WEBVTT - My Heart Will Go On 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:11.760 Her sun Heart Radio podcast. All right, everybody, welcome to 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:14.040 an all new episode of Help I Suck At Dating. 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:17.040 I'm Jared Haven not joined this week by Dean Ungler. 0:00:17.160 --> 0:00:19.840 He's taken the week off probably golfing. I am joined 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:24.159 by the beautiful, the wonderful, the amazing, the sincere, the 0:00:24.360 --> 0:00:28.720 sometimes smelly, my wife Ashley, I can Eddie. Ladies and gentlemen, 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:32.519 welcome to Help I Suck At Dating? Thanks, babe. I 0:00:32.560 --> 0:00:34.200 like being here. All right, So we want to continue 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:36.519 the conversation that we were just having. Our Our wonderful 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:38.840 producer Easton is on the line right now. You guys 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:41.280 know Easton, and he just saw a movie for the 0:00:41.360 --> 0:00:44.159 first time. No No, I'll tell the story that the 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:46.120 first no No he saw for the first time since 0:00:46.159 --> 0:00:48.600 he was twelve. So last night he texted me he said, 0:00:48.800 --> 0:00:52.240 I'm watching Titanic for the first time since I was twelve. 0:00:52.640 --> 0:00:56.040 And I just asked him how he how it was, 0:00:56.720 --> 0:01:03.520 and he said, that movie is an absolute masterpiece. It's perfect. 0:01:03.560 --> 0:01:07.120 Five stars. Oh, it's so so good. You said that, 0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:11.800 you cried? I did. I did you know what that 0:01:12.240 --> 0:01:14.880 that first? So I was thinking about it. The Titanic 0:01:15.000 --> 0:01:17.560 video was two tapes. Everybody knows that the two of 0:01:17.680 --> 0:01:20.280 HS tapes, and I was reading that you can figure 0:01:20.280 --> 0:01:21.800 out what kind of a person it is if they're 0:01:21.840 --> 0:01:25.520 a tape one or a tape to persons. Well, the 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:27.920 question is when does Tape one end and where does 0:01:27.959 --> 0:01:31.920 Tape to begin. I think Tape two begins like just 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:36.679 after they hit the iceberg. Yeah, exactly, Yes, the tape 0:01:36.680 --> 0:01:40.080 one ends right when the boat architect is like looking 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:42.199 at the blueprints and saying, we have an hour until 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:45.520 the ship sings. That's where Tape one ends. But that 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:50.680 Mr Andrews that first half of the movie, when they're 0:01:50.720 --> 0:01:55.000 like courting, that gave me the same emotions from like 0:01:55.080 --> 0:01:57.640 when you first start dating somebody and you're just like 0:01:57.720 --> 0:02:00.559 so excited to be in love, and like I felt 0:02:00.600 --> 0:02:02.560 like I was falling in love like with Jack at 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:06.400 the same time. That's amazing. There is this chemistry between 0:02:06.480 --> 0:02:11.080 Kaywin's and Leonardo DiCaprio that is hard to replicate. Those two. 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.440 You know, everybody wants them to be together. They're best 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:16.000 friends in real life, and obviously they're not gonna be 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:20.480 together because Leo is dating year old now. But the 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:23.600 chemistry on screen between those two top notch. Do you 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.800 think that movie is a chick flick Eastern No, I 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.320 do not. I do not, because there's so much even 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.919 if you're not interested in the romance aspect, which how 0:02:31.960 --> 0:02:34.160 could you not be? But if you're not, there's so 0:02:34.240 --> 0:02:36.800 much cool, Like I mean, James Cameron like filmed the 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.560 real Titanic for that movie, Like it's like insane, how 0:02:40.639 --> 0:02:44.680 much uh like movie making feats he he achieved. There's 0:02:44.760 --> 0:02:48.560 enough like ship sinking, special effects like that second part 0:02:48.560 --> 0:02:50.480 of the movie where the ship's just cracking in half, 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:53.920 like that just kicks ass. And it's still still looks 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:58.120 so realistic. Today it's really unreal. It's insane. I cannot 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.799 belieme like this was. I can't believe it looks like 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.720 a real ship is sinking. It's crazy. I mean, the 0:03:02.720 --> 0:03:05.680 biggest question I have for you Easton is was there 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:10.840 enough room on that door? Don't be a cliche to 0:03:11.200 --> 0:03:14.280 stay aflow and not have to die? And James Cameron 0:03:14.360 --> 0:03:17.280 has addressed this. He said that if the two of 0:03:17.320 --> 0:03:20.519 them were on that door together, the water level would 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.680 be too high and they would have both died. Okay, 0:03:23.760 --> 0:03:26.040 I've seen that. There's an article that came out with 0:03:26.080 --> 0:03:27.720 what ten years ago, where it showed all the different 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:30.200 configurations where it could have worked. All I needed to 0:03:30.240 --> 0:03:32.560 see was he tries to climb on and it starts 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:34.800 to sink. That's all I need to see that It's 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:37.600 not about space, it's about weight. Yeah. I couldn't handle it. 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:42.320 Thank you Easton and Gabe. I'm disappointed in your cliche there. Well, 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:45.200 I I really did it for the audience. I think 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:48.240 his conversation is more for us than it is them. Okay, 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:50.040 so let me just say a couple of quick things. 0:03:50.080 --> 0:03:52.520 My sister and I literally, like as a twelve year old, 0:03:52.520 --> 0:03:54.320 we would watch it and then we'd look at each 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:56.520 other and we were like still embarrassed to say that 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:58.800 we had a crush, but we would be like, so 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:00.560 we're gonna rewind it, and why watch it again? Like 0:04:00.560 --> 0:04:03.360 we would sometimes watch it twice in one day. But 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:08.680 then oddly when it came out into theaters. Yeah, yes, 0:04:10.840 --> 0:04:14.680 when it came back to theaters, I blead it was 0:04:16.800 --> 0:04:21.480 because it was the anniversary of the sinking. We went 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:23.680 to go see it, of course in theaters, and we 0:04:24.440 --> 0:04:28.520 cried for the first time ever, the first time ever, 0:04:29.560 --> 0:04:32.320 were crying the first time I ever cried while watching 0:04:32.320 --> 0:04:34.920 Titanic was in the theater because Lorne and I had 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:36.760 never seen it in the theater because we were too young. 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.560 My parents wanted to, you know, skip over the booby 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:41.760 scene and skip over the car scene. You didn't see 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:43.680 Titanic in the theater when I was twelve, when I 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:47.040 was eleven or twelve. Well, I wasn't even eleven or 0:04:47.080 --> 0:04:49.760 twelve when it came out, because it came out December, 0:04:50.440 --> 0:04:55.840 so I wasn't even ten yet. Were nine? Okay, I 0:04:56.160 --> 0:04:58.840 do not mean to be boring, but it was just 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:01.120 so crazy the effect that it has when you're just 0:05:01.279 --> 0:05:03.520 sitting in a theater for three hours straight and you're 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.880 only focused on the movie, And how much more of 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.599 a powerful experience that is. Well, I like. I like 0:05:09.680 --> 0:05:11.200 when you can watch a movie as a kid and 0:05:11.279 --> 0:05:13.080 have an appreciation for it and have a love for it, 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:15.000 and then you watch it as an adult and you 0:05:15.040 --> 0:05:17.159 still love it as much, you just have a different 0:05:17.160 --> 0:05:19.760 appreciation for it. I had this feeling this is going 0:05:19.800 --> 0:05:23.159 to tell a lot about my character about the original 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:26.839 teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, which I loved and obsessed with 0:05:26.960 --> 0:05:29.120 over as a child. As a child and then I 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:31.279 grew up and watched it as an adult, and there's 0:05:31.360 --> 0:05:35.280 so many adult themes and emotion and character developments in 0:05:35.279 --> 0:05:39.359 that movie that took me literally, Like watching the movie, 0:05:39.400 --> 0:05:41.680 I felt like I was stepping back because it really 0:05:41.680 --> 0:05:44.719 took me back, the fact that there was so much 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.839 good in this movie that I could appreciate as an 0:05:47.880 --> 0:05:49.680 adult and not have to watch it back and be like, 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.600 oh wow, I can't believe, like I was so obsessed 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:53.240 with this as a kid. Yeah, but you saying that 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.599 story makes it sound as if I haven't watched Titanic 0:05:55.800 --> 0:05:58.520 Titanic at least yearly since I was at age, because 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:00.840 I do watch it at least once a year. You 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:05.520 said that the first time you cried, no, Jerry, The 0:06:05.520 --> 0:06:07.080 first time I cried during it was when I saw 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:11.520 in theater an adult, and I was an adult in 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.040 two thousand and ten and two thousand eleven and two 0:06:14.040 --> 0:06:17.719 thousand nine and all theater. That was my point. That 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:19.560 was the point of the story. It was not saying 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:22.080 as an adult, I still watch it at least every year. 