1 00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:03,840 Speaker 1: Hello everybody, Welcome back to the show. Welcome back to 2 00:00:03,920 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 1: the podcast, new listeners, old listeners, Wherever you are in 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,559 Speaker 1: the world, it is so great to have you here. 4 00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 1: Back for another episode as we, of course break down 5 00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: the psychology of our twenties this episode today, as so 6 00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:24,440 Speaker 1: many of my favorite episodes are, I was actually suggested 7 00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 1: by a listener, a listener called Josephine, who sent me 8 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:31,200 Speaker 1: this message, and she's given me permission to read it 9 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,120 Speaker 1: out loud and see if any of you may relate. 10 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:37,080 Speaker 1: This is what she had to say. Hi, Gemma, It's 11 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:39,600 Speaker 1: been a while since I felt any kind of emotion, 12 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: and I'm not trying to sound dramatic. I mean truly happiness, sadness, excitement, 13 00:00:46,240 --> 00:00:49,600 Speaker 1: They've all disappeared. My childhood dog recently died and I 14 00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 1: felt nothing. I got a big promotion that I've wanted 15 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: for a long time, also nothing. One emotion I am 16 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: feeling is fear. Fear that I'll never feel the same 17 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 1: way again. I link it back to some really bad 18 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,600 Speaker 1: anxiety I had almost a year ago. Around that time, 19 00:01:04,720 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 1: I started to intellectualize almost all of my emotions before 20 00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: I allowed myself to fully feel them, and now I 21 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: feel like I've ruined my brain by cutting off its 22 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 1: pathway to expression permanently. Please any advice I need, and 23 00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:21,280 Speaker 1: would love for you to do an episode on how 24 00:01:21,319 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 1: to actually feel my feelings. So I got this message, 25 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:28,920 Speaker 1: and firstly, thank you Josephine for sharing. But I got 26 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: this message and I immediately knew I needed to talk 27 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,160 Speaker 1: about this. In fact, I actually had a whole other 28 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,839 Speaker 1: episode planned for this week, but this one just felt 29 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: so much more like important because Josephine, like me too. 30 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,320 Speaker 1: I am here with you. I am experiencing the same 31 00:01:47,480 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 1: kind of emotional blunting and the same kind of poor 32 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:55,200 Speaker 1: communication between me and my emotions. You know, I feel 33 00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:59,639 Speaker 1: happiness and I confuse it as something bad. I feel sadness, grief, anger, stress, 34 00:01:59,640 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: I push it down and say I'll get to that later. 35 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 1: I also, much like you, intellectualize my emotions as a 36 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:09,360 Speaker 1: way of getting out of feeling them, you know, over 37 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: analyzing every possible cause, explanation, and consequence until I'm exhausted. 38 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: And you know what, I don't feel particularly good about it, 39 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,080 Speaker 1: and I don't feel like it's a particularly great way 40 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: to live. The absence of any negative emotions doesn't necessarily 41 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 1: make your life a happy one because your emotions all 42 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:35,799 Speaker 1: use the same systems. All thirty four thousand distinct emotions 43 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:40,079 Speaker 1: we can feel are operating across the same neural pathways, 44 00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: across all the same core texes of the brain. And 45 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:49,240 Speaker 1: that's why nostalgia and regret feel so similar. Passion and anger, 46 00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: trust and vulnerability, anxiety and excitement, grief and gratitude, they 47 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:59,799 Speaker 1: feel very similar. So you turn off one, you turn 48 00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 1: off regret, you turn off anger, vulnerability, anxiety, grief. You 49 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: also turn off nostalgia. You also turn off passion, trust, excitement, gratitude. 50 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 1: And I think a lot of us are fining ourselves 51 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 1: in that very position where we've tried to feel we've 52 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 1: tried to manage our negative emotions in a way that's 53 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:22,920 Speaker 1: actually meant we've prevented any intense emotion at all. I 54 00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: think a reason for that is that we're scared not 55 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,959 Speaker 1: of our actual emotions, We're scared of our feelings about 56 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,320 Speaker 1: our feelings. Like, let me explain this. I know it 57 00:03:31,360 --> 00:03:33,480 Speaker 1: sounds like a little bit strange, but you know, if 58 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,720 Speaker 1: I feel sad, I feel like that's a bad thing, 59 00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: and I feel like it's the end of the world. 60 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:42,200 Speaker 1: If I'm angry, I worry that something is wrong with me. 61 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: So it's not that the sadness is bad. It's not 62 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: that the you know, the grief or the anger is bad. 63 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 1: It's that I believe that it's going to make me 64 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:57,560 Speaker 1: feel miserable, have some further on consequence, this whole experience 65 00:03:57,600 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: is whole pattern. This is known as metacognition or better emotions, 66 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: my emotions, our emotions about the possibility of certain emotions. 67 00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,280 Speaker 1: And if that sounds complicated to you, in most certainly 68 00:04:09,480 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: is and it's complicated for our brain, and it's difficult 69 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,240 Speaker 1: for us to work through that and feel like we 70 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 1: can actually feel our feelings. So the two big questions 71 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 1: we're really left with is why, you know, why does 72 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 1: this happen? And how how do I fix it? How 73 00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:31,280 Speaker 1: do I convince myself I'm not at the mercy of 74 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:36,320 Speaker 1: my emotions and actually let them back in and feel 75 00:04:36,839 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 1: human and feel connected again. Well, my lovely listeners, we 76 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:43,800 Speaker 1: are going to discuss exactly that. We are going to 77 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: explore the psychology behind all of this and so much more. 78 00:04:48,120 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: Be prepared to go deep, maybe shed a few tears, 79 00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: because today I really want us to all leave feeling 80 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 1: in touch with at least one emotion we've been suppressing. 