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Speaker 1: Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached

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Speaker 1: my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheekys podcast. I'm here

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Speaker 1: to give you advice on anything and everything you need

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Speaker 1: help with, whether you're going through a breakup or having

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Speaker 1: issues with your family, or maybe you have a question

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Speaker 1: about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I want

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Speaker 1: to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts and

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Speaker 1: my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious issue

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Speaker 1: or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.

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Speaker 1: All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at

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Speaker 1: the sound of the beab.

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Speaker 2: Hi Cheeky's. I just want to say, first of all,

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Speaker 2: thank you. Thank you so much for helping someone like

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Speaker 2: me that you don't even know through podcasts. A while ago,

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Speaker 2: I was listening to your journaling episode and I started

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Speaker 2: doing it and I remember doing it when I was

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Speaker 2: a teenager. I'm currently twenty seven, I have two kids,

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Speaker 2: I'm with my fiance, and you know, not all days

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Speaker 2: are beautiful, and you reminded me that journaling is like

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Speaker 2: a way of like helping you know yourself. And I

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Speaker 2: think it was another podcast I listened to where you

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Speaker 2: were saying that you were with your friends on like

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Speaker 2: a Girl's Caasi and that you were just like you know,

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Speaker 2: just saying stuff that happened with your siblings. But you

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Speaker 2: were also saying, you know, not everything needs to be

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Speaker 2: out there, like you know, sometimes you can just take

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Speaker 2: it to God. And I feel like, you know, that's

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Speaker 2: what I'm doing right now with my journaling, and I

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Speaker 2: just want to say thank you, chickies, thank you for

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Speaker 2: helping someone like me that you don't even know that

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Speaker 2: you're helping. I love you so much, girl, and I

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Speaker 2: hope everything's good with you in your life. And I

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Speaker 2: pray nothing but happiness for you. Chiky's thank you so much, love.

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Speaker 1: You, Oh Raquel, that's it. Oh my gosh, Well that's it.

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Speaker 1: But I'm like, you didn't even leave a question, which

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Speaker 1: I'm just I'm grateful. First of all. I just want

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Speaker 1: to say thank you, thank you so much, and you're welcome,

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Speaker 1: like I do this for you guys. For me, I

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Speaker 1: always say this. It's like a form of therapy for me,

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Speaker 1: and it's just right now. It's confirmation because I go

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Speaker 1: through it as well. You know, I have great days,

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Speaker 1: I have not so good days. I have really bad

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Speaker 1: days and oh, thank you that was so sweet, like

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Speaker 1: it just it gives me the strength to keep going

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Speaker 1: on those days where I think am I even making

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Speaker 1: a difference? Does anyone even listening? Does anyone even care?

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Speaker 1: And you guys always remind me, so this is just

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Speaker 1: a beautiful thing. You have no idea what you did

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Speaker 1: for me right now, So thank you, thank you for listening.

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Speaker 1: I'm glad that I'm able to help, and yes, continue

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Speaker 1: to journal. It's so it's so healing and I'm hoping

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Speaker 1: and praying that it helps you very very much. So

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Speaker 1: thank you. Thank you, rackoun sending you a big hug.

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Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, I love you. Okay, guys, we have

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Speaker 1: another question from Kayla.

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Speaker 3: Oh chegeez.

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Speaker 4: I'm so thankful and glad you do this for those

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Speaker 4: who are just concerned and have questions and maybe you

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Speaker 4: can give some advice. I'm a mom of five. I'm

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Speaker 4: currently in nursing school. I'm married, but my first child,

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Speaker 4: who is soon to be thirteen in September, my husband

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Speaker 4: isn't the father. He accepted me with him. We got

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Speaker 4: together or back together when I was four months pregnant.

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Speaker 4: Five months pregnant. Anyways, the sperm donor. We're going to

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Speaker 4: call him that haven't heard from him or talk to

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Speaker 4: him in almost thirteen years. He didn't want anything to

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Speaker 4: do with the baby. I left, went back home and

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Speaker 4: then yeah, everything's history. When do you think it's a

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Speaker 4: good time to talk to my son about the situation?

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Speaker 4: And how can I talk to him about it? Obviously

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Speaker 4: he's soon to be a teenager, and I mean, I

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Speaker 4: know he's going to be heard eventually. But you know,

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Speaker 4: my husband loves him the same as our other children.

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Speaker 4: My husband is an amazing man, Como Hendraska. But anyways,

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Speaker 4: just a little bit of us.

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Speaker 1: Thanks girl, me Kayla, Okay, yeah, this I totally get it.