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:24.800 I try not to burn it out because every time 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:28.920 I watch it, I want to feel all the nostalgia 0:06:29.000 --> 0:06:31.320 I want in my body to feel all those little 0:06:31.320 --> 0:06:33.400 senses that I did when I first saw it. All Right, 0:06:33.440 --> 0:06:35.000 I have a question for both of you, what is 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:41.000 the movie that you cried most while watching? However, ever, 0:06:41.360 --> 0:06:45.200 the movie that you just Niagara Falls? For me, it 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:49.080 was a Start War was Born. My Sister's Keeper. Becky says, 0:06:49.120 --> 0:06:52.080 oh my god, my sister's keeper. I also couldn't breathe 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:55.359 in the theater for that one too. With Cameron Diaz. Yeah, okay, 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:59.880 I never saw it. You got one, I think, I 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:02.880 Riley saying the Notebook. I mean, I definitely couldn't breathe 0:07:02.880 --> 0:07:06.840 in the theater there too, But like I think my most, like, 0:07:06.960 --> 0:07:09.120 holy crap, I think I might have to leave the 0:07:09.160 --> 0:07:11.680 movie theater was probably a Star Wars Born. I mean 0:07:11.760 --> 0:07:14.920 Jared saw it. Oh my god. It's a spoiler alert. 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:17.640 But obviously Bradley Cooper dies in the movie. And at 0:07:17.640 --> 0:07:21.360 the end when Lady Ga got singing the song and 0:07:21.560 --> 0:07:25.760 it transitions to Bradley Cooper at at the piano finishing 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:29.280 the song after his death. Oh and then it just 0:07:29.320 --> 0:07:32.720 goes to black and it's dead silent in the theater, 0:07:32.880 --> 0:07:37.480 and I just heard next to me. It wasn't like 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:44.280 that like, and then she just like I was like, good, God, 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:48.600 is she choking? Eastan? What about you? Do you remember 0:07:48.600 --> 0:07:50.920 a movie that you just like? Not Avengers End Game 0:07:51.000 --> 0:07:54.760 can't count that. I sincerely think the movie in my 0:07:54.840 --> 0:07:57.760 life I've cried the most was Captain America, the first 0:07:57.800 --> 0:08:02.680 Avenger one to show why did you cry? Because so 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.440 I cry? I watched this movie often and I cry 0:08:05.480 --> 0:08:08.760 every time. But I cry when Steve Rogers says I 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:11.120 don't like bullies. I don't care where they're from, and 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:13.800 like seeing how good of a man he is. But 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:15.600 then I also cry. There's a bunch different parts on 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:17.760 the movie that I cry, but then out of sadness 0:08:17.800 --> 0:08:21.040 when spoiler alert at the end he has to crash 0:08:21.120 --> 0:08:23.600 the ship because it's gonna blow up New York whatever. 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:26.680 He's telling Peggy Carter that how much he loves her 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:28.600 and everything, and like knowing that they're not going to 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:34.760 be together, Mark, do you have a movie that you 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:39.760 just on a bashly cry during? And at the Eastern's point, 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.120 I feel like guys crying different kinds of movies than 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:44.720 women cry for different reasons anyway, like when I go 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:47.640 and see you know the Notebook or beaches or one 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:50.200 of these that make and did not do it for me. 0:08:50.640 --> 0:08:53.120 I see how they're trying to manipulate me into crying, 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:59.000 and I'm just I'm cynical. Field of dreams. Every time 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:01.280 I watch when he's like, Dad, you want to have 0:09:01.320 --> 0:09:04.200 a catch? Oh my god, just stabbed. That's the one. 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:06.760 And I also know what's coming, so like an hour 0:09:06.880 --> 0:09:09.240 before it happens, I'm already cried because I already know 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:11.880 that's where we're going, that one. And it's a wonderful life. 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:14.920 Always maybe cry It's a wonderful life. Babe. When was 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:16.560 the last time you cried during that? I was trying 0:09:16.559 --> 0:09:18.320 to think of the movie that I cried most, because 0:09:18.320 --> 0:09:21.240 I agree with Mark. I think girls cried during romantic comedies, 0:09:21.280 --> 0:09:28.200 like Riley said the Notebook, Becky said, my Sister's Keepers. Whatever, anyway, 0:09:28.240 --> 0:09:30.880 I digress, But guys, they cry for different reasons. What 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:34.800 I cry about, I mean animals, anytime there's an animal 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:37.360 that dies in the movie. I've done dogs, promise or 0:09:37.480 --> 0:09:44.320 dog and like just I mean, I didn't. I didn't 0:09:44.360 --> 0:09:46.960 want to do anything for two weeks afterwards. And then secondly, 0:09:47.360 --> 0:09:52.640 homeward Bound when chance know when chance is like down 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:54.240 and caught. I don't know if you guys remember his 0:09:54.360 --> 0:09:56.640 leg is calling or something and he's like telling them 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:59.959 to leave him behind. I'm like, oh my god, I can't. 0:10:00.120 --> 0:10:02.240 I can't take it anymore. My sister and we wanted 0:10:02.240 --> 0:10:03.960 to watch her around a couple of years ago, and 0:10:04.000 --> 0:10:05.680 we put it on. The first five minutes, she's like, 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:07.520 you have to turn to us. I mean this, you 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:10.040 have to turn it off. I cannot handle it. Um, 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:13.200 but wait, can we backtrack for a second to I know, 0:10:13.280 --> 0:10:15.240 I know, I know, but you were just wait, you 0:10:15.280 --> 0:10:18.440 were just saying, um, oh, Marley and Me when my 0:10:18.480 --> 0:10:21.559 sister and I watched Marley and Me when like years 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:24.559 after it came out, and I guess it ended at 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:26.920 like one am. We're just as we started it late. 0:10:26.960 --> 0:10:30.160 We were young inns and we had to call my dad. 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.720 We had to FaceTime my dad and have him FaceTime 0:10:32.760 --> 0:10:34.800 our dog. At the time, We're like, no, we have 0:10:34.880 --> 0:10:38.920 to see Lucy now. God. Just heart wrenching. I love 0:10:38.960 --> 0:10:41.480 how Ashley, how much of Ashley I is in this show. 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:44.000 Because we talked about Titanic and crying for the first 0:10:44.040 --> 0:10:46.439 ten minutes, I was fantastic. This is what the people 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.760 want to hear you know. Um, all right, well, we 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:51.280 do have to get to some headlines. We do have 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:53.520 a great guest. We have Joe Piazza who's coming on. 0:10:53.760 --> 0:10:55.760 She is the host of two podcasts. She's a very 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:59.240 busy woman. Uh, one called Committed, another one called Under 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.480 the Influence, and she writes tons of books. She wrote 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:04.120 a book called How to Be Married, which is now 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:06.439 available on Amazon. I guess you and I should read that. Huh, 0:11:06.480 --> 0:11:07.760 how to be Married? I don't know, we do a 0:11:07.760 --> 0:11:10.720 pretty good job of it. Knock on wood. Yeah, maybe 0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:14.480 our question should be like, hey, everything's been like super easy. 0:11:14.600 --> 0:11:16.880 Is that a red flag? Is that going to be 0:11:16.960 --> 0:11:19.360 really hard? When something is not easy? Does that mean 0:11:19.400 --> 0:11:21.480 that we should be really scared for the Well, that's 0:11:21.520 --> 0:11:23.959 something we should obviously obviously ask her, and she's coming 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:25.600 up in just a few minutes now. We did have 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:29.280 some news within Bachelor Nation. Uh. Matt James, the former 0:11:29.280 --> 0:11:32.880 Bachelor uh, says he's pursuing a relationship with his ex 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:37.120 Rachel kirk Connell. Quote. I'm focusing on it. So People 0:11:37.160 --> 0:11:40.800 magazine caught up with Matt. Uh. He was doing something, 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:43.320 I don't know, some promotion and he said, I've seen 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:47.640 Rachel a handful of times. I'm not pursuing any relationships 0:11:47.760 --> 0:11:50.319 right now. Outside of that, I said, I was going 0:11:50.360 --> 0:11:53.160 to focus on a relationship with her, and that means 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:55.920 focusing on it. And then obviously he was asked about 0:11:56.240 --> 0:12:00.960 Rachel doing the work educating herself on racism, and he said, quote, 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:03.200 that's something you could talk to her about. The former 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.800 Bachelor said, a lot of what I'm focused on right 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:08.000 now is the work that I'm doing in the community 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:12.720 and with the training for marathon. He's also obviously running 0:12:12.720 --> 0:12:15.640 a marathon soon. That's pretty awesome. He said. There's no 0:12:15.760 --> 0:12:18.199 chance he'll be in Paradise and no chance Tyler Cameron 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:22.920 will be in Paradise as well. Uh my initial thoughts 0:12:23.080 --> 0:12:26.559 on this, I want preface this with saying, I think 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:28.960 Matt's a really good guy. I like Matt a lot. 