WEBVTT - Split Sh*t 50/50 with Gabrielle Union 0:00:01.040 --> 0:00:05.280 Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea. I'm watching my whole entire 0:00:05.440 --> 0:00:07.960 crew that works with me at my house. I wouldn't 0:00:07.960 --> 0:00:10.240 say works, I say works with me instead of works 0:00:10.240 --> 0:00:12.160 for me, because I don't want to be a cunt. 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:14.640 But let's be honest. I'm not doing fucking anything at 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.160 my house. I am leaving so that they can move 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:18.320 me into my new house. 0:00:18.640 --> 0:00:19.880 We really is happening. 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:22.560 Well, No, I'm moving out of my rental because I'm 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:24.759 going to be gone for pretty much the whole summer. 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:27.880 Although don't worry, we have fresh podcasts coming every week. 0:00:28.160 --> 0:00:31.520 We've taken care of everything. We will not desert you. 0:00:32.520 --> 0:00:34.640 But they're packing everything up and then I have to 0:00:34.680 --> 0:00:39.000 basically pack everything that I want for the first leg 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:42.440 of my trip, which is a month London, Portugal, Norway, 0:00:42.760 --> 0:00:45.239 and then I have to come back for Ben Bruno's 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:48.240 wedding at the end of July, so I'm stopping down. 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:51.880 So I was at my chiropractor yesterday for my neck 0:00:52.080 --> 0:00:54.360 not cracking my necks because I have some neck issues. 0:00:54.400 --> 0:00:57.040 So he's just doing bodywork on me and one of 0:00:57.040 --> 0:00:58.480 the guys there, I go, are you guys all going 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:00.320 to Ben Bruno's wedding because everybody knows you're each other. 0:01:00.720 --> 0:01:02.800 And the one guy was like, no, I'm not going. 0:01:03.120 --> 0:01:05.320 You know, it's I've got kids. It's just too much, 0:01:05.680 --> 0:01:08.399 I go too much. What he goes, I'm like, you've 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:10.880 got kids. It's on a fucking Saturday night. Like yeah, 0:01:10.959 --> 0:01:13.160 mean he goes, Yeah, I just told him, it's just like, 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:14.880 you know, it's really hectic with the kids. I'm like, 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:19.039 first of all, dick shit, it's Saturday night, okay. Are 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:20.720 you too cheap to buy a present? Is that why 0:01:20.720 --> 0:01:21.319 you're not going? 0:01:21.880 --> 0:01:25.840 I mean, I'm like, I'm flying back from fucking Europe 0:01:25.920 --> 0:01:28.200 to go to bed Bruno's wedding and you're too lazy 0:01:28.240 --> 0:01:30.039 to fucking get in your car on a Saturday and 0:01:30.400 --> 0:01:32.600 drive over to the hotel where they're having the wedding. 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:35.160 I mean, people get really offended if there's no kids 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:38.720 at the wedding though, like if you're not a wedding, 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:42.080 even if you have children, leave them home. 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:44.920 But also it's kind of insulting to be invited to 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:46.760 a wedding and you don't go unless you have a 0:01:46.800 --> 0:01:50.360 really good reason, not because you don't feel like it. 0:01:50.360 --> 0:01:53.440 It's just like what like I missed my girlfriend's Sophia 0:01:53.480 --> 0:01:56.840 Bush's wedding, for instance, but I was on tour, like 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.320 you know what, I would love, have loved for much 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:00.880 preferred to be with her than on tour. 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:04.840 But I probably send a gift, yeah maybe hopefully hopefully 0:02:05.080 --> 0:02:07.680 somebody said a gift. Yeah, Oh my gosh. I but 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:09.280 even you know, you bring up a good point, like 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:10.680 maybe it doesn't it doesn't have enough money to buy 0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.360 a gift. Whatever, do a really nice card and be like, 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:15.760 we'll take you to dinner. Not, how ever, can afford 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:17.560 an expensive gift, but like you can go to the wedding. 0:02:17.800 --> 0:02:18.720 I do wedding. 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:21.920 I don't even yeah, I don't even think people, Well 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.920 I shouldn't say that because people are expecting gifts, like 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:27.760 I shouldn't say I don't even think people are expecting gifts. 