81 00:04:57,440 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 1: Just one. That's all we want at the end of 82 00:04:59,000 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: the day. So without further ado, let's get into it. 83 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 1: So we need to talk about this first. We need 84 00:05:10,760 --> 00:05:14,679 Speaker 1: to talk about what being detached from our emotions actually 85 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,080 Speaker 1: looks like. I was literally I was about to say, 86 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 1: what does it feel like? But you know, that's the 87 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,400 Speaker 1: actual problem we're dealing with. What does it look like? 88 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:26,560 Speaker 1: Not being able to feel your feelings essentially means you've 89 00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 1: put up some kind of wall between you and the 90 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:33,840 Speaker 1: actual feeling. So it's not necessarily the absence of any 91 00:05:33,839 --> 00:05:37,040 Speaker 1: emotion at all. You are not broken. The emotions are 92 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:40,280 Speaker 1: still there. It's just that when an emotion comes up, 93 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: you might feel it for just a second. Perhaps you 94 00:05:43,839 --> 00:05:47,440 Speaker 1: notice it and then you start over analyzing, or you 95 00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 1: get freaked out that it's going to come out too 96 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:55,520 Speaker 1: large and too loud, so you distract yourself or minimize 97 00:05:56,080 --> 00:06:00,760 Speaker 1: or adopt any number of coping strategies. After long enough, 98 00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:05,120 Speaker 1: you can no longer name what the sensation or emotion 99 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 1: even is, and in some extreme cases, you might also 100 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:14,359 Speaker 1: take direct action to completely avoid the trigger. You know, 101 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 1: if someone has hurt you or broken your heart, you 102 00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:21,120 Speaker 1: would perhaps consider and tell yourself, well, they don't even 103 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: exist anymore, and I'm never going to think about them again, 104 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: meaning that a lot of the you know, deep grief 105 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,280 Speaker 1: or portrayal, all the emotions that you should be working 106 00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 1: through because of that experience, remain unhealed, remain untouched. Maybe 107 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,800 Speaker 1: you're really struggling because you've got like a terrible grade 108 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:42,599 Speaker 1: on a UNI assignment and you're such a perfectionist and 109 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:46,039 Speaker 1: this is just like the most awful thing. You might 110 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: try and manage that and not feel the feeling by 111 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:54,280 Speaker 1: completely disengaging with your studies or together, or completely ignoring 112 00:06:54,360 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 1: any upcoming assignments because you don't even want to give 113 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:00,919 Speaker 1: the illusion of trying. So this is not as avoidance, 114 00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:04,279 Speaker 1: and it's often a precursor to not feeling your feelings, 115 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:09,120 Speaker 1: not even putting yourself in the circumstances or these situations 116 00:07:09,160 --> 00:07:12,560 Speaker 1: in which that might even be possible. So when you 117 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:17,040 Speaker 1: feel out of touch with your feelings, when you're experiencing numbness, 118 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,440 Speaker 1: maybe a delayed emotional response, so something bad happens, you 119 00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:24,280 Speaker 1: don't really think about it until a month down the line, 120 00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: when you are avoiding emotional situations when you're experiencing apathy, 121 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,800 Speaker 1: when you know you feel like, yes, you may not 122 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:33,679 Speaker 1: have been sad for a while, but you also haven't 123 00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 1: been happy. There is a word for this. It's called 124 00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 1: emotional blunting or in medicine, reduced effect display. The best 125 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: description I've heard of that describes what emotional blunting really is. 126 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,320 Speaker 1: It actually came from a patient involved in a case 127 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:56,680 Speaker 1: study on this experience, and this patient was experiencing intense 128 00:07:56,880 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: emotional numbing and blunting, and she's said, often, what this 129 00:08:02,440 --> 00:08:04,760 Speaker 1: makes me feel like is I feel invisible. I feel 130 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: like I'm a ghost. I watch my family engaging with 131 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,480 Speaker 1: each other, but there is an invisible barrier that keeps 132 00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: me from joining them. This was what another individual had 133 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:16,920 Speaker 1: to say in a similar article. The world around me 134 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 1: often seems incredibly superficial, like I am simply going through 135 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,040 Speaker 1: the motions and can't connect my environment. If I was 136 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: to reach out and touch that wall, or reach out 137 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: and swim in the ocean, I wouldn't be able to 138 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:33,640 Speaker 1: feel it entirely. So that is what happens when you 139 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:37,040 Speaker 1: cannot feel your feelings. You just feel like Both of 140 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 1: these descriptions from true different patients. Two different clients talk 141 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:46,280 Speaker 1: about something between them and the real world, something that 142 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,000 Speaker 1: has been put there a long time ago, or because 143 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: of a situation that they didn't feel like they can control. 144 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 1: So let's talk about the reasons why we may get 145 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,840 Speaker 1: to a place of being unable to connect with our emotions. 146 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,480 Speaker 1: The first one that is very very present is being 147 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: stuck in survival mode or experiencing chronic stress. Now you 148 00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,600 Speaker 1: may hear that and think, I'm not chronically stressed. I'm 149 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,480 Speaker 1: gonna skip this section. I'm fine, I'm not burnt out. 150 00:09:11,520 --> 00:09:14,520 Speaker 1: I'm fine. You might not even realize that you are, 151 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,679 Speaker 1: because recent research suggests that around seven out of ten 152 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 1: of us, seven out of ten of the people listening 153 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:25,559 Speaker 1: are chronically stressed. I'm going to say that again, seventy percent. 154 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 1: When I heard that, and actually I heard it in 155 00:09:28,760 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: mel Robins's new book, I was, I was shocked, But 156 00:09:33,480 --> 00:09:36,600 Speaker 1: the more I thought about it, I wasn't surprised. Our 157 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:40,760 Speaker 1: brains were designed for a very different world than the 158 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,800 Speaker 1: one we currently live in. We were really designed for 159 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 1: a slower, less stimulating, less intense lifestyle, and now nowadays, 160 00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:53,200 Speaker 1: when we are constantly being debarded with information, with a 161 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: constant to do list, productivity, guilt, and then let's add 162 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:59,680 Speaker 1: on financial instability, uncertainty about the future, and oh no, 163 00:09:59,720 --> 00:10:01,240 Speaker 1: you know, you're in your twenties, so you need to 164 00:10:01,240 --> 00:10:04,319 Speaker 1: have it all figured out right now. That sounds exhausting 165 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,079 Speaker 1: because it is, and it takes a lot of mental 166 00:10:07,120 --> 00:10:10,679 Speaker 1: resources to ensure that we don't like just collapse in 167 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 1: on ourselves like a dying star. Something has to give 168 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,640 Speaker 1: in those situations. It takes a lot of brain power 169 00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:22,079 Speaker 1: and willpower to keep up with that much mental activity. 170 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 1: And sometimes our brain thinks, well, if we can just 171 00:10:25,320 --> 00:10:28,480 Speaker 1: dull our emotions for a little bit, if we can 172 00:10:28,720 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 1: shut down our emotional processing systems, well amazing, that's great. 