WEBVTT - Just B Rant: Be Honest, No Faking It 0:00:12.640 --> 0:00:16.600 I want to talk about being transparent and honest when 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:20.640 you're in relationship. The reason I say that is everybody 0:00:20.680 --> 0:00:26.079 comes into a relationship with a different background. It could 0:00:26.079 --> 0:00:29.920 be financial, it could be cultural, it could be geographical, 0:00:30.520 --> 0:00:35.640 it could be nature versus nurture, a million different things. 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:39.479 It can be a relationship before, an abusive relationship before, 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:42.839 or really positive relationship before. But people come into a 0:00:42.880 --> 0:00:46.920 situation and everybody has their own inner monologue and dialogue 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:49.959 about what they think something should be based on what's 0:00:50.000 --> 0:00:53.960 in their own head. And I've said this to people. 0:00:54.680 --> 0:00:58.440 Also providing context for people that you relate to, even 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:06.479 at work, you know, you know, romantic relationships, friendships, business relationships. 0:01:06.520 --> 0:01:07.880 I mean, you're not going to start getting into that 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.240 you were abused as a child in a business relationship 0:01:10.280 --> 0:01:15.320 per se. But giving context is important. And I said 0:01:15.360 --> 0:01:20.440 this sentence to someone. I said to someone, they're raised 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:24.720 like a breeder dog with safety security, knowing where the 0:01:24.760 --> 0:01:27.920 meals were going to come from and knowing that they 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:29.640 weren't going to be abused and they were going to 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:33.440 be protected. And that I come from a perspective of 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:36.080 being a rescue dog, a dog that has been in 0:01:36.160 --> 0:01:41.639 many different homes and had many different experiences and comes 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:46.240 in a little cagey doesn't trust that much. Could act 0:01:46.400 --> 0:01:49.040 in a different type of way than somebody else who 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:54.600 is a breeder dog, because by definition you've had How 0:01:54.640 --> 0:01:59.120 could two people with vastly different experiences react in the 0:01:59.200 --> 0:02:02.640 same way. So if you let people know where you are, 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:06.280 then they'll understand why you act in a certain way. 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:08.400 And yes, that could apply to business. It could be 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:12.240 in business that you're explaining to someone that you are 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:17.240 a very direct person, that you don't respond well to 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:19.839 beating around the bush or a lot of small talk 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.560 or corporate jargon like that's a way of saying something 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.359 where then in the future they're going to know how 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:27.480 you might operate or why you might act cold or 0:02:27.480 --> 0:02:30.480 weird or distant or dismissive or something like that. And 0:02:30.560 --> 0:02:33.000 certainly in a relationship, it could be like I have 0:02:33.000 --> 0:02:36.800 the tendency to run, so if you run too, this 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:39.919 will never happen. And I've been in relationships with people 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:43.160 who get insecure when I run, and then they want 0:02:43.200 --> 0:02:46.600 to run, and then it's done because somebody needs to 0:02:46.639 --> 0:02:50.480 be the rock, and somebody is going to be. You know, 0:02:50.880 --> 0:02:53.240 if you have two breeder dogs, then great. If you 0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.720 have two rescue dogs that can be challenging too. That 0:02:55.760 --> 0:03:00.600 can be like two different insecurities and cagueness and radic 0:03:01.440 --> 0:03:08.080 or unpredictable or just not traditional. I don't like to 0:03:08.080 --> 0:03:11.919 say irrational but not normally expected behavior, you know what 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:15.960 I mean, like things that would seem unexpected. So I 0:03:15.960 --> 0:03:19.120 think it's good to know where people come from so 0:03:19.200 --> 0:03:22.000 you know how to deal with them in all situations 0:03:22.040 --> 0:03:26.359 in life. There's one thing I wanted to say about dating. 