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:29.760 I know people. If I got married, I would not 0:02:29.840 --> 0:02:31.959 want a gift, but I would also probably not get married, 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:36.160 so I wouldn't expect Yeah, but so I wouldn't say that. 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:38.280 I think they do want gifts this wedding. So I 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:40.960 think I got very specific instruction it's about a gift, 0:02:41.320 --> 0:02:43.079 So hopefully somebody's doing that too. 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.400 Oh my gosh, if you wanted to be really shady 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:47.000 for her, you could get her a bread box. But 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:49.480 we like her because she's no bread. She's at no Bread. 0:02:49.600 --> 0:02:52.480 Oh yeah, right, no bread, at No Bread. Nicole Kogan. 0:02:52.639 --> 0:02:53.480 That's her last name. 0:02:53.440 --> 0:02:54.519 And it's written free person. 0:02:54.639 --> 0:02:57.960 I appreciate her. Yeah, yeah, she's good. If you guys 0:02:57.960 --> 0:03:01.240 are looking for dietary if anyone has or is gluten 0:03:01.280 --> 0:03:03.600 free or all of these things, you can follow her 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:06.920 at No Bread on Instagram. She'll like that shout out yeah. 0:03:07.160 --> 0:03:09.280 And then I come back. Well, I'm going on vacation 0:03:09.400 --> 0:03:11.600 and then I come back in the fall and do 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:15.239 my debut performance, my fall debut performance at the Clubhouse 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:17.240 in East Hampton on August twenty sixth. By the way, 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:20.560 make sure you check out my tour dates everybody, because 0:03:20.600 --> 0:03:22.359 I'm taking the summer off and then I'm going to 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:25.440 be back with a vengeance. Okay, guys, we have added 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:27.720 more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour because I'm 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:30.520 coming all over. We added a second show at the 0:03:30.520 --> 0:03:34.320 Pantagius in Los Angeles. So that's October twelfth and Friday 0:03:34.320 --> 0:03:36.600 the thirteenth, which is my favorite day of the week 0:03:36.760 --> 0:03:39.160 or the year, I guess we added a second show 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:42.840 in Boston at the Waging Center September twenty ninth and 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.200 thirtieth is two shows in New York. I also have 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:48.080 a show in East Hampton, New York August twenty six. 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:51.600 We added a second show in Portland, So Thursday, November 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:55.280 tewod Friday November third, and Portland November fourth and fifth. 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:57.960 In San Francisco, two shows there. We added a second 0:03:58.000 --> 0:04:01.840 show in Seattle November tenth and eleven. Two shows Boston 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:06.040 are November sixteenth and seventeenth at the Bach Center at 0:04:06.120 --> 0:04:12.120 Wang Theater. And I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:19.640 and Ottawa and so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville. 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:22.880 So I will see everybody at all of these shows. 0:04:23.040 --> 0:04:26.960 Thank you. Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com. So 0:04:27.360 --> 0:04:29.640 our guest is she has a new rum com actually 0:04:29.680 --> 0:04:31.719 it's called The Perfect Fine. It is out on Netflix 0:04:31.800 --> 0:04:34.800 June twenty third. She has a docuseriies called My Journey 0:04:34.800 --> 0:04:39.240 to Fifty, which debuts on Beet June fifteenth. She is 0:04:39.560 --> 0:04:44.200 the actress, producer, best selling author, and entrepreneur Gabrielle Union. 0:04:44.760 --> 0:04:49.919 Oh my god, she's there. You made it helliy Hi, Gabrielle, 0:04:49.960 --> 0:04:52.839 how are you beautiful? I'm good. 0:04:53.040 --> 0:04:56.040 Guy's a great. Where are you in the world. 0:04:56.240 --> 0:04:59.200 We're in the valley. Don't be jealous. Okay, we're right 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:00.640 around the corner, say. 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.080 Bitch, like I am deep in the fucking valley. 0:05:03.120 --> 0:05:04.920 I'm like, oh, I wrote how deep? 0:05:05.920 --> 0:05:08.599 Oh deep, deep deep. We're like hidden hills. 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:10.520 We're like, oh, are you with the Kardashian Do you 0:05:10.520 --> 0:05:11.640 live with the Kardashians. 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:14.080 I am right on the same street. 0:05:14.480 --> 0:05:17.240 Oh wow, lucky you not upon you. 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:20.720 Of course it's a shooting residence. 