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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space. If you

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Speaker 1: don't address whatever you're needing to heal from, it's going

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Speaker 1: to pop up in the next relationship. Like you're literally

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Speaker 1: you're going to be attracting the same experience, but just

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Speaker 1: a different person. Today's episode is sure to provides you

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Speaker 1: with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. If you have

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Speaker 1: any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode, please

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Speaker 1: leave us a review to let us know we're on

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Speaker 1: the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday, so

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Speaker 1: be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatinghurspace dot

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Speaker 1: com to access our exclusive after show and other bonus

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Speaker 1: content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 2: women like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 2: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 1: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 1: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 1: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 1: where black women can just be.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

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Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

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Speaker 3: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

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Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

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Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I N I q

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Speaker 3: U E b r O U ss ar D dot

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Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

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Speaker 3: forward to hearing from.

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Speaker 2: You than our quote of the day, it's cf and

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Speaker 2: season and now we got a reason by Sissa. I

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Speaker 2: feel like I gotta say that, not necessarily for the

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Speaker 2: people of the back, just because this quote comes from

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Speaker 2: a Saturday Night Live skit from twenty twenty three. It's

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Speaker 2: cofing season and now we got a reason. Lady, if

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Speaker 2: you have not seen that SNL skit with Sissa and

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Speaker 2: some of the other ladies from SNL and their guest

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Speaker 2: host Kiki Palmer, you gotta go check it out. Three

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Speaker 2: of like some of the funniest minutes of your day.

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Speaker 2: Go and check it out. See yes, sir, all right,

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Speaker 2: it's you know. At the time that this episode is

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Speaker 2: first aired, we are approaching fall and we know what

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Speaker 2: that means.

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Speaker 1: Mm hm.

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Speaker 2: We are approaching cuffing season.

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Speaker 1: That's right, it's getting cold. You might want to have

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Speaker 1: somebody to hold and so, lady, as we get deeper

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Speaker 1: into the winter months, especially, I guess depending on where

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Speaker 1: you're located, right, because some of you may not really

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Speaker 1: have a winter, depending on where you live. I know

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Speaker 1: we do, and it's gonna get cold, and so we

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Speaker 1: get deeper into this month, we want to give you

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Speaker 1: five things to consider to make this the most I

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Speaker 1: don't know your healthiest cuffing season ever, guess we can

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Speaker 1: call it. So make sure you go check out that

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Speaker 1: skit though, because Domin, I've over here dancing and laughing

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Speaker 1: before we started recording, because that ski had us cracking up. Yes,

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Speaker 1: so I guess we should just jump on in. Well, first,

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Speaker 1: before we jump on in, should we define cuffing season

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Speaker 1: for people who maybe are like girl, I just I

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Speaker 1: never heard of it. They may not know, they may not.

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Speaker 2: Think, so I think, so yeah, let's let's let's define

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Speaker 2: this for them. So, just so that we're clear, I

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Speaker 2: love black people, and part of why I love us

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Speaker 2: is because we create things and then the rest of

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Speaker 2: the world like just kind of takes it right, But

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Speaker 2: we are like so creative. And even though Merriam Webster

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Speaker 2: Dictionary defines cuffing season as a season, a period of

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Speaker 2: time where single people begin looking for short term partnerships

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Speaker 2: to pass the colder months of the year, they say

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Speaker 2: that cuffing season usually begins in October and lasts until

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Speaker 2: just after Valentine's Day. The use of the word cuff

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Speaker 2: references handcuffs, but it's slaying in the same vein as

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Speaker 2: cooking up or getting hitched. Now I mentioned about how

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Speaker 2: I love us Black people, because even though Merriam Webster

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Speaker 2: Dictionary does not give us credit, we know that the

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Speaker 2: term cuff and season came from us. It originated in

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Speaker 2: the culture, and some people date the origins of the

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Speaker 2: term back to twenty eleven, so not in the nineteen hundreds,

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Speaker 2: even though even though there are plenty of songs from

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Speaker 2: the nineties, eighties, seventies and sixties that make reference to

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Speaker 2: a cuff and season, even if they don't use the

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Speaker 2: specific term.

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Speaker 1: So indeed, yes, girl, should we just jump on in.

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Speaker 2: Let's just jump on in, because if we can't do this,

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Speaker 2: if you won't, lady, if you are out here and

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Speaker 2: you are single and you are lining up potential mates,

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Speaker 2: you're looking at your roster and you're trying to figure

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Speaker 2: out who is gonna make it, yeah, to be the

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Speaker 2: official person that gets you through cuffing season.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we have.

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Speaker 2: Some things for you to consider to make it the

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Speaker 2: best cuffing season yet.

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Speaker 1: We do, we do. We have five things to consider.

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Speaker 1: We're going to go over these in themes. Okay, lady.

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Speaker 1: So the first thing here is emotional and mental wellness. Right, So,

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Speaker 1: going into cuffing season, it's easy to get swept up

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Speaker 1: in the excitement of finding a partner, right or making

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Speaker 1: it more official with one of the partners that might

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Speaker 1: be on your roster, if you have a roster. But

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Speaker 1: taking the time and care to really focused on your

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Speaker 1: emotional and mental well being is so essential. And so

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Speaker 1: I think that when we think about this conversation in general.

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Speaker 1: Don I don't know about you, but I don't really

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Speaker 1: recall off the top of my head. I can't recall

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Speaker 1: many times in life where I was this intentional about

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Speaker 1: moving into a deeper relationship with someone, if that makes sense,

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Speaker 1: you know, like yeah, in a more casual sense, right, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: sometimes it just kind of flows or it just happens.

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Speaker 1: You look up and you're like, oh damn, three months

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Speaker 1: have gone by and we've been hanging out, you know,

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Speaker 1: we've been doing what adults do, whatever it might be. Right. So,

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Speaker 1: I think this is really interesting and I'm excited for

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Speaker 1: us to have this conversation because it adds a level

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Speaker 1: of intentionality to something that is really important. So when

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Speaker 1: it comes to your emotional and mental wellness, lady, there

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Speaker 1: are a couple questions that you can ask yourself. And

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Speaker 1: so one might be am I emotionally ready for a

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Speaker 1: new connection now? And no, by no means always seen

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Speaker 1: that you have to be perfect right before you pop

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Speaker 1: into a relationship with someone. But it's good to just

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Speaker 1: take a mental you know, do a mental check on

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Speaker 1: where am I today? How am I feeling? Right? Am

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Speaker 1: I entering this season out of loneliness or genuine desire?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 1: So those are just two questions that you can ask yourself.

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Speaker 1: What else were you think of?

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Speaker 2: Don Yeah, I think it's important. I think those those

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Speaker 2: are the two most important questions, right, Like, you're why

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Speaker 2: are you truly doing this? Because you want you are

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Speaker 2: in a space where you are ready to have someone

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Speaker 2: around for the colder months. I mean, it's also the holidays.

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Speaker 2: So is it that you are wanting someone to get

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Speaker 2: you through holiday season? Are you wanting someone to bring

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Speaker 2: home to meet your family so that people can stop asking?

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Speaker 1: Okay, so when.

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Speaker 2: You when you're gonna meet somebody, when you're gonna settle down? Yes, girl,

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Speaker 2: if those are your motivations, is that what you really want?

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Speaker 2: Or maybe you're in a space where you're not looking

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Speaker 2: for a long term relationship, you really wanting something physical,

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Speaker 2: And we'll talk about that in a moment. But if

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Speaker 2: that's what you are truly wanting, you have to own

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Speaker 2: that and also be clear when you communicate with potential

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Speaker 2: partners that, Hey, where I'm at in this moment, I'm

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Speaker 2: just looking for somebody to keep me warm through the

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Speaker 2: cold months.

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Speaker 1: Well, I have a couple of questions that we can

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Speaker 1: discuss down before we move on to the next one here,

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Speaker 1: and so I'm just thinking what would be to you?

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Speaker 1: What do you think some of the signs are of

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Speaker 1: someone that might not be emotionally ready for a relationship,

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Speaker 1: especially during custom season. I have some ideas of my own,

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Speaker 1: but I want to hear like, what are you thinking?