0:03:26.400 --> 0:03:29.280 I was on the I was with Alex Cooper in 0:03:29.320 --> 0:03:32.120 the Unwell Tour on stage, and I was giving dating advice, 0:03:32.160 --> 0:03:34.000 and the one thing I forgot to mention that I 0:03:34.040 --> 0:03:38.360 thought was so important in dating advice is this, you 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:41.200 could really like someone like to the point where it 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:43.680 gives you the chills. You can't even believe how much 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:46.320 you like them. You're so into them, it's uncomfortable, like 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:49.840 you're in Just like in business, you could be so 0:03:49.960 --> 0:03:51.720 into a business deal you could make. You're gonna make 0:03:51.800 --> 0:03:53.920 millions of dollars. It's gonna be the best business deal 0:03:53.960 --> 0:03:58.640 you're ever in. Right, But if you're not getting what 0:03:58.720 --> 0:04:01.960 you want and need, and it's going to like affect 0:04:02.000 --> 0:04:04.040 you and affect your life. And you're settling for less 0:04:04.080 --> 0:04:07.560 than what you deserve. You're kind of cheating yourself. You're 0:04:07.600 --> 0:04:10.880 selling yourself short. Something is wrong. Your gut is telling 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:12.960 you something's wrong. You don't like the way it makes 0:04:12.960 --> 0:04:17.760 you feel. You have to be willing to walk. You 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:19.720 have to be willing to walk, but not in a bluff. 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:21.440 This used to happen with housewives all the time. I 0:04:21.440 --> 0:04:23.680 watch people say they were gonna walk, and then Bravo 0:04:23.800 --> 0:04:25.640 realized that they weren't really gonna walk, and then they 0:04:25.640 --> 0:04:27.680 called their bluff, and then the person has no leverage 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.360 the next time around. I've seen this. I can name 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.480 five housewives who've gotten paid so much less than they 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:36.000 would have and ten times less than I got paid 0:04:36.000 --> 0:04:39.159 because they didn't know what they were doing. There's a 0:04:39.200 --> 0:04:43.080 confidence to that, and it's scary. That's scary to be 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:46.120 able to say to someone, I'm into you, but I'm 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:48.719 willing to walk because I won't settle for less than 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:51.400 what I deserve. And that's business, that's friendships, that's all 0:04:51.440 --> 0:04:53.440 of it, and that is very strong. I've done that 0:04:53.480 --> 0:04:55.839 in friendships too. I've had someone treat me in a 0:04:55.839 --> 0:05:00.919 way that is not appropriate. And I have walked and 0:05:00.960 --> 0:05:04.039 they have come back around and they have never made 0:05:04.080 --> 0:05:08.240 that mistake again. But it's it's scary because sometimes you 0:05:08.240 --> 0:05:10.599 really know you'll really miss that relationship, you missed that friendship, 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.440 you will miss that that guy, that girl, and you 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:16.320 gotta be able to do it. And there's something in 0:05:16.360 --> 0:05:21.599 a relationship to landing vulnerability, confidently being needy in a 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.040 way that is confident, like for me at me and 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:26.599 saying I need a little love, I need a little 0:05:26.600 --> 0:05:29.680 praise right now. I'm a little needy. That's way more 0:05:29.800 --> 0:05:34.760 confident than actually being needy and drippy and desperate and thirsty, 0:05:34.839 --> 0:05:38.040 like the way you frame things, you know, the way 0:05:38.200 --> 0:05:44.560 like saying what you need is confident. Begging for scraps 0:05:44.800 --> 0:05:49.239 and being desperate and waiting around and then not getting 0:05:49.279 --> 0:05:51.080 it and accepting that you didn't get it and asking 0:05:51.080 --> 0:05:53.520 for it again, that's needy. There's a very big difference 0:05:53.520 --> 0:05:55.960 between being like, this is what I need, this is 0:05:56.000 --> 0:05:59.160 what I require, this is what I want, and like 0:05:59.200 --> 0:06:14.520 I said, call the bluff. Gotta be willing to walk. 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:21.240 Also being able to articulate to someone the difference between 0:06:21.279 --> 0:06:25.440 your wants and your needs your deal breakers and what 0:06:25.640 --> 0:06:28.680 you really would like, because if you're in a healthy relationship, 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.480 most people will want to give each other what they 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:35.760 need and want, and you can't pick every single thing. 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.600 Everything can't be a need. Some things are a want, 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.640 and you might not get at all. But as one 0:06:40.640 --> 0:06:43.520 of the dating coaches on here said, I really really 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:48.560 really validate what he said when he said a relationship 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:50.960 should not be work, and we got to it should 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:53.359 be effort. And I was talking to someone about this today. 