Speaker 1: Sucking with de Dared Haven Heart Radio podcast. Hey, welcome
Speaker 1: back to help I Suck at Dating. I'm Jared Haveman,
Speaker 1: joined always by Dean Unglert, who's somewhere in the world
Speaker 1: on the side of the road recording this. But we
Speaker 1: have a very special guest who's joining us. She's going
Speaker 1: to co host with us. Uh you know her from
Speaker 1: her time on Shameless, Insatiable, Chelsea Lately, Orange, the New
Speaker 1: is the New Black. I can go on and on.
Speaker 1: She also is a Bachelor super fan host the podcast
Speaker 1: Will You Accept This Rose, which might be the greatest
Speaker 1: Bachelor podcast title of all time because it's so on brand.
Speaker 1: It is Arden Marine Art. And thank you so much
Speaker 1: for joining us. Jared, what a joy. I am so
Speaker 1: happy to be here with you guys. I'm such a
Speaker 1: fan and I'm a fellow Rhode Islander. So this is
Speaker 1: this is Little Roady where the two that got out
Speaker 1: and the proud right now, the last thing we need
Speaker 1: right now is be out number two to one Rhode
Speaker 1: Islanders versus the world. Dean knows how much pride enjoy
Speaker 1: I take in my in my home state. So I
Speaker 1: am so glad that you were on this podcast. Thank you, okay, Dean,
Speaker 1: I went to Colorado College If that helps, Does that
Speaker 1: help at all? I spent some time. I've smoked out
Speaker 1: of a twelve foot ball like super barb at the
Speaker 1: top of a loft. Things have gone arrived for me.
Speaker 1: So I've also done that too. Hey, that was just
Speaker 1: down the street from where I was in school too,
Speaker 1: at u CCS, So I spent I had a couple
Speaker 1: you know, drunken weekends at the c C campus. I
Speaker 1: can't say it wasn't the worst time in the world.
Speaker 1: Is that like a Colorado thing you have to do.
Speaker 1: You have to smoke out of a twelve foot bong
Speaker 1: on top of a loft something that. Yeah, if you're
Speaker 1: born in Colorado, you do it the day you're born.
Speaker 1: And if you go to college there, you just do
Speaker 1: it your first day of college. So it really just
Speaker 1: depends on when you get into the state. So like
Speaker 1: every eighteen years, you have to do this type of
Speaker 1: thing every once every eighteen years. I'll tell you I'm
Speaker 1: not even good at pot like and it was a
Speaker 1: terrible calm, but like I was already drunk usually and
Speaker 1: then somebody's like just have a hit and it's it
Speaker 1: wasn't a good idea in general, and then you have
Speaker 1: me climbing like as a light lightweight on top of
Speaker 1: a homemade laft. It wasn't good. It didn't end well, Jared.
Speaker 1: I don't think I've ever heard somebody describe themselves as
Speaker 1: I'm not good at pot, but I'm bad I'm bad
Speaker 1: about I go right to Middle Earth. I go right
Speaker 1: to like the Demogorgan's coming to take me like. It's
Speaker 1: not I'm the I am the buzz kill. I am
Speaker 1: the chick that's like, if you don't hold my hand,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna fall into your couch. You know, it's all.
Speaker 1: It's all Middle Earth. It's not hear. I don't know
Speaker 1: what's funny on the on the topic of weed, uh,
Speaker 1: since we're already talking about it, why not is people
Speaker 1: always assume, because of my life style that I smoke
Speaker 1: a lot of weed too, But alright, I'm the exact
Speaker 1: same as you. I am not good at pot. Whenever
Speaker 1: I get high, I like become the person that no
Speaker 1: one wants to be around, and so I just avoided
Speaker 1: it all costs. At this point in my life. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna guess you have a similar thing where people say
Speaker 1: to me, and I'm certain they say to you where
Speaker 1: people are like, oh, I want to I want to
Speaker 1: see you high. You're like really think that until I'm
Speaker 1: high next to you and you have to deal with
Speaker 1: me absolutely high for I stay high for days. It's
Speaker 1: like it's like here we go again. Why did I
Speaker 1: think this time was going to be different. I'll be
Speaker 1: high until next Tuesday and you have to deal with me.
Speaker 1: The most recent memory of me smoking weed was actually
Speaker 1: not too long ago. A couple of months ago. I
Speaker 1: smoked out of my friends bong. It wasn't twelve feet long,
Speaker 1: but I got too high and I was at this
Speaker 1: my friend's house like kind of like a party or whatever,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, it like hit me all
Speaker 1: at once, and I like just lay down on the
Speaker 1: couch for an hour, and I made Kylin come in
Speaker 1: and abduct me and take me back to the apartment
Speaker 1: because I literally I was so unable to function I
Speaker 1: had to get the hell out of there. I don't know,
Speaker 1: I don't know what it is. I don't know how
Speaker 1: people can even function on it. I'm personally I'm not
Speaker 1: one of those people. I'm glad that I'm in a
Speaker 1: familiar company here. You know a little known fact about me.
Speaker 1: I've never smoked pot, never once in my life. It's
Speaker 1: not actually something I'm proud of. No, I mean I
Speaker 1: only did it honestly because I was in Colorado and
Speaker 1: at a certain but you sort of have too. And
Speaker 1: I never I passed Giggs. I never had the googles.
Speaker 1: I like went straight past giggles and right to total paranoia.
Speaker 1: I'm sure it's fun for a lot of people. I
Speaker 1: it was not fun for no way. I'm such a
Speaker 1: paranoid person in general. I already think people are like
Speaker 1: watching me and I'm gonna attack me. I would kill
Speaker 1: myself if I was on pot. I would be convinced
Speaker 1: that the world is trying to get me, and I
Speaker 1: need to just lock myself in a closet for at
Speaker 1: least the next three years. Well, can I tell you?
Speaker 1: I could promise you that is what would happen, because
Speaker 1: I'm wired very similarly, and then I would in college
Speaker 1: when I would do this, I one time locked myself
Speaker 1: in my dorm room and under I hid under the rug. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was like hiding. Ladies sized love like this girl
Speaker 1: under like you're not going to notice this lump under
Speaker 1: the rug. No one would find me, So I can
Speaker 1: promise you don't need to dabble. I did the dabbling Forest, Jared.
Speaker 1: You would end up locked in a closet. I mean,
Speaker 1: it would make such a good story if Ashley found
Speaker 1: me trying to hide under a rug. Though it almost
Speaker 1: makes me want to try to talk. You know, what,
Speaker 1: are you in Rhode Island right now? I know you
Speaker 1: guys were there this summer. Were but I'm in l
Speaker 1: A now. Unfortunately, you could hide it under a Rhode
Speaker 1: Island rug. I feel like in l A it would
Speaker 1: be it would be a little more alarm Yeah, round,
Speaker 1: definitely more acceptible to hide under a rug. My cousin
Speaker 1: hides under a rug every Tuesday. It's like the thing
Speaker 1: that he does. Oh you think your cousin thinks he's
Speaker 1: better than me. Your cousin who's the party boat d
Speaker 1: jail does he thinks he's better than everybody. He drinks
Speaker 1: his dunk and my sister, Your cousin. You tell your cousin.
Speaker 1: I've been waiting for him behind the dunk and doughnuts
Speaker 1: on one and I got some words for you, cousin.
Speaker 1: How annoying are we Yeah, I'm just gonna sit back
Speaker 1: and let you guys get this out of your sister.
Speaker 1: Can I just say where I met a little baby boy, Dean.
Speaker 1: I met Dean when Dean was about to become a
Speaker 1: bachelor man. I met Dean at a very specific window
Speaker 1: in time. Okay, I met Dean three years ago. My
Speaker 1: podcast did a live show at the Outside Lands Festival,
Speaker 1: which was a joy in San Francisco, and it was
Speaker 1: super fun and it was right after Rachel's season had
Speaker 1: finished airing, and America everybody, I mean people, everybody loved
Speaker 1: Dean and we were the slotted the earliest show of
Speaker 1: the entire festival, you know, so like you have giant
Speaker 1: musical acts going like they're like, why would you go
Speaker 1: see comedy in a tent? Okay? And we were the
Speaker 1: only noon slot the entire weekend. We were convinced no
Speaker 1: one was going to come, and we had Dean, we
Speaker 1: had Wells. Kenny was there, Alex and Benzi all came
Speaker 1: and it was packed. It was packed, and my friend Anna,
Speaker 1: it was Dean. She literally had to go like fight
Speaker 1: young ladies. It was like as it was like Robert
Speaker 1: Pattinson at the height of Twilight and they she had
Speaker 1: to like fight to get Dean through the crowd to
Speaker 1: come see like they were going back, and Dean he
Speaker 1: kept was right before his first I stared and kepting like,
Speaker 1: oh no, they're all gonna be mad at me. They're
Speaker 1: all gonna be so mad at me. They don't know
Speaker 1: because you've already filmed it, but like it had an
Speaker 1: aired and you were about to do your first sponsored content.