0:05:20.839 --> 0:05:24.359 But still, oh, I see copy that, yes, copy on 0:05:24.440 --> 0:05:27.880 shooting residents. We need so many residences these days for 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:30.919 everything that everybody's shooting, don't we Well. 0:05:30.720 --> 0:05:34.360 It makes us relatable and and that's really what's important today. 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.240 Totally totally. As soon as you say hidden hills, we 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:41.719 all know what's going on. It's so nice to speak 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:44.160 with you, Gabrielle. This is my co host Catherine. 0:05:44.279 --> 0:05:46.400 Hi. Oh, are you very good? 0:05:47.080 --> 0:05:50.280 And I wanted to just dive right into things because 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:52.520 one of the things I admire so much about you 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.200 is how outspoken you are about everything in your life 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:58.640 and everything that you've experienced with your family, with your career, 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:01.359 and I guess I want to ask you first off 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:06.599 about how your childhood impacted the way that you have 0:06:06.720 --> 0:06:10.240 your family now. And our experiences are so different when 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.880 we become parents. So I'm curious because you're always learning 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:17.799 and growing and you're dealing with a non traditional family 0:06:17.800 --> 0:06:21.479 that's blended, right, which is basically the new tradition. So 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:24.400 tell me, like, how you learn and grow as the 0:06:24.440 --> 0:06:26.880 head of a family like that with you and your husband. 0:06:27.400 --> 0:06:31.080 Yeah, no, I mean, it's a process and it keeps changing. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.280 But my ability to sort of weather those changes in 0:06:35.080 --> 0:06:38.400 those constant evolutions comes from childhood. I come from a 0:06:38.440 --> 0:06:41.279 family on my mom's side, the larger family is called 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:43.760 the Dozens of Cousins, and we have the largest black 0:06:43.760 --> 0:06:45.360 family in the state of Nebraska and one of the 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:49.040 largest in the Midwest. And you're literally related to everyone, 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:53.239 and your business is their business, and if somebody sees 0:06:53.279 --> 0:06:56.440 you on the street causing mischief, as one might say, 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.560 they are completely within their rights to smack the shit 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.000 out you. That was kind of how I grew up, 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:06.240 where your village was large and vast, and on my 0:07:06.320 --> 0:07:08.599 dad's side, like both My parents are one of seven. 0:07:08.960 --> 0:07:11.120 My dad's the youngest of seven, my mom's the oldest 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:13.760 of seven. And you are your brothers and sisters keepers. 0:07:13.800 --> 0:07:16.680 That's just what it is. And my brothers and sisters 0:07:16.720 --> 0:07:21.440 that could mean your actual siblings, siblings, or your extended family, 0:07:21.480 --> 0:07:25.440 your community. You have responsibilities that are much much greater 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:28.800 than just you know, taking care of yourself. So that 0:07:29.040 --> 0:07:32.920 was what I grew up. And we always had cousins, aunts, uncles, 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:35.560 everyone like would come to our house when they were 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:39.119 having you know, some troubled times or whatever, and they'd 0:07:39.120 --> 0:07:41.200 stay for a couple of months. Or they'd send their 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:44.160 kid who was having disciplinary issues to my dad and 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:47.560 he'd straight them out, and you'd call it camp union 0:07:47.960 --> 0:07:50.200 and we're like, don't come to camp union. 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:50.720 It sucks. 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:53.440 But they've just kept sending kids. So you just kind 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:55.640 of figured it out. You'd wake up and there'd be 0:07:55.720 --> 0:07:59.000 a couple extra cousins there, and you know, you had 0:07:59.000 --> 0:08:01.160 to figure out how to share service. Cereal and that 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:03.240 I've just sort of taken that into life. You do 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:06.920 what is necessary to cover as many people as possible. 0:08:07.640 --> 0:08:08.440 That's beautiful. 0:08:08.920 --> 0:08:12.000 That was so like controversial until oh. 0:08:12.000 --> 0:08:14.400 I tell you guys just talked about splitting shit fifty 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:14.840 to fifty? 