1 00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: This is Unbreakable with Jay Glazer, a mental health podcast 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:10,960 Speaker 1: helping you out of the gray and into the blue. 3 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: Now here's Jay Glazer. Welcome into Unbreakable, a mental health 4 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: podcast with Jay Glazer. And fool thing about working now 5 00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:24,920 Speaker 1: on mental health is I'm able to have conversations with 6 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:27,520 Speaker 1: people from all walks of life on a different level. 7 00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:29,320 Speaker 1: And the first I'm gonna bring them right now. I 8 00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: know him because of football. I know him because of 9 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: the Seattle Seahawks, but not the way you think. We 10 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:37,160 Speaker 1: end up having lunch one day and in Manhattan Beach 11 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: and you know, just you come across people and you go, 12 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 1: oh my god, I can't believe I'm I'm learning so 13 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:47,160 Speaker 1: much from somebody on a random Saturday. But the whole 14 00:00:47,159 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 1: world has learned so much from this band. So it's 15 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:52,360 Speaker 1: Dr Michael Jervais who has worked with the Seattle Seahawks 16 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:56,240 Speaker 1: and worked with thirty five thousand people and companies and businesses. 17 00:00:56,360 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 1: And you know what, instead of me reeling, instead of 18 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: me telling the world who you are, I would like 19 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 1: you to tell the world who you are. And I 20 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:04,960 Speaker 1: want to just just kind of brag about yourself a little bit. 21 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: It's okay, It ain't bragging. If it's true, that's good. 22 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: Thanks you, it's great to see you. Yeah. So, by 23 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,360 Speaker 1: trade and training, I am a sport and high performance psychologist. 24 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,240 Speaker 1: And so what that means is that I've you know, 25 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,720 Speaker 1: studied the science and the art of how the best 26 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:23,200 Speaker 1: in the world organized their inner life and train their 27 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:26,280 Speaker 1: mind to be their very best and sometimes that ends 28 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:28,680 Speaker 1: up being the very best in the world. And then 29 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,679 Speaker 1: I've taken those best practices from not only rugged and 30 00:01:32,120 --> 00:01:35,360 Speaker 1: high speed, high stress environments of sport, but also into 31 00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:40,080 Speaker 1: the back country into conditions that are life threatening where 32 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:42,400 Speaker 1: people make a mistake. They're known as the most hostile 33 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:45,320 Speaker 1: environments in the world. When those psychological skills hold up 34 00:01:45,319 --> 00:01:48,080 Speaker 1: in those environments, those are the ones I'm really interested in. 35 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: And over the last it's called ten years, I've been 36 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: taking best practices in sport and m pouring them over 37 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 1: into business, which is where most of us spend most 38 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:01,440 Speaker 1: of our time. So, so, how did your path get here? Yeah? 39 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:03,720 Speaker 1: So when I was a young kid, it was fifteen, 40 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,200 Speaker 1: I didn't quite figure out how to do traditional stick 41 00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:09,320 Speaker 1: and ball sport. And the reason being is because of 42 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: these artificial rules there was these adults yelling at us, 43 00:02:13,680 --> 00:02:16,400 Speaker 1: and I didn't get it. And so I remember looking 44 00:02:16,480 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: up at like the coach, like, what are you so 45 00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:21,640 Speaker 1: worked up about? You know, yeah, I stepped on the line. 46 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: Yeah I passed it to the wrong person. I didn't 47 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:27,520 Speaker 1: get it. And so I found myself really attracted to 48 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: adventure sports and so surfing and big wave surfing and 49 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:34,679 Speaker 1: motocross and um skateboarding and those types of things where 50 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,840 Speaker 1: if you make a mistake, mother nature takes care of 51 00:02:36,880 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 1: all of it. She'll hold you under, she'll leave make 52 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 1: sure you leave a little blood or or flesh on 53 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:44,680 Speaker 1: the asphalt, you know, like she'll she'll take care of business. 54 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:48,120 Speaker 1: And I just love the natural consequence environments. And so 55 00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,000 Speaker 1: I was really attracted to them. But what I ended 56 00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 1: up happening is I couldn't figure out how to compete 57 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:57,399 Speaker 1: at those sports because I was a different person mentally 58 00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,880 Speaker 1: when people were judging and critiquing and why and scoring, 59 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: and you know, I could do the thing when no 60 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 1: one was looking, but I couldn't do the thing when 61 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,840 Speaker 1: there was people judging. That's really an unfortunate path for 62 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,080 Speaker 1: somebody who loved to compete and loved to, you know, 63 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:13,920 Speaker 1: the sporting environment that way, So it led me. There 64 00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,320 Speaker 1: was this experience where it was surfing. He was a competition. 65 00:03:17,520 --> 00:03:19,520 Speaker 1: There was three people out in the ocean. It was 66 00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,240 Speaker 1: like seven thirty in the morning, beautiful conditions about head high, 67 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,200 Speaker 1: perfect glass, the types of conditions that we all hope for, 68 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: and normally just like forty to fifty guys out trying 69 00:03:29,560 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 1: to figure out how to catch one way every you know, 70 00:03:32,600 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 1: I don't know, half hour, it feels like, and I 71 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: was the disaster. This competitor paddles by me and he says, gerbe, 72 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 1: I surf with you every day out here. You gotta 73 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: stop worrying about what's gonna go wrong here. You got 74 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,000 Speaker 1: free yourself up, dude. And he paddled away, and I 75 00:03:49,080 --> 00:03:51,800 Speaker 1: was fifteen years old, and I was like, how did 76 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:55,480 Speaker 1: he know? Like I'm a I'm a mess mentally, And 77 00:03:55,560 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: so that led me down the path that my physical 78 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,640 Speaker 1: training didn't change or didn't change overnight, my technical skills 79 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,200 Speaker 1: didn't radically change overnight. So what was it? It was 80 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 1: just my mind that let me down the path to 81 00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 1: try to sort it out. And that's that's how I 82 00:04:08,720 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 1: got here at fifteen. You learn this, Yeah, most most fifteen, 83 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,760 Speaker 1: right or we're trying to find out, Okay, how do 84 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: I get to home at class? Okay, I didn't really 85 00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:22,240 Speaker 1: go to class. I was surfing. I mean that was 86 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 1: my that was my life and so, um, yeah, it 87 00:04:26,120 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: just set me down the path like what is this thing? 88 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: Come to find out? We're all struggling, We're all suffering. 89 00:04:31,480 --> 00:04:33,960 Speaker 1: Nobody gets to this world without trauma, whether it's big 90 00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:38,040 Speaker 1: to your little tea, and it takes incredible courage to 91 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,960 Speaker 1: get feedback that you know, um, this is where you 92 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,279 Speaker 1: could do better. These are the things that are true 93 00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:46,680 Speaker 1: about you that you might be struggling with, whether this 94 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 1: feedback is from yourself or from a therapist or psychologist 95 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,920 Speaker 1: or a friend or somebody that you know just kind 96 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 1: of paddle by you one day and says you're a mess. 97 00:04:56,520 --> 00:04:58,760 Speaker 1: And so when you just said big to your little 98 00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:00,920 Speaker 1: tea expand on that, that kind of resonate with me 99 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: a little bit. Big trauma or little trauma, Yeah, so 100 00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 1: big trauma is like you witnessed or experience something that 101 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:09,520 Speaker 1: was life altering. Let's say you're in a car crash 102 00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: and you know it was one of the heaviest things 103 00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:15,479 Speaker 1: you've ever seen or been part of, that's like big trauma. 104 00:05:15,920 --> 00:05:19,160 Speaker 1: Little trauma is a series of things that take place. 