Speaker 1: It was like a watch and you kept apologizing from
Speaker 1: the stage. You were like, I don't think I've sold out.
Speaker 1: I'm going to sponsor a watch tomorrow and now. And
Speaker 1: Dean was a joy. He was a delight. And now
Speaker 1: here we are, You're on our podcast, which is not
Speaker 1: why I'm unfortunately, but maybe one day. But you know
Speaker 1: how when you when you know how you when you
Speaker 1: ride a roller coaster and it's always like that initial
Speaker 1: climb and you get to the top and that first
Speaker 1: climb in the first big drop, like that's as high
Speaker 1: as you get on the roller coaster. Is at first
Speaker 1: that that was me getting to the top of the
Speaker 1: roller coaster and it's all been downhill from there. Ever
Speaker 1: since a couple of loops thrown in, you're a couple
Speaker 1: of like twists and whatever, and a couple of big
Speaker 1: you know, a couple of little rises. But that was
Speaker 1: definitely the That was the pinnacle that I could never
Speaker 1: plan to reach again. I couldn't. I couldn't imagine what
Speaker 1: you were talking about. You you kept going like they
Speaker 1: don't know, they don't know what's coming, they don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what did you do in Mexico? Like what's happening?
Speaker 1: But it was such a joy and I will always
Speaker 1: feel like I've always been rooting for you, and uh,
Speaker 1: you were so fun and sweet and that's yeah. It
Speaker 1: was a very specific window and there there is. I mean,
Speaker 1: I still remember it to this day too. We became
Speaker 1: best friends that weekend, and I actually am jealous because
Speaker 1: Alex and I are really good friends and you and
Speaker 1: Alex really became best friends that weekend. Alex, Alex I.
Speaker 1: I texted him yesterday. He said to say hi to you.
Speaker 1: And also, Dean, I have a book that is coming.
Speaker 1: I don't know when this air is, but it's out.
Speaker 1: It's called Little Miss Little Compton. You're in it. I
Speaker 1: talked about there's a photo of you. I need to
Speaker 1: send you a copy whenever you get to a place
Speaker 1: that actually accepts the mail. I was, I'll just throw
Speaker 1: it at a van. Which which photo of me did
Speaker 1: you choose and show you? They called you a TV
Speaker 1: grief angel. Grief angel. My dad had just died. Your
Speaker 1: dadda just my dada just died, and you guys, And
Speaker 1: I felt like the Bachelor put me back together. And
Speaker 1: it was like talking about walking around the festival with
Speaker 1: five of the hottest guys I'd ever seen. And then
Speaker 1: I and like, you know, I let myself cancel anything
Speaker 1: I didn't want to do in my life, but I
Speaker 1: wanted to do that. It was like he died, like,
Speaker 1: you know, ten days before the festival, and I remember
Speaker 1: bonding on stage with you about how dads are tricky,
Speaker 1: and um, I don't know, it was really you guys.
Speaker 1: It was. It was a particular moment in time and
Speaker 1: I will always be rooting for you. I want to
Speaker 1: hear more about this book. Is it like an autobiography?
Speaker 1: It is. It's a funny book of essays, um, but
Speaker 1: it's it's sort of I would say, it's really fun
Speaker 1: and funny. It's heartfelt, you know. Um, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of sort of my worst stuff there's a lot of
Speaker 1: bad dating things in here. I mean, I could tell
Speaker 1: you I definitely had a broken picker, like you put
Speaker 1: me back in the day in a room, I will
Speaker 1: pick the worst dude, like the guy that I will
Speaker 1: be paying his rent, he will be stealing stuff from
Speaker 1: my medicine cabinet, like all of it. So I gotta
Speaker 1: stop you right there, because this is dating podcast. We
Speaker 1: got to hear one of the stories before we carry on.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I mean, okay, I dated this guy.
Speaker 1: I dated this guy. Here's okay, here's a dating thing
Speaker 1: for guy ladies, anybody out there. I dated this guy.
Speaker 1: He was like there was something I think alluring because
Speaker 1: he kind of sucked to everybody else, but he was
Speaker 1: like nice to me in the beginning, right, So there
Speaker 1: was something about being chosen by like kind of a
Speaker 1: douche but they're like nice to you, and You're like,
Speaker 1: I'm the chosen Yeah, You're like the special person that
Speaker 1: can turn the bad boy around. That's exactly it. So like,
Speaker 1: and I hadn't had that before, Like I used to
Speaker 1: be sort of the cheerleader for people. And I also
Speaker 1: believe I write about there are no fixer uppers like
Speaker 1: I used to think like my only worth was like
Speaker 1: being like no, no, Brian, like you will be that
Speaker 1: great stand up comic or like whatever like that. If
Speaker 1: I could cheer like people are as is like that.
Speaker 1: I do think there are no fixed ruppers. So I
Speaker 1: dated this guy. He was like a fashion designer, and
Speaker 1: he was such a dick, and I remember um, but
Speaker 1: in the beginning it was nice to me. And I
Speaker 1: remember member he the first time I met his mom,
Speaker 1: he was like screaming at her in the next room,
Speaker 1: like and she was a nice lady. And I heard
Speaker 1: him be like Dann and Channon, you know, like I
Speaker 1: told you not to bleach my congenes, you know, like whenever.
Speaker 1: And then and then I had to go and be like, oh, hi,
Speaker 1: nice to meet you, Mrs Sotes, like I'm arden like
Speaker 1: and I if somebody yells at their mom, they will
Speaker 1: eventually if they hate their mom, eventually, they will hate you.
Speaker 1: They will eventually, like if they're not respectful to their mom,
Speaker 1: like to me, that is a red flag. That is
Speaker 1: a big red flag, particularly if their mom is a
Speaker 1: nice lady, particularly if you're an adult, like I feel
Speaker 1: like I appreciate my mom so much more as I
Speaker 1: get older because I'm like, wow, I've seen other women
Speaker 1: be pregnant and it's um, it's a tough one, like
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you for putting up with me for
Speaker 1: ten months inside your body, kicking your ribs and then
Speaker 1: birthing Yes, dude, I mean I talked about that. I
Speaker 1: talked about I talked about like unsuccess. I talked about
Speaker 1: like like aggressively trying to lose my virginity in high school,
Speaker 1: like I wanted to do it before I graduated, and
Speaker 1: I did. I got in under like the sixth day mark,
Speaker 1: but I like there was there. I remember going on
Speaker 1: like a double date in high school and we were
Speaker 1: did you guys have this in your school where there
Speaker 1: was like the couple that wasn't the obvious horn dogs,
Speaker 1: but they were off just getting at it like rabbits everywhere,
Speaker 1: like the secret ones that looked just like good students,
Speaker 1: but they were just like totally banging everywhere all day
Speaker 1: every day. I don't know if it was like a couple,
Speaker 1: but like I knew, you know, guys and girls that
Speaker 1: were definitely like quote unquote the quiet ones. You know
Speaker 1: that you're like you would never suspect and then like
Speaker 1: every weekend there, you know. That's so I went on
Speaker 1: a double date with like that couple that was not
Speaker 1: the obvious couple, and I was like, the guy was
Speaker 1: really cute. It was like a cool, like cool guy.
Speaker 1: We'd be sort of dating for a couple of weeks,
Speaker 1: and I, like an idiot. I wore this like almost
Speaker 1: it looked like a door or the Explorer outfit. I
Speaker 1: mean it was truly like a full like like a
Speaker 1: sister wife full length circle skirt, and like like that
Speaker 1: clearly sex was in the air in my outfit. And
Speaker 1: I didn't know. We were going like to break into
Speaker 1: a public pool to go skinny dipping, and we had
Speaker 1: to climb a fence to get up and over, so
Speaker 1: like it was like a really tall fence and I
Speaker 1: climbed to the top and like the other couple was
Speaker 1: already off and just like going at it in the water,
Speaker 1: like in the opening sequence of what was that when
Speaker 1: Elizabeth Berkeley was show Girls, they're getting at it in
Speaker 1: the pool. Yeah, so they're like show girls in the
Speaker 1: pool and I'm at the top of the fence like
Speaker 1: like I've got like two weeks left to lose my
Speaker 1: virginity and I. I was nervous about like breaking my
Speaker 1: leg or whatever, but I was like, hey, yarden, like
Speaker 1: I was stalling, and then finally I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna jump. And then I jumped. Guys, the
Speaker 1: ground didn't come. My giant skirt hooked on like the topic.
