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah, bitch, I

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Speaker 2: do remember. It wasn't that long ago. But it's just like,

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Speaker 2: you know, I really enjoy our book because it really

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Speaker 2: reminds us just the humanness.

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Speaker 1: Of it all.

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Speaker 2: You know, like this has been a process, there's been

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Speaker 2: a huge evolution, and like even for us, like we've

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Speaker 2: put so much effort in the last two years to

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Speaker 2: focus on this book, the promotion, the marketing, if it's

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Speaker 2: good if everyone's gonna be okay, like should we put

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Speaker 2: this in there?

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Speaker 1: Should we not put this in there? And I just

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Speaker 1: feel like.

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Speaker 2: You put all your like not all your eggs in

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Speaker 2: a basket. But sometimes as like humans and like Americans,

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Speaker 2: and we're like constantly, go go, go, go go. We're

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Speaker 2: meeting these goals and we're checking off these lists. And

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Speaker 2: then you get to fucking the Today Show and they're

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Speaker 2: like action. You're like yeah, and then and then it's over,

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Speaker 2: and you're like and then you do all these things

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Speaker 2: and then the book is out, and you're like, did

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Speaker 2: I turn into a fair of godmother? Like you're waiting

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Speaker 2: for some like for your pumpkin to arrive or like

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Speaker 2: you know, like I don't know what you're waiting for.

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Speaker 1: But it's just like huh. And then it's over, you know.

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Speaker 2: And it's not like it wasn't so exciting and so

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Speaker 2: invigorating and great and fulfilling, because it was. But I

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Speaker 2: really think like the most fulfilling part was getting it,

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Speaker 2: like getting it done, you know, and obviously seeing it

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Speaker 2: come together and the cover that we designed ourselves and

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Speaker 2: the shoot that we curated ourselves, and like, you know,

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Speaker 2: the words and like all of those things, but I

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Speaker 2: think like the biggest lesson in this is just like

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Speaker 2: being present in every single moment of the journey, you know,

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Speaker 2: just being present and like the beginning, the middle of

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Speaker 2: the end, you know, like you know, it's just like

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Speaker 2: having a baby, but like did you enjoy the sex?

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Speaker 2: You know, So it's just like it was a lesson

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Speaker 2: to me.

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Speaker 1: It's just like.

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Speaker 2: This is cool and it's been amazing. But the most

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Speaker 2: fulfilling part even still is getting the feedback hearing women

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Speaker 2: be like, oh my god, I relate to this, and

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Speaker 2: oh my god, I relate to that. Maybe we should

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Speaker 2: read a review because that one review I sent you

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Speaker 2: it was really really nice, Okay, but like how was

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Speaker 2: it for you? Like I know that you experienced similar

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Speaker 2: like big big highs and not lows, but kind of like.

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Speaker 3: You know, I think about my friend Ashley, who she

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Speaker 3: does like these big events, and she's always talking about

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Speaker 3: how like she has these major calm downs after like

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Speaker 3: putting so much energy towards something so important and then

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Speaker 3: like she feels really depressed afterwards.

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Speaker 4: And it's weird.

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Speaker 3: Because like she does this thing, it's successful. Everyone's happy

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Speaker 3: for the most part, and like it's a career high

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Speaker 3: and then it's over. It's almost like you've your energy

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Speaker 3: doesn't even know what it's still going, so it doesn't

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Speaker 3: it doesn't know what to do after it's over.

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Speaker 4: It's like, what are we doing now? Okay, what are

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Speaker 4: we doing? And it's like there's nothing else to do. Bitch,

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Speaker 4: that's it.

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Speaker 3: Have a seat, and so, you know, I definitely it

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Speaker 3: was a lot of high highs, but also like realizations

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Speaker 3: for me, and I told you this after we did

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Speaker 3: the Today Show, was like people put so much emphasis

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Speaker 3: on these like these appearances, right, these national publications that

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Speaker 3: are supposed to like get you to the masses and

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Speaker 3: all these things, and you know, I just feel I

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Speaker 3: realized after we did that that I love being able

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Speaker 3: to I guess, spread or get access to a woman

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Speaker 3: or whoever needs to hear the message that may ever

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Speaker 3: heard the message and any other capacity except they watched

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Speaker 3: the Today Show and here we are. But there's such

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Speaker 3: hoopla around it. And I just feel like our brand

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Speaker 3: is so authentic and it's so real, and it's so

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Speaker 3: it has so much substance to it that some of

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Speaker 3: these kind of appearances feel really fleeting. They feel a

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Speaker 3: bit like salesy a bit shallow.

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Speaker 2: Well, because we're not really we're not really penetrating the surface.

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Speaker 2: We're like literally saying as much as we can in

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Speaker 2: like a five minute segment, and you have to like

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Speaker 2: it's tied up really pretty, and we're not really used

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Speaker 2: to doing that, and granted we can and like don't

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Speaker 2: say fuck, don't say sex, don't say pussy. You know,

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Speaker 2: like we've been obsessing with this for two weeks, like

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Speaker 2: don't say fun, don't say don't say bit, she don't

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Speaker 2: say bitch until like the last appearance, Erica was like

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Speaker 2: not to have sex, and I was like, whoa.

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Speaker 3: It was the New York News, daytime News. I felt

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Speaker 3: like it was if it was either then or now

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Speaker 3: we're going.

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Speaker 1: Home wearing jeans.

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Speaker 4: It was like wearing jeans.

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Speaker 1: It reminded me of, oh my god, what the fuck?

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Speaker 3: But you know what, I felt like more like my

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Speaker 3: so during that appearance than any other appearance that we

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Speaker 3: had done. And I think because I had finally kind

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Speaker 3: of come down from like this like this idea that

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Speaker 3: we had to like I guess, perform in some sort

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Speaker 3: of way and like become these like hyper versions of

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Speaker 3: ourselves in order to get to the masses. You know,

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Speaker 3: me and Mel had watched like these other people on

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Speaker 3: the Today Show that are like fucking caricatures and are

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Speaker 3: like doing skits and like are loud, and they're like yeah,

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Speaker 3: and we're like, oh my god, we do we need

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Speaker 3: to be.

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Speaker 4: Loud, We need to have like a one two like thing,

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Speaker 4: and you know.

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Speaker 3: So then by the time we got to the daytime

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Speaker 3: news show, I was like, fuck it.

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Speaker 1: Wait, you know, it reminds me of this is so random,

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Speaker 1: you guys.

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Speaker 2: This is like, wait, what's the what's the epic Whoopy

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Speaker 2: Goldberg movie where she's in?

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Speaker 1: Then if you want to be something.

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Speaker 4: Uh, oh my god, I can't with the sisters.

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Speaker 2: Yes, sister you know that when performers at the end,

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Speaker 2: they're like, sister Mary said, take off our robes.

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Speaker 1: I mean I take off your just go as you are.

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Speaker 1: That's That's how That's what I was feeling. Just say

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Speaker 1: the things I suck.

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Speaker 4: I know.

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Speaker 3: We were at backstage and the person who came from

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Speaker 3: our PR company, we were like, can.

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Speaker 4: We say sex? Can we say?

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Speaker 1: She's like, She's like, let me go check.

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Speaker 4: I said, I said, don't.

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Speaker 1: Check, don't don't.

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Speaker 4: Ask, don't ask, Let's just just go for it.

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Speaker 3: So I don't know, I felt overall really excited, really happy,

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Speaker 3: definitely had the crash, some somewhat depression, not gonna lie. Also,

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Speaker 3: there were other things happening in the background of my

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Speaker 3: life that were that were like kind of trying attempting

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Speaker 3: to overshadow this moment, and I was like in conflict,

386
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Speaker 3: trying to fight with all my might to like say no,

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Speaker 3: I worked too fucking hard. I worked too fucking hard

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Speaker 3: to let anything or anyone nothing can ruin this overshadow this.

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Speaker 3: Like literally on the day of my book clunch, this mother,

390
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Speaker 3: this person was trying to fuck with me, and I

391
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Speaker 3: was like, do you know what today is?

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Speaker 4: Like It's bigger than my day, It is so.

393
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Speaker 3: Much, just bigger than this moment for me, Like this

394
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Speaker 3: is like a culmination of so many moments beyond this

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Speaker 3: fucking moment that I can't I cannot even give this

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Speaker 3: energy right now. I have got to get the fuck

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Speaker 3: out of this room. I gotta get out of here

398
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Speaker 3: because and because I was already feeling emotional, I felt

399
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Speaker 3: like I was that night like when you went to

400
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Speaker 3: go to Times Square to see our billboard after I

401
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Speaker 3: got off the phone with you, I was just like

402
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Speaker 3: in the room crying, like tears of joy, just like

403
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Speaker 3: crying and crying and crying. And then in the morning

404
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Speaker 3: I woke up and I was still crying for multiple reasons,

405
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Speaker 3: but specifically because of our because our book was out,

406
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Speaker 3: and I just it was cathartic. It was like finally

407
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Speaker 3: a release of like, Okay, it's out in the world,

408
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Speaker 3: do its thing.

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Speaker 2: But I don't feel like i've I don't. I don't

410
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Speaker 2: feel like i've I've reached that yet, Like I still

411
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Speaker 2: feel like I know I've told Erica. Like I was

412
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Speaker 2: in the hotel room and there was like a book

413
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Speaker 2: on like in front of me, and I was just

414
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Speaker 2: like I propped it up so I could go to

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Speaker 2: sleep and look at it.

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Speaker 1: So I didn't like I had to.

417
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Speaker 2: Keep telling myself it's real. Like I went to the bookstore.

418
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Speaker 2: I found it in the bookstore and this one was

419
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Speaker 2: like this is you. I was like yeah. I went

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Speaker 2: to the Times Square I watched I was like the

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Speaker 2: first one to watch it come up, and I was like,

422
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Speaker 2: this is crazy. And I still was like this is

423
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Speaker 2: happening to me, right, Like I know that's my face

424
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 2: on the book. I see it, but like I told Orlando,

425
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Speaker 2: like it feels like I'm watching it happen to someone else.

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Speaker 2: Like it doesn't feel quite real again, and like I

427
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Speaker 2: don't know what it's going to kick in, but it's

428
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:30,160
Speaker 2: just crazy, like you put all this into it, and

429
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Speaker 2: like even for you struggling to like fight, like life

430
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Speaker 2: happening is just like we write this book, We put

431
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,159
Speaker 2: all these tools and tricks and shit, and like this

432
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,240
Speaker 2: is what you do, and then you still have to

433
00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 2: like you still have to be clear about your energy

434
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Speaker 2: and who you let into it, and like it's just

435
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,240
Speaker 2: like it's a never ending lesson and you can literally

436
00:19:51,320 --> 00:19:53,679
Speaker 2: birth a book about it and still have to follow

437
00:19:53,680 --> 00:19:56,960
Speaker 2: your own practice and pre like practice what you preach.

438
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Speaker 2: And I think for you that was a huge lesson

439
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:00,920
Speaker 2: in that it's like when you you have something epic

440
00:20:00,920 --> 00:20:03,160
Speaker 2: going on in your life that you've worked so hard

441
00:20:03,240 --> 00:20:06,880
Speaker 2: for and it's finally coming to like fruition, and there's

442
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,200
Speaker 2: people in your like in your field that are even

443
00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:14,240
Speaker 2: remotely throwing off the energy, it's like hmm, hold up.

444
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,560
Speaker 3: Now, yeah, I mean I was super hyper sensitive anyway,

445
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,280
Speaker 3: our book. The week our book came out was like

446
00:20:18,280 --> 00:20:20,719
Speaker 3: a full moon and fucking no, no, it was an

447
00:20:20,760 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 3: eclipse in Scorpio. It was a full moon, it was

448
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,879
Speaker 3: our book launch. It was just all these things that

449
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,720
Speaker 3: were happening. And then like on top of that, my

450
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:31,919
Speaker 3: baby daddy was back like in in on like the

451
00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:35,560
Speaker 3: shade room, with some ghetto ass fucking shit that I

452
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,520
Speaker 3: was like, it was like, all these things happening. It

453
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 3: couldn't it couldn't have happened at a at a better time,

454
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 3: because specifically that moment with with whatever he's you know,

455
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:50,080
Speaker 3: dealing with I it was. It was a real testament

456
00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:56,320
Speaker 3: to the book and just that you can get over it,

457
00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,639
Speaker 3: you can disconnect, and that was that moment when that

458
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 3: showed up. It doesn't affect me, really, I mean it

459
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,840
Speaker 3: does whatever his choices do affect my child.

460
00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:06,240
Speaker 4: In some way.

461
00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,399
Speaker 3: But it was a I would not even maybe that

462
00:21:09,520 --> 00:21:11,879
Speaker 3: the first time, but it was a reminder that I

463
00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 3: don't I am so far removed from this person. And

464
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,640
Speaker 3: if you've been listening to the podcast since the beginning,

465
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:20,239
Speaker 3: you know, me and Mila have talked about like this,

466
00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:23,199
Speaker 3: like in this this cored that we have connected to

467
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 3: our child's father and like wanting to like disconnect, but

468
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,640
Speaker 3: it being so hard because not even because you love

469
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,960
Speaker 3: the person you want to be with them, that's not

470
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,040
Speaker 3: even what it really is about.

471
00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 4: It's just it is. It's kind of like this this.