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Speaker 2: So I think part of it is one of the

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Speaker 2: first signs you are just getting out of a relationship.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And when I say just getting out of a relationship,

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Speaker 2: I mean within the last few months you have ended

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Speaker 2: something that was serious and or long term and you

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Speaker 2: have not started doing the work to heal and move

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Speaker 2: forward from that relationship. Like, to me, that's like top

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Speaker 2: reason why you should sit this season out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm with you there. I was going to say, like,

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Speaker 1: if you're not over your ex, or you're just not

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Speaker 1: emotionally available, you just don't have the capacity to be

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Speaker 1: you know, maybe you just you don't want to be touched,

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Speaker 1: or you're not trying to cuddle you maybe you just

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Speaker 1: don't want to be that close to someone, or you

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Speaker 1: have a fear of maybe catching feelings too fast if

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Speaker 1: that does happen. So I think that's another thing to consider. Hey, lady,

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Speaker 1: it's Terry here, dom and I want to take a

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Speaker 1: moment to thank you for choosing to listen to our podcast.

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Speaker 1: We love you for real, and we want to give

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Speaker 1: you a chance to learn more about what's important to us.

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Speaker 1: So tell us what you think about this.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a world where you have a chance to get

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Speaker 4: featured on the Cultivating her Space podcast and share your business,

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Speaker 4: brand or perspective with millions around the globe. Imagine joining

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Speaker 4: our monthly virtual video check ins where you can connect

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Speaker 4: with like minded black women like you and share your

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Speaker 4: ideas and episode suggestions with Terry and I. Now, I

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Speaker 4: want you to imagine a world where you're in the

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Speaker 4: exclusive Cultivating her Space Sanctuary Slack channel, and throughout your

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Speaker 4: day and week, you are conversing with us about what's

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Speaker 4: happening in your life and sharing funny gifts and or

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Speaker 4: personal wins. How does that sound?

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Speaker 1: Hopefully this is of your alley, lady, because we are

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Speaker 1: taking things to the next level this year, and we're

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Speaker 1: doubling down on investing in our community. That means you.

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Speaker 1: We want to meet you, connect with you, and create

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Speaker 1: communities of genuine women who love on black women and

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Speaker 1: push our culture and movement forward. We launched this podcast

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Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen and today we have not missed a week.

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Speaker 1: We've been great stewards of our platform, all while working

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Speaker 1: full time and navigating our own ups and downs. We

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Speaker 1: release fresh new content every single Friday Life clock Work,

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Speaker 1: and we have hundreds of valuable episodes and workshops that

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Speaker 1: can really help you up level your life. So If

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Speaker 1: you love our mission or you've gotten value from us,

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Speaker 1: we invite you to give back and help us push

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Speaker 1: this community effort forward. Visit herspacepodcast dot com and click Patreon.

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Speaker 1: You can learn more about our goals and exclusive offerings

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Speaker 1: on Patreon, and we highly highly encourage you to join

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Speaker 1: the Sister Frontier so that you can get someone on

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Speaker 1: one time with us. We also have an option for

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Speaker 1: you to donate on a one time basis if that

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Speaker 1: can click that link that says Patreon. All right, lady,

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Speaker 1: we'll hop right back into the conversation.

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Speaker 2: All of what you're capturing is is you haven't done

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Speaker 2: the work. Like you were in a space where you

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Speaker 2: have not done the work to heal and process significant

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Speaker 2: things that have happened in your life. So psychologically you

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Speaker 2: are not in a healthy space to engage in something

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Speaker 2: that requires some intention. And like we mentioned earlier, no

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Speaker 2: one's ever in a space where they are perfectly healed

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Speaker 2: from anything. We are all works in progress. But if

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Speaker 2: you have not at least started the work and you

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Speaker 2: know you need to do the work, you are not

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Speaker 2: ready to sit this one out. Boot this one. This

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Speaker 2: season ain't yours. This is a U season.

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Speaker 1: This is a U season. Listen, you cuff yourself. Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's you and yes, because that's a good point, don

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Speaker 1: because I think another thing that happens, what you made

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Speaker 1: me think of is if you don't address whatever you're

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Speaker 1: needing to heal from, it's going to pop up in

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Speaker 1: the next relationship. Like you're literally you're going to be

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Speaker 1: attracting the same experience but just a different person. So

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Speaker 1: it's going to resurface in some way. And so I

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Speaker 1: find that when we hide from ourselves and we don't

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Speaker 1: address it, then it just presents another opportunity for us

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Speaker 1: to address it. So it's like it's going fine, you

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Speaker 1: can't gind you at some point. Okay, So that is

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Speaker 1: a good one. I wanted to ask you two other questions.

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Speaker 1: One is what are some practices that you used to

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Speaker 1: check in on your emotional wellbeing when dating? Because I

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Speaker 1: think that's also really important, Like if you're in if

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Speaker 1: you're in the mix and you are dating, there are

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Speaker 1: some ways that we can check in on ourselves. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: as we're doing that, right.

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Speaker 2: So one of the first things that I like questions

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Speaker 2: that I ask myself, is how does this person make

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Speaker 2: me feel?

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Speaker 1: Oh?

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Speaker 2: Yes, and not the not even not initially? Am I

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Speaker 2: turned on by this person? Because I do think that,

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Speaker 2: like for most of us, that physical attraction is like

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Speaker 2: that basic first initial thing. But how do I feel

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Speaker 2: when I am with this person?

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Speaker 1: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Do I find myself not feeling like myself? That's a

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Speaker 2: sign that they're not it. Do I find myself feeling lighter,

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Speaker 2: feeling at ease, feeling excited, feeling turned on? Okay, well

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Speaker 2: then yeah, this is a person that it feels, at

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Speaker 2: least right now safe to continue to explore whatever it

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Speaker 2: is that you might be trying to pursue.

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Speaker 1: I love that, dowmind. I would add on to that

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Speaker 1: in addition to I think we're both in the same

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Speaker 1: lane right now for sure. So in addition to how

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Speaker 1: they make me feel, I'd like to kind of analyze

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Speaker 1: and separated, how do I feel when I'm getting ready

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Speaker 1: to meet the person? Because you know, sometimes as you're

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Speaker 1: gearing up for a meeting, you get the feelings like

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Speaker 1: is it butterflies? Is it? Like?

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Speaker 2: Ah?

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Speaker 1: Shit? Is love? Like? You know, what is the vibe

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Speaker 1: that you feel before and so after? Because I think

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Speaker 1: a lot of times when you're reflecting on how you

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Speaker 1: all interacted when you were together, sometimes feelings might be

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Speaker 1: a little delayed, and after you reflected, you might be like, mom,

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Speaker 1: they said something I don't really like. So I think

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Speaker 1: checking in with our bodies, lady, I think that's really important.

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Speaker 1: How do I feel? How does this personally make me feel? Holistically?

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Speaker 1: And then the other question is what emotional boundaries are

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Speaker 1: essential to set before getting involved with someone new? And

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Speaker 1: I think a couple of things that come to mind

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Speaker 1: for me are like how much do you want to

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Speaker 1: share with them? Right? If you have a child or children?

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Speaker 1: Like the boundaries you want to set around that, especially

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Speaker 1: if your children live with you or they stay with you. Right,

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Speaker 1: It's like how do you navigate that as a dating parent?

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Speaker 1: And then also it's like how deep do you want

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Speaker 1: the intimacy to go? Because I know some people this

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Speaker 1: might be a little I don't know. I feel I

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Speaker 1: feel weird saying this for some reason. But we've talked

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Speaker 1: about risky topics and the podcasts before. But I was

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Speaker 1: talking to a friend and they were saying how with

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Speaker 1: this casual partner they were with, they did not kiss

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Speaker 1: during sex, And I was like what I thought that

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Speaker 1: was like a part of it. I thought that like

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Speaker 1: oral and all, that was a part of it. But

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Speaker 1: depending on how comfortable you are with the person, you

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Speaker 1: may not indulge in certain activities intimately, even though you

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Speaker 1: may end up doing the sex you know what I mean,

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Speaker 1: or having the sex yes you feel me?

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Speaker 2: Yes, yes, And I think we can address that in

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Speaker 2: one of our future tipts that we're going to share.

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Speaker 2: But I think ask your question one more time, so

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Speaker 2: I want to make sure that I'm answering the exact question. Yes,

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Speaker 2: so thoughts, but yeah.

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Speaker 1: Oh I want to hear that. Okay, the emotional boundaries

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Speaker 1: that are essential to set before getting involved with someone new.

