Speaker 1: Her sun Heart Radio podcast. All right, everybody, welcome to
Speaker 1: an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating.
Speaker 1: I'm Jared Haven not joined this week by Dean Ungler.
Speaker 1: He's taken the week off probably golfing. I am joined
Speaker 1: by the beautiful, the wonderful, the amazing, the sincere, the
Speaker 1: sometimes smelly, my wife Ashley, I can Eddie. Ladies and gentlemen,
Speaker 1: welcome to Help I Suck At Dating? Thanks, babe. I
Speaker 1: like being here. All right, So we want to continue
Speaker 1: the conversation that we were just having. Our Our wonderful
Speaker 1: producer Easton is on the line right now. You guys
Speaker 1: know Easton, and he just saw a movie for the
Speaker 1: first time. No No, I'll tell the story that the
Speaker 1: first no No he saw for the first time since
Speaker 1: he was twelve. So last night he texted me he said,
Speaker 1: I'm watching Titanic for the first time since I was twelve.
Speaker 1: And I just asked him how he how it was,
Speaker 1: and he said, that movie is an absolute masterpiece. It's perfect.
Speaker 1: Five stars. Oh, it's so so good. You said that,
Speaker 1: you cried? I did. I did you know what that
Speaker 1: that first? So I was thinking about it. The Titanic
Speaker 1: video was two tapes. Everybody knows that the two of
Speaker 1: HS tapes, and I was reading that you can figure
Speaker 1: out what kind of a person it is if they're
Speaker 1: a tape one or a tape to persons. Well, the
Speaker 1: question is when does Tape one end and where does
Speaker 1: Tape to begin. I think Tape two begins like just
Speaker 1: after they hit the iceberg. Yeah, exactly, Yes, the tape
Speaker 1: one ends right when the boat architect is like looking
Speaker 1: at the blueprints and saying, we have an hour until
Speaker 1: the ship sings. That's where Tape one ends. But that
Speaker 1: Mr Andrews that first half of the movie, when they're
Speaker 1: like courting, that gave me the same emotions from like
Speaker 1: when you first start dating somebody and you're just like
Speaker 1: so excited to be in love, and like I felt
Speaker 1: like I was falling in love like with Jack at
Speaker 1: the same time. That's amazing. There is this chemistry between
Speaker 1: Kaywin's and Leonardo DiCaprio that is hard to replicate. Those two.
Speaker 1: You know, everybody wants them to be together. They're best
Speaker 1: friends in real life, and obviously they're not gonna be
Speaker 1: together because Leo is dating year old now. But the
Speaker 1: chemistry on screen between those two top notch. Do you
Speaker 1: think that movie is a chick flick Eastern No, I
Speaker 1: do not. I do not, because there's so much even
Speaker 1: if you're not interested in the romance aspect, which how
Speaker 1: could you not be? But if you're not, there's so
Speaker 1: much cool, Like I mean, James Cameron like filmed the
Speaker 1: real Titanic for that movie, Like it's like insane, how
Speaker 1: much uh like movie making feats he he achieved. There's
Speaker 1: enough like ship sinking, special effects like that second part
Speaker 1: of the movie where the ship's just cracking in half,
Speaker 1: like that just kicks ass. And it's still still looks
Speaker 1: so realistic. Today it's really unreal. It's insane. I cannot
Speaker 1: belieme like this was. I can't believe it looks like
Speaker 1: a real ship is sinking. It's crazy. I mean, the
Speaker 1: biggest question I have for you Easton is was there
Speaker 1: enough room on that door? Don't be a cliche to
Speaker 1: stay aflow and not have to die? And James Cameron
Speaker 1: has addressed this. He said that if the two of
Speaker 1: them were on that door together, the water level would
Speaker 1: be too high and they would have both died. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've seen that. There's an article that came out with
Speaker 1: what ten years ago, where it showed all the different
Speaker 1: configurations where it could have worked. All I needed to
Speaker 1: see was he tries to climb on and it starts
Speaker 1: to sink. That's all I need to see that It's
Speaker 1: not about space, it's about weight. Yeah. I couldn't handle it.
Speaker 1: Thank you Easton and Gabe. I'm disappointed in your cliche there. Well,
Speaker 1: I I really did it for the audience. I think
Speaker 1: his conversation is more for us than it is them. Okay,
Speaker 1: so let me just say a couple of quick things.
Speaker 1: My sister and I literally, like as a twelve year old,
Speaker 1: we would watch it and then we'd look at each
Speaker 1: other and we were like still embarrassed to say that
Speaker 1: we had a crush, but we would be like, so
Speaker 1: we're gonna rewind it, and why watch it again? Like
Speaker 1: we would sometimes watch it twice in one day. But
Speaker 1: then oddly when it came out into theaters. Yeah, yes,
Speaker 1: when it came back to theaters, I blead it was
Speaker 1: because it was the anniversary of the sinking. We went
Speaker 1: to go see it, of course in theaters, and we
Speaker 1: cried for the first time ever, the first time ever,
Speaker 1: were crying the first time I ever cried while watching
Speaker 1: Titanic was in the theater because Lorne and I had
Speaker 1: never seen it in the theater because we were too young.
Speaker 1: My parents wanted to, you know, skip over the booby
Speaker 1: scene and skip over the car scene. You didn't see
Speaker 1: Titanic in the theater when I was twelve, when I
Speaker 1: was eleven or twelve. Well, I wasn't even eleven or
Speaker 1: twelve when it came out, because it came out December,
Speaker 1: so I wasn't even ten yet. Were nine? Okay, I
Speaker 1: do not mean to be boring, but it was just
Speaker 1: so crazy the effect that it has when you're just
Speaker 1: sitting in a theater for three hours straight and you're
Speaker 1: only focused on the movie, And how much more of
Speaker 1: a powerful experience that is. Well, I like. I like
Speaker 1: when you can watch a movie as a kid and
Speaker 1: have an appreciation for it and have a love for it,
Speaker 1: and then you watch it as an adult and you
Speaker 1: still love it as much, you just have a different
Speaker 1: appreciation for it. I had this feeling this is going
Speaker 1: to tell a lot about my character about the original
Speaker 1: teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which I loved and obsessed with
Speaker 1: over as a child. As a child and then I
Speaker 1: grew up and watched it as an adult, and there's
Speaker 1: so many adult themes and emotion and character developments in
Speaker 1: that movie that took me literally, Like watching the movie,
Speaker 1: I felt like I was stepping back because it really
Speaker 1: took me back, the fact that there was so much
Speaker 1: good in this movie that I could appreciate as an
Speaker 1: adult and not have to watch it back and be like,
Speaker 1: oh wow, I can't believe, like I was so obsessed
Speaker 1: with this as a kid. Yeah, but you saying that
Speaker 1: story makes it sound as if I haven't watched Titanic
Speaker 1: Titanic at least yearly since I was at age, because
Speaker 1: I do watch it at least once a year. You
Speaker 1: said that the first time you cried, no, Jerry, The
Speaker 1: first time I cried during it was when I saw
Speaker 1: in theater an adult, and I was an adult in
Speaker 1: two thousand and ten and two thousand eleven and two
Speaker 1: thousand nine and all theater. That was my point. That
Speaker 1: was the point of the story. It was not saying
Speaker 1: as an adult, I still watch it at least every year.