472
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,040
Speaker 3: Morning of this family dynamic, and it's not even wrapped

473
00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 3: up for me at least in like I love this person,

474
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,480
Speaker 3: I want to be with them. It's just the idea

475
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:47,600
Speaker 3: of family and us being in this space together. And

476
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,359
Speaker 3: this ghetto shit popped up on the shade room and

477
00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:52,960
Speaker 3: that I knew was coming. I knew it was going

478
00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:56,240
Speaker 3: to come out at some point or another, and I

479
00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 3: was like, oh my god, I'm a spectator. I am

480
00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:03,000
Speaker 3: eating popcorn watching this play out, and it has nothing

481
00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,760
Speaker 3: to do with me. Even though they were there were

482
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:11,320
Speaker 3: comments about me in within the drama. Yeah, the other

483
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,080
Speaker 3: baby mama was like, he even tried to turn Erica

484
00:22:14,119 --> 00:22:17,400
Speaker 3: against me, but she knows that I will fuck any bitchup.

485
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:21,159
Speaker 2: I was like these baby mama choices I told. I

486
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 2: was like, listen.

487
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:25,320
Speaker 3: I was just like, you know what, I try not

488
00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,600
Speaker 3: to judge publicly, but I don't. The thing is, I've

489
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,760
Speaker 3: never like engaged with really any of them besides you know,

490
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:34,320
Speaker 3: his well not his recent one. But the one before that,

491
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:39,200
Speaker 3: who's lovely, and she's fine. But I just was like, wow,

492
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,080
Speaker 3: I really dodged a ghetto ass bullet. And this is

493
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 3: really the it wrapped up in a bow delivered like see,

494
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 3: you're fine, you made.

495
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 4: The right choice.

496
00:22:49,359 --> 00:22:54,160
Speaker 3: Don't ever doubt your fucking intuition and and and your

497
00:22:55,600 --> 00:23:01,760
Speaker 3: your ability to transform to take a negative and transform

498
00:23:01,760 --> 00:23:04,840
Speaker 3: it into a positive, because that's exactly what I did.

499
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,000
Speaker 3: You know, after the breakup, After me and him broke up,

500
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:11,679
Speaker 3: we started Good Moms like four months later, like it

501
00:23:11,720 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 3: was very fresh from that breakup. I think we broke

502
00:23:15,040 --> 00:23:25,000
Speaker 3: up in end of September of twenty twenty seventeen, end

503
00:23:25,000 --> 00:23:27,439
Speaker 3: of September, and then obviously there were a lot of

504
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:30,640
Speaker 3: other hard realizations that I had to, you know, confront

505
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:32,879
Speaker 3: after that. You know, we talked about this in the

506
00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:34,440
Speaker 3: book that my you know, my child's father had a

507
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,639
Speaker 3: girl pregnant when we were together and I was planning

508
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 3: our wedding, and it's something i've I've kind of talked

509
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:42,639
Speaker 3: about on the podcast, but I haven't really dove into

510
00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 3: because it was painful back then. Also, I just didn't

511
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,119
Speaker 3: want to give him a lot of ammunition because early on.

512
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 3: He was trying to act like my podcast was about him,

513
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:57,919
Speaker 3: and I just really wanted whatever the story was to

514
00:23:57,960 --> 00:24:01,240
Speaker 3: be about the transformation and not about like what happened

515
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:05,439
Speaker 3: there trauma, but with everything that happened with that, this

516
00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:08,439
Speaker 3: news breaking that you know, this was news for like

517
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:09,920
Speaker 3: twenty four hours because no one gives a.

518
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:11,600
Speaker 4: Fuck, because who cares.

519
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:16,240
Speaker 3: I was just like I just felt I felt like joy,

520
00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:20,520
Speaker 3: not for his pain, but like joy that like you

521
00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:22,600
Speaker 3: made the right choice, not even the right choice, that

522
00:24:22,640 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 3: I don't give a fuck that it didn't even put

523
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,879
Speaker 3: a blip in my day, and not even because I

524
00:24:29,880 --> 00:24:31,840
Speaker 3: care about him, but even for my daughter. I didn't

525
00:24:31,840 --> 00:24:33,280
Speaker 3: even I don't want to say I don't give a

526
00:24:33,280 --> 00:24:35,520
Speaker 3: fuck with how it affects her, but I'm like.

527
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,040
Speaker 1: You're so she even she's you've removed her even from

528
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: the trauma, because.

529
00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 3: It's just because I feel like I've been caring it

530
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:44,399
Speaker 3: for the hurt and pain for her too when she

531
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,720
Speaker 3: isn't even like you know, when he went, when we

532
00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:48,600
Speaker 3: found out he was having other baby, and like there

533
00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,480
Speaker 3: was that conversation that had to be had where he

534
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 3: was gonna have to.

535
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,560
Speaker 4: Tell her that she has a brother.

536
00:24:56,040 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 3: I was so stressed out about that moment, thinking it

537
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:01,119
Speaker 3: was going to cause so much trauma to her. Like

538
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,040
Speaker 3: I thought for sure she was gonna like have a

539
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:04,000
Speaker 3: bunch of questions.

540
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,080
Speaker 4: She was so young, and not.

541
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,479
Speaker 3: Even like she was gonna cry, but just have at

542
00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:11,879
Speaker 3: least have questions. She didn't ask one motherfucking question. Okay,

543
00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:14,880
Speaker 3: And I still don't really know, Like how now he's

544
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 3: had other children since then, and he has another one

545
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:21,880
Speaker 3: on the way supposedly, but I don't. Her traumas don't

546
00:25:21,920 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 3: have to be my traumas, And like that was also

547
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 3: a big lesson, like I don't have to carry.

548
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,240
Speaker 4: This for her, right let her, let her, let her

549
00:25:27,240 --> 00:25:28,439
Speaker 4: figure that out, you know.

550
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 3: And so when that came, I can't control the other person, Yeah,

551
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:32,080
Speaker 3: because before.

552
00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 4: I'd be like, how are you gonna tell you're daughter?

553
00:25:33,840 --> 00:25:37,439
Speaker 4: You have all these fucking baby mamas everywhere? You're a

554
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 4: rapper statistic?

555
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:41,119
Speaker 3: How the fuck did a girl from the valley end

556
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,439
Speaker 3: up with a gary nigga who just keeps having babies

557
00:25:43,480 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 3: all over the place?

558
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: Baby mamas? Oh have they changed? They're definitely each in

559
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:52,840
Speaker 2: their own lane.

560
00:25:53,040 --> 00:25:55,160
Speaker 3: But you know, it was just it just felt like, wow,

561
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,719
Speaker 3: this news breaking During that during that happening was a

562
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:00,639
Speaker 3: reminder of that. And then and even just what I

563
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,480
Speaker 3: was going through, you know, behind the scenes, was also

564
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 3: a reminder of that. Like you've worked too hard to

565
00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:09,760
Speaker 3: Like you've worked too hard, You've done the work. You're

566
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,840
Speaker 3: not perfect, there's a lot there's more work to be done.

567
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,879
Speaker 3: But you know yourself, you know what you deserve, and

568
00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:18,000
Speaker 3: you know that your intuition is.

569
00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:22,760
Speaker 4: Never fucking wrong. And if it ain't adding up, it

570
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:24,120
Speaker 4: ain't add in up.

571
00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 2: It just doesn't make sense. Yeah, Like you can't make it.

572
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 2: You can't make something.

573
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,399
Speaker 3: And God wasn't gonna let me. God, that's one thing

574
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 3: about God or whatever you want to believe in. She

575
00:26:34,600 --> 00:26:37,919
Speaker 3: ain't gonna let me fuck around and find out for

576
00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 3: too long.

577
00:26:39,119 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 4: She just won't. No, that is just the theme of

578
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:42,200
Speaker 4: my life.

579
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,560
Speaker 3: And I know that because I'm in such alignment with

580
00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,200
Speaker 3: what I'm supposed to be doing and my purpose that

581
00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:52,200
Speaker 3: I am divinely guided and protected truly, and I see

582
00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 3: it all the time, and I am so scared to

583
00:26:56,480 --> 00:26:58,159
Speaker 3: be out of alignment because I don't know what that

584
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,840
Speaker 3: looks like. I don't want to get back to that

585
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 3: point in my life where I was reading my journal diaries.

586
00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 3: When we were writing this book, and I was so

587
00:27:04,840 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 3: insecure about my purpose. I had no idea what I

588
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 3: wanted to do. I didn't feel like I was good

589
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 3: at acting, Like I wasn't getting the audition, I wasn't

590
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,399
Speaker 3: getting the bookings that I wanted to be trying for

591
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,719
Speaker 3: years and years, you know, I was like, what am

592
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:18,199
Speaker 3: I good at?

593
00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:18,720
Speaker 4: I don't know?

594
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:22,199
Speaker 3: You know, I mean people, and that I'm not. So

595
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,679
Speaker 3: I'm not willing to even and I know that I'm not.

596
00:27:24,840 --> 00:27:26,320
Speaker 3: It's not possible for me to go back to that place,

597
00:27:26,359 --> 00:27:28,760
Speaker 3: but I'm not even willing to take the gamble of

598
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:32,520
Speaker 3: like my misalignment in my personal life and any other

599
00:27:32,560 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 3: parts of my life to fuck up the flow.

600
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: Absolutely.

601
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 2: But I think during those times where you're you're facing

602
00:27:40,280 --> 00:27:44,359
Speaker 2: like personal challenges, you're not like aware enough to correlate

603
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,120
Speaker 2: the two because the same like, you know, we've both

604
00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:52,399
Speaker 2: had our.

605
00:27:50,880 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: The places where we came from.

606
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 2: We didn't like start talking shit on the podcast our

607
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:56,560
Speaker 2: whole lives and this became successful, but like.

608
00:27:59,640 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: We were young women.

609
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,680
Speaker 2: As are like this is what people don't talk about

610
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,560
Speaker 2: is that there is a there's always going to be

611
00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:10,840
Speaker 2: a period where you're hopefully exploring, exploring what fulfills you professionally, personally,

612
00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,800
Speaker 2: and it takes trial and error, and like even and

613
00:28:14,040 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 2: women underestimate the amount of emotional how a negligent relationship

614
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:28,640
Speaker 2: can leave you insecure, How an abusive relationship verbally, emotionally,

615
00:28:28,760 --> 00:28:31,199
Speaker 2: whatever can can leave you so deeply insecure that it

616
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:34,399
Speaker 2: has you searching for yourself and like, sometimes that's a

617
00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 2: good thing, like that happened, that needed to happen, and

618
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 2: not that like he was necessarily like the emotionally abusive

619
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:48,120
Speaker 2: to you, but he's a narcissist, So him putting himself

620
00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,440
Speaker 2: and his traumas and his career always at the forefront,

621
00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 2: you kind of take the back seat to that and

622
00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 2: then expect also as a woman, like I should be

623
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 2: supporting this person his career is taking off.

624
00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:59,040
Speaker 1: But it can leave you feeling like what the fuck?

625
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:00,840
Speaker 2: And you know, even for me, I was in a

626
00:29:00,840 --> 00:29:04,480
Speaker 2: relationship with someone very different, also a narcissist, but with

627
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:07,560
Speaker 2: less success, and so a lot of his abuse was

628
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,560
Speaker 2: like talking down to me about what I was doing

629
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 2: and how I wasn't changing shit, and like you think

630
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:13,760
Speaker 2: you're doing lashes jam, nobody gives a fuck you think

631
00:29:13,800 --> 00:29:15,720
Speaker 2: you're like, what are you changing in the world, And meanwhile,

632
00:29:15,760 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 2: this niggas I'm doing shit. But like, years and years

633
00:29:19,160 --> 00:29:23,120
Speaker 2: and years of abusive talk or talking down to someone

634
00:29:23,160 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 2: from someone that you love and is supposed to care

635
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,120
Speaker 2: for you will leave you fucked up, will leave you insecure,

636
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,959
Speaker 2: will leave you feeling like am I enough or am

637
00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 2: I good enough?

638
00:29:31,560 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 1: Or what is the next step for me?

639
00:29:33,200 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 2: And I was just thinking about where I was when

640
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,000
Speaker 2: we started the podcast, because I broke up with my

641
00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:41,080
Speaker 2: baby daddy, probably like a year ish before we got

642
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 2: we started the podcast, but I was still fucking around

643
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,080
Speaker 2: with him and I was still seeing him and we

644
00:29:46,080 --> 00:29:51,000
Speaker 2: weren't living together. But I think that December we had

645
00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:52,800
Speaker 2: this incident that I write about in the book where

646
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:55,400
Speaker 2: like he was drunk, I was holding the baby and

647
00:29:55,440 --> 00:29:58,680
Speaker 2: he hit me in my face and I bled and

648
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:00,160
Speaker 2: I looked down at my hands in my life, like

649
00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 2: my nose was bleeding and I couldn't fucking believe this shit,

650
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:06,760
Speaker 2: And like that was the moment for me where I

651
00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:09,600
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, bitch, what are you about to do?