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Speaker 2: So the for me, when it comes to like the

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Speaker 2: emotional boundaries that you want to set, you have to

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Speaker 2: first know what you what your overall intentions are. And

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Speaker 2: so if your intention is I am dating with the

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Speaker 2: hopes that, yeah, we may start off in cuffing season

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Speaker 2: and it's going to extend past that, then how you

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Speaker 2: show up may look different than if you're like I

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Speaker 2: intend for this to strictly be a physical thing. So

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Speaker 2: this is physical meaning sexual right, like this person is

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Speaker 2: legit keeping me and my insides warm during the winter.

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Speaker 1: Note I mean literally literally and figuratively.

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Speaker 2: Okay, then how you show up, Then there are things

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Speaker 2: that you may not want this person to know. You

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Speaker 2: may want to keep a lot of your more vulnerable,

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Speaker 2: intimate details about your life to yourself. And so before

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Speaker 2: you can decide on the emotional boundaries, you have to

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Speaker 2: decide on your initial intentions. And I want to be

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Speaker 2: clear that your initial intentions don't mean that that's going

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Speaker 2: to be your intentions throughout the experience, because I've seen

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Speaker 2: it where people start out with this is we are

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Speaker 2: just a casual sexual relationship. Yeah, and those feelings start

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Speaker 2: to come because they start sharing, they start crossing some

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Speaker 2: of those emotional boundaries. Even though they didn't intend to,

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Speaker 2: they started crossing some of those emotional boundaries. And we

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Speaker 2: also know that the mere exposure, like the time spent

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Speaker 2: with a person you all could literally spend I'm just

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Speaker 2: thinking of people who are in places where there's frequent

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Speaker 2: snowstorms and you're stuck in the house for three days

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Speaker 2: and with your person that you're that you it literally

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Speaker 2: is supposed to be just a sexual relationship. You all

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Speaker 2: have now spent three days in the house together. I

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Speaker 2: mean that is going to force a level of intimacy

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Speaker 2: that you might not have planned. And so you need

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Speaker 2: to revisit the conversation around what is it that we're doing,

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Speaker 2: what is it that we want? I think the other

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Speaker 2: thing to consider too is communication is key. So as

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Speaker 2: I'm saying that about as I'm giving that example around

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Speaker 2: a situation in which things change. So things change, we

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Speaker 2: just don't keep it quiet and keep it moving. Let's

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Speaker 2: have a conversation about it. Let's address you know, here's

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Speaker 2: how we started, Here's where I am right now. Do

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Speaker 2: we want to stay here or do we want to shift?

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Speaker 3: Mm hmm?

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Speaker 1: Well girl, all right now that was good. So shall

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Speaker 1: we move on to physical and sexual health? Now?

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Speaker 2: Well, yes, we already kind of started that, Yes I did.

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Speaker 1: I felt it was easing up in there, all right, y'all,

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Speaker 1: So you are no, sexual health is crucial. It's critical.

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Speaker 1: It's very important, especially during cuffing season when relationships may

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Speaker 1: start very quickly, and like I said before, you might

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Speaker 1: just flow into something and they're like, oh, so it's

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Speaker 1: like a relationship, right, So taking care of your physical

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Speaker 1: and sexual wellbeing should be a priority, and dom I

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Speaker 1: want to talk about, Like, once we dive into this

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Speaker 1: a bit more, I want to talk about how we

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Speaker 1: ask for STI results and all that good stuff. So

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Speaker 1: what are your thoughts on this particular key focus in general.

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Speaker 2: So it's important when you are having a physical or

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Speaker 2: sexual relationship with someone to be able to talk about things.

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Speaker 2: One of the things that I have, one of the

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Speaker 2: conversations that I frequently have with college students is around

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Speaker 2: STI testing overall sexual health, but then also body camp.

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Speaker 2: That's a whole other topic, yes, for a whole other

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Speaker 2: episode out of I think the main thing that comes

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Speaker 2: out of all of it is communication, right that when

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Speaker 2: you want to know STI results, when you want your

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Speaker 2: partner or potential partner to take tests, like, you have

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Speaker 2: to communicate when consent is another big one, another big topic,

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Speaker 2: talking about your likes, your dislikes. What are the things

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Speaker 2: that you want to engage in, What are the behaviors

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Speaker 2: that you the acts that you want to engage in,

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Speaker 2: whether these are things that you typically do or a

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Speaker 2: fantasy that you have that you're wanting to try out.

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Speaker 2: What are the things that are completely off limits? So

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Speaker 2: having that kind of having those types of conversations with

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Speaker 2: your potential partner and having the ongoing conversation, because I

378
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Speaker 2: think one thing that people often forget is that consent

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Speaker 2: is important along the way from both parties every time

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Speaker 2: that just because somebody said yes to you for or

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Speaker 2: that you that they are okay with oral sex tonight

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Speaker 2: does not mean that two days from now they are

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Speaker 2: still okay with oral sex.

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Speaker 1: You hit the nail on they haad dom, I'm just reflecting.

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Speaker 1: I love that you mentioned the conversation about boundaries and

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Speaker 1: what you're open to and also the testing. I think

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Speaker 1: from what I'm hearing from friends and just people in

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Speaker 1: my community, these people are very can be very nervous

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Speaker 1: about initiating these conversations, and I think for me, I'm

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Speaker 1: big on initiating them via text because I like to

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Speaker 1: be able to have a record that I can go

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Speaker 1: back to to just kind of see what that we discussed.

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Speaker 1: But then also we're visiting that conversation in person as

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Speaker 1: well to see has anything changed since we last you know,

395
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Speaker 1: talked or whatever. So I think that's also really important.

396
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Speaker 1: And my whole thing is, I don't know when I

397
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Speaker 1: think about the when I think about guys in general

398
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Speaker 1: and my experience dome. They historically are usually very okay

399
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Speaker 1: with going raw without giving any type of data to

400
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Speaker 1: let us know like where have you been, Like what's

401
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:14,840
Speaker 1: going on with your body? Right? And so I'm like

402
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Speaker 1: if someone is down or asking you to not use

403
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Speaker 1: a condom or something like that, it's like, we definitely

404
00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,520
Speaker 1: need to see some results, like we sir, like you

405
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Speaker 1: know what I mean. This is just we need to

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Speaker 1: set a boundary. So I think initiating that via text

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Speaker 1: can be helpful as well, so you can kind of

408
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Speaker 1: get it out there, get to ask and then follow

409
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Speaker 1: up like okay, are you ready to share your results,

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Speaker 1: and then have those limits and boundaries discussed as well.

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Speaker 1: But some of the stuff I hear these days, it's

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Speaker 1: just like what is happening?

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Speaker 2: And one of the things that you want, you know, yes,

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Speaker 2: And I want us to clarify that we are not

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Speaker 2: saying that these are all guys.

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Speaker 1: No.

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Speaker 2: I like this because yeah, I want to be clear,

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Speaker 2: and also that there are women who do this as well, right, yes,

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Speaker 2: And so we can have we will have a whole

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Speaker 2: other topic, a whole other episode dedicated to talking about

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Speaker 2: sexual health. But I think specifically as it relates to

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Speaker 2: cuffing season, if you decide that you're going to have

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Speaker 2: one partner, because that's also a thing to take into

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Speaker 2: consideration to make a decision on to engage in conversation

425
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Speaker 2: about it. Are for cuffing season? Is it really one person? Right?

