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Speaker 1: Hi, Catherine, how's it going.

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Speaker 2: Hi Chelsea, It's going pretty good. It's going pretty good.

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Speaker 2: I have a follow up, okay, and it is a

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Speaker 2: wild one. So this is Victoria who called in on

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Speaker 2: our Caramo Brown episode. She was in this situation where

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Speaker 2: she like had a couple kids I think with her

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Speaker 2: baby daddy and loved him in a platonic way, but

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Speaker 2: wasn't in love with him anymore. And she was like,

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Speaker 2: I'm basically bisexual verging on lesbian and want to experiment

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Speaker 2: over there and kind of.

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Speaker 3: Had started doing lesbian verging Alred, we all.

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Speaker 2: Verging on lesbian. So yeah, she was sort of ready

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Speaker 2: to blow up her life and leave. And the advice

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Speaker 2: was like, it's time, Like if you if you keep

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Speaker 2: cheating with women, like it's time. So I asked her

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Speaker 2: what's been up? She said, Oh my god, girl, it's

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Speaker 2: been a rollercoaster. It's a very long story, so good

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Speaker 2: luck editing it.

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Speaker 4: Ha ha.

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Speaker 3: Did I take Chelsea and Cromo's advice?

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Speaker 2: Yes and no. I've listened to every episode, and I'd

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Speaker 2: say it was one of the more more harsh reactions

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Speaker 2: to a listener's problem than most even my girlfriends that

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Speaker 2: I shared the episode with were like, damn, they gave

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Speaker 2: it to you. I continued to try and date girls

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Speaker 2: and even got a little serious with one. We went

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Speaker 2: on several dates, including going to her place where she

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Speaker 2: cooked me pasta, and it ended in a lovely makeout session.

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Speaker 2: But even though my baby daddy was aware of the

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Speaker 2: entire thing and knew I had a dating app specifically

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Speaker 2: for hooking up with girls, he still made a huge

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Speaker 2: fuss about it and was truly hurt by it. Shit

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Speaker 2: has now seriously hit the fan because I headed to

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Speaker 2: beautiful northern California for my dear one hundred and three

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Speaker 2: year old grandma's funeral a few months ago and ended

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Speaker 2: up meeting a guy gasp while out there. It was

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Speaker 2: truly love it for a sight. He wasn't looking for love,

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Speaker 2: and I sure as hell wasn't looking for love with

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Speaker 2: a man, but he fit my male physical type completely.

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Speaker 2: I take it as my sainted grandmother's party gift to me.

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Speaker 2: She lived in a teeny tiny town and never ever

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Speaker 2: have I ever run into such a beautiful man in

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Speaker 2: the many many times I have visited over the years.

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Speaker 3: Because I was with.

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Speaker 2: Family, we didn't really get to hang out while I

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Speaker 2: was in town, but I got his number and literally

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Speaker 2: the next day we made plans to meet up in La.

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Speaker 2: He would fly down from NorCal and I would fly

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Speaker 2: from the East coast. Fast forward a month, baby Daddy

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Speaker 2: finds out about him and I had to cancel my trip.

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Speaker 2: This new guy is such a peach that he changed

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Speaker 2: his fight and plans around and flew out to me instead.

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Speaker 2: We had the most amazing weekend together and officially started

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Speaker 2: our relationship. It gets crazier. We decided he would come

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Speaker 2: out to me again for my birthday, which would be

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Speaker 2: a couple of months later, but in the meantime I

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Speaker 2: decided that would be too long, so I planned a

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Speaker 2: surprise trip out to see him, along with a surprise engagement.