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Speaker 1: I totally get the not the concern because it's not

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Speaker 1: necessarily a bad thing. I think, you know, I always

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Speaker 1: say this rejection is God's protection, and I love to

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Speaker 1: hear that your husband is a good husband. I was

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Speaker 1: going to tell you regardless, he's a great man for

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Speaker 1: taking this child, your son, his son under his wing

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Speaker 1: and raising him as his own. Honestly, that's admirable and

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Speaker 1: we love that. We love him for that. Tell him,

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Speaker 1: I said, thank you, by the way, because it takes

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Speaker 1: a real man to do that. I think that it

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Speaker 1: will be a bit of a shock for your son,

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Speaker 1: and that's why it's a little bit delicate. I feel

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Speaker 1: like I don't want to give you the wrong advice.

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Speaker 1: I think you just need to fill it out. I

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Speaker 1: wouldn't wait too long, but I do think he's a

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Speaker 1: little too young right now personally, Like if I put

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Speaker 1: myself in your shoes, or if it was one of

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Speaker 1: my nieces or nephews. I think some of the most

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Speaker 1: critical years in a teenager's life is right when you

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Speaker 1: become a teenager, which is thirteen eleven, twelve thirteen. You're

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Speaker 1: going through puberty. Your hormones are everywhere, you know, fifteen sixteen.

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Speaker 1: So I would wait until he's an adult. Personally, I

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Speaker 1: think once he's eighteen years old, he's an adult. He's

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Speaker 1: a child. Let him be a child, let him enjoy

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Speaker 1: and he still has some growing up to do, and

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Speaker 1: he's going through so much like this is a very

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Speaker 1: delicate time. So I would just wait until he's eighteen

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Speaker 1: and he's an adult, and he has the option of

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Speaker 1: looking for him if he like, it's his choice at

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Speaker 1: the end of the day, you know. So that is

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Speaker 1: my advice. That's what I would do. Obviously, you're the

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Speaker 1: mother and you're gonna know, pray about it, and when

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Speaker 1: you feel it, do it. But I do think he's

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Speaker 1: too young personally, especially if your husband is an amazing

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Speaker 1: man and probably doesn't even think about it. That's his dad,

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Speaker 1: that is his dad. And even with my stepdads, I'm like,

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Speaker 1: those are my dad's. Like I had a sperm donor,

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Speaker 1: like you said, and then I had my stepdad whan

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Speaker 1: you know, and that's the one that I grew up

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Speaker 1: with and talk me so much so as social But yeah,

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Speaker 1: that is my advice and I hope it helps. Again.

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Speaker 1: I am not a psychiatrist, I am not a psychologist.

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Speaker 1: I'm not a counselor. I'm not a doctor. I don't

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Speaker 1: know all the right answers. But I go with my

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Speaker 1: intuition and I always like to put myself in the

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Speaker 1: other person's shoes. So that's that's what my heart is

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Speaker 1: telling me right now. So hopefully that helps you a

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Speaker 1: bit and calms you down a little. I don't think

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Speaker 1: there's any rush personally. Let him enjoy his childhood and

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Speaker 1: sending you a big hugbab thank you for trusting me

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Speaker 1: with that. Information. I appreciate it. Okay, guys. Last question

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Speaker 1: comes from an anonymous listener.

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Speaker 3: Let's see, Hey, Tikis, I just want to start up

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Speaker 3: by saying I love you so so much. I'm according

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Speaker 3: to set Dury in the morning.

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Speaker 5: But my question to you was, how do you set

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Speaker 5: boundaries with your siblings? Because me and my sister we

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Speaker 5: have a beautiful relationship, but I feel like sometimes I

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Speaker 5: don't know how to set boundaries. I haven't and I

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Speaker 5: feel like there's things that I'm like, you know, I

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Speaker 5: don't want you to do that to me, or you know,

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Speaker 5: I don't want you to act that way towards me.

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Speaker 5: But because she's my sister, sometimes I don't know how

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Speaker 5: to set those boundaries in place, or how do I

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Speaker 5: say these things to her? If I'm making any sense,

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Speaker 5: because I don't want to hurt her. I want to

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Speaker 5: hurt her heart. I don't want to hurt her feeling,

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Speaker 5: but I also want to feel like I'm being hurt.

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Speaker 5: That makes sense. But yeah, that was all, And just

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Speaker 5: wanted to say I love you again.

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Speaker 1: Oh Mama, thank you. I love you too. And what

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Speaker 1: are you doing up at three in the morning. You

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Speaker 1: need to get some rest, girl, but thank you, thank

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Speaker 1: you for leaving your question, for thinking of me at

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Speaker 1: three am. I appreciate that. Okay, I totally get it.

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Speaker 1: This is something that I've been working on this year. Actually,

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Speaker 1: I talked about it on Cheeky's and Chill. You know,

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Speaker 1: setting boundaries. I've been very good with setting boundaries with

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Speaker 1: people outside my siblings, my extended family, some friends in business.

