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Speaker 1: All right, We're good.

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Speaker 2: You like go.

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Speaker 3: Busting with the boys, hanging with the fast, betting on

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Speaker 3: a game. No woman's gonna tell us what you do.

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Speaker 3: Not be over here just drinking beer and making nad Baby,

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Speaker 3: I'm hanging with the Fellers. He's busting with the boys. Bro.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to another episode of Busting with the Boys. If

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Speaker 2: you're in the car right now listening, please make sure

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Speaker 2: that you are subscribed to our channels where they're listening

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Speaker 2: on Spotify, Apple, Amazon on audio, make sure you're following

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Speaker 2: or subscribed, and if you're watching the boys on YouTube

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Speaker 2: right now, just again, we encourage you to subscribe. Helps

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Speaker 2: the boys out a lot. We've got a lot to

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Speaker 2: talk about. We got a lot to talk about. We

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Speaker 2: have an awesome interview with Robert Gallery.

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Speaker 4: Awesome.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, his journey, mental health, all the stuff it is.

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Speaker 2: It is very much worth your two and a half

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Speaker 2: hours of time. We'll be breaking down our weekends, having

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Speaker 2: some fun with some spicy road tier talk, best compliments

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Speaker 2: to your wife, some final bites before we sign off

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Speaker 2: and get into the interview. But this this episode is

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Speaker 2: brought to us and presented by the Fandel Sportsbook, America's

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Speaker 2: number one sportsbook. We got week twelve bills versus Texans,

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Speaker 2: picks now, gentlemen, we have a good weekend with a

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Speaker 2: fun little weekend.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, New Orleans.

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Speaker 2: How was Nola?

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Speaker 6: I just feel like it was cool. I was visiting

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Speaker 6: one of my buddies. I used to live here, but

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Speaker 6: I got just going back and I didn't get sick,

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Speaker 6: but I had like PTSD from you guys being sick,

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Speaker 6: So I was like this place just just kind of.

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Speaker 2: Like stayed away from the oysters.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, just try to eat like the most bland food. No,

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Speaker 6: I mean I have a very bland diet to begin with.

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Speaker 2: You get chicken, fingers and fries.

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Speaker 6: Uh basically. Yeah. But it was just like I'm just

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Speaker 6: uncomfortable in that city.

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Speaker 2: Brought my own PB and is uncomfortable in that city.

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Speaker 6: But it was great to see, like I saw some

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Speaker 6: old buddies, so it was it was.

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Speaker 1: It was a lot of fun.

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Speaker 7: Is Nolah the best dirtiest city in the US.

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Speaker 1: It's so dirty, the dirty ones.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, number one dirtiest sitting in the US.

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Speaker 8: I'd say it's definitely had like the biggest and the

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Speaker 8: most recognition.

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Speaker 1: I feel like a Dirty Boys.

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Speaker 6: Broadway can be considered pretty dirty.

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Speaker 7: I wouldn't even put those in the same Yeah, was

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Speaker 7: a streak, there's like a smell everywhere.

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Speaker 4: A fragrance.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's the most popular dirtiest city.

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Speaker 7: Yeah, you can throw like a Portland in there, but

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Speaker 7: like I'm I have no desire to go to Portland.

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Speaker 6: But you know, how's Saint Louis.

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Speaker 4: Saint Louis clean.

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Speaker 2: It's got some dirty parts, but yeah, for the most part,

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't say Saint Louis is close to New Orleans.

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Speaker 1: Philly's pretty dirty Philly.

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Speaker 2: Philly seems like a dirty, little.

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Speaker 6: Bit gritty, Like I feel like Philly's is more gritty

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Speaker 6: than it is dirty, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, a lot of grit fighter mentality there.

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Speaker 4: They probably New Orleans.

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Speaker 8: Dirtiest destination city in the world.

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Speaker 9: He really keeps it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, nice and dirty.

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Speaker 1: The weather down there was actually pretty good.

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Speaker 6: It was like seventy five eighty, but it wasn't humid

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Speaker 6: it also it felt really good.

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Speaker 4: Oh that's nice. That's nice. Would you do anything special

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Speaker 4: this weekend?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we celebrated, uh a little Scottie. Joelee turned one.

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Speaker 2: She turned one last Wednesday twelfth, Yeah, November twelfth, she

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Speaker 2: turned she turned one last Wednesday. We had my uh

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Speaker 2: my dad in town with Stephanie. We had my brothers

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Speaker 2: in town with their significant others. Cody by the way,

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Speaker 2: Cody just got engaged, so have a have a sister

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Speaker 2: in law. And then uh, yeah, Charles's parents. Charles's parents

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Speaker 2: came over. So it was very rare moment to have

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Speaker 2: the grandparents, the brothers, everybody kind of like all in town.

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Speaker 4: Nice little dynamic hanging out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, whyott is on the clock.

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Speaker 2: Why it's on the clock.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I did his girl come?

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Speaker 2: Why at the trip?

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Speaker 4: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Morgan.

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Speaker 9: What'd you'll have on the menu?

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Speaker 2: Arcouterier board? Oh board? Some cookies, a smash cake?

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Speaker 9: What's a smash cake?

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Speaker 2: Cake? Coud you just smash and eat with your hands up? Yes,

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Speaker 2: it's one year old Boycott. He was very weary of

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Speaker 2: the smash cakes. She didn't really. We were trying to

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Speaker 2: like put the frosting and stuff in her mouth to

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Speaker 2: taste it, but she she didn't care about those smash cakes.

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Speaker 2: She wanted the rich crackers that were close by. Good good, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's strong.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I know I've talked about this quite a bit

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Speaker 4: on this show, but the addiction my oldest child has

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Speaker 4: to sugar needs to be studied. She is so obsessed

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Speaker 4: with and we try to like keep her away from

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Speaker 4: sugar for the first three years. Was pretty good about it,

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Speaker 4: and I think it just it just harbored everything because

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Speaker 4: it is it is insane to watch itis right now,

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Speaker 4: menace about it. She's a menas, great kid, outstanding individual,

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Speaker 4: but it's like it's crack. Sugar is cracked to that child.

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Speaker 9: Yeah, she old for you to throw.

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Speaker 7: I don't know if there's like these like hacks where

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Speaker 7: you can like put an ingredient on candy, like whether

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Speaker 7: it's like a vinegar substance, where like she would have

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Speaker 7: a bad reaction, which is like I.

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Speaker 9: Don't like candy.

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Speaker 4: That's a that's a Yeah, she's too old for that.

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Speaker 4: She's too old. Set her, she's too quick, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 4: she's yeah, she's too aware of what's kind of going

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Speaker 4: on right now. Oh win rebel. Dude, Uh my weekend,

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Speaker 4: I mean, dude, forty eight hours. We flew Wednesday, flew

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Speaker 4: to New York, flew back Thursday morning, spent lunch with

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Speaker 4: my family, flew to Arizona Thursday and night. I had

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Speaker 4: to handle a little something something over there. But after

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Speaker 4: I handled that something something me Tanner, his wife, his

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Speaker 4: wife's kids, Jack and Scotland, which, by the way, I

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Speaker 4: have no idea what I did to those kids. I'm

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Speaker 4: their favorite person in the entire world. I am their

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Speaker 4: favorite person. Scotland is six five or six, and then

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Speaker 4: Jack is in that three four category. But they were

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Speaker 4: just they stayed up late to see me. Yeah, and

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Speaker 4: like we play like they had a ball and it's

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Speaker 4: just like it's just it's the power of yes with them, dude,

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Speaker 4: you say yes, you play with them. They do things

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Speaker 4: that their parents get mad about. But I'm just hey,

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Speaker 4: we can kind of do whatever around here, right.

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Speaker 8: You have the look of if I was ages four

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Speaker 8: to nine, I would be like, Yo, this guy is

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Speaker 8: the coolest person to ever exist. Let's smaller than everyone,

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Speaker 8: he has tattoos, and you just never know what's going

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Speaker 8: to come from gives high five.

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Speaker 4: Ye oh oh yeah, and you just got to fine.

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Speaker 4: Like with the younger kids, especially when starting to get

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Speaker 4: out of the agehe I'm like, oh, I got to

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Speaker 4: actually be cool for her to So that's a taking

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Speaker 4: time bomb for us. But everybody under the age of eight,

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Speaker 4: I do. I find one thing that they're obsessed with,

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Speaker 4: and I just beat that ship into the ground with roots.

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Speaker 2: The high five. Yeah.

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Speaker 4: At tigh five with Scotland Tanner's daughter stepdaughter, it's cartwheels

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Speaker 4: meet and her trying to watch me do the splits.

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Speaker 4: If I try to just splits in front of her,

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Speaker 4: she think it's the funniest thing in the world. And

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Speaker 4: Jack's just a homie bro, little Jack, He's awesome. Me

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Speaker 4: sit there and be like, man, I kind of want

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Speaker 4: a boy. Yeah, I kind of want a boy. He's

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Speaker 4: a little psycho.

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Speaker 2: Boy did that?

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Speaker 4: We go to zips Man.

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Speaker 1: Photo.

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Speaker 4: It was the best I've had. It was the best

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Speaker 4: I have ever had. Just continues to exceed expectations, continue.

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Speaker 4: It just keeps on, dude. Just when you think like

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Speaker 4: we've had enough of it, I'm sure it's gonna not

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Speaker 4: taste as good as time it is.

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Speaker 2: I go not that thing out.

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Speaker 4: I'm in a full suit, and uh, it's Tanner's sister, Valentina,

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Speaker 4: her kid Madeline's there with both her kids. And Tanner

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Speaker 4: was doing this already, golfing. I don't think this is

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Speaker 4: something that does more charity work than Tanner. I don't

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Speaker 4: know if he ever actually raises money, but he's always

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Speaker 4: on like a hunt or a golfing or whatever, but

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Speaker 4: he's always doing that. I get the zips waiter comes by.

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Speaker 4: We exchanged pleasantries about our mustachers. He's got one. I

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Speaker 4: complement him. He gives it back and I said, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I was actually fishing for one, so thank you, and

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Speaker 4: then I give him the whole spiel. Buddy. I don't

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Speaker 4: live here anymore, but I used to live here. This

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Speaker 4: is what I need. If you could just say make

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Speaker 4: it with love to the chef that being credible, and

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Speaker 4: he really did it, he truly did and it was buddy,

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Speaker 4: it's so fucking good. It's so good. And my foot

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Speaker 4: was starting to feel a little bit better. So I

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Speaker 4: treated myself a little bit. Yeah this foot man, get

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Speaker 4: back Friday. Put the I'm like, hey, I've been traveling

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Speaker 4: so much. Joan's like, hey, the next two days like

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Speaker 4: put your foot up and just rest your foot, Like

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Speaker 4: we have to figure out what the hell's going on

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Speaker 4: with this thing. So I rested for a couple of days.

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Speaker 4: Sunday night, my daughter has a rehearsal or not a rehearsal,

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Speaker 4: like I don't know this thing. She started a band

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Speaker 4: with two other girls and they wrote their own songs,

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Speaker 4: and this lady helped them write songs ladies paying the

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Speaker 4: piano of the ukulele. While these kids are like going

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Speaker 4: back and forth seeing not bad, I will say they

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Speaker 4: are not. It's not a bad club. There After that,

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Speaker 4: we go to Hugh Babies and I'm starting to feel like, Okay,

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Speaker 4: I can actually walk. I can't like press off my foot,

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Speaker 4: but I'm like walking without a limp and I'm like

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Speaker 4: a little milkshake kind of sound nice right now, baby,

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Speaker 4: once again, just falling into the trap that got me

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Speaker 4: in the situation again. And Buddy, I woke up this

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Speaker 4: morning at three am, foot ballooned up, go to stand

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Speaker 4: up to take a piss, and it's just fucking hell.

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Speaker 4: It is just hell. I've lost thirteen pounds. I am,

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Speaker 4: I am pray, I am, I am not I. At

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Speaker 4: one point in time, boys, I was a highly successful

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Speaker 4: Pro Bowl football player, possibly arguably the best tackle in

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Speaker 4: the NFL. Now I am just less than I am pray.

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Speaker 4: I'm a shell of myself. If a large gust of

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Speaker 4: wind take off when I'm outside, I might fly away.

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Speaker 4: Haven't worked out in three weeks. I look at my

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Speaker 4: body and I'm just like, what the fuck is this?

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Speaker 4: I look at the man, I'm just like, what are

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Speaker 4: you doing here?

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Speaker 2: Huh?

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Speaker 4: You're just oozing away? And I am dude, I am

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Speaker 4: getting to the point where I'm just I'm just always

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Speaker 4: in pain. I am always in pain now and it

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Speaker 4: just sucks and it won't go away and I can't

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Speaker 4: fix it. I've been on pain pills for like twelve

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Speaker 4: days straight. That's like kind of tight, because you gotta

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Speaker 4: feel kind of nice at certain times, but other times,

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Speaker 4: I've been through this game before. To come down is horrible.

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Speaker 4: My personality is like, how do we get more? And

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Speaker 4: so I'm just like fighting the good fight. And I

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Speaker 4: don't like where I'm at right now. November twenty twenty five.

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Speaker 4: I don't like where I'm at.

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Speaker 1: You got one week to get it together, buddy.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm I'm in the movie Saw. I'm in the

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Speaker 4: movie one hundred and twenty seven hours and there's a

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Speaker 4: knife staring at me right now, and I'm like, do

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Speaker 4: I just cut my foot off? It might be better

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Speaker 4: than what is happening right now. It is awful, bro,

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Speaker 4: It's awful, and it sucks too, And be like, oh Taylor,

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Speaker 4: oh no, what happened to your foot? You're in a

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Speaker 4: boot and I have to go hide?

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Speaker 2: Go out now.

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Speaker 4: I don't rough out, but I think I had gout

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Speaker 4: and I rolled in my foot and then I looking

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Speaker 4: at my my foot. I don't even know if I

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Speaker 4: actually tore a look at my foot. I'm just like

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Speaker 4: kind of sitting there and be like, they think this,

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Speaker 4: So I'm just gonna say it like that so it

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Speaker 4: looked like less of a bitch. There was a time dude,

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Speaker 4: when you would have a boot on after a football

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Speaker 4: game and it was low key at badge of honor, like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: I played through it, I'm gonna play next week. I

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Speaker 4: think about junior year in Michigan State, had a high

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Speaker 4: ankle sprain and a broken hand, and I was at

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Speaker 4: the bar at Rick's American Cafe, slugging beers in a

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Speaker 4: boot and a cast on my wrist, and there was

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Speaker 4: a piece of me that's like, you fucking earn this beer,

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Speaker 4: and what're you gonna do next week? You're gonna play Now.

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Speaker 4: I'm thirty four, and my kids are like chopping at

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Speaker 4: the bit, be like, hey, Dad, play with us. If

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Speaker 4: you could play Burgoin with us, just go on your knees.

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Speaker 4: And I'm like, I just truly I can't do it,

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Speaker 4: and I'm I'm on the couch. I'm withering away. I'm

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Speaker 4: slowly to tear. I take so much pride, dude, taking

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Speaker 4: care of my body because I've taken so many shots

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Speaker 4: in the head and I played so recklessly in football.

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Speaker 4: I know there's a vegetative state in my future, and

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Speaker 4: so I just try to stay ahead of the chains.

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Speaker 4: And here I am with a fucking boot on man,

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Speaker 4: Damn Mitch. A vegetative state is somebody that's in the

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Speaker 4: hospital can't like non responsive.

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Speaker 5: I didn't mean to say you're already acting.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's accelerating, and I like to think I am

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Speaker 4: very conscious about my health. What I eat, it's how

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Speaker 4: I how I train, Like stay ahead the chains, cold tubs,

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Speaker 4: hot tubs, saw us get a little n ida every

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Speaker 4: once in a while.

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Speaker 2: Like it's crazy to think a milkshake can take you out, bro,

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Speaker 2: dam Like that's where you are.

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Speaker 4: Man, I know, dude, I know, and it's like everything

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Speaker 4: you just said hurt. But it's like he's what what

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Speaker 4: am I mad about? Because there's truth and that's what sucks. Bro.

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Speaker 1: I think you see how far you can go.

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Speaker 4: No, dude, let me tell you something. Know, Like I

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Speaker 4: like you guys, have you had gout? Has anybody here

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Speaker 4: had gout?

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Speaker 9: You're at the beach one time?

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Speaker 4: And what did he say?

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Speaker 7: I honestly didn't take it seriously because when your buddy's hurt,

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Speaker 7: you're like, thank god, you're being a bitch.

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Speaker 9: I know.

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Speaker 7: But then I'm hearing it from you and I'm like,

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Speaker 7: maybe I should have taken them more serious.

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Speaker 2: Dude.

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Speaker 4: People some more empathy with people in the comments who

303
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Speaker 4: are listening to this right now. If you've had gout, please

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Speaker 4: explain to these boys what it's like.

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Speaker 2: People are. People are I've been seeing people.

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Speaker 1: There's a lot of aud was.

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Speaker 8: Like a World War two disease when I was first due.

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Speaker 4: It is literally it's the people call it the king's disease,

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Speaker 4: like in medieval times. That's legit how it looks, by

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Speaker 4: the way, except for the dude's left foot as crazy as.

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Speaker 1: Well, drop a feet pick for the people.

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Speaker 4: But dude, and medieval times, kings and like higher end

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Speaker 4: people in these worlds would get them because they wouldn't exercise,

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Speaker 4: the heat, read and meat all the time, and so

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Speaker 4: it was literally like a distinguished disease they called the

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Speaker 4: King's disease. And I fucking hate it, man, I literally

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Speaker 4: I feel so defeated. I feel so defeated right now,

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Speaker 4: and I just don't I don't want to be the

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Speaker 4: guy that's on antibiotic every day. Wake up with my

320
00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:11,720
Speaker 4: fucking Onday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday pills and I have to

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Speaker 4: open it up, take it out and take that. And

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Speaker 4: if I don't take it then I get sick or whatever.

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Speaker 4: That's the start of the end, Like, how do I

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Speaker 4: fix this? How do I get it right? I've worked

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00:14:20,960 --> 00:14:22,760
Speaker 4: so hard, and I know this is I listen bos,

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Speaker 4: you guys don't deserve me just fucking vomiting on you

327
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Speaker 4: guys right now. But give me some time here. I

328
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Speaker 4: have worked so hard since my football career has ended

329
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Speaker 4: of trying to get my gut health back in order

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Speaker 4: because of all the steroid packs and all the pills

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Speaker 4: and all the things that the tourtal shots over and

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Speaker 4: over and over again I've done. I've tried so hard

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Speaker 4: to fix those things. I've taken a steroid pack in

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Speaker 4: the last couple of weeks. I'm on this uric acid

335
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,440
Speaker 4: thing right now. I'm taking tram it all and I'm

336
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:49,320
Speaker 4: just looking at myself like, bro, you're going to fuck

337
00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:51,200
Speaker 4: your gut up again. If not, it's already fucked up

338
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Speaker 4: and it sucks.

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Speaker 2: Onward.

340
00:14:55,280 --> 00:14:56,800
Speaker 4: Somebody else tell me something bad that's happen to them

341
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 4: misally JP, I'll.

342
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Speaker 2: Say this, Yeah, I mean, back's not the backs on

343
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Speaker 2: all the way there, but I'll say this. Since eight

344
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Speaker 2: thirty this morning, I've had twelve missed calls from spammers,

345
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,920
Speaker 2: Like there is a there's an epidemic right now, like

346
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,040
Speaker 2: spam callers good, and I don't know what to do.

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Speaker 7: One two minutes ago and I've had four since I've

348
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Speaker 7: been on this bus.

349
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:17,120
Speaker 2: Do I've blocked like forty numbers and they just keep coming.

350
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:18,880
Speaker 9: Bro, I feel better that you're getting them.

351
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:21,960
Speaker 7: But all weekend, I legitimately probably got thirty plus spam

352
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:26,000
Speaker 7: calls messages galore, and I'm like, did I die enroll

353
00:15:26,040 --> 00:15:28,240
Speaker 7: in something where they ship my number out?

354
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,880
Speaker 9: It is so frustrating.

355
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Speaker 4: The problem is, too, is if I heard, if you

356
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,720
Speaker 4: ignore it, it's actually better than blocking it because if

357
00:15:34,720 --> 00:15:37,200
Speaker 4: you block it, they know that's an active number, so

358
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Speaker 4: they go and send it off to other places.

359
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Speaker 2: I heard.

360
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,520
Speaker 4: I heard something to think about. But hey, thank you.

361
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,920
Speaker 4: I know you guys are dealing with a lot now too,

362
00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:50,680
Speaker 4: and it is annoying. Bro, Yeah I bet I bet

363
00:15:50,720 --> 00:15:51,800
Speaker 4: it sucks. Yeah.

364
00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:53,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's probably the worst thing going on right now

365
00:15:53,880 --> 00:15:59,720
Speaker 2: for people besides gout. Yeah, I mean having to ignore

366
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Speaker 2: my phone and put them on silence send them in

367
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:07,440
Speaker 2: the voicemail right right before the holidays. Yeah. It's frustrating, man,

368
00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 2: it's annoying. Yeah, but yeah, that's that's probably the worst

369
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Speaker 2: thing going on right now that I'm dealing with, I

370
00:16:14,760 --> 00:16:16,960
Speaker 2: think Scotty could be. Is there such thing as like

371
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,320
Speaker 2: a twelve month sleep regression.

372
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:20,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, we'll talk about it.

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00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,280
Speaker 2: There's always some sleep regression. So like six times trying

374
00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,160
Speaker 2: to you know, just quieter, down, down, Like, dude, why

375
00:16:27,160 --> 00:16:29,440
Speaker 2: are you yelling? Bro? Get with your ship?

376
00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:31,760
Speaker 4: Figure it the fuck out?

377
00:16:31,840 --> 00:16:32,520
Speaker 2: Then?

378
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,880
Speaker 8: How far away is she from talking? When do kids

379
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:35,440
Speaker 8: start talking?

380
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:36,880
Speaker 4: She should be getting going.

381
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:40,920
Speaker 2: She gets dad dad, Yeah, Gaga.

382
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,920
Speaker 4: Lady Gaga a big fan of her.

383
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:47,640
Speaker 2: She can go, she can do the snake noise. So

384
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:48,960
Speaker 2: seems like we're close.

385
00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:51,160
Speaker 1: She's fluent.

386
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 4: Dude, Willow was talking quick. Like, if I had Willow

387
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:57,800
Speaker 4: first and then Win second, I'd be looking at when

388
00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,520
Speaker 4: what's going on here? But because I had to win that,

389
00:17:00,560 --> 00:17:02,760
Speaker 4: will was just like kind of they're always around each other.

390
00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:06,320
Speaker 4: Start talking real fast, start walking real fast. It's dope

391
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:07,600
Speaker 4: that you got Scotty to one though. I feel like

392
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:08,840
Speaker 4: this year is flown by for y'all.

393
00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:12,360
Speaker 2: Celebration. Man, get the kid to survive for a year.

394
00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, you've made it. Like at this point, it's on them. Yeah,

395
00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:20,160
Speaker 4: you just gotta you can walk now. Yeah, make a sandwich, dude,

396
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 4: and get a job those types of things. But yeah, dude,

397
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:31,600
Speaker 4: gout fucking still doubtful. I'm still goutful. And it's just

398
00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,720
Speaker 4: like I just want to feel good, dude, I just

399
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,000
Speaker 4: want to feel good. Have I not earned that? And

400
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,439
Speaker 4: then Jared's dumb ass he go I walk in and

401
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,600
Speaker 4: I'm like, hey, guys, I'm in such a bad mood

402
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:43,120
Speaker 4: today that actually I'm in a good mood. Like it's

403
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:45,840
Speaker 4: it's reversed to me, and Jared goes, isn't there like

404
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,560
Speaker 4: a super rich hospital you can go to that fixes it?

405
00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:51,960
Speaker 4: I go, Jared, do you think he's like some sort

406
00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 4: of aluminum like cloaked group of people. I just go

407
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,520
Speaker 4: drink some child's blood, and all of a sudden it's fixed.

408
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,840
Speaker 4: Because if there is point me in that direction, dude,

409
00:17:58,960 --> 00:17:59,880
Speaker 4: I need to fix.

410
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:02,679
Speaker 7: This in his mind, though he legitimately believes there is

411
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:03,879
Speaker 7: that hospital.

412
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:10,359
Speaker 4: No doubt, and still it Jared and I, man, we've

413
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:12,800
Speaker 4: had a little bit of we've had a back and

414
00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:17,840
Speaker 4: forth last week or so. There's there's gotta be mare

415
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:22,800
Speaker 4: if somebody has an Illuminati type of crew that is

416
00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:24,239
Speaker 4: interested in having me be a part of it, and

417
00:18:24,320 --> 00:18:25,399
Speaker 4: I am the most vulnerable.

418
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:27,240
Speaker 8: I could be right now, it exists for sure.

419
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,440
Speaker 4: I gotta believe. Bro, how's Brad Pitt look that good?

420
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:31,000
Speaker 1: Saying?

421
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:33,399
Speaker 4: I took a little selfie video this morning, like a victory, Hey,

422
00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:35,840
Speaker 4: victory Monday. Got myself a black coffee, Michigan hat, throw

423
00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:37,800
Speaker 4: on saaleball, all that thing. I'm looking at myself in

424
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,399
Speaker 4: the selfie video thing, and I'm like, look, how old

425
00:18:40,440 --> 00:18:40,760
Speaker 4: you look?

426
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:41,199
Speaker 2: Dude?

427
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:46,400
Speaker 4: You haven't slept eight hours in three weeks? Like hours?

428
00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:48,879
Speaker 2: You look good? You look good, buddy, trying to give

429
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,040
Speaker 2: you some optimism. Thank you.

430
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,879
Speaker 4: I feel like shit, though slowly withered away. You cannot

431
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:56,520
Speaker 4: cure gout.

432
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,720
Speaker 8: Not yet, bro, not yet be the first.

433
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,800
Speaker 2: Can you go back to that jack?

434
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:04,480
Speaker 1: Click off that.

435
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 2: You're on the yuric as? Are you staying hydrated?

436
00:19:09,920 --> 00:19:10,640
Speaker 4: I could use more.

437
00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,960
Speaker 2: Let's get some more high purine foods in your diet.

438
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,120
Speaker 4: What is purine?

439
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:14,600
Speaker 2: What is that?

440
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:15,600
Speaker 1: Who knows?

441
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,760
Speaker 2: Sounds like dog food?

442
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:19,040
Speaker 4: Purina Tailing says to me the other day, She goes,

443
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,600
Speaker 4: have you been drinking more to the type of Water's

444
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:25,960
Speaker 4: like if someone does can in water. The alkalis ball,

445
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:28,520
Speaker 4: they said, the gout and then it went away and

446
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:32,359
Speaker 4: I'm like, dude, I'm all about unique styles of health

447
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,879
Speaker 4: and wellness. I'm bigging the juices and the turmerics and

448
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,760
Speaker 4: all that stuff. But my mental headspace where I'm at,

449
00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,440
Speaker 4: I'm thinking, what the fuck are you talking about?

450
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:41,760
Speaker 2: Dude?

451
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,080
Speaker 4: What water?

452
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,760
Speaker 8: Yeah, plastics, We've crossed the line with waters. There's way

453
00:19:47,800 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 8: too many waters that get too many waters, too many water.

454
00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:52,440
Speaker 4: You have to get a cankin water system in my house.

455
00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 1: But I need it.

456
00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:53,960
Speaker 4: I need it.

457
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:54,760
Speaker 1: You can probably get it.

458
00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:57,600
Speaker 4: Probably just point me in the door from that Luminati

459
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,920
Speaker 4: crew and I'll get that done.

460
00:19:58,960 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 7: It says best foods for Cherry's, Vitamin C, coffee, skim milk, water.

461
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,120
Speaker 4: Okay, good, I'll those thirteen more pounds the next week.

462
00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 2: Get you some cherries, man, Yeah, I do.

463
00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 4: I used to take tar Tart cherry pills and I've

464
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,280
Speaker 4: recently just reordered it. But I haven't had meat or

465
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,680
Speaker 4: like red meat in three weeks, two weeks. Whatever it is.

466
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:22,040
Speaker 4: I just don't understand, man, Yeah, I don't understand.

467
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 2: You'll get there.

468
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 4: You think, so, yeah, like this camp.

469
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 2: Maybe because you've had you've had a few situations just

470
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:29,119
Speaker 2: with your foot, because I want to say you had

471
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:32,359
Speaker 2: something going on when you're playing on that last year your.

472
00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 4: Foot was like, Bob, that was my first bout of gout.

473
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's when was the last one? Was? How

474
00:20:37,840 --> 00:20:38,120
Speaker 2: long ago?

475
00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:38,280
Speaker 7: Was?

476
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,359
Speaker 4: That is my third season not playing football?

477
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 2: Yeah so three years ago. You've had some episodes and

478
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:46,239
Speaker 2: as somebody too, like you take care of yourself as

479
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,560
Speaker 2: much as anybody, so knowing that it's like a diet

480
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,959
Speaker 2: type thing, it's very surprising. I know.

481
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,000
Speaker 4: Here's what I have to do, dude. I truly have

482
00:20:53,080 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 4: to understand that my life of eating junk food it

483
00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,719
Speaker 4: has to be over in order to be happy. And

484
00:20:59,760 --> 00:21:02,320
Speaker 4: that's sucks because I have to rewrout my brain. Like

485
00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:06,439
Speaker 4: Thanksgivings right around the corner. I'm terrified. I'm terrified of

486
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:07,240
Speaker 4: our Thanksgiving day.

487
00:21:07,280 --> 00:21:08,320
Speaker 5: One day.

488
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:12,320
Speaker 4: It was one day yesterday, dude, I'm not joking, Mitch.

489
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,199
Speaker 4: I was on the ups. I was like, oh, I

490
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,800
Speaker 4: might not wear a boot do work tomorrow.

491
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:16,439
Speaker 2: I might be.

492
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:16,960
Speaker 5: I might be.

493
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:18,920
Speaker 4: I might put my trucks back on. I might put

494
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 4: my vans back on. That's how good I was feeling.

495
00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,479
Speaker 4: I'm out there playing air hockey with my youngest thumbmeater,

496
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:25,600
Speaker 4: but like we're getting we're getting after it, having a

497
00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:26,000
Speaker 4: good time.

498
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: And Bro, do you think your those shoes are could be.

499
00:21:31,240 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 2: The shoes could be a fact.

500
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 4: That's a structural thing, though, But I've been doing it

501
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:37,119
Speaker 4: my whole life. Might have flat feet. It's not like

502
00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,119
Speaker 4: I need arch support. I have no arch in my foot.

503
00:21:40,280 --> 00:21:44,800
Speaker 4: I have no arch. Yeah, little flippers. Bro Will loves

504
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:46,200
Speaker 4: talking about my thumbs and my feet.

505
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:46,400
Speaker 7: Bro.

506
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:50,720
Speaker 4: Yes, she was a significant factor. Fuck dude, No.

507
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,080
Speaker 9: You might have to get some like Hoka or something.

508
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:58,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, Bro, get some old guy shoes. Man, get them

509
00:21:58,320 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 2: clouds start walking. Yeah, I get some.

510
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 4: I remember, dude, I remember being at Michigan and the trainers.

511
00:22:06,040 --> 00:22:08,000
Speaker 4: I was having foot paint because I was wearing a

512
00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:09,760
Speaker 4: Dida shoes. I didn't know at the time, but my

513
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 4: freshman year of college football, they're like, hey, I think

514
00:22:12,359 --> 00:22:14,240
Speaker 4: the problem is you're wearing vans all the time. Like

515
00:22:14,240 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 4: you shouldn't be wearing vans. You need something with more

516
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,480
Speaker 4: art support. And I think I was like, I'd rather

517
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,920
Speaker 4: kill myself basically did not wear vans. And here I am, dude,

518
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:27,760
Speaker 4: thirty four years old, and I have to while you're

519
00:22:27,760 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 4: telling me I can't wear the number one thing I

520
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,280
Speaker 4: associate myself with as far as like clothing goes.

521
00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,920
Speaker 6: Would you rather stick with Vans and still have foot

522
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:38,720
Speaker 6: Is shoes or have to change up your style?

523
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,919
Speaker 4: Bro, it sounds like I'd rather change up my style.

524
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:46,040
Speaker 4: I can't live like this, dude, I cannot live like this. Answer, thanks, Mitch.

525
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,720
Speaker 4: I know, I'm sorry, man, that's song. Yeah, man, I'm just.

526
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 1: No, it's okay. I I we were talking earlier.

527
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,480
Speaker 4: So you called me a vegetable like five minutes ago.

528
00:22:57,480 --> 00:22:58,320
Speaker 4: You're already there.

529
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 6: I phrased that wrong. I said, you're it's getting closer.

530
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,560
Speaker 6: But what we were saying earlier this morning, it's like

531
00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,240
Speaker 6: you're in such a bad mood that it's almost like yeah, it's.

532
00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,440
Speaker 4: It's like almost Actually it's funny to me where I'm at.

533
00:23:09,600 --> 00:23:11,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, but like we're just no, just nowhere, all on

534
00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,320
Speaker 6: your side. If you need anything, let us know, right.

535
00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, years aund my team and that actually really means

536
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:22,159
Speaker 4: a lot because I feel so alone right now, dude,

537
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,479
Speaker 4: I'm finding this fire so alone, right Yeah, Yeah, it's awful.

538
00:23:27,080 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 2: Should we get into some spicy road tier talk and

539
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:31,199
Speaker 2: best compliments to give your significant other?

540
00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:33,560
Speaker 4: Nothing transitions better from gout than that. So yeah, let's

541
00:23:33,560 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 4: do it.

542
00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:36,280
Speaker 2: Well, maybe some optimisms, you know, throw out some ideas,

543
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 2: just get out of the conversation.

544
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 4: Let's get out of there. We're going to make our

545
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 4: own together, Like we're all gonna think take this one.

546
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,119
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think we can. We can all throw stuff

547
00:23:45,119 --> 00:23:47,720
Speaker 2: out there. I think you look gorgeous. That could be

548
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 2: on the list right tier three. Yeah, well here's I

549
00:23:49,880 --> 00:23:54,760
Speaker 2: think you look stunning. You look gorgeous.

550
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 4: But here I like those. This is where I think

551
00:23:57,720 --> 00:23:59,240
Speaker 4: it takes it a step above. Like you're in a

552
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:02,000
Speaker 4: regular converse sta like you get home from work and

553
00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 4: may how is your day? And she just starts talking like, hey,

554
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:06,000
Speaker 4: by the way, you look out standing today.

555
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,440
Speaker 1: Like you you look really.

556
00:24:07,320 --> 00:24:09,320
Speaker 4: Good, and she's like kind of like throwing back off.

557
00:24:09,359 --> 00:24:11,160
Speaker 4: She goes really and You're like, yeah, Like why would

558
00:24:11,160 --> 00:24:11,679
Speaker 4: I just say that?

559
00:24:12,040 --> 00:24:13,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know smooth?

560
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:16,120
Speaker 4: That to me, that happens like five times a week

561
00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 4: at my house.

562
00:24:17,119 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 2: I like, I like looking at your and be like

563
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,040
Speaker 2: dead ass is looking right?

564
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:25,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll have that thing looks crazy.

565
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,679
Speaker 2: Yeah. I don't know if she likes it, but in

566
00:24:28,720 --> 00:24:30,720
Speaker 2: my mind, I'm thinking this is a huge compliment, Like

567
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:33,920
Speaker 2: she'll be you know, I might be coming down from

568
00:24:34,080 --> 00:24:36,680
Speaker 2: putting ruor Scottie down, she might be finishing up in

569
00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:38,320
Speaker 2: the kitchen. I'll just like walk up, say she's at

570
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:40,119
Speaker 2: the sink, I'll just walk up behind her and just

571
00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:44,000
Speaker 2: whispering her You're like I need that, Yeah, and then

572
00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,399
Speaker 2: to do a little dry hump. Yeah. We'll just just

573
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,560
Speaker 2: press it on her real quick, put it on her head. Yeah.

574
00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:50,719
Speaker 2: She'll be brushing with a zero sensation for them at all,

575
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:53,200
Speaker 2: like the right cheetes. If I catch her like putting

576
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 2: the ad dish in the dishwasher, like brushing her teeth,

577
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:57,000
Speaker 2: I'll just walk up behind, grab her hips and kind

578
00:24:57,000 --> 00:24:58,120
Speaker 2: of dry hump her a couple of times.

579
00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:01,879
Speaker 1: Yeah, will about to have a mug shot out there.

580
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:07,040
Speaker 2: Dude, hate to the married to the married man, you guys,

581
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,160
Speaker 2: don't you guys, don't you know spontaneously dry you hump

582
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:10,080
Speaker 2: your wife every now and then.

583
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:16,320
Speaker 8: No, crazy, don't do that.

584
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 1: I do.

585
00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:19,080
Speaker 4: Dude, like the you know in high school when like

586
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 4: you like are cuddling with a girl whatever, and you're

587
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 4: clearly hard as a rock, clearly and like you think

588
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 4: this is a good idea for me to press my

589
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:30,280
Speaker 4: hips into him as much as possible, so they know,

590
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:32,840
Speaker 4: like the options there if you want it. I still

591
00:25:32,840 --> 00:25:35,199
Speaker 4: love doing that. I still love being a gilet and

592
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 4: just be kind of chubbed up and just be like

593
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 4: fucking and it's got to be so annoying to them.

594
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:42,400
Speaker 4: I'm just.

595
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 2: But what's the compliment you're giving her while you're doing Yeah,

596
00:25:46,200 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 2: you got.

597
00:25:48,160 --> 00:25:52,320
Speaker 4: Nine years married, tyther N, nine years married, still fucking done.

598
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,879
Speaker 4: You still still give me some Which sucks about this

599
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,760
Speaker 4: show is I know that tales grandfather tales dad. He

600
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 4: listens to the show like Chuck listens to show religiously.

601
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:04,640
Speaker 4: So Chuck, I'd like to apologize, but I do do that.

602
00:26:04,920 --> 00:26:07,439
Speaker 5: Is that like a compliment you still got it?

603
00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:10,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a that's a that's a body language compliment. Yeah,

604
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,200
Speaker 4: I think here too, action.

605
00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:14,920
Speaker 9: Speaking, I feel like a really good one too.

606
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:21,360
Speaker 7: Is noticing a haircut or new nails, yeah, or clothing,

607
00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,240
Speaker 7: just any anything that like they have gone out of

608
00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 7: their way to get done. That goes a long way

609
00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:29,879
Speaker 7: with women because for guys, it's like we're happy that

610
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,360
Speaker 7: you're happy, but you know, no, we're not.

611
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:33,960
Speaker 9: Getting pedicures and manicures.

612
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,960
Speaker 4: You know, it's frequently unless you if you want eyebrows, eyelashes.

613
00:26:37,040 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 2: You're right too, especially clothing they get something new, like

614
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,400
Speaker 2: Tar had a jacket going on. I'm like, you're mess

615
00:26:42,480 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 2: with that jacket.

616
00:26:43,200 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 9: Noticing it before they have different things.

617
00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:47,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think is.

618
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 9: Where you hit the home run.

619
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 4: Hell yeah, dude, that's.

620
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 2: A good stuff right there, Jack, good stuff.

621
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:56,879
Speaker 8: Sitting hit a new little like hair dress combo on Saturday,

622
00:26:56,880 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 8: and I was like, God, they okay, I see you

623
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,119
Speaker 8: and just that you could tell it went a long way.

624
00:27:02,640 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 2: God, dang, okay, I see you. Yeah. I need that

625
00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 2: on the list as well.

626
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:10,600
Speaker 8: God yeah, I love that.

627
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,359
Speaker 2: Clump. You got one to add to the list.

628
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 10: Outside of them, my big one is like if Lynn

629
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 10: says she's like a busy day, I have to do this,

630
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,040
Speaker 10: this or this. When I get home, I'm I try

631
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 10: to like hit back on those topics like oh wow,

632
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:26,960
Speaker 10: like it's nice and cleaning here, it smells good. Just

633
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,159
Speaker 10: kind of compliment like things she was stressed, things she

634
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:29,880
Speaker 10: was stressed about.

635
00:27:30,080 --> 00:27:31,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's good.

636
00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:37,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, remembering remembering, Yeah, just like like appreciating the stressed.

637
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:37,920
Speaker 1: Yeah.

638
00:27:38,680 --> 00:27:40,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, you guys don't like that one, No, no, no, no,

639
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:44,760
Speaker 4: I do. I'm thinking in my head, like yesterday Dylan's like, hey, like,

640
00:27:44,800 --> 00:27:46,359
Speaker 4: I feel like I've been like a single parent for

641
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:47,840
Speaker 4: the last couple of weeks. And I'm like, hey, you

642
00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,159
Speaker 4: really have, and I cannot thank you enough. Yeah, for

643
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,560
Speaker 4: how I've had to deal with this, And it's really

644
00:27:52,640 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 4: I haven't been able to do a whole lot of shit.

645
00:27:54,640 --> 00:27:56,240
Speaker 4: So that's really big of you. And you could just

646
00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:58,440
Speaker 4: tell she was like she needed the acknowledgment, which I

647
00:27:58,480 --> 00:27:59,640
Speaker 4: think we all needed sometimes.

648
00:28:00,080 --> 00:28:03,080
Speaker 8: It was big before we hop off. The world needs

649
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,600
Speaker 8: to know clumb had an aura dump on me just

650
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,800
Speaker 8: a second ago. He has a pizza named after him

651
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:09,639
Speaker 8: in his hometown local pizza spot.

652
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:13,000
Speaker 10: It's a special pizza. It's called Theah the Clump Pizza.

653
00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,199
Speaker 10: It's a buffalo chicken pizza, but instead of buffalo sauce,

654
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:19,760
Speaker 10: it is mango haamanaro sauce on the pizza. You get

655
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,439
Speaker 10: a specially you got a pizza named every now and then.

656
00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:24,080
Speaker 1: It's in the rotation. I'll show you a picture of it.

657
00:28:24,080 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 2: Oh you were him back in the No no, no,

658
00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:30,959
Speaker 2: oh you were hold on hold on no no no,

659
00:28:31,280 --> 00:28:33,240
Speaker 2: Hey god, dang, okay, I see.

660
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 10: This is gonna turn so poorly bad of how it happened.

661
00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:39,960
Speaker 10: It's not because of my high school football playing days.

662
00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 10: It's because my family goes there every Friday and they

663
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,800
Speaker 10: just love our family. So like, just order the pizza

664
00:28:45,880 --> 00:28:47,760
Speaker 10: and he's like, no one ever orders this, this is awesome,

665
00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 10: it's great. So they put it as a special and

666
00:28:49,440 --> 00:28:51,280
Speaker 10: it like sold out. So we always joke that was

667
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 10: all like I kind of created my own.

668
00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 2: Yeah you guys did. Man, that ain't a joke. It's

669
00:28:57,840 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: from eating pizza though, it's not from like anything.

670
00:29:00,120 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, what dude, you love you never worked a day

671
00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 4: in your Life's.

672
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,000
Speaker 2: Community universal shout.

673
00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 6: I'm sure Will would love to have a pizza named

674
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 6: after him at home team.

675
00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:11,760
Speaker 2: Would love that.

676
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 9: He's on Twitter every Friday.

677
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:18,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we'll be We'll be back over Thanksgiving.

678
00:29:18,040 --> 00:29:19,040
Speaker 1: I'll send you a picture of it.

679
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:23,000
Speaker 4: The nice nice. I also have something named after me.

680
00:29:23,080 --> 00:29:26,080
Speaker 2: All right, onward, what what do you got a name?

681
00:29:26,160 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 4: That brown jug Southwest the Southwest Burger.

682
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: Tell us about the story. Man, let's hear the like Perry.

683
00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,840
Speaker 4: You guys know Perry and I played football there and

684
00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:35,440
Speaker 4: they're like Taylor on Southwest Burger.

685
00:29:35,480 --> 00:29:37,320
Speaker 2: That's what it is. That's awesome.

686
00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:41,280
Speaker 4: I think I think that's awesome. Yeah, hell yeah, dude,

687
00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 4: thank you very much. I don't know. That's a good question.

688
00:29:46,320 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 4: I like to think. So I like to think. So,

689
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 4: what time does Nebraska Penn State play this week? So

690
00:29:57,800 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 4: we hope to be able to stream that as well.

691
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, we'll be on the stream. I'll be balls deep

692
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:04,800
Speaker 2: in that Nitney Lions Huskers game.

693
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 4: Well, that'll be eleven am. We're streaming at eleven am

694
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 4: this week. Yeah, what do you mean we'll be on

695
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,160
Speaker 4: the stream. I wish we were streaming for that.

696
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 2: Oh, I wish we were streaming. Got you, got you? Yeah,

697
00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:17,080
Speaker 2: we'll be all right, we'll be solid. All right, let's

698
00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:21,040
Speaker 2: get into the final bite, brought to us by McDonald's.

699
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,480
Speaker 2: New Buffalo Ranch sauce has arrived, and it pairs perfectly

700
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 2: with your snack rat, mccrispy sandwich and mccrispy strips. It's

701
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,840
Speaker 2: got the zang tang of buffalo with the creamy, cool,

702
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:35,920
Speaker 2: mild ranch. It's mild and wild at the same time.

703
00:30:36,040 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 2: It's a sauce that balances itself and compliments our crispy chicken. Again.

704
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,000
Speaker 2: This episode of Bust with the Broys is brought to

705
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,320
Speaker 2: you by McDonald's and they're all new Buffalo Ranch sauce.

706
00:30:45,440 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 2: There's a new sauce in town at McDonald's, tangy, creamy

707
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:52,800
Speaker 2: Buffalo Ranch. Order now. And now we give our sharpest

708
00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 2: takeaway heading into the weekend. Heading into the week, let's

709
00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 2: say whether it's a bold prediction, a hot take, or

710
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,720
Speaker 2: a storyline that's flying under the radar. The final bite

711
00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 2: gives fans the one thing to keep in mind before

712
00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:05,400
Speaker 2: finishing their week and tuning in the kickoff as they

713
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:12,000
Speaker 2: dip their mccrispy strips and this new Buffalo sauce denim

714
00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:13,720
Speaker 2: dipping in denim.

715
00:31:13,760 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 1: I got a final bite.

716
00:31:15,080 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 2: Oh oh okay, Mat Taylor.

717
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,440
Speaker 6: My final bite is Taylor's gonna get over this gout

718
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,320
Speaker 6: and this foot thing and it'll never happen again for

719
00:31:24,360 --> 00:31:26,400
Speaker 6: as long as he lives, and for whatever reason it

720
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 6: was just a spell. He's gonna be able to eat

721
00:31:28,640 --> 00:31:31,680
Speaker 6: whatever he wants, do whatever he wants, and it'll never

722
00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:32,160
Speaker 6: happen again.

723
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:34,720
Speaker 4: It will never happen again. That is my favorite dude.

724
00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:36,960
Speaker 4: I would dip all day in denhim with that. I

725
00:31:37,000 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 4: would dip all day in.

726
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:40,240
Speaker 9: That my final bite.

727
00:31:40,640 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 7: And I don't even take pride in saying this because

728
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:45,920
Speaker 7: the Balls play the Gators in games of this weekend.

729
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:49,800
Speaker 9: Historically we lose in Gainesville all the time, and then

730
00:31:49,840 --> 00:31:50,560
Speaker 9: we have Vandy.

731
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 7: So if the worst possible case scenario, my final bite Tennessee,

732
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 7: Nebraska and the Music City Bowl.

733
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:01,240
Speaker 2: Oh sho would be electric bro.

734
00:32:01,640 --> 00:32:03,640
Speaker 9: Right right in Nashville we'd have to go to.

735
00:32:04,000 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 7: It'd be like the ninth Music City Bowl for the

736
00:32:06,000 --> 00:32:07,400
Speaker 7: Balls in the last two nurs.

737
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 2: I'd love to get a link into Nashville.

738
00:32:11,040 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 4: That'd be awesome. And what's great about that is you

739
00:32:13,080 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 4: guys are supposed to play at the Debressos Like we're

740
00:32:14,880 --> 00:32:15,480
Speaker 4: not playing guys.

741
00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 7: Yeah, next year, I don't want to talk about that.

742
00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 2: JP clumb Do you guys have a final bite heading

743
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 2: into the weekend, because you guys already know what mine's.

744
00:32:25,760 --> 00:32:26,080
Speaker 1: Going to be.

745
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 8: Yeah, I mean, after what happened to me this weekend,

746
00:32:32,200 --> 00:32:33,880
Speaker 8: one of the only things that could cheer me up

747
00:32:34,000 --> 00:32:37,880
Speaker 8: is that I the McDonald's breakfast for my final bite

748
00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 8: after leaving that Texas A and M game.

749
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:42,920
Speaker 1: How I felt, how I feel right now?

750
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,280
Speaker 2: What's your order? What's your breakfast order?

751
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:48,680
Speaker 8: So I go back and forth between two things. I'll

752
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 8: give you this one. This is what I had most recently.

753
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,960
Speaker 8: I was actually inspired by your tweet last week to

754
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 8: go get McDonald's breakfast and I got bacon or bacon sorry, sausage,

755
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:02,920
Speaker 8: egg and cheese, bagel meal plus breakfast.

756
00:33:02,560 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 2: Burrito, A little two for breakfast burritos.

757
00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:05,880
Speaker 1: Bro.

758
00:33:06,440 --> 00:33:09,680
Speaker 8: The breakfast burritos are maybe the best fast food breakfast

759
00:33:09,680 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 8: burritos to ever exist. Yeah, I'm out there the breakfast

760
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 8: burrito streets.

761
00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:14,600
Speaker 4: Now you're in the community.

762
00:33:14,720 --> 00:33:15,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm in then.

763
00:33:16,120 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 2: And when you take a bite too, and there's almost

764
00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:19,960
Speaker 2: a little pop of cheese that comes into your mouth.

765
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:22,840
Speaker 8: Yeah, and there hot sauce.

766
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 2: You're a bagel guy for your breakfast sandwich, over the

767
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:27,600
Speaker 2: biscuit and over.

768
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 9: The mcgriddle bagels.

769
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:33,440
Speaker 7: The Nashville McDonald's JP and like four people they like

770
00:33:33,520 --> 00:33:36,760
Speaker 7: called him out on Twitter McDonald's for bringing back the bagels.

771
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:39,920
Speaker 8: Oh wow, I'm McDonald's had at the house.

772
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 2: Yeah.

773
00:33:40,800 --> 00:33:43,960
Speaker 8: And I was also a part of the snackcraft campaign.

774
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:46,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I do remember that. A Rico

775
00:33:46,600 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 2: Bosco hit me up when he saw that tweet, like,

776
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:52,479
Speaker 2: hoo fucking I'm getting I'm getting McDonald's, I'm getting mc

777
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 2: I'm getting McDonald's for breakfast on this Friday morning. He

778
00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:59,959
Speaker 2: was like, bro get the steak, egg and cheese bad,

779
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,400
Speaker 2: trust me, and usually my order. I love getting the

780
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,160
Speaker 2: sausage the breakfast burritos, and I like getting just for

781
00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 2: nostalgia purposes, bacon, egg and cheese mcgriddle. And I also

782
00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:12,360
Speaker 2: got a steak, egg and cheese bagel. Like he was saying,

783
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,359
Speaker 2: but it was very it was subpar, Like it was good,

784
00:34:15,400 --> 00:34:17,880
Speaker 2: But I feel like he puts such an expectation on

785
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:20,239
Speaker 2: it because I'm not like for me on the McDonald's

786
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,799
Speaker 2: it's mcgriddle and bagel sandwich or mcgriddle on biscuit sandwich.

787
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 4: On pancakes and either the hash Browns are all time.

788
00:34:29,600 --> 00:34:35,719
Speaker 4: Might be the number one thing on their roster in

789
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 4: that Orange high Sea.

790
00:34:37,200 --> 00:34:38,839
Speaker 1: We might have to next the next final bite.

791
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 8: We might have to create a starting five and then

792
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:45,480
Speaker 8: a reserve five, just like a basketball team starting five

793
00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:47,560
Speaker 8: on the menu, and then who's our bench on the me.

794
00:34:47,600 --> 00:34:49,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, I like that because they have a great roster

795
00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:52,440
Speaker 2: and that bench is deep. Yes, I mean. My final

796
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:55,200
Speaker 2: take is We're gonna go into Happy Valley Saturday night,

797
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:59,279
Speaker 2: double digit underdogs Nebraska TJ Latife. We take down the

798
00:34:59,400 --> 00:35:03,400
Speaker 2: Nitney Lion, Foxhole game, Foxhole game. Yeah, we got an

799
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 2: opportunity fish strong here. I will probably be ranked by

800
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 2: the time we play. Get the ranked. Win monkey off

801
00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 2: our back against the Alwahaul guys.

802
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:14,640
Speaker 4: I was ranked before they lost to USC. They're gonna

803
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:15,120
Speaker 4: be out now.

804
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 2: You think they probably they might be able to snip

805
00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:19,920
Speaker 2: at twenty four to twenty five in there.

806
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, it would be nice. Yeah, because you guys gotta

807
00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:25,240
Speaker 4: get that off your That's the next that's the next step. Yeah,

808
00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:29,879
Speaker 4: right there. My final bite hot take. If the Rams

809
00:35:29,920 --> 00:35:34,120
Speaker 4: and the Seahawks played again, the Seahawks win that game. Yeah,

810
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,880
Speaker 4: they win that game. Bag, I think for your fortune

811
00:35:38,920 --> 00:35:41,239
Speaker 4: overs to Sammy D. What I hate for that game

812
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,759
Speaker 4: is is my expectation in that game was for Sam

813
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:48,240
Speaker 4: Donald to go in and be able to outduel Matthew Stafford.

814
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 4: But it ended up being more of a defensive game

815
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,560
Speaker 4: than anything else, which is great. It's great for football

816
00:35:51,680 --> 00:35:54,120
Speaker 4: just how complete both those teams are. But for Sammy

817
00:35:54,160 --> 00:35:55,960
Speaker 4: D to have foreignerceptions, a lot of the haters are

818
00:35:55,960 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 4: gonna come out of the woodwork and be like, oh,

819
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:01,160
Speaker 4: you know, he's really not great quarterback. He's had a

820
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:03,960
Speaker 4: good year, but he's not like an elite top five guy.

821
00:36:04,200 --> 00:36:05,839
Speaker 4: I think those guys play again, and I believe they

822
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:09,000
Speaker 4: they do play again, right, they haven't played twice yet,

823
00:36:09,239 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 4: so they will play again. I am taking the Seahawks

824
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:12,839
Speaker 4: in that game. Mark it down right here.

825
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:15,680
Speaker 8: Final final bite, keep Shane Beemer.

