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Speaker 1: Hi Catherine, Oh, Hi Chelsea. I'm watching my whole entire

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Speaker 1: crew that works with me at my house. I wouldn't

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Speaker 1: say works, I say works with me instead of works

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Speaker 1: for me, because I don't want to be a cunt.

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Speaker 1: But let's be honest. I'm not doing fucking anything at

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Speaker 1: my house. I am leaving so that they can move

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Speaker 1: me into my new house.

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Speaker 2: We really is happening.

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Speaker 1: Well, No, I'm moving out of my rental because I'm

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Speaker 1: going to be gone for pretty much the whole summer.

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Speaker 1: Although don't worry, we have fresh podcasts coming every week.

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Speaker 1: We've taken care of everything. We will not desert you.

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Speaker 1: But they're packing everything up and then I have to

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Speaker 1: basically pack everything that I want for the first leg

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Speaker 1: of my trip, which is a month London, Portugal, Norway,

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Speaker 1: and then I have to come back for Ben Bruno's

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Speaker 1: wedding at the end of July, so I'm stopping down.

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Speaker 1: So I was at my chiropractor yesterday for my neck

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Speaker 1: not cracking my necks because I have some neck issues.

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Speaker 1: So he's just doing bodywork on me and one of

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Speaker 1: the guys there, I go, are you guys all going

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Speaker 1: to Ben Bruno's wedding because everybody knows you're each other.

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Speaker 1: And the one guy was like, no, I'm not going.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's I've got kids. It's just too much,

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Speaker 1: I go too much. What he goes, I'm like, you've

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Speaker 1: got kids. It's on a fucking Saturday night. Like yeah,

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Speaker 1: mean he goes, Yeah, I just told him, it's just like,

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Speaker 1: you know, it's really hectic with the kids. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: first of all, dick shit, it's Saturday night, okay. Are

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Speaker 1: you too cheap to buy a present? Is that why

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Speaker 1: you're not going?

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Speaker 3: I mean, I'm like, I'm flying back from fucking Europe

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Speaker 3: to go to bed Bruno's wedding and you're too lazy

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Speaker 3: to fucking get in your car on a Saturday and

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Speaker 3: drive over to the hotel where they're having the wedding.

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Speaker 2: I mean, people get really offended if there's no kids

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Speaker 2: at the wedding though, like if you're not a wedding,

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Speaker 2: even if you have children, leave them home.

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Speaker 1: But also it's kind of insulting to be invited to

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Speaker 1: a wedding and you don't go unless you have a

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Speaker 1: really good reason, not because you don't feel like it.

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Speaker 1: It's just like what like I missed my girlfriend's Sophia

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Speaker 1: Bush's wedding, for instance, but I was on tour, like

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Speaker 1: you know what, I would love, have loved for much

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Speaker 1: preferred to be with her than on tour.

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Speaker 2: But I probably send a gift, yeah maybe hopefully hopefully

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Speaker 2: somebody said a gift. Yeah, Oh my gosh. I but

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Speaker 2: even you know, you bring up a good point, like

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Speaker 2: maybe it doesn't it doesn't have enough money to buy

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Speaker 2: a gift. Whatever, do a really nice card and be like,

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Speaker 2: we'll take you to dinner. Not, how ever, can afford

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Speaker 2: an expensive gift, but like you can go to the wedding.

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Speaker 4: I do wedding.

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Speaker 1: I don't even yeah, I don't even think people, Well

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't say that because people are expecting gifts, like

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Speaker 1: I shouldn't say I don't even think people are expecting gifts.

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Speaker 1: I know people. If I got married, I would not

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Speaker 1: want a gift, but I would also probably not get married,

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Speaker 1: so I wouldn't expect Yeah, but so I wouldn't say that.

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Speaker 1: I think they do want gifts this wedding. So I

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Speaker 1: think I got very specific instruction it's about a gift,

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Speaker 1: So hopefully somebody's doing that too.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, if you wanted to be really shady

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Speaker 2: for her, you could get her a bread box. But

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Speaker 2: we like her because she's no bread. She's at no Bread.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, right, no bread, at No Bread. Nicole Kogan.

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Speaker 1: That's her last name.

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Speaker 2: And it's written free person.

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Speaker 1: I appreciate her. Yeah, yeah, she's good. If you guys

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Speaker 1: are looking for dietary if anyone has or is gluten

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Speaker 1: free or all of these things, you can follow her

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Speaker 1: at No Bread on Instagram. She'll like that shout out yeah.

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Speaker 1: And then I come back. Well, I'm going on vacation

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Speaker 1: and then I come back in the fall and do

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Speaker 1: my debut performance, my fall debut performance at the Clubhouse

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Speaker 1: in East Hampton on August twenty sixth. By the way,

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Speaker 1: make sure you check out my tour dates everybody, because

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Speaker 1: I'm taking the summer off and then I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be back with a vengeance. Okay, guys, we have added

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Speaker 1: more shows to my Little Big Bitch tour because I'm

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Speaker 1: coming all over. We added a second show at the

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Speaker 1: Pantagius in Los Angeles. So that's October twelfth and Friday

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Speaker 1: the thirteenth, which is my favorite day of the week

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Speaker 1: or the year, I guess we added a second show

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Speaker 1: in Boston at the Waging Center September twenty ninth and

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Speaker 1: thirtieth is two shows in New York. I also have

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Speaker 1: a show in East Hampton, New York August twenty six.

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Speaker 1: We added a second show in Portland, So Thursday, November

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Speaker 1: tewod Friday November third, and Portland November fourth and fifth.

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Speaker 1: In San Francisco, two shows there. We added a second

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Speaker 1: show in Seattle November tenth and eleven. Two shows Boston

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Speaker 1: are November sixteenth and seventeenth at the Bach Center at

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Speaker 1: Wang Theater. And I'm also coming to Toronto and Montreal

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Speaker 1: and Ottawa and so many other cities Columbus, Cincinnati, Detroit, Louisville.

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Speaker 1: So I will see everybody at all of these shows.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Get your tickets at Chelseahandler dot com. So

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Speaker 1: our guest is she has a new rum com actually

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Speaker 1: it's called The Perfect Fine. It is out on Netflix

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Speaker 1: June twenty third. She has a docuseriies called My Journey

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Speaker 1: to Fifty, which debuts on Beet June fifteenth. She is

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Speaker 1: the actress, producer, best selling author, and entrepreneur Gabrielle Union.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, she's there. You made it helliy Hi, Gabrielle,

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Speaker 1: how are you beautiful? I'm good.

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Speaker 5: Guy's a great. Where are you in the world.

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Speaker 1: We're in the valley. Don't be jealous. Okay, we're right

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Speaker 1: around the corner, say.

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Speaker 5: Bitch, like I am deep in the fucking valley.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I wrote how deep?

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Speaker 5: Oh deep, deep deep. We're like hidden hills.

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Speaker 1: We're like, oh, are you with the Kardashian Do you

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Speaker 1: live with the Kardashians.

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Speaker 5: I am right on the same street.

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Speaker 1: Oh wow, lucky you not upon you.

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Speaker 5: Of course it's a shooting residence.

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Speaker 1: But still, oh, I see copy that, yes, copy on

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Speaker 1: shooting residents. We need so many residences these days for

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Speaker 1: everything that everybody's shooting, don't we Well.

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Speaker 5: It makes us relatable and and that's really what's important today.

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Speaker 1: Totally totally. As soon as you say hidden hills, we

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Speaker 1: all know what's going on. It's so nice to speak

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Speaker 1: with you, Gabrielle. This is my co host Catherine.

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Speaker 2: Hi. Oh, are you very good?

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Speaker 1: And I wanted to just dive right into things because

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Speaker 1: one of the things I admire so much about you

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Speaker 1: is how outspoken you are about everything in your life

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Speaker 1: and everything that you've experienced with your family, with your career,

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Speaker 1: and I guess I want to ask you first off

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Speaker 1: about how your childhood impacted the way that you have

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Speaker 1: your family now. And our experiences are so different when

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Speaker 1: we become parents. So I'm curious because you're always learning

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Speaker 1: and growing and you're dealing with a non traditional family

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Speaker 1: that's blended, right, which is basically the new tradition. So

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Speaker 1: tell me, like, how you learn and grow as the

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Speaker 1: head of a family like that with you and your husband.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, no, I mean, it's a process and it keeps changing.

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Speaker 5: But my ability to sort of weather those changes in

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Speaker 5: those constant evolutions comes from childhood. I come from a

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Speaker 5: family on my mom's side, the larger family is called

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Speaker 5: the Dozens of Cousins, and we have the largest black

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Speaker 5: family in the state of Nebraska and one of the

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Speaker 5: largest in the Midwest. And you're literally related to everyone,

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Speaker 5: and your business is their business, and if somebody sees

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Speaker 5: you on the street causing mischief, as one might say,

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Speaker 5: they are completely within their rights to smack the shit

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Speaker 5: out you. That was kind of how I grew up,

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Speaker 5: where your village was large and vast, and on my

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Speaker 5: dad's side, like both My parents are one of seven.

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Speaker 5: My dad's the youngest of seven, my mom's the oldest

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Speaker 5: of seven. And you are your brothers and sisters keepers.

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Speaker 5: That's just what it is. And my brothers and sisters

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Speaker 5: that could mean your actual siblings, siblings, or your extended family,

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Speaker 5: your community. You have responsibilities that are much much greater

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Speaker 5: than just you know, taking care of yourself. So that

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Speaker 5: was what I grew up. And we always had cousins, aunts, uncles,

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Speaker 5: everyone like would come to our house when they were

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Speaker 5: having you know, some troubled times or whatever, and they'd

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Speaker 5: stay for a couple of months. Or they'd send their

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Speaker 5: kid who was having disciplinary issues to my dad and

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Speaker 5: he'd straight them out, and you'd call it camp union

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Speaker 5: and we're like, don't come to camp union.

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Speaker 4: It sucks.

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Speaker 5: But they've just kept sending kids. So you just kind

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Speaker 5: of figured it out. You'd wake up and there'd be

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Speaker 5: a couple extra cousins there, and you know, you had

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Speaker 5: to figure out how to share service. Cereal and that

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Speaker 5: I've just sort of taken that into life. You do

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Speaker 5: what is necessary to cover as many people as possible.

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Speaker 1: That's beautiful.

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Speaker 5: That was so like controversial until oh.

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Speaker 1: I tell you guys just talked about splitting shit fifty

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Speaker 1: to fifty?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: Is that the big thing?

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Speaker 5: Oh my god, I hadn't. Honestly, it wasn't even that

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Speaker 5: wasn't even the point of what I was talking about.

