WEBVTT - 3 Myths About Work Life Balance & 5 Ways to Really Create It 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.360 That's the part where we go wrong. We try to 0:00:02.440 --> 0:00:06.519 divide our time equally. We try to divide our money equally, 0:00:06.600 --> 0:00:10.600 We try to divide our attention equally. Right, It's impossible 0:00:10.800 --> 0:00:14.240 to equally divide your time between work and family. If 0:00:14.240 --> 0:00:16.600 you're working at eight to nine hour job and then 0:00:16.600 --> 0:00:19.560 you're spending three hours with family in the evening, it 0:00:19.560 --> 0:00:22.280 can feel like it's not equal. It can feel like 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:33.400 you're always working. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:36.360 the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to 0:00:36.479 --> 0:00:39.040 each and every single one of you that come back 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:43.519 every week to listen, learn and grow. Now, whether you're cooking, 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:47.519 whether you're walking your dog, whether you're at the gym, 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:50.800 whether you're catching a sunrise or a sunset, or you're 0:00:50.920 --> 0:00:54.279 driving in your car, I'm so grateful to be with you, 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:58.640 and I appreciate you so much for letting me into 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:02.760 your world, for letting me into your life. I love 0:01:03.000 --> 0:01:05.960 the reaction when I bumped into one of you on 0:01:06.000 --> 0:01:08.200 the streets or at an event or wherever we are, 0:01:08.760 --> 0:01:11.400 and you give me a big hug and let me 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.479 know that you listen to the podcast. And this happened 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:17.520 last week where someone said to me they said, Jay, 0:01:17.840 --> 0:01:19.800 I feel like I know you, but you don't know me. 0:01:20.000 --> 0:01:22.360 And I said, you do know me. You do know me. 0:01:22.400 --> 0:01:26.160 I share so openly and vulnerably and honestly on the podcast. 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:28.759 You do know me. And I can't wait to meet 0:01:28.800 --> 0:01:32.120 you too. So thank you so much to everyone who's 0:01:32.160 --> 0:01:35.679 leaving reviews on the show, who's posting on Instagram and 0:01:35.720 --> 0:01:39.280 TikTok and Twitter. I'm seeing more and more posts about 0:01:39.280 --> 0:01:42.040 the show all the time. And today we're talking about 0:01:42.080 --> 0:01:45.720 something really important, something that I feel a lot of 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:48.840 people are striving for, a lot of people are chasing, 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:52.800 and a lot of people are pursuing. And the statistics 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:57.960 show this as well. People are stressed. Sixty five percent 0:01:58.000 --> 0:02:01.240 of employees who now work from home say they are 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:05.720 working longer hours. And so the thing that we're all 0:02:05.840 --> 0:02:13.080 chasing is work life balance. What I find really fascinating 0:02:13.160 --> 0:02:20.080 about this is that it's often our pursuit of an 0:02:20.240 --> 0:02:26.440 incomplete belief that creates more challenges in our life. Let 0:02:26.440 --> 0:02:32.560 me break that down. When we don't define or understand ideas, 0:02:32.880 --> 0:02:39.200 words and concepts clearly, but then we still pursue them, 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:42.240 we often end up somewhere we don't want to be. 0:02:42.440 --> 0:02:46.160 It's almost like going somewhere without being really clear on 0:02:46.280 --> 0:02:50.600 the coordinates, or you go somewhere but you don't get 0:02:50.639 --> 0:02:54.080 the zip code spot on. This happened to me probably 0:02:54.120 --> 0:02:56.639 about six months back. Now. I was going to meet 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.639 one of my friends at his new office building, and 0:03:00.280 --> 0:03:03.840 my team had popped his address in my schedule, and 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:07.680 so I went to that street. What I didn't realize 0:03:07.880 --> 0:03:12.080 is that they hadn't placed the exact number of the building. 