Speaker 1: Once upon a time there was a good old traditional housewife,
Speaker 1: and she couldn't. She cleaned and cared for her children
Speaker 1: and the man of the house, and of course she
Speaker 1: didn't talk back. She was both obedient and soft by nature.
Speaker 1: She was a good woman who always made good choices.
Speaker 2: That we're good mom's bad choices.
Speaker 3: Who's single mom who said fuck the patriarchy, shared all
Speaker 3: their bad choices and.
Speaker 2: Found out they were so bad after all.
Speaker 3: We're experts, overshares and your new besties.
Speaker 2: Sit back and enjoy the ride. I can do it.
Speaker 4: Welcome back to good Mom's Bad Choices. I'm Erica and
Speaker 4: I'm Meila, and it's hop day, bitches. Welcome back.
Speaker 2: It's Wednesday if you're listening to this, the day that
Speaker 2: episode comes out.
Speaker 3: If you're not listening to the day it comes out,
Speaker 3: what the fuck are you doing on Wednesday?
Speaker 2: And they miss us? How are you? I'm pretty good.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty good.
Speaker 3: I'm just, you know, living my best hoocy housewife life
Speaker 3: at home. Yesterday I took Orlando to my classy gym
Speaker 3: because you've been asking him to go for me for
Speaker 3: a year, to show me the machines. He hasn't gone
Speaker 3: and we went to a cycle class and it was like,
Speaker 3: you know, it's my gym's and we hoo. It's like
Speaker 3: super gay and it was a guy like just like,
Speaker 3: I mean in Orlando where and they're like, oh yeah,
Speaker 3: I almost died.
Speaker 2: But it was really fun.
Speaker 3: So and I was like, this is the most marriage
Speaker 3: shit I've ever done, going to a fucking cycle class
Speaker 3: and weo with my man. But it was fun. So
Speaker 3: just just been chilling. And honestly, I've been going on
Speaker 3: a lot. He's been working late and then I'd be like,
Speaker 3: are you sleeping, I'm gonna go out, and I'm like,
Speaker 3: is he gonna leave me? Because I'm like, I'm really
Speaker 3: outside because he's going to work, But he seems fun.
Speaker 2: I love that. Love that for you guys. It's been good.
Speaker 2: I'm good. I know you didn't ask, but I'm good.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was thinking I'm great. I'm great. I'm excited.
Speaker 2: We are about to leave to Jamaica, so I'm looking forward
Speaker 2: to that.
Speaker 4: And I real's been on spring break, so that's been horrible,
Speaker 4: but you know, we're surviving.
Speaker 2: Not horrible, it is, but I am excited because we
Speaker 2: have a special guest today. We have a very special guest,
Speaker 2: and I'm excited because.
Speaker 4: We've like almost met her one time, but then we
Speaker 4: didn't get to meet her, and she has been someone
Speaker 4: that y'all have asked to have on the show for
Speaker 4: a minute.
Speaker 2: And so guess what the bitch is here, y'all.
Speaker 4: I'm so happy to welcome to the show a stand
Speaker 4: up comedian, author, bad motherfucker, good mom, just hilarious hey,
Speaker 4: and co host of the Breakfast Club of course.
Speaker 2: Yes, but yes, I'm all the other things too, you know,
Speaker 2: the mom, the bad bitch, all that souff.
Speaker 4: Thank y'all, Hey girl, how a y'all doing. I'm happy
Speaker 4: I finally made it here. I know, welcome to la.
Speaker 4: How do you like it here?
Speaker 2: No? Not really, but you know, I used to live here.
Speaker 2: And if it's anything that I didn't take advantage of
Speaker 2: when I was living here before, it's healthy eating because
Speaker 2: when I lived here, like I don't know if it
Speaker 2: was what made six years ago, I was trying to
Speaker 2: find a turkey wing, the first yams, colar greens, all
Speaker 2: of that, like mac and cheese, but I kept running
Speaker 2: into like shit called hummus and not shit called hommy. Yes,
Speaker 2: fresh fresh squeeze juices and shit, you know, but I
Speaker 2: die for it now like I needed. I didn't realize
Speaker 2: that I would appreciate it now in my thirties because
Speaker 2: maybe everything start hitting you crazy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, your your digestive system changes.
Speaker 2: In your thirties. Like yeah, I'm like, oh, so I
Speaker 2: can't just see whatever I want exactly, and you can't
Speaker 2: smoke out of whatever you want either, because I was
Speaker 2: smoking backwoods for a long time and then at thirty
Speaker 2: one started messing with my skin. So then I saw
Speaker 2: my dermatologists and she was like, I'm not gonna tell you.
Speaker 2: Don't smoke weed, just smoke cleaner. I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: so wait, what was that. It's been white paper, So so.
Speaker 3: You're telling me the backwards that I've been smoking every episode.
Speaker 2: It don't mess with your it, don't mess with your skin.
Speaker 2: Obvious closer. Oh damn, it's not bad. To hell, it's
Speaker 2: not bad. Yeah, but that's what it is. It was
Speaker 2: the dairy for me because I didn't realize how thick
Speaker 2: and just how disgusting dairy will have you feeling like, girl,
Speaker 2: you got the extra thick spit, and then you know
Speaker 2: it comes through your skin. The white heads, the black
Speaker 2: kids all at No, I can't.
Speaker 3: So basically you're telling me I need to just lay
Speaker 3: back on the backwards and.
Speaker 2: The raw papers. Have you got any whiskers in your thirties?
Speaker 2: Do you struggle with this? No, I've had a mustache.
Speaker 2: You just got in your thirties. I'm thirty four.
Speaker 3: You're not even two feet in yet, so I'm full
Speaker 3: feet in. I feel like thirty five is all all
Speaker 3: two feet in? Yeah, yeah, I'm thirty seven. I barely
Speaker 3: want to have you thirty seven.
Speaker 2: That's not all. But you look younger than me.
Speaker 3: I'll be thirty eight in June.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's amazing. Oh you're an aquarius, right, I am
Speaker 2: February thirteen. What's your husband's son? He is a cancer?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, my husband's my husband's aquarius and I'm a cancer.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I met a female cancer. Literally No,
Speaker 2: I just know all the guys and my husband were
Speaker 2: better than absolutely, I hope. So fifty said like, you
Speaker 2: ain't nothing like a hurt cancer man. Oh god, it's
Speaker 2: not good. It's not good. Ship on their shoulder and
Speaker 2: never come back.
Speaker 3: They get they never come back. They're so sensitive. It
Speaker 3: hurts so bad that they turned into fifty cent.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure it's another documentary being made right now
Speaker 2: by somebody that once hurt him. And there it is,
Speaker 2: which it's the what's the one is it? T? I
Speaker 2: T and tiny surviving and tiny and the part is
Speaker 2: the other one was good? I know it was. It was.
Speaker 2: It was top not you. I'm not gonna hold you.
Speaker 2: It was well done. Oh my god, the perspective, the narration,
Speaker 2: just everything. I cried a little bit and I got
Speaker 2: I did, and he just like that was terrible.
Speaker 3: And then when he even when he got the jury,
Speaker 3: the jury people to come on, you can tell they
Speaker 3: were kind of like starstruck.
Speaker 2: But the one, yeah, good angle because the onel pissed
Speaker 2: me off though she Yeah, I know everybody gonna know
Speaker 2: the juror I'm talking about this black web talk.
Speaker 3: About he did that thing that he did up making
Speaker 3: the band.
Speaker 2: I said, bitch, like, bye, you don't even need to
Speaker 2: be in there. What's wrong with you? But I ain't
Speaker 2: gonna lie though the guy that was left behind and
Speaker 2: all that your ass ain't saying up and all this
Speaker 2: goddamn time, Like I know, I ain't cry for his
Speaker 2: ass and I ain't cry for he's saying something gonna do.
Speaker 2: He didn't have a platform, he was in a homeless shelter.
Speaker 2: Jess did he probably threaten him? You know, he don't play.
Speaker 2: He kills people. Yeah, you're careful villain. That's what they said.
Speaker 2: You're right now, that's what they said. I know. That's
Speaker 2: but it was. It was just insane how we had
Speaker 2: all that close up footage. I said, oh, how how
Speaker 2: did this happen? He had the audacity to be filming himself.
Speaker 2: But this is what narciss just do. They fucked themselves
Speaker 2: because they're stupid, Like why would you film all of
Speaker 2: this leading up to your trial? So cocky talking to
Speaker 2: your lawyer like nah, we everything. It's like yo, oh
Speaker 2: my god. And then the park where he had to
Speaker 2: go out and you know, make good with the people
Speaker 2: and then got in the wash. Yeah I mean people peasantry, sweetheart.
Speaker 3: But you know what it save, It gave such This
Speaker 3: is not this episode is about, but very important.
Speaker 2: It was.
Speaker 3: It was so interesting to just see like the dynamic
Speaker 3: of a weak ass nigga who doesn't feel adequate, Like
Speaker 3: it's pour it pours out of his pores, you know
Speaker 3: what I mean. It's like you you want to dance
Speaker 3: a lot and ship. You want to be cool like
Speaker 3: the cool niggas, but you ain't cool. And then it
Speaker 3: was really killing me. When they had him in the studio,
Speaker 3: they're like him like the writers are like, yeah, we
Speaker 3: kept up.
Speaker 2: Had to redo the track because he wanted to keep
Speaker 2: doing it.
Speaker 3: Again because it wasn't good, and he was in there like.
Speaker 2: But the guy is a kit high a goddamn. It
Speaker 2: was like if he don't see his mother fucking somewhere.
Speaker 2: It was I know, that's not what this episode. That
Speaker 2: was really good because I never to talk about it,
Speaker 2: so thank you. That wasn't that was good? Yeah, that
Speaker 2: was good. You didn't get your heart together though, right,
Speaker 2: Oh baby, I don't know. He seems happy be as
Speaker 2: hell over there in jail. I don't think, oh yeah,
Speaker 2: fifty fifty finds so much comfort and pleasure and embarrassing
Speaker 2: his abusers basically.
Speaker 3: But do you think they're the car is gonna get him?
Speaker 3: Because remember he ended jaw Roll when jaw Roll was
Speaker 3: at his peak.
Speaker 2: Remember that. I know, but I loved jaw so much.
Speaker 2: I was just killed him.
Speaker 3: He killed the whole murder inc in like one album.
Speaker 3: Is someone going to kill him, just like Kendrick killed Drake.
Speaker 3: Are we gonna it's just like a thing?
Speaker 2: I don't know. Can fifty be killed? You already got
Speaker 2: shot eleven times? I mean everyone could be killed. Baby,
Speaker 2: you got shot eleven times, Like the number go up?