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Speaker 5: It was how feeling like you need to take care

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Speaker 5: of everyone can be fucking stressful, like incredibly stressful, not resentful,

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Speaker 5: not anything else, though that has percolated in my body

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Speaker 5: at times. But I was just talking about how it

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Speaker 5: can be incredibly stressful when you are the answer to

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Speaker 5: everyone's problems, and because you know, everyone's like, but your

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Speaker 5: husband has money, and it's like, yeah, he has money,

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Speaker 5: and he should keep his money. I don't need that

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Speaker 5: part of him to make me complete. And maybe knowing

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Speaker 5: that he could cover me if if need be makes

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Speaker 5: it easier to then set a different boundary where I'm like, no,

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Speaker 5: I'm paying half because that's what makes me comfortable. But yeah,

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Speaker 5: I was talking about, like I'm stressed. It's hard being

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Speaker 5: head of household for multiple households outside of the one

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Speaker 5: you're living in. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Right, so you were talking about splitting Wait, what was

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Speaker 1: the confusion? You were talking about splitting something fifty to

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Speaker 1: fifty that you like to split your economics fifty to fifty.

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Speaker 1: And then what were people saying? What was their problem?

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Speaker 6: Now?

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Speaker 5: They were outraged that I would even want to split

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Speaker 5: a bill, that my husband isn't forcing me to allow

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Speaker 5: him to pay my bills, or he just has so

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Speaker 5: much more than I do. I'm a damn fool for

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Speaker 5: even like looking at towards my purse or my checkbook like,

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Speaker 5: I'm a stupid idiot for even wanting to pay half.

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Speaker 5: And it was an eye opening conversation because I was like,

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Speaker 5: it's like if someone said, yo, I write checks and

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Speaker 5: somebody else was like, oh, I do direct deposit? No,

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Speaker 5: why why write a track? I go into the bank myself?

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Speaker 5: What the fuck? Wh what? Oh? You guys are legitimately

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Speaker 5: this is week two of this show.

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Speaker 1: It just speaks to the patriarchy such bullshit where people

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Speaker 1: think that they're fucking with it and they know what's

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Speaker 1: going on. Yet these ideas are so old and stagnated

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Speaker 1: and stuck in their heads that the idea of a

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Speaker 1: woman wanting to pay for herself is so anathema to

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Speaker 1: so many people. It's like when I talk about not

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Speaker 1: wanting children, the iyre the anger I receive for men

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Speaker 1: who don't have anything to do with me. What the

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Speaker 1: fuck do you care what I'm doing? Why would it

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Speaker 1: make you so mad unless you had such a rock

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Speaker 1: stuck in your head about a belief system that is

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Speaker 1: starting to kind of you know shed.

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Speaker 5: It was funny because we in our group chat, we

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Speaker 5: had we covered your your comments and everyone was like,

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Speaker 5: I don't really even see. It was the quickest debate,

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Speaker 5: non debate that we had in our group chat. Everyone's like,

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Speaker 5: I don't if she doesn't want to have kids, who cares?

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Speaker 5: What does that have to do with me? And I

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Speaker 5: was like nothing and they were like okay, moving on.

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Speaker 5: So it was a very quick discussion that we had

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Speaker 5: and it was like what you ate, don't make me shit?

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Speaker 5: Literally literally, like it has nothing to do with anything.

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Speaker 5: But what I will say is I remembered feeling very

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Speaker 5: triggered in a cluster of moms who made other choices,

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Speaker 5: different choices than I made, and feeling like them talking

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Speaker 5: about their lives and their joys and their decisions somehow

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Speaker 5: was an attack on me, and that I'm a bad

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Speaker 5: mom because I work, or I'm a bad mom because

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Speaker 5: I can't make it to you know, certain things and

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Speaker 5: they weren't even looking in my direction. They weren't They

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Speaker 5: could have given two foughs about me. It was everything

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Speaker 5: I was taking in because I hadn't made peace with

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Speaker 5: my choice. So that's what it sort of felt like

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Speaker 5: with this. It was like, if you feel triggered to

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Speaker 5: such a degree where you're going to do a whole

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Speaker 5: TikTok or a stitch or a real child, what maybe

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Speaker 5: that's not even that this conversation is between you and I.

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Speaker 5: It's between you and yourself, because what about how I

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Speaker 5: pay my bills even causes any kind of reaction for you?

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Speaker 5: Then I don't think it has with me because I'm

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Speaker 5: a faling stranger. But also, yeah, totally.

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Speaker 1: It's also there's like the argument, you know, there's men

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Speaker 1: and there's women, and there's this kind of dynamic that's shifting,

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Speaker 1: and that's scaring a lot of old white guys about

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Speaker 1: powerful women, people not having a nuclear family, women working

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Speaker 1: God forbid, you know, everyone getting educated. But I also

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Speaker 1: the discussion is of women supporting women right like they

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Speaker 1: like to divide us too, and they've been very successful

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Speaker 1: at dividing women. This whole system of patriarchy that has

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Speaker 1: been in place since for so long, because before the patriarchy,

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Speaker 1: there was a patriarchy where women were in charge, you know,

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Speaker 1: and maybe if it had stayed that way, we would

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Speaker 1: our planet would it be on fire? And women now

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Speaker 1: are starting to understand, oh, it's not our job to

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Speaker 1: judge each other either. We need to support each other

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Speaker 1: if we're ever gonna win this quote unquote war. I

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Speaker 1: hate to say the word war, but that's what it

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Speaker 1: feels like. A culture clash and a culture war where

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Speaker 1: things are evolving, but now women are, it feels and

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Speaker 1: I know it too because I catch myself instead of

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Speaker 1: judging someone, I'm like, oh, oh, that's another woman. I'm

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Speaker 1: here for support. I'm not here to say she did

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Speaker 1: the wrong thing. I would have handled that differently. Who

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Speaker 1: gives a shit how you would have handled it? You're

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Speaker 1: not her?

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Speaker 5: And no one asked, Yeah, and not exactly, especially her,

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Speaker 5: She didn't ask. But it's that feeling of wanting to

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Speaker 5: be accepted through saneness right with me and everyone I

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Speaker 5: know are making the exact same decisions, then we are

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Speaker 5: right because just look at the sheer numbers of us

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Speaker 5: doing the exact same thing. But if someone comes in

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Speaker 5: to do something just different. There's billions of people in

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Speaker 5: the world, which means there's billions of ways of getting

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Speaker 5: from A to Z, right, so what about someone doing

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Speaker 5: something different just makes us feel so fearful or judged

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Speaker 5: or observed or surveilled or attacked when people are just

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Speaker 5: talking about their choices and it really doesn't have anything

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Speaker 5: to do with or it shouldn't have anything to do

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Speaker 5: with how you walk into your home and how you

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Speaker 5: and your family get down, Like that has literally nothing

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Speaker 5: to do with me, and if you're making it about me,

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Speaker 5: then let's lookay, let's have the conversation. This one dude

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Speaker 5: was like, you know, a beautifully done stitch. I mean,

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Speaker 5: the production quality was phenomenal, the music supervisor was amazing,

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Speaker 5: but he was like, you know, at the end of

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Speaker 5: this stitch was like, Gabrielle Union, no one cares. I

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Speaker 5: don't care. And I was like, but look at you

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Speaker 5: caring injury with this whole ass damn for real. And

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Speaker 5: then for some reason it didn't send, and I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 5: because perhaps I am getting triggered that I'm not comfortable

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Speaker 5: with my decisions and I need to be in a

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Speaker 5: place of complete comfort that no matter what anyone else

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Speaker 5: says about anything that I do, it rolls off, and

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Speaker 5: sometimes it rolls off and sometimes it doesn't. And I'm

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Speaker 5: going to have a sassy little response.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and well that's I mean, that's part of it.

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Speaker 1: And as you do as would I. I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to lie there and not say anything half the time,

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Speaker 1: you know, And then sometimes you got to I was

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Speaker 1: sending the email this morning. I got an email from

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Speaker 1: my attorney about this like lawsuit that I'm in. That's

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Speaker 1: so annoying. And I reacted right away. I'm like, you

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Speaker 1: know what, tell them forget mediation and this is what

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Speaker 1: needs to happen. And I was writing, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you're in a reactive mode. Why don't you just calm

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Speaker 1: down and wait till you get home and see if

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Speaker 1: you still want to send this. And you know, I

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Speaker 1: get home and I look down and I was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: what was I doing? Like it was only ten minutes ago.

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Speaker 1: But you know, as you get older, we catch ourselves

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Speaker 1: doing more and more when you're self examining and you

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Speaker 1: have self awareness and you desire to get to know

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Speaker 1: your inner self, and the work we do on ourselves

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Speaker 1: really results when we're in our forties and fifties. I

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Speaker 1: know you're celebrating. You just celebrated your fiftieth. Right, it's passed.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, it passed. It's in October, right, Okay, so.

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Speaker 1: You had a big party and you filmed it. Right,

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Speaker 1: it's a two part docuseries on b ET Right that's

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Speaker 1: coming out in June.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: I wanted to go back to Africa and take as

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Speaker 5: many people as possible and hit as many countries as possible,

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Speaker 5: as far as my little wallet could go.

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Speaker 1: I think I got a bill for that too, and

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Speaker 1: I think we're going three ways.

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Speaker 5: Oh Jesus. But yes, we started. We hit the Zanzibar

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Speaker 5: and Kraghana and we're in Namibia, and we went to

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Speaker 5: joe Berg and Sueto and Cape Town in South Africa

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Speaker 5: with just a roving band of my friends and family

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Speaker 5: and extended family, immediate family, and it was incredible. And

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Speaker 5: I was somewhere like as we were planning it, I

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Speaker 5: was like, I kind of feel like we should document this.

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Speaker 5: I don't know what we're going to do with it,

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Speaker 5: but I want this footage. I want to see what

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Speaker 5: my mom looks like growing up in Omaha, Nebraska, setting

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Speaker 5: foot back in the motherland. Where you can actually create

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Speaker 5: ties that had been denied us and had you know

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Speaker 5: that we've been ripped away from the and I wanted

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Speaker 5: to see that. I wanted to always have that. I mean,

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Speaker 5: she's seventy six now. And then I was like, wait, well,

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Speaker 5: I want to see what my daughter looks like. You know,

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Speaker 5: at that time she was three three going to Africa

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Speaker 5: and being embraced by a whole continent of people that

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Speaker 5: look like her. And then that turned into a docuseries,

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Speaker 5: two part docuseries for b ET plus.

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Speaker 1: Well, that sounds like a lot of fun. I thank you.

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Speaker 1: What is so obvious from your socials? You and your

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Speaker 1: husband are so vibrant and so happy and at peace,

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Speaker 1: and I think that speaks to an enlightening. You know,

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Speaker 1: you can see when people are enlightened that they live

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Speaker 1: with a different vibrancy, when you see that people have

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Speaker 1: been challenged, have had their thinking challenged, and come out

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Speaker 1: the other side, which is the way that the whole

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Speaker 1: world would ideally operate. Instead of having any sort of discrimination,

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Speaker 1: we just go at everybody with love. Everyone should be

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Speaker 1: treated equal, not just a certain section of people. So

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Speaker 1: I think that, like, what do you attribute the success

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Speaker 1: of your relationship with because the two of you have

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Speaker 1: have something great going obviously, what do you think about that?