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Speaker 2: I mean the idea is that it really is one person,

427
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Speaker 2: Like that's the thought behind it, behind it. So you

428
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Speaker 2: have one person. So if it's one person that you

429
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Speaker 2: are spending the colder months with, it would seem easier

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Speaker 2: to have more intentional conversations. It would seem that it

431
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,760
Speaker 2: could be easier to have more intentional conversations because if

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Speaker 2: this is a person that you are going to be

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Speaker 2: spending extended time with that you are going to be

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Speaker 2: you know that you're going to be engaging in sexual

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Speaker 2: activity regularly. My recommendation would be that you all go

436
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Speaker 2: and maybe get tested together, that you all have an

437
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: open and honest conversation around well, does anyone have any

438
00:27:30,720 --> 00:27:36,040
Speaker 2: current stids? What are your general safe sex practices? If

439
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,040
Speaker 2: we decide if we go get tested and both of

440
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,439
Speaker 2: us are okay with the results, does this mean that

441
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 2: we will not use condoms? And so, just being very frank, direct,

442
00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:56,480
Speaker 2: transparent with this potential partner, because this isn't someone who

443
00:27:56,560 --> 00:28:00,640
Speaker 2: you're sleeping with one time and then we're done. And again,

444
00:28:00,680 --> 00:28:02,400
Speaker 2: like I said, that's a whole other episode on how

445
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 2: to navigate those interactions. This is an interaction that you

446
00:28:06,160 --> 00:28:11,080
Speaker 2: are planning, a prolonged interaction. So let's be more intentional

447
00:28:11,119 --> 00:28:14,320
Speaker 2: about how we engage. And one more thing that I

448
00:28:14,320 --> 00:28:17,480
Speaker 2: will say, because I think we talked mostly about sexual health,

449
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 2: but I think also physical health is important in terms

450
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 2: of do you have any as we're going to be

451
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 2: spending extended time together during these colder months, do you

452
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,960
Speaker 2: have any physical health concerns that will impact our ability

453
00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 2: to spend as much time together whatever that might be.

454
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:44,160
Speaker 2: So if the plan that we've communicated is that, Okay,

455
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 2: well you'll be spending multiple nights at my house, do

456
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:53,080
Speaker 2: you have any dietary restrictions? Do you have any health

457
00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:56,280
Speaker 2: conditions that I would need to be aware of that

458
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,080
Speaker 2: would impact our time together.

459
00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 1: I thought about that's a good question. It's like it's

460
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 1: like a little interview, you know, get all your ducks

461
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:06,320
Speaker 1: in a row to make sure you can have the

462
00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: best cuffing season ever, because when you think about it,

463
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:14,360
Speaker 1: I don't know about you, but the safer, the setting

464
00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 1: is the nasty or I can get. That's just I mean, right, that's.

465
00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,560
Speaker 2: How you all do what works for you, you know

466
00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:24,400
Speaker 2: what I mean? Because really, let's be clear, Like I

467
00:29:24,440 --> 00:29:29,320
Speaker 2: know people who have seapet machines, people over thirty, Like

468
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 2: I have multiple friends who have had seatpep machines, like

469
00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:36,080
Speaker 2: over thirty. Right, so what does that look like? You know,

470
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:42,360
Speaker 2: some people have asthma, some people have like diabetes, high

471
00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 2: blood pressure. Men when they are navigating depressions sometimes may

472
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 2: experience a rectile dysfunction. And so what are the things

473
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,040
Speaker 2: that could be impacting how we show up. I'm just saying,

474
00:29:58,120 --> 00:30:01,840
Speaker 2: let's have the conversations, like, let's let there not be

475
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 2: any shame around it. Let's have a conversation so we

476
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 2: know how to make it the most pleasurable few months

477
00:30:08,960 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 2: as possible.

478
00:30:10,360 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, before we get into the real quick, I just

479
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,080
Speaker 1: wanted to say, I think it's so interesting as we're

480
00:30:15,120 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 1: chatting about this, because I'm thinking about how intimate these

481
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: details are when you think about the emotional wellness and readiness,

482
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 1: and then you think about physical and sexual health, and

483
00:30:25,280 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 1: it's so interesting that maybe it's just I don't know

484
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: the day and time where we are now, But to

485
00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:35,600
Speaker 1: feel comfortable being intimate sexually with someone but then having

486
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,080
Speaker 1: other parts of yourself and life where you're like, oh no,

487
00:30:38,200 --> 00:30:40,440
Speaker 1: that's like a hard boundary because I've noticed that you

488
00:30:40,600 --> 00:30:42,840
Speaker 1: look at myself where you know, I might have a

489
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 1: situation where I'm intimate with someone but they don't know

490
00:30:45,400 --> 00:30:48,440
Speaker 1: certain things about me or have my real phone number

491
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: or something, you know, something like that, and it's like

492
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,040
Speaker 1: that's really interesting. But it's like this is only what

493
00:30:52,080 --> 00:30:54,440
Speaker 1: this is. It's in this container. And so I'm just

494
00:30:54,440 --> 00:30:57,680
Speaker 1: thinking about how comfortable someone might be sharing a condition

495
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 1: with someone or how uncomfortable they might be even though

496
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: they're going to have sex with them. So just just

497
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: processing as we're as we're.

498
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,440
Speaker 2: But I mean the reality is if that situation, if

499
00:31:08,480 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 2: that physical condition is going to impact yeah, you all

500
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:18,600
Speaker 2: sexual sexual activity, it's important to share that. If you're

501
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 2: spending the night with someone and maybe let's say you

502
00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 2: have seasure disorder, yes, like there are things that there

503
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:31,920
Speaker 2: are levels to intimacy and what's important to share and

504
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:34,920
Speaker 2: what's not, And so that's why it is important to

505
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 2: have the conversation and think about your particular situation.

506
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: M M. I agree with you one hundred percent. This

507
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:43,840
Speaker 1: is good. Okay, we're gonna be once a number three.

508
00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:47,560
Speaker 1: Number three. It's timing and availability, and so timing can

509
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: be everything right when moving into a relationship during cuffing season.

510
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,920
Speaker 1: So are you actually available physically, mentally, emotionally like we

511
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:58,040
Speaker 1: talked about before, right, are you available for that? And

512
00:31:58,080 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: do you have that to give to a relationship. That's

513
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:03,160
Speaker 1: just something to consider when you're thinking about covering season

514
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,239
Speaker 1: because at some point you're going to likely need to

515
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,800
Speaker 1: communicate that to the partner or the prospective partner that

516
00:32:08,840 --> 00:32:11,360
Speaker 1: you are considering or partners. Right, you might be like

517
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 1: I got to find answer for cover of seasons, you know,

518
00:32:13,520 --> 00:32:16,479
Speaker 1: and that's cool too, Right, So you're asking yourself, you know,

519
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 1: do I have the time to commit to someone new?

520
00:32:18,840 --> 00:32:22,200
Speaker 1: What are life priorities? Am I balancing and kind of

521
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 1: seeing how that's going to work? Do you have a

522
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:27,400
Speaker 1: schedule for that person or persons? And what is what

523
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: is your life going to look like? I think that's

524
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:31,360
Speaker 1: a really good question to ask yourself.

525
00:32:32,320 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 2: And also checking with the other person, you know. I

526
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:38,000
Speaker 2: think about one of the things you mentioned earlier is

527
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:42,280
Speaker 2: about like if you have kids or you know, I'm

528
00:32:42,720 --> 00:32:44,880
Speaker 2: over forty now, and so I think about you know

529
00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 2: a lot of my friends or over forty, you know,

530
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 2: it's more likely to happen over forty doesn't say it

531
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:59,240
Speaker 2: doesn't happen at younger ages. But taking care of parents, yes, right,

532
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 2: So like, what are your family obligations? So if you

533
00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:08,480
Speaker 2: have other people in your household, what does your time like?

534
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 2: What does your literal availability look like? If you have

535
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:17,720
Speaker 2: a co parenting dynamic? Okay, so you have a custody

536
00:33:17,760 --> 00:33:21,800
Speaker 2: situation worked out with you and your former partner, so

537
00:33:23,120 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 2: you know that Tuesday through Friday you got the kids.

538
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 2: What does that look like in terms of spending time

539
00:33:31,320 --> 00:33:34,479
Speaker 2: with a potential partner, you know, going back to your

540
00:33:34,520 --> 00:33:37,480
Speaker 2: question of do you want this partner to know about

541
00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:40,840
Speaker 2: your kids? Do you want them to be around your kids? Right?

542
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 2: And so what like really being clear on what your

543
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,040
Speaker 2: actual availability is?

544
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 1: Yes, And also I was establishing a healthy balance between

545
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 1: relationship time and personal time. I think that's so important,

546
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: especially when you know, although cuffing season could lead to

547
00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,040
Speaker 1: a relationship in the future, right, And we're going to

548
00:34:04,080 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 1: talk about that in a little bit. If it doesn't,

549
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,880
Speaker 1: and you just have all this free time now or

550
00:34:09,000 --> 00:34:10,919
Speaker 1: time where you're a little bit you have a little

551
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:13,480
Speaker 1: bit of anxiety or your stress because you put your

552
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,359
Speaker 1: all into that particular relationship. I think that can also

553
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 1: leave us in an uncomfortable position. So I think just

554
00:34:19,400 --> 00:34:22,439
Speaker 1: making sure that you have that healthy balance of Okay, yes,

555
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,600
Speaker 1: this is my you know, my custom season buddy or

556
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,839
Speaker 1: my cuddy buddy, whatever you're gonna call it. But I

557
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: also need to prioritize my relationship with myself and my

558
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,360
Speaker 1: friends and keep the other routines that I have in

559
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:36,080
Speaker 1: place so that I still have that after this relationship.