173 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 1: That's one less thing to worry about while we get 174 00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:41,800 Speaker 1: out of survival mode. Obviously, that's not sustainable. The reason 175 00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:44,920 Speaker 1: many people end up in this state even after the 176 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 1: stress has passed, is because when they do allow themselves 177 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: to feel their emotions, they are so intense after so 178 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,240 Speaker 1: many months or years of not feeling them that we 179 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 1: kind of forget what it means to truly feel. And 180 00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:04,079 Speaker 1: it's yeah, the best what I can say is it's 181 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,560 Speaker 1: intense and so we fall into a bad cycle of 182 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 1: feeling safer and our detached state because we are out 183 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:14,560 Speaker 1: of practice. We are out of practice with feeling, and 184 00:11:14,640 --> 00:11:18,000 Speaker 1: so it's easier to revert to the other extreme of nothingness, 185 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: because you know, the whole system has now become disregulated, 186 00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: where the presence of even a slight emotion feels so 187 00:11:25,840 --> 00:11:31,600 Speaker 1: profound after lack of exposure. So I just said this 188 00:11:31,679 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 1: one key word here, disregulated Again. Your emotional processing systems 189 00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:39,960 Speaker 1: are still there. It's not like someone has gone into 190 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 1: your brain and scooped out a part of your cortex 191 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 1: and been like cool, Now you can't feel anything anymore. 192 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:49,080 Speaker 1: It's dysregulation of a system that is still present and active. 193 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:54,960 Speaker 1: So why has this dysregulation occurred other than chronic stress. Well, 194 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:59,200 Speaker 1: maybe it won't come as a surprise that it does 195 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:02,679 Speaker 1: begin way back in childhood for many of us. Not 196 00:12:02,720 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 1: all of us, but I think the majority of you 197 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:10,000 Speaker 1: can relate to the following series of events. So, as children, 198 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 1: when we were angry, frustrated, trying to be heard, trying 199 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:17,679 Speaker 1: to get our point across, crying out of pain or 200 00:12:17,760 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: sadness or exclusion, we were often shut down, either in 201 00:12:22,640 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 1: subliminal or very obvious ways. We were hushed, we were scolded, 202 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:33,040 Speaker 1: we were yelled at, even punished. I remember one time, 203 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,199 Speaker 1: I think I must have been like six years old, 204 00:12:35,440 --> 00:12:38,559 Speaker 1: and I don't know. We were like on the playground 205 00:12:38,760 --> 00:12:41,400 Speaker 1: something someone like pushed me. I was like feeling excluded. 206 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,560 Speaker 1: We were like playing some game and everyone kept running 207 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:46,560 Speaker 1: away from me, and I was really really sad about it, 208 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,960 Speaker 1: and I felt so lonely. And I went up to 209 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:51,760 Speaker 1: a teacher and I'm sure I was annoying her, Like 210 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,760 Speaker 1: I'm sure, I'm sure I was annoying her, But I 211 00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 1: was crying to her, being like no one wants to 212 00:12:55,960 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 1: play with me, like no one wants to be my friend. 213 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 1: And she was like, ah, get over it, like just 214 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:03,760 Speaker 1: go away and get over it, like life is unfair. 215 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:08,040 Speaker 1: And that's like a distinct part of my memory. And 216 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:14,240 Speaker 1: you know, those reactions, the reactions we have of parents, teachers, 217 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 1: adults in our lives is one of the primary ways 218 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 1: we learn what is and is inappropriate when it comes 219 00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:26,560 Speaker 1: to our emotional reactions, and unfortunately, we often end up 220 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: learning that big emotions aren't acceptable and may even result 221 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,959 Speaker 1: in an uncomfortable outcome or you know, a bad outcome 222 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:38,880 Speaker 1: for us from those repeated experiences, because if it happened once, 223 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 1: I'm sure it happened again and again. We actually begin 224 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:47,240 Speaker 1: to deny those emotions ourselves, and over time that act 225 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:51,520 Speaker 1: of suppressing our feelings becomes an unconscious, automatic process. We 226 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:54,040 Speaker 1: don't need someone else to do it for us, and 227 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,199 Speaker 1: eventually you don't even realize that you're doing it. Let 228 00:13:57,200 --> 00:14:00,839 Speaker 1: me give you some of those unconscious ways we still 229 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:03,720 Speaker 1: revert to to suppress our emotions that you might not 230 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 1: even realize you're doing. The first one, and I think 231 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:10,960 Speaker 1: this is massive, major, huge in our twenties, abusing alcohol 232 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,840 Speaker 1: to dampen our anxiety, dampen our insecurity, our fear, or 233 00:14:15,880 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 1: our stress. This one is I think the most popular 234 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:24,600 Speaker 1: for people in their twenties because drinking is so socially acceptable, 235 00:14:24,880 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 1: but alcohol is also you know, I'm gonna say this, 236 00:14:28,920 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 1: and I don't know what to be misconstrued. Alcohol is 237 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:34,480 Speaker 1: a fantastic way to not feel your emotions, and it's 238 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: a fantastic way in the moment to feel less stressed 239 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,160 Speaker 1: and to feel a little bit happier and to have 240 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:46,240 Speaker 1: that buzz in the moment. Afterwards, you begin to associate 241 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:51,120 Speaker 1: those happy, momentary feelings with the alcohol, and you start 242 00:14:51,120 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: pursuing the buzz over and over again, meaning that obviously 243 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:57,240 Speaker 1: alcohol takes such a toll on your brain, such a 244 00:14:57,240 --> 00:15:00,440 Speaker 1: toll on your body, but also you have this huge 245 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 1: catalog of memories and experiences that just go untouched and unprocessed, 246 00:15:06,160 --> 00:15:09,160 Speaker 1: but don't go away. So alcohol is one of the 247 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 1: ways that we manage not feeling our feelings. The other 248 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 1: one is overworking. You know, you feel a negative feeling 249 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 1: come up, you immediately start working, you start working late, 250 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,880 Speaker 1: you commit to more and more things that feels satisfying 251 00:15:23,880 --> 00:15:26,720 Speaker 1: in many ways, and is you know, well again socially 252 00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:31,400 Speaker 1: acceptable in today's hustle culture. Doesn't mean you process your emotions, No, 253 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 1: it doesn't. It's just a distraction. This next one is 254 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,400 Speaker 1: also one that probably a lot of you can relate to, 255 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:42,800 Speaker 1: especially during this generation, and it's escapism through TV shows 256 00:15:42,960 --> 00:15:46,320 Speaker 1: or social media. I was having a conversation with someone 257 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: recently where well, we were talking about death, and we 258 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:53,280 Speaker 1: were talking about grief, and as it was getting rather heavy, 259 00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 1: we were both sharing, you know, we were both bonding. 