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.199 Why are you smiling? You know I had a man 0:12:31.200 --> 0:12:33.520 of crush on Matt. I know, I know. My husband 0:12:33.600 --> 0:12:36.120 is so sweet. Every time he's about to say something 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:39.480 like critical, he has to start by saying, like, I 0:12:39.520 --> 0:12:41.480 love this person. This person is so great. It's like, 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.559 you know, well, Matt said after the final rose that 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:49.840 he couldn't be with Rachel because she needed to educate 0:12:49.880 --> 0:12:54.440 herself on uh, you know what she did wrong, specifically 0:12:54.520 --> 0:12:57.840 with the Antebellum Party back in two thousand eighteen. Uh, 0:12:57.840 --> 0:13:00.600 And that it was a journey ahead of her. He 0:13:01.400 --> 0:13:05.440 couldn't be a part of um, that she needed to 0:13:05.520 --> 0:13:11.680 do this by herself, and um, that was the reason 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:13.920 why they broke up and why they couldn't pursue a 0:13:13.960 --> 0:13:17.640 relationship anymore. And he said, he you know that she 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:20.080 didn't understand you know what it's like to be sorry. 0:13:20.160 --> 0:13:22.520 I'm just like, obviously we know, we know this story. 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.000 I know. I'm glad you cut me off because sometimes 0:13:24.000 --> 0:13:27.640 I speak too much. Uh. My question is what's changed? 0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:30.160 You know? Because he was asking this and he completely 0:13:30.200 --> 0:13:31.959 just avoided the question, saying, that's something you have to 0:13:31.960 --> 0:13:34.000 ask her. Well, honestly, Matt, no, this is a question 0:13:34.040 --> 0:13:36.199 we have to ask you because you're the one who 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:38.760 said you couldn't pursue a relationship with her because she 0:13:38.800 --> 0:13:40.880 had to go on this journey on her own. And 0:13:41.040 --> 0:13:43.000 he said that he didn't want to be emotionally responsible 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:45.839 for her tears. It was something I'm paraphrasing, but it's 0:13:45.840 --> 0:13:50.320 something like that. And you know, I'm not criticizing that, 0:13:50.400 --> 0:13:53.240 but my I guess I'm criticizing his response to People 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:55.800 Magazine when saying, well, that's something you'll have to ask 0:13:56.040 --> 0:13:58.680 about her, her her journey. It's like, well, Matt, you 0:13:58.760 --> 0:14:00.600 need you know if you're hanging out with her, she's 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.000 obviously clearly still in love with you. I would hope 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.160 that he's not pursuing any relationship with somebody else. Um. 0:14:07.040 --> 0:14:10.840 But he also didn't say that they were committed. Um. 0:14:10.880 --> 0:14:13.679 It's a little confusing because there's such a you know, 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.480 there's there's so much background between the two of them. 0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:18.720 They were obviously in love, they left together, then there 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:20.600 was all these things that came out about Rachel after 0:14:20.600 --> 0:14:23.960 the show. Um, so I would like to know what 0:14:24.000 --> 0:14:25.880 has changed in you know, in the two to three 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:29.280 weeks after after the after the Final Rose. So to me, 0:14:29.480 --> 0:14:33.600 let me preface this again, master at it with from 0:14:33.640 --> 0:14:35.920 all the times that I've met Matt, really enjoy him, right, 0:14:36.480 --> 0:14:39.920 I feel like him and dating Rachel now so soon 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:43.720 after he he seemed very definitive on after the Final Rose. 0:14:44.160 --> 0:14:47.440 Kind of makes it seem like his behavior and after 0:14:47.440 --> 0:14:50.960 the Final Rose was phony or for for looks because 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:55.720 he obviously wasn't. He didn't not want to be with her, 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:57.760 and he certainly seemed on after the final rows like 0:14:57.800 --> 0:15:00.000 he did not want to be with her, and every 0:15:00.120 --> 0:15:02.880 he was saying, remember after the after that episode, people 0:15:02.880 --> 0:15:04.880 like there's no chance, zero chance they're ever going to 0:15:04.960 --> 0:15:08.000 be together. But but like there obviously wasn't. I feel 0:15:08.040 --> 0:15:10.840 like there was something very much still in his heart 0:15:11.120 --> 0:15:14.040 and something in that moment in his mind that thought like, 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:15.960 oh maybe I do want to be with her soon 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:17.960 rather than later. Yeah, And this is something that I 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:21.920 can certainly not relate to. But you know, there was 0:15:21.960 --> 0:15:26.040 a time where I was very confused about my feelings 0:15:26.080 --> 0:15:29.440 towards Ashley, and I was vocalizing that I was definitive 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:31.520 and that it was it wasn't gonna happen, and you 0:15:31.600 --> 0:15:33.560 were you and I were just going to be friends. 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:37.680 And I was truly lying to myself, and I was 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:39.680 lying to you and everybody else because I knew that 0:15:39.760 --> 0:15:41.800 I was more confused than what I was leading on. 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:48.200 Very similar and I'm curious, well so sorry, not similar 0:15:48.280 --> 0:15:51.120 at all. It's not so much their situation is a 0:15:51.160 --> 0:15:53.320 lot different. But I'm saying this is the closest thing 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.200 that I can really make an analogy to, UM is 0:15:56.240 --> 0:16:00.240 that I'm curious if Matt was more confused and he 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:04.720 was leading on and uh and maybe he you know, 0:16:04.800 --> 0:16:07.320 now he's trying to figure out maybe I do want 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:09.720 to be with Rachel. So that's all my thoughts about 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:13.240 it right now. UM. I just hope they're happy. I 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:16.760 hope they're doing well. Uh. Moving on. There's also an 0:16:16.840 --> 0:16:21.360 article written on US Weekly from a neuroscientist, Dr Kristen 0:16:22.440 --> 0:16:27.680 Willemer Ways a Ways in Chris Kristen Willemier weighs in 0:16:27.760 --> 0:16:31.880 on why bachelorettes are more successful than bachelor's which we 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.240 have talked about. Uh. She said that women are primed 0:16:35.240 --> 0:16:37.760 when we're young. We believe in fairy tales, we watch 0:16:37.800 --> 0:16:41.120 the Hallmark Channel, the romantic movies, ak Titanic. You know, 0:16:41.160 --> 0:16:43.600 we're already thinking about our wedding at a young age. 0:16:44.000 --> 0:16:47.440 She said. Uh. So, I think the bachelorettes come on 0:16:47.520 --> 0:16:50.400 with a very clear purpose and intent. And because there's 0:16:50.400 --> 0:16:53.320 an extensive screening process that goes on to even being 0:16:53.360 --> 0:16:56.000 selected for the show, the men that they're going to 0:16:56.360 --> 0:16:59.120 select for the women should be a really good match 0:16:59.160 --> 0:17:02.160 and should be to, you know, make that commitment, and 0:17:02.200 --> 0:17:04.560 of course we know not everybody can do that, but 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:10.640 at least we're seeing that commitment happened more on The Bachelorrette. Um, yeah, 0:17:11.080 --> 0:17:13.720 I guess I tend to agree. You're a female. Can 0:17:13.760 --> 0:17:16.119 you wait on this. I just feel like the girls 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:19.600 are definitely more ready for marriage. They they're going to 0:17:19.680 --> 0:17:23.640 be less distracted by the men that come after them 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:26.359 after the show than the men. Maybe I think the 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.240 men are going to really like love the fame and 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:29.840 the girls that come with it. You know, they get 0:17:29.840 --> 0:17:33.240 their little taste of like Beatlemania, right, They're like a 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:36.959 little pop star for a second and Beatlemania. Yeah, so 0:17:37.040 --> 0:17:43.200 why who's Paul? Who's John? I don't know? Okay, unpopular opinion. 