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Speaker 1: The most difficult part has been in my relationship, in

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Speaker 1: my marriage and also with my siblings. And I'm doing

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Speaker 1: life coaching for it. So I just want you guys

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Speaker 1: to know that I also have my life coach and

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Speaker 1: my mentor because sometimes as much as I give people advice,

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Speaker 1: like I also need to be reminded of certain things,

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Speaker 1: you know, because you work and you anyway, that's not

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Speaker 1: the point. The point is that I get it and

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Speaker 1: it is difficult. Here's one thing that I will tell

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Speaker 1: you tippy toeing around something or someone that is people pleasing.

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Speaker 1: And I'm telling you because I did that for so

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Speaker 1: long in my life. I did it with my mom,

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Speaker 1: I did it with past relationships. I've done it with

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Speaker 1: my siblings without even knowing for so long. And I'm

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Speaker 1: the older sister, so I do wish I had a

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Speaker 1: little bit more information, like are you the younger sister

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Speaker 1: the older sister, because I think that plays a little bit.

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Speaker 1: But regardless, it's all in how you say things. I

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Speaker 1: do think that you have to respect and honor yourself

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Speaker 1: and honor your feelings. And if your sister loves you,

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Speaker 1: which I know she does, then she'll understand if you say, hey, sister,

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Speaker 1: can I talk to you about something like? This has

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Speaker 1: been bothering me and I wanted to bring this up

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Speaker 1: and tell you that this makes me uncomfortable. I don't

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Speaker 1: really like how this makes me feel when you say

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Speaker 1: this or when you do that, and I would like

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Speaker 1: it if if you didn't do that. You know, And

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Speaker 1: it's as simple as that. It's like you know, and

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Speaker 1: and speaking from the heart. So that's what I suggest.

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Speaker 1: You're gonna resenting your sister if you don't talk about

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Speaker 1: these things. It's all in the little small details, guys

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Speaker 1: that start building up. Because when we're upset and they

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Speaker 1: do something bad to us and we're super quick to say, hey,

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Speaker 1: I don't like when you do this. It's the small

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Speaker 1: little things that we're like, Oh, it's not a big deal.

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna brush it under the rug, and what

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Speaker 1: happens is it starts building up and starts building up,

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Speaker 1: but you start growing resentment towards a person when you

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Speaker 1: can prevent that by just saying, hey, like, I don't

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Speaker 1: really like how you said that right in the moment,

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Speaker 1: or wait a little bit, but say it right away,

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Speaker 1: because you don't want your relationship to be surface level.

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Speaker 1: The sisterhood has to be built on a solid foundation,

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Speaker 1: and that's part of building a solid foundation in any relationship.

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Speaker 1: So I do think that you should express it, and

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Speaker 1: express it in a loving way. I think in person

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Speaker 1: would be better. Usually I tell people, if you don't

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Speaker 1: have the courage to say it in person, write a letter.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like you have a good enough relationship.

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Speaker 1: Don't know why I get that feeling with your sister

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Speaker 1: to speak to her in person, and I feel like

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Speaker 1: she will understand. And if she doesn't, Babe, if she

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Speaker 1: gets upset or defensive, then that's an indication that maybe

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Speaker 1: you guys need a tiny bit of space, because sometimes

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Speaker 1: when we step back, that's when we're able to reflect

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Speaker 1: and analyze a little bit, and maybe you guys can

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Speaker 1: come back and the relationship can be even stronger, but

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Speaker 1: I hope that's not the case. But even if it is,

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Speaker 1: it's okay. And just remember, even with siblings, even with family,

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Speaker 1: even with parents, there are little seasons, you know, and

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Speaker 1: we grow out of certain things and we grow and

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Speaker 1: we blossom and we're different. And I hope that you

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Speaker 1: guys can always be close, but just know that that

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Speaker 1: could happen, and I hope that's not the case, though.

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Speaker 1: I hope my advice helps you, and I hope that

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Speaker 1: you guys can talk and you can really set healthy boundaries.

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Speaker 1: Thank you for trusting me and all of you, Raquel,

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Speaker 1: Kayla and my beautiful anonymous listener, thank you very much.

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Speaker 1: And for those of you listening right now, thank you

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Speaker 1: for being here. I hope that my advice can also

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Speaker 1: help you. And if you have a question, you know

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Speaker 1: where to leave it. Speakpipe dot com, Slash Cheekys and

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Speaker 1: show podcast. I love you, guys, Loso and the Dear Cheekys.

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Speaker 1: Hey bye. This is a production of iHeartRadio and the

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Speaker 1: Micaeldura podcast Network. Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura

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Speaker 1: Podcasts and follow me Cheeky's That's c h I q

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Speaker 1: U I S for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

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Speaker 1: favorite podcast