0:06:53.360 --> 0:06:57.760 It should be intention, but it should be desire. You 0:06:57.839 --> 0:06:59.640 want to work on it, you want to get better, 0:06:59.680 --> 0:07:03.400 but it's not work. And many of us have had 0:07:03.400 --> 0:07:07.279 the same experience where we think we're the problem. Somebody 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:11.400 is good on paper, somebody seems like they're it. Someone 0:07:11.560 --> 0:07:14.120 you know you're supposed to be feeling some way. Why 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:16.120 are you being critical of the other person. Why don't 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:17.720 you want to share with the other person? Why are 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:19.440 you leaving them out of things? Why do you want 0:07:19.480 --> 0:07:21.320 to do things without them? Why do you not feel 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:23.600 great when you're around them? Why are you kind of 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:28.360 excited when they leave? Why are you not that excited 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:32.400 when you see them? Then you start saying, but they're 0:07:32.440 --> 0:07:34.800 so good, they're so generous, they're this, They're what I'm 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:36.840 supposed to be wanting. Then you go inside. Then you 0:07:36.840 --> 0:07:39.440 start beating yourself up. Then you start saying it must 0:07:39.440 --> 0:07:41.680 be me. I must be flawed in some way, I 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:44.240 can't be happy, I can't allow myself to love. Then 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:47.960 it's another dialogue. If there is a person that fits 0:07:48.000 --> 0:07:52.080 you properly, these things will not exist. You will have 0:07:52.120 --> 0:07:53.880 to have intention, you will have to make an effort, 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:57.200 but they will not be the feeling of dread and 0:07:57.280 --> 0:08:00.800 negotiating with yourself and torturing yourself and torment yourself and 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.800 tearing yourself apart because you're staying out of fear. Now 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:09.280 compound that you have kids, you're afraid because of financial reasons, 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:12.720 or because you've already gotten married, because what's your family 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:14.640 going to think. I mean, these things are super important 0:08:14.640 --> 0:08:18.600 and also why relationship should not be jumped into. But 0:08:18.720 --> 0:08:22.080 we beat the shit out of ourselves unnecessarily. If you 0:08:22.160 --> 0:08:24.840 eat something and it doesn't agree with you, you just you 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:26.680 listen to that. You don't start talking about why the 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:29.440 thing is supposed Oh it's supposed to be good for me. 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:33.240 It's coconut, it's got good oil. If you don't like 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:34.760 it or it doesn't make you feel good, you don't 0:08:34.760 --> 0:08:36.360 eat it. You don't care what the fuck anyone says 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.240 about it, How good for you it's supposed to be. 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:41.679 You're not eating it. You rejected it, your body rejected it. 0:08:41.679 --> 0:08:45.319 Doesn't mean you're psychologically unfit, doesn't mean you can't if 0:08:45.400 --> 0:08:48.199 something's wrong with you. It means it's not right for you. 0:08:48.840 --> 0:08:50.880 So we have to get more clear with that stuff, 0:08:50.920 --> 0:08:52.680 because I feel like we torture ourselves and spend so 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:57.200 much unnecessary time doing that in addition to the wants 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.840 and needs. It's like related, but it's like what's your thing? 0:09:02.400 --> 0:09:05.599 What's your thing? The dating coach said. Men want to 0:09:05.640 --> 0:09:11.640 be acknowledged. I think it was admired and appreciated. Women 0:09:11.760 --> 0:09:15.880 want to feel safe, heard and understood. For me, it's safe. 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:18.880 I've heard men say to me loved, you know, loved. 0:09:19.320 --> 0:09:21.520 So whatever it is, you listen to the other person 0:09:21.600 --> 0:09:23.079 and you make sure that you give that to them 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:24.880 because some people could say it in that one moment, 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:27.760 but not in the day to day, and not everyone 0:09:27.800 --> 0:09:31.680 needs to express themselves verbally. Do you ever notice there's 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:35.280 some people that express themselves nonverbally. It's their actions, it's 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:36.640 the way they do it, it's the way they make 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.040 you feel. They don't. Everyone doesn't need to be emoting 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:43.240 at all times, and sometimes because of our previous experiences, 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:46.920 we actually can't trust ourselves. We do have good gut instincts, 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:50.200 but sometimes we go back for the thing that's not 0:09:51.000 --> 0:09:53.880 good for us, and we have to break the chain 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:57.319 ourselves in relationships, but not the pendulum, not where you're 0:09:57.320 --> 0:09:59.280 just going to the opposite of what you did before, 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:03.760 which could be boring or dangerous for you, but basically 0:10:04.400 --> 0:10:07.600 realizing if I walk into a casino, I might not 0:10:07.640 --> 0:10:09.760 be able to be trusted. I'm gonna gamble. If I 0:10:10.559 --> 0:10:13.200 go into a bakery, I'm gonna want all the sugar. 