826
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:18,840
Speaker 4: Final final Bite. Michigan makes the playoffs.

827
00:36:20,680 --> 00:36:22,760
Speaker 2: All right, Good to go boys, Big hugs, shiney kisses,

828
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:26,319
Speaker 2: and enjoy Robert Gallery. This is an incredible interview. Listen

829
00:36:26,360 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 2: all two and a half hours of it, leave comments, subscribe,

830
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,799
Speaker 2: Make sure you're subscribed. Big ug, shindy kisses. We will

831
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,880
Speaker 2: see you later. All right. Quick break from the episode

832
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844
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845
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847
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Speaker 2: Let's get to the Robert Gallery episode that has brought

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Speaker 2: easy to enjoy. Enjoy this interview with Robert Gallery.

899
00:40:07,560 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 4: Play Joe.

900
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 9: Let's give it up for our guests today. We got

901
00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,840
Speaker 9: a two time.

902
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:14,480
Speaker 4: All Bank Ten, one time All American Outland Trophy winner,

903
00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 4: and a man who has had an incredible story that

904
00:40:17,120 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 4: we're gonna break down on this beautiful Tuesday morning. Let's

905
00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:26,520
Speaker 4: get up for Robert Gallery. Excited to have you on.

906
00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:28,359
Speaker 2: Right before we started, we were talking about the ego

907
00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:30,440
Speaker 2: and the Big ten going around right now. Yeah, and

908
00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:32,239
Speaker 2: if Robert would have been a great guest to have

909
00:40:32,320 --> 00:40:34,720
Speaker 2: on before leading up to the Iowa game, maybe after

910
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,880
Speaker 2: the Iowa game. Talking about Michigan football. A lot of

911
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 2: Big ten energy in this bus right now.

912
00:40:41,400 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 4: A lot of big Yeah.

913
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 2: I was looked tough this year.

914
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:46,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're doing well. I was back last week for

915
00:40:46,560 --> 00:40:49,279
Speaker 1: the game and just to seem steamroll through that. It's nice.

916
00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,000
Speaker 1: It's nice to see when you don't just squeak it out,

917
00:40:51,000 --> 00:40:53,520
Speaker 1: but they're rolling. That quarterback makes a big difference for

918
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:56,160
Speaker 1: them and they're a fun team to watch. We're moving

919
00:40:56,160 --> 00:40:58,400
Speaker 1: the ball and you know it's Hawk football.

920
00:40:58,480 --> 00:41:01,120
Speaker 2: We got God to beat your ass at the end

921
00:41:01,120 --> 00:41:01,520
Speaker 2: of the year.

922
00:41:01,600 --> 00:41:04,360
Speaker 4: Nine and one so far the last ten. Yeah, I

923
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:08,080
Speaker 4: was one the last ten. Great school. I feel like

924
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:10,239
Speaker 4: you guys' rivalry, it's like it's a rivalry, but there's

925
00:41:10,239 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 4: a level of mutual respect in it. Is that Am

926
00:41:12,000 --> 00:41:13,120
Speaker 4: I correct in saying that.

927
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:15,440
Speaker 1: Respect is a big word?

928
00:41:16,480 --> 00:41:21,080
Speaker 2: I think, yes, it's yeah, O, there's but it's a rivalry,

929
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 2: rivalry that kind of like came about or kind of

930
00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:25,520
Speaker 2: gets forced in whenever we made the move to the

931
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,440
Speaker 2: Big Ten, as I would in Nebraska, going to play

932
00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:28,920
Speaker 2: at the end of the year every season from here

933
00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 2: on out. But it's there. I wouldn't say that there's

934
00:41:32,560 --> 00:41:35,759
Speaker 2: like people love each other right, true, but.

935
00:41:35,719 --> 00:41:38,040
Speaker 4: People are also understanding, like if your kid wanted to

936
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:39,200
Speaker 4: go to Iowa at the end of the day, you

937
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,080
Speaker 4: would be okay with it.

938
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,200
Speaker 2: I personally wouldn't. Some some folk in Nebraska might be

939
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:43,719
Speaker 2: okay with it.

940
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:46,480
Speaker 1: So I did, I did hear that? And the sad

941
00:41:46,520 --> 00:41:48,479
Speaker 1: part is, I guess I have a great My wife

942
00:41:48,480 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 1: played for the women's basketball team there. We have a

943
00:41:50,920 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 1: great relationship with that no at Iowa. Okay, yeah, no, No,

944
00:41:55,480 --> 00:41:59,319
Speaker 1: wouldn't have married her. I mean another start. But we

945
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:01,000
Speaker 1: have a great relationship up with the head coach there,

946
00:42:01,080 --> 00:42:03,600
Speaker 1: and I know you have two girls and we were talking.

947
00:42:03,600 --> 00:42:05,399
Speaker 1: We were just back and we were just talking with her,

948
00:42:05,480 --> 00:42:07,440
Speaker 1: you know. So they are ready to see your girls

949
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:11,000
Speaker 1: come up. And they actually sent a bunch of stuff

950
00:42:11,080 --> 00:42:14,239
Speaker 1: for you. That is so sweet. You know, there's some

951
00:42:14,360 --> 00:42:17,520
Speaker 1: women's basketball T shirts. I threw in a Kirk Farance

952
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 1: poster just because I figured you put it up somewhere.

953
00:42:20,360 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 1: But I know you'll do it's best for your girls

954
00:42:23,760 --> 00:42:25,480
Speaker 1: and get him ready to go be a Hawkeye.

955
00:42:26,200 --> 00:42:28,319
Speaker 4: That is so coind. Not a lot of people come

956
00:42:28,360 --> 00:42:30,759
Speaker 4: on this show and give out gifts. Let's get it.

957
00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:34,960
Speaker 4: That's so sweet. That is so cold. What do you say? Well,

958
00:42:34,960 --> 00:42:37,160
Speaker 4: what do you is it signed?

959
00:42:38,719 --> 00:42:39,959
Speaker 2: Some you smalls?

960
00:42:40,560 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: You know he's won a few games, you know few.

961
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,520
Speaker 2: I respect this. I respect this. I respect it so

962
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,840
Speaker 2: much that if you guys beat us, I'll post a

963
00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,640
Speaker 2: photo with Rue with this little phone paper.

964
00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,400
Speaker 4: That's a wild just walking. I told Will's got to

965
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:57,120
Speaker 4: gross hair for a year, and it looked like the

966
00:42:57,120 --> 00:42:59,399
Speaker 4: world was coming down to him. You're giving a gift

967
00:42:59,400 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 4: and you're like, if I lose, I'll have ru hold

968
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:01,799
Speaker 4: this up. No problem.

969
00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:05,279
Speaker 2: I just respect the U. I just respect him being

970
00:43:05,320 --> 00:43:07,680
Speaker 2: on his toes coming in the bus. Yeah, fair enough.

971
00:43:07,840 --> 00:43:09,680
Speaker 1: At A little bit might be too that I did

972
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:12,040
Speaker 1: take a recruiting visit to Nebraska. I never got offered,

973
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:14,480
Speaker 1: So there might be a little bitterness in our relationship

974
00:43:14,520 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 1: with that or did not.

975
00:43:18,200 --> 00:43:20,560
Speaker 2: But that's because you were probably you were an athlete,

976
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,399
Speaker 2: right right, Yeah, No, I was was Gallery that came

977
00:43:23,440 --> 00:43:27,360
Speaker 2: to be Robert Gallery, all American all that stuff, like

978
00:43:27,840 --> 00:43:29,680
Speaker 2: you know who was the head coach at the time

979
00:43:29,680 --> 00:43:30,280
Speaker 2: of Nebraska.

980
00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 1: You know, that's a good question. That was at I

981
00:43:33,360 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 1: don't even remember. Don't remember that trip.

982
00:43:36,600 --> 00:43:39,400
Speaker 4: Early two thy ninety ninety nine was when you were

983
00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:42,399
Speaker 4: a senior in high school. That's wild because you don't

984
00:43:42,440 --> 00:43:44,400
Speaker 4: you look our age, which is really upsetting for me.

985
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,320
Speaker 4: And so you you're from Iowa, you go to Iowa?

986
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:48,560
Speaker 1: Was it?

987
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:48,880
Speaker 2: Ever?

988
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 4: How many offers did you have?

989
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:56,480
Speaker 1: It's like four Purdue Northwestern, Iowa State and Iowa had four.

990
00:43:56,520 --> 00:43:58,920
Speaker 4: And I was clearly like you wanted to go to Iowa.

991
00:43:59,120 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 1: I did. My older brother played there. He was an

992
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,600
Speaker 1: all big ten punter there from ninety three to ninety six.

993
00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:05,399
Speaker 1: So I was hanging around the university. I was hanging

994
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 1: around the program, all the guys that were there, the

995
00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 1: Tim Dwight's, the Jared Devrizes, the So I'm in the

996
00:44:10,520 --> 00:44:14,160
Speaker 1: dorms as a junior high kid hanging out with these guys.

997
00:44:14,200 --> 00:44:16,279
Speaker 1: So in my mind, it was like, this is where

998
00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:18,759
Speaker 1: I want to go because I knew the culture and

999
00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,839
Speaker 1: I knew all the guys. You know, It's it's cool

1000
00:44:20,840 --> 00:44:22,760
Speaker 1: to be recruited and go check out the other places.

1001
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:23,880
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I knew I

1002
00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 1: was going to Diowa.

1003
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, it didn't matter what other school offered you if

1004
00:44:27,440 --> 00:44:31,040
Speaker 4: it was like an Alabama SEC school, Michigan Michigan.

1005
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:33,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I don't. I was an athlete, right, I

1006
00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:35,480
Speaker 1: played basketball. You know, I was a second state in

1007
00:44:35,520 --> 00:44:38,080
Speaker 1: the high jump. You know, I ran the four by one,

1008
00:44:38,120 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 1: but I.

1009
00:44:38,360 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 2: Wasn't the one.

1010
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:41,960
Speaker 4: This is fucking out of control.

1011
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we were, you know, we were How were

1012
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:45,759
Speaker 1: you jumping? I still have the school record at six

1013
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 1: or five? Yeah, I mean I could. I had some hops, now.

1014
00:44:50,280 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 2: Dude, that is nuts.

1015
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:53,479
Speaker 1: Yeah. So I was an athlete, right, So I wasn't.

1016
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 1: You didn't turn on my VHS tape that I sent

1017
00:44:55,880 --> 00:44:58,640
Speaker 1: all these schools and see like this killer football player.

1018
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:00,600
Speaker 1: He saw an athlete that could run. You know, my

1019
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: high school we didn't. We didn't throw the ball either,

1020
00:45:02,800 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 1: So I'm they showed me blocking, that's for sure, because

1021
00:45:05,160 --> 00:45:07,680
Speaker 1: we would go entire games and not throw the ball.

1022
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 1: But I wasn't high. Michigan wouldn't have sniffed me. I

1023
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:13,440
Speaker 1: sent them a VHS tape. No return call.

1024
00:45:13,680 --> 00:45:16,280
Speaker 4: Really, And what were you wainning when you got to Iowa?

1025
00:45:17,320 --> 00:45:19,880
Speaker 1: I showed up about two hundred and thirty pounds, soaking wet.

1026
00:45:19,920 --> 00:45:21,839
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, so there was you had a red shirt

1027
00:45:21,920 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 4: year on the horizon.

1028
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:26,680
Speaker 1: No problem for you, for sure. It was my senior

1029
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:28,839
Speaker 1: year high school. I was right at two ten, and

1030
00:45:28,880 --> 00:45:30,560
Speaker 1: they told me when I showed up, like, you need

1031
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:32,360
Speaker 1: to put some pounds on. So before we weighed in,

1032
00:45:32,400 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 1: I drank two gallons of water. Been on that program, yes,

1033
00:45:36,200 --> 00:45:38,759
Speaker 1: So I was like two thirteen, just full of water.

1034
00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:39,239
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1035
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:42,360
Speaker 1: But by Christmas my first year, I think I was

1036
00:45:42,400 --> 00:45:44,080
Speaker 1: two seventy five or two eighty. I got on that

1037
00:45:44,120 --> 00:45:46,640
Speaker 1: lifting program and that eating program. They're like, when you

1038
00:45:46,680 --> 00:45:48,759
Speaker 1: wake up, you drink a protein shake in the middle

1039
00:45:48,760 --> 00:45:49,880
Speaker 1: of the night, and if you wake up again, you

1040
00:45:49,960 --> 00:45:50,760
Speaker 1: drink another one.

1041
00:45:50,960 --> 00:45:51,200
Speaker 2: Dude.

1042
00:45:51,200 --> 00:45:53,279
Speaker 1: But we had that Chris Doyle program. Chris Doyle was

1043
00:45:53,320 --> 00:45:56,160
Speaker 1: our string coach and we had his program of putting

1044
00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 1: lean mass on and it worked.

1045
00:45:58,040 --> 00:46:00,000
Speaker 4: Now as Chris Doile, the streak coat was he there

1046
00:46:00,120 --> 00:46:01,680
Speaker 4: for a very long time with Kirk Farence, he was

1047
00:46:01,680 --> 00:46:02,279
Speaker 4: there for a while.

1048
00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 1: He was there for the first year when Kirk started.

1049
00:46:04,680 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: So ninety nine is when Kirk came, Chris Doyle came.

1050
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:08,879
Speaker 1: That's when it all started. When I my first year

1051
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:12,439
Speaker 1: and Chris had was there for fifteen plus years, eighteen years.

1052
00:46:12,920 --> 00:46:15,640
Speaker 2: Where was Dobson at at the time, James Dobson. So

1053
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:17,200
Speaker 2: that's a mutual connection that we have.

1054
00:46:17,760 --> 00:46:19,120
Speaker 4: This whole thing got connected, correct.

1055
00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, Yeah, dob hit me up and I was talking

1056
00:46:21,120 --> 00:46:24,960
Speaker 2: to me about Robert Gallery and knowing that Dobson he

1057
00:46:25,000 --> 00:46:27,040
Speaker 2: started at Iowa before he came and was our head

1058
00:46:27,160 --> 00:46:30,040
Speaker 2: strength coach at Nebraska, So you knew about all the

1059
00:46:30,040 --> 00:46:31,840
Speaker 2: Doyle programming. I'm sure we were doing a lot of

1060
00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 2: the stuff in Nebraska that you guys were getting into

1061
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 2: and doing because Doyle was like ahead of his time

1062
00:46:36,840 --> 00:46:40,439
Speaker 2: in the strength training program. But but yeah, Dobson because

1063
00:46:40,480 --> 00:46:41,440
Speaker 2: he had to have been young.

1064
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:44,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, and he was assistant ninety nine. He came with

1065
00:46:44,520 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 1: Doyle and he was there my entire career until they

1066
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:49,719
Speaker 1: moved on later on. He was there quite a few years.

1067
00:46:49,719 --> 00:46:51,880
Speaker 1: But yeah, James, James is the best. We kept in

1068
00:46:51,880 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: contact over the years. And yeah, he learned from that,

1069
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,239
Speaker 1: the Doyle stuff and then put his own stuff into it.

1070
00:46:57,280 --> 00:46:58,640
Speaker 1: And he's just a great human being.

1071
00:46:58,719 --> 00:47:02,960
Speaker 2: That was his like authority figure vibe that young as

1072
00:47:03,000 --> 00:47:04,120
Speaker 2: an assistant.

1073
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:05,719
Speaker 1: You know, you look back on it, and we were

1074
00:47:05,760 --> 00:47:07,239
Speaker 1: you know, obviously we were all a lot younger. You

1075
00:47:07,239 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 1: look back at pictures of Coach Ferrence in nineteen ninety nine,

1076
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:12,279
Speaker 1: you're like, yeah, holy Kyle. But James, James was a

1077
00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,160
Speaker 1: young guy. We were all just trying, right, they were.

1078
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,680
Speaker 1: They were trying to put in their program and we

1079
00:47:16,719 --> 00:47:18,839
Speaker 1: were bad right nineteen ninety nine, we were one to ten,

1080
00:47:19,000 --> 00:47:21,200
Speaker 1: you know, my red shirt year, right, So everyone's trying

1081
00:47:21,239 --> 00:47:23,800
Speaker 1: to bring in the toughness. But it was Coach Doyle

1082
00:47:23,840 --> 00:47:26,359
Speaker 1: and James like bringing in that like if you don't

1083
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:28,440
Speaker 1: do it right, get out the door, right, And it

1084
00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:29,160
Speaker 1: was yeah, there was.

1085
00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:31,240
Speaker 4: A week out the week type of mentality for sure.

1086
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 1: And if you did stuff right, they loved you. Right.

1087
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:34,920
Speaker 1: It was it wasn't hard for sure, but those you know,

1088
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 1: guys like me, we fed on that, you know, the

1089
00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 1: Iowa guys, the people they brought in for that culture,

1090
00:47:40,760 --> 00:47:42,399
Speaker 1: that we fed on that stuff. And if they called

1091
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,239
Speaker 1: you out, you're like, oh you know, oh yeah watch this,

1092
00:47:45,560 --> 00:47:46,399
Speaker 1: Yeah you know what I mean.

1093
00:47:46,640 --> 00:47:49,520
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, there're three California guys. They were like, I

1094
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:51,319
Speaker 4: gotta go, I gotta get that. I had to get

1095
00:47:51,360 --> 00:47:52,760
Speaker 4: the hell out of here quickly.

1096
00:47:53,000 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 1: Right.

1097
00:47:53,719 --> 00:47:56,399
Speaker 4: So you're you're with fantasy read your your your first year.

1098
00:47:56,480 --> 00:47:57,200
Speaker 4: The next year you're.

1099
00:47:57,080 --> 00:48:02,279
Speaker 1: Starting started at tight end? Really, yes, true athlete, Yes I.

1100
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:06,719
Speaker 2: Was tighten you you can potentially claim being a part

1101
00:48:06,760 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 2: of the group.

1102
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:11,080
Speaker 1: For a very small time. I think I had three catches,

1103
00:48:11,200 --> 00:48:13,920
Speaker 1: one of which was at Nebraska. We ended up losing

1104
00:48:13,920 --> 00:48:15,720
Speaker 1: that game, but I did have a catch in that game.

1105
00:48:16,080 --> 00:48:20,440
Speaker 1: So my first year, my red shirt freshman year, started

1106
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,279
Speaker 1: at tight end, and then four games in they came

1107
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:25,759
Speaker 1: to me like, hey, we need to have a discussion,

1108
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,240
Speaker 1: and then I moved the tackle and the rest is history.

1109
00:48:30,120 --> 00:48:31,760
Speaker 2: How did you like playing for coach Farents.

1110
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:35,399
Speaker 1: I loved it. He's the best is I was just back.

1111
00:48:35,640 --> 00:48:37,960
Speaker 1: He's a guy I talked to regularly. He hasn't changed

1112
00:48:38,000 --> 00:48:42,360
Speaker 1: since nineteen ninety nine. He's just the most steady, genuine

1113
00:48:42,400 --> 00:48:45,200
Speaker 1: person you've ever met. Now you see him right, obviously,

1114
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:47,320
Speaker 1: he was twenty seven years younger when we first started.

1115
00:48:47,320 --> 00:48:49,279
Speaker 1: But you see him now getting emotional. It's cool because

1116
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,640
Speaker 1: I knew him twenty seven years ago when we were

1117
00:48:51,680 --> 00:48:53,520
Speaker 1: just trying to get a program turned around, right. He

1118
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:55,640
Speaker 1: was coming in. He was a young new coach or

1119
00:48:55,840 --> 00:48:59,840
Speaker 1: newer coach, right head coach. And he's just the genuine

1120
00:49:00,320 --> 00:49:03,840
Speaker 1: human being. There's no raw rah. It's it's everything he

1121
00:49:03,960 --> 00:49:07,880
Speaker 1: says is meaningful and to the point and and just

1122
00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:09,879
Speaker 1: just genuine. It's hard to say I took my son

1123
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 1: back for training camp. You know, my son's in his

1124
00:49:12,360 --> 00:49:14,920
Speaker 1: office hanging out with him. It's there's no like, oh,

1125
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:17,760
Speaker 1: Roberts here, we gotta fake this and make him feel included.

1126
00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:19,600
Speaker 1: He's like, this place is your place, and your son.

1127
00:49:19,640 --> 00:49:22,880
Speaker 1: Lincoln's so Lincoln's high fiving him, knocking him right, running

1128
00:49:22,880 --> 00:49:24,880
Speaker 1: in and out of his office. He's just a genuine,

1129
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 1: genuine human being. And you know that's why he's had

1130
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:27,800
Speaker 1: so much success.

1131
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:32,719
Speaker 4: And your son's name is Lincoln, very interesting in Nebraska, Lincoln, Nebraska.

1132
00:49:33,560 --> 00:49:35,200
Speaker 2: You didn't think that comes back.

1133
00:49:35,880 --> 00:49:39,560
Speaker 1: I did not think of that. I'm I'm a car guy,

1134
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:42,120
Speaker 1: so it's actually more after Lincoln Continental.

1135
00:49:42,800 --> 00:49:45,080
Speaker 2: But now but now now he's gonna he won't be

1136
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:46,360
Speaker 2: able to help. But think about it now.

1137
00:49:46,239 --> 00:49:51,200
Speaker 4: Now yeah, yeah, now from now on, Lincoln, I definitely

1138
00:49:51,239 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 4: should name you Ford.

1139
00:49:53,840 --> 00:49:56,960
Speaker 2: You for UH. Coach Faris was the first head coach

1140
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:59,359
Speaker 2: I had to call and basically say that I wasn't

1141
00:49:59,360 --> 00:50:01,840
Speaker 2: coming to Iowa. And it was so painful, but he

1142
00:50:01,960 --> 00:50:04,359
Speaker 2: was incredible to me. Whenever I made that call, my

1143
00:50:04,400 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 2: parents like you have to call the schools like Iowa.

1144
00:50:07,600 --> 00:50:10,320
Speaker 2: I was very much like considering Ira and they recruited

1145
00:50:10,360 --> 00:50:11,239
Speaker 2: me hard and I had a.

1146
00:50:11,200 --> 00:50:12,560
Speaker 1: Cool You said you were considering Iowa.

1147
00:50:12,920 --> 00:50:16,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was considering Iowa because my brother. So, my

1148
00:50:16,080 --> 00:50:17,960
Speaker 2: brother was a year younger than me, and he was

1149
00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 2: a very good wrestler growing up. He was like he

1150
00:50:21,480 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 2: was a senior national champion coming out of high school.

1151
00:50:23,719 --> 00:50:25,840
Speaker 2: So when I would go on my recruiting trips, we

1152
00:50:25,840 --> 00:50:27,839
Speaker 2: would take a you know, family road trip and We'd

1153
00:50:27,920 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 2: hit Missoo because Miszoo had a good wrestling program. We

1154
00:50:30,160 --> 00:50:32,920
Speaker 2: hit Nebraska because Nebraska had a good wrestling program. We

1155
00:50:32,960 --> 00:50:36,480
Speaker 2: had Iowa because I was unbelievable at wrestling, So a

1156
00:50:36,520 --> 00:50:39,279
Speaker 2: lot of a lot of majority of my decision. I

1157
00:50:39,320 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 2: wanted to go to a spot to where I know

1158
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:42,560
Speaker 2: my brother could go and wrestle too, so we'd go

1159
00:50:42,600 --> 00:50:45,440
Speaker 2: to school together. So Iowa was very much in the conversation.

1160
00:50:45,960 --> 00:50:48,920
Speaker 2: I forget my recruiting coordinator, but had a cool relationship

1161
00:50:48,920 --> 00:50:51,880
Speaker 2: with coach Farence. Super awesome dude. It's cool hearing you

1162
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,959
Speaker 2: talk about him, because he did seem very genuine, whether

1163
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 2: I got to sit and meet with him, talk to

1164
00:50:56,840 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 2: him on the phone. Doyle kind of intimidating, bald dude.

1165
00:51:00,520 --> 00:51:03,160
Speaker 2: Like they had the chains going on everywhere in the

1166
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 2: weight room. It just seemed like a spot where you

1167
00:51:04,920 --> 00:51:07,399
Speaker 2: go and get yoked. Yeah, you get after it around there. Yeah.

1168
00:51:07,600 --> 00:51:07,960
Speaker 1: Bubble.

1169
00:51:08,000 --> 00:51:09,720
Speaker 2: They just had a bubble. They didn't really have an indoor.

1170
00:51:09,800 --> 00:51:13,760
Speaker 2: I visited Iowa right after after Nebraska, so the difference

1171
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:16,400
Speaker 2: in facility was like you walk into the bubble and

1172
00:51:16,440 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 2: it was a humid like you know, they didn't have

1173
00:51:19,000 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 2: like an indoor very well.

1174
00:51:20,239 --> 00:51:21,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, we were behind the times with the.

1175
00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:25,360
Speaker 2: Behind the times, like we're building a new weight room.

1176
00:51:25,600 --> 00:51:27,399
Speaker 2: But I had I had cool. I had a cool visit.

1177
00:51:27,520 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 2: I had a cool visit at Iowa.

1178
00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:31,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's great, they're both. You know. My first day,

1179
00:51:31,080 --> 00:51:34,439
Speaker 1: my first day at camp with the freshman coach, Doyle

1180
00:51:34,520 --> 00:51:36,000
Speaker 1: was holding the bag. So it was just a freshman

1181
00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:38,440
Speaker 1: and I'm a skinny, tight end, scared shit, let's right,

1182
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:41,160
Speaker 1: just want to come in and make it. And he

1183
00:51:41,239 --> 00:51:42,799
Speaker 1: was holding the bag and I remember the first one

1184
00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:44,799
Speaker 1: I came off. My hands slid up off the bag,

1185
00:51:44,880 --> 00:51:47,799
Speaker 1: smacked him in the face, and my shoulder problems in

1186
00:51:47,880 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 1: high school, and my shoulder came out of the socket,

1187
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:52,719
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh God, is this for me? So

1188
00:51:52,760 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 1: he's look staring at me, right, and he was a

1189
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 1: massive man back then. He's staring at me. I just

1190
00:51:56,840 --> 00:51:58,400
Speaker 1: jacked him in the face and I'm trying not to

1191
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,160
Speaker 1: cry because my shoulder came out and just had to

1192
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:02,880
Speaker 1: go back to the drills. And I'll never forget that

1193
00:52:02,960 --> 00:52:04,680
Speaker 1: day because he looked at me and just told me

1194
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 1: to keep your hands down. I'm like, yes, sir. She

1195
00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:11,160
Speaker 1: was this massive, scary human being, But the greatest guy out.

1196
00:52:11,040 --> 00:52:13,839
Speaker 2: There are the is the dorm situation? Was it called

1197
00:52:13,840 --> 00:52:14,399
Speaker 2: the six pack?

1198
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 1: We didn't have that then? Okay, yeah, no, I don't

1199
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:22,480
Speaker 1: know we had the dorm coach was too gritty for me.

1200
00:52:23,040 --> 00:52:25,440
Speaker 4: Some could say that, yeah, the way you talk, how

1201
00:52:25,480 --> 00:52:27,359
Speaker 4: I've trained with you. Yeah, I could see that.

1202
00:52:27,600 --> 00:52:29,080
Speaker 1: Ye didn't the shiny lights.

1203
00:52:30,800 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 2: Didn't have all the pretty stuff.

1204
00:52:31,880 --> 00:52:32,719
Speaker 1: That's all right, dude?

1205
00:52:32,760 --> 00:52:34,880
Speaker 4: Is it the Maybe the most scared anybody can be

1206
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:37,120
Speaker 4: in their entire life is your freshman year when you

1207
00:52:37,120 --> 00:52:39,280
Speaker 4: go from high school to college and it's your first

1208
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:42,440
Speaker 4: workout with the entire team, not the freshman workouts, but

1209
00:52:42,480 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 4: the first one. Like when I first got to Michigan,

1210
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,359
Speaker 4: whichevergus is the head coach we had Mike bar West

1211
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:50,279
Speaker 4: was just like world renowned head coach, and we did

1212
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:53,640
Speaker 4: like this tabata type of workout where it's like three

1213
00:52:53,680 --> 00:52:55,799
Speaker 4: sets of twelve squad, three sets of twelve hand clean

1214
00:52:55,880 --> 00:52:58,239
Speaker 4: like very high reps, high volume and also high weight,

1215
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,880
Speaker 4: and then we do like high perchase feeding. And by

1216
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:02,640
Speaker 4: the time we got to the hyperchery jumping, I was

1217
00:53:02,640 --> 00:53:05,480
Speaker 4: like hit like a full body cramp, like dying. And

1218
00:53:05,560 --> 00:53:07,840
Speaker 4: after that everyone started jogging out to the field to

1219
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,080
Speaker 4: go do our sprints and our running after that. So

1220
00:53:10,120 --> 00:53:11,920
Speaker 4: it was like just a hell of a day on

1221
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:14,400
Speaker 4: a Monday. My bars walks up and he's got this

1222
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:17,759
Speaker 4: like super rasp, like he swallowed glass voice, and he goes,

1223
00:53:17,840 --> 00:53:19,440
Speaker 4: welcome to Michigan. How do you leave my dick in

1224
00:53:19,480 --> 00:53:22,919
Speaker 4: your mouth? And then walks away. I'm thinking, I got

1225
00:53:22,920 --> 00:53:24,520
Speaker 4: to get the fuck out of here. There is no

1226
00:53:24,640 --> 00:53:26,359
Speaker 4: way I'm going to make it.

1227
00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:27,440
Speaker 1: This is not for me.

1228
00:53:28,840 --> 00:53:30,399
Speaker 4: And then you had to go shower for the first time,

1229
00:53:30,440 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 4: and then for all the boys, and you're like, do

1230
00:53:31,719 --> 00:53:33,799
Speaker 4: I wear underwear? Do I not wear underwear? Like it's

1231
00:53:33,840 --> 00:53:35,680
Speaker 4: a dude, it's a mental warfare.

1232
00:53:36,040 --> 00:53:38,879
Speaker 1: Is when you go in like I think we did,

1233
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,719
Speaker 1: Like we were not grown men, right sky, you know.

1234
00:53:41,800 --> 00:53:44,640
Speaker 1: And you walk in and Colin Cole he came from Florida.

1235
00:53:44,760 --> 00:53:46,560
Speaker 1: He was a grown man when he showed up as

1236
00:53:46,600 --> 00:53:48,960
Speaker 1: a freshman, and I'm like, I gotta play against this guy.

1237
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: I mean, three and twenty pound yoke dude from Florida.

1238
00:53:52,640 --> 00:53:56,359
Speaker 1: And I remember thinking, oh my god, this is not

1239
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:56,839
Speaker 1: going to work.

1240
00:53:57,200 --> 00:54:00,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude is yeah, we have bring it is of mind.

1241
00:54:00,360 --> 00:54:03,600
Speaker 2: Fuck did you walk in there. You're not developed whatsoever

1242
00:54:03,680 --> 00:54:06,000
Speaker 2: compared to the college the grown men that are in college.

1243
00:54:06,000 --> 00:54:08,520
Speaker 2: You're skinny, got a little pecker. You're walking the shower,

1244
00:54:08,760 --> 00:54:11,480
Speaker 2: just fear, fear, fear, who's gonna look?

1245
00:54:11,600 --> 00:54:13,680
Speaker 4: Maybe they are, maybe they aren't. You accidentally look at

1246
00:54:13,719 --> 00:54:16,160
Speaker 4: another guy. He's black. It's way different than yours.

1247
00:54:16,400 --> 00:54:19,480
Speaker 1: We got good story, cold tub story, but we had

1248
00:54:19,560 --> 00:54:22,120
Speaker 1: uh Khalil Hill. He came and just stood at the

1249
00:54:22,120 --> 00:54:24,000
Speaker 1: top of the cold tub and said, I'm gonna get

1250
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:25,480
Speaker 1: here and get to see what it's like to be

1251
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:28,000
Speaker 1: all you white boys. We were just just standing at

1252
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:30,520
Speaker 1: the top of the top of the coach the helicopter.

1253
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:34,719
Speaker 1: In the helicopter, I remember thinking, oh my lord, what

1254
00:54:34,880 --> 00:54:35,279
Speaker 1: is this.

1255
00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:37,920
Speaker 2: You're like, You're like, I'm going to keep my shorts

1256
00:54:37,920 --> 00:54:42,000
Speaker 2: and spandex and everything on. Yeah, terrifying. What's it like

1257
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:42,760
Speaker 2: to be you guys?

1258
00:54:43,000 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 4: Yes, Jesus Christ, What what was the moment You're realized, Oh,

1259
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:50,480
Speaker 4: the NFL is a real option for me as a player?

1260
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 1: You know, Honestly, I was so you know, and this

1261
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:55,200
Speaker 1: sounds easy to say now, but I was so in

1262
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:58,279
Speaker 1: the moment the entire my entire career. It wasn't until

1263
00:54:58,320 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 1: after my junior year. A great junior year. That's we

1264
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:04,480
Speaker 1: were eleven in one season Orange Bowl before we went

1265
00:55:04,520 --> 00:55:06,960
Speaker 1: down to the Orange Bowl and got throttled by USC.

1266
00:55:07,160 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 1: But that's another story. But great year, right, Brad Banks

1267
00:55:09,280 --> 00:55:12,320
Speaker 1: is our quarterback. Our offensive line was five guys that

1268
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:15,080
Speaker 1: ended up playing in the league. After that season, coach

1269
00:55:15,120 --> 00:55:17,319
Speaker 1: Ferns brought me in and you know, he said, hey,

1270
00:55:17,320 --> 00:55:19,480
Speaker 1: there's guys are going to be calling you. There's a

1271
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,759
Speaker 1: chance you could come out early and probably be in

1272
00:55:21,760 --> 00:55:24,399
Speaker 1: the top ten. And honest to god, till that point,

1273
00:55:24,440 --> 00:55:26,279
Speaker 1: I had no idea. Really did I know I was

1274
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:28,759
Speaker 1: playing well? Yes, but it was I was so in

1275
00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:31,600
Speaker 1: the moment till that point. I wasn't thinking about you know,

1276
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:33,319
Speaker 1: I wasn't the kid that showed up in college like

1277
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 1: this is my step to the NFL. Right do you

1278
00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:37,719
Speaker 1: watch that stuff and be like I want to play

1279
00:55:37,719 --> 00:55:40,000
Speaker 1: in the league for sure? But it wasn't on my mind.

1280
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:41,480
Speaker 1: I was just worried about getting better and better. And

1281
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,319
Speaker 1: it wasn't until my junior year when coach brought me in.

1282
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:45,960
Speaker 1: He's like, you know, it's your choice. You know, could

1283
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:48,520
Speaker 1: probably be a top ten pick. And I was remember

1284
00:55:48,600 --> 00:55:51,760
Speaker 1: thinking like really. You know, it sounds dumb or ignorant,

1285
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:53,480
Speaker 1: but I really I really hadn't thought about it because

1286
00:55:53,520 --> 00:55:55,799
Speaker 1: it was just enjoying the process of what we had

1287
00:55:55,840 --> 00:55:56,600
Speaker 1: been doing to that point.

1288
00:55:57,360 --> 00:55:59,319
Speaker 2: And too, it's like it's early two thousands now, like

1289
00:55:59,360 --> 00:56:01,520
Speaker 2: you got all this social media and everything going on

1290
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:04,000
Speaker 2: like you do now to where everybody knows absolutely everything

1291
00:56:04,080 --> 00:56:04,359
Speaker 2: for sure.

1292
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, we had dial up internet, I remember. I remember.

1293
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, now there's combines for eighth graders, right, exactly.

1294
00:56:08,960 --> 00:56:10,759
Speaker 4: Getting combined as nuts.

1295
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:12,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah it is.

1296
00:56:12,239 --> 00:56:14,400
Speaker 4: Well, so what did you end up leaving earlier? Did

1297
00:56:14,400 --> 00:56:15,160
Speaker 4: you end up staying first?

1298
00:56:15,200 --> 00:56:17,120
Speaker 1: I stayed. Yeah. It was one of those things. I'm like, oh,

1299
00:56:17,160 --> 00:56:19,280
Speaker 1: I don't you know, I want to get my degree.

1300
00:56:19,320 --> 00:56:21,120
Speaker 1: You know, I was the old school Iowa farm kid.

1301
00:56:21,160 --> 00:56:23,520
Speaker 1: My parents told me go to school and get your degree. Yeah,

1302
00:56:23,560 --> 00:56:25,799
Speaker 1: so I wanted to get my degree. And I said, well,

1303
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 1: can I get I'm gonna I'm going to get better,

1304
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:29,799
Speaker 1: right because I didn't think I was that good yet, right,

1305
00:56:29,880 --> 00:56:32,480
Speaker 1: And coach said, yeah, I see you being better. I

1306
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,319
Speaker 1: see you'd be able to be a you know, a

1307
00:56:34,440 --> 00:56:36,799
Speaker 1: top one or two pick, right, Like that's what we

1308
00:56:36,840 --> 00:56:38,759
Speaker 1: shoot for for you. And so I was like, great,

1309
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:40,120
Speaker 1: like them, I'm here, Sandy.

1310
00:56:40,880 --> 00:56:43,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, how do you feel like that infiltrated your brain?

1311
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:43,719
Speaker 2: Like your ego?

1312
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:45,399
Speaker 1: I mean it was.

1313
00:56:45,600 --> 00:56:48,799
Speaker 2: It was because you going from not being like not

1314
00:56:49,480 --> 00:56:52,120
Speaker 2: you were aware that you're good, but being that good

1315
00:56:52,239 --> 00:56:55,520
Speaker 2: or seen from NFL scouts as like oh if I

1316
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:57,319
Speaker 2: had left, I could be a top ten pick. Now

1317
00:56:57,360 --> 00:56:59,839
Speaker 2: you know it. Coach is also saying like, I think

1318
00:56:59,840 --> 00:57:01,279
Speaker 2: you could be one or two if you stay another

1319
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:03,080
Speaker 2: you can get this much better here, here, and here.

1320
00:57:03,400 --> 00:57:05,560
Speaker 2: How does that affect you going into your senior year?

1321
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:07,400
Speaker 1: I mean it was tough. It was. That was the

1322
00:57:07,400 --> 00:57:09,040
Speaker 1: point where I kind of switched to to. Up to

1323
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:11,279
Speaker 1: that point, it was just having fun. Right my first

1324
00:57:11,320 --> 00:57:13,239
Speaker 1: few years, you're getting your ass kicked, right, you're just

1325
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:15,120
Speaker 1: trying to make it. First day, I first day they

1326
00:57:15,120 --> 00:57:18,160
Speaker 1: moved me to tackle. I'm going against Fred Wakefield versus Illinois,

1327
00:57:18,160 --> 00:57:21,640
Speaker 1: who's a senior and a beast All American. Just hoping

1328
00:57:21,720 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 1: to not give up a sack. To my junior year.

1329
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:27,600
Speaker 1: We're dominating, but it's just fun. So that started that

1330
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,280
Speaker 1: senior year was when it was like, oh, there is expectation,

1331
00:57:30,360 --> 00:57:33,280
Speaker 1: Oh I am pretty good, and that's kind of when

1332
00:57:33,320 --> 00:57:35,320
Speaker 1: it crept in, it's like I need to be perfect, Like, oh,

1333
00:57:35,320 --> 00:57:38,240
Speaker 1: I'm that guy. So you know I could have sixty

1334
00:57:38,360 --> 00:57:41,040
Speaker 1: nine of seventy plays on film. Now I can say it.

1335
00:57:41,080 --> 00:57:42,480
Speaker 1: Back then I would never, but now I can say

1336
00:57:42,480 --> 00:57:44,760
Speaker 1: it that I, you know, dominated those sixty nine plays

1337
00:57:44,800 --> 00:57:46,400
Speaker 1: and had one bad one and it would ruin it

1338
00:57:46,400 --> 00:57:48,280
Speaker 1: for me. I'm like, I'm supposed to be I'm supposed

1339
00:57:48,320 --> 00:57:50,640
Speaker 1: to be the guy that's perfect, and it's so unrealistic,

1340
00:57:50,640 --> 00:57:52,040
Speaker 1: but that's how my mind thought, right.

1341
00:57:51,920 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 2: You're probably like I want to be the greatest to

1342
00:57:53,480 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 2: ever do it.

1343
00:57:54,200 --> 00:57:56,520
Speaker 1: Well, it was that was just my mindset, like like

1344
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 1: we all right, you just grind and grind and grind.

1345
00:57:58,640 --> 00:58:01,160
Speaker 1: It's like that's great, Like this, oh I achieved this

1346
00:58:01,280 --> 00:58:03,720
Speaker 1: great moved to the next thing, right, You never really

1347
00:58:03,760 --> 00:58:05,959
Speaker 1: thought about that because it's like, okay, well that's great,

1348
00:58:06,240 --> 00:58:07,160
Speaker 1: big deal next.

1349
00:58:07,680 --> 00:58:08,320
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1350
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, And so I mean it was still fun, but

1351
00:58:10,040 --> 00:58:13,200
Speaker 1: it was definitely more, you know, more pressure. I thought

1352
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: about it more. It's like, you know, in a game,

1353
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:17,560
Speaker 1: to where something would happen, my hands will be wide,

1354
00:58:17,560 --> 00:58:19,439
Speaker 1: Oh he got me. Whatever next plan will go killing

1355
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 1: to where something would happen. It would ruin the rest

1356
00:58:22,560 --> 00:58:24,720
Speaker 1: of the game, I'd be stealing. I don't know that

1357
00:58:24,760 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 1: can't happen to me like this.

1358
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:30,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, the rest of the week when you're watching films,

1359
00:58:30,640 --> 00:58:33,080
Speaker 2: like even for me, like when I was seeing like

1360
00:58:33,160 --> 00:58:35,720
Speaker 2: be where I could potentially be a late round pick,

1361
00:58:36,040 --> 00:58:38,280
Speaker 2: like before the season and everything else, and agents are

1362
00:58:38,280 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 2: trying to talk to you, like it infiltrates your mind.

1363
00:58:40,840 --> 00:58:42,600
Speaker 2: Like we were in the locker room last week and

1364
00:58:42,640 --> 00:58:44,040
Speaker 2: Clay was kind of like, I bet you were the

1365
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:46,040
Speaker 2: man at Nebraska, and like, how were you in Nebraska.

1366
00:58:46,080 --> 00:58:48,840
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking, like my senior year kind of feels

1367
00:58:48,840 --> 00:58:51,840
Speaker 2: like a blur because I feel like I didn't enjoyed

1368
00:58:51,880 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 2: in a way like I look back, I'm proud of

1369
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:56,760
Speaker 2: how I went about everything, but enjoyed in such a

1370
00:58:56,800 --> 00:58:58,640
Speaker 2: way to where I felt like the man or was

1371
00:58:58,680 --> 00:59:00,920
Speaker 2: having all this fun. Like I just felt like I

1372
00:59:01,080 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 2: wanted to be drafted so badly to where any bad

1373
00:59:04,800 --> 00:59:07,040
Speaker 2: plays it would like ruin your damn weekend.

1374
00:59:07,600 --> 00:59:10,560
Speaker 1: Absolutely. Scott Pioli was a GM at New England at

1375
00:59:10,600 --> 00:59:12,640
Speaker 1: the time, very close friends with coach parents, and he

1376
00:59:12,720 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: had visited that week and I kind of, you know,

1377
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:17,360
Speaker 1: lost it, but I was talking to him about it, like, oh,

1378
00:59:17,400 --> 00:59:18,880
Speaker 1: I got him, you know this, I messed this one

1379
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:22,040
Speaker 1: play up. And I remember him leaving me his business

1380
00:59:22,040 --> 00:59:23,919
Speaker 1: card at my locker and on the back he wrote,

1381
00:59:23,960 --> 00:59:26,280
Speaker 1: lighting up Francis right, because he was talking to me

1382
00:59:26,320 --> 00:59:29,800
Speaker 1: about like, dude, relaxed this, it's fun, like you're playing great,

1383
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:31,560
Speaker 1: Just go out and do what you've been doing the

1384
00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:34,280
Speaker 1: last couple of years. But I was so intent on

1385
00:59:34,760 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 1: everything has to be perfect because now I want to

1386
00:59:37,680 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 1: be this right when they threw that out there, oh

1387
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,080
Speaker 1: you could be you know, you could have been top ten,

1388
00:59:42,160 --> 00:59:44,160
Speaker 1: you could be at the top of the draft. So

1389
00:59:44,240 --> 00:59:47,200
Speaker 1: now that that's a new goal and anything that affected

1390
00:59:47,200 --> 00:59:50,080
Speaker 1: it would affect me for days and weeks. But it

1391
00:59:50,120 --> 00:59:52,880
Speaker 1: was still fun and was still able to you know.

1392
00:59:52,960 --> 00:59:55,560
Speaker 1: I was the level of competition too. I was still

1393
00:59:55,760 --> 00:59:57,600
Speaker 1: playing very well, But it was just the mental part

1394
00:59:57,600 --> 00:59:57,760
Speaker 1: of it.

1395
00:59:57,840 --> 01:00:00,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, the mental park definitely as soon as expectations get

1396
01:00:00,040 --> 01:00:01,920
Speaker 4: put on you, because when you get to college, it's like,

1397
01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:03,720
Speaker 4: how do I just put myself in a starting role

1398
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:06,040
Speaker 4: or a contributor at the very least, And you do that,

1399
01:00:06,120 --> 01:00:07,720
Speaker 4: it's like, how awesome is this? And I'm wearing a

1400
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:10,360
Speaker 4: uniform in college and playing and then to slowly but

1401
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:13,440
Speaker 4: sure like their expectation. After expectation, you continue to move

1402
01:00:13,480 --> 01:00:15,600
Speaker 4: the goalpost for yourself, but it ended up working out.

1403
01:00:15,600 --> 01:00:18,040
Speaker 4: You go second overall to the to the Raiders. What

1404
01:00:18,160 --> 01:00:19,880
Speaker 4: is like in the early two thousands, what is the

1405
01:00:19,920 --> 01:00:23,080
Speaker 4: draft process like for you? Like combines? Is it still

1406
01:00:23,080 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 4: in Indianapolis?

1407
01:00:23,800 --> 01:00:26,240
Speaker 1: Yep, still an Indie. So go to the combine, you

1408
01:00:26,280 --> 01:00:27,360
Speaker 1: know the typical and it.

1409
01:00:27,320 --> 01:00:29,240
Speaker 4: Was sounds like you went nuts based on your high

1410
01:00:29,280 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 4: school athleticism.

1411
01:00:31,080 --> 01:00:33,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did. I did well. You know the one

1412
01:00:33,040 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 1: thing that is true, Yeah, the one I ran very well.

1413
01:00:37,320 --> 01:00:40,200
Speaker 1: I want to say it was sub five electronic. I

1414
01:00:40,240 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 1: think four eight nine handheld was what they had me.

1415
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:43,880
Speaker 1: And so I ran well, jumped heavy?

1416
01:00:43,960 --> 01:00:44,760
Speaker 2: Are you at this point?

1417
01:00:45,400 --> 01:00:46,680
Speaker 1: I weighed in at three twenty.

1418
01:00:47,480 --> 01:00:49,680
Speaker 4: Unit, almost one hundred pounds more than the first day

1419
01:00:49,720 --> 01:00:50,360
Speaker 4: you walked in Aisle?

1420
01:00:50,480 --> 01:00:53,040
Speaker 1: Exactly? Did the I remember, I won't forget the bench press,

1421
01:00:53,080 --> 01:00:56,120
Speaker 1: so did the bench press and in the I don't

1422
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,480
Speaker 1: remember what team he was with at the time, but

1423
01:00:58,640 --> 01:01:01,360
Speaker 1: he had a big ego and he said I was

1424
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:04,040
Speaker 1: bouncing right because they I was a fast bencher, like

1425
01:01:04,080 --> 01:01:05,560
Speaker 1: as fast as I can. I'm like, I'm gonna go

1426
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:07,520
Speaker 1: in there and put up you know, this many thirty

1427
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:10,080
Speaker 1: some as fast as I can. Well, he didn't count

1428
01:01:10,080 --> 01:01:12,280
Speaker 1: a bunch of them, and he's like, nope, because I

1429
01:01:12,320 --> 01:01:14,800
Speaker 1: was going too fast, so you got a pause. So

1430
01:01:14,840 --> 01:01:16,480
Speaker 1: I remember coming out, right, So I've tuck to the

1431
01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:19,200
Speaker 1: media right after that, and I'm pissed off because he

1432
01:01:19,280 --> 01:01:23,400
Speaker 1: counted twenty six, right, so that was not the standard.

1433
01:01:23,440 --> 01:01:25,400
Speaker 1: I think I did thirty four, but he didn't count

1434
01:01:25,400 --> 01:01:27,760
Speaker 1: eight of them, so I'm pissed off about that, right,

1435
01:01:27,800 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 1: So that was the whole combine. I remember stewing on

1436
01:01:29,760 --> 01:01:31,800
Speaker 1: that the rest of the entire combine, trying to do

1437
01:01:31,840 --> 01:01:33,760
Speaker 1: interviews and meet with gms, and all I can think

1438
01:01:33,800 --> 01:01:36,720
Speaker 1: about it is like, this motherfucker didn't count these many

1439
01:01:36,720 --> 01:01:37,840
Speaker 1: reps in my bench press.

1440
01:01:38,400 --> 01:01:41,480
Speaker 4: So I think four sounds way better than twenty six.

1441
01:01:41,680 --> 01:01:45,440
Speaker 1: Well sure, yeah, yeah, I'll be hot too tight. Yeah. No,

1442
01:01:45,560 --> 01:01:47,600
Speaker 1: So it was you know, combine. It was. It was great.

1443
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:49,360
Speaker 1: It was you know, not what it is now. Obviously

1444
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:51,720
Speaker 1: there wasn't all the cameras, so that was great because

1445
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 1: you know, you just go in there and you did

1446
01:01:53,480 --> 01:01:55,400
Speaker 1: your stuff. When we got out of there, and I

1447
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:57,479
Speaker 1: ended up showing that that guy in the bench press

1448
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,480
Speaker 1: when we I redid it at Iowa. There, it's a

1449
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:03,160
Speaker 1: good story behind coach Doyle coaching on that one. Yeah,

1450
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:06,280
Speaker 1: they came to Iowa. So we have our pro day

1451
01:02:06,320 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 1: and he's like, all right, we'll show them. We're gonna

1452
01:02:08,160 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 1: do thirty two and then you're gonna stop and rack it.

1453
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:13,840
Speaker 1: So scouts come in. I come in. They set it up.

1454
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,280
Speaker 1: Had one bench with you know, forty five on each plate,

1455
01:02:16,760 --> 01:02:19,880
Speaker 1: aro on each side. Next rack had two forty fives,

1456
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:22,280
Speaker 1: next had three, and next had four. So I sat

1457
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:24,840
Speaker 1: down with the one and did a bunch of reps.

1458
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,360
Speaker 1: Moved to the next bench, did a bunch of reps.

1459
01:02:27,600 --> 01:02:30,160
Speaker 1: Now I've got three plates on each side, two a

1460
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,280
Speaker 1: few reps, four plates on each side. Knocked out like

1461
01:02:33,320 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 1: three of them. Then went and sat down and did

1462
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:39,040
Speaker 1: my my test and did stopped every I mean arrogant,

1463
01:02:39,080 --> 01:02:42,000
Speaker 1: but stopped every single time. Stopped one thousand and one,

1464
01:02:42,400 --> 01:02:44,480
Speaker 1: did thirty two of those, racked it and walked out

1465
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:49,520
Speaker 1: the door just a big They're watching me warm up,

1466
01:02:49,560 --> 01:02:51,200
Speaker 1: and like you know, when I sat down at the

1467
01:02:51,200 --> 01:02:53,160
Speaker 1: bench with four forty five's on the side there, I

1468
01:02:53,200 --> 01:02:55,800
Speaker 1: can remember them looking what is this kid doing. Doyle

1469
01:02:55,880 --> 01:02:58,080
Speaker 1: was like, we got a plan, just do it, sat down,

1470
01:02:58,480 --> 01:03:00,480
Speaker 1: knocked out a couple of those, did my reps, and

1471
01:03:00,520 --> 01:03:01,200
Speaker 1: walked out the door.

1472
01:03:03,040 --> 01:03:05,760
Speaker 4: I love that, dude. Oh this is uh the RAS score.

1473
01:03:06,120 --> 01:03:09,400
Speaker 4: RAS is relative athletics score. And you're at perfect ten.

1474
01:03:10,080 --> 01:03:11,200
Speaker 1: Interesting, I've never seen that.

1475
01:03:11,400 --> 01:03:11,840
Speaker 2: There you go.

1476
01:03:12,000 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 4: If that's a little ego booster for your right here.

1477
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:17,040
Speaker 4: Can't get better than ten, brother, can't get better than ten.

1478
01:03:16,960 --> 01:03:18,880
Speaker 2: And you got you got to give sub five out

1479
01:03:18,880 --> 01:03:19,760
Speaker 2: of your language.

1480
01:03:19,760 --> 01:03:21,880
Speaker 1: That's a that's a four nine perfect.

1481
01:03:22,080 --> 01:03:22,280
Speaker 7: Yeah.

1482
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:24,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, you ran a four nine. Yeah, that's a four nine.

1483
01:03:24,560 --> 01:03:26,120
Speaker 4: Yeah. Sub five doesn't sound as good.

1484
01:03:26,640 --> 01:03:29,800
Speaker 2: Short shuttle four eight three, that's quick.

1485
01:03:30,200 --> 01:03:32,960
Speaker 1: We had we had some good teaching coach Doyle and Dobson. Yeah,

1486
01:03:33,000 --> 01:03:35,280
Speaker 1: oh yeah, those guys knew how to teach that. And

1487
01:03:35,360 --> 01:03:37,880
Speaker 1: the you know, the athletic ability helped. But those guys

1488
01:03:37,880 --> 01:03:39,920
Speaker 1: were great teachers, man. I owe the credit to them.

1489
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:41,840
Speaker 4: What is this stuff we would do, Adopson, where the

1490
01:03:41,840 --> 01:03:43,240
Speaker 4: pushing and the pulling of the sleds? What was it

1491
01:03:43,280 --> 01:03:46,280
Speaker 4: called gpp GP. Did you guys do gpp at Iowa?

1492
01:03:46,360 --> 01:03:46,760
Speaker 1: Huh?