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:15.239 Right? 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:16.480 Is that the big thing? 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.720 Oh my god, I hadn't. Honestly, it wasn't even that 0:08:20.760 --> 0:08:22.520 wasn't even the point of what I was talking about. 0:08:22.560 --> 0:08:25.560 It was how feeling like you need to take care 0:08:25.600 --> 0:08:31.560 of everyone can be fucking stressful, like incredibly stressful, not resentful, 0:08:31.640 --> 0:08:34.800 not anything else, though that has percolated in my body 0:08:34.840 --> 0:08:37.000 at times. But I was just talking about how it 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:40.200 can be incredibly stressful when you are the answer to 0:08:40.200 --> 0:08:43.679 everyone's problems, and because you know, everyone's like, but your 0:08:43.720 --> 0:08:46.200 husband has money, and it's like, yeah, he has money, 0:08:46.640 --> 0:08:49.679 and he should keep his money. I don't need that 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:53.040 part of him to make me complete. And maybe knowing 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.000 that he could cover me if if need be makes 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:59.520 it easier to then set a different boundary where I'm like, no, 0:08:59.600 --> 0:09:03.200 I'm paying half because that's what makes me comfortable. But yeah, 0:09:03.240 --> 0:09:06.640 I was talking about, like I'm stressed. It's hard being 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:10.520 head of household for multiple households outside of the one 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:12.240 you're living in. Yeah. 0:09:12.320 --> 0:09:15.480 Right, so you were talking about splitting Wait, what was 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:18.280 the confusion? You were talking about splitting something fifty to 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:21.040 fifty that you like to split your economics fifty to fifty. 0:09:21.360 --> 0:09:24.160 And then what were people saying? What was their problem? 0:09:24.480 --> 0:09:24.600 Now? 0:09:24.640 --> 0:09:28.840 They were outraged that I would even want to split 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:33.160 a bill, that my husband isn't forcing me to allow 0:09:33.240 --> 0:09:36.160 him to pay my bills, or he just has so 0:09:36.360 --> 0:09:40.200 much more than I do. I'm a damn fool for 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:43.440 even like looking at towards my purse or my checkbook like, 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:48.079 I'm a stupid idiot for even wanting to pay half. 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:51.960 And it was an eye opening conversation because I was like, 0:09:52.800 --> 0:09:55.600 it's like if someone said, yo, I write checks and 0:09:55.640 --> 0:09:59.400 somebody else was like, oh, I do direct deposit? No, 0:10:00.160 --> 0:10:03.280 why why write a track? I go into the bank myself? 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:07.040 What the fuck? Wh what? Oh? You guys are legitimately 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:09.040 this is week two of this show. 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:12.000 It just speaks to the patriarchy such bullshit where people 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:14.280 think that they're fucking with it and they know what's 0:10:14.320 --> 0:10:18.040 going on. Yet these ideas are so old and stagnated 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:20.440 and stuck in their heads that the idea of a 0:10:20.480 --> 0:10:24.320 woman wanting to pay for herself is so anathema to 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:26.800 so many people. It's like when I talk about not 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:31.520 wanting children, the iyre the anger I receive for men 0:10:31.559 --> 0:10:33.960 who don't have anything to do with me. What the 0:10:33.960 --> 0:10:36.880 fuck do you care what I'm doing? Why would it 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:39.040 make you so mad unless you had such a rock 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:41.439 stuck in your head about a belief system that is 0:10:41.480 --> 0:10:43.679 starting to kind of you know shed. 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:46.200 It was funny because we in our group chat, we 0:10:46.280 --> 0:10:49.840 had we covered your your comments and everyone was like, 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.360 I don't really even see. It was the quickest debate, 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:54.760 non debate that we had in our group chat. Everyone's like, 0:10:54.800 --> 0:10:57.640 I don't if she doesn't want to have kids, who cares? 0:10:57.960 --> 0:11:00.200 What does that have to do with me? And I 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:02.080 was like nothing and they were like okay, moving on. 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:04.880 So it was a very quick discussion that we had 0:11:04.920 --> 0:11:07.280 and it was like what you ate, don't make me shit? 