560
00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: Does this thing? What are you going to say?

561
00:34:38,120 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 2: Well, But I mean the key thing to think about too,

562
00:34:41,520 --> 00:34:44,440
Speaker 2: in terms of timing and availability and that balance is

563
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 2: the heart of cuffing season is the holidays. Like let's

564
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:55,880
Speaker 2: be real, like you have Thanksgiving, Christmas, Quanza, New Year's,

565
00:34:56,239 --> 00:35:01,680
Speaker 2: Valentine's Day, whatever, MLK Day or other holidays and in

566
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:07,040
Speaker 2: between there there's a lot of family time and like

567
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:12,879
Speaker 2: how holidays like just gatherings, right, yes, having a conversation

568
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:17,640
Speaker 2: around what that looks like, what are the expectations around that?

569
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:22,239
Speaker 2: Like it's part of our cuff and season agreement that

570
00:35:24,080 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 2: I don't go home to see family, like that's just

571
00:35:27,560 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 2: not I don't have a good relationship with my people.

572
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:35,439
Speaker 2: I'm not so I spend the holidays alone. So part

573
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 2: of the expectation is that as my cuffing partner, you

574
00:35:40,320 --> 00:35:44,160
Speaker 2: are with me during those times or I'm with you.

575
00:35:44,320 --> 00:35:48,239
Speaker 2: So maybe so, yet what does that look like. Are

576
00:35:48,280 --> 00:35:52,080
Speaker 2: we gonna stay booed up in the house or are

577
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:56,480
Speaker 2: we taking are we taking a trip? Or am I

578
00:35:56,560 --> 00:35:59,840
Speaker 2: going with you to whoever you spend the holidays with.

579
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 2: So having that conversation and having it early.

580
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,840
Speaker 1: Yes, before you're in the midst of.

581
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:13,920
Speaker 2: Right things, so we know going into it, because it

582
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 2: may be that you're like, nah, I don't spend I

583
00:36:18,719 --> 00:36:21,640
Speaker 2: don't bring anyone home for the holidays. It's just me.

584
00:36:21,760 --> 00:36:25,719
Speaker 2: I'm solo dolo for the holidays with my family. So

585
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:27,919
Speaker 2: you're gonna have to figure it out what you're gonna do, Boo,

586
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,480
Speaker 2: because you ain't gonna see me. And you say that

587
00:36:30,520 --> 00:36:35,239
Speaker 2: in September and be very clear, and if for some

588
00:36:35,320 --> 00:36:40,040
Speaker 2: reason things change, then we revisit the conversation.

589
00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: Yes, that is so important because things changed, No, things shift,

590
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,719
Speaker 1: So it's important to revisit the conversation and Dom, you

591
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 1: mentioned a cuffing season agreement. So when Dom and I

592
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:51,920
Speaker 1: were kind of doing our research for this episode, we

593
00:36:51,920 --> 00:36:54,440
Speaker 1: found this funny it looks like an old school like

594
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 1: pickstitch that I that we found on I guess Pinterest,

595
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,279
Speaker 1: and so it says cuffing season agreement. And then some

596
00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,600
Speaker 1: of the questions include are you really single? Because y'all

597
00:37:03,680 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 1: know how that works, right, It's like, are you really single?

598
00:37:06,160 --> 00:37:08,000
Speaker 1: Or is there anyone is there anyone else out there

599
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: that thinks certain relationship with you? Right? So yes or

600
00:37:10,200 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 1: no to that excellent question. Listen, do you have any stalkers?

601
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 1: That's also really good to know. Do you have children?

602
00:37:17,440 --> 00:37:20,439
Speaker 1: And how many people have often asked? Like how many

603
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,880
Speaker 1: baby my moms or baby dads people ask that to

604
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: these days? Do you have transportation? Can you text? It works? Yes?

605
00:37:29,200 --> 00:37:31,720
Speaker 1: Now this kind of dates the post, but it says

606
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:34,320
Speaker 1: do you watch scandals? So just insert whatever show you

607
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,920
Speaker 1: might be binge watching these days. The other question I thought,

608
00:37:38,239 --> 00:37:41,040
Speaker 1: what's kind of funny is do you desire public appearances?

609
00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:41,200
Speaker 2: Right?

610
00:37:41,280 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 1: Because maybe this cut and see somebody. Maybe we're just

611
00:37:44,719 --> 00:37:47,759
Speaker 1: behind closed doors. Maybe we're not going to be that's

612
00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,279
Speaker 1: a no no, So asking that is really good. The

613
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:54,160
Speaker 1: next one is will you be spending the night? You

614
00:37:54,200 --> 00:37:55,000
Speaker 1: gotually spend the night?

615
00:37:55,040 --> 00:37:55,320
Speaker 3: Bag?

616
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 1: Who are you gonna be spending the night?

617
00:37:56,719 --> 00:37:59,760
Speaker 2: Or you leave leaving? Are you leaving stuff at my place?

618
00:38:00,080 --> 00:38:01,800
Speaker 2: Am not leaving stuff at your place?

619
00:38:02,280 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 1: That part? And then the last one, I'm going to

620
00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 1: make this a two parter. It's are we exchanging Christmas gifts?

621
00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:12,400
Speaker 1: So whatever holiday you celebrate or if your birthdays are

622
00:38:12,600 --> 00:38:14,880
Speaker 1: in the midst of cuffing season, getting ahead of that

623
00:38:14,920 --> 00:38:17,200
Speaker 1: too to understand, like what are our expectations around that?

624
00:38:17,600 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 1: I think those are all very important. And I know

625
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: I'm talking through some again. I don't think I've ever

626
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,120
Speaker 1: been this intentional. It feels like a business sort of,

627
00:38:25,719 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 1: you know, relationship as we're kind of walking through it.

628
00:38:29,239 --> 00:38:30,880
Speaker 1: But I think this is so important. If you can

629
00:38:30,920 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 1: get ahead of ahead of these things, so there's no

630
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,719
Speaker 1: guest work, so you're not wondering, well, oh are we

631
00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:37,880
Speaker 1: doing anything? Just get ahead of it. We're adults, like

632
00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:40,360
Speaker 1: have the conversation. It makes it a lot easier to

633
00:38:40,440 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 1: plan and prepare.

634
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 2: So and here's the thing, here's the thing. If someone

635
00:38:46,360 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 2: is not willing to engage in the conversation with you.

636
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:58,520
Speaker 2: That's information. Yes, that should let you know that, hey,

637
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:03,640
Speaker 2: this person is not do well with communication and maybe

638
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:05,879
Speaker 2: we can dig a little deeper, or maybe we can

639
00:39:05,960 --> 00:39:11,640
Speaker 2: decide you gotta go if you can engage in the

640
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:16,200
Speaker 2: conversation that I'm trying to engage in. Yeah, if this

641
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 2: is a problem, then you got to go. Us on

642
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,279
Speaker 2: to the next one or DOM.

643
00:39:23,520 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: If they say one thing, but then you're realizing because

644
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:27,520
Speaker 1: you we're getting to know this person, right, so they

645
00:39:27,560 --> 00:39:30,440
Speaker 1: say one thing that you're realizing, Oh, they offer a

646
00:39:30,520 --> 00:39:33,120
Speaker 1: lot of lip service, but they don't follow through. That's

647
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:36,400
Speaker 1: also another like glaring red flag. We want to get them,

648
00:39:36,440 --> 00:39:38,279
Speaker 1: get them out of here. You don't qualify it for

649
00:39:38,320 --> 00:39:41,719
Speaker 1: cuf and season. Okay, yes, yes, Now we're moving on

650
00:39:41,719 --> 00:39:43,399
Speaker 1: to number four. This is my favorite one.

651
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 2: DOM. Okay, okay, this is the I love this topic.