1493
01:03:46,880 --> 01:03:49,040
Speaker 2: All right, I'm sure they did some version of it

1494
01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:52,880
Speaker 2: at Iowa. Again, like sitting down in the whole recruiting process,

1495
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:54,960
Speaker 2: like my dad was a sick o working out growing up,

1496
01:03:55,000 --> 01:03:58,520
Speaker 2: like the Franco training and different things, so I kind

1497
01:03:58,520 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 2: of understood some West Side bar bell and a lot

1498
01:04:01,040 --> 01:04:04,480
Speaker 2: of those variations in concepts of training. And everybody was

1499
01:04:04,520 --> 01:04:06,600
Speaker 2: super high on Doyle. So getting to sit down and

1500
01:04:07,320 --> 01:04:09,520
Speaker 2: listen to Doyle speak and then getting the train with

1501
01:04:09,600 --> 01:04:12,080
Speaker 2: Dobson throughout my career in Nebraska, like it did feel

1502
01:04:12,080 --> 01:04:14,520
Speaker 2: like they were you guys, I will I remember all

1503
01:04:14,520 --> 01:04:17,360
Speaker 2: my visit, you were the only school that had the

1504
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:21,520
Speaker 2: tendo units happening at that point. And so obviously Dobson Nebraska,

1505
01:04:21,520 --> 01:04:23,680
Speaker 2: we're getting those tendo units to kind of measure your speed,

1506
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 2: power velocity. So very much like ahead of like I stayed,

1507
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:30,520
Speaker 2: I wasn't a combined guy, but just staying and training

1508
01:04:30,560 --> 01:04:33,760
Speaker 2: with coach Dobson throughout to get ready for Pro Day

1509
01:04:33,760 --> 01:04:35,800
Speaker 2: and everything else, Like, yeah, they are very good teachers.

1510
01:04:36,080 --> 01:04:39,120
Speaker 2: You never run the forty. You're always doing like tens

1511
01:04:39,160 --> 01:04:41,560
Speaker 2: and twenties, and you never cap out to where you

1512
01:04:41,600 --> 01:04:43,200
Speaker 2: know you're like I have no clue what I'm going

1513
01:04:43,240 --> 01:04:47,000
Speaker 2: to run, But yeah, I enjoyed. I enjoy training with

1514
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 2: Dobson during that during that time getting ready for the

1515
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:49,840
Speaker 2: for the pro day.

1516
01:04:49,880 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 1: Oh, they were ahead of their time. You know. Yeah,

1517
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:53,200
Speaker 1: they're way ahead of their time. Well, here we go.

1518
01:04:55,600 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 2: Is this a real thing or is this AI? Hold

1519
01:04:57,520 --> 01:04:58,280
Speaker 2: on a second?

1520
01:04:58,520 --> 01:05:00,160
Speaker 4: Four six two you lie?

1521
01:05:00,520 --> 01:05:04,080
Speaker 2: People have different versions. We can call Dopson right now

1522
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:07,560
Speaker 2: and he said four five four five six electronic.

1523
01:05:08,800 --> 01:05:10,760
Speaker 5: Electronic doesn't mean your phone is this?

1524
01:05:11,760 --> 01:05:15,320
Speaker 1: Oh perfect? Ten? I see you here, he said.

1525
01:05:15,320 --> 01:05:17,400
Speaker 2: Oh, and it's not even a team for Tailor, it's

1526
01:05:17,440 --> 01:05:17,880
Speaker 2: Pro Bowl.

1527
01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:23,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, dude. When I went to the combine, I was like,

1528
01:05:23,760 --> 01:05:27,760
Speaker 4: this is I'm going to excel in this. It was

1529
01:05:27,800 --> 01:05:29,440
Speaker 4: definitely my my world.

1530
01:05:29,720 --> 01:05:34,920
Speaker 2: Uh, just the the short speed, the short shuttle, like

1531
01:05:34,960 --> 01:05:36,960
Speaker 2: four four nine is great, Like four four nine is

1532
01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:40,080
Speaker 2: awesome for a left tackle of your size. Yeah, you

1533
01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:41,960
Speaker 2: just knowing you hit you're in the four threes like

1534
01:05:41,960 --> 01:05:43,400
Speaker 2: that is incredible.

1535
01:05:43,440 --> 01:05:45,920
Speaker 4: Dude, the short shuttle. It's funny that Will brings it

1536
01:05:46,000 --> 01:05:47,800
Speaker 4: up because Will in twenty eighteen when Will came to

1537
01:05:47,840 --> 01:05:50,200
Speaker 4: the Titans, we worked out with Dobs in the summertime,

1538
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:53,600
Speaker 4: so we would run together, we do these GPP things.

1539
01:05:53,640 --> 01:05:55,640
Speaker 4: We would do this French eccentric work that Rex would

1540
01:05:55,640 --> 01:05:57,800
Speaker 4: always put us on. But whenever we would do the

1541
01:05:57,800 --> 01:06:01,200
Speaker 4: short shuttle will beat me like edge me out by

1542
01:06:01,200 --> 01:06:04,360
Speaker 4: like this much barely get me, we would always me, hey,

1543
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,800
Speaker 4: you must be pretty fast, I'm pretty good at that.

1544
01:06:07,960 --> 01:06:12,040
Speaker 4: It was always wils like go to daniel A caring

1545
01:06:12,080 --> 01:06:13,800
Speaker 4: from me like you're pretty QUI because I'm really good

1546
01:06:13,800 --> 01:06:14,080
Speaker 4: at these.

1547
01:06:14,160 --> 01:06:16,240
Speaker 1: It was cheating, and back then it was cheating. Kevin

1548
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:19,440
Speaker 1: Casper broke some all time records at the combine, but

1549
01:06:19,520 --> 01:06:21,400
Speaker 1: it was almost cheating because there was a certain the

1550
01:06:21,440 --> 01:06:22,800
Speaker 1: first step was a certain way.

1551
01:06:23,400 --> 01:06:26,080
Speaker 2: There was a two step those first five yards.

1552
01:06:25,760 --> 01:06:28,280
Speaker 1: And it was it was cheating. Even the three the

1553
01:06:28,320 --> 01:06:28,680
Speaker 1: way you.

1554
01:06:28,680 --> 01:06:31,760
Speaker 2: Jump around that that the tip of the yl, the

1555
01:06:31,800 --> 01:06:34,040
Speaker 2: way you like jump around and get around. And there

1556
01:06:34,080 --> 01:06:36,760
Speaker 2: are some like certain skills that if you just sit

1557
01:06:36,800 --> 01:06:39,840
Speaker 2: there and practice it and can perfect it, it's you

1558
01:06:39,880 --> 01:06:41,560
Speaker 2: get shaved so much off of your time.

1559
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:44,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, after I read my forty of the combine, I

1560
01:06:44,160 --> 01:06:47,160
Speaker 4: don't think I cared about anything else. Like we jumped,

1561
01:06:47,520 --> 01:06:49,840
Speaker 4: we did broad jump, vertical jump, and then it was

1562
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:52,120
Speaker 4: forty and the way they set it up was there

1563
01:06:52,200 --> 01:06:54,360
Speaker 4: was like the I was o l twenty three, so

1564
01:06:54,360 --> 01:06:56,720
Speaker 4: I was number twenty three, and then the first group

1565
01:06:56,840 --> 01:06:58,520
Speaker 4: was one through twenty two. So I was the first

1566
01:06:58,520 --> 01:07:01,120
Speaker 4: one to go and run the forty in my group,

1567
01:07:01,160 --> 01:07:04,040
Speaker 4: and I was I was shitting myself. I was so nervous.

1568
01:07:04,200 --> 01:07:06,520
Speaker 4: But once I ran, I knew I ran under four nine,

1569
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:09,160
Speaker 4: I was like, fuck, the rest of this can kick rocks. Right. Well,

1570
01:07:09,200 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 4: I remember doing the l don't we're doing the short

1571
01:07:11,160 --> 01:07:13,520
Speaker 4: shuttle and you spend so much time, like you right

1572
01:07:13,560 --> 01:07:16,560
Speaker 4: the five ten five, it's like two three, Yeah, through

1573
01:07:17,040 --> 01:07:18,560
Speaker 4: like two steps and then you try to get to

1574
01:07:18,600 --> 01:07:21,040
Speaker 4: the other side on three. But yeah, as soon as

1575
01:07:21,040 --> 01:07:23,680
Speaker 4: I ran the forty, I was like, nothing else matters anymore.

1576
01:07:23,760 --> 01:07:24,600
Speaker 4: That's all I really wanted.

1577
01:07:24,720 --> 01:07:27,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, that would come mine up so much too, right, Like,

1578
01:07:27,040 --> 01:07:28,080
Speaker 1: you get to that point.

1579
01:07:27,920 --> 01:07:30,240
Speaker 4: Everything to you talk about the expectation like you're so

1580
01:07:30,520 --> 01:07:33,160
Speaker 4: like all that matters is the combine, and once combin's over, you're.

1581
01:07:33,040 --> 01:07:37,600
Speaker 1: Like tweak, tweak to hamstring, like two weeks before right now, Yeah,

1582
01:07:37,680 --> 01:07:39,800
Speaker 1: this is the biggest job in review my life.

1583
01:07:39,880 --> 01:07:40,080
Speaker 2: Right.

1584
01:07:40,160 --> 01:07:42,680
Speaker 1: Doyle's like relax, you know, Toyo and James like you'll

1585
01:07:42,720 --> 01:07:44,280
Speaker 1: be fine, Like just we'll get you out there. But

1586
01:07:44,320 --> 01:07:46,760
Speaker 1: same thing. I got through that felt great, and I'm

1587
01:07:46,760 --> 01:07:49,000
Speaker 1: like the rest of this is, I'm good the same

1588
01:07:49,040 --> 01:07:50,560
Speaker 1: thing and knew knew it was good. I looked up

1589
01:07:50,600 --> 01:07:53,440
Speaker 1: somebody gave me the thumbs up. I'm like, I'm great. Yeah, yeah, move,

1590
01:07:53,680 --> 01:07:55,200
Speaker 1: I know I did fine, it's all yeah.

1591
01:07:55,240 --> 01:07:58,200
Speaker 4: But you were at you were in Oakland for actually

1592
01:07:58,200 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 4: before we even get into Oakland, the drafting thing that

1593
01:08:00,280 --> 01:08:02,640
Speaker 4: you're there for Kirk Farance, and it's like beginning part

1594
01:08:02,640 --> 01:08:04,640
Speaker 4: of his career that's obviously lasted as long as it has.

1595
01:08:04,960 --> 01:08:08,000
Speaker 4: Do you have any like great Kirk Farens stories that

1596
01:08:08,040 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 4: maybe no one really knows the early days.

1597
01:08:11,320 --> 01:08:13,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think they were just right. They were trying

1598
01:08:13,360 --> 01:08:15,040
Speaker 1: to figure out who they were. But I had a

1599
01:08:15,040 --> 01:08:17,400
Speaker 1: line coach and Joe Filben. So when I got to

1600
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:19,360
Speaker 1: college in high school, my mom would cut my hair

1601
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:21,880
Speaker 1: high and tight, right haircut. Every week. Mom would fade

1602
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:23,839
Speaker 1: it up. She did a real nice job on a fade.

1603
01:08:24,080 --> 01:08:26,479
Speaker 1: But get to college, right, poor, Yes, I'm on scholarship,

1604
01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:27,800
Speaker 1: but I got no money. We're living in the dorms,

1605
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:31,080
Speaker 1: got nothing. So I started growing my hair out all right,

1606
01:08:31,120 --> 01:08:33,599
Speaker 1: So the hair is getting long, and my line coach

1607
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:36,160
Speaker 1: kept telling me every day had come in the office,

1608
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:38,200
Speaker 1: he cut your fucking hair. Cut your fucking hair. So

1609
01:08:38,240 --> 01:08:39,840
Speaker 1: I one day I finally was like, man, you know,

1610
01:08:39,840 --> 01:08:42,679
Speaker 1: I'm a young kid, right, still obviously a new player.

1611
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:45,840
Speaker 1: Go knock on Coach Farence's office. I'm nervous as hell.

1612
01:08:45,920 --> 01:08:49,439
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, coach. He's like yeah, it's like coach

1613
01:08:49,439 --> 01:08:52,360
Speaker 1: Philbin keeps telling me to cut my hair, Like do

1614
01:08:52,400 --> 01:08:53,800
Speaker 1: you care? Do you want me to cut my hair?

1615
01:08:53,880 --> 01:08:54,000
Speaker 2: Right?

1616
01:08:54,080 --> 01:08:56,400
Speaker 1: Just a scared little kid. Yeah, and he goes come

1617
01:08:56,439 --> 01:08:58,920
Speaker 1: in here, walks in and he shuts the door. He goes,

1618
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:01,720
Speaker 1: I'll get shit, what your hair looks like. I just

1619
01:09:01,720 --> 01:09:04,120
Speaker 1: want you to play good football. Let's copy that, coach.

1620
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:07,320
Speaker 1: And so from that point on. But no, he was

1621
01:09:07,400 --> 01:09:10,320
Speaker 1: just he's the same guy the speeches you see now,

1622
01:09:10,360 --> 01:09:12,559
Speaker 1: he was the same just go to work. It was

1623
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:14,600
Speaker 1: him and Doyle and Dopts. It was just like you

1624
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:17,920
Speaker 1: go to work, do things right, and you know they

1625
01:09:17,960 --> 01:09:20,240
Speaker 1: love you, right. That's It's just that's the culture there.

1626
01:09:20,800 --> 01:09:22,720
Speaker 1: So he wasn't. He's not a big flashy guy. He's

1627
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:26,040
Speaker 1: not jumping up on the surfing the team. He's he

1628
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:27,959
Speaker 1: is who he is, and I think that's what everybody

1629
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:30,360
Speaker 1: loved about him back then, and now you see it,

1630
01:09:30,400 --> 01:09:32,240
Speaker 1: and that's what you really love about the guy. He

1631
01:09:32,320 --> 01:09:35,320
Speaker 1: is just a genuine just the same guy, doesn't change

1632
01:09:35,320 --> 01:09:38,360
Speaker 1: for anybody. Right, he's not buying into the new hype

1633
01:09:38,360 --> 01:09:41,000
Speaker 1: and all this stuff. It's just the coach Farren say

1634
01:09:41,040 --> 01:09:42,680
Speaker 1: that we knew. So that's that's probably you know, it's

1635
01:09:43,360 --> 01:09:46,280
Speaker 1: typical of him, very not a big flashy story, but

1636
01:09:46,360 --> 01:09:48,880
Speaker 1: it was you know, that's just who he was. Just like,

1637
01:09:49,160 --> 01:09:51,320
Speaker 1: I don't care about that. Let's play football.

1638
01:09:51,479 --> 01:09:54,519
Speaker 4: Being consistent for a quarter century, it is pretty incredible.

1639
01:09:54,600 --> 01:09:59,320
Speaker 2: Any like initiation stories with the O line room or

1640
01:09:59,360 --> 01:10:02,600
Speaker 2: as you being to a young cat, no, and what

1641
01:10:03,200 --> 01:10:04,880
Speaker 2: line were you where you were like, hey, let's get

1642
01:10:04,920 --> 01:10:07,960
Speaker 2: him uncomfortable like we'd have we'd have old lineman like

1643
01:10:07,960 --> 01:10:09,400
Speaker 2: when we were fresh, when they come up and put

1644
01:10:09,439 --> 01:10:11,439
Speaker 2: their leg up on the bench, they be button naked,

1645
01:10:11,520 --> 01:10:13,120
Speaker 2: just try to make you feel very uncomfortable.

1646
01:10:13,360 --> 01:10:14,920
Speaker 1: Well, we do a little bit of that right stand

1647
01:10:14,920 --> 01:10:16,720
Speaker 1: close in the cold tubs. Some of the you know,

1648
01:10:16,880 --> 01:10:19,920
Speaker 1: walk into walk into the meeting rooms and you know,

1649
01:10:20,000 --> 01:10:22,880
Speaker 1: you graze up against a guy or a new young guy.

1650
01:10:22,920 --> 01:10:25,840
Speaker 1: That's kind kind of kind of weirded out, but it

1651
01:10:25,920 --> 01:10:29,080
Speaker 1: was you know, I wasn't a I wasn't big into that.

1652
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:31,840
Speaker 1: It wasn't a bunch of talking. It was more the hey,

1653
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:33,320
Speaker 1: we come in and go to work, right. I'd tell

1654
01:10:33,360 --> 01:10:35,840
Speaker 1: the stories these kids, you know kids as I was older,

1655
01:10:35,880 --> 01:10:38,640
Speaker 1: they were younger. You know, I'm sorry, I'm this or

1656
01:10:38,680 --> 01:10:40,720
Speaker 1: I'm I'm tired and I'm not doing it. So I

1657
01:10:40,760 --> 01:10:42,720
Speaker 1: told the story when I was Again, when I was

1658
01:10:42,720 --> 01:10:47,760
Speaker 1: a freshman, we were learning to do uh cleans, overhead cleans, right,

1659
01:10:47,800 --> 01:10:49,559
Speaker 1: so I do one. Well, I came too close to

1660
01:10:49,600 --> 01:10:51,519
Speaker 1: my head and I caught my forehead with the bar

1661
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:53,680
Speaker 1: on the way up. Still did the clean while I

1662
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:55,800
Speaker 1: can just feel blood running down my face. So I

1663
01:10:55,880 --> 01:10:58,800
Speaker 1: gash my head open, and Doyle and Dobson are looking

1664
01:10:58,840 --> 01:11:00,760
Speaker 1: at me, and I'm just like put it down, and

1665
01:11:00,800 --> 01:11:02,760
Speaker 1: I kept going and like you all right, and I'm

1666
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:04,960
Speaker 1: like wiping all the I mean, he's running.

1667
01:11:04,640 --> 01:11:07,000
Speaker 4: Down my field like the most badass ever, right.

1668
01:11:06,840 --> 01:11:08,479
Speaker 1: And they're like, go get that checked out. So I

1669
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:11,400
Speaker 1: tell the story to the to younger guys like, hey,

1670
01:11:11,720 --> 01:11:14,240
Speaker 1: we don't give a ship what you do, but you know, right,

1671
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:16,839
Speaker 1: something like this happens. I'm this tough. This is what happened,

1672
01:11:16,840 --> 01:11:18,439
Speaker 1: and I kept going, well, when did you fix it?

1673
01:11:18,479 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 1: Well after the workout. You know, It's just stuff like

1674
01:11:20,840 --> 01:11:23,240
Speaker 1: that to make him feel like, oh, you're not You're

1675
01:11:23,280 --> 01:11:24,400
Speaker 1: not as tough as you think you are.

1676
01:11:26,640 --> 01:11:30,280
Speaker 4: Just then, yeah, you want to be tough. This is

1677
01:11:30,280 --> 01:11:30,679
Speaker 4: how tough.

1678
01:11:32,040 --> 01:11:33,719
Speaker 2: Just head butts the wall starts bleeding.

1679
01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:36,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, And so you go second overall to the writers.

1680
01:11:36,040 --> 01:11:38,040
Speaker 4: Correct who who had the first pick that year?

1681
01:11:38,640 --> 01:11:43,400
Speaker 1: It was Eli? What was the the whole Eli? Philip

1682
01:11:43,479 --> 01:11:45,200
Speaker 1: Rivers swap right.

1683
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:46,800
Speaker 4: So you're sitting there in the background going, I know

1684
01:11:46,840 --> 01:11:48,920
Speaker 4: I'm not going number one. Let me just sit back

1685
01:11:48,920 --> 01:11:50,400
Speaker 4: and hit this too, no problem.

1686
01:11:50,240 --> 01:11:51,960
Speaker 1: Right, and leaning up to it right. It was just

1687
01:11:52,000 --> 01:11:55,479
Speaker 1: you know, Eli's Eli's saying pre draft right where in

1688
01:11:55,560 --> 01:11:58,200
Speaker 1: New York? Ended up going to New York? You know,

1689
01:11:58,240 --> 01:11:59,680
Speaker 1: I'm you know, I'm probably not going to go there,

1690
01:11:59,720 --> 01:12:01,840
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know, I'm the smart asking back, like, shit,

1691
01:12:01,880 --> 01:12:03,240
Speaker 1: I'll go number one. I don't give a shit, right,

1692
01:12:03,560 --> 01:12:05,760
Speaker 1: you know you don't want to go there, I'll go there, right,

1693
01:12:05,800 --> 01:12:07,479
Speaker 1: you know, not knowing where I would end up thinking

1694
01:12:07,479 --> 01:12:10,360
Speaker 1: more four or five, But it was you know, that

1695
01:12:10,439 --> 01:12:11,960
Speaker 1: was that was great because that took a lot of

1696
01:12:11,960 --> 01:12:14,880
Speaker 1: the media attention. Right, I'm a small kid from you know,

1697
01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:17,439
Speaker 1: small town Iowa. Went to New York for the experience.

1698
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:19,400
Speaker 1: Took my family. We were a fish out of water, right,

1699
01:12:19,400 --> 01:12:22,040
Speaker 1: We my family did not belong in New York. It

1700
01:12:22,080 --> 01:12:24,280
Speaker 1: was a fun experience, but we were just you know,

1701
01:12:24,320 --> 01:12:27,040
Speaker 1: all that took away the you know, took all the

1702
01:12:27,040 --> 01:12:28,320
Speaker 1: media attention. So that was great.

1703
01:12:28,600 --> 01:12:31,799
Speaker 2: That's awesome when you're going when you're going into Oakland

1704
01:12:32,200 --> 01:12:35,040
Speaker 2: to that franchise and you're coming from Iowa where you

1705
01:12:35,040 --> 01:12:37,800
Speaker 2: had a lot of success. What was your first years

1706
01:12:37,800 --> 01:12:39,800
Speaker 2: of experience like in a place like Oakland Cluse, you

1707
01:12:39,840 --> 01:12:42,439
Speaker 2: guys were pretty bad, Like the Oakland Raiders were pretty bad.

1708
01:12:42,439 --> 01:12:44,160
Speaker 2: It was very much the entire time you were there.

1709
01:12:44,800 --> 01:12:46,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was you know going in I'm sure like

1710
01:12:46,600 --> 01:12:48,920
Speaker 1: for you guys, the first year was just for me.

1711
01:12:49,040 --> 01:12:50,960
Speaker 1: It was just the joy of playing football and getting

1712
01:12:50,960 --> 01:12:53,800
Speaker 1: paid for it. I mean, it didn't matter. We were

1713
01:12:53,840 --> 01:12:56,439
Speaker 1: four and twelve. I believe my first year didn't matter

1714
01:12:56,479 --> 01:12:58,559
Speaker 1: what the record was. I remember walking out in Denver.

1715
01:12:58,760 --> 01:13:01,080
Speaker 1: It's nuking snow, right and I'm gonna cut off t

1716
01:13:01,240 --> 01:13:04,880
Speaker 1: shirt and it's Newke and snow. I just remember thinking,

1717
01:13:04,920 --> 01:13:06,920
Speaker 1: I get paid to do this. Right. That was kind

1718
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:09,000
Speaker 1: of the first year for me, like holy cow, like

1719
01:13:09,080 --> 01:13:12,120
Speaker 1: we the the wins and losses didn't affect me as much.

1720
01:13:12,200 --> 01:13:14,280
Speaker 1: It was just like holy shit, like I made it

1721
01:13:14,280 --> 01:13:16,280
Speaker 1: to here. I get a paycheck, I get to come

1722
01:13:16,320 --> 01:13:19,000
Speaker 1: do this every day. But you know, as time went on,

1723
01:13:19,120 --> 01:13:21,880
Speaker 1: like you guys know, you know that the wins and

1724
01:13:21,920 --> 01:13:25,160
Speaker 1: losses count, you know, and they matter, you know, and

1725
01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:26,680
Speaker 1: and it messes with you. But yeah, we have we

1726
01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:28,559
Speaker 1: had a ton of turnover, right we talked. I had

1727
01:13:29,200 --> 01:13:31,200
Speaker 1: five head coaches in seven years when I was there.

1728
01:13:31,720 --> 01:13:33,400
Speaker 1: Uh So that part of it. It was tough because

1729
01:13:33,439 --> 01:13:35,920
Speaker 1: every year you start over, like every team does every year, right,

1730
01:13:35,920 --> 01:13:38,559
Speaker 1: you guys talk about it on your show. Well we're

1731
01:13:38,840 --> 01:13:41,400
Speaker 1: shooting for big things this year, right right, and every

1732
01:13:41,439 --> 01:13:43,240
Speaker 1: year get you know, you got to buy into that, Well,

1733
01:13:45,120 --> 01:13:47,120
Speaker 1: coach has gone up up, Let's learn a new offense,

1734
01:13:47,160 --> 01:13:50,280
Speaker 1: let's learn a new system. So it was it was

1735
01:13:50,320 --> 01:13:53,000
Speaker 1: fun to be a part of that organization and you learn,

1736
01:13:53,040 --> 01:13:54,519
Speaker 1: you know, you only know what you know, right, you

1737
01:13:54,600 --> 01:13:56,880
Speaker 1: know how it was done there. Uh So it met

1738
01:13:56,880 --> 01:13:59,080
Speaker 1: a bunch of great guys and you know, there's some

1739
01:13:59,120 --> 01:14:01,760
Speaker 1: great memories, but you do it to win, right, and

1740
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:05,000
Speaker 1: it's just unfortunately there wasn't a lot of much at

1741
01:14:05,000 --> 01:14:06,719
Speaker 1: all winning. You know during my career.

1742
01:14:06,720 --> 01:14:10,200
Speaker 2: There when you're a second overall pick and you're starting

1743
01:14:10,200 --> 01:14:14,120
Speaker 2: to stack like as a team bad years. Given everything

1744
01:14:14,400 --> 01:14:17,200
Speaker 2: that is known about Robert Gallery, when are certain moments

1745
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:20,240
Speaker 2: of pressure starting to affect you differently, whether it was

1746
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,679
Speaker 2: expectation living up to be in a second overall pick,

1747
01:14:23,320 --> 01:14:25,400
Speaker 2: when was that starting to take place for you as

1748
01:14:25,439 --> 01:14:27,200
Speaker 2: you look back on your career, you.

1749
01:14:27,200 --> 01:14:29,519
Speaker 1: Know, I think going into my third year, So third year,

1750
01:14:29,640 --> 01:14:31,960
Speaker 1: new head coach. Right, they brought back Artshelle out of

1751
01:14:31,960 --> 01:14:35,680
Speaker 1: retirement from twenty some years. Right, So we have our offensive.

1752
01:14:35,240 --> 01:14:38,320
Speaker 2: Coordinator coach, he was retired for twenty years.

1753
01:14:38,439 --> 01:14:40,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, you didn't coached, I think it was for almost

1754
01:14:40,520 --> 01:14:41,000
Speaker 1: twenty years.

1755
01:14:41,320 --> 01:14:42,760
Speaker 4: Our classical Davis.

1756
01:14:44,000 --> 01:14:47,120
Speaker 2: Glass. We're working. We're going to fire the second head coach.

1757
01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:48,320
Speaker 2: This is the guy. Yeah.

1758
01:14:48,400 --> 01:14:50,200
Speaker 4: Sometimes to go forward, you have to go backwards.

1759
01:14:50,400 --> 01:14:52,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you know, so it is you know,

1760
01:14:52,400 --> 01:14:54,560
Speaker 1: it is what it is. Right, Our offensive coordinator was

1761
01:14:54,640 --> 01:14:57,720
Speaker 1: running a bed and breakfast in Idaho, I think, right,

1762
01:14:57,800 --> 01:15:00,240
Speaker 1: So I think that was the year that it was like,

1763
01:15:00,320 --> 01:15:03,559
Speaker 1: oh man, right, and it was you know, it was tough, right,

1764
01:15:03,600 --> 01:15:05,640
Speaker 1: So we're we're putting stuff in and I think that

1765
01:15:05,680 --> 01:15:07,160
Speaker 1: was year I didn't play well. That year, you know

1766
01:15:07,240 --> 01:15:09,320
Speaker 1: had you know, Jackie Slater came in as a as

1767
01:15:09,360 --> 01:15:11,680
Speaker 1: a line coach, and Jackie is one of the best

1768
01:15:11,680 --> 01:15:14,479
Speaker 1: players to ever play, right, but he had a certain

1769
01:15:14,520 --> 01:15:16,479
Speaker 1: way and it was one of those to where you're

1770
01:15:16,520 --> 01:15:17,880
Speaker 1: going to do it this way. I tried to do

1771
01:15:17,960 --> 01:15:19,920
Speaker 1: that way. It didn't work, and I did not play well,

1772
01:15:20,000 --> 01:15:22,040
Speaker 1: you know, it was injured, did not play well. So

1773
01:15:22,080 --> 01:15:23,800
Speaker 1: I think that was the year it was like, you know,

1774
01:15:23,880 --> 01:15:26,360
Speaker 1: so then that's media is coming on and that's part

1775
01:15:26,360 --> 01:15:27,600
Speaker 1: of it. I mean, you want to do well, but

1776
01:15:27,640 --> 01:15:29,720
Speaker 1: it was you know, I'll admit I struggled that year, right,

1777
01:15:29,760 --> 01:15:31,840
Speaker 1: trying to do the straight sets back and the thing

1778
01:15:31,840 --> 01:15:35,040
Speaker 1: I'd never done and what I got successful at. So

1779
01:15:35,600 --> 01:15:37,840
Speaker 1: at that point it was, yeah, it's tough, right, and

1780
01:15:37,880 --> 01:15:39,800
Speaker 1: there you know, we're one and I think we're two

1781
01:15:39,800 --> 01:15:42,240
Speaker 1: and fourteen. That year, you know, it was just bad, right,

1782
01:15:42,280 --> 01:15:44,680
Speaker 1: So you know you're adding a year after year and

1783
01:15:44,680 --> 01:15:46,559
Speaker 1: and as you guys know, right, there's you know, the

1784
01:15:46,560 --> 01:15:49,240
Speaker 1: new guy comes in, they're supposed to you know, save

1785
01:15:49,280 --> 01:15:51,600
Speaker 1: the franchise or you know, that's the expectation, right, the

1786
01:15:51,680 --> 01:15:54,720
Speaker 1: unrealistic expectation. And then when you're not playing well, when

1787
01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:56,880
Speaker 1: stuff goes bad, it goes bad. Right as a team, right,

1788
01:15:56,920 --> 01:15:59,080
Speaker 1: we all looked That's that's what was great at Iowa.

1789
01:15:59,160 --> 01:16:01,719
Speaker 1: When we were doing good, I look so good because

1790
01:16:01,760 --> 01:16:04,080
Speaker 1: I had four other dogs next to me on the line, right,

1791
01:16:04,120 --> 01:16:05,960
Speaker 1: and we were just that good that it made Robert

1792
01:16:06,040 --> 01:16:09,080
Speaker 1: Gallery look that much better. Right. So when you're you

1793
01:16:09,160 --> 01:16:11,120
Speaker 1: get in those other situations, yeah, it's tough, and you

1794
01:16:11,120 --> 01:16:13,000
Speaker 1: want to win, right, and you don't want to year

1795
01:16:13,040 --> 01:16:16,479
Speaker 1: after year be starting over. So some of the expectation stuff.

1796
01:16:16,479 --> 01:16:17,800
Speaker 1: And then you know media, you know, now you got

1797
01:16:17,880 --> 01:16:19,960
Speaker 1: NFL Network and all this stuff, and it's like now

1798
01:16:19,960 --> 01:16:22,719
Speaker 1: it's in your face, right, And now you're around NFL

1799
01:16:22,760 --> 01:16:24,840
Speaker 1: fans and they're great, love NFL fans, right, but they're

1800
01:16:24,880 --> 01:16:27,439
Speaker 1: also seasons going bad. They're leaving a note down your

1801
01:16:27,439 --> 01:16:29,840
Speaker 1: door telling you to get out of town. And it's like, oh,

1802
01:16:29,880 --> 01:16:31,280
Speaker 1: this is this is a little different deal.

1803
01:16:31,479 --> 01:16:33,960
Speaker 4: Yeah. And when you met your wife at Iowa, she

1804
01:16:33,960 --> 01:16:36,040
Speaker 4: played basketball there, she comes with you to Oakland, I'm

1805
01:16:36,040 --> 01:16:38,680
Speaker 4: assuming yep, how is she handling this pressure with you?

1806
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:40,280
Speaker 4: As like you get in this third year, you're starting

1807
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:42,080
Speaker 4: to think, am I going to get another contract? Like

1808
01:16:42,120 --> 01:16:44,400
Speaker 4: the excitement of getting paid in the league is kind

1809
01:16:44,400 --> 01:16:45,920
Speaker 4: of like now dwindled down. This is part of what

1810
01:16:45,960 --> 01:16:48,600
Speaker 4: you do now. It's like I need to exceed this

1811
01:16:48,640 --> 01:16:50,600
Speaker 4: type of expectation I have in my own head to

1812
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:52,640
Speaker 4: get this new contract because that's the new standard I

1813
01:16:52,640 --> 01:16:55,600
Speaker 4: have of myself. People are leaving notes like how is

1814
01:16:55,640 --> 01:16:59,040
Speaker 4: your wife and you handling this as a couple in

1815
01:16:59,120 --> 01:17:00,919
Speaker 4: Oakland when you guys both from Iowa.

1816
01:17:00,920 --> 01:17:02,400
Speaker 1: I think it was just we favre as part of

1817
01:17:02,439 --> 01:17:04,120
Speaker 1: the gig right, it's a you know, we get it right.

1818
01:17:04,760 --> 01:17:08,679
Speaker 1: Losing winning helps everything right for an organization, for a person.

1819
01:17:09,360 --> 01:17:10,920
Speaker 1: But yeah, where there are tough times and you know,

1820
01:17:11,040 --> 01:17:13,240
Speaker 1: nobody in that organization was happy those year in and

1821
01:17:13,320 --> 01:17:15,519
Speaker 1: year out, right, So it was you know, we we

1822
01:17:15,680 --> 01:17:18,120
Speaker 1: dealt with it, you know, like everybody else. Right, it

1823
01:17:18,120 --> 01:17:19,800
Speaker 1: was just back to work. I didn't try and put

1824
01:17:19,800 --> 01:17:21,800
Speaker 1: too much thought into it, like, but like we do,

1825
01:17:21,880 --> 01:17:24,240
Speaker 1: we get on something and you're you know what bothers

1826
01:17:24,280 --> 01:17:25,640
Speaker 1: you because you want to be successful, you want your

1827
01:17:25,680 --> 01:17:27,760
Speaker 1: team to be successful. You want to write, and I

1828
01:17:27,840 --> 01:17:29,120
Speaker 1: just kept going deeper.

1829
01:17:29,120 --> 01:17:29,280
Speaker 2: You know.

1830
01:17:29,320 --> 01:17:31,120
Speaker 1: After the third year, I went back and trained with

1831
01:17:31,120 --> 01:17:32,800
Speaker 1: with Doyle and Dobson. I went i with City and

1832
01:17:33,080 --> 01:17:35,320
Speaker 1: lived at my buddy's house and trained with the with

1833
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:37,960
Speaker 1: those guys two days, two times a day, and just

1834
01:17:38,040 --> 01:17:40,439
Speaker 1: kind of going back to the you know, the things

1835
01:17:40,439 --> 01:17:42,439
Speaker 1: that made me successful. And you know, and then the

1836
01:17:42,479 --> 01:17:45,479
Speaker 1: next year Tom Cable comes in and you know, great

1837
01:17:45,479 --> 01:17:48,200
Speaker 1: coach and an you know, things get back. We're doing

1838
01:17:48,240 --> 01:17:50,880
Speaker 1: better as a team. You know, he's my style of play.

1839
01:17:50,960 --> 01:17:52,920
Speaker 1: So you just I don't know, you don't really dwell

1840
01:17:52,960 --> 01:17:54,479
Speaker 1: on it. You don't have time to think about it.

1841
01:17:54,520 --> 01:17:57,639
Speaker 1: You just do what always made you successful, and that's

1842
01:17:57,680 --> 01:17:58,559
Speaker 1: just go back to work.

1843
01:17:59,040 --> 01:18:03,000
Speaker 2: Well. At what point in your career was it was

1844
01:18:03,040 --> 01:18:05,280
Speaker 2: the image starting to shift from he's going to be

1845
01:18:05,320 --> 01:18:08,200
Speaker 2: our savior, drafting him second overall to where the noise

1846
01:18:08,240 --> 01:18:11,000
Speaker 2: of bust and he's not playing well. Is that popping

1847
01:18:11,080 --> 01:18:14,160
Speaker 2: up going into the third year like when you were

1848
01:18:14,200 --> 01:18:17,519
Speaker 2: like when you're like when you're explaining that, you know,

1849
01:18:17,520 --> 01:18:19,760
Speaker 2: people are leaving notes on your door or now it's

1850
01:18:19,760 --> 01:18:21,800
Speaker 2: in your face, like what are the moments that you're

1851
01:18:21,800 --> 01:18:23,840
Speaker 2: thinking about to where you felt like the shift was

1852
01:18:23,880 --> 01:18:27,080
Speaker 2: now starting to come, like I have to fucking play better.

1853
01:18:27,120 --> 01:18:30,679
Speaker 2: This pressure, this expectation started to come with all this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1854
01:18:30,680 --> 01:18:32,439
Speaker 1: It was probably that third year, right because it was bad.

1855
01:18:32,479 --> 01:18:34,719
Speaker 1: I mean it was offensively, it was terrible for everyone,

1856
01:18:35,200 --> 01:18:37,880
Speaker 1: you know, as a team. So after that that year,

1857
01:18:37,920 --> 01:18:39,680
Speaker 1: I think some of that was right, you get you

1858
01:18:39,680 --> 01:18:42,400
Speaker 1: know now NFL networks and I only remember the guy.

1859
01:18:42,400 --> 01:18:43,840
Speaker 1: I don't even know where the guy is now or

1860
01:18:44,080 --> 01:18:46,200
Speaker 1: but Jamie Dukes was on there. I guys probably don't

1861
01:18:46,200 --> 01:18:46,639
Speaker 1: remember him.

1862
01:18:47,439 --> 01:18:48,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, I recognize the name of.

1863
01:18:48,560 --> 01:18:50,639
Speaker 1: So he was on NFL Network and that's the first

1864
01:18:50,640 --> 01:18:53,080
Speaker 1: time I saw it. Happened to be watching NFL Network

1865
01:18:53,120 --> 01:18:55,840
Speaker 1: and he's you know, we're one in eight at this time,

1866
01:18:55,880 --> 01:18:58,160
Speaker 1: and you know, he he came on and you know,

1867
01:18:58,320 --> 01:19:00,800
Speaker 1: was bad mouthing us, and it's like, oh, that's like

1868
01:19:01,200 --> 01:19:04,680
Speaker 1: he's talking about me. Yeah, you know, so it was

1869
01:19:04,800 --> 01:19:05,880
Speaker 1: you know, after that year.

1870
01:19:05,960 --> 01:19:09,519
Speaker 2: But then you know, in the moment, I if like

1871
01:19:10,120 --> 01:19:12,479
Speaker 2: if stuff's like written in it's like at me, I know,

1872
01:19:12,560 --> 01:19:14,880
Speaker 2: as a as a player, and you're singing for the

1873
01:19:14,880 --> 01:19:18,720
Speaker 2: first time, like you're enraged, right, Like I would be

1874
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:20,559
Speaker 2: like I'm just thinking these well in the.

1875
01:19:20,479 --> 01:19:22,560
Speaker 4: World we grew up in too, It's like we have

1876
01:19:22,640 --> 01:19:25,200
Speaker 4: the social media was in full force. So like, you

1877
01:19:25,240 --> 01:19:26,880
Speaker 4: go after a game and you make the mistake of

1878
01:19:26,920 --> 01:19:28,920
Speaker 4: putting your name in the search bar and you see

1879
01:19:28,960 --> 01:19:30,840
Speaker 4: all the comments. Man, you see maybe you have a

1880
01:19:30,880 --> 01:19:32,800
Speaker 4: good game. You see seven comments are like this guy

1881
01:19:32,800 --> 01:19:34,280
Speaker 4: had a good game. You're like, that's kind of nice.

1882
01:19:34,280 --> 01:19:36,599
Speaker 4: But then you see two or three it's like this

1883
01:19:36,640 --> 01:19:39,800
Speaker 4: guy sucks, he got beat on this plane, and you're like, dude,

1884
01:19:39,800 --> 01:19:41,680
Speaker 4: they're right, Like there's a piece of you that like

1885
01:19:41,720 --> 01:19:42,320
Speaker 4: agrees with them.

1886
01:19:42,360 --> 01:19:45,240
Speaker 2: Before whatever. We're thinking, like, I wonder if my coaches

1887
01:19:45,280 --> 01:19:48,120
Speaker 2: secretly feel this way, because that's really like, ultimately, you're

1888
01:19:48,160 --> 01:19:50,719
Speaker 2: you're wanting to please your teammates, you want to please

1889
01:19:50,720 --> 01:19:52,200
Speaker 2: your coaching staff because you know how much work you

1890
01:19:52,200 --> 01:19:54,120
Speaker 2: put into it, and just that little bit of the

1891
01:19:54,160 --> 01:19:57,400
Speaker 2: outside noise now would now have me thinking, I wonder

1892
01:19:57,400 --> 01:19:59,439
Speaker 2: if my coaches, Like I wonder if these conversations are

1893
01:19:59,479 --> 01:20:02,559
Speaker 2: being had and the coaches rooms and they're just you know,

1894
01:20:03,400 --> 01:20:04,960
Speaker 2: you know it's not coming out to me in front

1895
01:20:04,960 --> 01:20:07,080
Speaker 2: of me, but you just start playing these weird, these

1896
01:20:07,200 --> 01:20:11,160
Speaker 2: terrible assumption games, right, it just starts infiltrating your mind, dude.

1897
01:20:11,240 --> 01:20:14,280
Speaker 4: We had a it was twenty eighteen. I just got

1898
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:15,799
Speaker 4: off a suspension. Was it twenty eighteen?

1899
01:20:15,880 --> 01:20:16,439
Speaker 2: I was spending?

1900
01:20:16,560 --> 01:20:20,679
Speaker 4: Yeah, twenty nineteen. I got off suspension and we played

1901
01:20:20,680 --> 01:20:23,360
Speaker 4: the Bills and we ended up losing that game. It

1902
01:20:23,400 --> 01:20:25,400
Speaker 4: was like a field goal game, like twelve to nine.

1903
01:20:25,439 --> 01:20:28,719
Speaker 4: They end up beating us. After the game, our head coach,

1904
01:20:28,800 --> 01:20:32,240
Speaker 4: Mike Rabel, his notes were like somehow publicly brought to

1905
01:20:32,240 --> 01:20:35,280
Speaker 4: everyone's iPad so you could see the notes that Rabel

1906
01:20:35,320 --> 01:20:37,679
Speaker 4: put on the players. And the first play of the game,

1907
01:20:37,720 --> 01:20:39,280
Speaker 4: we ran like this play action pass. We throw a

1908
01:20:39,280 --> 01:20:41,400
Speaker 4: ball down the field fifteen twenty yards, I run down,

1909
01:20:41,720 --> 01:20:44,000
Speaker 4: hit a guy late in the pile. I get a penalty,

1910
01:20:44,080 --> 01:20:47,280
Speaker 4: brings us back. And the note Rabel had was why

1911
01:20:47,320 --> 01:20:49,920
Speaker 4: are we paying him this much? And I remember seeing

1912
01:20:49,960 --> 01:20:52,719
Speaker 4: that note just being like, that's I want to kill

1913
01:20:52,760 --> 01:20:55,400
Speaker 4: myself right now. It was the word because you're already suspended,

1914
01:20:55,439 --> 01:20:57,840
Speaker 4: you're coming back, and it's like the worst feeling. So

1915
01:20:57,880 --> 01:20:59,599
Speaker 4: it brings up all those like do the coaches really

1916
01:20:59,640 --> 01:21:01,160
Speaker 4: feel this way?

1917
01:21:01,120 --> 01:21:01,320
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1918
01:21:01,400 --> 01:21:03,120
Speaker 1: And you're just like, man, yeah, the good or they're

1919
01:21:03,120 --> 01:21:04,960
Speaker 1: bad because it's funny. And then that's when you learn

1920
01:21:05,000 --> 01:21:06,640
Speaker 1: about like mental health. Right, you didn't think of it

1921
01:21:06,680 --> 01:21:09,599
Speaker 1: back then, but it was like you read that stuff

1922
01:21:09,680 --> 01:21:12,000
Speaker 1: or you hear then you are start doubting yourself and

1923
01:21:12,040 --> 01:21:14,519
Speaker 1: you press harder. But then you know after you know,

1924
01:21:14,560 --> 01:21:17,080
Speaker 1: coach k Able came in, ran the system that I

1925
01:21:17,200 --> 01:21:18,759
Speaker 1: was used to, Like we had a lot of success,

1926
01:21:18,840 --> 01:21:22,160
Speaker 1: moved to guard was playing really well. You're six five

1927
01:21:22,200 --> 01:21:25,559
Speaker 1: and six, six and seven right and after the season

1928
01:21:25,560 --> 01:21:28,320
Speaker 1: and he's like, oh, you know, if we would have

1929
01:21:28,320 --> 01:21:29,680
Speaker 1: won more games, you would have made the Pro Bowl.

1930
01:21:30,160 --> 01:21:32,600
Speaker 1: Well that's great, thanks, but you know, it's it's the

1931
01:21:32,600 --> 01:21:35,040
Speaker 1: same thing. It's like, oh, oh great, so you know,

1932
01:21:35,040 --> 01:21:36,960
Speaker 1: people recognize I'm playing real well, but we were four

1933
01:21:37,040 --> 01:21:39,000
Speaker 1: and twelve, right, so did you take this? It was

1934
01:21:39,040 --> 01:21:41,200
Speaker 1: a double sided compliment. It was like, oh, that's awesome.

1935
01:21:41,200 --> 01:21:43,639
Speaker 1: Then it's like, well that sucks right because we didn't

1936
01:21:43,680 --> 01:21:46,360
Speaker 1: you know, because we didn't win games. Like so you know,

1937
01:21:46,400 --> 01:21:48,120
Speaker 1: you're playing at a high level, but it's like, eh,

1938
01:21:48,520 --> 01:21:50,639
Speaker 1: but it doesn't really count, you know what I mean.

1939
01:21:50,920 --> 01:21:52,519
Speaker 1: Like the mental warfare of all that stuff, and.

1940
01:21:52,640 --> 01:21:55,240
Speaker 4: You had so many different personalities, like obviously the owner

1941
01:21:55,520 --> 01:21:58,360
Speaker 4: has his own unique personality. Jerry Rice your rookie year,

1942
01:21:58,479 --> 01:22:00,679
Speaker 4: JaMarcus Russell. I think Lane came and was your coach

1943
01:22:00,720 --> 01:22:04,160
Speaker 4: at one point. It had to be very unique walking

1944
01:22:04,200 --> 01:22:06,320
Speaker 4: in this locker room and seeing all these different characters,

1945
01:22:06,320 --> 01:22:07,880
Speaker 4: Like what was JaMarcus Russell.

1946
01:22:07,640 --> 01:22:09,479
Speaker 2: Likes you and you said that. I'm like, oh shit,

1947
01:22:09,520 --> 01:22:10,559
Speaker 2: you played with JaMarcus Russell.

1948
01:22:11,040 --> 01:22:13,640
Speaker 4: That's the classic. They give him a playbook, right with

1949
01:22:13,680 --> 01:22:14,880
Speaker 4: like a one hundred dollars bill at the end of

1950
01:22:14,880 --> 01:22:16,920
Speaker 4: the playbook and he like never opened it up or

1951
01:22:16,960 --> 01:22:17,519
Speaker 4: something like that.

1952
01:22:17,640 --> 01:22:18,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, something like that.

1953
01:22:20,800 --> 01:22:22,599
Speaker 1: Game of Blank. Yeah, yeah, the story is a game

1954
01:22:22,640 --> 01:22:25,360
Speaker 1: of blank disc to film. Yeah, it was, you know

1955
01:22:25,720 --> 01:22:27,960
Speaker 1: part of it. You you know, I have compassion now

1956
01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:30,519
Speaker 1: for a young kid coming is anointed the you know,

1957
01:22:30,640 --> 01:22:33,639
Speaker 1: coming out of college. He's anointed the guy, right and

1958
01:22:33,680 --> 01:22:37,040
Speaker 1: not everyone. Again, this is where we're old now, or

1959
01:22:37,040 --> 01:22:40,120
Speaker 1: I'm old because I think of it compassionately about I

1960
01:22:40,160 --> 01:22:42,600
Speaker 1: had a great family and a great you know, my

1961
01:22:42,760 --> 01:22:45,639
Speaker 1: mindset coming in. I knew certain things where you see

1962
01:22:45,680 --> 01:22:48,960
Speaker 1: certain kids coming now, right, and it's they don't have

1963
01:22:49,120 --> 01:22:52,120
Speaker 1: maybe the mindset you do, or the upbringing or I'm

1964
01:22:52,240 --> 01:22:54,519
Speaker 1: not saying JaMarcus had a bad upbringing. I'm just saying

1965
01:22:54,760 --> 01:22:58,120
Speaker 1: his life experiences. So he's comes in, he's anointed this guy, right,

1966
01:22:58,600 --> 01:23:01,320
Speaker 1: driving a Rose Royce and write all stuff I would

1967
01:23:01,320 --> 01:23:04,040
Speaker 1: not do. It was it was all the thing of

1968
01:23:04,080 --> 01:23:06,320
Speaker 1: making it to the NFL, and it was you know,

1969
01:23:06,520 --> 01:23:08,439
Speaker 1: it was obviously a tough go. We had a we

1970
01:23:08,479 --> 01:23:10,559
Speaker 1: had a lot of personalities come through there, right, you know,

1971
01:23:10,600 --> 01:23:13,840
Speaker 1: we had you know, uh J Warne Sap played with

1972
01:23:13,880 --> 01:23:15,560
Speaker 1: Warren Sap. Right, Warren was there at the end of

1973
01:23:15,600 --> 01:23:18,360
Speaker 1: his career. Just You're walking into this locker room and

1974
01:23:18,360 --> 01:23:20,960
Speaker 1: it's like, man, weird different people, which is cool, which

1975
01:23:21,040 --> 01:23:23,240
Speaker 1: is cool for you know, NFL locker rooms. Yeah, but

1976
01:23:23,320 --> 01:23:28,679
Speaker 1: it's also so Warren and I got along well. Warren

1977
01:23:28,760 --> 01:23:31,559
Speaker 1: was great. Warren was not afraid to voice his opinion

1978
01:23:32,439 --> 01:23:35,280
Speaker 1: good or bad to somebody. But you know, I'm still

1979
01:23:35,280 --> 01:23:36,920
Speaker 1: a young guy. I think my favorite guy of all

1980
01:23:36,960 --> 01:23:39,240
Speaker 1: time was Ted Washington, so big. Ted was there my

1981
01:23:39,400 --> 01:23:42,519
Speaker 1: rookie year and Ted was the I don't know how

1982
01:23:42,560 --> 01:23:44,479
Speaker 1: Ted is now. Ted was the biggest human being I've

1983
01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:47,880
Speaker 1: ever seen. Right, puts his hand down at dtackle first

1984
01:23:48,080 --> 01:23:50,280
Speaker 1: OTAs and he looks at me and he goes, don't

1985
01:23:50,280 --> 01:23:52,439
Speaker 1: fucking touch me, or I'll kill you. So I'm a

1986
01:23:52,520 --> 01:23:55,040
Speaker 1: rookie and I'm like, I gotta go. So I'm back

1987
01:23:55,080 --> 01:23:56,680
Speaker 1: and forth, like what am I going to do here?

1988
01:23:56,720 --> 01:23:59,280
Speaker 1: But I remember seeing his hand look like a bear Paul, right,

1989
01:23:59,280 --> 01:24:01,400
Speaker 1: he put it down in the ground. So same thing right,

1990
01:24:01,439 --> 01:24:03,400
Speaker 1: high school to college, college to the pros. And I'm like,

1991
01:24:04,080 --> 01:24:05,960
Speaker 1: how am I supposed to block this human being? And

1992
01:24:06,040 --> 01:24:07,240
Speaker 1: he just told me he's going to kill me if

1993
01:24:07,280 --> 01:24:09,960
Speaker 1: I touch him. So I block him and he grabbed

1994
01:24:09,960 --> 01:24:12,200
Speaker 1: me and he's like, I told you, don't touch me. Right.

1995
01:24:12,520 --> 01:24:14,680
Speaker 1: But Ted was the greatest guy in the world. He

1996
01:24:14,840 --> 01:24:20,200
Speaker 1: was just his personality, you know, Tyrone Wheatley, Right, Tyrone

1997
01:24:20,280 --> 01:24:21,960
Speaker 1: was you know, blocked for him, so that some of

1998
01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:23,920
Speaker 1: these guys when I was, especially a young guy, you

1999
01:24:24,840 --> 01:24:26,720
Speaker 1: they were just that stuff I'll never forget. And the

2000
01:24:26,720 --> 01:24:29,160
Speaker 1: guys that I looked up doing this is just a badass. Right.

2001
01:24:29,200 --> 01:24:30,639
Speaker 1: Tyrone would tell me get out of my way. I'm

2002
01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:32,280
Speaker 1: going to run through the middle of your spine and

2003
01:24:32,360 --> 01:24:36,479
Speaker 1: he would, right, he would not cut around you, he

2004
01:24:36,520 --> 01:24:40,280
Speaker 1: would he would come right through you. But those those

2005
01:24:40,320 --> 01:24:42,240
Speaker 1: experiences in the locker room that made it fun because

2006
01:24:43,000 --> 01:24:45,160
Speaker 1: coming from a small town in Iowa, right, we had

2007
01:24:45,200 --> 01:24:48,080
Speaker 1: you know, experience and diversity at Iowa, but you know,

2008
01:24:48,120 --> 01:24:49,839
Speaker 1: coming from where I came from, I go to Oakland

2009
01:24:49,880 --> 01:24:53,200
Speaker 1: and it's just a different, different deal, you know. I

2010
01:24:53,200 --> 01:24:55,680
Speaker 1: remember my rookie year had an old hootie had a

2011
01:24:55,800 --> 01:24:57,960
Speaker 1: Ford or Buhicle saber that I drove in college. So

2012
01:24:57,960 --> 01:24:59,760
Speaker 1: I took it with me. Right, and I'm at a

2013
01:24:59,760 --> 01:25:03,000
Speaker 1: gay station off on ninety eighth Street getting gas because

2014
01:25:03,000 --> 01:25:06,680
Speaker 1: it's cheap, right, And I'm pumping gas and one of

2015
01:25:06,720 --> 01:25:09,160
Speaker 1: the guys on the team, the black guy, stopped and

2016
01:25:09,160 --> 01:25:11,720
Speaker 1: he's like, what are you doing here? I'm getting gas.