0:17:44.960 --> 0:17:47.359 I'm I'm not the biggest Beatles fan. You're not the 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.800 biggest Beatles fan. Now, I was thinking about that this weekend. 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.119 I just you know, it's not that it's a I 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:56.240 don't get it, but it's it's it's um every time 0:17:56.280 --> 0:17:57.960 they came up in the nineties sixties when rock and 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:02.600 roll was just like they invent it. But no, that's right, 0:18:02.720 --> 0:18:06.680 that's why I appreciate them. But like I don't really 0:18:06.800 --> 0:18:09.159 enjoy listening to them. What about Across the Universe. You 0:18:09.160 --> 0:18:11.040 ever see that movie? I like the remix of their 0:18:11.119 --> 0:18:15.280 music more great. Yeah, it's easier to my ears. Anytime 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.439 Jim Sturgis sings, It's easy on the ears. You know. 0:18:19.400 --> 0:18:22.400 Bird loves men, big Jim Sturgist, guy, I just have 0:18:22.520 --> 0:18:25.680 I I have man crushes. You know what. There's guys 0:18:25.680 --> 0:18:27.880 on this podcast right now, Eastan and Mark. I think 0:18:27.880 --> 0:18:31.040 can understand where I'm coming from. There's nothing wrong. I'm 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:33.480 a very secure in who I am. I just haven't 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:35.640 gotten crushes. I want to be like these guys. Look, 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:38.639 I understand Jared because I definitely spend more time on 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:41.719 Instagram owing over girls than I would a guy. I'm 0:18:41.760 --> 0:18:44.840 not gonna lie. A lot of my search feed is 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:47.320 filled with Henry Cavill. Oh my god, you guys do 0:18:47.359 --> 0:18:50.560 I need don't worry. No, It's just like on second 0:18:50.560 --> 0:18:52.960 of my life where I was a little worried, and 0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:55.439 I understand. I get it. Yeah, you get why I 0:18:55.480 --> 0:18:58.280 was worried, just because I'm very secure in myself. So 0:18:58.359 --> 0:19:01.800 I joke around a lot as well. Um, Like, I 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:03.440 have a buddy of mine. His name is Chad and 0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:05.760 should be really talking about this. Yeah, I quick talking 0:19:05.800 --> 0:19:08.920 story before before Joe comes on. We're like completely going 0:19:08.960 --> 0:19:12.160 in different direction. But one of my good friends, Chad, Uh, 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:14.720 we joke all the time, like anytime I see him, like, dude, 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:17.200 you look great, you look real weird, Like they flirt 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:19.040 with each other on the phone, but now I flirt 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:22.359 with him like intentionally in front of ash break me out. Well, okay, 0:19:22.400 --> 0:19:25.320 so before Jared and I were together, we were driving 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:28.160 around Rhode Island because I would come and hang out sometimes, 0:19:28.160 --> 0:19:32.159 which is like obviously wow, mixed signals, um. But he 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:34.680 was one time talking about Chad and he was like, 0:19:34.920 --> 0:19:36.920 he's good looking, he's smart, he has a great job, 0:19:36.960 --> 0:19:39.320 he's great in bed. And I was like, what in 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:43.399 the actual hell did you just say? And I swear 0:19:43.440 --> 0:19:45.480 to you, I don't even think he was kidding. I 0:19:45.520 --> 0:19:48.480 think he really said that, just assuming that somebody had 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:51.639 that much of a man crush on was good in bed. No, 0:19:51.720 --> 0:19:54.440 it was definitely intentional, but maybe it was a for 0:19:54.480 --> 0:19:57.960 what is it slip? Should I be worried again? I 0:19:57.960 --> 0:19:59.720 don't think so. Maybe I'm gonna bring this up to 0:19:59.720 --> 0:20:02.400 our yes, like do you I need to worry? About 0:20:03.000 --> 0:20:05.920 too many man crushes, not at all, I think. Anyway, 0:20:05.960 --> 0:20:08.439 moving on, like we said, we have Joe Piazza, who 0:20:08.560 --> 0:20:11.399 is coming on the podcast very shortly, host of the 0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:13.920 podcast Committed, host of Under the Influence, and author of 0:20:13.920 --> 0:20:15.520 the book How to Be Married. But before we talk 0:20:15.560 --> 0:20:28.640 to Joe, we're gonna take a quick break. Welcome back 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:33.240 to help I suck at dating. Jared here, Ashley here. Hello, 0:20:33.640 --> 0:20:35.760 we have a great guest. She is currently on the 0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:38.960 line right now. Hosts of the podcast of Committed and 0:20:39.720 --> 0:20:42.879 Under the Influence, also the author of How to Be Married, 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:46.359 which she is available on Amazon. It is Joe Piazza. Joe, 0:20:46.400 --> 0:20:49.360 thank you so much for coming on. Hey, guys, thanks 0:20:49.400 --> 0:20:53.359 for having me. Of course Joe how to be Married. Yeah, 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:56.840 so we're married. We have sometimes we ask our marriage. 0:20:56.840 --> 0:20:58.720 I don't want to say it's too easy, because that's 0:20:58.760 --> 0:21:02.440 not the right phrase, but but maybe, but it's kind 0:21:02.480 --> 0:21:04.800 of easy. And is that a bread flag? Is that 0:21:04.840 --> 0:21:08.199 a good or bad thing? No? I think that's a 0:21:08.240 --> 0:21:11.280 good thing. Look, like all there's all of these myths 0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:14.200 out there that like, marriage is supposed to be terrible, 0:21:14.320 --> 0:21:16.800 and marriage is supposed to be hard work, and essentially 0:21:16.800 --> 0:21:19.560 after the wedding. We never hear about an actual marriage 0:21:19.600 --> 0:21:23.040 until someone gets divorced. So I think the fact that 0:21:23.080 --> 0:21:25.480 your marriage is good means you guys are probably great 0:21:25.520 --> 0:21:28.480 friends and you have your own separate lives and that's 0:21:28.560 --> 0:21:31.639 kinda wonderful jip kids, Yet, yeah, is that going to 0:21:31.760 --> 0:21:36.479 be the moment? Oh yeah, that's going to ruin everything? Okay, 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.439 and so we thought so then I look forward to 0:21:39.760 --> 0:21:42.280 So I wrote How to Be Married in our first 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:44.880 year of marriage. I was a travel editor at Yahoo. 0:21:45.280 --> 0:21:47.920 We traveled around the world interviewing couples about how to 0:21:47.960 --> 0:21:51.000 make a marriage work right. We didn't have kids yet. 0:21:51.280 --> 0:21:53.840 I went back and read that book recently, and we 0:21:53.920 --> 0:21:56.240 now have a four year old at a two year old, 0:21:56.280 --> 0:22:00.479 and I'm like, who were those happy people who like 0:22:00.800 --> 0:22:05.440 that couple? Seems amazing to me. Having having kids makes 0:22:05.440 --> 0:22:07.320 it like so much better, and also just you're just 0:22:07.400 --> 0:22:09.920 tired and just tired, which is why like it makes 0:22:09.960 --> 0:22:12.640 it harder. We've been We've been saying like, oh, we'll 0:22:12.680 --> 0:22:14.600 be able to do the first kid, like, no problem. 0:22:14.640 --> 0:22:16.600 I don't think our relationship is going to change a lot, 0:22:16.960 --> 0:22:19.600 because looking at friends, it seems like it's the second 0:22:19.960 --> 0:22:23.840 kid that really changes things. True or false? False. I 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:26.920 think that the first kid, you're just you're freaked out. 0:22:27.000 --> 0:22:30.040 And for women, it's a complete identity change, right, Like 0:22:30.440 --> 0:22:32.639 I think there should be another word for it, almost 0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:35.040 like puberty. Like in no other time in your life 0:22:35.080 --> 0:22:38.680 do you become a completely different person than puberty and 0:22:38.800 --> 0:22:41.760 when you become a mom, So it's tough. I think 0:22:41.800 --> 0:22:44.239 the second one was hard, but white easier because I've 0:22:44.240 --> 0:22:46.399 already gone through that. So like I'm like, oh, I 0:22:46.440 --> 0:22:49.400 know how to have a kid. This is just another kid. See, 0:22:49.440 --> 0:22:51.200 like we feel like we could like tote the one 0:22:51.359 --> 0:22:55.760 baby around. We can still get to dinner a kid 0:22:55.760 --> 0:22:58.600 around left right with us. But then like the second one, 0:22:58.800 --> 0:23:01.560 it's like a whole or deal when you travel or 0:23:01.640 --> 0:23:06.240 like honestly go to the grocery store with them. Yeah, 0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:08.560 they've just got they've got so much stuff. One kid 0:23:08.600 --> 0:23:10.560 is like a dozen kids. I think they just just 0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:13.960 come with come with a lot of crap, guys, a 0:23:13.960 --> 0:23:19.240 lot of baggage. What change what changed in you the most? 0:23:19.359 --> 0:23:20.960 What do you think changes the most as a woman 0:23:21.800 --> 0:23:26.080 when you know, becoming a mom, Well, people to start 0:23:26.119 --> 0:23:28.640 paying attention to the kid instead of you, Right, it's 0:23:28.680 --> 0:23:33.320 like super annoying, right, like your identity. My identity used 0:23:33.320 --> 0:23:37.399 to be like author Joe Piazza, podcaster Joe Piazza, that 0:23:37.440 --> 0:23:40.040 bitchy girl down the street, Joe Piazza. And then it 0:23:40.119 --> 0:23:44.000 was like mom, mom, mom, um, just like that loss 0:23:44.040 --> 0:23:45.840 of your identity, the loss of the loss of your 0:23:45.840 --> 0:23:48.920 personal time, the fact that someone something is where, someone 0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:51.560 is touching you all of the time, like constantly attached 0:23:51.560 --> 0:23:54.119 to your body. Your body is no longer your own. Um. 0:23:54.119 --> 0:23:55.359 And I said, oh, this is with great love. I 0:23:55.400 --> 0:23:58.240 really love my kids. They're delightful, but I think the 0:23:58.280 --> 0:24:01.080 early days, and especially because you're not sleep thing as 0:24:01.119 --> 0:24:05.080 a husband to a woman who will carry a child 0:24:05.240 --> 0:24:07.400 at some point, I just have to say, I want 0:24:07.440 --> 0:24:09.199 to write a whole book for like what dad should do, 0:24:09.560 --> 0:24:12.399 like proactively be as helpful as you can, take the 0:24:12.400 --> 0:24:14.959 baby away without being asked. Don't you should never have 0:24:15.000 --> 0:24:17.200 to be asked to do anything, clean up without having 0:24:17.240 --> 0:24:19.560 to be asked. Like the less that a new mother 0:24:19.640 --> 0:24:21.960 can do, the better it is going to be for her. 0:24:22.080 --> 0:24:24.960 I feel so bad for other like for my friends 0:24:25.720 --> 0:24:30.000 whose husbands aren't as helpful in general, because Jared is 0:24:30.080 --> 0:24:32.600 always taking care of the dog. He's obsessed with taking 0:24:32.640 --> 0:24:34.080 care of the dog in the in the way that like, 0:24:34.280 --> 0:24:36.560 he doesn't like you when my mom feeds and takes 0:24:36.560 --> 0:24:38.760 the dog out for a walk, because he says that 0:24:38.760 --> 0:24:40.960 that is he wants to take care of her. That's 0:24:41.000 --> 0:24:42.679 just baby he wants to do. He wants to do 0:24:42.720 --> 0:24:46.320 that nurturing. He cleans up after dinner, he straightens everything. 