Speaker 1: It was like hanging like a huge circles skirt like
Speaker 1: hanging by my waistband up in the air. And then
Speaker 1: he had to like I couldn't even get I couldn't
Speaker 1: touch the ground, so I couldn't like get myself up
Speaker 1: and off, and that he had to like lift me up,
Speaker 1: get me off of the fence. He did eventually remove
Speaker 1: my virginity. It didn't happen that night, But I just
Speaker 1: want anybody out there to know you can recover. You
Speaker 1: can glow up in adulthood. You can pick people that
Speaker 1: are not um, that are not mom yellers, you can
Speaker 1: pick people that are not like fix or uppers. There's
Speaker 1: hope for you if you have a broken picker, because
Speaker 1: I certainly did. I gotta say it to uh as
Speaker 1: far as like the disrespecting their mother or parents. I've
Speaker 1: even gone as far as excommunicating my friends that are
Speaker 1: clearly and blatantly disrespectful to their parents. Like back from
Speaker 1: when I was younger, I always saw, well not always,
Speaker 1: but I had a couple of friends who are like,
Speaker 1: really mean to their moms all the time, and I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: you should probably be nice to her. And ever since then,
Speaker 1: I've kind of x communicated them from being friends with
Speaker 1: them because it is it's like a it's a telltale
Speaker 1: sign that maybe they're just not the best people at
Speaker 1: the end of the day. Um, but Arden, we are
Speaker 1: gonna move on. We have some fetishes that we want
Speaker 1: to talk with you about, and they're gonna be weird,
Speaker 1: but we want to get your take on it because
Speaker 1: you always got the hot takes that we love to
Speaker 1: see so much. But we're gonna take one quick break
Speaker 1: and then we're gonna jump right back into the fetishes
Speaker 1: with Arden. Welcome back to help I suck at dating.
Speaker 1: We got Arden, we got Dean, we got me, we
Speaker 1: got fetishes. So we're gonna talk about some strange fetishes
Speaker 1: and get everybody's perspective on it. Well, first of all,
Speaker 1: let's let's talk about does anybody have a strange fetish? Here? Arden?
Speaker 1: There's no way you don't have one. I mean still,
Speaker 1: let me ask you this as a Rhode Islander. Because
Speaker 1: you grew up in the same school system that I
Speaker 1: grew up in. Do you feel would you feel free
Speaker 1: enough to even admit it if you did? Now? Yes?
Speaker 1: Five years ago? No way? Okay, what is it? Just
Speaker 1: did Ashley? Was that a game changer? Um? No? I
Speaker 1: think honestly just being on the show and being more
Speaker 1: vulnerable and opening up and realizing like it's not weird
Speaker 1: to talk about fetishes. I mean certain fetishes, sure, but
Speaker 1: like I mean, I'm always down for like, uh, you know,
Speaker 1: some handcuffs, you know, graints, you know you can't go
Speaker 1: wrong there. I would agree with that. I think I
Speaker 1: feel like every game. I mean, I'll speak for myself.
Speaker 1: I you know, if it's a person that you're excited about,
Speaker 1: I'm not mad about like some fun throwing around the bedroom,
Speaker 1: I'm not. I'm not mad at a little like a
Speaker 1: little tie me up, a little spank, andy spank. I'm
Speaker 1: not angry at that. I don't mind. I don't mind.
Speaker 1: I'm not mad at a cute little outfit, you know,
Speaker 1: like it should be fun. My first my first chapter
Speaker 1: is talk about how was a child, my dream was
Speaker 1: to be a stripper, so I'm like, like, nobody could
Speaker 1: stop me from stripping. I was like, you know, it
Speaker 1: wasn't dark. It was more like a burlesque girl. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I think there's something fun about like having a cute
Speaker 1: little outfit and whatnot, like rouge absolutely rouge La la
Speaker 1: movie in my youth, Dean any like fetishes, I was
Speaker 1: trying to think, I don't really think I have any.
Speaker 1: The only thing that I could really think of that
Speaker 1: even is on the spectrum of a fetish I would
Speaker 1: say is fish nets, And it's not even a fetish.
Speaker 1: I just think I just think fish nets are really
Speaker 1: I think those are a little bit of I don't
Speaker 1: like fetishize them. I just think that they're sexy, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Probably do you guys are you
Speaker 1: lingerie guys? Like, do you have a certain kind of
Speaker 1: lingerie that you like? Like do you like are you
Speaker 1: like I like only black lingerie or you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: game for any of it, I mean black laundree. I
Speaker 1: just something about maybe this is where the fish net
Speaker 1: quote unquote fetish comes from. Something about a thing that
Speaker 1: starts on the feet and goes above the knee, Like
Speaker 1: if a girl wears boots that go all the way
Speaker 1: up above the knee, like halfway up to the quad
Speaker 1: or something. I think it's like the one of the
Speaker 1: thigh high I think it's one of the sexiest things
Speaker 1: that girl can do. So anything, you know, like sometimes
Speaker 1: there's those lauingderie that like buckles to the garner the
Speaker 1: gar Yeah, that stuff, that's stuff. I'm getting a little
Speaker 1: hot and bothered. I can see that that van is
Speaker 1: all steaming up out there somewhere. I couldn't I couldn't
Speaker 1: agree more with the thigh highs are so sexy. I
Speaker 1: think that's why I like burlesque Mulan Rouge, because they
Speaker 1: all wear thigh highs, and that is a big turn on,
Speaker 1: I think for a lot of guys. I mean to
Speaker 1: me as like, so, you know, little Compton, which is
Speaker 1: the town that I'm from, we didn't we didn't get cable,
Speaker 1: like literally, there was just it was three stations until
Speaker 1: like two thousand five or something. So I would just
Speaker 1: they would play these old movies and I would see.
Speaker 1: My dream was to be like a cigarette girl at
Speaker 1: the Rainbow Room, like a nineties I wanted to like
Speaker 1: a little hot pants and like a little like like
Speaker 1: sequin and like a little feather thing. I was like what,
Speaker 1: because in Rhode Island everybody just wears like turtleneck and wool.
Speaker 1: I was like, why would you wear that when you
Speaker 1: can wear nothing and glitter like that? Just something like
Speaker 1: what ladies, ladies, there's glitter out there. Why are you
Speaker 1: covering yourself and jeans and and Patriots hoodies? That's what
Speaker 1: it is right there. That is the Rhode Island outfit.
Speaker 1: See oggs used to be because when when I was
Speaker 1: in college, the biggest thing was north Face. It was
Speaker 1: like north face leggings and ugs. That was that was
Speaker 1: a good look to That's cute, big fan. So so
Speaker 1: we have some strange fetishes here. And first of all,
Speaker 1: I don't even know if I want to call these strange. Uh,
Speaker 1: they're just fetishes. You know. People have their own preferences.
Speaker 1: So one of them, apparently is women prefer spending time
Speaker 1: with smartphones more than their partner. I don't know if
Speaker 1: this is a fetish or not, but researchers found if
Speaker 1: people are unable to be on their phones, it leads
Speaker 1: to stress and anger and panic. A fifth of those
Speaker 1: surveys said it would be harder to be without a
Speaker 1: phone for a week than their significant other, and one
Speaker 1: in six said they were entirely dependent on their mobile phones.
Speaker 1: Is study conducted by researchers, but they also found that
Speaker 1: more than a quarter of adults check personal email on
Speaker 1: their phones, one intent will check work e email, and
Speaker 1: half will keep tabs on social media during their honeymoon.
Speaker 1: So what do you think about that people are too
Speaker 1: dependent on their phones? That's pretty much more of the
Speaker 1: story there. I mean, I do think we're all addicted
Speaker 1: to it. I don't know if that's like a fun,
Speaker 1: horny fetish like, you know, it's like I think, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're we all are. I can definitely feel like the dopamine,
Speaker 1: Like it's like, oh I'm gonna oh look there's a
Speaker 1: notific case. It's I'm not proud of it. I think.
Speaker 1: I think I wasn't on Twitter for two years and
Speaker 1: I just went back on. UM. I do think it
Speaker 1: doesn't necessarily do great things for us. But I don't
Speaker 1: think it's personal that you don't like your partner. I
Speaker 1: think it's more like we're all just kind of addicted
Speaker 1: to technology. I also don't think it's every time we
Speaker 1: pick up our phone, we're getting like a rouse, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I don't like, I don't feel
Speaker 1: like a little tingle down there whenever I pick up
Speaker 1: my phone. I mean sometimes I do, sure, but not
Speaker 1: all the time, which I don't I don't know necessarily
Speaker 1: constitutes a fetish, I would say, but I kind of
Speaker 1: see what you're saying where it's like, why would you
Speaker 1: be more interested in being on your phone, especially on
Speaker 1: like a honeymoon for instance, more on your I mean, Jared,
Speaker 1: you've been on a honeymoon, So what was it like
Speaker 1: for you? Were you on your phone ever? Because you
Speaker 1: guys were, yeah, well, I mean we were after the
Speaker 1: first couple of days. Yeah, we were not on our
Speaker 1: phones constantly, but I was, you know, checking posting on Instagram, Twitter,
Speaker 1: things like that, because just like anything, you know, you're
Speaker 1: taking your surroundings. But then you kind of like, okay,
Speaker 1: you get normalized to to your environment. I will say
Speaker 1: the last two days when we were in Greece, it
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, phones away, we need to really appreciate this.