2017
01:25:11,720 --> 01:25:15,040
Speaker 1: I gotta work out. He goes look around, buddy, like

2018
01:25:15,200 --> 01:25:17,479
Speaker 1: you're the only white guy here, like you should not

2019
01:25:17,479 --> 01:25:19,200
Speaker 1: be getting gas here and right, So it's like this

2020
01:25:19,280 --> 01:25:22,599
Speaker 1: big world for me. It's like, oh copy right. Yeah

2021
01:25:22,680 --> 01:25:25,400
Speaker 1: he was dead serious, right, but it was like, oh,

2022
01:25:25,680 --> 01:25:27,800
Speaker 1: looking out for you. I guess I'm not anyway anymore. Right,

2023
01:25:28,320 --> 01:25:30,400
Speaker 1: So it's funny there's experiences like that, and then like

2024
01:25:30,479 --> 01:25:32,559
Speaker 1: that bond that I created with him, He's like, I

2025
01:25:32,600 --> 01:25:34,400
Speaker 1: got you, Like there's certain parts you you know, you

2026
01:25:34,400 --> 01:25:36,920
Speaker 1: don't go here, you don't drive through right for whatever reason. Right,

2027
01:25:36,960 --> 01:25:39,720
Speaker 1: this is this is not where you grow up. Those

2028
01:25:39,800 --> 01:25:41,439
Speaker 1: relationships in the locker room were awesome.

2029
01:25:41,800 --> 01:25:45,040
Speaker 4: You uh sot, Like, at what point in when you're

2030
01:25:45,080 --> 01:25:46,680
Speaker 4: in the league are you starting to deal with some

2031
01:25:46,720 --> 01:25:49,559
Speaker 4: of these like mental things you talked about the shoulder

2032
01:25:49,640 --> 01:25:51,960
Speaker 4: early in your career that comes out your first day

2033
01:25:52,000 --> 01:25:55,080
Speaker 4: at IOWA, Like you have these injuries ailments that essentially

2034
01:25:55,080 --> 01:25:57,320
Speaker 4: like coaches just like playing football, Like they're gonna give

2035
01:25:57,320 --> 01:25:59,240
Speaker 4: you the meadroll dose pack. They're gonna be the pain pills,

2036
01:25:59,240 --> 01:26:01,599
Speaker 4: like we need you to play. So here's the band

2037
01:26:01,640 --> 01:26:04,160
Speaker 4: aids over and over again. And obviously a big reason

2038
01:26:04,200 --> 01:26:05,599
Speaker 4: why you're here is a lot of the mental health

2039
01:26:05,600 --> 01:26:07,200
Speaker 4: stuff and all the things you have had to go through.

2040
01:26:07,720 --> 01:26:10,360
Speaker 4: What at what point in your career did you start

2041
01:26:10,360 --> 01:26:13,040
Speaker 4: to feel these things taking a toll on your body

2042
01:26:13,080 --> 01:26:13,479
Speaker 4: and mind?

2043
01:26:13,920 --> 01:26:16,479
Speaker 1: Yeah? I think you know two three years in it started.

2044
01:26:16,479 --> 01:26:18,040
Speaker 1: I started having some injuries, right, Like I was a

2045
01:26:18,040 --> 01:26:20,000
Speaker 1: warrior in college. You never missed anything, never missed a game,

2046
01:26:20,040 --> 01:26:21,799
Speaker 1: never missed practice. Right when I went to the combine

2047
01:26:21,800 --> 01:26:23,840
Speaker 1: and gave my medical sheet, there was nothing in there

2048
01:26:23,840 --> 01:26:24,800
Speaker 1: because I never missed anything.

2049
01:26:24,880 --> 01:26:25,000
Speaker 2: Right.

2050
01:26:25,080 --> 01:26:26,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, I had injuries. I broke my hand, but I

2051
01:26:26,840 --> 01:26:30,200
Speaker 1: didn't miss stuff, right, so like everybody else, you your

2052
01:26:30,240 --> 01:26:32,000
Speaker 1: body breaks down or you have an injury, I had

2053
01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:34,639
Speaker 1: a surge start having surgeries, right, so that stuff's wearing

2054
01:26:34,680 --> 01:26:37,920
Speaker 1: on your on you mentally, right, you know, I'm three four,

2055
01:26:38,080 --> 01:26:40,320
Speaker 1: five sixty seven surgeries in some of them big ones,

2056
01:26:40,320 --> 01:26:42,640
Speaker 1: some of them little ones. And then as you know,

2057
01:26:42,760 --> 01:26:45,760
Speaker 1: year four and five, as you know, I was like

2058
01:26:45,800 --> 01:26:48,120
Speaker 1: you right, like I love the dirty part of the

2059
01:26:48,160 --> 01:26:50,519
Speaker 1: game within the rules, but the dirty part the late

2060
01:26:50,560 --> 01:26:53,639
Speaker 1: cleaning up piles, the chop blocks, to all the stuff

2061
01:26:54,080 --> 01:26:56,160
Speaker 1: to slow a guy down from how he was going

2062
01:26:56,200 --> 01:26:58,640
Speaker 1: to play. And so as these things are happening, right,

2063
01:26:58,680 --> 01:27:00,920
Speaker 1: you're getting them off the ground after trying to cut

2064
01:27:00,960 --> 01:27:02,720
Speaker 1: someone and you catch them on the side of the

2065
01:27:02,800 --> 01:27:06,320
Speaker 1: knee and you're like, oh, you know, staggering drunk getting

2066
01:27:06,320 --> 01:27:08,120
Speaker 1: back to the to the line because you're you know,

2067
01:27:08,120 --> 01:27:08,960
Speaker 1: you got your bell rung.

2068
01:27:09,240 --> 01:27:11,479
Speaker 4: Someone notices it. You're like, that's a shoulder. Yeah, you

2069
01:27:11,520 --> 01:27:13,200
Speaker 4: always got there's always your guy in the corner that

2070
01:27:13,240 --> 01:27:14,920
Speaker 4: has your back for sure. If you get your bell

2071
01:27:15,000 --> 01:27:15,599
Speaker 4: run a little bit.

2072
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:18,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. And so as those things started having more lasting effects,

2073
01:27:18,960 --> 01:27:22,880
Speaker 1: that's when I noticed, especially you know, you're six seven eight,

2074
01:27:23,000 --> 01:27:24,960
Speaker 1: that's especially in year eight, I'm like, well, you know,

2075
01:27:25,160 --> 01:27:27,880
Speaker 1: got my bell rung right? And I didn't have a

2076
01:27:27,920 --> 01:27:29,640
Speaker 1: clue what was going on, right, and I did. I

2077
01:27:29,680 --> 01:27:32,120
Speaker 1: had a knee injury earlier that year, the ego right,

2078
01:27:32,200 --> 01:27:34,920
Speaker 1: So I knee injury, missed a game and I come

2079
01:27:34,960 --> 01:27:37,040
Speaker 1: off and they're like, you know, that's when they started

2080
01:27:37,080 --> 01:27:39,040
Speaker 1: taking the helmets or you know, if they took your helmet,

2081
01:27:39,080 --> 01:27:41,880
Speaker 1: you're out. And I remember stagging off like it's my knee.

2082
01:27:41,920 --> 01:27:43,599
Speaker 1: It's my knee, right because I missed a game well

2083
01:27:43,640 --> 01:27:46,479
Speaker 1: for at MCL and he's arguing with me. I'm like,

2084
01:27:46,479 --> 01:27:50,640
Speaker 1: it's my fucking knee right, like I'm fine, and and

2085
01:27:50,680 --> 01:27:52,880
Speaker 1: so that went back in and it just wasn't all there.

2086
01:27:52,960 --> 01:27:54,800
Speaker 1: So those those times to where then you get home

2087
01:27:54,840 --> 01:27:56,880
Speaker 1: and you're dizzy and you know, the brain fog and

2088
01:27:56,920 --> 01:27:58,880
Speaker 1: all the things. You know, it was part of the game,

2089
01:27:58,960 --> 01:28:00,720
Speaker 1: you know, That's that's what I thought it was. It

2090
01:28:00,760 --> 01:28:02,479
Speaker 1: was part of it, and it was I was. I

2091
01:28:02,520 --> 01:28:04,800
Speaker 1: was a guy like like you, like you that was

2092
01:28:04,840 --> 01:28:07,040
Speaker 1: not coming out. A lot had to happen for me

2093
01:28:07,080 --> 01:28:09,759
Speaker 1: to come out of the game, right, like major injury

2094
01:28:09,800 --> 01:28:11,439
Speaker 1: to where there's physically you can't go.

2095
01:28:11,720 --> 01:28:13,920
Speaker 2: Yes, your Lineman from Iowa.

2096
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:15,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what made you successful.

2097
01:28:15,280 --> 01:28:17,640
Speaker 2: And the long hair got the cut off tea like

2098
01:28:17,800 --> 01:28:22,080
Speaker 2: absolutely in the middle of the winter. Yeah yeah, yeah.

2099
01:28:22,120 --> 01:28:24,320
Speaker 1: So as the as the years one on, I noticed

2100
01:28:24,320 --> 01:28:27,040
Speaker 1: that stuff and then like everybody else, right, like you're

2101
01:28:27,040 --> 01:28:28,720
Speaker 1: trying to make it to the next week. You know

2102
01:28:28,800 --> 01:28:31,360
Speaker 1: your your eight, I'm you know, you're doing what you

2103
01:28:31,360 --> 01:28:33,000
Speaker 1: got to do to make it to the next week, right,

2104
01:28:33,080 --> 01:28:37,000
Speaker 1: the turtle shot, you know, I tell everyone without tortle shots,

2105
01:28:37,000 --> 01:28:38,679
Speaker 1: I couldn't kept playing. I don't know if you guys

2106
01:28:38,680 --> 01:28:42,040
Speaker 1: could get the shot, but they were. They were towards

2107
01:28:42,080 --> 01:28:43,680
Speaker 1: the end of my career, were trying to make it

2108
01:28:43,680 --> 01:28:44,880
Speaker 1: so you couldn't get the shot. You had to take

2109
01:28:44,880 --> 01:28:45,360
Speaker 1: the pill. Pill.

2110
01:28:45,640 --> 01:28:47,439
Speaker 4: Pill didn't work, and they would say the pill works

2111
01:28:47,439 --> 01:28:50,360
Speaker 4: faster than the shot. That there's no way.

2112
01:28:50,680 --> 01:28:51,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know there was.

2113
01:28:51,439 --> 01:28:53,280
Speaker 2: Once you get that shot too, you just feel like

2114
01:28:53,320 --> 01:28:55,599
Speaker 2: you've you know, life change went back in time.

2115
01:28:55,760 --> 01:28:59,080
Speaker 1: Oh, absolutely right, And so that was just to me,

2116
01:28:59,120 --> 01:29:00,920
Speaker 1: it was just part of it. But is the you

2117
01:29:00,960 --> 01:29:02,920
Speaker 1: know six seven eight. I noticed that stuff, and then

2118
01:29:03,040 --> 01:29:05,160
Speaker 1: then I noticed other things, right, the not only the

2119
01:29:05,280 --> 01:29:07,519
Speaker 1: injuries and the surgeries, right, you're going into you know,

2120
01:29:07,560 --> 01:29:11,719
Speaker 1: surgery seven, right, whether it's a you know, ankle scope,

2121
01:29:11,760 --> 01:29:14,519
Speaker 1: elbow scope, or having my back fused. Right, I had

2122
01:29:14,520 --> 01:29:16,839
Speaker 1: some major major injuries and major surgeries.

2123
01:29:16,920 --> 01:29:18,240
Speaker 4: Is it backfusion the biggest one.

2124
01:29:19,000 --> 01:29:22,479
Speaker 1: Yes, yep, So that was you know, you're six, you know,

2125
01:29:22,600 --> 01:29:25,120
Speaker 1: came back, but yeah, you you know, they pull your

2126
01:29:25,160 --> 01:29:27,840
Speaker 1: back open, they put rods and stuff in there, and

2127
01:29:27,880 --> 01:29:30,080
Speaker 1: but yeah, you just rehab and get back to work.

2128
01:29:30,120 --> 01:29:31,960
Speaker 1: That was part of it. But coming out of those surgeries,

2129
01:29:32,040 --> 01:29:33,439
Speaker 1: I don't want to do this anymore. Right, You're going

2130
01:29:33,479 --> 01:29:35,080
Speaker 1: for a scope and they're going to put you under,

2131
01:29:35,080 --> 01:29:37,519
Speaker 1: and you're just like, I just don't let me wake up, right,

2132
01:29:37,560 --> 01:29:39,360
Speaker 1: because the it just wears on you. You're not tough.

2133
01:29:39,400 --> 01:29:41,400
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, it's like a hangover, right, you know,

2134
01:29:41,600 --> 01:29:44,720
Speaker 1: you can't handle the hangover as much. So you know,

2135
01:29:44,760 --> 01:29:46,680
Speaker 1: as time went on, it was that. And then I

2136
01:29:46,760 --> 01:29:49,760
Speaker 1: then I noticed it. You know, after games, I'd get

2137
01:29:49,800 --> 01:29:52,360
Speaker 1: in the car and my wife would say something, I'd

2138
01:29:52,400 --> 01:29:54,439
Speaker 1: lose it, right, and so I'm just thinking, this is

2139
01:29:54,439 --> 01:29:57,200
Speaker 1: just me, right, I care about our team, I care

2140
01:29:57,240 --> 01:29:59,800
Speaker 1: about success. Right. To me, it was like you win,

2141
01:29:59,840 --> 01:30:02,439
Speaker 1: you're lose. It's black and white, right, And that was

2142
01:30:02,439 --> 01:30:04,479
Speaker 1: how my mood was so good or bad. I never

2143
01:30:04,640 --> 01:30:08,200
Speaker 1: was able to handle the losing very well because it

2144
01:30:08,320 --> 01:30:10,640
Speaker 1: meant a lot, right Like you guys, there's stuff meant

2145
01:30:10,680 --> 01:30:12,519
Speaker 1: a lot like you don't you know, the paycheck's great,

2146
01:30:12,600 --> 01:30:15,240
Speaker 1: but the winning is why we do this. So I

2147
01:30:15,320 --> 01:30:17,559
Speaker 1: noticed things with that where my trigger getting, you know,

2148
01:30:17,760 --> 01:30:20,080
Speaker 1: snapping right for no reason, or she said something and

2149
01:30:20,120 --> 01:30:22,599
Speaker 1: now I'm dealing with kids. You know, my daughter's at

2150
01:30:22,600 --> 01:30:26,280
Speaker 1: home and something happens, or and I just noticed a

2151
01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:28,439
Speaker 1: switch goes off to where things go kind of dark.

2152
01:30:28,520 --> 01:30:31,080
Speaker 1: So that's that's when I kind of started noticing that stuff,

2153
01:30:31,120 --> 01:30:33,280
Speaker 1: but never really dealt with it till after I retired.

2154
01:30:33,760 --> 01:30:35,519
Speaker 2: Now, when you're trying to deal with it, what are

2155
01:30:35,600 --> 01:30:38,120
Speaker 2: things that you're doing that nobody else is seeing to

2156
01:30:38,160 --> 01:30:40,360
Speaker 2: where you're trying to mask some of whether it's pain

2157
01:30:41,800 --> 01:30:44,519
Speaker 2: like you were you getting in the pain pills heavy,

2158
01:30:44,720 --> 01:30:46,680
Speaker 2: like were you drinking? Like things that your wife might

2159
01:30:46,680 --> 01:30:48,720
Speaker 2: not have been seeing at the time, until when you

2160
01:30:48,760 --> 01:30:50,519
Speaker 2: look back and kind of check yourself, you're like, man,

2161
01:30:50,560 --> 01:30:53,120
Speaker 2: I was really kind off the rails and nobody understood it.

2162
01:30:53,439 --> 01:30:55,880
Speaker 1: Now she knew what was going on in what I

2163
01:30:55,920 --> 01:30:58,040
Speaker 1: was doing. You know, I feel like I did it

2164
01:30:58,080 --> 01:31:01,040
Speaker 1: with within the mind. Yeah, but painkillers, you know, the

2165
01:31:01,040 --> 01:31:02,760
Speaker 1: sleeping pills didn't work to go to sleep, so then

2166
01:31:02,840 --> 01:31:04,120
Speaker 1: you're taking percoset instead.

2167
01:31:04,200 --> 01:31:04,280
Speaker 2: Right.

2168
01:31:04,320 --> 01:31:06,200
Speaker 1: It was just anything to like, I need to sleep, right,

2169
01:31:06,240 --> 01:31:08,519
Speaker 1: I get done with a game my body. Here's sleeping

2170
01:31:08,520 --> 01:31:12,559
Speaker 1: pill doesn't work. So thirty beers and three percoset, four percoset,

2171
01:31:12,600 --> 01:31:14,120
Speaker 1: this is going to make me go to sleep. Right,

2172
01:31:14,200 --> 01:31:19,320
Speaker 1: So yeah, you know, you know that was the coping right, like,

2173
01:31:19,760 --> 01:31:22,720
Speaker 1: and it wasn't an everyday thing, but it was like,

2174
01:31:22,800 --> 01:31:25,640
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm sure I was in extremes, right, No

2175
01:31:25,720 --> 01:31:28,160
Speaker 1: matter what I was doing is extreme. So if I'm

2176
01:31:28,160 --> 01:31:30,360
Speaker 1: gonna sit on drink, I'm gonna drink ten twenty beers

2177
01:31:30,400 --> 01:31:32,360
Speaker 1: like that's that's what we do, right as fast as

2178
01:31:32,360 --> 01:31:35,280
Speaker 1: you can, not not trying to not knowing it, but

2179
01:31:35,320 --> 01:31:38,240
Speaker 1: it's like drinking cups of water. Right. And so then

2180
01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:39,880
Speaker 1: it was the same with the whatever you can do

2181
01:31:39,960 --> 01:31:42,800
Speaker 1: to feel better. And so she noticed things and it was,

2182
01:31:43,479 --> 01:31:46,200
Speaker 1: you know, more surgery. So then it's taking painkillers and

2183
01:31:47,040 --> 01:31:48,800
Speaker 1: you know, trying to get them to work better. So

2184
01:31:48,840 --> 01:31:51,200
Speaker 1: you have a couple of drinks. Nothing that I was

2185
01:31:51,320 --> 01:31:54,760
Speaker 1: hiding but definitely it was abusive, right, and it wasn't

2186
01:31:54,560 --> 01:31:57,760
Speaker 1: the right way to deal with them. But also, you know,

2187
01:31:57,800 --> 01:31:58,880
Speaker 1: you had to do what you had to do to

2188
01:31:58,920 --> 01:32:00,400
Speaker 1: get to the next game to be able to play,

2189
01:32:00,640 --> 01:32:02,439
Speaker 1: you know, I mean that was my mindset, and right,

2190
01:32:02,680 --> 01:32:03,760
Speaker 1: you know, I do it all over again.

2191
01:32:04,040 --> 01:32:05,920
Speaker 4: There's so many different ways you can justify it too.

2192
01:32:05,960 --> 01:32:07,320
Speaker 4: When you're like trying to get to the next game,

2193
01:32:07,320 --> 01:32:08,639
Speaker 4: Like you're taking care of your family at this point.

2194
01:32:08,640 --> 01:32:11,519
Speaker 4: I'm assuming you have kids, like you want to. This

2195
01:32:11,560 --> 01:32:13,439
Speaker 4: person is asking for this type of help, and you're like,

2196
01:32:13,520 --> 01:32:16,320
Speaker 4: I have to help all these people around me, and

2197
01:32:16,360 --> 01:32:17,519
Speaker 4: if I don't get to play, I don't get to

2198
01:32:17,520 --> 01:32:19,040
Speaker 4: get paid. So I have to do these things. This

2199
01:32:19,040 --> 01:32:20,519
Speaker 4: is why it's okay for me to take these pills

2200
01:32:20,560 --> 01:32:22,840
Speaker 4: and drink these beers. So there's always something you can

2201
01:32:22,880 --> 01:32:27,040
Speaker 4: tell yourself to keep that kind of decision making prossure

2202
01:32:27,120 --> 01:32:27,519
Speaker 4: going that way.

2203
01:32:27,560 --> 01:32:28,600
Speaker 1: And I don't think it was you know, was it

2204
01:32:28,640 --> 01:32:31,719
Speaker 1: abusive in those moments? Right? Is it? Is it normal

2205
01:32:31,720 --> 01:32:34,479
Speaker 1: and not abusive to drink fifteen twenty beers after a game?

2206
01:32:34,600 --> 01:32:37,360
Speaker 1: It's probably to a normal person abusive, But that's very

2207
01:32:37,400 --> 01:32:39,880
Speaker 1: common between us, right, we Right, it was.

2208
01:32:40,080 --> 01:32:41,759
Speaker 4: Away games, so yeah, it was you on the flights.

2209
01:32:41,800 --> 01:32:43,400
Speaker 4: They have cases of beer right in to them.

2210
01:32:43,479 --> 01:32:45,799
Speaker 1: It wasn't every single night of the week the hogs.

2211
01:32:45,840 --> 01:32:49,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, drinking beer. Yeah, it's a very normal thing.

2212
01:32:49,040 --> 01:32:51,519
Speaker 1: That's want. So you know it was it abusive, yes,

2213
01:32:51,600 --> 01:32:54,120
Speaker 1: but it was also that's part of being a young guy.

2214
01:32:54,120 --> 01:32:56,800
Speaker 1: It wasn't every single night I was doing that, right.

2215
01:32:56,840 --> 01:32:59,800
Speaker 1: But as you just right, there's also the business side

2216
01:32:59,800 --> 01:33:01,960
Speaker 1: of it. You're getting older, You're making a bunch of money,

2217
01:33:02,040 --> 01:33:03,760
Speaker 1: right if you miss games because you're hurt. I mean,

2218
01:33:03,840 --> 01:33:05,559
Speaker 1: we know the business side of it. So you're like,

2219
01:33:05,800 --> 01:33:08,000
Speaker 1: I gotta do whatever I gotta do, Like this paycheck

2220
01:33:08,080 --> 01:33:11,080
Speaker 1: is nice. I'm trying to set my family up for life, right,

2221
01:33:11,120 --> 01:33:13,200
Speaker 1: So whatever I got to do, right, whether that's taking

2222
01:33:13,200 --> 01:33:15,400
Speaker 1: pergoset to go to sleep instead of painkiller or instead

2223
01:33:15,400 --> 01:33:18,000
Speaker 1: of sleeping pills, great, I'll do it. Right. You're not

2224
01:33:18,000 --> 01:33:20,280
Speaker 1: thinking about what it's doing to your body, but it's yeah,

2225
01:33:20,400 --> 01:33:22,040
Speaker 1: part of its part of the business. Like this, there's

2226
01:33:22,040 --> 01:33:24,599
Speaker 1: gonna be a business decision at some point here, right,

2227
01:33:24,640 --> 01:33:26,040
Speaker 1: So I gotta do whatever I can to make sure

2228
01:33:26,040 --> 01:33:27,040
Speaker 1: I keep playing. Right.

2229
01:33:27,560 --> 01:33:28,920
Speaker 2: How long did you? How long did you.

2230
01:33:28,880 --> 01:33:32,280
Speaker 1: Play eight full seasons and then once Camp retired in

2231
01:33:32,280 --> 01:33:32,920
Speaker 1: camp by ninth.

2232
01:33:32,880 --> 01:33:35,559
Speaker 4: Year, okay, retired, and what you're here in camp?

2233
01:33:35,600 --> 01:33:37,839
Speaker 1: In Camp? I went to Camp. I got released from Seattle,

2234
01:33:38,960 --> 01:33:41,200
Speaker 1: signed with New England, went there and it was just

2235
01:33:41,320 --> 01:33:44,519
Speaker 1: you know, had had my eight ninth and tenth surgery

2236
01:33:44,600 --> 01:33:49,040
Speaker 1: before after that year in Seattle or during went there

2237
01:33:49,080 --> 01:33:51,840
Speaker 1: and my body just wasn't there. Mentally, I was, I

2238
01:33:51,960 --> 01:33:54,559
Speaker 1: was gone, right, I was, it was, But physically I

2239
01:33:54,600 --> 01:33:56,720
Speaker 1: was like, I can't move. I'm trying. And I got

2240
01:33:56,760 --> 01:33:59,680
Speaker 1: to an organization, signed with an organization, the Holy Cow, right, like,

2241
01:33:59,720 --> 01:34:01,800
Speaker 1: this is a winning organization. This is what I wanted

2242
01:34:01,800 --> 01:34:05,240
Speaker 1: my whole career. So I wanted to and I my

2243
01:34:05,479 --> 01:34:08,800
Speaker 1: standard wasn't my standard at that point. And so a

2244
01:34:08,880 --> 01:34:10,360
Speaker 1: couple of weeks in the camp, I went in and

2245
01:34:10,520 --> 01:34:13,240
Speaker 1: was like, you know, coach, I appreciate the opportunity, but

2246
01:34:13,439 --> 01:34:14,800
Speaker 1: it's time for me to be done. And it was

2247
01:34:14,840 --> 01:34:17,000
Speaker 1: the mental part too, I mean it was you know.

2248
01:34:17,320 --> 01:34:20,840
Speaker 2: What was going on, but what was going on all encompassing? Yeah,

2249
01:34:20,840 --> 01:34:23,240
Speaker 2: because I'm assuming that conversation is probably very hard.

2250
01:34:23,439 --> 01:34:25,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was, you know, it was the physical part

2251
01:34:25,080 --> 01:34:28,320
Speaker 1: to where I'm I'm struggling to move right, trying to

2252
01:34:28,360 --> 01:34:30,760
Speaker 1: be fluid, and then you know, so ego right comes

2253
01:34:30,760 --> 01:34:32,760
Speaker 1: in because I'm like, I am not what I used

2254
01:34:32,760 --> 01:34:34,880
Speaker 1: to be right, and I can't move and you're getting

2255
01:34:35,200 --> 01:34:36,960
Speaker 1: you know, getting beat at practice, and I was like,

2256
01:34:37,040 --> 01:34:39,320
Speaker 1: oh my god, I can I do this? And then

2257
01:34:39,760 --> 01:34:42,120
Speaker 1: you know, the mental part of it was was equally

2258
01:34:42,160 --> 01:34:45,920
Speaker 1: as tough. Right, there was points and not a you know,

2259
01:34:45,920 --> 01:34:47,280
Speaker 1: it's hard to say, but there was a point where

2260
01:34:47,280 --> 01:34:48,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, I wish I'd just blow something out so

2261
01:34:48,920 --> 01:34:51,200
Speaker 1: I could be done, right. And that's where how bad

2262
01:34:51,240 --> 01:34:53,320
Speaker 1: it had gotten mentally because I didn't you know, I

2263
01:34:53,360 --> 01:34:56,760
Speaker 1: felt like if I retired, chose to retire, then you

2264
01:34:56,760 --> 01:34:59,280
Speaker 1: know that I was quitting or I was it was

2265
01:34:59,320 --> 01:35:02,880
Speaker 1: this this thing right. That's but if something happened, it

2266
01:35:02,920 --> 01:35:05,280
Speaker 1: could just be like, oh you had to right, And

2267
01:35:05,600 --> 01:35:07,400
Speaker 1: so that mental part of it, it's, you know, you're

2268
01:35:07,439 --> 01:35:10,559
Speaker 1: in a because I remember running, I kept pulling stuff

2269
01:35:10,600 --> 01:35:12,960
Speaker 1: and my body here. I remember doing the conditioning test

2270
01:35:13,000 --> 01:35:15,040
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I wish I just blow an achilling

2271
01:35:15,120 --> 01:35:16,680
Speaker 1: so I could be done. I'm like, well, you know,

2272
01:35:16,800 --> 01:35:18,519
Speaker 1: so now you're now you're judging who you are as

2273
01:35:18,520 --> 01:35:21,559
Speaker 1: a person. Like you coward, Like who says that to themselves?

2274
01:35:22,040 --> 01:35:24,160
Speaker 1: But it's the mental side of it that going into

2275
01:35:24,240 --> 01:35:26,200
Speaker 1: that year and it was taking pinkillers to get out,

2276
01:35:26,200 --> 01:35:29,200
Speaker 1: Bed just couldn't move and decided, like, you know, the

2277
01:35:29,200 --> 01:35:30,960
Speaker 1: good part is I, you know, I was with it

2278
01:35:31,080 --> 01:35:32,760
Speaker 1: enough to know that I don't want to be this.

2279
01:35:32,800 --> 01:35:34,160
Speaker 1: I don't want to be the guy that does this

2280
01:35:34,320 --> 01:35:37,280
Speaker 1: till he's non functioning. And I felt like that's where

2281
01:35:37,280 --> 01:35:40,479
Speaker 1: it was leading. And so I had the conversation with

2282
01:35:40,600 --> 01:35:42,720
Speaker 1: Coach there and it was like, I think this is

2283
01:35:42,760 --> 01:35:44,720
Speaker 1: best for both of us, you know, because I was

2284
01:35:44,760 --> 01:35:46,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't want to waste your time, Like, yeah,

2285
01:35:46,400 --> 01:35:48,720
Speaker 1: you're not getting what I was a few years ago.

2286
01:35:49,120 --> 01:35:52,559
Speaker 4: Did you quickly after quickly or maybe not quickly? Did

2287
01:35:52,600 --> 01:35:54,519
Speaker 4: you after you decided to retire? Did you have this

2288
01:35:54,640 --> 01:35:57,160
Speaker 4: identity crisis of like, okay, what am I? Who am I?

2289
01:35:57,200 --> 01:35:57,439
Speaker 2: Now?

2290
01:35:57,640 --> 01:35:59,519
Speaker 1: For sure? Yeah? You get home and you know, I,

2291
01:35:59,600 --> 01:36:01,679
Speaker 1: you know, I chose, you know, I chose to be done.

2292
01:36:01,720 --> 01:36:04,880
Speaker 1: But now you're home and you're watching your buddies still play, right,

2293
01:36:04,880 --> 01:36:07,720
Speaker 1: they're still going to practice. You're trying to you know,

2294
01:36:07,800 --> 01:36:09,760
Speaker 1: can't turn the TV on when you're home because you're like, oh,

2295
01:36:09,800 --> 01:36:11,719
Speaker 1: I should still be doing this right and I should

2296
01:36:11,720 --> 01:36:12,400
Speaker 1: be there with them.

2297
01:36:12,439 --> 01:36:14,240
Speaker 4: Because I'm sure at some point your body starts to

2298
01:36:14,240 --> 01:36:16,280
Speaker 4: feel better, you know, like you know what, maybe I

2299
01:36:16,320 --> 01:36:17,679
Speaker 4: could do X, Y and Z, and then you pop

2300
01:36:17,720 --> 01:36:19,519
Speaker 4: on a game You're like, why aren't I doing this right?

2301
01:36:19,600 --> 01:36:21,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, So it was definitely the identity. And I remember

2302
01:36:21,760 --> 01:36:23,400
Speaker 1: screaming at my wife one day. I was, you know,

2303
01:36:23,439 --> 01:36:25,280
Speaker 1: I'm not a I'm not an f and stay at

2304
01:36:25,320 --> 01:36:27,280
Speaker 1: home dad, right, because I was trying to let her

2305
01:36:27,280 --> 01:36:29,559
Speaker 1: do her thing her whole life. You know, my whole

2306
01:36:29,560 --> 01:36:31,760
Speaker 1: career was everything for me, right. She took care of

2307
01:36:31,760 --> 01:36:34,160
Speaker 1: the kids like you like, concentrate on your career. And

2308
01:36:34,240 --> 01:36:36,160
Speaker 1: I just remember, like that, what am I? Right? And

2309
01:36:36,160 --> 01:36:37,640
Speaker 1: that's terrible to say that because I'm proud to be

2310
01:36:37,680 --> 01:36:40,360
Speaker 1: a father, but you this identity like I'm not a

2311
01:36:40,360 --> 01:36:41,920
Speaker 1: stay at home dad every day. This is not what

2312
01:36:41,960 --> 01:36:44,040
Speaker 1: I do. So yeah, that's tough. I think we all

2313
01:36:44,080 --> 01:36:45,920
Speaker 1: go through that. And then you're dealing with other stuff

2314
01:36:45,920 --> 01:36:49,639
Speaker 1: on top of that. You know mentally that that doesn't

2315
01:36:49,920 --> 01:36:53,280
Speaker 1: have you thinking clearly. That makes it even harder. And

2316
01:36:53,320 --> 01:36:55,720
Speaker 1: now you know, like I said, now you're now I know,

2317
01:36:55,760 --> 01:36:57,040
Speaker 1: I don't have to go to practice. So now I'm

2318
01:36:57,040 --> 01:36:58,960
Speaker 1: at my buddy's drinking beer, you know, three nights a

2319
01:36:58,960 --> 01:37:01,320
Speaker 1: week right now. Now, now I need to lose weight

2320
01:37:01,320 --> 01:37:02,840
Speaker 1: because I don't need to be three on twenty pounds.

2321
01:37:02,840 --> 01:37:05,400
Speaker 1: So I'm drinking tequila instead because my body can process

2322
01:37:05,439 --> 01:37:08,479
Speaker 1: it better. But drinking the same valume with tequila that

2323
01:37:08,640 --> 01:37:11,479
Speaker 1: you know when I was drinking beer. Right, So it's

2324
01:37:11,800 --> 01:37:14,519
Speaker 1: this whole thing that this transformation, and you wonder who

2325
01:37:14,520 --> 01:37:16,479
Speaker 1: you are, what should I do? And you know what,

2326
01:37:16,520 --> 01:37:18,800
Speaker 1: am I going to go get a job? Right? You've

2327
01:37:18,840 --> 01:37:21,120
Speaker 1: been making all this money, right, getting these big checks,

2328
01:37:21,160 --> 01:37:23,479
Speaker 1: and I'm going to go you know I liked old cars, Right,

2329
01:37:23,520 --> 01:37:25,120
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go work at my buddy's shop. I'm gonna

2330
01:37:25,120 --> 01:37:28,759
Speaker 1: go san Bondo for twenty five dollars an hour. You're like, yeah,

2331
01:37:28,880 --> 01:37:29,439
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.

2332
01:37:29,479 --> 01:37:31,519
Speaker 4: It's like clearly world, yeah.

2333
01:37:31,360 --> 01:37:34,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, And now I'm thirty some years old and or

2334
01:37:34,640 --> 01:37:36,639
Speaker 1: I don't want to, you know, go get a job

2335
01:37:36,720 --> 01:37:39,599
Speaker 1: and you know, work with a bunch of twenty year olds. Right,

2336
01:37:39,600 --> 01:37:42,720
Speaker 1: So it's just this whole ego and identity of who

2337
01:37:42,760 --> 01:37:44,320
Speaker 1: you are and what you were, and that's what you

2338
01:37:44,320 --> 01:37:45,880
Speaker 1: did your whole life. That's all you knew, right, that's

2339
01:37:45,880 --> 01:37:48,240
Speaker 1: what we did. And then you get done, You're like,

2340
01:37:48,240 --> 01:37:51,280
Speaker 1: oh shit, they ain't calling. Like when you say you're done,

2341
01:37:51,280 --> 01:37:52,920
Speaker 1: you're done right right, I'm not in a band to

2342
01:37:52,920 --> 01:37:54,840
Speaker 1: where we can go to the local bar and just

2343
01:37:54,920 --> 01:37:57,519
Speaker 1: keep playing, right, Like when you're done with the sport,

2344
01:37:57,600 --> 01:37:57,960
Speaker 1: that's it?

2345
01:37:58,680 --> 01:38:01,960
Speaker 2: What the what was the break point to start diving

2346
01:38:02,000 --> 01:38:04,760
Speaker 2: into your mental health and figuring out that there could

2347
01:38:04,760 --> 01:38:05,960
Speaker 2: be a lot more going on?

2348
01:38:06,600 --> 01:38:08,360
Speaker 1: I think the breaking point for me as time went on.

2349
01:38:08,400 --> 01:38:11,280
Speaker 1: So now we're three four, five years post retirement, and

2350
01:38:11,840 --> 01:38:16,160
Speaker 1: all these reactions and in moods and all these things

2351
01:38:16,160 --> 01:38:18,880
Speaker 1: got more intense. So now my kids are laughing or

2352
01:38:18,880 --> 01:38:21,840
Speaker 1: giggling at the breakfast table and I lose it, right,

2353
01:38:21,920 --> 01:38:24,960
Speaker 1: I go from zero to two thousand, and I'm so

2354
01:38:25,160 --> 01:38:27,880
Speaker 1: angry and smashing my fist on the table to get

2355
01:38:27,920 --> 01:38:31,920
Speaker 1: them to be quiet. But I'm also realizing that, hey,

2356
01:38:31,920 --> 01:38:34,280
Speaker 1: this is not a normal reaction, right, So why did

2357
01:38:34,320 --> 01:38:37,879
Speaker 1: that that just happen? Right? So it's instance after instance,

2358
01:38:38,000 --> 01:38:41,320
Speaker 1: and I'm coping with alcohol, right, not every day, not

2359
01:38:41,400 --> 01:38:43,760
Speaker 1: every week, but when I did, it was how big

2360
01:38:43,800 --> 01:38:44,960
Speaker 1: of a bottle of tequila did I have?

2361
01:38:45,160 --> 01:38:45,360
Speaker 2: Right?

2362
01:38:45,439 --> 01:38:47,800
Speaker 1: You know, we go to a kid's the fundraiser for

2363
01:38:47,840 --> 01:38:50,720
Speaker 1: the school. Right I was socially I did you know?

2364
01:38:50,760 --> 01:38:52,840
Speaker 1: I was. I'm not a social person, you know. Even

2365
01:38:52,880 --> 01:38:55,080
Speaker 1: before all this, right, I would always you know, I

2366
01:38:55,120 --> 01:38:57,679
Speaker 1: had social anxiety. I didn't like that. Even in college,

2367
01:38:57,720 --> 01:38:59,680
Speaker 1: I didn't like all the attention, right when everything's great

2368
01:38:59,680 --> 01:39:02,120
Speaker 1: and everybody like you're the greatest ever. I didn't like

2369
01:39:02,160 --> 01:39:04,200
Speaker 1: the attention, you know, for the good or the bad.

2370
01:39:04,760 --> 01:39:07,800
Speaker 1: And so now we go to school fundraisers and you know,

2371
01:39:07,840 --> 01:39:09,880
Speaker 1: I take my bottle of tequila in with me because

2372
01:39:10,439 --> 01:39:12,680
Speaker 1: the stuff they serve at the bar I don't like, right,

2373
01:39:12,720 --> 01:39:14,920
Speaker 1: So that makes a lot of sense, all right. So

2374
01:39:14,960 --> 01:39:17,680
Speaker 1: now it's you know, doing things like that. So and

2375
01:39:17,720 --> 01:39:20,000
Speaker 1: I'm realizing these things as they happen. I'm like, this

2376
01:39:20,040 --> 01:39:22,960
Speaker 1: is not normal behavior that I took my own tequila

2377
01:39:23,040 --> 01:39:26,200
Speaker 1: brand in because the bar doesn't serve it, you know.

2378
01:39:26,360 --> 01:39:28,760
Speaker 1: And then I'm having these reactions to my wife or

2379
01:39:28,760 --> 01:39:32,160
Speaker 1: the kids. We went to dinner one night her my

2380
01:39:32,160 --> 01:39:33,960
Speaker 1: mother in law, was in town, and I just remember

2381
01:39:34,000 --> 01:39:35,880
Speaker 1: it because of the reaction I had. We walked into

2382
01:39:35,920 --> 01:39:37,680
Speaker 1: my wife, It's like, oh, let's sit inside. So we're

2383
01:39:37,720 --> 01:39:41,040
Speaker 1: waiting for the lady to see this, and then she goes, oh,

2384
01:39:41,080 --> 01:39:42,720
Speaker 1: the sun came out, we should sit outside, and I

2385
01:39:42,720 --> 01:39:44,519
Speaker 1: remember going dark. I mean, I want to I want

2386
01:39:44,560 --> 01:39:46,559
Speaker 1: to strangle her. And I hate to say that, but

2387
01:39:46,600 --> 01:39:49,800
Speaker 1: I was so angry that she changed from wanting to

2388
01:39:49,840 --> 01:39:52,320
Speaker 1: sit into out inside to outside, and I had no

2389
01:39:52,400 --> 01:39:54,200
Speaker 1: idea why I was. I'm like, why am I reacting

2390
01:39:54,240 --> 01:39:57,040
Speaker 1: like this? So in my head, I'm fighting myself because

2391
01:39:57,320 --> 01:39:58,800
Speaker 1: I mean, it doesn't make sense, right, you guys look

2392
01:39:58,800 --> 01:40:01,320
Speaker 1: at me, like why with that trigger? Yeah, it made

2393
01:40:01,400 --> 01:40:02,120
Speaker 1: zero sense to me.

2394
01:40:02,160 --> 01:40:04,760
Speaker 2: So these things, how's your wife reacting when you're having

2395
01:40:04,760 --> 01:40:07,320
Speaker 2: these reactions and knowing that we're we're kind of in

2396
01:40:07,400 --> 01:40:10,400
Speaker 2: a song and dance around dad right now at times?

2397
01:40:11,080 --> 01:40:12,680
Speaker 1: You know, Honestly, at the time, I think she saw

2398
01:40:12,720 --> 01:40:15,040
Speaker 1: I was an asshole, right she. I don't think she understood.

2399
01:40:15,680 --> 01:40:19,240
Speaker 1: She didn't understand why things were happening. You know, when

2400
01:40:19,240 --> 01:40:21,280
Speaker 1: someone does that, you'll be like, what is wrong with him? Right?

2401
01:40:21,280 --> 01:40:23,840
Speaker 1: These are me popping off or getting upset, or the

2402
01:40:23,920 --> 01:40:25,519
Speaker 1: days I'm fine and all of a sudden, I'm just

2403
01:40:26,000 --> 01:40:28,960
Speaker 1: either super depressed or super angry. I mean, anger more

2404
01:40:29,000 --> 01:40:31,960
Speaker 1: than you should have right, stuff that shouldn't set you off.

2405
01:40:32,000 --> 01:40:33,800
Speaker 1: So it was tough because I think she was like,

2406
01:40:33,880 --> 01:40:36,360
Speaker 1: what is going on? Right? She also knew I was

2407
01:40:36,400 --> 01:40:40,000
Speaker 1: going through stuff right being done, she knew, you know,

2408
01:40:40,040 --> 01:40:42,559
Speaker 1: the injuries and those things took a toll. But so

2409
01:40:42,600 --> 01:40:45,840
Speaker 1: the rock bottom, I think was a couple instances like

2410
01:40:45,920 --> 01:40:48,960
Speaker 1: that to where I'm like, you know, I'm aware of

2411
01:40:48,960 --> 01:40:51,120
Speaker 1: all this, right, Because then I feel like the biggest

2412
01:40:51,439 --> 01:40:53,240
Speaker 1: piece of trash on the face of the earth because

2413
01:40:53,280 --> 01:40:56,360
Speaker 1: I lose my stuff because my kids are laughing right

2414
01:40:56,479 --> 01:41:00,679
Speaker 1: or I'm sitting in a chair like you know, hurting

2415
01:41:00,760 --> 01:41:03,280
Speaker 1: them or or making it stop, and I'm like, I'm

2416
01:41:03,320 --> 01:41:06,200
Speaker 1: a terrible human being. And so I think that was

2417
01:41:06,320 --> 01:41:08,479
Speaker 1: rock bottom for me when I'm having these thoughts And

2418
01:41:08,479 --> 01:41:11,519
Speaker 1: then then I'm beating myself up because I'm like, they're

2419
01:41:11,560 --> 01:41:14,160
Speaker 1: better off without me, right, Like, this is this is

2420
01:41:14,200 --> 01:41:15,920
Speaker 1: who I am. This is not a life for them.

2421
01:41:15,960 --> 01:41:18,160
Speaker 1: I love my family, It's the greatest family on the

2422
01:41:18,160 --> 01:41:20,559
Speaker 1: face of the earth. I love my wife. She's you know,

2423
01:41:20,640 --> 01:41:22,640
Speaker 1: she's been through it all with me. But I'm like,

2424
01:41:22,680 --> 01:41:25,200
Speaker 1: they don't deserve this. I I they're better, they're better

2425
01:41:25,240 --> 01:41:27,880
Speaker 1: off without me, And so you know. It happened to

2426
01:41:27,920 --> 01:41:30,240
Speaker 1: be a morning we were working out. We always worked

2427
01:41:30,240 --> 01:41:33,479
Speaker 1: out in the morning, and and broke down in our driveway.

2428
01:41:33,479 --> 01:41:35,479
Speaker 1: I was just I remember sitting down and she's like,

2429
01:41:35,479 --> 01:41:37,439
Speaker 1: you're okay, and I just start bawling, and I'm like,

2430
01:41:37,479 --> 01:41:39,800
Speaker 1: I need help because all this stuff had been going

2431
01:41:39,800 --> 01:41:41,240
Speaker 1: through my head and I hadn't told her. She knew

2432
01:41:41,240 --> 01:41:43,320
Speaker 1: I was struggling, and she saw these outbursts, she saw

2433
01:41:43,360 --> 01:41:46,160
Speaker 1: these things that happened. But in my mind, I'm like,

2434
01:41:46,240 --> 01:41:49,000
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be here, Like they're better off. They don't

2435
01:41:49,000 --> 01:41:51,320
Speaker 1: need to see their dad losing his shit over nothing.

2436
01:41:51,360 --> 01:41:53,040
Speaker 1: They don't need I don't need to be this depressed

2437
01:41:53,040 --> 01:41:56,040
Speaker 1: guy sitting in a chair shaking because I think something

2438
01:41:56,040 --> 01:41:58,880
Speaker 1: else is going on, right, And so that was probably

2439
01:41:58,960 --> 01:42:01,439
Speaker 1: rock bottom. It was rock bout them for me. And

2440
01:42:01,560 --> 01:42:03,760
Speaker 1: the fact that I actually asked her for help and

2441
01:42:03,840 --> 01:42:06,160
Speaker 1: I just remember saying, just in tears, like I need help.

2442
01:42:06,479 --> 01:42:08,800
Speaker 1: I'm struggling. I don't I think I'm losing my mind,

2443
01:42:09,200 --> 01:42:11,240
Speaker 1: you know. So that that was kind of the start

2444
01:42:11,240 --> 01:42:13,720
Speaker 1: of it, and so, you know, just happened to be

2445
01:42:13,760 --> 01:42:16,639
Speaker 1: at the same time that through my workers comp case,

2446
01:42:16,680 --> 01:42:18,719
Speaker 1: you know, I'm going through that whole process, which is great,

2447
01:42:19,000 --> 01:42:22,120
Speaker 1: you know, ten years later, but they had me get

2448
01:42:22,120 --> 01:42:24,120
Speaker 1: a brain scan. So going and get a brain scan,

2449
01:42:25,080 --> 01:42:28,080
Speaker 1: and this was a very close in proximity to when

2450
01:42:28,080 --> 01:42:30,200
Speaker 1: I asked for help, you know, I asked her for help.

2451
01:42:30,240 --> 01:42:31,920
Speaker 1: I reached out to a couple of friends that you know,

2452
01:42:31,960 --> 01:42:34,240
Speaker 1: had been through you know, been through their own stuff,

2453
01:42:34,280 --> 01:42:36,680
Speaker 1: to like, hey, I'm struggling, like, you know, how do

2454
01:42:36,720 --> 01:42:38,719
Speaker 1: you deal with this? But I get this brain scan,

2455
01:42:38,800 --> 01:42:40,639
Speaker 1: and that's when it was really kind of the aha

2456
01:42:40,720 --> 01:42:43,479
Speaker 1: moment because they pulled up my brain scan. He's like,

2457
01:42:43,680 --> 01:42:46,360
Speaker 1: you know, all these symptoms you're having, the rage, the anger,

2458
01:42:46,400 --> 01:42:48,680
Speaker 1: the depression of this, of that, right, and then put

2459
01:42:48,720 --> 01:42:50,920
Speaker 1: up a healthy brain on there, and then put up

2460
01:42:51,000 --> 01:42:52,720
Speaker 1: my brain. You know, it was a spec scan at

2461
01:42:52,720 --> 01:42:54,200
Speaker 1: the time, and it was you know, it looks looked

2462
01:42:54,200 --> 01:42:56,519
Speaker 1: like someone had taken a baseball back to it, right.

2463
01:42:56,600 --> 01:42:59,720
Speaker 1: And so my wife was there and I remember she's

2464
01:42:59,720 --> 01:43:02,360
Speaker 1: crying in obviously you look at it. And I started

2465
01:43:02,400 --> 01:43:04,920
Speaker 1: laughing and she looked at me and she's like, what

2466
01:43:04,960 --> 01:43:07,320
Speaker 1: the fuck are you laughing at? And she was mad,

2467
01:43:07,360 --> 01:43:10,719
Speaker 1: obviously mad, and I just said I'm not crazy because

2468
01:43:10,720 --> 01:43:12,120
Speaker 1: I had thought to that At that point, I thought

2469
01:43:12,120 --> 01:43:14,040
Speaker 1: I was losing my mind. You're getting an answer, right,

2470
01:43:14,080 --> 01:43:16,240
Speaker 1: So I'm like, oh, this is the reason, right, and

2471
01:43:16,320 --> 01:43:18,479
Speaker 1: so you know, I just that sticks in my head.

2472
01:43:18,520 --> 01:43:20,160
Speaker 1: But that was the point where, you know, kind of

2473
01:43:20,200 --> 01:43:22,519
Speaker 1: my healing journey started and I knew, Hey, there's there's

2474
01:43:22,560 --> 01:43:24,559
Speaker 1: something going on, not just me. I'm not just a

2475
01:43:25,040 --> 01:43:27,320
Speaker 1: ex athlete that can't handle being done, that doesn't have

2476
01:43:27,360 --> 01:43:31,320
Speaker 1: an identity, Like there is a physical, physical issue that

2477
01:43:31,439 --> 01:43:34,640
Speaker 1: is causing these outburst and these thoughts and these suicidal

2478
01:43:34,680 --> 01:43:37,200
Speaker 1: ideation and these all these different things, and there's a

2479
01:43:37,240 --> 01:43:39,920
Speaker 1: reason that's happening. And now we got to either do

2480
01:43:40,040 --> 01:43:41,680
Speaker 1: something or continue the way we are.

2481
01:43:41,760 --> 01:43:44,200
Speaker 2: Did you ever get extremely close to killing yourself?

2482
01:43:45,320 --> 01:43:48,519
Speaker 1: I did, Unfortunately, Yes, it got bad enough to where

2483
01:43:48,640 --> 01:43:51,599
Speaker 1: with the you know, suicide nightmares at night, and then

2484
01:43:51,600 --> 01:43:54,640
Speaker 1: it turned to suicidal ideation during the day to you know,

2485
01:43:55,240 --> 01:43:57,400
Speaker 1: I felt like I was a burden on my family. Right,

2486
01:43:57,439 --> 01:44:00,120
Speaker 1: So You're having these thoughts that and you see your

2487
01:44:00,120 --> 01:44:01,880
Speaker 1: self acting in a certain way, and I'm like, they

2488
01:44:01,880 --> 01:44:03,519
Speaker 1: are better off with that, And I believed it. I

2489
01:44:03,560 --> 01:44:05,920
Speaker 1: believe that, and I told my wife on multiple ocations,

2490
01:44:05,920 --> 01:44:08,439
Speaker 1: you guys are better off without me. Here's all the stuff, right,

2491
01:44:08,439 --> 01:44:11,280
Speaker 1: because I'm aware of these reactions I'm having, and I'm

2492
01:44:11,320 --> 01:44:15,960
Speaker 1: aware that I'm getting triggered by my kids to where

2493
01:44:16,680 --> 01:44:18,760
Speaker 1: or my wife to where I want, you know, like

2494
01:44:18,920 --> 01:44:20,880
Speaker 1: physically think I'm hurting them. Right, So now I'm sitting

2495
01:44:20,880 --> 01:44:23,240
Speaker 1: in the chair thinking I'm hurting them. And there's a

2496
01:44:23,280 --> 01:44:25,120
Speaker 1: couple instances and she's like, what is wrong with you?

2497
01:44:25,160 --> 01:44:27,559
Speaker 1: And I'm literally sitting there shaking because I thought I

2498
01:44:27,600 --> 01:44:31,599
Speaker 1: was hurting my children. Never physically touch them, thank god, right,

2499
01:44:31,640 --> 01:44:34,080
Speaker 1: But the story in my head it was that I

2500
01:44:34,240 --> 01:44:36,200
Speaker 1: was so now I feel like I'm a terrible human

2501
01:44:36,200 --> 01:44:37,679
Speaker 1: being because I think, how could you have this thought

2502
01:44:37,680 --> 01:44:41,599
Speaker 1: about your children? Yeah, and so you know, not proud

2503
01:44:41,640 --> 01:44:43,840
Speaker 1: of it. There were times that I thought, you know,

2504
01:44:44,240 --> 01:44:46,800
Speaker 1: and a friend of mine that I meant, military friend,

2505
01:44:46,880 --> 01:44:48,720
Speaker 1: he ended up taking his life. He said it best,

2506
01:44:48,800 --> 01:44:50,840
Speaker 1: he said, nobody wants to commit suicide. They want the

2507
01:44:50,880 --> 01:44:53,320
Speaker 1: noise to stop. And that's what I wanted. I just

2508
01:44:53,520 --> 01:44:56,720
Speaker 1: I can't live like this. I can't be around and

2509
01:44:56,760 --> 01:44:58,880
Speaker 1: function around my children and have these thoughts. I need

2510
01:44:58,920 --> 01:45:01,639
Speaker 1: the noise to stop. And there were there were times

2511
01:45:01,680 --> 01:45:04,719
Speaker 1: I had, you know, my pistol in my gulp compartment

2512
01:45:04,720 --> 01:45:06,360
Speaker 1: of my truck, and I'm like, this would be really

2513
01:45:06,400 --> 01:45:10,719
Speaker 1: easy right here, right, and and so you know, never

2514
01:45:10,920 --> 01:45:13,479
Speaker 1: never attempted it, thank god, but there are multiple times

2515
01:45:13,520 --> 01:45:16,519
Speaker 1: that it got to that point, unfortunately. And you know,

2516
01:45:16,600 --> 01:45:19,639
Speaker 1: then it was like, oh, everybody's gonna think I'm a coward, right,

2517
01:45:19,680 --> 01:45:23,240
Speaker 1: So then it's driving down the highway and it's just

2518
01:45:23,560 --> 01:45:25,479
Speaker 1: and then yeah, then there's a semi coming. All right, Well,

2519
01:45:25,479 --> 01:45:27,439
Speaker 1: if I just swerve over in front of this semi,

2520
01:45:27,880 --> 01:45:30,840
Speaker 1: I won't look like a coward, right. And so it

2521
01:45:30,880 --> 01:45:33,479
Speaker 1: was the not thinking clearly part, on top of all

2522
01:45:33,560 --> 01:45:36,120
Speaker 1: the other things that I'm affecting people that I love,

2523
01:45:36,160 --> 01:45:38,800
Speaker 1: I'm affecting them and and that's but I wanted to

2524
01:45:38,840 --> 01:45:40,559
Speaker 1: be better. I wanted I was aware of this, and

2525
01:45:40,600 --> 01:45:42,680
Speaker 1: so when that stuff started happening, that's that's when I

2526
01:45:42,720 --> 01:45:44,639
Speaker 1: reached out for help. And that's what kind of started

2527
01:45:44,640 --> 01:45:45,240
Speaker 1: the whole journey.