0:03:12.080 --> 0:03:14.520 They had the building name and the street name, and 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:18.079 it took me to the street, not that particular building. 0:03:18.120 --> 0:03:21.639 I ended up being still thirty minutes away, because supposedly 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:26.440 that street runs from La all the way to Calabas's, 0:03:27.000 --> 0:03:31.760 right from West Hollywood to Calabas's. And so what I 0:03:31.840 --> 0:03:36.000 find in life is often that we pursue words like success, 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:41.120 We pursue words like wealth, we pursue words like security, 0:03:41.640 --> 0:03:46.840 we pursue words like stability, we pursue words like excitement, 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:50.960 but we never took the time to define or understand 0:03:51.040 --> 0:03:54.800 what those words actually mean. And I believe that work 0:03:54.880 --> 0:03:59.000 life balance is one of those terms. It's a term 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:01.240 that we've been saying for a long time. It's a 0:04:01.320 --> 0:04:03.840 term that we've heard for a long time. It's a 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:07.280 term that seems to make sense, but I think the 0:04:07.360 --> 0:04:12.280 way we think about it doesn't always stack up. So 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:14.160 I want to read for a second some of the 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:19.360 definitions of the word balance and how I think we 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:24.520 interpret this word incorrectly, which leads us not finding balance. 0:04:25.320 --> 0:04:31.120 So balance is defined as an even distribution of weight, 0:04:31.920 --> 0:04:36.479 enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady, and 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:41.920 even distribution, that's where the challenge comes in. We try 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:48.800 to evenly distribute our time. We try to evenly distribute 0:04:49.279 --> 0:04:55.600 our money. We try to evenly distribute our energy, and 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:59.480 the truth is that you can't evenly distribute it because 0:04:59.600 --> 0:05:04.280 there are enough hours in the day. Now. Another definition 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:09.560 of balance is a condition in which different elements are equal, 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.880 and that's the part where we go wrong. We try 0:05:12.920 --> 0:05:16.440 to divide our time equally. We try to divide our 0:05:16.480 --> 0:05:20.760 money equally. We try to divide our attention equally, and 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:25.280 you can't do that right. It's impossible to equally divide 0:05:25.320 --> 0:05:28.200 your time between work and family. If you're working at 0:05:28.279 --> 0:05:31.600 eight to nine hour job and then you're spending three 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:34.520 hours with family in the evening, it can feel like 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:39.480 it's not equal. It can feel like you're always working, right, 0:05:39.680 --> 0:05:42.240 And that's where those terms come about. You're always working, 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:47.480 You're never at home? Are we always working? Are we 0:05:48.040 --> 0:05:53.680 never at home? That's not true, but because it's the majority, 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:56.720 it feels like it. So because it's seventy five percent 0:05:56.839 --> 0:06:00.880 of the day, it becomes one hundred percent. Because we're 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:03.240 trying to get to fifty fifty, we're trying to get 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:07.799 to equality. Now, here's where the definition of balance actually improves. 