Speaker 1: I try not to burn it out because every time
Speaker 1: I watch it, I want to feel all the nostalgia
Speaker 1: I want in my body to feel all those little
Speaker 1: senses that I did when I first saw it. All Right,
Speaker 1: I have a question for both of you, what is
Speaker 1: the movie that you cried most while watching? However, ever,
Speaker 1: the movie that you just Niagara Falls? For me, it
Speaker 1: was a Start War was Born. My Sister's Keeper. Becky says,
Speaker 1: oh my god, my sister's keeper. I also couldn't breathe
Speaker 1: in the theater for that one too. With Cameron Diaz. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: I never saw it. You got one, I think, I
Speaker 1: Riley saying the Notebook. I mean, I definitely couldn't breathe
Speaker 1: in the theater there too, But like I think my most, like,
Speaker 1: holy crap, I think I might have to leave the
Speaker 1: movie theater was probably a Star Wars Born. I mean
Speaker 1: Jared saw it. Oh my god. It's a spoiler alert.
Speaker 1: But obviously Bradley Cooper dies in the movie. And at
Speaker 1: the end when Lady Ga got singing the song and
Speaker 1: it transitions to Bradley Cooper at at the piano finishing
Speaker 1: the song after his death. Oh and then it just
Speaker 1: goes to black and it's dead silent in the theater,
Speaker 1: and I just heard next to me. It wasn't like
Speaker 1: that like, and then she just like I was like, good, God,
Speaker 1: is she choking? Eastan? What about you? Do you remember
Speaker 1: a movie that you just like? Not Avengers End Game
Speaker 1: can't count that. I sincerely think the movie in my
Speaker 1: life I've cried the most was Captain America, the first
Speaker 1: Avenger one to show why did you cry? Because so
Speaker 1: I cry? I watched this movie often and I cry
Speaker 1: every time. But I cry when Steve Rogers says I
Speaker 1: don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from, and
Speaker 1: like seeing how good of a man he is. But
Speaker 1: then I also cry. There's a bunch different parts on
Speaker 1: the movie that I cry, but then out of sadness
Speaker 1: when spoiler alert at the end he has to crash
Speaker 1: the ship because it's gonna blow up New York whatever.
Speaker 1: He's telling Peggy Carter that how much he loves her
Speaker 1: and everything, and like knowing that they're not going to
Speaker 1: be together, Mark, do you have a movie that you
Speaker 1: just on a bashly cry during? And at the Eastern's point,
Speaker 1: I feel like guys crying different kinds of movies than
Speaker 1: women cry for different reasons anyway, like when I go
Speaker 1: and see you know the Notebook or beaches or one
Speaker 1: of these that make and did not do it for me.
Speaker 1: I see how they're trying to manipulate me into crying,
Speaker 1: and I'm just I'm cynical. Field of dreams. Every time
Speaker 1: I watch when he's like, Dad, you want to have
Speaker 1: a catch? Oh my god, just stabbed. That's the one.
Speaker 1: And I also know what's coming, so like an hour
Speaker 1: before it happens, I'm already cried because I already know
Speaker 1: that's where we're going, that one. And it's a wonderful life.
Speaker 1: Always maybe cry It's a wonderful life. Babe. When was
Speaker 1: the last time you cried during that? I was trying
Speaker 1: to think of the movie that I cried most, because
Speaker 1: I agree with Mark. I think girls cried during romantic comedies,
Speaker 1: like Riley said the Notebook, Becky said, my Sister's Keepers. Whatever, anyway,
Speaker 1: I digress, But guys, they cry for different reasons. What
Speaker 1: I cry about, I mean animals, anytime there's an animal
Speaker 1: that dies in the movie. I've done dogs, promise or
Speaker 1: dog and like just I mean, I didn't. I didn't
Speaker 1: want to do anything for two weeks afterwards. And then secondly,
Speaker 1: homeward Bound when chance know when chance is like down
Speaker 1: and caught. I don't know if you guys remember his
Speaker 1: leg is calling or something and he's like telling them
Speaker 1: to leave him behind. I'm like, oh my god, I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't take it anymore. My sister and we wanted
Speaker 1: to watch her around a couple of years ago, and
Speaker 1: we put it on. The first five minutes, she's like,
Speaker 1: you have to turn to us. I mean this, you
Speaker 1: have to turn it off. I cannot handle it. Um,
Speaker 1: but wait, can we backtrack for a second to I know,
Speaker 1: I know, I know, but you were just wait, you
Speaker 1: were just saying, um, oh, Marley and Me when my
Speaker 1: sister and I watched Marley and Me when like years
Speaker 1: after it came out, and I guess it ended at
Speaker 1: like one am. We're just as we started it late.
Speaker 1: We were young inns and we had to call my dad.
Speaker 1: We had to FaceTime my dad and have him FaceTime
Speaker 1: our dog. At the time, We're like, no, we have
Speaker 1: to see Lucy now. God. Just heart wrenching. I love
Speaker 1: how Ashley, how much of Ashley I is in this show.
Speaker 1: Because we talked about Titanic and crying for the first
Speaker 1: ten minutes, I was fantastic. This is what the people
Speaker 1: want to hear you know. Um, all right, well, we
Speaker 1: do have to get to some headlines. We do have
Speaker 1: a great guest. We have Joe Piazza who's coming on.
Speaker 1: She is the host of two podcasts. She's a very
Speaker 1: busy woman. Uh, one called Committed, another one called Under
Speaker 1: the Influence, and she writes tons of books. She wrote
Speaker 1: a book called How to Be Married, which is now
Speaker 1: available on Amazon. I guess you and I should read that. Huh,
Speaker 1: how to be Married? I don't know, we do a
Speaker 1: pretty good job of it. Knock on wood. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: our question should be like, hey, everything's been like super easy.
Speaker 1: Is that a red flag? Is that going to be
Speaker 1: really hard? When something is not easy? Does that mean
Speaker 1: that we should be really scared for the Well, that's
Speaker 1: something we should obviously obviously ask her, and she's coming
Speaker 1: up in just a few minutes now. We did have
Speaker 1: some news within Bachelor Nation. Uh. Matt James, the former
Speaker 1: Bachelor uh, says he's pursuing a relationship with his ex
Speaker 1: Rachel kirk Connell. Quote. I'm focusing on it. So People
Speaker 1: magazine caught up with Matt. Uh. He was doing something,
Speaker 1: I don't know, some promotion and he said, I've seen
Speaker 1: Rachel a handful of times. I'm not pursuing any relationships
Speaker 1: right now. Outside of that, I said, I was going
Speaker 1: to focus on a relationship with her, and that means
Speaker 1: focusing on it. And then obviously he was asked about
Speaker 1: Rachel doing the work educating herself on racism, and he said, quote,
Speaker 1: that's something you could talk to her about. The former
Speaker 1: Bachelor said, a lot of what I'm focused on right
Speaker 1: now is the work that I'm doing in the community
Speaker 1: and with the training for marathon. He's also obviously running
Speaker 1: a marathon soon. That's pretty awesome. He said. There's no
Speaker 1: chance he'll be in Paradise and no chance Tyler Cameron
Speaker 1: will be in Paradise as well. Uh my initial thoughts
Speaker 1: on this, I want preface this with saying, I think
Speaker 1: Matt's a really good guy. I like Matt a lot.