2528
01:45:45,280 --> 01:45:47,120
Speaker 2: When you're when you're having By the way, I'm sorry

2529
01:45:47,160 --> 01:45:49,240
Speaker 2: for asking that very bluntly too. I was just kind

2530
01:45:49,240 --> 01:45:52,080
Speaker 2: of like listening you start talking about the suicide ideation

2531
01:45:52,200 --> 01:45:54,360
Speaker 2: and everything else, and it's just I'm almost just sitting

2532
01:45:54,400 --> 01:45:56,520
Speaker 2: here in my check because I'm captivated by you storytelling,

2533
01:45:56,560 --> 01:45:57,439
Speaker 2: and I just had to know.

2534
01:45:58,000 --> 01:45:59,960
Speaker 4: I'm glad you asked because I'm thinking, I wonder how

2535
01:46:00,040 --> 01:46:00,680
Speaker 4: I can ask it.

2536
01:46:00,760 --> 01:46:02,600
Speaker 2: And knowing that he yeah, knowing that he's having the

2537
01:46:03,240 --> 01:46:05,280
Speaker 2: rage and the outburst, and I can only imagine the

2538
01:46:05,280 --> 01:46:07,800
Speaker 2: shame and embarrassment that you quickly have after that, or

2539
01:46:08,080 --> 01:46:10,080
Speaker 2: people looking at you and you're telling these stories and

2540
01:46:10,080 --> 01:46:12,439
Speaker 2: you're shaking in your chair and then you're seeing on

2541
01:46:12,560 --> 01:46:17,599
Speaker 2: the scans like, uh, how and how badly in shape

2542
01:46:17,640 --> 01:46:20,840
Speaker 2: your brain has been. And then once you said like

2543
01:46:20,880 --> 01:46:23,720
Speaker 2: the suicide ideation, I'm just like, yeah, if you're you've

2544
01:46:23,720 --> 01:46:26,160
Speaker 2: already been saying that they're better off without me. I'm

2545
01:46:26,200 --> 01:46:28,040
Speaker 2: just thinking to myself, like, I wonder what he's meaning

2546
01:46:28,080 --> 01:46:29,760
Speaker 2: by that. So then whenever I had that land, I'm like,

2547
01:46:29,800 --> 01:46:31,400
Speaker 2: I just need to I didn't know how to ask

2548
01:46:31,439 --> 01:46:31,800
Speaker 2: it either.

2549
01:46:31,960 --> 01:46:32,160
Speaker 5: Yeah.

2550
01:46:32,200 --> 01:46:34,200
Speaker 1: No, it's and the good thing is now I can

2551
01:46:34,200 --> 01:46:36,519
Speaker 1: sit here, right, and that'll be the rest of the story.

2552
01:46:36,560 --> 01:46:37,880
Speaker 1: But I can sit here and talk about it and

2553
01:46:37,880 --> 01:46:40,160
Speaker 1: not be nervous. Right, you asked that, I'd be sweating

2554
01:46:40,520 --> 01:46:43,120
Speaker 1: because I'm like, yeah, it's every single day. Yeah, And

2555
01:46:43,200 --> 01:46:45,600
Speaker 1: so it's a very real part of it, and I

2556
01:46:45,600 --> 01:46:48,360
Speaker 1: don't think enough people talk about it, and that's you know,

2557
01:46:48,880 --> 01:46:52,040
Speaker 1: that's that's real talk like that was Yah was very

2558
01:46:52,240 --> 01:46:54,000
Speaker 1: very close. I'm not proud of it, but that was

2559
01:46:54,040 --> 01:46:56,920
Speaker 1: part of the journey. And and unfortunately for a lot

2560
01:46:56,920 --> 01:46:58,760
Speaker 1: of people it gets that way and if you know,

2561
01:46:58,920 --> 01:47:00,719
Speaker 1: you keep hiding it, that's that's the issue.

2562
01:47:00,800 --> 01:47:02,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, And for you to be able to sit here

2563
01:47:02,439 --> 01:47:05,559
Speaker 4: and have this conversation and talk about these super deep

2564
01:47:05,600 --> 01:47:08,920
Speaker 4: things so calmly, it just shows how much growth that

2565
01:47:09,000 --> 01:47:11,040
Speaker 4: you've had. And I'm sure there's people that are watching

2566
01:47:11,040 --> 01:47:14,599
Speaker 4: this that might struggle struggle similarly that don't know how

2567
01:47:14,600 --> 01:47:16,360
Speaker 4: to put it into words. So you could be absolutely

2568
01:47:16,360 --> 01:47:19,400
Speaker 4: helping somebody right now just by being as vulnerable as

2569
01:47:19,400 --> 01:47:20,679
Speaker 4: you are with two guys you just met.

2570
01:47:20,880 --> 01:47:21,160
Speaker 2: Boys.

2571
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2586
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2590
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2596
01:48:24,479 --> 01:48:25,800
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2597
01:48:25,800 --> 01:48:27,320
Speaker 4: guys see it, I wear it on ESPN. I wear

2598
01:48:27,320 --> 01:48:28,720
Speaker 4: it on this show. I wear in the locker room

2599
01:48:28,920 --> 01:48:31,640
Speaker 4: during our streams. The Pima T shirts to me is

2600
01:48:31,640 --> 01:48:33,519
Speaker 4: a shirt you can wear every single day of the year.

2601
01:48:33,560 --> 01:48:35,759
Speaker 4: You're always gonna look sharp. I love how it grabs

2602
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2603
01:48:37,800 --> 01:48:39,240
Speaker 4: extra room in the middle if you're one of those

2604
01:48:39,240 --> 01:48:40,760
Speaker 4: boys that need a little help in the middle and

2605
01:48:40,840 --> 01:48:43,400
Speaker 4: has a beautiful curve on the side to give just

2606
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2607
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2608
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2609
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2610
01:48:54,320 --> 01:48:56,200
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2611
01:48:56,360 --> 01:48:59,320
Speaker 4: go to True Classic dot com. Forward slash busting, look good,

2612
01:48:59,400 --> 01:49:03,880
Speaker 4: feel good, play good. Let's get back to this episode.

2613
01:49:04,000 --> 01:49:05,880
Speaker 4: The question I have is when you're happy these out

2614
01:49:05,920 --> 01:49:09,480
Speaker 4: of the bathroom go ahead, When you're having these outbursts

2615
01:49:09,840 --> 01:49:12,160
Speaker 4: with your children, are laughing and you're slamming your fist

2616
01:49:12,240 --> 01:49:14,880
Speaker 4: or your wife, you know she wants to go from

2617
01:49:14,880 --> 01:49:19,000
Speaker 4: inside to outside. When you're like mentally having a hard

2618
01:49:19,000 --> 01:49:21,360
Speaker 4: time and having an outburst, are you internally in your

2619
01:49:21,360 --> 01:49:23,800
Speaker 4: head in the moment being like, hey, why are you

2620
01:49:23,840 --> 01:49:26,400
Speaker 4: acting like this? Or is this How long does it

2621
01:49:26,400 --> 01:49:28,320
Speaker 4: take for you to kind of realize, Oh, I just

2622
01:49:28,360 --> 01:49:31,760
Speaker 4: did something that is not me. I wonder why that happened.

2623
01:49:31,439 --> 01:49:33,280
Speaker 1: Like, yeah, I think it was some of both. I

2624
01:49:33,280 --> 01:49:35,240
Speaker 1: think some of it. Like I could tell when when

2625
01:49:35,280 --> 01:49:37,200
Speaker 1: I went dark. My wife would say I went dark,

2626
01:49:37,240 --> 01:49:39,040
Speaker 1: like my eyes. She's like, your eyes were dead. And

2627
01:49:39,080 --> 01:49:41,160
Speaker 1: I could tell when your mood changed because like instantly

2628
01:49:41,200 --> 01:49:43,960
Speaker 1: everything went black. So yeah, completely, body language, everything, And

2629
01:49:44,000 --> 01:49:46,160
Speaker 1: so I knew that in the moment because something would

2630
01:49:46,160 --> 01:49:49,000
Speaker 1: happen and I remember just this anger. But I know,

2631
01:49:49,040 --> 01:49:50,720
Speaker 1: I'm like, why is this happening? Like so I'm having

2632
01:49:50,720 --> 01:49:53,120
Speaker 1: that internal dialogue right, But then it got to the

2633
01:49:53,160 --> 01:49:55,920
Speaker 1: point where I would have these moments and then get

2634
01:49:56,000 --> 01:49:58,519
Speaker 1: done right. I you know, times on my Harley. I'd

2635
01:49:58,560 --> 01:50:01,720
Speaker 1: get on my Harley to let loose right, to get

2636
01:50:01,760 --> 01:50:04,719
Speaker 1: this stuff out of my head. And I'm doing eighty

2637
01:50:04,840 --> 01:50:06,960
Speaker 1: ninety mile an hour and a thirty five down Lake

2638
01:50:07,000 --> 01:50:10,200
Speaker 1: Shore Boulevard in Lake Tahoe. We even through cars, and

2639
01:50:10,280 --> 01:50:12,120
Speaker 1: I remember, you know, in that moment, that's just what

2640
01:50:12,160 --> 01:50:14,479
Speaker 1: it was. It was like making it all stop, right,

2641
01:50:14,520 --> 01:50:16,000
Speaker 1: And then I get to town and I'm like, what

2642
01:50:16,080 --> 01:50:17,960
Speaker 1: did I just do? Right? I look back at the

2643
01:50:18,000 --> 01:50:21,880
Speaker 1: carnage behind me, like, oh god, I was just doing that,

2644
01:50:21,960 --> 01:50:23,639
Speaker 1: like and knew it, but it was just in the moment.

2645
01:50:23,680 --> 01:50:25,400
Speaker 1: It was just like we even in and out of

2646
01:50:25,439 --> 01:50:27,599
Speaker 1: cars on the side of the road, and like then

2647
01:50:27,640 --> 01:50:29,200
Speaker 1: all of a sudden it snapped back in. I'm like,

2648
01:50:29,680 --> 01:50:31,400
Speaker 1: oh my god, what am I doing? Like I'm gonna

2649
01:50:31,479 --> 01:50:34,960
Speaker 1: kill myself? Like and so a little bit of both,

2650
01:50:35,040 --> 01:50:36,920
Speaker 1: but it was that was the hard part. That's how

2651
01:50:36,960 --> 01:50:39,120
Speaker 1: it's hard mentally to cope with because there's times I'm

2652
01:50:39,160 --> 01:50:41,040
Speaker 1: like I don't know what's going on, or I snap

2653
01:50:41,080 --> 01:50:43,360
Speaker 1: out of something and I'm like, oh, that's not right,

2654
01:50:43,479 --> 01:50:45,599
Speaker 1: Like I did I just I'd ask my wife did

2655
01:50:45,600 --> 01:50:47,680
Speaker 1: that just happen? Did I just do that? Did I

2656
01:50:47,760 --> 01:50:51,160
Speaker 1: just have that reaction? She's like, yeah, you know really?

2657
01:50:51,320 --> 01:50:53,599
Speaker 1: And so that that was a tough part, and that's

2658
01:50:53,600 --> 01:50:56,599
Speaker 1: what I think led to the other the very negative thoughts,

2659
01:50:56,920 --> 01:50:58,800
Speaker 1: because you know, now you're doing this, like what, I'm

2660
01:50:58,800 --> 01:51:00,680
Speaker 1: gonna hurt somebody, Like, right, I gonna hurt wife, I'm

2661
01:51:00,760 --> 01:51:02,160
Speaker 1: hurt kids, I'm gona hurt something in the street. I'm

2662
01:51:02,200 --> 01:51:04,639
Speaker 1: gonna right, this is this is getting back.

2663
01:51:04,920 --> 01:51:08,240
Speaker 4: Did your wife ever express concern for her wellbeing and

2664
01:51:08,280 --> 01:51:09,800
Speaker 4: the kids well being? Ever have fear of that?

2665
01:51:10,720 --> 01:51:12,920
Speaker 1: I'm talking about it now. I don't know. I don't

2666
01:51:13,000 --> 01:51:17,559
Speaker 1: think now. Did she walk on eggshells for a few years, Yes,

2667
01:51:17,640 --> 01:51:19,960
Speaker 1: if you ask her, I think she she's like I

2668
01:51:20,000 --> 01:51:25,040
Speaker 1: was never for whatever reason, I wasn't. I wasn't scared

2669
01:51:25,080 --> 01:51:26,800
Speaker 1: you were gonna hurt us because I just didn't think

2670
01:51:26,800 --> 01:51:28,760
Speaker 1: that's who you were, you know, and that's someone that

2671
01:51:28,920 --> 01:51:30,439
Speaker 1: really believes in you to be able to say that

2672
01:51:31,120 --> 01:51:35,200
Speaker 1: because my actions were showing different. So she was she scared? Yes,

2673
01:51:35,240 --> 01:51:37,040
Speaker 1: I think she walked on eggshells to make it so

2674
01:51:37,120 --> 01:51:40,080
Speaker 1: these things didn't happen, Right. She talks about it, to

2675
01:51:40,120 --> 01:51:42,599
Speaker 1: try and do these things so if she could see

2676
01:51:42,640 --> 01:51:45,320
Speaker 1: them coming, to make them not as intense, or to

2677
01:51:45,920 --> 01:51:48,080
Speaker 1: stop them altogether, like kids start laughing, Stop, I'll go

2678
01:51:48,080 --> 01:51:50,080
Speaker 1: out of the room, right, all these different things too.

2679
01:51:50,840 --> 01:51:55,599
Speaker 1: But I think were the reactions scary? Absolutely? So? Luckily

2680
01:51:55,680 --> 01:51:59,040
Speaker 1: I don't think I just you know, it's spiritual to say,

2681
01:51:59,080 --> 01:52:01,200
Speaker 1: but I think I think she knew who I was.

2682
01:52:01,200 --> 01:52:02,599
Speaker 1: That's what she said. She's like I knew who you were.

2683
01:52:02,600 --> 01:52:04,800
Speaker 1: I knew you, you know, I believed you wouldn't hurt us, right,

2684
01:52:04,920 --> 01:52:08,560
Speaker 1: you know? But were we scared at times and nervous? Absolutely,

2685
01:52:08,560 --> 01:52:10,559
Speaker 1: because the reactions were so intense.

2686
01:52:10,640 --> 01:52:13,240
Speaker 4: Yeah, relatively strategic too about getting kids out of the room.

2687
01:52:13,280 --> 01:52:15,120
Speaker 4: No one will started to trigger you starting to realize

2688
01:52:15,120 --> 01:52:18,000
Speaker 4: those types of things, right, Very brave and strong on

2689
01:52:18,000 --> 01:52:20,200
Speaker 4: her part too, absolutely to see like the truth in

2690
01:52:20,240 --> 01:52:22,200
Speaker 4: you and to be able to work through that with

2691
01:52:22,240 --> 01:52:24,280
Speaker 4: you and like let you go through your process. So

2692
01:52:24,439 --> 01:52:26,559
Speaker 4: when you guys are sitting there and you look at

2693
01:52:26,560 --> 01:52:29,120
Speaker 4: the brain scans, she's crying, you're laughing, she calls you

2694
01:52:29,200 --> 01:52:31,960
Speaker 4: an asshole, and you're like you there's a level of

2695
01:52:31,960 --> 01:52:33,800
Speaker 4: relief that you have because you're looking at these scans

2696
01:52:33,800 --> 01:52:36,760
Speaker 4: and being like, I'm this isn't just a me thing.

2697
01:52:37,000 --> 01:52:38,439
Speaker 4: This is something that's happened to me, so I have

2698
01:52:39,120 --> 01:52:41,360
Speaker 4: and I'm sure it was extremely settling for you to

2699
01:52:41,439 --> 01:52:44,559
Speaker 4: be like, Okay, like I see the problem now, now

2700
01:52:44,600 --> 01:52:46,519
Speaker 4: I can work on a ways to resolve this problem.

2701
01:52:46,560 --> 01:52:49,320
Speaker 4: What is the first step you guys take when you're

2702
01:52:49,360 --> 01:52:51,799
Speaker 4: in this meeting room? How quickly do you start working

2703
01:52:51,800 --> 01:52:53,400
Speaker 4: on different therapies? To help your.

2704
01:52:53,320 --> 01:52:56,400
Speaker 1: Brain instantly, right, Because I remember asking the neurologist and

2705
01:52:56,439 --> 01:52:58,040
Speaker 1: I said, well, is this bad? You know where does

2706
01:52:58,080 --> 01:52:59,559
Speaker 1: this on the level of that? Right? And I'm sure

2707
01:52:59,560 --> 01:53:01,400
Speaker 1: you've seen seem sure you've seem better, and he goes,

2708
01:53:02,040 --> 01:53:05,000
Speaker 1: I've seen, I've seen worse. It's pretty bad. Yeah, And

2709
01:53:05,080 --> 01:53:06,599
Speaker 1: I was in that just in that mode of.

2710
01:53:06,600 --> 01:53:08,479
Speaker 4: Which in a sick way. I don't know how you

2711
01:53:08,479 --> 01:53:09,960
Speaker 4: you felt in that moment, but for me, it's like

2712
01:53:10,000 --> 01:53:11,760
Speaker 4: when I like get blood work done or I like,

2713
01:53:11,960 --> 01:53:14,040
Speaker 4: uh see my levels and all these things, like I

2714
01:53:14,120 --> 01:53:16,080
Speaker 4: kind of want it to be really bad because I know, like, oh,

2715
01:53:16,160 --> 01:53:18,639
Speaker 4: if i'm I can be this much better. Absolutely, there's

2716
01:53:18,720 --> 01:53:21,040
Speaker 4: a weird like sick o mode you go into. It's

2717
01:53:21,040 --> 01:53:22,200
Speaker 4: like make it as bad as it can.

2718
01:53:22,040 --> 01:53:23,920
Speaker 1: Write an ego right, And I'm like, yeah, I do something,

2719
01:53:23,920 --> 01:53:24,439
Speaker 1: I do it.

2720
01:53:24,479 --> 01:53:26,519
Speaker 4: Right right now, it can be the best at much

2721
01:53:26,520 --> 01:53:28,439
Speaker 4: farther I've come right exactly, So.

2722
01:53:28,560 --> 01:53:30,559
Speaker 1: You know, I asked him that and they said, you know,

2723
01:53:30,760 --> 01:53:33,400
Speaker 1: not so many words that you know you have you

2724
01:53:33,439 --> 01:53:35,439
Speaker 1: know you have CT right like this is you know

2725
01:53:35,439 --> 01:53:37,240
Speaker 1: obviously you can't tell post mortem and they pull your

2726
01:53:37,280 --> 01:53:39,360
Speaker 1: brain out there like he's like all the symptoms your

2727
01:53:39,360 --> 01:53:41,479
Speaker 1: brain scan, you have CTE and if you do nothing,

2728
01:53:41,840 --> 01:53:43,920
Speaker 1: you're going to become a statistic. Well I knew what

2729
01:53:43,920 --> 01:53:46,400
Speaker 1: a statistic was in my life. Say what does that mean?

2730
01:53:46,800 --> 01:53:49,200
Speaker 1: She's like, this leads to suicide? Like this is that

2731
01:53:49,280 --> 01:53:51,479
Speaker 1: these people that are having these reactions, and gave examples

2732
01:53:51,479 --> 01:53:53,720
Speaker 1: of other guys, athletes, other people in the past that

2733
01:53:53,760 --> 01:53:57,120
Speaker 1: have done things. Right, That's that's what a statistic is.

2734
01:53:57,320 --> 01:53:59,519
Speaker 1: So at that point I'm like, okay, and again the

2735
01:53:59,560 --> 01:54:01,680
Speaker 1: all are not thing. I remember just feeling hope. So

2736
01:54:01,680 --> 01:54:03,240
Speaker 1: I'm like, well, let's do it. What do I need

2737
01:54:03,240 --> 01:54:04,519
Speaker 1: to do. He's like, well, you need to stop drinking.

2738
01:54:04,960 --> 01:54:06,760
Speaker 1: You know, I'm that first thing. You know. Alcohol is

2739
01:54:06,760 --> 01:54:09,040
Speaker 1: the worst thing in the world for your brain, number one,

2740
01:54:09,760 --> 01:54:12,200
Speaker 1: number one depressant in the world, you know. So I

2741
01:54:12,240 --> 01:54:14,160
Speaker 1: tried that. I didn't do very well at it. I

2742
01:54:14,200 --> 01:54:16,519
Speaker 1: toned it down. But everything else they threw at me,

2743
01:54:16,600 --> 01:54:18,479
Speaker 1: I did you know? They were you need to be

2744
01:54:18,479 --> 01:54:20,600
Speaker 1: in a hyperbaric chamber, you know, every day for the

2745
01:54:20,640 --> 01:54:22,880
Speaker 1: rest of your life, they said. So I rented one.

2746
01:54:22,920 --> 01:54:24,600
Speaker 1: I did two hours a day for a month and

2747
01:54:24,640 --> 01:54:26,559
Speaker 1: a half to see you, and then I ended up

2748
01:54:26,560 --> 01:54:26,920
Speaker 1: buying one.

2749
01:54:27,040 --> 01:54:27,160
Speaker 2: Right.

2750
01:54:27,240 --> 01:54:31,360
Speaker 1: Luckily, through our retirement stuff and reimbursement fun I bought one. Yeah,

2751
01:54:31,640 --> 01:54:33,360
Speaker 1: so I'm doing that. I'm doing ivs. I'm getting all

2752
01:54:33,360 --> 01:54:36,240
Speaker 1: my levels checked right because all my hormones are messed up, right,

2753
01:54:36,240 --> 01:54:38,760
Speaker 1: So I'm doing blood work every few days. I'm taking

2754
01:54:39,360 --> 01:54:41,520
Speaker 1: you know, getting different ivs of different medicines that are

2755
01:54:41,520 --> 01:54:44,640
Speaker 1: supposed to help with brain regeneration. Figuring out my sleep. Right,

2756
01:54:44,680 --> 01:54:46,960
Speaker 1: I couldn't sleep. I'd be up tweaking at night because

2757
01:54:46,960 --> 01:54:49,520
Speaker 1: I'd wake up and go back, couldn't go back to sleep. Well, sleep,

2758
01:54:50,040 --> 01:54:52,760
Speaker 1: learn that sleep is very big on brain health, right obviously,

2759
01:54:53,440 --> 01:54:54,480
Speaker 1: So learning that right.

2760
01:54:54,960 --> 01:54:59,880
Speaker 11: Thought, Yeah, your body right, just the way he led

2761
01:54:59,920 --> 01:55:02,400
Speaker 11: to saying and as he's saying it in his mind's

2762
01:55:02,400 --> 01:55:06,160
Speaker 11: like obviously, and you're like yeah.

2763
01:55:06,000 --> 01:55:07,160
Speaker 1: But in the moment, you don't think of that.

2764
01:55:07,160 --> 01:55:10,200
Speaker 4: If you, if you, if you're not doing something, and

2765
01:55:10,240 --> 01:55:11,760
Speaker 4: then you just someone just explains it, You're like that

2766
01:55:11,840 --> 01:55:12,320
Speaker 4: makes all this.

2767
01:55:12,520 --> 01:55:14,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, like that's a general statement, but when you're

2768
01:55:15,000 --> 01:55:18,400
Speaker 2: learning the actual details why it's so beneficial, that's like

2769
01:55:18,440 --> 01:55:22,720
Speaker 2: the aha, what's like like the alohol it seems good

2770
01:55:22,720 --> 01:55:23,880
Speaker 2: for you, It's like, oh for real?

2771
01:55:24,040 --> 01:55:25,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you don't sleep on when you drink a

2772
01:55:25,560 --> 01:55:28,320
Speaker 1: bunch like, oh, that's how I used to get that's weird. Howlckhim.

2773
01:55:28,360 --> 01:55:30,880
Speaker 1: I wasn't getting good RESTful sleep when I drink ten

2774
01:55:31,040 --> 01:55:32,080
Speaker 1: ten doubles of tequila.

2775
01:55:32,200 --> 01:55:32,480
Speaker 2: Yeah.

2776
01:55:32,560 --> 01:55:35,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, So doing all this, you know, any like I

2777
01:55:35,040 --> 01:55:37,400
Speaker 1: said anything they threw out me because I wanted to

2778
01:55:37,440 --> 01:55:39,040
Speaker 1: be better, right, and it was kind of hope for me.

2779
01:55:39,080 --> 01:55:40,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, okay, I'm again not back to that.

2780
01:55:40,920 --> 01:55:42,920
Speaker 1: There is a cause, like, let's fix it, full war,

2781
01:55:43,240 --> 01:55:44,880
Speaker 1: let's let's do it. So I spent a year and

2782
01:55:44,880 --> 01:55:47,360
Speaker 1: a half doing that. Anything they threw out me, you know,

2783
01:55:47,440 --> 01:55:51,320
Speaker 1: light therapy, anything I could to help with my brain health.

2784
01:55:51,400 --> 01:55:54,280
Speaker 1: And I'm seeing a therapist. So finally call right, this

2785
01:55:54,400 --> 01:55:59,080
Speaker 1: is pre brain scan and it's not funny, but it is.

2786
01:55:59,280 --> 01:56:01,120
Speaker 1: I it's like, I need to talk to somebody. I

2787
01:56:01,120 --> 01:56:03,480
Speaker 1: didn't know how to get a therapist, right. The NFL

2788
01:56:03,600 --> 01:56:06,080
Speaker 1: offers that stuff. So I called the suicide hotline that

2789
01:56:06,120 --> 01:56:09,440
Speaker 1: they give us on our sheets, called Suicidehighlight. They're going

2790
01:56:09,480 --> 01:56:12,600
Speaker 1: to hurt yourself. I'm calling them for a reason, but no,

2791
01:56:12,760 --> 01:56:16,320
Speaker 1: I'm not right, and okay, we'll get you a therapist. Well,

2792
01:56:16,600 --> 01:56:18,120
Speaker 1: took them a week to get me a therapist that

2793
01:56:18,240 --> 01:56:20,000
Speaker 1: was covered through my insurance. I'm like, this is not

2794
01:56:20,080 --> 01:56:22,840
Speaker 1: the way, so I you know, okay, I'm gonna find

2795
01:56:22,840 --> 01:56:25,320
Speaker 1: something else. So got hooked up with somebody else, got

2796
01:56:25,320 --> 01:56:27,480
Speaker 1: a therapist. So I'm doing doing all that stuff right.

2797
01:56:27,680 --> 01:56:30,920
Speaker 1: Talking these things out right fired that therapist right, because

2798
01:56:30,920 --> 01:56:35,080
Speaker 1: I'm talking about like the you know, the the level

2799
01:56:35,120 --> 01:56:37,800
Speaker 1: that I take everything right, She'd like, well, how much

2800
01:56:37,800 --> 01:56:40,040
Speaker 1: do you drink? Well, how big is a bottle? Like

2801
01:56:40,120 --> 01:56:42,640
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to glamorize it, but you know, I

2802
01:56:42,720 --> 01:56:44,080
Speaker 1: might drink once a week, but if I had the

2803
01:56:44,080 --> 01:56:45,600
Speaker 1: full bottle of tekeil, I drink the whole thing. I

2804
01:56:45,640 --> 01:56:47,680
Speaker 1: was fine. That's the messed up part. My wife's like,

2805
01:56:47,680 --> 01:56:50,000
Speaker 1: how are you functioning? Like I'm fine, Like I'm drunk,

2806
01:56:50,080 --> 01:56:54,120
Speaker 1: but I'm not stumbling, I'm not puking. I can handle it, right.

2807
01:56:54,200 --> 01:56:56,520
Speaker 1: So I'm talking about that, and I'm also talking about, Oh,

2808
01:56:56,520 --> 01:56:58,840
Speaker 1: then I trying to cope. So I'm gonna go on

2809
01:56:58,880 --> 01:57:01,240
Speaker 1: a bike ride. So I go on, you know whatever,

2810
01:57:01,320 --> 01:57:02,920
Speaker 1: the longest bike ride I can to try and get

2811
01:57:02,920 --> 01:57:05,160
Speaker 1: my heart to explode, right, because it's everything's an extreme

2812
01:57:05,240 --> 01:57:07,440
Speaker 1: and He's like, well that's not healthy. I remember saying that,

2813
01:57:07,520 --> 01:57:09,320
Speaker 1: and I'm like, well you don't get us then, right,

2814
01:57:09,320 --> 01:57:12,080
Speaker 1: because we do everything extreme, Like there's no like this

2815
01:57:12,280 --> 01:57:15,400
Speaker 1: is healthy, right you just you know you you go

2816
01:57:15,520 --> 01:57:17,440
Speaker 1: for a nice little jog, right, No, you go to

2817
01:57:17,560 --> 01:57:20,080
Speaker 1: like grind out all the bad stuff, right, right, And

2818
01:57:20,160 --> 01:57:24,080
Speaker 1: so work through the therapy, you know, I'm I'm doing

2819
01:57:24,080 --> 01:57:26,680
Speaker 1: all these treatments and am I a little bit better? Yes,

2820
01:57:26,880 --> 01:57:29,240
Speaker 1: you know, five five percent better, ten percent better, but

2821
01:57:29,440 --> 01:57:33,560
Speaker 1: still having a ton of ideation. Right, there's still days, right,

2822
01:57:33,560 --> 01:57:36,160
Speaker 1: I'm telling my wife again, like when you go into

2823
01:57:36,200 --> 01:57:39,040
Speaker 1: it and be like here's all the stuff right like this,

2824
01:57:40,160 --> 01:57:42,520
Speaker 1: I can't be around you guys like this is And she'

2825
01:57:42,520 --> 01:57:44,760
Speaker 1: said what are you talking about? Right? And I meant

2826
01:57:44,800 --> 01:57:46,400
Speaker 1: it I did because at that point I'm like, I'm

2827
01:57:46,400 --> 01:57:48,320
Speaker 1: a I'm not a good father, I'm not a good husband.

2828
01:57:48,680 --> 01:57:50,880
Speaker 1: I can't barely function. I'm trying to do I'm trying

2829
01:57:50,880 --> 01:57:53,080
Speaker 1: to get healthy and it's not working. And then so

2830
01:57:53,160 --> 01:57:56,720
Speaker 1: it happened to be I was started listening to military podcasts.

2831
01:57:56,760 --> 01:57:59,440
Speaker 1: I'm a huge military supporter. You know, my dad was

2832
01:57:59,480 --> 01:58:03,120
Speaker 1: in the Marines. I just I have affection for those

2833
01:58:03,160 --> 01:58:05,200
Speaker 1: guys and what they've done and just like kind of

2834
01:58:05,280 --> 01:58:07,200
Speaker 1: like you guys, like there are people right, they think

2835
01:58:07,240 --> 01:58:12,480
Speaker 1: like us, they say mannerisms, they yes, right. And so

2836
01:58:12,600 --> 01:58:15,640
Speaker 1: I was listening to the Team Never Quit podcasts that

2837
01:58:15,680 --> 01:58:18,520
Speaker 1: Marcus Latrell does, and I had to listen to a

2838
01:58:18,520 --> 01:58:21,480
Speaker 1: bunch of them listen to because every story was like, oh, Okay,

2839
01:58:21,440 --> 01:58:23,560
Speaker 1: this guy made it right. He did he alcohol abuse,

2840
01:58:23,720 --> 01:58:25,960
Speaker 1: all the rage, depression, all this stuff and tells their

2841
01:58:26,000 --> 01:58:29,160
Speaker 1: feel good story. And then it happened to be listening

2842
01:58:29,200 --> 01:58:31,400
Speaker 1: to one of those and Marcus Capone who was another

2843
01:58:31,440 --> 01:58:33,720
Speaker 1: he played actually played college football and then was a

2844
01:58:33,800 --> 01:58:36,400
Speaker 1: thirteen year seal and he was on there talking about

2845
01:58:36,400 --> 01:58:38,920
Speaker 1: his journey and I'm like listening to it and again

2846
01:58:39,000 --> 01:58:42,480
Speaker 1: back to this moment to where I don't know if

2847
01:58:42,520 --> 01:58:45,000
Speaker 1: I'm really here or not. I'm listening. I think that

2848
01:58:45,080 --> 01:58:47,080
Speaker 1: I'm talking in the radio. So I'm driving. I was

2849
01:58:47,280 --> 01:58:48,720
Speaker 1: we're still living in the Bay aer it's time and

2850
01:58:48,800 --> 01:58:50,800
Speaker 1: driving up to Tahoe to our cabin to give my

2851
01:58:51,280 --> 01:58:53,440
Speaker 1: wife and kids a break from me, and I remember

2852
01:58:53,440 --> 01:58:56,320
Speaker 1: listening to them. I'm like I'm in the radio talking right,

2853
01:58:56,320 --> 01:58:58,480
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm losing my mind because I thought

2854
01:58:58,760 --> 01:59:00,560
Speaker 1: my voice was coming out of the rad and I

2855
01:59:00,600 --> 01:59:02,320
Speaker 1: called my wife and I was like, hey, I'm on

2856
01:59:02,360 --> 01:59:05,160
Speaker 1: the radio. What are you talking about? Like, listen to

2857
01:59:05,200 --> 01:59:07,960
Speaker 1: this podcast. It's me talking, right, because it was the

2858
01:59:08,400 --> 01:59:11,120
Speaker 1: story all the stuff TBI and and then it was

2859
01:59:11,160 --> 01:59:13,840
Speaker 1: his wife, Yeah.

2860
01:59:13,480 --> 01:59:16,080
Speaker 4: I'm on the radio right, and say yea, yeah, yeah,

2861
01:59:16,120 --> 01:59:17,080
Speaker 4: it was right funny.

2862
01:59:17,080 --> 01:59:19,440
Speaker 1: But that's funny now because she's like yeah, I'm like, no,

2863
01:59:19,520 --> 01:59:22,000
Speaker 1: turn it on right now. She's like, okay, I'm putting

2864
01:59:22,000 --> 01:59:24,360
Speaker 1: the kids to bed. I'll listen to the podcast later,

2865
01:59:24,480 --> 01:59:26,320
Speaker 1: and you know, it's but in my head, I'm like, no,

2866
01:59:26,400 --> 01:59:29,720
Speaker 1: it's me. And she's like, man, you're off your rocker, right,

2867
01:59:30,160 --> 01:59:32,840
Speaker 1: But thank god, you know I told her numerous times ago,

2868
01:59:33,200 --> 01:59:35,120
Speaker 1: I said you should leave me, like you know, and

2869
01:59:35,200 --> 01:59:37,000
Speaker 1: I meant it because I'm like, I'm a mess, Like

2870
01:59:37,040 --> 01:59:38,840
Speaker 1: this is happening right, I'm like, this is not sane,

2871
01:59:39,640 --> 01:59:41,000
Speaker 1: the fact that I'm calling you and telling you that

2872
01:59:41,040 --> 01:59:42,960
Speaker 1: I'm on the radio and I mean it. I don't

2873
01:59:43,000 --> 01:59:44,960
Speaker 1: just mean, oh, this is my story. I'm I'm talking

2874
01:59:44,960 --> 01:59:48,120
Speaker 1: on the radio. So I hear that, and then Marcus

2875
01:59:48,200 --> 01:59:49,760
Speaker 1: Capone and his wife are on there and he went

2876
01:59:49,800 --> 01:59:52,120
Speaker 1: through all this stuff, right, So I'm like, holy cow,

2877
01:59:52,240 --> 01:59:52,720
Speaker 1: this is me.

2878
01:59:53,480 --> 01:59:53,600
Speaker 4: Uh.

2879
01:59:53,760 --> 01:59:56,640
Speaker 1: And then at the end his story was, you know,

2880
01:59:57,280 --> 02:00:00,680
Speaker 1: he went to Mexico did this psychedelica to theray be

2881
02:00:00,760 --> 02:00:03,000
Speaker 1: with this drug called iba gain and I knew nothing

2882
02:00:03,040 --> 02:00:05,360
Speaker 1: about it. And then he's talking about his recovery and

2883
02:00:05,400 --> 02:00:08,480
Speaker 1: how it changed his brain fog and his mental clarity

2884
02:00:08,520 --> 02:00:10,840
Speaker 1: and took away all this his ego and his rage

2885
02:00:10,840 --> 02:00:13,000
Speaker 1: and all these things that I'm like, oh shit. So

2886
02:00:13,200 --> 02:00:15,480
Speaker 1: for me it was hope. I'm like, holy cow, there's

2887
02:00:15,560 --> 02:00:17,320
Speaker 1: there's something i can do because all this other stuff

2888
02:00:17,320 --> 02:00:18,480
Speaker 1: I've been doing for a year and a half is

2889
02:00:18,520 --> 02:00:18,880
Speaker 1: not working.

2890
02:00:19,520 --> 02:00:22,880
Speaker 4: And it helped a little bit, but nothing substantial.

2891
02:00:22,440 --> 02:00:25,920
Speaker 1: Right, And so listen to it. Call my wife, beck,

2892
02:00:25,920 --> 02:00:28,120
Speaker 1: you gotta listen to it. I'll listen tomorrow, all right.

2893
02:00:28,160 --> 02:00:30,800
Speaker 1: So I get to our He's.

2894
02:00:30,680 --> 02:00:31,879
Speaker 2: Like, I crushed this podcast.

2895
02:00:33,680 --> 02:00:36,840
Speaker 1: That was good. So I reached out. So they had

2896
02:00:36,840 --> 02:00:40,280
Speaker 1: started an organizations called VET Solutions, and because he had

2897
02:00:40,320 --> 02:00:42,240
Speaker 1: healing and he wanted to help, you know, obviously with

2898
02:00:42,240 --> 02:00:45,720
Speaker 1: the suicide epidemic and with veterans, he wanted to help

2899
02:00:45,720 --> 02:00:47,880
Speaker 1: his guys. And so I'm like, I'm gonna try. So

2900
02:00:47,960 --> 02:00:51,879
Speaker 1: I get on the web internet and get their website.

2901
02:00:51,920 --> 02:00:54,240
Speaker 1: Emailed them, thinking no way, but hey, for that night

2902
02:00:54,240 --> 02:00:56,920
Speaker 1: I felt good, like there's hope. Next day and get

2903
02:00:56,920 --> 02:00:59,720
Speaker 1: a call from his people. Then Marcus and Amberg Campone

2904
02:00:59,720 --> 02:01:03,560
Speaker 1: call me and we talk that day for quite a

2905
02:01:03,560 --> 02:01:06,200
Speaker 1: while and multiple days in a row, and he's talking

2906
02:01:06,200 --> 02:01:08,240
Speaker 1: about all these things, right, He's like, well, hey, there's

2907
02:01:08,320 --> 02:01:10,120
Speaker 1: there's other stuff you can do first, like I did,

2908
02:01:10,840 --> 02:01:13,760
Speaker 1: you know, hyperbaric therapy in this and this and then

2909
02:01:14,000 --> 02:01:15,640
Speaker 1: and I finally stopped like, hey, not to be rude,

2910
02:01:15,640 --> 02:01:18,920
Speaker 1: hold my beer, like I've done all this, Like everything

2911
02:01:18,920 --> 02:01:22,240
Speaker 1: you're talking about, I've done. And so he was talking

2912
02:01:22,240 --> 02:01:26,440
Speaker 1: about this medicine, you know, drug and you know how

2913
02:01:26,440 --> 02:01:28,880
Speaker 1: it helped him, and they had sent two hundred guys,

2914
02:01:28,880 --> 02:01:33,360
Speaker 1: two hundred veterans, so his organization deals with special OT veterans. Them.

2915
02:01:33,480 --> 02:01:35,520
Speaker 1: He put me in contact with some of his guys

2916
02:01:35,560 --> 02:01:38,560
Speaker 1: who had gone through this treatment. And there's no way, right,

2917
02:01:38,600 --> 02:01:40,120
Speaker 1: But he was talking about the brain fog because I

2918
02:01:40,120 --> 02:01:42,000
Speaker 1: had super bad brain fag, right, just all day in

2919
02:01:42,040 --> 02:01:45,520
Speaker 1: a haze, and he's talking about how that goes away

2920
02:01:45,560 --> 02:01:48,240
Speaker 1: and the ringing in my ears, right, I couldn't There

2921
02:01:48,320 --> 02:01:50,160
Speaker 1: was always a ringing, right, So on top of the

2922
02:01:50,200 --> 02:01:54,120
Speaker 1: emotional stuff, it was the actual brain stuff. And so,

2923
02:01:54,240 --> 02:01:57,560
Speaker 1: long story short, we talk about it on and off

2924
02:01:57,560 --> 02:01:59,160
Speaker 1: for a week and he's like, Hey, I'm taking a

2925
02:01:59,200 --> 02:02:01,440
Speaker 1: group of my kind a well known you know, some

2926
02:02:01,720 --> 02:02:04,520
Speaker 1: higher profile veterans. There's four of them. We have one

2927
02:02:04,520 --> 02:02:08,320
Speaker 1: extra spot in three weeks if you want to join, Like,

2928
02:02:08,360 --> 02:02:09,880
Speaker 1: you seem like a guy that would fit in with this,

2929
02:02:09,920 --> 02:02:12,320
Speaker 1: and I think this will help you. And so I'm like,

2930
02:02:12,360 --> 02:02:15,280
Speaker 1: I'm in right. He's like, Okay, well, we gotta you know,

2931
02:02:15,480 --> 02:02:17,680
Speaker 1: we need there's a few things we got to do beforehand, right,

2932
02:02:17,720 --> 02:02:18,320
Speaker 1: because you can.

2933
02:02:18,200 --> 02:02:21,240
Speaker 4: Before you go into that out at this point in

2934
02:02:21,280 --> 02:02:24,480
Speaker 4: your life, how much experience have you had with other

2935
02:02:24,560 --> 02:02:28,000
Speaker 4: drugs other than just marijuana, like psychedelics, different things like

2936
02:02:28,400 --> 02:02:30,160
Speaker 4: did you ever take part in any of those things,

2937
02:02:30,200 --> 02:02:31,760
Speaker 4: like in college or NFL.

2938
02:02:34,040 --> 02:02:34,600
Speaker 1: To this point?

2939
02:02:34,640 --> 02:02:35,000
Speaker 5: None?

2940
02:02:35,240 --> 02:02:37,520
Speaker 4: So this point none, nothing. I'm on a phone and

2941
02:02:37,560 --> 02:02:40,320
Speaker 4: you're like, I'm in on trying this thing, and I'm

2942
02:02:40,360 --> 02:02:41,040
Speaker 4: assuming TJ.

2943
02:02:41,440 --> 02:02:43,520
Speaker 1: Yes, yep. I mean I'd smoked weed a couple of

2944
02:02:43,560 --> 02:02:45,520
Speaker 1: times in my life. It didn't work for me because

2945
02:02:45,520 --> 02:02:46,960
Speaker 1: I tried that when I was coping to like, oh,

2946
02:02:47,080 --> 02:02:50,120
Speaker 1: you know, Kyle Turley found healing through marijuana. I reached

2947
02:02:50,200 --> 02:02:52,080
Speaker 1: I reached out to him, right, like, trying all these

2948
02:02:52,080 --> 02:02:54,760
Speaker 1: different ones, and it made me feel sick or I

2949
02:02:54,880 --> 02:02:57,600
Speaker 1: was out right, it was just it wasn't yep, it

2950
02:02:57,640 --> 02:02:59,800
Speaker 1: wasn't my thing. So I had zero experience, knew nothing

2951
02:02:59,840 --> 02:03:00,080
Speaker 1: of That.

2952
02:03:00,160 --> 02:03:02,120
Speaker 2: Helps shut it down for maybe momentarily, but.

2953
02:03:02,520 --> 02:03:05,160
Speaker 1: Right, yeah, and so I'm learning about this and he

2954
02:03:05,200 --> 02:03:06,800
Speaker 1: puts me on the phone with the doctors and they're

2955
02:03:06,840 --> 02:03:08,400
Speaker 1: explaining it and that. You know, at that point, I

2956
02:03:08,400 --> 02:03:10,800
Speaker 1: didn't care. I'm like, I'm in. But it was like,

2957
02:03:11,080 --> 02:03:14,080
Speaker 1: knew nothing about psychedelics and they're talking about the hallucinations. Right,

2958
02:03:14,120 --> 02:03:15,960
Speaker 1: I knew the you know, I went through dare like,

2959
02:03:16,000 --> 02:03:19,160
Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys did. Yeah, some of the stories, right,

2960
02:03:19,640 --> 02:03:22,240
Speaker 1: you know the people that did psychedelics and jumped off

2961
02:03:22,240 --> 02:03:23,400
Speaker 1: the roof, right.

2962
02:03:23,320 --> 02:03:25,959
Speaker 4: The crazy stories, Yes, scare tactics.

2963
02:03:26,360 --> 02:03:29,680
Speaker 1: But by the way, dare t shirt actually bought one

2964
02:03:29,720 --> 02:03:30,280
Speaker 1: a few years ago.

2965
02:03:31,200 --> 02:03:33,120
Speaker 2: Shirt.

2966
02:03:33,440 --> 02:03:34,040
Speaker 1: That's awesome.

2967
02:03:34,680 --> 02:03:37,240
Speaker 2: So now, are you on prescriptions too before you out

2968
02:03:37,240 --> 02:03:39,120
Speaker 2: there because you're obviously doing the hyperbarak, you're doing all

2969
02:03:39,120 --> 02:03:41,400
Speaker 2: these things, but I'm assuming working with therapists and doctors

2970
02:03:41,440 --> 02:03:43,160
Speaker 2: there's probably some prescriptions.

2971
02:03:42,880 --> 02:03:44,920
Speaker 1: Yes, indepressants, And that was part of the deal when

2972
02:03:44,920 --> 02:03:46,360
Speaker 1: he said, hey, we got to so they put me

2973
02:03:46,400 --> 02:03:49,480
Speaker 1: in contact. And that's the thing about iby gain, which

2974
02:03:49,480 --> 02:03:53,000
Speaker 1: so I be gain is the highest highest powered psychedelic

2975
02:03:53,080 --> 02:03:55,720
Speaker 1: theory is so you know, there's psilocybin, there's ayahuasca. It

2976
02:03:55,840 --> 02:03:58,760
Speaker 1: is here compared to here, I mean, it is the

2977
02:03:58,840 --> 02:04:01,800
Speaker 1: highest power now at all altill has. You know, if

2978
02:04:01,840 --> 02:04:05,480
Speaker 1: you're on it can react with SSRs, it can react

2979
02:04:05,480 --> 02:04:07,920
Speaker 1: with antidepressants and send you into cardiac arrest. So it

2980
02:04:07,920 --> 02:04:09,640
Speaker 1: can also kill you. And I'm like, it's all good.

2981
02:04:10,360 --> 02:04:13,920
Speaker 1: I'm fine, right, yeah, right, I don't care if it

2982
02:04:13,960 --> 02:04:15,240
Speaker 1: kills me. It kills me, it's better than the way

2983
02:04:15,240 --> 02:04:17,120
Speaker 1: I'm living right now. I mean funny, but not funny.

2984
02:04:17,120 --> 02:04:18,920
Speaker 1: But that's the way. I was like, if it kills me,

2985
02:04:18,960 --> 02:04:20,920
Speaker 1: it was supposed to because this way to live is

2986
02:04:21,120 --> 02:04:23,280
Speaker 1: not the way I want to live. And so, yes,

2987
02:04:23,400 --> 02:04:26,800
Speaker 1: I had to. That treatment was three weeks from that date,

2988
02:04:27,280 --> 02:04:28,960
Speaker 1: and they're like you have to get off this, this

2989
02:04:29,000 --> 02:04:31,160
Speaker 1: and this right, So and I was on a high

2990
02:04:31,200 --> 02:04:34,800
Speaker 1: powered antidepressant and so I call my doctor and she's like,

2991
02:04:35,280 --> 02:04:37,040
Speaker 1: you can't get off that fast. I mean, you have

2992
02:04:37,080 --> 02:04:40,520
Speaker 1: to wean off this for months. And I said, you know,

2993
02:04:40,520 --> 02:04:42,040
Speaker 1: I remember the conversation. I says, is it going to

2994
02:04:42,120 --> 02:04:43,840
Speaker 1: kill me? And she said, no, it's not going to

2995
02:04:43,960 --> 02:04:46,240
Speaker 1: kill you, but you're going to have bad side effects,

2996
02:04:46,320 --> 02:04:48,240
Speaker 1: like you're going to lose your mind like it is.

2997
02:04:48,320 --> 02:04:49,640
Speaker 1: It is hard to come off this stuff. And said,

2998
02:04:49,640 --> 02:04:50,720
Speaker 1: I don't give a shit if it's not going to

2999
02:04:50,800 --> 02:04:52,840
Speaker 1: kill me, hung up on her, you know, and I

3000
02:04:52,920 --> 02:04:54,960
Speaker 1: quit taking it. I did a half pell for one day,

3001
02:04:54,960 --> 02:04:56,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I got four days to do this.

3002
02:04:56,320 --> 02:04:58,760
Speaker 1: It's going to stop taking it. So I get, you know,

3003
02:04:58,840 --> 02:05:01,640
Speaker 1: but my wife knew, right, my friend and I knew

3004
02:05:01,680 --> 02:05:02,880
Speaker 1: that there was going to be side effects.

3005
02:05:02,880 --> 02:05:04,760
Speaker 4: So my wife, are you in Tahoe by yourself still

3006
02:05:04,840 --> 02:05:05,560
Speaker 4: or are you back home?

3007
02:05:05,920 --> 02:05:08,000
Speaker 1: We are living full time in Tahoe at this point,

3008
02:05:08,120 --> 02:05:11,000
Speaker 1: so we moved up there and so I'm there my wife,

3009
02:05:11,040 --> 02:05:14,080
Speaker 1: you know, she knows, she knows what I told her.

3010
02:05:14,120 --> 02:05:15,960
Speaker 1: They said, oh, I'm gonna have effects from this, and

3011
02:05:16,120 --> 02:05:18,720
Speaker 1: so her and couple friends are checking on me. Right

3012
02:05:18,760 --> 02:05:20,960
Speaker 1: My my buddies would come over at five in the

3013
02:05:20,960 --> 02:05:23,040
Speaker 1: morning to make sure I was okay. And because I

3014
02:05:23,040 --> 02:05:25,560
Speaker 1: always got up super early and worked out, and she's

3015
02:05:25,960 --> 02:05:27,879
Speaker 1: working me through this. But I had huge side effects.

3016
02:05:27,880 --> 02:05:30,320
Speaker 1: I mean I showed up at my buddy's shop. My

3017
02:05:30,320 --> 02:05:34,320
Speaker 1: my buddies are steel workers, like old school metal forgers,

3018
02:05:34,840 --> 02:05:36,800
Speaker 1: younger than me, but they do the old school way.

3019
02:05:37,160 --> 02:05:41,040
Speaker 1: And I remember showing up at their their shot just raging.

3020
02:05:41,080 --> 02:05:44,120
Speaker 1: I didn't know how I got there and just losing

3021
02:05:44,400 --> 02:05:47,040
Speaker 1: losing my shit and I don't know I got here

3022
02:05:47,080 --> 02:05:50,080
Speaker 1: and almost didn't and they're like whoa. And I learned

3023
02:05:50,160 --> 02:05:52,560
Speaker 1: later they're like, oh dude, you scared us, right, So

3024
02:05:52,600 --> 02:05:55,320
Speaker 1: this is during that process of what I'm weaning off of,

3025
02:05:55,400 --> 02:05:57,360
Speaker 1: you know, when I went cold turkey on these medicines.

3026
02:05:57,760 --> 02:05:59,920
Speaker 1: So they got me through it, you know, my wife

3027
02:06:00,200 --> 02:06:03,240
Speaker 1: got me through it. And then you know, three weeks later,

3028
02:06:03,320 --> 02:06:05,800
Speaker 1: I get on a plane to San Diego meet up

3029
02:06:05,800 --> 02:06:09,160
Speaker 1: with this group and then to go down to Pest.

3030
02:06:09,280 --> 02:06:10,600
Speaker 1: You wanted to go get this treatment.

3031
02:06:11,760 --> 02:06:13,680
Speaker 4: Jesus, that is fucking wild.

3032
02:06:14,600 --> 02:06:18,600
Speaker 2: I would have been. I would have been terrified. Yeahs oh, no,

3033
02:06:18,680 --> 02:06:20,200
Speaker 2: doubt was one.

3034
02:06:20,320 --> 02:06:20,440
Speaker 8: Right.

3035
02:06:20,480 --> 02:06:22,760
Speaker 4: Now, We've been around somebody with a manic episode before

3036
02:06:22,800 --> 02:06:24,360
Speaker 4: and it's like you really don't know how.

3037
02:06:24,200 --> 02:06:24,760
Speaker 2: To handle it.

3038
02:06:24,880 --> 02:06:27,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, later, I asked them in there because I

3039
02:06:27,120 --> 02:06:29,320
Speaker 1: remember it because I remember losing it. But they were like,

3040
02:06:29,640 --> 02:06:32,320
Speaker 1: you know, I came back after healing, and then I

3041
02:06:32,440 --> 02:06:34,360
Speaker 1: was like, hey, what what happened that day? Because I,

3042
02:06:34,480 --> 02:06:37,520
Speaker 1: you know, recalled it and relived it in my in

3043
02:06:37,680 --> 02:06:40,040
Speaker 1: my treatment. But they're like, oh god, you just get

3044
02:06:40,040 --> 02:06:43,320
Speaker 1: shadows like and told me what happened. I'm like, oh god,

3045
02:06:43,480 --> 02:06:45,480
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know, then I kept asking my wife

3046
02:06:45,520 --> 02:06:47,480
Speaker 1: what else did I do? Right, Like, yeah, what what

3047
02:06:47,520 --> 02:06:48,880
Speaker 1: did I do at home? You know? So it was

3048
02:06:48,960 --> 02:06:50,720
Speaker 1: kind of one of those like funny but not funny,

3049
02:06:50,720 --> 02:06:52,920
Speaker 1: but I'm like, oh God, like you kind of forget

3050
02:06:52,920 --> 02:06:55,960
Speaker 1: how bad stuff was. But yeah, those they were they

3051
02:06:55,960 --> 02:06:58,720
Speaker 1: were like, oh you scared us. Like they're working class,

3052
02:06:59,040 --> 02:07:00,879
Speaker 1: their dudes, and they're like, we were frightened.