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.680 It says a condition in which different elements are equal 0:06:12.279 --> 0:06:16.320 or in the correct proportions. That's the part I want 0:06:16.320 --> 0:06:22.839 to focus on correct proportions. We can create proportionate distribution 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:26.680 in our life. We can't, or we will struggle to 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:30.480 create equal distribution in our life. And sometimes as we 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:35.120 strive for equal and even distribution, we end up feeling 0:06:35.279 --> 0:06:41.120 really upset and disappointed. Right, We end up feeling really, 0:06:41.160 --> 0:06:44.640 really like we're struggling. Now, I want to talk to 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:49.320 you about five states that we need on any given 0:06:49.440 --> 0:06:53.080 day or any given week. Throughout the day, throughout the week, 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:56.719 throughout the month, throughout the year, we will need a 0:06:56.760 --> 0:07:01.000 different state at different times. And there's two things to 0:07:01.040 --> 0:07:02.839 note here. The first thing is you won't always have 0:07:02.920 --> 0:07:06.120 access to that state at that time, but you want 0:07:06.160 --> 0:07:08.840 to create space for that state. This will make a 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.400 lot more sense as they start walking through it. So 0:07:12.000 --> 0:07:14.080 if you think about any activity you need to do, 0:07:14.480 --> 0:07:17.520 any task, you need to do, anything you would like 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:20.280 to do in a day, you need one of these 0:07:20.600 --> 0:07:25.520 five states in order to do it. Sometimes you need focus. 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:30.000 Maybe it's a work task, right, Maybe it's a big project, 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.760 Maybe it's a new product, you're working on, a new 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:37.320 service you're creating. You need a high level of focus. 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:40.600 That's one state. But you don't need focus to do 0:07:40.800 --> 0:07:43.320 everything in your life. You don't need to be focused 0:07:43.440 --> 0:07:48.200 on everything. Focus can be draining. If someone said to 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:50.600 you need to be focused throughout the day, that could 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.600 be highly exhausting, and maybe you're experiencing that. The second 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:58.160 one is sometimes you just need high energy, which means 0:07:58.160 --> 0:08:02.760 you just need that raw enthusiasm and energy to get 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:07.720 stuff done right. The third state that you need is presence. 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:13.320 This is a lighter form of focus, often in relationships. Right, 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:15.600 you don't need to be focused in a conversation. You 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:19.600 need to be present in a conversation. Focus is a 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:26.560 slightly different energy. Presence is a softer, more easy energy 0:08:26.600 --> 0:08:32.920 of being alert and aware. You then have planning. Sometimes 0:08:32.960 --> 0:08:35.520 you need to be in a planning state. You need 0:08:35.600 --> 0:08:37.720 to be in a state of thinking about the future, 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:41.520 building for the future, trying to craft something for the future. 0:08:42.520 --> 0:08:50.600 And the fifth state is rest, relaxation, calm. We all 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:55.880 need in our life a state of rest, a state 0:08:55.960 --> 0:09:02.560 of refuel, a state of rebuild. So instead of trying 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:09.719 to divide our time equally, which often creates many many issues, 0:09:10.080 --> 0:09:14.760 instead of trying to divide our money equally, which also 0:09:14.880 --> 0:09:20.120 doesn't always work, we have to start thinking in how 0:09:20.120 --> 0:09:27.679 do I create schedules and plans that are focused on 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:32.400 the state I need to do that in. So, for example, 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:37.600 this comes with a level of awareness that we may 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:42.120 not have if we haven't done this exercise. This is 0:09:42.160 --> 0:09:46.840 an activity that comes from the book When by Daniel Pink. 