0:24:46.440 --> 0:24:49.720 He's like so helpful. Whenever we're at my parents, You're 0:24:49.920 --> 0:24:52.760 you're extremely helpful as well. I don't know about that, 0:24:53.000 --> 0:24:56.479 but but my mom is always like Jared's so helpful, 0:24:56.520 --> 0:24:58.399 and I'm I'm always telling my friends, I'm like, you 0:24:58.440 --> 0:25:00.720 know what, I think I'm going to be really lucky 0:25:00.760 --> 0:25:02.560 when this baby comes because I think he might do 0:25:02.760 --> 0:25:06.400 half the workouts. I'm also not the one who's being 0:25:06.480 --> 0:25:09.880 pregnant for nine months, so there's like some pros and cons, 0:25:10.080 --> 0:25:12.879 you know, yeh, but but I'm not worried about that 0:25:12.920 --> 0:25:16.280 with you. It's really nice. Well, I very much appreciate that. 0:25:16.440 --> 0:25:19.560 So Joe, like we said, you host a podcast called Committed, 0:25:20.280 --> 0:25:24.119 which you dive into a lot of inspiring stories. Some 0:25:24.359 --> 0:25:28.480 are funny, some are heartbreaking, but it's all about relationships 0:25:28.480 --> 0:25:32.680 in marriage. And what are some of the stories that 0:25:33.280 --> 0:25:36.320 you have heard that have made the most impact on you? 0:25:37.640 --> 0:25:41.040 So many of them. So we started doing committed. After 0:25:41.080 --> 0:25:43.399 I wrote How to Be Married, I started talking to 0:25:43.400 --> 0:25:45.359 the podcast company and like the best part of writing 0:25:45.359 --> 0:25:48.399 that book were other people's stories, like just listening to 0:25:48.480 --> 0:25:51.120 how other people are married and how they do this. 0:25:51.440 --> 0:25:54.840 And the first couple that we interviewed, they had been 0:25:54.880 --> 0:25:58.159 blown up together in the Boston Marathon bombing. Literally they 0:25:58.160 --> 0:26:01.520 were running the marathon and they were both blown up. 0:26:01.920 --> 0:26:03.960 They both lost the use of their legs and they 0:26:03.960 --> 0:26:06.880 had to heal and figure out how and they hadn't 0:26:06.920 --> 0:26:09.080 been married that long either. They were young, a little 0:26:09.119 --> 0:26:14.080 bit younger than me. So tragic, but they were also 0:26:14.160 --> 0:26:17.880 they were just so inspiring because kind of like having 0:26:17.920 --> 0:26:20.399 a baby, like you just your life completely changes, You 0:26:20.480 --> 0:26:22.800 become a different person. You're dependent on the other person. 0:26:23.280 --> 0:26:27.639 And just how they got each other through that tragedy 0:26:28.080 --> 0:26:31.480 was with compassion but also with humor. That episode is funny. 0:26:31.720 --> 0:26:35.200 You laugh out loud at that episode because like they 0:26:35.280 --> 0:26:40.960 keep each other alive essentially by making jokes and by 0:26:41.000 --> 0:26:43.560 making each other laugh, and it just reminds you of 0:26:43.600 --> 0:26:46.919 the importance that like life is very short and anything 0:26:46.960 --> 0:26:48.959 can happen at any moment. These two kids did not 0:26:49.000 --> 0:26:51.840 think they were going to go run a marathon and 0:26:51.880 --> 0:26:55.479 then lose their legs. But they were just so kind 0:26:55.720 --> 0:26:59.320 and compassionate and funny and sweet that it was my 0:26:59.359 --> 0:27:02.639 first episodes. It always sticks with me, right, um, but 0:27:02.680 --> 0:27:05.000 it was so good. And then also that first season 0:27:05.240 --> 0:27:08.000 we've done six seasons now, which is crazy, we interviewed 0:27:08.000 --> 0:27:12.439 the astronaut Chris Hadfield um and his wife and about 0:27:12.440 --> 0:27:14.919 how his wife got him to outer space, like he 0:27:15.000 --> 0:27:17.160 never would have been able to go to outer space 0:27:17.560 --> 0:27:20.480 had his wife not supported him and like done all 0:27:20.520 --> 0:27:23.240 of the essentially all of the legwork, like everything else 0:27:23.280 --> 0:27:25.480 in life, except for like he just got to go 0:27:25.520 --> 0:27:28.600 to outer space because everything was taken care of. And 0:27:28.640 --> 0:27:30.360 then when he got to go to outer space, she's like, okay, 0:27:30.440 --> 0:27:33.080 my turn, my turn to do, like you will support 0:27:33.080 --> 0:27:35.399 me to do whatever I want to do. And she 0:27:35.520 --> 0:27:37.600 then became a chef and a caterer and started her 0:27:37.600 --> 0:27:39.000 own business in her own life. But it was just 0:27:39.480 --> 0:27:43.159 it was so interesting to think about taking turns in 0:27:43.200 --> 0:27:45.840 a marriage, who supports who and who does what? And 0:27:46.400 --> 0:27:49.240 um letting everyone pursue their passions, but maybe at different times. 0:27:49.280 --> 0:27:51.639 I feel like Ashley got me into outer space. You 0:27:51.680 --> 0:27:53.960 helped me to get into outer space, but but my 0:27:54.080 --> 0:27:57.440 outer because like I am a huge movie buff. So 0:27:57.480 --> 0:28:01.480 the idea because of our are like the notoriety that 0:28:01.520 --> 0:28:03.760 we gain from the show, we'd be we'd have been 0:28:03.800 --> 0:28:05.439 able to go to movie premieres. So like I've been 0:28:05.480 --> 0:28:09.399 to Batman v. Superman and Star Wars and Bad Boys 0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:12.280 for Life and all these incredible movie premieres, and we've 0:28:12.280 --> 0:28:16.760 gotten to meet some of our favorite celebrities. Um from 0:28:16.800 --> 0:28:20.199 these experiences, experiences I never thought I would ever have. 0:28:20.400 --> 0:28:22.840 The only reason I have had them is because of Astley, 0:28:22.920 --> 0:28:25.679 So you've gotten me. He's always like, that's crazy, that's 0:28:25.680 --> 0:28:27.320 the week that can't happen. And how many times have 0:28:27.480 --> 0:28:29.600 like as he said that, and then it actually happens, 0:28:29.640 --> 0:28:32.400 Like Jared, come on, you just have to believe. I'm 0:28:32.440 --> 0:28:36.000 definitely a power of positive thinking person. What I wanted 0:28:36.040 --> 0:28:38.360 to talk to you about is something that I've been 0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:41.920 I've been asking some of our couple's friends lately. I 0:28:41.960 --> 0:28:44.560 feel like our generation, and I say ours, I mean 0:28:44.560 --> 0:28:48.360 the millennial generation is going to have a more successful 0:28:48.440 --> 0:28:53.160 marriage rate than the previous ones because we're getting married 0:28:53.280 --> 0:28:59.120 later and um, we're having kids later, and more of 0:28:59.160 --> 0:29:01.600 us are probably college educated. I know they say it's 0:29:01.640 --> 0:29:05.440 twenty five plus in college educated usually jumps up the 0:29:05.440 --> 0:29:08.520 statistics of a healthy marriage. And I feel like now 0:29:08.560 --> 0:29:10.840 that I don't know what the average ages, but I'm 0:29:10.880 --> 0:29:14.480 saying it's definitely closer to thirty than it is probably. 0:29:15.240 --> 0:29:17.800 What do you what do you think about us having healthier, 0:29:18.000 --> 0:29:23.720 longer marriages. Like what I discovered from couples all over 0:29:23.760 --> 0:29:27.360 the world, but particularly actually in France and in Northern Europe, 0:29:28.240 --> 0:29:31.320 was that the later you get married, the more successful 0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:33.920 to marriage. And it's because you're a fully freaking formed 0:29:34.400 --> 0:29:37.959 human being already, right, Like you've done all of the stuff. 0:29:38.000 --> 0:29:39.800 He's like, you're not only so dr wild, Oh it's 0:29:39.800 --> 0:29:41.880 but you've just like figured out all of your baggage 0:29:41.880 --> 0:29:44.960 and your crap, and so you come to the marriage 0:29:45.440 --> 0:29:47.680 knowing exactly what you want. I'm at my husband when 0:29:47.720 --> 0:29:50.960 I was thirty five. Um, we met on a boat 0:29:50.960 --> 0:29:53.600 in the Galapagos. It sounds fake, it's totally real. I 0:29:53.680 --> 0:29:57.520 read a little bit of the notes on that that's insane. 0:29:57.840 --> 0:30:00.480 I love it. Um, and he was up were old. 0:30:00.480 --> 0:30:02.280 I mean he was forty one or forty two when 0:30:02.320 --> 0:30:07.000 we met, and super super Well, it's like, I just 0:30:07.040 --> 0:30:10.840 I take every chance I can to call him super old, 0:30:11.600 --> 0:30:13.600 so much older than me. He just turned forty seven 0:30:13.600 --> 0:30:14.840 this week, and I was like, oh my gosh, like 0:30:14.840 --> 0:30:19.760 I'm gonna get your peak hard. But he and dated 0:30:19.800 --> 0:30:22.440 everybody in San Francisco, I didn't everybody in New York. Like, 0:30:22.480 --> 0:30:25.000 we knew exactly what we wanted and then got engaged 0:30:25.040 --> 0:30:28.360 in three months and married nine months later, and we're 0:30:28.400 --> 0:30:31.080 super happy. He's my best friend, despite the fact you 0:30:31.120 --> 0:30:34.440 know that we our kids make us miserable. We we 0:30:34.480 --> 0:30:36.840 got engaged three months after getting together too, but we 0:30:36.880 --> 0:30:40.000 also knew each other for three years before we started hitting. 