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Speaker 5: I think it's a choice every day. And I've heard

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Speaker 5: this before and I'm like, fuck off, but it really

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Speaker 5: legit is. It's a choice every day to show up

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Speaker 5: and to be kind and to be there physically there,

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Speaker 5: and to consider the other person truly and deeply and completely,

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Speaker 5: not just when it's convenient for me, and to not

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Speaker 5: look at our marriage or the moves in our marriage

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Speaker 5: as pieces in a chessboard where one of us is

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Speaker 5: going to win and one of us is going to lose, right,

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Speaker 5: and I damn well better be the winner. We just

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Speaker 5: make a choice to do better by each other every

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Speaker 5: day than the day before. And it's somehow working. One

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Speaker 5: of my therapists, it's hard to really discern which one

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Speaker 5: it is, just a but one said, the greatest gift

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Speaker 5: that we can give ourselves in each other is constantly

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Speaker 5: modifying your expectations, right, And he's like, we have expectations

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Speaker 5: of strangers we don't know, we don't know what their

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Speaker 5: lives entail, but our expectations are huge expectations. And what

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Speaker 5: you can do at any point is just bring those

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Speaker 5: on down to a reasonable place, right where if there's

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Speaker 5: someone that you work with or a friend, and you

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Speaker 5: know they're quite consistent in their fuckery, but we still

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Speaker 5: have these expectations that are this big for those people

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Speaker 5: when we know, damn well, the only person's going to

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Speaker 5: be disappointed and annoyed is us. So just constantly reshaping expectations.

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Speaker 5: And the more we learn and the more we offer

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Speaker 5: grace and consideration, you know, maybe now it's time for

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Speaker 5: harder conversations that I'd never I would have never thought

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Speaker 5: to have. I would have just been pissed. And then

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Speaker 5: when my ragie rage goes, then the anxiety is up,

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Speaker 5: and then everything is just like I wish them, we'll

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Speaker 5: just stay in this place and it's exhausting. And at fifty,

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Speaker 5: I'm tired. I don't want to I don't want to

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Speaker 5: live like that. I don't want to love. That feels

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Speaker 5: like a fierce competition, which is kind of goes back

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Speaker 5: to the fifty to fifty thing. He said in an interview.

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Speaker 5: I was I was listening, I was eavesdropping that was

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Speaker 5: and he was talking about our house in Miami. Well,

405
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,560
Speaker 5: see how I said our house, And this man said oh, no,

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Speaker 5: my house. And I was like, I picked out this house.

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Speaker 5: I like like I was, I was instrumental in the

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Speaker 5: way this house looked like even finding the damn house.

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Speaker 5: And I was like, oh, never again, bitch, Like, never,

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Speaker 5: never again will I be in this position, And I'm

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Speaker 5: talking to myself, I'm the bitch here. Never again will

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Speaker 5: I be in a position where someone can say our

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Speaker 5: communal home is singularly owned. So after that, I mean,

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Speaker 5: this is like maybe a couple of years into our marriage.

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Speaker 5: So after that, anything else we bought, it was fifty

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Speaker 5: to fifty. And if our budget has to go lower

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Speaker 5: because of my black actress salary, then it's just going

418
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Speaker 5: to go a little lower. So we can both contribute

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Speaker 5: fifty to fifty. And I think the more he recognized

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Speaker 5: the peace that I have in always wanting to offer

421
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Speaker 5: fifty percent emotionally, you know, and a lot of relationships

422
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Speaker 5: we've been one hundred and ten percent, and we wonder

423
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Speaker 5: why we like I can't stand to see you come

424
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Speaker 5: because I'm doing all of the emotional labor, the physical labor.

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Speaker 5: No one's coming to save me from this situation. If

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Speaker 5: you're supposed to be the prince, No I need a

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Speaker 5: different fairy tale. This is not working for me. So

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Speaker 5: in the second marriage, after that comment, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 5: I can build my own fairy tale. They can look

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Speaker 5: however the fuck I want it to look, and I'm

431
00:21:21,840 --> 00:21:24,719
Speaker 5: gonna do that. And then he was like bet okay,

432
00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:29,399
Speaker 5: uh how about And we just started communicating what the

433
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,879
Speaker 5: hell I've never done it? And the fact that like

434
00:21:31,920 --> 00:21:35,119
Speaker 5: people say it and you're like okay, But to truly

435
00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:39,320
Speaker 5: communicate and to hear each other and to listen and

436
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 5: not listen for my witty comeback which I like to do,

437
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 5: to really hear him and allow for a space of

438
00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:51,560
Speaker 5: vulnerability that has never existed in my life. And I

439
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:55,119
Speaker 5: thought that was being strong. And I'm just trying new

440
00:21:55,119 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 5: shit at this point because the old way is not working.

441
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 5: Didn't work for my parents, didn't work for my grand parents,

442
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,720
Speaker 5: didn't work for their parents. So doing the same shit

443
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:07,159
Speaker 5: over and over again just sounds like madness. And I

444
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 5: want PEACEE.

445
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:10,200
Speaker 1: What do you want peace? I could tell you want

446
00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,760
Speaker 1: peace and you're and you're getting it. I feel like

447
00:22:12,760 --> 00:22:15,360
Speaker 1: you're getting peace in parcels. I feel like we all

448
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:18,280
Speaker 1: are as we grow, you know, we start to understand

449
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,000
Speaker 1: that piece is from within, and then we start to

450
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 1: understand our role and everything and how we can be

451
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,560
Speaker 1: calmer and braver and more loving and all of the things.

452
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:28,080
Speaker 1: And it's a nice awakening to keep happening, you know,

453
00:22:28,160 --> 00:22:29,720
Speaker 1: as we get older. What do you have to say

454
00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,960
Speaker 1: about a nine year age difference? What's that like?

455
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 5: You know, at first it wasn't because he you know,

456
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,679
Speaker 5: he was a teen parent. You know, he had his

457
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,359
Speaker 5: first kid as a teenager. He moved out of his

458
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,960
Speaker 5: family's home at fifteen, so he was a different kind

459
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:46,280
Speaker 5: of twenty five year old when I met him, and

460
00:22:46,359 --> 00:22:53,280
Speaker 5: I was a clueless, wild, wild animal that probably needed

461
00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:56,560
Speaker 5: more nurturing than I was willing to admit, and he

462
00:22:56,640 --> 00:22:59,439
Speaker 5: definitely needed more fun. So at the time, it was like,

463
00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 5: I'm going to bring the fun. We're going to have

464
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,960
Speaker 5: fun as adventures. But along with that fun, I was

465
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:10,000
Speaker 5: lacking in care. Someone to do that, to be caring

466
00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:12,679
Speaker 5: and nurturing and compassionate, and we kind of provided that

467
00:23:12,760 --> 00:23:15,800
Speaker 5: for each other. So the age range wasn't an issue

468
00:23:16,200 --> 00:23:20,240
Speaker 5: until when the Big Three came together in Miami and

469
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 5: Lebron's family sat in front of us, and so I

470
00:23:23,280 --> 00:23:24,720
Speaker 5: was like the first time I really got to meet

471
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,919
Speaker 5: Glow Gloria Gloria James Lebron's mom, and I realized that

472
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 5: she was a senior when I was like a sophomore. Yeah,

473
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,440
Speaker 5: and then when I realized I was older in fact,

474
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 5: then a lot of his teammates' parents and I had

475
00:23:42,119 --> 00:23:44,440
Speaker 5: a lot more in common with the coaches. In fact,

476
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:47,800
Speaker 5: one of the coaches was like, we had a basketball

477
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:50,879
Speaker 5: tournament in high school. We were at the same tournament. Yeah,

478
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:52,440
Speaker 5: So those kind of things are like, oh, I want

479
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:54,600
Speaker 5: to go to a concert. I want to go see

480
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:57,720
Speaker 5: Holland Oates and Earth Wind and Fire, the Whispers, perhaps

481
00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:00,600
Speaker 5: the Spinners, And he wants to go to dre And I'm.

482
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:06,080
Speaker 1: Like, oh, that's funny. That would be my reaction too.

483
00:24:06,160 --> 00:24:09,440
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh shit, I'm too old for this shit,

484
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 1: Like I.

485
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:13,080
Speaker 5: Want jazz best, you know what I mean. And he's

486
00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,920
Speaker 5: looking for like the Budweiser super Fast. So yeah, it's

487
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,679
Speaker 5: like musically, it kind of is a thing some of

488
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,280
Speaker 5: our friends and where we're at in life can be

489
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:25,200
Speaker 5: a little different, but when we're home. Yeah, I think

490
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:29,359
Speaker 5: he just experienced a lot in his childhood that I

491
00:24:29,400 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 5: didn't even start to have any kind of understanding for

492
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:36,119
Speaker 5: until I was over forty that he had to intimately

493
00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 5: understand at six. So I think due to life experience,

494
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 5: it kind of balance it out. But yeah, right now

495
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:47,280
Speaker 5: when I wake well, Now, first of all, the fact

496
00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:51,400
Speaker 5: that sleep number has literally changed our lives, change our marriage.

497
00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:53,879
Speaker 1: I'm so happy to hear that. What an easy thing.

498
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 5: You know, hot it is like at night, and he's

499
00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:57,600
Speaker 5: the lady.

500
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,080
Speaker 1: I know how fucking hot it is. I keep my

501
00:24:59,080 --> 00:25:01,680
Speaker 1: air conditioning at six sixty six degrees at night. Now,

502
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:03,160
Speaker 1: oh my god.

503
00:25:02,880 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 5: Well, like he's always hot, so he likes it super cold.

504
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 5: I'm randomly hot and cold depending so like I can

505
00:25:10,359 --> 00:25:14,000
Speaker 5: set my core temperature to like very chilly, but my

506
00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 5: feet toasty. And the fact that like I could have

507
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,840
Speaker 5: one side with my legs up, because you know, inflammation

508
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,200
Speaker 5: overnight is a killer. I got to reduce my risk

509
00:25:22,240 --> 00:25:23,640
Speaker 5: of stroke and heart attack.

510
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:24,440
Speaker 1: Every night.

511
00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 5: He's in his forty one year old slumber. So those

512
00:25:29,600 --> 00:25:32,159
Speaker 5: kinds of things where like, you know, he jokes, I

513
00:25:32,200 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 5: thought I had more time when you know, I can't

514
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,000
Speaker 5: remember shit.

515
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:38,720
Speaker 1: You know, Okay, we're gonna take a quick break and

516
00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:40,159
Speaker 1: then we're gonna come back and we're gonna take a

517
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:42,200
Speaker 1: couple of callers. Okay, and we're gonna give life advice

518
00:25:42,240 --> 00:25:44,639
Speaker 1: to real people. Oh jesus, yeah, you better get your

519
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,120
Speaker 1: therapist cap on, girl, it's about to happen. All right,

520
00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 1: we'll be right back, and we're back.