Speaker 1: Why are you smiling? You know I had a man
Speaker 1: of crush on Matt. I know, I know. My husband
Speaker 1: is so sweet. Every time he's about to say something
Speaker 1: like critical, he has to start by saying, like, I
Speaker 1: love this person. This person is so great. It's like,
Speaker 1: you know, well, Matt said after the final rose that
Speaker 1: he couldn't be with Rachel because she needed to educate
Speaker 1: herself on uh, you know what she did wrong, specifically
Speaker 1: with the Antebellum Party back in two thousand eighteen. Uh,
Speaker 1: And that it was a journey ahead of her. He
Speaker 1: couldn't be a part of um, that she needed to
Speaker 1: do this by herself, and um, that was the reason
Speaker 1: why they broke up and why they couldn't pursue a
Speaker 1: relationship anymore. And he said, he you know that she
Speaker 1: didn't understand you know what it's like to be sorry.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, obviously we know, we know this story.
Speaker 1: I know. I'm glad you cut me off because sometimes
Speaker 1: I speak too much. Uh. My question is what's changed?
Speaker 1: You know? Because he was asking this and he completely
Speaker 1: just avoided the question, saying, that's something you have to
Speaker 1: ask her. Well, honestly, Matt, no, this is a question
Speaker 1: we have to ask you because you're the one who
Speaker 1: said you couldn't pursue a relationship with her because she
Speaker 1: had to go on this journey on her own. And
Speaker 1: he said that he didn't want to be emotionally responsible
Speaker 1: for her tears. It was something I'm paraphrasing, but it's
Speaker 1: something like that. And you know, I'm not criticizing that,
Speaker 1: but my I guess I'm criticizing his response to People
Speaker 1: Magazine when saying, well, that's something you'll have to ask
Speaker 1: about her, her her journey. It's like, well, Matt, you
Speaker 1: need you know if you're hanging out with her, she's
Speaker 1: obviously clearly still in love with you. I would hope
Speaker 1: that he's not pursuing any relationship with somebody else. Um.
Speaker 1: But he also didn't say that they were committed. Um.
Speaker 1: It's a little confusing because there's such a you know,
Speaker 1: there's there's so much background between the two of them.
Speaker 1: They were obviously in love, they left together, then there
Speaker 1: was all these things that came out about Rachel after
Speaker 1: the show. Um, so I would like to know what
Speaker 1: has changed in you know, in the two to three
Speaker 1: weeks after after the after the Final Rose. So to me,
Speaker 1: let me preface this again, master at it with from
Speaker 1: all the times that I've met Matt, really enjoy him, right,
Speaker 1: I feel like him and dating Rachel now so soon
Speaker 1: after he he seemed very definitive on after the Final Rose.
Speaker 1: Kind of makes it seem like his behavior and after
Speaker 1: the Final Rose was phony or for for looks because
Speaker 1: he obviously wasn't. He didn't not want to be with her,
Speaker 1: and he certainly seemed on after the final rows like
Speaker 1: he did not want to be with her, and every
Speaker 1: he was saying, remember after the after that episode, people
Speaker 1: like there's no chance, zero chance they're ever going to
Speaker 1: be together. But but like there obviously wasn't. I feel
Speaker 1: like there was something very much still in his heart
Speaker 1: and something in that moment in his mind that thought like,
Speaker 1: oh maybe I do want to be with her soon
Speaker 1: rather than later. Yeah, And this is something that I
Speaker 1: can certainly not relate to. But you know, there was
Speaker 1: a time where I was very confused about my feelings
Speaker 1: towards Ashley, and I was vocalizing that I was definitive
Speaker 1: and that it was it wasn't gonna happen, and you
Speaker 1: were you and I were just going to be friends.
Speaker 1: And I was truly lying to myself, and I was
Speaker 1: lying to you and everybody else because I knew that
Speaker 1: I was more confused than what I was leading on.
Speaker 1: Very similar and I'm curious, well so sorry, not similar
Speaker 1: at all. It's not so much their situation is a
Speaker 1: lot different. But I'm saying this is the closest thing
Speaker 1: that I can really make an analogy to, UM is
Speaker 1: that I'm curious if Matt was more confused and he
Speaker 1: was leading on and uh and maybe he you know,
Speaker 1: now he's trying to figure out maybe I do want
Speaker 1: to be with Rachel. So that's all my thoughts about
Speaker 1: it right now. UM. I just hope they're happy. I
Speaker 1: hope they're doing well. Uh. Moving on. There's also an
Speaker 1: article written on US Weekly from a neuroscientist, Dr Kristen
Speaker 1: Willemer Ways a Ways in Chris Kristen Willemier weighs in
Speaker 1: on why bachelorettes are more successful than bachelor's which we
Speaker 1: have talked about. Uh. She said that women are primed
Speaker 1: when we're young. We believe in fairy tales, we watch
Speaker 1: the Hallmark Channel, the romantic movies, ak Titanic. You know,
Speaker 1: we're already thinking about our wedding at a young age.
Speaker 1: She said. Uh. So, I think the bachelorettes come on
Speaker 1: with a very clear purpose and intent. And because there's
Speaker 1: an extensive screening process that goes on to even being
Speaker 1: selected for the show, the men that they're going to
Speaker 1: select for the women should be a really good match
Speaker 1: and should be to, you know, make that commitment, and
Speaker 1: of course we know not everybody can do that, but
Speaker 1: at least we're seeing that commitment happened more on The Bachelorrette. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I tend to agree. You're a female. Can
Speaker 1: you wait on this. I just feel like the girls
Speaker 1: are definitely more ready for marriage. They they're going to
Speaker 1: be less distracted by the men that come after them
Speaker 1: after the show than the men. Maybe I think the
Speaker 1: men are going to really like love the fame and
Speaker 1: the girls that come with it. You know, they get
Speaker 1: their little taste of like Beatlemania, right, They're like a
Speaker 1: little pop star for a second and Beatlemania. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: why who's Paul? Who's John? I don't know? Okay, unpopular opinion.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm not the biggest Beatles fan. You're not the
Speaker 1: biggest Beatles fan. Now, I was thinking about that this weekend.
Speaker 1: I just you know, it's not that it's a I
Speaker 1: don't get it, but it's it's it's um every time
Speaker 1: they came up in the nineties sixties when rock and
Speaker 1: roll was just like they invent it. But no, that's right,
Speaker 1: that's why I appreciate them. But like I don't really
Speaker 1: enjoy listening to them. What about Across the Universe. You
Speaker 1: ever see that movie? I like the remix of their
Speaker 1: music more great. Yeah, it's easier to my ears. Anytime
Speaker 1: Jim Sturgis sings, It's easy on the ears. You know.