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Speaker 2: We were at a restaurant and I hopped on the

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Speaker 2: band's mic professed my love to him in front of

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Speaker 2: the entire small town of seven thousand people. Gave him

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Speaker 2: a ring, and he eagerly said yes. I hired a

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Speaker 2: photographer and we took the most amazing pictures. Unfortunately, I

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Speaker 2: have two kids and he has two kids, so neither

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Speaker 2: of us have the ability to move across the country

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Speaker 2: for the other with our respective baby parents, but we're

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Speaker 2: so in love and so committed. He knows I'm by

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Speaker 2: and although he's not enthusiastic about sharing me, he knows

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Speaker 2: that possibly bringing a girl into the bed room would

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Speaker 2: bring me joy, and he's okay with that. His only

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Speaker 2: boundary is me hooking up with other guys, which I

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Speaker 2: have zero intention of doing. So yes, I still want

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Speaker 2: to explore things with girls, but now I've found true love,

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Speaker 2: and if it happens with women, I know my partner

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Speaker 2: will be okay with it. I drunkenly made out with

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Speaker 2: a female coworker recently, and he brushed it off as nothing,

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Speaker 2: so I can confirm this is the case.

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Speaker 3: As far as baby Daddy goes.

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Speaker 2: We still live together because we own our house together

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Speaker 2: and it needs work, so we can't just sell it tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: We live in a high cost area and neither of

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Speaker 2: us could buy the other out or afford mortgage ann rents,

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Speaker 2: so I'm stuck in this terrible living situation until we

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Speaker 2: fix up the house and sell it, which I'm in

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Speaker 2: the process of doing while also applying to school, working

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Speaker 2: full time, maintaining some sort of social life, juggling a

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Speaker 2: long distance fiance, and taking care of two kids. Let

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Speaker 2: me know if you have any follow up questions. XO, Victoria.

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Speaker 2: And there's Jesus picture for it with the very hot guy.

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Speaker 1: It just turns out very hot into your boyfriend period.

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Speaker 1: Like I fucking told you, didn't I tell her that?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? That was the thing.

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Speaker 5: Really, guys, Okay, so it takes another match for you

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Speaker 5: to realize that you have to get out of your situation.

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Speaker 3: I guess so, I guess so.

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Speaker 1: I love how men are, Like it's okay if you

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Speaker 1: hook up with women but not another man. That's how

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Speaker 1: little they think of women. Yes, oh you can sat

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Speaker 1: with a girl, but you can't cheat with a guy.

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Speaker 1: Why what's the fucking difference.

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Speaker 3: I know it's a little homophobic too, because it's like,

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Speaker 3: well that's not real.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yess that is. It totally is. It's all kinds

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Speaker 1: of there's all sorts of wrong things with that.

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Speaker 3: Well, Victoria, I wish you the best.

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Speaker 1: I do too, Victoria.

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Speaker 5: And it sounds like you do need a harsh critic,

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Speaker 5: So I'm here for you whenever you need one.

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Speaker 2: All right, follow up with us when when, if anything changes?

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Speaker 2: This is kind of an interesting one. I'm interested in

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Speaker 2: your perspective. On this, Michelle says, Dear Chelsea, my boyfriend

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Speaker 2: and I have been together for about eight years and

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Speaker 2: have lived together for the last two and a half. Recently,

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Speaker 2: issues with our blended family have come to a head,

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Speaker 2: and We've decided to live separately. Even though I'm the

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Speaker 2: one that initiated this, I'm having a hard time with it.

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Speaker 2: It seems like a step back, not forward. He has

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Speaker 2: a twenty two year old son who lives with us

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Speaker 2: and a twenty four year old daughter who doesn't, and

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Speaker 2: I have a thirteen year old daughter. I can't say

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Speaker 2: one specific thing that has happened to come to this decision.

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Speaker 2: Is more like death by a thousand cuts. I have

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Speaker 2: come to terms with us living apart, and what I'm

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Speaker 2: having a hard time with is how to move forward

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Speaker 2: and make things work with me and my boyfriend. He

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Speaker 2: thinks my daughter is rude and has made it clear

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Speaker 2: that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to have

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Speaker 2: a relationship with her. I'm not going to say that

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Speaker 2: she's perfect and never talks back, but as far as

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Speaker 2: thirteen year old girls go, I think she's better than most.

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Speaker 2: He brings a lot of value to my life, and

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Speaker 2: we have a lot of fun together. I'm feeling a

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Speaker 2: bit stuck. Do I just see how things go. Maybe

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Speaker 2: when she's out of the teen years, it will get better.