521
00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: We're back.

522
00:25:54,600 --> 00:25:54,800
Speaker 5: Well.

523
00:25:54,880 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 2: Our first question deals with some fertility stuff. Ky, says

524
00:25:58,560 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 2: dear Chelsea out, hoping you can give me a nudge.

525
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 2: I'm forty three years old. Much like the gorgeous Monica

526
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,399
Speaker 2: Padman you had on a while back. I've been mysteriously

527
00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:10,840
Speaker 2: single pretty much all of my life. I'm pretty funny, creative,

528
00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,639
Speaker 2: a good friend, well traveled. I've had my own business

529
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,320
Speaker 2: for sixteen years, et cetera, et cetera. I've done all

530
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:18,679
Speaker 2: sorts of therapy around this singleness and can't seem to

531
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,360
Speaker 2: define it or move through it anyway. Three years ago,

532
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 2: when I turned forty, I decided to try and have

533
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,320
Speaker 2: a baby on my own. My thinking there was I

534
00:26:27,359 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 2: have plenty of time to fall in love and only

535
00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:31,200
Speaker 2: a finite time to have a baby, which was really

536
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,199
Speaker 2: running out. I work for myself, have a strong support

537
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,439
Speaker 2: network and my own condo. If anyone can do it,

538
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:37,000
Speaker 2: I can.

539
00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:37,840
Speaker 6: Well.

540
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 2: The last three years have been grueling, many many, many

541
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:44,520
Speaker 2: rounds of unsuccessful IVF despite a good prognosis, three pretty

542
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:48,280
Speaker 2: devastating riskcarriages on top of the pandemic, living alone, paying

543
00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,240
Speaker 2: for it all on my own, and having some pretty

544
00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:53,639
Speaker 2: dark moments, I'm drawing a line in the sand. However,

545
00:26:53,760 --> 00:26:56,160
Speaker 2: my younger sister, who has had a baby i e.

546
00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:59,240
Speaker 2: Is fertile, has offered me her eggs. She's thirty eight.

547
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:01,760
Speaker 2: Has been on the table for a while, so I've

548
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,840
Speaker 2: processed the whole idea of this, and I'm fine with

549
00:27:03,880 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 2: the potential baby not being from my exact egg. But

550
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:11,320
Speaker 2: I'm just so tired and traumatized and disillusioned and confused.

551
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:14,280
Speaker 2: On one hand, calling it quits on the baby IVF

552
00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 2: journey means I get my mind and my body back,

553
00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 2: and I can focus on building my business up again,

554
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:23,080
Speaker 2: being a good friend's sister, auntie daughter, work on creative projects,

555
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 2: traveling and potentially living overseas part time, and working out

556
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,360
Speaker 2: why the fuck I'm single and trying to get over

557
00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:31,160
Speaker 2: this massive block. But then the idea that I won't

558
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:33,280
Speaker 2: ever have a child just makes me so sad, and

559
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:35,320
Speaker 2: I wonder if my excitement about all of the above

560
00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:37,760
Speaker 2: is just that idea of being released from three years

561
00:27:37,760 --> 00:27:41,040
Speaker 2: of failure, money going down the drain, having invasive procedures

562
00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,399
Speaker 2: every other month, all for nothing, and maybe I just

563
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,400
Speaker 2: need to give it one last push. It's also annoying.

564
00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:49,760
Speaker 2: I see virtue and goodness and happiness and grief and

565
00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:53,560
Speaker 2: sadness in both paths. Most decisions are like doorways. You

566
00:27:53,560 --> 00:27:55,400
Speaker 2: can walk back through it if it doesn't work out.

567
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:57,840
Speaker 2: But this is not a door you can walk back through.

568
00:27:58,240 --> 00:28:00,600
Speaker 2: My sister's getting older, too, so I can't sit on

569
00:28:00,640 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 2: it for too long.

570
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:02,120
Speaker 5: Help.

571
00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,640
Speaker 2: I'm really confused and tired. Lots of love.

572
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,280
Speaker 1: K fuck, that was like a journal entry.

573
00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 2: I know a lot going on.

574
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,160
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, Gabrielle, like, I'm gonna let you go first,

575
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 1: because I know you have experience with this.

576
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, and it's heartbreaking and it's exhausting. It is financially

577
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:22,520
Speaker 5: incredibly draining. And I'm saying this as someone who has means.

578
00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:29,200
Speaker 5: It is expensive and it can devastate your financial outlook

579
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:31,760
Speaker 5: for a while to come. I mean, I know plenty

580
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,720
Speaker 5: of people who have got the baby, but their finances

581
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 5: never recovered from their fertility journey. First, I would say,

582
00:28:39,200 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 5: are we sure it's your eggs. A lot of times

583
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 5: they automatically just assume your eggs are just too old

584
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,440
Speaker 5: at forty three. But it could be some other factor.

585
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,000
Speaker 5: It could be your donor sperm. It could be how

586
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 5: your egg and that donor sperm come together in your body.

587
00:28:52,680 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 5: Your your uterus could actually be like a more of

588
00:28:55,240 --> 00:28:57,920
Speaker 5: a hostile environment. So there's other tests that you can do.

589
00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:01,440
Speaker 5: You can look into rheumatologists to see if there's other

590
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 5: reasons for the miscarriages. There's other specialists that can also

591
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,960
Speaker 5: chime in outside of fertility specialists. So if you wanted

592
00:29:07,960 --> 00:29:10,800
Speaker 5: to just for your own peace of mind, you know

593
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 5: there's other medical routes you can go. But the way

594
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,480
Speaker 5: you kind of describe life, what life could be if

595
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 5: you ought to let this go, that sounds like a

596
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 5: really pretty high quality life where some of your other

597
00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 5: dreams are coming true and you're still being able to

598
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,280
Speaker 5: stay true to your heart and get it that. I

599
00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,960
Speaker 5: like that she talked about wanting to like do some

600
00:29:33,120 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 5: deeper self excavation and see what else is going on there,

601
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,400
Speaker 5: but also listen, if it's one of those things that

602
00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 5: you're just never going to be able to make peace with,

603
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:47,640
Speaker 5: then I say exhaust every option. But when you feel it,

604
00:29:48,360 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 5: your body and your brain will give you that this

605
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:54,520
Speaker 5: is it. And if you already got that and now

606
00:29:54,520 --> 00:29:57,240
Speaker 5: it's just a matter of having peace with it, there's

607
00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 5: so many great therapists that can help you make peace

608
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,560
Speaker 5: with moving towards whatever's next.

609
00:30:03,760 --> 00:30:05,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say, I would say to this woman,

610
00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:09,720
Speaker 1: it sounds like you are so so married to the

611
00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:12,680
Speaker 1: idea of having a baby. And to piggyback on what

612
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,560
Speaker 1: Gabrielle says, I think you should definitely take your sister

613
00:30:15,680 --> 00:30:18,080
Speaker 1: up on her offer of an egg to see if

614
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,640
Speaker 1: you have a better situation and a better result from that.

615
00:30:22,160 --> 00:30:25,400
Speaker 1: I think you should exhaust all possibilities if you want this.

616
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:27,640
Speaker 1: This is just one more thing. You're already so far

617
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,760
Speaker 1: down the road of it. I think you should give

618
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 1: it one more shot with your sister's egg, because that

619
00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:35,320
Speaker 1: could be a miracle waiting to happen, you know, and

620
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: maybe there will be different for biochemistry physiology with that

621
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:41,080
Speaker 1: egg and the sperm and all of the other things

622
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:44,000
Speaker 1: that were just mentioned. And then if that doesn't happen,

623
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: I don't think you should stay on this path interminably.

624
00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: I think you do want to get yourself together and

625
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,560
Speaker 1: get into therapy and start to really kind of capture

626
00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:54,080
Speaker 1: all of the other beautiful things you're going to be

627
00:30:54,120 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 1: able to contribute to this world by not having to

628
00:30:56,560 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: raise a child, you know. But I wouldn't give up

629
00:30:59,280 --> 00:31:01,440
Speaker 1: just yet. I feel like there's still hope left in

630
00:31:01,480 --> 00:31:03,440
Speaker 1: your story. So that's my two cents.

631
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:06,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you just don't know what's coming down the pike,

632
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,880
Speaker 2: like she spent so much time focused on sort of

633
00:31:08,880 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 2: why am I single? Like, you don't know if maybe

634
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 2: that means you're going to meet someone who has a

635
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 2: five year old that you then become like another mom too,

636
00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 2: or you know, maybe adoption or fostering is in her future.

637
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:22,640
Speaker 1: And also just you know, I know you've had multiple miscarriages,

638
00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:25,440
Speaker 1: but that is a very familiar story too. A lot

639
00:31:25,440 --> 00:31:29,080
Speaker 1: of women miscarry multiple times before they do get pregnant,

640
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:33,080
Speaker 1: and so it's not hopeless always in every situation. Obviously

641
00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 1: I don't know your medical history, but there are so

642
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: many stories that happened to my sister, It's happened to

643
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: so many of my friends. So don't give up hope

644
00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: until you're you know, you're you're ready to exhaust your

645
00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: hope and you're not ready. I can tell by the

646
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,000
Speaker 1: tone of your letter. So just keep trying and then

647
00:31:48,120 --> 00:31:50,760
Speaker 1: you know, let us know what happens. Please, And you.

648
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 5: And your sister need to go to therapy before you

649
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,040
Speaker 5: agree to take her eggs. Good idea, that old different

650
00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:01,040
Speaker 5: set of sisterly bonding and who I don't even know

651
00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,080
Speaker 5: what the right word is. You guys have to work

652
00:32:03,160 --> 00:32:05,600
Speaker 5: through all of it because it can be a bit

653
00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,480
Speaker 5: of a brain twister of mind. It's a mind fuck,

654
00:32:09,040 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 5: you know. And your sister may have feelings once the

655
00:32:11,800 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 5: child arrives that may not be in alignment with how

656
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:16,680
Speaker 5: you want to raise your children.

657
00:32:16,960 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 4: Yeah.

658
00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 5: Yeah, So all of this needs to be talked about

659
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 5: ahead of you accepting her eggs. So everyone's clearly on

660
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,240
Speaker 5: the same page and there's a path forward in case

661
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:27,120
Speaker 5: there's any hiccups.

662
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:30,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good preventive and more prophylactic prophylactic therapy.

663
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 2: Yes. Well, our first caller today is Stacy dear Chelsea.

664
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 2: I'm a twenty seven year old woman getting married later

665
00:32:39,720 --> 00:32:43,600
Speaker 2: this year. I got engaged in January and immediately started planning.

666
00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,640
Speaker 2: I chose my bridal party the night I got engaged.