260 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:58,960 Speaker 1: She picked up her phone and she started like aimlessly 261 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:02,400 Speaker 1: scrolling and like playing TikTok's out loud and I was 262 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 1: like it wasn't rude. I was just like, oh, I'm 263 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,080 Speaker 1: so sorry, you know, let's stop talking about this, like 264 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,840 Speaker 1: if you want to talk about something else, I totally 265 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:11,000 Speaker 1: get it. And she like looked up from her phone 266 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:12,920 Speaker 1: and she was like really surprised, and she was like 267 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 1: partn and I was like, oh, you know, like I 268 00:16:15,480 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 1: just I didn't want to be weird about it, but 269 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you know, you're on your phone, 270 00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 1: like you probably don't want to talk about it. And 271 00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:22,560 Speaker 1: she looked at her phone and she was like, I 272 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:25,440 Speaker 1: honestly had no idea I was even doing that. She's like, 273 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: I had no idea I was even on my phone. 274 00:16:28,120 --> 00:16:30,200 Speaker 1: And she was still like kind of semi engaging in 275 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 1: the conversation, but at the same time she was like 276 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 1: scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, and I was like we 277 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,560 Speaker 1: both like were sitting there being like wow, Wow, that's 278 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,920 Speaker 1: just like a complete Like the presence of social media 279 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:48,240 Speaker 1: is just like dulled your emotional response, and in some ways, 280 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 1: perhaps you're leaning on that in many situations without even realizing. 281 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:57,080 Speaker 1: Our phones are like an emotional shield because they can 282 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 1: pull us in with all their dopamine offerings and make 283 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:03,600 Speaker 1: us feel great and distracted in the moment, but disconnected 284 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:07,280 Speaker 1: in the long run. Finally, one of the ways that 285 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 1: we avoid feeling our feelings, my personal favorite over intellectualizing. 286 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,440 Speaker 1: Over intellectualizing every emotion and rationalizing it to the ninth 287 00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: degree so that we never have to feel it. So 288 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:24,480 Speaker 1: let me explain the psychology behind why we do this. Psychologically, 289 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,400 Speaker 1: intellectualizing is linked to something called cognitive avoidance, where our 290 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:34,640 Speaker 1: brain is essentially trying to bypass distressing emotions by shifting 291 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:38,200 Speaker 1: focus to logic and reason, creating that kind of sense 292 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:43,679 Speaker 1: of detachment because our emotions are not sensations, they're not 293 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:47,840 Speaker 1: things that are happening to us. They're ideas, they're abstract concepts. 294 00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,560 Speaker 1: I'll give you some examples of this. Going through like 295 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 1: a big breakup or your first heartbreak, and instead of 296 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:58,159 Speaker 1: grieving it, you might be obsessing over the psychology of 297 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 1: attachment styles. You might be over analyzing the entire history 298 00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:06,880 Speaker 1: of your relationship, rationalizing exactly why it wasn't meant to be, 299 00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 1: being quite scientific, and dissecting every little moment that you 300 00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:16,400 Speaker 1: had together. You may also find that you overthink any 301 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:19,480 Speaker 1: kind of emotion that you're experiencing by saying why do 302 00:18:19,560 --> 00:18:23,760 Speaker 1: I feel this way? What's the psychological explanation, what's the science, 303 00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:25,920 Speaker 1: what's the neurobiology? When is it going to go away? 304 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:29,400 Speaker 1: What's the timeline? Instead of just saying this is uncomfortable, 305 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:32,440 Speaker 1: Who cares why it's happening? I'll get through it. I'll 306 00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 1: say it again. I am very guilty of this. In fact, 307 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,200 Speaker 1: I think my podcast is a reflection and is evidence 308 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 1: of how guilty I am of this, because you know, 309 00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,840 Speaker 1: I really did start the Psychology of your twenties to 310 00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:47,080 Speaker 1: break down the emotions I was experiencing in a rational, 311 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:51,679 Speaker 1: logical way. I was over intellectualizing them, and I've definitely 312 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:54,800 Speaker 1: gotten better. But I do find it's quite an interesting 313 00:18:54,840 --> 00:18:57,880 Speaker 1: thing that often people who are overthinkers and who feel 314 00:18:57,920 --> 00:19:03,240 Speaker 1: really big emotions really lean into intellectual resources or research 315 00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,760 Speaker 1: or articles or fact or science as a kind of 316 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: emotional crutch so they don't actually have to feel the 317 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:15,680 Speaker 1: thing so intensely. And by doing this, what's actually happening 318 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:19,680 Speaker 1: is that our prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for reasoning, 319 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:25,359 Speaker 1: is dominating over our limbic system, which processes emotion, basically 320 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 1: dulling our emotional response and providing temporary release from emotional pain. 321 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: Let's quickly talk about some other reasons for this detachment. 322 00:19:35,240 --> 00:19:38,119 Speaker 1: Trauma is one of them. The emotions of the past 323 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,960 Speaker 1: are scary and terrifying and big, and sometimes we are 324 00:19:42,040 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 1: afraid that if we open that door you may not 325 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:48,119 Speaker 1: be able to close it ever again, especially since we 326 00:19:48,160 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 1: are not taught, really in any capacity in school in 327 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: life how to handle big, uncomfortable emotions. We can also 328 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:01,080 Speaker 1: experience emotional numbness because of our current environment or context. 