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:12.600 Literally literally, like it has nothing to do with anything. 0:11:12.679 --> 0:11:16.600 But what I will say is I remembered feeling very 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:21.000 triggered in a cluster of moms who made other choices, 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:24.520 different choices than I made, and feeling like them talking 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:29.560 about their lives and their joys and their decisions somehow 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:32.840 was an attack on me, and that I'm a bad 0:11:32.920 --> 0:11:35.480 mom because I work, or I'm a bad mom because 0:11:35.480 --> 0:11:38.080 I can't make it to you know, certain things and 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:41.880 they weren't even looking in my direction. They weren't They 0:11:41.880 --> 0:11:44.080 could have given two foughs about me. It was everything 0:11:44.160 --> 0:11:46.840 I was taking in because I hadn't made peace with 0:11:46.880 --> 0:11:49.400 my choice. So that's what it sort of felt like 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:52.160 with this. It was like, if you feel triggered to 0:11:52.200 --> 0:11:54.360 such a degree where you're going to do a whole 0:11:54.520 --> 0:12:00.280 TikTok or a stitch or a real child, what maybe 0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:02.960 that's not even that this conversation is between you and I. 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:06.760 It's between you and yourself, because what about how I 0:12:06.800 --> 0:12:10.720 pay my bills even causes any kind of reaction for you? 0:12:11.520 --> 0:12:13.439 Then I don't think it has with me because I'm 0:12:13.440 --> 0:12:17.200 a faling stranger. But also, yeah, totally. 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:20.520 It's also there's like the argument, you know, there's men 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:23.360 and there's women, and there's this kind of dynamic that's shifting, 0:12:23.400 --> 0:12:25.920 and that's scaring a lot of old white guys about 0:12:26.160 --> 0:12:29.920 powerful women, people not having a nuclear family, women working 0:12:30.040 --> 0:12:33.920 God forbid, you know, everyone getting educated. But I also 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:36.960 the discussion is of women supporting women right like they 0:12:37.720 --> 0:12:40.079 like to divide us too, and they've been very successful 0:12:40.120 --> 0:12:43.360 at dividing women. This whole system of patriarchy that has 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:46.719 been in place since for so long, because before the patriarchy, 0:12:46.760 --> 0:12:49.200 there was a patriarchy where women were in charge, you know, 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:51.319 and maybe if it had stayed that way, we would 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:54.199 our planet would it be on fire? And women now 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:56.839 are starting to understand, oh, it's not our job to 0:12:56.920 --> 0:12:59.400 judge each other either. We need to support each other 0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:02.680 if we're ever gonna win this quote unquote war. I 0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:04.400 hate to say the word war, but that's what it 0:13:04.400 --> 0:13:06.720 feels like. A culture clash and a culture war where 0:13:06.760 --> 0:13:10.000 things are evolving, but now women are, it feels and 0:13:10.040 --> 0:13:12.400 I know it too because I catch myself instead of 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:15.199 judging someone, I'm like, oh, oh, that's another woman. I'm 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:17.360 here for support. I'm not here to say she did 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.400 the wrong thing. I would have handled that differently. Who 0:13:19.440 --> 0:13:21.280 gives a shit how you would have handled it? You're 0:13:21.280 --> 0:13:21.680 not her? 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:26.000 And no one asked, Yeah, and not exactly, especially her, 0:13:26.160 --> 0:13:29.920 She didn't ask. But it's that feeling of wanting to 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:33.800 be accepted through saneness right with me and everyone I 0:13:33.840 --> 0:13:35.960 know are making the exact same decisions, then we are 0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:39.040 right because just look at the sheer numbers of us 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.400 doing the exact same thing. But if someone comes in 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:45.400 to do something just different. There's billions of people in 0:13:45.400 --> 0:13:47.520 the world, which means there's billions of ways of getting 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:51.080 from A to Z, right, so what about someone doing 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:55.720 something different just makes us feel so fearful or judged 0:13:55.880 --> 0:14:00.439 or observed or surveilled or attacked when people are just 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:04.560 talking about their choices and it