667
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,040
Speaker 2: For context, I moved to a new city a couple

668
00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:51,440
Speaker 2: of years ago, and the friend in this scenario that

669
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 2: she's talking about is one I made through work. We

670
00:32:53,800 --> 00:32:56,720
Speaker 2: got closed pretty quickly. This friend was one that I

671
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 2: contacted immediately to tell her I was engaged and asked

672
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:01,840
Speaker 2: her to be my bridal party. But over the last

673
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,960
Speaker 2: few months, I've come to realize that this woman is

674
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:06,040
Speaker 2: not someone I want standing at the altar with me.

675
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:10,120
Speaker 2: She's extremely judgmental and often in opposition to me whenever

676
00:33:10,120 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 2: I have conversations with her about my career, finances, even

677
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 2: my relationship. On three separate occasions, she's asked me, do

678
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 2: you really want to get married to this man? Not

679
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,040
Speaker 2: because she has problems with my fiance, but just because

680
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 2: she personally doesn't believe I'm old enough to get married.

681
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:27,200
Speaker 2: Time and again she makes it clear to me that

682
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 2: she doesn't think I'm mature enough to make my own decisions.

683
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 2: I believe that she thinks, because she's thirty one and

684
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,000
Speaker 2: I'm twenty seven, that she knows better than I do.

685
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:37,320
Speaker 2: But she, on more than one occasion, has told me

686
00:33:37,400 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 2: I'm her therapist and will constantly treat the time we

687
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 2: share together as if she's in therapy. She's always asking

688
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,040
Speaker 2: me for advice, but somehow thinks I'm not mature enough

689
00:33:46,040 --> 00:33:48,440
Speaker 2: to make my own choices. I'm trying to figure out

690
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,120
Speaker 2: the best way to tell her she's not in my

691
00:33:50,160 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 2: bridal party an wed.

692
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 1: Fuck.

693
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,600
Speaker 2: I don't want it to seem like it's out of

694
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,560
Speaker 2: nowhere when I tell her, but I'm absolutely positive I

695
00:33:58,560 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 2: don't want her in my bridal party, and I'm worried

696
00:34:00,680 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 2: it will cause a huge argument. Any help you can

697
00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:05,800
Speaker 2: provide is appreciated. Love the Show can't wait to hear

698
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 2: what you think. Stacy.

699
00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:13,160
Speaker 1: Hi, Stacy, Hi, Stacy. Hello, Hi, you're raised with Gabrielle

700
00:34:13,239 --> 00:34:14,880
Speaker 1: Union today. She's our guest today.

701
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, hello Gabrielle.

702
00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:18,480
Speaker 6: Hi.

703
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:21,680
Speaker 5: Question, is that friend married?

704
00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:26,040
Speaker 4: No, she's not surprised.

705
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:28,919
Speaker 5: Are you sure? She's just not afraid of being left

706
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,600
Speaker 5: behind in her mind that she's going to be left behind,

707
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:35,960
Speaker 5: which is why she suddenly had issues about your pending nuptials.

708
00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 7: You know, that's crossed my mind because then that kind

709
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 7: of would make her like one of my only single friends.

710
00:34:42,640 --> 00:34:44,480
Speaker 7: And you know, like people get scared that people get

711
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:48,560
Speaker 7: caught up in their relationships and kind of neglect their friendships,

712
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,840
Speaker 7: So I think that there may be some of that happening.

713
00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 5: Has she had any successful long term relationships?

714
00:34:58,160 --> 00:34:59,880
Speaker 4: She's had one that I know.

715
00:35:00,600 --> 00:35:02,200
Speaker 1: So she's going to be a part of the bridal party,

716
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: but you're trying to demote her. So you want her

717
00:35:04,120 --> 00:35:05,440
Speaker 1: to come to the wedding, but you don't want her

718
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 1: to be in the bridal party. Is that accurate?

719
00:35:07,719 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 4: Yeah?

720
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:10,200
Speaker 7: I do because I would like her there, but just

721
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 7: after everything she said and like being judgmental and like

722
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,719
Speaker 7: unsupportive in me wanting to get married, I just feel

723
00:35:16,719 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 7: like that's not someone I want to up there with me.

724
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:22,279
Speaker 4: I don't know. And now I'm like, do I even

725
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:23,720
Speaker 4: want her at the wedding? Good question?

726
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,799
Speaker 1: So but well, I mean if you get her, if

727
00:35:26,800 --> 00:35:29,799
Speaker 1: you if she do a season desist, she's not gonna

728
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 1: be your friend anymore. Is that what you're looking for?

729
00:35:32,000 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: Because it's really hard to make this move without ruining

730
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:36,880
Speaker 1: a friendship exactly.

731
00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:39,280
Speaker 7: And that's something that I've gone over in my mind,

732
00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 7: and I think it would be okay if the friendship ended,

733
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 7: just because like it hasn't made the longest friendship. I've

734
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 7: only known her for a couple of years. We're close

735
00:35:50,560 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 7: but not too close.

736
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:54,319
Speaker 2: Do you still work together kind of?

737
00:35:54,480 --> 00:35:58,080
Speaker 1: So she very vague all this information, it's very vague.

738
00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 7: I know she like fills in at different clinics, So

739
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,400
Speaker 7: sometimes she'll fill in at my clinic. Sometimes she won't.

740
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:06,800
Speaker 7: She's in school right now, so she's not working a lot.

741
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,600
Speaker 7: But sometimes when she does work, she does fill in

742
00:36:09,600 --> 00:36:12,080
Speaker 7: at my clinic, but it's not very often.

743
00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:14,919
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, it sounds like if the relationship ends, you'll

744
00:36:14,920 --> 00:36:17,239
Speaker 1: be okay with it. And with that knowledge, I think

745
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,560
Speaker 1: it's important for you. You absolutely do not want someone

746
00:36:19,600 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: standing up next to you when you get married, right, Gabrielle,

747
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:23,759
Speaker 1: that feels that way about you.

748
00:36:24,160 --> 00:36:26,600
Speaker 5: Ill, No, you don't want them in the building. Why

749
00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:28,680
Speaker 5: would you want that kind of negative energy in the building.

750
00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:31,279
Speaker 1: No, I've heard, Gabrielle. I've heard you talk about when

751
00:36:31,280 --> 00:36:33,720
Speaker 1: people come over to your house, you have an energy

752
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:35,600
Speaker 1: and a vibe in your house, don't fuck it up

753
00:36:35,640 --> 00:36:38,040
Speaker 1: when you come over, And that's how you should feel

754
00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:38,760
Speaker 1: about your wedding.

755
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:40,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's true. Absolutely.

756
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:43,319
Speaker 7: So I'm like you, guys, I wouldn't really want her

757
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,280
Speaker 7: at the wedding, you know, just with everything she said

758
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 7: and how she feels.

759
00:36:47,160 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 1: Well, I think you can give her an opportunity to

760
00:36:49,160 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 1: recognize what she did. I think you can write her

761
00:36:50,800 --> 00:36:52,799
Speaker 1: a really nice email and say, hey, listen, I've been

762
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,920
Speaker 1: thinking about my wedding and I've been really meditating on it,

763
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 1: whatever your form of you know, reflection is, and I

764
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:02,720
Speaker 1: think it doesn't appropriate to have anyone that's not fully

765
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 1: wedding positive and happy about our union to be standing

766
00:37:06,120 --> 00:37:08,239
Speaker 1: up there with me. I would still love for you

767
00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,680
Speaker 1: to come to the wedding if you want to support us,

768
00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:12,920
Speaker 1: but I don't need you in the bridal party. And

769
00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,040
Speaker 1: you know you can make this not nasty, you can

770
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:17,600
Speaker 1: make this loving, but that it's really coming from what

771
00:37:17,640 --> 00:37:20,280
Speaker 1: you need on your wedding day. You want to feel safe,

772
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,439
Speaker 1: secure and surrounded by love and good vibrations, and that's

773
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:27,239
Speaker 1: what you're after. And if she can bring that, then

774
00:37:27,280 --> 00:37:29,919
Speaker 1: she's totally welcome to come to the wedding, but she's

775
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:31,200
Speaker 1: not going to be in the wedding party.

776
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:32,480
Speaker 8: Here's a question for you.

777
00:37:32,640 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 2: Has she bought her dress yet?

778
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 4: I don't think so.

779
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,600
Speaker 7: She was telling me she has a dress that she

780
00:37:38,640 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 7: wears to like a lot of weddings, that it just

781
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,120
Speaker 7: happens to fit the color and my color is burgundy.

782
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:45,960
Speaker 7: Then I'm having everyone wearing her dress is burgundy. She's like, oh,

783
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,359
Speaker 7: probably just wear that one. So she already has that

784
00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:52,720
Speaker 7: in her closet. She's like, I'll probably just wear that one.

785
00:37:53,360 --> 00:37:56,399
Speaker 1: Do you feel comfortable writing a letter like that. I do,

786
00:37:56,480 --> 00:37:58,680
Speaker 1: because it seems like you kind of want to.

787
00:38:00,600 --> 00:38:01,160
Speaker 4: I'm trying to.

788
00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:05,200
Speaker 7: Get better at doing that and communicating with people like, Okay,

789
00:38:05,239 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 7: this isn't working for me.

790
00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:08,120
Speaker 4: We need to do something about this.

791
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:11,640
Speaker 7: So I think, yeah, communicating it in a loving and

792
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 7: like I still respect you, like I don't want to

793
00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 7: buck shit to you or anything like that. But I

794
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:18,959
Speaker 7: think that's kind of the vibe I was going for,

795
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,759
Speaker 7: because yeah, I don't want to be rude or mean

796
00:38:21,800 --> 00:38:24,000
Speaker 7: to her, but yeah, like you said, I don't want

797
00:38:24,000 --> 00:38:25,400
Speaker 7: any negative energy.

798
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 1: After wedding, and you have every right to say that

799
00:38:27,280 --> 00:38:27,920
Speaker 1: to anybody.

800
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,000
Speaker 4: That's true. True.

801
00:38:30,160 --> 00:38:32,239
Speaker 1: So write her a nice email and then you know,

802
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 1: follow up with her, and if she can't take the feedback,

803
00:38:35,360 --> 00:38:37,319
Speaker 1: maybe she'll surprise you, and maybe she'll be like, oh

804
00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 1: my god, I'm so sorry. I hadn't even been thinking

805
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:42,160
Speaker 1: about how negatively I've been coming across you know, And

806
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,799
Speaker 1: then that would be a nice surprise, little rainbow. But

807
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:47,840
Speaker 1: if that doesn't happen, you're already okay with the results

808
00:38:47,840 --> 00:38:50,280
Speaker 1: of not having that friendship. So I think you should

809
00:38:50,320 --> 00:38:53,000
Speaker 1: just be prepared and open minded for whatever happens. But

810
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:55,600
Speaker 1: speak your truth because that's the most important element here,

811
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:57,840
Speaker 1: is you saying what you need for on your like

812
00:38:57,920 --> 00:38:58,600
Speaker 1: special day.