0:30:40.080 --> 0:30:44.120 So I think one of the I would imagine one 0:30:44.160 --> 0:30:46.080 of the reasons or one of the things that leads 0:30:46.120 --> 0:30:48.280 to a successful marriage is making sure that you married 0:30:48.320 --> 0:30:50.680 the right person. Because obviously, once you're married, and it's 0:30:50.720 --> 0:30:54.360 about communication and supporting one another and love and prioritizing 0:30:54.440 --> 0:30:56.720 and and all of these things that we could talk about. 0:30:56.760 --> 0:30:59.040 But I feel like one of the things that everybody 0:30:59.080 --> 0:31:01.760 overlooks is you have to make sure that you're marrying 0:31:01.840 --> 0:31:04.520 the right person and that will lead to a successful marriage. 0:31:04.560 --> 0:31:07.600 So how do you know that you're marrying the right person? 0:31:07.680 --> 0:31:11.360 When do you know? It's like the only thing that 0:31:11.400 --> 0:31:13.320 I'm hippie dippy about. I think what you like know 0:31:13.440 --> 0:31:15.040 when you know, Like I think there's like a smell. 0:31:15.120 --> 0:31:16.960 I think like we have this animal kind of thing 0:31:17.040 --> 0:31:18.720 that tells us when this is the person that we 0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:21.239 like should be with for a long time. But I 0:31:21.320 --> 0:31:25.000 also think like Nick and I asked each other. We 0:31:25.080 --> 0:31:27.640 asked each other I think maybe a dozen questions every night, 0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:30.360 for like every single night, like after we decided that 0:31:30.520 --> 0:31:32.960 we wanted to like get married, before we got engaged, 0:31:33.280 --> 0:31:35.880 we figured out everything before we got married, Like I 0:31:35.960 --> 0:31:37.760 knew how he felt about debt, I knew how he 0:31:37.760 --> 0:31:40.760 felt about kids, I knew how he felt about like sex. 0:31:40.840 --> 0:31:43.120 Like we asked each other all of the hard questions 0:31:43.160 --> 0:31:45.920 like mine and all of this stuff, and we were 0:31:45.960 --> 0:31:48.080 really honest about whether or not the answers were good 0:31:48.120 --> 0:31:51.080 for us. I have friends who asked their boyfriends are 0:31:51.120 --> 0:31:52.640 like do you want kids? And the guy's like no, 0:31:53.040 --> 0:31:55.280 and she's like it's okay, I'll change his mind. No 0:31:55.320 --> 0:31:58.240 one ever changes their mind, like if about people telling 0:31:58.240 --> 0:32:00.560 you the truth and then they get married and then 0:32:00.600 --> 0:32:02.280 she's like, I'm so disappointed he hasn't want kids, and 0:32:02.360 --> 0:32:04.200 like he told you we didn't want kids, you just 0:32:04.280 --> 0:32:06.120 wanted the wedding. Well, and so I think you have 0:32:06.160 --> 0:32:09.120 to prioritize like what you want in life over just 0:32:09.200 --> 0:32:11.400 having that wedding and that party. Yeah. I always think 0:32:11.440 --> 0:32:14.360 about Genie May from the Real when when that topic 0:32:14.440 --> 0:32:16.440 comes up, because she told her husband she's like, there's 0:32:16.480 --> 0:32:18.520 no way I'm having kids, No way, no way, and 0:32:18.520 --> 0:32:23.560 then they ended up ending their marriage. That was perfect otherwise, 0:32:24.120 --> 0:32:27.240 that you know, wonderful relationship, but she just would not 0:32:27.440 --> 0:32:32.760 and he was so definitively wanting kids that they got divorced, 0:32:32.960 --> 0:32:37.240 and um she remarried. Yeah, yeah, exactly exactly. Like listen, 0:32:37.320 --> 0:32:39.200 Like you have to listen when people talk, they're telling 0:32:39.240 --> 0:32:41.880 you who they are. It's interesting too, because everybody says 0:32:41.880 --> 0:32:43.720 you should marry your best friend. But one of the things, 0:32:43.760 --> 0:32:46.120 one of the ways that you become best friends with 0:32:46.160 --> 0:32:48.360 someone is that you literally talk about everything and you 0:32:48.400 --> 0:32:50.280 find out what your likes are and your dislikes, and 0:32:50.280 --> 0:32:52.840 then you have like this you know, attraction to someone 0:32:52.840 --> 0:32:55.040 and I'm not saying physical or sexual, but like this 0:32:55.120 --> 0:32:58.720 attraction to someone that like, you're always hanging out because 0:32:59.000 --> 0:33:02.960 you guys like have good chemistry, and I I feel 0:33:02.960 --> 0:33:05.680 like a lot of people don't translate that logic into 0:33:05.760 --> 0:33:08.800 a partner, you know, which is weird because I feel 0:33:08.840 --> 0:33:12.280 like some of my friends they talk like we'll talk 0:33:12.320 --> 0:33:15.280 about anything and everything, but they're nervous to talk to 0:33:15.320 --> 0:33:17.520 their significant other about in certain things. Maybe it's just 0:33:17.560 --> 0:33:20.360 because like insecurities. I'm not gonna say who are on 0:33:20.520 --> 0:33:23.920 the point. What I'm saying is like, you know, like 0:33:24.720 --> 0:33:27.120 a best friend will talk to me about their insecurities 0:33:27.280 --> 0:33:29.960 or or something that they feel insecure. Making this up 0:33:30.000 --> 0:33:32.200 for the sake of the podcast, I don't even know 0:33:32.200 --> 0:33:34.440 who you could be referring to. My point being is 0:33:34.480 --> 0:33:39.560 I feel like sometimes in a relationship, uh like, when 0:33:39.600 --> 0:33:44.760 somebody's dating someone, they won't like be fully transparent about 0:33:44.840 --> 0:33:49.720 certain things because whether they are just doing it out 0:33:49.720 --> 0:33:53.959 of comfort or they are insecure about something. But with 0:33:54.000 --> 0:33:56.360 their best friend, they feel so much more at ease 0:33:56.800 --> 0:34:00.800 because there's less judgment or less expectations. And so I 0:34:00.840 --> 0:34:03.640 wonder if people kind of change that mindset. I'm you know, little. 0:34:03.680 --> 0:34:06.280 I'm trying to just articulate my thoughts right now, so 0:34:06.320 --> 0:34:08.200 I don't know if it's coming out super clear, but 0:34:08.239 --> 0:34:11.360 I feel like people should try to look for a 0:34:11.400 --> 0:34:14.360 partner like they look for a best friend. Yeah, totally, 0:34:14.400 --> 0:34:17.160 and the best friend that you just want to sleep with. Well, Jared, 0:34:18.120 --> 0:34:19.480 your best friend that you want to have sex west, 0:34:19.760 --> 0:34:23.560 that's the ideal goal right there. Like let's just say, like, 0:34:23.680 --> 0:34:25.400 who should you marry your best friend you want to 0:34:25.400 --> 0:34:27.720 have sex? Totally on a person. I have a billy 0:34:27.760 --> 0:34:30.200 go right next to me right now, Oh my god, 0:34:29.719 --> 0:34:33.600 I don't. I left him for five days, guys, and 0:34:33.680 --> 0:34:36.239 I came back and his hair his beard hair is 0:34:36.280 --> 0:34:38.560 like a quarter of an inch long, and then like 0:34:38.640 --> 0:34:41.640 his hair is greasy. But I love him anyway, and 0:34:42.000 --> 0:34:43.560 he's still my best friend who I want to have 0:34:43.600 --> 0:34:48.200 sex with. That's great, good news, Okay, but listen, um 0:34:48.239 --> 0:34:52.360 there was Oh yeah. This is my greatest advice. Basically 0:34:52.440 --> 0:34:54.520 for people who are thinking like is this the right 0:34:54.560 --> 0:34:57.040 person or not, it should be somebody who you never 0:34:57.080 --> 0:34:59.799 get tired of, Like Jared and I are fascinated by 0:34:59.800 --> 0:35:01.680 the fact that we could hang out all day long 0:35:01.719 --> 0:35:03.879 and we are never tired. Of each other. That's never 0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:06.560 happened with any other person besides my mom, dad, and 0:35:06.600 --> 0:35:10.680 my sister. Yeah. I think to the most successful couples 0:35:10.680 --> 0:35:13.920 that I've talked to, they're just comfortable going back to 0:35:13.960 --> 0:35:16.640 the best friend and they're comfortable with each other. Whereas 0:35:16.719 --> 0:35:20.880 like in a lot of previous relationships, it's like constant 0:35:20.960 --> 0:35:23.480 highs and lows, right, like ups and downs and roller 0:35:23.520 --> 0:35:27.400 coasters and like expecting almost expecting there to be constant drama. 0:35:27.719 --> 0:35:29.560 And I think what you guys said earlier, like is 0:35:29.600 --> 0:35:31.840 it bad that it's easy? Like, no, it should like 0:35:31.880 --> 0:35:35.319 in the beginning, it should be easy because life does 0:35:35.360 --> 0:35:38.440 get hard. Like maybe it won't get hard between you guys, 0:35:38.880 --> 0:35:42.080 but like life throws stuff on, like you know, we 0:35:42.239 --> 0:35:46.440 lose parents, there's like financial problems. It's like it should 0:35:46.600 --> 0:35:48.400 be really easy in the beginning, and if it's not, 0:35:48.440 --> 0:35:49.719 you need to look at this and be like, then 0:35:49.960 --> 0:35:51.360 how am I going to get through the hardship with 0:35:51.480 --> 0:35:55.560 this person? Right? I think also just we have certain 0:35:55.640 --> 0:35:59.640 expectations for marriage and love that are kind of unattainable, 0:36:00.040 --> 0:36:03.799 not really, I just well, I disagree, what do you 0:36:03.840 --> 0:36:06.360 mean how could we because we could you imagine like 0:36:07.239 --> 0:36:10.479 sure like our happy ending ended up being a happy ending, 0:36:10.520 --> 0:36:13.520 thank god. But we were up and down and I 0:36:13.560 --> 0:36:15.239 was telling you we were going to date, and we 0:36:15.239 --> 0:36:18.200 were fighting, and then we would date other people and 0:36:18.239 --> 0:36:19.960 we get jealous of each other, and it was like 0:36:20.080 --> 0:36:22.799 not a lot of good things at times. But I 0:36:22.840 --> 0:36:25.520 think a lot of people would view that and say, well, 0:36:25.560 --> 0:36:28.160 obviously this isn't the person for me, because if it 0:36:28.239 --> 0:36:31.440 was the person for me, then it would just be easier. 0:36:31.880 --> 0:36:35.000 And I don't necessarily agree with that logic. I think 0:36:35.040 --> 0:36:38.240 some people they make excuses as to why they shouldn't 0:36:38.239 --> 0:36:42.040 be with someone and forgetting that commitment is a choice 0:36:42.080 --> 0:36:45.120 and sometimes can be really difficult. Okay, that's true. Sorry, 0:36:45.239 --> 0:36:47.480 it's been so long, I forget about that chapter of 0:36:47.480 --> 0:36:50.239 our lives. It was hard at times, it was really 0:36:50.239 --> 0:36:54.120 hard at times. Since we've been together, it's been super easy. 0:36:54.760 --> 0:36:56.400 But I love but I love what. I love what 0:36:56.440 --> 0:36:58.920 you just said about commitment as a choice, because so 0:36:59.000 --> 0:37:01.680 the very fancy French women that I interviewed in Paris 0:37:01.760 --> 0:37:05.239 about love and relationships, that's what they said to me, Like, 0:37:05.600 --> 0:37:07.960 you have to make the choice every day. You can't 0:37:07.960 --> 0:37:10.600 just say that I chose this person on my wedding 0:37:10.719 --> 0:37:13.279 day or you know, the day we got engaged, and 0:37:13.320 --> 0:37:15.319 that's it. Like every day you should wake up and 0:37:15.360 --> 0:37:17.640 be like, choose you again, and like I have a 0:37:17.680 --> 0:37:20.000 reason for choosing you again. And also on the flip 0:37:20.040 --> 0:37:22.600 side of that, I think that you want to be 0:37:22.719 --> 0:37:25.760 chosen again, So still act like you're courting that person 0:37:25.800 --> 0:37:27.680 that you're still dating Everson. It's hard every day. I mean, 0:37:27.680 --> 0:37:29.000 like we're not going to do it every day. Life 0:37:29.080 --> 0:37:32.480 is life is life, especially in COVID. But like to 0:37:32.560 --> 0:37:34.640 have that mindset of like I choose you, I want 0:37:34.680 --> 0:37:35.960 you to choose me. I think it just makes you 0:37:36.000 --> 0:37:38.719 put in a little bit more effort um and that's important. 