Speaker 1: We're never going to see the sun. Well, hopefully we'll
Speaker 1: see the sun set, you know, on the Mediterranean again,
Speaker 1: but who the hell knows if we will, so, like,
Speaker 1: let's take advantage of this. But I agree, I mean
Speaker 1: we actually actuley and I just watched the Social Gelmma Netflix.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you guys have heard about this, if not
Speaker 1: seen it, And like, it's just everything you already know
Speaker 1: about phones or in technology. You know, I already knew.
Speaker 1: It's just it's a concert reminder that we are quite
Speaker 1: addicted to our phones. Um, but I also want that
Speaker 1: kind of leads me to the next uh fetish uh
Speaker 1: It's it's called techno sexuals, and apparently there's a rise
Speaker 1: in techno sexuals. Four percent of men are aroused by
Speaker 1: Amazon Alexa. So. A new study commissioned by we Vibe,
Speaker 1: which is a sex toy company, found loneliness and anxiety
Speaker 1: during the virus induced lockdowns are likely resulted in the
Speaker 1: emergence of quote techno sexuals. We Vibe surveyed a thousand
Speaker 1: men and discovered in those within those thousand people, fourteen
Speaker 1: percent of those guys confessed that there Amazon smart speaker
Speaker 1: sexually arouses them obviously, also known as Alexa. Uh so,
Speaker 1: apparently alexis kind of fulfilling some sexual fantasies. What are
Speaker 1: our thoughts about that? I have a hard time believing
Speaker 1: that a hundred and forty a hundred forty of those
Speaker 1: thousands of people of guys said that Alexis sexually arouses
Speaker 1: that can Alexis say like sexual things? Can she likes
Speaker 1: dirty talk? I've never even thought about this. Is this
Speaker 1: like is this like a result of the pandemic quarantine
Speaker 1: and people are just feeling more lonely than normal, or
Speaker 1: is it actually like in the study had said that
Speaker 1: there was a rise in what they're calling techno sexuals
Speaker 1: because everybody's locked down and not really, I mean, I
Speaker 1: think I think people are I feel like this pandemic
Speaker 1: has definitely been a journey and brought outsides of all
Speaker 1: of us that were like, hi, I didn't know that
Speaker 1: that's how my brain operates, or like everyone's reacting differently,
Speaker 1: and I think it's harder. It's it's just hard, And
Speaker 1: so part of me is like, good for those guys,
Speaker 1: like if that like you know, like hopefully they have
Speaker 1: a little fun, feels fairly harmless, you know, if they're
Speaker 1: popping a bone or if it's like, you know, good
Speaker 1: good morning, the weather. I mean like um, I heard
Speaker 1: a story about somebody I knew that, like they were
Speaker 1: somebody somebody. Okay, this is this is potentially well, but
Speaker 1: I'm just saying somebody knew someone that had an affair
Speaker 1: and there was like text messages going through and like
Speaker 1: the Alexa was hooked up to their cell phone and
Speaker 1: would like read texts, and he was with his family
Speaker 1: and it started like reading incoming texts from like his
Speaker 1: his mistress when they were all at like a Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: Christmas together, and I don't it's like that'll yeah, isn't that?
Speaker 1: Isn't that? Like that feels like that would be a
Speaker 1: good plot point in in a movie, Like in a
Speaker 1: movie that starts with a girl trying to lose her
Speaker 1: virginity two weeks before she graduates in high school, Skinny
Speaker 1: dips with the boy, uh you know, falls over the fence,
Speaker 1: her dresses up in the air, and then it ends
Speaker 1: with the guy's phone being hooked up to Alexa, the
Speaker 1: guy that she thought she would end up with. We
Speaker 1: gotta write this, We gotta write this Netflix. You and
Speaker 1: I would be the two watching, you know, we would
Speaker 1: watch this and that would be like the climax scene.
Speaker 1: She thinks it's going to be like this one guy.
Speaker 1: And then she finds out like he's like the bad
Speaker 1: guy and her friend that's been there the whole time
Speaker 1: for her Like and we get Toeford Grace to play
Speaker 1: the friend that's been there the entire time there and
Speaker 1: like Jonah Hill, Jonah Hill comes in to deliver the news,
Speaker 1: Dean or you did we lose you? Dean? Dean did
Speaker 1: you black out? I see your eyes rolling back in
Speaker 1: your head in a van somewhere you think about Alexa
Speaker 1: an Thai high. Yeah, I'm a little blazed over every
Speaker 1: I love that you guys are able to to bond
Speaker 1: on the knowledge of movies and the I don't know,
Speaker 1: the appreciation for it all, because that's something I can
Speaker 1: never do with Jared. So and I think we need
Speaker 1: to have you on the podcast because I can see
Speaker 1: the excitement in his eyes you talking about it, big
Speaker 1: movie buff guy. So this next fetish is, uh, it's
Speaker 1: fall related. Uh. So the timing is good, it says
Speaker 1: for men, pumpkin has a real turn on. So Chicago's
Speaker 1: Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation found that the
Speaker 1: smell of pumpkin can increase blood flow to the male genitalia.
Speaker 1: It was noted in one study by neurological neurologist Alan
Speaker 1: Hirsch and other researchers at the Smell and Taste treatment
Speaker 1: that pumpkin pies aroma was found to produce a fort
Speaker 1: increase of sexual arousal and men. It also scored in
Speaker 1: a high percentage with women. So Dean R. Didn't I
Speaker 1: ask you you guys get turned on by pumpkin? Is crazy?
Speaker 1: That's like a that's a pretty high number. That is
Speaker 1: a lot. I also want to know who's conducting the study,
Speaker 1: like who's paying for this? Like they're like, I know
Speaker 1: what's going to give everybody, lady bonus, a man bonus.
Speaker 1: You know what it was? It was probably somebody walking
Speaker 1: into a Starbucks ordered a pumpkin spice latte and they
Speaker 1: were like, why do I get sexually aroused every time
Speaker 1: I smell my pumpkin spice latte? There's something to this.
Speaker 1: I wonder if it's because it feels kind of like
Speaker 1: the hunkering down, like it's a real like that's a
Speaker 1: time of year in a perfect fantasy world, you're about
Speaker 1: to put on some like maybe you're gonna have some
Speaker 1: snow flurries. You're about to like hunker down. There's something
Speaker 1: sort of the fun of like we're gonna go into
Speaker 1: our little fun cave and get at it, you know,
Speaker 1: Like there's something nostalgic about like it's it's there's all
Speaker 1: the potential in the world. We've got Halloween, we've got Thanksgiving,
Speaker 1: all the holidays and New Year's Like this is a fun,
Speaker 1: festive time of year. I'm ready to bang. I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you. I'll tell you who culture these studies
Speaker 1: to be taken is Pumpkin Farmers of America were like,
Speaker 1: we need to come out, we need to start selling
Speaker 1: more pumpkins somehow. This is how we're gonna do it.
Speaker 1: I guarantee pumpkin sales are increasing. I will say I
Speaker 1: have only really experienced pumpkin pie aromas when I was
Speaker 1: a young teenager in my house, when my mom used
Speaker 1: to bake pumpkin pies, and I will say I was
Speaker 1: horny all the time back then. So speaking from experience,
Speaker 1: it's positively affected my uh my sex drive. But it
Speaker 1: granted it's a small sample size, and it's from a
Speaker 1: long time ago. I did not know I had an
Speaker 1: older brother and I'm so glad I didn't know. He
Speaker 1: told me later. I didn't know just how horny teenagers
Speaker 1: male teenagers were in high school. Oh my god, No,
Speaker 1: I didn't know. He told me later. He was like, Oh,
Speaker 1: you literally have like it is all day every day,
Speaker 1: and you were fighting it and it's distracting and you
Speaker 1: hope nobody notices. And I'm so thankful, Like I literally
Speaker 1: did not know. Yeah, you know how like in airplanes
Speaker 1: and busses, there's always like exit strategies or something like
Speaker 1: in case of in case of an emergency, like these
Speaker 1: are the precautions to take. I can only speak for myself,
Speaker 1: but I would imagine most most young boys hope this
Speaker 1: way too. There was always an exit strategy for like,
Speaker 1: let's say there was something going on downstairs when it
Speaker 1: shouldn't have been going on, and you needed to get
Speaker 1: up and make a presentation announcement to the class. When
Speaker 1: you get called on by the teacher or something, there's
Speaker 1: always in the back of your head you're kind of
Speaker 1: plotting on how you're going to be able to maneuver
Speaker 1: the situation, to make it just to save yourself the embarrassment,
Speaker 1: Like what like what was an exit strategy. Uh the well, again,
Speaker 1: I can only speak for myself, and we're getting this
Speaker 1: is kind of weird here. Uh. I got pretty good
Speaker 1: at the like the talk, the tuck, the flip I
Speaker 1: called I was called the flip. Flip it up another way.