652
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: Yes, listen, go ahead, welcome us into it the DOM. Yes,

653
00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:56,640
Speaker 1: come on, come.

654
00:39:56,719 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 2: So this one is needs, wants and non negotiables. And

655
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 2: your needs, wants and non negotiables apply not just to

656
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:12,399
Speaker 2: cuffing Season, but to any romantic relationship.

657
00:40:12,960 --> 00:40:13,440
Speaker 1: Everything.

658
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:17,000
Speaker 2: Well, your needs, wants and non negotiables allow you to

659
00:40:17,040 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 2: do is It allows you to get very clear on

660
00:40:23,760 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 2: the things that are absolute, I'm out of here of this,

661
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:34,200
Speaker 2: the things that I need and the things that I want.

662
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 2: It helps you to make appropriate decisions. I know your needs,

663
00:40:42,160 --> 00:40:47,760
Speaker 2: wants and non negotiables for cuffing season will probably be different.

664
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,600
Speaker 2: There may be some overlap, but will probably be different

665
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:57,880
Speaker 2: than your needs, wants and non negotiables for a long

666
00:40:57,960 --> 00:41:01,560
Speaker 2: term relationship. Like I said, there will be some overlap,

667
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,800
Speaker 2: but there will be there are some differences. I think

668
00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 2: for each person, what's a non negotiable for you might

669
00:41:11,440 --> 00:41:14,920
Speaker 2: not be a non negotiable for somebody else. But I

670
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:19,719
Speaker 2: think the key in determining what's in your non negotiables

671
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 2: list should be a pretty small list. What's in your

672
00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 2: needs list and what your wants list. Your non negotiables

673
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 2: are the few things that absolutely, unequivocally, if this happens,

674
00:41:36,360 --> 00:41:40,960
Speaker 2: you were out, no questions asked. We're not we're not

675
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:45,839
Speaker 2: trying to get curious about why we are done, not

676
00:41:45,880 --> 00:41:50,319
Speaker 2: putting up with it. We are done right, And I

677
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,880
Speaker 2: say those should be very few because the reality is

678
00:41:53,880 --> 00:41:58,520
Speaker 2: that there are very few things that in relationships we

679
00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 2: are like, if you do this, I'm cutting you off

680
00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:05,520
Speaker 2: and I want absolutely nothing to do with you ever again.

681
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,719
Speaker 2: Like there's no forgiveness, there's no moving forward. We're done

682
00:42:09,239 --> 00:42:16,879
Speaker 2: very few things for all of us. We typically can.

683
00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,399
Speaker 2: It may take some time, but there are things that

684
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:24,279
Speaker 2: we can work through. Your needs are the things that

685
00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:30,239
Speaker 2: help you thrive with a partner, have healthy dynamics with

686
00:42:30,280 --> 00:42:35,880
Speaker 2: a partner in a relationship. Your wants, and that should

687
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:40,600
Speaker 2: probably be your longest list your wants. It's probably like

688
00:42:40,640 --> 00:42:44,719
Speaker 2: that mid list. Your wants are the things that are

689
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:53,799
Speaker 2: nice to have. But if that doesn't show up, you're okay.

690
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 2: An example that I like to give for folks to

691
00:42:57,000 --> 00:43:00,680
Speaker 2: kind of figure this out. Non negotia. For a lot

692
00:43:00,680 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 2: of people, it's physical abuse. You put your hands on me.

693
00:43:07,040 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 2: We are done, right, that's no negotiable. For a lot

694
00:43:13,120 --> 00:43:20,200
Speaker 2: of people, A need someone who someone who is taller

695
00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 2: than them. A lot of women say this, like, so

696
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:27,040
Speaker 2: what I so? Typically what I what? I help women like.

697
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:29,400
Speaker 2: The conversation that I end up having with women, and

698
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 2: one that I ended up having to have with myself

699
00:43:32,320 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 2: was I don't need a partner who is over six

700
00:43:37,400 --> 00:43:40,920
Speaker 2: feet tall because the reality is that the average man

701
00:43:41,000 --> 00:43:45,080
Speaker 2: is only the average type for men is five ten right,

702
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:47,560
Speaker 2: So that means the majority of men that you come

703
00:43:47,560 --> 00:43:49,719
Speaker 2: across are not going to be over six feet tall.

704
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 2: So the need is someone who's taller than you.

705
00:43:56,040 --> 00:43:56,239
Speaker 1: Right.

706
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: The once is where you may be able to get

707
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:03,240
Speaker 2: specific so that it's nice to have. If it doesn't

708
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:07,200
Speaker 2: show up, you will still be okay if they're checking

709
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 2: off all the other boxes.

710
00:44:09,320 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: That makes sense.

711
00:44:11,000 --> 00:44:14,880
Speaker 2: But as it specifically relates to cuffing season, maybe a

712
00:44:15,040 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 2: need is that you need someone who can perform sexually.

713
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 2: Hell yes, a want might be you have a specific

714
00:44:30,800 --> 00:44:35,200
Speaker 2: size in mind, so that specific size would be nice

715
00:44:35,200 --> 00:44:40,520
Speaker 2: to have. But if you don't get that and the

716
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,240
Speaker 2: man can still perform sexually, you're okay.

717
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 1: That makes sense. I like the way you broke that down.

718
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:50,319
Speaker 1: I like that a lot, Lady. It might be very

719
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 1: wise if you haven't done already, to write down your

720
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 1: top three needs once and non negotiables before entering the relationship,

721
00:44:57,600 --> 00:45:00,680
Speaker 1: because you know, sometimes the judgment can get cloudy when

722
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:03,719
Speaker 1: you can see you know, bright and shiny or big

723
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,800
Speaker 1: and shiny objects or whatever it might be that distracts you. Okay,

724
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: so that might be something also I have. Okay, I'm

725
00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,439
Speaker 1: gonna ask you a couple of questions to Dom. Okay, well,

726
00:45:16,480 --> 00:45:18,160
Speaker 1: I'm gonna skip this train to talk because I feel

727
00:45:18,160 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 1: like it's it's getting late, y'all, and I feel like

728
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,960
Speaker 1: my mind just jumping all over. So I want to

729
00:45:22,000 --> 00:45:26,239
Speaker 1: ask what your top three non negotiables would be. What

730
00:45:26,320 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 1: would they be potentially for custom season? I am going

731
00:45:29,719 --> 00:45:30,880
Speaker 1: to think of some as well.

732
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 3: But.

733
00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:39,160
Speaker 2: So I think for me they overlap with my overall

734
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:44,000
Speaker 2: like non negotiables for relationships. Okay, so the top three

735
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:50,360
Speaker 2: would be, I can't deal with someone who's abusive, Like,

736
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:52,560
Speaker 2: that's a non negotiable. You If you are abusive, we

737
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,640
Speaker 2: are out the door. And for me, that is that

738
00:45:55,840 --> 00:46:00,400
Speaker 2: is whether it is physical, emotional, financial, whatever use in

739
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:04,439
Speaker 2: any form, we're done, particularly for cuff and season, because

740
00:46:04,440 --> 00:46:07,719
Speaker 2: the goal is cuffing season a short term right, Okay,

741
00:46:07,800 --> 00:46:14,680
Speaker 2: So if no, not doing it a cigarette smoker, I

742
00:46:15,080 --> 00:46:17,600
Speaker 2: that's not that's not for me, Like I know some

743
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:20,520
Speaker 2: people who like I know people I have friends who

744
00:46:20,560 --> 00:46:26,480
Speaker 2: are cigarette smokers. But for a partner, not, we're not

745
00:46:26,560 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 2: doing it. I'm nope, not at all. And then oh,

746
00:46:31,520 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 2: because I'm looking at my list right now as we're

747
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:39,880
Speaker 2: talking about you have the number three. One a narcissist,

748
00:46:40,280 --> 00:46:44,160
Speaker 2: if you are a narcissist, if you're displaying any narcissistic tendencies.

749
00:46:44,200 --> 00:46:47,360
Speaker 2: Not where we are. No, those are my three not

750
00:46:47,360 --> 00:46:48,319
Speaker 2: not negotiables.