813
00:38:59,400 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think preparing for Like you mentioned, you think

814
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 2: it might be a blow up, which I love the email,

815
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 2: so it's not like she can't get into it with

816
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 2: you right then. But if she does have a negative

817
00:39:10,120 --> 00:39:13,080
Speaker 2: reaction and sends you some like email with a lot

818
00:39:13,080 --> 00:39:15,480
Speaker 2: of capital utters and all that sort of thing, maybe

819
00:39:15,520 --> 00:39:17,279
Speaker 2: just agree with yourself now that you're not going to

820
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 2: respond to it right away or maybe even at all.

821
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 2: You know, maybe just like let it lie. She might

822
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:24,799
Speaker 2: have some big feelings about it, and like you don't

823
00:39:24,800 --> 00:39:26,319
Speaker 2: need to take that on either and make it like

824
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:27,040
Speaker 2: a back and forth.

825
00:39:27,719 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 7: Yeah that's true, because I definitely can be very reactive,

826
00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 7: So I think that sending it and then if she

827
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:36,120
Speaker 7: emails back, just like letting it.

828
00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:38,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't get into one of those ping pong things.

829
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 1: That's not ever good for anybody.

830
00:39:40,200 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 5: Listen, or let her have it. Let her have it.

831
00:39:42,800 --> 00:39:45,480
Speaker 5: I think maybe she seems at a little slick on

832
00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 5: the tongue there, and too many people have led her slide.

833
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:54,000
Speaker 5: So sometimes somebody needs a little emotional too, piece little

834
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:54,920
Speaker 5: pop pop.

835
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:58,319
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Saying to someone who's getting married, are

836
00:39:58,360 --> 00:40:01,399
Speaker 1: you sure you want to get married multiple times? Isn't

837
00:40:01,440 --> 00:40:04,719
Speaker 1: supportive unless you're a fiance is an abuser, you know

838
00:40:04,760 --> 00:40:07,560
Speaker 1: what I mean? Like, it's just not appropriate. So that's

839
00:40:07,600 --> 00:40:08,920
Speaker 1: already negative.

840
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:12,399
Speaker 7: Exactly, And I that was just crazy that you would

841
00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,239
Speaker 7: say that in the first place, after she had been

842
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:20,560
Speaker 7: appointed to a bridesmaid, Like, how are you gonna question

843
00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 7: this when.

844
00:40:21,640 --> 00:40:23,680
Speaker 4: I've already asked you to be a part of it.

845
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:25,120
Speaker 5: How does she know him?

846
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:26,160
Speaker 4: So?

847
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,880
Speaker 7: And that's the thing that is also a little confusing.

848
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 7: So she has met him maybe four times total.

849
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:35,359
Speaker 4: We've gone out for drinks once.

850
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 7: She's just come over to the house before me and

851
00:40:38,239 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 7: her going out somewhere, and he's been there and they

852
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:45,880
Speaker 7: talk and have a conversation and she is like, yeah, he's.

853
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:47,439
Speaker 4: A really personal guy.

854
00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:48,960
Speaker 7: Like I like the way that you can leave the

855
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 7: room and that we can have a conversation, and like

856
00:40:51,880 --> 00:40:57,600
Speaker 7: he seems really nice and so I'm like, Okay, then

857
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,879
Speaker 7: why are you pressing me so hard about like when

858
00:40:59,840 --> 00:41:02,040
Speaker 7: you're telling me that he's this great guy and he's

859
00:41:02,480 --> 00:41:04,839
Speaker 7: great for me, Like, what's why are you pressing me

860
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 7: so hard into why do you want to marry this man?

861
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:09,280
Speaker 7: It's very confused.

862
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's just her own shit, you know what I mean?

863
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:16,400
Speaker 1: A little yeah she is. Anyway, write that email and

864
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:18,240
Speaker 1: keep us posted, let us know what happens.

865
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,640
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, I will, thank you Stacy and keep us posted.

866
00:41:22,719 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 1: Okay, Thanks day, sat.

867
00:41:24,560 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 5: Thank you, thank you, congratulations, thank you so much.

868
00:41:30,200 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: I like when our callers are feisty and they're already

869
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: ready to go, you know, because some people are just

870
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,240
Speaker 1: like not ready to have a confrontation or any conflict.

871
00:41:38,280 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: They're very conflict of verse and they're scared to like

872
00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,120
Speaker 1: make that point of entry where you have to have

873
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:45,800
Speaker 1: the discussion with someone. But she seems like she's ready

874
00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:46,320
Speaker 1: to rumble.

875
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:48,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, and she's like ready to lose this girl.

876
00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 1: Yeah exactly, Yeah, a little nudge. Yeah, that's problem solved.

877
00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:55,799
Speaker 6: Well.

878
00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:59,520
Speaker 2: Our next caller is Sarah. Dear Chelsea, I love your

879
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,360
Speaker 2: advice on a situation I've found myself in with a friend.

880
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 2: My friend, Becky, and I met in prenatal yoga class

881
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 2: in twenty nineteen. Both of our sons were born in

882
00:42:07,719 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 2: early twenty twenty, right before the pandemic started. We became

883
00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:13,719
Speaker 2: very close and would text almost every day. We'd get

884
00:42:13,719 --> 00:42:16,480
Speaker 2: together for stroller walks outside regularly for the first couple

885
00:42:16,520 --> 00:42:18,880
Speaker 2: of years of our kids' lives. Now, both of our

886
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,080
Speaker 2: boys are three, and in the last year and a half,

887
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:23,280
Speaker 2: her son has had issues with being a little aggressive

888
00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:27,000
Speaker 2: towards my son, pushing, etc. I've mostly brushed it off

889
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:30,280
Speaker 2: as toddler behavior, but it keeps getting worse. The final

890
00:42:30,360 --> 00:42:32,759
Speaker 2: straw was recently when her son put my son in

891
00:42:32,840 --> 00:42:36,359
Speaker 2: a headlock and body slammed him. Yeah. I had told

892
00:42:36,360 --> 00:42:37,919
Speaker 2: her that we had to take a break from hanging

893
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:40,400
Speaker 2: out with the boys because of it. I reiterated that

894
00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:42,359
Speaker 2: our friendship was important to me and that I'd still

895
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 2: be open to hanging out without the kids. But I

896
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:47,600
Speaker 2: haven't heard back from her at all. Should I reach

897
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,920
Speaker 2: out or should I just accept that my boundary has

898
00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:54,280
Speaker 2: ended our friendship. Thanks and love your show, Sarah. Tricky

899
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,440
Speaker 2: one mom's stuff.

900
00:42:55,560 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 1: I know it is tricky, especially when they're three years old.

901
00:42:57,920 --> 00:43:02,479
Speaker 5: Right, They all do weird some aggressive things. They all

902
00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:04,560
Speaker 5: do it, whether they get your kid gets caught at

903
00:43:04,600 --> 00:43:06,919
Speaker 5: it more often than not. It's just they all do it.

904
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,759
Speaker 1: Hi, Sarah, Hi, Hi, how are you?

905
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 6: I'm good?

906
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:11,560
Speaker 5: Are you?

907
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:14,360
Speaker 1: We're good. This is Gabrielle. She's our special guest today.

908
00:43:15,200 --> 00:43:15,399
Speaker 5: Hi.

909
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:19,960
Speaker 1: Hi. So your kid got it. You got thrown down

910
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,240
Speaker 1: with a headlock by the other kid and you said,

911
00:43:22,480 --> 00:43:24,320
Speaker 1: whoopsie do it all. Let's take a break.

912
00:43:24,840 --> 00:43:26,480
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's basically it.

913
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 1: And you haven't heard from her. How long has it been.

914
00:43:29,560 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 6: It's been about three months?

915
00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 1: Oh okay, Yeah. What do you think, Gabrielle.

916
00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,719
Speaker 5: I think she's just embarrassed, because it's it's hard, like

917
00:43:38,760 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 5: when your kid does something and you're like, they did it,

918
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 5: like they just did it, and you know, especially if

919
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,600
Speaker 5: the other person is really as they should. All moms

920
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:49,440
Speaker 5: should advocate for their own kids and make sure your

921
00:43:49,440 --> 00:43:51,880
Speaker 5: own child is safe. And when you have to create

922
00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,520
Speaker 5: that boundary of like, I know, they're just kids, da

923
00:43:54,600 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 5: da da dah, but you know it's the aggression is

924
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 5: amping up, and I think we need to pump the

925
00:43:59,200 --> 00:44:01,840
Speaker 5: brakes just for a while bit and you know, let's

926
00:44:02,239 --> 00:44:04,719
Speaker 5: let them grow separately. Whatever you want to say, you know,

927
00:44:04,760 --> 00:44:06,319
Speaker 5: I'm sure you handled it with you know a lot

928
00:44:06,360 --> 00:44:09,960
Speaker 5: of tact and kindness, but it is it's embarrassing to

929
00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 5: come back from that. I've you know, when our older

930
00:44:12,600 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 5: boys were younger, one of them did something that I

931
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:21,120
Speaker 5: was like and I was so embarrased, like they did it,

932
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,240
Speaker 5: like they just did it, Like there was I couldn't

933
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:24,919
Speaker 5: like try to get out of it. They just did

934
00:44:24,920 --> 00:44:26,560
Speaker 5: it and I had to just sit there and take

935
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,920
Speaker 5: that l and I did not want to. I was

936
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:31,439
Speaker 5: trying to find someone else to like blame it on,

937
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,960
Speaker 5: to like shift the focus. You're just being harder my kid,

938
00:44:34,040 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 5: But my kid did it, and it's sometimes it's really

939
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:38,880
Speaker 5: hard to see like your little loved one, your a

940
00:44:38,880 --> 00:44:43,319
Speaker 5: little well chipbopy old block doing something that requires a

941
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 5: hard boundary and it's embarrassing. But that's part of life.

942
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:50,040
Speaker 5: And I think you know you're in the right position.

943
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,279
Speaker 5: You did everything correct and just say hey, I know

944
00:44:53,360 --> 00:44:55,759
Speaker 5: it was probably hard to hear, and it was even

945
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:59,040
Speaker 5: harder to say, and you know your kid, it was

946
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,400
Speaker 5: even harder for them to experience. But I think this

947
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:03,160
Speaker 5: could be a great learning lesson and how do we

948
00:45:03,800 --> 00:45:05,560
Speaker 5: bounce back after poor behavior.

949
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:07,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's nice.

950
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,960
Speaker 5: And can we work on it together like you and

951
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 5: I and then you know, help apply that to our kids.

952
00:45:12,960 --> 00:45:13,960
Speaker 4: But who sucks?

953
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's great advice. I mean there's no point.

954
00:45:16,760 --> 00:45:18,480
Speaker 1: I mean you can totally reach out now it's been

955
00:45:18,520 --> 00:45:21,480
Speaker 1: a while and send her a loving email or whatever

956
00:45:21,640 --> 00:45:24,680
Speaker 1: however you communicate, call, text, whatever you feel comfortable doing,

957
00:45:25,160 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: and if you don't hear back from her, then you

958
00:45:27,000 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: don't hear back from her. But there's always a point

959
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 1: in I think reaching out again to show people some

960
00:45:32,280 --> 00:45:35,560
Speaker 1: grace too, Yeah, because of course I'm sure she's embarrassed.