Speaker 1: It's being a real quick like as you're standing up
Speaker 1: to make it look like one fluid motion bought a
Speaker 1: being bought a boom. No one's the wiser. I love that, Jared,
Speaker 1: was this this thing that you were I mean, like
Speaker 1: this is true for all guys, right, Yeah, But the
Speaker 1: problem was I used to wear a belt all the time.
Speaker 1: I was a big belt guy, so that would cause
Speaker 1: some serious issues because then it's just you know, janes
Speaker 1: on that area of the body, like friction, especially with
Speaker 1: the tight belt around not good. I would always like
Speaker 1: if I ever encountered a situation where you know, I
Speaker 1: the bell rang, I don't know what the hell is
Speaker 1: going on down there, it's just happening, I would I
Speaker 1: would always make sure I had a book out and
Speaker 1: it's just walk with like the book in front of
Speaker 1: so all my books in fact, except for one, and
Speaker 1: I would just hide that area. I gives it much
Speaker 1: compassion for all my guy friends, because like women didn't
Speaker 1: have to fit. You don't have the physical telltale signs.
Speaker 1: You can anything could be hiding what you're thinking about,
Speaker 1: and I never noticed. I had no I really didn't know.
Speaker 1: I'm glad I didn't know. But it does give me
Speaker 1: compassion for my guy friends. I appreciate the compassion, but
Speaker 1: at the same time, I am very glad that that
Speaker 1: is the only thing we had to deal with, you know,
Speaker 1: like if I had to deal with only that, I
Speaker 1: think guys are hey compared to what women have to
Speaker 1: deal with. Oh yeah, And also like the weirdness of
Speaker 1: like when you are sort of blooming and going through puberty,
Speaker 1: like the weirdness of all the adults around. I mean,
Speaker 1: there's so much. It's like it is a strange journey
Speaker 1: being a young lady. Strange journey. I give you guys
Speaker 1: all the credit in the world. So there's like a
Speaker 1: couple other ones. I don't know if you'd call these
Speaker 1: fetishes or not, but like, uh, this is actually kind
Speaker 1: of a fun fact. So the history of doctors diagnosing
Speaker 1: women with hysteria. I don't know if you guys knew this,
Speaker 1: but apparently the vibrator was originally created in the late
Speaker 1: nineteenth century to treat women diagnosed with hysteria. An article
Speaker 1: and Glamour magazine said yes, the vibrator was originally conceived
Speaker 1: as a medical prescription used for treating hysteria. In the eighties,
Speaker 1: doctor J. Mortimer Grandville officially invented the vibrator, and it's
Speaker 1: the electro mechanical invention was patented. I can see that
Speaker 1: it's it's certainly a stress reliever. I would imagine, sure, absolutely.
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, I think it would. I think that
Speaker 1: is that's a good idea. I think that's a great
Speaker 1: I remember when I got my first vibrator, Jared. I
Speaker 1: remember was in therapy. I think I was like twenty
Speaker 1: two and I'd never had one, and my therapist was like,
Speaker 1: you need to. It was like no, you know the
Speaker 1: Rhode Islander and me, the side of me that grew
Speaker 1: up with women in turtlenecks, was like, I'm not doing that.
Speaker 1: And then she was like, you have to go do it.
Speaker 1: So I went to the pleasure Chest on Santa Monica
Speaker 1: Boulevard and guys, it was the first time I ever
Speaker 1: got recognized. I walked in and they were like yeah,
Speaker 1: they were like, hey, aren't you that girl from that sitcom?
Speaker 1: And I like, h like, it was like, on the
Speaker 1: one hand, like so exciting that I was I've never
Speaker 1: been recognized before, but it was also like maybe I
Speaker 1: don't know am I like? So? Yeah? That was that.
Speaker 1: There you go, that's my story. Does anyone doesn't want
Speaker 1: to see the irony and in this story about how
Speaker 1: the vibrator was invented by a man? Yeah, that's that's
Speaker 1: just kind of silly to me. I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't know why He's like, ladies, ladies, you're hysterical. Calm yourself.
Speaker 1: Play women, you need to smile more. You're hysterical. It's
Speaker 1: so true. That's pretty Yeah, it's like the ultimate man's plaining.
Speaker 1: It's the ultimate man's plaining. Like, clearly, you guys have
Speaker 1: some tension to get rid of. Let me take care
Speaker 1: of that for you and art and got hers from
Speaker 1: the pleasure Chest. I think that's just that's that's fantastic.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been in uh, like a what would
Speaker 1: be called like a sex tours toy store? What am
Speaker 1: I thinking of? Like in r is called Amazon uh
Speaker 1: and the Amazon Amazon Jesus amazing, that's what they're called Okay.
Speaker 1: I mean that's what the pleasure chest is. That's what
Speaker 1: it is. I got sent there by this doctor was like,
Speaker 1: I was so Rhode Island. I was so New England
Speaker 1: walking on like I don't have you ever been in
Speaker 1: wait at and I'm sorry, backtrack for a second. You
Speaker 1: got sent into a pleasure chess store by a doctor.
Speaker 1: It was my therapist was like, you need to like
Speaker 1: just go get a vibrator and I was like no,
Speaker 1: and uh, you know, and then she was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you need to get over there, like it's not a
Speaker 1: big deal, Like it's literally not a thing, like nobody cares, like,
Speaker 1: just go get one. I was like all right, and
Speaker 1: then and then I got and then I got recognized
Speaker 1: for the first time ever the best in the best
Speaker 1: setting positively and like surrounded by like you know whatever,
Speaker 1: like butt plugged him like you know, like hey, hi,
Speaker 1: Yeah it was not. It was like kind of my
Speaker 1: biggest nightmare and also in your biggest It was like
Speaker 1: I made it. My God, I gotta call my mom um,
Speaker 1: Jared to answer your question, Yes, I have been in
Speaker 1: like a sex store. I think maybe like twice in
Speaker 1: my life. I don't think I ever I've ever purchased
Speaker 1: anything though, although remember when we were kids, uh didn't
Speaker 1: stores like hot topic always care you like funny gifts
Speaker 1: like the pens or like the boob pens, And yeah,
Speaker 1: I would always I would always sarcastically go into Spencer's
Speaker 1: Gifts as like a teenager with my friends and just
Speaker 1: like laugh at that, like you know, just because we
Speaker 1: were young and childish, stupid, and we would just you know,
Speaker 1: laugh at all the stuff that they had in there.
Speaker 1: But that's basically the extent of my sex store shopping.
Speaker 1: I went into a sex store for the first time,
Speaker 1: probably like my early to mid twenties, and it was
Speaker 1: of course in Rhode Island, so it was like two
Speaker 1: o'clock in the afternoon on a Tuesday. So I go
Speaker 1: in there and it's just me and this one other
Speaker 1: poor guy he was like he must have been in
Speaker 1: his seventies or eighties, all by himself in like the
Speaker 1: DVD porn section, and I wanted to be like just
Speaker 1: just just google it, man, like I probably like, you
Speaker 1: don't need to pay for these DVDs, like like you
Speaker 1: know how you're just like, oh, that's it was like
Speaker 1: us endearing because you're like, oh, yes, he's getting hen DVD.
Speaker 1: And it was it was just like it was certainly
Speaker 1: an overwhelming experience because I had never this is gonna
Speaker 1: be weird, but I've never seen a dildo in person
Speaker 1: before and that was the first time. And it's like
Speaker 1: I had I had not either. That is that that
Speaker 1: thing is big? I had never. I was like, I
Speaker 1: didn't even know. This was not my idea and I
Speaker 1: did not even I was so embarrassed and so overwhelmed,
Speaker 1: like looking yeah, I mean, and of course the people
Speaker 1: worked there, they're so numb to it they could care less,
Speaker 1: you know. In my sex, said teacher, I had a
Speaker 1: woman with a thick Massachusetts sack said, who wore like
Speaker 1: maroon leather blazers and smelled like coffee and like cigarettes
Speaker 1: and tuna fish. When she taught, and she maybe was
Speaker 1: your on. We had to like she taught us sort
Speaker 1: of the basics. And actually, when I was writing my book,
Speaker 1: I had to call my friend who I was in class,
Speaker 1: would be like did I make this? Like did this happen?