Speaker 4: Everything is I thought, I don't know, you know you
Speaker 4: got the bullets tatted on him.
Speaker 2: Proof anyway.
Speaker 3: Anyway, Yes, it's no better time for you to come
Speaker 3: on good mom's bad choices than with the debut of
Speaker 3: your new hip book Till Death Dewie Parents.
Speaker 2: Ma'am.
Speaker 3: You know at first what I saw, that's a I
Speaker 3: was gonna be like bashing your baby daddy.
Speaker 2: But it seems you guys are friends. We are best
Speaker 2: friends of you. Yeah, yeah, we understand this co parenting.
Speaker 3: We were always friends though, But yeah, you never had
Speaker 3: a bad season.
Speaker 2: Mm. Yes, we had many bad seasons, and you can
Speaker 2: see in chapter one three or it wasn't until like
Speaker 2: five and six when we started like really really getting
Speaker 2: well chapter five and six, which was also like the
Speaker 2: fifth and sixth year of Ashton's life as well, Like
Speaker 2: we started having real conversations and I started to see
Speaker 2: Rome for like who he was and how his trauma
Speaker 2: had a lot to do with how he was co
Speaker 2: parent and how he looked at women and how he
Speaker 2: even did everything. You know, he applied applied all of
Speaker 2: that to his life, you know, an adult. In his
Speaker 2: adult life, he went through. He went through a lot
Speaker 2: as a child. So and once I started understanding him,
Speaker 2: I started giving him grace, like, damn, you had a
Speaker 2: traumatic childhood, Like it was crazy, it was great, then
Speaker 2: it was horrible, and then it was gradually getting decent,
Speaker 2: you know. And then he met me. So it was
Speaker 2: a lot. It was a lot, and and that's how
Speaker 2: he became my best friend. Just like I went from
Speaker 2: being the bitter baby mama to like his confidante, Like
Speaker 2: he would call me, invent to me, and then you know,
Speaker 2: and we found such a synergy between us, like you know,
Speaker 2: and it's like, okay, all right, I got you, you
Speaker 2: my roll dog, Like that's really that's really like one
Speaker 2: of my best friends.
Speaker 3: How would you say, because I you know, generally most
Speaker 3: women were not going to describe themselves at any period
Speaker 3: as a bitter baby mama. But at some point, you know,
Speaker 3: like we've all had some bitterness, what would you say
Speaker 3: had brought you out of your bitter baby mama mode
Speaker 3: into the more mature, evolved version that you were talking
Speaker 3: to today.
Speaker 2: Girl. I tried to see. I thought I could do both.
Speaker 2: I thought I could be bitter and show up as
Speaker 2: the best parent. I was like, Nah, I'm gonna show
Speaker 2: you I hate you, right, and I'm gonna still be
Speaker 2: the best mommy. It don't work out like that, because
Speaker 2: the kid sees it all, you know, And my son
Speaker 2: has always been very very smart, you know, not saying
Speaker 2: it just because he's my son, but like he literally
Speaker 2: is always caught on to like my little moods and
Speaker 2: things I would say. And even if I've never bashed
Speaker 2: his father to him, I never did that. I don't
Speaker 2: even really respect when you know, women do that, but
Speaker 2: because they gonna get old enough to see you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, but I've never done that. But Rome I
Speaker 2: had to, Like I said, I had to have those
Speaker 2: hard conversations because once I got past receiving and accepting
Speaker 2: the fact that, yo, we're not gonna be together, that's
Speaker 2: what made me like dow my bitterness back. You know,
Speaker 2: we're not gonna be together. I thought I was gonna
Speaker 2: spend the rest of my life with that nigga, you
Speaker 2: know what I'm saying at one point, but it was
Speaker 2: just it don't work like that all the time. And
Speaker 2: I was seventeen when I started doing Your Day's like
Speaker 2: right after her, you know, I'm saying right after high school, right,
Speaker 2: And yeah.
Speaker 3: I think that a lot of people because we talk
Speaker 3: about this, like just in general. I think a part
Speaker 3: of the reason we started Good Moms is because we
Speaker 3: were both getting out of our baby daddy relationships around
Speaker 3: the same time.
Speaker 2: And I don't think.
Speaker 3: People, like sometimes of other racists don't understand, like when
Speaker 3: you break up with your baby daddy, the disappointment that
Speaker 3: it causes, because there's a deep stereotype against black women
Speaker 3: being baby mamas.
Speaker 2: Hello, yes, and.
Speaker 3: It's like it's not it's like I'm a stereotype, like
Speaker 3: and so there's an acceptance that has to happen that
Speaker 3: kind of ruins and shatters our dreams and you're like,
Speaker 3: I was gonna be a fucking baby mom over the
Speaker 3: rest of my life. And it's like like a stereotype
Speaker 3: that we didn't even we didn't even like, we didn't.
Speaker 2: Even agree to.
Speaker 3: So it's very layered when that breakup happens. I remember
Speaker 3: being out with my baby daddy, like at the museum
Speaker 3: and I see like white families.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I didn't do that, but I was like,
Speaker 2: we're pushing the shower mom.
Speaker 3: Dad baby right, or because you know, even like in public,
Speaker 3: people be like, oh is the dad around?
Speaker 2: Like but first of all, are don't ask me that question?
Speaker 2: A little bit? Yeah? Up in the streets?
Speaker 3: Yeah, like why, Like I feel like white people like
Speaker 3: when they like, please don't white families.
Speaker 2: Attention. This is a PSA announcement.
Speaker 3: Please, for the love of fucking God, do not see
Speaker 3: a single black woman with a baby and then whisper
Speaker 3: or even ask is.
Speaker 2: The dad's around? The dad in life?
Speaker 3: Because Kelly I didn't, I'm gonna start asking white witch,
Speaker 3: is that where's his dad?
Speaker 2: Yeah? He around?
Speaker 4: You see my guy who goes around asking people at
Speaker 4: the store like do you work here?
Speaker 3: It's a part of our reverse Karen Era. We gotta
Speaker 3: do more like like no, no, I have my best
Speaker 3: friend's white. Don't worry, but how did you get your hair?
Speaker 2: Like that?
Speaker 3: But I think that people don't understand how lair it
Speaker 3: is for black women, even black men. Sometimes I don't
Speaker 3: think they understand, like how triggering. It is when those
Speaker 3: relationships end, especially probably how much black women stay in
Speaker 3: relationships to try and make it work. Yes, and bitch,
Speaker 3: you need to go a long time ago exactly. And
Speaker 3: that was that was my plight, Like, that was my experience.
Speaker 3: That's why if you read.
Speaker 2: The book in chapters two, three, four, five, like I
Speaker 2: was really really trying because I didn't want to be
Speaker 2: just a baby mama. Like nobody signs up to meet someone,
Speaker 2: fall in love with them, have a baby for nothing,
Speaker 2: like then you break up. Nobody signs up for that shit,
Speaker 2: you know. I mean, well nowadays, well this polygamy and
Speaker 2: shit going on right now people and all that, But
Speaker 2: I'm talking about like like everybody wants loved and you know,
Speaker 2: you have a you meet somebody, you have a baby
Speaker 2: with them, and then everything goes this shit and you're like, damn,
Speaker 2: I wish I saw this before that. Nine months I
Speaker 2: was carrying your child, not able to smoke, and I'd
Speaker 2: be wanting this light up a blood every day dealing
Speaker 2: with your ass, you know what I mean. So, uh yeah,
Speaker 2: that's the main reason why I even wrote the book,
Speaker 2: because there has been bad stigma put on black families.
Speaker 2: You know, and I'm a comedian, so I see it
Speaker 2: all the time. The number one black joke go to
Speaker 2: is I bet your dad ain't around or where your dad?
Speaker 2: You know? And as funny as it may be in
Speaker 2: the moment, this is somebody's trauma, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: Kids can't help that their dad, you know, are not around.
Speaker 2: And then you got some some deadbeat ass moms out
Speaker 2: here too, dad ain't around, and you got the dads
Speaker 2: that are taking care of their children. So it's definitely
Speaker 2: a stigma that I want to break. I want to
Speaker 2: help break, you know what I'm saying. So that's the
Speaker 2: whole point of me writing till death do we parent?
Speaker 3: And both your parents have been together for a long time, right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, My parents actually just got divorced maybe three four
Speaker 2: years ago. They were together before I was born, and
Speaker 2: they met in high school.
Speaker 3: How has that affected you because you always hear about
Speaker 3: like in high you know, my kids, when my parents
Speaker 3: got divorced, I've never been the same, but like as
Speaker 3: an adult, cause I'm sure probably for a long time
Speaker 3: you expected that to be forever.
Speaker 2: They were my example.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so how has that affected you seeing that, you know,
Speaker 3: experiencing their divorce as an adult.
Speaker 2: Well, no, growing up and my grown self having a
Speaker 2: conversation with my mother realizing that it was a lot
Speaker 2: of my father's infidelity. You know what I'm saying, because
Speaker 2: my fuck you had no idea. No, well I had
Speaker 2: idea because you know, I had a little sister, and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, Okayn's daughter. Yeah, no, she's not
Speaker 2: my mom's daughter, but she my mom treats her as
Speaker 2: if she's her own. But yeah, I have She is
Speaker 2: twenty two, she's eleven years younger than me, And I
Speaker 2: thought that was a yeah, like that's my baby, like me,
Speaker 2: that's my twin. She looked just like me. But that
Speaker 2: was the first and only time I had ever knew
Speaker 2: of my dad doing anything outside of the marriage. Right,
Speaker 2: And then when I grew up and I had this
Speaker 2: conversation with my mom, there were apparently there were, you know,
Speaker 2: a couple more times, and you know, I'm having this
Speaker 2: conversation with my dad like ye tell me, you was
Speaker 2: all here getting to like that, like what's going on?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean? And that hurt me. It
Speaker 2: really freaking hurt me, because I honestly didn't see my
Speaker 2: parents separating or divorcing, and I didn't think that it
Speaker 2: would affect me like it did. But I think I
Speaker 2: kind of went back to that child that saw nothing
Speaker 2: but her mom and her dad together. I'm talking about
Speaker 2: they displayed love, public display of affection everywhere in the church,
Speaker 2: out shopping, they would take me and my brother places
Speaker 2: and just you know, and that that was what I saw.
Speaker 2: So that's what I wanted, you know, and it ended.
Speaker 2: I am happy that she is happy, she remarried.
Speaker 3: I just rarely hear about the wife after a long
Speaker 3: term relationship remarrying women be.
Speaker 2: Like, fuck all that. I'm good, I know, but that's
Speaker 2: my dad. On the flip side, that's my dad, you know.