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:48.800 He's been on the podcast. You can listen to his 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:51.880 episode as well. We talked about this book and it's 0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:55.840 a book about the art of timing, and he talks 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:58.360 about this exercise that we're about to do right now, 0:09:58.920 --> 0:10:03.079 and this exercise helps us find out what tasks we 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:06.360 should do at different times of the day. The first 0:10:06.360 --> 0:10:07.720 thing you need to do in this is you need 0:10:07.800 --> 0:10:12.160 to write down your general bedtime and your general waking 0:10:12.240 --> 0:10:16.880 up time. So my general bedtime is ten pm and 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.120 my waking up time is six am. I try to 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:22.520 sleep for eight hours, So I want you to write 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:25.760 down yours. Now, you may work late, you may work early. 0:10:26.080 --> 0:10:29.400 What are yours? What's your bedtime? Write it down? And 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:34.880 what is your wake up time? So mine's ten pm 0:10:34.960 --> 0:10:40.120 and six am? Write there down. Now write down your midpoint. 0:10:40.240 --> 0:10:42.960 What is the middle time in between those two Mine 0:10:43.120 --> 0:10:46.400 is two am? Yours could be two thirty. It could 0:10:46.400 --> 0:10:50.280 be five thirty, It could be one thirty, it could 0:10:50.280 --> 0:10:53.600 be any of those. What is yours? What is your 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:58.360 middle time between the two times? So two am is 0:10:58.400 --> 0:11:01.199 four hours from ten pm and four hours from six 0:11:01.240 --> 0:11:05.320 am to two am. Now write that number down and 0:11:05.440 --> 0:11:11.400 listen very carefully. If your midpoint of sleep is three 0:11:11.559 --> 0:11:17.120 thirty am or earlier, you're known as what's called a 0:11:17.280 --> 0:11:21.040 lark l a r K A lark. So I'm a 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:26.160 lark because my midpoint is two am, which is three 0:11:26.320 --> 0:11:29.800 thirty am or earlier. So if your time is three 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:32.839 thirty am or earlier, you're a lark like me. Now 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:37.600 if your midpoint of sleep is five thirty am or later, 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:43.400 you're probably an owl. That's the name given to So 0:11:43.520 --> 0:11:47.520 if your midpoint was five thirty am or later, you're 0:11:47.559 --> 0:11:50.520 known as an owl, And if your midpoint is somewhere 0:11:50.559 --> 0:11:54.760 in between, you're known as a third bird. So I 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:57.520 want you to write down, are you a lark like me? 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:01.160 Because your midpoint is three thirty am or earlier? Are 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:03.959 you an owl? Which means your midpoint is five thirty 0:12:04.120 --> 0:12:08.160 am or later. And if you're between those two, then 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:10.280 you're a third bird. And now I'm going to share 0:12:10.320 --> 0:12:15.200 some really interesting information about when you're able to do 0:12:15.360 --> 0:12:19.880 certain tasks better. And I think this is the balance 0:12:19.920 --> 0:12:24.160 we're looking for. The balance we want is how can 0:12:24.240 --> 0:12:29.800 I be at my best when I'm with my family 0:12:30.559 --> 0:12:34.360 and when I'm at work. That's really the balance we're 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:36.720 looking for. What we don't want is I spend an 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:38.839 equal amount of time at work and an equal amount 0:12:38.880 --> 0:12:40.839 of time at home, but I'm not at my best 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:43.280 neither of those, and I'm stressed out during both of 0:12:43.320 --> 0:12:47.120 those times. I'm sure no one wants that. We want 0:12:47.160 --> 0:12:49.400 to make sure that we have time to refuel. We 0:12:49.400 --> 0:12:50.959 want to make sure that we have time to give 0:12:50.960 --> 0:12:53.480 our best energy to the people we love. We want 0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.040 to make sure that we're doing good at work, right, 0:12:57.280 --> 0:13:01.040 So I think the challenges we think balance means I 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:03.040 spend an equal amount of time at work at home 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.000 and that's what's going to make me feel good. But 0:13:06.080 --> 0:13:08.920 that doesn't make a lot of people feel good, right. 