3053
02:07:01,200 --> 02:07:01,480
Speaker 4: Yeah.

3054
02:07:01,560 --> 02:07:03,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can only imagine you're you're a guy saying

3055
02:07:03,560 --> 02:07:07,160
Speaker 2: you're on a podcast. It this is prescribed, Rob, say

3056
02:07:07,160 --> 02:07:10,000
Speaker 2: you're on a podcast. Tell them therapist? Is he gonna

3057
02:07:10,040 --> 02:07:10,320
Speaker 2: kill me?

3058
02:07:10,360 --> 02:07:10,400
Speaker 5: No?

3059
02:07:10,680 --> 02:07:13,040
Speaker 2: Click? Hang up quick, cold turkey. We don't know what

3060
02:07:13,080 --> 02:07:14,480
Speaker 2: kind of side effects are about to come out of

3061
02:07:14,560 --> 02:07:15,600
Speaker 2: rock right right now?

3062
02:07:15,720 --> 02:07:19,040
Speaker 4: Yeah? So you okay, you fly to San Diego, you

3063
02:07:19,120 --> 02:07:22,520
Speaker 4: meet up with Marcus Latrell and four or five other

3064
02:07:22,600 --> 02:07:26,080
Speaker 4: high profile vets. Yeah, you guys getting a van head

3065
02:07:26,080 --> 02:07:28,640
Speaker 4: down to TJ just south of TJ, Like are you

3066
02:07:28,680 --> 02:07:30,520
Speaker 4: in the middle of the desert, Like talk me through

3067
02:07:30,560 --> 02:07:33,200
Speaker 4: this entire process as if I'm going to go take

3068
02:07:33,200 --> 02:07:34,800
Speaker 4: it as well, and you're giving me the map to it.

3069
02:07:34,880 --> 02:07:36,720
Speaker 1: Yeah. So it was it was full circle. So, you know,

3070
02:07:36,760 --> 02:07:39,040
Speaker 1: I listened to all the Marcus's podcast and then I

3071
02:07:39,080 --> 02:07:41,560
Speaker 1: get there and he's come out with this story. We've talked,

3072
02:07:41,560 --> 02:07:43,160
Speaker 1: I've been on his pocket, We've talked about it, right,

3073
02:07:43,160 --> 02:07:45,880
Speaker 1: So I'm not nothing that is not out there. But

3074
02:07:46,040 --> 02:07:48,440
Speaker 1: I remember walking in. I'm like, holy shit, I'm out

3075
02:07:48,480 --> 02:07:50,120
Speaker 1: of my mind right, Like I'm like just trying to

3076
02:07:50,120 --> 02:07:52,160
Speaker 1: survive to get to the streatment course. Yes's Marcus a

3077
02:07:52,200 --> 02:07:55,960
Speaker 1: trail and I remember going up to him like idiot, Hey,

3078
02:07:56,080 --> 02:07:57,680
Speaker 1: I don't know if you like doing your podcast, but

3079
02:07:57,840 --> 02:08:00,280
Speaker 1: it saved my life a few times, like listening to it,

3080
02:08:00,520 --> 02:08:03,520
Speaker 1: and I remember looking at me and look back down

3081
02:08:03,600 --> 02:08:06,080
Speaker 1: that was in I'm like, right, and so all these

3082
02:08:06,200 --> 02:08:07,640
Speaker 1: these guys are in the same boat. I am right,

3083
02:08:07,680 --> 02:08:09,960
Speaker 1: getting off all their They're sixty pack from the VA,

3084
02:08:10,120 --> 02:08:12,760
Speaker 1: so getting a van driver us through Tijuana. You know,

3085
02:08:12,800 --> 02:08:15,440
Speaker 1: we go to a you know, a gated kid it's

3086
02:08:15,440 --> 02:08:19,160
Speaker 1: a nice spot, gated community. But we're going through Tijuana, right,

3087
02:08:19,200 --> 02:08:20,680
Speaker 1: and now I'm like where it right? So now I'm

3088
02:08:20,720 --> 02:08:22,920
Speaker 1: like kind of sobering up. And I'm like, you know,

3089
02:08:23,120 --> 02:08:25,120
Speaker 1: so you go into these episodes to where you're out

3090
02:08:25,160 --> 02:08:27,760
Speaker 1: of your mind, not thinking clearly to like I'm fine,

3091
02:08:27,880 --> 02:08:30,320
Speaker 1: Like I'm not really like that, right, that stuff didn't happen.

3092
02:08:30,360 --> 02:08:32,560
Speaker 1: I'm not you know, I'm not suicidal. I'm not this

3093
02:08:33,120 --> 02:08:35,120
Speaker 1: and I'm driving through Mexico thinking where am I going?

3094
02:08:35,280 --> 02:08:38,680
Speaker 1: Like again, I've taken it too far? Now I'm driving

3095
02:08:38,720 --> 02:08:41,400
Speaker 1: through the hood of Mexico, right, and I get.

3096
02:08:42,160 --> 02:08:43,240
Speaker 2: Up your story even more?

3097
02:08:43,480 --> 02:08:45,680
Speaker 1: Right, I'm not I don't travel a ton, And I'm like,

3098
02:08:46,760 --> 02:08:48,200
Speaker 1: I grew up in a small town and I live

3099
02:08:48,200 --> 02:08:50,480
Speaker 1: in a small town. I'm not a world traveler, right,

3100
02:08:50,480 --> 02:08:52,400
Speaker 1: so I haven't seen these other countries and I'm like,

3101
02:08:53,080 --> 02:08:55,920
Speaker 1: oh my god, where are we going? So get take

3102
02:08:56,000 --> 02:08:58,080
Speaker 1: us to the facility. It's a it's in a gated community.

3103
02:08:58,080 --> 02:09:00,440
Speaker 1: It's a home, you know, it's just a normal house.

3104
02:09:00,480 --> 02:09:02,080
Speaker 1: And then we walk in and it's it's like a

3105
02:09:02,120 --> 02:09:04,440
Speaker 1: medical center. Right, there's part of it that looks like

3106
02:09:04,760 --> 02:09:07,000
Speaker 1: a healing you know, like what you think of a

3107
02:09:07,000 --> 02:09:10,600
Speaker 1: psychedelic treatment center. Then we go upstairs and it's lay down,

3108
02:09:10,640 --> 02:09:13,800
Speaker 1: take a shirt off, blood test, make sure we're on nothing, EKG.

3109
02:09:14,200 --> 02:09:16,200
Speaker 1: Checked to make sure your heart's healthy, you know, so

3110
02:09:16,480 --> 02:09:18,720
Speaker 1: you know in the case we're lying, you know, right, yes,

3111
02:09:18,880 --> 02:09:21,200
Speaker 1: because this medicine they've told us, right, this stuff can

3112
02:09:21,280 --> 02:09:23,440
Speaker 1: counter counteract with things and it can kill you. Or

3113
02:09:23,480 --> 02:09:26,120
Speaker 1: if you have a weak Herder heart problem, it's harder

3114
02:09:26,160 --> 02:09:26,640
Speaker 1: on your heart.

3115
02:09:26,880 --> 02:09:28,920
Speaker 2: Right, and you're like three weeks cold turkey right.

3116
02:09:28,800 --> 02:09:31,200
Speaker 1: Right, right, right right, So you know, I'm scared. Now,

3117
02:09:31,240 --> 02:09:32,760
Speaker 1: I'm scared, like what did I do? I'm taking this

3118
02:09:32,800 --> 02:09:35,520
Speaker 1: too far again, right, So I'm now I'm beating myself

3119
02:09:35,560 --> 02:09:37,440
Speaker 1: up again, Like what are you doing? You're in Mexico

3120
02:09:37,920 --> 02:09:40,000
Speaker 1: in this random house with a bunch of Navy seals

3121
02:09:40,040 --> 02:09:42,840
Speaker 1: and fighter PILs. You know, these guys, what am I doing?

3122
02:09:44,240 --> 02:09:46,920
Speaker 1: Go through the process, you know, get checked in, they

3123
02:09:46,920 --> 02:09:49,640
Speaker 1: do all these tests, and then we all sit down

3124
02:09:49,680 --> 02:09:51,720
Speaker 1: and it's a you know, it's a therapy session, right,

3125
02:09:51,720 --> 02:09:54,000
Speaker 1: It's like why are you here? Right? And it's for

3126
02:09:54,040 --> 02:09:56,480
Speaker 1: whatever reason you know I wanted healing, and I was

3127
02:09:56,600 --> 02:09:59,760
Speaker 1: very honest as were these other veterans about why they

3128
02:09:59,760 --> 02:10:01,680
Speaker 1: were there, what they wanted to get rid of. Right,

3129
02:10:01,720 --> 02:10:05,280
Speaker 1: that's part of this medicine is in any plant medicine

3130
02:10:05,320 --> 02:10:07,960
Speaker 1: is you know, take this from me. And I remember

3131
02:10:07,960 --> 02:10:10,680
Speaker 1: saying that take this rage from me, take this self hatred,

3132
02:10:10,760 --> 02:10:15,160
Speaker 1: take all these things. Right, So there was ceremonies involved, Right,

3133
02:10:15,200 --> 02:10:17,200
Speaker 1: So we do a fire ceremony. You write the stuff down,

3134
02:10:17,280 --> 02:10:18,920
Speaker 1: you burn it, and then they hand you a cup

3135
02:10:18,960 --> 02:10:22,320
Speaker 1: with some pills in it. Right, and it's it's this,

3136
02:10:22,560 --> 02:10:24,800
Speaker 1: it's this medicine. It's a root bark. It's an African

3137
02:10:24,840 --> 02:10:27,680
Speaker 1: root bark, and it's in a capsule and you know,

3138
02:10:27,840 --> 02:10:31,320
Speaker 1: down the hatch. And then they take you upstairs to room.

3139
02:10:31,360 --> 02:10:34,040
Speaker 1: There's five mattresses on the ground. Hook us up to

3140
02:10:34,040 --> 02:10:40,080
Speaker 1: the EKGs, get us, you know, comfortable and and this

3141
02:10:40,240 --> 02:10:42,120
Speaker 1: then then it starts, right waiting for the for the

3142
02:10:42,160 --> 02:10:43,160
Speaker 1: for the medicine to kick in.

3143
02:10:44,120 --> 02:10:47,880
Speaker 2: What's the fear levels? Like as you throw it down

3144
02:10:47,920 --> 02:10:50,440
Speaker 2: the hatchet, you go up, lay down on the bed.

3145
02:10:50,520 --> 02:10:53,080
Speaker 2: It's like get comfortable. And at this point you're just

3146
02:10:53,120 --> 02:10:55,040
Speaker 2: waiting for I don't even know what I'm.

3147
02:10:55,000 --> 02:10:57,720
Speaker 4: Because I'm thinking, like, uh, when I first envisioned this,

3148
02:10:57,760 --> 02:11:00,800
Speaker 4: it's like you're in the desert Zakaria. Everyone's got like

3149
02:11:01,120 --> 02:11:03,879
Speaker 4: a handler type of thing. You're running around different places,

3150
02:11:04,320 --> 02:11:06,240
Speaker 4: but you're just laying down for this whole thing.

3151
02:11:06,320 --> 02:11:08,280
Speaker 1: It is this this medicine is very I mean it

3152
02:11:08,320 --> 02:11:10,400
Speaker 1: melts you into the floor. There you can get up

3153
02:11:10,400 --> 02:11:12,600
Speaker 1: and move. Not too many people are you're either getting

3154
02:11:12,680 --> 02:11:15,040
Speaker 1: nauseous or but it is I mean, it literally feels

3155
02:11:15,040 --> 02:11:16,600
Speaker 1: like it melts you into the floor. There's there's not

3156
02:11:16,680 --> 02:11:17,280
Speaker 1: a lot of moving.

3157
02:11:17,680 --> 02:11:20,160
Speaker 4: And how quickly is this medicine taking place? Like are

3158
02:11:20,160 --> 02:11:21,400
Speaker 4: you fasted at this point?

3159
02:11:21,680 --> 02:11:25,000
Speaker 1: Yes, so we had Neaton since breakfast that morning and

3160
02:11:25,000 --> 02:11:27,640
Speaker 1: now you so that's a breakfast and then this is

3161
02:11:27,680 --> 02:11:29,680
Speaker 1: eight o'clock at night and we're taking so you're fasted

3162
02:11:30,320 --> 02:11:32,680
Speaker 1: and within an hour, you know, you start I start

3163
02:11:32,720 --> 02:11:35,120
Speaker 1: hearing the buzzing. So I'm scared, Like I'll admit, I'm

3164
02:11:35,160 --> 02:11:38,840
Speaker 1: in tears laying there like you know, I guess you

3165
02:11:38,920 --> 02:11:42,000
Speaker 1: either fix me or kill me, right, because I wanted

3166
02:11:42,000 --> 02:11:44,640
Speaker 1: healing at that point, right and to me, it was

3167
02:11:44,640 --> 02:11:46,840
Speaker 1: the last ditch effort. I didn't know if this didn't work.

3168
02:11:46,840 --> 02:11:49,680
Speaker 1: If I was going to make it, quite honestly, because

3169
02:11:49,760 --> 02:11:53,080
Speaker 1: it'd just gotten bad again and I didn't know if

3170
02:11:53,120 --> 02:11:55,720
Speaker 1: this wasn't the answer because I tried everything right, and

3171
02:11:55,760 --> 02:11:57,880
Speaker 1: so that was my thought during this. Well, then you

3172
02:11:57,920 --> 02:11:59,960
Speaker 1: start having the reaction to the medicine, right, so there's

3173
02:12:00,320 --> 02:12:02,120
Speaker 1: and they tell you things that are gonna happen, but

3174
02:12:02,520 --> 02:12:04,800
Speaker 1: like this buzzing and then these feelings, and I'm like,

3175
02:12:05,000 --> 02:12:06,640
Speaker 1: and I don't like that, right, That's probably why I

3176
02:12:06,680 --> 02:12:08,960
Speaker 1: hadn't you know, Dare worked with me, right, I was

3177
02:12:08,960 --> 02:12:12,200
Speaker 1: scared of drugs. Yeah, and it's like this is you know,

3178
02:12:12,320 --> 02:12:14,600
Speaker 1: I am very much like I like to control everything,

3179
02:12:14,640 --> 02:12:17,560
Speaker 1: and now I'm out of control. So it was super scary,

3180
02:12:17,720 --> 02:12:20,360
Speaker 1: and it is. It kicked in more and more. Right

3181
02:12:20,400 --> 02:12:22,440
Speaker 1: now I'm panicking and like my heart's racing and I'm like,

3182
02:12:22,640 --> 02:12:24,640
Speaker 1: I'm not going to die, and so all these things

3183
02:12:24,680 --> 02:12:26,560
Speaker 1: and they're great, they work you through this. You have

3184
02:12:26,640 --> 02:12:30,240
Speaker 1: therapy sessions before, they have coaching to tell you how

3185
02:12:30,240 --> 02:12:31,840
Speaker 1: to deal with that, and so I just like, you know,

3186
02:12:31,840 --> 02:12:34,240
Speaker 1: they had told us just be curious and just give

3187
02:12:34,280 --> 02:12:36,760
Speaker 1: into it. So I just did this breathing stuff they

3188
02:12:36,800 --> 02:12:39,920
Speaker 1: taught us. And then then the medicine fully kicked in,

3189
02:12:40,360 --> 02:12:42,920
Speaker 1: and so now you know, you have eye shades over

3190
02:12:43,000 --> 02:12:45,360
Speaker 1: your eyes. You're laying on the ground, and now different.

3191
02:12:45,440 --> 02:12:47,720
Speaker 1: Now there's buzzing, and now there's now I'm seeing lights

3192
02:12:47,760 --> 02:12:51,800
Speaker 1: and I'm like, holy shit, my first experience with psychedelics. Right,

3193
02:12:51,840 --> 02:12:55,320
Speaker 1: So I'm seeing these lights coming in and then all

3194
02:12:55,320 --> 02:12:56,920
Speaker 1: of a sudden, I see things. And they kept telling

3195
02:12:57,000 --> 02:12:58,640
Speaker 1: us be curious. Right, So we have a therapist next

3196
02:12:58,640 --> 02:13:01,280
Speaker 1: to you, right, and I'm like, you know, I'm seeing

3197
02:13:01,320 --> 02:13:03,200
Speaker 1: this or They're like, just you know, be curious to

3198
02:13:03,240 --> 02:13:05,520
Speaker 1: go look at it, you know, so in this mask,

3199
02:13:05,600 --> 02:13:07,520
Speaker 1: and so I know, I'm take my mask off to

3200
02:13:07,560 --> 02:13:09,560
Speaker 1: make sure I'm still in the room. Right, guys are

3201
02:13:09,560 --> 02:13:12,880
Speaker 1: puking because a lot of guys purge, right, so they

3202
02:13:12,880 --> 02:13:15,200
Speaker 1: had not a win on their part, but they had

3203
02:13:15,480 --> 02:13:19,240
Speaker 1: little tin buckets for our puke buckets. So everything's super intense.

3204
02:13:19,280 --> 02:13:21,680
Speaker 1: So all I hear is ding ding ding, you know, guys,

3205
02:13:21,720 --> 02:13:23,720
Speaker 1: like it's like the most intense thing you've ever been

3206
02:13:23,720 --> 02:13:25,680
Speaker 1: a part of. So you've got four other guys working

3207
02:13:25,680 --> 02:13:27,360
Speaker 1: through stuff already in the medicine.

3208
02:13:28,600 --> 02:13:30,480
Speaker 4: You can obviously hear them talking about what they are

3209
02:13:30,480 --> 02:13:31,360
Speaker 4: going through.

3210
02:13:31,240 --> 02:13:34,520
Speaker 1: Right, So this is everything. It's super intense. So then

3211
02:13:34,560 --> 02:13:37,680
Speaker 1: I get fully into it, right, and I just remember,

3212
02:13:39,080 --> 02:13:41,720
Speaker 1: you know, seeing, you know, hearing these things, seeing the lights. Right,

3213
02:13:41,720 --> 02:13:43,080
Speaker 1: So I felt like I was up in space, like

3214
02:13:43,120 --> 02:13:45,360
Speaker 1: with all these lights coming at me like the stars.

3215
02:13:45,400 --> 02:13:47,360
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden there was like these

3216
02:13:47,400 --> 02:13:50,560
Speaker 1: movies and I'm watching this movie. So it was this

3217
02:13:50,640 --> 02:13:54,520
Speaker 1: continual movie flying through space of my life, like different things, right.

3218
02:13:54,560 --> 02:13:57,360
Speaker 1: And I didn't have I didn't have childhood trauma like

3219
02:13:57,400 --> 02:14:01,000
Speaker 1: I have a great family, I have great parents. Did

3220
02:14:01,040 --> 02:14:02,520
Speaker 1: I get a whooping every now and then because I

3221
02:14:02,520 --> 02:14:03,080
Speaker 1: deserved it?

3222
02:14:03,320 --> 02:14:04,160
Speaker 2: You know what I mean.

3223
02:14:04,240 --> 02:14:08,560
Speaker 1: So I'm not working through child abuse or sexual abuse right,

3224
02:14:08,640 --> 02:14:11,600
Speaker 1: like some of these veterans are right. But it was

3225
02:14:11,720 --> 02:14:14,879
Speaker 1: just more a story of my life, whether it was football,

3226
02:14:14,920 --> 02:14:17,000
Speaker 1: whether it was Iowa, whether it was a prose, whether

3227
02:14:17,040 --> 02:14:19,560
Speaker 1: it was different things. I'm watching this movie float through

3228
02:14:19,560 --> 02:14:21,880
Speaker 1: the sky, which sounds crazy unless you've done it. But

3229
02:14:21,920 --> 02:14:25,440
Speaker 1: it was this continual show right going through this. I

3230
02:14:25,480 --> 02:14:27,720
Speaker 1: remember watching him like why is it showing me this?

3231
02:14:28,560 --> 02:14:30,480
Speaker 1: And then I'd grab stuff. I'm like, oh that was sweet.

3232
02:14:30,640 --> 02:14:34,080
Speaker 1: You know Iowa, when we beat Michigan at Michigan, I'll

3233
02:14:34,120 --> 02:14:38,040
Speaker 1: take that kept up my heart may or may not

3234
02:14:38,080 --> 02:14:43,400
Speaker 1: have been in there, but things like that, right, stuff

3235
02:14:43,440 --> 02:14:46,120
Speaker 1: that I'd grab and I'd throw it to my throat,

3236
02:14:46,160 --> 02:14:47,200
Speaker 1: to my heart, and I want to keep that. It

3237
02:14:47,240 --> 02:14:49,480
Speaker 1: makes me feel good, right, And then I'd grab stuff

3238
02:14:49,480 --> 02:14:51,200
Speaker 1: out of the movie and I'd sling it out in

3239
02:14:51,240 --> 02:14:53,800
Speaker 1: the universe, and I just remember that that reel just

3240
02:14:53,880 --> 02:14:57,400
Speaker 1: floating off into space. So I'm watching all this stuff

3241
02:14:57,400 --> 02:14:59,960
Speaker 1: and it's right, and you're like, is this for real? Right?

3242
02:15:00,160 --> 02:15:02,560
Speaker 1: So you're in and out of it, go through that

3243
02:15:02,640 --> 02:15:06,200
Speaker 1: for which seemed like hours. Then there's a point I

3244
02:15:06,200 --> 02:15:09,200
Speaker 1: don't remember anything. I'm like, I must have fallen asleep

3245
02:15:09,520 --> 02:15:11,320
Speaker 1: whatever it was. I wake up the next morning, So

3246
02:15:11,400 --> 02:15:14,480
Speaker 1: this is twelve hours later. Right, You're in this trip

3247
02:15:14,640 --> 02:15:17,640
Speaker 1: for ten to twelve hours? Holy shit, so wake up,

3248
02:15:17,800 --> 02:15:20,880
Speaker 1: like what time is it? Right? Well, instantly I thought

3249
02:15:21,320 --> 02:15:23,720
Speaker 1: nothing happened, because in that moment, I couldn't remember anything,

3250
02:15:24,400 --> 02:15:26,400
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I fucked this up too, Like first

3251
02:15:26,440 --> 02:15:28,160
Speaker 1: thing I said, I'm like I screwed this up to

3252
02:15:28,480 --> 02:15:31,600
Speaker 1: like I'm a failure again. And then I go to

3253
02:15:31,600 --> 02:15:35,520
Speaker 1: get up right, And that was the instant feeling because

3254
02:15:35,520 --> 02:15:39,480
Speaker 1: I didn't recall all of these things like instantly, and

3255
02:15:39,520 --> 02:15:41,280
Speaker 1: then I go to get up and now I start

3256
02:15:41,280 --> 02:15:43,680
Speaker 1: throwing up. I can't get up, like my legs don't work.

3257
02:15:44,000 --> 02:15:46,640
Speaker 1: Like I'm like, oh, I messed myself up, like again

3258
02:15:46,960 --> 02:15:49,680
Speaker 1: failure right, Like trying to get up to go to

3259
02:15:49,680 --> 02:15:52,000
Speaker 1: the bathroom because ID lay there for twelve hours, couldn't

3260
02:15:52,080 --> 02:15:54,600
Speaker 1: function my legs. They put me in a wheelchair, rolled

3261
02:15:54,640 --> 02:15:56,720
Speaker 1: me to the bathroom, and go to the bathroom. So

3262
02:15:56,760 --> 02:16:00,440
Speaker 1: I'm living through this that morning, finally things start coming around.

3263
02:16:00,480 --> 02:16:02,680
Speaker 1: But I'm definitely sick all day, throwing up all day,

3264
02:16:02,880 --> 02:16:05,680
Speaker 1: could not function. But things started coming back. I'm like,

3265
02:16:05,880 --> 02:16:08,040
Speaker 1: the real part came back to me because I feel

3266
02:16:08,040 --> 02:16:10,080
Speaker 1: a little bit better now and I'm remembering, like, holy crap.

3267
02:16:10,280 --> 02:16:11,960
Speaker 1: So I'm writing in my journal as they tell us

3268
02:16:11,960 --> 02:16:15,040
Speaker 1: to remember all these things I saw. I threw this away.

3269
02:16:15,040 --> 02:16:17,040
Speaker 1: I kept this. What was that? So you're trying to

3270
02:16:17,080 --> 02:16:20,400
Speaker 1: process these things you remember that happened. So that second

3271
02:16:20,440 --> 02:16:23,360
Speaker 1: day is a gray day, right, they're getting IV's, you're

3272
02:16:23,360 --> 02:16:27,320
Speaker 1: super hydra. Gray is like a down day. It's a

3273
02:16:27,400 --> 02:16:29,760
Speaker 1: you're gonna just feel gray, right, You're gonna you're gonna

3274
02:16:29,760 --> 02:16:32,240
Speaker 1: feel sick like it is. It is physically. The medicine

3275
02:16:32,280 --> 02:16:36,080
Speaker 1: is physically demanding on you physically and mentally, but it's

3276
02:16:36,080 --> 02:16:38,240
Speaker 1: physically demanding high heart rate all night, you know, for

3277
02:16:38,240 --> 02:16:40,960
Speaker 1: twelve hours of your heart beating super fast. You're dealing

3278
02:16:40,959 --> 02:16:43,360
Speaker 1: with So it's you're gonna feel like crap, right, that's it.

3279
02:16:43,480 --> 02:16:45,199
Speaker 1: So that's why they call it the gray day. Gotcha,

3280
02:16:45,560 --> 02:16:47,760
Speaker 1: So do nothing that day, try and get some food in.

3281
02:16:47,879 --> 02:16:51,640
Speaker 1: I just feel deathly sick. Finally able to get up

3282
02:16:51,640 --> 02:16:54,240
Speaker 1: and somewhat walk that night, go down and have a

3283
02:16:54,240 --> 02:16:56,120
Speaker 1: little suit. There's a picture of all of us and

3284
02:16:56,160 --> 02:16:59,640
Speaker 1: I just looked like death warmed over, right, and go

3285
02:16:59,680 --> 02:17:02,920
Speaker 1: to bed, get up the next morning and then that day.

3286
02:17:03,040 --> 02:17:05,400
Speaker 1: So now we do the second medicine, which is five

3287
02:17:05,520 --> 02:17:07,880
Speaker 1: me o d MT. So they like pairing it with

3288
02:17:07,959 --> 02:17:10,000
Speaker 1: ibagain and five me o because they say the IBA

3289
02:17:10,040 --> 02:17:12,840
Speaker 1: gain like defrags your brain does all this healing, and

3290
02:17:12,920 --> 02:17:14,840
Speaker 1: the five me e o is more of a spiritual,

3291
02:17:16,640 --> 02:17:19,119
Speaker 1: a spiritual trip you take to deal stuff, loss of ego.

3292
02:17:19,440 --> 02:17:22,080
Speaker 1: Do you experience death right? More things? I'm like, So

3293
02:17:22,160 --> 02:17:24,480
Speaker 1: I get through this iby gain and now it's the

3294
02:17:24,480 --> 02:17:28,280
Speaker 1: next morning and you smoke five d NTU smoke right,

3295
02:17:28,320 --> 02:17:31,080
Speaker 1: it's toad poison. It comes from derived from a toad,

3296
02:17:31,200 --> 02:17:31,960
Speaker 1: a poisonous tote.

3297
02:17:32,040 --> 02:17:35,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, called DNT like blasting off right, It's like a

3298
02:17:35,400 --> 02:17:36,600
Speaker 4: rocket ship sending you into space.

3299
02:17:36,760 --> 02:17:38,920
Speaker 1: Yes, uh, And so now I'm scared again.

3300
02:17:38,959 --> 02:17:40,880
Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, I gotta go on another fucking drift

3301
02:17:40,959 --> 02:17:41,640
Speaker 2: good death drug.

3302
02:17:42,640 --> 02:17:45,680
Speaker 4: Right, like they say, like the last that seven seconds

3303
02:17:45,760 --> 02:17:47,640
Speaker 4: of your life or whatever that you recall everything like,

3304
02:17:47,680 --> 02:17:49,800
Speaker 4: that's d MT. That's a chemical thing that comes off

3305
02:17:49,800 --> 02:17:51,120
Speaker 4: in your body.

3306
02:17:51,200 --> 02:17:52,920
Speaker 1: So they had talked to us about this, and so

3307
02:17:52,959 --> 02:17:55,040
Speaker 1: I'm scared again, right, I'm like, I feel deathly sick

3308
02:17:55,440 --> 02:17:58,680
Speaker 1: from the iby gain, still feel terrible, and I'm just

3309
02:17:59,200 --> 02:18:01,160
Speaker 1: like what am I doing right? And they're telling us, Okay,

3310
02:18:01,160 --> 02:18:02,800
Speaker 1: we're gonna like the pipe, you know, it's a crap

3311
02:18:02,840 --> 02:18:05,600
Speaker 1: pipe looking thing, and I'm like, what am I doing right?

3312
02:18:05,680 --> 02:18:09,400
Speaker 1: But I just feel so terrible leading into it. I'm like,

3313
02:18:09,440 --> 02:18:12,000
Speaker 1: this part of it, right, just trust the process, and

3314
02:18:12,040 --> 02:18:14,920
Speaker 1: so go in. We go in one at a time,

3315
02:18:15,040 --> 02:18:17,120
Speaker 1: and they do. They light it, and I mean it

3316
02:18:17,280 --> 02:18:19,720
Speaker 1: like you say, rocket ship, It sends you, right. It

3317
02:18:20,080 --> 02:18:23,400
Speaker 1: took a drag, went back, wasn't all there? Asked for more?

3318
02:18:24,160 --> 02:18:26,920
Speaker 1: Got up took the second drag, and it was, like

3319
02:18:27,000 --> 02:18:30,080
Speaker 1: you said, they call it the you know, the the

3320
02:18:30,160 --> 02:18:32,800
Speaker 1: death draw. I mean you I experienced death like I

3321
02:18:32,879 --> 02:18:35,879
Speaker 1: went to I went fully out. I came out of

3322
02:18:35,879 --> 02:18:38,119
Speaker 1: my body. I was not in that room where I began.

3323
02:18:38,200 --> 02:18:39,560
Speaker 1: I felt. I could tell I was in the room

3324
02:18:39,600 --> 02:18:41,280
Speaker 1: for the most part, right, I could feel the floor.

3325
02:18:42,120 --> 02:18:43,920
Speaker 1: This was an out of body experience. I went to

3326
02:18:43,959 --> 02:18:46,160
Speaker 1: the white light, right, And they had talked about this

3327
02:18:46,400 --> 02:18:48,360
Speaker 1: and I never believed it. But I'm like, oh, I'm dying.

3328
02:18:48,640 --> 02:18:51,320
Speaker 1: This is it? Like to me? It was what death was.

3329
02:18:51,520 --> 02:18:53,440
Speaker 4: What are your emotions while you were going towards this

3330
02:18:53,480 --> 02:18:56,440
Speaker 4: white light? Are you actually like, is the feeling of

3331
02:18:56,480 --> 02:18:59,720
Speaker 4: death in this moment like high anxiety, fear or is

3332
02:18:59,720 --> 02:19:01,120
Speaker 4: it more more of like a freeing feeling?

3333
02:19:01,280 --> 02:19:02,880
Speaker 1: It was free? It was. It was the most beautiful

3334
02:19:02,879 --> 02:19:05,480
Speaker 1: thing ever. Right, really, I remember floating. I like to

3335
02:19:06,080 --> 02:19:08,959
Speaker 1: up to what you know. I was born and raised Catholic.

3336
02:19:09,040 --> 02:19:10,480
Speaker 1: I you know, I have a vision of what my

3337
02:19:10,560 --> 02:19:13,160
Speaker 1: God is and and what death is. But it was

3338
02:19:13,200 --> 02:19:15,560
Speaker 1: that exact thing. Go into the white light. Oh this

3339
02:19:15,720 --> 02:19:18,039
Speaker 1: is it. I mean, I was so freeing, and so

3340
02:19:18,200 --> 02:19:22,600
Speaker 1: I get to get to the white light and and

3341
02:19:22,800 --> 02:19:25,000
Speaker 1: you know, my God is there and I'm talking to God,

3342
02:19:25,120 --> 02:19:27,360
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, I lose it and I'm like,

3343
02:19:27,400 --> 02:19:29,040
Speaker 1: I'm a failure, I'm a piece of shit, I'm a

3344
02:19:29,120 --> 02:19:31,680
Speaker 1: terrible father, I'm a terrible husband. Send me to hell.

3345
02:19:31,760 --> 02:19:34,560
Speaker 1: And I'm screaming at him, right so I'm like, I

3346
02:19:34,560 --> 02:19:37,039
Speaker 1: don't deserve to be in heaven. And then he's like,

3347
02:19:37,080 --> 02:19:38,560
Speaker 1: you need to talk to her. And then my wife

3348
02:19:38,600 --> 02:19:41,160
Speaker 1: appeared from behind him, and I'm screaming at her, telling

3349
02:19:41,200 --> 02:19:43,400
Speaker 1: her the same things, and all of a sudden, it

3350
02:19:43,440 --> 02:19:47,320
Speaker 1: was just calm, and this weight was lifted off me.

3351
02:19:47,360 --> 02:19:49,440
Speaker 1: And I figured out was like my ego because they

3352
02:19:49,440 --> 02:19:52,560
Speaker 1: talk about ego loss, like literally, this something left my

3353
02:19:52,600 --> 02:19:55,320
Speaker 1: body and I was like, oh, I do like instantly,

3354
02:19:55,360 --> 02:19:57,480
Speaker 1: I deserve to be here. I'm a good father, I'm

3355
02:19:57,480 --> 02:20:00,360
Speaker 1: a good husband, i had a good career, all these things.

3356
02:20:00,440 --> 02:20:04,320
Speaker 1: This negative self tough was gone. And then it was

3357
02:20:04,360 --> 02:20:06,760
Speaker 1: this overwhelmingly peaceful feeling. I'm like, oh, I wish I

3358
02:20:06,800 --> 02:20:09,200
Speaker 1: would have known this, but now I'm dead, but I

3359
02:20:09,280 --> 02:20:13,120
Speaker 1: was super peaceful. Well then I came back into right.

3360
02:20:13,760 --> 02:20:16,560
Speaker 1: I feel myself back on the floor and I'm coming

3361
02:20:16,560 --> 02:20:18,840
Speaker 1: out of it and I'm like, wow, right in my life.

3362
02:20:18,879 --> 02:20:20,880
Speaker 1: I remember asking like am I dead? And they're like, oh,

3363
02:20:20,959 --> 02:20:24,480
Speaker 1: You're not dead, buddy. But it was this overwhelming feeling

3364
02:20:24,680 --> 02:20:29,959
Speaker 1: of freedom, clarity, and came out of it, and it

3365
02:20:30,040 --> 02:20:31,959
Speaker 1: was the most enlightening thing you've ever seen. Like it's

3366
02:20:32,360 --> 02:20:34,920
Speaker 1: unless you've experienced it. And this is not just me, right,

3367
02:20:34,959 --> 02:20:37,400
Speaker 1: there's talk to people who have gone through it. Is

3368
02:20:37,400 --> 02:20:40,720
Speaker 1: the most enlightening thing you've ever seen. And so came

3369
02:20:40,720 --> 02:20:42,840
Speaker 1: out of it, go back in the room, and I

3370
02:20:42,879 --> 02:20:45,000
Speaker 1: just felt like I was instantly back right that sick

3371
02:20:45,000 --> 02:20:48,119
Speaker 1: feeling I had twenty minutes earlier. Now I'm just like

3372
02:20:48,480 --> 02:20:51,320
Speaker 1: bright eyed. There's no ringing, I don't feel like, I

3373
02:20:51,320 --> 02:20:53,880
Speaker 1: don't feel sick, I don't feel any of those negative effects.

3374
02:20:53,920 --> 02:20:55,960
Speaker 1: And I literally felt like like I could go run

3375
02:20:55,959 --> 02:20:58,720
Speaker 1: a marathon. I remember walking back in the room, right,

3376
02:20:58,760 --> 02:21:00,320
Speaker 1: and all the other guys are looking at me because

3377
02:21:00,360 --> 02:21:04,280
Speaker 1: I went last, and I'm like, I'm back, bitches, That's

3378
02:21:04,320 --> 02:21:07,080
Speaker 1: exactly what I said. I'm like, I'm back right. So

3379
02:21:07,160 --> 02:21:09,879
Speaker 1: it was the hearing things and like after coming out

3380
02:21:09,879 --> 02:21:11,920
Speaker 1: of it, they sit you in the grass to like

3381
02:21:12,480 --> 02:21:15,520
Speaker 1: come back, and I remember touching the grass right and

3382
02:21:15,520 --> 02:21:17,320
Speaker 1: feeling the energy from the earth, and I'm like, what

3383
02:21:17,520 --> 02:21:20,280
Speaker 1: is all this? Right? I could hear everything. I could

3384
02:21:20,320 --> 02:21:22,520
Speaker 1: hear the birds, I could hear the ocean that was

3385
02:21:22,520 --> 02:21:25,200
Speaker 1: two miles away. I felt like I was in the

3386
02:21:26,160 --> 02:21:28,680
Speaker 1: movie Big where the grass was like super tall around me,

3387
02:21:28,840 --> 02:21:30,200
Speaker 1: like I was a midget, and I could hear all

3388
02:21:30,240 --> 02:21:35,280
Speaker 1: the grass rustling and all these sensations and things that

3389
02:21:35,320 --> 02:21:37,920
Speaker 1: I could hear and feel. I was like, oh, and

3390
02:21:38,000 --> 02:21:39,480
Speaker 1: I didn't know it at the point, but I'm just like,

3391
02:21:39,520 --> 02:21:43,040
Speaker 1: holy cow, this is amazing. Go back in the room,

3392
02:21:43,360 --> 02:21:46,320
Speaker 1: talk to the guys, and everybody's just like right, and

3393
02:21:46,360 --> 02:21:50,480
Speaker 1: you're enlightened. So something worked, right, right, So get through that.

3394
02:21:50,680 --> 02:21:52,600
Speaker 1: But I definitely I was like, oh, something's different. We

3395
02:21:52,640 --> 02:21:54,520
Speaker 1: went to the beach and we did for a walk

3396
02:21:54,520 --> 02:21:56,880
Speaker 1: as a group. I remember watching the waves, one wave

3397
02:21:56,920 --> 02:21:59,119
Speaker 1: at a time. I'm like, man, I am something's going on.

3398
02:21:59,640 --> 02:22:02,000
Speaker 1: I can see every single wave turning in the water,

3399
02:22:02,520 --> 02:22:04,400
Speaker 1: like the droplets coming off it, and I'm like, am

3400
02:22:04,440 --> 02:22:07,120
Speaker 1: I still high? Like no, this is like you're in

3401
02:22:07,160 --> 02:22:10,600
Speaker 1: the moment, you're you know, so someone You're like, yeah, whatever, hippie, right,

3402
02:22:10,640 --> 02:22:12,560
Speaker 1: But I was like, whatever is this is great? I

3403
02:22:12,600 --> 02:22:15,760
Speaker 1: remember turning to Marcus and like saying to him, like, hey,

3404
02:22:15,760 --> 02:22:18,840
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be worrying about something. I'm worried and

3405
02:22:18,920 --> 02:22:21,240
Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be worrying about something, but I'm not

3406
02:22:21,280 --> 02:22:24,480
Speaker 1: worrying right, just babbling. Yeah, because it was clear. Everything

3407
02:22:24,520 --> 02:22:26,879
Speaker 1: was clear. There was nothing nothing in my head. It

3408
02:22:26,879 --> 02:22:30,959
Speaker 1: was complete clarity. And then so next day we drive

3409
02:22:31,040 --> 02:22:33,560
Speaker 1: back to San Diego. My wife came and met me

3410
02:22:33,640 --> 02:22:37,480
Speaker 1: down there with some of the other wives and walked

3411
02:22:37,520 --> 02:22:39,400
Speaker 1: into the restaurant and we met on Matt that we

3412
02:22:39,560 --> 02:22:42,959
Speaker 1: originally left from, and she says, you know, when she

3413
02:22:43,000 --> 02:22:45,280
Speaker 1: walked in, she's like, I knew something was different. She's like,

3414
02:22:45,320 --> 02:22:47,199
Speaker 1: I could see your eyes. Your eyes were wide open,

3415
02:22:47,280 --> 02:22:49,960
Speaker 1: they were bright white, because she had said it that

3416
02:22:50,000 --> 02:22:51,680
Speaker 1: in the past. She's like, your eyes were just dead,

3417
02:22:52,040 --> 02:22:53,720
Speaker 1: like you just he had no life in your eyes.

3418
02:22:53,760 --> 02:22:56,520
Speaker 1: You were always tired. And she's like, I knew instantly

3419
02:22:56,560 --> 02:22:59,119
Speaker 1: something was different. And she's like I could to see

3420
02:22:59,160 --> 02:23:00,480
Speaker 1: it the way you guys are all giggle in and

3421
02:23:00,560 --> 02:23:04,440
Speaker 1: laughing and like these grown badass men like hugging each

3422
02:23:04,480 --> 02:23:06,720
Speaker 1: other and crying and just she's like, you guys were

3423
02:23:06,760 --> 02:23:11,439
Speaker 1: so happy and so fast forward. We stayed in San Diego,

3424
02:23:11,520 --> 02:23:13,720
Speaker 1: San Diego for a couple of days to reintegrate, because

3425
02:23:13,720 --> 02:23:15,119
Speaker 1: they talk about that, right, you're gonna have this life

3426
02:23:15,160 --> 02:23:17,760
Speaker 1: changing experience and you got to reintegrate, Like, may not

3427
02:23:17,800 --> 02:23:19,280
Speaker 1: be the best thing to go back home to kids,

3428
02:23:19,879 --> 02:23:22,360
Speaker 1: right initially, So we spent a couple of days in

3429
02:23:22,360 --> 02:23:25,680
Speaker 1: San Diego and we just started learning. She noticed it

3430
02:23:25,760 --> 02:23:28,000
Speaker 1: more I notice it now or I recall it now,

3431
02:23:28,040 --> 02:23:31,960
Speaker 1: but noticing things that happened that were different. So I

3432
02:23:32,000 --> 02:23:34,000
Speaker 1: had a therapy session the second day I was back,

3433
02:23:34,560 --> 02:23:37,640
Speaker 1: get on my computer won't connect to the internet. Now,

3434
02:23:37,680 --> 02:23:40,720
Speaker 1: if that had happened pre treatment, that computer probably wouldn't

3435
02:23:40,720 --> 02:23:42,280
Speaker 1: have made it through it. I probably would have been

3436
02:23:42,280 --> 02:23:45,200
Speaker 1: broken against a wall, right, because you're a loser. You're

3437
02:23:45,240 --> 02:23:47,199
Speaker 1: a piece of shit. If you're late to a meeting,

3438
02:23:47,560 --> 02:23:49,960
Speaker 1: you guys, I'm sure have PTSD like that about I

3439
02:23:50,040 --> 02:23:55,560
Speaker 1: do being late anything. Yeah, And so I'm I just

3440
02:23:55,600 --> 02:23:57,640
Speaker 1: remember trying to get onto it, and I'm like, okay,

3441
02:23:57,680 --> 02:24:00,560
Speaker 1: it must be something, right, and my wife's running around

3442
02:24:00,560 --> 02:24:02,959
Speaker 1: like a maniac, and I'm like I remember thinking like

3443
02:24:03,000 --> 02:24:05,480
Speaker 1: what is going on? She came and grabbed the computer,

3444
02:24:05,520 --> 02:24:08,200
Speaker 1: took off out the door. I just remember sitting there.

3445
02:24:08,240 --> 02:24:11,520
Speaker 1: I'm thinking, like, man, what's going on with her? She

3446
02:24:11,600 --> 02:24:13,600
Speaker 1: comes back. I ended up getting on my phone. I

3447
02:24:13,640 --> 02:24:15,080
Speaker 1: was three minutes late and there was no big deal.

3448
02:24:15,080 --> 02:24:17,720
Speaker 1: I'd do my therapy session with the lady and I

3449
02:24:17,760 --> 02:24:21,120
Speaker 1: got off and I said, hey, what's going on. She's like,

3450
02:24:21,160 --> 02:24:23,200
Speaker 1: what do you mean? And I'm like, you run around

3451
02:24:23,200 --> 02:24:26,840
Speaker 1: like a crazy person, right, And she's like And I

3452
02:24:26,879 --> 02:24:28,360
Speaker 1: remember her just looking at me like what are you

3453
02:24:28,400 --> 02:24:30,720
Speaker 1: talking about? Like, and she later said like if that

3454
02:24:30,760 --> 02:24:33,120
Speaker 1: would have happened in the past, like, do you know

3455
02:24:33,160 --> 02:24:34,720
Speaker 1: what would have happened? Do you know what your action

3456
02:24:34,760 --> 02:24:36,000
Speaker 1: would have been? Do you know how you what you

3457
02:24:36,040 --> 02:24:38,119
Speaker 1: would have done to that computer? Or what you would

3458
02:24:38,120 --> 02:24:40,800
Speaker 1: have said to me? And so things like that started happening.

3459
02:24:41,160 --> 02:24:43,760
Speaker 1: We fly back home, come in the house. You know,

3460
02:24:43,800 --> 02:24:47,320
Speaker 1: my wife had warned the kids, hey, dad might be different. Well,

3461
02:24:47,480 --> 02:24:49,760
Speaker 1: six hours later, I'm on the floor whipping them around

3462
02:24:49,760 --> 02:24:52,480
Speaker 1: in their sweatshirts, you know, slinging them around like mops,

3463
02:24:52,800 --> 02:24:55,400
Speaker 1: creating chaos like you wouldn't, you know, screaming and yelling.

3464
02:24:55,400 --> 02:24:57,560
Speaker 1: And I'm down there tickling them and I remember looking

3465
02:24:57,600 --> 02:24:59,520
Speaker 1: at her and she's I remember the look on her

3466
02:24:59,560 --> 02:25:02,400
Speaker 1: face shoes, just like, mouth wide open, like what in

3467
02:25:02,440 --> 02:25:05,600
Speaker 1: the hell is going on? Didn't recalled in the moment.

3468
02:25:05,640 --> 02:25:07,800
Speaker 1: I remember her reaction, but I didn't really put anything

3469
02:25:08,480 --> 02:25:12,920
Speaker 1: whatever right playing with the kids. And so time goes on, days, weeks, months,

3470
02:25:13,480 --> 02:25:16,360
Speaker 1: and my reactions are different. And for me personally, there's

3471
02:25:16,440 --> 02:25:20,040
Speaker 1: no there's no brain fog, I'm super clear, no bringing

3472
02:25:20,040 --> 02:25:24,640
Speaker 1: in my ears. There's zero suicide stuff, there's zero depression,

3473
02:25:24,640 --> 02:25:26,640
Speaker 1: there's zero anxiety. I'm like going to pick the kids

3474
02:25:26,720 --> 02:25:28,440
Speaker 1: up at school with my wife and talking to the

3475
02:25:28,480 --> 02:25:31,000
Speaker 1: other moms and the dads, and she was like, you

3476
02:25:31,040 --> 02:25:33,280
Speaker 1: haven't You've never done this? Yeah right. I was the

3477
02:25:33,280 --> 02:25:34,720
Speaker 1: guy that sat in the car and waited for the

3478
02:25:34,760 --> 02:25:36,280
Speaker 1: kid to come get in. I didn't want to interact

3479
02:25:36,280 --> 02:25:38,800
Speaker 1: with anybody. And so I'm just a different human being.

3480
02:25:40,160 --> 02:25:42,640
Speaker 1: And so as time goes on, we learn more and

3481
02:25:42,680 --> 02:25:43,200
Speaker 1: more things.

3482
02:25:43,720 --> 02:25:46,440
Speaker 2: Now, are you getting back into the routines of like

3483
02:25:46,560 --> 02:25:48,960
Speaker 2: the cold tub and hyperbaric.

3484
02:25:48,480 --> 02:25:50,040
Speaker 1: And yeah, so I had a lot of that stuff,

3485
02:25:50,040 --> 02:25:51,720
Speaker 1: but I added a lot of stuff because they teach

3486
02:25:51,760 --> 02:25:54,240
Speaker 1: you that through this too. It's like, hey, you know meditation,

3487
02:25:54,240 --> 02:25:56,400
Speaker 1: you should learn to meditate, right, That's a big part

3488
02:25:56,400 --> 02:25:58,920
Speaker 1: of being in the moment and helping this treatment stick.

3489
02:26:00,400 --> 02:26:02,879
Speaker 1: So I'm trying to learn how to meditate. Right I'm

3490
02:26:02,879 --> 02:26:05,080
Speaker 1: doing and I got right back into my routune up early.

3491
02:26:05,120 --> 02:26:08,000
Speaker 1: But I loved it. It wasn't for survival. It was you know,

3492
02:26:08,000 --> 02:26:09,440
Speaker 1: it's because I wanted to do it made me feel good.

3493
02:26:09,440 --> 02:26:11,240
Speaker 1: Cold tub was great. I you know, would go for

3494
02:26:11,280 --> 02:26:13,280
Speaker 1: a walk and be like stoked to be alive. Right

3495
02:26:13,320 --> 02:26:15,480
Speaker 1: before I went, I was training for a five k

3496
02:26:15,600 --> 02:26:18,280
Speaker 1: because my buddy and I said we're going to do it,

3497
02:26:18,360 --> 02:26:20,720
Speaker 1: and he's the one that ended up taking his life.

3498
02:26:20,720 --> 02:26:22,600
Speaker 1: But I'm like, oh, I'm going to follow through on this.

3499
02:26:23,000 --> 02:26:25,680
Speaker 1: So I'm out running and remember acrossing the street and

3500
02:26:25,720 --> 02:26:27,240
Speaker 1: looking at the trees, like, man, the treats are so

3501
02:26:27,240 --> 02:26:29,959
Speaker 1: beautiful and green and everything was vibrant, and oh that

3502
02:26:30,040 --> 02:26:32,440
Speaker 1: Semi stopped for me. Right I'm across the street where

3503
02:26:32,480 --> 02:26:35,240
Speaker 1: in the past, I'm like, you know, that same instance

3504
02:26:35,280 --> 02:26:36,959
Speaker 1: happened before I went, and I would stop there and

3505
02:26:37,000 --> 02:26:39,600
Speaker 1: be like, Okay, it'll look like an accident. Just step

3506
02:26:39,640 --> 02:26:42,040
Speaker 1: out in the road because Semi's not going to stop.

3507
02:26:42,160 --> 02:26:42,720
Speaker 2: That's crazy.

3508
02:26:42,800 --> 02:26:45,080
Speaker 1: So it's a complete same instances are happening, and it's

3509
02:26:45,080 --> 02:26:47,720
Speaker 1: a different reaction. I'm like, oh that's weird. This is great.

3510
02:26:48,800 --> 02:26:52,039
Speaker 1: So just all those things start happening. The clarity, Like

3511
02:26:52,200 --> 02:26:54,920
Speaker 1: if pre treatment I was forgetting my kids names, I'd

3512
02:26:54,959 --> 02:26:57,600
Speaker 1: be like, what's she doing? She said, what are you

3513
02:26:57,640 --> 02:26:58,240
Speaker 1: talking about?

3514
02:26:58,520 --> 02:26:59,280
Speaker 2: Like her?

3515
02:26:59,320 --> 02:27:02,879
Speaker 1: What's her name? It's like Hayden, you know. So those

3516
02:27:02,920 --> 02:27:05,360
Speaker 1: things are happening. And now I'm like I'm crisp, Like

3517
02:27:05,600 --> 02:27:07,280
Speaker 1: I'm up every morning and I go for a bike

3518
02:27:07,360 --> 02:27:09,160
Speaker 1: ride and i go wake surfing and then I'm like

3519
02:27:09,160 --> 02:27:10,720
Speaker 1: I'm going to do this and like I'm just high

3520
02:27:10,720 --> 02:27:17,360
Speaker 1: on life. So this happens, you know, for three four months, right,

3521
02:27:17,360 --> 02:27:19,520
Speaker 1: and I remember the first day I got my first anxiety.

3522
02:27:19,520 --> 02:27:22,119
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, what is that? You know I was anxious, right,

3523
02:27:22,160 --> 02:27:23,720
Speaker 1: it wasn't a big deal with something small. It's like, oh,

3524
02:27:23,720 --> 02:27:27,720
Speaker 1: I'm nervous to go to this thing. Right, So over

3525
02:27:27,760 --> 02:27:30,280
Speaker 1: time things started popping back in, right, But I had

3526
02:27:30,320 --> 02:27:34,760
Speaker 1: this new thought process of things, and so fast forward, right,

3527
02:27:34,760 --> 02:27:36,959
Speaker 1: because this is not this medicine is not a magic pill.

3528
02:27:36,959 --> 02:27:39,280
Speaker 1: It's not you know, it took multiple times for me,

3529
02:27:39,640 --> 02:27:42,600
Speaker 1: so now we're in it. You know, things started coming back.

3530
02:27:42,640 --> 02:27:45,039
Speaker 1: Then I started having some ideation again. I got COVID

3531
02:27:45,040 --> 02:27:47,840
Speaker 1: and took the whatever the pill is for COVID that

3532
02:27:47,879 --> 02:27:49,400
Speaker 1: has you know they say on there it can have

3533
02:27:49,400 --> 02:27:52,520
Speaker 1: a metallic taste. So I remember having my first suicide nightmare.

3534
02:27:52,720 --> 02:27:55,280
Speaker 1: I had COVID, took this medicine. I remember waking up

3535
02:27:55,760 --> 02:27:57,280
Speaker 1: gripping my neck because I had thought I had a

3536
02:27:57,280 --> 02:27:59,560
Speaker 1: gun in my mouth because of the metallic taste from

3537
02:27:59,560 --> 02:28:02,879
Speaker 1: the medicine. So it was my first suicide nightmare again.

3538
02:28:02,959 --> 02:28:06,840
Speaker 1: So I went originally twenty twenty one. Now we're pushing

3539
02:28:06,840 --> 02:28:09,520
Speaker 1: close to twenty twenty three. Things have popped back in.

3540
02:28:09,520 --> 02:28:11,320
Speaker 1: I'm not near as bad as I was, but still

3541
02:28:11,360 --> 02:28:12,600
Speaker 1: having some of the old.