961
00:45:35,719 --> 00:45:38,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, and a specific invite might be helpful as well,

962
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,600
Speaker 2: especially since some water is under the bridge, like rather

963
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,719
Speaker 2: than let's get together sometime, like something that your boys

964
00:45:44,719 --> 00:45:47,440
Speaker 2: would not naturally go to, so like, hey, do you

965
00:45:47,480 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 2: want to catch a movie on Thursday? Or like you

966
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 2: want to grab a drink or dinner or something like

967
00:45:51,280 --> 00:45:54,000
Speaker 2: that that's understood to be mom time or like girls time.

968
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:55,000
Speaker 5: Yeah.

969
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,760
Speaker 6: My other thing about it is with it being a summer,

970
00:45:57,880 --> 00:46:00,640
Speaker 6: we live in like a small city, and I'm starting

971
00:46:00,640 --> 00:46:02,800
Speaker 6: to feel like are we going to see them somewhere?

972
00:46:03,440 --> 00:46:03,800
Speaker 2: Sure?

973
00:46:03,920 --> 00:46:05,880
Speaker 6: So lately I'm like I need to reach out and

974
00:46:05,920 --> 00:46:11,400
Speaker 6: see something. Yeah, if I do see them, it's fine. Yeah,

975
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:13,040
Speaker 6: you know, I don't want it to be awkward.

976
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:14,839
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the right thing, you know what you want

977
00:46:14,840 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 1: to do? Yeah, just not Yeah what I'm.

978
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 6: Not quite sure what to say. So I think asking

979
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:23,560
Speaker 6: to get together is probably the best thing. And if

980
00:46:23,600 --> 00:46:26,400
Speaker 6: she doesn't want to, she doesn't want to, maybe.

981
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then if you do see her, go up,

982
00:46:28,520 --> 00:46:30,319
Speaker 2: you know, give her a hug, say it's nice to

983
00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:33,000
Speaker 2: see you, and like you can move on, but you

984
00:46:33,040 --> 00:46:35,440
Speaker 2: can make it not awkward in that situation. But just

985
00:46:35,480 --> 00:46:37,200
Speaker 2: like let her have her space after that, like.

986
00:46:37,200 --> 00:46:40,760
Speaker 6: High end, right, Yeah, yeah, that's true.

987
00:46:41,239 --> 00:46:43,600
Speaker 5: I always lead with something weird that Cop has done

988
00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:46,400
Speaker 5: or one of the other kids have done Cop for

989
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:49,200
Speaker 5: whatever reason. She is just a glutton for punishment. But

990
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,279
Speaker 5: like when you had to have that, like, hey, get

991
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 5: a little rough out there and you do the with

992
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 5: the tchuble in trying to make everyone feel like this

993
00:46:56,600 --> 00:46:59,359
Speaker 5: isn't the end of the world, but also handle your kid.

994
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:01,879
Speaker 5: My kid is kind of suffering out there. When it's

995
00:47:01,920 --> 00:47:05,080
Speaker 5: time to kind of circle back. It's oh my god.

996
00:47:05,160 --> 00:47:08,080
Speaker 5: I felt so embarrassed. I felt like when I was

997
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:10,840
Speaker 5: spoken to by the teacher, by whoever. I felt like

998
00:47:11,480 --> 00:47:13,839
Speaker 5: I was indicted as a bad mom because my kids

999
00:47:14,360 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 5: behaved poorly, And I just want you to know there's

1000
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 5: no correlation. Mommy is hard, parenting is hard, and at

1001
00:47:21,680 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 5: this age, they're testing their boundaries. And you know, I'm

1002
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:28,200
Speaker 5: so glad that I have a friend who's understanding as you.

1003
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:29,920
Speaker 5: So when are we gonna go get a drink?

1004
00:47:30,560 --> 00:47:33,120
Speaker 1: And you're gonna feel better after you reach out, regardless

1005
00:47:33,120 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 1: of whether you hear back, because you're acting on your

1006
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 1: higher path, you know what I mean. You're just acting

1007
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,279
Speaker 1: out of love and grace and you do care about her,

1008
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,600
Speaker 1: So there's nothing wrong with doing with reaching out at all.

1009
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, thank you. I think I just need a

1010
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 6: little push.

1011
00:47:46,239 --> 00:47:48,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no problem, Good luck with everything.

1012
00:47:49,400 --> 00:47:51,480
Speaker 6: Thank you. Nice to see you all today.

1013
00:47:51,600 --> 00:47:55,360
Speaker 1: Thanks so much, Sarah, take care, honey, bye bye.

1014
00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 2: I definitely bit my cousin Timmy until he bled when

1015
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,279
Speaker 2: I was two years old, and his mom didn't speak

1016
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 2: to my mom for two years.

1017
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:07,200
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, that's so stupid. If your mother's fault that

1018
00:48:07,280 --> 00:48:10,480
Speaker 1: you bid him, no, like she's training you to bite kids. No,

1019
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:13,680
Speaker 1: just I mean, it's just so ridiculous.

1020
00:48:14,239 --> 00:48:16,680
Speaker 5: Look, it's hard because you want to be angry with

1021
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 5: the kid, but they're children. So then it's like, well,

1022
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:21,560
Speaker 5: who made you.

1023
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:25,280
Speaker 1: That Sue's really in trouble?

1024
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1025
00:48:26,080 --> 00:48:28,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well let's take a quick break and we'll be

1026
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:30,640
Speaker 2: back with one question to wrap up.

1027
00:48:34,760 --> 00:48:39,440
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, and we're back again. We all got just

1028
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:40,360
Speaker 1: steam it along.

1029
00:48:41,560 --> 00:48:46,719
Speaker 2: This question comes from Quentin. He's in his thirties. I've

1030
00:48:46,719 --> 00:48:48,680
Speaker 2: been reluctant to write in as they carry a lot

1031
00:48:48,719 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 2: of shame when it comes to this topic. I'm a

1032
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,839
Speaker 2: black queer musician and dancer from New York, now living

1033
00:48:53,880 --> 00:48:57,400
Speaker 2: in Los Angeles. I've been dancing professionally for several years,

1034
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 2: as well as developing a music project that merges me

1035
00:49:00,000 --> 00:49:03,680
Speaker 2: I work as a modern dancer and vocalist. During that time,

1036
00:49:03,800 --> 00:49:06,600
Speaker 2: I faced a lot of hardship, including two major surgeries,

1037
00:49:06,760 --> 00:49:08,640
Speaker 2: one for my vocal cords and the other due to

1038
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:11,239
Speaker 2: a dance injury. Thankfully, I was able to produce and

1039
00:49:11,280 --> 00:49:14,200
Speaker 2: release my first album in the fall of twenty twenty.

1040
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:16,920
Speaker 2: The work was well received. However, I'm still sort of

1041
00:49:16,960 --> 00:49:20,279
Speaker 2: struggling as someone who's an artist and creator. How do

1042
00:49:20,320 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: you remain resilient in your twenties and early thirties before

1043
00:49:23,680 --> 00:49:26,920
Speaker 2: finding success, After working so hard on my craft and

1044
00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,720
Speaker 2: putting in the work to break down barriers and gain access,

1045
00:49:30,640 --> 00:49:32,799
Speaker 2: I can't help but feel defeated and like all of

1046
00:49:32,840 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 2: my effort is fruitless. I have a great deal of

1047
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:38,280
Speaker 2: friends and colleagues who are starting to actualize their dreams

1048
00:49:38,320 --> 00:49:41,200
Speaker 2: in major ways, and I hate being jealous of them.

1049
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: It's really shitty feeling envious of those close to you.

1050
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:47,480
Speaker 2: How can I restore my faith and belief in a

1051
00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,880
Speaker 2: dream I've had since childhood? What mechanisms do you employ

1052
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:53,319
Speaker 2: when you feel your talent is overlooked? And how do

1053
00:49:53,360 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 2: you stay positive? Quentin, good one, Quentin, Yeah, that.

1054
00:49:58,080 --> 00:49:58,640
Speaker 4: Is a good one.

1055
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:03,120
Speaker 5: I mean, in anyone who's you know has had these

1056
00:50:03,280 --> 00:50:06,399
Speaker 5: moments of or years of self doubt.

1057
00:50:06,560 --> 00:50:09,520
Speaker 1: I think resiliency is actually the exact word, because being

1058
00:50:09,560 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 1: resilient is part of being rejected and not giving up.

1059
00:50:12,560 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 1: Being resilient is knowing that, Okay, while you're putting all

1060
00:50:15,560 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: this effort forward like it will result in something, it

1061
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:20,960
Speaker 1: always does. It may not happen when you want it

1062
00:50:21,040 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 1: or exactly in the shape that you wanted or have

1063
00:50:23,239 --> 00:50:26,279
Speaker 1: envisioned it, but it is going to happen, and part

1064
00:50:26,320 --> 00:50:28,520
Speaker 1: of being resilient is accepting that there are going to

1065
00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:30,440
Speaker 1: be lows and that they're going to be highs, and

1066
00:50:30,560 --> 00:50:32,520
Speaker 1: neither one of those things are going to last forever.

1067
00:50:32,800 --> 00:50:35,480
Speaker 1: It's an ebb and flow, And in any creative career,

1068
00:50:35,880 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: anyone you talk to will have thought about giving up

1069
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:41,640
Speaker 1: at some point, and it's the difference between the people

1070
00:50:41,640 --> 00:50:44,640
Speaker 1: who do give up and the people who persevere. Gabrielle,

1071
00:50:44,680 --> 00:50:49,799
Speaker 1: I'm sure that you feel similarly about rejection resilience, right.

1072
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:54,960
Speaker 5: Oh, the sheer volume of nos hell knows hell No, not,

1073
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:57,960
Speaker 5: you bitch, like there's just there's there's so many it's

1074
00:50:57,960 --> 00:51:02,160
Speaker 5: actually an unnatural amount of rejection that we experience in

1075
00:51:02,160 --> 00:51:05,600
Speaker 5: this industry. But you know, those bills and those bills

1076
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:07,879
Speaker 5: need to be paid every month, and so I never

1077
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:11,279
Speaker 5: let myself get too low where I thought, Okay, I

1078
00:51:11,640 --> 00:51:15,399
Speaker 5: have to stop even trying to do this now, Mike.

1079
00:51:15,520 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 5: I had to take some different lateral moves, you know

1080
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 5: what I mean, to just sustain myself financially. But I

1081
00:51:22,800 --> 00:51:26,440
Speaker 5: never gave up. And the art that I that I

1082
00:51:26,640 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 5: was able to create, that's ever green, that never goes away.

1083
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:34,000
Speaker 5: You created something out of out of everything that is

1084
00:51:34,040 --> 00:51:36,560
Speaker 5: going to last a lifetime, and that is your fucking win.