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:13.240 That doesn't make people feel good. So when it comes 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:20.160 to analytical tasks, for the lark, early morning is the best. 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:24.920 For the third bird, early to mid morning is best, 0:13:25.800 --> 0:13:30.400 and for the owl, late afternoon and evening is the best. Now, 0:13:30.400 --> 0:13:32.679 if you ever a partner who's always working in the 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:36.280 late afternoon or evening, chances eides because they're an owl 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:41.080 and that's the best time of day. According to Daniel Pink, 0:13:41.480 --> 0:13:45.760 to do these things depending on what we've just deciphered 0:13:46.000 --> 0:13:50.560 as your chronotype. What we've just discovered is your chronotype. 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:54.280 So for analytical tasks, lark do it best early morning, 0:13:54.760 --> 0:13:57.040 third bird do it early to mid morning, and the 0:13:57.120 --> 0:14:01.000 owl does it late afternoon and evening. Notice how that 0:14:01.160 --> 0:14:05.360 slight shift could change how you feel about your partner, 0:14:05.480 --> 0:14:14.000 how you feel about yourself, stress, anxiety, overwhelm, burnout. What 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:17.679 do all of these have in common a lack of 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:23.440 perceived control over your time, thoughts, and tasks. But what 0:14:23.520 --> 0:14:26.360 if I told you fixing all of these problems is 0:14:26.360 --> 0:14:30.760 as simple as fixing your mindset towards them. I know, 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:35.600 not simple at all. Everyone's busy, everyone's stress, but we 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:38.600 could all use more calm in our lives, and learning 0:14:38.640 --> 0:14:42.440 to stay grounded and grateful is truly a daily practice. 0:14:42.760 --> 0:14:46.040 That's why I've partnered with Calm dot com to bring 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:48.920 you the Daily j. If you've ever wanted to meditate 0:14:48.960 --> 0:14:51.440 with me and take back control over your busy mind, 0:14:51.840 --> 0:14:54.080 join me on the car map for the Daily J, 0:14:54.640 --> 0:14:58.000 a daily guided meditation where I'll help you find calm 0:14:58.120 --> 0:15:02.680 in the chaos, plant beautiful tensions for a happy, abundant life, 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:06.320 and simple steps for positive actions to get you closer 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:09.040 to the life of your dreams. Meditate with me by 0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.880 going to Calm dot com forward slash jay to get 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:15.400 forty percent off a Calm Premium membership that's only forty 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:19.120 two dollars for the whole year for daily guided meditations. 0:15:19.600 --> 0:15:26.479 Experience the Daily jy only on Calm Now. Insight tasks 0:15:26.920 --> 0:15:31.640 tasks that require you to provide insight and this could 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:34.160 be being present with your partner, listening to them. It's 0:15:34.240 --> 0:15:39.280 more presence analytics focused. Insight is presence. For the lark, 0:15:39.920 --> 0:15:45.720 it's late afternoon early evening. Right late afternoon or early 0:15:45.800 --> 0:15:48.880 evening is the best time for a lark to do 0:15:49.040 --> 0:15:55.040 insightful presence based things. For the third bird, insight tasks same. 0:15:55.160 --> 0:15:59.080 It's late afternoon and early evening. But now for the 0:15:59.160 --> 0:16:03.800 owl it's the morning, and al does insight tasks best 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:06.920 in the morning. I'm hoping you're listening to this and going, oh, 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:09.280 and now I realize why I don't have energy for 0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:11.160 that at that time. Now I realize why I'm not 0:16:11.200 --> 0:16:13.360 in the right state for that at that time. Maybe 0:16:13.360 --> 0:16:15.920 you're trying to do things at times when it's harder 0:16:15.960 --> 0:16:18.560 to do them the way I describe that, and that's 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:22.800 what we struggle with. Balance is what I love about 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:27.760 nature is that things are not always balanced, but the 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:31.800 seasons always flow, so things come and go in seasons. Now, 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.520 maybe you're like, I want to grow apples earlier around. 