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Speaker 2: I appreciate any help.

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Speaker 1: Michelle Hi, Michelle Hi, how's it going good? How you

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Speaker 1: doing good? I have a friend who just went through

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Speaker 1: this exact same situation.

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Speaker 3: They had a blended family.

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Speaker 5: She has a son, and her partner had a daughter,

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Speaker 5: and a son has a daughter and a son. They

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Speaker 5: were trying to move in together. They tried to blend

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Speaker 5: their families together, and it was a no go.

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Speaker 1: There was no gelling happening between the kids.

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Speaker 5: So they ended up buying a house, like a house

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Speaker 5: for them to be in in the middle and like

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Speaker 5: to share, and then they each and then they had

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Speaker 5: another house and basically it just all kind of fell apart.

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Speaker 5: They didn't break up. They stayed together and just let

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Speaker 5: it go. They're like, it's not going to work. We're

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Speaker 5: not going to live together, we're not blending our families.

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Speaker 1: It's just not working. Now they're engaged to get married,

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Speaker 1: so they just gave it a year or two.

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Speaker 5: Everything calmed down, the kids got a little bit older,

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Speaker 5: everything started to gel and by being a part it

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Speaker 5: actually magnified the reason that they were together in.

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Speaker 1: The first place.

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Speaker 5: They didn't break up, they stayed together, just like you

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Speaker 5: and your boyfriend are going to stay together. So what

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Speaker 5: I would say to you is, don't be attached to

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Speaker 5: the idea of the fact that you're like separating and

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Speaker 5: living in different houses, that that's going to have that

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Speaker 5: you're breaking up.

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Speaker 1: You're not.

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Speaker 5: You're doing what's right for your families and for your kids,

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Speaker 5: and you can still have in some senses an even

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Speaker 5: stronger romantic relationship because you don't live together.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, that's what I'm hoping for. I you know,

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Speaker 4: I feel like what we're doing now just doesn't work right.

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Speaker 4: So it's either gonna you know, make it or break it.

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Speaker 2: Right.

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Speaker 4: Maybe it's just time will tell. But you know, we

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Speaker 4: have been together for eight years, and if he hasn't

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Speaker 4: been able to form a relationship with my daughter yet,

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Speaker 4: like I'm just if it's been eight years, then he

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Speaker 4: hasn't formed a relationship with her, like it is he

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Speaker 4: going to be able to?

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Speaker 1: And then my friend had the same problem with it.

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Speaker 1: This is the same exact thing.

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Speaker 5: She wanted this man to be the father that her

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Speaker 5: son never had and it's just not going to be

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Speaker 5: what she had imagined. There is a relationship there, But

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Speaker 5: I understand what you're saying, but I think you have

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Speaker 5: to not put so much pressure on their relationship, especially

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Speaker 5: if you guys aren't living together, Like, you can't force

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Speaker 5: a relationship like that, And yeah, while it's not your ideal,

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Speaker 5: is it worth breaking up over it?

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Speaker 1: Like, does she dislike him your daughter?

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Speaker 4: No, I don't think it's that she dislikes him. I

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Speaker 4: think it's almost like she's just kind of indifferent.

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Speaker 1: I guess, uh huh.

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Speaker 5: Well, maybe if the pressure is taken off of the situation,

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Speaker 5: that allows them to have a much more natural organic

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Speaker 5: She's only getting older and more mature, so the chances

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Speaker 5: of them connecting and having a more calm, respectful relationship

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Speaker 5: are bound to increase with age and her maturity, Right,

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Speaker 5: and with the pressure taken off of the situation, I

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Speaker 5: really believe that will yield better results.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, grown men like don't know what to do with

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Speaker 3: a thirteen Like they don't know what to do.