652
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 2: And I think it's so unfortunate for me that looking back,

653
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 2: like it really required that I saw blood on my

654
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,560
Speaker 2: hands to actually put my foot down, and even then

655
00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 2: I hadn't put my foot down because I think after that,

656
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:24,040
Speaker 2: he took us on a trip to San Diego, and

657
00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: I was like trying, and I remember like being really

658
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:30,200
Speaker 2: early on in our friendship but like telling you these

659
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 2: things but then still kind of entertaining him and you

660
00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 2: being like what And I'm like, yeah, I know, but

661
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,280
Speaker 2: like just not like not even understanding my own actions

662
00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:43,640
Speaker 2: and not really fully understanding, like I understood what had happened,

663
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:46,160
Speaker 2: but not fully integrating it, Like no, bitch, this person

664
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,680
Speaker 2: needs to be completely cut off. But the amount of

665
00:30:48,760 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 2: time it took to build the confidence to completely walk

666
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:55,160
Speaker 2: away from that, and like how do we not started

667
00:30:55,200 --> 00:30:57,560
Speaker 2: the podcast? Like that hadn't happened in December and we've

668
00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:00,080
Speaker 2: didn't start the podcast in March, Like I don't know

669
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,000
Speaker 2: how long it would have taken me to get out

670
00:31:02,040 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 2: of that cycle, but like talking about it, talking about it,

671
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 2: having a friend who was looking at me like bitch,

672
00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:09,920
Speaker 2: are you crazy? And like, you know, like her baby

673
00:31:10,000 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 2: daddy got a girl pregnant and she didn't step back once,

674
00:31:12,480 --> 00:31:16,960
Speaker 2: you know, but like very different, very different, like blow

675
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:21,440
Speaker 2: ups that looked very different but still having to just

676
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 2: rely on our own confidence and rely on our intuition

677
00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,960
Speaker 2: to be like this, I don't know what this shit

678
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:28,560
Speaker 2: is over here. I've never podcasted before, but this is

679
00:31:28,560 --> 00:31:32,000
Speaker 2: definitely not it. And just like starting something and stepping

680
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,480
Speaker 2: into something brand new, fresh off of nothing and just

681
00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:38,240
Speaker 2: saying fuck it, we're gonna do it regardless, because I

682
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 2: really don't feel fulfilled in these other ways, and you know,

683
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:45,040
Speaker 2: and just like also, I don't fulfill feel fulfilled in

684
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 2: this relationship, and I'm going to step away and do

685
00:31:46,680 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 2: something new, which I think a lot of women have

686
00:31:49,280 --> 00:31:51,480
Speaker 2: a hard time doing, like a getting out of the

687
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:57,880
Speaker 2: the negative self talk that you've been eve inherited from

688
00:31:57,880 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 2: a partner for a very long time.

689
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean, or the talk you've told your sisters.

690
00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 3: I mean, for me, it was the talk I told myself.

691
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 3: My partner didn't really negatively. He didn't talk negatively to

692
00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:14,840
Speaker 3: me per se. No, he didn't his his his And

693
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:16,960
Speaker 3: I talked about this in the book too, Like he

694
00:32:17,240 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 3: is highly.

695
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:24,120
Speaker 4: Ideas flow out of him. They've always just flown out

696
00:32:24,160 --> 00:32:24,480
Speaker 4: of him.

697
00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 3: Like he's super creative, he can just come up with

698
00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 3: I mean, he's a rapper, like he can come up

699
00:32:29,800 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 3: with shit off the cuff.

700
00:32:30,840 --> 00:32:31,520
Speaker 4: You know what I mean.

701
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:35,000
Speaker 3: And before I met him, I was doing music and

702
00:32:35,040 --> 00:32:39,560
Speaker 3: I was writing, and you know, I didn't really talk

703
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 3: about this in the book, and maybe this is something,

704
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 3: you know, we had someone on Patreon ask if there's

705
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 3: anything that we haven't shared.

706
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,680
Speaker 4: The side part. I feel like a Donald Trump trying

707
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:51,000
Speaker 4: to have my comb over.

708
00:32:54,160 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 3: We talk about someone on Patreon had asked if there

709
00:32:58,000 --> 00:32:59,960
Speaker 3: was anything that we had left out of the book,

710
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 3: and of course there's I mean, there's a lot of

711
00:33:01,120 --> 00:33:02,640
Speaker 3: things left out the book because talked about a lot

712
00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 3: of shit on the podcast. But you know, I kind

713
00:33:05,880 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 3: of touched on the fact that like he was like highly,

714
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:13,560
Speaker 3: highly creative. And when I met him, I was working

715
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 3: at Geffen Records. Oh no, I was assisting Macy. Actually

716
00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 3: I was assisting Macy Gray shout out to Macy, and

717
00:33:19,960 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 3: but I was ending that I had been doing that

718
00:33:22,440 --> 00:33:25,680
Speaker 3: for like three years, and within working with Macy, like

719
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 3: I had started writing a lot. I'd even written with

720
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,640
Speaker 3: her a few times, and I was really really pursuing

721
00:33:30,640 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 3: my career as a writer. I wanted to be an

722
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:35,560
Speaker 3: artist also, but that just didn't happen. And then I

723
00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:40,520
Speaker 3: got kind of sexually abused by someone in the industry

724
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,840
Speaker 3: and really not kind of. I got sexually abused by

725
00:33:43,880 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 3: someone in the industry, and it really turned me off

726
00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 3: to wanting to be an artist anymore.

727
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 2: I think that was in the episode called I Said

728
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:51,280
Speaker 2: No Motherfucker.

729
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:53,440
Speaker 4: And Wow, you have a good memory.

730
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,200
Speaker 1: That was a pretty epic title.

731
00:33:55,280 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 4: So and.

732
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:03,040
Speaker 3: So, you know, writing was my my release, and it

733
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 3: would just flow out of me. I would just I

734
00:34:04,840 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 3: would be in the shower and I would write a

735
00:34:06,160 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 3: little something. I would just any time. I was always writing, always,

736
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 3: always writing. And I remember there was this moment when

737
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:14,920
Speaker 3: I met Freddie and he, you know, we started off

738
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:16,560
Speaker 3: as just friends, like he was just my weed dealer,

739
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:19,640
Speaker 3: and like he was really sweet and really like kind.

740
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:21,759
Speaker 3: I wasn't really even attracted to him. He was just like,

741
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:24,440
Speaker 3: had a really nice smile. He was really funny, and

742
00:34:25,120 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 3: I had a boyfriend at the time, and he would

743
00:34:27,560 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 3: come over and bring me weed. There was no like

744
00:34:29,560 --> 00:34:32,600
Speaker 3: funny business going on. But I remember one time he

745
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 3: was like you right right, Like I want to come

746
00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 3: over and you can write, Like we should write together.

747
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,200
Speaker 3: And I'd written with a lot of people before, and

748
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 3: he came over and like I just saw like how

749
00:34:41,239 --> 00:34:43,920
Speaker 3: quickly he was just writing things, and I immediately started

750
00:34:43,920 --> 00:34:47,080
Speaker 3: feeling like insecure, even though like it wasn't him, it

751
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 3: was me. You know, I really started feeling insecure. I

752
00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,799
Speaker 3: was like, oh my God, like is it good?

753
00:34:50,800 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 4: Am I good?

754
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 3: Like he's been on my like the Freshman cover at

755
00:34:54,000 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 3: that point, so I was like, he's kind of famous,

756
00:34:55,640 --> 00:34:56,680
Speaker 3: but he's also my drug dealer.

757
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:57,200
Speaker 4: I'm confused.

758
00:34:57,239 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 3: He lives in a small apartment in Van E's. But

759
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:05,680
Speaker 3: you know, after that, after you know, months of you

760
00:35:05,680 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 3: know me and going back and forth with my ax,

761
00:35:07,040 --> 00:35:09,240
Speaker 3: me and Fridday started, you know, going, we got together

762
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,520
Speaker 3: very quickly, Like I think the first time we kissed

763
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 3: that night, we had like a lot of sex in

764
00:35:16,200 --> 00:35:18,840
Speaker 3: New York. And then like a week later he was

765
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:21,279
Speaker 3: my boyfriend. And then like a month later or two

766
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:22,640
Speaker 3: months later, I was moving in with him.

767
00:35:22,840 --> 00:35:23,759
Speaker 1: You met him in New York?

768
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:25,040
Speaker 4: No, No, I met him.

769
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 3: In LA But like we I happened to go to

770
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 3: I had broken up with my boyfriend. I went to

771
00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 3: New York because Macy was filming for Colored Girls, the movie,

772
00:35:32,320 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 3: and so I went out there and we had been

773
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 3: texting or whatever, and he was like, I'm in New

774
00:35:35,360 --> 00:35:35,759
Speaker 3: York and I was.

775
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:36,759
Speaker 4: Like, okay, cool, let's meet up.

776
00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:38,800
Speaker 3: And we went out. We drank a bunch of tequila.

777
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,640
Speaker 3: We went to this spot. Oh my god, it was

778
00:35:40,640 --> 00:35:42,920
Speaker 3: this spot. It's this hookah is this old hookah spot? Like,

779
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:48,919
Speaker 3: oh god, downtown Lower East Side? And I kissed him

780
00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:50,520
Speaker 3: like I and he was like kind of shy, like

781
00:35:50,520 --> 00:35:52,239
Speaker 3: I was, no one was gonna he knew he wasn't

782
00:35:52,239 --> 00:35:54,719
Speaker 3: gonna kiss me. And actually, my homegirl slash not my

783
00:35:54,719 --> 00:35:59,360
Speaker 3: homegirl anymore. That episode was what was that episode?

784
00:36:00,000 --> 00:36:03,200
Speaker 4: I don't remember. It was about friends not being friends. Yeah.

785
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 3: She was like, oh, you know Freddy Gibbs and I

786
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,359
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, he's my he's my I know him.

787
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 3: She's like, oh he's fine, and I was like he

788
00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:14,759
Speaker 3: is so crazy. It was so dumf. She's like, oh

789
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 3: he's fun, he's kind of fine. Actually, no, it wasn't Lauren.

790
00:36:17,239 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 3: It was another girl that I know.

791
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:20,040
Speaker 1: Actually I was gonna say, if it's her, this is

792
00:36:20,200 --> 00:36:20,640
Speaker 1: very scary.

793
00:36:20,760 --> 00:36:22,640
Speaker 4: No it wasn't her. It was another girl that I know,

794
00:36:22,880 --> 00:36:23,959
Speaker 4: which whatever.

795
00:36:24,000 --> 00:36:26,719
Speaker 2: And all it takes is one bitch was one you

796
00:36:26,880 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 2: could not be attracted to ending it and one bitch.

797
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: She'll do one thing and you're like huh. But I

798
00:36:30,320 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 1: had still like you want to win.

799
00:36:31,719 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 3: Like even the fact that he was in New York

800
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 3: not on my radar that like, it was just like

801
00:36:35,160 --> 00:36:38,080
Speaker 3: that's my homeboy that I you know, we smoke weed sometimes,

802
00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:40,680
Speaker 3: he's the weed dealer. He's cool, he smokes forty blunts

803
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:43,160
Speaker 3: a day. I'm not interested in that. Like that was

804
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,200
Speaker 3: that was a major turn off for me. His smoking

805
00:36:45,239 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 3: in tick not because I remember the first time we

806
00:36:48,160 --> 00:36:52,240
Speaker 3: met he was bragging about that and I was like, ew, Anyway,

807
00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:53,480
Speaker 3: I go to New York and I guess he was

808
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 3: out there doing something for his career or some shit.

809
00:36:56,120 --> 00:36:57,719
Speaker 3: I still had a lily. I really didn't know what

810
00:36:57,760 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 3: he was doing. I didn't I didn't listen to hip

811
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,839
Speaker 3: hop like that. She was like, oh, yeah, he's kind

812
00:37:01,840 --> 00:37:04,040
Speaker 3: of fine, and I was like he is.

813
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:06,720
Speaker 4: I was like, maybe he is fine.

814
00:37:07,320 --> 00:37:08,040
Speaker 1: I should kiss him?

815
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 2: Huh literally basic fuck, I should kiss him.

816
00:37:11,880 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: So we went it's mine now, bitch.

817
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,360
Speaker 3: So we went out and then we went to this

818
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 3: little Macy was DJing at this spot, and then like,

819
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 3: you know why, this was the best one I was

820
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,239
Speaker 3: working with Macy. I was drunk half the time, and

821
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 3: I just kissed him. And then after that it was

822
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 3: a fucking rap, like we went to the hotel room whatever,

823
00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:31,640
Speaker 3: we fucked for hours and hours and hours, and then

824
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,640
Speaker 3: after that he was mine and I was his.

825
00:37:34,360 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 4: And you know, at.

826
00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,799
Speaker 3: That moment, like his his career was still going and

827
00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,279
Speaker 3: he was still writing, but like we never really wrote

828
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,239
Speaker 3: again together really, and I was still trying to like

829
00:37:46,520 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 3: get my career off the ground, like trying to get

830
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:52,400
Speaker 3: like placements and stuff, and it wasn't it wasn't happening.

831
00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:53,640
Speaker 4: I wasn't in the right spaces.

832
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,880
Speaker 3: And then like watching him like literally like right rap

833
00:37:56,920 --> 00:37:59,760
Speaker 3: after rap after rap, he would like write like six songs,

834
00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:00,760
Speaker 3: and one day.

835
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 4: I was like, am I good at this?

836
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,960
Speaker 3: And so I started to really get insecure about it

837
00:38:05,480 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 3: and I just really and then I remember like having

838
00:38:08,480 --> 00:38:12,880
Speaker 3: this immense, like crippling like writer's block, like where I

839
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:17,520
Speaker 3: couldn't even write anymore at all, and it was just

840
00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:21,280
Speaker 3: so interesting how and this is just honest, like his

841
00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 3: success like made me feel like I couldn't achieve what

842
00:38:25,239 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 3: he achieved.