0:37:39.400 --> 0:37:41.919 I agree. So last question, Joe before you go. We're 0:37:41.960 --> 0:37:44.040 trying to have kids right now, what's your best advice 0:37:44.040 --> 0:37:46.960 for us? Oh my gosh, all right, So I do 0:37:47.160 --> 0:37:49.399 I need you to listen to my other podcast, under 0:37:49.440 --> 0:37:54.440 the Influence before you have the babies, because what it's 0:37:54.440 --> 0:37:57.879 alluding to. No, it's under the influence of mom influencers. 0:37:57.960 --> 0:38:00.480 So it's all about mom influencers. On to gra out. 0:38:00.920 --> 0:38:03.719 Do you follow our friend Jade? No? Should I call you? 0:38:03.920 --> 0:38:06.040 We have a season two? Should I call Jade. Yes, 0:38:06.320 --> 0:38:11.879 she's so Jade Roper or Je Tolbert. Oh yeah, so 0:38:11.960 --> 0:38:15.239 she's from Bachelor. She's a huge like she's the ultimate mom. 0:38:15.320 --> 0:38:17.840 She has three kids now, she's just like mother nature 0:38:17.880 --> 0:38:21.200 in human form. You should totally not perfect. Let's let's 0:38:22.080 --> 0:38:23.800 because we're also working on a documentary, So let's have 0:38:23.880 --> 0:38:26.919 Jade on season two of Under the Influence. Can happen 0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:29.520 to be great. But so my baby did not sleep. 0:38:29.560 --> 0:38:31.279 So all I did with scroll Instagram because you only 0:38:31.280 --> 0:38:32.719 have a thumb, because you've just got a baby here 0:38:32.760 --> 0:38:33.960 and you just have a thumb. And what else can 0:38:34.000 --> 0:38:35.960 you do with the film? Um? But what we can 0:38:36.040 --> 0:38:37.560 we talk a lot about what it means to be 0:38:37.600 --> 0:38:39.640 a first time mother and how it changes your life 0:38:39.640 --> 0:38:41.719 and how it changes your identity, and so I think 0:38:41.719 --> 0:38:44.520 that would be really helpful. My other advice is to 0:38:45.600 --> 0:38:47.840 everyone thinks about like planning all of the baby's space 0:38:47.920 --> 0:38:52.480 and stuff like that, Like I say, work on your relationship, 0:38:52.600 --> 0:38:56.160 like more the baby. A baby can sleep anyway, Like 0:38:56.680 --> 0:38:59.640 a baby doesn't need a compainted room, and like all 0:38:59.680 --> 0:39:04.160 of like stuff. Work on you guys. Take nine baby moves, 0:39:04.239 --> 0:39:07.520 Nick and I took We just want on vacation once 0:39:07.560 --> 0:39:11.200 a month until month nine. Once a month nine, baby, 0:39:11.600 --> 0:39:13.880 take a bunch of classes together, go to the movies 0:39:13.920 --> 0:39:15.360 because you never go to the movies right after you 0:39:15.400 --> 0:39:17.960 have a baby. Make sure your relationship is so fun 0:39:18.080 --> 0:39:20.719 and wonderful before that baby comes out, because you are 0:39:20.760 --> 0:39:21.800 you're gonna have to do a lot of work for 0:39:21.840 --> 0:39:23.759 that baby. But don't worry about like setting up all 0:39:23.760 --> 0:39:27.120 the baby stuff. The baby doesn't care. Yeah, I agree, 0:39:27.320 --> 0:39:29.360 depending on where we're living with that baby is born, 0:39:29.560 --> 0:39:31.880 like it's either going to get it's either going to 0:39:31.920 --> 0:39:34.200 be living in our bedroom or to have its own room. 0:39:34.239 --> 0:39:35.799 But I'm not going to stress about it either way, 0:39:36.320 --> 0:39:40.440 not until they know. And then I know that This 0:39:40.520 --> 0:39:43.520 is funny with Jared he um he so he just 0:39:43.560 --> 0:39:46.200 moved to our island his home state, and like his Mecca, 0:39:46.600 --> 0:39:49.160 Like he really feels like this is like the greatest 0:39:49.200 --> 0:39:52.080 place on earth, which is very sweet. But I'm like, Jared, 0:39:52.080 --> 0:39:53.200 I want to go in to vacation the I want 0:39:53.239 --> 0:39:55.120 to go here, like I have like the travel itch 0:39:55.200 --> 0:39:59.040 right now because obviously we haven't gone anywhere, um, you know, 0:39:59.120 --> 0:40:03.840 for for fun in a year. And he literally thinks 0:40:03.920 --> 0:40:05.960 that like we can just go to the restaurant on 0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:09.120 the ocean, and now that's a vacation. We leave. Everything 0:40:09.160 --> 0:40:12.480 we need is right here. We we just moved back 0:40:12.520 --> 0:40:14.480 to Philadelphia, which I think is the greatest city of 0:40:14.480 --> 0:40:17.479 all time. And I'm just like like, perfect, no, take 0:40:17.600 --> 0:40:19.920 take all of the trips. Go somewhere beachy. We went 0:40:19.960 --> 0:40:22.040 to Mexico City when I was pregnant with my second 0:40:22.040 --> 0:40:24.880 one and ate all of the food and it was incredible. 0:40:24.960 --> 0:40:29.839 You're okay going there with the Zeka. Mexican City was fine. 0:40:29.960 --> 0:40:32.560 They're at they're at a high elevation. There's not there's 0:40:32.600 --> 0:40:37.200 not mosquitoes in Mexico. Said, interesting, yeah, totally safe. Also 0:40:37.239 --> 0:40:39.759 Bermuda was Zeka free. We did that one, and then 0:40:39.800 --> 0:40:41.440 with the first one, we did Hawaii because that was 0:40:42.800 --> 0:40:45.520 going to go to Hawaii soon. Definitely definitely did Hawaii. 0:40:45.560 --> 0:40:48.200 We did. We went to Kauai and did the Nepali Hike. 0:40:48.680 --> 0:40:51.799 Um pregnant and it was just the best. We went 0:40:51.840 --> 0:40:55.080 there on our relationship moon. It was like the week 0:40:55.120 --> 0:40:56.920 that we came out as a couple. We went to 0:40:56.960 --> 0:40:59.200 Hawaii and it was magical. It was it was a 0:40:59.200 --> 0:41:02.400 great weekend. So that's where that's my best. We can 0:41:02.560 --> 0:41:05.719 enjoy yourselves. Enjoy yourselves, and the happier you are, the 0:41:05.760 --> 0:41:09.120 happier your baby's gonna be. Well, you enjoy yourself, Joe, 0:41:09.360 --> 0:41:11.640 now that you're back in Philadelphia, home of the Eagles. 0:41:12.000 --> 0:41:14.200 Um so, Joe Piazza, thank you so much for joining 0:41:14.239 --> 0:41:17.360 us again. Everybody listening, go check out her two podcasts, 0:41:17.400 --> 0:41:20.160 one Committed, which is about relationships, and the other one 0:41:20.239 --> 0:41:22.360 Under the Influence, which is all about mommy bloggers. And 0:41:22.400 --> 0:41:25.360 of course order her book. It's on Amazon, How to 0:41:25.520 --> 0:41:28.440 Be Married. Joe, Thank you so much for joining us. 0:41:29.120 --> 0:41:42.719 Thank you guys, this is great, welcome back to help 0:41:42.760 --> 0:41:45.359 I suck at dating. That was a great interview with Joe. 0:41:45.440 --> 0:41:48.719 She's so sweet. We do have an email. Anything else 0:41:48.719 --> 0:41:51.840 to add before the email? M I don't think so. 0:41:52.560 --> 0:41:54.799 I could just talk about movies all day, but you can. 0:41:54.920 --> 0:41:56.520 I know he wants to talk about them. Who's your 0:41:56.560 --> 0:42:00.160 favorite leading man of all time? So you're obviously is 0:42:00.239 --> 0:42:04.279 Leo from Titanic, specifically from Titanic, not from Departed or 0:42:04.440 --> 0:42:07.520 maybe from a titan from Titanic from Cashing If you can, 0:42:07.680 --> 0:42:09.200 no, no no, no, no no, you have to choose one Leo. 0:42:09.880 --> 0:42:12.839 You have to choose one Leo from a movie? Then, yes, 0:42:12.960 --> 0:42:16.400 Leo and Titanic really can't be beat. Now what about 0:42:16.400 --> 0:42:18.440 the party? He's so rough? No one needs to be 0:42:18.520 --> 0:42:21.239 a romantic character for me. All right, who's your number two? 0:42:21.320 --> 0:42:25.920 Because Leo is an obvious one. Probably Shane Weston remember 0:42:26.200 --> 0:42:32.600 not McConaughey and Wedding Planner No I'm from is pretty good, 0:42:32.600 --> 0:42:36.200 but no, no, it's got to be it's gonna be 0:42:36.280 --> 0:42:40.560 landing hard. What about Tom and Jerry McGuire. Oh, oh see, 0:42:41.040 --> 0:42:43.280 I got you all right? Maybe Tom and Jerry McGuire. 0:42:43.320 --> 0:42:46.160 He's right up there, Tom and jer I would say 0:42:46.200 --> 0:42:49.759 he's right. I think my top three Shane west from 0:42:49.960 --> 0:42:53.560 A Walk to Remember, Tom Cruise from Jeremy McGuire, and 0:42:53.760 --> 0:42:57.760 Leo from Titanic. Yeah, but also Patrick swayzey and Ghost 0:42:57.920 --> 0:43:01.560 and Dirty Dancing? Damn well, which one ghost our Dirty Dancing? 0:43:01.800 --> 0:43:04.400 If I had to pick an overall movie, I would 0:43:04.440 --> 0:43:07.239 pick The Ghost as an overall movie. No, no, no, no, 0:43:07.280 --> 0:43:09.960 I want no okay, who's all over? No? No no no, 0:43:10.040 --> 0:43:13.080 Patrick Swayze and Ghost he Wins and Ghosts? Yeah, alright? 0:43:13.320 --> 0:43:16.719 What about Gosling from Notebook? Yeah? Yeah, good, but like 0:43:16.760 --> 0:43:18.600 it's so rated, you know what I mean, Like it's 0:43:18.640 --> 0:43:23.520 not overrated, but it's rated, and it's like it's like duh, Well, 0:43:23.560 --> 0:43:26.200 all right, do you like Gosling from the beginning of 0:43:26.200 --> 0:43:28.239 notebook where he's clean shaved, short hair, or do you 0:43:28.239 --> 0:43:30.280 like him better in the lighter half he's got the beard. 0:43:30.960 --> 0:43:36.560 I like him in the beginning because it's not I 0:43:36.600 --> 0:43:39.600 love like a personality that is like fun and now 0:43:39.719 --> 0:43:43.319 going and sociable and like everybody loves to be around him, 0:43:43.360 --> 0:43:45.239 and he's glowing, Like I love that kind of person 0:43:45.640 --> 0:43:48.440 that attractive, like that Tom Cruise type of personality, Like 0:43:48.480 --> 0:43:50.960 I want my man to be wanted to be around. 