Speaker 2: But what I will say when you get married so young,
Speaker 2: and they were married right out of high school, Dad
Speaker 2: was going into the Marines, and like he never got
Speaker 2: to live a bachelor life. She never got to live
Speaker 2: a bachelor life. Now, she never wanted to do that.
Speaker 2: My mom is of the church and the church. On
Speaker 2: top of the church and the church, like my mom
Speaker 2: has always been rooted in Christ in her faith, you know,
Speaker 2: and that's how we were raised. However, my dad was
Speaker 2: the more lenient parent, Like you know, he has a
Speaker 2: relationship with God. But it wasn't anything like my mom's,
Speaker 2: you know, so he never got to live out that
Speaker 2: that single bachelor life, you know. And when you get
Speaker 2: married at such a young age, sometimes it's not your
Speaker 2: forever to be married to the first person, you know,
Speaker 2: so you got and yeah you do.
Speaker 3: I'm like shout out to them for like protecting you
Speaker 3: so much that you had no idea that there was
Speaker 3: shit going on, because my parents were saying high school,
Speaker 3: out of high school, and I knew since I was six, like, bitch, if.
Speaker 2: You don't leave this nigga when you were six years.
Speaker 3: Old, six, I told my mom you should probably lead,
Speaker 3: like you should probably leave And granted she just get
Speaker 3: the divorce now, but you know, thirty seven years later,
Speaker 3: but I just just.
Speaker 2: Like, what did you see in your day?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I just saw I know. But he
Speaker 3: was just like not come home. My mom be cursing
Speaker 3: him out and fighting him. He's like even to this day,
Speaker 3: I tell people like, if nigga answers the phone too low,
Speaker 3: like I don't like niggas whispering. I am a very
Speaker 3: like I'm not jealous, but inheritedly. In my DNA even
Speaker 3: my male says, I'm like, O, look at her. I'm
Speaker 3: like like, oh, like just kidding, and like what the
Speaker 3: fuck is wrong with me? Because my mom is always
Speaker 3: like we'd be out at McDonald's and be like, oh, thanks, darling,
Speaker 3: She's like hold your darling.
Speaker 2: I'm like, bitch, it's the bitch at the fucking drive sport.
Speaker 3: Because my dad's like me, he's friendly, so like I
Speaker 3: inherited a lot of like jealous territorial because my dad
Speaker 3: was just didn't give a fuck, but my mom was crazy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So I just I I saw it all the time,
Speaker 2: heard it, saw it.
Speaker 3: Nigga wasn't coming home, so I mean, like inevitably, I
Speaker 3: didn't even really want to be married. So it's interesting
Speaker 3: that they were so good at just like she showed
Speaker 3: no signs that she was like.
Speaker 2: No, that's crazy, Like no, not at all. When she
Speaker 2: called me one day, she was like, can you come
Speaker 2: over so we can talk? And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, what the hell out indeed, you know,
Speaker 2: but I go and I go sit down with her
Speaker 2: and she's like, so me and your dad are gonna
Speaker 2: get a divorce. And I was like okay, why And
Speaker 2: then so she walks me through it, and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'm so happy for you. Then, you know, because all
Speaker 2: my mom's life, right she has taken care of other people,
Speaker 2: and she definitely neglected herself in the process of doing that.
Speaker 2: She runs a childcare preschool, so she's taking care of
Speaker 2: other people's children, you know what I mean, which is
Speaker 2: why I didn't like kids in the beginning of my life,
Speaker 2: because I'm like, damn, I grew up with people that
Speaker 2: ain't even my siblings. But you know, that's her taking
Speaker 2: care of children, and then you know, taking care of
Speaker 2: me and my brother of course, and then taking care
Speaker 2: of other kids in the neighborhood, and then taking care
Speaker 2: of her mother, my grandmother, God rest her soul. She's
Speaker 2: a diabetic, she was blind, and you know, like taking
Speaker 2: care of her mom, you know DIALYSI, is taking care
Speaker 2: of her sister, you know, then taking care of my father,
Speaker 2: then take you know, just just take a care, just
Speaker 2: taking care of care, you know, and taking care of
Speaker 2: people in the church. You know, they sometimes you want
Speaker 2: to snap some of that next, but she, my mother,
Speaker 2: kept that up. And so this right now, she's living
Speaker 2: in her season of happiness that she is like now
Speaker 2: I'm living for me and I get to do it.
Speaker 2: And at fifty eight, Yeah, she's like, no, she looks
Speaker 2: I'm talking about she looks better than she's looked in
Speaker 2: along because she yes, Like I'm like, damn, I you
Speaker 2: look good. You know, you look like me. I mean
Speaker 2: I look like you, but you look like you know
Speaker 2: what I mean. And she's such a beautiful soul. Y.
Speaker 2: I love my mother, So I'm happy that she's happy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it took me a lot to get over this divorce.
Speaker 2: You know, me and my dad are best friends. Yeah?
Speaker 2: Was he honest about it when you came to him.
Speaker 2: He was because me and my dad, like I said,
Speaker 2: we're like best friends and we've had our spats, like
Speaker 2: we gotten through it and all of that. But that
Speaker 2: was when he was still being profful because he felt
Speaker 2: like he felt the loane like after the divorce, he
Speaker 2: felt very alone, like he felt like his kids had
Speaker 2: turned on him too. And then he felt like, all right,
Speaker 2: I know I lost you all mim. But I was
Speaker 2: always a damn good dad and he was. He's never
Speaker 2: ever slighted us in any facet. So it's like, all right,
Speaker 2: And once I got over it. We had a great talk,
Speaker 2: long talk, and he did apologize. He was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I just I wasn't good. I wasn't good for her,
Speaker 2: you know. But he always took care of home and
Speaker 2: he always always had her back, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: And he just always was a great father. So that's
Speaker 2: one thing that that's that says a lot because he
Speaker 2: could have been an ancient father, ancient husband. Ain't shit everything,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 3: So that's that's nice that you get to get that healing.
Speaker 2: And yeah, it's important, Imry, what is you and your
Speaker 2: father relationship? Like now O're cool, We're good.
Speaker 3: I mean, I mean I I it was no really secret.
Speaker 3: So I talked to my parents like I'm talking to
Speaker 3: you yeah, like you know.
Speaker 2: Like and I'm telling like even when you try to.
Speaker 3: Get over on me and today I'm like, well, of
Speaker 3: course you're not.
Speaker 2: Fucking with you. Why would I wouldn't know why would
Speaker 2: you wouldn't fuck with you? Yeah. I talked to him
Speaker 2: very matter we talk to you about other women or
Speaker 2: like your mom.
Speaker 3: That no, I realized that is triggering for me, Like
Speaker 3: I think one time even they've been really not together,
Speaker 3: but he'll he'll be here, stay with her like it's very.
Speaker 2: Back and forth.
Speaker 3: But I think like a couple of times, like there's
Speaker 3: someone around and no, no, okay, we don't do that
Speaker 3: because you're not on it, Like you're not a stand
Speaker 3: up nigga about it. You're not honest, you haven't gone
Speaker 3: about it the right way. So for me, it still
Speaker 3: feels very triggered.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't. Don't bring any of the bridges around me.
Speaker 2: Now you've lost your ship. I have a question about
Speaker 2: the process of writing the book because we we're authors ourselves.
Speaker 4: I know, ma'am, we're author ourselves, and we know personally
Speaker 4: how challenging it can be. So I'm wondering, like, what
Speaker 4: was the hardest part about writing the book for you?
Speaker 4: I was pregnant with my daughter, Marley, who is one
Speaker 4: year old now, Like, yeah, I was pregnant, and I
Speaker 4: rejected the idea of a co writer just because I
Speaker 4: was like I was cocky with my show. I was like, nah,
Speaker 4: this is my first clas got this, I'm smart, graduated
Speaker 4: with a three point nine GPA. Stopped playing with me,
Speaker 4: like yeah, and I'm sitting there pregnant as how upset
Speaker 4: mad having to relive everything.
Speaker 2: And then I had pregnancy brain. You know, you got
Speaker 2: pregnancy brain. Be pregnant, you forget everything, And so I
Speaker 2: have to call my son's father, has to call Jerome, like, yo,
Speaker 2: do you remember what happened at his first birthday party?
Speaker 2: Because it's kind of foggy, and he like, are you
Speaker 2: gonna be mad when I remind you? But yeah, right,
Speaker 2: I was great, and you you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: So like writing that and having to replace certain things
Speaker 2: in my mind every day, it was very triggering. And
Speaker 2: then I took some of it out on my husband,
Speaker 2: and my husband like that nigga, no more like what
Speaker 2: you made? Like what you know. But it was a
Speaker 2: lot of it was very challenging and it and it
Speaker 2: was a longer process than I had than I thought
Speaker 2: I expected. How long did it take? Because two years?
Speaker 2: I know, right, like eight months? Okay, yeah yeah, But
Speaker 2: I mean, y'all, how much research did y'all do for
Speaker 2: the Ethical Slut? Well? The book that's our book is
Speaker 2: not the Ethical Sluck, okay, because I'm looking at them.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, that just stock out. I was like,
Speaker 2: ok next, it's called a Good Mom's Guide to Making
Speaker 2: Bad Choices, Okay. And it was because that sounds like
Speaker 2: something y'all were right, though, don't do that. Definitely your
Speaker 2: ad you should.
Speaker 4: Read that book, Okay.
Speaker 2: No, our ours memoirs as well, Like we had to.
Speaker 2: It was triggering. We had to go back in time read.
Speaker 4: Or journals like unearthed things we thought we were over.
Speaker 4: We visit them realize, oh bit you still got you
Speaker 4: probably need to handle that and like and then also
Speaker 4: like god, we could notes from our publisher like there's
Speaker 4: not enough characters, we need five more pages.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I'm like, yeah, that was the biggest part because
Speaker 2: I'm like, yo, what's y'all talk about? The book need
Speaker 2: to be eighty thousand words or more. I'm like, how
Speaker 2: many pages is that? Look my shit up right? I
Speaker 2: sent my shit in. They came back like, it's only
Speaker 2: sixteen thousand words. This is kind of like a brochure.
Speaker 2: Excuse me, don't blame man, that's just the book. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I'm like, so then they you have to set up
Speaker 2: the scene. You have to talk about everything around you
Speaker 2: with the season that like what you the air you
Speaker 2: could taste on your tongue And I'm like, man, I
Speaker 2: was mad a ship all the time. I wouldn't worry
Speaker 2: about no a I could taste all my tongue and.
Speaker 3: The literary world as white as hell.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you don't understand the word because you don't
Speaker 2: get it. Yes, I'm not changing this world, Caitlyn, mean
Speaker 2: something you don't have to say.
Speaker 4: We get some notes, I'd be like, actually and cultural, yes,
Speaker 4: she drove the boat. It's a Megan's Stallion reference.