105 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:22,520 Speaker 1: They don't seem to rise to the level of significance, 106 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 1: but they change you and they create an experience for 107 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: you where you're no longer exploring freely, but you're protecting 108 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,039 Speaker 1: a little bit more. You feel a little bit smaller, 109 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:36,480 Speaker 1: a little bit more fearful, you're organizing life. This is 110 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 1: both for a little tea and big tea. You organize 111 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,720 Speaker 1: your life in a different way based on that event, 112 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 1: and it's not for the better. So we all go 113 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:48,560 Speaker 1: through them. How we respond to them is critical. It's 114 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 1: hard to put in just one podcast, but how do 115 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:54,160 Speaker 1: you coach people to respond to bigger little tea? Is 116 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 1: it the same or is it different? The outcome is 117 00:05:56,760 --> 00:06:00,840 Speaker 1: the same. You know, when somebody post traumatics, dress is 118 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: a term that does not do it justice. Really, what's 119 00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:09,200 Speaker 1: happening when somebody goes through trauma is they fundamentally reorganize 120 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:13,840 Speaker 1: their life to avoid being retraumatized. And I want people 121 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 1: to realize to PTSD is not just for veterans. We 122 00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:20,640 Speaker 1: all have some sort of it's trauma. It doesn't have 123 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: to come from just war. That's right, Yeah, and you 124 00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: know it can come from lots of dramatic experiences, but 125 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 1: all the little teeth stuff too, Like that time somebody 126 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 1: said to you like, hey, you shouldn't wear purple, and 127 00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,240 Speaker 1: you're maybe embarrassed in front of a group, and then 128 00:06:35,640 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 1: moving forward, you don't wear colors that you know, our 129 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:41,680 Speaker 1: purple ish because there was that small little thing that 130 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: your whole limbics citizenm your emotional system in your brain 131 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:48,200 Speaker 1: lit up and you're like, yeah, I don't look at 132 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:49,880 Speaker 1: the purple. I don't know why, I just don't like it. 133 00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,880 Speaker 1: You've just organized your life based on that small little trauma, 134 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: and we all have that stuff going on, and so 135 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,640 Speaker 1: this is like, how do you deal with it? A 136 00:06:57,839 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: radical commitment to being on a with yourself, a radical commitment. 137 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 1: You gotta square up with it, you gotta face it, 138 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:06,800 Speaker 1: you gotta learn how to work with the emotions and 139 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:11,280 Speaker 1: thoughts around it. And then nobody gets through it alone. Jay, 140 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:15,440 Speaker 1: we need each other, and so nobody does the extraordinary alone. 141 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 1: Nobody works through trauma alone, nobody works through depression alone. 142 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: Like anxiety, we need each other. Whether it's the oh 143 00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:29,000 Speaker 1: Am Well and astronauts in particular when they zoom way out, 144 00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:33,520 Speaker 1: like way out. They go, oh god, we are all teammates, 145 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,160 Speaker 1: like this geographic thing between countries. That's kind of a 146 00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 1: joke too. And so when we zoom right into this podcast, 147 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 1: you and your teammates on figuring out how to how 148 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 1: to live a better life, you take up space and 149 00:07:44,040 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: holding people accountable in a lot of ways, Jay, which 150 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: is cool, man, just by speaking the truth, just by 151 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 1: holding the standard that you know you're fucked up in 152 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 1: some ways. I am too a lot of way a lot, 153 00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:02,040 Speaker 1: but I'm with my fucked up nos. Yeah, well isn't that. 154 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: I'm learning a lot And there are a lot of 155 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 1: freedom and that yeah, yeah, yeah for sure. And so 156 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: many people are ashamed of that, right And and that's 157 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,560 Speaker 1: the whole thing you and I, you and I have talked. 158 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:15,800 Speaker 1: I mean, the first day you and I met, we 159 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: talked openly about it. Yeah, exactly. And there's so much 160 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,320 Speaker 1: freedom when you just call the truth of what it 161 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 1: is and you're like, yeah, maybe it's a depression or 162 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,120 Speaker 1: anxiety or addiction or I don't know, whatever, it might 163 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 1: be early childhood stuff or you know, I can't tell 164 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: you the number of people on the Finding Mastery podcast 165 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:35,679 Speaker 1: that talk about being afraid that people are going to 166 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,800 Speaker 1: find out that they don't really know what they think 167 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,600 Speaker 1: they know. And so that idea of being an imposter 168 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 1: is floating around for so many people. And you know, 169 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 1: I don't have you ever read that really thin book. 170 00:08:47,080 --> 00:08:49,959 Speaker 1: It's great book it's on it's called a Night and 171 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:54,040 Speaker 1: Rusty Armor. Have you ever read that? It's not well written, 172 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 1: it's thin, And the basic essence of it is that 173 00:08:57,720 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 1: we're all carrying around this armor, some of us, I 174 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:02,440 Speaker 1: should say, carrying around on armor. And we spent a 175 00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:05,200 Speaker 1: lot of time shining it up, making it look good, 176 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:07,800 Speaker 1: keeping it oiled. It's kind of heavy to carry around, 177 00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,760 Speaker 1: but we spent a lot of time making it look 178 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,480 Speaker 1: just right. And people that see this shiny armor go, wow, 179 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:17,160 Speaker 1: that armor is something, that that is something. And then 180 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:19,000 Speaker 1: there's some of us that are like, hey, listen, I 181 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: only got leather moccasins, right, the pretty light I can 182 00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,880 Speaker 1: move really well, and um, I'm not spending so much 183 00:09:26,920 --> 00:09:29,679 Speaker 1: time shining up the armor and oiling it, you know, 184 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: because it takes so much time to do it. And 185 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:34,120 Speaker 1: so it's a nice little framing like would you rather 186 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 1: have a bunch of armor and protect yourself or or 187 00:09:36,520 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 1: would you rather have some moccasins and be like I'm 188 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:41,480 Speaker 1: good and so or somewhere in between. Its interesting you 189 00:09:41,559 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: say that, because I think that's it's a great message 190 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: to get out. I just I've been talking more and 191 00:09:46,480 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: more about this with people, you know, because social media 192 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:54,240 Speaker 1: makes us compare ourselves to everybody else's fake, filtered fraction 193 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 1: of a second of life. We we find ourselves less 194 00:09:57,760 --> 00:10:01,600 Speaker 1: inclined nowadays to appreciate what we have and instead gets 195 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:04,520 Speaker 1: so depressed and so much anxiety. But we don't have 196 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,000 Speaker 1: because we're comparing ourselves to everybody else. It's exactly what 197 00:10:07,080 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 1: you're kind of saying, like, hey, maybe what we really 198 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,080 Speaker 1: need is a society is to slow the funk down 199 00:10:12,120 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 1: and go, hey, these moccasins are pretty fucking good. They 200 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:17,040 Speaker 1: worked for me. They're all right. I don't have to 201 00:10:17,040 --> 00:10:19,880 Speaker 1: worry about that guy's armor next door. These moccasins are 202 00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 1: good for me. I just have the same conversation with 203 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 1: the television personality. I said, the little kid in you, 204 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 1: if you said to to you, you're gonna make millions 205 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:29,959 Speaker 1: of dollars and you grow up and do a big 206 00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 1: TV star, wouldn't that little girl be like, we really 207 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,560 Speaker 1: do that, Oh my god, instead of funk, I'm not 208 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,439 Speaker 1: here yet. I'm not here yet. I haven't done this yet. 209 00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 1: I haven't done that yet. This person is doing that. 210 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:43,080 Speaker 1: I'm not there yet. It's just it's this constant battle 211 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:46,120 Speaker 1: that's happening siding now, wasn't It's fun that you bring 212 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:49,080 Speaker 1: that up, because when we're really little kids and we're 213 00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 1: not inhibited by all the rules of the world and 214 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:54,440 Speaker 1: all the things that we're supposed to be and you 215 00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:56,440 Speaker 1: ask little ones, you know, if you if you have 216 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:58,240 Speaker 1: someone you're laughing, you ask them like, what do you 217 00:10:58,280 --> 00:10:59,760 Speaker 1: what do you want to do? Later they have a 218 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: hard time thinking about at some age. So it's like 219 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:04,559 Speaker 1: I want to go play with you in the sandbox, 220 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:07,520 Speaker 1: and it's like so immediate, it's so refreshing. But when 221 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:09,160 Speaker 1: they get a little bit older, and I go back 222 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:10,920 Speaker 1: to when I was younger, I was like, I wanted 223 00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:13,800 Speaker 1: to be the president and an astronaut, and I wanted to, 224 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,280 Speaker 1: you know, fill in the blanks of all these things 225 00:11:16,280 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 1: that I wanted to do. And then as we get older, 226 00:11:18,520 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: we're like, oh, we kind of got to pick one 227 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 1: and so and then we get on this path of like, well, 228 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 1: if I'm gonna pick that one. For some of us 229 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:29,839 Speaker 1: at least, there's an addiction to success that is undeniable 230 00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,760 Speaker 1: for many people. And it's not a healthy addiction, that's 231 00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:35,400 Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah, that's the thing. Like I told people 232 00:11:36,040 --> 00:11:38,160 Speaker 1: have bood down here at Scottsdale. I'm moving back to 233 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,559 Speaker 1: l A, I think. But I was like, look, I 234 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:41,719 Speaker 1: don't want to be suicide by work. I don't want 235 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:45,280 Speaker 1: to just get that addiction to chasing, chasing, chasing, chasing. 