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:16.160 I'm not good in that environment. Knowing you know, if 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:18.520 I see a hot guy that looks like a bad boy, 0:10:18.760 --> 0:10:20.720 that's what I'm going for. Or I tend to go 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:22.240 with somebody who's gonna treat me like shit but is 0:10:22.280 --> 0:10:23.800 great in bed or whatever it is. We have to 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:26.880 acknowledge who we are and what our behaviors are and 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:31.960 why why we attract that and become your best self 0:10:32.000 --> 0:10:35.120 before you get ready to be dating that's the hardest part. 0:10:35.160 --> 0:10:37.360 People want to jump in. They want to they want 0:10:37.400 --> 0:10:40.200 to fix it with the band aid. You want to 0:10:40.200 --> 0:10:41.720 feel better, you want to go on a date. You 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:43.520 want to meet somebody, You want to be in a relationship. 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:45.559 You want somebody for the holidays, you want somebody for 0:10:45.640 --> 0:10:47.560 New Year's Eve. If you want to feel part of something, 0:10:47.720 --> 0:10:49.240 you don't want to feel alone. You don't want to 0:10:49.240 --> 0:10:50.600 go to the wedding alone. You don't want to be 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:54.040 the loser. Then you jump in something that's wrong for you, 0:10:54.080 --> 0:10:57.800 and you're wasting time not finding the right person, and 0:10:57.840 --> 0:10:59.439 you have never done the work. So even if you 0:10:59.440 --> 0:11:01.040 found the right place person, you wouldn't be ready because 0:11:01.080 --> 0:11:03.240 you're still a train wreck because you were so afraid. 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:06.640 You never did the work. And you when you start 0:11:06.640 --> 0:11:09.520 a relationship, that bar better be really high. It will 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.400 only go down no matter what. You have a new car, 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:14.960 it will not smell like a new car in six months, 0:11:15.440 --> 0:11:18.439 maybe a faint. So you better raise that bar high 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:22.040 in the beginning. Don't start settling from the jump. Now. Listen, 0:11:22.080 --> 0:11:24.680 there is a time in the beginning you meet someone 0:11:24.720 --> 0:11:26.480 it's not going to be off to the racist perfection. 0:11:26.559 --> 0:11:28.040 You've got to sniff each other out. You've got to 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:32.079 get each other's patterns, wants, needs, likes, loves, sex. Communicate 0:11:32.080 --> 0:11:34.440 about sex not in the bedroom, outside of the bedroom. 0:11:34.440 --> 0:11:37.360 What does someone like? What does someone not like? What 0:11:37.440 --> 0:11:40.240 about you know? Personal styles? What about cadence? What about 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.520 how much? What about how intense? What about how it 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:46.240 makes you feel? What about your past sexual experiences? What 0:11:46.320 --> 0:11:48.520 about your trust issues as it pertains to sex. I mean, 0:11:48.559 --> 0:11:52.960 sex is a massive topic, but overall, you set the 0:11:52.960 --> 0:11:55.560 bar high and you train the dog in the beginning, 0:11:55.800 --> 0:11:57.079 and I don't mean the man as a dog or 0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.600 the woman's dog. People need to be trained in the beginning. 0:11:59.640 --> 0:12:01.080 This is where the wee wee pad is. This is 0:12:01.080 --> 0:12:03.120 where it isn't so we don't have any confusion. Later. 0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:06.240 We may all have some accidents along the way. That's normal. 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:08.720 But we're not going to start this thing by dumbing 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:12.840 it down, because then it'll be in a shambles and 0:12:12.960 --> 0:12:15.920 all the cracks become craters. So beware of the cracks, 0:12:16.160 --> 0:12:32.120 beware of the pink flags. Critical periods to look out for. 0:12:32.240 --> 0:12:36.120 I believe our six weeks. What are we doing? Do 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:38.120 we actually like each other? Is there a connection? Are 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:42.120 we continuing on to the next gauntlet, which is three months. 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:45.800 Three months is are we in a relationship? Are we 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:49.280 doing this at some point? Will I meet your family? 0:12:49.520 --> 0:12:51.760 Will you meet my friends? Will I meet your kids? 0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.120 Will we say I love you? Like? Three months is 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:57.960 critical and then we're off to the races. Then you 0:12:58.000 --> 0:12:59.520 get to six months and a year and the rest 0:12:59.559 --> 0:13:01.400 is history. But three months, to me, would be the 0:13:01.440 --> 0:13:03.880 most critical part in any relationship. It's when you decide 0:13:03.880 --> 0:13:07.160 what the real intention is of the entire relationship. I 0:13:07.240 --> 0:13:12.040 stand by what the experts say about texting. Control yourself. 