Speaker 1: Bird loves men, big Jim Sturgist, guy, I just have
Speaker 1: I I have man crushes. You know what. There's guys
Speaker 1: on this podcast right now, Eastan and Mark. I think
Speaker 1: can understand where I'm coming from. There's nothing wrong. I'm
Speaker 1: a very secure in who I am. I just haven't
Speaker 1: gotten crushes. I want to be like these guys. Look,
Speaker 1: I understand Jared because I definitely spend more time on
Speaker 1: Instagram owing over girls than I would a guy. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna lie. A lot of my search feed is
Speaker 1: filled with Henry Cavill. Oh my god, you guys do
Speaker 1: I need don't worry. No, It's just like on second
Speaker 1: of my life where I was a little worried, and
Speaker 1: I understand. I get it. Yeah, you get why I
Speaker 1: was worried, just because I'm very secure in myself. So
Speaker 1: I joke around a lot as well. Um, Like, I
Speaker 1: have a buddy of mine. His name is Chad and
Speaker 1: should be really talking about this. Yeah, I quick talking
Speaker 1: story before before Joe comes on. We're like completely going
Speaker 1: in different direction. But one of my good friends, Chad, Uh,
Speaker 1: we joke all the time, like anytime I see him, like, dude,
Speaker 1: you look great, you look real weird, Like they flirt
Speaker 1: with each other on the phone, but now I flirt
Speaker 1: with him like intentionally in front of ash break me out. Well, okay,
Speaker 1: so before Jared and I were together, we were driving
Speaker 1: around Rhode Island because I would come and hang out sometimes,
Speaker 1: which is like obviously wow, mixed signals, um. But he
Speaker 1: was one time talking about Chad and he was like,
Speaker 1: he's good looking, he's smart, he has a great job,
Speaker 1: he's great in bed. And I was like, what in
Speaker 1: the actual hell did you just say? And I swear
Speaker 1: to you, I don't even think he was kidding. I
Speaker 1: think he really said that, just assuming that somebody had
Speaker 1: that much of a man crush on was good in bed. No,
Speaker 1: it was definitely intentional, but maybe it was a for
Speaker 1: what is it slip? Should I be worried again? I
Speaker 1: don't think so. Maybe I'm gonna bring this up to
Speaker 1: our yes, like do you I need to worry? About
Speaker 1: too many man crushes, not at all, I think. Anyway,
Speaker 1: moving on, like we said, we have Joe Piazza, who
Speaker 1: is coming on the podcast very shortly, host of the
Speaker 1: podcast Committed, host of Under the Influence, and author of
Speaker 1: the book How to Be Married. But before we talk
Speaker 1: to Joe, we're gonna take a quick break. Welcome back
Speaker 1: to help I suck at dating. Jared here, Ashley here. Hello,
Speaker 1: we have a great guest. She is currently on the
Speaker 1: line right now. Hosts of the podcast of Committed and
Speaker 1: Under the Influence, also the author of How to Be Married,
Speaker 1: which she is available on Amazon. It is Joe Piazza. Joe,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for coming on. Hey, guys, thanks
Speaker 1: for having me. Of course Joe how to be Married. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so we're married. We have sometimes we ask our marriage.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say it's too easy, because that's
Speaker 1: not the right phrase, but but maybe, but it's kind
Speaker 1: of easy. And is that a bread flag? Is that
Speaker 1: a good or bad thing? No? I think that's a
Speaker 1: good thing. Look, like all there's all of these myths
Speaker 1: out there that like, marriage is supposed to be terrible,
Speaker 1: and marriage is supposed to be hard work, and essentially
Speaker 1: after the wedding. We never hear about an actual marriage
Speaker 1: until someone gets divorced. So I think the fact that
Speaker 1: your marriage is good means you guys are probably great
Speaker 1: friends and you have your own separate lives and that's
Speaker 1: kinda wonderful jip kids, Yet, yeah, is that going to
Speaker 1: be the moment? Oh yeah, that's going to ruin everything? Okay,
Speaker 1: and so we thought so then I look forward to
Speaker 1: So I wrote How to Be Married in our first
Speaker 1: year of marriage. I was a travel editor at Yahoo.
Speaker 1: We traveled around the world interviewing couples about how to
Speaker 1: make a marriage work right. We didn't have kids yet.
Speaker 1: I went back and read that book recently, and we
Speaker 1: now have a four year old at a two year old,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, who were those happy people who like
Speaker 1: that couple? Seems amazing to me. Having having kids makes
Speaker 1: it like so much better, and also just you're just
Speaker 1: tired and just tired, which is why like it makes
Speaker 1: it harder. We've been We've been saying like, oh, we'll
Speaker 1: be able to do the first kid, like, no problem.
Speaker 1: I don't think our relationship is going to change a lot,
Speaker 1: because looking at friends, it seems like it's the second
Speaker 1: kid that really changes things. True or false? False. I
Speaker 1: think that the first kid, you're just you're freaked out.
Speaker 1: And for women, it's a complete identity change, right, Like
Speaker 1: I think there should be another word for it, almost
Speaker 1: like puberty. Like in no other time in your life
Speaker 1: do you become a completely different person than puberty and
Speaker 1: when you become a mom, So it's tough. I think
Speaker 1: the second one was hard, but white easier because I've
Speaker 1: already gone through that. So like I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: know how to have a kid. This is just another kid. See,
Speaker 1: like we feel like we could like tote the one
Speaker 1: baby around. We can still get to dinner a kid
Speaker 1: around left right with us. But then like the second one,
Speaker 1: it's like a whole or deal when you travel or
Speaker 1: like honestly go to the grocery store with them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they've just got they've got so much stuff. One kid
Speaker 1: is like a dozen kids. I think they just just
Speaker 1: come with come with a lot of crap, guys, a
Speaker 1: lot of baggage. What change what changed in you the most?
Speaker 1: What do you think changes the most as a woman
Speaker 1: when you know, becoming a mom, Well, people to start
Speaker 1: paying attention to the kid instead of you, Right, it's
Speaker 1: like super annoying, right, like your identity. My identity used
Speaker 1: to be like author Joe Piazza, podcaster Joe Piazza, that
Speaker 1: bitchy girl down the street, Joe Piazza. And then it
Speaker 1: was like mom, mom, mom, um, just like that loss
Speaker 1: of your identity, the loss of the loss of your
Speaker 1: personal time, the fact that someone something is where, someone
Speaker 1: is touching you all of the time, like constantly attached
Speaker 1: to your body. Your body is no longer your own. Um.
Speaker 1: And I said, oh, this is with great love. I
Speaker 1: really love my kids. They're delightful, but I think the
Speaker 1: early days, and especially because you're not sleep thing as
Speaker 1: a husband to a woman who will carry a child
Speaker 1: at some point, I just have to say, I want
Speaker 1: to write a whole book for like what dad should do,
Speaker 1: like proactively be as helpful as you can, take the
Speaker 1: baby away without being asked. Don't you should never have
Speaker 1: to be asked to do anything, clean up without having
Speaker 1: to be asked. Like the less that a new mother
Speaker 1: can do, the better it is going to be for her.
Speaker 1: I feel so bad for other like for my friends
Speaker 1: whose husbands aren't as helpful in general, because Jared is
Speaker 1: always taking care of the dog. He's obsessed with taking
Speaker 1: care of the dog in the in the way that like,
Speaker 1: he doesn't like you when my mom feeds and takes
Speaker 1: the dog out for a walk, because he says that
Speaker 1: that is he wants to take care of her. That's
Speaker 1: just baby he wants to do. He wants to do
Speaker 1: that nurturing. He cleans up after dinner, he straightens everything.
Speaker 1: He's like so helpful. Whenever we're at my parents, You're
Speaker 1: you're extremely helpful as well. I don't know about that,
Speaker 1: but but my mom is always like Jared's so helpful,
Speaker 1: and I'm I'm always telling my friends, I'm like, you
Speaker 1: know what, I think I'm going to be really lucky
Speaker 1: when this baby comes because I think he might do
Speaker 1: half the workouts. I'm also not the one who's being
Speaker 1: pregnant for nine months, so there's like some pros and cons,
Speaker 1: you know, yeh, but but I'm not worried about that
Speaker 1: with you. It's really nice. Well, I very much appreciate that.
Speaker 1: So Joe, like we said, you host a podcast called Committed,
Speaker 1: which you dive into a lot of inspiring stories. Some
Speaker 1: are funny, some are heartbreaking, but it's all about relationships
Speaker 1: in marriage. And what are some of the stories that
Speaker 1: you have heard that have made the most impact on you?