751
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:51,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, what about for you girl? Okay, that's good. I

752
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 1: feel like I have two, but I'm gonna I'm just

753
00:46:53,880 --> 00:46:55,440
Speaker 1: gonna shoot and see what else comes up. So I

754
00:46:55,480 --> 00:46:59,160
Speaker 1: would say someone who's not someone who's unreliable, like someone

755
00:46:59,160 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 1: who says one thing and does another. That is just

756
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:05,239
Speaker 1: like and you know, I feel like sometimes you can

757
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:07,520
Speaker 1: give someone a chance if it happens once you depending

758
00:47:07,560 --> 00:47:09,200
Speaker 1: on what it is, you can give feedback. But if

759
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:11,080
Speaker 1: it happens again, it's like, oh no, this is we

760
00:47:11,120 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 1: don't do that. My time is valuable. So I would

761
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:17,600
Speaker 1: say that. I would say also poor communication in general,

762
00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:19,640
Speaker 1: so like not open to feedback right like when you

763
00:47:19,640 --> 00:47:23,880
Speaker 1: think about giving feedback in general or just communicating like openly,

764
00:47:24,160 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: that's so important to me. And then I feel like

765
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 1: there's another like very nuanced swam, but I can't think

766
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:32,799
Speaker 1: of it right now. So I'm going to go with

767
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 1: you on like any type of abuse physical verbal, like

768
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:38,960
Speaker 1: that's just like we yeah, we have to go yeah, yeah, yeah,

769
00:47:39,040 --> 00:47:42,919
Speaker 1: that's not even Yeah.

770
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,640
Speaker 2: So I think for me the poor the communication is

771
00:47:44,680 --> 00:47:46,239
Speaker 2: a need and not a non.

772
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:49,319
Speaker 1: Negotiable because it's the only cuff and season.

773
00:47:50,000 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 2: Well, no, in general, because cuffing season and in general,

774
00:47:55,320 --> 00:47:57,680
Speaker 2: I could see where, particularly for cuffing season, where it

775
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:00,680
Speaker 2: would be where it could be someone's non negotiable. And

776
00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:04,319
Speaker 2: I think for me, communication is something that a lot

777
00:48:04,320 --> 00:48:08,839
Speaker 2: of people struggle with, and so I'm willing to have

778
00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:13,560
Speaker 2: dial Yes, a lot of people shot communication, and so

779
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:17,960
Speaker 2: I'm willing to have the dialogue around like converse like communication,

780
00:48:18,239 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 2: like hey, like let's let's talk about this. But I'm

781
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 2: clear that for me that's like, for sure, that's something

782
00:48:25,840 --> 00:48:29,600
Speaker 2: that I'm willing to talk about, yeah, and to work through. Now,

783
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 2: that doesn't mean that if you I give you a

784
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 2: few chances and you're not meeting it, yeah you gotta go.

785
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,560
Speaker 2: But the thing for me is I'm giving you a

786
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:40,799
Speaker 2: few chances, and so that makes it a need for

787
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:43,399
Speaker 2: me and not a non negotiable for sure.

788
00:48:43,480 --> 00:48:45,399
Speaker 1: Now that I like that perspective, that makes sense there

789
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,680
Speaker 1: is I will say that the reason I said that

790
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:50,279
Speaker 1: there's a particular situation I'm thinking of that just was

791
00:48:50,320 --> 00:48:53,360
Speaker 1: like motherfucker. Absolutely not. I want to share that with

792
00:48:53,400 --> 00:48:58,080
Speaker 1: you offline, want you to think about that. So anything else

793
00:48:58,080 --> 00:49:02,240
Speaker 1: about needs, ones and non negotiables or are we skipping along?

794
00:49:03,560 --> 00:49:08,960
Speaker 2: Yeah? I think just being very clear and if someone

795
00:49:09,040 --> 00:49:12,000
Speaker 2: is not meeting those needs, particularly because cuffing and season

796
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 2: is short term, if someone is not meeting those needs,

797
00:49:15,200 --> 00:49:18,120
Speaker 2: it's okay to move along and bring the next person in.

798
00:49:18,360 --> 00:49:21,520
Speaker 2: And so also be clear, because this is short term,

799
00:49:21,920 --> 00:49:25,160
Speaker 2: what are the things that you're okay with foregoing?

800
00:49:25,800 --> 00:49:28,960
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, oh that part, that's a really that's a

801
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,359
Speaker 1: really good point. I think that's a great segue into

802
00:49:31,440 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: number five, lady, which is choose your own adventure. Right,

803
00:49:36,040 --> 00:49:40,320
Speaker 1: So this is all about focusing on next steps. Now.

804
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:45,399
Speaker 1: I don't know about y'all, but the more we talk

805
00:49:45,440 --> 00:49:48,759
Speaker 1: about this, okay, so let me just write this down

806
00:49:48,800 --> 00:49:50,440
Speaker 1: so I don't forget. So the more we talk about this,

807
00:49:50,480 --> 00:49:52,160
Speaker 1: I'm like, I don't know if I'm built for this

808
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:55,240
Speaker 1: type of situation because you're talking about cuff and season.

809
00:49:55,239 --> 00:49:57,600
Speaker 1: You're gonna be together, you're gonna be intimate, you're gonna

810
00:49:57,600 --> 00:49:59,760
Speaker 1: be having the sex, you're gonna be doing all the things,

811
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,640
Speaker 1: most of the things, and then it's just supposed to end.

812
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:04,760
Speaker 1: I feel like you're probably going like there are probably

813
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,640
Speaker 1: going to be feelings that somebody's going to catch feelings

814
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: on one side or the other. Like I feel like

815
00:50:09,280 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 1: in most situations I hear about as well, at least

816
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:14,160
Speaker 1: one person is catching feelings. It may not be mutual,

817
00:50:14,480 --> 00:50:17,920
Speaker 1: which makes it tough. So I think that if you

818
00:50:17,960 --> 00:50:19,960
Speaker 1: are one like me, where you're like, we ain't gonna

819
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:22,120
Speaker 1: be doing all this and I'm not catching feelings, you

820
00:50:22,200 --> 00:50:24,319
Speaker 1: might want to have some clear boundaries, like you might

821
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 1: want to say we can't do the cuttling, or you

822
00:50:26,480 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 1: can't spend the night or whatever it might be. Because

823
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:31,200
Speaker 1: the more time you spend together, I'm sure there's a

824
00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 1: statistic out there of assessus. But the more time you

825
00:50:33,160 --> 00:50:37,440
Speaker 1: spend together, the more familiar you become. You're in close proximity,

826
00:50:37,520 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 1: you're going to begin to like each other for sure more,

827
00:50:40,400 --> 00:50:43,799
Speaker 1: and so that can definitely cloud the judgment. So going

828
00:50:43,840 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: back to this sort of step here, you might want

829
00:50:47,280 --> 00:50:50,080
Speaker 1: to discuss the difference between seeking a short term connection

830
00:50:50,280 --> 00:50:53,560
Speaker 1: for cuff and season versus building something that could last longer.

831
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:56,839
Speaker 1: And I know you're like, girl, initially we don't know this.

832
00:50:57,280 --> 00:50:59,240
Speaker 1: So that's why going back to what you said, Tom,

833
00:50:59,640 --> 00:51:02,920
Speaker 1: is so important to have conversations with whoever you're with

834
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:06,879
Speaker 1: and check in because things change, you know. I think

835
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:08,960
Speaker 1: it's important to do that and just be honest. And

836
00:51:08,960 --> 00:51:10,520
Speaker 1: I think we have to be adults too, dom and

837
00:51:10,840 --> 00:51:13,799
Speaker 1: both be open to you know what, if one of

838
00:51:13,840 --> 00:51:16,239
Speaker 1: us decides to not move forward, it doesn't have to

839
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:19,400
Speaker 1: be a nasty breakup or split. Like, we can be

840
00:51:19,440 --> 00:51:21,680
Speaker 1: adults and sometimes our feelings might get hurt and might

841
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:23,799
Speaker 1: be like this person is like, you know what, this

842
00:51:23,920 --> 00:51:25,359
Speaker 1: was fone while I last day, I'm going to move

843
00:51:25,400 --> 00:51:27,680
Speaker 1: on and kind of have to be okay with that.

844
00:51:27,719 --> 00:51:28,960
Speaker 1: I respect their decision, you.

845
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 2: Know exactly, and I think and it can be hard.

846
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 2: So you know, one of the things that you pointed

847
00:51:35,200 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 2: out about this is that it is not for everyone.