really doesn't have anything 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:06.800 to do with or it shouldn't have anything to do 0:14:06.880 --> 0:14:09.640 with how you walk into your home and how you 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:12.680 and your family get down, Like that has literally nothing 0:14:13.000 --> 0:14:16.920 to do with me, and if you're making it about me, 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:20.440 then let's lookay, let's have the conversation. This one dude 0:14:20.480 --> 0:14:23.600 was like, you know, a beautifully done stitch. I mean, 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:27.640 the production quality was phenomenal, the music supervisor was amazing, 0:14:27.800 --> 0:14:29.120 but he was like, you know, at the end of 0:14:29.160 --> 0:14:34.240 this stitch was like, Gabrielle Union, no one cares. I 0:14:34.480 --> 0:14:37.280 don't care. And I was like, but look at you 0:14:37.800 --> 0:14:41.560 caring injury with this whole ass damn for real. And 0:14:41.560 --> 0:14:46.120 then for some reason it didn't send, and I was like, Okay, 0:14:46.200 --> 0:14:50.080 because perhaps I am getting triggered that I'm not comfortable 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:52.240 with my decisions and I need to be in a 0:14:52.280 --> 0:14:56.480 place of complete comfort that no matter what anyone else 0:14:56.520 --> 0:15:00.120 says about anything that I do, it rolls off, and 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:02.520 sometimes it rolls off and sometimes it doesn't. And I'm 0:15:02.520 --> 0:15:04.840 going to have a sassy little response. 0:15:05.080 --> 0:15:07.440 Yeah, and well that's I mean, that's part of it. 0:15:07.480 --> 0:15:09.720 And as you do as would I. I'm not going 0:15:09.800 --> 0:15:11.760 to lie there and not say anything half the time, 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:14.480 you know, And then sometimes you got to I was 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:16.400 sending the email this morning. I got an email from 0:15:16.560 --> 0:15:19.000 my attorney about this like lawsuit that I'm in. That's 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.840 so annoying. And I reacted right away. I'm like, you 0:15:21.840 --> 0:15:23.960 know what, tell them forget mediation and this is what 0:15:24.080 --> 0:15:26.240 needs to happen. And I was writing, and I'm like, 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.840 you're in a reactive mode. Why don't you just calm 0:15:28.880 --> 0:15:30.200 down and wait till you get home and see if 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:31.760 you still want to send this. And you know, I 0:15:31.800 --> 0:15:33.520 get home and I look down and I was like, oh, 0:15:33.640 --> 0:15:35.960 what was I doing? Like it was only ten minutes ago. 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.920 But you know, as you get older, we catch ourselves 0:15:38.960 --> 0:15:41.880 doing more and more when you're self examining and you 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:44.640 have self awareness and you desire to get to know 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.200 your inner self, and the work we do on ourselves 0:15:47.240 --> 0:15:49.600 really results when we're in our forties and fifties. I 0:15:49.640 --> 0:15:53.800 know you're celebrating. You just celebrated your fiftieth. Right, it's passed. 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.520 Yeah, it passed. It's in October, right, Okay, so. 0:15:56.520 --> 0:15:59.200 You had a big party and you filmed it. Right, 0:15:59.360 --> 0:16:02.520 it's a two part docuseries on b ET Right that's 0:16:02.520 --> 0:16:03.520 coming out in June. 0:16:03.840 --> 0:16:04.080 Yeah. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.040 I wanted to go back to Africa and take as 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:09.120 many people as possible and hit as many countries as possible, 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:11.400 as far as my little wallet could go. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:15.160 I think I got a bill for that too, and 0:16:15.200 --> 0:16:16.440 I think we're going three ways. 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:21.480 Oh Jesus. But yes, we started. We hit the Zanzibar 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:25.160 and Kraghana and we're in Namibia, and we went to 0:16:26.480 --> 0:16:29.800 joe Berg and Sueto and Cape Town in South Africa 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:34.080 with just a roving band of my friends and family 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:39.080 and extended family, immediate family, and it was incredible. And 0:16:39.160 --> 0:16:41.040 I was somewhere like as we were planning it, I 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:43.920 was like, I kind of feel like we should document this. 0:16:43.920 --> 0:16:44.960 I don't know what we're going to do with it, 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:47.320 but I want this footage. I want to see what 0:16:47.360 --> 0:16:51.560 my mom looks like growing up in Omaha, Nebraska, setting 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.800 foot back in the motherland. Where you can actually create 