Speaker 1: So many of them. So we started doing committed. After
Speaker 1: I wrote How to Be Married, I started talking to
Speaker 1: the podcast company and like the best part of writing
Speaker 1: that book were other people's stories, like just listening to
Speaker 1: how other people are married and how they do this.
Speaker 1: And the first couple that we interviewed, they had been
Speaker 1: blown up together in the Boston Marathon bombing. Literally they
Speaker 1: were running the marathon and they were both blown up.
Speaker 1: They both lost the use of their legs and they
Speaker 1: had to heal and figure out how and they hadn't
Speaker 1: been married that long either. They were young, a little
Speaker 1: bit younger than me. So tragic, but they were also
Speaker 1: they were just so inspiring because kind of like having
Speaker 1: a baby, like you just your life completely changes, You
Speaker 1: become a different person. You're dependent on the other person.
Speaker 1: And just how they got each other through that tragedy
Speaker 1: was with compassion but also with humor. That episode is funny.
Speaker 1: You laugh out loud at that episode because like they
Speaker 1: keep each other alive essentially by making jokes and by
Speaker 1: making each other laugh, and it just reminds you of
Speaker 1: the importance that like life is very short and anything
Speaker 1: can happen at any moment. These two kids did not
Speaker 1: think they were going to go run a marathon and
Speaker 1: then lose their legs. But they were just so kind
Speaker 1: and compassionate and funny and sweet that it was my
Speaker 1: first episodes. It always sticks with me, right, um, but
Speaker 1: it was so good. And then also that first season
Speaker 1: we've done six seasons now, which is crazy, we interviewed
Speaker 1: the astronaut Chris Hadfield um and his wife and about
Speaker 1: how his wife got him to outer space, like he
Speaker 1: never would have been able to go to outer space
Speaker 1: had his wife not supported him and like done all
Speaker 1: of the essentially all of the legwork, like everything else
Speaker 1: in life, except for like he just got to go
Speaker 1: to outer space because everything was taken care of. And
Speaker 1: then when he got to go to outer space, she's like, okay,
Speaker 1: my turn, my turn to do, like you will support
Speaker 1: me to do whatever I want to do. And she
Speaker 1: then became a chef and a caterer and started her
Speaker 1: own business in her own life. But it was just
Speaker 1: it was so interesting to think about taking turns in
Speaker 1: a marriage, who supports who and who does what? And
Speaker 1: um letting everyone pursue their passions, but maybe at different times.
Speaker 1: I feel like Ashley got me into outer space. You
Speaker 1: helped me to get into outer space, but but my
Speaker 1: outer because like I am a huge movie buff. So
Speaker 1: the idea because of our are like the notoriety that
Speaker 1: we gain from the show, we'd be we'd have been
Speaker 1: able to go to movie premieres. So like I've been
Speaker 1: to Batman v. Superman and Star Wars and Bad Boys
Speaker 1: for Life and all these incredible movie premieres, and we've
Speaker 1: gotten to meet some of our favorite celebrities. Um from
Speaker 1: these experiences, experiences I never thought I would ever have.
Speaker 1: The only reason I have had them is because of Astley,
Speaker 1: So you've gotten me. He's always like, that's crazy, that's
Speaker 1: the week that can't happen. And how many times have
Speaker 1: like as he said that, and then it actually happens,
Speaker 1: Like Jared, come on, you just have to believe. I'm
Speaker 1: definitely a power of positive thinking person. What I wanted
Speaker 1: to talk to you about is something that I've been
Speaker 1: I've been asking some of our couple's friends lately. I
Speaker 1: feel like our generation, and I say ours, I mean
Speaker 1: the millennial generation is going to have a more successful
Speaker 1: marriage rate than the previous ones because we're getting married
Speaker 1: later and um, we're having kids later, and more of
Speaker 1: us are probably college educated. I know they say it's
Speaker 1: twenty five plus in college educated usually jumps up the
Speaker 1: statistics of a healthy marriage. And I feel like now
Speaker 1: that I don't know what the average ages, but I'm
Speaker 1: saying it's definitely closer to thirty than it is probably.
Speaker 1: What do you what do you think about us having healthier,
Speaker 1: longer marriages. Like what I discovered from couples all over
Speaker 1: the world, but particularly actually in France and in Northern Europe,
Speaker 1: was that the later you get married, the more successful
Speaker 1: to marriage. And it's because you're a fully freaking formed
Speaker 1: human being already, right, Like you've done all of the stuff.
Speaker 1: He's like, you're not only so dr wild, Oh it's
Speaker 1: but you've just like figured out all of your baggage
Speaker 1: and your crap, and so you come to the marriage
Speaker 1: knowing exactly what you want. I'm at my husband when
Speaker 1: I was thirty five. Um, we met on a boat
Speaker 1: in the Galapagos. It sounds fake, it's totally real. I
Speaker 1: read a little bit of the notes on that that's insane.
Speaker 1: I love it. Um, and he was up were old.
Speaker 1: I mean he was forty one or forty two when
Speaker 1: we met, and super super Well, it's like, I just
Speaker 1: I take every chance I can to call him super old,
Speaker 1: so much older than me. He just turned forty seven
Speaker 1: this week, and I was like, oh my gosh, like
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get your peak hard. But he and dated
Speaker 1: everybody in San Francisco, I didn't everybody in New York. Like,
Speaker 1: we knew exactly what we wanted and then got engaged
Speaker 1: in three months and married nine months later, and we're
Speaker 1: super happy. He's my best friend, despite the fact you
Speaker 1: know that we our kids make us miserable. We we
Speaker 1: got engaged three months after getting together too, but we
Speaker 1: also knew each other for three years before we started hitting.
Speaker 1: So I think one of the I would imagine one
Speaker 1: of the reasons or one of the things that leads
Speaker 1: to a successful marriage is making sure that you married
Speaker 1: the right person. Because obviously, once you're married, and it's
Speaker 1: about communication and supporting one another and love and prioritizing
Speaker 1: and and all of these things that we could talk about.
Speaker 1: But I feel like one of the things that everybody
Speaker 1: overlooks is you have to make sure that you're marrying
Speaker 1: the right person and that will lead to a successful marriage.
Speaker 1: So how do you know that you're marrying the right person?
Speaker 1: When do you know? It's like the only thing that
Speaker 1: I'm hippie dippy about. I think what you like know
Speaker 1: when you know, Like I think there's like a smell.
Speaker 1: I think like we have this animal kind of thing
Speaker 1: that tells us when this is the person that we
Speaker 1: like should be with for a long time. But I
Speaker 1: also think like Nick and I asked each other. We
Speaker 1: asked each other I think maybe a dozen questions every night,
Speaker 1: for like every single night, like after we decided that
Speaker 1: we wanted to like get married, before we got engaged,
Speaker 1: we figured out everything before we got married, Like I
Speaker 1: knew how he felt about debt, I knew how he
Speaker 1: felt about kids, I knew how he felt about like sex.