236 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,040 Speaker 1: I don't want to be like we've seen so many 237 00:11:47,040 --> 00:11:49,559 Speaker 1: of our dads just work themselves in the ground and 238 00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:51,680 Speaker 1: to die, right. I want to I want to learn 239 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 1: how to exhale and appreciate what I have now. And 240 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:58,200 Speaker 1: that is so fucking hard. It's so hard for so 241 00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,040 Speaker 1: many of us. It's one of the reasons ja that 242 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,640 Speaker 1: the practice of mindfulness and meditation has come on like 243 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 1: gang Bossers over the last call it ten years, is 244 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 1: that with the speed of our world and the rate 245 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 1: of access and how fast things happen, whether it's social 246 00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,560 Speaker 1: or otherwise, is that there's this counter rotation to how 247 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 1: do I train my mind to just be okay being 248 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,520 Speaker 1: here without flipping on a phone to get a hit 249 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:27,120 Speaker 1: of dopamine, which is essentially like a small hit of cocaine. 250 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: How do I train myself in a in a counter 251 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,200 Speaker 1: rotation to be okay? And that's where meditation mindfulness is, 252 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:36,679 Speaker 1: you know, serving many people well and an oversimplified way 253 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 1: of think about mindfulness. It's the practice of being here 254 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: now and then you create three s s space stillness 255 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:47,440 Speaker 1: through silence. And if you can do that work, you 256 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:52,200 Speaker 1: end up going kind of off the meditation chair or cushion, 257 00:12:52,240 --> 00:12:54,840 Speaker 1: if you will, into the business of the world, which 258 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,000 Speaker 1: is a little bit more space, a little bit more 259 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:01,800 Speaker 1: you appreciation for the silent moments. It's a little bit 260 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:03,920 Speaker 1: more aware of what's going on. I'll tell you what. 261 00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,960 Speaker 1: When we do that, we end up settling in a 262 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,840 Speaker 1: little bit more. We're less anxious, less depressed, less irritable, 263 00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,600 Speaker 1: you know, looking for the bottle a little less often. 264 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:15,160 Speaker 1: And so, yeah, how about it something I'm learning. You know, 265 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,920 Speaker 1: I went to Thailand for thirty five days, I told you, 266 00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:22,120 Speaker 1: and it's exactly that to learn how to comfortably sit 267 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,280 Speaker 1: in my own silence, because my own silence was so 268 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,480 Speaker 1: painful for so long for me. When you stay painful. 269 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 1: Is that because the self critical kind of voice where 270 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: the roommates in my head just don't talk nicely to 271 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,360 Speaker 1: each other. They just don't. It's probably more successful I've 272 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: gotten right, Like when I was just coming up the ladder, 273 00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 1: I didn't give a shad another loose. As you've gotten 274 00:13:41,480 --> 00:13:43,200 Speaker 1: more successful, now you have you have this fear of 275 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:47,280 Speaker 1: what you could lose things, especially nowadays when you know 276 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 1: it's it could be taken for me in two seconds. 277 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 1: But I just never have that inner peace when I'm 278 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 1: trying to find a peaceful time. I'm still learning to 279 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:57,760 Speaker 1: build the skills where my mind is just head ease, 280 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,400 Speaker 1: like you're saying. Instead, it's either beating up on yourself 281 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:05,040 Speaker 1: or stuff you've done the past, or you're beating up 282 00:14:05,040 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: on yourself for things you haven't done yet. Yeah. So 283 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,040 Speaker 1: I love how you're so clear that our mind travels 284 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,839 Speaker 1: in three places quite easily. It can be a tuned 285 00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:17,280 Speaker 1: to the present, the unfolding present moment, like just staying 286 00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:20,440 Speaker 1: with this conversation. There's no external narrative if you're really 287 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: in it, and then if it wanders to the future, 288 00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,720 Speaker 1: you know, it's like, yeah, but I don't know if 289 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: you can get this done and not done and like, 290 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:30,040 Speaker 1: you haven't done this, and look look what Jesus did 291 00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: by the age of thirty three, like whatever, like comparing 292 00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: ourselves to you know, the obvious grates and the if 293 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,840 Speaker 1: you go backwards, you're like, yeah, but you screw that up, 294 00:14:38,880 --> 00:14:41,600 Speaker 1: don't screw it up again. And for most people, it's 295 00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:45,200 Speaker 1: that toggling between that critical voice and tell me if 296 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,720 Speaker 1: this resonates for you, J is like sometimes that inner 297 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 1: dialogue is like an internal civil war. You're talking about 298 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 1: your roommates. Yeah, it's just when I catch myself on that, 299 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 1: I'm curious what you do. But when I catch myself 300 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: and that, I go, oh, I see you. I go, 301 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 1: I appreciate everything you've done for me, but I'm just 302 00:15:03,560 --> 00:15:06,160 Speaker 1: coming right back to the task right now. And maybe 303 00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,680 Speaker 1: I settle that down with the breath, you know, and 304 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 1: I just it's like a hello and goodbye. And I 305 00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:15,040 Speaker 1: appreciate that voice because it helped me get here, but 306 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,720 Speaker 1: it's not going to help me get there. So how 307 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: do you work with it? Like in the thin slice 308 00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:23,080 Speaker 1: of the moment when you're really shipping on yourself. Well, 309 00:15:23,120 --> 00:15:27,480 Speaker 1: I've started to remind myself of is I used to say, Man, 310 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: I'm in this much pain because I'm a terrible person. 311 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,600 Speaker 1: That was the narrative. I must be a horrible person. 312 00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,560 Speaker 1: That's why I'm in this much pain. Now my shift 313 00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:40,640 Speaker 1: is I'm in this kind of pain so I can 314 00:15:40,680 --> 00:15:45,440 Speaker 1: help others with theirs felt like just other focused, right, 315 00:15:45,520 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: and and one of being of service one is selfish. 316 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:53,120 Speaker 1: It's just pay you're you are being cursed because you're shitty, 317 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:55,840 Speaker 1: you know, And that's just man, it's just not fair 318 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 1: to do to to myself. And by the way, it's 319 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 1: something that I bring up to myself every day in 320 00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,359 Speaker 1: my life. There's not a day that that goes by 321 00:16:04,440 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 1: that I still don't wake up and I have to 322 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:08,760 Speaker 1: get these agreements with myself to get out of bed 323 00:16:09,280 --> 00:16:12,720 Speaker 1: without thinking I'm this horrible person or you know, life's 324 00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 1: against me. You know, the world is come and crashing down. 325 00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 1: It's a daily battle for me. That's why people like 326 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:20,320 Speaker 1: you were friends like you are so valuable where you 327 00:16:20,320 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: can help me with that in a dialogue, When do 328 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 1: you think you'll be done with that? Never? How come? 329 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 1: Because we're always gonna grow. Like it's like I don't 330 00:16:28,040 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 1: go to fight practice once, so so let me reframe it. 331 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:35,040 Speaker 1: When you think you'll be done with that hostile conversation 332 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:38,760 Speaker 1: about yourself and about your history, and man, there are 333 00:16:38,840 --> 00:16:41,160 Speaker 1: days I'm done with it, and then it creeps back in, right, 334 00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:44,360 Speaker 1: And that's mental health. That's a mental health issues are right. 335 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:46,680 Speaker 1: And it's funny too because I go back and forth 336 00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:48,800 Speaker 1: and people say mental illness, and I said, I don't 337 00:16:48,800 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: like to call mental illness. I'd like to call things 338 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 1: I've overcome. And I'll have these great couple of days 339 00:16:55,160 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: or a week or whatever it's I rarely have a 340 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:01,360 Speaker 1: straight week where every day is great, and I just 341 00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,160 Speaker 1: don't have that. I've not been afforded that comfort yet 342 00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,080 Speaker 1: in life. To see, it's a it's a fight camp. 343 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:08,960 Speaker 1: You know, you've got six or twelve weeks a kind 344 00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: of tune depending on your level of fitness. But you 345 00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:14,400 Speaker 1: know what you're training for, you know exactly what you're 346 00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,320 Speaker 1: training for, and then what are you what are you 347 00:17:16,359 --> 00:17:19,720 Speaker 1: training for right now? And then how long have you 348 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:22,600 Speaker 1: been training for it? I think I've learned to start 349 00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:25,760 Speaker 1: to heal the little kid in me about four years ago. 350 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: So that's so that's where the journey, right, So it 351 00:17:28,720 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 1: starts there, like I gotta heal a little Jason because 352 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,360 Speaker 1: warrior j man, that's you you're protecting. But your job 353 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: has never done until little Jason could be healed. Four 354 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,280 Speaker 1: years ago you started and then like if you were 355 00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:43,040 Speaker 1: on and I say, four years ago of when I 356 00:17:43,119 --> 00:17:46,480 Speaker 1: understood it's the little kid in me that's hurting, not 357 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,800 Speaker 1: like I've been going to therapy since I was a 358 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:51,679 Speaker 1: little kid. There you go, yeah, and then if you 359 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,720 Speaker 1: thin slice it just a little bit, and you thought like, Okay, 360 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 1: I'm gonna go on this little what's called it a 361 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:01,280 Speaker 1: twelve week camp or six week camp, right, and I'm 362 00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,360 Speaker 1: gonna work on the next six weeks, I'm gonna work 363 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,760 Speaker 1: on happiness or I'm gonna work on peace where I'm 364 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:10,360 Speaker 1: gonna work on flourishing, or I'm gonna work on gratitude. 