0:43:51.520 --> 0:43:53.799 But I get that. But I like dark and Damage. Yeah, 0:43:53.840 --> 0:43:56.680 I know, but you are in dark. You're not dark 0:43:56.680 --> 0:44:00.680 and damage. You're the other guy you want to be. Well, 0:44:00.719 --> 0:44:04.799 I definitely am. I try to emulate my personality like 0:44:04.880 --> 0:44:07.839 Tom Cruis and Jerey McGuire to sid no doubt about 0:44:07.880 --> 0:44:10.359 that one. All right. Mark is waiting patiently by as 0:44:10.400 --> 0:44:13.560 we're just like giggling to ourselves to read this enjoining it. 0:44:13.800 --> 0:44:17.080 I'm definitely enjoying it, all right. This is from anonymous. 0:44:17.120 --> 0:44:19.320 She says, I've been married about two years now without 0:44:19.320 --> 0:44:22.200 going into details, we're both very content in our relationship 0:44:22.239 --> 0:44:25.000 and have a healthy and open, communicative marriage. I have 0:44:25.040 --> 0:44:27.520 a job that requires me to travel, sometimes from months 0:44:27.520 --> 0:44:30.000 at a time. Most recently I was going for almost 0:44:30.000 --> 0:44:32.480 four months. While my spouse and I do well at 0:44:32.480 --> 0:44:34.759 a distance, something happened this last trip that has never 0:44:34.800 --> 0:44:37.520 happened before. Someone I was working with on the trip 0:44:37.760 --> 0:44:40.799 I found very attractive and there was noticeable chemistry between us, 0:44:40.800 --> 0:44:43.960 and even some co workers pointed out. Since returning from 0:44:43.960 --> 0:44:46.040 the trip, I haven't tried to keep in contact with 0:44:46.080 --> 0:44:49.080 the attractive friend because I noticed I've developed a slight 0:44:49.080 --> 0:44:51.719 crush on them. At what point should I tell my 0:44:51.800 --> 0:44:55.040 spouse about the crush part? If at all? What would 0:44:55.120 --> 0:44:57.920 you do? What would you do in a committed relationship 0:44:57.960 --> 0:45:01.479 when inevitably you meet other people that you're attracted to? Okay, 0:45:01.520 --> 0:45:03.080 I think this kind of goes back to what Joe 0:45:03.120 --> 0:45:06.520 is saying that you choose your husband every day. Um, 0:45:06.640 --> 0:45:11.040 I don't think that you're like, you're being wrong, or 0:45:11.800 --> 0:45:16.640 what you're doing is rare, naughty, or anything like that. 0:45:16.920 --> 0:45:18.640 By having a crush on somebody, I think you're being 0:45:18.719 --> 0:45:21.919 kind of honest with yourself. I just think you can't 0:45:21.960 --> 0:45:23.560 act on it, and I do think that it will 0:45:23.600 --> 0:45:27.680 slowly fade as you are not around this person. Listen, 0:45:27.719 --> 0:45:33.080 there's how many people on this earth? Oh? I think 0:45:33.080 --> 0:45:36.160 it's like seven billion? Is it really how? I'm gonna 0:45:36.200 --> 0:45:39.640 google this, but anyway, there's billions of people on this 0:45:39.760 --> 0:45:43.680 earth right now, and the odds that you're attracted to 0:45:44.520 --> 0:45:48.480 one other person than your husband is not that crazy, 0:45:48.560 --> 0:45:50.719 and there's nothing wrong with that. Obviously, you're doing the 0:45:50.800 --> 0:45:53.080 right thing by not keeping in contact with this friend. 0:45:53.400 --> 0:45:55.400 You're always going to have like a slight crush or 0:45:55.440 --> 0:45:57.560 be like wow, that person is attractive, and then, like 0:45:57.640 --> 0:45:59.680 Ashley says, you don't act on it. You move on 0:45:59.760 --> 0:46:02.440 be as you love your significant other. You're happy. There's 0:46:02.480 --> 0:46:05.240 no point in your pursuing anything else. You would regret 0:46:05.239 --> 0:46:07.480 it if you did. You're in a committed relationship and 0:46:07.520 --> 0:46:11.400 you're fine. Forgive yourself. Don't feel guilty about it. Just 0:46:11.520 --> 0:46:14.799 move on and let it go. I agree, Mark, What 0:46:14.840 --> 0:46:17.240 do you think about that you've been married the longest 0:46:19.280 --> 0:46:22.880 eighteen years? Thank you very much? Actually coming up on 0:46:22.960 --> 0:46:25.120 nine team anyway, Yeah, I agree with you. I think 0:46:25.160 --> 0:46:28.319 this is these feelings happen and they go away, so 0:46:28.360 --> 0:46:30.040 don't make too big a deal out of them. And 0:46:30.080 --> 0:46:32.680 if you talk about it, which I mean some couples 0:46:32.719 --> 0:46:34.279 with truth to talk about it, that's fine too. You 0:46:34.320 --> 0:46:35.920 got to know your husband and how this is gonna land. 0:46:35.960 --> 0:46:37.640 But if you talk about it becomes a bigger deal 0:46:37.680 --> 0:46:41.840 than it actually is. It's just a fleeting thing. It 0:46:41.880 --> 0:46:44.080 will fade as as quickly as it came on. And 0:46:44.120 --> 0:46:45.799 that will be that. Yeah, and you are going to 0:46:45.840 --> 0:46:49.319 freak him out if you say something. And yes, in 0:46:49.400 --> 0:46:51.279 the majority of the time, this is not going to 0:46:51.360 --> 0:46:55.759 become anything. We're all animals, you know, alright. Population of 0:46:56.080 --> 0:46:59.840 the Earth, Yeah, you're pretty much spot on. Seven billion, 0:47:00.040 --> 0:47:04.240 eight hundred and forty six million. Wow, there are eight 0:47:05.000 --> 0:47:08.560 billion people on this earth. Holy crap. That's a lot 0:47:08.560 --> 0:47:10.480 of people, all right. So we just had the one 0:47:10.520 --> 0:47:14.319 email this week. We are going to um get your 0:47:14.400 --> 0:47:17.760 listener feedback. I posted on Instagram yesterday about any advice 0:47:17.840 --> 0:47:19.839 or tips you had for getting over a breakup. When 0:47:19.880 --> 0:47:21.719 Dean is back next week, we're gonna go over that. 0:47:21.800 --> 0:47:24.920 But before we go, I do have a dating term 0:47:24.960 --> 0:47:27.399 that I want to ask you about. So we were 0:47:27.440 --> 0:47:29.800 doing this every week. I've we've been kind of slacking. 0:47:30.120 --> 0:47:33.759 But we do this thing where I asked a data term. 0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:36.400 I think you've participated in this before. I ask you 0:47:36.440 --> 0:47:38.879 what you think it is, and then I tell you 0:47:38.880 --> 0:47:41.680 what it actually is. Ready, all right, seeing how you're 0:47:41.680 --> 0:47:46.160 we've I feel like Friends has been sorry, she's always 0:47:46.200 --> 0:47:50.160 telling me what to do. So why has Friends been 0:47:50.160 --> 0:47:52.520 a topic of conversation? Because they're doing the reunion? It 0:47:52.560 --> 0:47:54.840 is finished filming the reunion, got it? Okay? So Friends 0:47:54.840 --> 0:47:57.360 has been in the news recently. So I have a 0:47:57.440 --> 0:48:02.680 dating term and it is called rossing, named after the 0:48:02.800 --> 0:48:05.320 character Ross on Friends. So what do you think the 0:48:06.280 --> 0:48:09.720 dating term rossing could mean. It means that one person 0:48:09.800 --> 0:48:12.040 the relationship thinks they're on a break and the other 0:48:12.120 --> 0:48:18.279 person does not. Gotta be uh, I think that's gotta be. Yeah, 0:48:18.280 --> 0:48:20.319 But I'll come up with something different, just to be uh, 0:48:20.600 --> 0:48:26.520 just to make it interesting. I'll say it's um uh, 0:48:26.719 --> 0:48:32.759 having a child with someone else doesn't work, owning a monkey, 0:48:32.480 --> 0:48:37.239 your your ex, you know, ending up being attracted to 0:48:37.280 --> 0:48:40.680 the opposite sex. Yeah, loving dinosaurs, I don't know. It's 0:48:40.680 --> 0:48:43.479 got to be on a break thing. I mean, hey, 0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:46.399 well how about this. He's he's like a paleontologist or something. Right, 0:48:46.440 --> 0:48:48.919 it's when you're dating someone, they're always digging up old 0:48:48.920 --> 0:48:55.520 stuff from the past. That was very good. Rossing, of course, 0:48:55.600 --> 0:49:00.640 is inspired by the the constant utter of we were 0:49:00.760 --> 0:49:04.680 on a break. Legends have it that the only person 0:49:04.800 --> 0:49:08.239 Ross took a break from was himself. So like him, 0:49:08.440 --> 0:49:12.560 if you continue swiping right and meeting potential partners, but 0:49:12.680 --> 0:49:16.759 your heart only aches for certain unavailable Rachel, then you 0:49:16.800 --> 0:49:21.799 are rossing these dates stop wasting their time. Oh so 0:49:21.840 --> 0:49:24.120 that's a little different. Yeah, it's a little different. Different. 0:49:24.280 --> 0:49:26.760 So apparently they think that Ross took a break himself 0:49:26.840 --> 0:49:28.960 because even though he was dating other people, he really 0:49:29.000 --> 0:49:31.479 was just pinding over Rachel, which was obviously the core 0:49:31.520 --> 0:49:34.200 storyline of the show. So this is saying that people 0:49:34.560 --> 0:49:36.919 do the same thing. I will say this, I think 0:49:37.000 --> 0:49:41.120 I was rossing people before. I think we've all rost before. Yeah, 0:49:41.280 --> 0:49:43.560 looking at the other people while we're still hung up 0:49:43.560 --> 0:49:47.520 on somebody's specific rosters. In this podcast tries to do that. So, 0:49:47.719 --> 0:49:49.960 you know, they think they can move on or make 0:49:49.960 --> 0:49:53.440 the other person jealous, and then well one or the 0:49:53.440 --> 0:49:57.640 other usually happens. Have you rossed, Yes, I guess so, Yeah, 0:49:57.640 --> 0:49:59.279 I think you have to yea, yeah, I think you 0:49:59.440 --> 0:50:03.160 rossed a little roster you anyway, that's gonna do it. 0:50:03.160 --> 0:50:05.200 For this week's episode of help by Suck At Dating, 0:50:05.520 --> 0:50:08.160 a big thank you to Joe Piazza for joining us. 0:50:08.200 --> 0:50:11.120 She was fantastic. Thank you too, Anonymous for emailing us 0:50:11.120 --> 0:50:13.600 all the time. I'm curious if it's the same anonymous 0:50:14.160 --> 0:50:17.359 or if it's a different anonymous emailer every time. I'd 0:50:17.400 --> 0:50:19.120 like to think it's different, but sometimes, you know, we 0:50:19.160 --> 0:50:21.600 have those loyal fan bases. It's Nick. I think it's 0:50:21.640 --> 0:50:24.279 Nick every time. It is really is Nick. Nick. Just yeah, 0:50:24.320 --> 0:50:27.240 he gets his content from this podcast for his own podcast. 0:50:27.239 --> 0:50:30.279 I'm convinced of it. He's been emailing anonymous for two years. 0:50:30.360 --> 0:50:33.399 I tell you, uh, thank you, Mark, thank you Easton, 0:50:33.440 --> 0:50:35.520 thank you, Becky, thank you Riley, thank you everybody who 0:50:35.600 --> 0:50:38.760 is listening. Please keep emailing us. We love your emails. 0:50:38.760 --> 0:50:40.920 Follow us on Instagram and make sure you tune in. 0:50:41.000 --> 0:50:43.239 Next week, Dean will be here and hopefully we all 0:50:43.280 --> 0:50:46.000 suck a little less. Follow Help by Suck at Dating 0:50:46.160 --> 0:50:48.920 on I Heart Radio or wherever you listen to podcast