0:16:34.560 --> 0:16:39.280 I want to grow ex fruit earlier around. That puts 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:41.600 things out of balance, and sometimes we do that, we 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:43.160 go I want to do this for the rest of 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:45.280 the year. I want to do this every single day, 0:16:46.280 --> 0:16:48.560 and that puts us out of balance because we're trying 0:16:48.560 --> 0:16:52.160 to grow something that you can't grow at that time. Right, 0:16:52.200 --> 0:16:55.160 there's certain things you can't grow in the winter. That 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:57.320 doesn't mean you don't have another version of it. It 0:16:57.360 --> 0:17:00.360 doesn't mean you don't plant new seeds, or doesn't mean 0:17:00.440 --> 0:17:02.280 you don't take care of the land. You can do 0:17:02.400 --> 0:17:05.119 lots of things. You just don't expect something to grow. 0:17:05.480 --> 0:17:08.200 And I think that's the challenge. We are expecting perfect 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:12.520 balance all year round when we're going through a season 0:17:12.600 --> 0:17:15.520 that doesn't allow for balance. What's needed more as a 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:20.480 priorities approach. A farmer or someone working in agriculture has 0:17:20.480 --> 0:17:24.879 a different priority in different seasons. They're still working on 0:17:24.920 --> 0:17:28.120 the same patch of land. You're still working on yourself, 0:17:28.160 --> 0:17:30.920 You're still giving love to your family. You just can't 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:32.480 have a view that it's going to look the same 0:17:32.520 --> 0:17:35.200 every day. We have to start thinking of our life 0:17:35.240 --> 0:17:42.800 in seasons. We have to approach our life in seasons. Okay, Now, 0:17:43.040 --> 0:17:48.919 when you need energy, making an impression your state of energy. 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:52.359 Larks are best in the morning and making an impression. 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:56.399 Third birds mourning is the best time to make an impression, 0:17:57.080 --> 0:18:02.000 and we then have owls mourning as well. That's when 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:05.560 the owls will make their best impression, when you need 0:18:05.600 --> 0:18:10.000 that energetic expression of yourself, and finally, when you need 0:18:10.000 --> 0:18:13.200 to make a decision, which is more about planning as 0:18:13.240 --> 0:18:17.840 a state. Larks early morning, third bird early to mid morning, 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:24.000 and owl late afternoon and evening. So what I'm trying 0:18:24.040 --> 0:18:27.960 to share here is that there are different times of 0:18:27.960 --> 0:18:30.520 the day when we're better at doing different things, and 0:18:30.520 --> 0:18:34.280 we have to realize that we can't just force ourselves 0:18:35.160 --> 0:18:38.120 to do everything all of the time, and balance can 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.600 often feel like that, where we just feel exhausted because 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:45.760 we're trying to do everything all at the same time. Now, 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.200 there are habits that create more balance in our life 0:18:49.240 --> 0:18:53.200 and habits that create more imbalance in our life. For example, 0:18:54.000 --> 0:19:00.119 a habit that truly has unhealthy impact on us and 0:19:00.280 --> 0:19:04.520 our balance is a lack of sleep or sleep deprivation. 