329 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 1: Maybe it's a particularly stressful period at work, at school, 330 00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: you're experiencing grief, heartbreak. Even when a situation is dangerous, 331 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 1: people often emotionally shut down. It's why you see a 332 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:19,240 Speaker 1: lot of people experiencing long term shock, even amnesia during war, 333 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 1: during natural disasters, our brain is like, we cannot handle this. 334 00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: If we were to feel this all at once, we 335 00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:30,360 Speaker 1: would surely break. So to survive physically and mentally, let's 336 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:34,320 Speaker 1: just shut this off for a little bit. Finally, the 337 00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:37,840 Speaker 1: reason you might be experiencing emotional blunting is because of 338 00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:42,199 Speaker 1: certain medications that also can create this sensation, one of 339 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:45,880 Speaker 1: them being antidepressants. Now, this is not to fear monger 340 00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:49,919 Speaker 1: or scare you, especially if you are on any kind 341 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: of antidepressant or considering it. I'm currently on twenty milligrams 342 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:59,480 Speaker 1: of laxaproa day and we have a complicated relationship, but overall, 343 00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,959 Speaker 1: my lexipro has helped me tremendously. But I have, however, 344 00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:08,720 Speaker 1: noticed that whilst it makes those hard, distressing emotions less 345 00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: sharp and painful and biting, it does also make the 346 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 1: good emotions feel a little bit less fulfilling. Like I 347 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,720 Speaker 1: remember being in Paris last year and being like, Wow, 348 00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,080 Speaker 1: I've never been to Paris before, and this is beautiful 349 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 1: and there's the Eiffel Tower, and I was like, I'm 350 00:21:23,440 --> 00:21:24,800 Speaker 1: trying to get there. I'm trying to get there, like 351 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 1: maybe I should be more excited, and I just couldn't 352 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 1: get to the point of excitement that I knew maybe 353 00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:33,200 Speaker 1: three years before I could have gotten to. It also 354 00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:35,240 Speaker 1: means I don't get to the levels of depression I 355 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:37,800 Speaker 1: could have gotten to. So a win is a win, 356 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,200 Speaker 1: But for some people they do find this quite difficult. 357 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:45,040 Speaker 1: So what exactly are the consequences of not being able 358 00:21:45,080 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: to feel our feelings? The thing is, and I am 359 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,400 Speaker 1: going to sound like a broken record. But our emotions 360 00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 1: haven't disappeared, we just aren't listening to them. All the 361 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:58,760 Speaker 1: systems that make emotions possible are still there. It's still 362 00:21:58,800 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: firing as usual. We have just wrapped them up in 363 00:22:01,760 --> 00:22:05,280 Speaker 1: bubble wrap and layers of tape and said, okay, well fixed. 364 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:06,959 Speaker 1: You know it's better this way. We're just gonna leave 365 00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,879 Speaker 1: it as it is. But if you suppress something for 366 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,600 Speaker 1: too long, have a guess what's on the other side. 367 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:17,919 Speaker 1: It's a huge eruption. It's like a volcano. Perhaps we 368 00:22:17,960 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 1: would even experience what we would classify as an emotional 369 00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,919 Speaker 1: or mental breakdown, where one day there's that final straw, 370 00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 1: that final thing that cracks you, or your defense's slip, 371 00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:33,879 Speaker 1: or something so intense happens you can't cope, and again 372 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 1: all the stuff that you have pushed behind the wall 373 00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:39,439 Speaker 1: comes flooding in. We do not want to get to 374 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:43,520 Speaker 1: that point, not just because it's paralyzing, but also because 375 00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,560 Speaker 1: when that happens, it doesn't matter what you're doing, who 376 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:51,880 Speaker 1: you are, where you are, Your whole world stops. It's 377 00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,159 Speaker 1: like that quote, you know, take a break before your 378 00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:57,000 Speaker 1: mental health chooses when to take one for you. That's 379 00:22:57,080 --> 00:23:01,439 Speaker 1: exactly what I'm describing here. So you know you're a life, 380 00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 1: You're human. This is part of the experience is to 381 00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,399 Speaker 1: feel and feel very very deeply. I think life is 382 00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,720 Speaker 1: meaningless without that. So I want that for you, even 383 00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:12,639 Speaker 1: if it's scary, I really do. I want you to 384 00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: have a full rainbow of human emotional experiences. So what 385 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,080 Speaker 1: exactly should we be doing to slowly get back to 386 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,160 Speaker 1: our emotions and feel them deeply, inaccurately. I'm so glad 387 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: you asked. Thanks for asking. Stay with us. We're going 388 00:23:27,680 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: to talk about it very very soon. I think we 389 00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:39,439 Speaker 1: need to begin this section by mythbusting what feeling our 390 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 1: emotions is and is not, because if you haven't done 391 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:45,119 Speaker 1: it for a while, I think there can be a 392 00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:49,479 Speaker 1: lot of hidden misconceptions that aren't particularly useful about the 393 00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 1: truth around emotional expression and emotional connection. Feeling your feelings 394 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:58,159 Speaker 1: it is not being a slave to your emotions. It 395 00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 1: is not being excited massively emotional in a way you 396 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,240 Speaker 1: cannot control. It is not a sign that you are 397 00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 1: weak or too sensitive. It is not a reflection of 398 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:13,240 Speaker 1: your strength or worth as a person. Feeling your feelings 399 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:17,399 Speaker 1: does not mean the end of peace and serenity. That 400 00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:20,480 Speaker 1: is what your brain is trying to convince you, but 401 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 1: we have to ignore it. Emotions do not equal unbridled chaos. 402 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 1: Here's what feeling your feelings actually means. It means you 403 00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:33,479 Speaker 1: are more connected to others. The love that you may 404 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:36,840 Speaker 1: feel for people is deeper, and you can fall deeper 405 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: into your relationships with them. It means more joy and 406 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:45,080 Speaker 1: moments of real, deep contentment. It means you can make 407 00:24:45,160 --> 00:24:50,239 Speaker 1: beautiful art, write beautiful things, create beautiful things. Feeling your 408 00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:54,440 Speaker 1: feelings also means more energy and focus in general, because 409 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:57,680 Speaker 1: you're not constantly using your finite cognitive resources to force 410 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:02,080 Speaker 1: something down that doesn't need to be suppressed. It also 411 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:05,639 Speaker 1: means you get to be more human. That's the biggest 412 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:10,200 Speaker 1: selling point for me in my mind. I think accepting 413 00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 1: this and being like, okay, I'm prepared to feel my 414 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,400 Speaker 1: feelings is like the moment you're in these huge waves 415 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 1: in this huge storm out at sea, and you've been 416 00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: fighting and fighting and fighting, and you are so tired 417 00:25:21,320 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: from fighting and being rocked back and forth, and you 418 00:25:23,920 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: slip under the water and you think you've failed, only 419 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: to realize like, oh my god, I can breathe under 420 00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,480 Speaker 1: here this whole time, I could breathe under here and wow, 421 00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:35,760 Speaker 1: look at all this cool stuff, like it's beautiful under 422 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 1: the water. That's really the metaphor that I love for this. 423 00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,919 Speaker 1: So enough of that normal metaphors. Here are my actual 424 00:25:42,920 --> 00:25:46,160 Speaker 1: tips for feeling your feelings. Firstly, it goes without saying, 425 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,720 Speaker 1: go to a mental health professional if this is really 426 00:25:48,720 --> 00:25:52,080 Speaker 1: really intense, because they are going to dive into this 427 00:25:52,200 --> 00:25:54,840 Speaker 1: forew in ways you cannot imagine, and just give you 428 00:25:55,200 --> 00:26:02,159 Speaker 1: so many fantastic, individualized, personalized recommendations and help and assistance. 