1085
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 5: And if you look at like each little thing as

1086
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:43,480
Speaker 5: a major accomplishment, it allows you to kind of put

1087
00:51:43,520 --> 00:51:46,600
Speaker 5: everything in perspective. If you look at your you know

1088
00:51:46,600 --> 00:51:48,720
Speaker 5: those moments where you're like, Okay, I'm going to take fountain,

1089
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:50,160
Speaker 5: but I don't know if I'm going to get the

1090
00:51:50,239 --> 00:51:53,439
Speaker 5: lights right. Those days where you take fountain and it's

1091
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 5: just green light, green light, green light, that's a fucking win.

1092
00:51:56,600 --> 00:51:58,680
Speaker 5: That's a great day, like, and you kind of give

1093
00:51:58,719 --> 00:52:02,600
Speaker 5: weight to them. Similarly, some of those rejections aren't going

1094
00:52:02,680 --> 00:52:07,479
Speaker 5: to feel as massive. And also know that everyone you see,

1095
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:11,800
Speaker 5: the biggest stars have been rejected way more than you

1096
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:15,160
Speaker 5: could ever imagine. And it's just a matter, like Chelsea said,

1097
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:20,200
Speaker 5: of resilience, but also recognizing where the line of resilience

1098
00:52:20,440 --> 00:52:27,400
Speaker 5: is and where self flagellation is and where abusive situations are.

1099
00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 5: Those are different things, and you have to figure out

1100
00:52:29,800 --> 00:52:33,480
Speaker 5: with the therapist or trained professional where those different lines are.

1101
00:52:34,000 --> 00:52:37,040
Speaker 5: Because a lot of times we will be drinking curdled

1102
00:52:37,080 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 5: milk like it's fresh, and sometimes somebody we got to

1103
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,000
Speaker 5: say to ourselves, is this milk is spoiled, and I

1104
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:45,800
Speaker 5: need to move on to something that's not going to

1105
00:52:45,880 --> 00:52:46,160
Speaker 5: kill me.

1106
00:52:46,320 --> 00:52:48,760
Speaker 2: I love when you talk about the artwork you've created

1107
00:52:48,840 --> 00:52:52,320
Speaker 2: being evergreen, because we live in this culture of like, okay,

1108
00:52:52,320 --> 00:52:54,800
Speaker 2: it's up on social media, all right, your Netflix special

1109
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 2: came out, all right, what's next, what's next, what's the

1110
00:52:57,040 --> 00:53:00,120
Speaker 2: next thing? But like this stuff that Quentin's creating. I

1111
00:53:00,160 --> 00:53:03,719
Speaker 2: went to his website. It's gorgeous art. It's beautiful and

1112
00:53:03,760 --> 00:53:05,800
Speaker 2: it and it's there, and you know, it's made a

1113
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:09,000
Speaker 2: little while ago, but that's okay, it's beautiful, So I

1114
00:53:09,040 --> 00:53:09,279
Speaker 2: love it.

1115
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:10,440
Speaker 1: You said you want to give a shout out to

1116
00:53:10,440 --> 00:53:11,760
Speaker 1: his website totally.

1117
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,080
Speaker 8: If you want to check out Quentin, you can find

1118
00:53:14,160 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 8: him at nolychildmusic dot com.

1119
00:53:17,239 --> 00:53:18,200
Speaker 2: That's his website.

1120
00:53:18,320 --> 00:53:20,840
Speaker 8: It's sort of a mashup of like dance and singing

1121
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,960
Speaker 8: and poetry, and it's very ethereal and moody and really

1122
00:53:25,000 --> 00:53:25,560
Speaker 8: really lovely.

1123
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:27,680
Speaker 1: Yeah. And I also think the other thing is, like,

1124
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:29,400
Speaker 1: you know, when you get rejected, Gabrielle, I don't know

1125
00:53:29,400 --> 00:53:31,040
Speaker 1: how you face things like this, but if I if

1126
00:53:31,040 --> 00:53:34,520
Speaker 1: I don't get something that I want, I have a

1127
00:53:34,600 --> 00:53:36,960
Speaker 1: much different attitude than I did. When I was younger,

1128
00:53:37,040 --> 00:53:39,000
Speaker 1: I would, you know, stop my feet, and I was

1129
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:41,239
Speaker 1: more of a brat and entitled. And now I'm like,

1130
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,760
Speaker 1: what's meant for me? Doesn't pass me? Like? It doesn't.

1131
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 1: I don't look at it as a so defeatists or

1132
00:53:46,560 --> 00:53:49,879
Speaker 1: like and listen the comparison game. You're not alone. You're

1133
00:53:49,920 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 1: not the only person who feels envy. That is a

1134
00:53:51,920 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 1: natural feeling that human beings have. It's called envy. It's

1135
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:57,840
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like, that's that's the human condition.

1136
00:53:58,480 --> 00:54:00,720
Speaker 1: As long as you're not acting on your end, it's okay.

1137
00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 1: That's just a feeling. Don't let your feelings define who

1138
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,520
Speaker 1: you are. That's not your sense of self. No one

1139
00:54:05,560 --> 00:54:08,280
Speaker 1: wants to feel jealous or envious, but that's the world

1140
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:11,239
Speaker 1: we live in with the comparison and contrasting with what

1141
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:14,440
Speaker 1: other people are doing. Try and really really focus on

1142
00:54:14,480 --> 00:54:16,960
Speaker 1: what you're doing and try not to look around at

1143
00:54:16,960 --> 00:54:19,800
Speaker 1: your competitors so much. It's just not a good equation

1144
00:54:20,320 --> 00:54:23,239
Speaker 1: and nobody comes out feeling great after that. So you know,

1145
00:54:23,400 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 1: take pride in which you work and really level it

1146
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:28,719
Speaker 1: up so that you are beaming. You know what I

1147
00:54:28,760 --> 00:54:30,880
Speaker 1: mean that you're giving off vibes that everyone wants to

1148
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:34,080
Speaker 1: be attracted to, and that when something doesn't work out,

1149
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:36,799
Speaker 1: it's just the water off a ducts back, you know,

1150
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,120
Speaker 1: and then you're closer to the next thing that is

1151
00:54:39,200 --> 00:54:41,440
Speaker 1: going to work out. And so I think you just

1152
00:54:41,560 --> 00:54:42,680
Speaker 1: change your philosophy.

1153
00:54:43,320 --> 00:54:46,359
Speaker 5: The things you're comparing yourself to may or may not

1154
00:54:46,400 --> 00:54:49,640
Speaker 5: be real just because just because somebody posts it, or

1155
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:52,080
Speaker 5: just because there's an announcement. How many times have you

1156
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:55,960
Speaker 5: announced a project and people don't understand that development can

1157
00:54:56,000 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 5: take vibors like and they're like, what, where's the where's

1158
00:54:58,840 --> 00:55:01,320
Speaker 5: the where is the thing? Where the bring it on sequel?

1159
00:55:01,600 --> 00:55:03,440
Speaker 5: Where do you guys been talking about it? It's like,

1160
00:55:04,040 --> 00:55:06,160
Speaker 5: just because they say it we're working on it doesn't

1161
00:55:06,200 --> 00:55:10,399
Speaker 5: mean that someone's so far out ahead of you. Or

1162
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 5: there's this artist I found on social media years ago

1163
00:55:14,680 --> 00:55:18,640
Speaker 5: and just again by chance, at least seven years later,

1164
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:23,000
Speaker 5: an agency, a big agency in LA that represents talent

1165
00:55:23,360 --> 00:55:27,160
Speaker 5: has an artist kind of incubator and this artist work

1166
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:29,120
Speaker 5: is going to be in the incubator of showing in

1167
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:32,160
Speaker 5: Beverly Hills. And I was like, Mom, that girl that

1168
00:55:32,280 --> 00:55:34,439
Speaker 5: I've we've been following, that I send you her work

1169
00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:36,799
Speaker 5: she's going to be showing. So now I get to

1170
00:55:36,840 --> 00:55:38,560
Speaker 5: meet this girl that was just some you know, this

1171
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:41,759
Speaker 5: internet artist that you know, I didn't think we were

1172
00:55:41,760 --> 00:55:43,960
Speaker 5: ever our world would ever cross. I just really love

1173
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:47,160
Speaker 5: her work. You really have no idea how your work

1174
00:55:47,200 --> 00:55:50,839
Speaker 5: is touching people and where it will intersect later. And

1175
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:53,880
Speaker 5: I'm going with a pocket full of cash ready to

1176
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:56,719
Speaker 5: buy everything because I'm just that into this.

1177
00:55:57,040 --> 00:56:01,359
Speaker 1: Well fifty to fifty Gabrielle. Yeah, you never know.

1178
00:56:01,480 --> 00:56:04,680
Speaker 5: Your art may be working some magic that you cannot

1179
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:07,160
Speaker 5: even fathom right now, but we'll pay off later in

1180
00:56:07,680 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 5: a tremendous way.

1181
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 1: Yeah that's very true. Yeah, Okay, well, thank you. So

1182
00:56:12,520 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 1: you are a queen, Gabrielle. I want you to know

1183
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 1: that I admire you. I love your energy, I love

1184
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:21,560
Speaker 1: your marriage. You guys belong together, it's so obvious. And

1185
00:56:21,600 --> 00:56:24,320
Speaker 1: I love the family that you guys have and share,

1186
00:56:24,480 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 1: and I just wish you the best. Thank you so

1187
00:56:26,680 --> 00:56:29,719
Speaker 1: much for coming on and giving such sagacious advice.

1188
00:56:30,600 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 5: I am happy to be here, and thank you for

1189
00:56:32,400 --> 00:56:36,600
Speaker 5: always being a cool chick. Everyone always gravitates towards you,

1190
00:56:36,760 --> 00:56:39,399
Speaker 5: and there's a reason, and so I hope you owned it.

1191
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:40,400
Speaker 5: You're a life.

1192
00:56:40,680 --> 00:56:42,839
Speaker 1: You're so sweet. Thank you for saying that. I love that.

1193
00:56:42,920 --> 00:56:46,399
Speaker 1: You made my day. You guys, this is so fun. Yeah,

1194
00:56:46,440 --> 00:56:49,919
Speaker 1: so fun. Thank you so much for making the time appreciated, Gabrielle.

1195
00:56:50,040 --> 00:56:50,120
Speaker 5: Hi.

1196
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,279
Speaker 2: Guys, If you'd like advice from Chelsea, shoot us an

1197
00:56:53,280 --> 00:56:56,600
Speaker 2: email at Dear Chelsea podcast at gmail dot com and

1198
00:56:56,640 --> 00:56:59,400
Speaker 2: be sure to include your phone number. Dear Chelsea is

1199
00:56:59,520 --> 00:57:03,120
Speaker 2: edited and engineered by Brad Dickert executive producer Katherine Law

1200
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,759
Speaker 2: and be sure to check out our merch at Chelseahandler

1201
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:09,560
Speaker 2: dot com