Speaker 1: And she's like confirmed that it happened. So she taught
Speaker 1: us everything and then she went off roading and she
Speaker 1: taught us about golden showers and Cleveland Steamers like and yeah,
Speaker 1: she was like, and she was sort of eleven, so
Speaker 1: I never held hands with anybody. Yeah, and she was like,
Speaker 1: she was like, she was a little homophobic Rhode Island
Speaker 1: about it. She was like, some homosexuals are aroused by
Speaker 1: your nating on one another. And it's like, first of all,
Speaker 1: why are you teaching us that. Second of all, I'm
Speaker 1: sure it's probably if that's your thing, I think it's
Speaker 1: anybody like all of it. Looking back, I'm like, that's
Speaker 1: so inappropriate. I've never held hands with a boy that
Speaker 1: we were taught that that was our sex, said teacher.
Speaker 1: That's not a good representation of a sexual education, Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: I promise everybody. I was not taught about golden showers.
Speaker 1: Sure you were, sure you are? Jared? Okay, Jared, at
Speaker 1: least not in the class in the classroom sex. So
Speaker 1: we do have some emails coming up, and I do
Speaker 1: have some dating terms I want to get to before
Speaker 1: we say goodbye to art and in the podcast, of course,
Speaker 1: But before we do that, let's take a quick break.
Speaker 1: What is up? Everyone? Welcome back to help I suck
Speaker 1: at dating and as always, or at least what we've
Speaker 1: been doing recently that I have enjoyed thoroughly. At the
Speaker 1: end of every episode, we will have Jared pitch us
Speaker 1: some dating terms and we'll do our best to figure
Speaker 1: out what they mean before he gives us the definition. Uh.
Speaker 1: And of course we'll answer your emails before we do this, though,
Speaker 1: do be sure to email us your questions, your experiences.
Speaker 1: I suck at dating at i heeart media dot com. Um,
Speaker 1: but Jared, what are some terms that you have for
Speaker 1: us today? So I'm glad that Arden's here too, because
Speaker 1: I feel like she's got this, uh, this great imagination
Speaker 1: that's going to be perfect for this exactly. So Arden,
Speaker 1: of the past couple of weeks we've been doing uh,
Speaker 1: like you know, dating terms. We gotta get used to it,
Speaker 1: you know, cat fishing and bread crumbing and all these things.
Speaker 1: So I've been looking up a few more, trying to
Speaker 1: gather as much information as we can. So the first one,
Speaker 1: I think we may have talked about this on the
Speaker 1: podcast a while ago, but I want to bring it
Speaker 1: back up and Arden, I want to get what you
Speaker 1: think this is. And of course, Dean Haunting, what do
Speaker 1: you think haunting could be in the dating world. Okay, well,
Speaker 1: I know what ghosting is, So I feel like haunting is,
Speaker 1: say you've ghosted someone and maybe you're like lurking around
Speaker 1: looking at like their profile pictures maybe, or like messing
Speaker 1: with them by like commenting on their friends posts or
Speaker 1: their posts, so like, even though you're not replying to them,
Speaker 1: you're still kind of giving them enough little breadcrumbs to
Speaker 1: keep them interested, but you're never fully going to like
Speaker 1: show up and like date this. That's what I think
Speaker 1: haunting might sounds like. I think I think Arden hit
Speaker 1: it right on the head, but I'm going to come
Speaker 1: up with something else, because just for the sake of
Speaker 1: this whole segment, I'm going to say that haunting is
Speaker 1: um agreed along in terms of ghosting, but rather than disappearing,
Speaker 1: um just physically like you wouldn't a ghost, you still
Speaker 1: are like pinning them with messages and phone calls and
Speaker 1: all these things, but you are never meeting up with
Speaker 1: them in person. So you're like you're haunting them because
Speaker 1: you're never actually going to progress the relationship and take
Speaker 1: it to that next level. That is a great guest,
Speaker 1: and you guys are both pretty much correct on this one.
Speaker 1: Haunting is when a ghoster starts liking your post or
Speaker 1: even resumes following you on social media from beyond the grave,
Speaker 1: pretty messed. And you want to know what? I bet
Speaker 1: you know? This is what happens with haunters. Is the
Speaker 1: ghost someone because they find someone else more interesting. They
Speaker 1: see that relationship to its end, and then they start
Speaker 1: to like kind of reinsert themselves back into the picture
Speaker 1: by liking or watching stories, responding to stories, all that
Speaker 1: kind of stuff. So that's kind of how I think
Speaker 1: that the haunter is born. I like that. That's a
Speaker 1: good guess. That's a good gas the haunter is born.
Speaker 1: I probably haunted in the past too, so maybe it
Speaker 1: takes one to know one. I guess, yeah, I've probably haunted.
Speaker 1: We're there with you, we all miss. I feel like
Speaker 1: everybody's probably haunted somebody. So the next one is e
Speaker 1: fit E the letter E fit. What do you guys
Speaker 1: think that could mean? E fit? And that's a dating
Speaker 1: term that's not like a fit bit kind of a thing,
Speaker 1: not a fit bit, just a dating term fit All right,
Speaker 1: do you do you want to go first? Yeah? Is
Speaker 1: this some weird, like really organic segue into some ad
Speaker 1: that we have to put into the podcast. We're presented
Speaker 1: by fit during a pandemic. I bet you it's when
Speaker 1: someone I so, I personally don't have a fit bit,
Speaker 1: but I know that you can invite people and like
Speaker 1: challenge them on like those fitness apps, And I bet
Speaker 1: you this is a way of engaging with someone via that.
Speaker 1: So like challenging them to walk more miles than you
Speaker 1: in a day, even though you guys might not like
Speaker 1: talk all that frequently like that kind of thing. That's
Speaker 1: a really very solid guest. I think that I'm gonna
Speaker 1: I think that deemed is probably correct. I just for
Speaker 1: the sake of making it interesting, I'm going to guess
Speaker 1: that e fit is um is somebody that is sort
Speaker 1: of posting a lot all They're like, oh, I'm going
Speaker 1: to go on a fitness journey, so I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: I'm gonna be posting a lot of like my progression.
Speaker 1: Here's me like in a bikini on my post and
Speaker 1: I'm like trying to learn in like you know what
Speaker 1: I decided this is this is gonna be my time
Speaker 1: during the pandemic. And it's like luring people in with
Speaker 1: kind of like but you're doing it at a thirst
Speaker 1: bait for a specific person you're doing. You guys are
Speaker 1: both really good guess ors. E FIT is when your
Speaker 1: social media post and pictures are careful curated so they
Speaker 1: serve as an online dating profile. I'm assuming that E
Speaker 1: must stand. I've been trying to look it up. It's
Speaker 1: got to stand for editing, I think, or electronic electronic.
Speaker 1: Maybe I'm just thinking editing because you edit your photos
Speaker 1: to curate it so it looks like a dating profile.
Speaker 1: But that's what I FIT is when you carefully curate
Speaker 1: all your pictures on social media so it serves as
Speaker 1: a dating profile, which Dean and I have talked about
Speaker 1: many times. Instagram pretty much as a dating profile. Now,
Speaker 1: I heard you guys talking about that recently and that
Speaker 1: if you want to slide into the d m s,
Speaker 1: don't go introduce yourself. Do a funny reaction to a story, right,
Speaker 1: or take the Nick Bile tried and true method and
Speaker 1: go back two years on their Instagram post and send
Speaker 1: it to them and say, hey, like cute dog or
Speaker 1: something like that. That's that's what Nick does, and I'm
Speaker 1: sure it works, but I always I was thinking about
Speaker 1: this today because I respond to random dm s every
Speaker 1: once in a while, but the only ones I ever
Speaker 1: respond to are like, uh, ones of like talking about
Speaker 1: like either like photography or rock climbing or like things
Speaker 1: that I mentioned it in. So you definitely have to
Speaker 1: like tailor your message to them in regards to like
Speaker 1: the things that they're interested in. If it's just some
Speaker 1: generic message, it's not gonna work. And and I fit
Speaker 1: Jared on that point too. I think I don't think
Speaker 1: it's editing fit. I think it's just people like putting
Speaker 1: their swollen bodies on Instagram to impress other people, even
Speaker 1: though in reality that might not be what they look like.