843
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:27,279
Speaker 4: And that's not it's not.

844
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,280
Speaker 3: Even like it's not even his it's not a hidden

845
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 3: problem it's a me problem. I mean, had he been

846
00:38:31,960 --> 00:38:35,520
Speaker 3: a maybe a more emotionally aware, mature partner at the

847
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:38,160
Speaker 3: age of twenty seven, which come on like maybe he

848
00:38:38,160 --> 00:38:40,080
Speaker 3: could have like you know, helped help me out with

849
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,120
Speaker 3: that and those feelings. But I don't even know if

850
00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:43,960
Speaker 3: I even vocalized those to him because I was kind

851
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 3: of ashamed, and it fucked with my confidence. And I

852
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:52,040
Speaker 3: was thinking about, like just now in our space, how

853
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 3: confident I am and what I do and how you know,

854
00:38:55,880 --> 00:39:00,319
Speaker 3: we show up as business women and what we offer

855
00:39:00,520 --> 00:39:03,279
Speaker 3: and like just all the things that we've been able

856
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 3: to I guess flex in a way that and as

857
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,680
Speaker 3: a woman too that like I'm not I'm so unwilling,

858
00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:16,960
Speaker 3: Like what the moment my confidence starts getting fucked with,

859
00:39:17,840 --> 00:39:21,520
Speaker 3: like I gotta go, I gotta go well, And I

860
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 3: started to feel that way recently, like were my confidence?

861
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,920
Speaker 3: I was like whoa, and it was it's not in

862
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 3: the workspace. It's in like you know, the love space

863
00:39:29,400 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 3: and woman space. And I was like, this is not

864
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,000
Speaker 3: even me, Like I'm not the bitch that does this

865
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:37,239
Speaker 3: crazy shit. This is triggering my confidence in some way

866
00:39:37,320 --> 00:39:42,720
Speaker 3: and I'm not willing to like even entertain this idea

867
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:46,640
Speaker 3: that maybe like I'm not enough or that I need

868
00:39:46,680 --> 00:39:48,719
Speaker 3: to like assert myself and I need to find out

869
00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:50,600
Speaker 3: I need to get to the bottom of this, you know,

870
00:39:50,719 --> 00:39:53,000
Speaker 3: for and it's like no, no, no, no, no. The

871
00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:56,400
Speaker 3: moment you the moment your relationships start to kind of

872
00:39:56,960 --> 00:39:59,480
Speaker 3: trigger your confidence, and you know, in the space of

873
00:39:59,520 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 3: me and my child's father, like it really wasn't him,

874
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:04,800
Speaker 3: that was really me, And then I didn't. I chose

875
00:40:04,800 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 3: not to really dive into that and try to figure

876
00:40:06,480 --> 00:40:09,640
Speaker 3: it out. But when you're when a partner or any

877
00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 3: type of person is triggering your confidence and it's not

878
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,960
Speaker 3: they're they're complicit in it, like you have to you

879
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:19,759
Speaker 3: have to kind of walk not kind of you have

880
00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:20,440
Speaker 3: to walk away from that.

881
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 4: Well.

882
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,239
Speaker 2: I mean also I think it requires that it like

883
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:27,440
Speaker 2: the level of confidence that we've now kind of walked

884
00:40:27,640 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 2: evolved into in this space is because we've worked at

885
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,560
Speaker 2: it and worked at it. And I think sometimes we're

886
00:40:32,560 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 2: triggered by other people's performance. It's because we don't feel

887
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,560
Speaker 2: confident and you know, like someone's performing better than us,

888
00:40:38,600 --> 00:40:41,280
Speaker 2: and that requires, you know, a lot of self work.

889
00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:44,000
Speaker 3: There's healthy triggers of No, for that's what I mean,

890
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 3: like when you see someone you're like.

891
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:46,880
Speaker 1: I want to do that.

892
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,640
Speaker 2: Do that for sure, absolutely, But I think when you're young,

893
00:40:49,680 --> 00:40:52,279
Speaker 2: I think a lot of times women we fall into this.

894
00:40:52,360 --> 00:40:56,359
Speaker 2: It's just a lot of questioning ourselves, you know, and then.

895
00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:58,480
Speaker 1: You don't you can't.

896
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,960
Speaker 2: You only recognize this in this relationship because you know

897
00:41:01,000 --> 00:41:02,960
Speaker 2: where you've come from, and you know who, you know what,

898
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,280
Speaker 2: you've like the confidence that you felt in this recent

899
00:41:05,440 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 2: like chapter of your life, and so when you start

900
00:41:07,719 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 2: to like decline back into that way, you're like, hold that,

901
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,799
Speaker 2: I've done way too much work for this. And same

902
00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:14,600
Speaker 2: like I dated someone and there was a partment. I

903
00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 2: was like, like, my nigga, you're not about to come

904
00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:19,440
Speaker 2: over here and fuck with this. Like I know this

905
00:41:19,480 --> 00:41:21,400
Speaker 2: is probably what you do generally, but like I'm not

906
00:41:21,440 --> 00:41:23,319
Speaker 2: that bitch. I've literally looked at someone in the face

907
00:41:23,360 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 2: and like, listen, I know this is obviously your tactic.

908
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:28,760
Speaker 2: You're probably used to fucking with insecure, dumb young bitches,

909
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 2: but like I am not that person, So you can

910
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:33,080
Speaker 2: just pack your shit up right now and keep it moving. Granted,

911
00:41:33,120 --> 00:41:34,960
Speaker 2: he manipulated me a little bit more and confused me,

912
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 2: but it's just like I think even for a young

913
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:42,840
Speaker 2: women listening to this episode, it's really important that you

914
00:41:42,920 --> 00:41:45,680
Speaker 2: kind of be confident in yourself before getting into any

915
00:41:45,719 --> 00:41:50,520
Speaker 2: serious relationship because A it's a distraction and B you

916
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,160
Speaker 2: haven't fully like if you haven't fully figured out what

917
00:41:53,200 --> 00:41:54,680
Speaker 2: you are, and not to say like I'm still fully

918
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:56,759
Speaker 2: figuring out who I am and what I'm best at,

919
00:41:56,800 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 2: and you can, I can continue to evolve and like

920
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 2: uncover these things. But I think we forget just this

921
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:06,320
Speaker 2: simple metric of how we feel after we leave people.

922
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 2: And that goes with friendships too, And as you get older,

923
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:12,279
Speaker 2: you hopefully start to like kind of notice. But there

924
00:42:12,280 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 2: was a time where, even in my late twenties, I

925
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,120
Speaker 2: was around people that I was always around, and I'm like,

926
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,520
Speaker 2: you're not talking about fucking shit, Like I cannot talk

927
00:42:20,520 --> 00:42:22,279
Speaker 2: about the Internet for one more second, Like I will

928
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,919
Speaker 2: tune people out. And there's times like when you start

929
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,920
Speaker 2: to evolve in certain ways, even the friends you've had

930
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:28,959
Speaker 2: your whole life, Like I know a lot of people

931
00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 2: notice during like COVID, people who are just obsessed with it,

932
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 2: talking about Democrats and Republicans and shots, and I'm like, Nope,

933
00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:38,000
Speaker 2: these are not my people either. But like when you

934
00:42:38,040 --> 00:42:41,880
Speaker 2: start to really dig into the substance of conversations and

935
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 2: the way in which you feel after you leave people,

936
00:42:44,640 --> 00:42:47,839
Speaker 2: you can better evaluate what really pours.

937
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 1: Into your cup.

938
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 2: And not to say everyone, like don't make friends all

939
00:42:50,840 --> 00:42:52,759
Speaker 2: beneath you so you can feel the most confident, But

940
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:55,799
Speaker 2: like people that just genuinely motivate you and inspire you

941
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 2: and make you feel good. And there are sometimes people

942
00:42:58,640 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 2: that just don't energetic. It just doesn't make sense and

943
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:03,680
Speaker 2: it's okay, you know what I mean, Like or.

944
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,240
Speaker 3: You feel good in their presence, but the moment you leave,

945
00:43:06,600 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 3: you don't. And that's also a sign too.

946
00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,359
Speaker 2: Well, that's a trust thing, like you know, like are

947
00:43:11,400 --> 00:43:13,560
Speaker 2: you talking behind my back? Or you know, the shit

948
00:43:13,680 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 2: like that, Like we we all have to have enough,

949
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:22,360
Speaker 2: just enough like self self awareness to a question is

950
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,200
Speaker 2: it me? Is it something that an insecurity deep seated

951
00:43:25,200 --> 00:43:27,640
Speaker 2: in myself? Or is it the way this person is

952
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:28,400
Speaker 2: making me feel?

953
00:43:28,520 --> 00:43:28,759
Speaker 1: You know?

954
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:31,840
Speaker 2: And it's just so important that we constantly be taking

955
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:36,200
Speaker 2: note of that in friendships and relationships because life is

956
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 2: hard enough, you know what I'm saying, Like life is

957
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,400
Speaker 2: hard enough. All the bitches are cute out here, like

958
00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,120
Speaker 2: everybody's fine. You know, I don't know if you've seen,

959
00:43:43,280 --> 00:43:47,279
Speaker 2: like everybody's getting botox. Everybody looks good, So like I'm not.

960
00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:49,920
Speaker 2: I can't bet on being the finest bitch in your phone. However,

961
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:51,439
Speaker 2: are you gonna make me feel good?

962
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:51,719
Speaker 4: You know?

963
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,959
Speaker 2: And you know, Eric, like we're fine bitches, and we're

964
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 2: cool and and I know that, and we're successful. And

965
00:43:58,960 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 2: even without this this lefe level of success. It's just

966
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:03,799
Speaker 2: about the confidence in knowing who the fuck you are

967
00:44:03,840 --> 00:44:08,160
Speaker 2: and not letting anyone tell you differently, because insecure people

968
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,920
Speaker 2: will try to bring you down, you know someone. And

969
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 2: that was even my issue with like my child's father.

970
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,239
Speaker 2: It was like he was struggling so much with his

971
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:19,600
Speaker 2: own his own demons about not being at a level

972
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:21,400
Speaker 2: of success that he thought he was going to be at.

973
00:44:21,440 --> 00:44:23,520
Speaker 1: And you know, like we grew up together and he thought.

974
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:24,399
Speaker 2: I was gonna go to the NBA and he said

975
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:26,799
Speaker 2: he gonna be a famous rapper, and like those things

976
00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:30,680
Speaker 2: require effort. Hate to break it to you, but when

977
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:34,239
Speaker 2: those things didn't begin to like translate into adulthood, I

978
00:44:34,280 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 2: think a lot of men experience this. And this is

979
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,439
Speaker 2: not even like to throw shade. I think it's real shit.

980
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 2: It's like you, it's hard out here, and like if

981
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,400
Speaker 2: you are not working hard to get it, it's just

982
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:46,360
Speaker 2: like it feels discouraging.

983
00:44:46,520 --> 00:44:47,359
Speaker 1: Especially for men.

984
00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:50,719
Speaker 2: There's so much pressure to be providers and protectors, and

985
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,719
Speaker 2: you know, if you're not in that position when you

986
00:44:53,760 --> 00:44:56,959
Speaker 2: think you're supposed to be, those insecurities will seed deep

987
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,799
Speaker 2: in you and you will start to spew jealousy at

988
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:02,240
Speaker 2: even your lover. And that is the sick shit, you know,

989
00:45:01,960 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 2: and you and I started to notice that. It's like, Nikka,

990
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,840
Speaker 2: you're talking shit to me because you're not happy with yourself.

991
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:08,560
Speaker 1: And then the type of bitches I.

992
00:45:09,080 --> 00:45:11,680
Speaker 2: Am, like, I'm gonna start telling you about yourself, and

993
00:45:11,880 --> 00:45:14,360
Speaker 2: you know, I was like, it's just crazy. Like obviously,

994
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:18,120
Speaker 2: looking back now, I at one point, I really really

995
00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:20,200
Speaker 2: love this person, and I still have loved for this person.

996
00:45:20,280 --> 00:45:20,919
Speaker 1: We grew up together.

997
00:45:20,960 --> 00:45:25,120
Speaker 2: I've known this person for the fucking eighteen years and

998
00:45:25,200 --> 00:45:27,440
Speaker 2: we were best friends and all these things. But it

999
00:45:27,520 --> 00:45:31,200
Speaker 2: took like it took a level of understanding to know

1000
00:45:31,280 --> 00:45:35,239
Speaker 2: that like he doesn't have the tools to heal, he

1001
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,920
Speaker 2: didn't have the tools to figure out like damn, I'm unhappy.

1002
00:45:37,920 --> 00:45:40,440
Speaker 2: Where am I I'm at, So I'm gonna take this

1003
00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 2: out on this woman and talk shit to her about

1004
00:45:42,280 --> 00:45:44,360
Speaker 2: where she's at, Like a bitch was an esthetician school,

1005
00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,240
Speaker 2: I worked at a studio, worked at a tax office.

1006
00:45:46,400 --> 00:45:47,720
Speaker 1: I had like seventeen jobs.

1007
00:45:47,760 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 4: You know.