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:16.960 I'm saying to myself as well. Do not communicate anything 0:13:17.080 --> 0:13:24.200 important via text. Now this means, you know, reprimanding someone, 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:26.920 scolding someone, giving some notes, saying something you don't like, 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.000 saying something you do like, saying how you really deeply 0:13:29.040 --> 0:13:32.480 feel about someone. Like real feelings should not be communicated 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:36.040 by text. Now there's a gray area because it could 0:13:36.040 --> 0:13:39.320 be I miss you. That's a real feeling, but that's 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:43.960 like a small statement or XO, or I can't wait 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.320 to see you, or you make me feel great, or 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.079 you're making me happy, or look at I mean, once 0:13:48.080 --> 0:13:50.640 in a while, there's an exception. But overall, you should 0:13:50.640 --> 0:13:55.040 not be getting into broad stroke topics, negotiating something, talking 0:13:55.080 --> 0:13:56.840 about how something makes you feel, how something didn't make 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:58.240 you feel. I wish you didn't do that. Can you 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:01.760 not do it? Like no arguing? No real meat should 0:14:01.760 --> 0:14:04.040 be happening on texting. And it's a discipline because you 0:14:04.040 --> 0:14:05.880 can't always get someone on the phone and people work. 0:14:06.160 --> 0:14:08.280 And I would say if you're in something, FaceTime is 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:10.480 important too, if you're not with the person, particularly if 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:11.920 you're long distance. But if you're not gonna be with 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:14.920 the person all the time, someone's facetiming tour from work. 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:17.800 It is remarkable what it means to see someone's face 0:14:18.720 --> 0:14:21.680 compared to just being on the phone. Let's take this down. 0:14:22.160 --> 0:14:24.480 Seeing someone's face is a whole different ball game than 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:27.160 being on the phone. But being on the phone is 0:14:27.200 --> 0:14:30.080 a whole different ball game than texting, which is pathetic 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.360 and sad because being on the phone can be really disconnected. 0:14:33.120 --> 0:14:36.800 It really can. But texting, it's a fucking joke. Texting 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:38.480 is like getting a bag of cheetos and wanting it 0:14:38.520 --> 0:14:40.800 to feel like you had like brown rice, chicken, breast 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:44.840 and broccolini. Like it's garbage food. It's junk food. It's 0:14:44.840 --> 0:14:46.960 never gonna it's not gonna do it. It's just it's 0:14:47.120 --> 0:14:50.960 like a tool that we overuse. Texting technically should be 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:53.320 like I'm in the corner booth and a red shirt. 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:55.480 It shouldn't even be as much as we use it for. 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:57.120 But we use it as a crutch, as a tool, 0:14:57.160 --> 0:15:00.480 and you know, it's a necessary evil. One of the 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:03.280 tricky things in dating is talking about x's it really 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:05.000 really is. We say we're never going to do it, 0:15:05.040 --> 0:15:06.960 we do it not because like, oh I miss Joe. 0:15:07.520 --> 0:15:09.360 It's a reference point. You want to compliment the person 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:11.200 you're with. You like, I'm not used to this, you know, 0:15:11.240 --> 0:15:13.320 And sometimes it does feel good. I don't mind it. 0:15:13.680 --> 0:15:16.000 I don't mind it if someone says something about their 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:17.920 ex as it pertains to us and why this is different. 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:21.840 I mean, it's sometimes informative. If the last person used 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:23.880 to do something that really bothered you or made you 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:25.880 feel unsafe, you might have to discuss it with the 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:30.240 current person because that is institutional knowledge. Talking about how 0:15:30.280 --> 0:15:32.000 you still miss the person or how you broke up 0:15:32.080 --> 0:15:34.280 or when Joe and I used to go to do this. 0:15:34.560 --> 0:15:36.880 That is not a good idea. Joe bought me flowers 0:15:36.880 --> 0:15:39.560 and you don't. That is not a good idea. But 0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:42.480 I'm used to a different dynamic with Joe where I 0:15:42.480 --> 0:15:44.960 feel guilty about doing this. You know that might make 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:48.240 someone feel good that you're validating. Oh what's going on? 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:50.280 And again, as some of the matchmaker is only one 0:15:50.320 --> 0:15:53.440 of the dating coaches has expressed the male dating coach, 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:55.600 the game moves fast when you're dating. We have all 0:15:55.600 --> 0:15:57.840 these plans. We plan a god laughs, You plan to 0:15:57.840 --> 0:15:59.960 have a get, play a game, do this, do that. 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:02.680 It all goes out the window. It does. You do 0:16:02.720 --> 0:16:04.960 the very best you can, but it all does go 0:16:05.000 --> 0:16:05.600 out the window.