429 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 1: So that's your first step. But if you just want 430 00:26:05,240 --> 00:26:07,200 Speaker 1: some more daily practices that you can do at the 431 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:11,080 Speaker 1: same time, well, I think firstly, you've got to stop 432 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: telling yourself that you're just an emotionless person. There is 433 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,240 Speaker 1: literally no good that can come from that. No one 434 00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:22,359 Speaker 1: is born that way. Seriously, tell me about a child 435 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,359 Speaker 1: who was born and didn't cry and didn't giggle or 436 00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:30,800 Speaker 1: get fussy. Emotional reactions are hard wide into us. It's 437 00:26:30,880 --> 00:26:33,719 Speaker 1: just that you maybe can't recall a time when your 438 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:38,159 Speaker 1: emotions were permitted, and considering many of us can't remember 439 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,680 Speaker 1: anything before the age of three because of something called 440 00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:45,399 Speaker 1: infantile amnesia if you started, if your emotions started being 441 00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,680 Speaker 1: hushed and put down and scolded around that age or 442 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,360 Speaker 1: even earlier. Of course, you cannot remember a time when 443 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:55,040 Speaker 1: you had a serious connection to your emotions, because by 444 00:26:55,080 --> 00:26:57,480 Speaker 1: the time you were making conscious memories, the damage was 445 00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:00,439 Speaker 1: already done. So when you hear yourself saying, I'm just 446 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:04,000 Speaker 1: I don't feel my feelings that deeply. I'm just I'm 447 00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:07,439 Speaker 1: not that sensitive. I'm quite cold. I'm just a cold, 448 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:11,160 Speaker 1: cold person, I need you to ask yourself, how did 449 00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:15,000 Speaker 1: you come by this realization? Who told you about that 450 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:18,399 Speaker 1: about yourself? Like, who made you believe that? And also 451 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 1: the fact that you're listening to this episode my friend, 452 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:25,639 Speaker 1: that shows that you know it isn't true, because you 453 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,040 Speaker 1: and your emotions obviously have a more nuanced and complicated 454 00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:35,520 Speaker 1: relationship than that. So after acknowledging yes, you are an emotional, feeling, 455 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 1: deeply feeling person and that's okay, we need to get 456 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:43,800 Speaker 1: back in touch with the physicality of our emotions often, 457 00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:47,280 Speaker 1: and this is according to research at Columbia University which 458 00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,280 Speaker 1: I love to quote. The first way we feel our 459 00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 1: emotions is physically. Think about when you were a child, 460 00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,160 Speaker 1: before you were taught to suppress these parts of you. 461 00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,879 Speaker 1: You felt your emotions all over in your body, in 462 00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,320 Speaker 1: your nerves, in your fingers, in your face before you 463 00:28:03,359 --> 00:28:05,520 Speaker 1: ever had a word for it. And there is this 464 00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:09,119 Speaker 1: amazing study from the University of Alabama that talks about 465 00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 1: how most of us can name a physical sensation better 466 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: than an emotion. So we need to start there. Try 467 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:21,719 Speaker 1: first by leaning into the embodied sensation of an emotion, 468 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:25,439 Speaker 1: by asking yourself where in your body on your body 469 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:29,800 Speaker 1: this emotion tends to make itself known. There is an 470 00:28:29,840 --> 00:28:36,840 Speaker 1: amazing resource that I personally love called the emotion Sensation Wheel, 471 00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: and it was created by someone called Lindsey Brahman. Personally like, 472 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:44,720 Speaker 1: I cannot recommend it enough. Basically, if you're feeling tense, 473 00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: if your hands a numb, your foot is tapping, your 474 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: lip is coled, you're hot, you're shivering, you feel electric, 475 00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,959 Speaker 1: whatever it is, where you feel something in your body, 476 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,160 Speaker 1: which is often what we notice first, you can trace 477 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:00,840 Speaker 1: that back to a feeling. So this is actually called 478 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:07,600 Speaker 1: a somatic check in and it's really an incredibly important tool. Honestly, 479 00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,440 Speaker 1: when an emotion comes up, when you feel it in 480 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:13,520 Speaker 1: your body, give it a name. But also treat it 481 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:17,240 Speaker 1: like a game. Treat it like a challenge to collect 482 00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:20,440 Speaker 1: your emotions, to feel as many of them as possible, 483 00:29:21,280 --> 00:29:23,840 Speaker 1: like Strava. I know this sounds strange to talk about, 484 00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 1: like a running app that tracks your miles in an 485 00:29:26,560 --> 00:29:29,000 Speaker 1: episode about emotion, But sometimes when I'm like, oh, I 486 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,960 Speaker 1: shouldn't be feeling that it's a bad feeling. I want 487 00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 1: to avoid this, I think, no, No, It's like I've 488 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,000 Speaker 1: got some cool like stamp book or like a passport 489 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,880 Speaker 1: where I'm trying to collect all the emotions, like this 490 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:44,760 Speaker 1: is a game. I'm learning here. I'm collecting experiences that 491 00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 1: remind me that I'm human and that I'm alive, and 492 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,840 Speaker 1: that my environment impacts me, and that I can reach 493 00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 1: out and touch and feel everything. It Now, you know, 494 00:29:54,880 --> 00:29:58,640 Speaker 1: I am here and I don't know. It's moving and 495 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,280 Speaker 1: shifting into a place of wonder, but also having a 496 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,479 Speaker 1: beginner's mindset about it as well. If you're not at 497 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,840 Speaker 1: that stage yet, that's totally okay. If you're not at 498 00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:10,600 Speaker 1: the stage but you still want to feel something, I 499 00:30:10,680 --> 00:30:14,360 Speaker 1: want you to try a practice called a sematic release. 500 00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 1: I recommend a whole lot of tips on this podcast. 