1008
00:45:48,080 --> 00:45:51,160
Speaker 2: Always but you know, for a lot of you know

1009
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:54,800
Speaker 2: a lot of younger boys or the youngest boy and families,

1010
00:45:54,840 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 2: they're coddled and they're enabled and they don't really know

1011
00:45:59,600 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 2: how to find in their way and it comes out

1012
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:03,799
Speaker 2: in a lot of ways, you know, And I just

1013
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:08,280
Speaker 2: think it's unfortunate, like for the women who sometimes attach

1014
00:46:08,360 --> 00:46:11,879
Speaker 2: themselves wanting to like help them and nurture them. Because

1015
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:14,000
Speaker 2: I was one of those women making press kids and

1016
00:46:14,120 --> 00:46:16,399
Speaker 2: I don't know what the fuck video treatments and shit,

1017
00:46:17,960 --> 00:46:19,520
Speaker 2: and I was just like and then there comes a

1018
00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:22,800
Speaker 2: point where it's just like nigga, I can't wrap for you,

1019
00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,160
Speaker 2: you know, and like it just you have to really

1020
00:46:25,200 --> 00:46:28,680
Speaker 2: be careful of the company you keep, because insecurity can

1021
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:32,840
Speaker 2: breed jealousy and resentment, and it's real out here. You know,

1022
00:46:32,920 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 2: that shit is real and you kind of have to

1023
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 2: be real about you know. I know, bitches always be like.

1024
00:46:36,600 --> 00:46:37,839
Speaker 1: Ah, she's jealous of me?

1025
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:41,080
Speaker 2: Sometimes bitches really are just jealous of you, and sometimes

1026
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:44,279
Speaker 2: you're jealous of bitches and niggas, and you have to

1027
00:46:44,320 --> 00:46:46,399
Speaker 2: kind of check yourself and figure out why and also

1028
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,440
Speaker 2: be adult enough to just be like, you know, like

1029
00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:52,040
Speaker 2: that's not me anymore. And like even for me, I've

1030
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:56,000
Speaker 2: grown up in spaces with friends who are super privileged

1031
00:46:56,400 --> 00:47:00,000
Speaker 2: and have had, like inherited a lot of like jobs

1032
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 2: and positions, And there'd be a point when I was

1033
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:06,680
Speaker 2: like irritated, like you fucking spoil bitch, But then I

1034
00:47:06,719 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 2: had to come to a point where like I't got

1035
00:47:08,200 --> 00:47:10,440
Speaker 2: nothing to do with them, but their parents set up

1036
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:12,080
Speaker 2: for them is actually a blessed.

1037
00:47:11,760 --> 00:47:14,960
Speaker 3: Like they're mirroring something you don't have, and that's exactly

1038
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:17,680
Speaker 3: what that is. You know, you feeling insecure because you're

1039
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,799
Speaker 3: seeing this and why don't I have that? Oh they

1040
00:47:19,840 --> 00:47:23,360
Speaker 3: have that because of this, and it's like yes, but

1041
00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:23,680
Speaker 3: what do.

1042
00:47:23,640 --> 00:47:25,439
Speaker 4: They do with that? Right? Right?

1043
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,680
Speaker 1: And it's just, you know, it's not easy to.

1044
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:32,640
Speaker 2: Admit when you're the problem, or when there's things that

1045
00:47:32,680 --> 00:47:34,799
Speaker 2: trigger you and it comes out in a negative way.

1046
00:47:35,080 --> 00:47:39,760
Speaker 2: Even recently, somebody came to my DMS, like at eight am,

1047
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,239
Speaker 2: I was so confused talking about I called them like

1048
00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: I said that they were ugly or they.

1049
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:47,600
Speaker 1: Were old, but I'm ugly. And I literally was like,

1050
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:48,640
Speaker 1: who the fuck is this?

1051
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 2: And the girl was like, I'm young Bay's X and

1052
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,920
Speaker 2: I was like, who literally is somebody had did it

1053
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,319
Speaker 2: five years ago? And you know what I told Erica

1054
00:47:57,600 --> 00:47:59,200
Speaker 2: because I was heated at first. I was like, bitch,

1055
00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:01,600
Speaker 2: you've been harboring for a long time. And I was

1056
00:48:01,640 --> 00:48:03,560
Speaker 2: like I may have said this to this nigga, but like,

1057
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 2: what a bitch ass nigga to be gossiping like a

1058
00:48:06,719 --> 00:48:10,120
Speaker 2: bitch five years later? And then I know, I told

1059
00:48:10,160 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 2: the girl, I said, you know what, I apologize if

1060
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:15,080
Speaker 2: I said that, You know what I mean, like I'm

1061
00:48:15,120 --> 00:48:16,880
Speaker 2: not in the same place that I was, but like

1062
00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 2: I had to take someone accountability. You know, women, we

1063
00:48:24,560 --> 00:48:27,360
Speaker 2: justify our things when there's niggas involved.

1064
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:28,239
Speaker 4: Who is it?

1065
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,719
Speaker 2: She's ugly and granted you may feel that way and

1066
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:34,880
Speaker 2: everybody's not going to beautiful, but just being able to

1067
00:48:35,080 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 2: be an adult and be like, you know, a girl,

1068
00:48:36,640 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 2: I this bothered you. I sincerely apologize and I said

1069
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 2: it out of just being a bitch to this nigga.

1070
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:47,000
Speaker 2: But it's just like there's a level of accountability that

1071
00:48:47,080 --> 00:48:49,799
Speaker 2: has to happen as we evolve, and just being like

1072
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 2: certain things don't need to be said, and especially being

1073
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 2: in this position, I'm like, I nen go see my

1074
00:48:54,920 --> 00:48:59,239
Speaker 2: tweets because you know, like people are going, people are

1075
00:48:59,320 --> 00:49:03,880
Speaker 2: genuinely by by comments and by your words, and they

1076
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:07,000
Speaker 2: carry power. And even in this like this season of

1077
00:49:07,040 --> 00:49:11,680
Speaker 2: my life where I'm successful and I feel confident, I'm

1078
00:49:11,760 --> 00:49:17,880
Speaker 2: still recognizing where verbal abuse still is really like heavy

1079
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 2: on me, you know, like just little things like someone

1080
00:49:22,440 --> 00:49:24,719
Speaker 2: calling me multiple times asking me where I'm at, Like

1081
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:26,960
Speaker 2: i feel on edge all the time because I've been

1082
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,840
Speaker 2: stalked heavily by a boyfriend, and it's just like I

1083
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,120
Speaker 2: have to be able to release those things and move

1084
00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:36,200
Speaker 2: forward to actually evolve and be a better human being

1085
00:49:36,239 --> 00:49:38,520
Speaker 2: and be a better adult, even shit from childhood, even

1086
00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 2: shit my mom does to me ways I in ways

1087
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 2: I deal with her and just like really be like

1088
00:49:43,160 --> 00:49:44,919
Speaker 2: Michelle Obama and take the high road.

1089
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:46,080
Speaker 4: I feel you.

1090
00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 3: I mean, it's the same here. I mean my I

1091
00:49:48,960 --> 00:49:55,480
Speaker 3: think my thing that I struggle with is being able

1092
00:49:55,560 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 3: to fully think that my successes are enough, like this

1093
00:50:02,440 --> 00:50:05,040
Speaker 3: is enough or I don't even mean like enough, like

1094
00:50:05,080 --> 00:50:08,239
Speaker 3: we end here, but like even if I were to

1095
00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 3: get an Emmy, like would that.

1096
00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:12,680
Speaker 1: Would I still feel fulfilled?

1097
00:50:12,800 --> 00:50:13,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

1098
00:50:13,040 --> 00:50:17,279
Speaker 3: Because I still feel a level of emptiness in my successes.

1099
00:50:17,440 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 4: To be one hundred percent.

1100
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:22,440
Speaker 3: Honest, Jungle, I still feel a level of emptiness in

1101
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 3: my successes.

1102
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:25,279
Speaker 4: And I know that's like what you're not supposed to

1103
00:50:25,320 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 4: say that as.

1104
00:50:25,960 --> 00:50:31,360
Speaker 2: Like it feels empty? What part feels empty? Empty is

1105
00:50:31,400 --> 00:50:32,000
Speaker 2: a strong word.

1106
00:50:32,200 --> 00:50:36,359
Speaker 3: I think maybe it's not. Maybe it's not empty, it's

1107
00:50:36,400 --> 00:50:39,359
Speaker 3: just a lack of presence. You know. Even when we

1108
00:50:39,360 --> 00:50:41,399
Speaker 3: were at our book signing in La, all these people

1109
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:43,840
Speaker 3: were talking to me, and there was a moment where

1110
00:50:43,960 --> 00:50:46,759
Speaker 3: Melanie shout out to Melanie Fiona. She came over to

1111
00:50:46,800 --> 00:50:48,360
Speaker 3: me and she said, I hope that you're being present.

1112
00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:50,680
Speaker 3: Are you present right now? Because there's a lot happening?

1113
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 3: And I was like, I think, no, I'm not. I

1114
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:57,680
Speaker 3: didn't tell her that because I didn't want her to

1115
00:50:57,719 --> 00:51:00,000
Speaker 3: know I wasn't, but that's how I like my first

1116
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 3: and SIN was like, no, I'm not present, Like this

1117
00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:04,440
Speaker 3: is a lot. I have a lot going on in

1118
00:51:04,480 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 3: my fucking brain, like talking, saying things, feelings, worrying about

1119
00:51:10,800 --> 00:51:14,000
Speaker 3: other people's feelings, you know, just.

1120
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:16,279
Speaker 4: And I think that.

1121
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 3: I carry that with me into my successes sometimes of

1122
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:23,440
Speaker 3: just like comparing myself to my family successes, like my

1123
00:51:23,480 --> 00:51:28,000
Speaker 3: mom's success or my father's success or my child's father's success.

1124
00:51:28,080 --> 00:51:29,759
Speaker 3: You know, I don't really do that anymore, but there

1125
00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:32,040
Speaker 3: was a time where I was, and that was why

1126
00:51:32,080 --> 00:51:35,839
Speaker 3: I was crippling. I was I had these crippling writer's block,

1127
00:51:35,920 --> 00:51:44,520
Speaker 3: this crippling creative block comparing and you know, we put

1128
00:51:44,560 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 3: a lot of pressure on ourselves for the book to

1129
00:51:46,120 --> 00:51:48,759
Speaker 3: be really successful, which it has been shout out to

1130
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:52,600
Speaker 3: our tribe, thank you. But there was even that moment

1131
00:51:52,640 --> 00:51:56,600
Speaker 3: where I had to talk to myself and say, girl, listen,

1132
00:51:57,320 --> 00:52:00,000
Speaker 3: whatever this number is, this invisible ass number that you're

1133
00:52:00,080 --> 00:52:03,239
Speaker 3: trying to reach or whatever the fuck like, so if

1134
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:05,520
Speaker 3: you don't hit it, what are you gonna do? Right?

1135
00:52:05,600 --> 00:52:07,480
Speaker 1: Is everything not gonna count what.

1136
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:09,120
Speaker 3: You're gonna do, You're gonna be mad, You're gonna be

1137
00:52:09,280 --> 00:52:10,560
Speaker 3: like this is all for nothing?

1138
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 4: Like what?

1139
00:52:11,480 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 3: And then I think about my childhood and I was

1140
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:17,160
Speaker 3: always highly competitive child like would cry every time I lost.

1141
00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:20,560
Speaker 3: Like I remember, like I used to do. I used

1142
00:52:20,560 --> 00:52:24,520
Speaker 3: to swim competitively, and I was super competitive in swimming,

1143
00:52:24,600 --> 00:52:27,000
Speaker 3: and every time I lost, it was like a thing

1144
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,360
Speaker 3: like everyone knew York was gonna cry she lost, so

1145
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 3: she better fucking win so And I don't know, I

1146
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 3: think that's a good thing. But I think I'm also wondering.

1147
00:52:36,920 --> 00:52:39,759
Speaker 3: I think that this this need for more, like this

1148
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:43,360
Speaker 3: more and more and more is it's like from childhood

1149
00:52:43,360 --> 00:52:45,720
Speaker 3: And I don't know. I think I'm just now because

1150
00:52:45,760 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 3: I'm having so many amazing successes and I'm noticing this

1151
00:52:48,600 --> 00:52:51,880
Speaker 3: thing needing to know that I have to unpack that still,

1152
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 3: like there's something there that I haven't really unpacked. I

1153
00:52:55,560 --> 00:52:59,439
Speaker 3: don't really know what it is yet, and I don't

1154
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:01,440
Speaker 3: even know where it begin to figure it out, but

1155
00:53:01,680 --> 00:53:03,839
Speaker 3: it's something that I know I have to because I'm

1156
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 3: not going to stop.

1157
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:08,000
Speaker 4: Being more successful. I you know, like we're going.

1158
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:10,520
Speaker 3: We're going in the direction that you know God has going,

1159
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,759
Speaker 3: has us going, which is because we're doing what we're

1160
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:16,440
Speaker 3: supposed to be doing and in alignment with our with

1161
00:53:16,480 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 3: our passion and our purpose. I'm only going to continue

1162
00:53:19,000 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 3: to be successful, but I want to be able to

1163
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:21,840
Speaker 3: be really.

1164
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:23,480
Speaker 4: Present in it. And there's the moments where I have

1165
00:53:23,600 --> 00:53:24,759
Speaker 4: been for sure.

1166
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:26,799
Speaker 2: Is there like a success is there just like a

1167
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:30,160
Speaker 2: success presence, like counselor.

1168
00:53:29,719 --> 00:53:30,759
Speaker 1: Like I need it, I need someone?

1169
00:53:30,920 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 4: Like is a church?

1170
00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:33,879
Speaker 1: I'm just like, how do you be present a church?