Speaker 2: And look and I got it. I got City girls
Speaker 2: referencing there and they could not figure it out, so
Speaker 2: they kept correcting it, like sending it back. I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: put it back like it was. This is this is
Speaker 2: a cultural difference, Like this is the difference between cultures.
Speaker 2: Y'all don't understand. Oh yeah, that was something I struggle
Speaker 2: with as well. But I trying to stretch sixteen thousand
Speaker 2: words into eighty that was hard. That was hard to do,
Speaker 2: especially without a co writer. And how does Rome feel
Speaker 2: about this? Like the book?
Speaker 4: I mean, I'm saying that you guys are good friends,
Speaker 4: but but him, I guess him having to be on display.
Speaker 2: Absolutely yeah, and he actually wants to write his own
Speaker 2: till left we parents just from the father's back, which
Speaker 2: that is perfect, you know. Although he played a big
Speaker 2: part in helping me write the book from my perspective,
Speaker 2: he was actually, he's actually proud, he's excited about it.
Speaker 2: And I'm gonna also have him join me on a
Speaker 2: lot of the press tours as well, especially when I
Speaker 2: go and talk to the guys, just so he can provide,
Speaker 2: you know, information from his own point of view. I
Speaker 2: don't want to speak for him too much, like especially
Speaker 2: like with his traumas and things that he went through.
Speaker 2: I want that to come straight from his mouth, and
Speaker 2: you know, because I don't, I just don't feel right
Speaker 2: talking too much about are. We put it in a
Speaker 2: book with his permission, of course, and he got very
Speaker 2: emotional reading it. But he was so happy for me.
Speaker 2: I was like, you should write your own. My husband
Speaker 2: actually suggested that, like yo, he should write until death
Speaker 2: do we Parent? It should be a series, he should
Speaker 2: write the next book should be from his point of view.
Speaker 3: Hell yeah, kind because I brought by daddy and I
Speaker 3: didn't ask for should have approval?
Speaker 2: What? What? Where? Where are y'all right now? When y'all
Speaker 2: call parents and relationship? Are you picking up BALLOONNA today? Yes?
Speaker 2: I mean we're cool, bitch, Okay, I don't.
Speaker 3: I mean I don't talk about.
Speaker 2: I got you okay, Okay, so there. Yeah. So when
Speaker 2: you say so, when you say it's cool, like is
Speaker 2: it really cool? I mean like we're not gonna go
Speaker 2: like probably have dinner.
Speaker 3: We could if my kid was there, but like, what
Speaker 3: I need to do that I told her recently. I
Speaker 3: actually I went to a uh something at the school
Speaker 3: and he came and he must have been behind me,
Speaker 3: and he came up and kissed me on the sheet
Speaker 3: like malfunctioning and then awfter, First of all, I'm such
Speaker 3: a me and my kid are so close. I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 3: did you notice daddy kissed me on the chi?
Speaker 2: She was like yeah, I was like what that eleven?
Speaker 3: Okay, She's like I was, I was like weird, right,
Speaker 3: She's like so weird.
Speaker 2: I was like, you don't do you don't we don't
Speaker 2: do that. She's like, no, I didn't know what was
Speaker 2: going on. So she's a little you. Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2: I was like, oh yeah, I peed that. It was
Speaker 2: just as weird to her. Yeah, and so that's unusual.
Speaker 2: That's not something that he usually does. Like so why
Speaker 2: the hell would he do that? Maybe because I got married.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm trying to be cool, Like I don't know, he
Speaker 3: got some money testing her, just testing Yeah, because then
Speaker 3: he did it again. He said bye to me, but
Speaker 3: like it was it was I was like, yeah, don't right, right, you.
Speaker 4: Know, I believe that, like and you know, just speaking
Speaker 4: to like this this idea of till death do we parents?
Speaker 4: I feel like a lot of parents like when you
Speaker 4: turn eighteen, it's done, We're done, and we all know
Speaker 4: that's not really the truth, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 2: But like I do.
Speaker 4: Believe that we like obviously we choose the men we
Speaker 4: have children with, but there's something there, like when we
Speaker 4: decide to create life with something, there is something beyond
Speaker 4: our physical bodies that have connected us in a way
Speaker 4: and in some instances, like you, you guys are able
Speaker 4: to sort through the bullshit and get to the source
Speaker 4: of why you guys came together. Where then other circumstances
Speaker 4: and know, there's a lot of women listening that have
Speaker 4: baby daddy dynamics, baby mama dynamics.
Speaker 2: We're like, fuck that, nig I'll never be his friend
Speaker 2: and all those things. But it's like.
Speaker 4: There is that truth because you can only meet people
Speaker 4: where they're at. Yeah, but then there's also this truth
Speaker 4: of like, but our souls have intertwined in this way
Speaker 4: for a reason. Yes, and we've created life for a reason.
Speaker 4: So if there's the opportunity, and I think that's why
Speaker 4: I would say a lot of women can hold the
Speaker 4: candle for their baby daddies of like, I'm available and
Speaker 4: open potentially.
Speaker 2: To figuring out how we can at least be cool.
Speaker 2: But that's not always. That's not always the case, and
Speaker 2: that's not always what happens.
Speaker 4: So I'm curious, how did you, guys finally, Like, how
Speaker 4: did you start to decenter your did this this dream
Speaker 4: romance relationship and finally.
Speaker 2: Be able to come to this place? Like was there
Speaker 2: something specific that happened? Yeah, honestly, it was the conversation
Speaker 2: that he and I had. You know, Rome was very
Speaker 2: he always one thing about it. He was always open
Speaker 2: and vulnerable with me, vulnerable enough to tell me about
Speaker 2: things that happened in his childhood, right like him growing
Speaker 2: up and everything like that. And I came from the
Speaker 2: total opposite, you know. So, but one thing my mom
Speaker 2: always taught was grace, Like you give people grace, you
Speaker 2: meet them where they are, you know, I don't care
Speaker 2: if it's your friends, you know, a boyfriend that you have,
Speaker 2: somebody that you meet on your job in church, because
Speaker 2: you don't know what they've gone through, you don't know
Speaker 2: what they're currently going through. Everybody copes with stress differently,
Speaker 2: you know. And so once, like I said, it was
Speaker 2: a conversation when Ash was maybe about four or five,
Speaker 2: and I realized, Yeah, I'm not getting back with you.
Speaker 2: You know when the second baby mama, were you like,
Speaker 2: were you guys sliding back a little bit? Were you
Speaker 2: getting dick appointments with the baby daddy? I did that
Speaker 2: one time. I did that one time. It wasn't even
Speaker 2: twenty four hours four that I got yes, and I
Speaker 2: left somebody that I was happy with to give my
Speaker 2: baby daddy a second chance, to give Rome a second chance.
Speaker 2: And not even twenty four hours later, I found out
Speaker 2: he had another baby on the way. Oh, I didn't
Speaker 2: tell you, did not tell me, did not tell me
Speaker 2: because he thought that she had got rid of it. Man, Yeah,
Speaker 2: because she did, because that's what she told him she
Speaker 2: was gonna do and everything, and so he was like, okay, cool, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2: But when it came to to me like no, no, no,
Speaker 2: she's pregnant, and she's pregnant with the little girl. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh wow, Damn. I was distraught. But the
Speaker 2: crazy thing is I wasn't shocked. Rome had been cheating
Speaker 2: so much that I was like, you know what, whatever, congratulations.
Speaker 2: I was happy for him because he wanted a girl
Speaker 2: from the jump to replace his mother basically, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: he lost her at a very young age, so he
Speaker 2: really wanted to be like, oh, this gotta be my mom,
Speaker 2: you know, right, like talking to me, she gave me
Speaker 2: my angel. Right. I was mad because I had left
Speaker 2: somebody who I thought was a great man, not only
Speaker 2: for me, but for my son too. And he was older.
Speaker 2: He was an older gentleman. I talk about it in
Speaker 2: the book as well. Yeah, he was an older gentleman child,
Speaker 2: and he was just doing all the right things. He
Speaker 2: had made me forget about everything that I thought that
Speaker 2: I had wanted with Rome, and he made me even
Speaker 2: look at him in a different way because I'm like, damn,
Speaker 2: you don't even have kids, and you're so good with
Speaker 2: my son, you know. And then it hit me that damn,
Speaker 2: I wasn't over my son's father. I was avoiding him
Speaker 2: and it's very easy to avoid somebody, cause if you
Speaker 2: out of sight, out of mind, especially if you got
Speaker 2: something else to do, like another guy. So I was like,
Speaker 2: all right, cool. But when I saw him again and
Speaker 2: I couldn't avoid him, he asked me, can we have
Speaker 2: a conversation. We met up and we talked and he
Speaker 2: said everything that I wanted to hear, and I just didn't.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, this is why I didn't want to
Speaker 2: see you. And I had to go home and break
Speaker 2: up with that guy and that nigga, Were you honest
Speaker 2: with him? I was very honest. I didn't want to
Speaker 2: cheat on him. He was such a good guy. I
Speaker 2: didn't want to cheat on him. And so I told him.
Speaker 2: I was like, I want to give my family another chance.
Speaker 2: And that nigga broke the broke the plate on the wall.
Speaker 2: Are you crazy? And you sit here and tell me this,
Speaker 2: that and the other, and you really you go sit
Speaker 2: down to meet with him one time and now you're
Speaker 2: trying to you get all right? Cool? Got you? And
Speaker 2: then when he said my mother told me this was
Speaker 2: going to happen, what is what was that moment like
Speaker 2: for you? I cried. I couldn't. I was speechless. I
Speaker 2: couldn't do anything because he was right. I didn't think
Speaker 2: in my mind like I was going back, but I
Speaker 2: didn't realize how deep in I was still with Rome,
Speaker 2: like my heart, like right right, I'm damn yep, And
Speaker 2: and it was it was a lot. Ash was still young,
Speaker 2: and I thought I had gotten over Rome because I
Speaker 2: hadn't seen him, I hadn't talked to him. I was
Speaker 2: avoiding his calls. He was commenting under my pictures on Instagram,
Speaker 2: I mean not Instagram was my Space, then my Space
Speaker 2: and all that and Facebook, and damn was Facebook. God?
Speaker 2: But yeah, and he he got me back, and then
Speaker 2: he got me good and he had the baby. Uh.
Speaker 2: Somebody actually it was a girl's cousin or commented under
Speaker 2: something and she was like, I don't know why this
Speaker 2: nigga playing house with his baby mama, Like he ain't
Speaker 2: got my homegirl pregnant, or like he ain't got my
Speaker 2: cousin pregnant. Okay, thanks. I woke up to that goddamn
Speaker 2: comment after spending after spending a day with my son
Speaker 2: and his father, after leaving a nigga who really loved
Speaker 2: me and my son, and so where he got you
Speaker 2: have a look back. Did you ever speak again after
Speaker 2: that girl and he went to jail. I mean, he
Speaker 2: might be home now, but he got shot in the ass.