0:19:05.359 --> 0:19:09.360 It's really interesting because a lot of people will sacrifice 0:19:09.560 --> 0:19:13.880 sleep to watch a show or to feel like they're 0:19:13.920 --> 0:19:17.360 decompressing in order to feel balance. Right, It's like I've 0:19:17.400 --> 0:19:21.840 worked all day, I now need to balance myself by 0:19:22.000 --> 0:19:26.320 doing something mindless like watching my favorite show, And here's 0:19:26.320 --> 0:19:29.439 what happens when we don't get enough sleep. There's a 0:19:29.520 --> 0:19:33.760 lack of alertness. Even missing as little as one point 0:19:33.840 --> 0:19:37.560 five hours can have an impact on how you feel 0:19:38.680 --> 0:19:42.879 impaired memory. Lack of sleep can affect your ability to think, 0:19:43.119 --> 0:19:48.800 remember and process information, relationship stress. It can make you 0:19:48.840 --> 0:19:51.359 feel moody, and you can become more likely to have 0:19:51.440 --> 0:19:55.680 conflicts with others. So one of the reasons why I 0:19:55.800 --> 0:19:59.040 raise the idea of rest is rest is one of 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:05.520 the great way of causing balance, creating balance. And we 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:07.919 do want to rest, but then we push further on 0:20:08.040 --> 0:20:09.920 days when a little bit more rest. So we say, 0:20:09.960 --> 0:20:13.160 oh yeah, I'll ly in on Saturday. But the one 0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:16.639 hour you missed every night from Monday to Friday was 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.960 more impactful on your health than the extra one hour 0:20:20.160 --> 0:20:23.240 or two hours you got in bed on a Saturday morning. Right, 0:20:23.720 --> 0:20:27.399 Notice how that happens to so many people where we 0:20:27.640 --> 0:20:33.040 miss out or we struggle because we don't grab that sleep. 0:20:33.920 --> 0:20:36.919 So I want to share with you how do we 0:20:37.000 --> 0:20:42.640 get these states right? How do we improve these states 0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:49.439 in our lives? So what gives us focus? Meditation helps 0:20:49.520 --> 0:20:52.919 us develop focus. And when we're talking about meditation, I 0:20:52.960 --> 0:20:56.120 want to give you really simple practice. I want you 0:20:56.160 --> 0:21:00.679 to light a little candle in your room, or you 0:21:00.720 --> 0:21:05.000 could have a diffuser pouring a beautiful essential oil. And 0:21:05.160 --> 0:21:06.760 what I want you to do, whether you have the 0:21:06.800 --> 0:21:12.000 diffuser or the candle, I want you to first breathe 0:21:12.000 --> 0:21:15.399 in the scent. To sit in the presence of the 0:21:15.440 --> 0:21:18.159 candle or the diffuser without anything else around you, and 0:21:18.240 --> 0:21:21.679 I want you to breathe in the scent and notice 0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:25.159 how it changes how you feel. The next thing I 0:21:25.200 --> 0:21:31.639 want you to do is look at the flame and 0:21:31.720 --> 0:21:36.639 in the diffuser, look at what's coming out. Take a 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:43.720 moment to observe this deeply, every flicker, every movement, every 0:21:43.760 --> 0:21:47.440 time the diffuser lets off steam. Just taking a moment 0:21:47.520 --> 0:21:53.480 to observe the colors, the frequency, the shapes. And the 0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:55.640 third thing I want you to do to improve your 0:21:55.640 --> 0:22:01.600 focus is go outdoors and just observe nature. But a 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:11.040 sixty second timer on your phone. What's the leaves, Watch 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:21.280 a squirrel, watch the sun, Just to be really focused 0:22:22.880 --> 0:22:28.280 on what is happening. Those simple habits will improve your 0:22:28.280 --> 0:22:34.879 focus drastically because you are narrowing in on one activity 0:22:34.920 --> 0:22:36.560 every day. If you were to do one of those 0:22:36.600 --> 0:22:40.040 things every day. Your focus will start to improve. There's 0:22:40.080 --> 0:22:42.520 a beautiful quote by Bruce Lee where he said that 0:22:43.040 --> 0:22:47.959 I'm not scared of someone who's practiced ten thousand kicks 0:22:48.359 --> 0:22:52.200 one each time. I'm scared of the person that's practiced 0:22:52.320 --> 0:22:57.359 one kick ten thousand times. Right. It's not the variety 0:22:57.440 --> 0:23:00.439 of things we do that impacts our life. It's the 0:23:00.600 --> 0:23:03.399 specificity and the quality of things that we do that 0:23:03.480 --> 0:23:07.159 improves our life. How deeply have you done something is 0:23:07.200 --> 0:23:10.760 more important than how many things have you done right. 