1171
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 1: You're at a book setting? Like not real? Hong right,

1172
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,480
Speaker 1: you gonna kill? Like it's so hard because.

1173
00:53:40,280 --> 00:53:42,239
Speaker 2: There're so like taking in a lot of energy, You're

1174
00:53:42,280 --> 00:53:44,320
Speaker 2: taking in a lot of messages, You're grateful, you're crying.

1175
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:45,760
Speaker 1: There's just so many.

1176
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 2: It's it's very uh sensory, Like it's high sensory.

1177
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:51,920
Speaker 1: It's a sensory overload.

1178
00:53:52,280 --> 00:53:54,439
Speaker 3: I think I'm almost getting to the point I think

1179
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 3: I'm I think I know what the answer. I don't

1180
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:57,920
Speaker 3: know the answer to that question is, but I think

1181
00:53:57,920 --> 00:53:59,920
Speaker 3: it's that none of this should actually matters, and that

1182
00:54:00,120 --> 00:54:00,600
Speaker 3: I know.

1183
00:54:00,560 --> 00:54:02,279
Speaker 4: That I do feel my best.

1184
00:54:02,280 --> 00:54:04,000
Speaker 3: Even with the Today Show thing, I was like, I

1185
00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 3: just want to like talk to the be with the pitches.

1186
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:09,440
Speaker 3: That's want to be with the people. I want to

1187
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:11,760
Speaker 3: create circles, which is what we do with our retreats.

1188
00:54:11,840 --> 00:54:14,080
Speaker 3: That's where I feel when I'm sitting here with my

1189
00:54:14,160 --> 00:54:16,520
Speaker 3: sister talking in my little sister circle, That's where I

1190
00:54:16,520 --> 00:54:19,759
Speaker 3: feel like that's best and present. When I'm in the

1191
00:54:20,000 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 3: in the Trenches, in the Good Vibe retreat with twenty

1192
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:24,680
Speaker 3: five women in the jungle, and we're talking and we're

1193
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 3: sharing energy and we're bouncing all these frequencies off of

1194
00:54:27,239 --> 00:54:30,279
Speaker 3: one another. That's where I feel successful. That's where I

1195
00:54:30,320 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 3: feel present. That's where I feel like, yes.

1196
00:54:33,760 --> 00:54:35,680
Speaker 1: This is it, this is what I'm supposed to be doing,

1197
00:54:35,719 --> 00:54:35,960
Speaker 1: you know.

1198
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 4: But it's like, I don't know if I have social anxiety.

1199
00:54:38,760 --> 00:54:41,120
Speaker 3: But when I'm in space, it's not social anxiety because

1200
00:54:41,160 --> 00:54:44,280
Speaker 3: I'm in social in social spaces in these.

1201
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:46,160
Speaker 4: Retreats, and I'm totally I feel at peace.

1202
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:48,560
Speaker 3: But it's when I'm in these other spaces and these

1203
00:54:48,600 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 3: other circles and these other things. I don't know, it's

1204
00:54:51,760 --> 00:54:54,719
Speaker 3: hard for me to be present, and that's not I

1205
00:54:54,719 --> 00:54:56,400
Speaker 3: don't even know if that's true. Because the book seting

1206
00:54:56,440 --> 00:54:59,200
Speaker 3: was our tribe, those are people, and I felt I

1207
00:54:59,239 --> 00:55:00,960
Speaker 3: think there was just a lot things happening in general,

1208
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:05,080
Speaker 3: but I just felt like I was at my wedding.

1209
00:55:05,360 --> 00:55:07,920
Speaker 2: I don't have social anxiety as much as I have

1210
00:55:08,000 --> 00:55:11,279
Speaker 2: personal anxiety. And like this week, I had to tell myself, like, bitch,

1211
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:12,040
Speaker 2: you have anxiety.

1212
00:55:12,120 --> 00:55:13,839
Speaker 1: And I've never thought i'd say that like.

1213
00:55:13,800 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 2: Bitch, you have anxiety, Like I never, like I'm anxious

1214
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,520
Speaker 2: as fuck and not so much around people like I

1215
00:55:20,560 --> 00:55:23,520
Speaker 2: can as in fact like being around When you're around people,

1216
00:55:23,520 --> 00:55:25,400
Speaker 2: you become less anxious. Yeah, I become like you were

1217
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 2: able to like move that energy around. But when I'm

1218
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:32,239
Speaker 2: like in my own thoughts, my anxiety is so high.

1219
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 1: And you know, I feel like I realized I'm the opposite.

1220
00:55:34,640 --> 00:55:35,160
Speaker 4: A lot of my.

1221
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 2: Anxiety is like safety is surrounded by safety, and it's

1222
00:55:40,120 --> 00:55:42,440
Speaker 2: just like when will I feel safe?

1223
00:55:42,520 --> 00:55:42,919
Speaker 4: And I don't.

1224
00:55:43,080 --> 00:55:45,400
Speaker 2: It sounds crazy because I've literally had to tell myself

1225
00:55:45,400 --> 00:55:48,000
Speaker 2: that you're safe, nothing's gonna happen to you. Like, but

1226
00:55:48,280 --> 00:55:50,600
Speaker 2: like I feel like I've never thought that I'd be

1227
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:53,479
Speaker 2: the type of person to have anxiety, so like I've

1228
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 2: never said that out loud like that, but like it's

1229
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:59,760
Speaker 2: just this like deep fear of just not being safe

1230
00:56:00,320 --> 00:56:01,400
Speaker 2: and it's so crazy.

1231
00:56:01,440 --> 00:56:03,440
Speaker 1: It's just like I don't know.

1232
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:05,919
Speaker 2: Like I did take a half his annex the other day,

1233
00:56:05,960 --> 00:56:07,799
Speaker 2: and I was like, wow, this is great, I told true,

1234
00:56:07,920 --> 00:56:10,480
Speaker 2: but I'm like I think I started taking mushroom brea

1235
00:56:10,800 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 2: was like this little pill is with too much. But yeah,

1236
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:18,520
Speaker 2: it's just like you work so hard and you do

1237
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:21,240
Speaker 2: all the things, and it's just like is it enough?

1238
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 2: And I literally I was scrolling past Black Girl Bravado

1239
00:56:24,719 --> 00:56:26,560
Speaker 2: and they were saying the same shit, and I was like.

1240
00:56:27,680 --> 00:56:30,120
Speaker 1: What the fuck, Like, what the fuck?

1241
00:56:30,440 --> 00:56:31,359
Speaker 4: Because we have this.

1242
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:35,120
Speaker 3: Culture of do more, do more, do more, reach for

1243
00:56:35,160 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 3: the stars, reach for the stars, reach your full potential.

1244
00:56:37,920 --> 00:56:42,919
Speaker 3: And your full potential is expressed through work and act

1245
00:56:43,000 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 3: checkpoints and checkpoints and dollar signs and goals met.

1246
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:49,440
Speaker 1: And if you don't have a private jet, then are

1247
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:50,280
Speaker 1: you even doing anything.

1248
00:56:52,719 --> 00:56:55,120
Speaker 3: I don't know about all that, but I mean, but yes,

1249
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:57,279
Speaker 3: but I mean I understand it's not that.

1250
00:56:57,400 --> 00:56:59,040
Speaker 2: But you know, I don't want a private jet, but

1251
00:56:59,080 --> 00:57:02,840
Speaker 2: I do just want to be kill you know, like chilling, chilling,

1252
00:57:03,680 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 2: and yeah, I think.

1253
00:57:06,880 --> 00:57:08,919
Speaker 1: I don't know, are we ever satisfied?

1254
00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:12,760
Speaker 2: But yeah, I just want to live in the jungle

1255
00:57:12,800 --> 00:57:16,000
Speaker 2: and retreat four times a year and just be like

1256
00:57:16,280 --> 00:57:20,280
Speaker 2: present and leisurely do things like That's I want.

1257
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:21,280
Speaker 1: To just live in ease and pleasure.

1258
00:57:22,560 --> 00:57:24,120
Speaker 4: Amen, so do I.

1259
00:57:24,880 --> 00:57:26,320
Speaker 1: Anyway, I was gonna read this review.

1260
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:32,960
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, actually there was two that I thought I

1261
00:57:32,960 --> 00:57:33,880
Speaker 2: didn't ask anyone if I.

1262
00:57:34,000 --> 00:57:36,200
Speaker 3: Refore read the review. Let me, I'm going to clear

1263
00:57:36,640 --> 00:57:39,120
Speaker 3: the energy one more time. This is from our friends

1264
00:57:39,120 --> 00:57:44,040
Speaker 3: at the Purple Purpose, Ziomara, the energy nurse. She sent

1265
00:57:44,160 --> 00:57:45,000
Speaker 3: us this bundle.

1266
00:57:45,160 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 2: Maybe it's we're looking for the success president to doula energy.

1267
00:57:49,720 --> 00:57:51,920
Speaker 4: Nurse tell me what to do.

1268
00:57:52,160 --> 00:57:57,200
Speaker 3: She gave us this beautiful stage, rainbow stage and.

1269
00:58:00,240 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 4: H mm hmmm. I was writing so well before the

1270
00:58:22,280 --> 00:58:26,840
Speaker 4: mm hmm. Everybody, let's just take a deep breath together.

1271
00:58:28,760 --> 00:58:40,280
Speaker 4: Mm hmmm. Two more mm hmmm.

1272
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 1: Ah okay, donkey.

1273
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:57,520
Speaker 2: First, Happy Mama's Day. How fitting inappropriate that I finished

1274
00:58:57,520 --> 00:59:00,000
Speaker 2: the book on Mother's Day. Finding a moment to myself

1275
00:59:00,320 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 2: to read was challenging, but I did it. I read

1276
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:05,000
Speaker 2: at work, the gym, and in my car. As I

1277
00:59:05,080 --> 00:59:08,840
Speaker 2: finished today, I'm feeling a bit empty and saddened because

1278
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 2: the book was like CPR. I laughed, cried, clutched my

1279
00:59:12,680 --> 00:59:16,000
Speaker 2: pearls and all the in between. This book is a

1280
00:59:16,040 --> 00:59:19,960
Speaker 2: testament to what so many women experience behind closed doors.

1281
00:59:21,160 --> 00:59:23,640
Speaker 2: There aren't enough words in my vocabulary to thank you,

1282
00:59:23,720 --> 00:59:26,200
Speaker 2: ladies enough. I thank you for your transparency and for

1283
00:59:26,280 --> 00:59:29,280
Speaker 2: sharing your stories. So much of what I read were

1284
00:59:29,360 --> 00:59:32,280
Speaker 2: experiences I've had myself in my nine years in the hood.

1285
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:37,320
Speaker 2: This book was therapy for me, group therapy. My heart, mind, body,

1286
00:59:37,360 --> 00:59:40,880
Speaker 2: and soul needed this content. It was reassuring and confirmation

1287
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:43,600
Speaker 2: to so many things that I've been that I've been

1288
00:59:43,600 --> 00:59:45,600
Speaker 2: on my mommy brain, from the depths of my heart.

1289
00:59:45,760 --> 00:59:49,360
Speaker 2: Thank you both. I've never felt so visible and connected

1290
00:59:49,360 --> 00:59:53,120
Speaker 2: to complete strangers in my life. I truly believe and

1291
00:59:53,160 --> 00:59:55,200
Speaker 2: feel in a kind of selfish way, that one of

1292
00:59:55,240 --> 00:59:57,720
Speaker 2: the purposes you both serve in this life is to

1293
00:59:57,760 --> 01:00:02,040
Speaker 2: pour into and uplift other. Mommy not selfish. You are

1294
01:00:02,080 --> 01:00:04,880
Speaker 2: both a gift from God. I will cherish and treasure

1295
01:00:04,920 --> 01:00:08,200
Speaker 2: this book forever. As much as this as much shame

1296
01:00:08,240 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 2: as the title exudes, Thank you for creating a safe, informative,

1297
01:00:11,360 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 2: supportive space for single moms and for simultaneously paving a

1298
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:19,640
Speaker 2: runway for single mothers to walk down confidently and with pride.

1299
01:00:20,000 --> 01:00:22,160
Speaker 1: I receive that thank you.

1300
01:00:23,920 --> 01:00:26,760
Speaker 2: I will one believe that a part of the purpose,

1301
01:00:27,200 --> 01:00:29,920
Speaker 2: the main purpose, is to be able to pour into

1302
01:00:30,040 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 2: the moms and to make space, you know, to remind

1303
01:00:33,480 --> 01:00:35,520
Speaker 2: you who the fuck you are. So thank you for

1304
01:00:35,560 --> 01:00:36,120
Speaker 2: seeing us.

1305
01:00:36,920 --> 01:00:38,080
Speaker 1: It makes me feel so happy.

1306
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 4: Thank you because you know what that pours into us.

1307
01:00:40,640 --> 01:00:42,800
Speaker 3: You know, that's what these messages from you guys do

1308
01:00:43,160 --> 01:00:45,720
Speaker 3: pour it back into us. If it's like a cyclical thing,

1309
01:00:45,760 --> 01:00:47,880
Speaker 3: we share our stories. We may not be able to

1310
01:00:47,880 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 3: sit in front of you and have these conversations, but

1311
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:51,960
Speaker 3: we're in your ears, we're in your cars, we're in

1312
01:00:52,000 --> 01:00:54,040
Speaker 3: your living rooms, we're in wherever the fuck you're listening

1313
01:00:54,040 --> 01:00:57,200
Speaker 3: to this right now, and it's really intimate and I'm

1314
01:00:57,600 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 3: grateful that I get to sit here and spend this

1315
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:04,200
Speaker 3: time with you that you've dedicated to and to us.