Speaker 2: Oh Jesus her. Yeah, it was a lot going on.
Speaker 2: Well maybe it was a God protect God's protection. But see,
Speaker 2: people be like that because of you. That's because you
Speaker 2: let come on nothing with you stop that.
Speaker 4: You always want to blame women for I know, I'm
Speaker 4: like God, damn anybody that was his bad choice ship.
Speaker 4: Women be so in love with the idea of the family,
Speaker 4: like more almost more in love with the idea than
Speaker 4: the actual nigga.
Speaker 2: Like you gotta look at the nigga for the nigga,
Speaker 2: Like sometimes look at.
Speaker 3: The nigga for the nigga, not for the happy happy
Speaker 3: ever ending, like you got to look for if the
Speaker 3: nigga be cheating, he'd probably be cheating.
Speaker 2: That's just what it is.
Speaker 3: Like, don't be hoping a baby or your dream fantasy
Speaker 3: maturist nigga. It's probably not going to have exactly and
Speaker 3: you don't know what he went through and why he's
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: And that's why in the book, like I strongly urge
Speaker 2: people yo get to know get to know a person.
Speaker 2: I think when you start dating them up, like you
Speaker 2: need to take them to the therapists, ask them have
Speaker 2: they done therapy? Have you healed from you know, childhood
Speaker 2: traumas and you know, like what what do you talk
Speaker 2: to your mom? Do you know your mom? Like you know,
Speaker 2: how is your relationship with your father? Like all of that.
Speaker 4: That's all very important, but a bit you're gonna do
Speaker 4: what she want to do no matter what. She'd be like,
Speaker 4: I can heal him.
Speaker 2: I know that was me for a while.
Speaker 3: I'm like, this episode is for you, and she thinks
Speaker 3: you can heal a nigga, listen closely read the books, bitch.
Speaker 2: We all talk about every book. We're telling you that's
Speaker 2: not for our health. You can't do it because then
Speaker 2: next thing, you know, you'd be trying to heal your damnself.
Speaker 2: I have to hear yourself a nigga traumatized and fucked
Speaker 2: up about it. It's too much, too much. So what
Speaker 2: does till death do his parent mean to you? Then?
Speaker 2: Does that mean like you're in it for life?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 2: Because what you what you just said. There's also this
Speaker 2: notion of oh, at the he turn eighteen, or at
Speaker 2: she turned eighteen, or you know after they turn eighteen. No,
Speaker 2: you still they't God, damn parent. Listen, I'm thirty four
Speaker 2: years old. I still call my mother for advice when
Speaker 2: I don't know what to do, when I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm in a crisis. You know. Of course God is
Speaker 2: the first one I call on but my mom. And
Speaker 2: if she can't help me, I'm calling my dad, you know.
Speaker 2: And niggas got something to say. I'm calling my father.
Speaker 2: I'm not calling that's crazy. I got a whole husband,
Speaker 2: will be ready to jump out day for me. I'm
Speaker 2: calling my fack I call you know what? What about like?
Speaker 2: Because I think about so I had my dad. It's
Speaker 2: a lifesnse.
Speaker 4: I think about my my, my parent's dynam who hated
Speaker 4: each other most of my life and only recently, actually
Speaker 4: had him on the podcast last month, and the bitches
Speaker 4: were so mad at him, and.
Speaker 2: Rightfully so that you're dead. Oh yeah, why because he
Speaker 2: was just very open about how much he hated my mom.
Speaker 2: It was like I hated her mother. I hate her
Speaker 2: with a burning passion. Jesus Christy. People really didn't like that.
Speaker 4: He said it three times, But funny enough, like my
Speaker 4: mom and my dad have a great relationship now, and
Speaker 4: it took thirty years, okay, okay, And that's what a
Speaker 4: lot of women were mad at, Like while we got
Speaker 4: away thirty years to get the apology, why we got
Speaker 4: a da da da. But even still throughout those thirty
Speaker 4: years of like them not getting along, I know that
Speaker 4: in the state of an emergency, if I was fucking up,
Speaker 4: she gonna call that nigga and be like, Eric, guess
Speaker 4: what Erica did you know? And it's because it really
Speaker 4: is till death. Jo was part you know, like that
Speaker 4: dynamic that you share whether or not you get along
Speaker 4: or not. Usually you're if something's going on with your child,
Speaker 4: you s are going to have to communicate in some capacity.
Speaker 4: So the hope is that you can have a relationship.
Speaker 2: Like you have with Rome.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, But I'm just curious, like what advice you would
Speaker 4: give to mothers right now that are like navigating through.
Speaker 2: Co parenting. I know it's because you know, one thing
Speaker 2: that people don't think about is what it takes day
Speaker 2: to day like behind closed doors for co parenting, Like
Speaker 2: it's you know, it's all cute right now. What I'm
Speaker 2: saying that I know, y'all listener, is partly like Oh,
Speaker 2: that's cute. They're her and Rome are like brother and sister.
Speaker 2: But no, I literally I'm ready to go to jail
Speaker 2: over mine right now. You know that was once me.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you is it takes communication. It's hard to
Speaker 2: communicate with the person.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 2: I know it's easier said than done, but I've gone
Speaker 2: through it, so I definitely can give y'all advice just
Speaker 2: based off my experience. Communication when you're in it is
Speaker 2: the hardest thing to do if you still got feelings, Like,
Speaker 2: it's the hardest thing. Like there were times I didn't
Speaker 2: want to see his face. It's times that it was
Speaker 2: hard looking at my son because he looked just like
Speaker 2: his father, you know what I mean. And this is
Speaker 2: when Rome was hurting me, so I was doing anything
Speaker 2: to hurt him back. And you know, it's hard when
Speaker 2: you're in it, but that's because I still had feelings.
Speaker 2: Stop fucking on that, nigga. Step one, like seriously, like
Speaker 2: that that is step one. Stop thinking about what could
Speaker 2: be and learn to accept. Listen, what is it like?
Speaker 2: Learn to accept what is and then let it go.
Speaker 2: And you're literally only letting go of the feelings that
Speaker 2: you have. You know what I'm saying you letting go,
Speaker 2: because that's where all the negativity come in. Because guys,
Speaker 2: baby Daddy's nor they baby mama, they know and they
Speaker 2: know how to get up nder your skin, but they
Speaker 2: know how to get back in bed with us too,
Speaker 2: and they know the right things to say to make
Speaker 2: us get back. And then you and your thinking like, hmm,
Speaker 2: I'm only giving it to him because I want to you.
Speaker 2: But no, you're getting even more attached every time you
Speaker 2: open up them legs.
Speaker 3: Because it's Christmas and it's a holiday season and you
Speaker 3: want to you want to have.
Speaker 2: Right. No, No, you gotta stop having sex, stop being intimate,
Speaker 2: stop wishing, like, stop really hoping, because because they show
Speaker 2: you who they are tom and Tommy, and they show
Speaker 2: you who they are in a relationship, you know, and
Speaker 2: then you know you got the dad's who parent depending
Speaker 2: you know, how they parent depends on how you fucking
Speaker 2: with them. Like if you ain't sleeping with them, here
Speaker 2: gonna take care of that exactly. That's him expose himself exactly.
Speaker 2: And you gotta stop giving those those men chances in
Speaker 2: your heart and stop giving them your temple like you
Speaker 2: already had, you already split out a seed from them
Speaker 2: people person disrespectful. Yeah, and they won't grow until later.
Speaker 2: Everyone grows eventually, but yeap hopefully. But y'all ain't gotta
Speaker 2: have the same timeline, you know, Like if you know
Speaker 2: he gonna disappoint you don't, why would you lay back down?
Speaker 2: Like we got the power to do that. We got
Speaker 2: the power to be like, no, no, I'm not What
Speaker 2: do you mean if it ain't about the child, don't
Speaker 2: call me. It's okay. And it's okay to be bitter too.
Speaker 2: I want people to know that, Like it's all right
Speaker 2: to be bitter. That's in emotion, Like that is everything
Speaker 2: like that, that's that soup I'm telling you, Like, no,
Speaker 2: you mad because he didn't play with you. You keep
Speaker 2: giving him your heart and every time like he giving
Speaker 2: you just a little bit to keep you holding on
Speaker 2: because you're like, oh, he'll change. I'm telling you he'll change.
Speaker 2: That's that was my dumb ass for a long time
Speaker 2: until I realized, nah, he won't. Because Rome was okay
Speaker 2: as long as I was single, But when I got
Speaker 2: with somebody else, it was like, nah, but he was.
Speaker 2: He wasn't trying to have me for him. He's just
Speaker 2: all right, if you single over there playing with my son,
Speaker 2: you know, as long as you single, you straight. But
Speaker 2: the moment you get somebody else, now he feels threatened.
Speaker 2: You know. That's another thing too, like who now they
Speaker 2: try to make it about who you got my son around? Oh,
Speaker 2: they need to meet me before they like me. And
Speaker 2: Ron went through all of.
Speaker 1: That, and.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we had had that too. Really, yeah, I was like,
Speaker 2: I want to meet her. I want to meet whoever
Speaker 2: you're around my child. I want to meet now. Now
Speaker 2: why why was that? It's not that anymore? But it
Speaker 2: was control number one? It was control.
Speaker 4: It was I'd already didn't I didn't trust you. It
Speaker 4: was I want to know what the fuck you're doing? Yeah,
Speaker 4: it was it was all of it, all of that.
Speaker 4: And then I remember I was actually the one that
Speaker 4: got in a relationship first, and so I was like trying.
Speaker 2: I was like like, okay, I guess I gotta live
Speaker 2: by my rule. And I remember doing it.
Speaker 4: He showed up to the house and like my boyfriend
Speaker 4: was inside. I was like, okay, I guess the moment
Speaker 4: brought them out side, and.
Speaker 2: I remember Freddy being like, why the fuck are we
Speaker 2: doing this? And I was like this is dumb. Are
Speaker 2: we doing this? This is the dumbest because you got head.
Speaker 2: I hated it. This rule is done, We're done right right?
Speaker 2: Sure hands? That was it change. It was just like hey, man, hey, okay, bye,
Speaker 2: Now what it was a deep ship. It wasn't like, man,
Speaker 2: I'm really gonna protect your daughter, none of that ship.
Speaker 2: It was just how you doing.
Speaker 4: It was just like, yeah, it was like the making
Speaker 4: of my own fucking awkward moment. I'm like, Okay, that
Speaker 4: was dumb at hell.