501 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,640 Speaker 1: You know, I do two episodes a week. There's a 502 00:30:20,640 --> 00:30:23,600 Speaker 1: whole lot of advice being given, but this one has 503 00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:26,560 Speaker 1: to make my top three of the things I personally use. 504 00:30:27,400 --> 00:30:30,840 Speaker 1: Sematic release. I'm going to use the Harvard definition here 505 00:30:30,880 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 1: because I like it the best. Somatic release allows your 506 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:39,680 Speaker 1: body to express deeply painful emotions and experiences by using 507 00:30:39,880 --> 00:30:43,960 Speaker 1: your body as a medium. If trauma is stored in 508 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:47,880 Speaker 1: the body, that's where it should be targeted. And somatic, 509 00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,880 Speaker 1: by the way, I should say, is the Greek word 510 00:30:50,400 --> 00:30:54,520 Speaker 1: for body, So yes. Essentially, it's the release of emotion 511 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 1: through the body. Sematic release could include something I like 512 00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:02,600 Speaker 1: to call crazy dance. I love crazy dance, and if 513 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm feeling like really down or crap or numb, I 514 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,960 Speaker 1: like put on a song in my headphones and I 515 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:13,640 Speaker 1: just like move my body ridiculously, and I mean, like, 516 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: that's the aim of the game for it to look 517 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:18,840 Speaker 1: like crazy dance. The song I'm loving for this right 518 00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 1: now is I was like, should I make something up? No, 519 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,480 Speaker 1: I'm gonna tell you the truth. It's Tambourine by Eve 520 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:29,560 Speaker 1: And I need to listen to that song and understand why. 521 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:31,200 Speaker 1: If you know what it is, you'll understand why. I'm 522 00:31:31,200 --> 00:31:33,080 Speaker 1: a bit like, Oh, that's a bit of an embarrassing 523 00:31:33,120 --> 00:31:36,200 Speaker 1: song to say, but I love like early two thousands 524 00:31:36,640 --> 00:31:38,960 Speaker 1: music for my crazy dances, and I just find that 525 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 1: anything I'm feeling in my body is so much better 526 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: represented for me right now through that kind of expression. 527 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:52,040 Speaker 1: For other people, it's stretching, it's yoga, it's a practice 528 00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,440 Speaker 1: movement or pattern of movements that they've made themselves whilst 529 00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:58,800 Speaker 1: they're breathing to really connect with an emotional state and 530 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:02,600 Speaker 1: to really flow through the intensity of an emotion. It's running, 531 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:05,840 Speaker 1: it's anything that makes you feel in touch with your body. 532 00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:09,480 Speaker 1: You know, if your favorite way to avoid feeling your 533 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:14,000 Speaker 1: emotions is to over intellectualize them, like me, talk therapy 534 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:18,040 Speaker 1: sometimes just isn't useful anymore because it just gives you 535 00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 1: further opportunities to do that. This is what I've found. 536 00:32:21,840 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: I just don't need to talk about my problems at 537 00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:27,000 Speaker 1: this stage in my life. I don't need to dig 538 00:32:27,120 --> 00:32:30,080 Speaker 1: any deeper into the past. I don't need to talk 539 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:32,560 Speaker 1: through it anymore with the therapist. Like I've done it. 540 00:32:33,160 --> 00:32:35,520 Speaker 1: I've done the work, and I'm at a stage where 541 00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:39,400 Speaker 1: anything a therapist says, I promised you I've already overthought 542 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 1: it at two am in the morning. I've already rationalized 543 00:32:42,360 --> 00:32:45,480 Speaker 1: every single dimension and way of seeing this thing. And 544 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,800 Speaker 1: that's not arrogance, like truly, these people are a lot 545 00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:52,520 Speaker 1: smarter than me. It's just that, you know, that's how 546 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,760 Speaker 1: my brain likes to think about things, and it puts 547 00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,240 Speaker 1: in a whole lot of time to try and trying 548 00:32:58,240 --> 00:33:01,760 Speaker 1: to help me avoid feelings by rational them away. Really 549 00:33:01,800 --> 00:33:05,160 Speaker 1: wish it wasn't that way, But what I found is 550 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:08,680 Speaker 1: that the best way to counteract the plateau that I 551 00:33:08,720 --> 00:33:13,760 Speaker 1: had reached in my therapy journey was to start actually 552 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: getting into where my emotions felt physically and providing or 553 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:23,040 Speaker 1: pushing for emotional release and catharsis through exercise, through dance, 554 00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:26,840 Speaker 1: through movement, swaying with an emotion. It really really helps. 555 00:33:27,560 --> 00:33:30,440 Speaker 1: My third strategy for feeling your feelings is one that 556 00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:33,719 Speaker 1: I think will hopefully stop you from being afraid of 557 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,520 Speaker 1: what that would mean, and it's called the ninety second rule. 558 00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,800 Speaker 1: So this was created by the neuroscientist doctor Jilbolt Taylor. 559 00:33:42,640 --> 00:33:46,440 Speaker 1: She's pretty well known for having a major stroke when 560 00:33:46,480 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 1: she was in her thirties and she was already a 561 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:53,560 Speaker 1: neuroscientist and basically using herself as like a test subject 562 00:33:54,160 --> 00:33:58,040 Speaker 1: to you know, understand the brain better through her experience. 563 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:04,280 Speaker 1: She also did some pretty amazing research looking at how 564 00:34:04,320 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 1: long our emotions actually last, and she found that most 565 00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,000 Speaker 1: of the time, an emotional reaction cannot last longer than 566 00:34:11,080 --> 00:34:15,960 Speaker 1: ninety seconds unless we keep retriggering it with our thoughts 567 00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:19,640 Speaker 1: i e. By overthinking or not letting it go or 568 00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,680 Speaker 1: not allowing ourselves to feel it properly, so it keeps 569 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:25,759 Speaker 1: returning again and again and again. But basically what that 570 00:34:25,800 --> 00:34:29,320 Speaker 1: means is that when an emotion arises for you, set 571 00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:33,560 Speaker 1: a timer for ninety seconds and just sit with it, 572 00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:38,760 Speaker 1: find a cozy spot, breathe, feel it's going to feel 573 00:34:39,080 --> 00:34:41,279 Speaker 1: scary and like the emotion's going to take over, and 574 00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:44,640 Speaker 1: then you realize that it won't end. Suddenly ninety seconds 575 00:34:44,680 --> 00:34:50,240 Speaker 1: is up and it's past. You cannot be frightened, anxious, 576 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,200 Speaker 1: in the depths of grief, sad, whatever it is. You 577 00:34:54,280 --> 00:34:57,920 Speaker 1: cannot be like that forever, not even continuously for more 578 00:34:57,920 --> 00:35:00,239 Speaker 1: than a few hours, even if it feels that way. 579 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:03,200 Speaker 1: You know, according to doctor Jill, not even for more 580 00:35:03,200 --> 00:35:07,480 Speaker 1: than ninety seconds. So because of that it's okay to 581 00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:11,200 Speaker 1: let yourself, to let yourself feel knowing that this emotion 582 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:13,360 Speaker 1: isn't going to consume me because it just has no 583 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:18,120 Speaker 1: way of doing that. Again, make your mission here. Your 584 00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,440 Speaker 1: mission here right now is to explore every emotion like 585 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,839 Speaker 1: some great traveler who's able to come back and tell 586 00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:27,680 Speaker 1: people about what they found and make great art and 587 00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:30,200 Speaker 1: write about it and tell us stories about it. This 588 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 1: emotion cannot hurt you. There's a fantastic ted talk I 589 00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:37,640 Speaker 1: love called you are not at the mercy of your emotions. 