1316
01:01:04,400 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 4: You know, it's really.

1317
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:08,160
Speaker 2: Welcome listen to your home, your personal space, and your

1318
01:01:08,200 --> 01:01:08,880
Speaker 2: personal time.

1319
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:12,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, and and then you know us pouring into you,

1320
01:01:13,320 --> 01:01:16,280
Speaker 3: Like that's the gift. That's always my hope. But then

1321
01:01:16,320 --> 01:01:18,160
Speaker 3: these kind of things pour back into me and I'm

1322
01:01:18,200 --> 01:01:21,560
Speaker 3: just like still processing a little bit because we've been

1323
01:01:21,600 --> 01:01:24,440
Speaker 3: getting such great feedback and even reading that, I'm.

1324
01:01:24,240 --> 01:01:28,440
Speaker 4: Like, is this for me? This is you're talking about this?

1325
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 2: I mean, well, that was our goal always in writing

1326
01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:34,400
Speaker 2: the book, is that like we would pick stories and

1327
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 2: lessons that we've learned that would resonate with other women.

1328
01:01:38,320 --> 01:01:40,000
Speaker 2: But it just really feels good to know that they

1329
01:01:40,040 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 2: actually are. Yeah, they do we didn't pick a card,

1330
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:44,640
Speaker 2: my love.

1331
01:01:51,080 --> 01:01:52,400
Speaker 1: Should we pick an affirmation?

1332
01:01:54,840 --> 01:01:59,920
Speaker 3: Hmmkay?

1333
01:02:00,240 --> 01:02:08,200
Speaker 1: Today's affirmation I think we.

1334
01:02:11,160 --> 01:02:11,640
Speaker 4: Huh.

1335
01:02:11,960 --> 01:02:17,240
Speaker 2: Today's affirmation comes from find your tribe, and the affirmation

1336
01:02:17,480 --> 01:02:23,400
Speaker 2: is find yourself, then find your tribe. Find yourself, then

1337
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:26,160
Speaker 2: find your tribe. You can't find your tribe if you

1338
01:02:26,160 --> 01:02:26,880
Speaker 2: don't know who you are.

1339
01:02:28,040 --> 01:02:29,680
Speaker 4: Your tribe will also help you a little bit, but

1340
01:02:29,720 --> 01:02:30,720
Speaker 4: you've got to have the foundation.

1341
01:02:31,000 --> 01:02:32,800
Speaker 2: You got to have a tribe that is going to

1342
01:02:32,840 --> 01:02:35,960
Speaker 2: be open and willing to let you explore whoever it

1343
01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,760
Speaker 2: is that you are without shame or judgment. And I

1344
01:02:38,800 --> 01:02:40,840
Speaker 2: know a lot of times it happens, you know, the

1345
01:02:40,880 --> 01:02:43,360
Speaker 2: opposite way. You start to feel like you know who

1346
01:02:43,440 --> 01:02:45,640
Speaker 2: you are, and then someone tells you that's not okay

1347
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:47,400
Speaker 2: and that's not acceptable, and then you kind of shrink

1348
01:02:47,440 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 2: back into your cage. But that's the goal, is like,

1349
01:02:50,040 --> 01:02:52,240
Speaker 2: once you're ten toes down and who the fuck you are,

1350
01:02:52,680 --> 01:02:55,680
Speaker 2: then you can better, you know, scoop out the ones

1351
01:02:55,720 --> 01:02:56,400
Speaker 2: that aren't.

1352
01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:58,240
Speaker 3: With it, or and even if you're not ten toes,

1353
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:00,880
Speaker 3: but you meet somebody or you hear or meet somebody

1354
01:03:00,880 --> 01:03:04,960
Speaker 3: else that is, stay with that person, follow that person,

1355
01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:09,040
Speaker 3: you know, congregate with that person, if those are, If

1356
01:03:09,080 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 3: those are, if that sounds like us, come to the

1357
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:14,720
Speaker 3: good vibratry, you know, like you're gonna meet other women

1358
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:18,040
Speaker 3: that are exploring what ten toes down looks like for them,

1359
01:03:18,080 --> 01:03:22,440
Speaker 3: and they need a space that feels open, that feels

1360
01:03:22,880 --> 01:03:25,360
Speaker 3: safe to judge for Yeah, safe to explore this. It

1361
01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:27,080
Speaker 3: feels like a place they're not going to be judged.

1362
01:03:27,120 --> 01:03:29,600
Speaker 3: They're gonna be able to show up however, weird, however,

1363
01:03:29,720 --> 01:03:33,880
Speaker 3: whatever the fuck they want. And you know, I do

1364
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 3: believe that that is me and Mila's gift is the

1365
01:03:37,680 --> 01:03:40,760
Speaker 3: accepting of whatever the fuck.

1366
01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:42,840
Speaker 4: You want and who you want to be, you know.

1367
01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:45,920
Speaker 3: And I'm just so grateful that we've created this community

1368
01:03:45,960 --> 01:03:49,360
Speaker 3: in this space for women to be that and show

1369
01:03:49,440 --> 01:03:52,080
Speaker 3: up as themselves, which in turn helps me show up

1370
01:03:52,080 --> 01:03:55,440
Speaker 3: as myself because I'm still ever evolving and still you know,

1371
01:03:56,000 --> 01:03:59,520
Speaker 3: obviously a bottle of fucking anxiety still and in ways.

1372
01:04:01,080 --> 01:04:04,840
Speaker 3: But that's the point is to come congregate, do the work,

1373
01:04:04,960 --> 01:04:09,920
Speaker 3: do the exploration, ask the questions, question everything, then reaffirm

1374
01:04:09,960 --> 01:04:12,520
Speaker 3: your fucking self and come back.

1375
01:04:12,360 --> 01:04:12,880
Speaker 4: A new bitch.

1376
01:04:14,320 --> 01:04:18,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, and uh, We're going to Mexico and July, you guys,

1377
01:04:18,400 --> 01:04:21,280
Speaker 3: if the trip is approaching, we're almost sold out. You

1378
01:04:21,320 --> 01:04:24,120
Speaker 3: need to just go ahead and book. It's the summer

1379
01:04:24,200 --> 01:04:27,320
Speaker 3: vacation that you deserve, that you need. It's gonna be healing,

1380
01:04:27,360 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 3: it's gonna be a little ratchet. It's gonna be a

1381
01:04:29,800 --> 01:04:32,720
Speaker 3: lot of fun and a lot of luxury. It's very luxury.

1382
01:04:32,880 --> 01:04:35,640
Speaker 3: Every room is ocean side. Literally, wake up to the

1383
01:04:35,680 --> 01:04:39,840
Speaker 3: ocean every morning, Jump in the jump in the beautiful

1384
01:04:39,960 --> 01:04:41,480
Speaker 3: pool overlooking the ocean.

1385
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 2: Have a curated breakfast, marcar, do yoga right on the

1386
01:04:46,200 --> 01:04:49,440
Speaker 2: cliff of the mountain while you watch the ocean tides.

1387
01:04:50,280 --> 01:04:50,880
Speaker 1: It's warm.

1388
01:04:50,960 --> 01:04:52,520
Speaker 4: Smoke a joint while you do that.

1389
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:58,479
Speaker 2: Be topless, dance, shake that ass, hug for a long time,

1390
01:04:58,600 --> 01:05:00,440
Speaker 2: Stare at each other for a long time, Sit by

1391
01:05:00,480 --> 01:05:03,760
Speaker 2: yourself for a long time, be silent, talk, laugh till

1392
01:05:03,800 --> 01:05:09,200
Speaker 2: you cry, literally endless. Get a massage ocean front. You

1393
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:10,960
Speaker 2: know all the things you haven't had a chance to

1394
01:05:10,960 --> 01:05:14,800
Speaker 2: do at home. Just take a chance. Put down your deposit.

1395
01:05:14,880 --> 01:05:16,920
Speaker 2: It's only five hundred dollars. You could pay until you

1396
01:05:16,920 --> 01:05:20,680
Speaker 2: get there and give yourself a motherfucking vacation.

1397
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:21,800
Speaker 1: Vacation.

1398
01:05:22,160 --> 01:05:22,720
Speaker 4: Valcussion.

1399
01:05:22,800 --> 01:05:24,120
Speaker 1: Valcussion is shava ganza.

1400
01:05:25,720 --> 01:05:28,000
Speaker 3: We have solo rooms. We have rooms you can come

1401
01:05:28,040 --> 01:05:30,600
Speaker 3: with your friend or or whoever make a new friend.

1402
01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:34,240
Speaker 3: I would seel like ninety eight percent of the women

1403
01:05:34,280 --> 01:05:36,800
Speaker 3: that come come by themselves. So don't wait for your

1404
01:05:36,800 --> 01:05:39,560
Speaker 3: homegirl to come and book and to come on this trip.

1405
01:05:40,120 --> 01:05:42,919
Speaker 3: You might need to meet some new homegirls, the ones

1406
01:05:42,960 --> 01:05:44,600
Speaker 3: that are gonna just go with the flow and do

1407
01:05:44,880 --> 01:05:47,200
Speaker 3: what you need to do for your best and tie yourself.

1408
01:05:47,760 --> 01:05:51,520
Speaker 3: So check out the Good Vibe Retreat and you can

1409
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 3: see all the pictures there and feel the vibes and

1410
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:54,320
Speaker 3: feel the energy.

1411
01:05:55,920 --> 01:05:58,800
Speaker 4: So we pulled the Two of Cups, my dear.

1412
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:03,960
Speaker 3: The Two of Cups shows a young man and a

1413
01:06:03,960 --> 01:06:06,560
Speaker 3: woman exchanging cups and pledging their love for one another.

1414
01:06:07,080 --> 01:06:12,520
Speaker 3: Above them floats the a winged staff with two snakes

1415
01:06:12,520 --> 01:06:14,440
Speaker 3: wrapped around it. I don't want to say that word. Basically,

1416
01:06:14,480 --> 01:06:17,880
Speaker 3: it's two people staring at each other. The upright version

1417
01:06:17,920 --> 01:06:21,520
Speaker 3: of this card means unified love, partnership, and mutual attraction.

1418
01:06:25,040 --> 01:06:27,120
Speaker 3: If the ace of Cups represents the flow of love

1419
01:06:27,120 --> 01:06:29,000
Speaker 3: from within, the two of Cups, is the flow of

1420
01:06:29,080 --> 01:06:31,880
Speaker 3: love between two people. With this card, you are creating

1421
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:35,400
Speaker 3: deep connections and partnerships based on shared values, compassion, and

1422
01:06:35,520 --> 01:06:39,000
Speaker 3: unconditional love. While these relationships are still in the early stages,

1423
01:06:39,040 --> 01:06:41,400
Speaker 3: they have the potential to grow and developed into something

1424
01:06:41,520 --> 01:06:42,960
Speaker 3: deeply fulfilling and rewarding.

1425
01:06:42,960 --> 01:06:44,280
Speaker 4: In the long term, you.

1426
01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:47,680
Speaker 3: Have mutual respects and appreciation for one another, and together

1427
01:06:47,800 --> 01:06:51,320
Speaker 3: you reach higher planes of consciousness and understanding. When the

1428
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:53,560
Speaker 3: two of cups card appears in a tarror reading, you

1429
01:06:53,600 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 3: may enter a new partnership, perhaps with the lover friend

1430
01:06:56,480 --> 01:06:59,760
Speaker 3: or business partner. You both are focused on creating a

1431
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:02,960
Speaker 3: reallyiflationship that is mutually beneficial, one that will create a

1432
01:07:03,000 --> 01:07:05,800
Speaker 3: win win situation for both parties. You see eye to

1433
01:07:05,880 --> 01:07:08,880
Speaker 3: eye and appreciate what each other brings to the table.

1434
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:15,600
Speaker 3: In business partnership, the two of cups is a sign

1435
01:07:15,640 --> 01:07:17,600
Speaker 3: you are both on the same wavelength and share a

1436
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:20,920
Speaker 3: similar vision for the venture you are creating together. You

1437
01:07:20,960 --> 01:07:22,880
Speaker 3: may not have the same skills as each other, but

1438
01:07:22,920 --> 01:07:25,960
Speaker 3: you create a beautiful, beautiful synergy when you work together.

1439
01:07:27,480 --> 01:07:33,120
Speaker 4: Sounds like us, Wow, look sounds like us. It is us, dear,

1440
01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:34,280
Speaker 4: I need to take a picture of that.

1441
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:42,960
Speaker 2: We have created a beautiful synergy, a good partnership, and honestly,

1442
01:07:43,040 --> 01:07:46,240
Speaker 2: we've done a lot when we haven't given been given

1443
01:07:46,280 --> 01:07:49,840
Speaker 2: a lot of instruction figuring it out, just figuring it out,

1444
01:07:49,920 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 2: and it's worked, and I'm grateful. I'm so grateful for you.

1445
01:07:53,400 --> 01:07:55,480
Speaker 2: I honestly don't know how I've done any of the

1446
01:07:55,520 --> 01:07:59,760
Speaker 2: shit alone. I mean, writing the book, traveling like there's

1447
01:07:59,800 --> 01:08:01,800
Speaker 2: no one else I could ever travel for three weeks

1448
01:08:01,800 --> 01:08:03,240
Speaker 2: straight with and not hate after.