Speaker 2: Now did your daughter's father set that up? Did he
Speaker 2: want that? Did he say, look I need to meet No,
Speaker 2: what he did? And it was me but he agreed
Speaker 2: to it. He agrees to it, so whatever.
Speaker 4: But I will say too, like, one of the things
Speaker 4: that I've had to in my co parenting journey is
Speaker 4: like to stop acting surprise when ship when he shows
Speaker 4: what he does, when he does the same ship he
Speaker 4: does every every every month time.
Speaker 2: It took me years. I'm like, I'm just accepting it.
Speaker 2: It took me years to be like, oh he's oh,
Speaker 2: he's canceling.
Speaker 4: Now I gotta figure some shit out, okay, And I'm
Speaker 4: telling you, like the when I started to release that
Speaker 4: I became so much happier because I was like it
Speaker 4: was like I was waiting for him toe I'm like, oh, nigga,
Speaker 4: I know you're not gonna fucking show up for the
Speaker 4: thing or I'm going to I gotta go out of town.
Speaker 4: You said you're gonna watch her, and then one day
Speaker 4: before this is like it's always happens at this point.
Speaker 4: So now it's like, no, I have a backup plan. Now,
Speaker 4: I just prepare so that I don't get pissed off.
Speaker 4: And it's like our relationship has evolved a lot over
Speaker 4: the over the years and it's not perfect.
Speaker 2: But like we can laugh and I can be good
Speaker 2: and we can be cool.
Speaker 4: We took my daughter to Jamaica last year for her birthday,
Speaker 4: just me and him and her, which I never thought.
Speaker 2: It was good and we were there, bitch, no y'all left.
Speaker 2: Look at her. I was like, that is there. Okay,
Speaker 2: you're there for one day, but it was you know,
Speaker 2: there was support close by. God, you got you got you.
Speaker 2: But I was scared of that trip.
Speaker 4: I was, but like I knew my daughter really wanted that,
Speaker 4: like she wants us to like get along and be together.
Speaker 4: And she's ten, so that trip, I know she'll always
Speaker 4: remember and it.
Speaker 2: Was cool for us.
Speaker 4: We got to sit down and have a drink and
Speaker 4: talk and shoot the ship about o shit and get
Speaker 4: some apologies and just laugh about where we're at now.
Speaker 4: And so I think that trip kind of like helps
Speaker 4: soften where like our relationship, And there's been moments like
Speaker 4: that throughout our cool parenting journey. But it's possible because
Speaker 4: I look at my parents, who, like my dad said, hated, hated, hated.
Speaker 2: And I even look at my.
Speaker 4: Situation because my baby daddy also had a baby while
Speaker 4: I was planning my wedding, so very ghetto, right, which
Speaker 4: is why we broke up.
Speaker 2: So you know, there's there's a There can be a.
Speaker 4: Lot of pain, a lot of distrust, and there's still
Speaker 4: an opportunity because you have decided to make life with
Speaker 4: this person, to soften to whatever the circumstances are, release
Speaker 4: then want and the dream of a relationship. Release control
Speaker 4: because as women, that's a big part of it. It's
Speaker 4: our control. You're not gonna have.
Speaker 2: My baby out here wearing this. He didn't brush the
Speaker 2: teeth like all this shit was like you knew this
Speaker 2: nigga was like this when you were loving him, Like
Speaker 2: the nigga barely brushed his teeth, then you think he
Speaker 2: gonna brush your son's teeth. Bit like just certain shit.
Speaker 4: They just like you have to have it, like just
Speaker 4: accept and it makes your life so much easier and
Speaker 4: it helps the kids so much. So I was curious too,
Speaker 4: like how has this impacted like your son Ashton and
Speaker 4: like him seeing his parents get along? Like has he
Speaker 4: ever known you guys not to get along? Or is
Speaker 4: he only experienced you guys in this space.
Speaker 2: No, he's experienced us not getting along. He's also experienced
Speaker 2: his father with the other mothers of his children. How
Speaker 2: many babies does we have now? As five kids? Damn
Speaker 2: ye five? Okay, Kevin Hart? Sorry, but yeah he got
Speaker 2: five kids? Five baby you know. And now Ashton is
Speaker 2: he'll be fourteen, so he has little questions and you know,
Speaker 2: but he loves me and his father's relationship, right, but
Speaker 2: now he's a teenager, so he's paying closer attention to
Speaker 2: his father. Man, you know, how to move because now
Speaker 2: you know he got he got ashes and that where
Speaker 2: he's like he has girlfriends and you know, not girlfriends,
Speaker 2: but you know he is dating now you know or
Speaker 2: whatever they want to call her at this age there,
Speaker 2: you know. And so he's like going back and forth
Speaker 2: from his dad to my husband asking certain questions about
Speaker 2: like you know, what what should I get her for balance?
Speaker 1: Hie.
Speaker 2: You know, I ain't never really like he tried to
Speaker 2: act like he's too cool for it, but like I
Speaker 2: love the dynamic between my son, me, my husband and
Speaker 2: his father's.
Speaker 4: It's a village o thing. So they have a relationship, yeah,
Speaker 4: they do. Your your husband and you and Rome.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, they they have relationship. They talk to
Speaker 2: each other. They was there a journey there or was
Speaker 2: that just kind of like actually, it didn't really take
Speaker 2: them long to gel to get along and to talk,
Speaker 2: to have the to build their own bond outside of me,
Speaker 2: outside of Ashton. It didn't take long at first. And
Speaker 2: I talk about this in the book. My husband had
Speaker 2: to create boundaries, like he told, like, you know, he
Speaker 2: had a conversation with me, like you need to create
Speaker 2: a boundary between you and Rome, because y'all are almost
Speaker 2: codependent on each other, like and it's a lot and
Speaker 2: that's probably why you haven't been in a successful relationship yet.
Speaker 2: As bad as I wanted to be like boy with
Speaker 2: the five like who the he was right? He was
Speaker 2: fucking right, you know, And and what did that boundary
Speaker 2: look like? My god, like, listen, this is this is crazy.
Speaker 2: Rong could call me at any time like one, two,
Speaker 2: three o'clock in the morning, Yo, she put me out
Speaker 2: like or like I'm about to go over his bed
Speaker 2: at the house or you know anything, and I'd be
Speaker 2: right there listening, giving him advice and you know, there
Speaker 2: to hear him. I would be his aid, like help
Speaker 2: him navigate through certain shit. And one day, one night,
Speaker 2: me and my husband was laying in the bed, he
Speaker 2: was my boyfriend at the time. We laying in the bed,
Speaker 2: and he like, you just answered the phone, and it's
Speaker 2: not about ash it's not about it's not about Ashton.
Speaker 2: It's not about y'all son. It's like one o'clock in
Speaker 2: the morning.
Speaker 3: Nah.
Speaker 2: You gotta yeah, you're gonna have to figure that out.
Speaker 2: You gotta respect, Like I understand that y'all are not.
Speaker 2: And he never thought that we were still intimate or
Speaker 2: sneaking behind his back or anything like that, but he
Speaker 2: just like, there still needs to be a boundary. Yeah,
Speaker 2: any man would be fucking with that, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying, And then I realized in every relationship until
Speaker 2: I met my husband, I would tell it niggas like, look,
Speaker 2: my baby is like a package. It's like a package deal.
Speaker 2: He will come to me. He yup, he his ass
Speaker 2: is going be there like this is my best friend.
Speaker 2: It's my guy, like it's my ridd or thought, it's
Speaker 2: my dog. Like so if y'all ain't if you if
Speaker 2: you want a bit, just gonna before all, this ain't
Speaker 2: the relationship for you because yeah, that's that's that's my
Speaker 2: guy right there, and that'll do a number on it. Well,
Speaker 2: let me call my homegirl real quick, right, and didn't
Speaker 2: have me.
Speaker 4: Exactly you know, so that yeah, my husband had to
Speaker 4: really put that into perspective. What was that conversation like
Speaker 4: with Rome, did you have that conversation or just kind
Speaker 4: of naturally did its own thing.
Speaker 2: It was naturally happening already. But then me and Rome
Speaker 2: did talk about it over the phone, and he was like, yo,
Speaker 2: I love him for you. I ain't ever loved nobody
Speaker 2: for you after me, because you know, I was the
Speaker 2: best thing that ever happened to you, because I gave
Speaker 2: you the best gift for your life. Talk about my son,
Speaker 2: you know how didn't get on their house and something
Speaker 2: like a ship. But you know, he he was like, yo,
Speaker 2: I'm giving you my blessing, which I don't need. But
Speaker 2: he was like, I'm giving you my blessing. You're like,
Speaker 2: if you want to marry him, go it, because like
Speaker 2: he he checking off all the boxes for me like this,
Speaker 2: ain't show a nigga. That's my nigga. You know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying seriously, And he was just so happy when
Speaker 2: and when I called him and told him that I
Speaker 2: was pregnant, he was like, yo, we did it. Like no,
Speaker 2: we didn't. Not we we didn't. We're gonna say, you know,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask. I'mna ask Chris. Chris is my husband's name.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna ask Chris if I can be the godfather?
Speaker 2: Nah nah, Now that's what we're crossing a lot. And
Speaker 2: I already say we brothers sistem. People be looking at
Speaker 2: me like I got three he's a nigga. No, you're
Speaker 2: not about to be the godfather of my new child
Speaker 2: and you my first baby fall but we're not doing it.
Speaker 3: You're the dream though, Like ideally, back in my other delusion,
Speaker 3: I thought that I could eventually.
Speaker 2: Get to a point like this. Yeah, but you can now,
Speaker 2: I mean, I help.
Speaker 3: So I don't think my husband's ever gonna I mean
Speaker 3: they're cool. We see each other, parent teacher meetings and shit. Okay,
Speaker 3: but my baby daddy hit me in my face. So
Speaker 3: that's I'm thinking a different thing to like, oh no,
Speaker 3: to just pill the swallow. He was also fucking evil.
Speaker 3: I mean it's like the bipolar. Like he loves me
Speaker 3: so much that he hated my guts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so even for me.
Speaker 3: And one time I said on an episode, you know
Speaker 3: I love my I love him, Yeah, because I did.
Speaker 3: Even at the end of our relationship, felt like he
Speaker 3: was like my brother. Like I felt like I was
Speaker 3: so close it was almost like sibling. Yeah, but I
Speaker 3: grew up with him, you know, I don't have like
Speaker 3: twenty five years.
Speaker 2: But oh wow. I had like tried to.
Speaker 3: Propose this to Orlando, like maybe one day we could
Speaker 3: all just be He's like, absolutely not, are you He's
Speaker 3: like no, that's and it's fine because I realized, like
Speaker 3: even in my heart, I would like to be cool,
Speaker 3: but I also know he want he would want to
Speaker 3: be with He would still be with me if I
Speaker 3: allowed it, so there's no there's no way to like.