365 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:12,600 Speaker 1: And if you if you thought about it that way too, 366 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:17,080 Speaker 1: sometimes it just makes it like a smaller piece of 367 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,040 Speaker 1: the meal to bite off, Like I don't have to 368 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:21,399 Speaker 1: do this systemic healing, but I could go on a 369 00:18:21,840 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: like a fight camp, six week training camp for gratitude. 370 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,000 Speaker 1: And when just like in sports, you know, we never 371 00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,719 Speaker 1: we would never say to a quarterback, yeah, we never 372 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 1: say to a quarterback. We never say like, hey, um, 373 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:36,399 Speaker 1: well let me say I don't know what. We wouldn't say, 374 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:38,720 Speaker 1: let me use basketball. We'd never say just kind of 375 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:42,439 Speaker 1: don't airball, right, We wouldn't say that. We'd say snap 376 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,679 Speaker 1: your wrist or see the back of the rim or 377 00:18:44,720 --> 00:18:46,639 Speaker 1: you know, something like that we tell him, or like 378 00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 1: a quarterback, exactly right, we say on quarterback like smash 379 00:18:51,920 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 1: the numbers or put it on his grill or something 380 00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 1: where you're you're giving us a narrow target. And the 381 00:18:57,560 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 1: narrow part is really important. And so I think that 382 00:19:01,119 --> 00:19:03,000 Speaker 1: that's a cool little thing to go on a camp, 383 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,199 Speaker 1: you know, and if you do it with a handful 384 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 1: of people, yeah, like I I do it with you, 385 00:19:07,440 --> 00:19:09,600 Speaker 1: like we could go on like a six a six 386 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:12,880 Speaker 1: week camp for something, you know, or even like love. 387 00:19:13,119 --> 00:19:15,280 Speaker 1: I just love what you're saying that happen. Like you're right, 388 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,639 Speaker 1: because it's not like, oh man, what is this? What 389 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:19,320 Speaker 1: am I gonna get through this? I got four weeks 390 00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:21,720 Speaker 1: where I'm gonna focus on happiness. I got four weeks 391 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:24,080 Speaker 1: were I'm gonna focus on gratitude. It's a great way 392 00:19:24,119 --> 00:19:27,600 Speaker 1: to do it, Yeah, super simple. And then and then yeah, 393 00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:28,960 Speaker 1: let's do it, and then you do it with other 394 00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 1: people too, so there's accountability. And you know, like happiness 395 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:35,320 Speaker 1: is a little bit of a bigger deal because it 396 00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:40,400 Speaker 1: involves at least three you know, they all do. That's 397 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,439 Speaker 1: what's great about the humans is that we are uniquely 398 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,399 Speaker 1: situated as the way our DNA is set up, that 399 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:50,040 Speaker 1: we have emotions and feelings, and so emotions are the 400 00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:53,200 Speaker 1: physiological thing. I can see your emotions, you can see mine, 401 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:57,200 Speaker 1: but the feelings are private. So emotions are public if 402 00:19:57,200 --> 00:20:00,040 Speaker 1: you will, but feelings are private. And if we and 403 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: get down into the way something feels, we start now 404 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 1: getting into intimate conversations and now we know we're not alone. 405 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,280 Speaker 1: And so that's where the some deep bravery takes place 406 00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 1: for people to say, Okay, I had this emotion. My 407 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: hands were rattling, my chest was breathing, my face was flushed, 408 00:20:15,400 --> 00:20:18,359 Speaker 1: my my heart was pounding. Those are all emotions and 409 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 1: it felt exciting or it felt anxiety. I felt so anxious, 410 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,399 Speaker 1: you know. And then so we can pull on those threads. 411 00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,639 Speaker 1: But anyways, that's not really the fight camp, but the 412 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,240 Speaker 1: training camp would be something a little bit more narrow 413 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:35,040 Speaker 1: because you said, we can't do that happen this one. 414 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,119 Speaker 1: Gratitude is a good one. That's an easy one. We 415 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,520 Speaker 1: could do a confidence training camp. We can do that. 416 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:45,600 Speaker 1: Why why does gratitude, Well, the practice of gratitude stemming 417 00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:51,119 Speaker 1: out of you pen borrowing loosely from optimism training, and 418 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 1: is you know, you find three good things in your day, 419 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,439 Speaker 1: you become the researcher of amazing and you wake up 420 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: in the morning you're like, Okay, I'm gonna find a 421 00:20:59,480 --> 00:21:02,320 Speaker 1: note three amazing things that happened to me. And they 422 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 1: could be really small, like somebody held the door open 423 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,600 Speaker 1: for me at the coffee shop, right, And at the 424 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,199 Speaker 1: end of that sentence, so you you go out and 425 00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,200 Speaker 1: become the research are amazing. At the end of the day, 426 00:21:11,240 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: you write down the three things that were amazing, and 427 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,280 Speaker 1: next to each one you write one word a feeling 428 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,399 Speaker 1: that made it so, So Jay held the door open 429 00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:23,200 Speaker 1: for me at the coffee shop, or a gentleman held 430 00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,400 Speaker 1: its door open for me. And then in parentheses connected 431 00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,480 Speaker 1: or kindness you know, or patients. And then so the 432 00:21:30,560 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 1: end of those thirty days, you would have done a 433 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 1: significant amount of training of gratitude. That's just one, but 434 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:38,960 Speaker 1: you just taught me something here. So I do a 435 00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 1: gratitude list every day. I write on ten things I'm 436 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:44,000 Speaker 1: great before. Okay, that's cool, but that's different. That's not 437 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,720 Speaker 1: exactly what I just said, right, it's not the same thing. 438 00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:50,280 Speaker 1: It's so you just expanded it for me. So now 439 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,600 Speaker 1: I'm gonna start tomorrow. Because the way I view things 440 00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 1: also like I'm not gonna wait. Like change takes a 441 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,440 Speaker 1: fraction of a second. So if I learned something new, right, 442 00:21:59,600 --> 00:22:02,160 Speaker 1: like I learned something I can help me, I'm gonna 443 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: implement it not a week from now now. Right, if 444 00:22:06,000 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 1: I see something in a fight or football game, I 445 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,719 Speaker 1: phone player, an athlete, and I've seen an opening, I'm 446 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 1: not gonna wait until the next fight, I'm gonna take 447 00:22:12,480 --> 00:22:15,400 Speaker 1: it now. Same with our mental health. That that's how 448 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,919 Speaker 1: when you're rolling to if somebody showed you like a 449 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:21,240 Speaker 1: little bit of a I don't know, a place you 450 00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 1: need to get better at, and they wiggled in and 451 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,520 Speaker 1: they put you in a in an endgame position and 452 00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:27,400 Speaker 1: you're like how did you do that? And like, oh, 453 00:22:27,520 --> 00:22:30,359 Speaker 1: you know, your hook opened up or your your hips 454 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:32,359 Speaker 1: freed up or whatever it was, and I took advantage. 455 00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,480 Speaker 1: It's like, oh I did. I didn't feel like, oh yeah, dude, 456 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,359 Speaker 1: you're you know, and so that you you use that 457 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,240 Speaker 1: immediately when we're in that physical it's so easy and 458 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:44,560 Speaker 1: saying true as mentally and so the thing that's different 459 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:47,440 Speaker 1: about a gratitude list as opposed to what I suggested. 460 00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: The gratitude list is cool, but if we're not careful, 461 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,000 Speaker 1: it's the check the box. I'm grateful for my eyes, 462 00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:56,680 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my wife, I'm grateful for my dog, 463 00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,359 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for my route. It's a check the box. 464 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:02,560 Speaker 1: I would say, go from ten to ten to five 465 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:06,040 Speaker 1: and feel each one of them. Well, I'm so when 466 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,160 Speaker 1: i'm that's what I mean. I'm gonna now, I'm gonna 467 00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:12,960 Speaker 1: continue with my practice. But actually, yeah, and put it 468 00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:18,159 Speaker 1: on the list. That's right. So feel the completeness of like, wow, 469 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:21,879 Speaker 1: I really do have a roof over my head, and 470 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:26,719 Speaker 1: I would challenge you yeah, and then feel all of 471 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:30,480 Speaker 1: that and that that in and of itself is even 472 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 1: if you just did one and you are flooded with 473 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,280 Speaker 1: the feeling if you really did that work, you might 474 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 1: cry like right away, like oh ship, there's so many 475 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,120 Speaker 1: people that don't have it, and like, man, this is great. 