1449
01:08:03,320 --> 01:08:04,960
Speaker 1: It's not possible.

1450
01:08:06,000 --> 01:08:06,520
Speaker 4: It's a lot.

1451
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:08,680
Speaker 2: It is a lot, and sometimes it's just a lot

1452
01:08:08,720 --> 01:08:11,000
Speaker 2: in general, has nothing to do with us. It's just like,

1453
01:08:11,760 --> 01:08:15,040
Speaker 2: this is a lot, big responsibility that we've taken on.

1454
01:08:15,080 --> 01:08:17,759
Speaker 1: And they were just looking at each other, like one.

1455
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:19,599
Speaker 4: Of us has an answer. So what should we do, Mila,

1456
01:08:19,640 --> 01:08:20,760
Speaker 4: what should you choose this time?

1457
01:08:20,920 --> 01:08:22,800
Speaker 1: Well, I bought a quarter in the pendulum, you.

1458
01:08:22,720 --> 01:08:25,160
Speaker 4: Flipped the coin one of the coins. Okay, let's do it.

1459
01:08:25,400 --> 01:08:28,160
Speaker 2: That's genuinely how we take you know, how we are

1460
01:08:28,320 --> 01:08:29,440
Speaker 2: making major decisions.

1461
01:08:29,520 --> 01:08:31,920
Speaker 3: We literally made a very big decision this week with

1462
01:08:31,960 --> 01:08:35,559
Speaker 3: a pendulum and a coin toss. So it's basically it's

1463
01:08:35,560 --> 01:08:39,640
Speaker 3: going to work out. Speaking of bad choices, because some

1464
01:08:39,640 --> 01:08:41,640
Speaker 3: people might look at that as a bad choice, like

1465
01:08:42,160 --> 01:08:46,720
Speaker 3: making a business decision off of a fucking pendulum. We

1466
01:08:47,520 --> 01:08:49,280
Speaker 3: have a challenge that we're doing that we're starting in

1467
01:08:49,320 --> 01:08:54,160
Speaker 3: junior guys. It's the Bad Choices Challenge. And you know,

1468
01:08:54,200 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 3: the reason we want to talk about this is because

1469
01:08:55,920 --> 01:08:57,599
Speaker 3: what we've noticed when we were talking about our book

1470
01:08:57,600 --> 01:08:59,559
Speaker 3: is this is the question that people kept asking us,

1471
01:08:59,600 --> 01:09:01,759
Speaker 3: like what do you mean by bad choice?

1472
01:09:01,800 --> 01:09:03,839
Speaker 4: Like are you really making bad choices?

1473
01:09:04,240 --> 01:09:09,400
Speaker 3: And the answer is both, because you know, my bad

1474
01:09:09,520 --> 01:09:11,840
Speaker 3: choice might not be your bad choice and vice versa.

1475
01:09:11,880 --> 01:09:14,000
Speaker 3: And then also there are there are all just bad choices,

1476
01:09:14,040 --> 01:09:16,439
Speaker 3: and sometimes we have to share those too, Like when

1477
01:09:16,439 --> 01:09:18,439
Speaker 3: we feel really bad about a choice that we've made

1478
01:09:18,439 --> 01:09:20,519
Speaker 3: and we're beating ourselves up, sometimes we need to just

1479
01:09:20,560 --> 01:09:23,479
Speaker 3: share the thing so that someone else can affirm you

1480
01:09:23,520 --> 01:09:25,720
Speaker 3: and say, hey, I made that bad choice also and

1481
01:09:26,080 --> 01:09:29,559
Speaker 3: look at me like you'll be okay, don't worry. So

1482
01:09:30,240 --> 01:09:32,880
Speaker 3: the Bad Choice Challenge is a challenge where we want

1483
01:09:32,880 --> 01:09:37,000
Speaker 3: to encourage you guys to join us in sharing one

1484
01:09:37,040 --> 01:09:39,679
Speaker 3: bad choice a week, whether that is you smoking outside,

1485
01:09:39,720 --> 01:09:45,200
Speaker 3: smoking a blunt while that baby sleep, or you know,

1486
01:09:46,080 --> 01:09:49,759
Speaker 3: going on a trip, dropping off, doing the child switch

1487
01:09:49,800 --> 01:09:51,760
Speaker 3: baby daddy, about to go out, go out to go

1488
01:09:51,880 --> 01:09:53,880
Speaker 3: do whatever the fuck you want to do. Like all

1489
01:09:53,920 --> 01:09:57,160
Speaker 3: these things are I think images that we need to

1490
01:09:57,160 --> 01:10:01,400
Speaker 3: see more moms doing to normalize what a bad choice

1491
01:10:01,439 --> 01:10:03,760
Speaker 3: is and what a good choice looks for whoever the

1492
01:10:03,760 --> 01:10:04,719
Speaker 3: fuck you are as a mother.

1493
01:10:06,280 --> 01:10:06,880
Speaker 1: No, I agree.

1494
01:10:06,880 --> 01:10:10,839
Speaker 2: If you have to go online and buy those stripper shoes,

1495
01:10:11,560 --> 01:10:12,040
Speaker 2: so go to.

1496
01:10:11,920 --> 01:10:14,960
Speaker 1: Miami next week, do it.

1497
01:10:14,960 --> 01:10:15,559
Speaker 4: It's a good.

1498
01:10:15,520 --> 01:10:18,280
Speaker 3: Choice, and then tag us bad choice is challenge. We

1499
01:10:18,320 --> 01:10:21,200
Speaker 3: want to see those strippers, those stripper shoes. I want

1500
01:10:21,200 --> 01:10:23,880
Speaker 3: to see those topless photos. I want to see you

1501
01:10:23,920 --> 01:10:26,600
Speaker 3: smoking blunts. I would like to see you getting your

1502
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:31,000
Speaker 3: nails done, or just being honest about you know, maybe

1503
01:10:31,000 --> 01:10:32,599
Speaker 3: a fuck up because we all fuck up guys.

1504
01:10:32,760 --> 01:10:37,559
Speaker 2: Are popping your v vitamin right before your date comes over,

1505
01:10:38,840 --> 01:10:40,280
Speaker 2: right before you go to the club because you think

1506
01:10:40,280 --> 01:10:43,360
Speaker 2: you're gonna have maybe a one night stand. Those are

1507
01:10:43,479 --> 01:10:46,559
Speaker 2: good choices for your pum pum. V vitamins is always

1508
01:10:46,800 --> 01:10:48,680
Speaker 2: a good choice. Let's just be honest. You know, we

1509
01:10:48,720 --> 01:10:50,639
Speaker 2: talk about our V vitamins all the time, but that's

1510
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:55,040
Speaker 2: because that shit works. The shit literally increases your sex life.

1511
01:10:55,040 --> 01:10:56,200
Speaker 4: And I don't mean your libido.

1512
01:10:56,320 --> 01:10:59,439
Speaker 3: I mean the wet wetness, I mean everything.

1513
01:10:59,479 --> 01:11:02,080
Speaker 1: If you have a from yees BV I mean like

1514
01:11:02,120 --> 01:11:04,400
Speaker 1: you take daily vitamins. Right, it's no need.

1515
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:06,479
Speaker 3: That's the thing, is that why don't we think that

1516
01:11:06,600 --> 01:11:09,840
Speaker 3: our like our pussies need up keep up keeping care,

1517
01:11:10,560 --> 01:11:13,439
Speaker 3: Like we need to oil the pussy up. It needs moisture.

1518
01:11:13,439 --> 01:11:16,360
Speaker 3: Don't forget to lotion your pussy, ladies, Like, don't skip

1519
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:20,760
Speaker 3: the lotion on the pussy. Not lotion usually oils like

1520
01:11:20,840 --> 01:11:23,920
Speaker 3: Lady Sweet or any other sort of vulble oil. But

1521
01:11:23,960 --> 01:11:26,959
Speaker 3: then also we have to take care of the inside

1522
01:11:27,000 --> 01:11:29,680
Speaker 3: of our bodies, making sure a that we're eating right.

1523
01:11:29,680 --> 01:11:31,799
Speaker 3: There's so many factors when it comes to like vaginal

1524
01:11:31,800 --> 01:11:33,479
Speaker 3: health that we as women literally ignore.

1525
01:11:33,520 --> 01:11:34,719
Speaker 4: Will be like why do I keep getting.

1526
01:11:34,520 --> 01:11:37,879
Speaker 3: Yat infections and be eating fucking donuts every sugar every

1527
01:11:37,920 --> 01:11:40,120
Speaker 3: every night. It's like, girl, you have to change your diet.

1528
01:11:40,400 --> 01:11:44,479
Speaker 3: This is a living, breathing organism, organ that we have

1529
01:11:44,560 --> 01:11:46,639
Speaker 3: to like troubleshoot.

1530
01:11:46,400 --> 01:11:49,720
Speaker 2: I mean, and it's just like such a powerful one too, right,

1531
01:11:49,840 --> 01:11:53,920
Speaker 2: It's like our brain, yeah, but more powerful.

1532
01:11:54,080 --> 01:11:55,080
Speaker 1: So you really have to.

1533
01:11:55,160 --> 01:11:57,200
Speaker 3: Like and there's a confidence that comes when you know

1534
01:11:57,320 --> 01:12:01,600
Speaker 3: you're you're this thing, well the pussy, but your body

1535
01:12:01,360 --> 01:12:04,760
Speaker 3: is functioning and it has as it should. You know,

1536
01:12:04,800 --> 01:12:07,320
Speaker 3: whether that's you know, you exercising. But yeah, I think

1537
01:12:07,360 --> 01:12:09,719
Speaker 3: vaginal health too, as women is such a taboo topic.

1538
01:12:09,920 --> 01:12:15,280
Speaker 1: It gets Yeah.

1539
01:12:14,560 --> 01:12:15,480
Speaker 4: It's okay.

1540
01:12:16,160 --> 01:12:19,599
Speaker 3: Vaginal health is such a taboo topic and it's so important.

1541
01:12:19,720 --> 01:12:22,200
Speaker 3: So many women suffer in silence. Men want to shame

1542
01:12:22,280 --> 01:12:24,120
Speaker 3: us all day long on the internet.

1543
01:12:24,320 --> 01:12:24,479
Speaker 2: Like.

1544
01:12:25,920 --> 01:12:29,040
Speaker 3: This is the this is the portal of life. There's

1545
01:12:29,080 --> 01:12:32,160
Speaker 3: a lot that's going on in here, Like, it's not

1546
01:12:32,280 --> 01:12:35,519
Speaker 3: just a dick that's squirts shit out. So I think

1547
01:12:35,600 --> 01:12:39,720
Speaker 3: that we need to normalize women taking care of their

1548
01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:45,800
Speaker 3: wombs because they are intricate, they're complicated, they're sensitive and

1549
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:48,559
Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with that, and they're all different and

1550
01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:55,639
Speaker 3: they feel delicious and warm and gooey. Anyway, on that note, anyway,

1551
01:12:55,640 --> 01:12:57,479
Speaker 3: I don't know how I went on to put the tangent,

1552
01:12:57,520 --> 01:12:58,200
Speaker 3: but here I am.

1553
01:12:58,600 --> 01:13:01,719
Speaker 1: Species are important. Hashtag pussies are important.

1554
01:13:01,760 --> 01:13:07,040
Speaker 4: Power of the pussy. Sorry, shut the fuck up now.

1555
01:13:08,160 --> 01:13:11,200
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for joining us for another episode of

1556
01:13:11,240 --> 01:13:14,479
Speaker 2: Good Mom's Bad Choices. We are now high, but you

1557
01:13:14,520 --> 01:13:18,120
Speaker 2: know where to find us everywhere on all podcasts platforms

1558
01:13:18,200 --> 01:13:20,679
Speaker 2: at Good Mom's Bad Choices, on Instagram at Good Mom's

1559
01:13:20,720 --> 01:13:24,439
Speaker 2: Underscore Bad Choices. You can find me at Mila underscore map.

1560
01:13:25,560 --> 01:13:27,439
Speaker 2: You can find me at watch Erica. Make sure you

1561
01:13:27,560 --> 01:13:28,280
Speaker 2: join our Patreon.

1562
01:13:28,320 --> 01:13:32,759
Speaker 3: We're actually having a Patreon event on May thirty first,

1563
01:13:32,800 --> 01:13:35,280
Speaker 3: so make sure you join our Patreon to come to

1564
01:13:36,120 --> 01:13:40,320
Speaker 3: our last Patreon event of the month and.

1565
01:13:40,800 --> 01:13:43,479
Speaker 2: Get exclusive content and all the shit we don't talk

1566
01:13:43,479 --> 01:13:46,879
Speaker 2: about on here at me and access to our close friends.

1567
01:13:47,240 --> 01:13:50,200
Speaker 3: And we also are posting pictures there of things that

1568
01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:52,680
Speaker 3: correlate with the book, so you can see just kind

1569
01:13:52,720 --> 01:13:54,040
Speaker 3: of the journey and picture forms.

1570
01:13:54,040 --> 01:13:55,880
Speaker 4: So make sure you check us out on Patreon, and

1571
01:13:56,320 --> 01:13:56,880
Speaker 4: we love you.

1572
01:13:57,680 --> 01:14:00,360
Speaker 3: Take care of yourself, don't let these things get you down.

1573
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:24,920
Speaker 5: Bye Bye solo record

1574
01:14:27,479 --> 01:14:27,679
Speaker 3: Las