848
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:42,440
Speaker 2: Even though lots of single people engage in it, it

849
00:51:42,520 --> 00:51:46,239
Speaker 2: is not for everyone. And a lot of people who

850
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:49,560
Speaker 2: engage in cuffing season aren't as intentional or mindful as

851
00:51:49,600 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 2: we've talked about in this episode, And so to me,

852
00:51:55,320 --> 00:52:00,920
Speaker 2: I think that cuffing season could be a healthier way,

853
00:52:01,280 --> 00:52:06,560
Speaker 2: Like if people take these tips that we are giving

854
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:12,040
Speaker 2: and really have some intention behind how they're engaging. It

855
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:16,840
Speaker 2: could lead to a pretty healthy cuffing season, right you know,

856
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 2: you can just you like, maybe you will decide, you

857
00:52:19,840 --> 00:52:25,360
Speaker 2: know what, I legit am not looking for anything long

858
00:52:25,440 --> 00:52:29,840
Speaker 2: term right now, So I'm gonna be clear and upfront,

859
00:52:30,520 --> 00:52:33,960
Speaker 2: and maybe it's you have to interview a few candidates

860
00:52:33,960 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 2: to decide who is going to be that person. And

861
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,080
Speaker 2: if that's the case, that's the conversation that you have

862
00:52:39,200 --> 00:52:46,520
Speaker 2: upfront of what I am looking for right now is

863
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:52,280
Speaker 2: somebody's short term. Somebody to get me through the cold months,

864
00:52:53,600 --> 00:53:01,439
Speaker 2: through sweater weather and once it gets warmer out and

865
00:53:02,480 --> 00:53:05,759
Speaker 2: I'm ready to put on that swimsuit and book that

866
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:11,000
Speaker 2: tropical vacation. I'm good on you boot, be honest about

867
00:53:11,000 --> 00:53:14,520
Speaker 2: that upfront and as time moves on, like you said,

868
00:53:14,600 --> 00:53:17,560
Speaker 2: if the person is if you are spending time with

869
00:53:17,640 --> 00:53:21,560
Speaker 2: this person and you're realizing, hey, maybe I do want

870
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:23,919
Speaker 2: to take this. Maybe I want this person to come

871
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:26,920
Speaker 2: with me. I mean we haven't seen each other nakeet like,

872
00:53:28,520 --> 00:53:30,560
Speaker 2: maybe they are somebody that I want on the beach

873
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 2: with me. Maybe I want this to.

874
00:53:33,160 --> 00:53:34,320
Speaker 4: Be more than.

875
00:53:35,680 --> 00:53:42,160
Speaker 2: A casual relationship. Then revisit the conversation and you might

876
00:53:42,200 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 2: be revisiting this conversation or some version of this conversation

877
00:53:47,239 --> 00:53:50,960
Speaker 2: a few times throughout this time period.

878
00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:55,439
Speaker 1: And that's okay, that's spot on down. I don't really

879
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:58,400
Speaker 1: think let me see anything else we talked about communication.

880
00:53:59,080 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 1: I think you hit the nail on the I think also,

881
00:54:01,239 --> 00:54:03,160
Speaker 1: the last thing I want to say is, if you

882
00:54:03,200 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 1: have a good experience, it might end up blossoing into

883
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:08,239
Speaker 1: a friendship. Right if it doesn't work us, it can

884
00:54:08,280 --> 00:54:09,719
Speaker 1: be a marriage, it could be a friendship, it could

885
00:54:09,719 --> 00:54:12,359
Speaker 1: be a lot of different things. But I think then open, yes,

886
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:14,319
Speaker 1: be open. I think the key here is to choose

887
00:54:14,320 --> 00:54:16,040
Speaker 1: your own adventure. See what's going to work best for

888
00:54:16,120 --> 00:54:19,799
Speaker 1: y'all based on what you have established. So I think

889
00:54:19,800 --> 00:54:21,360
Speaker 1: it might be time for us to do a recap

890
00:54:21,480 --> 00:54:22,680
Speaker 1: and then happened to the after show?

891
00:54:22,960 --> 00:54:33,359
Speaker 2: It? Yes, So our tips for considering whether to give

892
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 2: in or move on from Cuffing Season one, take into

893
00:54:37,960 --> 00:54:44,239
Speaker 2: account your emotional and mental wellness. Two, be mindful of

894
00:54:44,280 --> 00:54:47,600
Speaker 2: your physical and sexual health and that of your partners.

895
00:54:49,440 --> 00:54:54,000
Speaker 2: Consider timing and availability again for you and your partner.

896
00:54:55,120 --> 00:55:01,680
Speaker 2: Determine your needs, wants and non negotiables. And then, lastly,

897
00:55:02,880 --> 00:55:08,200
Speaker 2: choose your own adventure and have fun. I know we

898
00:55:08,280 --> 00:55:11,960
Speaker 2: pointed out some things that made it seem really serious

899
00:55:12,760 --> 00:55:17,680
Speaker 2: and it is, but have fun. That's that's the biggest

900
00:55:17,719 --> 00:55:20,000
Speaker 2: point of custom season. It is to have some fun

901
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:21,280
Speaker 2: and stay warm.

902
00:55:22,680 --> 00:55:26,680
Speaker 1: Listen, yes, stay warm and Lady Domini are going to

903
00:55:26,760 --> 00:55:29,560
Speaker 1: hop off and we're going to go record the after show.

904
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:31,919
Speaker 1: But just wanted to put something out there for you.

905
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:35,040
Speaker 1: If you are interested in supporting our work, you can

906
00:55:35,080 --> 00:55:37,520
Speaker 1: head on over to our website, Herspace podcast dot com

907
00:55:37,800 --> 00:55:39,920
Speaker 1: and click on the Patreon tab. I'm looking at our

908
00:55:39,920 --> 00:55:43,320
Speaker 1: website right now. Click on Patreon says click here to

909
00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 1: join our exclusive Patreon community and you can support our work.

910
00:55:46,600 --> 00:55:50,400
Speaker 1: You can watch the video episode of today's content and

911
00:55:50,520 --> 00:55:52,880
Speaker 1: also catch the after show and then Lady if you

912
00:55:52,920 --> 00:55:54,920
Speaker 1: get head on over to Apple Podcasts. If you like

913
00:55:55,000 --> 00:55:57,719
Speaker 1: our podcast, can get Can you go rate us? Because

914
00:55:57,719 --> 00:56:00,959
Speaker 1: we have had any reviews in a minute, like y'all

915
00:56:00,960 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 1: still enjoin, get some feedback, let us know what you

916
00:56:03,200 --> 00:56:05,480
Speaker 1: want to see. Because it's looking a little longer over there.

917
00:56:05,520 --> 00:56:07,399
Speaker 1: We haven't had reviews in a couple months, so leave

918
00:56:07,480 --> 00:56:09,640
Speaker 1: us a review if you feel called to do so.

919
00:56:10,120 --> 00:56:12,480
Speaker 1: We appreciate you and we will catch you on the

920
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:15,720
Speaker 1: other side. Bye.

921
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:21,880
Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today. Please note that our show

922
00:56:21,960 --> 00:56:27,880
Speaker 3: may contain conversations about self help, advice, self empowerment, and

923
00:56:28,000 --> 00:56:31,120
Speaker 3: mental health, but is by no means meant to be

924
00:56:31,160 --> 00:56:35,440
Speaker 3: a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship with a trained

925
00:56:35,480 --> 00:56:39,520
Speaker 3: mental health provider. If you are someone you know is

926
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:42,880
Speaker 3: in need of mental health care, please visit a Therapy

927
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:48,840
Speaker 3: for Black Girls directory Psychology today or contact your insurance provider.

928
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:50,879
Speaker 1: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

929
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:55,000
Speaker 1: the conversation going, visit our website at herspacepodcast dot com

930
00:56:55,239 --> 00:56:57,359
Speaker 1: and be sure to click the Patreon link to get

931
00:56:57,360 --> 00:57:01,240
Speaker 1: access to video content bonuses in our weekly after show

932
00:57:01,800 --> 00:57:05,600
Speaker 1: and before we meet again, repeat after me. My energy

933
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:09,719
Speaker 1: is a gift. I choose to share wisely and leave

934
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:11,760
Speaker 1: a positive imprint on the world.