476 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to work from this buoyant, abundant place today 477 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: or whatever the feelings. And the thing that I was 478 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,200 Speaker 1: suggesting is becoming a researcher of amazing is not starting 479 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:51,600 Speaker 1: your day with the checklist, which is cool, like we 480 00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:54,160 Speaker 1: just talked about, but it's almost like you go out 481 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: and hunt, but you're hunting for like amazing moments. The 482 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 1: primary task of your brain. In my brain, our brains 483 00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,760 Speaker 1: are millions of years old. They have not adapted to 484 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 1: the rhythm of our world. They have not adapted to 485 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,879 Speaker 1: teams and zoom and digital social media all that stuff. 486 00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:11,880 Speaker 1: But the majority of our brain is scanning the world 487 00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:14,520 Speaker 1: to find all the threats and danger. And if you 488 00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,199 Speaker 1: can wake up in the morning and say I'm going 489 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:18,960 Speaker 1: to use a smaller part of my brain to scan 490 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 1: the world and find amazing in some odd way, there's 491 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:27,920 Speaker 1: an innoculation to that negativity bias, to that threat bias. 492 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,560 Speaker 1: And so you're training the smaller part of your brain 493 00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:35,160 Speaker 1: to find the opportunities, the amazing moments, And that's cool. 494 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,640 Speaker 1: If we can strengthen that circuitry as well. It goes 495 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 1: back to what we're talking about. That's it's well that's 496 00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 1: the only way that experience, right, as if you're in it. Yeah, 497 00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:48,679 Speaker 1: that's exactly it. You work with champions in every area, 498 00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:54,479 Speaker 1: in business and athletes and science and you name it. 499 00:24:55,000 --> 00:24:58,320 Speaker 1: What's the common thread amongst amongst the great ones, the 500 00:24:58,359 --> 00:25:02,399 Speaker 1: Tom Brady levels, the Tiger Good levels. One, they're uncommon, 501 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:08,280 Speaker 1: they are unreasonable. They have a healthy amount of neuroticism. 502 00:25:08,320 --> 00:25:13,359 Speaker 1: So there's some anxiousness and some emotional stuff that is 503 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:16,640 Speaker 1: propelling them to work that hard. So there's a neurotic 504 00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:21,359 Speaker 1: nature to them, right, you know, I have some crazy 505 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 1: to be great. Yeah. I don't know if you have 506 00:25:23,119 --> 00:25:29,000 Speaker 1: to be crazy, but there is there's Yeah, I like that. Yeah, 507 00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:32,000 Speaker 1: because they get to the edge, whether a literal cliff 508 00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:34,679 Speaker 1: or the metaphorical cliff that that you and I are 509 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: talking about, right, to get to the edge is where 510 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:39,919 Speaker 1: you're not sure if you have what it takes, and 511 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: and there's a lot of vulnerability in that, and they 512 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,680 Speaker 1: fundamentally design their life to get feedback about what it's 513 00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:48,640 Speaker 1: like to be on the edge, because if you don't 514 00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,120 Speaker 1: push the edge, you will not get better. And so 515 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:54,440 Speaker 1: most people can't handle that because of the level of 516 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,879 Speaker 1: vulnerability that it takes to take feedback from other people 517 00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,800 Speaker 1: like how did I do there? How was and to 518 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:03,199 Speaker 1: be honest with oneself about how they did when they 519 00:26:03,200 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: were trying to dance on the edge. Most people just 520 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:07,240 Speaker 1: gripping the edge of the cliff, and they want to 521 00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:08,879 Speaker 1: dance and play and sing, and they want to do 522 00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:11,960 Speaker 1: their thing and have this artistic experience that is scarier 523 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,320 Speaker 1: than ship. And they fundamentally organized their life to get 524 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 1: feedback about what it's like to be on the edge. 525 00:26:17,480 --> 00:26:21,600 Speaker 1: Most people can't handle a forced stack ranking about how 526 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:24,760 Speaker 1: they how well they sent an email or responded to 527 00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 1: a call or had a hallway conversation. I mean we 528 00:26:28,119 --> 00:26:31,960 Speaker 1: hide in business and elite athletics, there's no hiding. You 529 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:34,440 Speaker 1: can't hide for very long at least. But also it's 530 00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:37,920 Speaker 1: they just said they dance on that edge. But then 531 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:43,120 Speaker 1: also whether it's crazier and insecurity whatever, outwork the world 532 00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:46,879 Speaker 1: so they can dance on that edge, so you can 533 00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:51,080 Speaker 1: get those dancers they're looking for now. And then there's 534 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:55,160 Speaker 1: there's two categories amongst those half percenters. Is that there's 535 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: enough narcissism up there that this will make sense. All 536 00:26:57,720 --> 00:26:59,399 Speaker 1: you gotta do for them is turned on the lights 537 00:27:00,040 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 1: that's all you gotta do. Make sure that the lights 538 00:27:02,520 --> 00:27:05,080 Speaker 1: are on, because that they are most at home. And 539 00:27:05,119 --> 00:27:08,160 Speaker 1: that doesn't mean that this is healthy. Okay, the other 540 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:12,560 Speaker 1: half of the half percenters, they are out working everybody 541 00:27:12,640 --> 00:27:16,399 Speaker 1: so that they have a command of themselves. And the 542 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,280 Speaker 1: other ones, the freaks and the narcissist. When you combine 543 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,240 Speaker 1: those two, they're not even almost worth studying because they're 544 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 1: so rare. And and that's not what I'm talking about, 545 00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: because I don't see what brain is coming from anything 546 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:30,159 Speaker 1: but at work in the world, being rejected more than 547 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:33,760 Speaker 1: anybody in the planet. Like just grining, grinding, grinding, grinding, grinning, groning. 548 00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:36,680 Speaker 1: That's mastery, I would add, Yeah, I love you know, 549 00:27:36,760 --> 00:27:39,600 Speaker 1: I love that word mastery. The thing that I would add, yeah, 550 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:41,960 Speaker 1: that's the thing I would add to that is that 551 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 1: they have incredible patients because they have to play the 552 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:48,280 Speaker 1: long game. They understand that there's an unreasonable that they 553 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 1: want results now, but they understand that it takes time, 554 00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:54,960 Speaker 1: and they have an anxiety that time is going to 555 00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,479 Speaker 1: run out, so they work really hard. But they also 556 00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: recover in pretty intelligent ways. Okay, so not only is 557 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:07,720 Speaker 1: it grinding, but it's also recovering. So grind grind, grind, 558 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:12,160 Speaker 1: grind without intelligent recovery is a recipe for knickknack injuries, 559 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:18,960 Speaker 1: soft tissue injuries, collision injuries, burnout death, early death. You know. 560 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:23,159 Speaker 1: So there is this balance between stress and recovery that 561 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 1: I think we can learn from them as well. Yeah, 562 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,240 Speaker 1: I think you know, our gym unbreakable. We always say 563 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 1: we're going to recover you as hard as retraining, and 564 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:34,800 Speaker 1: and and but I used to be the jersey for 565 00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,679 Speaker 1: me that who just worked out, worked out, worked out, 566 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:39,360 Speaker 1: worked out, and did understand recovery. And once I did, 567 00:28:39,600 --> 00:28:42,560 Speaker 1: man did everything change. You brought up a word there, 568 00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:47,080 Speaker 1: and it's my biggest challenge, the word anxiety. What tools 569 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 1: do you have or if you learned the best to 570 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:53,680 Speaker 1: challenge anxiety? And I guess maybe not not not sports 571 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:58,680 Speaker 1: anxiety anxiety, not performance anxiety anxiety. Okay, So I like 572 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 1: that you're differentiating because there's that nervousness, anxiousness that comes 573 00:29:03,680 --> 00:29:07,840 Speaker 1: before something, whether it's spot or even walking into a 574 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:12,000 Speaker 1: holiday party. People report being going in with friends and 575 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: family even then they report a bit of anxiousness. So 576 00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:21,800 Speaker 1: that's really normal, okay, level, that's that's normal. Very very normal, 577 00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: totally common. Clinical anxiety is when there is a disordered 578 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: way of working with your mind relative to what you 579 00:29:32,280 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 1: think the future could be, and it's really an excessive 580 00:29:36,440 --> 00:29:38,920 Speaker 1: worry about what could go wrong later. And it's so 581 00:29:39,160 --> 00:29:45,120 Speaker 1: excessive that it crowds out joy and happiness and peace 582 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 1: and enjoyment and fun. It crowds out so much of 583 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 1: the the more buoyant parts of being alive that it 584 00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 1: is a constricting state where all you're doing is worrying. Okay, 585 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,600 Speaker 1: and that I'm gonna say three out of ten folks, 586 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,840 Speaker 1: uh struggle with that, you know. And so it's a 587 00:30:04,960 