Speaker 3: And also you'll you'll disrespect me at the drop of
Speaker 3: time easily.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: So it's like some some niggas you got it just
Speaker 3: keep where they're at at a distance, and it's like
Speaker 3: it doesn't have to be beef, but it doesn't have
Speaker 3: to be.
Speaker 2: You know, anything more than just cordial.
Speaker 3: But I love that that you can have the everyone
Speaker 3: can have a relationship and it's copesthetic and that he's
Speaker 3: been able to heal and to have conversations about how
Speaker 3: his trauma has affected how he's treated you and your
Speaker 3: like the parenting because I always like any black man
Speaker 3: that is doing the work and can verbalize it and
Speaker 3: discuss the trauma and know that it's contributed to his
Speaker 3: bad behavior.
Speaker 2: I always give kudos and I always leave room for growth.
Speaker 2: But something it's just going to be immature of their
Speaker 2: whole life.
Speaker 3: Yeah. So it's like it's nice that Chris has been
Speaker 3: able to give you boundaries but also be open enough
Speaker 3: to have a relationship with him and hell yeah, especially
Speaker 3: for Ashton because then he gets the best of everybody.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's what he likes. He can call Chris
Speaker 2: for certain things he can call his dad for certain things,
Speaker 2: and he can call me for certain things. And you know,
Speaker 2: we have a even bigger village than that. You know,
Speaker 2: my mother, which is Ashton's grandmother, and my father Ashton's grandfather,
Speaker 2: my mother's new husband, which is you know, a bonus granddad.
Speaker 2: You know, my husband's parents, and then Rome's dad.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: So it's it's it's a it's a village and it
Speaker 2: took a while to get here, but it can happen,
Speaker 2: and it's very possible. Are you called that romas baby
Speaker 2: mamas like hold on yeah, one yeah, yeah, one one
Speaker 2: because it was too but didn't work out. But then
Speaker 2: you know, yeah, Chris is having kids. You yeah, he
Speaker 2: came with no kids. I was like, all right, come on,
Speaker 2: put a baby up in here.
Speaker 4: Chris is thirty one, y'all. Got I read your story
Speaker 4: and how you met. You met at a bar. He's
Speaker 4: a truck driver and he's had a stop or something period.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's thirty two.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry, thirty two because we are two and a
Speaker 4: half years apart. Yeah, yeah, I love that story because
Speaker 4: that's like, what are the chances of the man you.
Speaker 2: Meeting your husband and wasn't even looking. I was not
Speaker 2: looking because I had got out of relation. I had
Speaker 2: just gotten out of relationship like a year before him,
Speaker 2: and I was like, you know what, I'm done, Like
Speaker 2: I think I might try girls, but I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't need pussies, so it ain't gonna work. So
Speaker 2: they're gonna spit me right back out anyway, Hello, princess,
Speaker 2: you know what I'm saying. Apparently that's what I learned.
Speaker 2: You not to get a study. Don't try to get
Speaker 2: there pussy gate too. Some of them don't. Apparently some
Speaker 2: of them stuffs do that. Some of them stuffs like
Speaker 2: the cock opening them legs and be like yeah, like
Speaker 2: I sud pussies in my day. So you you've you've
Speaker 2: explored on that side. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was a former lesbian, not anymore, but I know
Speaker 3: that's right. I lived in Atlanta. I was a lisbon
Speaker 3: for a few times.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Atlanta do it to you? Yeah, yeah, they'll.
Speaker 3: Say, you know, like niggas because they were kind of niggish,
Speaker 3: all the girls down there in Atlanta with the kind
Speaker 3: of like yeah said side. No, I'm straight, Yeah, but
Speaker 3: damn I forgot the goddamn question, my bag.
Speaker 2: Sorry, no, no, I just said. I was just saying
Speaker 2: I loved your story with Chris. Oh yeah at the Yes,
Speaker 2: he was a truck truck driver a rest stop, and
Speaker 2: so it was a restaurant, right, I remember, I just
Speaker 2: got it. It was February twenty, twenty twenty three. Oh yeah,
Speaker 2: make some fucking noise.
Speaker 3: Yes.
Speaker 2: I just wrapped up a day of doing Breakfast Club
Speaker 2: I was guest co hosting, and I took the train
Speaker 2: down to Baltimore. I got some crabs because they're on Baltimore.
Speaker 2: We love blue crabs, honey. So me, my sister and
Speaker 2: one of my friends we went to Watershed. It's a
Speaker 2: popular restaurant in downtown Baltimore, known for crabs and seafood
Speaker 2: and stuff. And he just walked in to meet like
Speaker 2: some of his cousins and you know his people's Now,
Speaker 2: he didn't notice me, but the people that he walked
Speaker 2: up with, like his cousins and them, they noticed who
Speaker 2: I was. And I was happy, sho. I was passing
Speaker 2: out edibles and I was buying the bar around and
Speaker 2: he didn't drink or smoke, and so I was like,
Speaker 2: what you're doing at the bar if you ain't Because
Speaker 2: I was trying to buy him a shot and he
Speaker 2: was like, nah, I don't need a shot him good,
Speaker 2: and he said I don't drink. I said, so why
Speaker 2: are you sitting at the bar if you don't drink.
Speaker 2: He was like, I don't need to be drinking to
Speaker 2: set at the bar. And I was like, m all
Speaker 2: right at toude right. So he wasn't really giving me
Speaker 2: what I was looking for, so I was still I
Speaker 2: was still digging. I'm like, no, I want you. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna get you. And so you know how you take
Speaker 2: shot at the shot. At the shot, I don't realize
Speaker 2: that you drunk. Shit to you stand up yoah, try
Speaker 2: to go to the bathroom, and I literally almost hit
Speaker 2: the floor. I asked my sister. I was like, bitch,
Speaker 2: you want me to the bathroom. And so we walked
Speaker 2: past him and I was like, I hope you're not
Speaker 2: watching me walk away and I turned around and he wasn't,
Speaker 2: which was very fucked up, but whatever. I went to
Speaker 2: the bathroom, I came out and he was about he
Speaker 2: was paying the tab or whatever, and he was like,
Speaker 2: I wanted to know if I could take you out.
Speaker 2: I don't want to take you on A day was
Speaker 2: a drunk one. I was like yeah with the fuck right,
Speaker 2: like yeah, you know, all ratshitty and all of that shit.
Speaker 2: And so he took me out a week later and
Speaker 2: I never left him since you married last year, right,
Speaker 2: We got married April seventeen, twenty twenty five. So we're
Speaker 2: coming up on it, are Yeah, So I'm excited. I'm very,
Speaker 2: very excited. I love him so much, Like I've never
Speaker 2: met a more pure human being. Like he's so pure,
Speaker 2: he's so like, he's a calm to my storm. Y'all know,
Speaker 2: I'll be extra shit, like he loves it all. He
Speaker 2: loves me, like he disarms me because I always had
Speaker 2: my guard up, like all the time. After you've been
Speaker 2: in a relationship where you guys either take care of
Speaker 2: a nigga, beating a nigga up, or do something you know,
Speaker 2: or dale just with a bunch of shit, cheating, lying,
Speaker 2: just the manipulation all of that, and then you meet
Speaker 2: like like a real genuine soul, like and he totally
Speaker 2: disarms me. Now we get into it because that nigga canceled,
Speaker 2: but like at the root of him, he's such a
Speaker 2: calm person and he's very patient with me. He makes
Speaker 2: me laugh. He makes me smile. He brings out my femininity,
Speaker 2: Like you know, I've always been in touch with my
Speaker 2: masculinity because you know what these niggas want, you know.
Speaker 2: But he I really I like, I'm so soft with him.
Speaker 2: He makes me nervous a little bit. I'll be stuttering
Speaker 2: a little bit like your voice, you know. So Yeah,
Speaker 2: I love my husband. I love yes, yes, the total
Speaker 2: opposite of me. But he getting that he went the
Speaker 2: ship too. He like, oh he loed the ghetto shit,
Speaker 2: he loved it, you know what I'm saying. But yeah,
Speaker 2: that's my guy. I love a goosh. You know you
Speaker 2: know where your men. I don't even nobody know. I
Speaker 2: get like it. Bit you got married right exactly give
Speaker 2: and had another baby because who the fuck was doing
Speaker 2: that for anybody? How many years? A part of the
Speaker 2: kids that's going to be I don't know how I start.
Speaker 2: I'm like, why I start over? Like you know, but
Speaker 2: is that okay? Do you feel okay? Are you having that?
Speaker 5: I know? Right?
Speaker 2: It took me a while to bounce back when I
Speaker 2: was see I was pregnant at nineteen with my son,
Speaker 2: and when I had him at twenty, I bounced back
Speaker 2: four or five weeks, I was, you know, back at
Speaker 2: work and all of that shit. But having a baby
Speaker 2: in your thirties is different, and I went through it,
Speaker 2: so I can speak to it. Oh my god, the
Speaker 2: pregnancy is different, you know, and shout out to them
Speaker 2: who had a completely easy pregnancy in their thirties. But
Speaker 2: it showed me that I really wasn't taking care of
Speaker 2: myself in the twenties, like girl, all a drinking and
Speaker 2: drugging and all of that. And I ain't never shooting
Speaker 2: no dope or do no cocaine, I think. But I'm
Speaker 2: just saying I never did no. Yeah, I ain't never
Speaker 2: did nothing. Crazy because once they when you say drinking
Speaker 2: and drugging, people's minds go crazy.
Speaker 3: Me my white bitches be drugging, you know what I'm
Speaker 3: saying all that all the internet, they're valla, everybody's fine.
Speaker 2: Hot up. But you know, I and I realized, I'm like, damn,
Speaker 2: all right, I'm not. I'm not a spring chicken no more.
Speaker 2: I'm just a chicken now. Like it's you know, But
Speaker 2: I had my daughter, no epidoro natural slid her ass
Speaker 2: out like I was happy. I wasn't happy to do it.