Speaker 1: So it's like they're fit. They're fit on the Graham,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure that they're fit in real life too,
Speaker 1: But they like embellish a little bit on the Graham,
Speaker 1: as we all do. I mean, nobody wants to see
Speaker 1: the real deal. Tuesday at noon, let's be real, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna start posting my big old belly rolls on my
Speaker 1: Graham to see if that how that goes? Um So
Speaker 1: anything else, Jared? No, Well, I have one other, but
Speaker 1: this one is kinda it's not the best, but let's
Speaker 1: let's try it. So I yeah, all right. This one's
Speaker 1: called lay by by late lay l a y by
Speaker 1: b y one word lay by. You're never gonna get
Speaker 1: this one, even this definition one is like seems like
Speaker 1: a stretch because I don't get it. Okay lay by,
Speaker 1: Oh I got it? Okay, Oh you go first? Sorry? No,
Speaker 1: please you you you are inspired, go for it. I
Speaker 1: gotta I gotta say it before I lose it. I
Speaker 1: think a la By is someone that is all talk
Speaker 1: and no walk. They're gonna they're gonna go to the
Speaker 1: point of just laying by you rather than making the
Speaker 1: move and actually like stealing the deal. So it's it's
Speaker 1: just you know, it's a figure of speech. So someone
Speaker 1: that's a layby is going to hype themselves up, but
Speaker 1: then when it really comes to acting on that talk,
Speaker 1: they're never going to do it. And that's what a
Speaker 1: laby is. I think that's a great guess. I think
Speaker 1: I think a la By is somebody similar to a haunter,
Speaker 1: but maybe they haven't ghosted you yet, so like they're
Speaker 1: they're aggressively sort of like flirting, their posting, their commenting,
Speaker 1: and they're they're not going to leave, but they're never
Speaker 1: going to actually make the move of like making like
Speaker 1: seeing somebody in person. So it's like they're they're never
Speaker 1: going to slow down, they're not going to disappear, but
Speaker 1: it's never getting to the next level. All right, you
Speaker 1: guys are you guys are pretty close? So layby is
Speaker 1: when you date somebody who is just about okay while
Speaker 1: flirting with better options in the fast lane. Right, Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're kind of the you're the jerk in this. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you don't want no, You're like, Okay, this
Speaker 1: person is good enough. Like I like Kyle, Okay, but
Speaker 1: have you seen Jason. Okay, I'll take Kyle to my
Speaker 1: family Thanksgiving. He's fine, he's got a job, whatever, But like,
Speaker 1: is he that exciting? He's got a furrow in cave,
Speaker 1: but like he's not sexy. You know. That's a lay by,
Speaker 1: and I'm a person for doing that. So there must
Speaker 1: be a lot of laybys on dating apps. I feel
Speaker 1: like this happens constantly, where you're talking to a lot
Speaker 1: of people that you feel okay about while still searching
Speaker 1: for something better. It's a miracle anyone ends up together.
Speaker 1: And it's a miracle in this world with apps and Instagram,
Speaker 1: when there's such a buffet of foxy humans that anybody
Speaker 1: is like, Okay, I will get off this merry you
Speaker 1: go around. I'm satisfied enough. This is it Like, it's incredible,
Speaker 1: It's it's amazing. It is a miracle. You're absolutely right,
Speaker 1: But it happens. Yeah, because love prevails. Mark, would you
Speaker 1: be so kind to read us some emails? It would
Speaker 1: be my pleasure. This is from Vianna. In a recent podcast,
Speaker 1: Jared asked about people who do not kiss during sex.
Speaker 1: My best friend has not had his first kiss yet,
Speaker 1: but he lost his virginity before having his first kiss.
Speaker 1: During his first time with this girl, she leaned in
Speaker 1: for a kiss, and he instinctively covered her mouth. I
Speaker 1: couldn't imagine having sex with someone having to cover their
Speaker 1: mouth and they wanted to leading for a kiss. What
Speaker 1: do you guys think about that? How would you react
Speaker 1: with this happened to you? I asked him why he
Speaker 1: refused to kiss her. He said, kissing is way more
Speaker 1: intimate than sex, and I'd love to hear your thoughts
Speaker 1: on that statement. Uh, I would, I'm not sure if
Speaker 1: I were more intimate than sex, I would. In fact, second,
Speaker 1: I would proceed very carefully with this guy and your
Speaker 1: friendship moving forward, because there's a good chance he's a
Speaker 1: serial killer. Yeah, the only person I've ever heard with
Speaker 1: that was the Julia Roberts character and pretty woman like
Speaker 1: aside from that where you know she wouldn't kiss, she
Speaker 1: wouldn't kiss. But that's the only time I've ever to
Speaker 1: me that I agree with Dean, I would proceed carefully.
Speaker 1: It makes me concerned for your friend, like that there's
Speaker 1: a disconnect there that that feels less intimate is alarming
Speaker 1: a little bit. And if it was, if it was
Speaker 1: if I was the person who was happening to, that
Speaker 1: would be a very large red flag and probably like, oh,
Speaker 1: maybe I've misjudged. I think this may not be some
Speaker 1: amity pursue further, I will, I will say in defense
Speaker 1: of this person. Uh So, I have a friend who
Speaker 1: is telling me the story not too long ago about
Speaker 1: how he was hooking up with this girl and while
Speaker 1: they were having sex, she wouldn't kiss him, and he
Speaker 1: suspected that it's because she has a guy that she's
Speaker 1: really serious about and she thought that kissing would be
Speaker 1: considered more intimate than having sex, which I disagree with.
Speaker 1: I think it's weird regardless. But I don't I don't
Speaker 1: think that this person is alone in that thought. You know,
Speaker 1: but he's never kissed anyone. He's never had a kiss. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but but now he's had sex. It makes me, It
Speaker 1: makes me think maybe he needs to go talk to somebody,
Speaker 1: know what I mean? Like, I don't know, Like I
Speaker 1: I'm rooting for him. I wish I'm happy this enjoy
Speaker 1: and that sounds lonely. Yeah, I mean, hopefully he figures
Speaker 1: it out. I don't know. I don't know what kind
Speaker 1: of advice could we give him, though. Do you think
Speaker 1: that we should tell him to go seek out advice
Speaker 1: from someone or some help. I maybe just trying to
Speaker 1: even trying to have a friend, you know, even like
Speaker 1: a buddy, A safe buddy doesn't have to be It
Speaker 1: sounds like he is talking to this guy that emailed us, though.
Speaker 1: But I want, I want Mark, I want your opinion
Speaker 1: on this, because you're always the stage wise was you know,
Speaker 1: a gatekeeper here? I guess I don't think they're actually
Speaker 1: looking for advice. I think he's perfectly happy with his
Speaker 1: situation and she just thought it was odd and thought
Speaker 1: you'd share it with us. Sounds good, that's maybe just
Speaker 1: don't date him, you know what I mean, if they're
Speaker 1: just friends and it's not with her, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think the person who we emailed us, it's maybe
Speaker 1: none of their concern. They were just sharing it and
Speaker 1: speaking of none of their concern. This is Maddie. My
Speaker 1: best friend is in the semi new relationship and she
Speaker 1: really likes the guy. But she's also really getting close
Speaker 1: to one of his best friends. My friend and her
Speaker 1: boyfriend's friend hang out all the time. I even saw
Speaker 1: a picture of her in one of his hoodies one time.
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure there's nothing going on between them. I
Speaker 1: don't really know how her boyfriend feels about this friendship,
Speaker 1: but it makes me feel a little uncomfortable for her boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Do I question her about this new friendship? Do I
Speaker 1: bring it up to her boyfriend? Or do I leave
Speaker 1: it alone. I am always an advocate for normalizing opposite
Speaker 1: sex friendships. I think that there obviously are some underlying
Speaker 1: like possibilities of like maybe they're hooking up. But I
Speaker 1: think that your branch and never just immediately go there,
Speaker 1: like you should definitely be allowed to have friends of
Speaker 1: the opposite sex. Uh, And that's kind of the camp
Speaker 1: that I'm sticking in. I would have to agree with Dean.
Speaker 1: I have a lot of my closest friends. I have
Speaker 1: a lot of guy friends and um, and you know,
Speaker 1: like like I would do a little live and let live.
Speaker 1: There are there are there's you know, there's a lot
Speaker 1: of men and women that are friends and there's no
Speaker 1: reason to go poking in if nothing's going on, right,
Speaker 1: especially if you don't have a reason to be suspicious, right,
Speaker 1: I mean, like if the only thing is the only
Speaker 1: thing is it's like she was wearing the guy's hoodie,
Speaker 1: which is like okay, yeah, I mean I could go
Speaker 1: either way. It's like, okay, maybe she was just colder.
Speaker 1: Maybe it was like she slept over at his house
Speaker 1: and then took his hoodie out the next morning, like
Speaker 1: that kind of thing. I certainly would not go to
Speaker 1: the boyfriend. If I went to anybody, I would just
Speaker 1: go to your your friend. I would not go talking
Speaker 1: to her boyfriend about it. Like, so if you did
Speaker 1: feel like you have that many questions, I would go
Speaker 1: directly to her rather than just assuming things quiet over there. Sorry. Uh, yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a tough one. It all depends if if
Speaker 1: everybody can be friends. I think it can work out,
Speaker 1: but I always get weirded out when you're in a
Speaker 1: relationship hypothetically, like say Dean, you and Caitlin are in
Speaker 1: a committed relationship and Caitlin is really close with with
Speaker 1: some guy that you're you don't know, and she gets
Speaker 1: weird about you two being friends. That would be a
Speaker 1: red flag to me. As long as you are like
Speaker 1: friends with all of her friends of the opposite sex,
Speaker 1: I see no issues with it. But it always, it
Speaker 1: always just tricky. You make a good point too. If
Speaker 1: the person is like skeptical about the two guys being friends,
Speaker 1: then it's because it's like, well, why are you like that?