Speaker 1: Like we asked each other all of the hard questions
Speaker 1: like mine and all of this stuff, and we were
Speaker 1: really honest about whether or not the answers were good
Speaker 1: for us. I have friends who asked their boyfriends are
Speaker 1: like do you want kids? And the guy's like no,
Speaker 1: and she's like it's okay, I'll change his mind. No
Speaker 1: one ever changes their mind, like if about people telling
Speaker 1: you the truth and then they get married and then
Speaker 1: she's like, I'm so disappointed he hasn't want kids, and
Speaker 1: like he told you we didn't want kids, you just
Speaker 1: wanted the wedding. Well, and so I think you have
Speaker 1: to prioritize like what you want in life over just
Speaker 1: having that wedding and that party. Yeah. I always think
Speaker 1: about Genie May from the Real when when that topic
Speaker 1: comes up, because she told her husband she's like, there's
Speaker 1: no way I'm having kids, No way, no way, and
Speaker 1: then they ended up ending their marriage. That was perfect otherwise,
Speaker 1: that you know, wonderful relationship, but she just would not
Speaker 1: and he was so definitively wanting kids that they got divorced,
Speaker 1: and um she remarried. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Like listen,
Speaker 1: Like you have to listen when people talk, they're telling
Speaker 1: you who they are. It's interesting too, because everybody says
Speaker 1: you should marry your best friend. But one of the things,
Speaker 1: one of the ways that you become best friends with
Speaker 1: someone is that you literally talk about everything and you
Speaker 1: find out what your likes are and your dislikes, and
Speaker 1: then you have like this you know, attraction to someone
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying physical or sexual, but like this
Speaker 1: attraction to someone that like, you're always hanging out because
Speaker 1: you guys like have good chemistry, and I I feel
Speaker 1: like a lot of people don't translate that logic into
Speaker 1: a partner, you know, which is weird because I feel
Speaker 1: like some of my friends they talk like we'll talk
Speaker 1: about anything and everything, but they're nervous to talk to
Speaker 1: their significant other about in certain things. Maybe it's just
Speaker 1: because like insecurities. I'm not gonna say who are on
Speaker 1: the point. What I'm saying is like, you know, like
Speaker 1: a best friend will talk to me about their insecurities
Speaker 1: or or something that they feel insecure. Making this up
Speaker 1: for the sake of the podcast, I don't even know
Speaker 1: who you could be referring to. My point being is
Speaker 1: I feel like sometimes in a relationship, uh like, when
Speaker 1: somebody's dating someone, they won't like be fully transparent about
Speaker 1: certain things because whether they are just doing it out
Speaker 1: of comfort or they are insecure about something. But with
Speaker 1: their best friend, they feel so much more at ease
Speaker 1: because there's less judgment or less expectations. And so I
Speaker 1: wonder if people kind of change that mindset. I'm you know, little.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to just articulate my thoughts right now, so
Speaker 1: I don't know if it's coming out super clear, but
Speaker 1: I feel like people should try to look for a
Speaker 1: partner like they look for a best friend. Yeah, totally,
Speaker 1: and the best friend that you just want to sleep with. Well, Jared,
Speaker 1: your best friend that you want to have sex west,
Speaker 1: that's the ideal goal right there. Like let's just say, like,
Speaker 1: who should you marry your best friend you want to
Speaker 1: have sex? Totally on a person. I have a billy
Speaker 1: go right next to me right now, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I don't. I left him for five days, guys, and
Speaker 1: I came back and his hair his beard hair is
Speaker 1: like a quarter of an inch long, and then like
Speaker 1: his hair is greasy. But I love him anyway, and
Speaker 1: he's still my best friend who I want to have
Speaker 1: sex with. That's great, good news, Okay, but listen, um
Speaker 1: there was Oh yeah. This is my greatest advice. Basically
Speaker 1: for people who are thinking like is this the right
Speaker 1: person or not, it should be somebody who you never
Speaker 1: get tired of, Like Jared and I are fascinated by
Speaker 1: the fact that we could hang out all day long
Speaker 1: and we are never tired. Of each other. That's never
Speaker 1: happened with any other person besides my mom, dad, and
Speaker 1: my sister. Yeah. I think to the most successful couples
Speaker 1: that I've talked to, they're just comfortable going back to
Speaker 1: the best friend and they're comfortable with each other. Whereas
Speaker 1: like in a lot of previous relationships, it's like constant
Speaker 1: highs and lows, right, like ups and downs and roller
Speaker 1: coasters and like expecting almost expecting there to be constant drama.
Speaker 1: And I think what you guys said earlier, like is
Speaker 1: it bad that it's easy? Like, no, it should like
Speaker 1: in the beginning, it should be easy because life does
Speaker 1: get hard. Like maybe it won't get hard between you guys,
Speaker 1: but like life throws stuff on, like you know, we
Speaker 1: lose parents, there's like financial problems. It's like it should
Speaker 1: be really easy in the beginning, and if it's not,
Speaker 1: you need to look at this and be like, then
Speaker 1: how am I going to get through the hardship with
Speaker 1: this person? Right? I think also just we have certain
Speaker 1: expectations for marriage and love that are kind of unattainable,
Speaker 1: not really, I just well, I disagree, what do you
Speaker 1: mean how could we because we could you imagine like
Speaker 1: sure like our happy ending ended up being a happy ending,
Speaker 1: thank god. But we were up and down and I
Speaker 1: was telling you we were going to date, and we
Speaker 1: were fighting, and then we would date other people and
Speaker 1: we get jealous of each other, and it was like
Speaker 1: not a lot of good things at times. But I
Speaker 1: think a lot of people would view that and say, well,
Speaker 1: obviously this isn't the person for me, because if it
Speaker 1: was the person for me, then it would just be easier.
Speaker 1: And I don't necessarily agree with that logic. I think
Speaker 1: some people they make excuses as to why they shouldn't
Speaker 1: be with someone and forgetting that commitment is a choice
Speaker 1: and sometimes can be really difficult. Okay, that's true. Sorry,
Speaker 1: it's been so long, I forget about that chapter of
Speaker 1: our lives. It was hard at times, it was really
Speaker 1: hard at times. Since we've been together, it's been super easy.
Speaker 1: But I love but I love what. I love what
Speaker 1: you just said about commitment as a choice, because so
Speaker 1: the very fancy French women that I interviewed in Paris
Speaker 1: about love and relationships, that's what they said to me, Like,
Speaker 1: you have to make the choice every day. You can't
Speaker 1: just say that I chose this person on my wedding
Speaker 1: day or you know, the day we got engaged, and
Speaker 1: that's it. Like every day you should wake up and
Speaker 1: be like, choose you again, and like I have a
Speaker 1: reason for choosing you again. And also on the flip
Speaker 1: side of that, I think that you want to be
Speaker 1: chosen again, So still act like you're courting that person
Speaker 1: that you're still dating Everson. It's hard every day. I mean,
Speaker 1: like we're not going to do it every day. Life
Speaker 1: is life is life, especially in COVID. But like to
Speaker 1: have that mindset of like I choose you, I want
Speaker 1: you to choose me. I think it just makes you
Speaker 1: put in a little bit more effort um and that's important.
Speaker 1: I agree. So last question, Joe before you go. We're
Speaker 1: trying to have kids right now, what's your best advice
Speaker 1: for us? Oh my gosh, all right, So I do
Speaker 1: I need you to listen to my other podcast, under
Speaker 1: the Influence before you have the babies, because what it's
Speaker 1: alluding to. No, it's under the influence of mom influencers.
Speaker 1: So it's all about mom influencers. On to gra out.
Speaker 1: Do you follow our friend Jade? No? Should I call you?
Speaker 1: We have a season two? Should I call Jade. Yes,
Speaker 1: she's so Jade Roper or Je Tolbert. Oh yeah, so
Speaker 1: she's from Bachelor. She's a huge like she's the ultimate mom.