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: it's a it's an important thing that we're talking about 588 00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:10,560 Speaker 1: anxiousness versus anxiety. Okay. So what do we do? Um? 589 00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 1: We become friends with ourselves, you know, we become better 590 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 1: roommates to your your language? Um? And how do we 591 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:20,040 Speaker 1: do that? There's no way through it without increasing awareness, 592 00:30:20,360 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: awareness of what awareness of how your thoughts work with 593 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,920 Speaker 1: your emotions. Awareness have your thoughts and emotions are unfolding 594 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:32,720 Speaker 1: in context of the environment that you're in. So step 595 00:30:32,800 --> 00:30:34,960 Speaker 1: one is awareness what is actually happening inside of you. 596 00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 1: Step two is that if the if the excessive worry 597 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:42,800 Speaker 1: is self talk. So there's it's called cognitive anxiety versus 598 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 1: so matic anxiety. So there's two types of anxiety. Now, okay, 599 00:30:47,080 --> 00:30:50,440 Speaker 1: Cognitive anxiety is excessive noise in your brain or in 600 00:30:50,480 --> 00:30:54,280 Speaker 1: your mind, and so matic anxiety is that feeling like 601 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,920 Speaker 1: you've got knots in your stomach, your shoulders are up 602 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:01,840 Speaker 1: to your ears, your sweating, so you feel it physiologically. Okay, 603 00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 1: So there's different protocols for each one. Both of them 604 00:31:05,120 --> 00:31:08,320 Speaker 1: are going to involve step one awareness. Awareness training really 605 00:31:08,360 --> 00:31:12,720 Speaker 1: comes from mindfulness meditation. Really, that's the biggest. The second 606 00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,640 Speaker 1: biggest for awareness is journaling, okay, so there's some sort 607 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:20,200 Speaker 1: of forced insight there. And the third is conversations with 608 00:31:20,320 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: people of wisdom. And if you say I don't know 609 00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 1: anyone wise, just get somebody who's read a chapter more 610 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,440 Speaker 1: than you, somebody who's lived an interesting life, somebody who's 611 00:31:28,480 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 1: going to pay attention to your experience rather than theirs. 612 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,640 Speaker 1: So somebody who's not so much, let's say, more wisdom 613 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,000 Speaker 1: than you. I would say any ear, wouldn't you like 614 00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 1: any here? Well? I think about some of my knucklehead 615 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:44,960 Speaker 1: of friends that like they you know, like if I 616 00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:47,040 Speaker 1: go back to some of my friends from high school 617 00:31:47,280 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: and I saw them tonight, I think I'd revert back 618 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 1: to the way I was in high school. At some level. 619 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: We would all snap back to some of that knucklehead version, 620 00:31:57,280 --> 00:32:01,200 Speaker 1: you know, even though we're fundamentally different. But but no, 621 00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,600 Speaker 1: I don't think it's just anybody. I think it's a 622 00:32:03,720 --> 00:32:08,400 Speaker 1: trusted person that they're in the conversational relationship for you, 623 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:12,760 Speaker 1: not for them. People who don't who aren't able to 624 00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:17,360 Speaker 1: get those people, okay. One like like like listeners who go, well, 625 00:32:17,400 --> 00:32:19,360 Speaker 1: I don't have to me. I get a lot of 626 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,239 Speaker 1: people also who will say, why don't have people care 627 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 1: enough about me to hear about my issues? I like that. 628 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,680 Speaker 1: I like where you're bringing it. So one is this 629 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:35,680 Speaker 1: is where priests and um rabbis and monks and communities 630 00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 1: that are focused on healing and wellness and sometimes you 631 00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: pay for him, sometimes you don't. And you know, so 632 00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:46,480 Speaker 1: it's finding a community or a tribe where there's some 633 00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,240 Speaker 1: elders and people that are practiced, you know, the wisdom traditions. 634 00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: That's one way to do it. So you gotta worry. 635 00:32:52,560 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: I'm not saying this is easy, right, Like people are no, no, 636 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 1: And if you've got some means then if you want to, 637 00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:03,680 Speaker 1: you know, hire a therapist or a psychologist or you know, 638 00:33:04,400 --> 00:33:06,760 Speaker 1: or if you've got insurance or whatever. So I don't 639 00:33:06,800 --> 00:33:09,880 Speaker 1: think it's easy. But when you go work for something 640 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,520 Speaker 1: and you know, like listen, okay, so a whole lot. 641 00:33:12,600 --> 00:33:14,680 Speaker 1: Let me pauses. Let's say you can't find that person, 642 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 1: go to step one and two mindfulness meditation. Go get 643 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,560 Speaker 1: real with yourself, be honest. You know process that people 644 00:33:21,600 --> 00:33:24,680 Speaker 1: could google how to meditate, like google and google different 645 00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,080 Speaker 1: types of meditation. It is readily available to learn how 646 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:31,440 Speaker 1: to meditate, learn how to do breathwork, dive in like 647 00:33:31,560 --> 00:33:34,520 Speaker 1: what's the what's the worst that can happen? And people 648 00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:36,480 Speaker 1: want to reach out to you and me, I'll send them. 649 00:33:36,640 --> 00:33:38,719 Speaker 1: I'll send them a handful of meditations I've built over 650 00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:40,720 Speaker 1: the years just to get them going, you know. And 651 00:33:40,880 --> 00:33:44,880 Speaker 1: so no problem, and you're you're exactly right there, And 652 00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:48,400 Speaker 1: that's not for everybody. Mindfulness and meditation is not you know. 653 00:33:48,760 --> 00:33:50,600 Speaker 1: I remember when I first learned it twenty five years ago. 654 00:33:50,600 --> 00:33:52,840 Speaker 1: It's like this ain't for me, Like, what is this? 655 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:55,560 Speaker 1: This is crazy? You know? I got I got a 656 00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:58,280 Speaker 1: funny one for you. I was doing transcendental meditation and 657 00:33:58,760 --> 00:34:00,680 Speaker 1: you know, a lot of bets I work. It's like, hey, man, 658 00:34:00,880 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: TM really changed me to save my life. So somebody 659 00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,600 Speaker 1: sets me up with transcendental meditation Garth. He comes over 660 00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,680 Speaker 1: to the house and he gives me, my my, what 661 00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:11,600 Speaker 1: is it? You're not word, but you're saying you're mantra? Right. 662 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 1: I don't like my mantra. Okay, so so I I 663 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 1: because it's like the mantra like worse than my TMJ 664 00:34:20,800 --> 00:34:23,279 Speaker 1: the way I was doing. I was like, and I'm 665 00:34:23,320 --> 00:34:25,880 Speaker 1: like grinding my teeth a little more. So I said, oh, hey, 666 00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:28,279 Speaker 1: you know, you gotta gotta change your mantra. And he goes, 667 00:34:28,600 --> 00:34:32,239 Speaker 1: can't change it. It chose you. And I'm like, well, 668 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,239 Speaker 1: let's choose a different one. He's like, can't do that. 669 00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:37,279 Speaker 1: It's chosen you. It's the only one. I'm like, I'm 670 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:39,879 Speaker 1: about to choke out my fucking TM guy. And it's 671 00:34:39,880 --> 00:34:41,879 Speaker 1: all the bets are like, if there's anybody in its 672 00:34:41,920 --> 00:34:45,520 Speaker 1: transon meental meditation, it's you, clearly, because you want to 673 00:34:45,600 --> 00:34:54,000 Speaker 1: choke out your transcendental meditation guy. Yeah, yeah, So listen, 674 00:34:54,120 --> 00:34:57,840 Speaker 1: and TM is great, and there's lots. You know, the 675 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:01,920 Speaker 1: research is coming back really interesting research around eight to 676 00:35:02,000 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 1: twelve minutes to get some interesting results from a science perspective. 677 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:10,160 Speaker 1: Twelve minutes, yeah, i'd say like as this like twenty 678 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:14,720 Speaker 1: is coming back more interesting from a science lenses, but twelve, 679 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:18,760 Speaker 1: like there's some really amazing changes that are taking place. 680 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,200 Speaker 1: But I want people to hear that because before I 681 00:35:21,280 --> 00:35:23,440 Speaker 1: started meditating, I thought I needed an hour and I 682 00:35:23,520 --> 00:35:25,000 Speaker 1: have a d D so that doesn't work for so 683 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:28,120 Speaker 1: many with a D does not work. I can't do that. 684 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 1: So when you're telling me, I got five minutes, twelve minutes, 685 00:35:30,480 --> 00:35:33,879 Speaker 1: so it's way better. Well listen, So if you think 686 00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,879 Speaker 1: about twelve minutes a day as your training for your mind, 687 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,200 Speaker 1: and you do how many days, how many minutes a 688 00:35:40,280 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 1: day for fitness physical fitness sixty forty five, I don't 689 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,040 Speaker 1: know how what you're in the gym for. Actually, we're 690 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,240 Speaker 1: finding over ninety minutes there's a diminishing return for fitness 691 00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 1: on a daily basis. But yeah, so overnight, I shouldn't say, 692 00:35:55,840 --> 00:35:57,839 Speaker 1: well and I'm breaking, Will you loosen our hips up 693 00:35:57,880 --> 00:36:01,680 Speaker 1: for about seven minutes, then we'll do performance for about 694 00:36:01,719 --> 00:36:04,360 Speaker 1: fifty which is our lift and then we fight for 695 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:06,560 Speaker 1: about a half hour, you know, bo box kick box, 696 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:09,959 Speaker 1: that's our audio over there. Because also because finding comes 697 00:36:10,000 --> 00:36:12,240 Speaker 1: from the soul, right and I and I want everyone 698 00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:14,160 Speaker 1: in our place to feel like, hey, you've got a 699 00:36:14,200 --> 00:36:16,800 Speaker 1: fight team. We're a mental health Jim. You've got a 700 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,160 Speaker 1: fight feam to walk this walk together with outside our doors, 701 00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,000 Speaker 1: and then we make you recover after for a half hour. 702 00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,080 Speaker 1: I love what you're doing, Jay, I love it. Every 703 00:36:26,200 --> 00:36:29,319 Speaker 1: part of that Joe philosophy that you're creating. I love 704 00:36:29,560 --> 00:36:32,480 Speaker 1: every part of it. And so um so yeah, Like 705 00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:34,759 Speaker 1: on the meditation thing, if it's not for you too, 706 00:36:34,880 --> 00:36:36,160 Speaker 1: and you know what I would add in there in 707 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,800 Speaker 1: some of that stuff that you're doing and maybe already 708 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:43,080 Speaker 1: doing it is a few minutes of breathing or meditation 709 00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:46,200 Speaker 1: or image of breath works help a lot. Yeah, And 710 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,280 Speaker 1: so breath work is an interesting place. It's not meditation. 