3542
02:28:12,440 --> 02:28:14,360
Speaker 4: Sea starting to see something, this old programming come back there.

3543
02:28:14,440 --> 02:28:14,640
Speaker 1: Yep.

3544
02:28:15,120 --> 02:28:17,400
Speaker 2: How long? How long did you have the residual from

3545
02:28:17,520 --> 02:28:22,480
Speaker 2: the trip? Like nothing clarity.

3546
02:28:22,120 --> 02:28:25,160
Speaker 1: Fell like four months of absolutely nothing, I'm talking no anxiety,

3547
02:28:25,200 --> 02:28:28,080
Speaker 1: the most high in life. And then then at about

3548
02:28:28,080 --> 02:28:31,320
Speaker 1: a year little things started popping back in, right, some

3549
02:28:31,360 --> 02:28:33,160
Speaker 1: of the anger stuff started coming back, some of the

3550
02:28:33,520 --> 02:28:36,760
Speaker 1: uncontrollable outburst or you know, like I said, jump my

3551
02:28:36,760 --> 02:28:41,520
Speaker 1: Harley and go ninety mile an hour into town. Christmas My,

3552
02:28:41,920 --> 02:28:43,520
Speaker 1: you know, I don't talk about this a lot but

3553
02:28:44,320 --> 02:28:48,760
Speaker 1: Christmas before twenty twenty three, my parents were out and

3554
02:28:48,800 --> 02:28:50,600
Speaker 1: I remember taking my son for a haircut and I

3555
02:28:50,640 --> 02:28:51,879
Speaker 1: was in the truck and I'm like, Mom and Dad,

3556
02:28:51,879 --> 02:28:55,320
Speaker 1: I'm struggling again. And I said, I if I if

3557
02:28:55,320 --> 02:28:57,360
Speaker 1: I mess up, because at this point it wasn't like, oh,

3558
02:28:57,400 --> 02:28:58,879
Speaker 1: this is how I'm gonna make it go away. But

3559
02:28:58,879 --> 02:29:00,400
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm gonna screw up. I screw up on

3560
02:29:00,440 --> 02:29:03,200
Speaker 1: my hardley. I'm going to screw up and I'm kill myself.

3561
02:29:03,200 --> 02:29:05,920
Speaker 1: I'm going to screw up. And I'm very much with it,

3562
02:29:05,959 --> 02:29:07,680
Speaker 1: and I've learned a lot of things. And I told

3563
02:29:07,680 --> 02:29:10,280
Speaker 1: my parents, Hey, you guys were great parents. If I

3564
02:29:10,320 --> 02:29:13,160
Speaker 1: mess up and kill myself, it's not your fault. Right.

3565
02:29:13,200 --> 02:29:15,760
Speaker 1: So I was back in that bad spot again. Yeah,

3566
02:29:15,800 --> 02:29:18,080
Speaker 1: And so was it as bad. It wasn't as bad.

3567
02:29:18,120 --> 02:29:19,959
Speaker 1: It wasn't near as bad. But when you've been to

3568
02:29:20,040 --> 02:29:22,360
Speaker 1: super clarity and then things come back, it's like the

3569
02:29:22,400 --> 02:29:25,920
Speaker 1: first day, it feels way heavier. And it wasn't before.

3570
02:29:25,920 --> 02:29:27,200
Speaker 1: It was all the time, So I could deal with

3571
02:29:27,240 --> 02:29:29,360
Speaker 1: it all the time. I was in that mindset all

3572
02:29:29,360 --> 02:29:31,680
Speaker 1: the time. Now it was a little bit here, a

3573
02:29:31,720 --> 02:29:34,240
Speaker 1: little bit there, but it seems more intense. So I

3574
02:29:34,280 --> 02:29:38,440
Speaker 1: go back for treatment again twenty twenty three, So that's

3575
02:29:38,440 --> 02:29:41,240
Speaker 1: two years from my first one very similar experience on

3576
02:29:41,720 --> 02:29:45,080
Speaker 1: iby game. I thinks super sick. I felt like it,

3577
02:29:45,160 --> 02:29:47,400
Speaker 1: you know, defrag did things. I worked through some stuff,

3578
02:29:47,440 --> 02:29:50,920
Speaker 1: a lot of the same visions, new visions. Then the

3579
02:29:50,959 --> 02:29:54,120
Speaker 1: real turning point for me was the next day the

3580
02:29:54,160 --> 02:30:00,160
Speaker 1: five MEO DMT again. So I smoke the fivemeo and

3581
02:30:00,200 --> 02:30:03,480
Speaker 1: I die. I saw that I'd killed myself. It wasn't

3582
02:30:03,480 --> 02:30:05,879
Speaker 1: this peaceful death that I saw the first time. I

3583
02:30:05,920 --> 02:30:08,800
Speaker 1: messed up and I killed myself right whether it wasn't

3584
02:30:08,840 --> 02:30:11,720
Speaker 1: necessarily suicide. It was a vision of me on my

3585
02:30:11,760 --> 02:30:15,039
Speaker 1: Harley right weaving through cars, and I'm watching that, and

3586
02:30:15,080 --> 02:30:16,760
Speaker 1: I killed myself, And then I saw what it did

3587
02:30:16,840 --> 02:30:19,200
Speaker 1: to my family. I'm watching down from the sky now

3588
02:30:19,240 --> 02:30:20,920
Speaker 1: I'm up at that I'd gone to that killed myself,

3589
02:30:20,920 --> 02:30:22,600
Speaker 1: went to the white light. I'm watching down. I see

3590
02:30:22,640 --> 02:30:23,959
Speaker 1: what it did to my family. So I'm watching my

3591
02:30:24,040 --> 02:30:27,320
Speaker 1: kid's age and I'm seeing how it messed them up.

3592
02:30:27,320 --> 02:30:29,440
Speaker 1: I'm seeing what it did to my wife, because before

3593
02:30:29,480 --> 02:30:32,200
Speaker 1: I left for this second treatment, I had told my

3594
02:30:32,240 --> 02:30:34,360
Speaker 1: wife again I'm a burden like, and I got back

3595
02:30:34,360 --> 02:30:38,039
Speaker 1: to that mindset that you're better off without me, unfortunately,

3596
02:30:38,200 --> 02:30:40,400
Speaker 1: and so it showed me in this I saw what

3597
02:30:40,440 --> 02:30:42,959
Speaker 1: it did to them, and I was like, oh god,

3598
02:30:43,000 --> 02:30:45,480
Speaker 1: this is not right. I remember thinking like, oh, I'm

3599
02:30:45,480 --> 02:30:49,400
Speaker 1: going to mess them up, right, and that's sounds like

3600
02:30:49,440 --> 02:30:52,760
Speaker 1: a crazy person, but I didn't think that before. I

3601
02:30:52,800 --> 02:30:55,400
Speaker 1: thought I gotten back to this old Robert right even

3602
02:30:55,720 --> 02:30:57,640
Speaker 1: you know, maybe not all the time, So this is

3603
02:30:57,640 --> 02:31:00,400
Speaker 1: going to mess them up. And then I saw what

3604
02:31:00,400 --> 02:31:02,800
Speaker 1: it actually did to them. Woke up out of this.

3605
02:31:03,040 --> 02:31:06,120
Speaker 1: I actually started throwing up, so I reacted to the

3606
02:31:06,200 --> 02:31:08,160
Speaker 1: you know, and I think I woke up kind of

3607
02:31:08,280 --> 02:31:11,120
Speaker 1: towards the end of this trip, and so I thought

3608
02:31:11,160 --> 02:31:13,440
Speaker 1: I died. So they're cleaning my mouth right, some puke

3609
02:31:13,480 --> 02:31:16,720
Speaker 1: and they're cleaning my mouth out, and I start raging

3610
02:31:16,760 --> 02:31:18,840
Speaker 1: because I thought, I literally think I'm dead. I'm like,

3611
02:31:19,800 --> 02:31:21,920
Speaker 1: this is hell, like I whatever it was, I was

3612
02:31:21,920 --> 02:31:24,120
Speaker 1: in a spot I thought I was dead, and I

3613
02:31:24,160 --> 02:31:26,480
Speaker 1: grabbed the therapist and I'm raging streaming and I'm like,

3614
02:31:26,520 --> 02:31:29,680
Speaker 1: I eft up my family, I'm a you know, streaming

3615
02:31:29,720 --> 02:31:31,520
Speaker 1: and just I'm throwing them on the ground and just

3616
02:31:32,120 --> 02:31:35,480
Speaker 1: complete rage. And I remember my female therapist was there

3617
02:31:35,520 --> 02:31:37,040
Speaker 1: that we work with, and I grabbed here and I'm like,

3618
02:31:37,400 --> 02:31:39,080
Speaker 1: you got to call my wife tell him. I'm tell

3619
02:31:39,080 --> 02:31:41,160
Speaker 1: her I'm sorry. So I think I'm dead. I'm back

3620
02:31:41,160 --> 02:31:43,400
Speaker 1: on Earth, out of this trip, but I'm still half

3621
02:31:43,440 --> 02:31:47,199
Speaker 1: in it, I think. But I literally thought I was dead,

3622
02:31:47,400 --> 02:31:50,959
Speaker 1: and so this happens. I later found out. I raged

3623
02:31:51,000 --> 02:31:53,960
Speaker 1: for like twenty minutes, and they're calming me down, and

3624
02:31:53,959 --> 02:31:57,600
Speaker 1: some things happened, and finally I calmed down and realized

3625
02:31:57,640 --> 02:31:59,720
Speaker 1: I was back on Earth and I wasn't actually dead,

3626
02:31:59,720 --> 02:32:01,320
Speaker 1: but I can asking them like did I die? Did

3627
02:32:01,320 --> 02:32:05,080
Speaker 1: you guys resuscitate me? It was that profound uh. And

3628
02:32:05,160 --> 02:32:07,400
Speaker 1: so I come out of it and I was just

3629
02:32:07,440 --> 02:32:09,600
Speaker 1: in shock. So we're before it was blissful, and this

3630
02:32:09,680 --> 02:32:11,520
Speaker 1: time I was like, I mean I was in shock

3631
02:32:11,560 --> 02:32:14,560
Speaker 1: for hours, even till we got back. I got back

3632
02:32:14,560 --> 02:32:16,560
Speaker 1: home and I'm telling my wife about it, and I'm like,

3633
02:32:17,360 --> 02:32:18,680
Speaker 1: I think they're lying to me. I think they had

3634
02:32:18,680 --> 02:32:21,840
Speaker 1: to resuscitate me, like I pushed it too far. And

3635
02:32:21,879 --> 02:32:25,360
Speaker 1: so as I process all this, but what I what

3636
02:32:25,520 --> 02:32:27,840
Speaker 1: did stick and the rewiring the medicine, what it did

3637
02:32:27,879 --> 02:32:30,560
Speaker 1: do is that it made me, see what would happen

3638
02:32:30,600 --> 02:32:33,120
Speaker 1: if I did screw up and did take my life

3639
02:32:33,280 --> 02:32:35,879
Speaker 1: in one way or another, And that is stuck with

3640
02:32:35,920 --> 02:32:38,200
Speaker 1: me since that day, Like if something pops up, now,

3641
02:32:38,240 --> 02:32:40,800
Speaker 1: I know full well on my worst day, I'm better

3642
02:32:40,840 --> 02:32:43,520
Speaker 1: off here and my family's better off without me, or

3643
02:32:43,760 --> 02:32:46,120
Speaker 1: is better with me. Even the days. You know, if

3644
02:32:46,120 --> 02:32:47,960
Speaker 1: I have a bad day or I get angry and

3645
02:32:48,200 --> 02:32:51,279
Speaker 1: that stuff doesn't happen since then you know it happens

3646
02:32:51,280 --> 02:32:53,680
Speaker 1: like we happens when you're a dad, and you know

3647
02:32:53,959 --> 02:32:55,760
Speaker 1: the normal angry exactly.

3648
02:32:55,840 --> 02:32:58,320
Speaker 4: If anybody's watching this and plaything and I'm assuming this,

3649
02:32:58,560 --> 02:33:00,400
Speaker 4: you can tell me if I'm wrong. But like you're

3650
02:33:00,440 --> 02:33:02,200
Speaker 4: not going to take this medicine. All your issues are

3651
02:33:02,240 --> 02:33:03,800
Speaker 4: always going to be fixed, but you're going to have

3652
02:33:04,000 --> 02:33:06,760
Speaker 4: better tools and better understanding of where your value is

3653
02:33:06,760 --> 02:33:07,840
Speaker 4: in life exactly.

3654
02:33:07,920 --> 02:33:09,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, and these like this instance for me is like, oh,

3655
02:33:09,840 --> 02:33:12,000
Speaker 1: I'm I'm you know I and I didn't believe it before,

3656
02:33:12,000 --> 02:33:13,720
Speaker 1: and I truly believe it even you know, no matter

3657
02:33:13,720 --> 02:33:16,320
Speaker 1: what happens, right, even worst case I never want to happen,

3658
02:33:16,320 --> 02:33:19,680
Speaker 1: I get dementia, I'm better off here. My family needs me, right,

3659
02:33:19,720 --> 02:33:22,000
Speaker 1: And so that's what this experience showed me. And so

3660
02:33:22,160 --> 02:33:24,800
Speaker 1: since then it's been you know, I have the tools

3661
02:33:24,800 --> 02:33:27,360
Speaker 1: now and it rewired some things. They're showing that, you know,

3662
02:33:27,920 --> 02:33:32,560
Speaker 1: I begained specifically actually scientifically rewires your brain. Right, it's

3663
02:33:32,560 --> 02:33:36,600
Speaker 1: growing new white brain matter. So doctor Nolan Williams, you know,

3664
02:33:36,680 --> 02:33:41,720
Speaker 1: God rest his soul, he has passed since this study,

3665
02:33:41,879 --> 02:33:44,600
Speaker 1: but he did a study with thirty vets special ops

3666
02:33:44,680 --> 02:33:47,039
Speaker 1: vets and improving it. Right, That's a big part of

3667
02:33:47,080 --> 02:33:49,680
Speaker 1: this movement with this medicine. It's actually proving not only

3668
02:33:49,720 --> 02:33:52,520
Speaker 1: the spiritual part, but it is you know, creating new

3669
02:33:52,520 --> 02:33:55,520
Speaker 1: neural pathways. It is actually fixing brain damage or working

3670
02:33:55,560 --> 02:33:57,160
Speaker 1: around it. Right, some of my damage is still there,

3671
02:33:57,200 --> 02:34:00,360
Speaker 1: but I'm creating new neural pathways around it. And so

3672
02:34:01,320 --> 02:34:03,959
Speaker 1: knowing all this on top of the spiritual stuff, since then,

3673
02:34:04,000 --> 02:34:06,280
Speaker 1: I have the tools, and I know I knew after

3674
02:34:06,320 --> 02:34:08,840
Speaker 1: these treatments that my something was working on my brain.

3675
02:34:08,879 --> 02:34:12,119
Speaker 1: I mean for days afterwards, I would in months or weeks,

3676
02:34:12,200 --> 02:34:14,480
Speaker 1: I could just feel like a buzzing in my head. Right,

3677
02:34:14,480 --> 02:34:16,879
Speaker 1: I'm like something, something's working up there right, right, and

3678
02:34:16,920 --> 02:34:19,200
Speaker 1: then I notice all the again, all the emotional changes.

3679
02:34:19,200 --> 02:34:22,480
Speaker 1: And so since twenty twenty three, Right, none of that stuff

3680
02:34:22,480 --> 02:34:25,440
Speaker 1: has really come back, right, Like, yes, do I get anxious?

3681
02:34:25,520 --> 02:34:27,560
Speaker 1: Yes do I It is not the magic pill, but

3682
02:34:27,600 --> 02:34:30,520
Speaker 1: I have the tools, right, I know now to right

3683
02:34:30,560 --> 02:34:32,360
Speaker 1: if something pops in, it's like nope, I see that

3684
02:34:32,480 --> 02:34:35,080
Speaker 1: vision of what it did to my family, right, And

3685
02:34:35,120 --> 02:34:37,760
Speaker 1: I don't have these over the top reactions like I

3686
02:34:37,800 --> 02:34:39,640
Speaker 1: did before the brain fog and that stuff has gone.

3687
02:34:39,680 --> 02:34:42,280
Speaker 1: Do I still have days I get a little brain fog? Yes? Right,

3688
02:34:42,320 --> 02:34:44,680
Speaker 1: you know late, you know, sure, like you guys, you're

3689
02:34:44,720 --> 02:34:47,119
Speaker 1: like late in the day, it's like, oh wow, that's

3690
02:34:47,160 --> 02:34:49,840
Speaker 1: something's not working right, you know. But for the most

3691
02:34:49,879 --> 02:34:52,160
Speaker 1: part before it was twenty four to seven. Now I'm

3692
02:34:52,200 --> 02:34:54,760
Speaker 1: super clear, right to get talking fast because I'm like,

3693
02:34:54,800 --> 02:34:58,000
Speaker 1: I'm just crisped and everything's working good. And so I

3694
02:34:58,080 --> 02:35:01,199
Speaker 1: know not only the scientific part of it, but the

3695
02:35:01,280 --> 02:35:03,400
Speaker 1: spiritual part of it. I know I'm a different human being.

3696
02:35:03,400 --> 02:35:05,959
Speaker 1: And my wife will still bring stuff up, you know,

3697
02:35:06,000 --> 02:35:07,920
Speaker 1: some huff and I'll get frustrated be like, oh, I

3698
02:35:08,160 --> 02:35:10,720
Speaker 1: overreacted on that, and I'm very aware, right, Oh, I

3699
02:35:10,760 --> 02:35:13,680
Speaker 1: shouldn't reacted like She's like your son just walked out

3700
02:35:13,680 --> 02:35:15,480
Speaker 1: in the street and almost got hit by a car

3701
02:35:15,560 --> 02:35:19,440
Speaker 1: when we were, you know, instance, going to our get

3702
02:35:19,440 --> 02:35:22,480
Speaker 1: on our boat, and I grabbed him and I lit

3703
02:35:22,560 --> 02:35:25,320
Speaker 1: into him like you gotta right, And then I felt bad.

3704
02:35:25,320 --> 02:35:27,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, the old Robert's back and she's like,

3705
02:35:27,240 --> 02:35:31,440
Speaker 1: that's what a dad should do. That is a normal reaction. Yeah,

3706
02:35:31,480 --> 02:35:33,720
Speaker 1: And so she's like, no, you're She brings it up

3707
02:35:33,760 --> 02:35:36,200
Speaker 1: to me all the time. She's like, you know, I

3708
02:35:36,240 --> 02:35:38,200
Speaker 1: can she can trust me to take the kids to

3709
02:35:38,240 --> 02:35:42,360
Speaker 1: soccer practice, basketball practice and not worry about me one

3710
02:35:42,400 --> 02:35:45,640
Speaker 1: forgetting where I'm at or two having a reaction around people.

3711
02:35:46,120 --> 02:35:49,280
Speaker 1: So it's daily stuff happens. And you know the fact

3712
02:35:49,280 --> 02:35:53,039
Speaker 1: that I flew here by myself, She's like, just a

3713
02:35:53,080 --> 02:35:55,320
Speaker 1: little step like that. Five years ago, you couldn't do that.

3714
02:35:55,320 --> 02:35:56,600
Speaker 1: I would have had to be with you because you

3715
02:35:56,640 --> 02:36:00,400
Speaker 1: would either lost at the airport, you know, I wouldn't

3716
02:36:00,400 --> 02:36:03,960
Speaker 1: have forgot where you were, whatever these things were. So

3717
02:36:04,200 --> 02:36:08,480
Speaker 1: it's that my life is different now because of the

3718
02:36:08,520 --> 02:36:11,000
Speaker 1: tools I have, and I know that some of the

3719
02:36:11,040 --> 02:36:13,320
Speaker 1: work it's done right. I went through the some of

3720
02:36:13,360 --> 02:36:15,560
Speaker 1: the you know, you guys will find it funny, but

3721
02:36:15,600 --> 02:36:18,160
Speaker 1: I went through some of the brain concussion stuff pre

3722
02:36:18,800 --> 02:36:23,519
Speaker 1: pre medicine and post medicine. Right, so I pre medicine,

3723
02:36:23,640 --> 02:36:26,200
Speaker 1: I'm doing, you know, jump through the hoops right all right,

3724
02:36:26,240 --> 02:36:29,680
Speaker 1: you know the ten years of stuff they make you

3725
02:36:29,760 --> 02:36:31,840
Speaker 1: jump through to try and get something out of it.

3726
02:36:32,400 --> 02:36:34,000
Speaker 1: And I finally was like, I don't care. I don't

3727
02:36:34,000 --> 02:36:36,200
Speaker 1: care about this, you know. So I had had a

3728
02:36:36,200 --> 02:36:39,600
Speaker 1: couple of doctor's appointments pre medicine and a couple post medicine.

3729
02:36:39,720 --> 02:36:42,200
Speaker 1: So I come back post medicine and it is I'm like,

3730
02:36:42,600 --> 02:36:45,600
Speaker 1: you know, pre medicine, I'm talking about you know, suicide

3731
02:36:45,600 --> 02:36:48,000
Speaker 1: and talking about these things, and post medicine, my my

3732
02:36:48,040 --> 02:36:51,080
Speaker 1: scores are better, My everything's better. And they're like, oh,

3733
02:36:51,120 --> 02:36:54,280
Speaker 1: you don't qualifying. Of course I don't, right, But at

3734
02:36:54,280 --> 02:36:56,360
Speaker 1: that point didn't care because I I mean, that showed

3735
02:36:56,360 --> 02:36:58,080
Speaker 1: me because some of my scores and some of the

3736
02:36:58,080 --> 02:37:01,480
Speaker 1: things that happened pre and post. I'm like, I'm definitely

3737
02:37:01,480 --> 02:37:04,080
Speaker 1: a different person. My scores are better, Like I cleared

3738
02:37:04,120 --> 02:37:07,520
Speaker 1: my recall and it's kind of funny, but I'm also like,

3739
02:37:07,800 --> 02:37:10,320
Speaker 1: of course, of course I went and did something else then. Yeah,

3740
02:37:10,360 --> 02:37:12,879
Speaker 1: And you know a lot of guys do it, you know,

3741
02:37:13,000 --> 02:37:15,120
Speaker 1: want the money or want the because they deserve it.

3742
02:37:15,600 --> 02:37:17,280
Speaker 1: But I was just like, I just I want to

3743
02:37:17,280 --> 02:37:18,879
Speaker 1: be healthy. So I kind of laughed it off, and

3744
02:37:18,920 --> 02:37:21,000
Speaker 1: it's like, oh, this is showing me now on top

3745
02:37:21,040 --> 02:37:24,480
Speaker 1: of everything else that that I am, things are fixed

3746
02:37:24,640 --> 02:37:25,760
Speaker 1: or drastically better.

3747
02:37:25,879 --> 02:37:29,800
Speaker 2: Yeah. Have you gotten a brain scan since the first

3748
02:37:29,800 --> 02:37:31,000
Speaker 2: one you got where it was like you look like

3749
02:37:31,040 --> 02:37:32,320
Speaker 2: somebody took a baseball bat to it?

3750
02:37:32,760 --> 02:37:35,920
Speaker 1: I did the part where So my initial brain scan

3751
02:37:36,000 --> 02:37:37,920
Speaker 1: was a spec scan. It's called a spec scan, right,

3752
02:37:37,920 --> 02:37:40,000
Speaker 1: which measures It gives you a three D image. It

3753
02:37:40,080 --> 02:37:44,360
Speaker 1: measures the surface of your brain pretty much things that

3754
02:37:44,400 --> 02:37:48,000
Speaker 1: are living or not living. So it measures electrical current

3755
02:37:48,040 --> 02:37:51,800
Speaker 1: in your brain, it measures blood flow. What they are

3756
02:37:51,879 --> 02:37:54,360
Speaker 1: finding out. So I got the same scan afterwards, thinking oh,

3757
02:37:54,360 --> 02:37:57,400
Speaker 1: I'll see it drastically better. But what I learned is

3758
02:37:57,440 --> 02:37:59,480
Speaker 1: that's not the correct scan to do that. Now does

3759
02:37:59,520 --> 02:38:02,520
Speaker 1: that measure damage? Absolutely, But they're learning, and this is

3760
02:38:02,560 --> 02:38:07,640
Speaker 1: where this medicine is new. These neurologists are learning that

3761
02:38:07,640 --> 02:38:10,600
Speaker 1: that scan for whatever reason, there's been a few people

3762
02:38:10,680 --> 02:38:13,720
Speaker 1: like me, it doesn't show a drastically better brain. Now

3763
02:38:13,800 --> 02:38:18,039
Speaker 1: why is that? Well, depression all these things is inflammation.

3764
02:38:18,120 --> 02:38:20,360
Speaker 1: So I had huge inflammation on my brain. So that's

3765
02:38:20,400 --> 02:38:22,760
Speaker 1: why certain parts were lit up, and then it shows

3766
02:38:22,760 --> 02:38:26,400
Speaker 1: the dead parts. I begain takes inflammation away, so now

3767
02:38:26,520 --> 02:38:28,840
Speaker 1: some of this actually some of it looks worse or

3768
02:38:28,879 --> 02:38:32,600
Speaker 1: the same because I have less inflammation. It's not actually

3769
02:38:32,680 --> 02:38:36,600
Speaker 1: creating the surface of a new those areas that were damaged.

3770
02:38:36,840 --> 02:38:39,120
Speaker 1: It's the internal stuff. So a long winded way of

3771
02:38:39,200 --> 02:38:42,879
Speaker 1: answering that is. And fMRI actually looks deep into the brain.

3772
02:38:42,959 --> 02:38:46,600
Speaker 1: That's what doctor Nolan Williams used at Stanford, and they

3773
02:38:46,680 --> 02:38:48,560
Speaker 1: can see the new white brain matter. They can see

3774
02:38:48,600 --> 02:38:51,720
Speaker 1: the new neural pathways. So I'm messed up, which I

3775
02:38:51,720 --> 02:38:54,279
Speaker 1: can accept now, right, So right, you're.

3776
02:38:54,120 --> 02:38:57,160
Speaker 2: Thinking, damn, I WISHONA had this scan or MRI before,

3777
02:38:57,200 --> 02:39:00,359
Speaker 2: so you can actually see for sure whether it's rewire.

3778
02:39:00,440 --> 02:39:03,200
Speaker 1: Or exactly the actual where they can sign and they

3779
02:39:03,240 --> 02:39:04,720
Speaker 1: did it in the study from Stanford. You can look

3780
02:39:04,720 --> 02:39:07,920
Speaker 1: at the study and it shows the brain new areas internally,

3781
02:39:07,959 --> 02:39:10,800
Speaker 1: where mine was more the surface of how is everything

3782
02:39:12,080 --> 02:39:15,360
Speaker 1: currently working. It's not the in depths of new things starting.

3783
02:39:15,520 --> 02:39:18,240
Speaker 1: So long story short, it was kind of a bummer,

3784
02:39:18,280 --> 02:39:19,640
Speaker 1: but it was also that's why I didn't want to

3785
02:39:19,680 --> 02:39:21,600
Speaker 1: get another one, because I'm like, I know, I feel better,

3786
02:39:22,040 --> 02:39:23,160
Speaker 1: and at the end of the day it was the

3787
02:39:23,200 --> 02:39:25,000
Speaker 1: wrong scan to do. It was right to figure out

3788
02:39:25,000 --> 02:39:27,920
Speaker 1: the damage, but the neurologe say, hey, we don't understand

3789
02:39:27,959 --> 02:39:31,480
Speaker 1: it either, right, for whatever reason, the psychedelics part of it,

3790
02:39:31,480 --> 02:39:33,640
Speaker 1: because of the infamation. This is not the right scan.

3791
02:39:33,760 --> 02:39:37,200
Speaker 1: This is more of a surface level where the fMRI

3792
02:39:37,560 --> 02:39:39,600
Speaker 1: goes deep into it, which I am going to get

3793
02:39:39,600 --> 02:39:40,840
Speaker 1: at some point, but it would have been nice to

3794
02:39:40,840 --> 02:39:43,560
Speaker 1: have a baseline. But you look at these the study

3795
02:39:43,600 --> 02:39:46,959
Speaker 1: they did and they have pre imposed fMRI and it's

3796
02:39:47,240 --> 02:39:49,560
Speaker 1: black and white on there that there is new stuff

3797
02:39:49,600 --> 02:39:52,080
Speaker 1: growing and that that's that's the standard for what you.

3798
02:39:52,040 --> 02:39:57,040
Speaker 2: Need from the psychedelics. There isn't there somebody that put like,

3799
02:39:57,120 --> 02:40:00,440
Speaker 2: what was it, like fifty million dollars toward a Yeah.

3800
02:40:00,480 --> 02:40:04,960
Speaker 1: Through this process, I became, you know, the military community

3801
02:40:05,080 --> 02:40:07,800
Speaker 1: became my old football family, right. So you know, Marcus

3802
02:40:07,879 --> 02:40:11,040
Speaker 1: is a very close friend. We talked almost daily. He's

3803
02:40:11,080 --> 02:40:13,600
Speaker 1: just a guy that we check in. It's you know,

3804
02:40:13,720 --> 02:40:16,080
Speaker 1: telling stories. O, Hey, this happened and I used to

3805
02:40:16,080 --> 02:40:18,000
Speaker 1: react like this. Guess what I did? I laughed, right,

3806
02:40:18,080 --> 02:40:20,640
Speaker 1: like just stuff to We talk about how we used

3807
02:40:20,680 --> 02:40:24,360
Speaker 1: to be now we're different. Our wives talk. But through

3808
02:40:24,400 --> 02:40:26,959
Speaker 1: the community I met and Marcus dam Or Capone with

3809
02:40:27,720 --> 02:40:31,120
Speaker 1: VET Solutions. They started really they treated, they've treated a

3810
02:40:31,160 --> 02:40:33,480
Speaker 1: couple thousand guys now right, and it's and I'm not

3811
02:40:33,520 --> 02:40:35,600
Speaker 1: talking at works for a couple. I mean, you could

3812
02:40:35,600 --> 02:40:39,360
Speaker 1: bring of the two thousand they've tested. You bring almost

3813
02:40:39,440 --> 02:40:41,160
Speaker 1: all two thousand in here, and you're gonna hear the

3814
02:40:41,160 --> 02:40:44,400
Speaker 1: same story, really right, one level or another, sometimes one treatment,

3815
02:40:44,440 --> 02:40:47,680
Speaker 1: sometimes two took two for me, but you're gonna hear

3816
02:40:47,720 --> 02:40:50,080
Speaker 1: the same story. It is. The results are astounding. And

3817
02:40:50,120 --> 02:40:53,080
Speaker 1: so I got introduced to some people you know, with

3818
02:40:53,160 --> 02:40:57,360
Speaker 1: this study through Stanford and then they started going A

3819
02:40:57,400 --> 02:41:00,360
Speaker 1: group put together to go to Texas, were trying to

3820
02:41:00,400 --> 02:41:03,279
Speaker 1: get money from Texas to study it. So former Governor

3821
02:41:03,320 --> 02:41:05,320
Speaker 1: of Texas, Rick Perry, he asked me to be involved.

3822
02:41:05,480 --> 02:41:08,360
Speaker 1: He's heading all this or was. So we were in

3823
02:41:08,360 --> 02:41:12,880
Speaker 1: Texas working with politicians, legislators and they signed a bill

3824
02:41:13,360 --> 02:41:16,080
Speaker 1: and again I'm a small lego in this thing, but

3825
02:41:16,440 --> 02:41:19,320
Speaker 1: gave my story. They signed a bill that put fifty

3826
02:41:19,320 --> 02:41:24,720
Speaker 1: million dollars towards the study of ibegame for PTSD TBI addiction.

3827
02:41:24,840 --> 02:41:27,400
Speaker 1: It's choose on addiction. I haven't drank since my first

3828
02:41:27,400 --> 02:41:29,840
Speaker 1: treatment in twenty twenty one. Haven't had a drop of alcohol.

3829
02:41:29,879 --> 02:41:33,800
Speaker 1: I have zero interest in having any alcohol. It is,

3830
02:41:33,840 --> 02:41:36,840
Speaker 1: so it's huge for addiction. So they originally started using

3831
02:41:36,920 --> 02:41:40,160
Speaker 1: IBA gain with heroin addicts. They still do, like eighty

3832
02:41:40,200 --> 02:41:43,520
Speaker 1: some percent of heroin addicts will go through this treatment

3833
02:41:43,560 --> 02:41:47,200
Speaker 1: and not touch heroin again. So it's huge, huge for addiction.

3834
02:41:47,760 --> 02:41:50,600
Speaker 1: You know, Marcus, these guys were on numerous right, they

3835
02:41:50,640 --> 02:41:53,680
Speaker 1: call it the military sixty pack right of antidepressants, all

3836
02:41:53,680 --> 02:41:56,760
Speaker 1: these things. The majority of them are not on any

3837
02:41:56,800 --> 02:41:59,879
Speaker 1: of their pills. A ton of these guys don't drink.

3838
02:42:00,080 --> 02:42:02,600
Speaker 1: Marcus has never drank again. Right, There's tons of stories

3839
02:42:02,640 --> 02:42:06,160
Speaker 1: like mine. So Texas put the money sign that bill

3840
02:42:06,200 --> 02:42:07,720
Speaker 1: here a few months ago, so they're going to start

3841
02:42:07,720 --> 02:42:10,840
Speaker 1: studying it. They're going to do trials on veterans, on

3842
02:42:10,879 --> 02:42:13,959
Speaker 1: athletes to try and get this pass because it is

3843
02:42:14,120 --> 02:42:17,560
Speaker 1: currently a Schedule one drug, right, it's so there's that

3844
02:42:17,640 --> 02:42:19,840
Speaker 1: loophole to jump through to get it off Schedule one.

3845
02:42:20,360 --> 02:42:23,240
Speaker 1: So they're got that money, and then we started the

3846
02:42:23,680 --> 02:42:25,280
Speaker 1: which I'm a part of, also is the American I

3847
02:42:25,360 --> 02:42:28,640
Speaker 1: Begain Initiative. So other states now are trying to pull

3848
02:42:28,680 --> 02:42:31,160
Speaker 1: fronts from their state to study it so there's scientific

3849
02:42:31,760 --> 02:42:35,119
Speaker 1: proof and they want to continue it to show Hey,

3850
02:42:35,120 --> 02:42:38,240
Speaker 1: this is just not a spiritual drug. This is not

3851
02:42:38,280 --> 02:42:40,480
Speaker 1: what everyone thinks it is. This is a medicine that

3852
02:42:41,480 --> 02:42:46,680
Speaker 1: will drastically help people's mental health and help fix parts

3853
02:42:46,680 --> 02:42:49,640
Speaker 1: of their TBI, like it did me and has done

3854
02:42:49,680 --> 02:42:52,880
Speaker 1: other guys. So there's lots of things going on within

3855
02:42:52,959 --> 02:42:55,200
Speaker 1: this realm of this medicine that there's not a there's

3856
02:42:55,240 --> 02:42:59,240
Speaker 1: not a stigma of the you know, psilocybin or ayahuasca.

3857
02:42:59,320 --> 02:43:03,400
Speaker 1: There's because it's so unknown. But that's why we're having,

3858
02:43:04,760 --> 02:43:07,800
Speaker 1: you know, having success and things like that. And that's

3859
02:43:07,800 --> 02:43:12,560
Speaker 1: what brought me to create my foundation, which is Athletes

3860
02:43:12,600 --> 02:43:15,160
Speaker 1: for Care. And so I saw all these veterans and

3861
02:43:15,200 --> 02:43:16,680
Speaker 1: I saw what I was doing for them. I saw

3862
02:43:16,680 --> 02:43:18,760
Speaker 1: what it did for me, and going through this couple

3863
02:43:18,760 --> 02:43:20,800
Speaker 1: of year process, you know, I was like, I want

3864
02:43:20,800 --> 02:43:23,560
Speaker 1: to help guys. Because I finally opened up after healing,

3865
02:43:23,800 --> 02:43:26,120
Speaker 1: called a couple of my friends that I disappeared for

3866
02:43:26,160 --> 02:43:29,480
Speaker 1: like ten years, right, guys I played with and like, hey, sorry,

3867
02:43:30,480 --> 02:43:33,200
Speaker 1: you know, I just was going through some stuff. Here's

3868
02:43:33,200 --> 02:43:35,680
Speaker 1: what happened. And like Oh. So then I had guys

3869
02:43:35,720 --> 02:43:39,920
Speaker 1: reaching out, hey I'm going through this, or I the

3870
02:43:40,000 --> 02:43:43,440
Speaker 1: anger part resonated with me, like what's that like? Or

3871
02:43:43,520 --> 02:43:46,039
Speaker 1: the suicide stuff, And so I'm like, man, I could

3872
02:43:46,080 --> 02:43:48,200
Speaker 1: help people, right, right, because I'm not the you know,

3873
02:43:48,280 --> 02:43:50,000
Speaker 1: I thought I was the only guy, right, I'm the

3874
02:43:50,000 --> 02:43:53,800
Speaker 1: only NFL football player that got done. Yep. Well I'm

3875
02:43:53,840 --> 02:43:55,520
Speaker 1: the only guy out there going through this, right, and

3876
02:43:55,560 --> 02:43:57,600
Speaker 1: I don't want no one else wants to hear about it, right,

3877
02:43:57,800 --> 02:44:01,280
Speaker 1: And so I started having these stories and I'm like

3878
02:44:01,280 --> 02:44:02,959
Speaker 1: I want to help, right because I'm like that in

3879
02:44:03,000 --> 02:44:05,600
Speaker 1: my wife's like, you know, saved our saved your life,

3880
02:44:05,640 --> 02:44:08,039
Speaker 1: saved our marriage, it saved you know, saved you like

3881
02:44:08,120 --> 02:44:11,040
Speaker 1: you're back as a human being. And so started Athletes

3882
02:44:11,080 --> 02:44:13,840
Speaker 1: for Care. And what we want to do is, you know,

3883
02:44:13,920 --> 02:44:16,160
Speaker 1: be a voice for athletes. I want you know, we're

3884
02:44:16,200 --> 02:44:20,240
Speaker 1: doing this storytelling because that I went on Marcus's podcast. Right,

3885
02:44:20,280 --> 02:44:22,680
Speaker 1: the outreach we got from that, we get guys, ex

3886
02:44:22,760 --> 02:44:26,280
Speaker 1: athletes and all sports calling like, hey, this is me, right,

3887
02:44:26,320 --> 02:44:29,280
Speaker 1: the same thing you talking. I think it's me, you know,

3888
02:44:29,280 --> 02:44:32,320
Speaker 1: whether it's all the stuff, some of the stuff, So

3889
02:44:32,640 --> 02:44:35,600
Speaker 1: educating athletes that hey there are other options. And I'm

3890
02:44:35,640 --> 02:44:38,160
Speaker 1: not saying I begin as the magic pill, everyone should

3891
02:44:38,200 --> 02:44:40,720
Speaker 1: go do it, but when other things don't work, it's

3892
02:44:40,760 --> 02:44:43,480
Speaker 1: an option. It's another modality of something that can help.

3893
02:44:43,520 --> 02:44:45,440
Speaker 1: It helped me. I can show you two thousand other

3894
02:44:45,480 --> 02:44:49,879
Speaker 1: guys that it helped drastically, and so we want to

3895
02:44:49,920 --> 02:44:52,040
Speaker 1: be a resource, and I want to be a resource

3896
02:44:52,120 --> 02:44:54,039
Speaker 1: for these guys. And I've had more and more people

3897
02:44:54,080 --> 02:44:57,120
Speaker 1: reach out and I'm sure, like you guys, I know

3898
02:44:57,160 --> 02:45:00,480
Speaker 1: these guys. Right. There's guys we played with that you

3899
02:45:00,520 --> 02:45:02,959
Speaker 1: see around town or you see at an event and

3900
02:45:03,000 --> 02:45:06,440
Speaker 1: you're like, dude's got a screw loose. Yeah, right, And

3901
02:45:06,480 --> 02:45:08,240
Speaker 1: it's not I don't mean to make it funny, but

3902
02:45:08,320 --> 02:45:12,440
Speaker 1: there's they're either coping with alcohol or drugs. And I've

3903
02:45:12,480 --> 02:45:14,080
Speaker 1: been around these guys and I'm like, oh man, they

3904
02:45:14,120 --> 02:45:16,439
Speaker 1: need this medicine. Because these guys you play.

3905
02:45:16,240 --> 02:45:18,200
Speaker 4: With and you look at them and you'll have like

3906
02:45:18,560 --> 02:45:20,560
Speaker 4: a concerning conversation with like a teammate, being like that's

3907
02:45:20,560 --> 02:45:22,400
Speaker 4: a guy you have to worry about after football, Like

3908
02:45:22,520 --> 02:45:24,320
Speaker 4: a lot of guys you have to worry about. But

3909
02:45:24,840 --> 02:45:26,959
Speaker 4: some guys just even when they're playing, You're like, I

3910
02:45:27,000 --> 02:45:29,959
Speaker 4: can see where something could happen there for sure.

3911
02:45:30,040 --> 02:45:31,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you know, and it's not always right. I

3912
02:45:31,879 --> 02:45:35,440
Speaker 1: was pre pre this healing, you see. And it's unfortunate

3913
02:45:35,520 --> 02:45:37,680
Speaker 1: like these guys that make the news because they do

3914
02:45:37,760 --> 02:45:43,440
Speaker 1: something drastic, right, whether it's suicide or hurting right, you know,

3915
02:45:43,680 --> 02:45:46,360
Speaker 1: hurting their neighbor or there's been instances of that to

3916
02:45:46,360 --> 02:45:49,200
Speaker 1: where you're like, this dude's lost his rocker right right

3917
02:45:49,240 --> 02:45:51,920
Speaker 1: now you look at it, and I'm like, check his brain, right,

3918
02:45:51,959 --> 02:45:53,760
Speaker 1: and a lot of it now they are checking their brain.

3919
02:45:53,840 --> 02:45:56,360
Speaker 1: So it's TBI related issues, right, they raged anger a

3920
02:45:56,360 --> 02:45:59,160
Speaker 1: lot of stuff. And so being able to tell the

3921
02:45:59,200 --> 02:46:01,920
Speaker 1: story and be a resource for these people that are

3922
02:46:01,920 --> 02:46:04,160
Speaker 1: going through what I did. Yeah, it's not fun, right,

3923
02:46:04,240 --> 02:46:06,320
Speaker 1: sit here and tell you the stories about my kids

3924
02:46:06,360 --> 02:46:10,000
Speaker 1: and those things, right, but it's healing for me and

3925
02:46:10,400 --> 02:46:12,160
Speaker 1: the amount of people that it is, Like, dude, you

3926
02:46:12,200 --> 02:46:15,560
Speaker 1: saved my life by talking about it because you were

3927
02:46:15,879 --> 02:46:18,960
Speaker 1: you know, strong enough to like put your shit out there, right,

3928
02:46:19,879 --> 02:46:23,440
Speaker 1: like thank you. And so that's that's why I continue

3929
02:46:23,480 --> 02:46:25,840
Speaker 1: to do this with athletes for Care because there are

3930
02:46:25,879 --> 02:46:28,879
Speaker 1: lots of guys that are suffering, and there's you know,

3931
02:46:28,920 --> 02:46:30,920
Speaker 1: there's there's ways of healing. And that's why I want

3932
02:46:30,920 --> 02:46:33,640
Speaker 1: to be help push this medicine forward and just be

3933
02:46:33,680 --> 02:46:37,000
Speaker 1: a resource for guys. Hey, maybe maybe I begain isn't

3934
02:46:37,040 --> 02:46:38,880
Speaker 1: for you, but hey, won't you try this right once't

3935
02:46:38,879 --> 02:46:40,720
Speaker 1: you try the cold waterer therapy. Won't you try these

3936
02:46:40,760 --> 02:46:41,800
Speaker 1: breathing exercises?

3937
02:46:41,879 --> 02:46:42,039
Speaker 2: Right?

3938
02:46:42,080 --> 02:46:45,520
Speaker 1: I'm I've turned into a super focused hippie, right because

3939
02:46:45,959 --> 02:46:48,760
Speaker 1: you know, like you, we've talked about it, the the

3940
02:46:48,920 --> 02:46:51,640
Speaker 1: longevity stuff. Right. I get up and I do breathing exercises.

3941
02:46:51,680 --> 02:46:54,520
Speaker 1: They want to Jane, and it's there's so many things

3942
02:46:54,520 --> 02:46:56,560
Speaker 1: you can do. But that medicine for me got me

3943
02:46:57,280 --> 02:47:00,720
Speaker 1: years ahead and I know, fix some stuff. But now

3944
02:47:00,760 --> 02:47:04,200
Speaker 1: I'm addicted, right, I'm addicted to doing those things and

3945
02:47:04,240 --> 02:47:05,640
Speaker 1: I do. I get up at four in the morning,

3946
02:47:05,879 --> 02:47:08,200
Speaker 1: I go get my cold sub, I do my meditation,

3947
02:47:08,280 --> 02:47:10,480
Speaker 1: I do my breathing, I do my workout, I do

3948
02:47:10,560 --> 02:47:13,280
Speaker 1: my hyperbaric chamber. I know these tools. If I walk

3949
02:47:13,320 --> 02:47:15,360
Speaker 1: into a gym and I get activated because it's loud,

3950
02:47:15,480 --> 02:47:17,760
Speaker 1: I'm still I don't like chaos, right, That's who I am.

3951
02:47:17,800 --> 02:47:20,440
Speaker 1: I'm very straightforward as a dad, as a coach, as

3952
02:47:20,480 --> 02:47:23,160
Speaker 1: a person. But I walk in and I get activated

3953
02:47:23,200 --> 02:47:26,360
Speaker 1: because you know, everyone's not us. I don't know how

3954
02:47:26,360 --> 02:47:28,920
Speaker 1: you guys are with your kids. I'm guessing we're very similar, right,

3955
02:47:28,959 --> 02:47:30,800
Speaker 1: this is not a free for all. Right, kids act

3956
02:47:30,840 --> 02:47:33,360
Speaker 1: a certain way right walking to a gym and people

3957
02:47:33,400 --> 02:47:36,480
Speaker 1: are bouncing off the walls and no judgment on their parenting.

3958
02:47:36,560 --> 02:47:40,200
Speaker 1: But it activates me. Right. But now it's not this

3959
02:47:40,320 --> 02:47:42,320
Speaker 1: over the top activation that I have to leave the gym.

3960
02:47:42,360 --> 02:47:44,920
Speaker 1: It's like, I'm okay, not my kids. It's not my problem.

3961
02:47:45,280 --> 02:47:47,000
Speaker 1: My kids are doing what they're supposed to do. I

3962
02:47:47,000 --> 02:47:48,879
Speaker 1: can walk in, I can sit down. I cannot be

3963
02:47:48,959 --> 02:47:52,480
Speaker 1: up there shaking because of the reaction. And so I know,

3964
02:47:52,600 --> 02:47:55,680
Speaker 1: sitting here to watch my daughter and enjoy what she's

3965
02:47:55,680 --> 02:47:57,959
Speaker 1: doing or whatever one of my kids I'm watching, or

3966
02:47:57,959 --> 02:48:00,680
Speaker 1: if we're coaching. Now I'm coaching, and you know, with

3967
02:48:00,760 --> 02:48:03,280
Speaker 1: my wife, we're coaching basketball. We're about to start the

3968
02:48:03,360 --> 02:48:06,320
Speaker 1: high school basketball season, coaching girls. And it's the greatest

3969
02:48:06,360 --> 02:48:08,040
Speaker 1: thing in the world. I couldn't have done that five years show.

3970
02:48:08,080 --> 02:48:11,800
Speaker 4: When you talk about being your vulnerable state and saving

3971
02:48:11,840 --> 02:48:14,200
Speaker 4: as many people, there's like you hear a lot of

3972
02:48:14,240 --> 02:48:16,920
Speaker 4: stories about people who have gone through processes either similar

3973
02:48:16,920 --> 02:48:20,800
Speaker 4: to yours or whatever, and how they've you know, changed

3974
02:48:20,840 --> 02:48:23,040
Speaker 4: so many people's lives. Has your wife ever told her

3975
02:48:23,120 --> 02:48:25,520
Speaker 4: side of the story and been vulnerable in those senses

3976
02:48:25,560 --> 02:48:27,680
Speaker 4: because you talk about you know, as you're telling me

3977
02:48:27,760 --> 02:48:29,960
Speaker 4: this story, I'm thinking, like, it's amazing the amount of

3978
02:48:29,959 --> 02:48:33,160
Speaker 4: growth you've had and how you're very humble sitting on

3979
02:48:33,160 --> 02:48:35,320
Speaker 4: this bus talking about these hard times that I've had

3980
02:48:35,360 --> 02:48:36,840
Speaker 4: and this is the process that it took, and this

3981
02:48:36,840 --> 02:48:39,320
Speaker 4: is where I'm at now, And I just think about

3982
02:48:39,560 --> 02:48:41,800
Speaker 4: your wife and as you come out of this first

3983
02:48:41,840 --> 02:48:45,360
Speaker 4: medicine and she's singing a different version of you, there's

3984
02:48:45,360 --> 02:48:47,680
Speaker 4: probably a bunch of stones that haven't been on turned

3985
02:48:47,680 --> 02:48:50,560
Speaker 4: for her of like different things that maybe you did

3986
02:48:50,560 --> 02:48:52,400
Speaker 4: that she hasn't healed from, and there's a process for

3987
02:48:52,680 --> 02:48:54,400
Speaker 4: her to heal through. Has she ever been able to

3988
02:48:54,680 --> 02:48:56,400
Speaker 4: kind of tell her side of the story and these things?

3989
02:48:56,520 --> 02:48:59,400
Speaker 1: It's funny you ask. We just did it. We went

3990
02:48:59,440 --> 02:49:01,840
Speaker 1: to Iowa that week, did some mental health work with

3991
02:49:01,840 --> 02:49:05,080
Speaker 1: the Athletic department with current student athletes, you know, not

3992
02:49:05,160 --> 02:49:08,440
Speaker 1: regarding psychedelics, just more mental health in general. Met with

3993
02:49:08,480 --> 02:49:11,040
Speaker 1: the psychiatric department. We're collabing with them at the University

3994
02:49:11,080 --> 02:49:14,600
Speaker 1: of Iowa. But we sat down and she had a

3995
02:49:14,600 --> 02:49:17,320
Speaker 1: couple hour interview and it's the first time she's told

3996
02:49:17,360 --> 02:49:20,400
Speaker 1: her story. She's given tidbits on different things that she's

3997
02:49:20,480 --> 02:49:22,960
Speaker 1: people she spoke to with different articles that they'd done

3998
02:49:22,959 --> 02:49:25,480
Speaker 1: on me. But we have that in the pipeline to

3999
02:49:25,520 --> 02:49:28,640
Speaker 1: come out. Because I took a good friend of mine

4000
02:49:28,640 --> 02:49:31,160
Speaker 1: from Iowa. He played in the league. He was struggling

4001
02:49:31,680 --> 02:49:33,640
Speaker 1: and I talked to him about this two years ago,

4002
02:49:33,840 --> 02:49:37,080
Speaker 1: and about a year and a half ago he reached out.

4003
02:49:37,120 --> 02:49:38,360
Speaker 1: He's like, I need help, I want I need to

4004
02:49:38,360 --> 02:49:40,360
Speaker 1: go do this. So I went down with him to

4005
02:49:40,440 --> 02:49:43,800
Speaker 1: Mexico just to hold space. And I remember, this is

4006
02:49:43,800 --> 02:49:46,320
Speaker 1: when it hit me, like you said, because I was

4007
02:49:46,360 --> 02:49:48,640
Speaker 1: down there and I called my wife and said, hey,

4008
02:49:49,000 --> 02:49:52,000
Speaker 1: can you call such and such as wife and kind

4009
02:49:52,000 --> 02:49:53,280
Speaker 1: of tell her what's going to be like when they

4010
02:49:53,280 --> 02:49:55,800
Speaker 1: get back, because remember how much we struggled, right, because

4011
02:49:55,959 --> 02:49:58,879
Speaker 1: she was she was for a long time. She was like, oh,

4012
02:49:58,959 --> 02:50:02,039
Speaker 1: it's great, you're fixed. Awesome, right, Like I've been living

4013
02:50:02,040 --> 02:50:03,640
Speaker 1: through all this stuff and it's awesome.

4014
02:50:04,640 --> 02:50:07,520
Speaker 4: She has multiple years of going through all these things.

4015
02:50:07,600 --> 02:50:09,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she you know, that's when it hit me.

4016
02:50:09,920 --> 02:50:12,400
Speaker 1: I was like, we need to if she wants to,

4017
02:50:12,440 --> 02:50:15,200
Speaker 1: and she did. She's willing to tell it because it's

4018
02:50:15,240 --> 02:50:17,120
Speaker 1: the wives and the kids that go through it. And

4019
02:50:17,160 --> 02:50:20,400
Speaker 1: so she called my buddy's wife and and it was

4020
02:50:20,440 --> 02:50:23,320
Speaker 1: great because she wasn't really into him going down there.

4021
02:50:23,320 --> 02:50:24,840
Speaker 1: She's like, what is Robert doing? Like they're going to

4022
02:50:25,000 --> 02:50:28,760
Speaker 1: make he's taking him to Mexico? Do drugs? Trust us? Right? Well,

4023
02:50:28,800 --> 02:50:30,640
Speaker 1: then he gets home and I waited. I didn't want

4024
02:50:30,640 --> 02:50:33,360
Speaker 1: to call an ask how's he doing. A week later,

4025
02:50:33,520 --> 02:50:37,080
Speaker 1: get a call from our text It's like, I'm sorry,

4026
02:50:37,120 --> 02:50:38,760
Speaker 1: I didn't believe in this when you left. He is

4027
02:50:38,800 --> 02:50:42,360
Speaker 1: a different person. Thank you so much and the stuff

4028
02:50:42,400 --> 02:50:43,840
Speaker 1: you told me. And then we were like, okay, well,

4029
02:50:43,840 --> 02:50:46,039
Speaker 1: now here's this going to happen, right, You're gonna get

4030
02:50:46,040 --> 02:50:48,920
Speaker 1: some resentment coming up, just like my wife did. And

4031
02:50:48,959 --> 02:50:51,280
Speaker 1: she did. She called my wife and was like, yep,

4032
02:50:51,360 --> 02:50:53,959
Speaker 1: it's there, he's fixed. It's all great. You know, tell

4033
02:50:54,040 --> 02:50:57,480
Speaker 1: me to relax. Yeah, right, because I'm the one reacting now.