Speaker 1: It's probably because there's a potential for something to be
Speaker 1: shared that you don't want to get shared, and that's
Speaker 1: when you start to think there's something to foot. But yes,
Speaker 1: I agree, Like, let's say, uh, she is totally encouraging
Speaker 1: of like them hanging out together, whether she's there or not.
Speaker 1: Then that's a good sign because it's like, well, if
Speaker 1: you've got nothing to hide, then who the hell who
Speaker 1: that cares? You know, dating is so vulnerable, I mean
Speaker 1: just for everybody, it's it's vulnerable, Like you know, like
Speaker 1: there's so much It is definitely like it's such a
Speaker 1: delicate dance and each situation is different. And I love
Speaker 1: that you guys have this podcast so nice that people
Speaker 1: can email in. Well, we're very lucky to be able
Speaker 1: to host this podcast and we have a great audience
Speaker 1: that listens that we love and we appreciate. We call
Speaker 1: him suck Army because you know, help by second seating
Speaker 1: is hard. Yeah, suck Army. Oh my gosh, I was
Speaker 1: a suck Army for sure. It's hard. It is hard,
Speaker 1: but that's why we're here. Do we have any more emails?
Speaker 1: Or is that that's all of it? Huh? I think
Speaker 1: that is it, my friend, that's it. I have one
Speaker 1: quick question about wearing the hoodie. Ye okay. I feel
Speaker 1: like when you wear a guy's hoodie, isn't she trying
Speaker 1: to get a reaction from somebody? I think that's not
Speaker 1: so innocent as oh it was chilly. Aren't you trying
Speaker 1: to show that off to somebody and get a reaction? Maybe? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I could definitely see it going that way. I think
Speaker 1: that if you were to put it on like a spectrum,
Speaker 1: it would probably lean closer to that end of it.
Speaker 1: But I do think that there could still be like
Speaker 1: an innocent reason as to why less likely. Mind you,
Speaker 1: I agree with you, Mark, but I don't think that
Speaker 1: we can just like I don't think our brand should
Speaker 1: just instinctively go to, you know, guilty. I think that
Speaker 1: we should, Ah, I don't know, consider the other and
Speaker 1: it's until proven guilty. Sure, this is America, after all,
Speaker 1: that's true art. And if you were in a guy sweatshirt,
Speaker 1: you're trying to get a reaction as someone. I mean,
Speaker 1: if I'm being really honest with myself, if I'm posting
Speaker 1: a photo of it, I can wear that sweatshirt. I
Speaker 1: don't need to have a picture taken and I don't
Speaker 1: need to post it so like if I'm doing it. Look,
Speaker 1: I dated a guy when I worked at camp. Once
Speaker 1: I worked at a camp and I had a question
Speaker 1: the guy's friend. I'll be real with you. I liked
Speaker 1: the guy's friend more than I liked the guy. And
Speaker 1: sometimes that happens, and it wasn't my best work. And
Speaker 1: I can see a little eighteen year old art and
Speaker 1: putting on his friend's sweatshirt, like you know, and it's
Speaker 1: it's not something that I'm proud to say and I
Speaker 1: certainly don't do that in adulthood. But um, I think
Speaker 1: if I was putting on my boyfriend's friends sweatshirt and
Speaker 1: posting it, yeah, that's when you're like, why are you
Speaker 1: posting it? There's no need to post it. That seems
Speaker 1: like showing off. Yeah, I agree, that's a good point.
Speaker 1: I guess I missed the part where they said that
Speaker 1: she was posting it. That's yeah, that's a little scared
Speaker 1: little sins. I guess we could say I think the
Speaker 1: friend is looking for drama, but I think Maddie still
Speaker 1: needs to stay out of it. I think maybe Maddie
Speaker 1: has some feelings for the boyfriend is kind of helping
Speaker 1: to break things up. And that's a really good point.
Speaker 1: That is a good point. I gotta say. It's hard
Speaker 1: to have a strong opinion on these emails without looking
Speaker 1: like I don't have my computer in front of me
Speaker 1: to like really read multiple times, and I have the
Speaker 1: worst short term memory laws, so I basically forget everything
Speaker 1: as soon as it said to me. But hopefully that helps.
Speaker 1: Hopefully that helps Maddie's a relationship or situation to figure
Speaker 1: it out. But for the listeners out there, please please
Speaker 1: email us more and next time, I promise, I'll have
Speaker 1: it up in front of me. It's I suck at
Speaker 1: dating at I heeart media dot com or follow us
Speaker 1: on Instagram. Help. I suck at dating and art. And
Speaker 1: you just came out with your book. I know you
Speaker 1: talked about it a little bit at the top of
Speaker 1: the podcast, but tell us more about this book, guys,
Speaker 1: the Bachelor. If you I talk about the healing powers
Speaker 1: of the Bachelor in it is called little Miss Little Compton.
Speaker 1: They can get it anywhere books are sold. It's really fun.
Speaker 1: Debbie Ryan from Instaable wrote the foreword. I've got quotes
Speaker 1: from Amy Schumer and Chelsea Handler. It's really If you
Speaker 1: love their books, you'll love this book. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of heart. I talked about Sweet Dean and Wells in it.
Speaker 1: Um and uh yeah, my last name is spelled m
Speaker 1: y are I in it looks like Meyer and it
Speaker 1: doesn't look like Marine. But um, I would love it
Speaker 1: if you got it and check out my podcast. Will
Speaker 1: you accept this Rose? I would love for you guys
Speaker 1: to come break down an episode sometime. It's really fun.
Speaker 1: You just tell us, Okay, great, it's also on I
Speaker 1: heart So when when the Bachelorrette starts up again. We
Speaker 1: will reach out. We would love to have you on.
Speaker 1: Ashley has done it a couple of times. Wells has
Speaker 1: done at a bunch. It's really fun. It's little Miss
Speaker 1: Little Compton, a play on little Miss Sunshine. Yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 1: It is, Yeah, because because I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: you know how tiny Rhode Island is, and you know
Speaker 1: how tiny little Compton is. Little Compton's like especially Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: You guys think about how small Rhode Island is. So
Speaker 1: dean I got married in Newport, like it's further away
Speaker 1: from the mainland than Newport. It's a way. It feels
Speaker 1: like it's a ways. And then it's also if you
Speaker 1: guys care about dating, like my parents. The book starts
Speaker 1: out my parents met in New York. They were co workers.
Speaker 1: They never went on one date with one another. They
Speaker 1: got married on a dare to get vacation time because
Speaker 1: everybody got two extra weeks if they went on a honeymoon.
Speaker 1: To my mom, my dad dared my mom. He was like, Janet,
Speaker 1: I'll take us to South America for a month, we'll
Speaker 1: come back. We'll get it annulled. And she was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I'll do it, but I don't want to get it annulled.
Speaker 1: And then they stayed married for fifty years, and then
Speaker 1: they moved from Manhattan to this tiny town in Rhode Island.
Speaker 1: So it is also about growing up with a crazy
Speaker 1: road map in this tiny town. And then the little
Speaker 1: Miss Sunshine thing was I just had stars in my
Speaker 1: eyes and all I saw was cows and women in plaid.
Speaker 1: And I was able to make it onto a sitcom
Speaker 1: by twenty two and I felt like little Miss Sunshine.
Speaker 1: When I got the call that I booked it, I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, it's living in zak Alapanac's closet.
Speaker 1: And I got the call that I booked it, and
Speaker 1: I was just screaming and he was like, you're so loud.
Speaker 1: And that's when my life changed. And that's the book. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really fun. We're going to check it out. Hopefully,
Speaker 1: hopefully whichever van you throw it out will be the
Speaker 1: right van, because I want to read it. I mean
Speaker 1: I will. I'm gonna throw it at every van I
Speaker 1: see until it's your fan. I can't see how that
Speaker 1: would go a right Dean, I don't know how that
Speaker 1: mad a problem. It's a full proof plan. Absolutely. Do
Speaker 1: you have a mailbox somewhere. If there's some physical address
Speaker 1: for you somewhere, I'll have a crow mail it over. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'll send you an address on Instagram or something. But
Speaker 1: for the listeners out there to be sure to check
Speaker 1: out her book, little Miss Little Compton, and the podcast
Speaker 1: is will you accept this Rose? It's a radio podcast,
Speaker 1: so obviously you have love for for our our our
Speaker 1: sisters and brothers out there. Um, thank you for the
Speaker 1: listeners for listening, Thank you to the emailers for emailing
Speaker 1: and art, and of course thank you for joining us
Speaker 1: this week. Maybe next time you join us, will suck
Speaker 1: just a little bit less. Oh my god, I would
Speaker 1: love that you guys are joying. Thank you for having
Speaker 1: me follow help by suck at Dating on I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio or wherever you listen to podcast