0:23:11.200 --> 0:23:13.600 It's not about the variety, it's not about the number, 0:23:14.080 --> 0:23:17.760 it's about the depth. How do we get energy? We 0:23:17.840 --> 0:23:22.680 all know that energy comes through exercise. There's a great 0:23:22.720 --> 0:23:26.040 study that the researchers at the University of Georgia found 0:23:26.080 --> 0:23:30.240 that sedentary, otherwise healthy adults who engaged in as little 0:23:30.280 --> 0:23:33.920 as twenty minutes of low to moderate aerobic exercise three 0:23:34.000 --> 0:23:37.840 days a week for six consecutive weeks reported an increase 0:23:37.960 --> 0:23:42.080 in energy levels and feeling less fatigued. Pete McCaul, the 0:23:42.080 --> 0:23:45.840 exercise psychologist at the American Council of Exercise, said if 0:23:45.840 --> 0:23:49.719 a sedentary individual begins an exercise program, it will enhance 0:23:49.800 --> 0:23:53.400 the blood flow carrying oxygen and nutrients to muscle tissue, 0:23:53.880 --> 0:23:58.280 improving their ability to produce more energy. When they did 0:23:58.320 --> 0:24:01.920 this study on two groups, they found that both exercise 0:24:02.000 --> 0:24:05.480 groups experienced a twenty percent increase in energy levels by 0:24:05.520 --> 0:24:08.639 the end of the study compared to the non exercising group, 0:24:08.920 --> 0:24:12.040 with the lower intensity group reporting a sixty five percent 0:24:12.160 --> 0:24:15.560 drop in feelings of fatigue, while the more intense exercises 0:24:15.880 --> 0:24:19.959 reported a forty nine percent drop in fatigue. The idea 0:24:20.040 --> 0:24:23.040 that we can move for simply twenty to thirty minutes 0:24:23.080 --> 0:24:26.560 a day can make a huge difference to our energy 0:24:27.040 --> 0:24:29.280 at the end of the day. Now, how do we 0:24:29.320 --> 0:24:32.800 get presents with the people we love? Well? When we 0:24:32.840 --> 0:24:35.240 don't sleep, we've fail irritated. When we don't work out, 0:24:35.280 --> 0:24:38.119 we don't have the energy. When we don't have focus, 0:24:38.240 --> 0:24:41.720 we're not able to be present. Sometimes, how do we 0:24:41.880 --> 0:24:46.560 really be present with the people we love? We're present 0:24:48.040 --> 0:24:52.800 by knowing that we give the amount of time that 0:24:52.960 --> 0:24:56.720 we can be present. Often what ends up happening is 0:24:56.760 --> 0:25:01.040 we want the ego of saying I'm free all of Saturday, 0:25:01.080 --> 0:25:02.920 I'm with you. How fun is it going to be? 0:25:03.680 --> 0:25:08.840 But we're stressed by that over commitment. Often we overcommit, 0:25:09.520 --> 0:25:15.200 we overpromise because we want to feel and seem and 0:25:15.320 --> 0:25:18.359 be viewed as someone who cares. We want to show 0:25:18.440 --> 0:25:20.879 our partners and our families that were present and that 0:25:20.920 --> 0:25:23.520 we care. But then what ends up happening is we're 0:25:23.560 --> 0:25:26.000 on our phones for the rest of that day. We're 0:25:26.000 --> 0:25:29.240 stressing out, we're anxious, we're nervous, We're not really there, 0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:32.399 and people can sense it. It's so much better to 0:25:32.440 --> 0:25:35.919 be honest and maybe even be perceived as not caring 0:25:35.960 --> 0:25:37.959 and saying, hey, I'm going to be half the day 0:25:38.000 --> 0:25:39.840 and Saturday, I'm there, but I've got to work there 0:25:39.840 --> 0:25:44.200 other half the day. That honesty is more powerful because 0:25:44.240 --> 0:25:47.199 for those four hours you will be the best person 0:25:47.240 --> 0:25:49.960 you can possibly be, because you know you have that 0:25:50.040 --> 0:25:54.240 to truly be present. Too many of us are overpromising 0:25:54.600 --> 0:25:58.439 and under delivering. Now, what gives you the ability to 0:25:58.560 --> 0:26:06.360 plan its ideas, fueling yourself with ideas, books, thought processes, systems, 0:26:07.280 --> 0:26:12.199 and what gives you rest Spending time in nature, listening 0:26:12.200 --> 0:26:14.240 to nature sounds if you can't get out to nature, 0:26:15.320 --> 0:26:21.600 putting on a beautiful calm meditation, allowing yourself to be 0:26:21.720 --> 0:26:24.400 in true stillness and true silence, even if you find 0:26:24.400 --> 0:26:27.639 it uncomfortable in the beginning. I want to thank you 0:26:27.680 --> 0:26:30.880 for supporting and listening to On Purpose. I hope this 0:26:30.920 --> 0:26:33.960 episode really really helped today. I hope it's going to 0:26:34.000 --> 0:26:39.160 help you think about balance differently. I really don't want 0:26:39.160 --> 0:26:43.200 you to think of balances like this equal distribution, even 0:26:43.320 --> 0:26:46.560 breakdown and then feel bad and sad that you can't 0:26:46.600 --> 0:26:49.000