Speaker 2: In the moment, but I was, I was. I was happy,
Speaker 2: and her father delivered her. My husband delivered his daughter,
Speaker 2: so that was just you know, that was such a
Speaker 2: sacred moment, you know. And I don't think like my
Speaker 2: husband made my pres to see easier, you know, because
Speaker 2: it was hard. I was sick all the time, and
Speaker 2: then still working and then even getting back to work,
Speaker 2: like he made it so much easier because my first
Speaker 2: pregnancy was not fun. Do you want more kids? Do
Speaker 2: you want more kids? Yes? I at most to more
Speaker 2: at least one. Okay, yeah, I do. I want I've
Speaker 2: always wanted to have a lot of children, you know,
Speaker 2: and a lot like four or five. I always and
Speaker 2: I remember always wanting all boys because I was a
Speaker 2: tom girl my whole life sports. I always dressed dressed like,
Speaker 2: you know, real swaggy. That's why everybody used to think
Speaker 2: I was a dyke. Oh my god, uh lesbian? Not yes, yes,
Speaker 2: everybody used to say that. And I'm like, I just
Speaker 2: I grew up around all boys. I mean, I had homegirls,
Speaker 2: but for the most part, I grew up around my
Speaker 2: brother and all his friends. So that's how I even
Speaker 2: became a comedian, just sitting around watching them roast me
Speaker 2: and every every day. You know what I mean, I'm like,
Speaker 2: all right, cool, get your jokes up. You know I
Speaker 2: had to get my jokes up, you know. But yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: thirteen year gap have I know you gotta get out
Speaker 2: of here soon. I have a lot of you gotta
Speaker 2: come back. I know I'm gonna come back. Smoke on here,
Speaker 2: we gotta come back. I'm coming back, come back, and
Speaker 2: just like all of our ship. And then I ain't
Speaker 2: gonna come back all like suited and boot it up.
Speaker 2: I want to be I'm the book, all right, but
Speaker 2: next time I'm gonna be all like cute and dressed
Speaker 2: down like y'all. Thank you, thank you. Have you made
Speaker 2: any bad choices this week? Oh my god? Bad mom?
Speaker 2: Not a bad mom, but a bad mom. I'm so good.
Speaker 2: Any bad choices. No, I ain't go live this week.
Speaker 2: It could be good. It's always a bad choice when
Speaker 2: I go live. I'm talking about the breakfast club beat
Speaker 2: Charlomagne be like you go live, you always gonna say
Speaker 2: some ship. Don't say ship. Don't why I'll be getting
Speaker 2: in trouble and I don't even know why I'm in trouble.
Speaker 4: I mean, I'll be looking at you like I har
Speaker 4: I mean, I mean I've seen a lot of things
Speaker 4: you said, which I'm gonna say I agree with some
Speaker 4: of them.
Speaker 2: But that, like, you know, the cancel culture is so crazy.
Speaker 2: Oh girl, I think I was in that first batch
Speaker 2: of people to ever get can if you're not if
Speaker 2: you haven't been canceled, you ain't doing You're safe. If
Speaker 2: you ever been canceled, you're a safe bitch. Yeah, there
Speaker 2: you go, exactly, speak always, unapologetically. Yes, that is literally me,
Speaker 2: you know, But a bad choice I made this week,
Speaker 2: I don't know. That's so crazy. I feel like I
Speaker 2: make bad choices every day, but but they're like fun,
Speaker 2: like that doesn't mean bad whatever, because the good mom's
Speaker 2: bad choices. I mean, we spoke weed. Some people will
Speaker 2: say that's a bad choice. I say, that's a great choice.
Speaker 2: All right. So if you got a home, if you
Speaker 2: got a home girl, right, and you know, was she
Speaker 2: cheating on her man? And he's a really really good man.
Speaker 2: I'm talking about a good man's man. I ain't talking
Speaker 2: about like I'm talking this bitch that been with niggas
Speaker 2: who hit on her and all of that, just like
Speaker 2: beat on her, just all that shit, and she finally
Speaker 2: get a good man, she's fucking on him with somebody
Speaker 2: I hooked up with. Ain't that some bullshit? I hooked
Speaker 2: up a long time ago. She's gonna spend a block
Speaker 2: on a nigga that I hooked up with like four
Speaker 2: years ago. She's cheating on her current good man with
Speaker 2: a nigga that you booked her up with four years ago.
Speaker 3: It's an important conversation because, dude, okay, because I heard
Speaker 3: some niggas talking about this, Okay. It was like something
Speaker 3: on the internet saying, I don't know, bro, you can't
Speaker 3: hang out with this because you cheat.
Speaker 2: On your wife. And I was like, honestly to me,
Speaker 2: like I'm first of.
Speaker 3: All, I'm gonna be ride her dive for my bitch
Speaker 3: because cheating, and I'm supporting it because I want you
Speaker 3: leave that nigga anyway. But two but too, if you are,
Speaker 3: if you're doing it to someone who doesn't deserve it,
Speaker 3: I have to kind of question it. It's almost like
Speaker 3: a nigga doesn't take care of his kids. Yeah, if
Speaker 3: you're willing to lie and she on a good nigga,
Speaker 3: you're gonna you're gonna be a weirdod to me, exactly,
Speaker 3: you gotta watch you now, bitch, because you don't even
Speaker 3: have loyalty a lot.
Speaker 2: But I feel like all the relationships that she gets
Speaker 2: that she was in up until this one, like she
Speaker 2: did a number on her how she kind of in
Speaker 2: which she said to me before telling me that she
Speaker 2: cheated on him. I know he's doing something. I just
Speaker 2: can't prove it, like he is, like he is too good,
Speaker 2: like you know what I'm saying. So I'm like, no, evene,
Speaker 2: I mean, I know, whatever, there's so many in the
Speaker 2: world of man. You need to his bitch's wrong with you?
Speaker 2: You know, I know ship. I know, No, he did
Speaker 2: need because he needs to leave or take it a
Speaker 2: therapy or something. Because I shouldn't. I just I shouldn't.
Speaker 2: I know. But I feel bad because we all like
Speaker 2: hang out, not hang out, but we all know each other.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 2: The guy she cheated with, she introduced us to him,
Speaker 2: you know, oh my god. And I told him so,
Speaker 2: I think you are the best, like you she you're
Speaker 2: the best one for her, like she And He's like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: she's she's He's a nerd to like he got his
Speaker 2: ship together man the hard way. Yeah, yeah, I hope
Speaker 2: she do, but don't feel failto about it, to be honest,
Speaker 2: because she needed she need a reality check, honestly, and
Speaker 2: she needs therapy. And I think he's too good for this.
Speaker 2: Maybe she needs an affirmation from you. What kind of
Speaker 2: affirmation on can you give us? People? Do better? And affirmation?
Speaker 2: Let the ship go? Let it go? Okay? My managers
Speaker 2: like we all right, all right, all right, So the
Speaker 2: affirmation is what I want people to take away from
Speaker 2: the book. Let it go, like accept that, like you
Speaker 2: guys have to be willing you guys at and girls,
Speaker 2: moms and dads. You know, you got to be able
Speaker 2: to accept that this is not the fairy tale ending
Speaker 2: that you thought it would be, you know, except that
Speaker 2: let it go so you can move forward amicably and
Speaker 2: actually get the fairy tale ending. Yeah, and get it
Speaker 2: because I got my fairy tale ending. So did I.
Speaker 3: Because because if you if you stay suckled a nigga,
Speaker 3: you're supposed to be wait, what you need will never
Speaker 3: come exactly. You got to make room for what's actually exactly.
Speaker 3: And I didn't think I was gonna get married. I'm
Speaker 3: a hoe and look at me.
Speaker 2: But hold like your wholeness can be deleted. No, you
Speaker 2: just find a hole and then you hold together. I'm
Speaker 2: a whole anogamous. Yeah, I gotta come back because this
Speaker 2: is what I got some questions. I love it. Damn.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. Wait it was one more thing. Thought
Speaker 2: it was one more thing we have on our story.
Speaker 2: Oh stories. Oh yeah, me and my husband have sex outside.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, we made it quick, you know what
Speaker 2: I'm saying. But where were no no, no, no, no,
Speaker 2: not in l A, y'all. No, no, no, stop no, So,
Speaker 2: uh where we live we have in the state in Maryland.
Speaker 2: And yeah, right's coming. This was that was the last question. Yeah,
Speaker 2: canep close it back? That was literally the last question.
Speaker 2: I was done. It's fun, keep going, okay, just finishing.
Speaker 2: So yeah, so that that was it. That was you know,
Speaker 2: we having a state in Maryland, big beautiful home, two
Speaker 2: part home. And yeah, we was feeling good after one
Speaker 2: of our cookouts that we had like we always do,
Speaker 2: like we do it up real big for Fourth of
Speaker 2: July and yeah, right on the side of the party,
Speaker 2: well let's just get it in. Nobody saw and everybody
Speaker 2: was in, you know, right right, but we had so
Speaker 2: it was like you know what let's do this because
Speaker 2: I love you, love me, Let's do it. Yeah, and
Speaker 2: that's what happened. So that's a little horror story. I
Speaker 2: like that. Yeah. Well, Jess, thank you for coming on
Speaker 2: the show. Thank y'all for having me. This was so fun.
Speaker 2: Make sure you're go get Jess's book, turn it down.
Speaker 2: So Death Do We Parent is available right now for
Speaker 2: pre order, but it comes out April twenty eighth. And
Speaker 2: I also did the audiobook. So for everybody who loved
Speaker 2: to hear my accent and for everybody who don't like
Speaker 2: to hear it, which y'all do a little bit, listen,
Speaker 2: get the audio book as well, because I'm reading it
Speaker 2: in the finest of Baltimore accent. You do two and booth.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thanks for coming and hanging out with us
Speaker 2: and for coming back. I love y'all. Thank you so
Speaker 2: much to thank you.
Speaker 4: And you know where to find us at Good Mom's
Speaker 4: Underscore Bad Choices on Instagram. Make sure you subscribe to
Speaker 4: this podcast, subscribe to the YouTube follow the Good Vibe Retreat.
Speaker 4: We're going to Costa Rica this summer. We got a
Speaker 4: mommy and knee retreat. We got just the Only Bitches Retreat.
Speaker 2: To come after the hell you go out the baby.
Speaker 2: I will see you next week. You love you bye. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's so good. Can't you tell? I went through a drought.
Speaker 5: That's until I find the well maym have been known art.
Speaker 5: I used to be broken tail and now I got
Speaker 5: the blues in to like Beyonce just saying throat shot
Speaker 5: or pop in his cow wearing our voices. Patriarchy kept
Speaker 5: it in the box to exploit it. Women put the
Speaker 5: pee in power, so it's pointless. They want me to
Speaker 5: be good, so I make bad choices.
Speaker 2: Bad mom, not a bad mom, but a bad mom.
Speaker 2: It He's in on fort cannabis in.
Speaker 5: Their bathbon walked in Boston's cap and I blew his
Speaker 5: cat ball tipe dog. Now I'm immune to the cat
Speaker 5: called Herbie and no waisted straight to it like a
Speaker 5: dollar sign.
Speaker 2: Mother, rent the lover when too.
Speaker 5: It's like a water sign where you're rent the winter
Speaker 5: essential will when the summertime.
Speaker 2: I do it all. Ain't know when that needs a rerun.
Speaker 2: It by