711 00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,960 Speaker 1: Typically is a is a practice for wisdom, it's a 712 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:57,440 Speaker 1: practice for awareness. Breath Work is an important part of 713 00:36:57,840 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 1: meditation and mindfulness. But breath work a own is not 714 00:37:01,160 --> 00:37:03,120 Speaker 1: going to probably get you to the place you and 715 00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,319 Speaker 1: I are talking about, but it will help you learn 716 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:07,480 Speaker 1: how to focus deeply it will help you learn how 717 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,600 Speaker 1: to downregulate. It will help you work with anxiety better, 718 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:13,920 Speaker 1: and stress better, and fatigue better, and and and and 719 00:37:14,800 --> 00:37:17,400 Speaker 1: I would add on top of that too, you know, 720 00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,120 Speaker 1: some of the traditional mindfulness, and I would I'd be 721 00:37:21,040 --> 00:37:24,000 Speaker 1: inconsistent with the practice. Some days I do imagery, and 722 00:37:24,080 --> 00:37:25,400 Speaker 1: we used to do that. I don't know if I 723 00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:30,080 Speaker 1: told you I got to corner three UFC fights. No, yeah, 724 00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:33,480 Speaker 1: as as as a as the sports pyche you remember 725 00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:36,160 Speaker 1: that Rico Chiparelli and the camp he had in Al 726 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:40,000 Speaker 1: Sa Gundo. Yeah, we're all training was kind of where 727 00:37:40,040 --> 00:37:42,960 Speaker 1: I cut my teeth and fighting and so anyways, the 728 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: athletes that came through there. So a couple of things 729 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:48,040 Speaker 1: I think you you'll find interesting is right after practice, 730 00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,239 Speaker 1: heart rates up, good cardio, good flush, we throw a 731 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:55,200 Speaker 1: towel or two or three over their face and it's 732 00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:58,120 Speaker 1: got this mimicking of like even more difficult to breathe. 733 00:37:58,440 --> 00:38:00,799 Speaker 1: And that's a symbol to everyone else in the gym 734 00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,600 Speaker 1: that I'm doing my meditation, I'm doing my imagery work. 735 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:08,960 Speaker 1: And so they'd handful of minutes, eight minutes, ten minutes. 736 00:38:09,320 --> 00:38:12,960 Speaker 1: Either they're seeing themselves be great in the upcoming fight, 737 00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:16,480 Speaker 1: or they would just be doing some breathing more spiritual 738 00:38:16,480 --> 00:38:19,960 Speaker 1: awareness practices, you know at that time. And so it 739 00:38:20,080 --> 00:38:24,719 Speaker 1: was a cool end of the day training and we 740 00:38:24,840 --> 00:38:27,319 Speaker 1: made it a thing and it was cool right when 741 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:32,600 Speaker 1: you're doing your work and the game. Yeah, if you 742 00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:34,800 Speaker 1: walked in the Seahawks and you know, I've been with 743 00:38:34,880 --> 00:38:36,600 Speaker 1: him for a couple of years, but you throw a 744 00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:40,560 Speaker 1: top and you walk through let's say pre pre game, 745 00:38:41,239 --> 00:38:43,759 Speaker 1: just say pre game right now, probably fifty of the 746 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,400 Speaker 1: guys would have a towel over their head at some 747 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,320 Speaker 1: at some point. That's incredible. That's amazing. I never knew that. 748 00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:52,200 Speaker 1: That's amazing. I love that, and I just I love so. 749 00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,440 Speaker 1: I do want you to send me because I want 750 00:38:54,440 --> 00:38:56,000 Speaker 1: to start. I want you to send me some of 751 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 1: your meditations. Just like I'm gonna start with my breaths, 752 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 1: work with my um my gratitude list, how it makes 753 00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,080 Speaker 1: me feel more. I want to start on some of 754 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 1: your meditations that have worked. I'll start them like and again, 755 00:39:07,760 --> 00:39:11,400 Speaker 1: I want I want people to to understand and hear this, Like, 756 00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:15,000 Speaker 1: if you're struggling with anything out there, seek out anything 757 00:39:15,040 --> 00:39:18,440 Speaker 1: that can help and do it tomorrow. Just start it. Tomorrow, 758 00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,640 Speaker 1: how about it. That's that's how we do it. That's 759 00:39:21,680 --> 00:39:24,040 Speaker 1: how we do it. And it doesn't mean it's gonna work. 760 00:39:24,360 --> 00:39:28,640 Speaker 1: You gotta working, Yeah, and I'll get excited about keep 761 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:31,080 Speaker 1: trying that. That's why you asked me before, Hey, when 762 00:39:31,120 --> 00:39:32,840 Speaker 1: do you think you'll start now? I think I'll always 763 00:39:33,280 --> 00:39:35,040 Speaker 1: do so because even if I ever get to a 764 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:38,960 Speaker 1: place of inner peace and happiness and not feeling depressed 765 00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:42,040 Speaker 1: and anxious that I can, then I can. If I 766 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:44,600 Speaker 1: can get through space there, then I could build to 767 00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:49,440 Speaker 1: a better plateau. I guess if you will, Jamie. My 768 00:39:49,560 --> 00:39:51,799 Speaker 1: question to you earlier was like, when you think you'll 769 00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,680 Speaker 1: be done with the the intensity of the Civil War, 770 00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:57,319 Speaker 1: the intensity of the bad roommates, Like when you think 771 00:39:57,360 --> 00:39:59,879 Speaker 1: you'll be done with that? And I don't. I'm gonna 772 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:01,920 Speaker 1: or for the rest of my life. I'm gonna keep 773 00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,200 Speaker 1: working on flourishing, don't. I want to be done with it, man, 774 00:40:05,440 --> 00:40:07,799 Speaker 1: like I want to. I don't know why I'm not yet. 775 00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:10,839 Speaker 1: And again, maybe it's just because i'm now, and maybe 776 00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,360 Speaker 1: also I'm doing more intense work, so it's maybe the 777 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:16,440 Speaker 1: fighting feels even more intense. Yeah, maybe I don't know 778 00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 1: where you are in your process. But I think also 779 00:40:18,760 --> 00:40:21,920 Speaker 1: sometimes um, and I'm not pretending to give you a 780 00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:25,479 Speaker 1: suggestion here, but sometimes I think we like I'll speak 781 00:40:25,480 --> 00:40:28,719 Speaker 1: for myself. I get used to doing the work, and 782 00:40:28,800 --> 00:40:31,680 Speaker 1: if the work is like working on the relationship between 783 00:40:31,719 --> 00:40:34,279 Speaker 1: my roommates, well what if that? What if I'm just 784 00:40:34,400 --> 00:40:39,439 Speaker 1: doing the work because it's now familiar and like always, Yeah, 785 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,960 Speaker 1: I know what you're saying. Yeah, right, okay, well what 786 00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:46,280 Speaker 1: you're saying. So I had two friends, my friend Jade 787 00:40:47,080 --> 00:40:50,320 Speaker 1: and then the Rock said to me, and we're a 788 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,279 Speaker 1: little concerned about you. Um, do you think your brand 789 00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:55,680 Speaker 1: is now in the gray? You're talking so much about 790 00:40:55,680 --> 00:40:58,680 Speaker 1: the gray? And I said, well, yeah, no, you need 791 00:40:58,760 --> 00:41:01,200 Speaker 1: to shift it. Your brand needs to be in the blue. 792 00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:03,640 Speaker 1: I said, what are you talking about? Said, you've given 793 00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,799 Speaker 1: us hope, Like you you're gonna give people hope who've 794 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:08,880 Speaker 1: been in the gray that they can go live in 795 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:11,239 Speaker 1: the blue. You need to exist in the blue to 796 00:41:11,320 --> 00:41:13,560 Speaker 1: give people that hope. But you've gotten so used to 797 00:41:13,640 --> 00:41:16,319 Speaker 1: and you're afraid to like leave those people in the gray. 798 00:41:16,680 --> 00:41:20,040 Speaker 1: This is the fucking Rock. And my friend Jade came 799 00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:22,960 Speaker 1: up with the same thing, and like obviously and and 800 00:41:23,160 --> 00:41:26,080 Speaker 1: and she works in neuroscience, and he is, you know, 801 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:31,399 Speaker 1: struggling actor. He has he has a lot better things 802 00:41:31,440 --> 00:41:33,160 Speaker 1: to do with his life. And they literally come at 803 00:41:33,200 --> 00:41:35,200 Speaker 1: the same time with the same thing. And it's like 804 00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:38,720 Speaker 1: I've gotten used to being in the gray and fighting 805 00:41:38,760 --> 00:41:41,359 Speaker 1: with the gray instead of Hey, let's shift it now. 806 00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,560 Speaker 1: Why don't you sit in the blue and don't feel 807 00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:45,920 Speaker 1: guilty that you're leaving the people in the gray. That's 808 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:47,800 Speaker 1: your responsibility to lift them in the blue with you. 809 00:41:48,160 --> 00:41:50,959 Speaker 1: It's kind of what you're saying, right, I am saying. 810 00:41:51,000 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: It's the same thing, and we can make it really 811 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,799 Speaker 1: practical to Let's say that you've had a left hip 812 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:58,239 Speaker 1: issue that's going on and you go to get some 813 00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,680 Speaker 1: help to get that thing like, what's going on here? 814 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,840 Speaker 1: Maybe you needed surgery, maybe you didn't, Maybe you just 815 00:42:03,000 --> 00:42:05,680 Speaker 1: need you had to. You just had some strain that's 816 00:42:05,719 --> 00:42:08,160 Speaker 1: going on and you need that. A practice is to 817 00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 1: loosen it up, and then you become obsessive with those 818 00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,080 Speaker 1: so that you can work through it. And then all 819 00:42:13,120 --> 00:42:15,160 Speaker 1: of a sudden it is working. You know, your hip 820 00:42:15,239 --> 00:42:17,719 Speaker 1: is now more mobile than it ever was, and you're 821 00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:21,680 Speaker 1: still as obsessive of working that hip. Pre training that 822 00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:26,080 Speaker 1: would make no kind of sense, right right, like you 823 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,440 Speaker 1: at some of you gotta trust that now I've done 824 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:30,960 Speaker 1: my work, I'm going to continue to maintain it. But 825 00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:36,279 Speaker 1: I don't have to do that, heavy lips. You don't 826 00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:38,800 Speaker 1: need to limp to be part of people's lives that 827 00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:42,520 Speaker 1: are limping, right, Like you don't need I don't need 828 00:42:42,560 --> 00:42:45,640 Speaker 1: to do that either, Like I know I'm gonna limp again, 829 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:50,640 Speaker 1: you know, like I'm gonna I'll find myself. Like you know, 830 00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:52,880 Speaker 1: I'm an intimate relationship with my wife and I've been 831 00:42:52,920 --> 00:42:55,800 Speaker 1: that way for thirty seven years. And like times sometimes 832 00:42:55,840 --> 00:42:58,800 Speaker 1: are hard and sometimes are amazing, and so I gotta 833 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:02,320 Speaker 1: stay in shape emotionally because when it gets hard, I 834 00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,120 Speaker 1: want to be great. And so the same thing for 835 00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:07,680 Speaker 1: all of us, all right, before I let you go, 836 00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:09,240 Speaker 1: I'm when I ask you the same thing I asked 837 00:43:09,239 --> 00:43:11,480 Speaker 1: every one of my guests. Give me your an breakable moment, 838 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:14,520 Speaker 1: the thing that this is you, a personal you, something 839 00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:17,840 Speaker 1: that could have broken you and didn't, and as a result, 840 00:43:18,280 --> 00:43:19,880 Speaker 1: you came through the other side of that tunnel and 841 00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:22,080 Speaker 1: you're stronger as a result of that. Yeah, I'll tell 842 00:43:22,120 --> 00:43:25,200 Speaker 1: you the one that is resonating, right, now because I 843 00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,520 Speaker 1: was just talking about my wife is that. It was 844 00:43:27,560 --> 00:43:32,399 Speaker 1: two thousand two, and um, she says, I'm done. We're 845 00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:37,680 Speaker 1: married for sin and she said, I can't do anymore. 