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.760 ties that had been denied us and had you know 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:00.720 that we've been ripped away from the and I wanted 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:02.520 to see that. I wanted to always have that. I mean, 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:06.360 she's seventy six now. And then I was like, wait, well, 0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:08.920 I want to see what my daughter looks like. You know, 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.840 at that time she was three three going to Africa 0:17:11.880 --> 0:17:15.159 and being embraced by a whole continent of people that 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:19.200 look like her. And then that turned into a docuseries, 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:21.639 two part docuseries for b ET plus. 0:17:21.840 --> 0:17:23.600 Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. I thank you. 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:27.240 What is so obvious from your socials? You and your 0:17:27.320 --> 0:17:31.119 husband are so vibrant and so happy and at peace, 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:34.080 and I think that speaks to an enlightening. You know, 0:17:34.160 --> 0:17:36.360 you can see when people are enlightened that they live 0:17:36.440 --> 0:17:38.800 with a different vibrancy, when you see that people have 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.640 been challenged, have had their thinking challenged, and come out 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:43.680 the other side, which is the way that the whole 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:48.040 world would ideally operate. Instead of having any sort of discrimination, 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:50.600 we just go at everybody with love. Everyone should be 0:17:50.600 --> 0:17:53.239 treated equal, not just a certain section of people. So 0:17:53.480 --> 0:17:55.760 I think that, like, what do you attribute the success 0:17:55.760 --> 0:17:58.320 of your relationship with because the two of you have 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.680 have something great going obviously, what do you think about that? 0:18:02.600 --> 0:18:06.280 I think it's a choice every day. And I've heard 0:18:06.280 --> 0:18:08.440 this before and I'm like, fuck off, but it really 0:18:08.520 --> 0:18:11.240 legit is. It's a choice every day to show up 0:18:11.359 --> 0:18:13.919 and to be kind and to be there physically there, 0:18:14.480 --> 0:18:18.719 and to consider the other person truly and deeply and completely, 0:18:19.240 --> 0:18:24.439 not just when it's convenient for me, and to not 0:18:24.520 --> 0:18:26.639 look at our marriage or the moves in our marriage 0:18:26.680 --> 0:18:28.760 as pieces in a chessboard where one of us is 0:18:28.760 --> 0:18:31.120 going to win and one of us is going to lose, right, 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.879 and I damn well better be the winner. We just 0:18:34.000 --> 0:18:36.120 make a choice to do better by each other every 0:18:36.200 --> 0:18:40.880 day than the day before. And it's somehow working. One 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:43.360 of my therapists, it's hard to really discern which one 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:47.720 it is, just a but one said, the greatest gift 0:18:47.760 --> 0:18:51.480 that we can give ourselves in each other is constantly 0:18:51.520 --> 0:18:55.080 modifying your expectations, right, And he's like, we have expectations 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:57.440 of strangers we don't know, we don't know what their 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:01.760 lives entail, but our expectations are huge expectations. And what 0:19:01.800 --> 0:19:04.760 you can do at any point is just bring those 0:19:04.800 --> 0:19:07.720 on down to a reasonable place, right where if there's 0:19:07.760 --> 0:19:09.919 someone that you work with or a friend, and you 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:12.920 know they're quite consistent in their fuckery, but we still 0:19:12.920 --> 0:19:15.480 have these expectations that are this big for those people 0:19:15.560 --> 0:19:18.119 when we know, damn well, the only person's going to 0:19:18.160 --> 0:19:22.960 be disappointed and annoyed is us. So just constantly reshaping expectations. 0:19:23.400 --> 0:19:25.200 And the more we learn and the more we offer 0:19:25.280 --> 0:19:28.760 grace and consideration, you know, maybe now it's time for 0:19:28.920 --> 0:19:32.560 harder conversations that I'd never I would have never thought 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:34.960 to have. I would have just been pissed. And then 0:19:35.200 --> 0:19:38.320 when my ragie rage goes, then the anxiety is up, 0:19:38.359 --> 0:19:40.760 and then everything is just like I wish them, we'll 0:19:41.040 --> 0:19:44.840 just stay in this place and it's exhausting. And at fifty, 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:47.199 I'm tired. I don't want to I don't want to 0:19:47.240 --> 0:19:49.600 live like that. I don't want to love. That feels 0:19:49.680 --> 0:19:53.440