4034
02:50:58,120 --> 02:51:00,360
Speaker 1: So it's a big part of this whole story, is

4035
02:51:01,240 --> 02:51:03,480
Speaker 1: the entire part of it. And that's what Marcus and

4036
02:51:03,480 --> 02:51:06,240
Speaker 1: Amber Capone did for me at Vets They are my

4037
02:51:06,360 --> 02:51:08,920
Speaker 1: best friends now one of my best friends because they

4038
02:51:09,000 --> 02:51:11,000
Speaker 1: took that call from me, right, And that's why I

4039
02:51:11,040 --> 02:51:12,840
Speaker 1: want to help other guys. And it's just another it's

4040
02:51:12,879 --> 02:51:15,640
Speaker 1: a way of of healing, right, because we all have

4041
02:51:15,680 --> 02:51:18,080
Speaker 1: our issues, right, We're always going to have our issues. Right.

4042
02:51:18,160 --> 02:51:21,520
Speaker 1: But and it's not not that it's not everyone in

4043
02:51:21,560 --> 02:51:24,840
Speaker 1: the world, but you know, athletes especially right, you come

4044
02:51:24,879 --> 02:51:26,800
Speaker 1: out of being what we were and the identity and

4045
02:51:26,840 --> 02:51:29,240
Speaker 1: all these things, and like we're full bore, you know.

4046
02:51:29,280 --> 02:51:31,080
Speaker 1: So I want to start with that and help guys,

4047
02:51:31,600 --> 02:51:34,360
Speaker 1: you know, get healing. And that's you know, this is

4048
02:51:34,360 --> 02:51:35,200
Speaker 1: how I know how to do it.

4049
02:51:35,320 --> 02:51:37,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just I sit here and think it's like,

4050
02:51:37,520 --> 02:51:43,200
Speaker 2: how do you reach another Robert Gallery out there? That's

4051
02:51:43,240 --> 02:51:45,840
Speaker 2: more so in the phase of the years until you

4052
02:51:46,000 --> 02:51:48,560
Speaker 2: decided like, hey, I need help, the moment on the

4053
02:51:48,760 --> 02:51:50,520
Speaker 2: on the driveway where you look at your wife and

4054
02:51:50,520 --> 02:51:52,800
Speaker 2: you say I need help, like the guy that isn't

4055
02:51:52,840 --> 02:51:55,280
Speaker 2: wanting to hear it. I feel like that's always the

4056
02:51:55,879 --> 02:51:58,119
Speaker 2: that's always got to be the challenge.

4057
02:51:57,800 --> 02:52:00,280
Speaker 1: Right, it is, And I think that's I think talking

4058
02:52:00,280 --> 02:52:03,800
Speaker 1: about it, I've learned. I've had numerous guys that have like, Hey,

4059
02:52:03,800 --> 02:52:06,280
Speaker 1: seeing you talk about it, they reach out and like,

4060
02:52:06,320 --> 02:52:08,160
Speaker 1: I'm having the same thing. Seeing you talk about it

4061
02:52:08,200 --> 02:52:10,360
Speaker 1: made me reach out. Am I ready to go to Mexico? No,

4062
02:52:10,600 --> 02:52:13,240
Speaker 1: some of them are. We've helped guys get down there. Yeah,

4063
02:52:13,680 --> 02:52:16,240
Speaker 1: But I think it's just the vulnerability. So it's not

4064
02:52:16,320 --> 02:52:19,560
Speaker 1: just me, right, it's you hear you know, that's just

4065
02:52:19,640 --> 02:52:22,520
Speaker 1: this day and age too. Is like not only athletes,

4066
02:52:22,520 --> 02:52:24,760
Speaker 1: but you hear Marcus Latrell talk about it, you hear

4067
02:52:25,400 --> 02:52:27,560
Speaker 1: DJ Shipley. These guys are the baddest dudes on the

4068
02:52:27,560 --> 02:52:29,280
Speaker 1: face of the earth. And what they did right, and

4069
02:52:29,360 --> 02:52:31,320
Speaker 1: you hear them talk about it right, And that's what

4070
02:52:31,400 --> 02:52:32,600
Speaker 1: did it for me, Like to sit in a room

4071
02:52:32,640 --> 02:52:34,959
Speaker 1: and cry with a bunch of Navy seals and hug

4072
02:52:35,000 --> 02:52:36,520
Speaker 1: and tell them you love them, right, the stuff that

4073
02:52:36,560 --> 02:52:38,360
Speaker 1: you're like ten years ago, none of us would have

4074
02:52:38,360 --> 02:52:40,280
Speaker 1: said that, right, you know what I mean. So to

4075
02:52:40,640 --> 02:52:43,480
Speaker 1: be vulnerable and talk about this, you know, we've been

4076
02:52:43,520 --> 02:52:46,480
Speaker 1: getting a lot of outreach and guys like, hey, something's

4077
02:52:46,520 --> 02:52:48,119
Speaker 1: going on. You know, I don't know if I'm ready,

4078
02:52:48,200 --> 02:52:50,720
Speaker 1: but but this, you know, stay keep me in the

4079
02:52:50,760 --> 02:52:54,160
Speaker 1: loop on what you're doing, because just that talking about

4080
02:52:54,160 --> 02:52:56,720
Speaker 1: it makes people think it's okay to like, oh shit,

4081
02:52:56,800 --> 02:52:58,920
Speaker 1: that's me. And we've had guys. I've had a couple

4082
02:52:58,959 --> 02:53:01,320
Speaker 1: of guys that reached out, had heard my story on

4083
02:53:01,360 --> 02:53:04,440
Speaker 1: a different podcast or a news article, went and did

4084
02:53:04,480 --> 02:53:06,600
Speaker 1: the medicine and went on their own like wanted healing,

4085
02:53:06,720 --> 02:53:09,440
Speaker 1: went and did it and then reached out again or

4086
02:53:09,480 --> 02:53:12,600
Speaker 1: reached out then post treatments like dude, you save my life,

4087
02:53:12,760 --> 02:53:13,840
Speaker 1: like and that's pretty cool.

4088
02:53:13,920 --> 02:53:16,760
Speaker 2: In with Marcus Latreel at the first spot, like yeah,

4089
02:53:16,760 --> 02:53:18,200
Speaker 2: I don't know if you like your stuff, but you

4090
02:53:18,200 --> 02:53:18,800
Speaker 2: saved my life.

4091
02:53:18,920 --> 02:53:19,120
Speaker 1: Yeah.

4092
02:53:20,080 --> 02:53:20,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

4093
02:53:20,680 --> 02:53:23,039
Speaker 1: It's like you know the days it's that I'm you know,

4094
02:53:23,720 --> 02:53:27,119
Speaker 1: working on the business side of having a foundation, right,

4095
02:53:27,160 --> 02:53:28,720
Speaker 1: I tried to raise money and do all these things

4096
02:53:28,720 --> 02:53:30,080
Speaker 1: that you got to do to keep running. And you

4097
02:53:30,120 --> 02:53:32,080
Speaker 1: get an email like that and you're like, holy cow,

4098
02:53:32,200 --> 02:53:34,440
Speaker 1: like there is a reason, and it's it's pretty cool,

4099
02:53:34,440 --> 02:53:36,560
Speaker 1: and you know, sit and talk to guys. There's been

4100
02:53:36,640 --> 02:53:39,039
Speaker 1: numerous ex players that I've been at vents with and

4101
02:53:39,040 --> 02:53:40,520
Speaker 1: what are you up to now? And it just wasn't

4102
02:53:40,560 --> 02:53:43,560
Speaker 1: me preaching like you should do medicine. It's just more

4103
02:53:43,600 --> 02:53:45,400
Speaker 1: out this is what happened. I went dark, did this

4104
02:53:45,920 --> 02:53:48,200
Speaker 1: found healing in this and they're like, oh right, I've

4105
02:53:48,240 --> 02:53:51,360
Speaker 1: had numerous guys like the rage thing. He's like, and

4106
02:53:51,480 --> 02:53:55,240
Speaker 1: it's like they relive what I was doing, and so

4107
02:53:55,320 --> 02:53:57,840
Speaker 1: I hope they, you know, find something that helps them.

4108
02:53:57,840 --> 02:54:00,000
Speaker 1: But there's lots of guys like that. It's not everybody.

4109
02:54:00,080 --> 02:54:02,480
Speaker 1: I'm not playing, you know, like you guys, I'd go

4110
02:54:02,520 --> 02:54:04,080
Speaker 1: do the whole thing all over again. I'd go back

4111
02:54:04,120 --> 02:54:05,800
Speaker 1: to Iowa and do the same stuff and hit the

4112
02:54:05,840 --> 02:54:07,320
Speaker 1: same way and be the guy that was trying to

4113
02:54:07,400 --> 02:54:09,640
Speaker 1: kill people with my head. Yeah, because that's what I was.

4114
02:54:09,680 --> 02:54:11,840
Speaker 1: I was. I was not a finesque guy, right. I

4115
02:54:12,000 --> 02:54:15,320
Speaker 1: was a smash a face mask through your face.

4116
02:54:15,160 --> 02:54:17,160
Speaker 2: Mask type of guy, be ready to die on the field.

4117
02:54:17,800 --> 02:54:19,840
Speaker 4: And so yeah, there's those moments on Saturdays in the

4118
02:54:19,879 --> 02:54:21,920
Speaker 4: Fall where you're just like, man if I died out here,

4119
02:54:22,080 --> 02:54:24,360
Speaker 4: this is an honorable death. I'm willing to do it.

4120
02:54:24,440 --> 02:54:26,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a sick part about it, and I'm still right.

4121
02:54:26,480 --> 02:54:28,240
Speaker 1: That's also the thing with the medicine. It's not I'm

4122
02:54:28,240 --> 02:54:31,680
Speaker 1: not a hippie now, like yes do I do. I

4123
02:54:31,720 --> 02:54:33,520
Speaker 1: am right because you've seen me or I can like

4124
02:54:34,360 --> 02:54:36,400
Speaker 1: in the airport, right, things are getting activating me. Right,

4125
02:54:36,400 --> 02:54:38,480
Speaker 1: it's like chaos. I don't like chaos. There's a bunch

4126
02:54:38,520 --> 02:54:40,760
Speaker 1: of noises because I can hear. Now, I can hear,

4127
02:54:40,800 --> 02:54:42,840
Speaker 1: and I'm thinking clearly, and I'm like, oh, there's a

4128
02:54:42,879 --> 02:54:44,720
Speaker 1: lot going on in here. Sorr sit in the corner

4129
02:54:44,800 --> 02:54:47,000
Speaker 1: right close my eyes, and I'm sure people like, who

4130
02:54:47,080 --> 02:54:54,000
Speaker 1: is this massive tattooed dude in the corner. And it's awesome.

4131
02:54:54,120 --> 02:54:57,560
Speaker 1: It's a it's a great feeling to be you know,

4132
02:54:57,800 --> 02:55:00,120
Speaker 1: healed and be that much far ahead of where I

4133
02:55:00,040 --> 02:55:02,520
Speaker 1: I was and to be able to offer it to

4134
02:55:02,959 --> 02:55:05,920
Speaker 1: other people and guide them through maybe before they get

4135
02:55:05,959 --> 02:55:07,760
Speaker 1: to where I get. That's my whole My whole goal

4136
02:55:07,800 --> 02:55:10,120
Speaker 1: with athletes for care is to be there before they

4137
02:55:10,120 --> 02:55:12,480
Speaker 1: get to where I got. Telling my wife like, here's

4138
02:55:12,480 --> 02:55:16,240
Speaker 1: all this stuff, right, let's get you the rage stuff

4139
02:55:16,240 --> 02:55:19,200
Speaker 1: now that you're recognizing, Right, that's what leads to this

4140
02:55:19,280 --> 02:55:22,000
Speaker 1: other stuff. That's part of TBI. That's the reality of it, right,

4141
02:55:22,080 --> 02:55:25,720
Speaker 1: not blaming the league, not blaming anyone, Like I said,

4142
02:55:25,720 --> 02:55:28,520
Speaker 1: I do it all over again, but like, let's offer healing.

4143
02:55:28,879 --> 02:55:32,039
Speaker 1: And that's a big part of what we're doing and

4144
02:55:32,160 --> 02:55:32,840
Speaker 1: why I'm on here.

4145
02:55:33,080 --> 02:55:35,200
Speaker 2: What's your relationship, like with football.

4146
02:55:35,200 --> 02:55:38,200
Speaker 1: Now you know when I got.

4147
02:55:37,720 --> 02:55:39,879
Speaker 2: And how's it changed? Since it's probably the bitter taste

4148
02:55:39,879 --> 02:55:41,040
Speaker 2: you had in your mouth when you left it.

4149
02:55:41,400 --> 02:55:44,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can sit and enjoy and watch a game

4150
02:55:44,080 --> 02:55:46,320
Speaker 1: with my son because he loves it. Am I going

4151
02:55:46,360 --> 02:55:50,160
Speaker 1: to choose to on a Saturday or Sunday in December

4152
02:55:50,240 --> 02:55:53,040
Speaker 1: when it's dumping snow out stay and watch it, watch

4153
02:55:53,120 --> 02:55:56,039
Speaker 1: the NFL games on Sunday ticket rather than being on

4154
02:55:56,040 --> 02:55:58,560
Speaker 1: the mountain snowboard and absolutely not right. I'm not a

4155
02:55:58,959 --> 02:56:00,879
Speaker 1: I was never that way, Like, I'm not a guy

4156
02:56:00,879 --> 02:56:03,560
Speaker 1: that sit and watches it every weekend. But I can

4157
02:56:03,600 --> 02:56:05,200
Speaker 1: turn it on now. My son can turn it on,

4158
02:56:05,400 --> 02:56:08,320
Speaker 1: like Dad, let's watch the football game? Like sure, buddy. Yeah,

4159
02:56:08,640 --> 02:56:11,400
Speaker 1: pre all this, I would lose it, like turn that

4160
02:56:12,000 --> 02:56:15,599
Speaker 1: stuff off. It was just all this hatred.

4161
02:56:15,200 --> 02:56:17,560
Speaker 4: Towards footballs for the devil time of Yeah.

4162
02:56:17,360 --> 02:56:18,800
Speaker 1: It was. I hated it. I didn't want to watch

4163
02:56:18,840 --> 02:56:21,080
Speaker 1: it because it brought back all the negative stuff. Well,

4164
02:56:21,280 --> 02:56:23,480
Speaker 1: you're a failure. You should still be playing. I'm forty

4165
02:56:23,520 --> 02:56:25,360
Speaker 1: five years old. I shouldn't be playing still, right, But

4166
02:56:25,360 --> 02:56:26,920
Speaker 1: it was all these things that go through your head

4167
02:56:27,000 --> 02:56:29,680
Speaker 1: as an ex athlete to where now it's fun with

4168
02:56:29,680 --> 02:56:32,720
Speaker 1: my son to watch it. It's like, oh, yeah, George

4169
02:56:32,760 --> 02:56:35,160
Speaker 1: Kittle's on the you know, it's you know, I know

4170
02:56:35,280 --> 02:56:37,520
Speaker 1: George and his family. And to hear my son be

4171
02:56:37,600 --> 02:56:40,000
Speaker 1: so excited about oh, you know, I was watching Receiver

4172
02:56:40,200 --> 02:56:41,879
Speaker 1: and you know, am I gonna sit and watch it?

4173
02:56:42,120 --> 02:56:43,320
Speaker 1: I will because he wants to.

4174
02:56:43,760 --> 02:56:47,080
Speaker 4: Dude, isn't it you're bringing up George Kittle. Isn't it

4175
02:56:47,160 --> 02:56:50,000
Speaker 4: so crazy that you went to Iowa and a young

4176
02:56:50,040 --> 02:56:52,040
Speaker 4: eight year old George Kittle waited in line for an

4177
02:56:52,080 --> 02:56:54,480
Speaker 4: hour for you to take a photo with you as

4178
02:56:54,520 --> 02:56:57,360
Speaker 4: a kid, and then now because of how long you

4179
02:56:57,440 --> 02:56:59,920
Speaker 4: waited and signed those photos and autographs and all those things,

4180
02:57:00,320 --> 02:57:02,200
Speaker 4: he's now a guy that does that because he saw

4181
02:57:02,280 --> 02:57:05,199
Speaker 4: you do that. And now your kids watching George Kittle

4182
02:57:05,240 --> 02:57:06,720
Speaker 4: being like, holy shit, George Kittle.

4183
02:57:06,840 --> 02:57:09,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that just nuts. It's amazing. And to hear

4184
02:57:09,280 --> 02:57:11,680
Speaker 1: that I heard the you know, George and his dad

4185
02:57:11,879 --> 02:57:13,560
Speaker 1: shared that story with me and I had no idea,

4186
02:57:13,640 --> 02:57:16,760
Speaker 1: right and showed me the picture and it's yeah, it's

4187
02:57:16,879 --> 02:57:18,400
Speaker 1: it's a big deal because we get in the thing.

4188
02:57:18,440 --> 02:57:20,240
Speaker 1: It's like, you know, I remember doing that. I remember

4189
02:57:20,280 --> 02:57:21,879
Speaker 1: standing there because I'm like, I can't let these kids down.

4190
02:57:21,879 --> 02:57:23,080
Speaker 1: I was that kid. I was that kid when my

4191
02:57:23,120 --> 02:57:24,600
Speaker 1: brother was playing waiting for Tim D. White to get

4192
02:57:24,600 --> 02:57:27,760
Speaker 1: an autographed Yeah, and so to have that relationship with them,

4193
02:57:27,959 --> 02:57:30,400
Speaker 1: you know, and George is actually George has been great.

4194
02:57:30,440 --> 02:57:35,240
Speaker 1: Like we're doing a fundraiser with him through All True.

4195
02:57:35,600 --> 02:57:40,400
Speaker 1: It's a rally fundraiser. They're they're actually giving away a

4196
02:57:40,480 --> 02:57:44,560
Speaker 1: Himalaya e V defender a vehicle. Right, So if you

4197
02:57:44,560 --> 02:57:46,320
Speaker 1: go to All True dot com and check that out.

4198
02:57:46,400 --> 02:57:50,640
Speaker 1: George is all show exactly. Carl Rudolph started it and

4199
02:57:50,640 --> 02:57:52,680
Speaker 1: and George does a lot of things for them. We

4200
02:57:52,680 --> 02:57:54,840
Speaker 1: have a lot of things intertwined, Like he's big in

4201
02:57:54,879 --> 02:57:58,840
Speaker 1: the military community. You know, what he's done with his career,

4202
02:57:59,280 --> 02:58:01,560
Speaker 1: you know, is great, but all the other stuff he does,

4203
02:58:01,600 --> 02:58:03,480
Speaker 1: so it's great to partner with them. You know, they're

4204
02:58:03,520 --> 02:58:06,280
Speaker 1: going to help raise funds through that All True fundraiser

4205
02:58:06,680 --> 02:58:09,360
Speaker 1: for our organization for Athletes for Care and just just

4206
02:58:09,360 --> 02:58:11,920
Speaker 1: good human beings right there. You know that's the Midwest,

4207
02:58:12,000 --> 02:58:14,680
Speaker 1: the Midwest in them and and you know the Iway guy.

4208
02:58:14,800 --> 02:58:16,120
Speaker 1: So what else what else is?

4209
02:58:16,840 --> 02:58:24,920
Speaker 2: Yeah? How how hard was it to eventually love your

4210
02:58:25,000 --> 02:58:27,480
Speaker 2: career and love what you accomplished and love what you

4211
02:58:27,480 --> 02:58:29,959
Speaker 2: did because I can imagine, I can only imagine how

4212
02:58:30,000 --> 02:58:33,320
Speaker 2: angry you probably would be at times being a number

4213
02:58:33,320 --> 02:58:36,200
Speaker 2: two overall pick. And like I just I can just

4214
02:58:36,240 --> 02:58:38,920
Speaker 2: tell listening to you loved the game of football. You

4215
02:58:38,959 --> 02:58:42,320
Speaker 2: loved fucking grinding, you loved putting on one hundred pounds,

4216
02:58:42,680 --> 02:58:46,160
Speaker 2: you loved imposing your will against the opponent and working

4217
02:58:46,200 --> 02:58:49,000
Speaker 2: out and grinding and getting better. And for your career,

4218
02:58:49,160 --> 02:58:51,440
Speaker 2: you know, we're all psychos, we all want to be

4219
02:58:51,480 --> 02:58:54,280
Speaker 2: the greatest. For it not to work out and in

4220
02:58:54,320 --> 02:58:57,400
Speaker 2: a way of the expectation of the world and everything else.

4221
02:58:57,760 --> 02:58:59,760
Speaker 2: I'm sure that you were very bitter for a while.

4222
02:59:00,520 --> 02:59:02,600
Speaker 2: And because you talked about your ego death, you talked

4223
02:59:02,600 --> 02:59:05,000
Speaker 2: about you speaking on it, and it was very fleeting.

4224
02:59:05,040 --> 02:59:07,119
Speaker 2: But loving your career when you said you were coming

4225
02:59:07,120 --> 02:59:09,640
Speaker 2: out of and from the spiritual side of everything, I'm

4226
02:59:09,640 --> 02:59:10,840
Speaker 2: sure that was very hard.

4227
02:59:11,200 --> 02:59:14,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it is right. We're competitors. That stuff doesn't

4228
02:59:14,160 --> 02:59:17,720
Speaker 1: go away. But this, you know, this whole journey led

4229
02:59:17,760 --> 02:59:19,840
Speaker 1: me to there's a lot of other thing you guys

4230
02:59:19,879 --> 02:59:21,720
Speaker 1: know it right, Like, there's a lot of other factors

4231
02:59:21,760 --> 02:59:24,040
Speaker 1: that go into what happens. Right, So I look back

4232
02:59:24,080 --> 02:59:26,840
Speaker 1: at my career at Iowa and why was I so

4233
02:59:26,920 --> 02:59:29,879
Speaker 1: successful there? Because the head coach that started in nineteen

4234
02:59:29,959 --> 02:59:33,240
Speaker 1: ninety nine is still there in twenty twenty six, right,

4235
02:59:33,320 --> 02:59:35,800
Speaker 1: So it was the same coach, the same system, right,

4236
02:59:35,800 --> 02:59:38,480
Speaker 1: and all these other things. But it's about right you

4237
02:59:38,520 --> 02:59:41,440
Speaker 1: look back and yeah, you played ten years. You think

4238
02:59:41,440 --> 02:59:43,400
Speaker 1: you should have played twelve, You played twelve, right, it

4239
02:59:43,400 --> 02:59:45,840
Speaker 1: doesn't matter, right at the end of the day, that's

4240
02:59:45,879 --> 02:59:48,320
Speaker 1: who we are as competitors. Could have played twenty years

4241
02:59:48,320 --> 02:59:49,480
Speaker 1: and I'm sure I'd be sitting here and playing I

4242
02:59:49,480 --> 02:59:51,879
Speaker 1: should have played twenty two, right, Like this whole expectation

4243
02:59:51,920 --> 02:59:55,320
Speaker 1: of what you should do. Yeah, So it's yeah, it's

4244
02:59:55,600 --> 02:59:57,720
Speaker 1: it's also looking at things in a healthy way. There's

4245
02:59:57,760 --> 02:59:59,520
Speaker 1: a lot of things that are in life or out

4246
02:59:59,520 --> 03:00:03,720
Speaker 1: of your factors that affect what happens, right, and you

4247
03:00:03,720 --> 03:00:05,240
Speaker 1: have a story in your head of how you want

4248
03:00:05,240 --> 03:00:07,680
Speaker 1: things to happen. But it's, yes, it's a sit here

4249
03:00:07,680 --> 03:00:09,560
Speaker 1: and like, I'm proud of what I did. Right. I

4250
03:00:10,000 --> 03:00:14,200
Speaker 1: didn't dwindle it away because I was out, you know,

4251
03:00:14,440 --> 03:00:17,840
Speaker 1: not not putting everything into it. And so yes, it's

4252
03:00:17,879 --> 03:00:21,360
Speaker 1: it's it's a much better relationship now. And that's you know,

4253
03:00:21,400 --> 03:00:23,680
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be here, you know, that's part of the

4254
03:00:23,680 --> 03:00:25,720
Speaker 1: spiritual part of it. I wouldn't be here talking about

4255
03:00:25,720 --> 03:00:27,800
Speaker 1: this if all that stuff didn't happen, right, So it's

4256
03:00:27,840 --> 03:00:29,640
Speaker 1: part of the process it was supposed to be for me.

4257
03:00:30,879 --> 03:00:32,600
Speaker 1: Did I still want to go to the playoffs every

4258
03:00:32,640 --> 03:00:37,320
Speaker 1: year or a year never? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, yeah,

4259
03:00:37,320 --> 03:00:39,199
Speaker 1: that stuff still bothers me, right, it gets the playoff

4260
03:00:39,200 --> 03:00:42,039
Speaker 1: time and I'm like, I mean, it doesn't debilitate me,

4261
03:00:42,080 --> 03:00:46,520
Speaker 1: but I'm like, ah, that's a'd January see the winning

4262
03:00:46,600 --> 03:00:50,840
Speaker 1: team just like man, yeah, feeling yeah. And and as

4263
03:00:50,840 --> 03:00:53,200
Speaker 1: you guys know, when you're winning, it's it's fun, right,

4264
03:00:53,240 --> 03:00:56,080
Speaker 1: it's and it's easy, right. And then you're like, I

4265
03:00:56,120 --> 03:00:58,200
Speaker 1: got bullrust there, but it didn't matter because we were

4266
03:00:58,320 --> 03:00:59,960
Speaker 1: rolling and he got it out and like you know,

4267
03:01:00,080 --> 03:01:02,080
Speaker 1: and that happens in a you know, you're losing and

4268
03:01:02,120 --> 03:01:05,120
Speaker 1: you're you know, down twenty and your were past blocking

4269
03:01:05,160 --> 03:01:07,320
Speaker 1: every single one, like hold on, yeah, yeah.

4270
03:01:07,160 --> 03:01:08,760
Speaker 4: That's the worst. When you open up the second half

4271
03:01:08,800 --> 03:01:10,920
Speaker 4: and you're like two minute boys, hold on to your

4272
03:01:12,200 --> 03:01:13,240
Speaker 4: nothing for the rest of the game.

4273
03:01:13,280 --> 03:01:13,879
Speaker 1: You're praying to.

4274
03:01:13,840 --> 03:01:17,000
Speaker 4: Get a couple of slides. Hey, that's the worst feeling

4275
03:01:17,000 --> 03:01:18,879
Speaker 4: in the world when it comes to a career, dude,

4276
03:01:18,879 --> 03:01:21,880
Speaker 4: Like we've talked about it. I still miss playing football,

4277
03:01:22,280 --> 03:01:25,560
Speaker 4: but I am extremely proud of Like if you if

4278
03:01:25,600 --> 03:01:27,240
Speaker 4: you're able to be proud of what you were able

4279
03:01:27,240 --> 03:01:29,160
Speaker 4: to accomplish and put it giving one hundred percent effort

4280
03:01:29,600 --> 03:01:31,320
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, like the result of

4281
03:01:31,640 --> 03:01:33,440
Speaker 4: you know, everyone has this like idea in your head

4282
03:01:33,440 --> 03:01:34,480
Speaker 4: of like how you're going to write the end of

4283
03:01:34,480 --> 03:01:36,600
Speaker 4: your story, and everyone has it the same way, like

4284
03:01:36,640 --> 03:01:39,600
Speaker 4: Tom Brady did it, or these other you know one

4285
03:01:39,879 --> 03:01:42,240
Speaker 4: guys did and it's like, if you gave everything you

4286
03:01:42,280 --> 03:01:45,959
Speaker 4: had to it, and then there's nothing to be upset

4287
03:01:46,000 --> 03:01:48,200
Speaker 4: about because you you put everything you had into the game.

4288
03:01:48,320 --> 03:01:49,119
Speaker 1: That'bsolute the most.

4289
03:01:48,959 --> 03:01:51,360
Speaker 2: Important had to have been very freeing too to kind

4290
03:01:51,360 --> 03:01:53,920
Speaker 2: of have that ego death. Let it go, love and

4291
03:01:53,959 --> 03:01:58,080
Speaker 2: appreciate it because we all know, like I know that

4292
03:01:58,280 --> 03:02:02,400
Speaker 2: you being two hundred and twenty thirty pounds with high

4293
03:02:02,480 --> 03:02:06,119
Speaker 2: jump records or four by one, you would have never

4294
03:02:06,240 --> 03:02:08,959
Speaker 2: imagined somebody coming to you and say, hey, you're going

4295
03:02:09,040 --> 03:02:10,840
Speaker 2: to gain one hundred pounds you're gonna be an Outland

4296
03:02:10,840 --> 03:02:13,440
Speaker 2: Trophy winner, You're gonna be an All American, You're gonna

4297
03:02:13,480 --> 03:02:15,560
Speaker 2: be the number two overall pick in the NFL and

4298
03:02:15,600 --> 03:02:18,440
Speaker 2: be an offensive lineman and play for eight nine years

4299
03:02:18,480 --> 03:02:21,080
Speaker 2: in the NFL. You'd be like, Yeah, you're fucking crazy

4300
03:02:21,400 --> 03:02:24,280
Speaker 2: being a farm boy from small town Iowa. So it is.

4301
03:02:24,360 --> 03:02:28,280
Speaker 2: It's like you've done a lot of badass shit that

4302
03:02:28,840 --> 03:02:32,400
Speaker 2: absolutely everybody would trade places for. And it's really cool

4303
03:02:32,400 --> 03:02:34,920
Speaker 2: that you've learned. You've had this process of learning and

4304
03:02:35,120 --> 03:02:37,640
Speaker 2: very much lows and now you're getting new experience highs

4305
03:02:37,640 --> 03:02:40,640
Speaker 2: again and love yourself and be a family man and

4306
03:02:40,680 --> 03:02:43,320
Speaker 2: do all these things and start a foundation that you've

4307
03:02:43,760 --> 03:02:47,360
Speaker 2: started and changing people's lives. So dude, I appreciate you

4308
03:02:47,360 --> 03:02:50,040
Speaker 2: for sharing all this. I'm sure it gets still at

4309
03:02:50,040 --> 03:02:51,680
Speaker 2: some point no matter how much you talk about it.

4310
03:02:51,720 --> 03:02:54,640
Speaker 2: I'm sure there's some still some discomfort at times, like

4311
03:02:54,720 --> 03:02:57,240
Speaker 2: having to pull from old memories that you probably feel

4312
03:02:57,280 --> 03:02:59,960
Speaker 2: shame and embarrassment from. So dude, thank you for sharing

4313
03:03:00,280 --> 03:03:01,400
Speaker 2: all those sincerely.

4314
03:03:01,560 --> 03:03:03,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, it's it's like I said, it's been. It's

4315
03:03:03,520 --> 03:03:07,080
Speaker 1: great for me. It's right, this process helped me enjoy

4316
03:03:07,480 --> 03:03:10,080
Speaker 1: like you said other things in life. Right, my I'm

4317
03:03:10,080 --> 03:03:12,480
Speaker 1: one of eight guys in the Ring of Honor in

4318
03:03:12,720 --> 03:03:16,920
Speaker 1: Kinnick Stadium at the University of Iowa. Right, it's eighty right,

4319
03:03:16,959 --> 03:03:19,000
Speaker 1: and that like something I am so proud of. And

4320
03:03:19,040 --> 03:03:21,520
Speaker 1: I went post medicine to where I didn't really I

4321
03:03:21,520 --> 03:03:24,120
Speaker 1: was still right embarrassed or whatever it was. Right, there's

4322
03:03:24,120 --> 03:03:27,400
Speaker 1: all these other factors, and I'm like, that's one instance

4323
03:03:27,400 --> 03:03:29,560
Speaker 1: where I'm like, I remember standing there that day they

4324
03:03:30,120 --> 03:03:32,800
Speaker 1: unveiled it, and I'm like, holy shit, I'm one of

4325
03:03:32,879 --> 03:03:35,880
Speaker 1: eight dudes in the history of Iowa football that has

4326
03:03:35,920 --> 03:03:39,640
Speaker 1: their name on the stadium. Like, I did some really

4327
03:03:40,040 --> 03:03:43,240
Speaker 1: big time stuff, right, doesn't That's not who I am

4328
03:03:43,280 --> 03:03:44,880
Speaker 1: just because my name's there, but that to be able

4329
03:03:44,920 --> 03:03:47,240
Speaker 1: to really enjoy that stuff, and we all did it

4330
03:03:47,320 --> 03:03:49,480
Speaker 1: right as our careers went on your next thing, next thing,

4331
03:03:49,520 --> 03:03:51,800
Speaker 1: next thing, next thing, and now stand back and truly

4332
03:03:51,879 --> 03:03:54,400
Speaker 1: enjoy the process of what you did and what you

4333
03:03:54,440 --> 03:03:57,320
Speaker 1: accomplished from it. It's it's a it's a very amazing deal.

4334
03:03:57,760 --> 03:03:58,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's awesome.

4335
03:03:58,879 --> 03:04:01,760
Speaker 4: I got one more question for you. I was so

4336
03:04:01,879 --> 03:04:04,280
Speaker 4: hung up on your first d MT trip and You're

4337
03:04:04,320 --> 03:04:07,200
Speaker 4: like going to the light and you see God and

4338
03:04:07,240 --> 03:04:08,840
Speaker 4: you're like, I saw God the way I see God?

4339
03:04:08,879 --> 03:04:10,760
Speaker 4: How clear was this trip for you? Was like we're

4340
03:04:10,760 --> 03:04:13,640
Speaker 4: all sitting here right now talking absolutely what does God

4341
03:04:13,680 --> 03:04:14,039
Speaker 4: look like?

4342
03:04:15,800 --> 03:04:18,840
Speaker 1: There's two things I don't get into, politics and religion. No,

4343
03:04:19,240 --> 03:04:21,400
Speaker 1: but for me, right, it was the typical what I

4344
03:04:21,480 --> 03:04:25,199
Speaker 1: learned in in CCD class when I was beard beard,

4345
03:04:25,480 --> 03:04:28,040
Speaker 1: long white hair, the white robe. Right.

4346
03:04:28,240 --> 03:04:30,320
Speaker 4: Was he a heavier set guy or medium build?

4347
03:04:30,360 --> 03:04:33,280
Speaker 1: What we look at medium build, white guy? Right? Yeah,

4348
03:04:33,320 --> 03:04:35,320
Speaker 1: God's white.

4349
03:04:35,959 --> 03:04:36,680
Speaker 2: We're not judging that.

4350
03:04:37,600 --> 03:04:40,920
Speaker 1: But yeah, it was like very crystal clear. Yeah, and

4351
03:04:41,000 --> 03:04:43,160
Speaker 1: so yeah, some of those things and that's part of

4352
03:04:43,200 --> 03:04:45,480
Speaker 1: this too. We can laugh about it now. But the

4353
03:04:45,480 --> 03:04:47,480
Speaker 1: people that have gone through we talk about these things

4354
03:04:47,480 --> 03:04:50,040
Speaker 1: you see and you're like they get it. Or if

4355
03:04:50,080 --> 03:04:53,240
Speaker 1: you've experienced things like that, you're like, holy cow, right,

4356
03:04:53,320 --> 03:04:56,000
Speaker 1: like talking about seeing the light and doing these different things.

4357
03:04:56,000 --> 03:04:58,640
Speaker 1: The death, you're like, you know, I'm very clear what

4358
03:04:58,640 --> 03:05:00,360
Speaker 1: it's going to be like when I do die. Like

4359
03:05:00,400 --> 03:05:03,160
Speaker 1: that came out of that too, like that peaceful. It's like, oh,

4360
03:05:03,200 --> 03:05:05,240
Speaker 1: this is this is not bad, right, It's not a

4361
03:05:05,240 --> 03:05:07,680
Speaker 1: scary thing. Yeah, you know, some of the stuff that

4362
03:05:07,680 --> 03:05:11,720
Speaker 1: happened in there but it's yeah, it's it was crystal clear.

4363
03:05:11,840 --> 03:05:14,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. I saw my god, he had a thirty Rex

4364
03:05:14,640 --> 03:05:15,280
Speaker 2: sitting next to you.

4365
03:05:15,480 --> 03:05:19,439
Speaker 4: Yeah. Yeah, tuxedo T shirt on mullet.

4366
03:05:21,720 --> 03:05:21,920
Speaker 2: Shirt.

4367
03:05:22,280 --> 03:05:24,640
Speaker 4: I bro, that's got to be such a crazy feeling

4368
03:05:24,680 --> 03:05:26,520
Speaker 4: in your head to be like, yo, this is this

4369
03:05:26,600 --> 03:05:28,360
Speaker 4: is the guy everyone's talking about all the time. This

4370
03:05:28,480 --> 03:05:28,840
Speaker 4: is him.

4371
03:05:29,000 --> 03:05:31,120
Speaker 2: You know, I was gonna say the tuxedo T shirt

4372
03:05:31,240 --> 03:05:32,080
Speaker 2: just cutting have to.

4373
03:05:32,440 --> 03:05:34,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, he got his belly out a little cropped up

4374
03:05:34,640 --> 03:05:39,560
Speaker 4: and me too, squat. Yeah yeah, Now that's all. Your

4375
03:05:39,560 --> 03:05:41,480
Speaker 4: story is incredible. Man, We all the things Will said.

4376
03:05:41,480 --> 03:05:43,160
Speaker 4: I would love to double down on that, but like,

4377
03:05:43,200 --> 03:05:45,360
Speaker 4: thank you for sharing your story with us. It's awesome

4378
03:05:45,400 --> 03:05:47,480
Speaker 4: and I hope that anybody who hears this that's going

4379
03:05:47,520 --> 03:05:50,320
Speaker 4: through something they reach out because that's the mental health

4380
03:05:50,360 --> 03:05:52,080
Speaker 4: side is so important. So thank you.

4381
03:05:52,200 --> 03:05:54,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that's what you know, that's I want to continue.

4382
03:05:54,480 --> 03:05:56,480
Speaker 1: We have you know, websites set up, you know, and

4383
03:05:57,640 --> 03:06:00,320
Speaker 1: like like any foundation, right like that, you know, people

4384
03:06:00,320 --> 03:06:03,240
Speaker 1: feel inclined to donate. There's a donate page on there

4385
03:06:03,440 --> 03:06:05,480
Speaker 1: because this we can help send guys for treatment. Right

4386
03:06:05,560 --> 03:06:08,960
Speaker 1: Because unlike what most people think, not all professional athletes

4387
03:06:09,520 --> 03:06:12,800
Speaker 1: have money or save their money or had careers like

4388
03:06:13,120 --> 03:06:14,960
Speaker 1: we did that we put stuff away, you know. So

4389
03:06:15,000 --> 03:06:17,760
Speaker 1: we're raising money to help with the research and you know,

4390
03:06:17,840 --> 03:06:20,320
Speaker 1: help send guys that need help that are in financial meaning.

4391
03:06:20,360 --> 03:06:22,480
Speaker 1: It's not as football guys, right, there's UFC guys. We've

4392
03:06:22,480 --> 03:06:25,200
Speaker 1: got hockey guys. We've got tons of guys. So that's

4393
03:06:25,240 --> 03:06:27,840
Speaker 1: a big part of this is also but that's all

4394
03:06:27,840 --> 03:06:31,120
Speaker 1: on our website and just a resource of things you

4395
03:06:31,160 --> 03:06:33,520
Speaker 1: can do and people to reach out to.

4396
03:06:34,080 --> 03:06:35,920
Speaker 4: What's the average cost to take one person down.

4397
03:06:37,640 --> 03:06:40,439
Speaker 1: There's a couple of different facilities, but you know, anywhere

4398
03:06:40,480 --> 03:06:46,080
Speaker 1: from six thousand dollars to ten plus, but the place

4399
03:06:46,120 --> 03:06:49,120
Speaker 1: that the majority of that I've gone to is just

4400
03:06:49,200 --> 03:06:52,000
Speaker 1: over six thousand dollars, you know, to get there. The treatment,

4401
03:06:52,040 --> 03:06:56,720
Speaker 1: it's the doctors, it's the pre impost therapy, integration, reintegration,

4402
03:06:57,320 --> 03:07:00,959
Speaker 1: so not you know, not cheap. But I also came

4403
03:07:01,000 --> 03:07:02,279
Speaker 1: out of it and like dude, I would have paid

4404
03:07:02,520 --> 03:07:04,840
Speaker 1: sixty thousand dollars. Right, It's easy for me to say,

4405
03:07:05,560 --> 03:07:08,720
Speaker 1: but I also think it's such a profound thing that's like,

4406
03:07:08,760 --> 03:07:10,600
Speaker 1: holy cow, let's figure out how to make this happen.

4407
03:07:10,600 --> 03:07:14,360
Speaker 1: And that's what Vets has done. You know, they give grants.

4408
03:07:14,400 --> 03:07:15,920
Speaker 1: You know, we want to do that if we start

4409
03:07:15,959 --> 03:07:18,160
Speaker 1: raising enough money. We want to give grants to guys

4410
03:07:18,200 --> 03:07:21,360
Speaker 1: that are a need that can't can't financially do it

4411
03:07:21,360 --> 03:07:24,320
Speaker 1: and give them part of a grant. And so you

4412
03:07:24,320 --> 03:07:25,920
Speaker 1: know the other thing I would love to, you know,

4413
03:07:25,920 --> 03:07:28,800
Speaker 1: give a small plug too, is this experience is easy

4414
03:07:28,800 --> 03:07:30,760
Speaker 1: for me to talk about it and you listen to

4415
03:07:30,760 --> 03:07:33,160
Speaker 1: me and like, okay. But there's a new documentary that

4416
03:07:33,320 --> 03:07:36,000
Speaker 1: actually just came out on Netflix that Marcus and Amber

4417
03:07:36,080 --> 03:07:39,240
Speaker 1: Capoem were a part of with their organization. It's called

4418
03:07:39,280 --> 03:07:41,680
Speaker 1: In Waves and War and it's very very good. I've

4419
03:07:41,680 --> 03:07:45,199
Speaker 1: seen them multiple times. Just got released. It's on Netflix

4420
03:07:45,240 --> 03:07:48,400
Speaker 1: and it gives a good idea of this process. More

4421
03:07:48,920 --> 03:07:52,599
Speaker 1: scientific stuff on the medicine, but it's some great storytelling

4422
03:07:53,240 --> 03:07:55,400
Speaker 1: like mine that you'll be like, oh I heard that

4423
03:07:55,440 --> 03:07:57,440
Speaker 1: from Robert right if you go watch it, because it's

4424
03:07:57,560 --> 03:08:01,720
Speaker 1: it's very similar and it's just bringing awareness to guys.

4425
03:08:01,520 --> 03:08:05,160
Speaker 2: We talk about, you know, things that we can laugh about.

4426
03:08:05,640 --> 03:08:07,440
Speaker 2: We do have a final question. It's brought to us

4427
03:08:07,480 --> 03:08:12,560
Speaker 2: by bud Light. It is it is comical, you know

4428
03:08:12,560 --> 03:08:16,600
Speaker 2: how people would do anything for a nice I've heard that,

4429
03:08:18,200 --> 03:08:21,760
Speaker 2: what is something in your life that Robert Gallery would

4430
03:08:21,800 --> 03:08:25,160
Speaker 2: do anything for? And you've seen Brendsey's Taylor. It's a

4431
03:08:25,200 --> 03:08:27,359
Speaker 2: coin thing. You can't say family, Oh yeah.

4432
03:08:27,520 --> 03:08:28,320
Speaker 4: Can't say family.

4433
03:08:31,160 --> 03:08:33,959
Speaker 1: I think for me it would be being able to

4434
03:08:34,400 --> 03:08:37,680
Speaker 1: consistently live in the moment, to be in the moment,

4435
03:08:37,760 --> 03:08:40,480
Speaker 1: like I'm very much more in the moment now than

4436
03:08:40,520 --> 03:08:43,480
Speaker 1: I was, But I've had that feeling of being in

4437
03:08:43,520 --> 03:08:46,200
Speaker 1: the moment for days on end. Right post medicine work,

4438
03:08:46,240 --> 03:08:48,240
Speaker 1: there's times where I you know, I'm on my routine

4439
03:08:48,680 --> 03:08:52,360
Speaker 1: to go into guys like us, we push and push

4440
03:08:52,400 --> 03:08:53,840
Speaker 1: and push, right, got to be great, gotta do this

4441
03:08:53,959 --> 03:08:55,800
Speaker 1: like you guys started this like we got a ticket

4442
03:08:55,840 --> 03:08:57,920
Speaker 1: to the next level. You're doing this, But to go

4443
03:08:58,040 --> 03:09:01,080
Speaker 1: to be able to be in the moment, gym, watch

4444
03:09:01,120 --> 03:09:04,000
Speaker 1: my daughters play basketball and just be in the moment

4445
03:09:04,040 --> 03:09:06,480
Speaker 1: watching them, not worrying about like, oh, they screwed this up, right.

4446
03:09:06,480 --> 03:09:10,920
Speaker 1: It's that mentality of high level athletes, right, I'm guessing

4447
03:09:10,920 --> 03:09:12,800
Speaker 1: you guys are the same. Or as your kids get older,

4448
03:09:12,840 --> 03:09:14,680
Speaker 1: you just push and push all you should have done that.

4449
03:09:15,120 --> 03:09:17,959
Speaker 1: But there's been instances where I've been in the moment.

4450
03:09:17,959 --> 03:09:19,360
Speaker 1: I've been on a snowmobile in the middle of the

4451
03:09:19,360 --> 03:09:21,600
Speaker 1: mountains and I can see every single snowflake that's coming

4452
03:09:21,600 --> 03:09:23,360
Speaker 1: towards me. I'm like, oh, I am in this moment

4453
03:09:23,480 --> 03:09:26,959
Speaker 1: right now, right there's me the snowmobile. I'm out. It

4454
03:09:27,040 --> 03:09:28,880
Speaker 1: is nuking snow and there's nothing else and I can

4455
03:09:28,959 --> 03:09:31,800
Speaker 1: see every single snowflake flying at me. So I'm so

4456
03:09:31,840 --> 03:09:33,600
Speaker 1: it's like a meditative state. And I've been in a

4457
03:09:33,600 --> 03:09:36,959
Speaker 1: gym where I just I'm in pure enjoyment of watching

4458
03:09:37,000 --> 03:09:39,800
Speaker 1: my daughter do something she likes, not being like, oh,

4459
03:09:39,800 --> 03:09:41,720
Speaker 1: she should have done this, or why didn't she do this?

4460
03:09:41,879 --> 03:09:44,960
Speaker 1: Or she didn't enough protein this last week, so that's

4461
03:09:44,959 --> 03:09:47,880
Speaker 1: why she's tired. Right, this thing that that high level.

4462
03:09:47,920 --> 03:09:50,320
Speaker 1: I'm guessing you guys are the same. It's like go,

4463
03:09:50,320 --> 03:09:53,440
Speaker 1: go go, But when you've seen that, calm miss So.

4464
03:09:53,920 --> 03:09:55,520
Speaker 1: I would like to say to be in the moment

4465
03:09:55,560 --> 03:09:57,080
Speaker 1: all the time the rest of my life. Just be

4466
03:09:57,120 --> 03:09:59,560
Speaker 1: in the moment with whatever's going on, whether that's good

4467
03:09:59,600 --> 03:10:03,040
Speaker 1: or bad, Like the past doesn't matter, the future doesn't matter.

4468
03:10:03,480 --> 03:10:06,000
Speaker 1: Like sitting here talking with you guys, right, just be

4469
03:10:06,680 --> 03:10:08,400
Speaker 1: which it is. It's great, right, Like that's why it's

4470
03:10:08,440 --> 03:10:10,000
Speaker 1: easy and you can talk about it because it's like

4471
03:10:10,000 --> 03:10:12,200
Speaker 1: you're completely in the moment. I'm not worried about anything

4472
03:10:12,200 --> 03:10:15,720
Speaker 1: other than right, the great stories and about how you

4473
03:10:15,760 --> 03:10:17,840
Speaker 1: know most people listening to this will be Hawkeye fans

4474
03:10:17,879 --> 03:10:21,000
Speaker 1: and not you know, Nebraska after this.

4475
03:10:21,200 --> 03:10:24,000
Speaker 8: So right, that's true.

4476
03:10:24,600 --> 03:10:25,160
Speaker 4: It is true.

4477
03:10:25,400 --> 03:10:28,800
Speaker 2: It always comes back to the Big ten. It always

4478
03:10:28,840 --> 03:10:31,400
Speaker 2: comes back before we came on the bus too. He's like,

4479
03:10:31,520 --> 03:10:33,680
Speaker 2: I got a gift for your daughters. Would you want

4480
03:10:33,680 --> 03:10:35,880
Speaker 2: it now before or would you want me to give

4481
03:10:35,959 --> 03:10:37,720
Speaker 2: to you on the podcast. So I'm just thinking like, oh,

4482
03:10:37,760 --> 03:10:40,560
Speaker 2: that's a solid dad given another day, a gift for

4483
03:10:40,640 --> 03:10:42,320
Speaker 2: his girls or something like that, like we can wait

4484
03:10:42,360 --> 03:10:44,160
Speaker 2: till the bus. And now that he pulled it out,

4485
03:10:44,160 --> 03:10:45,600
Speaker 2: I'm like, ah, he got me.

4486
03:10:46,120 --> 03:10:47,240
Speaker 4: I mean that's a solid gift.

4487
03:10:47,400 --> 03:10:50,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a solid gift. Very heady play by you.

4488
03:10:50,440 --> 03:10:52,199
Speaker 4: You know that was given to you by Robert Gallery,

4489
03:10:52,280 --> 03:10:53,840
Speaker 4: guy who's names on the stadium.

4490
03:10:53,959 --> 03:10:56,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, right right, And I know the coach very well,

4491
03:10:56,400 --> 03:11:00,200
Speaker 1: like my wife's still very close. So you know, maybe

4492
03:11:00,240 --> 03:11:02,840
Speaker 1: there's some scholarships in the future, but I know how

4493
03:11:02,920 --> 03:11:05,360
Speaker 1: you said you wouldn't send them there no matter what.

4494
03:11:05,400 --> 03:11:07,720
Speaker 1: But I'm also thinking, I mean, they look good in

4495
03:11:07,760 --> 03:11:10,520
Speaker 1: the black and gold, right, black and gol car kids

4496
03:11:10,680 --> 03:11:12,840
Speaker 1: team up right. I think you a little younger than mine, But.

4497
03:11:13,160 --> 03:11:16,640
Speaker 2: I've already started incorporating Like we had on our for

4498
03:11:16,760 --> 03:11:19,959
Speaker 2: the Dad's podcast, we curated this story, this Ai story

4499
03:11:20,240 --> 03:11:22,480
Speaker 2: of good guys and bad guys, and the good guys

4500
03:11:22,600 --> 03:11:24,920
Speaker 2: are huskers and the bad guys or haul guys. So

4501
03:11:24,920 --> 03:11:29,200
Speaker 2: trying to Indoctrinatom into thinking it's uscer football and I

4502
03:11:29,400 --> 03:11:30,120
Speaker 2: was the bad guys.

4503
03:11:30,240 --> 03:11:33,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we do play each other in a few weeks,

4504
03:11:33,160 --> 03:11:35,640
Speaker 1: so we might need to figure out offline here how

4505
03:11:35,640 --> 03:11:37,400
Speaker 1: to get back to that game and then we can

4506
03:11:37,480 --> 03:11:40,760
Speaker 1: posture up on the opposite side lines. Okay, duel it out.

4507
03:11:40,920 --> 03:11:41,200
Speaker 2: I don't know.

4508
03:11:41,200 --> 03:11:42,640
Speaker 1: We might have to try and make that happen.

4509
03:11:42,760 --> 03:11:45,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, we will definitely have to have fun, some more

4510
03:11:45,560 --> 03:11:47,959
Speaker 2: fun because I do have fun with George each year.

4511
03:11:47,959 --> 03:11:49,760
Speaker 2: I used to have fun with the when he was

4512
03:11:49,760 --> 03:11:52,959
Speaker 2: a teammate of mine, Brandon Sheriff, we'd have fun with

4513
03:11:53,000 --> 03:11:54,840
Speaker 2: it every year too. But we'll come we can come up.

4514
03:11:54,879 --> 03:11:56,800
Speaker 4: He was a stunt he and Yellen Trophy as well.

4515
03:11:57,680 --> 03:11:58,760
Speaker 4: He's a stud.

4516
03:11:58,600 --> 03:12:01,800
Speaker 2: Tackle that went to guard and he was a monster, bro,

4517
03:12:01,920 --> 03:12:04,480
Speaker 2: Like hitting him thinking rich was not fun.

4518
03:12:04,840 --> 03:12:08,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's a good dude too. That's that's the cool part.

4519
03:12:08,320 --> 03:12:10,080
Speaker 1: Like you guys, right, we played with all these people

4520
03:12:10,080 --> 03:12:13,240
Speaker 1: and different people, but like they're just good dude. They're dudes. Right,

4521
03:12:13,360 --> 03:12:14,920
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, we're all sitting here,

4522
03:12:15,040 --> 03:12:18,960
Speaker 1: bs and right, and the dude's a dude.

4523
03:12:19,080 --> 03:12:19,200
Speaker 5: Right.

4524
03:12:19,240 --> 03:12:21,680
Speaker 1: There were savages, right, like some guys that were you know,

4525
03:12:21,760 --> 03:12:24,280
Speaker 1: I grew up watching Kyle Turley of right, Like, I'm

4526
03:12:24,280 --> 03:12:26,400
Speaker 1: sure you had somebody, but it was I want to

4527
03:12:26,400 --> 03:12:29,080
Speaker 1: be Kyle Turley. Got a jersey made from you know,

4528
03:12:29,120 --> 03:12:30,800
Speaker 1: with my name on the back but his number and

4529
03:12:30,840 --> 03:12:32,640
Speaker 1: the Saints, Like I want what do you think the

4530
03:12:32,640 --> 03:12:35,880
Speaker 1: hair came from? Right, Like yeah, dude ripping Telman off, Like, oh,

4531
03:12:35,920 --> 03:12:38,480
Speaker 1: that's that's the type of player. That's who I want

4532
03:12:38,520 --> 03:12:40,600
Speaker 1: to be, right, And then we all get together. I

4533
03:12:40,600 --> 03:12:43,160
Speaker 1: met him, like, dude, you were my hero, Like, you know,

4534
03:12:43,640 --> 03:12:44,320
Speaker 1: it's pretty cool.

4535
03:12:44,560 --> 03:12:47,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, dude, thank you, bro, thank you big hug Seiny

4536
03:12:47,480 --> 03:12:50,760
Speaker 2: Kisses Pastes podcast around, Leave comments and we will see

4537
03:12:50,760 --> 03:12:51,720
Speaker 2: you next week. Next week,