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Speaker 5: What to do with many things, So I wouldn't worry

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Speaker 5: about that, and don't put so much pressure on their relationship, Like,

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Speaker 5: take a step back from that and focus on your

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Speaker 5: relationship with your daughter.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think you know, when we do move out,

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Speaker 4: you know, looking forward to it just being us and

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Speaker 4: all the things that come along with that. Yeah, she's

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Speaker 4: at the age where she like shares my clothes and like,

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Speaker 4: can you know she'll be able to just kind of

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Speaker 4: come and go out of my room, Like it'll just

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Speaker 4: be a little different.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and you're and you're never gonna get that time

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Speaker 1: back with your daughter, So enjoy that. This guy's going

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Speaker 1: to be around. He's been around for eight years. You

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Speaker 1: can have you know what I mean. Focus on your

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Speaker 1: time with your daughter and make sure that she knows

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Speaker 1: you're there for her.

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Speaker 5: That's even more important overall is that you're leaving, you know,

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Speaker 5: moving out for the benefit you know, of.

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Speaker 1: Her really so that you can be with her, like their.

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Speaker 5: Relationship isn't Is that how it's being presented to her? Like,

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Speaker 5: how is it being presented to your daughter?

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Speaker 4: I presented it to her like it's just not working

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Speaker 4: for anybody, which is great truth. It's not working for

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Speaker 4: you know, him, his son, me, my day. It's not

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Speaker 4: working for anybody. So that's kind of how I presented it.

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Speaker 1: And that's a great, that's great parenting.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, you're putting aside your needs and wants for what's

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Speaker 5: best for you and your child.

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Speaker 1: And that's what you should be doing. Yeah, so great,

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Speaker 1: that's good. This is a good thing. This isn't a

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Speaker 1: negative thing.

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Speaker 5: You're not breaking up. It's all positive. It's all in

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Speaker 5: a sign of maturity, Like, don't hold on to the

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Speaker 5: idea that they have to have this relationship that you envision.

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Speaker 5: That is not what's going to happen. They're going to

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Speaker 5: have a relationship. I mean it will most likely improve

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Speaker 5: over time. I know it's already been eight years, but she's.

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Speaker 1: How old is she now?

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Speaker 4: Thirteen?

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Speaker 5: Okay, so there you go. So that's perfect. So take

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Speaker 5: this time with her, treasure it. Enjoy yourself, Enjoy the

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Speaker 5: distance of not having to sleep in the same bed

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Speaker 5: with your fucking boyfriend every night.

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Speaker 2: Also, right, Yeah, and your daughter is going to be

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Speaker 2: stoked to have you all to herself all the while.

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Speaker 3: This is all I think. It is all good things.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I mean, you know, I feel good about

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Speaker 4: the decision. I was, you know, leading up to I

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Speaker 4: was like going back and forth, but then when I

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Speaker 4: finally made the decision, like you know, I like, I like.

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Speaker 4: This is one. I don't have any doubts that I

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Speaker 4: don't want to move out. This is definitely what I

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Speaker 4: want to do.

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Speaker 5: Good.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, Michelle, thank you for calling in.

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Speaker 1: All right, Thanks guys, bye bye, take care. Well that

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Speaker 1: was an interesting one.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I like a modern family.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I do too.

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Speaker 5: Okay, and we're wrapped on another episode of Dear Chelsea.

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Speaker 5: Thanks guys for listening. Come see me, Come see me live.

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Speaker 5: It's going to be a good time.

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Speaker 1: Guys. Bye.

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Speaker 5: I just announced all my tour dates. They just went

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Speaker 5: on sale. It's called the High and Mighty Tour. I

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Speaker 5: will be starting in February of next year, so I

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Speaker 5: will be touring from February through June.

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Speaker 1: So go get your tickets now. If you want to

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Speaker 1: come see me perform, I will be on the High

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Speaker 1: and Mighty Tour.

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Speaker 3: Do you want advice from Chelsea?

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Speaker 2: Right into Dear Chelsea Podcast at gmail dot com. Find

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Speaker 2: full video episodes of Dear Chelsea on YouTube by searching

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Speaker 2: at Dear Chelsea Pod. Dear Chelsea is edited and engineered

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Speaker 2: by Brad Dickert executive producer Catherine law And be sure

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Speaker 2: to check out our merch at Chelseahandler dot com