Speaker 1: She has three kids now, she's just like mother nature
Speaker 1: in human form. You should totally not perfect. Let's let's
Speaker 1: because we're also working on a documentary, So let's have
Speaker 1: Jade on season two of Under the Influence. Can happen
Speaker 1: to be great. But so my baby did not sleep.
Speaker 1: So all I did with scroll Instagram because you only
Speaker 1: have a thumb, because you've just got a baby here
Speaker 1: and you just have a thumb. And what else can
Speaker 1: you do with the film? Um? But what we can
Speaker 1: we talk a lot about what it means to be
Speaker 1: a first time mother and how it changes your life
Speaker 1: and how it changes your identity, and so I think
Speaker 1: that would be really helpful. My other advice is to
Speaker 1: everyone thinks about like planning all of the baby's space
Speaker 1: and stuff like that, Like I say, work on your relationship,
Speaker 1: like more the baby. A baby can sleep anyway, Like
Speaker 1: a baby doesn't need a compainted room, and like all
Speaker 1: of like stuff. Work on you guys. Take nine baby moves,
Speaker 1: Nick and I took We just want on vacation once
Speaker 1: a month until month nine. Once a month nine, baby,
Speaker 1: take a bunch of classes together, go to the movies
Speaker 1: because you never go to the movies right after you
Speaker 1: have a baby. Make sure your relationship is so fun
Speaker 1: and wonderful before that baby comes out, because you are
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to do a lot of work for
Speaker 1: that baby. But don't worry about like setting up all
Speaker 1: the baby stuff. The baby doesn't care. Yeah, I agree,
Speaker 1: depending on where we're living with that baby is born,
Speaker 1: like it's either going to get it's either going to
Speaker 1: be living in our bedroom or to have its own room.
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to stress about it either way,
Speaker 1: not until they know. And then I know that This
Speaker 1: is funny with Jared he um he so he just
Speaker 1: moved to our island his home state, and like his Mecca,
Speaker 1: Like he really feels like this is like the greatest
Speaker 1: place on earth, which is very sweet. But I'm like, Jared,
Speaker 1: I want to go in to vacation the I want
Speaker 1: to go here, like I have like the travel itch
Speaker 1: right now because obviously we haven't gone anywhere, um, you know,
Speaker 1: for for fun in a year. And he literally thinks
Speaker 1: that like we can just go to the restaurant on
Speaker 1: the ocean, and now that's a vacation. We leave. Everything
Speaker 1: we need is right here. We we just moved back
Speaker 1: to Philadelphia, which I think is the greatest city of
Speaker 1: all time. And I'm just like like, perfect, no, take
Speaker 1: take all of the trips. Go somewhere beachy. We went
Speaker 1: to Mexico City when I was pregnant with my second
Speaker 1: one and ate all of the food and it was incredible.
Speaker 1: You're okay going there with the Zeka. Mexican City was fine.
Speaker 1: They're at they're at a high elevation. There's not there's
Speaker 1: not mosquitoes in Mexico. Said, interesting, yeah, totally safe. Also
Speaker 1: Bermuda was Zeka free. We did that one, and then
Speaker 1: with the first one, we did Hawaii because that was
Speaker 1: going to go to Hawaii soon. Definitely definitely did Hawaii.
Speaker 1: We did. We went to Kauai and did the Nepali Hike.
Speaker 1: Um pregnant and it was just the best. We went
Speaker 1: there on our relationship moon. It was like the week
Speaker 1: that we came out as a couple. We went to
Speaker 1: Hawaii and it was magical. It was it was a
Speaker 1: great weekend. So that's where that's my best. We can
Speaker 1: enjoy yourselves. Enjoy yourselves, and the happier you are, the
Speaker 1: happier your baby's gonna be. Well, you enjoy yourself, Joe,
Speaker 1: now that you're back in Philadelphia, home of the Eagles.
Speaker 1: Um so, Joe Piazza, thank you so much for joining
Speaker 1: us again. Everybody listening, go check out her two podcasts,
Speaker 1: one Committed, which is about relationships, and the other one
Speaker 1: Under the Influence, which is all about mommy bloggers. And
Speaker 1: of course order her book. It's on Amazon, How to
Speaker 1: Be Married. Joe, Thank you so much for joining us.
Speaker 1: Thank you guys, this is great, welcome back to help
Speaker 1: I suck at dating. That was a great interview with Joe.
Speaker 1: She's so sweet. We do have an email. Anything else
Speaker 1: to add before the email? M I don't think so.
Speaker 1: I could just talk about movies all day, but you can.
Speaker 1: I know he wants to talk about them. Who's your
Speaker 1: favorite leading man of all time? So you're obviously is
Speaker 1: Leo from Titanic, specifically from Titanic, not from Departed or
Speaker 1: maybe from a titan from Titanic from Cashing If you can,
Speaker 1: no, no no, no, no no, you have to choose one Leo.
Speaker 1: You have to choose one Leo from a movie? Then, yes,
Speaker 1: Leo and Titanic really can't be beat. Now what about
Speaker 1: the party? He's so rough? No one needs to be
Speaker 1: a romantic character for me. All right, who's your number two?
Speaker 1: Because Leo is an obvious one. Probably Shane Weston remember
Speaker 1: not McConaughey and Wedding Planner No I'm from is pretty good,
Speaker 1: but no, no, it's got to be it's gonna be
Speaker 1: landing hard. What about Tom and Jerry McGuire. Oh, oh see,
Speaker 1: I got you all right? Maybe Tom and Jerry McGuire.
Speaker 1: He's right up there, Tom and jer I would say
Speaker 1: he's right. I think my top three Shane west from
Speaker 1: A Walk to Remember, Tom Cruise from Jeremy McGuire, and
Speaker 1: Leo from Titanic. Yeah, but also Patrick swayzey and Ghost
Speaker 1: and Dirty Dancing? Damn well, which one ghost our Dirty Dancing?
Speaker 1: If I had to pick an overall movie, I would
Speaker 1: pick The Ghost as an overall movie. No, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: I want no okay, who's all over? No? No no no,
Speaker 1: Patrick Swayze and Ghost he Wins and Ghosts? Yeah, alright?
Speaker 1: What about Gosling from Notebook? Yeah? Yeah, good, but like
Speaker 1: it's so rated, you know what I mean, Like it's
Speaker 1: not overrated, but it's rated, and it's like it's like duh, Well,
Speaker 1: all right, do you like Gosling from the beginning of
Speaker 1: notebook where he's clean shaved, short hair, or do you
Speaker 1: like him better in the lighter half he's got the beard.
Speaker 1: I like him in the beginning because it's not I
Speaker 1: love like a personality that is like fun and now
Speaker 1: going and sociable and like everybody loves to be around him,
Speaker 1: and he's glowing, Like I love that kind of person
Speaker 1: that attractive, like that Tom Cruise type of personality, Like
Speaker 1: I want my man to be wanted to be around.
Speaker 1: But I get that. But I like dark and Damage. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know, but you are in dark. You're not dark
Speaker 1: and damage. You're the other guy you want to be. Well,
Speaker 1: I definitely am. I try to emulate my personality like
Speaker 1: Tom Cruis and Jerey McGuire to sid no doubt about
Speaker 1: that one. All right. Mark is waiting patiently by as
Speaker 1: we're just like giggling to ourselves to read this enjoining it.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely enjoying it, all right. This is from anonymous.