846 00:43:37,840 --> 00:43:41,279 Speaker 1: You're a good man. I love you, but I can't 847 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:43,359 Speaker 1: be me around you. It's like, what do you mean? 848 00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,960 Speaker 1: And she goes, I go, we'll figure it out. Well, well, 849 00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,160 Speaker 1: well of course we're gonna work through this. She goes, 850 00:43:48,239 --> 00:43:51,320 Speaker 1: you've missed all the signs. I'm done. I was like, 851 00:43:51,400 --> 00:43:54,759 Speaker 1: you serious, and she says, no, I'm done. And she says, 852 00:43:54,840 --> 00:43:57,400 Speaker 1: I'm asking you, as your best friend right now, to 853 00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:00,239 Speaker 1: move out as a whole. This is a different kind 854 00:44:00,280 --> 00:44:02,800 Speaker 1: of thing. So this was me being selfish, Jay, This 855 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:05,360 Speaker 1: is me being on my path, committed to my stuff. 856 00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:07,680 Speaker 1: That that that that, and I missed all of her 857 00:44:07,719 --> 00:44:11,239 Speaker 1: signs that she was struggling. And so it got to 858 00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:14,160 Speaker 1: the point where step one of a divorce is a 859 00:44:14,239 --> 00:44:18,040 Speaker 1: separation and they usually don't kind of retract. Sometimes they do. 860 00:44:18,400 --> 00:44:20,879 Speaker 1: And so I moved out and a couple of months 861 00:44:20,920 --> 00:44:22,880 Speaker 1: go by, A month goes by, Sorry, a couple of 862 00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:25,440 Speaker 1: weeks go by, and I called her and she's like, 863 00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,200 Speaker 1: and I said, let's go to therapy. Come on, we 864 00:44:27,320 --> 00:44:29,279 Speaker 1: got too much under the belt, you know, we care 865 00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,560 Speaker 1: for each other. And she says, no, I told you 866 00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:34,840 Speaker 1: I'm done. I said for me just once, you know, 867 00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:38,080 Speaker 1: let's go to therapy once. And so we went. She's Cuban, 868 00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:42,320 Speaker 1: I'm Italian. We argued at the feverish level that the 869 00:44:42,440 --> 00:44:44,560 Speaker 1: therapist kind of pushed her chair back, and she said, 870 00:44:44,640 --> 00:44:46,799 Speaker 1: this is about as bad as it gets. And she said, 871 00:44:46,840 --> 00:44:49,640 Speaker 1: here's my unbreakable moment. Ja. She says, Lisa, that's my 872 00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,160 Speaker 1: wife's name. I've got two questions for you. Mike. I've 873 00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:54,560 Speaker 1: got two questions for you. You need both of you. 874 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:59,160 Speaker 1: You need to work on yourselves, like okay, And she says, Mike, 875 00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:00,560 Speaker 1: do you want to do the work? And I was 876 00:45:00,600 --> 00:45:02,800 Speaker 1: like yeah, And she says do you want to do 877 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,839 Speaker 1: the work with Lisa? And I was like, oh yeah. 878 00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:08,800 Speaker 1: And so that's question one and one one A I 879 00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,360 Speaker 1: want to be And she says, A, Lisa, do you 880 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,200 Speaker 1: want to do the work on yourself? And she said yeah. 881 00:45:12,320 --> 00:45:13,560 Speaker 1: She says do you want to do it with Mike. 882 00:45:14,239 --> 00:45:17,360 Speaker 1: Holy sh it, My my my heart was up in 883 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:19,279 Speaker 1: my throat. Right. There's a love of my life, right. 884 00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:21,279 Speaker 1: And she looks over it me, and she goes, I 885 00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,520 Speaker 1: don't want to do it with anyone else. I'm not 886 00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,520 Speaker 1: sure I want to do it with him. So the 887 00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:29,359 Speaker 1: therapist says, okay, I got a question too while you're 888 00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:32,839 Speaker 1: in this process. Do you want to honor your vows? Wow? 889 00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:36,040 Speaker 1: And I was like, holy sh it, that's the question 890 00:45:36,160 --> 00:45:39,640 Speaker 1: right now, isn't it. So I gotta just be quiet, 891 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:42,840 Speaker 1: right And I look over at her and I'm trying 892 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,279 Speaker 1: not to make eye contact, like you know, like I'm 893 00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:46,879 Speaker 1: just like, oh my god, what is she gonna say? 894 00:45:47,520 --> 00:45:51,359 Speaker 1: J Jay? She's gorgeous, she's she's amazing as a woman, 895 00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,200 Speaker 1: and so and I'm like, oh fuck, I don't think 896 00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:56,320 Speaker 1: I could handle if she says I don't want to 897 00:45:56,360 --> 00:45:59,440 Speaker 1: honor the vows. I'm like a twenty some year old kid, 898 00:45:59,480 --> 00:46:01,160 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't think I could handle that, 899 00:46:02,480 --> 00:46:06,200 Speaker 1: and and so she goes, I'm not I'm not about that. 900 00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:09,000 Speaker 1: That's not what I'm trying to do, and like everything 901 00:46:09,120 --> 00:46:11,560 Speaker 1: dropped from e J. And I was like, thank God. 902 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:13,480 Speaker 1: And I know it doesn't sound I know I'm sounding 903 00:46:13,560 --> 00:46:15,439 Speaker 1: like like to some guys are like, oh, you should 904 00:46:15,480 --> 00:46:17,360 Speaker 1: have taken a shot and this was your moment you 905 00:46:17,440 --> 00:46:21,320 Speaker 1: got a free hall pass and all that. It's different 906 00:46:21,400 --> 00:46:23,080 Speaker 1: when you're in it. And that's not who I am, 907 00:46:23,440 --> 00:46:27,320 Speaker 1: by the way, you know. Yeah, dude, we had years 908 00:46:27,400 --> 00:46:30,440 Speaker 1: under belt, you know, years, and so I take my 909 00:46:30,560 --> 00:46:33,319 Speaker 1: promises seriously, like I promised my whole community. I'm gonna 910 00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,799 Speaker 1: be a good man in front of all of them. 911 00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:37,719 Speaker 1: We stood up on the altar, said I'm down with 912 00:46:37,800 --> 00:46:40,880 Speaker 1: this oath, like so that's you know. So anyways, and 913 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:42,520 Speaker 1: she goes, that's not what I'm trying to do, and 914 00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:45,080 Speaker 1: and she looks over at me, the therapist. I was like, oh, yeah, 915 00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:47,160 Speaker 1: like I'm good like that. No, that's not what we're doing. 916 00:46:48,120 --> 00:46:52,080 Speaker 1: And so here's the unbreakable part is she says, Um. 917 00:46:52,760 --> 00:46:55,239 Speaker 1: She says, Okay, listen, UM, I'll see you guys in 918 00:46:55,280 --> 00:46:57,640 Speaker 1: six months, go work on yourself. If you want to 919 00:46:57,640 --> 00:46:59,040 Speaker 1: come in here and talk, we can talk. But like 920 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,400 Speaker 1: we're not doing work for you know, like honor your vows, 921 00:47:02,560 --> 00:47:09,040 Speaker 1: go get to know yourself. Holy shit. And I was tempted. 922 00:47:09,400 --> 00:47:12,160 Speaker 1: She was tempted. You know, it was easier to not 923 00:47:12,320 --> 00:47:14,920 Speaker 1: do the work. We ended up doing the work. J 924 00:47:15,160 --> 00:47:17,600 Speaker 1: And it this is really awesome for me, is that 925 00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:21,640 Speaker 1: I'm getting choked up here. Yeah, dude, like it was amazing, 926 00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,520 Speaker 1: and we the story was resonated so well that it 927 00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:29,120 Speaker 1: was published in the Journal of Excellence, the scientific Journal 928 00:47:29,160 --> 00:47:32,239 Speaker 1: of Excellence, that we've what this woman did and how 929 00:47:32,360 --> 00:47:35,360 Speaker 1: we stayed vulnerable throughout this whole process. And then for 930 00:47:35,440 --> 00:47:37,960 Speaker 1: another six months after that, we're in in her chair 931 00:47:38,160 --> 00:47:40,759 Speaker 1: in her office, you know, every day doing our internal work. 932 00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:42,879 Speaker 1: And it worked out, dude, Like she's my best friend. 933 00:47:43,000 --> 00:47:46,239 Speaker 1: It worked out. And that question scared the ship out 934 00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:49,560 Speaker 1: of me because it was a a long term relationship, 935 00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,080 Speaker 1: the love of my life. My selfish ass was blowing 936 00:47:52,160 --> 00:47:55,279 Speaker 1: it and I just wanted a second chance. That's all 937 00:47:55,360 --> 00:47:59,160 Speaker 1: I wanted. And so that moment it gave. She gave me. 938 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,320 Speaker 1: She gave me a second chance, and you have to 939 00:48:01,400 --> 00:48:06,359 Speaker 1: drop all your ego with that second chance. A beautiful brother, 940 00:48:06,520 --> 00:48:08,480 Speaker 1: I love you so much. Thank you so much. Anything 941 00:48:08,560 --> 00:48:11,680 Speaker 1: I can help you promote you. Right now that we're 942 00:48:11,680 --> 00:48:14,640 Speaker 1: all our listening, like just where can they hear you? 943 00:48:14,719 --> 00:48:16,719 Speaker 1: Where can they hear where can they find more of you? 944 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:19,279 Speaker 1: Tell our listeners where we can. Okay, Yeah, I just 945 00:48:19,320 --> 00:48:22,400 Speaker 1: want to say thank you for the space. Yeah, and um, 946 00:48:22,560 --> 00:48:26,840 Speaker 1: Finding Mastery podcast is the weekly um experience where we 947 00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:28,279 Speaker 1: talk with the greats and how they work from the 948 00:48:28,320 --> 00:48:30,719 Speaker 1: inside out. And Um, I got a book coming out 949 00:48:30,719 --> 00:48:34,320 Speaker 1: in yep. It's on fear of other people's opinions and 950 00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,040 Speaker 1: so the number one constrictor of human potential. So that's 951 00:48:37,080 --> 00:48:39,439 Speaker 1: coming out soon. What's the title of that book, gonna 952 00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:44,399 Speaker 1: be the First Rule of mastery? Love it alright, brother, 953 00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:46,560 Speaker 1: I appreciate you. I'll have you all again once that 954 00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:49,399 Speaker 1: comes out. To man, I appreciate you, dude, Thank you man, 955 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,359 Speaker 1: and once again all of us together. We all got 956 00:48:51,400 --> 00:48:52,360 Speaker 1: to walk this walk together.