590 00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,839 Speaker 1: Your brain creates them that I love to watch when 591 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,400 Speaker 1: I need this reminder as well, this reminder that you 592 00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:46,239 Speaker 1: can tap into your emotions and let them give you 593 00:35:46,280 --> 00:35:53,080 Speaker 1: a rich, sensational, emotional, interpersonal experience without losing control. My 594 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,920 Speaker 1: final big tip for getting back in touch with your 595 00:35:56,920 --> 00:36:01,319 Speaker 1: emotions is to voice, memo or film yourself when you 596 00:36:01,360 --> 00:36:05,759 Speaker 1: were having a particularly intense emotional experience, but keep it 597 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:09,719 Speaker 1: just for you. I'm going to explain why that's important 598 00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,160 Speaker 1: and why I love doing it. When I went through 599 00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,280 Speaker 1: my first major breakup when I was in my early 600 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,920 Speaker 1: twenties late teens, maybe even I can't even remember it at 601 00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: this stage. Obviously, I was devastated. I was so so 602 00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:26,120 Speaker 1: sad and just torn apart, and I couldn't sleep and 603 00:36:26,160 --> 00:36:29,719 Speaker 1: I couldn't eat, and everything was a mess. And I 604 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:33,800 Speaker 1: started filming myself in those moments. I started filming myself, 605 00:36:34,840 --> 00:36:38,200 Speaker 1: you know, walking around my campus, going on a hike, 606 00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:41,879 Speaker 1: crying and talking about where I was at in this 607 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,080 Speaker 1: like journey to get over this person. It was so 608 00:36:45,680 --> 00:36:48,400 Speaker 1: raw and it was so real, and it was just 609 00:36:48,520 --> 00:36:50,680 Speaker 1: for me. That's the important part. It was just for 610 00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:53,960 Speaker 1: me that it really just allowed me to be like this, Actually, 611 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:57,280 Speaker 1: this is kind of beautiful. This is kind of beautiful, 612 00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,960 Speaker 1: and I'm really just giving myself permission to feel this 613 00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:03,440 Speaker 1: with no shame and no blame. And I'm watching it 614 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:06,719 Speaker 1: back and I'm seeing exactly where this is touching me 615 00:37:06,840 --> 00:37:10,239 Speaker 1: and exactly where this is impacting me. I actually still 616 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,800 Speaker 1: have those videos, and I know it sounds really, really bizarre, 617 00:37:14,280 --> 00:37:17,040 Speaker 1: but I think the beginning stages of feeling your feelings 618 00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 1: is like grabbing onto any glimmer or shimmer or instance 619 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,440 Speaker 1: of the possibility of the possibility of an emotion and 620 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,840 Speaker 1: just grabbing it and letting it take you wherever it 621 00:37:28,880 --> 00:37:31,200 Speaker 1: needs to take you. Like I think about tinker bell 622 00:37:31,239 --> 00:37:32,640 Speaker 1: in a weird sense. And I know that's a weird 623 00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,800 Speaker 1: thing to bring in here, But this like flash of 624 00:37:34,880 --> 00:37:38,040 Speaker 1: light and this like flutteriness of this fairy thing and 625 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,799 Speaker 1: this small thing, and that's your emotions. And in the 626 00:37:40,840 --> 00:37:43,920 Speaker 1: early stages, if it's sitting with you, if it's passing through, 627 00:37:45,280 --> 00:37:48,120 Speaker 1: grab it. Even if it's not an emotion you particularly 628 00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:51,680 Speaker 1: want to feel, grab it, document it, make it known, 629 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,759 Speaker 1: Let yourself sink deeply into the experience because it is 630 00:37:55,760 --> 00:38:01,480 Speaker 1: a human one. And remember, please of avoid distracting yourself 631 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:06,759 Speaker 1: when this comes up. Avoid distracting yourself through escapism, through alcohol, 632 00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:10,799 Speaker 1: through work, through the need to rationalize your emotions, through 633 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:16,120 Speaker 1: you know, endlessly keeping yourself busy. It is such a 634 00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:17,520 Speaker 1: you know what. The reason that we want to do 635 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:19,120 Speaker 1: it is because for a while it is such an 636 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,080 Speaker 1: effective strategy to do that. That's why you're doing it 637 00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,480 Speaker 1: because it does actually help. It helps you right now. 638 00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 1: It will not help you in the future. And I 639 00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,360 Speaker 1: see a lot of people the older they get lose 640 00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:34,239 Speaker 1: more and more of who they are because for so 641 00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,440 Speaker 1: long they've suppressed their emotions that as they get older, 642 00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:40,680 Speaker 1: it none of it just feels as special anymore. And 643 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:44,200 Speaker 1: they just don't really know. I just feel like they're 644 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,640 Speaker 1: just not really having the depth of experiences and they're 645 00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:50,480 Speaker 1: not really searching for emotions and sensations the way that 646 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:54,200 Speaker 1: people really should be in this life. So it's not 647 00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:58,160 Speaker 1: so much a psychological perspective, it's more of a spiritual 648 00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 1: value based perspective or belief based perspective that I have 649 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:05,440 Speaker 1: that anytime you try and convince yourself and say this 650 00:39:05,480 --> 00:39:08,520 Speaker 1: feels terrible, this feels awful, I shouldn't be feeling this, 651 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,040 Speaker 1: ask yourself, well, if I shouldn't be feeling this, why 652 00:39:12,120 --> 00:39:15,560 Speaker 1: is this emotion even around? Then? Why does this emotion 653 00:39:15,719 --> 00:39:19,839 Speaker 1: even exist? Because if it wasn't useful or helpful, if 654 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:24,399 Speaker 1: there wasn't some specialness to it, it wouldn't be here. 655 00:39:25,040 --> 00:39:26,520 Speaker 1: And yet it is. So I'm going to honor it. 656 00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:29,399 Speaker 1: I'm going to feel it. That's all I have time 657 00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 1: for in this episode. I really hope that it helped you. 658 00:39:32,239 --> 00:39:36,520 Speaker 1: I hope that this like dissection of this dissection of 659 00:39:36,560 --> 00:39:41,000 Speaker 1: this experience of emotional blunting and emotional numbness. I don't 660 00:39:41,040 --> 00:39:42,560 Speaker 1: hope that you can relate to it, but I hope 661 00:39:42,560 --> 00:39:45,120 Speaker 1: that if you can relate to it, you got something 662 00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:47,239 Speaker 1: out of it, and you can implement these strategies and 663 00:39:47,280 --> 00:39:51,440 Speaker 1: that you feel seen and that bringing it back to 664 00:39:51,480 --> 00:39:52,920 Speaker 1: the very first thing I said at the start of 665 00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,400 Speaker 1: this episode, I hope that you're leaving this feeling in 666 00:39:55,440 --> 00:39:58,600 Speaker 1: touch with just one emotion that you're going to be 667 00:39:58,680 --> 00:40:02,760 Speaker 1: having today. Make sure to send this episode to a friend, 668 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,839 Speaker 1: a family member, or a colleague, a partner, whoever who 669 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:08,439 Speaker 1: may need to hear it. If you've made it this far, 670 00:40:08,920 --> 00:40:11,040 Speaker 1: my loyal listeners, I know there's like a group of 671 00:40:11,080 --> 00:40:13,680 Speaker 1: like fifty of you, fifty to one hundred, and always 672 00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:16,560 Speaker 1: make it this far. I want you what's the emoji 673 00:40:16,600 --> 00:40:19,360 Speaker 1: for today? What's an emoji that represents feeling your feelings? 674 00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,680 Speaker 1: Or I think you should do a crazy dance emoji. 675 00:40:22,760 --> 00:40:25,719 Speaker 1: Whatever you think like crazy dance looks like, drop it 676 00:40:25,719 --> 00:40:27,399 Speaker 1: in the comments so I know you've made it this far. 677 00:40:27,840 --> 00:40:30,960 Speaker 1: Leave your questions, your episode suggestions down there as well. 678 00:40:31,000 --> 00:40:33,960 Speaker 1: I love engaging with you in that space because you know, 679 00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,640 Speaker 1: it's not like Instagram or TikTok where anyone can jump 680 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:39,440 Speaker 1: on board. It's just the listeners of the show. So 681 00:40:39,960 --> 00:40:43,120 Speaker 1: I'll see you down there. But until next time, please 682 00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,920 Speaker 1: make sure to follow along, give us a five star review. 683 00:40:46,320 --> 00:40:48,439 Speaker 1: Pre order my book because it comes out in less 684 00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,640 Speaker 1: than a month, which is wild, and we will talk 685 00:40:50,680 --> 00:40:53,759 Speaker 1: about that a whole lot more. But until next time, 686 00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,000 Speaker 1: stay safe, be kind, be gentle with yourself, and we 687 00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,719 Speaker 1: will talk very very soon.