Speaker 1: She says, I've been married about two years now without
Speaker 1: going into details, we're both very content in our relationship
Speaker 1: and have a healthy and open, communicative marriage. I have
Speaker 1: a job that requires me to travel, sometimes from months
Speaker 1: at a time. Most recently I was going for almost
Speaker 1: four months. While my spouse and I do well at
Speaker 1: a distance, something happened this last trip that has never
Speaker 1: happened before. Someone I was working with on the trip
Speaker 1: I found very attractive and there was noticeable chemistry between us,
Speaker 1: and even some co workers pointed out. Since returning from
Speaker 1: the trip, I haven't tried to keep in contact with
Speaker 1: the attractive friend because I noticed I've developed a slight
Speaker 1: crush on them. At what point should I tell my
Speaker 1: spouse about the crush part? If at all? What would
Speaker 1: you do? What would you do in a committed relationship
Speaker 1: when inevitably you meet other people that you're attracted to? Okay,
Speaker 1: I think this kind of goes back to what Joe
Speaker 1: is saying that you choose your husband every day. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't think that you're like, you're being wrong, or
Speaker 1: what you're doing is rare, naughty, or anything like that.
Speaker 1: By having a crush on somebody, I think you're being
Speaker 1: kind of honest with yourself. I just think you can't
Speaker 1: act on it, and I do think that it will
Speaker 1: slowly fade as you are not around this person. Listen,
Speaker 1: there's how many people on this earth? Oh? I think
Speaker 1: it's like seven billion? Is it really how? I'm gonna
Speaker 1: google this, but anyway, there's billions of people on this
Speaker 1: earth right now, and the odds that you're attracted to
Speaker 1: one other person than your husband is not that crazy,
Speaker 1: and there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously, you're doing the
Speaker 1: right thing by not keeping in contact with this friend.
Speaker 1: You're always going to have like a slight crush or
Speaker 1: be like wow, that person is attractive, and then, like
Speaker 1: Ashley says, you don't act on it. You move on
Speaker 1: be as you love your significant other. You're happy. There's
Speaker 1: no point in your pursuing anything else. You would regret
Speaker 1: it if you did. You're in a committed relationship and
Speaker 1: you're fine. Forgive yourself. Don't feel guilty about it. Just
Speaker 1: move on and let it go. I agree, Mark, What
Speaker 1: do you think about that you've been married the longest
Speaker 1: eighteen years? Thank you very much? Actually coming up on
Speaker 1: nine team anyway, Yeah, I agree with you. I think
Speaker 1: this is these feelings happen and they go away, so
Speaker 1: don't make too big a deal out of them. And
Speaker 1: if you talk about it, which I mean some couples
Speaker 1: with truth to talk about it, that's fine too. You
Speaker 1: got to know your husband and how this is gonna land.
Speaker 1: But if you talk about it becomes a bigger deal
Speaker 1: than it actually is. It's just a fleeting thing. It
Speaker 1: will fade as as quickly as it came on. And
Speaker 1: that will be that. Yeah, and you are going to
Speaker 1: freak him out if you say something. And yes, in
Speaker 1: the majority of the time, this is not going to
Speaker 1: become anything. We're all animals, you know, alright. Population of
Speaker 1: the Earth, Yeah, you're pretty much spot on. Seven billion,
Speaker 1: eight hundred and forty six million. Wow, there are eight
Speaker 1: billion people on this earth. Holy crap. That's a lot
Speaker 1: of people, all right. So we just had the one
Speaker 1: email this week. We are going to um get your
Speaker 1: listener feedback. I posted on Instagram yesterday about any advice
Speaker 1: or tips you had for getting over a breakup. When
Speaker 1: Dean is back next week, we're gonna go over that.
Speaker 1: But before we go, I do have a dating term
Speaker 1: that I want to ask you about. So we were
Speaker 1: doing this every week. I've we've been kind of slacking.
Speaker 1: But we do this thing where I asked a data term.
Speaker 1: I think you've participated in this before. I ask you
Speaker 1: what you think it is, and then I tell you
Speaker 1: what it actually is. Ready, all right, seeing how you're
Speaker 1: we've I feel like Friends has been sorry, she's always
Speaker 1: telling me what to do. So why has Friends been
Speaker 1: a topic of conversation? Because they're doing the reunion? It
Speaker 1: is finished filming the reunion, got it? Okay? So Friends
Speaker 1: has been in the news recently. So I have a
Speaker 1: dating term and it is called rossing, named after the
Speaker 1: character Ross on Friends. So what do you think the
Speaker 1: dating term rossing could mean. It means that one person
Speaker 1: the relationship thinks they're on a break and the other
Speaker 1: person does not. Gotta be uh, I think that's gotta be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: But I'll come up with something different, just to be uh,
Speaker 1: just to make it interesting. I'll say it's um uh,
Speaker 1: having a child with someone else doesn't work, owning a monkey,
Speaker 1: your your ex, you know, ending up being attracted to
Speaker 1: the opposite sex. Yeah, loving dinosaurs, I don't know. It's
Speaker 1: got to be on a break thing. I mean, hey,
Speaker 1: well how about this. He's he's like a paleontologist or something. Right,
Speaker 1: it's when you're dating someone, they're always digging up old
Speaker 1: stuff from the past. That was very good. Rossing, of course,
Speaker 1: is inspired by the the constant utter of we were
Speaker 1: on a break. Legends have it that the only person
Speaker 1: Ross took a break from was himself. So like him,
Speaker 1: if you continue swiping right and meeting potential partners, but
Speaker 1: your heart only aches for certain unavailable Rachel, then you
Speaker 1: are rossing these dates stop wasting their time. Oh so
Speaker 1: that's a little different. Yeah, it's a little different. Different.
Speaker 1: So apparently they think that Ross took a break himself
Speaker 1: because even though he was dating other people, he really
Speaker 1: was just pinding over Rachel, which was obviously the core
Speaker 1: storyline of the show. So this is saying that people
Speaker 1: do the same thing. I will say this, I think
Speaker 1: I was rossing people before. I think we've all rost before. Yeah,
Speaker 1: looking at the other people while we're still hung up
Speaker 1: on somebody's specific rosters. In this podcast tries to do that. So,
Speaker 1: you know, they think they can move on or make
Speaker 1: the other person jealous, and then well one or the
Speaker 1: other usually happens. Have you rossed, Yes, I guess so, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you have to yea, yeah, I think you
Speaker 1: rossed a little roster you anyway, that's gonna do it.
Speaker 1: For this week's episode of help by Suck At Dating,
Speaker 1: a big thank you to Joe Piazza for joining us.
Speaker 1: She was fantastic. Thank you too, Anonymous for emailing us
Speaker 1: all the time. I'm curious if it's the same anonymous
Speaker 1: or if it's a different anonymous emailer every time. I'd
Speaker 1: like to think it's different, but sometimes, you know, we
Speaker 1: have those loyal fan bases. It's Nick. I think it's
Speaker 1: Nick every time. It is really is Nick. Nick. Just yeah,
Speaker 1: he gets his content from this podcast for his own podcast.
Speaker 1: I'm convinced of it. He's been emailing anonymous for two years.
Speaker 1: I tell you, uh, thank you, Mark, thank you Easton,
Speaker 1: thank you, Becky, thank you Riley, thank you everybody who
Speaker 1: is listening. Please keep emailing us. We love your emails.
Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram and make sure you tune in.
Speaker 1: Next week, Dean will be here and hopefully we all
Speaker 1: suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating
Speaker 1: on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast